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Freak of the Week

thongThis contest was proposed to me by my husband (a former chump) as we got to comparing freakish cheater details of our own stories, and people we know. (Yeah, I know, don’t invite us to cocktail parties.)

We’ve done Stupid Shit Cheater’s Say, and biggest lie you ever bought, and chumpiest thing you did for them.

Today we’re just focusing on weird shit. We know a fellow whose (now ex) wife had special wedding rings crafted for when she and her OM had trysts. That’s a contender!

The object here is to be as SUCCINCT as possible. No essays! You can comment on other people’s Freak of the Week submissions, but each submission needs to be three brief sentences, tops.

For example, my submission would go like this.

1) He had the same mistress for over 20 years and three marriages.

2) OW and ex apparently had a kid together and she passed the paternity off on her brother-in-law.

3) After boinking his OW in Vermont, he drove home and presented me with a one-pound bag of coffee.

The winner of the contest gets me immortalizing the crazy in cartoon form.

One caveat — GladIt’sOver may not play this game. No one can compete with the dancing Sasquatch. This is a contest for amateurs, not professionals. (You know, the sort of professional thespian who quits his job and lives in basements.) I’m sorry Glad, but if it makes you feel better, I’ll draw you a dancing Sasquatch.

Okay, chumps — show me your freak stories!

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at Read more about submission guidelines.
  • I secretly tried on my wedding dress for him right before our wedding and he told me that OW would say my thighs are too heavy, but she would love my shoes. Then he suggested we get a prenup. That was my DDay.

  • The OW was a married seminary student (now a pastor of her own church)(leading people down the path of righteousness). The affair has spanned the birth of two children. The husband is the only person who doesn’t know (but he’s a mega-cheater too, so no one feels bad for him).

        • Yep, it’s more common than you think. My dad (retired) was a treasurer for the conference of the United Methodist Church — they settled a lot of harassment suits from sinister ministers. Happened a lot. Heard the term from my husband though — he knew a trial lawyer who coined it.

          • I also found out it’s so prevalent there’s a term for the ministers who have to clean up the churches afterwards. They’re called “After Pastors”. I (innocently) asked what that meant… well, they’re the ministers who come…after… whatever, but usually sexual malfeasance between the minister (sinister) and member(s) of the congregation. Like, for example, my STBX father in law, who hit on his choir, his congregation, his graduate students (a theology Prof s well as minister.) Nice! Also a lesson in abusing structural power relations. I happen to think ministers are often a special brand of NPs.

            • The “sinister ministers” are the best-qualified to find the right Bible verses to justify their behavior. So not only do they not think anything is wrong, but look, God is OK with it too!

              Religion would be such a wonderful thing if we just kept the humans out of it.

  • He told the MC ( when asked why he was so angry) that he had “no voice” in having children with me. The children are 13 and 16 and he jacked off into a cup and took it to be tested because we were having trouble getting pregnant. He also accompanied me to the fertility doctor visits every single time….even the idiot MC couldn’t respond to that one 🙂

    • My friend is going through the same exact thing! Two kids, both invitro. Thousands of dollars and fertility doctor visits and yet he was “duped”. It’s stunning.

    • My husband says that too. Eight years of infertility, two rounds of IVF, and he got trapped into staying with me by the pregancy. I use this to remind myself that his reality is total unreality. Who else would argue about whether surgically injected sperm is deliberate or not?!

      • Yep, we have teen triplets and I got the same speech. I never really wanted to have kids, did it to please you. Really? I can think of a few other things that might please me better now….

  • Great idea, CL, I offer two, please imagine the dulcet tones of the Deliverance theme while reading…..

    Comedy: Mr Fab screwed his younger brother’s ex, same woman as his elder brother allegedly had an affair with, and she used to work late at these boys’ Daddy’s pub. But it is Tawoo Wuvv.

    Tragedy: But they can’t move in together, because her state benefits would be stopped. So the state pays for a flat directly downstairs from his, and DD is expected to lump it, despite having had to share her room in Dad’s flat with cousin/sibling for the past six months.

    Makes you feel Meh to have to put it in this way, thanks Tracy!

  • Ohhh I have a few!

    1. WXH slept nude, but also had a “few” hygiene issues. It was such a treat to be greeted by skid marked sheets when making the bed.

    2. OW #WhoKnows on DDay #WhoCares responded to the NC email then WH sent by addressing me “Bitch you better watch your back! I know where you live! You never know when I”ll come leap on your ass!!” Yep. OW was an ugly bullfrog.

    3. After finding emails of lovely hairy crotch selfies of his newly pregnant OW on his computer, then WH is OFFENDED that I would wonder if he was the father.

  • The EX had multiple cell phones through the last few years and the last time he “butt dialed” me on his “real phone” while driving home talking to a fling on the other phone. I heard the whole 1 sided conversation all the way to my front door when I was still on my phone listening. He told her “my wife doesn’t even know about this phone. She wouldn’t understand about it or us”. I was hanging out the window as he pulled in the driveway telling him I heard it all and I could hear my own voice through his phone. Snagged! (still gave him another year though). UGH!!!

  • XH converted to Catholicism for me 8 years into our marriage. After leaving me for OW, he was attending mass, taking communion, and working on his Knights of Columbus degrees to impress a colleague…while ALSO converting to and becoming a deacon in OW’s Seventh Day Adventist Church to impress her. The overlap was for about six months, until our divorce was final.

    LOOKING LIKE “a good Christian” was more important to him than actually being one.
    Wonder if he’ll get extra time in hell for the blasphemy?

      • Um….small matter of the Seventh Commandment.

        He’s gojn’ down to the burny place.

        As an art historian I can assure you that, in Hell, she will have her breasts torn by serpents eternally, while he gets raped by demons. Ghirlandhaio does not lie!

    • My ex, who claims to be a very good Christian, once told me all of our problems, including his staggering level of infidelity, was caused by my being agnostic. These days he likes to say he tries to be just like Jesus.

      • Well, FWIW, my ex was an atheist and saw me (raised Catholic, though these days attending Episcopal church) as an old-fashioned and overly sentimental old fart. And I’m sure that part of narrative in cheating was that it was a way for her to connect with hipper, more sophisticated modern people, like her, who aren’t bogged down by ancient traditions and oppressive dogma.


        I think there are plenty of cheaters of every stripe, from “born again” to atheist, but I understand the special stench of hypocrisy that hovers around the Jesus Cheaters.

      • One of my favorite things that my Southern Baptist XH said to me (in the most sincere and “bless your heart” sort of way) was ” I know you THINK you’re a christian, but you’re not.” Uh, ok.

        • My Ex is fond of ending all his emails to me with a scripture verse. The first time he did this, I responded back with Hebrews 13:4 “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” He responded back that I was “harassing” him and that “God has forgiven him already and he is now sinless in the eyes of God.” He continues to this day to put a scripture verse at the end of every email he sends (we have to communicate still as we have two children). He takes passive-aggressive to a whole new level…

          • so God sent him a ‘get out of jail free card’ did he? Wow! Now wonder he’s rapidly disappearing up his own arse!

          • Classic narcissism trait: wanting “special status” that is not commensurate with your achievements or actions.

            My ex used to say she was more “spiritual” then I was. She was more full of bullshit is what she was more of.

            • The whole idea of him spouting off scripture just sickens me. It has really tested my faith which meant so much to me. I am slowly coming back around to reconnecting spiritually and finding a new church, but it has been a tough journey. I can’t help but think that God has a special (unpleasant) plan for those who through their actions lead others away from Him.

              Get this, lately he has taken to calling our youngest son almost every night and reading scripture to him over the phone (oldest son – who is almost an adult – is seldom home when he calls due to work/sports/older teen social life). I’m not sure how to stop this – in our separation agreement he is allowed to have unsupervised contact with both our boys by phone/email as much as he desires. I am just praying that they are developing strong BS detectors and will see him for who he really is in time.

              • He’ll over do it sooner than you think. My ex over compensated for his sinning by forcing the kids into a Christian private school then moving out to be with his whore. He kept in contact with both by texting them and putting some sort of Christian redemptive spin on everything — even pictures sent from a rodeo he was attending. The kids burned out on it real fast. Their attitude ranged from disgust to outrage to amused. They never said anything to his face though.

    • One of the MANY reasons religion gets such a bad rap – “talking the talk” without “walking the walk” because they think they’re special and the rules don’t apply to them.

      Judgement Day’s gonna be brutal…

      • I’m not Catholic and so I do apologise if I cause any offense but I get the idea that all sins are forgiven during the last rites. As a nation, we Brits (well, those ones of us who strongly disagreed with Iraq) believe this is why Tony Blair converted after he left office.

        • They’re only forgiven if you’re TRULY sorry for all of them. So don’t worry , we know they aren’t truly sorry, so they’ll be going to the burny place all in due time.

  • I also kept wondering how he was coming up with so much crap to tell the MC at each session. I snooped in his work binder and found the list ( spark note version) of everything that was wrong with me and why everything was all my fault written on the back of my Victoria Secret catalog that he had swiped ( and he wasn’t ordering from the catalog either if you get my drift ).

    • Mine also had a list. It included things like:

      1. I spent too much. (He’s a college professor; he never earned enough.)
      2. He didn’t like how I was raising the kids. (He couldn’t be bothered 95% of the time.)
      3. We didn’t entertain enough. (HE entertained. I did all the work.)
      4. I wasn’t religious enough. (As opposed to him, cheating on me.)

      I never made a list of HIS faults, although he had plenty. Wonder if this is part of “Cheater 101: How to Justify the Affair” course? Because all cheaters seem to one…

      • My STBX made a list too – right before he embarked on his last two affairs!!!! Is that something that they teach in cheater school? Is that a lower level or upper level class?

        • Mine also had a list and offered to read it to me.

          I knew better and declined the offer, but I still wasn’t recognising the emotional abuse yet.

          I agree 100% that it is right there in the “Cheating for dummies” book that they all read.

            • I got the same list AND an 8 page Master’s dissertation on what was wrong with our marriage. Of course, he never knew until he had a relationship with a whore to compare it to. That’s why it took him 25+ years to figure it out.

              They are so universal in their “it’s not my fault, it’s yours” point of view that the only way to deal with it is to truly go no contact. Don’t give the insanity a chance to invade your head.

              • I’d bet all of us have had “lists” made about our faults by the ex – seems de rigueur for the cheaters of the world.

            • Me too, and he also said his list (which he never shared until he decided to walk out) was the reason he was leaving me. Makes me feel so much better to know this is classic cheater behavior!

      • Mine went to our last MC session with a two page spreadsheet where he had documented for over a month every single hour he observed me spending on “work” (i.e. such as the 8+hours a day at my job, housework, yard work, cooking, caring for children) and every single hour he observed me doing “leisure activities” such as showering, reading, watching TV, etc. Yes, he had a spreadsheet with exact (to the minute) times and details on each “activity.” His purpose was to show the MC that I spent a total of 3 hours less per week on “work” than he did (as he also cataloged his activities on a separate 2-page spreadsheet). Once I pointed out my 1.5 total hour commute each day to work (he worked from home as a “consultant”), the scale tipped in my favor. He looked horrified when I pointed that out. I looked horrified that he would do such a thing and WHY? Just another one of his many bizarre, controlling actions.

        • OMG, what a freak! How about the time he spent compiling that spreadsheet? That right there tipped the scale in your favor. The level of self absorption and entitlement of these monsters boggles my mind.

        • Mine kept a journal which was supposedly for work. After I decided to read it I discovered he was writing about me as I walked around the house. Creep.

  • Here it goes….
    1. Bought me a t-shirt with a long haired chihuahua’s face on it as I have a long haired chihuahua and bought himself a t-shirt with a pig face on it.
    2. Post break up sent me a computer typed letter via snail mail which arrived on April Fools Day (Now know as the April Fools Letter) admitting to going once while we were together to get a hand job at a massage parlor (while I was in Paris for work and he was taking care of my dog), and twice to the same woman he met on Craigs List Casual Encounters. Then he signed the letter with his name typewritten underneath the signature! (that had me laughing out loud).

  • How about an X who is a total germaphobe, who would stare down and harass anyone who so much as clears their throat, for spreading germs. But who himself would publicly pick residue from any of his orifices and sniff it like a monkey. Who in addition, would solicit all kinds of favors from escorts, bdsm workers, and other skank and seemingly not consider the inherent risks of those germ factories. Then, when presented with evidence that I have an STD and I have never had sex with anyone but him, he prevaricates that he’s “all clear” despite reoccurring funkyness on his penis! Oh the irony!

  • XH worked in a service industry. Let’s say he was a plumber. When he would mention someone, I would ask “Is he/she a client?” and he would answer “Yes, she is a fan.”

    A “fan”. Of a PLUMBER. I think that is freaky all around.

  • Hi Chumps, I’m a new poster, but I can play this!

    During his last few months in the house, my ex spirited away some of his prized possessions and I kept a list of things that disappeared.

    One entry read, “Gas masks and porn.”

    I did not realize how odd my ex was until after I started writing this stuff down!

    • “Gas masks and porn.” Just, wow. As Kelly Bundy used to say, “The mind wobbles.”

      Makes me imagine other survival-equipment / sex-toy combos:

      “Life jackets and dildos.”
      “Snorkels and lube”
      “Road flares and ribbed rubbers”
      “Snow shoes and strap-ons”
      “Canteens and c*ck rings”

      • Nomar, I almost spewed tea through my nose reading this! My eyes are watering from trying to hold back the laughs! Don’t want to wake up son and have to explain what’s so funny!

        • Ha I almost spewed tea too. 🙂
          Since reading this I have been humming and thinking to myself:

          C-clamps and ball-gags all tied up with strings,
          These are a few of my favourite things….

      • You guys are too funny! I’d wondered if it was just my sense of humor. My favorite is, “Snow shoes and strap-ons”. But that sounds like someone chasing Sasquatch;-)

      • I love snorkels and lube! I can just picture the redneck guys in my town sniffling, hoisting up their pants, and saying “Yep, headin’ down to the ol’ snorkel and lube. Got a big weekend planned.”

      • This was hilarious!!! I’m glad I’m alone right now – I’d hate to have to explain what’s so funny!

      • I am still laughing! Last night, I was at a Christmas function and more combinations popped into my head…just couldn’t stop myself. (No, I said none of this out loud, but I looked happy which was good since I attended by myself!) Here we go…

        “Night Vision and nipple clamps”
        “Water preservative and penis pump”
        “Mason jars and merkins”
        “Oh honey, don’t forget your ghillie suit and kama sutra!”

    • Dang, my sex life must have been ridiculously boring, I never thought of gas masks (well, it is now considering I’ve been celibate for the past 9 months thanks to my now-XW…Yep, it’s official now!).

      Seriously though, so sorry you had to go through that. You’re in the right place.

  • Charming exH had one sister who was killed in a car accident while we were married. He used the excuse of her death to explain why he kept returning to his hometown (in Europe) for weeks at a time – he told me he was working on adopting her surviving 8 year old daughter. Turns out the documents he requested from me for the “adoption” were really for a visa application for the OW – the one he had the entire 10 years we were married; the one he swore on his (now dead) sister’s life that he wasn’t cheating with…and the trips were used to set up an entire house (cars, furniture) with the OW while still married to me and expecting our 2nd child.

    Oh, and the other excuse that he used for his “travel” was that his mother’s cancer was back and she was dying. Turns out she wasn’t sick….at all. That’s my prince.

  • My XH wrote me a proposal he called “The House Bet”. He wanted to be free to do whatever he wanted with whomever he wanted for a year. If, after the year, he did not want to still be married to me, he would give me the house. If, after the year, I did not want to be married to him but he wanted to come back, I had to give him the house. He says in there he is so sure he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, he is willing to bet the house on it.
    Lucky me!!!!

  • This should come with a warning but here goes:

    1. X was operated on for a fistula and had an open wound in his nether region (I termed it the “mangina”) and went straight from the hospital to the OW bed. I’m guessing she never used those sheets again.

    2. X took OW to a football game and then spent the remainder of the evening rolling around with her in a dog park in fido and friends excrement.

    3. X set up a secret facebook group so he and OW could communicate. He called it the Scooby Doo Aficionado Club. WTF?

    • ruh roh shaggy

      You’re *waiting* for Karma to paste this guy? Karma’s got a gun to his back pushing him down the track!

      • You’re right, I need a change of moniker. Especially since he has been arrested twice since our separation and is now facing a string of criminal charges. After I found out about the last affair, I was an emotional wreck. Through my tears I asked him why he would do something like this to me. His answer? I knew you’d get through it, you’re resilient. Yes, more than you know buddy.

    • Isn’t the expression “when the doo hits the afficianado” or something like that?

      Sounds like the perfect name for their club.

  • Here are examples from my family:

    1. My uncle had two families in Dallas for 10 years. I always wondered why he was so tired when we visited.

    2. My grandfather ran off with my grandmother’s best friend. He had a journalist friend write an obituary reporting that he and OW had been killed in a car wreck so my grandmother (who had 5 kids) wouldn’t look for him.

    3. My ex’s coworker’s kids called him “Uncle” in front of me once. I asked my ex why they did this and he said “they call everybody Uncle.”

  • After telling me about the exit affair in sordid detail and dumping me, “You need to activate texting on our phone plan. The new flame and I prefer texting with each other”.

  • This is related to the OW. When I confronted her with the fact that I knew she and my husband were having an affair, I said (among other things): You had sex with my husband in an alley! She said back to me: No, that ‘s not true. (pause) It was a parking lot.

    Well that makes it so much better, dontcha think?

    • Ha ha ha! Similar experience. I confronted the Ow with the fact that they were screwing in MY lake house and her comment back was “sometimes we went to a motel”.

      They are all so horribly common.

    • That’s fucking ridiculous (of course) but I’ve noticed that both cheaters and cheat partners are notorious sticklers for needless semantics at the most irrelevant moments.

      “I didn’t kill him! The bullets from my gun did!”

      • This reminds me of seeing the OW’s car in my husband’s (we were separated at the time) driveway. I called him on my cell phone and asked whose red Toyota was in the driveway as he was supposedly wanting to reconcile with me and broken up with OW. The first thing out of his mouth was that it was NOT a Toyota, it was a Mercedes.

        Good to know

    • XH sent OW items from Victoria’s Secret. When I asked her, “Who accepts lingerie from a married man?” she said, “It was underwear, not lingerie.”


    • What is it with parking lots???? My ex, a douchebag cop, would screw his little married coworker in the back of our truck at either the college parking lot, or the FOP lodge parking lot. Oh, and the kids carseat was in the back seat. How classy!!! LMAO!

      • “What is it with parking lots????”

        I know! My hubby pulled “it” out in the parking lot of an after school care facility while his AP waited for her kids to come out.

        • The thing that I found so comical and I said to him… Don’t you bust people for doing that??? What a fine example of law enforcement you are? (eyes rolling….)

  • I know I’ve written about this before, but the OW was/is a family and marriage counselor. There has to be a special place is hell for someone this twisted.

  • Hey folks, several comments are winding up in my spam filter. So if you post and it doesn’t go through — please drop me a line at and I’ll fish it out for you. Nothing personal — my spam filter just gets a little overzealous sometimes!

  • 1. She met some of her affair partners online playing World of Warcraft (“World of Whore-craft”), and after I divorced her the centerpiece of her wedding to the final affair partner was a painting of their in-game avatars (“Troll Priests”) in a troll wedding ceremony.

    2. She left her laptop open and sometimes wandered away so that our then-12-year-old son could see her chats with an affair partner, leading him one night at dinner to ask her playfully who that was on the Internet that she kept saying “I love you” to (Yes, she was busted in front of me by our son).

    3. After D-Day I discovered that she’d kept a daily “true life” online blog about our family for years, using a pseudonym but posting pictures of us all on it, which blog contained lots of lies and sometimes graphic sexual writing and made me out to be a dorky jerk but that became fairly popular and about which she was ultimately interviewed by a prominent newspaper in Europe.

    • As much as I want to draw Twu Troll Wuv, it would be nepotism to let you win. Like the Dancing Sasquatch, cheater fantasy *trolls* take crazy to a whole new level. But thanks for playing! 🙂

      • Yeah, trolls are crazy. As are Dungeons and Dragons characters who “meet” in a tavern and have sex before, during and after setting out on an adventure together. (depending upon the roll of the dice, dontcha know?) Uncle Daddy’s character was a dwarf, his married AP always played a Paladin, and during a “quest” the characters had copious amounts of sex together. I read the outline of two different “adventures” he wrote for him and his Schmoopy. Sex in the makebelieve forest behind the makebelieve tavern, humping on a makebelieve tree stump… Since these two played these game on pen and paper I could only believe that the sex part was the only part that wasn’t makebelieve.
        Serious YUCK factor!

      • It may be nepotism, but #3 is pretty high up there in the humiliation quotient. Wow.

        Mr. Chumplady, you deserve all you have coming to you (meaning a good life with Chumplady, of course).

        • Right? A bit “Truman Show” after the fact. I mean, I had no idea until I started snooping after D-day. The raunchy sexual stuff (say, a graphic recounting of some really rough sex in high school that she recalled fondly) right next to pictures of her cuddling our kids really turned my stomach. Even more hurtful than the sense of violation was the overwhelming conclusion that I had NO IDEA who this person was. None. The person she made up to be with me was just as fictional as the persona she invented for her edgy-soccer-mom blog. Even now it sends a chill down my spine.

          • Nasty sex narratives alongside pictures of your kids?!

            You need to have her take down those pictures ASAP. If she doesn’t, get lawyers involved. She can say or do anything she wants with HER image, but this impacts your kids.

            Because if you Google your kids’ names, those pictures will probably come up in Google images. If you click on the image, it will take you to that post. Or, if you (or anyone else) upload a picture of your kids to Google, and do an image search for similar images, that picture and post will come up.

            If you don’t want your kids, their friends, their teachers, etc., reading that garbage, get their pictures off that blog NOW. I can’t believe she’d shame your or her kids like that. Sick!

            • Red, yeah, I threatened legal action and got her take the blog down even before the divorce came through, though I half suspect she eventually put it up under some other name because she’s so very proud of the writing (Blue Sasquatch that she is). The prime years for her blog were ’97 through about 2006, and my kids are much older now, so I’m hopeful the Google image search thing won’t come back to bite anyone in the butt. If it does, that will have to be an issue between my adult children and their crazy mom.

              • Glad to hear it. I also have a blog (for business women) and shared pictures of my kids years ago when they were little. D14 did a Google search on her own name, saw the pictures from 2005 (when she was 4), and asked me to pull them down. I thought she looked adorable (in costume for a dance recital), but honored her request.

                Just didn’t want your kids to do the same and be mortified, but it sounds like you’ve got it under control. Good job!

          • Welcome Mr CL!
            And so sorry that your kids have this mortification factor in their lives, takes embarrassing your kids to a whole new level.

            • Well, the kids have no idea about the blog. They know the marriage ended due to infidelity, but not about the blog. And I hope they never do.

    • That’s just sick. And this from someone who plays online games. I never got into WoW, though.

      Second Life was vehicle of infidelity for one of my gaming community’s members. Initially, my guildmate was thrilled, as his wife didn’t like online games and he’d always wanted to play with her, and in fact curbed a lot of his time so that they’d have time to do things as a couple. He figured Second Life would be a stepping stone to bigger and better things.

      Apparently his wife decided that games were awesome for socializing, and started several EAs, and then started meeting up with the men she met in Second Life.

      In your case, the blog just blows the whole thing into surreal.

    • Number 2 wins for me…seemed to reach another level of abuse toward one’s child.
      Only could have been worse if teenager had found a used condom in the living room, during a time you were away.

  • It’s tough to narrow down 10 years of a double life to 3 sentences – so much material from which to choose! Here goes:

    1. During the course of our marriage, XH and I lived in 3 different houses and had 3 new beds. He fucked a different woman (at least one) on each of those marital beds and in each new house.

    2. On Dday, he was sobbing about how sorry he was. Sitting on the floor, covering his face he was crying so hard, sobs so loud he could barely get out the words. Almost too loud. Finally, after a few minutes, I said, “You’re not really crying, are you?” He immediately stops, removes his hands from his face and says in a completely calm voice, “Yeah, but I was really close to crying.”

    3. We had an electric toothbrush. After a while, we stopped swapping the heads from mine to his and just shared one head, which many people find gross but I didn’t mind, until I found out about his secret life. He would fuck other people and put his mouth *there* and then brush his teeth with OUR toothbrush. I BRUSHED MY TEETH WITH THAT TOOTHBRUSH! d.i.s.g.u.s.t.i.n.g

    • Number two sounds like something from a comedy routine, but not in a good way. Real life really is stranger than fiction sometimes. Bet you’re glad to be rid of him.

    • 2. is seriously creepy. One of the most creepy things I have heard.

      3. I hope you used that head from that moment on, to clean the toilet. I might have done this once or twice. Or thought about it.

      Gad, 2 is creepy!

    • That crying thing is seriously creepy. He is disordered for sure.

      My ex once boasted to our son that he could cry at will, and that the way he summoned up the tears was to think of son committing suicide. Nice thing to tell your teenage son, huh?

        • My ex might be bizarrely hilarious, and his videos and book are certainly fodder for comedy, but behind all that craziness, he is evil. I’m actually afraid of him, and would be thrilled if our son decided to sever all relations with the ex. I believe son eventually will do so, as he knows his dad is a bad person.

          Besides cheating, lying and manipulating constantly throughout marriage, my ex:

          Blackmailed at least one married man he slept with. I know this for sure. I suspect, but don’t know for sure, that he also attempted to blackmail several other people.

          He has conned a lot of people out of money, including his own parents.

          He’s staged health emergencies for attention.

          He uses and manipulates other people to a shocking degree. One day he’s going to con the wrong person, and he is going to pay a serious price. I just pray that when that day comes, our son is not with him.

          • GIO – I am full of admiration for you. Your heart must be enormous to have tried to love this monster for so long, I really hope someone wonderful has snapped you up now. I doff my cap to you 🙂

          • “One day he’s going to con the wrong person, and he is going to pay a serious price.”

            This could happen with the cheating alone, let alone all the other stuff. Cheating with other married people is double dangerous. Never know when some angry husband/wife will catch you and go nuts. My therapist, when trying to convince my ex that cheating was a bad idea, said to him: “Cheat once, lose your wife. Keep cheating, lose your life.”

            I hope your ex wises up and stops, and I definitely hope your son is always out of harm’s way. Thank goodness you have custody.

    • Mine cried on dday and said all sorts of things. When I started crying he said ‘oh, come on, it’s not that bad. Stop crying like a teenager’. He’s all heart, that one.

    • Oh noooooooo! (in response to #3). How they choose not to acknowledge how fucked up it is to subject their spouses to horrific experiences like that is something I will NEVER EVER EVER understand. Truly sick.

  • Challenge Accepted, Fellow Chumps! I’ll see your bet and I’ll raise you:
    After DDays 1-3, XH was desperately pretending to reconcile. Then I saw OW-dingbat-paralegal’s text on his phone after we’d just had dinner w/ his grandmother. Here’s what happened next:
    1. XH threw the deck chairs into the pool, then jumped into the pool fully clothed in his suit and shoes.
    2. As I was calling dingbat OW to have a chat w/her, he ran into the house. After searching the rooms and yelling for him, I found him hiding upstairs, naked and lying in a sleeping bag on the floor.
    3. He didn’t feel like talking to me, so he stood up and – still wearing only the sleeping bag – bunny hopped his way out of the room, and slid down the stairs on his butt (like sledding down a hill!)

  • I have two,

    1) After I finally found full-time work after a year of unemployment and sole bread winner, my STBXW decides the bathroom must be remodeled. This makes no sense to me as we should be correcting our finances. She doesn’t want three bids and already has contactor picked out. Turns out after the project is complete, this is the 3rd AP she was sleeping with for a year.

    2) Stops wearing wedding bad. Instead she starts wearing a silver ring with snakes and diamonds on her ring finger. I ask why that ring. She states it was a gift from her sister. WTF!

  • During false reconciliation, STBX would download sappy country love songs on iTunes, which would infuriate me as many of them were “Their Songs”, and he had previously hated country music. Finally he downloaded a song named after the mistress. When I confronted him, he denied it having anything to do with the affair and that he just liked the song, and that I was delusional and invading his privacy. What an asshole.

    • My ex had Bon Jovi’s song “I want to lay you down in a bed of roses” for his coworker AP’s ringtone on his phone. I discovered this after picking it up when it went off while he was upstairs. When I confronted him about it he told me his phone chose songs for ringtones randomly. Funny that everyone else in our family had static ringtones on his phone.

  • There are many to chose from but one that seemed to hurt me the most was when he started to bring our child to OW house and said at least they never fucked in front of him. Then again, he admitted to the fact that he did fuck her in her husband’s bed with her infant laying in the crib next door.

  • Mine are more for my XW’s family:

    1. Father-in-law called me to tell me that I can be the one to stop the trend of divorce in my family.

    2. Cousin of XW called me and mentioned a relationship she had with an ex where there were trust issues and she was glad to be out of the relationship. Next conversation she called me a loser and a quitter because I’m not going to stay with someone who lies and cheats on me repeatedly. I hope her cousin got the same message, but I know she didn’t.

  • I only have one – thank goodness. After confronting her, she says: “well now that you know, can we have one of those open marriages, I will still be a good wife – this will just be a side thing”. I calmly asked her to leave and never come back.

  • Haha. The OW in my case was cheating on her husband/father of her 4 children ages 6-15. She later bailed and left her kids with their Dad. During the affair my ex set her up in business (if you could call it that) as a “life coach” who advertises on her website that she helps people to develop positive attributes including honesty and reliability.

    • Oh, and in celebration of the season OW/life coach posted on Facebook a picture of a baby Jesus that she made with fingernail clippings.

    • OMG!!!!! The life coach advertising how she develops honesty and positive attributes totally reminds me of my ex, but the fingernail clippings!!!!!!! I’m surprised she wasn’t struck down by a lightning bolt!

      • This all has reminded me of another good, maybe connected story about OW. My daughters were young adults living out of state but sometimes went to their old hairdresser when they came home. They knew about OW, but had not met her, when one of them got a phone call from the old hair dresser who said that OW had made an appointment to see her, then came in and interrogated her about my daughters while she got her hair cut. Keep in mind, this is a hole-in-the-wall salon a fair distance from where OW lived and there is simply no reason for her to go there other than that she found out my daughters went there. That freaked out my daughter, as does the fact that OW has now listed that salon as one of the places she “likes” on her Facebook page.

        Do you think she “likes” the salon because they save up clippings from manicures for her artwork? Just thought of that possibility this morning. Lol.

        Regardless, none of this relates to the contest because it isn’t about what a freak my ex is. Unless it’s just that he’s a freak because he thinks he has traded up. Or maybe I should be submitting it all as an entry on behalf of her ex H.

        • But Greg, “this piece aims to explore gender roles and sexual repression both historical and contemporary.” So not only is it art, it’s deep, philosophical, political art. And something that could be used to put a voodoo curse on someone as well.

          I think the artist who made the fingernail/teeth flowers should be freak of the week.

  • 1. Told me (as we were arguing across from each other at the dining room table in his vacation condo, while I had my laptop open and discovered he’d left himself logged into his email account and found-just the tip of the iceberg of his cheating emails) that he suspected I might be cheating on him. I quietly booked a flight home while he raged at me, slipped into the master suite under the guise of using the restroom, packed my suitcase, and walked out. After a few days of browsing in-depth into his email, I discovered a dozen APs in five months time, and emails bragging to his best friend about what a man-whore he was.

    2. While practicing his super manipulation skills post-split to get me back, he told me I’d never find another man like him. I told him, “I hope to hell not!”

  • Annnddd I can play this! I used actual transcript…you can’t make this shit up 🙂

    Protective Order hearing, husband on the stand; my attorney submits a wicked foot long scythe knife to the judge, saying; This was found in his bedroom under the pillow.

    Attorney asks: And you had a weapon under your pillow; isn’t that right?

    Husband answers: It’s religious — I’m a Wiccan. Attorney asks: What is a Wiccan? Husband answers: I’m a pagan, a witch. (The look on the judges face? PRICELESS)

      • At the time it wasn’t funny, but when I told my BFF what went down in the courtroom we both laughed hysterically, he helped me get the PO 🙂

          • And it would need to have a bone handle, be small because it’s used for cutting herbs. But being a witch was his new thing, pretending to be a Pagan, you know cos they have nude rituals? I kid you not, he bought the book “Paganism for Dummies”. I was surprised there even was such a book

            • Just proves there is a market for everything.

              The Hopium of Cool, for one. Mr Fab still has hair to his ass and wears an amulet the Downgrade gave him. It has magical superpowers….of making him look like an also ran for the Doobie Brothers.

              Thanks again for this post, CL. The rigamaroles and shennanigans of all these fucktards is the gift that keeps on giving, some tragic, some comic.

              To use a Harry Potter (fictional magic) reference, these guys are Boggarts, and the spell is, “Ridikulus!”

              • And Dat, please excuse my levity- that knife incident was hideous, and i sincerely hope that was as bad as it ever got!

  • I caught him cheating, we broke up,and a few mos later, I began dating another man. Ex began stalking me, to the point of making phone calls to my friends, doing recon at bars I liked to go to,and actually spying through the window on me and new man. Then he got upset when he saw something he should not have seen; I guess he missed the memo on the definition of “broken up.”

  • It’s my first comment since joining the CL world, so here goes:

    1) He said he needed multiple women, but he will continue to be a gentleman and remain committed and dedicated to me and my son. To make it fair, the girl he’ll end up with will know this fact.

    2) He moved in with the OW (former student half his age; he’s 46) and told our son that she was the live in nanny.

    3) He suggested that after the divorce, he could still imagine that we can become romantically involved again and maybe someday I will be the other woman on the side.

    My soon to be ex is a piece of work!

    • OMG, like my ex saying how a lot of people get divorced but still live together, so can we….WTF is with these people?

      • Another example of his gentlemanly gestures is that he’s refusing to pay for debt under my name that was accrued before the filing. I was a stay-at-home and he was the breadwinner. He is now using his financial advantage to get me to agree to his terms. I think not and I think he could just eat sh$t!

    • Mine said ‘maybe we can get back together in 5 or 10 years’. This was moments after he refused to sign the divorce papers. I just sent him out the door but remember thinking ‘what, you’re throwing me a bone to keep me on hold for an entire decade? I don’t think so, bubs’.

      • CL, it is quite disgusting in my eyes, too! And to think he has a 20 year-old daughter makes it even worse! I wonder what his daughter really thinks? She has to be unnerved. His continued rewriting of history, delusions of grandeur, projections and outright lying are taxing! Never in my life would I have imagined being a rising star in a real-life soap opera drama. Karma can’t come soon enough!

        • ct, I know how you feel! I couldn’t believe how my life turned into a soap opera overnight. My daughter is 22, and she has lost all respect for cheater dad and is angry as hell. This is the price these assholes pay for their choices.

          • Fortunately, my son is only eight so he still has his innocence, but the new situation his dad has presented in his life is not healthy. His dad is showing him really bad messages about marriage and what it means to be a man in general. I’ve been told that my son will make his own judgements when he is of age and will realize the error in his father’s ways. Someday. All I can do is love him as I always have.

    • I think we have a winner (and I’m so sad, I’m very glad I escaped that role as gatekeeper).

      My ex also had an attraction for Danish women. His OW is Danish, 400 miles away, he would block days at so called ‘workshops’ to fly there for a day of extramarital fun. Her English is as bad as his Danish (why o why did I never question his sudden love for that language?!), but twuuu love doesn’t need any real communication, does it?

      My inlaws were not most shocked by his cheating and stealing, but by finding out he tried to move his deceased father’s funeral to fit into his fake ‘workshop’ schedule. I know, pretty low, but there were other far deeper lows for me and our children…

      • What a pathetic low-life! Rearranging his dad’s funeral to screw his mistress????? I can’t even fathom what kind of person could do this….

      • My apologies to Michelle for putting words in her mouth. Who knows what she was thinking.

        By all means, let’s give a total pass to the sophomoric behavior of a PRIME MINISTER just because they happen to be female, attractive and Nordic.

        I didn’t have feelings one way or another for Michelle Obama but I sure like her now. If she were president, I’ll bet she could comport herself with the dignity and respect the occasion deserved, to say nothing of the maturity that is assumed because one holds a position such as that.

        • It’s irrelevant what she is: blonde, brunette, long-legged or stumpy. You’re calling her a slut for no good reason than she took a selfie that you don’t approve of. Sorry, but calling women sluts because you have no imagination to fashion a reasonable argument about why you don’t like this is bs.

          The First Lady could have had gas for all we know.

      • Hey, just to set the record straight, here is the explanation from the guy who took those shots:

        He says in part: “South Africans were dancing, singing and laughing to honour their departed leader. It was more like a carnival atmosphere, not at all morbid. The ceremony had already gone on for two hours and would last another two. The atmosphere was totally relaxed – I didn’t see anything shocking in my viewfinder, president of the US or not.”

        Many people celebrate the life of the departed at a funeral rather than grieve at it.

        • But celebrating someone’s life and the immense contribution it made is – in my humble opinion – not equal to making a selfie – wich is self-centered, putting yourself into focus (literally) and for me – next to Danish women, which is biased and I should really get over that, sorry – an outright trigger.

          The photographer said Michelle’s expression was momentaneous, just captured by his camera. But why do I see it in several photographs ánd is she sitting between her husband and the Danish PM then in the last shot?

          I really hope that it’s my mind filling in the gaps, placing her as the gatekeeper of her marriage. Innocent flirtation? I see something different in her eyes. She will probably deny and stand by her man…

  • 1. I was able to crack his password 3 times (when I knew he was cheating and wanted to be sure before confronting him). The OW emailed him saying “I figured this would be the safest way to contact you so your wife doesn’t find out”. Umm…nope.
    2. My EX and OW are both paramedics and were CAUGHT getting out of the back of the ambulance together. No patient back there…just them! There’s our tax dollars hard at work.
    3. Saved for over a year to take EX to Las Vegas for his 30th bday (as a surprise). Arranged childcare for my 2 babies, packed his bags, arranged time off work, drove to airport…surprise! The surprise was on me. He told me that night he wasn’t coming home with me and I spent the next 4 days alone in another country by myself while he text her saying “I’m drinking and partying on the dime of my STBX”. Asshole!

    • Yep – my XB is a fireman and EMT. He made me a chump by telling me he was getting a divorce, separated, etc. His wife was unstable, a danger to herself, etc. None of it was true. He lied about everything, even the little unnecessary things, like that he was a chef and a physical trainer once – both totally not true. The wife and I checked out his stories and we found 7 other women he was cheating/cheated with in a two year span. Firemen are the WORST and their reputation as, pardon my french, fuckpigs is well deserved. He spends hours while at work chatting online and on his phone. The best was when I sent the wife everything for her divorce. Will she leave him? Who knows, but at least I dodged a bullet and got her ammo. The worst part – he reported her fraudulently to children’s services and lied about her threatening suicide in front of their kid. How can anyone DO that kind of thing? To the mother of their kid? That’s just plain psycho.

  • This is my second post, so you can disqualify me, but I want to project today:

    1. The day after DDay she is a reborn Christian. She tells me that I am breaking my promise to God. Once I point out that she broke the promise that we made in front of God, family and friends, she says, I didn’t have a relationship with God then. Well, you had a relationship with me!

    2. I watched porn during our marriage and she tells me that I was cheating on her way more than she ever did to me because I had more orgasms that she ever did with AP. My masturbating in our house is not worse than your trips to Wisconsin and Vegas with another dude… sorry.

  • Mine tried to set his AP up with his brother, before I knew about the affair. Brother wasn’t interested, but the plan was for them to cheat on both me and his brother.

  • 1) After informing me that he was going to run off with the OW within the hour, he told me I could stay in the house…he would still come and go as he pleased, though, with his own set of house keys, so he could see the kids, eat, and do laundry and stuff. ?!?!

    2) After I GPS’d his dick at 2am to the vacant home for sale that he was using to boink his realtor OW, he continued to deny the meetup place, saying he just wanted to go for a “walk around the block”. Well, he and his OW both have definitely Been Around the Block, so I guess that part fits…..

    3) When telling me all the reasons I wasn’t fun and therefore why he had to cheat on me, he included the Party Limo he rented for a drunken night that I wasn’t able to attend because he didn’t tell me about it until it was too late, plus I was 7 months pregnant and couldn’t drink!!?? Kinda glad I didn’t go, cause wouldn’tcha know he invited the OW and it would have been *soooo* *fun* to party with HER all night…sheesh

    • Oh brother, this ‘fun’ shit. Yep, it’s a lot of fun staying home raising kids while my ex was out screwing around all the time. And, you know, all that fun of cleaning, cooking, laundry, ironing, etc etc etc. But I just wasn’t as fun as the various OW who were all much younger with no responsibilities other than having a good time and trying to make to work each morning. WEll, now he’s got a ‘fun’ girl and she’s lashed him down tight. And guess who’s having fun now….:)

  • Oh, I was told I was being unfaithful by virtue of having a dildo (my pal is a talented glassblower) that HE didn’t pick out….

  • After we separated he asked me very seriously if I would do him a favor and be celibate. When I told him just what a ridiculous request this was he said, “well at least don’t sleep with anyone in the bed we shared.”

    Yeah sure, buddy. I’ll respect your wishes as you did mine.

  • Along related lines, 3 freakazoid facts about my cheating ex’s final affair partner, whom she eventually married:

    1. He named the son and daughter in his first marriage James and Kathryn after two captains from the Star Trek franchise, James Kirk and Kathryn Janeway.
    2. When I called his wife to let her know about the affair she said she knew about it and was already beginning to look forward to life without him, saying, “He can wipe his boogers on her bed sheets from now on, since I could never get him to stop doing it.”
    3. During their first Christmas as man and wife, his gift to my ex was a new version of . . . Microsoft Office.

  • I had a baby in Dec, moved to a different state the following month to start a new job, and had his parents move in with me under my husband’s insistence. He didn’t move with us since he couldn’t find a job, so we saw him every other weekend until he announced in July that he wanted a divorce. Found out a few weeks later that he was having an affair with someone in yet another state and now has plans to move to be with her.

    His parents are still living with me.

            • They are very disappointed in their son. Their way of dealing with the situation is to ignore it. My husband thinks that he has done nothing wrong and doesn’t understand why I won’t talk to him. I went NC on him after my father died in August and he flew to visit his AP the very next week. His mother doesn’t understand why I don’t want to plan our daughter’s birthday party with him.

              • Bud, you are really close. But instead of being chumped she was just abandoned. My husband’s biological father abandoned his mother while she was pregnant with him. His father never even saw him.

                My husband convinced me to have them live with me because his step-father is recovering from cancer and he was afraid he was going to die. How can I have them NOT live with me?

                My own father died of cancer in August.
                My dog of 12 years died in April.
                It’s been a really rough year.

  • I don’t think this will make the running, but here goes: EX had just moved in with the OW a month after our separation (1 1/2 miles away from our house, no less and on my drive to work everyday) and had double knee replacement surgery. Informed me that I would be “co-emergency” contact with the OW. Then called practically in tears because neither me or the kids came down to visit him at the hospital, even though he was in real pain and he’d make sure that the OW would be at dinner and not in the room when we came.

    Looking back – I must have been the stupidest person in the world to even tolerate such an asshole.

    • Char, not stupid! Trusting, loving and yes, maybe gullible. But isn’t that what marriage is based on–love and trust? So…NOT STUPID! That is negative self-talk and you must rid yourself of it. These cheaters are so good at lying and manipulation. You deserve so much more.

  • When I had to clean a nasty Trojan virus off the home computer for the THIRD freaking time (!) because it turned out XH developed a penchant for surfing pantyhose porn sites. I wish I could disinfect my own eyeballs after seeing that crap…

    • I probably don’t want to know what a “pantyhose” porn site is like….it cracked me up but I’m NOT going to google that

    • OMG! Same thing here with the porn! Actually blamed it on me……said that he needed a dirty nasty freak in bed and I was not willing to do the sick stuff he wanted, so I was really to blame for the Virus’s!!

  • My XH said that the kids could live with him and OW, but that I could visit the kids whenever I wanted and that it would be great for me as I wouldn’t have to worry about childcare (because the kids would be cared for someone I could trust (i.e., the OW)) and I could just concentrate on my career!

    • I was told the same thing blueberry! The OW could watch the girls in the summer that way we didn’t have to pay for childcare. Since she “loves them” so much. Is he crazy??????

      • Translation:
        1. OW doesn’t make as much as you theoretically can and is best put to work at childcare.
        2. If you agree to that, it makes it easier to get full custody and then they can sue you for child support, since you have a paying job.
        3. Once the kids are with them, they can control the narrative.

        My ex’s pregnant OW was so determined to get kids away from me (at least my son) that she had him proposing all sorts of stuff to my bewildered son. The best one was to rent an RV to travel to an out of town baseball tournament because “she just wants to get to know you better” You’re gonna eventually pay for that one, bitch.

    • Ha! Ex told the kids they would live with him while I would get a small place close by and he would bring OW over for dinner and if they liked her she’d stay. Turns out I stayed in the home, he got the small place (which was for him to ‘build a home for his children’) he moved final OW very fast and other than a bed and the odd bit of clothing the kids havenothing over there and it is not their home. One of them ‘visits’ him, the other has nothing to do with it.

  • Here’s a few:

    1) I caught him looking at my dad’s porn and he tried to tell me that it was “just sitting out anyway” (as if that makes it better). This was porn on the computer my dad went to extensive measures to hide in locked files so no one accidentally found it. It was also on my dad’s personal profile that was passworded. Oh, and my mom was in the next room.

    2) Bought a car he couldn’t afford and got to keep it for a week before he had to return it to the dealership. The bank withdrew his loan because of shitty credit.

      • It was weird because he had just promised me not a week before that he’d stopped. I found him and his first answer was “But it’s your dad’s!” Like that was going to make it better. THEN came “it was sitting out.” My dad wasn’t even home.

        I think it either wasn’t my dad’s and that was a really half-assed lie, or he was really digging for it.

  • Awwww, I don’t get to play? LOL! Well, how about an unofficial entry? And I don’t even need to mention the dancing bigfoot videos, the prancing nude leotard video or the book about himself, which contains such gems as: “Mr Crazy has an innate ability to bring joy to others lives simply by being in his presence,” and “Mr Crazy walks the rainbow beams of balance between hilarity and life problems.” My ex is bad even without that stuff.

    1. He gave his married OW three conditions for their affair: She had to spend one night a week with him, have dinner with him at least once a week and she had to get a secret cell phone to call him because her husband had blocked his number on her regular phone.

    2. During our separation, he sent me a half-consumed box of Cream of Wheat because he said it “gave him gas” and he thought I could use the cereal.

    3. I was told by someone in his family that he had actually bragged to his sister about getting blow jobs from men in his office at work. This was while we were still married.

    • During our separation, he sent me a half-consumed box of Cream of Wheat because he said it “gave him gas” and he thought I could use the cereal.

      LOL. Not sure which is more “classy”: sending a half-eaten box of Cream of Wheat or saying part of the reason you were doing it was it “gives me gas”.

      • Yeah, he is sheer class. I actually briefly considered keeping the cereal because I DO like Cream of Wheat, but I got kind of paranoid that maybe he’d poisoned it or something, so I threw it out.

        My ex thinks farts are hysterical. He definitely has some sort of digestive issues, because he blasts out the loudest, longest, stinkiest farts of anyone I’ve ever encountered, dozens of times each day. And he will do this right in front of friends, right during dinner parties, while riding with people in the car, just anywhere. Then he laughs about it. Have I mentioned that he is in his late 40s, not 12?

        You know, the more I post here, the more I thank God that it’s over. Very therapeutic!

        • I’m glad you tossed the cream of wheat because that was my thought too.

          Your ex makes me thank God my ex is so pedestrian.

        • This is kind of in league with my X’s birthday gift to me of a lunch bag of onions left on the hood of my car. This is when we were first dating! For my final birthday with X, just two weeks before dday, I got a lunch bag full of his favorite granola bars, which he packed in his lunch later in the week. But really GIO, you have me beat with the cream of wheat!

    • #2- Freudian Slip? He’s giving you leftovers?

      I think we’d all like to see the prancing nude leotard video! Tis the season for sharing, you know… 🙂

  • Tracy there are way to many freaks here to pick. Might want to consider a collage of all these submissions in one large group shot. The image that popped into my mind after reading about all of these freaks is the childrens book “Go Dog Go” where on the last pages there is a drawing of the different dogs having a dog party. Here is an opportunity for the freaks to have a freak party. Maybe some of you remember that.

    or maybe a “Where’s Waldo” type image.

    • OW was the pink cow that wandered onto his field in FarmVille. Ex hoped to win the lottery so he could take the kids and I could take the time to become the wife and mother I should have been from the start. Note: he used our 12 year old wedding photo to “snag” her. Wish I had seen her face when he got off the plane as a mid forties gray haired man .

  • When I noticed the photo from his profile was one of us that he had cropped me out of and was in tears, he said “But I really tried without a photo for a long time out of respect for you. But no one would respond in chat because they thought I wasn’t posting a photo because I was ugly!” Asked where he, who showed zero interest in families photos, got the .jpg, he replied, “Remember when I asked you to copy our last few months photos to CDs so I would finally have pics of the kids at work like you wanted?”

    And this was three years before I finally let go of the idea I couldn’t fix this. . .

    • I couldn’t get beyond this part:

      “But I really tried without a photo for a long time out of respect for you” Ha!!!

  • When I asked my H why he did not stay in France with his new “soulmate”, he said he could not, since he would miss the USA too much(not his daughter or his W). Very patriotic!

  • Just read through the comments and it triggered another one: Mine got elected a deacon at church (which he hated) and would show up for deacons’ meetings or other church events, drop the kids off in child care (supposedly one of the “perks” of him being a deacon), slip out of the deacons’ meeting or event, and have phone sex in the courtyard of the church.

  • 1. His excuse for pursuing/wooing OW, one month after we returned from honeymoon: I didn’t like her. She thought too much of herself, I wanted to teach her a lesson.

    2. I rang OW on night I discovered phone records showing their ‘affair’ (took him 2 years to admit it was more than ‘just’ an emotional affair) and called her a whore. She contacted him to tell him to STOP me contacting her or she would send her boyfriend around to see me. He told her that I’d said I wouldn’t contact her again, but if I did, call the police. He told me that she’d threatened to send boyfriend to see me. I said; ‘OK, I’ll show him the phone records’, he said; ‘what an evil thing to do to an innocent person!’

    3. To this day he believes the thing that killed our marriage was my anger at his betrayal. As far as he is concerned, it is proof positive I NEVER loved him, ever.

    • Yep, it was my anger as well that killed our marraige, not him fucking around for what turns out to be quite a number of years. And the final OW also contacted ex when I tried to ring her (stupid me -no point in doing that) and he said to me ‘what is wrong with you? are you psycho?’ Erm, no, dear ex, I was extremely upset to find out the man I loved and the father of my children had been fucking around on me for years, the latest one young enough to be my daughter.

      • I hear you about the ‘stupidity’ of calling the OW – but I figured, hell! sure, the role I was ‘supposed’ to play was dignified, but above all, SILENT victim, but I thought ‘fuck that!’ – why should I be the only one behaving to script! – while it was down to him whether they screwed my life over, she did at least know he was married – after all, she came to the wedding – why should she not be confronted. She got off very lightly with an unkind name-calling!

        • Yeah, I don’t buy the whole ‘head held high’ bullshit very much. I think it’s another way to keep the betrayed from rocking the boat or making people face the reality that someone is fucked up. I am not quiet about what happened but I am quite beyond it. I say I shouldn’t have bothered to ring the other woman because to her that phone call was a challenge and she was going to ‘win’. Plus, she got to play damsel in distress and my ex knight in shining armour. Now, of course, it’s been two years since I removed myself from the picture and even though ex tries to stir things up with me fairly regularly he gets nothing back. Nada. On the rare occasion he contacts me about something I actually need to respond to it’s one or two words answers with a ‘best regards’ kind of salutation. It took me awhile but I finally caught on to the triangulation he was trying to pull – and her as well. ‘Evil wife’ is such a convenient scapegoat for anything that isn’t right between them. Well, this evil wife is long gone so now they’ve got to deal with each other. Apparently it’s getting a bit desperate over there. 🙂

  • I’ve never posted but this is too much fun to pass up. A few favorite (err…horrifying) freak show discoveries in a ‘nut’ shell:

    1. Oh My Ltd: First, there was a secret obsession with a stripper frequented daily while otherwise pretending to be at work. The real icing though- the subsequent  business plan to make her the star of his imaginary gold mine escort service to ‘fulfill every man’s wildest dream.’ Complete with documented pitch to said stripper, target demographics and revenue projections. 

    If you’re going to be crazy, might as well make it lucrative. Extra gold stars for taking all of papa’s life lessons to heart simultaneously. Oh my alright…

    2. Wedding Night Redux- first weekend getaway with his affair thing (a lovely young waitress of exceptionally high class who indulged in sexual favors with his sibling prior to him) to….the hotel where we got married. His claim upon confrontation: he spent the weekend there journaling in reflection of our life together. 

    And that’s just one of many times taking it to places we’d been romantically. Unravel that little gem of an insanity riddle…

    3. Oh Where Art Thou Little Blue Mail-Order Pills: I coped with one major DDay by scouring my house free of all the bad sleaze juju. Little did I know my home had been made into a treasure trove of Viagra stashes that could easily give an entire army erections for at least a month. Blue pills *everywhere*- including kitchen appliances, bathroom gadgets, garage boxes. 

    The fuck is that? Was he snorting it on the toilet, and sprinkling it into brownies for enhanced effect? Or was it just for prompt readiness should the need arise in the privacy of our garage?

    • The hiding of massive doses of viagra… this is indeed bewildering. Really – just too puzzling. These cheaters are truly a crazy lot.

      • I haven’t been able to crack the Viagra hoarding mystery… but he’s had addictions to almost everything else (gambling, strippers, pot, etc) so that would fit. And apparently, it can happen:

        What I do know: even when unemployed, broke and covered by my health insurance to get it for only a few bucks, he still mail orders it weekly for $100+ to a personal PO box 30 min away.

        He’s a colorful type of crazy.

        • I found my NPD exh’s in his travel kit when we were married. Those gawd awful commercials now make me sick rather than laugh.
          I had let myself be convinced that I was the problem for years in the marriage because I had a lower libido than he. I’d given up explaining why rushing didn’t work for me, etc. but you know, all the other women he had been with had been able to respond with the same methods. Trying to explain it to him only led to him walking out and being gone for hours. Fear of abandonment kept me begging him to come back. I feel sorry for the me then. Poor thing. I want to hug that version of me.
          Of course, the irony of his viagra use while blaming me was lost on him. When I turned it around on him and said I wish I had shamed him like he did me, he said I was sadistic and evil. Ha!

  • When my “x” and I were supposed to be reconciling, he was still seeing his OW (never stopped). He went out to CA on “business” when it really was a trip with her.
    He was nice enough to bring me back a t-shirt…….

        • Ugh. Mine too! The kids were a bit weirded out by the taxadermy blow fish (really!), but noticed that H didn’t bring me anything. My kids said maybe I was
          the lucky one!

          • I can match your coffee CL!

            My H came back from a work trip with co-worker/OW to Surinam (the start of their path to feeling good) with a beautifully worked coral and silver necklace for our daughter, 7 – and a round of gouda cheese picked up from Amsterdam airport for me.

    • Well, mine went to Boston once about 5 years ago. When he returned he showed me the photos and in one there was this woman, smiling. When I asked who she was, he said ‘oh, just someone I know there’. But anyway, he DID bring me a T-shirt back.

      Should have said “My Boyfriend went to Boston to shag a random woman and all I got was this lousy T-shirt”

      I can’t understand what he thought every time he saw me wearing it…!

      Also, recently, when we were separating, he said when I mentioned this: “we were not together when I went to Boston!”, idiot, I had the T-shirt to prove it! Trying to blame his bad memory to not be accused of something he DID Do.

      • What he thought when he saw you wearing the t-shirt? He thought ‘woo hoo, I got one over on her and every time she wears that t-shirt she doesn’t realise how dumb she is and I get a little thrill and get off on this fucked up deception’.

        My ex brought me home a gift from the trip where his affair with final OW kicked off – and then looked shocked when I threw in the pile with the rest of his crap when I threw him out. He honestly picked it up, looked at me all sad and said ‘You don’t want this? Really?’

    • Ooh, speaking of gifts!

      My ex-wife once brought home a professionally framed cartoon drawing of this slacker/grunge dude wearing a gimme hat, flannel shirt, battered jeans and tool belt that my wife said was drawn by her boss at a publishing company, who fashioned himself something of a dark and edgy artist. So it hung in our house for a while (like, a year) until I realized it was ugly and hid it in a closet.

      So, you know where this is going, right?

      After D-day I learn that this guy was an affair partner of my ex-wife’s for YEARS. As in, years of fucking at his house at lunch or, if time was short, her blowing him in his car behind an abandoned shopping center near their office.

      “You stay classy, San Diego!”

      • Got same thing here, Mr. CL, my ex brought his 2 AP’s into our home over the years, as co workers and family friends, One of them painted and presented us with numerous works of art, which hung on our walls (one above our bed at our beachside vacation home) until I took it down and slashed it after D-Day. How f*cking sick.

        • ONe of my ex’s affair partners was a guest in my home many times, at parties and larger dinners. Another was a close friend of mine who I spent holidays with. They both seemed very angry and shocked when I told them to fuck off out of my life.

    • My dday was when my stbxh returned from an international trip and walked in the door and told me had met someone and fallen in love with her while on the trip and was leaving me. Then he later gave me the gifts he bought for me while on the trip…a bottle and type of alcohol for which this particular place is known and a box of chocolate. He said he got the bottle of alcohol for us.

  • Another one….the first year we were separated…the “x” was still living with his OW…and cheating on her with his current GF… was my birthday….he presented me with an Ipad (rather proudly I might add) for my birthday. I took it only to pass along to my kids to enjoy (I can’t afford one..but don’t want anything from him, let them enjoy it). Anyway, found out later…be bought all three of us (me, OW and current GF) Ipads for our birthdays. Laughable……

    • Yup!

      My daughter, OW and I all got pearl necklaces from China. Mine was grey, d’s was pink, and OW’s were natural.
      I was a real Chump then. Asked him why he got 3, and assumed the last one was for his sister. I gave him the lie, from my own mouth!

      He swore blind after D-day that he never gave the OW a pearl necklace. So where is it, then?

  • How about the ILs? After I filed for divorce, XH was begging me for reconciliation, even though he said his parents and sister would never talk to him again if he got back together with me, as I should have “stood by” my man after I discovered that he had an affair, because that is what a good, loving wife does? After I told SIL about his affair, she said that, even if he didn’t have one, she would have advised XH to leave me, as I “neglected” him, was an “inconsiderate” person, never cooked for him and didn’t keep the apartment clean, though the apartment was messy primarily due to XH’s stuff and I was working a full-time job while taking care of two young kids and XH would typically come home late at night because of work (or so he says).

  • My once devout catholic husband decided to abandon his wife and 4 kids to pursue fire breathing, BDSM, and polygamy. No joke.

      • Ok, here’s a kicker from just today. He thinks I should combine my bills with him and have his new OW put her name on my lease since neither he nor I have good credit (thanks to filing for bankruptcy due to his joblessness), he’s just trying to be “helpful”, ugg!

        • That’s, uh, wait–WHAT??

          How did your brain not catch on fire from having your life tangled up with such a manipulative douchebag?

          • I honestly was close several times to having a nervous breakdown and did develop anxiety because of his “helpful” behavior. He’s a NPD so …well… there ya’ go… fixing these screwed up folks.

        • That sounds just like the pretzel logic my X uses. Also, same joblessness leading to bankruptcy, too! (As I worked my ass off to try to keep ahead of this, which was impossible). They love, love, love a complicated life.

  • Let me give this a try.

    1. XW sleeping with AP entire time of our marriage. Asks 30 days into it if I regret not being with anyone else. She says his name.

    2. Affair is too complicated for original AP, XW wife sleeps with a women and a dude and then hooks up with a 3rd guy. So those of you at home keeping score. XW has now slept with 3 men and a women before I move my things out (90 days) and in Hawaii 120 days after our wedding with Shrek.

    3. Told me about cheating with the original AP in front of the kids on NYE. What a way to start 2013!

    3a. After Shrek dumps her as soon as we are divorced, she starts sleeping with her best friends XH who was abusive (broke her hand). Oh and did this while her best friend was in the house. Told her that he was going to “tuck her into bed.”

    Even if I don’t win, can the cartoon character have an SW scarlet letter(s) on the chest?

  • I have to put one more but I stand by my first entry!

    Went to first day of IMAGO MC weekend where we filled out private workbooks on subjects, one question was “what about your spouse makes you angry or upset, list in order of importance”.

    He was hurting too much to return for the second day, I read his workbook. He had one entry under the question above “when wife calls OW a whore”. Yep, we are “working” on our marriage and that’s the thing I do that upsets him.

    When I asked him about it he said, “that was private, you were not supposed to read it, stay out of my things”.

    You just can’t make this shit up, I mean seriously…

    • Yeah, your saying mean things about his APs probably drove him to cheat. Except the cheating had to happen first. Though most cheaters don’t let facts or logic or the laws of physics get in the way of their blame-shifting.

      And that defense-of-the-affair-partner’s-honor thing defies belief, doesn’t it? First, as lying cheaters they have no honor, Q.E.D. Second, if in some dark corner of their personality they’re hiding a crumb or dignity or character or concern for someone else (“He recycles!”), it surely cannot fall to ME, the person f*cked over by their lying and cheating, to pay homage to that crumb.

  • 1) HIS MOTHER set them up b/c she hated me & thought OW would be a better daughter in law.
    2) Got furious when she found their dirty emails and pictures, because they were supposed to fall in love not just boink each other
    3) Denied everything after the affair was discovered, even in the face of irrefutable evidence (like mother, like son).

      • No, my MIL was the worse ever. I went away for a trip to visit family and think after dday. Ex was with the kids. Ex MIL came over to stay with the kids a couple of nights so he could go screw OW, telling kids that their dad’s back hurt and he needed to sleep somehwere comfortable. I am dead serious about this.

          • I dunno, hate to one up here…my MIL tried to convince me to remove the PO, here is one of the reasons she gave on the phone:

            “You are partly responsible for this mess”
            When I asked how she said “well, he told me you stopped shaving your legs”

            Mind you, this is after he pulled a gun and threatened to kill himself and me. I have never spoken to her again. And sadly, NO, I am not making this up and NO you don’t want to hear anything else she said that day.

            • My MIL told me I should try being more attractive for him. It was a general slam on my looks, nothing specific, although I’m sure if I asked she would have run down a list. And this was a woman who told me that I was a daughter to her.

        • I would SO win that. People still can’t believe the shit my MIL said to me during all of this, never mind the stuff she actually did. She’s a word that CL won’t allow us to use but bank on it, the woman fits that word to a T. And guess what, she was once the OW.

  • Long time reader, first time poster here.

    1. After DDay I found a FB message on his phone that he forgot to erase to an AP (there were approx 30 over 20 years by his own eventual admission) that said “if your friends don’t show up to watch me perform you can sit with the wife”. THE wife?! Still makes my blood boil.

    2. This one stings so bad I don’t think I’ve actually said it out loud. After a chumpy lifetime of putting my dreams on hold I went back to school to study psychology and become a therapist. After DDay he said that he had told himself that if I ever found out he was sure it would help me become such a great therapist. As sick as it sounds he was right, I will be an excellent therapist!

      • Right! FUCK him!!! Thanks Chumplady, seriously, for all that you’ve done and do for the chump community!

        • Chumpdiddlyumpcious, you will be a great therapist despite his bullshit, rock on!

          and don’t worry, I think most of the cheaters tell their spouses some version of how what they did helped us. I know mine did it, it’s a rationalization to absolve themselves, don’t let it sting. (jedi hugs)

          • Thanks for the encouragement Datdamwuf. In all actuality I am very lucky. He doesn’t display much of the horrible behavior my fellow chumps have to endure. The way I figure it he did me a favor by giving me a get out of jail free card. I’m one resilient bitch, this nonsense ain’t gonna take me down!

  • Don’t think I’ll win against such tough competition, but-
    1. When X was heavily in the middle of his neighbor affair, I noticed he was wearing two wedding rings, stacked next to each other. When I told him that’s disgusting, he said ‘oh, they’re both about you!’
    2. I’ve told the story on here before, about how he cooked dinner with AP in MY kitchen, when I was at work all day, and tried to give me the leftovers when I came home.
    3. Him and sicko AP planned a going away party for her next-door neighbors. (They told me they had to sell their house because of the ‘triangle’, couldn’t take it anymore). This required tons of time they spent planning this ironic party at a local restaurant, fun times. At the party, right in front of me, and a 5 and a 7 yr old, AP jokes that what my X wants for a gift is a blow job.

    • My H decided to replace me with an OW who has the very same first name. My then 4 yr old son said “Mommy, there are 2 ‘Janes’, you and daddy’s friend.” I cringe now hearing my own name!

      • I’m so sorry 2janes, trust that he sucks and hey, it’s good I don’t have kids – if this happened to me I’d explain to my child that the OWs name is pronounced Asssshooolllle, but then I’d cause the kid a lifetime of therapy. OTH, my ex NEVER called me by name, he called me ‘hon’ only. Turns out that is exactly what he called/calls his GF. Her name really doesn’t matter 2janes, he traded down and your name is not all you are right? So, I recommend you take a step away from this, start with changing your nickname here to something more appropriate, try “BestJane” or “AwesomeJane” or “SuperJane” (jedi hugs)

  • You know, some of these stories are hilarious and some are really creepy. Many are absolutely disgusting. But what they all have in common is how DISORDERED cheaters can be. Even ignoring the infidelity, these people are really, really messed up. Everyone here is better off without such a person in her/his life.

  • Some of these reminded me of this one…don’t know how I could forget it:

    A couple weeks before the wedding he moved into “our” new house in the city, while I packed up my home in the burbs in preparation to move into new house after the wedding. During this time he had a house warming party that I was not invited to, but a few of his at that time current OW were in attendance. Sooo, his favorite whores got a tour of the house that he bought for me!

    Maybe they got a chance to survey where they would screw him when I wasn’t home.

    • Ugh. Shows you what a lie it is when they claim the affairs were an accident, because of all the planning ahead you find out about later.

  • This is so much fun that I want to play some more!

    1. On wedding night says to me “do you know what I miss?” I say “what?” SW response ‘wine.” She had been sober for 63 days. Never a good sign.

    2. Day after dday asks if I can tell that she has lost 10 pounds. I say “it’s a little too soon for me to comment on your body after you just fucked someone else.” Just saying.

    3. After catching her Saturday night 3 some Sunday afternoon, SW says she had went to church that morning, asked for forgiveness and was now “pure as snow.”

    You can’t make this shit up.

  • My second (and final) DDay consisted of the following:
    1. Finding out he had lied to me when we first started dating about being separated from his first wife–thus I found out I was unknowingly an OW (horribly painful) through an email I found between him and first wife when she moved back into town. In this email I found out I was the reason for their divorce, yet he told her he only married me “because she wouldn’t talk to him” after she found out he was still in contact with me.
    2. Finding out about another OW in my marriage (one of many) and that she was manipulated the exact same way–he told her he and I were separated. When I asked why he told her that, he said she was separated so it was how he connected and got her “on the hook.”
    3. After the discovery of these emails and my subsequent nervous breakdown, STBX went BACK to a meeting with the professional group OW was a part of (he says she wasn’t at this particular meeting, but still…) and then hosted friends that evening at our house. Several years into our marriage when I would meet people from this professional group, they looked at me puzzled and asked, “so are you newlyweds?”. Um, no. My husband just didn’t mention HIS WIFE so he could carry on a 2+ year affair with one of your members.

    And like so many here, this is just the tip of the iceberg.

  • My STBX is so banal that he can’t compete in the Freak contest.

    1. On our last anniversary, we had family in from out of town, and STBX suggested that we all go out to dinner at one of our favorite restaurants–and the first time he’d suggested we go out in public since seeing OW. He called to say that he’d be late to dinner, pleading a snafu at work. The receipts from his wallet show that he was having coffee with OW at the local Starbucks when he made that call.

    2. Two weeks before my birthday, I’d sent him my birthday wish list, which mostly consisted of where I could use gift certificates, since I require a professional wardrobe and I’ve lost over 50lbs. A month after my birthday, I get his gift: a cheapo nylon jacket from Cafe Press with a dog sport logo on it. It turns out that he took OW, whose birthday is close to mine, out to a nice restaurant for dinner and took her for a nice outing.

    It is no wonder that every time STBX does something that could be considered semi-nice to me that I speculate on what he’s just done for OW. I’m sure that in his mind, the bread crumbs he sprinkles my way evens out the fact that he’s treating her to full-course meals.

  • WH told our minister he was raised to attend church each Sunday while I wasn’t, so he had 5 affairs because it was hard living with a bad person (me, the faithful wife of 30 yrs).

  • 1. Dday was when our daughter got her new cell phone and texts from the OW appeared on her phone! The texts were about how she likes it when he moans and is loud and about getting together when I was leaving town, the following weekend. Daughter comes to me crying and I have to play it cool and tell her, “it must be a wrong number.”
    2. “I told the OW that I loved you and wouldn’t leave you…” Did you ever think that I would leave you??!
    3. When talking about the OW, he tells me that she is a good person (also married with 2 kids and has been fucking around with my husband for 2 years…even, came to our house when I was out of town with the kids). That is a good person? It has taken all my strength to not make contact with the OW, because I don’t want to give her any of my energy, but how does a “good person” do that???

  • This is not mine, but this reminded me of a story my mum once told me. When she was about 14 and my aunt about 5 or 6, my mum went to pick her up from a play date, in a house where the wedding photograph was displayed prominently as soon as they walked in. Then they went to pick something up from my mum’s friend’s house about 5 minutes away, and when they went into the house, surprise, another wedding photograph with the same guy! My aunt quickly pointed that out and starting asking why was the same guy in the photograph, mum had to hurry her out of the house.

    The cheek.

  • 1. I’d just given birth to our first baby. The next night I sent him home from the hospital so that he could “get a good nights sleep” as it was better off one of us being well rested! He invited the OW into our home, and f*#ked her for the first time in our bed. Needless to say he was late back to the hospital the next morning after such an exhausting night…

    2. He invited me and our new 4 week old baby around to OW house (she was a “friend” from work) to visit. She had lots of cuddles with the baby. I find out much later that the point was to make them both feel better about the “situation”, and help make sure I don’t get suspicious (hiding in plain sight!)…They were joking about how he had to pretend not to know his way around the kitchen whilst making us coffee…Hilarious!!

    3. When I’d finished playing the pick-me-dance and kicked him out for the final time, he packed up some of his stuff and went to his Mum’s house. Apparently that needed to include our couple’s vibrator. I guess he either didn’t want me using it on my own, or he was going to recycle it for use with the OW….W.T.F.

  • One of the most cathartic things I did to push through the pain of betrayal and fear of divorce was to write down a “Goodbye To…” list. I’m up to 12 pages! It was hard to pick only 3, but when I thought “freak,” these really popped…

    Goodbye to…

    …your fake hair and skeevy mustache that you photoshopped onto your Facebook and work profile pictures, the places where you met and had your “secret romance” with your bimbo. You spent more money on hair products and anti-gas medicine than anything else. A poser and a windbag, all around.

    Discovering that you pour cheap hooch in expensive liquor bottles so everyone thinks you keep a well-stocked bar. When I expressed horror, you proudly bragged that you went behind a local bar and picked out expensive liquor bottles from their trash.

    Watching you talk into the ear of your father’s body as he lay dead in his casket. I remember thinking how it was longest I had ever seen you speak to him. I waited for you to walk to the limo heading to the church, and tried to hold your hand as we walked out. You pushed me in front of you as though I was making you late for a bus. Your bimbo was waiting for you outside, staring daggers at me with her crossed eyes.

  • Forgot one!

    4. One night he disappeared for the night until 2am (at the pub with “the boys”) while I’m at home recovering from really bad mastitis, with our 10 day old baby. I was so freaked out I’m calling hospitals, police as up to that point he’d NEVER not call home and tell me where he is, and I thought something terrible must have happened!!…He was f#%king the OW at the office, and used his t-shirt to put underneath them so she didn’t get carpet burn. He came home to me (I was absolutely beside myself balling my eyes out) and hugged me wearing that same t-shirt….Gross.

  • After my pending status husband spent a long weekend celebrating his AP affair anniversary this March (10 yrs! Woot!) at the Rancho Bernardo Inn-complete with golf, massages and poolside tans- my husband brought me back an RB Inn coffee mug. Gee. Thanks.

  • The first of these isn’t really in the spirit of this contest, but it will always be the most horrifying thing about my husband’s affair, so I want to list it even though it’s sad. The other two aren’t barnburners, but I love not being alone with this stuff!

    1. The night before our weeks-old baby’s brain surgery, he told me that he now knew what really mattered in life and that I had to let him go break up with his affair partner for good: “It’s all happening right now.” You guessed it: he left me alone in the neurosurgery NICU with our baby and met Holly in a hotel, where they drank and had sex until seven in the morning…. an hour AFTER the scheduled start of my baby’s brain surgery. Morally bankrupt losers.

    2. He spent the first Valentine’s Day after his affair was discovered at a strip club with a stripper he said looked like his sister, then nervously asked me not tell his affair partner that he’d done “something like that.” As if he was afraid she’d have cause to think he wasn’t pure as the driven snow!

    3. He told me that one thing I could do to help fix our marriage was to be more open with him. I frantically agreed and asked what I could tell him to help him feel closer. His response: I should tell him what Holly’s husband had said to me about her. Hahahahaha!

    • Going to fuck his AP while his infant is having brain surgery……. there’s a special spot in the burny place for him. That is so horrible.

    • Wow you’ve topped me there… Being abandoned with a healthy newborn is bad enough… But him fucking off with ow during brain surgery???
      Just wow. I hope you have custody and that pathetic unfeeling creature limited time with the child.

    • Oh. My. F****g. Goodness.

      I am confident they are currently constructing a new and more horrific ring of hell just for your ex, AR. With the AP while your baby is undergoing brain surgery !?!?!? There are no words……….

    • There actually are some people who Satan had to toss out of hell because they were too foul even for him. Your husband is one of those people.

    • OK – this has to be the most horrible thing I have ever heard. Screwing OW while his baby is having brain surgery!! What could have possibly been going through his mind to do such a thing? He is without a doubt a sick sociopath and I hope you have boundaries and walls surrounding you and your precious child that he will NEVER be able to climb over.

    • Oh gosh. Thanks so much for the supportive messages. That was such a dark time… I wish I’d had the CL community back then! This is such an amazing place.

  • I offer this weird shit because this is one where a picture would be worth a thousand words: My Ex was living with OW#1 in Florida for a few years and fighting the divorce, and for a year he was cheating on her with OW#2 in California, while telling me he wanted to reconcile in still another state. Before I found out about OW#2 and was considering reconciling, I went with him to a doctor’s appointment and saw that he weighed 310 pounds (bald and ugly too) and had serious medical problems. I found out about OW#2 and decided to file for adultery. Then OW#1 called me and she had just found out he was cheating on her with OW#2. She was pissed! She wanted to know if he was with me, and I had to break it to her that he was in CA, with OW2, at a nudist resort spa. That made her really mad because that was THEIR romantic rendezvous!! Then she laughed and said whenever they went there he (late 50’s, fat, bald, & ugly) spent a lot of time flirting with the 20-something hotties, who tried to escape as fast as possible, What a picture! Sorry he settled before the divorce trial because I hoped to tell that story to a female judge. Fat Boy’s Birthday suit!

        • I know, right? He tells everyone he is a multi-millionaire (family property trusts). Even his own divorce attorney said it was the money that attracted these OW’s. There were 6 OW’s in a 10 year period, but long-term OW#1 lasted 8 years, and he lives with OW#2. Sadly, I don’t miss his entitled ass, and when people ask about the divorce, I tell them I lost 310 pounds!

    • My X weighed 310 lbs when he took up with the skank. She was 70. She helped him find a cenegenics doctor to take of his ED (the doctor is also a gynecologist with a practice or genital plastic surgery, who also can enhance the g-spot all this from his website) and a psychologist friend to help his self esteem. He was recovering from a heart procedure. All within two weeks time. Two months he dropped the D-bomb. He just wanted to be happy for the few remaining years of his life. That was four years ago. He is living in an RV Park and still making booty calls at the skunks every weekend. And she is his second AP. There must be some kind of magic cirling the air around these 300 lbs.

      • Karma’s a bitch, a skank, and an RV park. So sad. I think I read on this website that when a narcissist looks in the mirror and sees something he doesn’t like (300+ pounds), he washes the mirror!

  • Ex: “My girlfriend kicked me out. Do you think your Mom will let me live in the basement?”

    15-yr old daughter: “No…duh”

  • A year and a half ago, I was supposed to have a D&C to deal with serious bleeding and a very large polyp. When I woke up from the procedure, the doctor said, “I couldn’t get in, you are scarred shut. I’ve only ever seen this one other time in 20 years . . . . here’s a referral to the best GYN-oncologist in LA…” (…so we know what the other poor lady had, right??)

    I made the appointment to see the oncologist, full of every fear you imagine one feels. I was only 41, we have kids… my (now ex) DH had to be out of town, he couldn’t come with me. So I had to walk through those doors alone, which nobody ever should have to do. (exDH is in medicine himself, he’s not stupid about that.)

    When I discovered his misdeeds earlier this year and began to conduct forensics on our finances, I found a receipt for two nights in a local hotel . . . while I was at the cancer doctor. While I was recovering from my subsequent total hysterectomy a couple weeks later, he took one of his AP’s up the coast for a nice getaway (also “business”.)

    It will shock nobody here, that I did not have cancer (…thank goodness for that, though.) I’m positive he must have infected me with a PID-causing STI infection years before. Thanks for the near-castration, hope the hotel was nice.

    At least hysterectomy means never having to say, “Sorry, I’m on my period . . . ” now that I’m having fun in the dating world :-P.

  • My ex wife (Dr. Botox), shortly after dday begged me to watch kids extra days for a “procedure” that she said was emergency cancer screening. Turned out it was a boob job for her new dork (now married less than 7 months after dday). Glad I never paid for one when she begged me now that I know who it was for!

  • 1. My STBX & his OW created phony Facebook personalities for themselves named Damon & Amanda who are British for some reason. (BTW – STBX & OW are in their 50’s)

    2. Damon & Amanda got “engaged” during the brief period STBXH & I were in marriage counseling.

    3. OW (Amanda) took a photo of the room number (702) of the hotel room where they first fucked & posted it as her Facebook cover photo.

    • Final OW posted pictures of places she was meeting ex, such as the café very close to our home, where he would apparently stop by while ‘out for a jog’. This is the same café we went to on Sunday mornings as a family. We live in a city. There are a lot of cafés available. But then, he took her to every restaurant we went to as a couple or a family. He even took her, on their first two trips together, to the final two places we had visited as a family. He didnt’ understand why this upset the kids. When I pointed it out he said ‘Oh, hadn’t thought about that’ with a vacant look on his face.

      I sometimes wonder why I thought he was intelligent.

      • The weekend after leaving me, my ex took OW to one of the restaurants that we had gone out to in the beginning of dating and some other times since. I don’t think it would ever occur to him to not go to the places he likes best. I think he just thinks of it as “the restaurant I like” and not as “this is the restaurant that NorthernLight and I used to enjoy coming to.” I don’t think my particular ex’s motivation is bad; he’s just concrete in his thinking and doesn’t embue things with emotional significance. Plus…it’s just easier to repeat what you know and like. No effort required to figure out a new plan of action. I don’t think he’s take her to every one of our favorite places, but I guess it is totally possible he is working his way through the list and I just don’t know. (Thankfully!)

  • Well, one holiday season my ex presented me and the kids with cookies baked by “a friend from my hometown.” Yes, I unknowingly ate cookies baked by the OW. Merry dysfunctional Christmas, ya’ll.

    • Jade and Lyn – WOW. The illicit sex isn’t enough, is it? Nope. That gets boring after a while. So they have to sneak in cookies and presents and whatever else they can fly in your face. It’s an adrenaline sport. Ick.

    • Yeah, I think my OW helped my husband pick out my mother’s day gifts the last mother’s day we lived together. And that first Christmas/Valentine’s day/etc. he kept sending cookies and other baked goods home with our kids from her, when I too am an avid baker and don’t need cookies from her! I did get one of her recipes from her ex, however in case my kids liked it because he forced them to eat them in front of him! 🙂

    • LOL! My Ex sends home with our kids cookies and sweets baked by the OW when they visit with him. One of his criticisms of me when we were married was that I didn’t cook/bake enough to suit him (since my busy schedule of a full-time managerial position that was our main income wasn’t enough for him…I had to be Martha Stewart as well since takeout on nights I worked late just was not acceptable). Guess where those little treats always end up as soon as he drives away….in the trash where I wish I could throw him as well!!