Did anyone see this last Sunday’s New York Times piece “I Heart Unpredictable Love“?
It’s this really interesting little essay on how the brain likes drama. Well, maybe that is putting it too simply. But essentially it says there are studies showing that our brain is wired to light up when kibbles are given to us randomly, unpredictably rather than constantly.
If someone seldom tells you they love you, and then suddenly they do? Well it’s HUGE, compared to say, your mom who tells you that every day.
Similarly, when we’re in love with some douchebag who is emotionally unavailable, when we get a hit of sparkliness and wonder, it feels more special than…. well, healthy love without the dysfunction.
Perhaps there is some science behind why we reconcile with cheaters then. Ooh! Heart kibbles! I got one! They LOVE me! Swoon.
Funny, I read something like this article once, only it was about abuse. What makes abuses extra horrible is that it is unpredictable — the whole walking on eggshells thing. You don’t know where the trip wire is, and so when it goes off, it’s that much more awful because you cannot discern how to avoid it or control it.
All to say, if you’re with a wing nut, the highs are high and the lows are low.