Some of you might’ve seen the buzz lately on a new Cheaterville-esque site called ShesAHomewrecker.com. HuffPo just wrote a piece about it and quoted me, saying nothing says “you are beneath contempt” like filing for divorce. Let ’em have ’em. Don’t confront (or expose) affair partners, it’s not worth your precious mental energy.
One writer commented that the site actually makes you feel sorry for the OW, like it’s a mean girl attack by the wife. Which is a VERY good argument, IMO, why you shouldn’t use a site like that — the last thing you want is sympathy for the devil. There is much societal hang wringing about “slut shaming.” And attacking an OW for being an OW is considered slut shaming in many quarters. Hey, she’s gotta be free to explore her sexuality her way, blah blah blah. There are two sides to every story. Maybe the wife was batshit crazy and sexless. We now know she’s MEAN. You know the drill, chumps.
“Home wrecker” strikes me as rather an old fashioned term for the site. It’s a word with quaint notions of societal condemnation. Does anyone say “Home wrecker” any more? I think just saying it puts you in this square camp of People Who Judge, which will immediately confer sympathy on the person you are judging. Maybe someone will come up with StoneATrollope.com next.
I understand the impulse behind a site like ShesAHomewrecker — the people that post that is — the creators are probably purely profiting on pain. They want some justice. They want to take a little of their own back. They want this woman who stole from them to be publicly humiliated, because SHE the chump was humiliated. I get it.
Someone my ex chumped posted a profile on him on Cheaterville.com. I gotta say, I was more than a bit titillated to see it, confirmation of what I already knew — he’s a serial cheater and he hasn’t changed one bit. Will that profile actually ward off anyone who wants to date him? I doubt it. In fact, just like the Homewrecker site, it might make him an object of sympathy. Bitches be crazy! How he explains away three (maybe more) ex-wives, I have no idea — but he’s a lawyer and people still date the guy. I hope that profile gives them pause (assuming they ever go looking for it), but I tend to doubt it. People believe what they want to believe.
It’s very tempting to think, oh, there should be public registry for these creeps. But look — you’re dealing with disordered people — what’s to stop them from making a fictitious profile on you? I say don’t poke that skunk.
The most effective way to shame an OW or your cheater, IMO, is to find your dignity and draw your boundaries. Go no contact. Let them have each other. Let your silence communicate your disgust. Oh, do tell other folks you know what happened, for SURE. But then live your life of integrity. Go succeed without them. You want to broadcast something? Broadcast your awesome new life.
Cheaters suck. They keep on sucking. OW usually learn quite painfully, and quite quickly exactly how not special they are. They dance the pick me dance. They live with the paranoia. If you think it takes a shitload of spackle to be a chump, imagine how much more spackle you need to be an OW? They live their hell. They don’t need a profile from you. Look for them a few years later on www.KarmasABitchLOL.com