It was tough to judge all the awesome curses! You guys could open a voodoo shop with all your cantankerous mojo. Remind me to never get on your bad side! In the end, I was a sucker for bastardized Shakespeare and I award the mug to AmyLou with her curse:
Thy infinite and endless liar, thy hourly promise-breaker, thy fusty nut with no kernel, thy lump of foul deformity with all eyes and no sight: may all the infections that the sun sucks up be visited upon you and your rooting hog whores. My divorce cannot come quickly enough from such a beetle-headed, flap-ear’d knave. May you know sighs and groans as I have known them, and may we ultimately become better strangers.
“Fusty nut with no kernel,” combined with “rooting hog whores” wins it. The curse paints quite the putrid picture of cheaters and ends with the nice “meh” sentiment “may we ultimately become better strangers.” AmyLou — you ticked all the boxes — the meh mug is yours! Email me your contact info at email@example.com so I can send you your prize.
Runner up was Mike with “May you regain your sanity” — which I think really sums up so many chumps’ wish for their cheaters — to wake up and realize what they have done. To magically have the empathy required to send them into apoplexies of grief and remorse. Could anything be worse for these people than to actually realize who they are? To lose the grandiosity that envelops them? Mike, I really liked it, but hey, I’m a sucker for florid language. Your curse is a bit too Hemingway-esque in its succinctness.
Thanks everyone for participating! And get back to meh! (Well, at least until our annual Infidelity Valentine’s Day contest….)