Chump Lady is in the process of creating a Chump Cave. Or really, in actual fact, I’m renovating a garden shed so I’ll have a studio to work in. Yesterday the contractor was demolishing the walls and tearing out old storage shelving — when lo and behold! An ugly artifact was discovered! This rather brooding, angsty self-portrait of one of the affair partners of my husband’s ex-wife. How it wound up in a dusty corner of a garden shed is some convoluted tale of his divorce. I think he forgot he had it. He’s rather absent minded.
The story of Dorian Douchebag, moldering in a lost corner of shelving, is not unique to chumps, I think. In my husband’s case, years before he knew this homely cartoon was his then-wife’s fuckbuddy, this monstrosity hung in his house. She brought it home one day. It was a “gift” from her boss. She displayed it in their house for years, until they were repainting or shuffling art somehow and my husband said (ages before D-Day) “You know, this thing is really creepy. Let’s put it in the closet.”
So today, years after his divorce and remarriage, it surfaced. Only NOW he knows more of the appalling story. How she was screwing her boss for years in a long-term affair. How this guy gave her conspicuous gifts like this “art,” a skateboard for their son. How she set the OM up for free legal advice from my husband. What makes a sicko like her tick? What kind of pleasure is there in the mindfuck of — “See that guy on the wall? Hah! I’m screwing him! But you DON’T KNOW THAT! I have all the POWER of knowledge and you have NONE! I’m soooOooo clever. And people give me pretty gifts!”
Ego kibbles are powerful hallucinogens. You’d have to be delusional to think this self-portrait a “gift” worthy of wall space. It’s only value I can see is as a mindfuck accessory. Narcissists, let’s face it, are crappy gift givers. A self portrait? Ego maniac-to-ego maniac love fest there. And what the fuck is he wearing? A tool belt? A trucker hat? What’s that weird appendage sticking out of his head? He signs it in GERMAN “einen Film.” Clearly this is the work of an edgy, provocative genius!
In a snarky postscript — this guy hasn’t had a straight job in a decade. He now creates wood-burned dog portraits that he sells on Etsy and at farmer’s markets in Austin. He lives “off the grid” with his poor wife, who has a regular job and must pay the bills. They cook on a Coleman stove outdoors and recycle found objects. Apparently utilities are bourgeois.
So chumps — I put the question to you — what to do with this lost artifact? Pee on it and set it alight? Send a picture of it back to the ex-wife, her new husband (and former OM), and the artist (former OM), cc-ing them all and asking if they’d like it back? Compost it?
Have any of you found relics from a cheater’s past in the dusty corners of your life? What did you do with them?
After a good night’s sleep my husband decided to be “meh.” He’s going to quietly pitch it. And me, I’m going to burn some sage in my garden shed and exorcise the icky cheater mojo.
When I first saw the pic, I thought of achmed, bill dunham’s dead terrorist puppet. I guess in away the adulterer is a terrorist of the family.
That’s hilarious — we may have to refer to him now as “Achmed.” 🙂
Yup, it’s redneck Achmed.
Your husband is right. Just toss it. Don’t give it any kind of “ceremonial” significance by burning it.
That said — what that WHAT?? That is the creepiest image I’ve seen. Ever. Bad art is never good form.
Oh Kristina, too late. We burned it. And I filmed it, which you can see if you click on “burn baby” link in the post.
Ashes to ashes, dust to douchebag.
Chump Lady, I’m so glad you burned that horrid thing because of what that horrid thing represented in your husband’s mind. Beyond sick that he had to look at that pig on his wall while living with the narcissist. I wasn’t even directly involved and I felt the burning ceremony was quite therapeutic. Your husband’s x was beyond cruel to hang that in their home.
I burned some sage all through the house last week! And then proceeded to have an amazing weekend. Feel like I’m finally on my way to “Meh.”
Yea for meh!
Yes, this is pretty darn creepy, most definitely! I’m trying to understand how Mr. Chumplady’s ex and her OM are living? They cook on a Coleman stove, What? Do they live in a house with walls? Live in tents? Huh? She works full-time and supports him. . .Wow! Just curious CL, what kind of work does the ex wife do now and what did the ex-wife do during your husband’s marriage to her?
As long as Mr. Chumplady doesn’t have any restraining orders from his divorce decree, this is what I think would be great. Take the picture, box it up and wrap it all up in pretty paper with a bow. Mr. Chumplady could then deliver it and watch the ex-wife open it. In the card, he could write: I found this in the shed and was certain you would love to have this artwork, as some art is truly, ‘priceless’. Here’s wishing you many happy years together in your new life!
Being able to watch her face and reaction would be SO precious! It would definitely speak volumes and I’m sure you’d love to be a fly on the wall near the Coleman stove to watch her open it 🙂
Hope you’re confusing OMs. An understandable mistake. There were quite a few. This is the OM of a long-term affair (probably over a decade), once her former boss. The other OM was her most recent, and the she was (cough) involved with when my husband had DDay and threw her out. He was still married, left a wife, and young kids in another state to come live with her. He stayed married for another year or so, got his divorce, whereupon she apparently coerced a commitment out of him. They’re now married, and moved back to his former state — where he ignores his kids from a 5 mile radius instead of a 1,500 mile one.
The older OM is the one in the self portrait. Thus the idea was to INTRODUCE them to each other via the email. (Latest OM may be under the illusion he’s the only extramarital soulmate.)
But then…thought better of it.
Postscript for my husband’s ex? She had cancer (a very curable sort, but left her with a giant scar on her neck and hormone problems most likely.) She moved away and works full time at an entry-level job of the sort she had 20 years ago. And she lives in a HUD foreclosure rental in an outer suburb of Oakland. Life doesn’t look very edgy or glamorous. But living in reality is optional for all of these folks, so I suppose that doesn’t matter.
Biggest karma? She doesn’t have the awesomeness of my husband in her life. Not that she ever appreciated that gift. I’m very grateful to her for fucking up her life so utterly that I met him.
I’m only sorry she didn’t take the parting gift of her OM’s self portrait to hang on her new wall with her new husband.
Even though I’m a sycophant (a troll said so), I must take issue with the (para)thyroid-cancer-as-karma bit. Not nice. I know a betrayed spouse who has parathyroid CA and it’s not karma.
Perhaps your point is that cancer is not the glamorous life she’d been after, but it isn’t karma.
You’re totally right, Stephanie and I’ve edited accordingly. Cancer isn’t karma and I wouldn’t wish it upon her. My ham-fisted point is that life has not turned out exceptionally well for her post-divorce. And I do wonder if having a serious illness with a crappy spouse must underscore what you lost with a good chump spouse.
May I suggest a “thank you” themed coffee cup for your selection of wares? As in: Thanks for cheating on me, so I could finally realize how much better off I am without you! Something along that line……with one of your famous artistic renderings….
I’ll work on that Jamesr — thanks for the suggestion!
Agreed Kristina, and I’m a BS who was 1000% faithful to my wife, loved her dearly for 23 years, took good care of her, good care of my kid, did the SAHD thing because she was happy with that, and now just substitute the person and place below, to have a similar situation as mine…
“She moved away and works full time at an entry-level job of the sort she had 20 years ago. And she lives in a HUD foreclosure rental in an outer suburb of Oakland.”
So is this Karma too? Reminds me of right before Larry gets the Upanishads in the movie “The Razors Edge”, Mackenzie asks him “so Heaven is for good people, Hell is for bad, is that what you believe?”…
Also, by virtue of agreed upon things in my marriage, I too have not had a “straight job” in nearly a decade, and most interesting/ironic is I cooked on a beat-up Coleman stove in the shit-box house I rented for $40/week 2.5 decades ago, because that was all I could afford. I was not lazy, I was well educated, I had integrity, I asked for nothing from anyone, no food stamps or welfare (not against them or folks who need it), was a good neighbor, and never felt “small” or “looked down on” by doing so, even if/when people did. If I can post a pic in this blog I will.
It’s bad people in a particular situation/job, that just as easily could be “good” people, and working an entry level job by need or choice, living off grid, or God forbid living a simple lifestyle by choice or necessity, *and* using a Coleman stove is a situation; “good” and “bad” people by whatever definition you choose are the variables in the situation.
Before I forget Hope49, I’m sure you meant no disrespect, but while I served as a US Army Infantry officer, having a tent for me and my men would have been an obscene luxury… Many times I and the troops cleared snow off our F-sacks (sleeping bags), before we could unzip them after sleeping on the open ground or on top of a Bradley FV. Yeah, that is the way of some military service, we were proud to do so as a great honor to serve, and some civi people live in tents (Yurts) because they like to, and could easily live any way they choose… Living in a tent/home without crown molding/marble counter tops, and waterfall sinks, by choice or circumstance is simply a lesser home to some, but it’s the quality of the folks inside that matters to me, and I would hope everyone else too.
Look, many of us believe in karma, and no one should be insulted by that. Bad karma means bad things happen to you. Bad things include, among others, illness, job loss, reduced living circumstances. Does this mean every instance of illness or unemployment is bad karma, a repayment for bad actions? ***Of course not, and no one said it did.*** But sometimes? For some people? Yes, with no disrespect to anyone, but I believe ***sometimes*** it is payback–or at least a common consequences of selfish, short-sighted choices. I believe that in connection with my cheating ex, for example.
There’s an interesting book about traits that many wealthy people tend to have in common, “The Millionaire Next Door” (Stanley & Danko). And one of those traits is staying married to your first spouse. Why? Because divorce tends to reduce your assets dramatically and then divide them in half. So that fact that cheaters tend to break up their marriages and marry more times on average than faithful people means that a common consequence of cheating is reduced wealth, Q.E.D. Which to my way of thinking is another way of saying, hey, karma.
I would add that it would be pretty silly to suggest CL is pushing some kind of bad-things-only-happen-to-bad-people agenda given yesterday’s column about Ed., a pretty saintly fellow who seems to have suffered about as many undeserved setbacks as Job himself.
I guess I see karma like, say, lung cancer. Some people get lung cancer despite not smoking or living around any recognized lung cancer hazards (second-hand smoke, chemical plants, etc.). It’s just not their fault. But some people get lung cancer after choosing to smoke 2 packs of cigarettes a day for 30 years. Which suggests that ***this person*** got cancer as a foreseeable and natural result of his/her bad choices. Different situation altogether. Seeing the cause and effect relationship in that second example is not a criticism of the cancer victim in the first example.
Clear as mud, no?
No disrespect to anyone who cooks on a Coleman stove, by choice or by circumstance. What I do find karmic about this story (which I realize btw, doesn’t sound very meh. My H learned these things through their public blog in an effort to find Douchebag’s wife and tell her about the affair)… is that for very narcissistic, materialistic people who care GREATLY how they are perceived (as superior, wealthier, smarter, etc.) — that banality bites them in the ass. Her job is kind of crappy, her digs rather unimpressive, etc.
As for him? He cheats on someone who financially supports him. His “choice” of lifestyle is a result of his crappy life choices, that she has to live with (or chooses to. Apparently they’re reconciling.) It underscores his narcissism. Your wife supports you so you can write a Pulitzer prize winning novel? Okay. Your wife supports you so you can fuck around on her and craft pet portraits? You’re an asshole.
At the risk of being contrary:
I have a totally different view of what karma is. No disrespect to others who define it in terms that makes it seem retributive; I know that it helps to make people feel better if they can count on the karma bus running someone down or karma being a bitch or whatever.
But that’s THEIR karma, to believe in karma that way, if that makes sense. And if they believe in that kind of karma, then they themselves are sowing some pretty heavy duty karma seeds — sitting back and hoping for “bad” karma and cheering (or feeling smug) when bad things happen to others does not bode well for one’s own good karma. Do unto others and all that…even when (especially when) they have dealt dirty (which goes to turning the other’s cheek).
The way I look at karma is that it is neither good nor bad. It is just lessons and choices and more lessons and more choices. And there is the option to learn the lesson presented and transcend to the next lesson (thereby clearing one’s karma) or not learn the lesson and have to go through it again. It may not look the same, it may not feel the same, but the lesson will be the same until you learn it.
Because karma, as a traditional concept, is about self-actualization. Karma as a bitch is karma with a judeo christian ethic attached to it, the kind of heaven or hell here on earth. Immediacy.
I agree that CL’s husband’s ex wife and her OM are living their karma. So am I. So is Chump Lady, so is my ex. So is everyone posting here. CL’s husband’s ex’s karma is that she cheated and those choices led her down a path and who knows what that lesson is meant to be for her? What did she learn? Who knows? We can never know that, because we aren’t her. But… okay, for the sake of argument, maybe she did learn something. Having cancer is surely not anyone’s karmic retribution or significant of their “bad karma” it is significant of the lessons they are living. Cancer is the lesson, not the punishment. And what does cancer as a lesson teach her?
Maybe it taught her to value life and not to worry so much about things, to be less materialistic. So that living in the Hud house is not some hardship to her. Maybe now she views life, in whatever form it takes, as precious. Maybe she had to lose everything that others hold dear, and that she herself held dear, to appreciate life. Maybe that was supposed to be her lesson, and she hasn’t embraced it and she is miserable living in the hud house and cooking on a coleman stove. That would mean she probably hasn’t learned her lesson and there will be more to come. But who knows?
It really doesn’t matter, because it ain’t my karma. And it does me no good to speculate on the karma of others, I need to deal with my own. Self focus is where the healing comes.
Now, with respect to other ways I see karma working around me: CL and her husband were faced with a karmic lesson today, if we look at each thing that happens as some sort of karma or opportunity. They found an object that reminded him of his past. CL coopted that element of his past, and wrote about it (and good she did, because it serves as an opportunity to open dialogue on her blog so we could ALL benefit from the creepy moment in her exH’s past).
And then together they had options about what to do with it.
In my opinion, by burning it, they gave it more weight than it merited, because it shows that it still held power over them as something so awful it had to be burned to purged. But does that purging purge the event from their memories? I don’t know. maybe. But if the goal is truly to get to “meh”, then giving that object that kind of attention maybe means they have more lessons to learn before they truly do reach the zen of meh. Or that’s my thinking, anyway. Or maybe it means they have a shared flare for the dramatic, which is cool. It made for interesting copy, for sure. And gave us all a laugh.
And that’s not an indictment of anyone’s process. It is just a description of how I see karma working itself out in each and everyone’s lives each and every day.
Oh, but you know, there are some really funny facebook memes about karma, my fave is: Karma is slow, let me give her a hand…” or something like that. So I’m not humorless about it and I’m not trying to dissuade anyone of their impressions of what karma is and how it acts. But it just seems pointless to me to fret about someone else’s karma when I’ve got so much of my own to get through. That’s the fun part of life. Learning and growing. Well, for me it is, anyway.
I’ll agree, burning that ugly cartoon wasn’t “meh” — but I don’t begrudge chumps their moments with a cheating totem and a ballpeen hammer. Destroy it and get back on the Meh wagon.
IMO, doing something like that — that the cheater doesn’t know about (unless they read the blog, doubtful) — is a small way to take back your power. Acknowledge the injustice.
I broke framed pictures of my wedding, once upon a time. No regrets. If I had the misfortune to unearth some relic of my ex’s (I’ve moved twice, it’s not likely), I would have no compunction to make fun of it here (elf lit anyone?) and pitch it, ceremoniously or unceremoniously.
It would’ve been UNmeh of him to email the pix to the OM. Satisfying perhaps, but un-meh. As my H says to his clients about their lawsuits “If it feels good, don’t do it.”
But burning that ugly thing? A grateful art world should thank him.
As for karma — I agree — our karma is to learn things. And we tend to learn most from hardship. But I highly doubt that my H’s ex or my own or any of yours has learned jack shit. People who lack empathy aren’t great studies in karma, IMO. Maybe karma is going to bite me in the ass for typing that, because I haven’t a lot of sympathy for someone who would not only cheat on my husband, but play some sicko game of leaving her conquest totems around the house as a mindfuck. I have to say, I’m mostly meh, but when I think of what a shitty, cruel thing that was to someone I love — it’s hard not to wish her ill.
Cheaters and other petty despots usually meet with bad ends. Some go out with a bang and others with a whimper. She lives in a crappy house in a crappy suburb with a crappy husband and works a crappy job. I think she’s gotten off pretty lightly really.
Ah…but cl, she did not cheat on your husband. She cheated on her husband. And here is where it gets really karmic and all wooo oooh. If she had not been living her karma and making her choices you would not have the husband you do. Your karma is intricately linked with her karma and your H’s.
But like I said, I am not judging the act of burning that ugly thing, I feel you did strike a blow on behalf of art. But really, that painting hanging in his house for those years was the sign that you were coming to him.
Life has a way of getting us to where we need to be.
Had to laugh this morning when I saw this on FB about karma. Karma cat.
Funny, though I see narcissists as more cat-like (self-obsessed, uncaring, tending to see others as there to serve them) and chumps more like dogs (loyal, affectionate, willing to fetch this or that if it will please).
I see a Chumplady meme contest in the offing. . . .
I used to feel the opposite of wanting revenge or bad things to happen… I used to feel so sorry for my ex… almost pity that he is such an empty shell of a human. I used to want him to LEARN from this so badly, even when we were separating. That even if he fucked up with me so badly that there was no saving it, I couldn’t bear that this was who he was going to be for the rest of his life. Especially because he is the father of my children. I think that was in the height of my Amazon Chump phase. And it probably is a control thing as well… like I wanted to fix him.
Now I still don’t want bad things to happen to him (that would just make him try to make my life miserable). But I can’t say I want particularly good things to happen for him either. At least not before they happen to me 🙂 But I guess I’m closer to meh because, yeah, it doesn’t bug me as much now that he probably isn’t going to learn a damn thing from any of this. I don’t even really mind the worse part which is that he doesn’t even know what he doesn’t know. If that makes any sense.
Jay, no disrespect intended. I admire people who live simply by choice. Kudos to you as well for serving and sacrificing in our military. What I do not admire are bad people like the Ex-wife and OM who betrayed Mr. Chumplady and try to take advantage of Mr. Chumplady’s chumpness. I am certain he worked hard as an attorney to provide in the marriage and love the ex while they were married. I despise, however, the hippy- type people who hold themselves out as ‘great’ people who are ‘off the grid’- yet they have no concern for humanity or others and will conspire to lie and cheat on their spouses. They are anti-war, anti-establishment and anti- whatever. But they do what they want with their lives with no real concern for others. THAT is NPD even if they don’t have yachts, money, etc. If it feels good, what the hell- just do it man!
As for the relics that I found from my cheating STBX. Some of them I held on to for evidentiary reasons. They are still in boxes sitting in the unfinished basement. Now that I am FINALLY divorcing my husband (after spackling for 16 years) I look forward to the day that I can rid my house of the items after the ink dries on the divorce decree! I will also be able to look forward to removing the stupid items that he held onto, old t-shirts that are too small now from 25 years ago, etc.
He didn’t take his t-shirts with him? Is he still there? If not, I think you get to banish all the ugly t-shirts you want to.
LOL at “The story of Dorian Douchebag.” What, does the portrait take on the ever-increasing sad unhipness of a 90’s-era manchild? “Oh, where art thou, years of stubble, grunge, and ironic trucker hats!?!?!” Plus, why is he . . . yellow?
“Einen Film?” More like, “ein Wiesel.”
the yellow is the suppuration seeping out of his soulless eyes.
That is creeptacular! And it causes me to simply shake my head and wonder how the hell someone could betray a spouse for someone whose self-portrait inspires me to want to shower immediately after viewing. Blech.
(And I’m NOT talking cold shower!) 😉
Ew. Totally weird. You might want to bring in a priest, shaman, and a practicing wiccan to help you remove the voodoo from that picture. I think a copy of that picture is hanging in Jame Gumb’s basement.
I tossed that shit in a box on the front porch and texted him to take it away. I cried a little when I found the map of Oahu that he’d used on his vacay with the OW. (Yes, I’m THAT chumpy–I actually thought he was going to Hawaii on a solitary hiking trip, you know, to clear his mind–after all, work HAD been taking up sooooo much of his time, lately, and it was stressing him out!)
Throw it in the garbage where it belongs. I love that you posted it here, though. Nice.
Just updated the post to include a video of it burning.
So sorry about the map of Hawaii. What a SHIT. Really, HE gets a trip to Hawaii and you get buckus? I was chumpy too — mine took a “ski trip” to Vermont without me (with OW) — and brought back a one-pound bag of coffee as my reward.
“Going to Hawaii on a solitary hiking trip?” Solo “ski trip to Vermont?” Reminds me of Mark Sanford’s solo walk on the ol’ “Appalachian Trail.” Exhibit No. 347 in the case proving cheaters all work from the same dumb playbook.
Thank you for the laugh! I really need it as the “X” has popped up twice this week, yesterday to bellow over the things I have thrown out so far and to threaten me with calling the police for “tampering” with his mail, and if I throw anymore of his tools out. My daughter called him (first time anyone in my family has spoke to him at all since DDay) and he calmed right down and promised to have everything out today and not to contact me again. We’ll see. I am so upset right now and it looks like I’m going to have to get a restraining order. I SO didn’t want to have to do this, and I feel like I’m back to square one. And right back on the crying…Sad.
Anyway Thanks for the laughs, and while on the subject of art I did have fun with this hideous picture he made us hold onto for years, it was a giant wave, looked like cheap hotel art, which looking back on it it very well may have been…although as far as I know he mostly does it in his truck..! I took a black marker, wrote his name in the center, then everyone I knew or suspected he fucked all around it and then cut it to shreds with a razor knife….Felt good too!
Love the video! OK, I confess, I also lined a litter box with one of his jackets, then shook out and nicely boxed up with some other things. Maybe I DO have some anger after all…feel a little guilty about that one……:/
Brilliant, Toni! 🙂
We need a Facebook-style “Like” button on this site…!
Dartboard. Outside. In the rain.
You realize that’s the middle line of a haiku, don’t you?
It looks pre-molded.
The only thing Ive gotten ahold of that I knew was from an OW (oh, but they were just friends, blech!) was a coffee mug that that she gave my STBX for Christmas one year. During our attempted fuckedup reconcilliation, he gave me the mug and told me I could do whatever I wanted with it. I smashed it to a million pieces in the recycling dumpster.
Now that Im packing up some of my STBX crap (he’s moving out first of April!!!) I might try the suggested litter box liner. Achem, I just LOVE that. 🙂
I say send the picture and the email.
Hmm. Can’t offer to send it back to them now. But could offer some grunge from the bottom of the fire pit.
“Grunge from the bottom of the fire pit.”
Funny, that’s my nickname for my cheating ex!
Only thing I had hanging around the house were a couple gifts for my kids that I tossed… ugh, one of them was a god-awful Bob Marley onesie that at least I barely put my son in. The few pictures of him while he’s wearing it are ruined by association.
Oh wait! I also had a teeth bleaching tray that she made for me. I actually went in and they had to do a little dental work on me (and why not get one of those as well while I was at it?) during what turned out to be their affair. So, yep, I sat there in one of the more awkward, semi-embarrassing positions you could probably be put in in front of another person while he worked on my teeth with his affair partner assisting!! And I got this awesome bleaching tray as a reminder of my time with them…
OMG. That’s a pretty awful story! Hilarious in a gallows humor sort of way. Sorry (says the woman who got a one-pound bag of coffee).
A bleaching tray. Wow. Could you bronze it and throw it at his head?
yeah, I don’t know how I got so many good stories out of “just” a 4 month affair. Just lucky, I guess.
I guess I could if I were willing to waste precious metal on him… which I am not.
You’re right. It would be a tragic waste of precious metal.
Oh for fuck’s sake!! Are all dentists total cliches? His assistant??? Really????
Asshattery abounds in that profession. I suppose it has something to do with the working conditions and the whole dental school experience. But still. They are just ridiculous.
OMG I just wrote an insanely long response to that and then my computer freaked out. grrr. Guess somebody out there was trying to tell me… nobody cares, get off your soapbox! 🙂
Suffice to say, it is a cliche for a reason. I believe narcissistic a-holes are over-represented in the dentist population. And among doctors as well. I believe they tend to be drawn to the profession due to the expectation for wealth and social status and then once they go into private practice they are surrounded by much less educated, MUCH lower paid, young, attractive females kissing their ass all day. This doesn’t help their already weak willpower and already inflated egos.
No, I am not saying they are all narcissistic a holes. But I will be thinking long and hard before I would consider dating another doctor type should one cross my path.
I think my ex would be much happier with a gold-digger actually. She might be willing to do all the ass kissing he expects at home instead of expecting to be treated as an equal.
That thing is just plain nasty.
I guess I must be a really shallow visual artist as I like to make things that are pretty and I spend a little time falling in love with….. mainly so I can get them finished as the last 10% can be such a grind.
That is one ugly picture. And she hung it on the wall! And she fucked that ugly dude?
Agreed – totally nasty piece of work, on all levels.
Amazing how quickly that thing burned…
Very timely Chump lady.
Yesterday I purchased a brand new STIHL brushcutter ( grass trimmer).
Wow what a fantastic machine. They threw in a free STIHL cap and stubby holder to keep the beer cool. They couldn’t stop laughing at my story which is well documented here.
I did have a perfectly good HUSQVARNA brushcutter. The ex and her family enjoyed many laughs I bet with me using this every second weekend. However like the exes fuck buddy you can’t trust it. It doesn’t start first time. Needs a heap of chock and the line is a pain in the arse. You have to feed the line into a tiny hole. Then wind it around a spool holding the thing together so the line doesn’t spring free and push it into the base hoping the line feeds through as you use it.
We bought it on his account to get a discount. What a fool I was.
When she returned from New York she had a huge HUSQVARNA bag full of running clothes for us. Said she borrowed it from one of the girls in the office. Again how stupid of me. The cheaters don’t realise what appears to be insignificant triggers are important offensive matters to us chumps that stay with us. She obviously returned the bag to him.
Now what do I do with the old brushcutter. I’m thinking of donating it to the footy club. Everyone knows of my situation so they will see the humour in it.
Or they could sell it off to raise money.
It’s funny though Chainsaw man nick name is sticking and now people are using it. It devalues him. It’s a good analogy as he is an expert at ripping families apart.
Perhaps you could send it back to him with your kind regards? Please keep this piece of shit yard equipment and my wife.
At first glance, on my phone, I thought it was Kadafey or someone of that ilk! Scary…glad you burned it!!! Hope you had a good laugh first, though.
I never found any artifacts, but I did have a few Aha moments in retrospect. I remember the ex( husband at the time) taking me to his new office to show me around and introducing me to an employee( the OW but I had no clue at the time) and I talked with her for a while, but she never lifted her head up and looked at me in the eyes. I remember thinking she must be shy or intimidated by the boss’s wife but never had a clue she was screwing my husband, her boss! It makes me sick to think the high the ex must have gotten from that. I of course new nothing and he must have thought what a chump I was. She must have felt humiliated as well. Sick!
Then another time, we had a get together with some of the employees at a resturant for a birthday. She was sitting two chairs over from me and I remember thinking she had poor table manners to be eating fettucine with her fingers and lifting it up high to put into her mouth.What kind of 50 yr old grown woman does that? Perhaps she was trying to be sexy or something…I thought it was gross and remember saying so to my husband, haha!
There’s a few other times that I remember now too, but Meh! Just goes to show you though how sick they are getting off on tricking the one they’re supposed to be true and faithful to. He must have thought he was sooo smooth, and so clever and sooo sought after. Well, now I know, it’s the biggest turn off ever. He’s no prize and neither is she and they are really stuck with each other since I closed the door and locked it! Meh!
and… then there are the things that belong to cheating spouses that you, um, wreak revenge upon. Mine is a software developer, so naturally, the old computer went onto the driveway; kind of slipped out of my hands at a high rate of velocity. Somehow.
I didn’t throw it hard enough the first time, so, alas, I had to throw it again. I wanted to run it over, but I thought I’d be out a set of tires.
Bastard wired up the harddrive to download the data, though, so I didn’t really ruin it enough. I then rifled through said HD and found more evidence of…cheating. Asshole.
Who knew computers were so tenacious?
It would have been interesting to see what would have happened if the painting and a mirror had been left side by side somewhere where this guy is known to do his dumpster diving… I wonder if he would have noticed the difference?
I was lucky on the artifacts side of things in my life. I was out of our home shortly after “D” Day and never went back. I had to, (was lucky/privileged to actually), move back in with my mom. So my 6 year old son lived his first two years of shared custody at gramma’s house. It was a safe place for us both.
I sacrificed and saved my pennies and purchased a divorce with the help of excellent legal talent that got me an excellent settlement – and a new home close enough but far enough too – from my son’s mom. My home and my life became a clean slate. What a blessing! But too bad we can’t purchase “meh”… I still work for that every day.
As i have written before, I would up finding a pair of the OW’s undies in my underwear drawer at a point when my marriage was on the rocks but I was in serious denial and quite frankly did not have any hard evidence to back up an suspicions that were bubbling in my mind.
I kept the underpants for months. I guess deep down I knew where they came from and knew they were some kind of evidence. In any event, one Sunday, I decided that I had had enough and resolved to put an end to the bullshit with my husband and as part of that I decided to burn the underpants in the fireplace. The very next day, hubby and the ow’s affair was exposed and their bubble burst. Now, I come from an immigrant family and let’s just say I grew up believing in curses and hexes (you get the picture) from the home country. So as ridiculous as it sounds, to this day, I swear that those underpants were part of some kind of spell that I broke when I burned them. I know its kind of crazy but i really believe that other people’s things carry their energy and intentions. So when in doubt, burn all that creepy stuff.
Funny, though I see narcissists as more cat-like (self-obsessed, uncaring, tending to see others as there to serve them) and chumps more like dogs (loyal, affectionate, willing to fetch this or that if it will please).
I see a Chumplady meme contest in the offing. . . .
The only relics I had kept and found later after my divorce was the crappy jewelry my ex serial cheater gave me. It rated right up there with that ugly portrait. Several months after our split, I was reorganizing my life, came upon the jewelry, and took it to a gold dealer. It was a very healing experience to get rid of that trash and trade it for cash. You are so right when you say that they are crappy gift givers, no thought whatsoever put into what they buy you; you should be so honored that they bought you anything! I graciously accepted these few things but could rarely wear them outside of the house. To top it off, my engagement ring was purchased from his friend’s father who bought and sold jewelry for a hobby and my ex said that he believed it came from a divorced woman! Can you imagine and I thought he was being frugal so we could save money for more important things. (Yes I was young, naive and and in love with a person who never really was) Unfortunately, after we were married I found out that he could spend money just fine as long as it was on himself.
Hahaha!! What IS that?? Definitely NOT art, that is for sure! I am really creeped out by the picture. Good call on burning it. I can’t imagine having that creeper self-potrait on any of the walls in any home. What a couple of loony tune people. OM gives cheater ex-wife (then wife), this atrocious piece of a crap. And then she had the audacity to hang it up. What a couple of schmucks.
Well, Mr. Chump Lady and Chump Lady, this ugly artifact represents that out of two ugly, terrible situations, some thing good and beautiful happened–the two of you coming together. All because you bitj had the strength and will to love/respect yourselves enough to say no more bullshit. Rebuilt and carried on. So awesome.
The two uglies will be living their lives separately from each other in full ugliness. Selfishness, lust, lies, greed, and cheating.. Blech. Losers defined.