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And the Golden Sleeping Bag Goes to…

Boy you guys have some crazy ass cheaters. This was some tough competition from snorkeling in the Dead Sea to  OW puking in your toilet.

I decided to award a Golden Sleeping Bag to a cheater of each gender.

The first award goes to… LilyBart! For the guy who caught menstrual cramps. Careful men, those uterine contractions are contagious.

The second award goes to… P.F.! For the throw pillow eating cheater wife. I was happy to read that P.F. has moved on to a new life, with new throw pillows he has scotch guarded.

You get bragging rights, with BarristerBelle (ex of the bunny hopper in the sleeping bag) of Most Batshit Crazy Ex.


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  • Congrats LilyBart and PF!
    Seems odd to say I am jealous, but a tiny bit of me is…. My cheating exH is just a passive, entitled, liar. No crazy stuff from him, just the craziness I felt as I dealt with his half truths, etc.

  • I am so honored! I would like to dedicate this award to all of the spouses of batshit-crazy people who have not yet distanced themselves from the madness. Someday, it will make for a good story. 🙂

  • As hilarious and painful as those antics were I have to say it was fun to read. You just can’t make this shit up! I haven’t had a good laugh like that since January of 2013! It felt good to know that I’m not alone dealing with some of the dumbest, bat shit crazy crap I have ever heard and seen in my life! May we have many, many more lighthearted days like that! God knows we deserve better!

  • !!Good Job!! LilyBart and P.F. for surviving the cruelties and craziness of your cheaters and sharing it with your fellow chumps in a healing and humorous light.

  • Thank you CL for the honor of receiving the Golden Sleeping Bag award, and a tip my hat to my fellow award winner LilyBart who wrote an outstanding description of her menstrual cramping husband.

    I would also like to give a shout out to all our fellow chumps to one day reach the meh and find humour in the antics of the disordered.

    Thanks Again

    • I’m really loving all the new terms I’m learning from this website, in particular, “Meh” which is what I’m aspiring to.

      Still too close to the situation to find much of it funny because in the 7 months since DDay I’ve just been the Queen Chump in Chumpsville.

      After he ruined me financially and gave his dick to another woman, I’ve paid his cell phone bill all this time. Finally today I sent him an email that he has a week to get his own contract. Part of me feels guilty b/c I am not sure if he can afford a phone and I worry he won’t be able to contact his children, and the other part says it’s time to stop being an effing chump.

      Congratulations to you, PF and to you, LilyBart on receiving the Golden Sleeping Bag award.

      • ML, I was the same chump, paying my dickhead’s bills. Just. Walk. Away. Narcissists know how to survive…he will find another chump to drain. Let it not be you anymore! Keep coming to Chump Nation for support!

      • Moving Liquid – stop paying his cellphone bill. Don’t pay any of his bills. Me being the chump that I am paid to store our things in a storage unit, paid for the car insurance on two vehicles because they were both in our names, paid for the kids’ cell phones, paid on his life insurance so the kids would be protected if he died. I was left holding the bag.
        I finally moved what I considered my things out of the unit and got another one – he threw out what I had left behind. He stole the car out of my driveway but I couldn’t file charges against him because both of our names were on the title. So he got the new car and left me the piece of shit that wasn’t safe to drive – so I had to buy a new car. He wanted to buy the kids iphones this Christmas but wanted me to keep them on my plan. That didn’t work out as he wanted. And every month I have to check to see if the life insurance policy still has me as the beneficiary. So you are right – don’t be the effing chump! I have spent over $5000 on this stuff since we split 3 years ago. I would much rather be putting that in the bank! Learn to just say no when he asks for something. Mine always complained that he didn”t have any money. I just took him to court and found out he made $20K more than me last year. Guess who has to pay more child support. Proof that the Karma bus rolls around every now and then.

        • Oh, he’ll get a cell phone. He needs it to line up cake and kibbles. And he is the one who should be paying if you are taking care of the kids! You are on your way, ML!

          Have a great weekend! Get your diet and exercise in! We are on the road to our best selves!

        • Margo, till I take my last breath, I’ll never know how a person we’ve shared our most intimate moments with can possibly treat us so badly. Your story is heartbreaking. At least I don’t have kids with my husband. I am naive, I guess, but truly baffled by their behavior.

  • LOL! LilyBart, did you ever tell him that it was *menstrual* cramps that he “caught” that day?

    • No, I never did. I had figured out by that point that it was better to just keep it to myself, rather than get into a dramatic argument about my lack of compassion. I was on to his craziness by then, so keeping the joke to myself helped me to get out — eventually.

  • LB, congrats! Your cheater can join the band “The Cramps” !!!
    PF, congrats! May all your pillows be forever free from cheater stains!
    Congrats to you both and to all chump survivors for just survivin’ — and Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms here!

  • Congrats you two. Yes, once you approach “Meh” these make for great stories. Although I’m glad I did NOT win for crazy ex antics…. I’m also sad you guys had to deal with all of that. It’s like living in the Twilight Zone and you keep checking your own I.D to make sure it’s really you going through it.

    Stay strong, Chumps. Remember you are not alone. We’re here for you!

  • Beautiful! I’m off to hunt the imposter down. I slept last night. Like for the first time in 16 months. I have a question if anyone can help: Do I keep the text conversation as a reminder of what an astounding asshole he is–in case of an emotional slip, or do a full purge? It’s really new, I’m deleting years worth of useless legal documents and pathetic lawyering and futile attempts to micro manage a sinking ship–little by little. Some was entered into evidence, most was too confusing for the lawyers and should have been handled by a forensic, but it’s over. This is how the dice rolled. It’s easier to throw away my late night rantings on paper, go away. I don’t want anyone reading that hot mess. But his text–the conversation-spanning the incident that caused me to leave until last week–is like some kind of proof. What have you found helpful?? Thanks!

    • I would keep the text messages for awhile. I have several on my phone and now that the OW has dumped him and he’s trying to wheedle his way back in it serves me as a reminder of what a pathetic a hole he is

      • Thanks Janet, that’s what I was thinking. When I start reading it snaps me out of any doubt, and I still have to be contact-able legally for awhile.

  • Congratulations Lilybart and PF, plus thanks for sharing your stories — that post gave me one of the best laughs I have had in months…

    And thank you Barrister Belle for sharing your story as well – the image of your creep bouncing around in his sleeping bag will stay with me forever!

  • I think Chump Lady needs to illustrate both of the winners… what says Chump Nation?

    Perhaps a nice person will share a man one-upping his wife’s menstrual craps, Chump-Cartoon style, with him. : )

    And the hydrophobic pillow chomped surely deserves commemoration in a cartoon.

    Since I still giggle at the hopping sleeping bag.

    Ya’ll are awesome!

  • Is there a link to the crazy cheater stories that were vying for this title? I haven’t had a good gut-buster laugh yet today.

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