Charles Saatchi is in the news again. He’s the millionaire art collector who was seen publicly fighting with his wife, celebrity chef Nigella Lawson — grabbing her by the neck, repeatedly, and tweaking her nose, while she looked terrified and begged him to stop. He described the fight as a “playful tiff” that was completely misunderstood by everyone.
If you ever thought you were the only chump to suffer the mindfuck of an abuser, check out Saatchi. He is TEXT BOOK.
Having lost control of the narrative — he just “exclusively” told a British newspaper that he’s filed for divorce from Lawson, siting the reason that she did not “defend” his reputation. How’s that for an artful blame shift? It’s not what I did, the problem here is how you’ve responded. Classic.
Let’s see what other boxes Saatchi ticks on the list o’ mindfuckery.
1. Self pity. “I feel that I have clearly been a disappointment to Nigella this last year.”
Read: Oh, I try and I try, but there is just no pleasing that woman! I am not a disappointment. She perceives me as such.
2. Gaslighting. “I must stress again that my actions were not violent. We are instinctively tactile people. Yes, my hands were around her neck and touching her arm… there was no pressure applied. In fact, it was merely a gesture…”
Read: Hey, public, all those pictures you saw? You didn’t see that. What you so unjustly characterize as abuse was merely a gesture! You wouldn’t understand, of course. We’re a special people, only understood by a sophisticated few — you know, tactile people. Did I strangle her? No! I am a fluffy kitten batting a cotton ball. A child with a butterfly net! I am a gentle ocean breeze! Pay no attention to eye witness accounts. My narrative is mightier than your powers of observation. If I said I’m a kitten, I’m a KITTEN, Goddamn you.
3. The non-apology apology. “I’m sorry we had a row. I’m sorry she is upset.”
Read: I am not at fault. I didn’t say that I had anything to apologize for. Shit happens. And small minded people, well, they get huffy.
4. Projection. “The row photographed at Scott’s restaurant could equally have been Nigella grasping my neck my throat to hold my attention…”
Read: Okay, so I grabbed her throat. She audaciously responded by kissing me tenderly and begging me to stop. Same thing! We’re all equal here.
5. Character assassination. “… grasping my throat to hold my attention — as indeed she has done in the past…”
Read: You don’t know who she really is. She just looks like a terrified woman being publicly humiliated. In reality, she is the abuser and I am the Real Victim Here.
6. Grandiosity. “In fact it was merely a gesture — one to which a still photograph gives a wholly different and incorrect implication. Nigella has given a statement to the police to support this view.”
Read: Bitch set me up. It’s not what I did (or did not do), it’s her galling disloyalty! I’m divorcing her for failing to defend me. See what you made me do? Nigella wants to side with these common police officers? These little snappers of pictures? All these foolish, idiotic people with their off-base theories and interpretations and she chooses THEM over ME?
Chumps, I swear these folks all work out of the same play book. Someone is advising Nigella Lawson right. According to the news reports, she’s gone totally no contact on him. Saatchi can try to get all the newspapers to run his mindfuck — I only pray she doesn’t listen to a word of it.