I am trying my hardest to get past the OW. She is very religious, wears big chunky crosses, quotes scripture, always has a biblical answer. Makes me question if that is one of the reasons I wasn’t “good enough.”
My brain tells me that is bullshit, my heart is not as easily convinced. Soon-to-be-ex is asking the girls (13 and 15) to not be too judgmental about what he has done. He writes by text only of course as he can’t bear to tell them anything about this to their faces.
Part of me says I should encourage them to forgive him and another part says hell no, he does not deserve it. I am such a chump; have been so “nice” to him during our relationship and know I need to get my anger up.
Would love your take on the religious OW.
We have a name for those folks here — the Jesus Cheaters. Yeah, it’s a thing, I’m sorry. But as Abraham Lincoln said: “How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn’t make it a leg.”
She can call herself a Christian, wear chunky crosses, and quote Scripture. Doesn’t make her a Christian. Calling adultery Christian doesn’t make it Christian. (In fact there’s a whole commandment against that.) It’s still a dog leg. You can’t dress this shit up.
One giveaway with the Jesus Cheaters is they’re very anti-judgment. Forget the God of the Old Testament and his mercurial, smiting ways. They dig New Testament Jesus. Some groovy dude who’s all “ye without sin cast the first stone.” Jesus the all forgiving. He’s like this heavy duty spackle. Oh hey, can’t call me out on my shit — Jesus loves me! Jesus spackle makes an impenetrable forcefield.
“I don’t forgive you.”
“So what? God does.”
Yep, you don’t trump God. God for the win!
In my opinion, nothing is more narcissistic than speaking for God. How the hell do you know if God’s forgiven you? It’s not like He posts his grades online. Oh crap, I got a D minus in character. Guess I’m going to have to be reincarnated and take the test again.
No, all these things are a matter of faith. And not just Christian faith. I’m sure there are Mohammad Cheaters and Krishna Cheaters… every religion has its hypocrites. In my opinion, the best you can do is judge for yourself. Yes, JUDGE. God gave you moral sense, so use it. Is fucking another woman’s husband something Jesus would do?
No, I don’t think so.
And I’m just a lapsed Methodist preacher’s kid, but if I recall my father’s sermons correctly (I probably don’t… I spent much of the time drawing cartoons with the offertory pencil) Jesus did some judging — money lenders, rich people, hypocrites. He wasn’t a big fan. In fact, if he aligned himself with anyone — it was society’s chumps. The underdogs, smelly fishermen, poor Jews. I don’t think Jesus hung out with a lot of smug people. That’s just my sense as someone without a Divinity degree.
It doesn’t really matter what your ex or the OW call themselves. They can be members of the Furry Fandom for all you care. You know what they did, you know right from wrong, and you’re not okay with it. You’re especially not okay with it — and shouldn’t feel a need for forgive it — because THEY DON’T THINK THEY DID ANYTHING WRONG. It’s hard to forgive someone who’s not one damn bit sorry. Who hasn’t made any sort of restitution, and who keeps committing the same damn sin.
You can detach from such a person, you can not wish them dead, and be “meh” (this is my personal idea of forgiveness) — but you don’t have spackle for them. (Jesus is on that.) It’s not your job to tell your daughters how to feel about their dad. That relationship is their responsibility, and they’ll figure it out in time. All you can do is speak your truth — dad cheated with Ms. Jesus Freak, and it’s not okay with you, but you’re moving on with your life, because you don’t take abuse off anyone. Not even someone who quotes scripture.
“A faith without works is dead.” Live your faith. Live your values.