So I was reading some of the editorials around French president Hollande’s philandering, and I was struck by this bizarre moralizing that really the most important thing to do in a situation like this is suck it up. Maintain the relationship. Recognize that the man (sorry, it’s usually always a man) needs his little bits on the side to feel vital. His job is not to embarrass you publicly with his philandering. Your job is not to ask too many questions. The essential thing is that you Keep The Family Together.
And not become one of those pathetic single people.
No, if you decide to stick with a cheat, you have to suck it in — the pain, the devastation, the depression — however much it hurts and humiliates. Just as Victoria Beckham did when David dallied with Rebecca Loos. Or as Hillary did with Bill.
These women kept the tears and the rows behind closed doors, rose above the fray in public — and today are still happily married, with children unscathed by divorce.
Instead, Miss Trierweiler appears to be following Princess Diana’s blueprint for seeing off the mistress — brief the newspapers, play the victim, get the public on side in the PR battle . . . and lose your man in the process.
How ironic that the hospital Miss Trierweiler fled to is the same one in which Diana later died — divorced, alone and a stranger to happiness.
Yes, the ones who suck up their humiliation are inexplicably happier for it while those who “play the victim” — well folks… they die. Alone and unmourned. “Strangers to happiness.”
Personally, I prefer being estranged from the happiness that comes from marriage to a remorseless cheater. But I guess I’m just a victim that way.
I like how these moralizing idiots blame monogamy for society’s ills. It’s not infidelity that breaks up homes, no, it’s the unbearable demands of monogamy. We all need to be a bit more understanding. This from the UK’s Telegraph.
The self-righteous twentysomething me, most ignorant of what she was most assured, would have abhorred the French distinction between marriage and sex. Thirty years later, I have seen too many good-enough relationships go to the wall over some infidelity, with all the bitterness and wild regret that comes in its wake.
The other day, a girl sobbed on my shoulder over her parents’ break-up. The divorce was seven years ago, and the girl is now 26. Infidelity hurts like hell, but divorce can cause lifelong devastation.
The Anglo-Saxon marriage model insists on monogamy or bust, and where has it got us? The highest divorce rate in the EU, with 42 per cent of marriages in England and Wales breaking up. And one in eight fathers never seeing their children.
I know married friends of both sexes who have had secret affairs but re-embraced their families with a feeling of immense gratitude and only a glittering shard of regret. Men, it seems, find it easy to forgive their indiscretions, but harder to forgive their wives’s. Quelle surprise!
Many moons ago, I was the Other Woman and I can honestly say that I am so glad my lover didn’t destroy his family for me, even though I would have crawled over broken glass to be with him. Now I have children of my own, I understand what I couldn’t then.
The Daily Mail and the Telegraph are conservative newspapers. But this Save the Marriage at all costs idiocy isn’t confined to the right — Dan Savage the outspoken progressive loves to trumpet crap about being “monogam-ish” and that fucking around is okay, so long as you keep the family together.
At whose expense? Really, you cake-eating cheater assholes — AT WHOSE EXPENSE?
The chump’s, that’s who.
It’s “just sex.” Hey, so you got an STD. So you’re humiliated. So you feel disrespected. Suck it up. You’ll be happier for it! You won’t be pathetic and alone. You won’t “lose your man.”
No, eat the shit sandwich. It’s good for you. It’s a noble sandwich. You really want your daughter sobbing on some journalist’s shoulder six years on about your selfish, selfish divorce?
Apparently leaving cheaters is why 1 in 8 children in Britain don’t see their fathers. It’s not that those fathers ran off with some floozy (or really you drove them to it probably with your demands of fidelity). It’s not that these men are character impaired. No, it’s that you didn’t do a good enough job of sucking up your pain, outside the public fray. You had to be the VICTIM, didn’t you?
God, enough with the chump shaming! It’s not an affliction to be single. Accommodating cake eaters is not a happy marriage — it’s abuse. You aren’t going to die alone, unmourned, your children forever scarred by your actions. (But that’s a hell of a good prediction if you keep being a serial cheater.)
Chumps on the other side — SPEAK UP. Your kids are doing fine? You don’t say! You found new love? Gained a new career? Have deeper friendships? Feeling so much better since you kicked the shit sandwich diet?
If we start telling the truth, I hope the discourse will change. First, that “sucking it up” does not result in happiness. It ends in misery. At best a soul-numbing limbo. Second, that chumps are more than our fucking relationship status. We have worth outside our family, outside our marriage. We have souls that are more than narcissist satellites. Third, that WE are the heroes who keep the family together, not the cheating assholes checking out for an afternoon fuck. Don’t ever say we don’t think about our children and then USE those children to guilt us into staying with some cake eating asshole! We reject your mindfuck.
Finally, there is no bitterness and “wild regret” leaving a cheater. There is only relief.
The bitterness comes from being judged by the sort of half-wits that write these columns. That chumps are somehow less than for being cheated on, and our pain is very inconvenient for everyone. Fuck that.
Chumps — you’re MIGHTY. Don’t ever forget it.