I know I shouldn’t take the bait… HuffPo likes to keep things interesting, that’s their job — but Dr. Tammy Nelson AGAIN? AGAIN shilling the “New Monogamy”? Christ on a crutch! Just this week we had a nice article from another PhD nitwit telling us that “affairs make a marriage stronger.” I was glad to see that met with derision — but you gotta wonder, how many book sales? How much money is made off chumps by selling them snake oil?
Hey chumps! Let’s examine the affair and figure out how you “contributed” to your betrayal. That STD you’re sporting? You “colluded” in that. Oh sure, you’re hurt. (You dummy, you should’ve KNOWN. In fact, I know at some level you KNEW…) But Dr. Tammy has just the thing for you — YOGA.
Chumps, you’re so good at contorting yourself into submissive positions — keep going! Pay no attention to his hooker habit! Just get a massage — because he sure as hell is. Don’t you deserve a “happy ending” too? I think you do. Get a pedicure too while you’re at it. Betrayal feels soooo much better after a day at the spa.
And after you get yourself all pretty, and let your cheater “communicate,” and share with you what drove them to this unfortunate act that you colluded in, why then you can “initiate erotic recovery”! Judgmental, bitter people call this the “pick me” dance. But I call it working at a New Monogamy. Because let’s face it, “staying monogamous won’t be easy.” No sir! It takes practice! Okay, so hey your cheater has been practicing at monogamy for 17 years and hasn’t gotten the hang of it yet, but stick with ’em. They might be a slow learner.
Dr. Tammy has some more advice for you, when you’re in that really painful place, you know, before you find the right massage therapist. She says “Find an online group of helpful, nonjudgmental people to help support you right now.” Emphasis on nonjudgmental. Stay away from those angry people who lived this. Don’t listen to those crabby Patties who make judgments. That’s so final. It leads to decision making! Much better you stay muddled. Muddled people buy books. Hopium sells. Is your monogamy broken? I’ll sell you a new one.