We’ve all been chumped in some pretty outlandish ways. This especially came to mind reading the comments on yesterday’s post. (The “banana bread” in the Victoria Secret bag.) Okay chumps, lay it on me — what’s the dumbest lie you fell for? Other than “forsaking all others til death do us part.”
I’m not even saying you had to swallow it whole — you may have paused before pulling out the vat of spackle. I mean the sort of lie you didn’t immediately walk out over, because it was so preposterous.
I wear the chump crown here, so I’ll begin.
A week before DDay, I woke up to find another woman’s thong in our bed (at his cabin, where he’d been “hunting.”) His excuse? “Well, I used to own this cabin with my ex, and I was cleaning out some drawers and doing laundry and it must’ve been there in with the sheets.”
I didn’t buy it. But then again, I didn’t divorce him immediately either. (I did, however, begin snooping.)
A couple months after that, around DDay #2, he went on a “ski trip” — yeah, alone with promises to be oh so transparent, and checking in. It was in the 40s, raining in New England that weekend. Not great “ski” weather. He never answered his cell phone. He told me, oh the signal was bad in Vermont. Everywhere. He also told me he SLEPT IN HIS CAR. For two nights. In JANUARY. Because I wanted the name and number of the hotel he was at.
Okay, I was lawyered up by that point and threw him out shortly thereafter, but it still boggles the mind he thought I was THAT stupid. (In fairness, I was that stupid — spackle is an amazing thing.)
So, see if you can top me. Dumbest, most transparent lie ever laid on you?