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Stupid Shit Pat Robertson Says

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Well, I’m coming to this a little late. Many of you intrepid chumps sent me the Pat Robertson link where he spouts nonsense about infidelity. I watched it, and frankly, what surprised me most was the uproar about it. He’s an infamous wing nut, who thinks mainline Protestant religion is overrun by the “Antichrist,” that hurricanes are sent as punishment from God (because of gays and abortionists), oh, and that the disasters of September 11 and Katrina “could… be connected in some way.” God apparently being a homicidal maniac with several vendettas. (Did I skip over that in Sunday School? I was so busy doing the biblical word scrambles  ZEELIKE = EZEKIEL I probably missed it.)

Actually, what I find most interesting about Robertson’s little rant on forgiving a cheating husband, is how much in alignment he is with conventional wisdom and common advice on infidelity.

Off of the top of my head, here’s some ways in which Pat Robertson is in total alignment with the Reconciliation Industrial Complex:

1. It’s the betrayed spouse’s job to work harder to keep him. Oh that canard is everywhere. From Dr. Tammy wanting chumps to accept how they “contributed” to the affair, to articles about spicing things up in the bedroom (that one on HuffPo from a former escort comes to mind), to marriage builder sites and Retrouvaille weekends with homework and reading assignments. It’s like studying for one long final exam — but keep at it. Work harder! You might just figure out how to please him yet.

2. Maybe if you kept a nicer home he wouldn’t wander. File this one under — which one of his “needs” were not being met that drove him to cheat?

3. This is what men do. They “wander.” How many times have we heard that men are not wired to be monogamous? It’s really, really, really hard and gosh, just goes against their evolutionary imperative. They have to work super hard at the unnaturalness that is monogamy, so give him a break! Sometimes that dog wanders off the porch. Call him home! Would you scold a dog for being naughty? No, the important thing is that he’s back now. This is What Dogs Do. Chain him in the yard next time. Consider a microchip.

4. You must rescue him. Yeah, rescue him, Robertson said. He’s a poor sausage and it’s your job to understand him. Maybe he has family of origin (FOO) issues that make him cheat. Poor coping skills. Left-handedness. Don’t be so judge-y. This isn’t about YOU! He needs help! Are you going to stand around angry that he fucked strippers or are you going to find your better self and forgive him?

5. Court him, woo him back. That’s right — “Remember why you married him.” Is Robertson unique? The internet and self help aisles are full of Affair Proofing Your Marriage snake oil. HearthBuilder just reported here recently that after a second DDay his marriage counselor gave the advice that he needs to “woo” his wife. Again, this explains infidelity by implying that the chump is lacking something — courtship, sex appeal, understanding. Yep, fucking strippers is nothing date night can’t fix!

6. Be thankful for your marriage. Marriage is the important thing, divorce is shameful. How many mainstream commentators want to save marriage at all costs, no matter how dysfunctional? The codependent, chumpy idea that you can control the outcome of divorce by trying harder is rampant. Gee, just count your blessings. You’re superior for sucking it up because you didn’t selfishly divorce. Your kids will be happier and their teeth will be whiter and brighter too! Unlike those bad, bad quitters. Are you a chump with a cheater? Hey, well at least you have the sanctity of marriage to comfort you. And I’m sure your cheater is really thankful for marriage too! The cover it provides. The cost savings of not having to pay your ass child support. The delicious abundance of cake!

Do we find Robertson’s views on infidelity shocking? Or do we just recognize that this toxic crap is shocking because Robertson is baldly saying it?

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  • I couldn’t stop staring at his tie. That was the most interesting part of that demonic diatribe.

    • Perhaps some of you can shred light on something that confuses me.
      I happily admit I am NOT a “God Gal”.
      I believe in Mother Nature, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy.
      They are rarely let me down. They have “granted” most of my hopes & prayers.
      So my question is this.
      When you look up Adultery, it states that it is the
      “No.One No -No” that the church would support divorce against such an un-forgivable sin.
      Yet when you look at reconciliation most advocating it are Christian counselors and the church .
      Why ?
      They want one to “forgive” and stay married…. why the disconnect ?
      Profit ?
      Isn’t that in essence , the definition of a “whore?”

      • oh, stop making sense!!! (SAT)

        BTW… For years, I support HIM. I put a roof over HIS (cheating) head and clothed his (cheating) ass. I’m sure that we all worked really hard at keeping our menfolk really happy.

        but when it comes down to it. I am not responsible for HIS or anyone’s happiness. He was miserable all by his little self-y and it was that low place that lead him down the slippery slope. He was my best friend and this long weekend coming up, was the ONE chance we had to get away, just the two of us… and for nine years, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. And husband managed to kill that too because I refused to live with someone who could betray my sacred trust and over and over and over… and if this God-fearing “Christian”

        oh fuck! what am I even saying!? Its hypocrisy on top of the farce of all farces!

        Pat Roberts is as evil and dangerous as they come!

      • Excellent point, SAT. I never thought of that.
        CL, excellent article, as always. I think wooing or courting a cheating spouse sets one up for a recurrence. It humiliates an already humiliated person further. it is an acknowledgement that the BS caused the cheating. It further inflates an already inflated ego, just like fighting with the affair partner sends the message to the cheater that she or he is so hot and desirable that she/he deserves to be fought for.
        Some of the best advice i see is from this guy, Homer Macdonald. He recommends letting them go, agreeing that you were whatever they claim and just letting them go.
        It is not worth it to fight with them , to advocate on your own behalf.
        Cheaters are not receptive to this. They are egomaniacs and they think you caused all the marital problems and that they are perfect.
        Who can argue with someone who approaches life with this attitude/belief.
        Just let them go.
        Robertson is not terribly bright. I think we can all agree on that. He is a product of years of sexism and religious inculcation. His powers of analysis are extremely limited. He is a mean spirited fellow with no insight into human nature.

        • “I think wooing or courting a cheating spouse sets one up for a recurrence. It humiliates an already humiliated person further. it is an acknowledgement that the BS caused the cheating. It further inflates an already inflated ego…”

          True! I “courted” my cheater and I found it humiliating and demoralizing.

          His ego just got bigger and he felt even more entitled.

      • I have often wondered about this as well. We have Newt Gingrich who is a two time offender, of one of those thou shalt nots that God carved in stone, getting married to his cheating partner in the Church with no problem. But would they marry a loving gay couple? He’ll no. After all, remember what Jesus said in the bible about homosexuality. Oh, yea, that’s right, he didn’t say anything.

  • I did those things – no, I excelled at those things, and I was miserable. The STBX did none of those things (except the wandering part), had “fun” with a former student of his nearly half his age, and was pleased as punch.

    Now there’s one month to go until the divorce is final. Except for keeping a nicer home (which is EASIER now because he’s gone – I never realized how much mess he made – more than my two kids and me combined), I do none of those things, and I’m content. There’s no more anxiety over “Am I pleasing him enough? Am I doing enough? Is he texting the OW?”

    And the STBX? The few times I have to see him (dropping off/picking up the kids) he’s not all smiles and light. Sure, he’s dressing like someone the OW’s age, but he looks dried up and old. A little beaten down. Where’s all that happiness gone? I mean, living in off-campus housing with the OW, in a crowded (stuffed with his crap that’s out of my now spacious house) one bedroom apartment, driving a used compact car he helped her buy (he totaled the truck my father gave us, on his way to the apartment he shares with the OW, right after changing to cheaper car insurance with less coverage than he had during the marriage – total loss, for both the truck and the marriage), living on less than what he was making when we were first married fifteen years ago – he’s doing what he wants! He should be ecstatic every day, being with someone he’s in love with!

    Yeah. Maybe he should have done the above suggestions (except for the wandering) for ME, throughout the marriage.

    • ha! It’s funny that besides the living room pillows sometimes being a bit of a mess the house is much cleaner and I have FAR less laundry now that it’s just me and the kids. He never did a thing, the hosue was spotless, the food was awesome and everything was done for him. Now I do what I need to do and it’s a lot more comfortable around here and a lot less work without him sitting on his ass while I vacuumed around him.

      • I swear Nord, it’s like you’re describing how it was here. And what’s with cheaters generating so much laundry?

        • Yes please tell me…I have 3 boys, so I do a lot of laundry but hell, how does ONE person create like 5 loads of laundry a week themselves? Or how about THIS question “What do you need me to do?” While he was sitting on his a$$ watching TV looking at 5 loads of clean laundry not 5 feet from him on the loveseat waiting to be folded or how about the overflowing trash can…………….if I had a dime for every time i was asked THAT question….but i digress…….

          • Or better yet – they ask “what do you need me to do?” – you tell them, and then THEY DO NOTHING!!!! Once I asked for help with the laundry (again) when I had a fever of 102 degrees. He folded ONE TOWEL and left me to do the rest of the loads, and said “he didn’t hear me” when I asked him for help repeatedly.

            I guess I was “nagging” – so he had every right to cheat. Whatever.

            Eventually it was easier to just stop asking.

            • Oh THAT TOO! I remember he would ask, I would tell and he would do nothing anyway……check….accused of nagging and check check stopped asking because that was wasting energy that I needed to make sure stuff was getting done around the house…….

              • Sounds familiar! Mine would occasionally ask if I needed help with anything, but when I would tell him some things to do, he would list all of the reasons why it didn’t need to be done at all!! Seriously, he would rattle off 50 reasons why the laundy didn’t need to be folded (“Just keep it in the basket, you’re just going to wear it again anyhow!”) and then hurl insults as well. Then he would get mad when I would complete the task, because he believed he had invalidated the need to do it. “Why are you still doing that?! I told you it doesn’t need to be done. Now sit down here with me while I play video games.” It was much easier to just not even ask him to help, and actually even better to not even let him know I was completeing a task at all.

  • I’ve always assumed that Pat Robertson is no stranger to snacking on another man’s salami, if you know what I mean, or dipping his wick in another man’s wife.

    Guys like him, so obsessed with the “sin” of everyone else, are usually just projecting their own activities onto others.

    I actually did a Retrouvaille weekend during the bogus reconciliation with my ex. I think Retrouvaille is a good program for run-of-the-mill marriage problems. But in a situation like mine, with a serial cheater, closet gay, NPD freak-hole, it was just one more thing he twisted and used to emotionally abuse me.

  • Robertson? I’m not a particular fan. It doesn’t phase me either way about what he says. Now that I’m a member in the “I’ve Been Chumped” club, I know his infidelity advice is bullsh**.

    Right after dday, I did all of those things he mentioned. I danced the Pick-Me-Polka. Strutted my suff like a Rockette, all while forgiving him. It didn’t do any good. None. My husband still kept cheating. I was a good wife, and pleasing him plenty. He wanted even more than that. He wanted a wife *and* a girlfriend at the same time. Fun times.

    Anyhow, Robertson is a hypocrite because I bet if HIS OWN WIFE cheated, he wouldn’t be doing the pick-me-dance. He would be outta there, shaming her with all of the whore-condeming scriptures in the Book.

    • He’s one of those that probably passes it off as something men just do, but women don’t and any woman that does is a whore.

      He even says it in this. “Of course he cheated, he’s a man!” So according to him, it’s okay for men because that’s just what they do, but not for women because we’re supposed to be quiet, submissive, house-keeping stepford wives who’s only purpose is to please our husbands.

  • I have decided he almost always shows more compassion for male cheaters than females.

    Go do some digging if you don’t believe me.

    He almost always takes the cheating MAN’s side. As for that bit about “something that happened in a hotel room 10 years ago”, I have no idea where that came from but wonder if it is autobiographical.

  • The mere thought of Pat Robertson naked and excited is frightening. Shit, that will keep me up at night, Nord.

  • That talking colostomy bag has a history of spouting similar “theories.” As HuffPo pointed out, back in January he blamed “awful-looking” women for romance-deficient marriages, offering this story as proof and citing it as hilarious:

    “A woman came to a preacher that I know, and she was awful looking. I mean, her hair was all torn up and she was overweight and looked terrible, clothes bad and everything. And she said, ‘Oh, Reverend, what can I do? My husband has started to drink.’ And the preacher looked at her and said, ‘Madam, if I was married to you I’d start to drink too,'” he said. “We need to cultivate romance, darling! … You always have to keep that spark of love alive. It just isn’t something to just lie there, ‘Well, I’m married to him so he’s got to take me slatternly looking.’ You’ve got to fix yourself up, look pretty.”

    I’m not kidding. Video Link Here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/15/pat-robertson-blames-awful-looking-women-marriage-problems_n_2479459.html

    Also, this is a two-fer as “Batty Pat” makes light of alcohol abuse as well as infidelity in this snippet of “family values” wisdom.

    Finally, “slatternly?” Really? WTF, Pat? Have you been teleporting back and forth to 18th century London again? What a toddy-headed nocky boy!

    • If I came to a minister and said that my husband had a drinking problem, and that was his reply, I would never return to that church again and I would not hesitate to blab to everyone exactly why.

  • I’m sorry. I don’t know what crap God is telling him. But the only thing I hear God saying to me is “Thou shalt not kill that asshole (aka ex-husband). You will go to Hell. He may drive you insane but Hell is hot and you are already going through menopause so it won’t be nice down there”. Pat always was an idiot.

  • … and today, Mr. Robertson said, for the record, that the horrific tornadoes in Oklahoma and elsewhere this week occurred because people didn’t pray enough, or some such …

  • I can’t even watch the whole thing… too painful, almost feel embarrassed for him because he sounds like such an idiot.

  • P.S. Stupid shit my cheater said to me tonight, that might go along with Pat and the whole sanctity of marriage crap is that he thinks “marriage can be a beautiful thing”. Does he mean, it can be if I hadn’t made it so un-beautiful with all of my not being perfect? Seriously? A beautiful thing? Talk about unrealistic expectations. Yeah, let’s put it on a pedestal along with hearts and flowers and butterflies and all the bullshit these cheaters spout. I’d much rather have a real marriage than some “beautiful thing” anyway.

  • Hmmm… seems to me that Jehovah had some strong opinions on the subject.
    #7 “Thou shall not commit adultery.”
    #10 Thou shall not covet…your neighbor’s wife…your neighbor’s female servant…

    At least according to Wikipedia.

  • I didn’t know who this guy “Pat Robertson” was…then I googled up…and the 2nd entry is controversies on Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pat_Robertson_controversies

    Dear CL,

    SAT is right. One should ask him the basic question:

    Given that Christianity considers adultery as wrong, what remedy is suggested in the books for the person who has wronged and who is wronged?

    He can’t be a “Differential Christian” taking in what is good in the books for him and disregarding ones which are not (People like him don’t believe in monogamy, yet get in monogamous marriage and cheat the spouse around). This “Differential Christian” can’t voice the opinion of a puritan. Why listen at all to such idiots?

    I don’t know who elects him and why (especially in an elite country like US). The way he talks of people of other religions, feminists n homosexuals, he should be airlifted, brought to a Middle-East Asian country and stoned to death (Pun intended)!

  • Love your blog. I can relate to so much of this, and it’s great to read something that really gets me angry instead of apologetic about everything that happened this awful year. It’s good to feel strong about what I did (I left him) instead of wondering if I should have tried harder. I’ve had a lot of trouble believing in myself–that there was absolutely nothing that I could have done, and that it wasn’t somehow my fault or my inadequacies that caused him to start what he did. Like all cheaters he justified his behavior, and made me feel crazy, or that I had no right to be upset about what was going on. (I loved your ‘Eating Cake post for telling it like it is on the subject of poly-amory and honesty…) Anyways, thanks, I hope you keep them coming!

    • it’s NEVER your fault if your spouse has an affair. There are no good reasons for affairs. There are plenty of reasons for divorce, and if your (or my) spouse had any real moral fiber, they’d have filed before fucking. It’s that simple.

      Sure, we’d have been devastated, but we’d not have been betrayed by a lying cheater, who uses the marriage to eat kibble, but feels entitled to eat cake in the affair.

      • Absolutely correct. My husband of 28 years decided to start cheating 3 months before he told me he was unhappy and needed time away. Jerk, you could have told me that 4 months ago, moved and I wouldn’t have cared nearly so much! Or, a better thought, you could have told me years ago (as you claim you have been unhappy that long) and we could have been divorced in plenty of time for you to start fking your coworker!

  • This is off subject but had to share with my fellow chumps Since discovering the hiding place of the secret cell phone I can’t help myself; every morning while H in shower I have to check it. Most messages are sooo sophomoric it isn’t really entertaining but this AM there was a plaintive one from poor OW “Is this ever going to happen? Are we ever going to be together” Felt like texting back. “Honey you can have him but you are going to have to do the work to get him moving .Welcome to my world”

    • Janet,
      It’s hard to resist. I checked his e-mail and there was a picture of his “love” from way back in March that he has since called a f-ing bitch and a liar. I haven’t talked to him in weeks (YAY!) but it did set me aback. She’s exactly what he likes, (drugged out) skinny, raccoon eyes and big come hither look into the camera. At first I felt an automatic pang of jealousy but (Thank God) that only lasted a few hours. Superficially pretty till you look a little closer and see the mileage under the makeup. Now I hope they get back together so at least I can identify her if she approaches me. These girls on drugs are really brazen which really helped me get away from him!

      • Toni,
        Mileage under the make up. Love it!! Yes, STBX’s 28 year old ho-worker was recently arrested and her mug shot was in the local paper for the community to see. She looks a bit tattered for 28 granted she was arrested for a dui and hit and run….so it was no model shoot. LOL

    • Janet, I don’t know how you can resist messing with her. Yoder is my hero for sending OW on a wild goose chase that way.

  • Well I think Pat Robertson is filled with poo. Jus’ sayin’.

    Came across this quote just now…and it reinforced something I REALLY needed to hear!

    “There are better things ahead than any we leave behind.” C.S. Lewis

    C. S. Lewis also happens to be one of my favorite authors as well…smart and talented man. 🙂

    So think about that, let it sink in. Let the Pat Robertson’s of the world go fuck themselves. This is YOUR life. For the record, I am a religious and spiritual person. Having said that, not all ‘men of God’ are good men, reasonable men, compassionate men. I have met homeless people who had more sense than PR does.

    Let him drone on…methinks he may be guilty of a little fornication himself and speaks on behalf of all of his ilk. Whatever.

    Onward my friends! Everyday is a step closer to happiness and one farther away from misery.

    ♥,
    Vali

  • CL, I was raised on these types of attitudes in the church. Thank you so much for pointing out how ridiculous they are. Thankfully I have a minister now who is understand, supportive, and doesn’t believe that staying with a cheater is my God-given duty as a woman.

  • I wonder if people buy into this crap because they are just so desperate to feel in control. If only I can do everything perfect he will be good. I am a fixer, and I tried to hard to fix our relationship. I tried for ten years to keep my h happy, did everything for him and put us in debt giving him what he wanted. He never appreciated what he had. Someone who feels so entitled will just feel entitled to more.

  • Funniest bit is where he tells us to say to ourselves,- “My husband was captured”….’scuse me! Conjures up captioned image of 50s housewife in apron!

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