You may have noticed something a little different about the layout of Chump Lady lately. I’ve opened a Cafe Press shop to hawk chump stuff. Yes, now you can own “The muffin top that launched a dozen affairs” on a mug! What is the world (or our landfills) coming to?
Let me explain…
[Cue the shame-inducing public radio fundraiser voice…] This site is brought to you by the generous support of readers like you. To endure, Chump Lady needs to monetize itself. I built the site as a labor of love and pissoffedness. Love because I want to help. Pissoffedness because I believe the media is way too full of toxic nonsense when it comes to cheating — affairs are romantic; if someone cheats on you, you have to be “accountable” for that; you’re a failure if you don’t reconcile; you can “affair proof” your marriage if you try; if you don’t cling to your cheater; you’re doomed to living alone in a bunker full of cats; there are no good partners left… Chump Lady is a clear voice in the internet wilderness that says “No. Lay your burden down. Leave the cheater. You’ll be glad you did, and life is so much sweeter on the other side.”
I think these are important messages. I never get tired of nattering on about infidelity, or drawing snarky cartoons about cheaters. But it does keep me from my other scintillating (paying) pursuits like writing feature stories on organic feed mills or dementia wards (really… those are things I write about).
If you’re curious about the expenses to run the site, you can see my operating budget here. Huffington Post is not a paid gig. The currency is in bringing new readers to Chump Lady. Amazon Associates pays CL about 30 cents for each book sold — which to date has netted CL about $33. And more important, I hope, turned you on to some good books.
Yes, this is a sad recitation of how not to get rich blogging. I’ve been approached by different advertisers, of the sorts I see on other sites. One was for marriage counseling (clearly they didn’t do their market research) — you know the kind that makes a link on every post that says “Speak to a LIVE marriage counselor now!” I spared you that. The other pitch was from a nice man who wanted to sell spy ware. GPS and keyloggers are all fine and good in the early stages of busting a cheater, but God, who wants to stay in the “trust but verify” limbo forever? Do chumps really need wire taps? Again, I said no thanks. Not my mission.
Lastly, I was recently approached by a tabloid journalist who wanted to know if any of my readers wanted to sell their sordid infidelity stories. If you do, email me at email@example.com and I’ll put you in touch with him.
Anywho, I seem to rebuff the advertisers who take an interest. If I find a good fit and it’s something I wouldn’t be mortified to sell, you may see an ad or two go up here in the next year. Or perhaps I’ll consider an e-book. I’ll keep you posted.
Meanwhile, perhaps you need a nice divorce gift? A daily reminder to stay “meh” as you drink your coffee each morning? A t-shirt to flaunt your chump pride? Consider supporting the site and buying something silly. Leave a cheater, gain a life… buy a coffee mug.
But I sure would have liked a sparkly turd mug. Then people would ask me–is that a piece of a donut on your mug? Or, is that a sparkly turd on your mug?
And I’d say, Sure, something like that!
I owe you a sparkly turd cartoon, Stephanie. It’s overdue.
It’s just…I just…I love potty humor, always have, and my ex’s OW is such a sparkly turd. Whereas my ex is just an old turd….
Maybe the potty humor! Maybe that’s why he left me!
I*m in. I need new coffee cups anyway.
And per the spying stuff: I never got the whole ‘make him/her take a polygraph, secretly tape his/her conversations, monitor everything he/she does’ stuff. I don’t want to be a prison warden and I don’t want to live in a state of paranoia.
Hey there…love your cartoons, but trying to downsize items at home. How about a button where we could make a donation to support the site? Maybe on the page where you can buy the goodies? Thank you for all that you do for the citizens of Chumpland! 😉
Thanks Leslie — at your urging I overcame my fear of WordPress widgets and figured it out. See above right — ta da!
I did. It came about when I felt like he was lying to me, I would confront him about it, and he would basically was telling me that I was “wrong” and I wasn’t giving him enough space. My “spying” was me trying to validate my feelings and instincts that he was telling me that I couldn’t trust.
That is the worst part of the cheating…to me anyway. The BS deception.
The spy tools let me understand that my instincts were correct. That I wasn’t crazy.
There was something wrong with him.
That being said…now that I have been there…if I ever feel the need to spy on someone again (ie: feels like I can’t trust them) then the relationship will be over. I will trust my gut and my feelings over someone else’s words.
It’s insanity isn’t it? I remember reading on the “Investigative” page at SI and thinking… this is sooOooo sad. This is the end of the line. And yet people were in there for YEARS! Oh, hey I discovered how to recover deleted Skype chats! and minutia about SIM cards…. scary. Yes, the trust is dead, time to leave.
I’d like a donation button for now, but perhaps a “meh” mug as well. At this point, no one knows my STBXH has been having an affair, and he doesn’t know I know. The “meh” mug is nicely non-committal–and reminds me of my ultimate goal.
Meh ahead kb! Be free!
I’m in for something “meh.” I admit– I know that I don’t have to be ashamed of anything, and all of my close friends and loved ones know exactly what happened, but I’d rather not run into a colleague while wearing something more overt and have to explain its meaning. It’s not the infidelity… I just don’t talk about my private life with people that I’m not especially close to. This is NOT a criticism of your other products, CL. It just brings me to my next idea…
For those who would like to support you in other ways, what about a CLOSED, membership-only message board, where people can talk and vent with other paying members? The biggest problem I have with SI is that it’s public, and I made the completely stupid mistake of telling STBX that I was on there and what my username was (right after DDay). So, I really can’t be myself on there. I would love to have another place to come for that sort of discussion that is secure and where I don’t have to be careful about discussing reconciliation. I love that we can all say, “Dump the loser!” on this site.
A paid membership site? I hadn’t considered that. I am looking into a forum here, downloaded the WP plugin for it, and now I need to hire a programmer (my geek skills only go so far). I’ll have to look into public vs. private. I’m very sensitive to people’s privacy, personal emails — so while you’d have to register to be on the site, it wouldn’t be open to folks who aren’t registered. You wouldn’t have to pay for that privacy.
I’m sorry you can’t be yourself on SI — had the same issue. I just figure, if stalkers want to stalk, what are you gonna do?
How much was the guy offering to sell our sordid affair stories.
And can we use our real names if we want to.
His name is Henry Austin. He writes:
“Pretty much all the publications I deal with compensate the people they feature or make a donation to the charity of their choice. This can be anything from $300 to $5000, but usually it’s somewhere around $500, depending on the publication and the story.
If you have any questions, or would like to discuss this further, feel free to e-mail me or contact me on: firstname.lastname@example.org”
Email me if you want his phone number. I don’t want to put that out there publicly.
I’m going to buy a “meh” mug but would like to send a donation as well. My daily dose of ChumpLady has been getting me through this divorce and has helped me in my healing a lot of times more effectively than counseling. I started following you soon after you started your blog and based on all the comments your following has grown tremendously. It just shows how much your site is needed by all us chumps. Thanks for all you do, CL!
I would love to see a donation button! You, and the rest of the chumps have saved my sanity through this process. Also, thanks for keeping you sponsorship integrity. Not that I would expect anything less…
Thanks guys! I just added a donate button which should appear in the upper right corner. Really appreciate the support. You chumplings are the best. 🙂
I am sending you a small donation; the same as my co-pay for my therapist. Is it tax deductable? Do you accept Pay Pal?
Yes you do accept Pay Pal. Thanks for all the great advise. Keep up the good work. And I don’t think you would be so bad as a marriage counselor. A slap in the face does wonders to wake people up. It sure did it for me. Whole new attitude about this situation.
That’s so kind of you Janet, thank you. Alas, I don’t have non-profit, charitable tax status. (I wonder if I did how I would explain myself to the IRS?… yes, it’s a foundation devoted the mission of dumping cheaters…)
Per marriage counseling — yes, apparently you can go to Orlando and get a “PhD” (check out the comments over there on The New Monogamy on Dr. Nelson).
I’d rather stick with organic inspecting and blog writing tho, thanks.
I just started my CL collection! I want every mug and every magnet! The “State of Meh” shot glass cracked me up for some reason. Love the goods, Chump Lady. Keep up the good work and keep fighting the good fight!
Thanks! The magnets, eh? Yeah, for myself I need to get all the stupid shit cheaters say up there in magnet form. I think I want a complete set. Thanks for the support! Enjoy the cartoons!
I didn’t have time to read all the comments….. its probably up there but, – I’d so love to buy a cartoon……. stupid shit cheaters say – “She really is a wonderful person and under radically different circumstances you’d enjoy her company I’m sure”……
How about it?