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Dear Chump Lady, I’m not a lesbian

Dear Chump Lady,

Approximately two years ago, I left my ex after discovering that he cheated, and I’ve been no contact successfully for about 18 months. We live in a small town where most everybody knows everybody else. I’m well over 50, have many friends and family here, and I plan to spend the rest of my life in this town.

The problem is the smear campaign. It seems to be a new twist on “If I can’t have her, nobody will.” He is telling everyone he sees that I told him the reason I left him is because I am “gay.”

The fact is, if I were a lesbian, I would admit it. But I am not. Even though I can’t say I particularly want to date or begin a new relationship, he is closing those doors for me and that is not his prerogative.

When I first heard this rumor about 18 months ago, I just thought it was silly. Considering the source, and that he is quite the homophobe, I laughed it off. But the more I heard it, the less funny it became. And when I heard it again recently from an elderly family member who seemed to believe it because she considered her source reliable and had been told the original source was me, it hurt me to think that she was hurt by it due to her religious beliefs (right or wrong).

To say that I am not a lesbian is a negative that is difficult to prove. To say that I am definitively heterosexual is much more easy to believe in that I have only ever been in hetero relationships and I have two children. I have made no attempt to make a public outcry about this because I haven’t wanted to draw attention to it myself and thereby appear to “protest too much.” I thought it might lose ground quickly, but evidently it hasn’t as I heard it twice just last week.

Do you have any words of wisdom for me? Is there anything at all I can do to quiet this rumor? Or, better yet, put some egg on this rumor-monger’s face?


Dear Bewildered,

It’s no insult to lesbians to say “I’m not a lesbian.” It’s time to speak up. That is NOT protesting too much — it’s setting the record straight.

Next time you hear this rumor say, “I’m not a lesbian. My ex is saying the marriage ended because I am gay. The truth is I left him because he was cheating on me.”

That’s three declarative sentences. And it’s the truth. Speak the truth and let go. You can’t control what other people think, but you CAN put the truth out there.

Frankly, to small town gossips believing you are an exotic, closeted lesbian is a far juicier narrative than believing you’re a middle-aged woman who got chumped. If they want to believe you’re a lesbian, I’m sure they’ll marshall their evidence accordingly. “She wears flannel!” “I always knew she enjoyed soft ball!” “I heard she drives a Suburu Outback!”

As for warding off potential suitors, my understanding is that men find lesbians hot. Girl on girl is quite the straight guy fantasy. I don’t think this falsehood about your purported sexuality is going to keep men away. And I hope when you’re ready to date, you’ll consider men outside the radius of your small town. So please put this worry to rest.

The larger issue here is the smear campaign. Your vindictive ex, to cover the stink of his own crimes, wants to spread a nasty rumor about you, that yes, he probably does hope will ruin your ability to move on from him. Being homophobic, he probably assumes everyone thinks like he does. Lesbian = pariah.  Anyone who thinks like your ex does is not someone you want to associate with anyway. He’s done you a favor, filtering out the small-minded jerks.

But the injustice! I get it Bewildered. I really do. It’s what these disordered freaks do. Character assassination is the norm. My serial cheating ex told people our marriage ended because I cheated on HIM. (That’s also what he told me about his two ex-wives.) No one who knew me believed it, but I’m sure a lot of his new girlfriends did.

I don’t control that. The truth wins out over time. Those women found out the truth him, painfully I’m sure.

All you can do is speak your truth and live your truth. Let go of what other people think.  More than preventing you from moving on, I think your ex is creating this narrative for his own impression management. It’s a twist on the classic, I didn’t get enough sex, that’s why I cheated. So of course if you were a lesbian, you weren’t giving him sex. So what he did Was Totally Understandable. Poor sausage.

This is why it’s so important not to keep his secrets. Feel free to tell anyone you want to why your marriage ended. Really, that is what he fears, which is why he’s trying to get to the narrative first.

If it’s any consolation, I had a very similar thing happen to me when I moved to small town Texas. My husband’s ex still lived here when I first arrived. I’m quite convinced that she told everyone in town that my husband cheated on HER. It would be the easily believed stereotype. Lawyer, mid-life crisis, moves his bimbo into the marital home.

Fact is, she was a serial cheater who moved her STILL MARRIED boyfriend into her former marital home, but let’s not quibble. She had to assassinate my husband’s character so people wouldn’t know who she really is.

I got the stink eye from strangers for a solid year. Let me tell you, it was really awkward. But this is what I did — I told the truth. That my husband and I had both been cheated on in our former marriages. And if anyone asked about her, I said she was living with her current, married affair partner down the street.

And then, I was just myself. I started an art club. I went to church. I made friends. I joined a charitable sorority. People formed their own opinions about me. I’m sure there are still people in this town who probably think I was a mistress, but who cares? Fuck them. I don’t control that. The people that matter to me hold me in good regard.

It also helps if you live next door to the former mayor’s widow. Every small town has an influence broker. Get to know yours. Mine conveniently lives next door. She has a glowing opinion of my husband, and after a year I think she decided she liked me too. She said over the fence one day, very Southern, apropos of nothing: “That woman was an idiot. Her loss was your gain.”

And that narrative, I believe, took over the earlier propaganda campaign. She was a cheater and an idiot. She didn’t appreciate a good man. Now he’s got a woman who appreciates him.

Live your truth, Bewildered, and your truth is going to overtake the propaganda in time. Bewildered is a good woman who got cheated on. Can you believe he did that and then told everyone she was a lesbian? What an asshole. She’s so much happier now. And can you blame her?

You never get to see the egg on the cheater’s face. With any luck, when their narrative doesn’t stick, they move out of town. That’s what happened to me. And I hope that’s what happens to you too.

Ask Chump Lady

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  • Hey Bewildered,

    CL is right-and it is quite common for jerks to accuse women of being gay if you don’t want to f*ck them. It’s just wing nut logic.

    Mr Fab accuses me of being insane, because objecting to cheating and being abused is crazy, right?

    Ask yourself this-would you give the time of day to anyone who believes a secondhand and patently false rumor about you? Would they be a worthy partner? I know that one-horse town politics can be harsh, but why dignify these ‘whisper-down-the-lane’ slanders with comment?

    One thing that helped me was to come up with simple declaratives, as CL says. In my case, I just tend to say DD and I have moved here because neither of us liked her Dad’s girlfriend. I know it is insult on top of injury, but one of the best things about leaving a cheater is realizing that they lost any right to your consideration of their feelings when they decided to have a side-dish f*ck.

    “Meh” is powerful, but hard to achieve.

    Anyone worth their salt, and more importantly, your time and attention, is going to value you for you, B, not what people say about you. If what Mr Fab and the Downgrade say about me were true, then I am a malevolent Jedi with mind powers enough to brainwash DD and a hotline to Satan himself. I can’t get her to pick up her socks, never mind making her hate her Dad. That’s on him. Let him spackle, he is only digging deeper.

    Meanwhile you, m’dear, rise above it. Sadly, Chumps don’t get to see the karma bus flatten their ex, but rest assured, it is picking up speed.

    big hug,


  • Bewildered, are you saying that when your relative told you about being a lesbian you didn’t set her straight? (pun intended) CL has it covered, say your words, do not engage in any bullshit.

    BTW, if you want something a bit more subtle for Facebook; take a well deserved vacation and get some pics of you and a guy with your arms around each other, or kissing. I go on vacations by myself, I’m always finding friends of both sexes so I’m betting you can find someone who will help you out :).

    • Oh, no. I did. That family member is a good friend of my ex’s sister. They’ve been friends since their school days many moons ago. What she said was that she “was told” that I myself had said I was gay. I told her it was ridiculous, that it was what the ex had been putting out, that I had left because he had cheated on me, and to please be sure to tell his sister that I said so.

  • Wow!
    I am slowly learning that whatever they say is a desperate attempt to save face. My STBX
    recently told our youngest daughter whom won’t see him that he did what he did because he couldn’t deal with my emotional neediness anymore. And that he lost himself over the years and needs to figure out who he really is. He now hangs out with 20 somethings in our impoverished Native American community helping his prostitutes get clean and off the streets. He claims he is one of them. Crazy Much? He then went on to tell our daughter that he felt he had so much in common with her and missed her. But that if he couldn’t have a relationship with her that life wasn’t worth living. Mind Fuck much? This guy has more than gone over the deep end. Up until the day I busted him. My life was what others might say, “The Perfect Marriage” When I read everyone’s stories I am really beginning to wonder WTF? How many Psycho’s are there out there? I am slowly putting my life back together and like Tracy has said numerous times……TELL YOUR STORY! We are the truth tellers here. Not them. Don’t sit back and let them continue to make you small. Fight back in a dignified way. There is such a thing. At first I thought being quiet was dignified. But all that got me, was isolated and more depressed. I started to believe that I was at fault and looking for the wrong in me. But I did nothing wrong! You did nothing wrong! These assholes will do anything to try and save face. By the way….my daughter hates him even more now. She now realizes that he will tell anyone what he thinks they want to hear in order to make me look bad and him the victim. That is how these Narcs/Psychos operate.

  • Great advice, Tracy. You are truly too cool for school! How you handled your own situation was masterful – you should be teaching master classes on this stuff!

    Wonder if you’ve ever considered a chump retreat at some point? Would definitely be on my calendar! Not as a “poor us” but rather as an information sharing – get to know who we’ve been chatting with” kind of gig! Might be fun – and I’ve never been to Austin!

  • What a wingnut. These disordered types are such liars and so deluded. Bewildered, your story sort of reminds me of my own. My ex has been fucking other men since his late teens, cheated with hundreds of men during our marriage. Once marriage ended, he started telling people that he only had all that gay sex because he didn’t feel passion for me. Of course, he conveniently leaves out the part about STILL doing other guys.

    So I’m a straight woman capable of driving “straight” men into homosexuality. mm-kay.

  • The lies never cease to amaze. My cheater told neighbors, friends and family that I left because he had a rash on his penis that I wrongfully assumed was and std. Told them I would not listen to reason and took the kids and moved out. INSANE. I actually moved out when I found definitive proof he had been cheating on me and lying for 18 years.

    • How hilarious is it that he had no problem telling people HE had a “rash down there”, sorry that’s the last thing I’d wanna say to ANYBODY! LOL, crazy asses!

  • “She wears flannel!” “I always knew she enjoyed soft ball!” “I heard she drives a Suburu Outback!”

    I’m still laughing.

    I know how it feels though, Bewildered. When I kicked my ex out, he told his friends that if anyone asked, they were to say that we split up because I was an alcoholic and had “mental problems.” HE was the person drinking heavily every night and who obviously has a very serious personality disorder, and who had just admitted to me that he’d been cheating on me for over 15 years, having group sex, etc. These cheaters have no shame.

    I too felt like it only perpetuated the lies for me to go around telling everyone I was not nuts and not an alcoholic. So instead, I simply told the truth. I got it down to the following: “I found out [ex] had been cheating on me for a very long time, including multiple affairs and group sex, and kicked him out.” You know, even his own friends didn’t believe him, and they told me later that they thought his story just did not “add up” and as soon as they heard the truth they KNEW it was the truth. After about 6 months, ex stopped with the lies, and asked me to please not tell anyone anything else (his words, “please feel free not to share what happened with everyone”). I said “sure,” but continued to tell anyone I felt like telling.

  • Same thing happened to me. He wasn’t telling people that I was a lesbian, but he was telling anyone who would listen that I had emotional and mental issues, that I was a liar with problems who couldn’t get over him, and that I couldn’t accept the truth that the reason we broke up was because “he wasn’t happy.”

    No, we broke up because he was an emotionally abusive cheater who didn’t give two shits about my feelings or how he was treating me. Or that he decided the best possible time to leave me was immediately following a suicide attempt, which was caused by his horrible treatment of me.

    When people asked me what happened, when I was ready, I told my story. I told the truth. Pissed him right the hell off, but I don’t care. I do not care if he hates me for it, I do not care if it’s messed up anything in his life. Don’t. Care. It’s not my job to maintain his image. I wouldn’t say these things if I didn’t believe them to be 100% true. And in my reality, they were. He wasn’t the one on the recieving end of the emotional abuse, the neglect, the hurt and the pain, I was. So for me, yes, they are absulutely true. That’s what I lived. I don’t give a flying potato monster’s ass if it makes him upset. He just doesn’t like having the real truth be told and losing control of the narrative.

    Just tell the truth if people ask. No, you’re not a lesbian. You ended the marriage because he cheated on you. What’s for lunch?

    And then just live authentically. Don’t worry about how it makes him feel. That’s what I did. I just live in a way that lines up with reality. I don’t believe in cheating, so I don’t cheat. People see that. I don’t believe in making up lies about others, so I don’t. People see that. If I don’t know enough about something to form an opinion, I say I don’t know and leave it at that. People see that too.

    Tell the truth, live truthfully. In time, everyone will see who’s the real liar.

  • If there’s anything that can knock me off my MEH, it’s thinking back to how it felt to run into people who believed the outrageous lies the ex was slandering me with (I was a child abuser) and have them get a disgusted look on their faces, turn their back on puzzled me and walk off. Or be giving me the stink eye from across some room instead of making small talk like they used to. I WISH it had been about me being a lesbian — I’d be laughing everyday about the ludicrousness of that! With a knowing smirk on my face……..(I know how it feels Bewildered, but you have to get on top of it)

    Instead of being a cover lie, it evolved into a campaign by all the women close to him (his whore and his bitch sisters plus others) to help him get the kids away from me. It went on for over two years before he finally moved out to play house with the harlot. It didn’t end when I easily got sole custody because then he got untold sympathy for the injustice of it all!

    The kids are now 19 & 21, and now that they’re NOT screwed up, nor costing him any money, he’s taking baby steps to try to have some sort of adult relationship with them. As much a possible given the leash he’s on.

    And where are the people, former acquaintances and coworkers who bought into the whole drama? I don’t know, and I don’t care. Off buying into some other narc’s bullshit probably, since gossip makes the world go round and my story is over.

    • What makes the think, after all their lying, that they can have, and infact deserve, to have it all? X is with the “love of his life and his new baby boy”, fuck, you can’t have everything. Looks like he’s pretty happy, piss off and leave me and my kids alone! Take the kids away from you….pftt, pity knee capping isnt’t legal hey?!

      • I think it’s about 1/2 wanting to have it all, and 1/2 wanting to totally destroy you even if it causes them great inconvenience. He didn’t really want the kids, he just didn’t like losing and he had at least 6 women at his back telling him what to do. When he left, he gave me a calendar with a visitation schedule all lined out like we were already divorced, when he hadn’t even filed and wouldn’t for another year. Kids were to come into town to his apartment Wednesday nights and every other weekend. That’s how much he really wanted to be a parent. When I showed that to the child custody mediator, she said, “Well, he’s really already given you sole custody, hasn’t he?” That’s karma at work with a damn fast turnaround.

  • They lose face, lose control, so then they lie. CL is right. Just push through it with the truth. Along the way, you will find out who your true friends are.

    One thing I’ve seen is a nasty ex who is so mean (a guy) that he actually has created a huge support network for his ex-wife. Disordered folks’ behavior tends to backfire if you just give them enough time.

  • I’m sorry, but I laughed. Your ex is lame. I’m not sure what bullshit my ex said about me while he was playing his sympathy card, but after he left, I heard the following from our neighbors about what they thought of him:

    1. “We used to think he had that vampire light disorder disease thing because he never came outside.”
    2. “We used to wonder if there were bodies in ya’ll basements.”
    3. “We thought the woman who lived there before you was a dude.”

    My response was, “No disease, he’s just a weirdo and I’ve wondered about the bodies myself.”

    Then I moved.

    The only thing I could have done better is peppered our yard with pro-Obama posters in our very Republican neighborhood. He thought politics was “bull shit”, which is why he was boning someone who worked in politics.

    • Haha, mine though councelling was bullshit so ended with someone who is an advocate of councelling and self improvement….oh dear, I DO hope it doesn’t kill him;)

    • WTF! My STBX has said for YEARS that he believed organized religion was hooey, that people who believed it had been brainwashed and thus, he ends up with a minister who finds nothing in her faith which forbids fucking a married man. I don’t even try to wrap my head around such insanity – it would probably give me an ass cramp.

    • Don’t be sorry. Please, do laugh. If only you knew HOW lame he actually is. OMG. Pathetically, irrevocably, miserably so.

  • My XN was telling the same lie about me. He told his N mother that and she in turn told his sister who said, “don’t you think if that were true he would have figured it out before they were married for 29 years?”!!!! I figured if that was the worst thing he could say about me, then I’m not so bad after all. He’s also telling, and the new wife is eating it off the spoon, that he is a Vietnam war hero who served three tours of duty. In the middle 70’s. After he graduated from high school in 1973 and before he graduated college in 1977. Hmmmm. Long distance learning from the jungle in the 70’s? I think not. Not only is it not true, it is not even believable. He was never even in the military! It sickens me that he expects the same respect and gratitude that should be reserved for those who are truly heroes. His latest lie is telling that his uncle is his “real” dad, not the dad that raised him. His mom was engaged to him for a short time before she met his dad. He refused to have DNA testing done to see if there was any possibility that this was true. Both men are gone now and can’t defend themselves. What a coward! My point is, as we all know, they will lie about anything that makes them feel better about their poor pathetic selves not caring who they hurt along the way.

  • It never ceases to amaze me the level of dishonesty that cheaters are capable of. But why should we be shocked?

    So many stories here are so similar. Cheaters have no shame with the lies they tell. I guess if they can cheat on their spouse, then there is no limit to how low they will go.

    “Projection” is a huge coping mechanism for the disordered, as we all know. It seems that the cheating spouse , in many of these cases, who acuses their BS of being gay, is probably in denial about their own sexuality.

    • I wondered if anyone might offer speculation about projection, Kraft. It has crossed my mind, though I never really wondered about him at all in all the years I’ve known him. He’s so very homophobic, which is also a red flag for me. Something hinky in all of this.

      That level of dishonesty you mention.. Cheaters lie, and then they lie some more. This lie about me being a lesbian, I can imagine it might have started as an off-the-cuff response to someone asking a simple question when they found out I had left him. But it also could have been pre-meditated all along. Don’t know and don’t care.

  • You could have fun with it, too.

    What? I’m a lesbian?! Woo-woo! I’m so EDGY! I better get me a Subaru.

    Or, he said what? Oh, bless his heart! He would have loved that! But, sadly for him, it just isn’t my thing. Maybe the lady he left me for will indulge him that way.

    Help me out, friends:

    • Or maybe that every woman you’ve ever known has had more balls than him so you can understand why he got confused but actually ‘real’ men do actually still do it for you and sadly, somehow, he just fell short…..

    • What?? I’m a Lesbian?!

      Is that why no one ever had to tell me to man up but they were constantly suggesting that my STBX should?

      What?? I’m a Lesbian?!
      No wonder I like the Ellen DeGeneres Show!

      What?? I’m a Lesbian?!
      So that’s why I hate bras and pantyhose!

    • You guys are the greatest! What he didn’t stop to think about was what some HAVE; and that’s the obvious old time thing – He drove her to it! Uh-oh!

  • Ahhhh….The old handy dandy beat you to the punch lie-tell narrative. It’s what these manipulative liar liars do and it’s as easy as water out of a facet for these mentally ill control freaks. Their bottom line: anything to not lose. To these stunted children it’s all a game.

    Like Chump lady says…the truth comes out in the wash. Their lies have a way of backfiring and their boomerang of lies upon lies usually becomes the albatross on their necks. We may not see the egg on their face but somehow rest assured that egg gets slathered.

    What I struggled with most was my own shame in dealing with such an *sshole that I keep most of his sordid behavior a secret for the longest time. Imagine that. I was too embarrassed to admit to the things that a person did to “me.” Narcissists deserve exposure. Period.

  • The lies my ex peppered the town with were that I was “confused” and he was “worried” about me. Then he set about stalking me and creating opportunities for me to commit suicide. I almost ended up under the wheels of his car twice while trying my best to get away from him. No witnesses except the kids (horrors), but they were the reason he was able to get me close enough to do something. In my small town the cops were on HIS side. At a last ditch attempt to save the marriage before I left him, the counsellor told us that the reason for all my problems with him was “postpartum depression”. So, if I died the stage was set. There would be no questions and no charges.

    • One of the things that happened as a result of my ex’s hoarding cash prior to his departure was me dropping my expensive health/life insurance coverage because the money simply wasn’t there for it. I guess I’ll never know if that foiled any plans of his. It’s so hard to imagine people getting that evil, but I did see a blackness in his eyes a time or two that scared me.

    • the cops helped my ex too, they spooned up his lies about me abusing him like it was the best thing since cake. bastards.

  • They lie to you when you are with them, lie about you when you leave. can’t accept the truth about themselves or the reason you left.

  • “Mr Fab accuses me of being insane, because objecting to cheating and being abused is crazy, right?”

    My cheating wife told everyone in our community that I was “paranoid” and “bi-polar.”

    In view of the fact that I work coaching children in a small community, I still can’t get over what a treacherous and just plain shitty thing that was. I would never consider doing something like that to an enemy let alone a person I took a vow to love and honor. Desperation makes some people do and say anything to save themselves/their image. Sad.

    • I think the most common accusation I see against betrayed men is the “emotionally unavailable” or “neglectful” or “controlling/abusive” deal. None of the guys I know who have had this happent to them seem anything like this.
      I bet their wives wanted the princess/entitlement treatment , the “you complete me ” nonsense and were not reciprocating any of the emotional support.
      Michelle Langely write about cheating wives and these allegations. She interviewed a number of women who had cheated and made these complaints and met their spouses. She found that, in fact, most of the men were more emotinally evolved then their cheating wives and were beeter communicators.
      Men get a very bad rap these days re communication skills and interest in emotional stuff.
      Ever wonder why, with so many great male philosophers, lterary types, poets, artists, orators etc, that we got to this place where men are caricatured as obtuse louts who only want to drink beer, talk sports and work on their engines? It is nuts to think that one gender is more emotional, sensitive etc.
      But, cheating wives/women seem to want to try to play this card a lot as justification for their affairs.
      I’d suggest that any person who cheats has already shown who the real abuser/ insensitive unavbailable one is.
      Unfortunately , much like media seems to glorify some male cheating, it tends to minimize female cheating and send us the message that when a woman protaganist cheats, it is because her husband deserved it. Not many movies or show portray these cheating women in a way that is consistent with how cheating women really are in the real world.

      • You have a good point Arnold. I’m sure there is impression management done by both sexes. I can tell you that in my marriage my ex was emotionally unavailable and controlling, and he was the cheater. I admit I was afraid of conflict after growing up in a home full of it, so once I tried to press for communication I backed off pretty quickly when he got mad at me. Now I realize this was his defense mechanism and I should have pushed harder. Anyway, I’m pretty sure he says I was overly emotional. Long story short, there were communication problems.

  • Funny that cheaters can’t be more creative. I thought I was the only one. After XH’s affair came to light, he told my mom, my brother’s sister and apparently his sister that I was a lesbian. Then his sister whispered to my mom (in the presence of our 8-year-old son) that our marriage should be nullified due to my alleged lesbianism!

    I was surprised that XH would say these things, especially when he is the one with non-hetero sexual leanings (though he had an affair with a girl 20 years his junior). While we were married I discovered him trolling transgender dating sites (but he said it was just a fantasy and that he never actually went on dates with anyone–I believed him then but don’t now) and, after I discovered his affair, he said that he had been seriously considering a sex change for several years.

  • What if he’s able to convince his entire side of the family that I’m mentally ill? As in like psychotic. it’s such a difficult situation to be in because most of his family members know that i have some history with anxiety and depression so it’s easier to believe his story. im the one who confided in his sister several years ago when I went through a horrible bout with post natal depression which lasted a full year. He even threatens that he will lie to the court if he has to in order to have my parental rights stripped. He’s got his psycho mother backing him up.

    • I suffered with depression too. I’m sorry he’s using that against you. Most likely his treatment of you lead to depression. That is definitely true in my case.

      • How do I prove it though? I’m sure no one will testify, they’re sort of on his side. Has anyone successfully stopped anything like this?

  • This is just so very uplifting! Thanks so much for taking the time to address my concerns here on the page, ChumpLady. You’re the best! And reading all these great responses is awesome. My annoyance with this issue is so minor in comparison to what so many are going through right now that I feel honored you all took the time to give your input.

    Not many people know the truth. But you’ve given me a good script to use when this silly rumor comes up again, CL. And it will. If they ask for more, maybe I’ll add to it the rest of the story, which is that he had become a lazy freeloader who, just before I discovered the cheating, used my credit card without my permission thereby commiting domestic theft; all of which proves his true character.

    OK, about the vehicle I drive. No it isn’t a Suburu, but it just might be worse. I pride myself in having no debt, and I really don’t give a shit about what people think, but are you ready for this? I’m still driving the 96 Bronco. Hey! I need my 4WD, and it’s reliable. I live in the country where there’s sometimes mud and snow. That Toyota Tundra upgrade might have to be sooner than I thought. Wait.. what? Tundra? Well, crap.

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