Charles Saatchi is in the news again. He’s the millionaire art collector who was seen publicly fighting with his wife, celebrity chef Nigella Lawson — grabbing her by the neck, repeatedly, and tweaking her nose, while she looked terrified and begged him to stop. He described the fight as a “playful tiff” that was completely misunderstood by everyone.
If you ever thought you were the only chump to suffer the mindfuck of an abuser, check out Saatchi. He is TEXT BOOK.
Having lost control of the narrative — he just “exclusively” told a British newspaper that he’s filed for divorce from Lawson, siting the reason that she did not “defend” his reputation. How’s that for an artful blame shift? It’s not what I did, the problem here is how you’ve responded. Classic.
Let’s see what other boxes Saatchi ticks on the list o’ mindfuckery.
1. Self pity. “I feel that I have clearly been a disappointment to Nigella this last year.”
Read: Oh, I try and I try, but there is just no pleasing that woman! I am not a disappointment. She perceives me as such.
2. Gaslighting. “I must stress again that my actions were not violent. We are instinctively tactile people. Yes, my hands were around her neck and touching her arm… there was no pressure applied. In fact, it was merely a gesture…”
Read: Hey, public, all those pictures you saw? You didn’t see that. What you so unjustly characterize as abuse was merely a gesture! You wouldn’t understand, of course. We’re a special people, only understood by a sophisticated few — you know, tactile people. Did I strangle her? No! I am a fluffy kitten batting a cotton ball. A child with a butterfly net! I am a gentle ocean breeze! Pay no attention to eye witness accounts. My narrative is mightier than your powers of observation. If I said I’m a kitten, I’m a KITTEN, Goddamn you.
3. The non-apology apology. “I’m sorry we had a row. I’m sorry she is upset.”
Read: I am not at fault. I didn’t say that I had anything to apologize for. Shit happens. And small minded people, well, they get huffy.
4. Projection. “The row photographed at Scott’s restaurant could equally have been Nigella grasping my neck my throat to hold my attention…”
Read: Okay, so I grabbed her throat. She audaciously responded by kissing me tenderly and begging me to stop. Same thing! We’re all equal here.
5. Character assassination. “… grasping my throat to hold my attention — as indeed she has done in the past…”
Read: You don’t know who she really is. She just looks like a terrified woman being publicly humiliated. In reality, she is the abuser and I am the Real Victim Here.
6. Grandiosity. “In fact it was merely a gesture — one to which a still photograph gives a wholly different and incorrect implication. Nigella has given a statement to the police to support this view.”
Read: Bitch set me up. It’s not what I did (or did not do), it’s her galling disloyalty! I’m divorcing her for failing to defend me. See what you made me do? Nigella wants to side with these common police officers? These little snappers of pictures? All these foolish, idiotic people with their off-base theories and interpretations and she chooses THEM over ME?
Chumps, I swear these folks all work out of the same play book. Someone is advising Nigella Lawson right. According to the news reports, she’s gone totally no contact on him. Saatchi can try to get all the newspapers to run his mindfuck — I only pray she doesn’t listen to a word of it.
I hadn’t heard the divorce news, but appreciate your blow-by-blow account, Chump Lady. I wish a major newspaper had the guts to print your version – it would open SO MANY eyes.
Thanks again for all you do – 🙂
Go to dailymail.co.uk. He released it exclusively to them, not bothering to tell her he was going to do this. So he wants to humiliate her publicly but thankfully 99.9% of the internet, including Daily Fail readers, are bellowing that he’s an abusive, narcissistic asshole. Saatchi’s years of being an asshole are catchign up with him. Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.
Filing without informing the other party – total cowardice (it’s what my ex did, too)!
I’m also seeing tons of snarky comments on other sites where everyone’s seeing righ through Saatchi’s B.S. He thought his reputation was bad before? He’s about to join Mel, Arnold, and OJ in the career-ending “persona non grata” Hall of Fame…
His rep is totally shot and part of that is due to how he’s exposed himself as a complete narcissist in the aftermath of the throttling.
I didn’t notify my ex before I filed – I had moved 1000 miles and 3 different apartments in as many months so that he couldn’t track me down and kill me.
I am a coward indeed.
This is probably a good place to remind folks of what a real apology sounds like.
Minumum Requirements for a Sincere Apology:
1. I am sorry (followed by expression of shame and humility for what you have done and the suffering you have inflicted on who you have offended).
2. I was wrong (take ownership of the offense, don’t blame-shift, acknowledge the person offended is right to be offended).
3. Is there anything I can do to make this right? (acknowledge that forgiveness is not owed to you, that the offended party is within their rights not to forgive you, and that you would be grateful for the opportunity to make things right if that is even possible).
A sincere apology does not blame the person offended. A sincere apology does not continue to undermine the dignity of the person(s) offended.
This is an excellent definition of an apology. The real thing is, sadly, kind of rare. Our culture seems to accept non-apology/apologies lately. Thanks for so eloquently stating the ground truth on this!
Well said, TH. The non-apology apology is an art form these days, and so many people mistake it for the real thing. Well, hey, s/he SAID s/he was SORRY.
Love this, TimeHeals.
I was just having a conversation with a friend about what a true apology is. She told me that she is teaching her 4 year old son how to give a true apology. I was very impressed by that. It is a rare skill.
My XH would tell you that he has apologized to me numerous times. In fact, what he has said to me over and over is “you have my apologies.” Huh? What does that even mean? Totally useless.
Its really only three words:
I WAS WRONG.
unless you’re under 30 and then its:
not “you have my bad.”
Naw, it takes at least those three parts.
Let me show you why:
“I was wrong. But stop making a big deal out of it;it’s not like I knocked your teeth out, and besides… everybody makes mistakes, so get over it”.
See, you need the other two parts at minimum 🙂
“You have my bad”
My stbx has said “I apologized already”. Well hmm. “I am sorry if you feel I have hurt you” just does NOT strike me as your actually being sorry for having hurt me.
Could be me, but I actually want the kind of apology that TimeHeals recommended. THAT would be an apology and would probably help me to move on from this pain he has caused.
But then it took him nearly 30 years to apologize to his first wife for the affair he had behind her back. Though, it might have been the same as I received so…
God, this story pisses me off. He’s gone with the classic abuser bullshit, punishing her for not defending his abuse while blaming her for it and then throwing in a couple of crumbs about how sad this all makes him because she’s so wonderful. I hope she’s got the ovaries to stay away from this asshole.
Oh, and the self-pity is classic. My ex pulled this shit quite recently, blathering on about how I tell him he’s a shit and he heard it for so long anyway. Yeah, of course he did (rolling eyes really hard right now). It’s so classic: I will treat you like shit, you will call me on treating you like shit and I will say that you always treat me like shit.
Fuck every last single one of these abusive fuckheads.
Amen! My stomach is in knots just from reading it 🙁
Oh, and the best part of this? Saatchi is a renowned ad guy, considered one of the best ever. And this is his way of branding himself? hahaahahahaha
I think it’s his form of spin. And it’s an affront to him that we’re not buying it.
You’d think he’d come up with some better stuff than this. I’m guessing his PR people and lawyer are ripping hair out of their own heads after this stupid stunt.
Yeah, the entitlement actually makes them pretty bad at the spin, because they cannot get into their heads that people might not believe their BS, and might actually think they’ve done something terribly wrong.
If you can’t grasp those little items, you can’t spin well.
Saw this comment on another site and loved it. It really states how these assholes continue to carry on with their crap:
“I don’t know the man but I have known too many men who act like every day is their Bar Mitzvah day, Jews and non-Jews alike, enabled by family members or Greek chorus equivalent at the ready to place blame on external events or other people for sonny boy’s really shitty behavior.”
It took me months to figure out that X was pulling the same shit on me during the divorce proceedings. And then it took me a moment of clarity to realize he had done it throughout our entire relationship. I have flashbacks of times when my very core of reality was questioned. It pisses me off that I was so stupid to put up with it for so long.
Now he’s pulling this shit on his sons. One of my kids texted him to tell him why he was so upset with him, detailing the time he told his brother to come live with him and bimbo to get away from his brother, who was a “bad influence.” X’s response? He texted back that his son was “mis-informed.” Even though he was right there and heard the words come out of his father’s lying mouth.
The gall and sickness of someone who fucks with his own sons is appalling. I hope he and his bimbo rot in hell for that.
This is exactly what my ex did too. He is king of self pity which stupid chump me fell for.
I recognize it now, but undoing the mindfuck is exhausting.
One day I get loving you more today than yesterday, 2days later I hear get health insurance, I want a divorce…over the phone! Them I can the time/space speech followed by ILYBNILWY. Then he shows up unannounced with a moving truck, but stays for 8 hrs and can’t move his shit out, then comes back the next day packs all his shit and as he leaves tells me I love you. 3 weeks later I am served with divorce papers without being told then get an email from him that we can try again and go back to step 1 and when I agree he says step1 is not an option. Says I am abusive, manilative, controlling, and crazy…I pushed him away. I was depressed and he couldn’t give to me anymore. I called him stupid once, he felt like I blamed everything on him so he must be at fault, he needs to it himself first….blah blah blah
Yep, crazy, manipulative, abusive, I pushed him away, he couldn’t give anymore…heard them all and more. I always say these people read the same script, with minor changes to suit individual circumstances.
It would be a great idea to get all the scripts of the textbook together. It would help predict their behavior and chumps would benefit from it 🙂
Anudi- there is a book out there. It’s called “the script, the 100% absolute things men do when they cheat” written by Elizabeth Landers and Vicky Mainzer…too bad we didn’t think of it first. I swear I am going to give it out to all my single friends…lol
Never heard of that so looked it up. Check out the first review of it on Amazon. Quite interesting: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005DI98SO
I hadn’t read it…I felt since I had already lived in through it, it would be redundant. I agree I wouldn’t want a man staying with me unless he loved and cherished and respected me which is why I helped him pack his shit up when he left. I had hoped he would have seen what a catch I was but I know now that he is a little boy trapped in a man’s body and doesn’t understand the concept of adult responsibility.
So we were married to the same man, eh? 🙂 I too packed up his crap – in the cheapest, weakest garbage bags I could find – and figured that although my heart was breaking and I was totally falling apart I didn’t want this man living with me unless he really did value me. Well, he didn’t and that sucks to figure out after 20 years (which he says were great but it was time for him to find out what else was out there) but I’m ok and doing better every day. And I now see the serial cheating for what it truly is: abuse.
So Nigella is well shot of this guy. I hope she continues to go from strength to strength and that this is his legacy after years of being a total asshole in business and in his personal life.
At least Nigella will be free of this abusive asshole. What’s really sad is that because he has $$$$$, he’ll have women lining up to take his abuse. Probably already does.
High-functioning POS like him tend to get away with a lot.
And the ex wife of Saatchi weighs in..
“His ex-wife Miss Hartenstein has cast light on his mercurial manner, saying: ‘When the light shines on you, he is charming and amazing and special. I know, because he shone it on me. Then the light fades and there is darkness.’
Yeah, I read that and nodded my head in recognition. Sparkly.
his ex divorced him for, “unreasonable behavior”….
He was cheating with Nigella.
What scares me the most about these sociopaths is that they are so highly functioning–there was that bank in England that admitted that they use those personality tests in order to choose employees that have these NPD/sociopathic traits?!
Saatchi and those like him rarely get what’s truly coming to them, though, Nord. The reason is as above—the way things are run nowadays–it’s BY the Sociopaths, FOR the Sociopaths. Somehow, he’ll be rewarded by his narcissistic peers. The Little People aren’t going to interfere with his grandiosity.
CL’s list though…my STBXH does ’em all, constantly…
“I’m sorry.”—um, yeah, you’re sorry you got caught. I learned that one early on.
“I know I’m such an asshole and just a horrible person, but what does that make you?”—this is a new one of late…yeah…I may be bad, but YOU’RE WORSE!
How is it that they can actually COMBINE blameshifting, projecting AND self-pity??? I mean really.
“What you saw/heard isn’t what you THINK you saw/heard.” (with no explanation as to what it was that he wants me to think I saw/heard)
You know, if these assholes would spend just HALF as much energy on others or figuring out how to make life for everyone a little easier—we’d have world peace.
The more I read about psychopaths (NPDs, BPDs, Sociopaths included) or Character Disordered (Dr. Simon) the more wary I become, considering the fact that they are so widespread and they are so much everywhere…esp in the higher positions in organizations etc. Some kind of evolutionary prey-predator paradigm among Homo sapiens?
I don’t know anudi. I think most people are decent and have consciences. But a significant minority do not. That’s why boundaries are sooo important.
I too think most people are decent. I don’t think my ex is the norm. I think he’s a freak and yep, there are other freaks out there but I do believe they’re in the minority. I’m really looking at people these days and while I get sick of hearing people bang on about how ‘blessed’ they are (yes, FB friends, I’m talking about you) I do think most people are doing great and interesting things in their lives and they generally are good, solid and decent. I’m surrounding myself with them now and ditching the few sparkly unreliable types left.
I think most people want to be decent, and even NPDs/BPDs think they’re okay. As I’ve said earlier, I don’t think my STBX is a personality disorder–but given that he’s been systematically cheating for at least a year, perhaps I need to reassess that call! Anyway, STBX is very concerned with morals, and it’s important for him to see himself as a man who can be depended upon to help others in time of need. I think he blames his adultery on his father, who had a long-term mistress. Hey, STBX can’t really help himself! Adultery is genetic!
But back to the point, I do think that most people try their darndest to be decent. Every once in a while, we get to see just how amazing people can be! However, some people aren’t. That’s why we teach our kids to be wary of strangers, why we lock our cars and homes, etc. And that’s why we have to learn to establish boundaries in our relationships.
Funnily enough Ex admitted most of what I discovered at the beginning. Now he denies most of it and says I*m imagining things. Weird.
It is always about them. He would have been better off just keeping his mouth shut but he just can’t help himself. Can you imagine what it is like to WORK for him?
He was a notorious asshole to work for. Given to massive rages, throwing chairs, belittling and humiliating people. This was all written off as him being a ‘creative genius’ and thus a bit volatile. No one had the balls to call him out on it – he was too powerful in the industry and could make or break careers.
My ex didn’t just blame shift, when I insisted on divorce he was already in his own apartment, “working on himself “, translation = easier to cheat. Anyway, he busted into “our” home and attacked me that night, I called police but then stupidly did not tell them everything, I still loved him, thought he needed help…meanwhile he lied to the cops. I was arrested for abusing him. I spent hours in jail, I was thrown out of my home for three days, it was horrible. He continued the mindfuck, he told me he’d done all he could to stop them from arresting me, he invoked “us against them”, I was so shattered and frozen, I believed him, I protected him still. I got a “deferred dismissal” which put me on 2 years probation, perfect for my ex, another lever of control. Then he forced himself back into the house, insisted we would never divorce and threatened to have me arrested again or get a protective order if I didn’t do what he wished. Refused to pay any bills and lost his job to his drinking, raged at me regularly, threatened me physically, shoved me, never any mark, then did the martyr man alternately. One night he punched himself and the only reason he didn’t succeed in getting me arrested again was because he did too good a job and bruised his hand badly. During much of this he had my friends convinced I was abusive to him. Why? Because he told them events before I did and it never occurred to them he was lying. Until finally I told them the truth because one of them related to me something he had said in an attempt to help me empathize with his “point of view”. They both were freaked out that our stories were completely different. Finally he nearly shot me and that shook me out of my “tharn” state. Nothing like fear of imminent death to turn you into a crazed person fighting for your life.
He was very concerned that no one know who he really was, the monster hid well. When I filed for abuse, adultery and desertion I put graphic details in the document…his response was that this would ruin and humiliate him, how could I do this to HIM?? Telling the truth is an affront to him.
God, they’re all the same. When the police picked mine up for *ripping up my protection of abuse order* while I was on the phone with 911 — he sat in the cop car and wailed “HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME?!”
Where have I heard this all before?
Oh, I remember:
“You’re like the thief who isn’t the least bit sorry he stole, but is terribly, terribly sorry he’s going to jail.” – Rhett to Scarlett in “Gone With the Wind”.
I think most people see his fake apology for what it is. He is trYing to cover his ass but failing.
Didn’t know Lawson was the ow from his last relationship. I kind of don’t feel too sorry for her now. She didn’t deserve to be abused, but she does lose a little sympathy.
Saatchi was a close friend of her first husband and was there to help her through the 1st husband’s death. They became close in the aftermath (he died of cancer and towards the end had no tongue) and some sort of affair occurred, resulting his Saatchi’s divorce from his 2nd wife. He and Nigella moved in together 9 months after her first husband’s death. Not giving her a pass but the death of her first husband was very drawn out, she had two small children, her star was just starting to rise (masterminded by her first husband) and something tells me Saatchi saw his prize and honed in on it when she was at her most vulnerable.
I was also unaware of the background, but did see they married less than two years after her first husband’s death. That’s too soon IMO – you need time to process and mourn.
I’m with you, Nord – sounds like Saatchi was hitching a ride on the Nigella Express…
I did not even know who these 2 people were until I saw this post but seems like there is alot of history that other people know of
Amazing column, CL. A first class guide to the tools NPDs employ in their efforts to manipulate, spin, gaslight, and deceive. Knowing the linguistic cons they run goes a long way to empowering Chumps to spot the game and step away from the crazy—as well as the hurt.
And obviously, physical domestic violence is always and every time unpardonable. Ms. Lawson did nothing to deserve it, and the punishment for Mr. Saatchi (and any man who assaults a woman) should begin with him being strung up by his fuzzy little hamster balls and used as a piñata by a thousand five-year olds armed with spiked cudgels and hopped up on Red Bull. From there, it should get much worse.
Having said that, I have to add that I can’t join the club (not necessarily at this site but throughout the Web) holding up Ms. Lawson as a poster child for Chumpdom. Other than dealing with a master mindf*cker, I struggle to see much that’s similar between her situation and most of us that post at Chumplady.com.
From what I understand, Ms. Lawson was a smart, beautiful, pedigreed, employed, connected, financially-secure, sexy, celebrity who had an affair with a much older man renowned for being an arsehole of the rankest order. Why did she do this? She didn’t *need* him. She wasn’t a single mother with three small children and no job skills. Call me cynical, but given that the dude looks like a troll with lots of greasy “product” in his hair and has a history of philandering, it’s hard to image that his personal fortune (roughly $150 million) had *nothing* to do with the romance.
Ms. Lawson’s cheating aside, if a female friend of mine told me she planned to marry a man nearly the age of her father who was physically less attractive than her and had exhibited bad character over the course of decades but who just happened to have an enormous fortune? I would tell her she shouldn’t be surprised if it ends badly. Not that she would deserve such a fate, but she shouldn’t be surprised. And I would say the same thing if a male friend of mine told me he planned to marry a much younger stripper who just happened to have huge breast implants, a small meth habit.
Look, character matters. And, as CL has advised, dating for character is the best way to protect yourself. The corollary is that dating without regard to character usually leads to Big Trouble. That might mean Ashley Madison profiles, hands around your neck, or any of a thousand other undeserved dangers. That’s why this rule, and this site, are so very, very important.
Now, sometimes we get fooled. Someone who looks like a duck and quacks like a duck turns out to be . . . sociopathic dodo bird with poisonous talons. But sometimes the narcissism is on the outside for all to see. As I think was the case with Mr. Saatchi. A richly-plumed dodo, indeed. Next time? Nigella cavete, and protegere te. Which is to say, be careful everybody.
I see it clearly, I am a strong person who should never have been in an abusive situation and yet it happened. The process can be very slow and include someone who causes you to believe they are damaged and you are the only one that makes them better, I’m not going to go into the slow and long mindfuck such a person can do on you. I’m just going to say to you, don’t judge what you never experienced.
Well written, Nomar and many valid points. My one disagreement is that we don’t know what Ms. Lawson Achilles’s heel was. What sort of need did he fill for her that she was willing to spackle over his obvious (to us) narcissism?
I speak from experience but on a much smaller scale. I was a reasonably smart person, very competent in my job, appeared to have it together to my friends but lurking below my conscious was a person who felt more comfortable teetering on the verge of abandonment, acting like a good girl to win favor. I also felt more comfortable tying the line of my dingy to the back of someone’s sailboat, to mix metaphors, and following along in his wake. I didn’t know that well below the surface, I felt I needed that. It’s taken a lot of soul searching and hard work with a therapist to realize how deeply rooted those beliefs are and to begin the repair work. The really shitty part is realizing the person I trusted the most used my greatest fears against me.
Maybe Ms. Lawson is asking herself what I still ask myself, “How did I get here?”
A lot of people who had one or more narcissistic parents are very vulnerable to narcissists in romantic relationships. Could be her case.
I understand what you’re saying Nomar but Nigella is independently wealthy so I can’t get on board with her marrying Saatchi for money. She met him when her first husband was in the middle of his long and very painful, public death from cancer. Saatchi was a good friend to her first husband. He was ‘there’ for her while she navigated the loss of her husband. They moved in together less than a year after her first husband’s death. My take is that Saatchi moved in when she was at her most vulnerable and play knight in shining armour while she dealt with the loss of her husband, two small children and a career that was suddenly taking off whilst she was losing her husband in a very painful way. Doesn’t excuse her cheating but I don’t believe that she is a gold digger.
“Someone who looks like a duck and quacks like a duck turns out to be . . . sociopathic dodo bird with poisonous talons.”
Nord, love this!!
A church down the road had a saying on its sign:
“Confession without repentance is just bragging”
For secular chumps let’s translate:
“Apologies without remorse is just another mindfuck”
Love your analysis CL If I could, I’d award you an honorary PHD in analytical mindfuckery.
Look guys, I, for one, see no mind fuckery here.
There is NO previous history of abuse. If there was, it would be up there in cinemascope!
It seems to me the poor old prick lost it for a moment, and, we have no info re what triggered it, do we?
No injury was done. If there was the law would have had his gonads. And rightly so!
I mean how far removed is it from a run of the mill, full-on marital fracas? There have been more serious physical consequences from crockery and cutlery being flung about in the kitchen by furious femmes. We just don’t hear about those, do we?
The poor bastard had the misfortune of losing his rag whilst under the gaze of some parasitic paparazzo.
I feel he is entitled to some support……. IF she wants to give it. But that is obviously not the case. Maybe she’s not haaaaaappy and this is an opportunity?
I’m more apalled at her surfing the wave of sympathy.
Buuuuuut, that should sell truckloads of cookbooks, e vero? I can see the recipes now:
Kangaroo Court Meatballs
Nigella, mi dispiace but I will no longer feel a stirring in my loins when I next see you perform in the kitchen.
Doesn’t matter if “he lost it for a moment”.
It was wrong, and that was no apology. What is confusing about that?
Don’t feed the trolls 😉
Nessuno Dorma – How can you not see mindfuckery? If it was the first time Saatchi had “pretended” to strangle her, then she wouldn’t have reacted the way she did. She might have pushed his hands away, and say “Honey, stop that!” or maybe just given him an incredulous, confused look. Instead, she kissed him to appease him. That’s learned behavior, and shows clearly that she had been dealing with erratic moods/behavior from him for awhile. Most abuse happens behind closed doors, and it is often subtle. It’s quite likely that nothing else had been in the spotlight before. Saatchi likely acted abusive countless times in private, and then was just ballsy/clueless enough to do it at a public place.
Speaking from personal experience, my STBX was emotionally abusive in many subtle ways. It builds over time, like a frog in boiling water, and you don’t necessarily notice it at first because it happens so slowly. You become adept at trying to appease so things don’t escalate (doesn’t always work, but sometimes it seems to, so you keep trying.) Home life with my STBX was disfunctional, but I was *used* to it by then. I spackled and it became the new normal.
Sometimes it takes a public setting to really wake you up. My STBX was abusive a few times in public places, in front of other people, and that’s when it really hit me that his behavior was out of line. It was other people’s reactions, but also the fact that it was out-of-context, not in our home, not in the “spackle-zone”. When I saw his behavior out of context it really woke me up to how fucked up it was.
Maybe it was similar with Lawson – when he “pretended” to strangle her repeated times at home, she spackled and appeased, went into the bathroom and cried by herself, then went on with her day. But maybe when it happened in public, the reactions of other people gave her the wake-ip call she needed to recognize the out-of-line behavior.
Yes, my ex never did anything in public or in front of anyone else. To the rest of the world he was a big gentle guy. He went into a rage at his brother ONE time on the phone,. It scared his brother so badly he taught his wife how to load their rifle for fear my ex would show up at his house when he wasn’t home. Imagine how much more frightened bro would have been if he’d been in the room with him.
Go back to your bridge, please.
I bet the creep wouldn’t have lost his temper and tried to strangle Mike Tyson….just sayin..
Yes – cowards choose their targets wisely, don’t they? 🙂
He’s at it again. Now (October 25, 2013) he says he’s filing a lawsuit because if people KNEW what they were fighting about, they would not see him as the villain. SOOO narcissistic. He really believes that people are going to see his side. She could be doing the entire Chelsea football team, and no one is going to see his side, except another narcissist.