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The ‘Anti-Cheating Ring’

When a cattle brand just won’t do. Introducing the “Anti-Cheating Ring”! Saw this tidbit on HuffPo. Apparently, there’s a new wedding ring made from titanium (the strongest metal on earth!) that has an embossed inside, so when you wear it, it leaves an impression in your skin that spells “MARRIED.”

Yeah, that’s going to scare off the fuckbuddies. I can see the bar scene now. The sales and marketing rep takes off his wedding ring, as the young floozy sidles up to him. As they’re enjoying a cocktail and some heavy petting, suddenly she recoils in horror: “You have a blotchy indention on your ring finger! OMG, I think it says MARRIED! Do you have a wife?!”

“No, no! Allergic reaction. Rashes often appear as alphabets. It’s a like Rohrschach test, really. You’re seeing what you want to see. For you it’s letters. Other people see clouds, animals, or the face of Jesus. I see a rash. I’m allergic to titanium.”

The floozy, confused, “Oh, okay. Well I guess it’s alright then…” They retire to his hotel room.

I mean really. Who would buy such a thing? Why not a chastity belt? Or GPS chip implant under their skin? Or a forehead tattoo? Nothing says romance like “I don’t trust you as far as I could throw you.”

I have so many questions. Is this for your recommitment ceremony or your original marriage? Does it come with a diamond setting? Can you get other engravings to spell other things like “BEWARE I cheat”?

Of course, rings are only as powerful as the people who wear them. They don’t impart any powers of faithfulness. Most people are fully cognizant of each other’s marital status when they screw around. And to the unwitting affair partners out there — the cheater has several wedding ring work arounds. Bandaids, the glove compartment, mittens… If there is a will there’s a way.

The existence of “Anti-Cheating Wedding Rings” tells me one thing — hopium still sells. In titanium, for $550.

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  • Why marry someone you are so uncertain of, you need them to be branded with this ring? My ex never took off his ring as he fucked numerous men and married women. The men didn’t care, as they were anonymous fucks in gay bathhouses and probably half of them were also married “straight” guys. The women knew me and knew our son, that sure didn’t stop them.

    • But it’s a *magic* ring.

      I know what you’re saying. I bought my ex quite a lovely wedding band (vintage platinum with a rose gold interior), didn’t seem to signify anything to him or the people he fucked whatsoever.

      • LOL! I used to joke to ex that he should have “Property of GIO” tattooed on his dick. Of course, that wouldn’t have made a bit of difference.

        Instead of this anti-cheating ring, how about if married men wear a ring around their dick that explodes like a bomb if they get an erection while wearing it? How about an insertable mousetrap-like device for women? I’ll bet those would be a lot more effective against cheating, although not foolsafe.

        • I don’t know what made me laugh harder – CL’s post or GIO’s alternative suggestions.

          The only people who would think that a ring like this would make any difference is someone who has never been married and/or cheated on. My STBX just took off his wedding ring – the rest of the time he wore it. Didn’t matter – EVERYONE he slept with knew he was married. They didn’t care.

          Why not imbed an alarm system and have them start flashing red with sirens going off with a voice saying, “Beware! Married Asshole Cheater Guy (or Girl)! Step Away From That Motherfucker!”

          • Yep, every single woman he slept with knew he was married. How could they not? He communicated with a lot of them on FB, where his status plainly said ‘married’. The others knew me so no big secrets there.

  • xH’s alcoholic twat knew he was married and knew he was abandoning his kids to spend quality time in Yosemite and Hawaii with her. Didn’t give two shits. In fact, it probably gave her such a thrill to know she was that important to my loser ex. Had nothing to do whatsoever with the fact that he never wore a ring. But we even used to joke that wedding rings were chick magnets. If you’re into that sort of chick, I guess. I guess he is. Hum!

  • A wedding ring should be worn with pride, not as some sort of punishment or mark imposed by the partner. If you don’t want to be faithful, then a ring will not work to change that.

    • Well said. I still put my on every day and would feel naked if I left the house without it.
      Maybe not with pride any more but I am still married.

      • Likewise. When I’m divorced, I’ll remove it.

        I like my ring. It’s a fairly simple band with a small diamond chip in it. I’m not a woman who generally wears rings, so I didn’t want a fancy and expensive engagement ring. I always thought–and said at the time-that the ring matters less than the marriage.

        Guess STBX didn’t think either mattered.

  • A ring doesn’t make a marriage, if there is a will there is a way. Both APs in my situation knew he was married with a young daughter.

  • The wedding ring is a favorite cheater accoutrement! What the heck! Check out that Jennifer Aniston movie where Adam Sandler (unmarried) wears a ring because it allows him to call off a relationship that gets too heavy — nobody gets hurt — you knew I was married!

    Aw, the bittersweetness of star crossed love. Right up until your married AP leaves her husband for you, and then you have to change that FB status to “It’s Complicated” LOL. Now what do you do, genius?

    This reminded me of a present I once gave the ex, who had a really great butt and the reverse side of that wasn’t so bad either. I got him one of really large shiny trophy buckles the rodeo cowboys wear and had it custom engraved with tiny lettering:

    “If You Can Read This, You’re Too Close”

    LOL, thanks for the laugh today, CL

      • All the damn time!

        He particularly got a good laugh when men would lean over to inspect what rodeo event he had “won”!

  • A sad symbol of a relationship, and a completely ineffective anti-cheating device.

    My X showed his AP photos of me on his iphone. He told me that she asked to see them. She called me “pretty” and was surprised that I am blonde (????). There was no secret. She did not give a flying f*ck that he was married. Probably made her feel like she won the big prize and wanted to see who the loser was.

    • Yes, there’s a very Jr. High popularity contest feel to the whole cheating business. Cuz the sex only takes up so much time. Got to feed the egos with something else in the meantime.

      • Yeah… a ring’s not going to stop anything when you use Ashley Madison, and then the two of you compare your lousy married lives together. *eye roll*

        • Ex told one of my kids that he and the final OW got to know each other by talking about how unhappy they were in their respective relationships. Very romantic, I think.

          • If there’s one thing I’m glad I got across to my daughter, it’s to beware of boys/men who want to cry on your shoulder and suck you into their psychic dramas. She came to me at one point and said, you know, you’re right — so and so sat down beside me and starting whining about his mother — I just looked at him and told him that wasn’t any of my business and he took off and found another mark.

            In the sense of getting my kids worldly wise, the divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me. I was such a naif.

            • Hmm…I’m going to have to find a way to have that talk with the kids. I don’t want them building relationships on the platform of some other person sucks…save me from them. The ex and his entire family operate this way, particularly his mother. They are the masters of triangulation.

              • I think my life with my STBX has served has turned out to be an Emergency Warning System for my children. I guess sometimes in life your life can end up being a terrible warning whether you planned it that way or not.

  • In the words of Charlie Pride:

    Does my ring hurt your finger when you go out at night
    When I bought it for you darling it seemed to be just right
    Should I take it to the jeweler so it won’t fit so tight
    Does my ring hurt your finger when you go out at night

    Did you enjoy yourself last night dear how was the show
    You know that I don’t mind it when you go
    I understand sometimes we all need time alone
    But why do you always leave your ring at home

    Does my ring hurt your finger when you’re away from me
    I’m so proud when you wear it for all the world to see
    Should I take it to the jeweler so it won’t fit so tight
    Does my ring hurt your finger when you go out at night
    Does my ring hurt your finger when you go out at night

    Charley Pride – Does My Ring Hurt Your Finger Lyrics

  • Get it. Why do people need a special ring to tell them not to cheat. If a plain old promise and a gold band doesn’t do it, than forget about it.

  • Exactly. On dday fucktard actually told me “i’ll do anything, I’ll even wear my wedding ring!” Really?! On your finger or on that pathetic lilliputian thing you call your penis? Not that it would matter, a cheater will cheat no matter what jewelry they wear.

      • My ex did the same. Stopped wearing his wedding ring about the time he started getting involved with co-worker, but always gave me excuses like “It gets in my way when I work around the farm.” After I discovered the affair he started wearing it again. I think it was supposed to make him look like he was “trying” in our marriage. He would sit and twist it like it was burning his finger, though. I remember thinking how stupid it was for him to start wearing it after it didn’t matter any more.

        • My ex started wearing his wedding rang AFTER our divorce was in process. He had taken it off when we first separated, but then started wearing it again, saying that it “reminded him he was still married and needed to act like it.” So funny, considering he fucked hundreds of other people during our marriage. Yet somehow once we were divorcing, he needed to take his vows seriously.

          He then sent me an email on what would have been our 22nd wedding anniversary, telling me he was going to stop wearing the ring. Yet our divorce was still not final at that point.

  • I think the tattoo should be on the forehead, and should read ‘Certified Asshole’.

    Still wouldn’t stop a lot of AP’s, though! They have magic, right???

  • Who is buying this ‘magic ring’ ? Jack?

    We could rewrite the fairy tale. ‘Jack and the magic ringstalk”

    Jack trades his last meal for a magic ring and ends up with a cheating wife that steals his goose and golden eggs 🙂

  • Part of me would love to send this post to xh’s new fiancée – they just got engaged a couple of weeks ago. I would be cast as the bitter, crazy ex-wife if I did.
    She was not one of the OW – by all accounts from my children, she is very nice, just very “bossy”.
    She has no idea that the douchebag screwed (or tried to) anything with a pulse – men and women, she’s of course been told that I left him for no reason (after 31 years together).

  • My STBX’s AP knows he’s married. He knows he’s married. In the early days of the affair, she would email to let him know that his place was with me. I guess she was okay being just a fuckbuddy then. Now, she wants him to dump me and marry her.

    Interestingly enough, I’d like to dump him and have him marry her. I’m sure the anti-cheat rings will work just fine on both of them. *whistling*

  • On the other hand, after the DDay fact, rings can be cathartic… I took my ex’s ring and hammered it flat until it broke. I told him, “you actually did that, every time you fucked your whore, you deformed the ring and what it stood for.” (Apparently dicks make very effective hammers.) Very symbolic, sez me.

    But this new chum? The fancy-dancy ring? Pointless. Useless. They don’t care. They fuck ’em with rings, without ’em. With condoms, without ’em. And I think the commenters who say it gives that extra frisson of fun and conquest to the AP to get fucked by somebody wearing a wedding ring is spot on. “I won ! I won! me mee meeeeee….”

  • my idiot had my name and the name of ours daughter tattooed on his arm. when I saw it I jokingly said “what happens if we divorced?”. moron said “never happen as I love you to much”. she should have seen it while she was humping him crazy. now I just wonder what it will cost to ink over my name. hahaha he is really an idiot. I don’t think a embossed married would have stopped either one of them.

  • Another timely post for me.
    My husband and I have gone round and round (no pun intended) about his wedding ring.
    When we purchased it I was certain it fit him perfectly but shortly after we were married it’s suddenly too big. And it is!!! He could toss his hand out in front of him and it comes flying off. Really, I didn’t care that he took it off to wash dishes or weed whack the yard.
    Or even that he takes it off at work so it doesn’t end up in the product he is working with, plus his job is physical and it could come off.
    I take mine off if I’m working with solvents, plus I have scar tissue on that finger, so I take it off at night.
    My issue is this: if I have to take mine off for any reason, as soon as I can I put it back on.
    No, he comes home with it still in his pocket and I saw him leave with it ‘off”. Then there was the period of time when he was driving his bright yellow corvette (no A/C) to work, 50 miles each way with it off.
    Okay, so we all know what that means.
    The reason this post was timely for me, was that he came home last night with it off. Usually he tries to sneak it back on, but 2 hours later, not yet. I wasn’t going to say anything, but I did. So he comes out to watch TV in his sweats with his ring on. When I said, so you put it on now and here’s it is folks, his response was “Since you were whining, I put it on.” WTF??!
    Whining?? I’m also whining when I tell him I consider online dating profiles cheating.

      • Without all the drama, in a nutshell.
        I am in a lot of debt because of him and his family. He recently declared bankruptcy, so he has none and all of our joint debt has become mine. (I wasn’t able to file with him).
        The house is in my name only, which I can’t begin to afford on my own.
        We are expecting some money in the next few months and I want to pay off another credit card using his funds if possible.
        I need a job that I am able to do and is in my town or the next so I can bus, or bus and walk to work because I will not be able to afford a car. I presently receive disability, which sounds soooo trite, but I have birth defects of my hands and feet. I can do a lot of things, such as this typing, but I can’t do them repeatedly day after day. I do have an online shop where I sell antiques and handmade mixed media art.
        Plus, come the first of the year, if he leaves one of my sons can move in for a few months and help so I can sell the house and not default on it.
        Finally, he is a scary person and I’m removing important items and am putting several other options in place.
        All the while I am selling as much as possible and gathering as much evidence as I can get.
        BTW, thanks for asking.

        • Jane,
          I hung in several weeks beyond because I needed his $900.00 paycheck – sad but true. Sounds like you have a great plan…hang in there and keep us posted! XO

          • Thanks Toni, reading this blog has helped tremendously.
            And I have to admit, I’ve been dependent on my family all my life and I don’t want to live with my parents, though I could, or my older sister, or live in my brothers pool house. I want my own life, even if it’s living in a car with my cats!
            I’m looking forward to being on the other side of this, I think an adventure is in my future.

  • My ex was and still is snooping on his OW by means of a spyware software since last year! I know it, her xH knows it but we chose not to tell her. He was terrified that I would break the news to her and he would lose his “dignity”. LOL let him be worried to death everytime she has a new friend on fb or hits Badoo. He sure knows his cheater though. What a relationship to envy!

      • Hahaha…that sounds like Ex and his final OW. She keeps him on a very short leash – I don’t think he takes a pee without her right there behind him. 🙂

  • My ex had/has? an allergy to metal, his hands would get rashes in summer from doorknobs even. He couldn’t wear belts with metal buckles. He could wear platinum or surgical steel only, according to him. Soooo, any attempt I made to get him a ring that was one of those things, or stone or wood he would put it off…but then he bought me a ring that was totally unsuited to me and got pissy if I didn’t wear it.

    Fast forward to divorce, he tells me he found out he can wear other metals and he’s having a ring made for himself. He says to me “I know you never liked your wedding ring, can I have it for the stones?” Seriously???? I told him no he could not, and fucking conveinent is it that suddenly he figures out he can wear rings. I’m going to sell the thing – not that it’s worth much but what the hell, give back a ring he bought with our money? no fucking way

  • In all fairness, a wedding ring (with or without embossing) WILL keep away a *small* percentage of people – the ones who *truly* don’t want to fuck a married person. But I think that would be a very small percentage (maybe 5%, tops?), due to the natural selection of cheating spouses to hone in on the drama-types in the first place.

    A ring/embossing won’t do a *damn* thing to stop the actual cheating spouse from cheating. You could make him wear a t-shirt that says “I love my wife” and it still wouldn’t help. I agree that most AP’s get off on the fact that the person is married. As does the cheating spouse.

    Maybe the solution is to take *away* their wedding ring altogether? At least the drama-AP-types won’t want him anymore. It’s no fun when you haven’t “won” anything…..

  • Watching that video. Did anyone else notice that the woman’s hand was her right hand?

  • Really? Can’t believe people would actually pay money for this shit.

    We all know that if they want to cheat, off goes the ring…actually my ex wore his in pics with the OW initially…the last time I saw him in person, he had already married the OW and was wearing a new wedding ring…

    Funny enough, one of my relatives sent me a link of him from a local news broadcast…and guess what? No ring on.

    I know the ring means nothing to that ass-clown. Not when he wore the one I gave and probably not the one she gave him. Wearing a scarlet letter on his lapel will only bring out the whores who love to dance with the devil too.

  • We were no more foolish than these idiots; except our rings can be sold for cash to pay for our attorney fees.

  • How silly, as if a band of metal imparts a feeling of fidelity. What if the ring fit loosely, or the person turned the ring so the “married” imprint appeared on the inside of the finger (near the palm)? I can’t decide if this qualifies as outmoded magical thinking, or the symbolic equivalent of shackles.

  • I didn’t know such thing existed. I guess the hope is that if you married someone with a weak conscience, this ring will burn one into their brain. Yeah, it’s just that easy.

  • I love it. This ring reminds me of the time a “friend” (not really a friend, more like a person in my circle of acquaintances that I did everything I could to avoid) who was notorious for not keeping it in his pants knocked a girl up and ended up marrying her. *her idea* was for them to get tattoo rings rather than real rings, so that he couldn’t just easily slip it on and off. Wonder how many women that kept away? *snark*

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