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They’re Not “Wayward”

May I just take a moment to say that I hate the term “Wayward”? As in “wayward spouse,” (WS) or as it is known in balder terms: cheater.

“Wayward” sounds soft in the head. Like they weren’t off pre-meditatedly boinking someone they met on Craigslist but rather got befuddled, lost their car keys, and couldn’t find their way home until a kindly adult came and pinned the directions on their sweater.

It’s a euphemism. It masks all the ugliness of CHEATER, (keyword: cheat, which comes from the Old English, to fuck people you aren’t married to), with the gentler, dulcet sounding waaaywaahrd. Oh poor Wayward. He knows not what he does. He’s lost and a bit dim. You’d stop and help a Wayward. If Cheater were there sticking his thumb out at the side of the road, you’d drive on past lest he rape you in a ditch and leave you dead.

For the record, wayward isn’t the only word I hate. I also hate “fog” and “broken.” They’re other words we use to cover up the stench of infidelity and absolve cheaters of personality responsibility. Oh, they’re not really unrepentant assholes who won’t stop screwing around. No sir. They’re in a fog. Why are they in a fog? Because they’re broken.

Hurt people hurt people, people! Wayward is in a fog because of some brokenness from his FOO issues. His need to take instagrams of his penis and post them on sundry dating sites is emblematic of his fear of intimacy. And spiders. And clowns. He’s just… BROKEN, okay? Take my word for it. Meanwhile, let’s just wait here patiently for the fog to clear. Oh hey! I think I see a rainbow!

This kind of crap makes my head hurt.

Cheaters cheat (or waywards way) because they can.  Because they’d like a position of advantage over you — more sex and ego kibbles for them (but don’t YOU do this! That’s why we have secrecy and no open marriage!) They cheat because of their own free will. They CHOOSE to do it because they WANT to.

And they don’t care if you get hurt. Not enough.

I’m really only inclined to believe cheaters if they say “Yes, I fucked around because I wanted to. I didn’t consider anyone but ME. I wanted to fuck around and through deceit and manipulation, I made it happen. I lied and I got what I wanted. And I enjoyed it. Very much, in fact I went back for seconds and thirds.” That’s the unvarnished truth. If they feel any shame about it later, wonderful. But in that moment, they weren’t feeling ashamed or lost or wayward, they were feeling AGENCY. They were getting what they wanted — at your expense.

When a cheater dupes you, they’ve denied your reality. Made you think you were going crazy. That’s why the language we use to describe our experience of infidelity is so important. Tell the truth. Or I’ll pin your euphemism to your sweater and march you into a snow bank.

 

 

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • Chump Lady–

    Thank you. Thank you for cutting right through the bullshit and telling it like it is. Until I discovered my wife was cheating, I’d never seen so many lies, so much deception and so much anger pour out of someone. I was also unprepared for just how quickly she and her family managed to turn the tables and attack and blame me for her cheating.

    The blow of the discovery was hard enough, but then to get painted as the bad guy and the reason for her screwing another man (with several other interested guys sniffing around her on other occasions) was just something I never imagined could happen. But it does, and until I started doing some research online (this had never happened to me before) a betrayed spouse can easily fall victim to believing the accusations against them must be true. I was told I was too critical of her, not loving enough, affectionate enough, attentive enough and too gentle in bed.

    I was also told by her family that I needed to forgive her because nobody’s perfect and that I was no better. Really?

    It’s been three years since discovery and the cheater is still with me, on her best behavior and trying to win me back. It took me years to get the truth out of her and even then I’m not so sure. She must have had a copy of the cheater’s handbook because she made all the classic excuses, which I popped one by one. The last thing she really held on to was the lie that she never stopped loving me even when she was screwing the other guy. I saw your post from the other day and used that to pop that last mythical bubble she’d been clinging to. And boy did that feel good.

    Thanks for this blog, Chump Lady. Keep telling it like it is. I’m done with seeing cheaters get the free pass. Sites like yours gives me the strength to keep my sanity and reminds me not to accept any of their bull. Keep up the good work.

    • Ouch. Too gentle in bed? WTF?

      How do you feel about your wife still being with you trying to win you back three years later? I’d think after three years, you may be unwinable.

      To me, this is the dilemma with reconciliation. It’s so many layers of bullshit to strip away. You’re down to the “I still loved you” trope. I think if “waywards” told it like it was straight off, there might be a better chance of healing. But that rarely seems to happen. Instead it’s the crap about how Mistakes Were Made or You’re Just As Bad. It’s minimizing the pain and the injustice of that is hard to choke down.

      I think if you’re going to commit to reconciliation, you’re going to have to buy some of what she’s selling. If you can’t do that, I’d ask yourself why you’re both still in it?

      • Chump Lady–

        You summed it up perfectly in your Wayward post when you said the only way you’re inclined to believe a cheater is when they admit that they fucked around because they wanted to and they enjoyed it so much they went back for more. That is the truth I want to heat from my wife.

        She hasn’t said it. She’s skirted around it, said that she didn’t plan for it, that he pursued her, that the sex wasn’t enjoyable, she didn’t love him, and so on. This is why I have no respect for her. If she admits she fucked around because she wanted to and that it was the best sex of her life, then I’ll know I’m finally hearing the truth. I can respect that. I won’t like it, but I can respect the honesty. Until she does that, there’s nothing.

    • My cheater’s family – at least his parents and one of his siblings – tried to pull the ‘what was wrong with your marriage’ crap on me and after awhile I reached the point where I said ‘nothing was wrong with it, other than the fact that he liked to bone other people’.

      Now, what are you doing with this woman? Why are you still there? We all have to make our own choices but are you sure you aren’t there to punish her, as in ‘pop all those balloons of bullshit’ and then sit back and smirk?

      • Yup. She wanted it rough and violent and I wasn’t into it. Her lover threw her around the room and made her bleed down there. Yet I’m the bad guy.

        Good question. I think as of right now I haven’t invested much into accepting what happened. Shortly after discovery while trying to figure out how to process this, I lost my uncle. Since then I’ve lost my father, my aunt and my grandmother. Needless to say, I haven’t been very positive for a while.

        It’s very possible that after so much loss l’m punishing her by not focusing on either reconciling or getting the hell out of dodge. Now that I’ve seen who she really is and what she’s capable of, I doubt I’ll ever have any respect for her. I think at this point I’m waiting to gain my emotional strength to start over. I’m not there yet, but the more I read here the more courage I gain.

        • Correction. When I said yup, I wasn’t saying yes to sit back and smirk for punishing her. I was responding to Chump Lady about the WTF to being too gentle in bed accusation that was leveled at me. Sorry if that came out wrong.

          • No worries, I’m just moving past the ‘punishing’ thing. It took quite some time to stop needling him about finding out he was a massive liar and serial cheater. Now I just ignore him and am moving to the future.

  • Nailed it again, Chump Lady. “Wayward,” “broken,” “fog,” sound so much more sympathetic than “fraudulent,” “cruel,” and “bloodless.”

    And may I say, really fine cartoon this time. Made me laught out loud. Poor sausage, the cheater, out in the snow. You can almost hear the “Charlie Brown Christmas Special” theme music playing as the snow falls around him.

    I’d love to see some of these turned into animated shorts on this site!

  • Another good one, dear Chump Lady. It’s amazing how they can act and say the same things. I heard the same things–I was “equally” at fault, they didn’t mean anything to him. Really? I was equally at fault? I wasn’t the one who sending thousands of dollars through Western Union to whores in Ukraine and Russia. I wasn’t the one flying prostitutes to meet him on business trips.
    What did I do? I couldn’t orgasm the way he thought I should and way he said all the other women he’d been with before could—no, they never faked it, he was sure. I “criticized” him when I asked for him to slow down in bed. Apparently I was supposed to be perfectly satisfied with a few quick kisses on the neck and then a hand between my legs and then his knee pushing my legs apart. No one else ever complained before, he said. I put up with this for 15 years, went to specialists to see why I wasn’t very interested in sex, changed medications, changed doctors, and bought books. Only he wasn’t interested in the recommendations of the doctors–try a vibrator and work on the relationship. See, he felt justified because I “withdrew” from the relationship. I was equally at fault.
    It’s exactly one year from the day he walked out. As Chump Lady said it would, the emotional attachment is fading.

    • It really does fade. I’m about ten months out and although my attachment to the life we had has not completely faded, my attachment to him is more or less gone.

      • Do you ever worry about him? When I think of being completely devoid of feeling for him, I have pangs of compassion for him. That sounds ridiculous, I know. I guess I have to decide if the good times and memories were real at all. Could he have really loved me, maybe in his own way, and be cheating on me? I think it started slow and became increasingly disturbing as he fearfully aged and as the ability to connect with women expanded with the internet. What about those times we spent sailing or visiting museums or just spent time doing errands around town? Was he thinking about his next conquest? His next trip? I guess I’ll never know. That’s what bothers me most now–what was true.
        Thanks for your comment, JL. This site has been one of the most helpful experience.

        • I don’t know if I worry but I do get concerned (as well as pissed), usually when his actions show he’s spinning out of control again. And again. And again.

          Usually when he feels that I’m having fun, doing great things, am optimistic, he pulls some crazy crap to get my attention.

          I too ran through all those thoughts – and sometimes still do when something reminds me of ‘our’ times – but realised that for him it was all ‘true’ and his cheating didn’t really have much to do with me. In the end, he has no ability to remain faithful and that has nothing to do with me.

          I feel sorry for him, mostly, because he’s not happy. He’s miserable, in fact, although he tries to put a happy face on it. And because he’s unhappy he blames me and lashes out in whatever way he can.

          The best way to deal with all the chaos is ignore it as best you can, unless it’s causing problems for you or the kids. Then you step in, state your piece but make sure it’s clear that it has nothing to do with him.

          #1 Don’t let him see you sweat. It’s hard but it’s vital. Any crack in your veneer and he’ll jump on it. It will pass. Ten months ago I thought I could never move on and was an absolute wreck. I mean couldn’t get off the sofa kind of wreck for months. Now? Very glad I threw him out and although things aren’t perfecta and I have big worries to deal with I’m still more content than I’ve been in ages. Why? Because that weird stress and anxiety I used to feel (my spidey sense going mad but me not paying attention) is gone and I am much more at peace.

          But I still think he’s a dick. 🙂

          • Great advice JL. I think I’m just going to hand it over to you!

            Yeah, don’t let them see you sweat. That’s true of all crazies in general. People can’t manipulate you if you hide your buttons (or seem to possess no buttons at all). The more you engage, the more information you give, or emotion you show, it’s all material with which they can manipulate. Drives ’em insane when you go no contact, or minimal contact. It’s about control, IMO.

    • Duped, that’s awful. I’m so sorry. Christ, is there a RIGHT way to orgasm? I mean, men are generally pleased that you orgasm period, but he was like — you missed a spot? I hope you find someone out there who is invested in your pleasure and does it for you, happily, givingly. You have to feel sorry for any woman who gets tangled up with your XH. But of course they’re getting paid for their trouble.

      • Yep, it did a number on my sense of self and felt less than whole. I felt childlike and broken. There was something wrong with me. He insisted that it was possible for me to orgasm during intercourse or with manual stimulation and it was something I should work toward. Well, it only caused me more anxiety and frustration. Why would I want to feel anxious and frustrated? How much fun does that make sex? After he left, I sent him an article from Psychology Today, “Ten Myths Men Have about Women’s Orgasms” or something like that. The author nailed every one of his beliefs. His only comment was, “Good article.” Anyway, thanks for your comments. Your kindness makes a difference.

    • I’m just catching up on old blogs, having just found the amazing CL a month ago. So I realize this comment is waaay late, but I just have to … my ex bf did the exact same thing to me! Word for word. The sex was as wham-bamm-thank you maam as you could get, and it hurt his ego that I couldn’t orgasm like all his others. I told him that was because I had a brain and I actually needed foreplay, unlike the bimbos he was with before. Guess he showed me, fucking his 300 pound married high school sweetheart, who I’m just sure went into spasms by his mere touch.

  • Another great post, ChumpLady. So glad I found this site – it’s been so affirming to my gut belief about this whole mess. I’ve been mostly surrounded by people who tell me to “fight for my marriage” or “stay for the kids’ sake”. Very very few have thought divorce was a viable option (or if they did, they wouldn’t voice it).

    The whole “wayward” label reminds me a lot of what my cheater likes to say – that he is a good person who made mistakes. I just have to laugh at how delusional he is. I’m sorry, but good people do not convince their wives to quit working to stay home with the babies and assure her that he will always support them, and then three months later start signing up at dating sites. Good people do not develop and culture a whole pervy lifestyle around hiring expensive call girls every week or two and then rating them on the internet to let other pervs know how good they were in bed. Good people do not spend several tens of thousands of their family’s money on whores. Good people do not text professional whores 1500 times a month. I can’t believe he has been doing this for 10 years – maybe more. That’s all I could find record of. But of course, he’s a good person!!

    These were not “mistakes”. These were premeditated, personal choices. I truly believe the choices people make when they are alone are far more indicative of the type of character they have than whatever facade they throw on in public.

    When a couple of my girlfriends’ marriages broke up due to infidelity, apparently (he told me after D-day) he went cold turkey for a couple weeks, but then started up again. He had plenty of opportunity to stop, and knew the consequences full well, but refused to care.

    Please send me strength and mojo – just sent my lawyer the divorce papers yesterday and I am very frightened, but determined.

    • MOJO! MOJO!

      Dawn, frankly, I think the way you’ve been living for the last 10 years is hell. Not the new life that stretches before you.

      Your STBX sounds like a hard core, sex addict serial cheater. I hope to God you’ve got yourself checked out for STDs and have a good therapist to help you make sense of the double life he’s been living and your understandable feelings of being duped.

      Life without him is addition by subtraction. Be fierce now. Be brave. You and your children do NOT deserve to share your lives with such a despicable person. You’re going to figure it out. None of us figure it out until we’re forced to, and you’ll amaze yourself at what you can accomplish on your own. You’re modeling good things to your kids about self respect and bravery. Don’t listen to those nut jobs who think your STBX is a “good person” and should be around your kids 24/7. Fuck that. I’d carry a copy of his review charts for escorts and pull it out for “show and tell” next time someone lays a line on you like that.

      You’ve been carrying a heavy burden, and you’re about to put it down. ((((Big HUGS)))

      • Thanks for the encouragement, ChumpLady. I might just print out all of your blogs to keep in a notebook to have handy to fortify my resolve. I sincerely hope that this is the deepest part of the hole that I am clawing my way out of. It’s been a horrifying 10 months since D-day, and so surreal. Like living some sort of hokey Lifetime channel movie about the husband with the secret double life that is so over-the-top preposterous that you end up changing the channel. Let’s hope the next channel is better.

        • It will be! And if it’s any consolation, I think I starred in that same Lifetime channel movie once. And now things are happily banal and normal. No film fodder. You’ll get there!

    • Ok, my STBX wasn’t into hookers but he was and is a serial cheat…and he too talked me into staying home at a point after the kids came and we moved all over the place, thus my career lost all traction, I had little support system available and the whole time he was banging other women.

      I’m ten months out and scared as fuck. But the longer he’s gone the more I feel that divorce is the best thing possible. And yeah, yeah, I heard all the ‘try to save the marriage crap’ and boy did I try for a couple of months. This, in turn, caused him to treat me like a back burner option. Once I was done and handed him divorce papers he refused to sign them but became more of a dick with each passing day.

      Today he’s gone full dick and is one miserable fuck who seems to spend loads of time thinking up ways to get my attention/piss me off. But as I was forced to tell him the other day: there is no triangle. I stepped out of that little dynamic long ago. He is now a mere speck of dust in the rear view mirror as I zoom towards my future. I don’t care about OW, I care little about him other than if his actions or choices cause chaos for me and/or the kids. The rest? Don’t care. I have no energy or interest in trying to figure him out any longer or trying to figure out what makes him tick.

      And boy is he pissed. 🙂

        • Odd, isn’t it? He was so sure that this particular little honey was IT and he felt nothing for me at all. Well, he pulls more crap to get my attention, usually involving forcing the kids to meet OW (which they do not want to do) and he thinks it’s going to get me worked up.

          That actually did work for a bit but for months I’ve been clear that I don’t care. Told him the other day in the same email I previously mentioned that it is immaterial to me whether or not the kids meet her. It is irrelevant to my life. All I ask is that he is respectful of how they feel and not cause chaos in their lives.

          And I really do feel that way. She’s in her mid-twenties and he’s early 40’s. One teen, one tween and it’s going to be enormous fun sitting back and watching how she deals with that, particularly when douchenozzle butts heads with his hormonal and mouthy teenager. Douchenozzle doesn’t have the years of bonding with his kids that I have because he was ‘working’ (*cough* out screwing around *cough*) for much of their childhood and wasn’t all that involved in the day to day drying their tears, propping them up, guiding them through life stuff.

          I may even make popcorn and pour a glass of wine while it plays out. 🙂

  • Take a minute and look up the word wayward in the dictionary. It is NOT a mild word. Fits the cheaters perfectly. I happen to think it’s perfect, maybe all of you should go to websters.com.

  • way·ward   [wey-werd]
    adjective
    1.
    turned or turning away from what is right or proper; willful; disobedient: a wayward son; wayward behavior.
    2.
    swayed or prompted by caprice; capricious: a wayward impulse; to be wayward in one’s affections.
    3.
    turning or changing irregularly; irregular: a wayward breeze.

  • Definition #1: Following one’s own capricious, wanton, or depraved inclinations. Ungovernable.

    Seems to be a pretty good description of a cheater, but It is a mild sounding word, I agree.

    • Depraved and ungovernable! I think it’s sort of an old fashioned word. Like calling someone a “trollop.” Okay, it means something bad, but it’s sort of a silly archaic word too. That’s closer to how I feel about “wayward.”

  • You’ve got to let go of the image of you have of your cheater spouse–the one you made up, embellished, rearranged, edited, airbrushed.

    Once you start seeing the cheater for WHO THEY REALLY ARE and NOT WHO YOU NEED THEM TO BE or thought they could be or who they should be or who they kinda were almost, then you’ll detach nicely and be able to move on.

    For some reason this is really hard to do, I suppose because, at least partly, it’s a lot of work to view your past and future from a perspective of reality. It’s hard to realize what you overlooked and forgave so readily–were you really that miserable? And it’s hard to step into your future with so much uncertainty–you thought you’d met the love of your life, that you’d grow old together and be there for each other, and it’s hard, SO HARD, to give that up.

    But if you don’t want to keep getting hurt, you must. And the longer you go without the entitlement-minded jerk/jerkette, the easier it is to recognize their bullshit and be rightly put off by it.

    The truth is, CL is right–these people are not prizes. It’s up to us to really come to terms with that.

    • You hit the nail on the head, Stephanie. For me, it was the image of her when I met her almost 20 years ago and we started dating. Those times were so good. She was like a bright light in my life after 6 years of being alone raising my sons.

      We clicked on so many levels, and I thought nothing could ever break it apart. It’s taken the events of the past 5 months, her cheating and leaving me for another man and forcing myself to think deeply and clearly about what it was really like being married to a narcissist to finally begin to detach.

  • And I’m with you, CL–I have no interest in being friends with a cheater/liar/thief. There are too many awesome people in the world I don’t have ENOUGH time for; why would I waste it on my ex?

  • Ok, I too am over it with the “wayward” bullshit. Call them what they are – “cheaters” or “liars” or “losers”, but to use a word that doesn’t even scratch the surface is a slap in the face. I too read on SI and their little “wayward forum” is nothing more than a “oh it’s ok you are a fucking lying piece of shit. come come, let us rescue you and if you can’t handle the truth we will put stop signs or let the mods step in”. What a bunch of bullshit. I have found that it isn’t just those I encountered on si either. People are either going to see things for the truth or they aren’t. I also find that as soon as the cheater is “outed” or “discovered” almost immediately you will see the “my Wayward has an addiction”. (insert sex, porn, gambling, drinking). When I read that I think that yeah, they have an addiction it is called CHEATING! Call things for what they are and stop dressing it up.

    Dealing with a cheater is like trying to pick up a piece of dog shit from the clean end. Just not possible if you don’t want to deal with shit. Yes, it is that easy.

    I don’t like the word wayward because it implies that the person is somehow in need of help or understanding. It is as if they are lost, in adulthood, and unable to keep their word much less keep their vows or pants on. The word alone, when I read it, creates a sense of weakness or helplessness. These people are NOT weak. They are not helpless. They are liars. They have little to no self respect. They are unable to put anyone above their own needs. They must have their ego fed over and over again to feel like a whole person. They suffer from nothing more than being unable to function like a reasonable adult.

    I didn’t read all the comments so forgive me if I have repeated anyone but I’ve been wanting to respond to this for a week now.

    Have a great day and I so enjoy reading you!

    Be well.
    BetweenTheLies

    oh and p.s. – you should also know I was banned from SI because I didn’t stroke the cheaters and I also didn’t side with the ones who were betrayed. Either you want to be happy or you don’t. Sorry because I know you are a member there and don’t want to stir the pot of cheaters but sometimes saying the truth is just what some people need. Unless of course you are making your life supporting people who are cheaters or betrayed people who have zero desire to grow the fuck up and take personal responsibility.

    • Well, Between, you’ll be happy to note I got banned from SI too! And not because of anything I posted on SI. It was because of what I posted HERE. (A member complained, yada yada). Got a real nasty fuck off note too. Which is sad, because as rabidly R in the Face of Insurmountable Odds as they are, I received a lot of support at that site from folks and it kept me sane during the worst time in my life. Still, I think the message underneath — you can SAVE this! Try harder! or the Waywards are Poor Sausages universal world view grates on me. Thus Chump Lady was born. But clearly SI thinks the internet isn’t big enough for the two of us. WTFever.

      I totally agree with this statement: “They suffer from nothing more than being unable to function like a reasonable adult.” Sums it up perfectly.

      Welcome! And thanks for commenting.

      • I was deactivated from SI because I refused to coddle a swinger/cheater/former OW. They wanted me to apologize to her.

        Not bloody likely. LOL

  • FWIW, shortly before I was banned from SI (they were gunning for me and claimed I had posted something of a “political” nature(( I merely mentioned Hilary Clinton-no politics, just mentioned her))) , I was PM’d by a woman who claimed she was a LCP specializing in infidelity.
    She told me that in her experience, almost no marriages survive infidelity. She went on to tell me that the folks that heal fastest most completely are thise for whom infidelity is an absolute dealbreaker.
    She explained that these folks have more established boundaries, more resolute values and they seem to do better, especiially in not accepting unwarranted responsibility for the cheating.
    SI is run by a cheater and is very intolerant of views like CL’s(and mine). One will get banned in short order for not falling in line>

  • This —>”For the record, wayward isn’t the only word I hate. I also hate “fog” and “broken.” They’re other words we use to cover up the stench of infidelity and absolve cheaters of personality responsibility.”

    Yes!!! Oh yes, yes.

    But the thing is, this whole wayward concept is fully necessary for reconcilliation. Most of the people on SI or other online communities who are chasing the reconcilliation dream absolutely NEED the “wayward” concept, and “broken” and “fog”. The have to have it in order to validate the choices they are making subsequent to discovering an affair.

    I mean, come on. The life they are signing up for, the 2-5 year “healing” plan, the annual marking of the days i.e. “antiversaries” (sometimes multiples), false “R” vs “really real R that is happening now”, “trust but verify”, along with a tremendous amount of stalking of former OW or OM online or in person (via facebook stalking or whatever) all of that is absolutely freakin’ intolerable if you don’t cloak that in an understanding that your FORMER wayward spouse was “wayward” or “broken” or FOO or “foggy” (but just that once…or twice…or thrice…etc.).

    “Wayward” and “Fog” and “Broken” just seems like cognitive dissonance to me. A way to control the uncontrollable. It is a beacon of hope for the codependent hoards. Because of course a wayward can be brought back to course, the fog can be lifted, the broken can be fixed. And ooooooh all those reconcilers do love to fix. They really love to fix.

    And what kind of freakin people are these cheaters anyway? If they allow themselves to be referred to as “wayward”. God. That makes them selfish bastards (or bitches) as well as weakling cowards. Honestly, and you said it too Chump Lady: Just admit who and what you are. Own it. I would have more respect for that. I wouldn’t stay with a cheater even if he owned it, but at least the truth is the truth and I would have to respect him on some level. Sort of. But adopting wayward status (or allowing it to be assigned to you) in order to save a marriage that you actively risked through your choices, is just an added embarrassment.

    Thank you for your blog. Just found it today and am bookmarking and returning often.

  • Finding this site/entry has got to be the funniest coincidence ever. I was googling around trying to find what I’d read in the past about “spider” people – you know, the former betrayed people going on to become “waywards” (lol) or OM/OW, and here I find a bunch of people who’ve been kicked off SI. I was too! Quite a while ago, for similar reasons; I didn’t believe in all the sugarcoating and namby pamby BS. It’s amusing, yet sad, to hear that the fuckery on SI continues to this day. Anyway, I’m loving this site… you have yourself a new fan. 🙂

    • Welcome Chrissy! And thanks. I was still a member of SI when I started the site, so CL’s purpose isn’t a sort of Island for Misfit Toys, but because I wanted to create the sort of site I wish existed when I found out I was cheated on. I wanted another voice out there, that yeah, isn’t so sugarcoating and “reconcile or die!”-ish.

  • It’s not the cheaters but we , when we try to reconcile with these fucktards,are the ones
    Who are in ” fog”.

    The moment thAt we kick them out we can se the fog lifting and our journey to becoming whole begins.

  • Wow!!! Way to call it CL!!!! I just had such a hearty laugh just now reading this blog entry! So truthful and boy do I enjoy your wit!!

  • Love this one. Douchebag recently posted on fb he was feeling lost. an unsympathetic friend to his victimhood posted to him to put himself in google maps to find himself.

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