Reading all the Stupid Shit Cheaters Say submissions (and huge apologies, I’m so back logged on my cartooning, but I’m getting to it, promise) — I’m really struck again and again with how delusional cheaters are. How artfully they blame shift, what nutty shit they think justifies their betrayals (you’re a liberal, I thought you’d be okay with it…) And what petulant babies they are when they don’t get their way — how DARE you divorce me!
It’s disordered thinking, pure and simple.
If you’re dealing with a disordered wing nut (and if you read here, you probably are), check out Out of The Fog — a great resource and forum on personality disorders. I once read there a nugget o’ insight that helped me make sense of the wing nuts in my life, and thought I’d share it.
Healthy people have emotions that match their circumstances. My dog died, and so I feel sad. My boss yelled at me, ergo I feel upset. I did really great on my test, I feel proud of myself.
Disordered people have emotions — and then they try and CREATE A REALITY to match their emotional state. What’s TRUE to them are their emotions, NOT objective reality.
For example, a disordered person feels angry. Not for any particular reason, or maybe there is a disassociated reason, but they will then trump up a reality to match their emotional state and create a reason to be angry with YOU. You snubbed them (you didn’t), you stole their retirement account (WTF?!), you cheated on them (did NOT happen) — so their anger with you is justified. What’s real to them is they are angry — now they must create a reality to match their emotions. Heads must roll. It’s not them. It’s you.
And it’s not just negative emotions. You see this with narcissists all the time. They think they’re the shit, but without any requisite accomplishment. They FEEL superior, so it must be so. So they’ll exaggerate or invent reasons why they are Better Than You. (Often these involve their SAT scores from 25 years ago.) And they don’t just feel superior, they feel attractive and sexy, despite all evidence to the contrary. Perception must be reality, because how on earth does Newt Gingrich ever get laid? Just goes to show that delusional bravado goes a long way.
Anywho, it’s a good thing to be aware of. Next time you’re having a WTF moment with your wing nut, just think to yourself — ahhh… they’re having an emotional hallucination. They’re imagining a reality to go along with their feelings. If it FEELS real to them, it must be real.
The rest of us live outside the Matrix, thank God. Surround yourself with grounded people, chumps, and avoid the tinfoil hat crazies!