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Stupid Cheater Moments

Here’s an idea, folks. What do you think of, in addition to Stupid Shit Cheaters Say, there could be a page for Stupid Cheater Moments, just add your comments. This in my inbox today made me think of it. Feel free to add your WTF cheater moment. If there’s any interest, I’ll make it a permanent part of the site so we’ve got somewhere to file these.

Without further ado — today’s stupid cheater moment. (I’ll let the poster comment herself, not sure if she wanted to be anonymous as she emailed it to me.)

My daughter and I went to Walmart at 11:00 pm on a fast trip to get supplies for a school project.  When we pulled in we noticed my STBXH truck was in the lot.  At that time of night only one store door open and few cars in the lot.  We went in and got what we needed and got in the only check out line.  We look up and see her father (my husband) checking out and paying.  There was one person in between us which evidently put up an impervious shield so that we were invisible  (whatever)… No shit he was buying a birthday cake and cupcakes for his mistress.  So I actually got to watch my cake-eater STBXH buying a cake for his mistress!  (it was a Britney Spears cake since Britney is her role model)  He is 47 she is 35…puke

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  • Britney Spears is her role model… And she is 35??? Doesn’t that say it all??? And who buys a birthday cake at Walmart??? Wow. Just wow!

    • The OW in my case (who is 40 and a mother of two) has a huge crush on Robert Pattinson, and she posts her deepest thoughts about him online. STBX didn’t believe me when I told him. *smirk*

  • Just another idear, how about a sectiong callee “Stupid shit the OW/OM says

    Like how bout this little gem I got from my not-soon-enough-to-be-ex’s ho-worker- She said to me in a facebook message that
    1) my husband is really great, kind and honest man
    2) that he really loves me
    3) that Im so lucky.


    • Angie:

      This ‘ho worker, has to describe her fellow cheater as an honest, kind man because she so desperately wants to believe that a cheater can be considered honest and kind.

      My Ex, told me the same thing about his ‘ho OW. When I asked him what attracted him to a woman of such low moral character, he looked hurt and insisted she was a kind and good person.

      I said, how kind and good can she be?

      She cheats on her husband, neglects her four young children to go to male strip clubs to get lap dances from male strippers as well as female strippers, makes her husband pay for hair salon and spa treatments so she can look buff for her fellow cheaters while her husband sits at home, after a hard day at work, watching their four young children. Also, she never cooks or cleans, because her good and kind husband hires maids for her. So, what makes her good and kind?

      By the look on his face, I think he had an aha moment because he looked up as if visualizing the scenes I described and than looked down as if ashamed.

      • Isn’t it endlessly amazing how they can find such fucked up ways to justify their behavior, and how they aren’t so bad. In my case, the ho-worker refers to me as The Warden. Yeah, I can see how expecting my husband to honor his marriage vows is sooo out of line.

        • Angie:

          Don’t let the ‘ho’s name for you bother you.

          She’s just a ‘ho, always remember that. Why take anything that dribbles from her lips seriously at all. LOL.

  • What a horrible-yet-revealing moment for your daughter. Hope she can see her father for the douche he is without internalizing his f*ckupedness.

    But Wal-mart, cake, Britney Spears? The haikus almost write themselves. For example:

    Cupcakes from Wal-Mart
    Just like Britney eats I’m sure
    Cheap cake for cheap bitch

  • When I was investigating suspcious cheater wasband’s behavior and tried every which way to find out the truth of what was really going on, wasband caught on and said to me, “I can’t trust you!!!! How dare you go behind my back!! We are so FUCKING DONE!!!! Do you know how much it hurts to have MY WIFE checking up on me????? You make me sick!!!! How could you do this to me?? After all the love, dedication, and hardwork I put into this family?? This is hiw you repay me????” Screaming and yelling and cursing at me…
    Two days later??? Bingo I caught him red handed.. And boy did Niagara Falls of crocodile tears come arrive at my house.
    “I love you so much! If I didn’t, I would have left. But I never did. Look! I never took off my wedding ring. I have always kept it on!!!” Really dude???? Yes, that really makes all the difference. You kept your wedding ring on while you lunch fucked a wannabe cougar that moved within a 3 mile radius of our family home during a 3 year affair, all while gaslighting and mindfucking me to make me believe I was the problem, but hey, all is cool because I see your commitment to me and our family. What a cake eating tool of a joke.
    He said he was really hurt I took my ring off because it was a sign of our wedding vows and commitment we made to another. I told him to fuck off since he broke those vows and wearing my wedding ring made me enraged and a symbol of the sham of the marriage.

    • Rose — I heard the exact same shit out of the mouth of my STBX. Classics such as: “I don’t deserve your suspicion!” and “You have trust issues” and my favourite, “Your trust issues are destroying our marriage!”

      Um, no Honey. YOU destroyed our marriage by fucking other people.

      And that shit just proves Cake eaters understand the principles that relationships are built on — like trust— they just chose to ignore them because they’re special.

      • The first time I confronted my STBX, I found out about the OW by digging at what he’d been up to on our home computer. So I told I knew, listed what he’d been doing and had the nerve to look me in the eye and get pissy about how I’d found out. My reply –

        Considering what you’ve been doing, I dont think you want to debate ethics with me right now.

        The look on his face was priceless.

        • I got that too. Confronting him after I had found out about MORE relationships by digging through his emails, he started to say, “Don’t you ever read my email…” I cut him off, saying, “Given what you’ve done, I feel absolutely no compunction about reading your email.”

          He had no answer to that.

          Then, after he had let one of his “girlfriends” know that I knew, she wrote that she was very upset, and didn’t he have a password? and “I asked myself why someone decided to go through your emails. This is not fair and you just don´t do that” and “So this remains the problem of the person who did something she should not have done.” Oh, really? It’s really a problem of me reading my husband’s email, and not that you and he are fucking each other?

      • Cheaters know exactly what they are doing. They want and like the power and control over you.. The spouse that is in the dark and completely clueless on the vile behavior is totally mindfucked. Cheaters enjoy the control and deceit.. It is a real high.. Until it gets too hard for them to maintain it. Balancing relationships. Keeping lies straight. Other persons demanding more. Spouses that are neglected finally become suspicious and start investigating. The cheater’s world crashes around them when tjey are caught. They go into overdrive panic mode. Do whatever it takes to keep both lives going. The open one and the hidden, disgusting one. However.. The once the mask is removed, the cheater has a harder time putting it back on and. wearing it. Cracks in their armor appear and later open their descpicable selves wide open. The charactered person image is completely shattered. The betrayed spouse now knows the person they are with is a fraud. A fake. Phony. Hypocrite. And hopefully smarten up that you can’t change a cheater’s heart, they have none. You can’t peer into their soul by looking into their eyes, they do not possess one. Maybe once upon a time the betrayed spouse did a marry a good person, maybe not. But one thing is for sure, it is not the betrayed spouse’s job to stick around and hope beyond hope that the cheater will change. And be abused, mindfucked, and gaslighted.
        These people don’t have dementia, dickmentia (lol!), Alzheimer’s, or some lame ass excuse of a MLC. Cheater’s have sickness in their soulless beings. A lot of them do not change. They enjoy the one-up over others. The selfishness, arrogance, pride, and the false sense of smarts these people have is really gruesome and psychotic. The serial cheaters and the long term cheaters are the worst of the worst. They are seriously disordered. The only thing to do to save yourself and your sanity is to leave. Cut off that person from your life as best you can. Have kids together? Keep communication about kids only. Get an awesome divorce lawyer and then let them suck the life out of their affair partner(s). They deserve that anyway. They had it coming.
        Cheaters are disgusting on all counts. All of them.

        • Rose, that first paragraph is so right and good. When STBX’s mask fell off a whole different person was revealed: a panicked, angry guy who was freaking out because I finally knew what was going on and I wasn’t going to keep quiet. He hates me to this day as a result. Disordered doesn’t begin to describe who he is. It’s incredible they can ‘play’ at being a certain kind of person for years and years.

        • To this day, I still can’t wrap my brain around the fact that, given that we weren’t married, why, after 20 years apart, he lobbied so hard to get me involved again, and I trusted him AGAIN, why, WHY ??? given that there were so many options for just ending this relationship….. he decided, like over and over, to go down the path of emotional annialation for me? Like who does that? When all he had to do was just end his relationship with me. I have to admit, its been destabilizing in a way I didn’t think I was capable – at least not at this point in my life.

          He made dozens if not hundreds of small decisions, small and large to lie, betray and humiliate me – to what end??? I loop around and around on this – we weren’t married….. wouldn’t it have been just so much easier to end this relationship?

          I guess I’ll just never get it. Why do that?

          • Hi Erica,
            Other than the fact that I was married, your message could have been written by me. My ex said he made a “mistake”. I said almost exactly what you wrote, that he made hundreds of decisions, small and large to lie, cheat, and humiliate me over a long time and that that wasnt a “mistake”, that is evidence of quality of character. Anyway, looping is dangerous, I should know, I did it for too many years. Wastes you away. I hope you will be able to get out of looping thinking sooner than did. The answer to “who does that?” is: the sacks of shit we were unlucky enough to love and the answer to “why do that?” is: because they wanted to. I send my best to you.

    • Rose:

      I think your husband’s reaction is described and a good offense is the best defense… least that’s what he thought.

      I hate cheaters.

  • Hmm…so many to chose from….

    How about the time STBX told the me he didn’t want the kids to think he was out screwing around all the time? I replied ‘but you were out screwing around all the time’. His answer? ‘But I don’t want the kids to know that!’


    When he told the older kid that ‘your mother thinks I was fucking everyone and I want you to know that the entire time we were living in X I did not have any affairs, even though there were some really hot women at work.’

    • Reading here there and everywhere about the stupid shit cheaters say, I am starting to wonder if maybe all cheaters have some form of dementia or early alzheimers.

    • “When he told the older kid that ‘your mother thinks I was fucking everyone and I want you to know that the entire time we were living in X I did not have any affairs, even though there were some really hot women at work.”

      Wow, fancy himself much, delusions of sexual grandeur much, ego the size of Texas much?… Must have taken QE2 sized mooring ropes, to hold these women back from his earth altering sexual magnetism, and only his iron strong will, stopped him from staring on the cover of a romance novel… Fucking flaming narc, and right on Sara8, I hate cheaters too.

      • You’re right, jay. I read one email to a workmate he had at place X and that workmate had hooked up with some hottie from some department at the office. STBX wrote in response to this revelation ‘Damn, wish I had gotten in there when I could have had a shot’. And this workmate’s sister was our lawyer when we left place X. Fucking unreal.

  • Top 5 out of the Top 20 STMs:
    When – on the day he was telling me that 25 years together just wasn’t worth having to “work on or give up things (OW) for, he became furious when I called him a “monster” for what he had done. His exact words? “Hey – I was a GREAT husband all except for the cheating!” (and the STD, and the financial bleed, and the lies, and the erosion of our marriage over a 4 year affair.)

    When – in that same conversation on that same day, my STBXH said to me, “I want you to help the girls transition and get to know (OW) her because she’s really a likeable person. They will like her – I think YOU would like her – she’s got to be likable because I like her!” (Lickable is more like it.)

    When pulling into an area Sheetz mini mart – I saw him pulling out and as he drove by I couldn’t resist just flipping him off. He actually texted and CALLED me incredulously in a matter of 2 minutes asking “WHY did you just flip me the bird?” Why indeed…

    When he was trying to sell my 19 year old daughter on the OW and actually said “You know- it’s not fair to judge her just on the fact that I had an affair and left your mom for her. She’s not a bad person – she’s really kind and friendly!” To which – to her eternal credit – my daughter said “She’s anything but kind, Dad – she’s a predator who lacked so much in her own life that she decided to prey on my family. And I’ll NEVER meet her – NEVER.”

    When we sat in our four hour divorce hearing and I got to listen to 20 minutes of straight testimony of how “hard” the divorce has been on him. Just him. No “sorry for what I did to my wife and daughters”….oh no. Just “You know -divorce is hard! It’s been hard on me! My daughters have blocked my phone and even CHAR has and the only way I can make contact is through email at her work! It’s been really stressful on me!” Even then – not bright enough a bulb to realize that a little remorse – even fabricated – would have helped him in front of the judge. But no – it’s all about him.

    • They always seem to say how ‘nice’ the affair partner is. Yes, a nice person who fucked a married person and helped blow up a family. How nice.

      • The boys are sick of this. “But he’s a good man”

        My two pixies are now desperate. She said to my youngest son yesterday after she moved to new house that chainsaw man will be spending a lot more time here and I expect you to meet him bla bla bla.
        It pissed down with rain during the move. Chainsaw man was away and didn’t help. She was on her own with the three removalist. Not much help from friends compared to when she moved a few weeks after d day.
        They just expect everyone to move on withering fuckupnist.
        Stand by for the melt down. Watch this space.

        • My daughter did not take it well, especially when STBX looked right at her, and in the lowest form of blame shift/compartmentalizing/minimizing, whatever said:

          “I don’t see why this (affair) affects you so much”…

          Yeaaaaah, that little gem caused my 17 y/o daughter to immediately convulsively cry, and required immediate IC, but hey, she got to talk with and screw someone who would listen to her (and get to wear all the new Victoria’s Secret shit I never saw in 23 years).

        • Don’t apologise. In my case and when it’s a long affair it’s premeditated calculated destruction of a family. There is no way they can defend this. In my case the boys know what goodhand bad behaviour is. Fucking someone else’s wife or husband is bad behaviour. They are not nice. They are a piece of shit and that’s been very generous to them

          • Very generous indeed! Ironic, I would say to STBX, before she would literally run out of the house at the mere asking about her affair:

            “Would a nice person do x,y,z, to people you say you love/loved, or to another family”

            Nothing but angry, dead alien eyes stare to that question. I also agree about long term affairs; my STBX’s was at least a year long, so all her B.S. about I was the cause, reason for her do it; yeah sure, so what kept you doing it? Pretty sick too, as she will openly say she does not regret it, but will also say she knew it was wrong? No figuring out crazy.

            • Jay – “nothing but angry, dead alien eyes”….MAN – did you hit the nail on the head there. I thought it was just my experience. That more than anything was often the hardest to deal with. You could look right into the eyes of my STBXH – and there was just nobody home anymore. That cold, dead eye put me to mind of the “doll’s eye” description Quint uses when talking about sharks’ eyes. It’s freaky.

    • Char,
      Mine said almost the exact same thing. He reminded me that he had been an excellent husband except for the cheating (not true). He also reminded me that he had been loyal for MOST of our marriage and that should count for something. He honestly looked indignant when he was saying it. Where do they come up with this shit?

      • Sher – I have NO idea. It’s too ridiculous to be made up – nobody would write this crap and think it made a believable story. My only guess is that people like this can so completely hide from anything they don’t want to see about themselves or a situation, that they truly believe their own lame schtick. Kind of like a child who covers their ears and pretends they are somewhere else instead of reality. All plays into the immaturity of a narcissistic personality. It’s a real fool who can convince themselves that down is up and bad is good and cheating/adultery doesn’t make a bad spouse.

        • No lie, my STBX would cover her head with a pillow if I tried to talk about her affair… Your comment made me smile, as I have come to see just how childish she is, self centered and cruel. Years before D-day, I would tell her she was emotionally immature, and you guessed it; a child like response, or none at all (silent treatment).

          BTW, saw a Sheetz reference; you from W. PA?

      • “been loyal for MOST of our marriage”

        WTF?! Like it’s horseshoes.

        Mine said “but it didn’t take THAT much of my time.” Yes, cheating is a time management problem, people.

        • CL – LOL!!! Mine actually said to me “Don’t worry – it wasn’t like I was going to see her every day – we only got together about every 5 weeks or so or at conferences we attended together!” Ooooohhhhh – well – what was I worried about, then! I guess that it’s only a bad affair if it’s done more frequently than that 5 week mark. What was I worried and upset about then? 😉

  • 1. I was going through the phone bills from his business trip and found dozens of calls to the same few numbers over a period of weeks. Well, it turned out to be a shemale escort service. When I confronted him — and to this very day — he swore he was just calling to chat because he was lonely. “There was no sex, I promise!” *snort*

    2. After I just got off the phone with the OW who confessed everything to me, he told me I was “insane” when I confronted him. He was peddling so desperately to keep up with his facade that he couldn’t even see that it had all come crashing down and instead continued to try to gaslight me, despite indisputable proof. Old habits die hard, I guess.

    • Pay no attention to the man behind the curtian. I AM the great and powerful.., um, wizard of… um… What was I saying?

  • It is my story, I wanted to put it on Facebook but that would hurt my kids more. When I called him out on it and explained that it was our money he was spending on the whore, he said he would throw me a 20 and complained about me taking our children to eat out at Applebees! I would guess it cost less than a hotel room.

    • (((((debdeb)))))

      Wow, a complaining cheater who does birthday shopping at the last minute at Wal-mart and considers Applebee’s extravagent dining. A real prize the OW is getting there. I imagine she can look forward to years of Christmas gifts from the Dollar Store and anniversary dinners at Jack in the Box.

  • I forgot, although this might go under stupid shit cheaters say: ‘I have to rebuild my life too!’ Erm yes, dude, because you blew up our life. What an idiot.

    • Nord – oh yes – I got that one too! “You don’t realize that I’m starting out from nothing and so is she! She wasn’t able to take anything from her home except a china cupboard her mom gave her! I had to buy all new yard tools!” When I pointed out that everything was a result of his own choices – he just said “That may be, but it’s not right no matter what!” The self absorption is practically terminal.

      • Me 3. Along with complaints that they don’t get to spend enough time together because he works all day after he drops her off at the beach and after work they only have an hour or so alone before they have to go to the homeless shelter…WTF? You cannot make this s… Up! Life is so surreal sometimes. in the meantime I go to work in a suit and pass out champagne all day and think about him being homeless. I’m seriously cracking up. Not in a Ha Ha way either.

    • A cheater who asks for pity because they have to rebuild their life? Reminds me of the person who murdered their parents and then asked the court for mercy because he was an orphan. I don’t pity someone for the bad situation created by their own selfishness and cruelty.

      • Yes, the child who murders the parents and then wants special consideration because he’s an orphan is the classic definition of “CHUTZPAH” – its all chutzpah. Surely we can’t find and actual example of that in REAL life…… I still can’t wrap my brain around it…… WHAT’S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?????

  • I’ve got a few. Here are some from when I was playing the “pick me game”. My STBXW, myself and my daughter went to an art installation that we had been going to since she was a baby. The POSOM works nearby. She says “I have to go to the bathroom, you wait here”. I know what’s going on so I tell my daughter, let’s follow her and then surprise her when she comes out.

    Well, she goes right to the restaurant he works at. I said “you’re with us, you couldn’t have not seen him tonight”? She says indignantly ” I haven’t seen him for 2 weeks! I just wanted to say hi”.

    Another time we’re discussing the situation one evening. She’s having trouble choosing, and she says “I am in a relationship, you know”. Oh. Right. But aren’t we in a marriage?

    How about “he adores me”. Or (in tears) “He’s drinking too much I’m so worried about him”. And of course “we didn’t have sex until I moved out”. Whew, thanks so much for calming my fears. Another beauty “you know his wife hasn’t has sex with him for years, how would you feel”?

    Prior to “falling in love” with the POSOM, she hooked up 4 times with guys from Ashley Madison, but it’s not all that bad, really. “I only had intercourse with one of them (BJ’s for the rest) and it was only for 10 minutes, and it wasn’t that good.” Oh, and that was in my bed btw.

    And now, as she is driving an unregistered, uninsured ****box, lost her job and refuses to work in the service industry (she has no job skills), and racked up $20,000 in credit cards, she says recently “You and I will always have a special bond”. I said, well, where was the bond when you were f’ing guys and “falling in love”? And she says “don’t be that way”.

    • It is astounding to me how many times I have the urge to say this while reading stories about people involved with cheaters:

      Jeff – -you are better off without her.

      • Jeff:

        You are the prize.

        Sadly your wife sounds like a self absorbed user.

        I read emails to my ex from his OW in which she was really tearing her husband apart. This guy whom I met, is a dapper, sweet guy, who doesn’t cheat, and provided well for his wife.

        Her main complaint was he was boring because he worked so much. Gaaah!

        Ya’ think, maybe he worked hard to support her extravagant lifestyle…..maids, dining out every day, nannies during the day so she could be free, spa’s, plastic surgery, girl trips.

        • Jeff, I’ve learned the hard way that a cheater never wants to be confronted with facts, logic, ethics or truth. “Don’t be that way” is the classic deflection. It’s not their fault – it’s yours for not being a swinging enough, hip and cosmopolitan dude to accept that she sh*t all over you, your marriage and your family, blew apart your world and didn’t just smile and say ‘You know, darling – I just want you to be happy no matter what. Let’s be best chums forever and be like Stan and Dorothy in the Golden Girls – getting together for dinner, laughing over old times, catching up with the kids….blah, blah….BLEAH!” You are free of her and can now guide your daughter in what decency, commitment and honor are by example. She’ll need that since her mother has proven to be the worst type of example. Best of luck – you will be okay!

          • I tried to ‘be freinds’ but he was such a useless dickhead and so insensitive that I couldn’t do it after the first couple of tries. I would just think, when I looked at him, ‘you dumb fuck’, and realised I simply didn’t want to be around him.

        • Looking back at it, it’s incredible what I put myself through trying to reason her out of it. I was so desperate to save things. For me, being forced to acknowledge that she was not a good person, but a bad one really turned my world upside down. I am so much better off to be rid of her.

          • Jeff, don’t beat yourself up too bad. In hindsight, we all did things that make us cringe. You are definitely better off without her. Hang in there and stay strong. Life will only get better from here on out.

    • “I am in a relationship, you know”.

      Best/Stupidist Statement By a Cheater. Ever. Jeff, how you were able to keep your head from exploding upon hearing this amazes me.

  • Currently hugely stupid thing: Taking what little time he has every month for visitation (every other weekend, so four days per month) and squandering it on travel time to meet his LD OW and her two children. Instead of building a relationship with his kids, they have Brady Bunch get-togethers so that he can not only foist them off on some activity so that he doesn’t really have to parent them but also so that he can groom them for when his “friend” (which is how the kids know her right now) becomes his girlfriend and then whatever other lunacy they decide on down the road. He’s free all week and every other weekend, but he just can’t spend two whole weekends per month without her. Completely pathetic, unoriginal, and standard issue behavior for cheaters with kids.

    • I knew who was the best friend of my OW. So when I accidentically saw her in a bar I asked the barman who was a friend of mine if he knew her. He said: yes of course, she is divorced and she is well known for the episode when she was taken to the Hospital because of a bottle stuck in her €&@@.
      Then I texted the above to my ex (who didnt believe his OW was a ho) and his response was : well good for her!

    • Yeah, it’s wonderful what great quality time they spend with their kids, isn’t it? Mine gets the kids every other weekend, but spends the entire time texting his hooker-“friend” literally every few minutes (our phones are still on the same account for another week, so I see what’s up). Who still texts their “friends” literally hundreds of times a day after age 15? He has 28 other days of the month to spend ignoring his kids, he can’t put down the phone for a couple days?

      • STBX did that and when the kids asked him to stop he said ‘don’t try to control my social life’. He was literally texting her every two minutes.

    • Anna- I thought it was just me! My stbx also only does every other weekend but calls it “joint custody”. Not sure how 4 nights versus 26 nights is joint anything. I guess it makes him feel good to tell everyone else what an amazing father he is.

  • “I decided long ago that I wasn’t married so it’s not cheating” . . . said my husband with a straight, indignant face.

    • I heard similar around D-day;

      “I didn’t think you loved me, so I didn’t think you would care.”

      What the hell can you say to that?

      • Or how about this: upon confessing to having an affair ten years prior (rather than confessing he was currently involved with the OW), he told me “I thought you knew”.

        Yeah – it irked me when he would forget to do things – I would complain. But somehow, I NEVER complained about him having an affair?!? Really?

        Or: “It was a one-time thing”.

        If by “time” you mean “a year”, then yeah, I guess it was just “once”.

      • I heard, when I was so angry and hurt but still doing the pick me dance ‘you just want to win, that’s all this is about.’

        yeah, dude, I’m making an ass out of myself begging a cheating fuck to think about how he is hurting and destroying his family and it’s really just about winning. What a dick.

        • Yee Gads, I have heard everyone of these stupid remarks mentioned above from my cheater.

          Maybe they are infected with some type of worm that eats parts of their brain causing them all to do and say the exact same things.


          • Yep, Un-effin-believable it is… Did you get the classic cheater blame shift spew:

            “My marriage was dead for years”

            My STBX said that to the other betrayed spouse, when said betrayed other spouse came to out to our home for a one-on-one with my STBX, up close and personal (nearly fisticuffs). Just lovely what levels cheaters will stoop to cover their ass.

            • Jay:

              Yes. I think all loyal spouses get the blameshifting and rewriting of marital history.

              My ex told me the marriage was not good for years, but just weeks prior to meeting his ‘ho, he was bragging to his friends about what a low maintenance wife I was and how easy going I was.

              I really think all the blame shifting and rewriting is an excuse for the fact that they just got lustful for some strange because sex in ALL long term marriages becomes somewhat routine.

              I am sure the loyal spouses feel the sex is routine, yet they choose to remain faithful

          • I can only imagine how the narcicist cheaters described herein would react I they knew how they were being exposed, insulted and laughed at!

      • Briefly after BD when I was dancing the dance and chasing unicorns, I slept with xH. He got mad at ME for causing him to cheat on OW. With me, his wife.


        I couldn’t belieeeeeeeeeeve what he was saying.

        Now, I know–he’s just fucking crazy.

        • Yes, I suddenly became the OW in the situation….. and he couldn’t guarantee what I would find…. I was out and she was in and he didn’t want to hurt her. I didn’t know how to process it – evil is so banal.

    • The few days after I found out about STBX’s affair (but before we had told anyone, including our daughter) we were still trying to carry on “normally.” I was obviously having a hard time pretending to be happy. He said “You’ve got to drop this attitude – you’re really bringing everyone down. Our relationship is no different than before. We are in this house together, we work, we take care of _____(daughter), we eat meals together, we don’t have sex.”

      Asshole logic.

    • Oh, he ***decided****, did he? Well then, whatever happened after that has to be virtuous and above reproach, doesn’t it?

      Classic case of the cheater creating a “reality” in their mind and then acting like that mental reality is the real world. As CL has pointed out, so very characteristic of a sociopath or narcissist. Their THOUGHTS matter more than your blood, sweat, and tears.

      • My STBX is a master of making reality from her emotions, and to witness it is really something creepy. This goes hand-n-hand with gaslighting, and I’m not talking intentionally; I truly believe she had/has no idea she was even doing it… SCARY!

  • I too heard a million different stupid things after d-day including all of the classics like, “You would really like her” and “I haven’t been happy for years.” But for some reason, one really ignorant thing he said to me still makes me shake my head. Actually, now I find it kind of funny. It happened about 3 months after d-day. We were supposedly in R, and we were actually having a nice dinner. Out of the blue, he said to me, “Have you ever thought about straightening your hair?” Innocent enough question, I suppose. However, I have wild, curly hair (kinda like CL’s) and OW had bone-straight hair. I got up from the table, got my flat iron out of the bathroom and threw it in the trash, while telling him to go fuck himself. To this day, after all the crazy, hurtful things he said to me, that one still stands out in my mind. That’s the day I knew that I was chasing unicorns.

    • Curly girls unite!!! I have curly hair too. Be proud of those curls Sher and let them (and you!) be wild and free. 🙂

    • Sher:

      You might want to ask him someday why he asked that question.

      My ex said similar things, like did I ever think of wearing knee high boots, but when I asked why, he was just curious because the OW wore them and he thought it was a sign that she was a tad too fashion conscious because he thought knee high boots must be uncomfortable.

    • No offensive taken! Rock those curls! I can’t believe he asked you to straighten your hair. It’s so symbolic. Take this very visible manifestation of your Sher-ness and SUBMIT to me! Narcissist asshole. I can think of other more fitting places to put that flat iron.

        • CL & Angie – I like your style. Next time I read something this hilarious, I really hope I’m not drinking coffee. Seriously, I almost hurt myself 🙂

          Sara, I am pretty sure that asking him would be a waste of time. I haven’t gotten a straight answer about anything out of the man in 2+ years.

  • My ex was on a buying trip, so I called his cell phone to check in. He thought he turned it off, but inadvertently answered. I then got to hear him say to his hooker… ” oh great, NOW you’re going to act like you’re bored.” Then, I got to hear them having sex.

    THEN… he denied it, saying I must have dialed the wrong number.

    We lived in a Spanish speaking country. He was speaking English.

  • When I first confronted the OW (26), I asked her so what do you love about my H? She said, “well don’t get me wrong, my father can be an asshole, but he’s a lot like my father, and they say you always end up with someone that is like your father” !!!! I took great pleasure in telling him that she though of him like her Daddy!!!

  • Here are a few of mine from right before Dday….:

    “We dont even have to have sex anymore….because…and dont take the the wrong way…. I can go out and find someone who will be anything I want her to be”.
    really? what is the ‘right way’ to take that?


    “I dont know why you think you need to check up on me…its almost like you *want* to find something. What is this….is this all just a game to you?”
    uh…no….that would be YOU that thinks this is a game!!

  • Oh I have one from WH; I am very close to his family, so they knew about the OW, so one time he told me crying ” you had no right to tell my family about OW, I wanted to tell them all about her, and introduce her to them someday, now they’re not going to like her” Duh

    When he finally moved out and called his sister to tell her, the first thing his sister told him was “Don’t ever, ever bring that whore to my house” – that was the beginning of his fantasy land bubble popping!

    • Ha
      I have a simlar story. My beautiful sister in law told her brother “I hope you don’t really have feelings for the (OW) because the way you two have gone about this no one is ever going to accept her now.” Jackie here is a cyber toast to both our sisters in law!!!!
      Her husbands first reaction was “That person isn’t coming to my
      house.” ANd that is why I baked him his very own loaf of homemade banana bread this morning.

      • My now X MIL called me last night after he called and I wouldn’t answer. After playing dumb (she has never called me past 10AM and it was 8:30 PM) she finally got down to asking me questions..after about 10, which I answered honestly, she started yelling…”Don’t give him another dime” “Don’t you dare let him back in the house” It is exactly what CL said to me and I’m beginning to see…I gave him centrality, he has no identity without my good name, reputation and the family that was mine! I only wish it didn’t hurt me so badly to say that. The truth hurts. I just wish I could shift all the hurt to him, because now he is confusing one of my daughters, the sweetest, biggest hearted one…

        • That’s the worst isn’t it, when kids have to fall victim to the mindfuck. Its one thing to be on the receiving end when you are an adult. But that the kids have to deal with it, is completely stomach churning.

    • Jackie:

      Kudos to your sister in law for shunning a cheater.

      IMO, if more people shunned cheaters, there would be far less cheating going on.

      • AMEN to that, Sarah8 ! I totally agree – we reward despicable behavior with apathy and “well – it’s not really that big a deal” on one hand while in the other we bitch and moan about the decline of the family. I think that a return to good old shunning and public rebuke would do a world of good to cheaters who think that everyone should “just accept” what they’ve done and “be happy” for their new love life!

  • Mine refriended his OW on Facebook during the false reconciliation because he didn’t “want to hurt her feelings.”

    • When I confronted mine with the affair, I asked him to end it with her immediately. He refused saying he “wanted to meet her later in the week to end it face to face”. How thoughtful and caring of him. Another classic was when he was trying to convince me to take him back. His solution was to give up his cell phone because as he put it “without my cell phone, I couldn’t possibly be able to cheat on you.”

  • My STBXH said to me about his cheaters websites “well I used my licence plate as my login so it’s not like I was hiding it” being his membership on those sites. Yeah – cause I randomly checked those websites so I must’ve known. Right!!! I never had a clue he was on them – how’s using something that would now be obvious to me as his call sign a clear sign he wasn’t hiding anything???

    Oh and my favourite – it’s not like I hid my credit card statements! Hello!!! Me not checking up on you is not a sign that it’s all on the up and up dickhead!

  • And of course after posting an arrangement “(local pub name) in 15 minutes” to a potential hookup met online – “well I didn’t meet up with him”. Ok so I guess that’s no big deal!!!

  • daughter (16) told me the other day that in the middle of the night she would get up to use the bathroom. often while in there, husband in spare room would turn the tv down so that there was silence. this really creeped her out as she thought he was listening. I had to explain that he was probably watching porn on tv or was on-line talking to his many female friends ( want to be slutbuddies, porn sites). then he would turn it down so she couldn’t hear.
    and he wonders why she won’t have anything to do with him. idiot.

  • How about this:
    My exH told me that he didn’t think his cheating was wrong as long as I didn’t know about it. WTF!
    And then with a straight face he said he realized that now that I knew, it was wrong.

    And then, when I was raging about how our family was destroyed he calmly told me it was my fault because I left the marriage.
    The dead-pan, cold, alien look with that comment made it even worse.

    • The alien look is bizarre. The few times I’ve seen STBX in the last six months or so he has that look or the utter rage look and both leave me sitting there thinking ‘Huh, after all these years and you getting caught being a serial cheater and that’s all you’ve got on offer? Sod off.’

    • Eww Eww, I got the cold dead stare too! WTF is that? While he was saying “It doesn’t mean anything, I told them all I live with you, sex means nothing to me, it never has, I’m just never satisfied” But that LOOK! Ewww Ewww!

      • I got the cold dead stare too! Its like another person lives inside there…had never seen that look before until a confrontation about cheating. Scary!!

        • Me too! STBX fluctuates between that cold dead stare and that crazy rage look. (crazy rage look = Jack Nicholson in The Shining) Scary indeed!

  • Oh Im sure that I’ll be the bad guy too because Im the one that filed for divorce. Never mind that he’s spent the past 3 years screwing around with his ho-worker, and there others before her, that he gaslighted and mindfucked me, tossed in just enough random bits of truth with the lies until I finally just threw my hands in the air and gave up before I was carted off to the psych hospital. What did he expect me to do, invite her to the next family reunion?

  • When i discovered my husband’s secret email account (the tip of the iceberg) he of course only admitted to what I knew already, and then quickly ended the discussion with “Let’s not let this ruin our day.”

  • Two recent little gems that appeared:
    1. OW posts on Pinterest things that she “likes” – “how to keep your spouse happy” and “ways to make your marriage work” (Cute, but how about you get your OWN spouse to keep happy, while you’re at it?)
    2. After signing the separation agreement (and agreeing to the division of property – he takes his crap, I keep everything else), STBX randomly texts me to complain about how I’ve ‘taken everything away’ from him… “including the bottle of beer he’s been aging for months.”
    Seriously? He’s trying to get my attention with a. five. dollar. bottle. of. beer. Pathetic.

  • a year ago, in January, stbx started to vocalize his need to leave the marriage. “I am not happy, I want to separate, be alone, I love you but not in love with you, bla bla bla”. to which I replied “fine, do what you got to do”. so he went out and bought the government booklet(Canada) to do the separation. in February, he left to volunteer in Guatemala orphanage. came back 6 weeks later came back and told my he wanted to work on it (but really, he meant I should work on me). again I said “fine, do what you got to do” month later I saw his credit card bill and on it he had purchased a subscription to a romance site. he signed on less than a week after he asked to separate. when I asked him about it he told me I couldn’t expect him to be alone forever. he said the only replies were from women asking for money. fast forward 6 mths later when he had the affair. alone with the stupid OW were the names of some other women he had been having contact with from the site. and he wonders why I will hate him for the rest of my life.

    • From experience and from what I have seen here “I love you but not in love with you” equals “I want to or am having sex with someone else. Since you and I have been having sex for years and it is not as exciting as it is with the new person that means I am not in love with you anymore.” Stupid pricks.

  • When he “cut off” OW & wanted to reconcile I told him he had to defriend the OW on facebook and being transparent with his phone or he needed to get out. He was not a fan of this. We were at the marriage councilor. He said all the normal, “But I am a person who needs privacy?!” etc. My favorite was that he actually said “But, you should trust me! I have been honest with you.” (FYI, H confessed to 7 affairs during our 8 year marriage 3 months ago, I am currently 4 months pregnant..weeeee!) The councilor’s face was priceless. She composed herself and said “You have lied to her your entire marriage.” He walked out. Needless to say, I’m separated, pregnant, with a 2 and 4 year old. But, my 33 year old baby is out on his butt!!

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