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Chump Lady Appears on Huffington Post Live

Coming soon… Chump Lady IRL. Live on video having a bad hair day and dispensing opinions on friendship after divorce. I appear to have taken the unpopular stance that, it’s pretty shitty when you’re friends are “neutral.”

Infidelity is different, I think. Not that you want to be a pity vampire and draw people into your drama, but I think it’s okay to tell people in your life the truth of what happened. Don’t editorialize (except to your nearest and dearest). And take the high road. If your ex maligns you — their crazy will show.

Friends who don’t hold you close after infidelity, IMO, aren’t friends. And take it as an opportunity to weed.

Anywho — there’s a panel of us, online, gabbing on the subject. I was surprised to get contacted by the producers — a snarky comment I made on their Divorce site caught their eye.

So yes, I’m real. I’m not a magical goat. Or a cartoon.

Oh hang on, they just sent me the link.


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  • Nice to see you. You did well.
    Seems the consensus was that disclosing the cheating is just fine. I think it is important, particularly since so many cheaters do the pre-emptive smearing to set up the justification for their cheating.
    I’m not sure if this is true for you, but, I wonder what my XW was saying about me to others, our mutual acquaintences while she was cheating. Some of her friends became very unfriendly, even before I found out.

  • Thanks Arnold 🙂

    Yeah, the pre-emptive smear campaign… that’s why I made the point that just stick to the facts, take the high road, and their crazy will show eventually.

    If your “friends” believe that crap, they’re not friends.

    In the case of my ex, he tells people the reason for the divorce is that *I* cheated on him. He’s not very original. It’s what he told me about his first two wives. And I believed it. Until I learned otherwise. (Ex-wive #2 HOWLED when I told her this.) Then I found a profile on him confirming his smear, and well, there he is — telling the same story, cheating on another woman/wife (I’m unclear if he remarried again, looks like it).

    My ex didn’t really have any friends, so there wasn’t that many people to convince. Anyone he tried to tell were people who hadn’t met me, just like I had never met his exes before me.

    My friends were rocks when I went through infidelity. I choose great friends… had a bad picker on the husband front, though.

  • Yes, bad picker. But, we need to cut ourselves some slack on that. The disordered are very adept at masking and mirroring. It is how they survive and they have had lots of practice.
    In my case, both my XWs cheated and both times, their families were supportive of me. I got a lot of info re their pasts and their support helped dispel the smearing.
    You are right, this is no plce for neutrality. If someone is your friend, he or she should view your cheating spouse with the utmost contempt.

  • CL you have been one of my wonderful, steady friends through this mess so it was wonderful to see you. You’re every bit as beautiful as I imagined – surrounded by positive, happy energy that is contagious. I’m so grateful that you decided to share with us. Deeply grateful, MsSunshine.

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