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Did the Tree of Karma Fall on Your Cheater?

karmasutraI’ve gotten a couple requests lately to do a karma column. I’m always on the fence about karma, because on the one hand, who is above a bit of schadenfreude when it comes to cheaters? Personally, I felt utterly delighted when a giant four-story-tall tree fell on my ex’s house (my former marital home) AND his BMW. It was like a sign from God, complete with lightning bolt! I call it “The Tree of Karma.”

Admittedly, that’s not very “meh.”

Really, the goal here after surviving infidelity is indifference. They fell into a vat of acid? The OW succumbed to the Ebola virus? Your ex-wife is on her seventh husband and twentieth STD?

Shrug.

WTFever.

I don’t think we should wait around for karma. It has it’s own timetable and focusing on the injustice keeps us stuck and  focused on the cheater. You’ve all got better things to do with your lives than wait at the karma bus stop.

Once you trust that they suck, you realize cheater karma is just being them. Every day they live their karma as inauthentic people with crap life skills. You don’t need cheater karma to gain a life. Go be awesome without it.

Oh shut up, Tracy. Tell us about the tree. Was the BMW totaled? What else you got? Do you know any cheaters that got thrown into a South American jail? Indicted? Deported?

Oh, OKAY. Today we’ll tell our karma stories. I expect half of you will be sad and say, no the OW lives in your house, dunks her cookies in your wedding china coffee cups, and your children have tattooed her name in hearts on their little chests. To you sad people I say — take the LONG view. I know some cheater karma stories in my life, but they happened to people a generation older than me. In one case, the cheater died years later of alcoholism. In the other, he married the OW and lived in a fancy house for a long time — but now, 30 years on, the IRS is taking the house, he’s a drunk, and the OW is abjectly miserable. Karma took its sweet time arriving, but it did show up.

So let loose, chumps. Any karma sightings? Inquiring chumps want to know.

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  • “cheater karma is just being them” – SO right with this one, CL! But I bet today’s stories are going to give me some good laughs and smiles, so have at it, Chump Nation!

    My ex clearly didn’t think about what he was doing and what it might cost him, when he decided to cheat for a second time. He was working out of town – I’d never find out, right? Took me two weeks, as far as I can tell, so I guess his optimal cake-eating was short-lived.

    Both the cheating and how badly he’s handled everything since then are so typically him; the universe doesn’t even need to send lightening bolts. Here’s what’s happened for him;
    – ALL our couple and family friends have completely turned their backs on him.
    – large segments of HIS family have turned their backs on him, never mind all of mine.
    – he’s messing up his finances, he’s taken out retirement savings to be able to look like a good dad (keeping kids and I in the house), and to be able to do fun stuff w/OW. His credit rating must be tanking, not because he doesn’t have the money, but because he can’t be bothered with little life details like paying bills on time, or even setting up automatic payment. Always had the responsible adult here to take care of that stuff for him, it must be beneath him! (And the man has an MBA in finance, ha ha ha!!!)
    – not sure what’s happening with the OW these days, but they still don’t live together, he’s alone much of the time in a dinky little apartment, and this is a man who HATES to be alone.
    – and the biggest karma hit of all, the kids started refusing to see him, last fall. At my insistence, they now have a meal with him, maybe even go to a movie, once a month. This one makes me very sad, because of what it means for the kids’ experience of their dad, but he totally deserves this. He was a mediocre father when we were together, negative and crabby and w/little investment in the kids, then he stabbed me in the back for a second time and broke up the kids’ family, then he made it clear, for a year after the separation, that he wasn’t thinking of the kids or their well-being, everything was organized to be convenient and pleasant for him; he picked up and dropped the kids like they were toys he was only occasionally interested in playing with.

    Karma in his case is just the result of being who he is, and making the choices he makes. And it IS a little satisfying to see that he’s not gone on to happily-ever-after. He blamed EVERYTHING on me; I appreciate the universe showing him that getting him out of my life has improved my life, but getting me out of his has actually made his worse.

    • “He blamed EVERYTHING on me; I appreciate the universe showing him that getting him out of my life has improved my life, but getting me out of his has actually made his worse.”
      Amen to that.

    • KarenE,

      You wrote about insisting that your children have a meal or a movie once a month with their father. It reminded me of a conversation I had with my adopted parents. I told them that I could see myself, eventually, encouraging my sons to have a relationship with their father. My “parents”, married for over 50 years, looked at me and said, “Why? That’s no longer your job to be the mediator. Your sons are young adults. Respect them. Support them. They can make their own decisions. Be the parent that you are and have been.” I am so grateful that I have these people in my life. They zeroed right in to what my life habit had been: spackling. I was always smoothing things over. The fuckhead lost that, too.

      • Joy, your parents were right on!! My kids were only 12 and 13 at the time of the separation, though, and a year older when they started refusing to see him. FORTUNATELY I live in a jurisdiction where at age 12 kids get a big voice into how much time they spend w/each parent, and from age 14 it’s entirely up to them.

        The ex took the kids’ rejection as a big wake up call, and is doing some things towards trying to ‘be a better person’ – not helped all that much by a warm and fuzzy therapist who doesn’t appear to have a clue how to work effectively with a narcissist. So my thought is that if he actually can become a better father, that would benefit the kids, whereas if they don’t see him at all, they won’t have any experience of that. (Plus the ex is still paying a BIG chunk of money each month, because he wanted the kids and I to stay in the house, and if we can avoid a big confrontation over $ because he’s pissed about the kids, that would be a good thing for the kids and I … 😉 )

      • Joy-filled,
        I think I am going to write down their advise to you, I don’t have parents who can speak into my life in that way and am glad you shared their insight.

      • Yes, I too was insisting my daughter have dinner at least once a month with STBX and my parents, married 58 years, also asked me why. They too pointed out that my daughter is 15 and certainly old enough to make her own decisions about how much or little she wants to see her father. They are so right and also called
        me on my spackling habit!

  • While we were still married, my cop husband was fond of flirting with one of my girlfriends (a super- christian massage therapist). This friend of mine (not the best friend, in hindsight) became quite chatty with my husband (can you say ‘poor boundaries’?). It got to the point where they would call each other and meet without my knowledge, and he would do things to show off to her…also conveniently forgot to mention that I was pregnant. She enjoyed the attention, at best….at worst, she was hoping to be the OW. Anyhoo, he thought it would be a great idea to take her on a police “ride-along” at 2 a.m., just him and her (again, poor boundaries!).

    He crashed that car, while she was on the ride along. Totaled the car. Although they were basically fine and only got very minor injuries, I’d like to think it was a wakeup call. Part of me wonders what tomfoolery led to the crash (was he driving like a 16 year old to impress her? or maybe she was giving him a BJ?). Who knows. But at the time, I shrugged my shoulders, and took it as a sign from a higher power. It felt kind of validating.

    • LUD, cop stories….. and they wonder why no one respects them anymore????
      My ex is a cop too. Yep, ho worker was doing ride alongs as well and then some. Karma story is she ended up getting a job at the jail. She then had her mugshot plastered on the front page of the local newspaper several months later for her dui and hit and run arrest. It turns out it was on her birthday too. I purchased several copies of the newspaper and left them for dickwad.
      Ex being a cop lost his gun! How as a cop do you lose a fucking gun??? He had to file a police report at a different jurisdiction. For me, it was hysterical as it just proved to me what a complete fucking idiot he is.
      I think the best karma though is that he walked away with basically nothing as it was all mine to begin with. He didn’t even get enough money to buy a decent used car. I laughed my ass all the way to the bank.
      And even better than that, is the fact that I can sleep well at night, knowing that I was/am honest, faithful, and lived my life with integrity so that my children could see what an authenic person is. Go be awesome chumps!!

      • Lost his gun?! Wow. I bet his police chief wasn’t too happy about that. Kind of symbolic, though, eh?

        • Yeah, he would not move out of the house and was living in the basement at that time. He came into the living room and asked the kids and myself if we had seen it. Nice, huh? We all said no, or the kids said that they thought they saw it in his vehicle. I never touched his work gear. So he stormed off into the garage pulling shit off the walls and screaming. I wish I taped it.
          At this point I really don’t think the sheriff or his supervisors give a shit about much. They all knew that she was doing ride alongs all the time with him and chose to look the other way. They both are still employed by the county but in all seriousness, what does this teach the kids. Cops are supposed to be trustworthy – they take an oath, just like marriage. And the ones who turn and look the other way – they are just as bad, after all, who are they protecting….themselves.

          • Did he ever find his gun? The thing is these cheaters have their heads in the clouds so much they forget things, but his gun? He must have been really wacked out. Is it true that most cops cheat? I’ve heard that. So much opportunity.

            • My husband is a cop too. Used to be very proud of that, indoctrinated into the Law Enforcement “family.” My hero. Blech. That wonderfully, tight knit LE “family” is rather incestuous. Cops sleep with dispatchers, records clerks, jailers, other cops. One big happy effed up “family” leaving a trail of collateral damage. In my observations (married to one for 21 yrs), yes most cops cheat. Entitlement and that above-the-law mentality.

              Oh, ya, mine “lost” his gun, too. Turns out it was at his gfs. So I placed a call to her and arranged to finally meet her and get the gun back w/o husband’s knowledge. We met in a gym parking lot and she gave it back to me loaded. Good thing I’m sane. What an idiot.

              • ooh I just love cop bashing story’s. My XW is a cop, and the other affairs she was having are all with other cops, also married. So as Nadine says, yes I too am of the opinion that many cops cheat. I’m pretty sure most of her department are fucking one another.

                I got to quickly receive news after separation a terrific karma story, XW insists on buying a house of her own, and refuses an inspection. 2 weeks into ownership her septic collapses, basement floods, and has $10000 in immediate and urgent repairs. I always paid for all expenses in life, so have fun with that, paying your own way for a change, aint in fun?

                In the end I agree with CL that karma may take its time but is doomed to happen to all cheats eventually due to their crap life skills, poor choices, and emptiness inside. My XW is totally in love with her latest affair (yes another cop at same detachment), yet he is married and refuses to leave his wife and kids. I am also aware that this is not his first affair either. So you have fallen in love with a player, who is unavailable? That cant be a happy ending and karma will be sure to pay you another visit.

                I’m not waiting at the karma bus stop anymore, I am already certain that such shitty choices made on her part will necessarily result in a shitty outcome, which is good enough for me to say I don’t care.

              • You guys HAVE TO BE KIDDING ABOUT THE LOSING THE GUN THING!! WOW!! My STBX is a cop too, and yes they absolutely are a cheating bunch. He left his personal gun in a public bathroom where a kid found it and turned it in. This was right in the midst of the affair. HMMM wonder where his “head” was at?? He was demoted and cant be promoted for 5 years. Karma??? I guess, but he still left me after 23 years for the MOW after the big 3 month affair. I want karma on that as well please. I am not even near “meh” but striving for that Tuesday.

            • I can’t say that I know for sure if it was found. I reeived phone messages from the police office regarding the open file however this was after divorce was final and I never returned them nor passed them on to dickwad. I thought they should have his work number and they can call him there. LOL. Oldest son said that it was finally found, however, he wouldn’t know for sure either as dickwad is a liar and well, lies.
              I don’t think he was “wacked out”, I just think he is an idiot.
              After I found out he lost it, I immediately thought, OMG, it is going to get in the wrong hands and there goes everything. Thank God, I filed for divorce as it is all on him.
              I too, was very proud to be a cop’s wife (and also Coast Guard) and took it very seriously as I never wanted to mar “our” good name.
              I can also remember on one of our family vacations my kids were telling daddy to stop texting and driving as that is what they were taught. His response was if it is for business it is okay. Really??? You motherfucker!!! I believe now that at the time, he was texting howorker. Entitlement, entitlement, entitlement….

              • My stbx is a cop too. Yep, I think that’s a prerequisite of the job.

              • Copulation does begin with COP you know! I agree, a band of mostly cheaters.

              • Casey- I’m floored reading all the cop stuff. My STBX is a cop. Twice he’s lost things pertaining to his job. The 1st was his police ID which he placed on top of the car while leaving work. He was on “the phone” not paying attention and when he drove off it went bye-bye. He works in a pretty rough city so you can imagine the joy in whoever recovered it and didn’t return it. The 2nd time was he was leaving our house on “the phone” AGAIN and put his badge on top of the car AGAIN and drove off. We live in a decent area and still it was never found or returned. He/we looked for it for days, but nothing. He had to tell his Sargent. He lost precious vacation days from work AND had to change his badge # which he was very upset over. I’m not sure if that’s karma because he caused it all by not paying attention to important things (just like not paying attention to his wife and son which he is losing as well). I feel that not all cops cheat, but instead that a lot of cheaters/narcissists become cops. I used to call it “damsel in distress syndrome”. He loved to look like a hero to women. Once when I caught him in an inappropriate relationship with some skank he had the nerve to say that its because her husband is such an asshole to her. REALLY? WTF about MY asshole husband? They never take responsibility for their actions. Its the entitlement. I didn’t want to date my husband when we first met because he was a cop, but then he didn’t seem like the “typical cop” and when I look back at it now I was actually a damsel in distress coming out of a bad relationship. He made that Ex look really bad and now that Ex looks like an angel to me. SMH…

              • I’m sorry but I’m sitting here having my morning coffee and laughing aloud at these cop stories…. Mine wanted to become one but his criminal record followed him around since he likes to get into fights in public, so he had to scratch that idea. Yet, he was always drawn to jobs in law enforcement and for the longest time I couldn’t figure out what the real appeal was. Dealing with the criminal element was not my cup of tea and I’ve begged him for years to leave those dangerous jobs, he really didn’t need to take. Oh no, they were the only ones he was after: security guard in the roughest part of the city was one of his favorite. If he got to shot someone (“in the line of duty”- blah, blah), he would gloat while telling the story to whomever would listen to him. After years of me trying to set him up with corporate recruiters to help him find employment in the corporate world, it dawned on me that he actually wasn’t interested in them. He would miss interviews or wouldn’t return calls, would stall the process. A couple of times he got the job (narcissists typically do well in interviews but not on the job), and a few months later he would be fired for either insubordination (hates authority) or personality conflicts. A decade into this hopeless relationship, I’ve entered therapy and during one of the first sessions, my therapist didn’t mince words when he said: “oh no, Monika. It isn’t you, you’re just dealing with a textbook narcissist with a set of sociopathic traits.” It has been since established he fits the definition of a sociopath quite well (I’ve got my own “hot pocket” cheater, Tracy.)
                It’s been a process to get out ever since (finally there.)

            • My dad was a cop and did not cheat on my mom to my knowledge, but he was also VERY different *what might be your typical cop.* (Yes, this is a generalization.) Being a cop was not his dream in life or his calling. He pretty much hated it. He became a cop because, at the age of 21, he did well on the test (when he went and took it with a buddy who wanted to become a cop) and wasn’t sure what else to do with his life. It was also a steady income, basically permanent job security, and my dad was good at it– tough, honest, and compassionate. 🙂

              When he slowly moved up the ranks (and he was often passed over because he wasn’t a good old boy), he made a lot of enemies because he was a “by the book” type of guy, didn’t hang out and have beers with the guys after work, and didn’t feel that his job defined who he was. In fact, he and I had that conversation once– I’m not a cop, but neither of feel like our professions define us. We do them (and hopefully well), and then we switch over to who we really see ourselves as when we’re done with work. He was never so happy to retire.

              So, I think that if cops are cheaters, it’s because they’re the opposite of my dad– they think they’re powerful, they love flaunting that power, and they abuse that power. That obsession with power then spills into their personal lives– I can control people! I appear strong and like I can do anything! They think my uniform is sexy! They think that riding around on patrol is exciting! Perfect mindset for an A.

              • Oh yes, my x was a prison officer. Shy, low self esteem, little belief in himself at home. Yet at work, all powerful with his uniform and baton. Classic ‘damsel in distress’ syndrome. Had an affair with a fellow female officer because she was a ‘poor single mum’. While I was crying in the shower every evening, he never wanted to ‘save’ me. Disgusting.

    • My ex was a cop too.. It must be part of it. He had multiple emotional/physical affairs over the years and flirted with everything in a skirt… He ran off with another cop… He is such an angry man, so glad I am not walking on egg shells anymore.. MEH is so good.

      • I think there is a certain personality type that is prone to cheat…and many people who are drawn to the that occupation possess those personality traits. They feel powerless, yet they are attracted to a job that allows them to feel powerful. They may not like any type of confrontation in their personal lives, but once they don the uniform, confrontation doesn’t scare them. They are insecure, but having that gun strapped next to them gives them power. They are cowards in their personal live. but being a cop allows them to play the role of a knight in shining armor.

        I don’t want to paint with a very broad brush – and my apologies to all of the good people out there who are cops – but I’ve gotta tell you – I will NEVER date a cop again.

        • Me either Chumpedtwice, NEVER again. I saw soo many of them do exactly the same. My ex was such a coward in every way. He ran from everything at home. But when he put on that uniform, the total arrogance was astounding. I spent 21 years of my life wondering when he was going to explode at home, his anger, his arrogance, his abandonment, tried to shield the kids as much as possible from him. I think Karma for him is now having bought a house, totally in debt, living with the OW who is 10 times worse than him.

        • Yep, another cheater cop story here… He was actually in a plain clothes tactical unit in which being able to lie as easily as he breathed was a job requirement and he works unpredictable hours/locations, etc… He was really good at his job! I actually dated a police detective a while before him who also had those tendencies. Good lord!

          Harkening back to a recent post, ironically the cop cheater who brought me here’s now OWife was his hairdresser. She didn’t know about me and I only learned her identity/their status after they were married some months after Dday and NC – and he was still pursuing me! It seems like the karma bus doesn’t know his stop and he is in his element and in the clear. I cannot say how often I fantasize about helping karma along by making an appointment with her/one of her colleagues in her salon and “over sharing” my story as if innocently by accident. I truly don’t think she has a clue who he really is and, if nothing else, it would cause some upset in his life. I do have proof and, maybe, OWife would put him on a short leash, i.e., mess with whatever cake eating he’s up to these days.

          So, I obviously have not moved on as successfully to another relationship as he has… He really fucked with my mojo. Sigh. I do wish he would receive some kind of payback that resonates with me/my idea of justice, but I guess I just have to work on my Meh. I do not want to give him the kibbles of centrality or thinking he’ still so much on my mind. It all just sucks!

        • Mine is a cop too!! Having been married for 22 years I would say there are only2-3 guys out of the 50 plus cops I know that are decent!! Most of them do cheat, are selfrightius, entitled idiots!!
          When I told my layewer what he does for a living he shook his head and told me they are the worst to divorce because they think they need to keep everything…

          • Don’t forget the paramedics and firefighters….a lot of cheaters there too! That’s where my ex fell. He was seen coming out of the back of an ambulance with another medic. He’s married to her now. Chumpedtwice, I think you hit the nail on the head with your explanation. And, like you, will be staying away from all medics/firefighters/cops from now on!

            • Word, Sick of HER Chump!!! STBX is a paramedic who thinks she is God’s gift to all married nurses out there even though she had a beautiful family set up at home. But working in the medical field is the same way!! Ugh!

          • My STBX is a professor – and this personality fits him to a T. The last bastion of the feudal system and he gets to be the nobleman. Pathetic.

        • Chumpedtwice- Agreed!! I will NEVER date a cop again! EVER! I wanted so badly to believe that my STBX was one of the good ones, but he proved to be just how you described. Not all cops cheat. Its not fair to say that for sure, but so many narcissists become cops. Its about power and its about entitlement. It spills all over their personal life. They’re actually told to be an officer 24/7 meaning you can’t turn a blind eye to any wrong doing (unless they’re the ones doing it). So if you’re “allowed” to be powerful 24/7 then who the hell is going to be able to tell that narcissist at home that he needs to comply to the vows he took. A losing battle. I’m waving the white flag…

    • Not all cops cheat, but a lot do, like my ex. We were together for 9 years and he cheated with at least 5 women that I found out about. I also work in law enforcement, so I wasn’t born yesterday (IYNWIM). I treated his cheating like a criminal investigation. I took my time, investigated, gathered evidence and hit him with it like a hammer. I had passwords to all his email accounts, websites he frequented, voicemail passcodes, etc and he never knew (he isn’t bright).

      One of his “reasons” for cheating was that I didn’t want children, which he knew up front when we got together. Before we were officially broken up, he already had the new flame pregnant. Did I mention she’s a heroin addict/ junkie? And that she has been arrested several times by our fellow co-workers? She wasn’t the first, or the last, turd he’s messed around with.

      I wish this website had been around when I was going through all that! He gave so many excuses why he cheated and I took things so personally, like it was my fault somehow. Except now, I know it wasn’t on me. He was/is a douchebag. Karma for her and him came calling: he cheated on new “baby mama” with two of the same girls he cheated on me with. Baby mama stayed, so she gets whatever she deserves. It sucks that we still work together, but I don’t have to see him much and when I do, he can’t look me in the face. He’s a joke in our department, so that makes me laugh.

      My current love (my fiancee) is a cop, but he’s an upstanding, salt of the earth kind of guy. His ex-wife cheated on him too, so he understands where I was. He’s different in every way from the douchebag.

  • While my husband had lots of paid sex, he only had two incidents of sex with someone who would have him for free. Both times he had ED. His multiple attempts to find a relationship all failed miserably. Generally they simply stopped responding to his texts and emails, stopped taking his calls. One woman went so far as to let him know she wanted him to stop trying to contact her as she was getting scared of him.

    Of course I only have his word for any of this, and we all know what a cheaters word is worth.

  • No real karma, but this I know: that this is not about me, it is about him.

    I have discovered I am way more competent and loveable that I ever imagined, so I am free. OW on the other hand, will get lonelier and lonelier as he ignores her, refuses to speak to her and subjects her to mini abandonments (how do I know this), and that is her karma.

    He? Lives in hell. Imagine being that tormented, that you have to disappear up your own arse to get by. Karma already.

  • l will share one about a dear friend who was going through her trauma around the same time I was:

    My friend’s ex is on the run from the law. Do not know what all he got involved in, but if he sets foot back in this country, he will go to prison. Additionally, that means he has no relationship with his now adult children (or the grandchild) And he did enjoy being with his children when they were young.

    What kind of life can you have on the lam? Certainly not a happy one…And certainly not a life with the primary OW, (Guess he will just find others, as they all seem to do!!)

    Meanwhile, my dear friend has remarried a good man and is quite content & satisfied with life and has close relationships with both of her children & her grandchild!!

    Good things do come to those who live authentic, loyal lives!

    Forge on, Nation…ForgeOn!

  • Is this karma, or just natural consequences of bad decisions? My wife “loaned” her boyfriend/boss $200 k — her inheritance from her mother, so that he could make a go of it with a bar he ended up owning through a combination of mid-life stupidity, greed and just plain poor business acumen. I imagine the loan was more like a transfer of funds with a view to starting a new life together, on my wife’s part, anyhow.

    Of course they never did start a new life together, the boyfriend has not paid back the loan and my wife is suing him, and the bar has a nice sign on the door saying it’s closed by the landlord for non-payment of rent. Ain’t love grand?

  • Within a month or so he was sleeping in his truck because his “Love” wouldn’t let him in unless he brought home crack……..so when he couldn’t scrape up $20 or so….out the door he went!

  • My ex took me to court over some BS and told me that “everybody” thought I was crazy and he would win (his girlfriend I’m sure is the only one that thought this), the judge saw through him that he is a disgusting man-child, denied everything he asked and decided all in my favor AND raised child support. A lot. Ah-mazing.

      • The judge really was kind of a right-wing nutcase, but that only helped me since ex drinks a lot, was “seriously dating” a married woman and thinks so highly of himself and his decisions that he kept talking back/interrupting the old judge. I just kept my mouth shut and enjoyed the show!

        • Well, I hereby create the Chump Nation Judge Daphne Award (she set the standard for great judges!), and give it to him, ’cause it must have been so SATISFYING to watch!

          • It really was. Watching an authority figure tell ex what a loser he is and that all of my concerns were valid was the best thing ever. My lawyer had sent his lawyer an “agreement” to try to resolve the custody issues out of court, where I was asking that only my main concern be addressed and was conceding to his other ridiculous requests in the interest of the safety of my son. His lawyer wrote back in email “nice try”, and we went to court, and they both looked like idiots. It’s actually available on DVD from the courthouse – a friend mailed me a copy, lol. I didn’t even know they did that.

            • My ex’s lawyer tried to make me look “low maintenence” on the stand, I suppose to argue that since I was used to getting nothing from him, I didn’t need the amount I was asking for. Just because he is a surgeon making $400k a year and I was a SAHM raising 4 children I shouldn’t get alimony. She asked me if he had bought me any expensive jewelry?, “NO”, Taken me on any expensive trips?, “No”. You get the idea. Well it backfired big time. In addition to being a serial adulterer, the judge thought he was a cheap jerk as well. I got EVERYTHING I asked for and alimony for 15 years. Karma!

            • The one time my attorney met my ex in person, at the courthouse, she told him he was “a shame and a disgrace.”

  • Not quite a year after the divorce, WXH lost his job.

    The only real job he ever had. The one he worked for over 20 years.

    To say that I snickered at his misfortune, is well, an understatement. I gleefully told my mom and my BFF and we clucked like happy hens over it and I sent links to his pitiful paid LinkedIn profile where he begs for a new job.

    It tickles me especially since I told him a few years ago to let me update his resume and put some feelers out for him because his company was giving him all the signs that he was next when the downsize taxi made its next stop. But noooo…he wouldn’t let me do it just so he could protect the lie he had been telling me since we met that he had a college degree and well, I’m wrong about everything.

    Soooo, let’s see. Since I walked out on a weekday and got an apartment leaving the house and all of the furniture:

    The house is in foreclosure. It’s hard for the poor muffin to be responsible and pay bills on time, that was my job.

    He has no cable TV. I know he hates missing out on all his sports marathons on the weekends, but cable is a bill and well, the muffin can’t be bothered with that.

    He lost his job. Now how will he wine and dine his hole mates? How will he put gas in his fancy SUV? Hell, how will he keep up the $700/month payments on his fancy SUV?

    I took most of his 401K in the divorce. So now that he’s jobless, he can’t replenish it. And knowing him, the tiny bit that was left he probably pulled it all out and spent it trying to catch up on the mortgage and his SUV payment…oh and hanging out at cigar bars (yes, I stalk his Facebook) – you know priorities!

    Oh well, sucks to be him. Tee Hee!

    • Sounds like a whole lotta karma! My ex also had issues with paying the bill. What is with all these cheaters with the mentality of a child that someone ELSE will take care of them?

      • The very.first.thing. the ex did when he moved out (well before he even filed) was to open up another business account (on which I wasn’t a signer) for HIS MONEY, because, you know, I was financially irresponsible. Frankly, I was the only reason he had a perfect credit score. Fast forward to the discovery process in the divorce — it sure did my heart good to get copies of his new personal checking account statements which were constantly being overdrawn. Hundreds of dollars in NSF fees. Then I also got copies of his checkbook register where his New Mommy tried to balance it for him. She gave up and he went back to using the business account for everything and just posted personal expenses as an owner draw.

        • Geez, it’s like they don’t understand where money comes from! I remember when we first separated, seeing that he was incapable of paying $60/month for Internet and Cable was a bit therapeutic in reaffirming they suck!

          • “seeing that he was incapable of paying $60/month for Internet and Cable was a bit therapeutic in reaffirming they suck!”

            I know right?

            The last time I went over to the house to get him to sign something for the divorce, there he was in the living room, in front of the ginormous TV he loved to watch, bent over his work laptop streaming free stuff on the neighbors wifi. all because I took the cable/internet with me when I left and he was too lazy, cheap, or irresponsible to get it turned on after I left.

            In my head I was like, “WTF? Who does that?”. You’re right it does confirm that we divorced oversized children.

            • have to jump in on this one, I have always paid our bills have managed our household finances for ever, but if you ask the STBX he will tell you he is a financial wiz. But he is a cheap ass and will not pay for anything he considers he should be able to get for free or at mates rates. He is so cheap that while our daughter was in hospital he got board having to just “be there” and to avoid running up his mobile phone bill asked the mother of the other child in the room if he could piggy back onto her wifi, so he could surf the net. She said No thankfully and told me later when I was at the hospital I was so embarrassed, I then overshared which lead to some great advise as she is a self employed legal secretary. My STBX is cheap and nasty.

        • after my husband left to move into his rental house/love shack to be shared with the ow, she ended up paying ALL their bills n groceries for months, after a year he only now paid a rent. n yet he’s always broke n he has the nerve to tell me since my stroke i kinda not on top of it. uhm wen i miss bill pymnts n have my acct overdrawn it’s because i’m on disability n get paid only once a month. he also immediately opened an account for his money n was gonna have her share it with him but changed his mind n couple months later told me he was glad he did cos she’s a spender. hm. in the mean time i’m squeezing pennies or my church has given me donations which have helped in a big way esp since my disability is too high for me to qualify for food stamps.

    • That Girl. I just have to comment. My STBX also lied about having a college degree. It took me 3 decades to officially confirm it. The story goes…Three days after we were married he was suppose to be starting in the navy as an officer. That is what he told me. We moved to the base location for him to begin. He called me three hours after I dropped him off and told me to pick him up, because he didn’t pass his flight physical. Told me he had bad knees. Heck, how could that be??? He was a very healthy 23 year old. Every time I asked about it he said “I don’t want to talk about it”. Instead ,we moved back home and he went back to his old factory job. He refused intimacy, refused to talk with me and spent long hours with his buddies at the local bar after work. I was a new bride and soooooo confused at this chain of events. Every time I asked about it I got the same response. He never told me the truth. The worse part was he knew this was going to be the case before we were married. He held to the lie and wouldn’t budge. This last year I asked him how he could say vows to me with this deceit, for a college degree was not a determining factor in my love for him. He told me it was my fault , because he said I married him to get out of the north, where it was cold, and he didn’t want to disappoint me.
      Needless to say, that was beginning of a 36 year mind fuck. He told everyone he had a degree, even his children. After d-day, I verified what I thought all along. He never finished. He told the counselor he was caring for his grandma and couldn’t find time to finish. Lie number 2. It was grandma’s fault and my fault, but it had nothing to do with him not working hard enough and staying out all night at bars. I sat and listened him lie and blameshift to our counselor. Karma for me kinda came when he was demoted from his job and he put out job applications. He said there wasn’t anything available. I am sure it was because he didn’t have that degree. I look back and see lie after lie. A trash dump of lies, and for each one he had to keep the story straight. His ho-worker was probably told the same bullshit. In her email, telling him how she loved him, she asked about his poor knees. (hand to the face) . She believes him like I did. If it wasn’t for my children I would look back at my life as a waste of time. I shake my head every day. Karma is not going to be enough to give me a new life. I am going to have to find the path to MEH somehow., but the karma bus is not driving me there.

      • I think you are onto something important. Lies block intimacy. Afterall, you can’t very well open up emotionally to someone you are actively lying to. I too was newly married and the sex dried up, and he was “working” alot. I remember wondering if this what marriage was supposed to be like. And then I tried harder.

        I guess what I don’t understand is why? Why tell those lies that don’t matter? I’m sure you didn’t approach your exH and say “hey, do you have a degree, because if you don’t it won’t work between us”. So why lie?

        My exH told me the lie about the degree while we were dating. He volunteered this information, just popped it into conversation. I didn’t ask him. Why do that?

        I just can’t wrap my head around why some people lie like that. It really is mind boggling to realize that your whole relationship was built on worthless lies.

        • Not all narcissists are compulsive liars, but I think all compulsive liars are narcissists. I was taught that sociopaths/psychopaths lie instrumentally, in order to get or achieve something they want, while narcissists lie to look good. That means they often do a LOT of lying, even about small, stupid, totally unnecessary stuff, just to get a few ego kibbles. Because we have to live assuming that people are usually telling the truth (otherwise we call it paranoia!), especially where there would be no real gain to lying, it can take a LONG time to see how often they lie.

  • To me, karma means disordered people live disordered lives. Narcissists love drama, they live it and, as a result, lots of crazy stuff happens to them. The church lady who broke up my marriage was like Kristin Wigg’s character, “Penelope”, always one upping everyone in faith,tragedy, and brilliance. Today, she can’t get a job, her husband divorced her, she lost her house and professional reputation, and she lives with her mother. And once my asshole X realized that she was a golddigger, he unceremoniously dumped her. Poor thing.

    My X is older and has many health issues. He thought I was always going to be around to take care of him. Wrong! He gets to go to all those doctors’ appointments alone, his kids want nothing to do with him and he has no friends. He spent his whole adult life being the center of attention, well no more. He gets to spend alot of time with the only person he truly loves-himself.

    Bad things happen even to the best of people and that isn’t karma, it’s life. But cheaters willingly invite trouble into their lives. They “trouble trouble” as my friend likes to say and then look to find someone to blame for the circumstances they are in. People who walk in the middle of traffic shouldn’t be suprised when they get run over by the karma bus!

    • “He spent his whole adult life being the center of attention, well no more. He gets to spend alot of time with the only person he truly loves-himself.”
      Louise, that sums up my H too.

    • Love this…People who walk in the middle of traffic shouldn’t be suprised when they get run over by the karma bus!

      I have been saying this all along too. It’s not really Karma because these people create the drama so it just appears that the Karma bus has hit them.

      • I think Karma implies a “cause and effect’ relationship. Pretty sure about that.

        The Sanskrit word literally means “action”. Karmaphala (Karma + phala) literally means ‘result of action’.

        Where it gets a little bit mystical is with the whole reincarnation business (e.g. the idea that actions in past lives might have consequences in your current life), but generally speaking, when Buddhists are talking about karma, they mean consequences on one’s actions.

        • Well said TH. It is just plain old consequences. The bible talks a lot about consequences too, you don’t need any vengeful God to tell involved.
          ‘By your actions are ye known’
          ‘Sow the wind, reap the whirlwind’
          ‘The wheels of God grind slow, but they grind fine’ (might not be the bible).

          What else? Its a universal law is it not: every action has an equal and opposite reaction’

          • “As you do unto others, so shall it be done unto you” That’s a statement of universal law, not an exhortation to be “nice”.

            Yep, the consequences are baked into the cake.

            • One of my favorites is from Proverbs 17:12 – it is safer to get between a mother bear and her cubs than a fool and his follies

          • I kind of like….”Piss into the wind and you are going to get wet….and stinky!”….Kind of sums it up for me.

      • I think a lot of people in the West are confused about the meaning of the word due to their Judeo/Christian/Islamic upbringings. They confuse karma with the idea of Divine Judgement, but there’s no Deity that I am aware of in any major branch of Buddhism, so there is no judging. There are actions, and there are consequences though.

        I don’t know how Karma is interpreted in Hinduism (where there are many Gods), but I’d be surprised if it’s much different.

        • Ok, how about this then for cheater karma ( am referring to the karma + phala meaning): the OW weighs at least 200lbs, serious, no lie. Cheater fucks OW in the many ways of the Karma Sutra. Lots of hoisting some serious weight into some interesting positions. Cheater now has serious abdominal hernia in need of repair.

          • OMG! Same thing with my STBX! But Fatso made sure she was with him for his hernia repair posing as me! Then she stuffed him in her car and took him to her condo as she had to be home because her STBX filed for divorce after someone let him know she was screwing around behind his back while he was traveling 26 days out of every month to support this disloyal HO! She’s a hefty one for sure and my husband was always on my case to stay nice and slim! Said he couldn’t stand fat girls! Yeah! Right!

  • Mine has been diagnosed with diabetes. Hmmmm…………! Impotence…!
    Karma sure comes around!
    He always boasted about how healthy he was, now he just moans about his health!

    • My cheater had a multitude of excuses why he left me, one being that we didn’t have sex enough (which was true by the way). I did lose my sex drive as I aged. However, now I just hope his dick stops working. That would be the best Karma of all. Some men lose their sex drive too. So what’s the difference? If he couldn’t get it up anymore should I have left him for someone? My low sex drive just isn’t visable.

      • And even with a lower sex drive, Maria, a tender, caring couple can still enjoy sex pretty often, even if not as spontaneously as before.

        • I’ve discovered that my lack of sex drive wasn’t a physiological problem, but a result of losing trust and being treated like poorly in my relationship. I seriously thought something was wrong with me until I got into a more reciprocal relationship. Now I’ve discovered I’m just fine! Although my mind didn’t want to accept it, my body knew the truth of what was going on with my ex.

          • Emotional rejection will make anybody lose their sex drive! Or X’s favorite- constant criticism of each little aspect of my life!
            I’ve been dating a guy, and he has actual MANNERS. I told him how blown away I was, and he told me- I’ll always treat you well, I was raised right.
            I hope my Chumpiness isn’t showing too much, I have to watch that.

            • Our bodies know what our minds do not want to accept.

              spot on , when our second child was only a few months old STBX asked our family doctor at one of our daughters check ups if he could give me something to increase my sex drive. Our doctor told him to give me a break as I had a new born and I had been very sick during the pregnancy. Jump forward 6 years and the shoe is on the other foot and I am suggesting that he go see the doctor as he is rarely intimate and that something was going on as He was denying extra marital activity, and would even leave me questioning my mental health when I questioned him on such things.
              on D”Day I discovered at that point he had already had his affair two years earlier and would continue to gaslight me for another 6 years to cover his multitude of hook ups.

              I believe that karma is not what comes it is who they are and no sane person is willing to pay the fare to ride on that bus.

          • So validating to know others had this issue! I guilted myself for years because my sex drive really dropped off after I had my son. I made sure still had sex regularly whether I was into it or not because I lived with the fear that he would look elsewhere and sure enough… I was still blaming myself during our few days of bullshit reconciliation.
            Now I can see how shitty he was – wanting to give me nothing and only serve his constant needs while tolerating constant criticism. Fucking asshole. My body knew! Glad to hear that some of you have found reciprocal relationships. I am so thankful for Chump Lady and all of you as well.

      • I’m pretty sure all the cheater men use this as a justification to cheat. He still tells people we NEVER had sex. And, yes, from the time he started the affair until the time i discovered it, we had sex maybe once. Why one God’s Green Earth would I want to sleep with someone who was treating me like garbage?

        Oh and now that I’m dating a fabulous authentic man that treats me like I hung the moon…..sex drive is through the roof!!!!!

  • My cheater, like so many others here, thought he could throw me under the bus, live happily ever after with OW, and everyone he knew would be perfectly okay with that.

    NOT.

    These days, OW is gone, the only friends he has are at OW’s church, and his daughters have kicked him out of their life. He’s missed graduations, shows, honor rolls, etc. Sad…

  • Hmmm…I have totally reached “Tuesday” but it IS nice to share that my Ex is currently living in a tiny apartment in a “student housing” (aka run down and cheap) area while my two boys and I just moved into a lovely 2700 sq. foot home that backs up to a nature preserve with walking trails and a pretty little lake. (For the record, I receive almost nothing in child support and zero alimony. I walked away from the marriage with 1/2 of a huge tax bill to pay and a few thousand in savings, so his “poverty” lifestyle is NOT due to having to support me or our children in any way – it’s due to his poor financial choices since we separated and his ongoing issues with Uncle Sam). Our two boys (both teenagers) have refused to travel with him and the OW, and limit their time with him if she is going to be there – so his initial vision of “family vacations” and fun outings with her/her daughter/our boys is not happening for him. He truly thought he could just replace me with her and that his life would smoothly go on as if nothing had changed. Reality is his karma.

    • Sorry to hijack this thread… But what is it with these people thinking they can just take the kids and blend the families and drive off into the sunset leaving us behind?
      Mow wanted my life. Dressed like me, became his wife in all aspects of his life to the point where strangers thought he was cheating with ME!!!
      We are still early days, but karma is that the kids want nothing to do with these shananigans and that the two cheaters, though both separated and divorcing are now living 4 hours away from each other.
      All of the kids have figured out what happened and have put up their own boundaries.
      MOW realises a little too late that my stbx wasn’t “in the money” like she thought and that now she is single he is not rushing to replace me with her ( I believe he’s still navel gazing ).
      Whatever…..

      • Lisah – I totally agree. It blows my mind how he just thought I was interchangeable…like switching a beige couch for a cream-colored one. He has (according to my kids) been rather upset that they do not want to spend time with him when the OW is along for the ride. They have both plainly told him that they want to spend time JUST with him and will ask if “she” is going to be with him before they say yes to anything he suggests. They are teens (oldest heading off to college in a few months – almost an adult) so I do not in any way try to control or influence the time they choose to spend with their dad. This has all been their decision. What is also weird is that the OW looks a LOT like me. Same height, build, haircolor, facial structure, etc. (I’ve only seen pictures of her – never met her in person – but the resemblance is still uncanny.) I find that to be rather creepy! I wonder if the thought process of “I’ll just switch one wife for this other one…” is typical of narcissists? They truly don’t see us as individuals – we are just place holders in the staged version of their lives.

        • The two OW my ex got involved with both look very similar to me; don’t know if he has a ‘type’, or if it just makes the switch-out easier. His previous long-term relationship didn’t look at all like the three of us, but who knows.

          My narc ex also had some kind of fantasy that his life would go on pretty much the same, w/OW in my place, and the kids would be FINE with that, and they’d make a lovely happy family group, going out and doing stuff …. And then we’d ALL hang out sometimes, you know, barbecues in the back yard, kids’ birthdays, Xmas, one big happy family, him, his whore, maybe her kids too, our kids, me, whatever new boyfriend I end up with …. NO boundaries! Everybody would just do whatever makes HIM happy and treat him like he’s so great, and everything would be awesome!

          DELUSIONAL!!!!

          • Yep. Same here. XWH thought my kids would just automatically love the OW as much as he does (whatever “love” he can possibly give) and would be delighted to be in a blended family. Aw, shucks. Turns out they’d rather never go over to his house, and they really can’t stand her or her kids! Can you believe it?

            • My ex thought he would just walk off into the sunset, I would become best buddies with the other woman and we would all be one big happy family. He thought the kids would “just get over it” and accept her as he told me as that she was now their “mother” and my kids would just spend all their time with him… in reality, they hate her kids, can’t stand her and my son especially never sees any of them, my daughter once every few months might see him for an hour or two… Not all roses me thinks

          • Yep, mine thinks this as well. He hopes we will all get along one day and hang out, one big polygamous family, NOT!! As CL, has said. No thanks, I don’t hang out with people who mug me.

          • Uggh…delusional is right. My Ex told me early in our separation that he looked forward to all of us sharing family times together and wanted to come over to my home for dinner with the boys on a regular basis (WTF!! He wanted me to fix him dinner!? Sit at my table and have me wait on him while he visits with his kids and then skip out the door and back to his love shack leaving me with a stack of dirty dishes and two confused and sad children? Is he CRAZY!?). He slowly got a clue over the first year that he was not welcome in my home and that “family” outings ended when he decided to destroy our family. He is now waging a passive-aggressive war with my boys – sending them looonnngg emails about religious topics and always including a negative reference to me such as “share this scripture on forgiveness with your mother…she really needs to work on her heart.” I truly think he is living in some alternate reality. It’s actually rather sad and scary.

            • Nicole – my narcissist STBX didn’t he exact same bloody thing ! He told
              me too how he was hoping to come over several nights a week for dinner – while I cooked a gourmet meal he would swim and have fun at the pool with our daughter and then we would all play a board game afterward or he would watch a movie on the sofa with our daughter – I guess that was the cue for me to be nj the kitchen cleaning up? WTF. I told him I didn’t know what fantasyland he was living in but that was never going to happen. When he walked out the door he lost any privledges to dine at my table! He too tells our daughter that I need to get over it and turn the other cheek or practice forgiveness. I am shocked that this truly asinine expectation of showing up for dinner and fun with the kids as one big happy family pretending nothing happened is not unique. How do they dream this shit up? If it was in a movie I would think no one in real life would be that much of a clueless ass. Hahaha

            • Who do theses men and women cheaters ..risk takers.. think they are invincible? Not knowing Karma is the greener side most of the time…wow..you just cant get away with doing people dirty abd believe nothing will happen to you..its crazy ..foolish disgusting. Uuugh.

    • “Reality is his karma.”

      Absolutely. Many of these losers end up reaping the consequences of poor character, lack of personal discipline/boundaries, and associating with other losers…life just catches up.

      About three months after exH left, the county prosecutor and the FBI contacted me over some “business deals” of his that I was unaware of. Their investigation of him is still ongoing (although he doesn’t believe that); he owes the IRS a bunch, and owes the kids almost $100,000 in child support. At any time, child support enforcement can press multiple felony charges and suspend his professional license that he needs to work. His credit score is horrible; bill collectors still call our house, and repo guys have been to our house too. So all that’s hanging over his head like a fancy shit-filled balloon 🙂

      I’ve also heard that he’s had a bunch of health problems (he was a 2+ pack a day smoker during our marriage); still can’t get it up (again, my past is her future); and he isn’t aging well. His family (they were horrible people) has fallen apart – his parents finally divorced, and his teen-aged niece is a drugged out mess, poor kid.

      The new wife (not the OW) lives on another continent, as he cannot bring her to the US legally as his spouse due to his IRS issues and back child support. Don’t think she knew that when she married him. He will lose his passport this year (also due to non-payment of support) so all the fancy trips they take – no more. His professional house of cards will fold once again, as one of his business colleagues co-signed on the fancy new house, which now has an IRS lien against it.

      Married OW has also had karma – her husband almost died a few weeks after news of their affair surfaced. She now gets to caretake him almost full time, as he can’t ever work again – and she always claimed that he was so “mean” – and now she gets to be in his company 24/7. Her kids are grown, so they get to be together ALL THE TIME. Oh, and she belongs to a church that will shun her if she divorces him, or if news of her cheating ever comes out, so she is truly trapped. Sucks to be her.

      Single OW eventually dumped his ass, after screwing around with him for the entire 10 years of our marraige. She never had children, and posts pathetic pictures of herself on FB from 15 years ago – back when she was pretty. She hasn’t aged well either, and last time I cared enough to look at her FB, she was puffy, bloated, looked 15 years older than she is – and had dyed her black hair and styled it to look like…me. Creepy bitch.

      The worst karma though for my ex is that he has not seen our children in over six years. Protection order has been extended for two more years. He walked away from us; claimed to the OW’s and his family that our daughter “might not be his” and kinda forgot to tell them about his son… The kids have moved on; barely remember him (they were 2 and 5 when he left); rarely talk about him, and want no relationship with him. Our daughter thinks he’s a “liar and a loser”. Our son says, “it’s sad that he makes so many bad choices – I don’t like people like that.” He will never know what it is to be a parent, and have the amazing love of a child. I can’t imagine a more excrutiating punishment than someday realizing that your own children are disgusted by you. And that you deserve it.

      • ” He will never know what it is to be a parent, and have the amazing love of a child. I can’t imagine a more excrutiating punishment than someday realizing that your own children are disgusted by you. And that you deserve it.”

        Redefining, I used to have these thoughts, and actually feel bad for my ex (our kids have completely rejected him). But then I realized that he doesn’t understand what it is to be a parent, really doesn’t ‘get’ how valuable and beautiful the amazing love of a child is, and is completely convinced that he doesn’t deserve our kids having walked away from him, never will get that it is entirely on him and his choices.

        So I remind myself that those thoughts are about what I value, about what I care about, and about MY relationship with my kids. He never did share my values, it just took me a long time to figure that out.

        • I’m always intrigued when the subject of values comes up.

          Those of us with broken pickers need to really examine how compatible value-wise we are with the next partner in our lives.

          I ignored all the signs that my husband’s values were incompatible with mine. I regret that.

          • I did too Moving. I love our two children but I am monumentally regretful that I didn’t listen to that voice in my head telling me that was not the right person for me.

            Face palm!

          • My ex hid the huge differences in our values very well. His father is a hugely narcissistic jackass who was violent and a serial adulterer. His step-father was a selfish ass who was emotionally abusive to the whole family. The ex made it sound like he thought those behaviours were so wrong, as well as self-destructive, and that what he wanted most in the world was a loving marriage and stable family for his kids.

            HAH! The only difference between my ex and his father and stepfather was that he was married to me, somebody who called the cops when he got violent, and who, despite extreme chumpiness around his first affair, kicked him out as soon as the 2nd one began.

        • Amen. I made a terrible decision in marrying my Ex. I was too young and insecure and unsure of myself to see past all the red flags of warning. Biggest red flag was that he cheated on me while we were dating. I should have run like the wind away from him…but I “took him back” and then married him and gave birth to his children. He pegged me for a chump from early in our relationship. I keep reminding myself that God can make beauty from ashes…and that the world is a better place because my two children exist in it. I had to be married to their dad for that to happen, so I can’t mourn my mistakes. I have to just be grateful that something wonderful came from them!

    • My STBX was exactly the same. Thought he could just insert OW
      for me and everything would be exactly the same. Even told our daughter a few days after he ran off and moved in with OW and her 5 year old that our daughter would love OW because she was just like me – just much younger. My daughter informed him that Shepard certainly not just like her mother because for starters her mother would cheat with a married man and be a home wrecker. His cosmic karma has been that his teenage daughter has complete rejected him, refuses to ever meet OW and he has to walk on eggshells around my daughter. He thought she would be devastated by him moving out and the reality is she’s glad he is gone. I don’t think the karma bus gets much better than him having to face the fact his child completely rejecting him. Of course,
      true to the narcissist he is – It is all
      my fault and I poisoned her against him. Never mind when he told her he was leaving us and moving in with OW the only thing my daughter asked was if she could change her last name to my maiden name.

      • stupid spell check – she was most certainly not like her mother because her mother WOULDN’T cheat! Yikes – I’m mortified by that mistake!!!!!!

  • His last affair ended up with her blackmailing him for money or else she would come and tell me. He ended up with having to dish out over $5000.00 over a 6 month period (that’s what he told me). He finally had to confess to me because he was tired of being blackmailed. And for a control freak that he is this must have been unbearable. Talk about Karma. I am grateful to this woman (I just don’t know anything about her) since if it weren’t for her I would still be eating his SHIT!

  • OK, so I don’t have any Karma stories because nothing is out yet. I am waiting with baited breath for the investigation report the court did on my X to see if he’s a fit parent. It has to come out by the 6th at the latest so who knows if Karma is coming for him or not- I desperately hope it finds him an unfit parent.

    But I do have a funny story. Last night I got thinking about revenge and I googled “Revenge stories” which eventually led me to youtube. Most of them were really dumb ideas (spam them. Sign them up on CL for sexual encounters. Things of this nature) but one was genius and one was just so weird/made me laugh. The best one was 1) stalk them in the evening until they go to a bar 2) wait until they go in and slim jim their car and plant drugs 3) call the police and say “A guy in [name bar] just asked me if I was interested in being a prostitute and told me had tons of drugs in his car and that he could be my pimp” So- that’s some serious forethought and planning. I was impressed with that one. The weirdest/funniest one was this guy who kept popping up on the discussion thread and saying “Just poop on their doorstep.” He appeared on TWO different revenge threads I read and then his story morphed to “Just poop on their doorstep three times a day for at least two weeks”. LOL WTF! Ok fellow chumps, if any of you have also read those threads, please don’t go poop on your cheater’s doorstep. I really think that one would just backfire. 🙂

    • hahahahaha that is great. I had a guy I met tell me that he could have my ex tazed for me on the regular. His ex-wife had cheated on him with a guy who went out a lot, so all of his friends carried tazers and would taze the OM when he left a bar and say “this is for (husband)”. I have to admit I was very tempted…

    • Planting drugs in his car for revenge is a bad one. Especially, if the ex-wife is getting alimony from him or relying on his funds for support. If not, then I guess it would be OK, but somehow I think that one would come back to bite them in my opinion.

      • Yeah, please don’t do anything criminal. I’m not interested in revenge stories. Karma will do the job for you, just back off and let them live with themselves.

        • This is a funny story about a guy who thinks pooping on a doorstep is appropriate revenge for cheating. Clearly it is not advocating pooping, or pooping on doorsteps, or pooping related to cheating. It’s the story about a weird guy who somehow connects poop with revenge. Sometimes I think we jump on each other too much on this site. I’m not even sure what people mean by illegal. Do you mean the car-planting part? I’m sure that before you got to that stage you would have to procure the drugs which would CLEARLY be illegal. This is just a story about what funny things people post online. Calm down everyone.

    • I believe that if I do anything mean spirited, and I mean ANYTHING, I step in the way of Karma. I took the high-road on everything, even when there were so many opportunities where I could have crucified my XH.

      I haven’t lifted a finger towards enacting revenge. My Karma is sparkling. I have don’t nothing against him besides stick up for myself, and his life just keeps swirling the toilet.

      It’s perfect. 🙂

      • True. No point in messing up your own Karma to try to hurry theirs. It is nice to think about sometimes though, until it happens naturally 🙂

        • Yep. I’ve got plenty of examples of how screwed up his life has become since this all started, but I’d have to get too specific and I don’t want to post too much about it publicly. All I can say is, he is definitely living with his shitty life choices. I don’t have to do a thing. 🙂

      • My favorite quote on this subject(which I have posted before) is from Bob Marley: ” Let the wicked slay themselves.” They always do!

      • My karma is sparkling…I like that. A LOT! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve pondered doing something to expedite Karma….but for many reasons – have not followed through. So my conscience is clear and I sleep well at night. Staying clean on your end is the only way to stay sane. The minute you try to move the wheels yourself – Karma turns on you.

        • Yep, and I think also, you give away your power. If I care enough to do something horrible to him, that makes me look like I haven’t gotten over it. I’ll end up looking like the jerk. I give no one a reason to ever say, “Hey it’s no wonder he left.”

          I just mind my own business, locked down FB so nobody can see a thing and lucky for me he lives quite a distance from me so I never have to worry about seeing him. Added bonus, no kids with him. I’m just letting him turn into a faint shadow. He deserves the cluster-fuck his life has turned into. My life is just getting better. 🙂

      • Rumble, I, too, have consider what I could do to make my husband miserable, but in the end can’t do it. I don’t wish him a hard life, but he will have one nevertheless. He thinks the grass will be greener, so he keeps moving and shuffling, but he doesn’t seem to realize that saying, “Wherever you go, there you are.”

        Maybe things are still too raw, and even though I know it’s better that we’re apart, I still feel love for him. I can’t wait until I feel meh about him!

      • I should say I’m laughing my head off at someone’s idea of revenge being to poop on someone’s doorstep. Just typing that made me burst into laughter again. Thanks for brightening my day!

        • I actually had a friend scoop up her dogs poopy mess in a plastic bag, and sneak over to her exH’s house and squish it under the door handle of his car…and then sit a distance away and watch him come out and insert his hand under the door handle! I’ll admit…I did LOL at that one!!! 😉

          • I had a friend offer to do that to my ex’s car on my behalf a few months after dday. We laughed a lot about it, but that was it.

  • The only karma so far was good for me, he still got off easy. He never answered my divorce filing in any way, so a couple weeks before the court date my attorney went to the judge about it and I lucked out; judge cited ex with contempt of court. My ex is afraid of jail… well he had gotten 2 DUIs in less than a year, he was on probation, so that contempt of court would put him in jail for a while. The only way to get it dropped was to settle with me, he did so 3 days before the court date. He wanted MY house, I bought it before I ever met him. I may owe more on it now than I did back then, but I kept it.

    He’s an abuser, he’s an alcoholic and feels entitled to be taken care of. It appears his girlfriend is fulfilling that service, he’s waiting for his wealthy mother to die. May she live to be 200 years old :). Meanwhile he’s trying to get SSN disability…I really know very little about his life now, ex’s bro is my friend but doesn’t speak to the ex at all.

  • After DDay and custody hearings over our minor twins Uncle Daddy left his mom’s and moved into a one bedroom love shack because the two bedroom apartment on the same floor would have cost thirty dollars more monthly. It was five blocks from me, same school district as ordered by the court. We were supposed to have shared custody of our teens, but, with no place for them to sleep, they were with me all of the time. Fast forward two years, and the teens are off to college. Uncle Daddy moves to a two bedroom apartment eight miles away, so “the girls will always have a home with him”! Come to find out he was evicted for nonpayment of rent and the new apartment is one of those places that are cheap and known for transient people and make the Crime section of the local paper quite a bit. So safe for my girls….
    He and I practically shared our birthdays for over twenty years. Making me responsible for renewing the license plates for both of us on our cars. One of the last things I ever did as his wife was renewing his tags in October 2011. In August 2013 he was picked up for no registration on his truck. A full ten months past his birthday. According to the county justice system website, he got his truck re registered, but, has a warrant out for his arrest for non payment of the fines he incurred. To me, hysterical, but, I have struggled with telling him he had better pay the courts because the next time he gets stopped for speeding (eight speeding tickets in seven years) or some other seemingly minor traffic violation he will have his truck impounded and could go to jail. He still pays me a settlement. Bad choices, entitlement, karma, whatever you call it, it will play out. His life has the potential to get very ugly, and I don’t wish that on my three girls. His still married parawhore needs to free herself from her wealthy husband and take care of Uncle Dummy, I mean Daddy, so my children won’t have to!

    • Brownie, you’re in the same dilemma I am; I want all SORTS of karmic justice to the ex’s personal life, but I don’t want him to mess up his work or finances too badly, as he’s still paying a lot of the bills around here. He can totally mess up his entire life once the kids have graduated university!!!! (Only 10 years to go ….)

  • 1.This bit of Karma is really sad: OWife immediately got pregnant to “seal the deal” and found out it was twins: a boy and a girl. She was praying for a girl because she already had two boys from her first marriage. But, the girl twin died in utero and she had to carry to term on bedrest, in hospital, etc. so the other twin could live. To this day OWife is convinced this death was God punishing her for the affair. Then, while lying (alone) in hospital bed getting ready to give birth to the remaining twin, she gets call from hospital finance dept. telling her she has no health insurance (her wonderful new prize of a husband had let it lapse). Hundreds of thousands of medical bills for the pregnancy, premature birth of remaining twin and NIC unit care for the baby. Plus absentee hubby who didn’t visit he often in the hospital. OWife later told me that was when she started to realize what she had gotten herself into. I’m not sure what she expected, since I was pregnant when she “took up with him” and he walked away from our one-week old baby, our toddler daughter and wife of 16 years without batting an eye to be with her. OWife is still tormented to this day by female children. She rejected my young daughter (after initially “bonding” with her and luring my young daughter into a “close” relationship with her) because, according to her “knowing where my baby girl is now (dead), I can’t stand the fact that this girl is breathing. Why does she deserve to live and my baby died?” What kind of sick jealousy is this? My daughter was alive and breathing long before OWife entered the picture yet she resents her for being alive? I told OWife, “I am just really sad for my daughter, because she doesn’t deserve this.” In the meantime, the remaining twin is just the cutest, sweetest little boy you have ever seen. Poor thing, has no idea what a monster he has for a mother.

    • I am so sorry Delta for the way she treated your daughter. There are no words to describe this dispicable thing in a human suit you refer to as the OWife. What a total waste of space!

    • What’s ironic is that I was really sad about OWife rejecting my daughter. Both of my children really because she no longer allows them to even come to her home or my X to even seem them that often. Early on, I would have given anything for my kids to not have to be around her. But, you move on, you reach meh, you find another (better) spouse, and your kids learn to live between two homes and families, etc. So when she rejected them, after they had long since bonded with her, it was heartbreaking for me. They had already practically been abandoned by their father. They had gotten past that and accepted — and even bonded with — the new family. Only to be abandoned AGAIN, this time by the OWife. Sadly, my X just went along with it, in a way, RE-abandoning them. Fortunately, my kids have accepted the situation for what it is. And overall, they are better off seeing the truth instead of being manipulated. But it still is very sad to see kids have go through this heartbreak.

    • I hate to be alarmist,
      but be on your guard with her if they are the emotions she is willing to verbalize in reference to your daughter I would hate to imagine what is in her head.

      • Sammie D, I hear you loud and clear. That was almost three years ago. During that same conversation, the OWife made it very clear she did not want my children in her home. She wanted to focus on her own children and she felt like my children took resources from hers (it didn’t help that my X wasn’t contributing financially to their household and they were living off the child support she got from her first husband plus her job as a sales clerk). So I haven’t allowed my children to go back and, frankly, my X agreed that it was better for them that they didn’t come around there. My X now sees the kids maybe once a week for a couple of hours on a Sunday afternoon at my place or at a park or something-but never at his home. A couple of times a year they might get to go with him for overnights at my former MIL’s home a few hours away (sans OWife). The kids are more stable now without her in their lives and they are doing much better.

  • The real Karma is that I moved 3 hours away back to my hometown. I have the support of my friends and family. I now have an awesome new position at my company (in the new city) that I love more than my old one. I now weigh over 60 pounds less. I have paid off over $10,000 of debt. I am about to buy my first home.

    Also – last April at the end of tax season, about a month after I had moved away, STBX was fired from his job. This is the company that also employed the hoe-worker bitch. He had been warned about the inappropriateness of their relationship.

    Now the OW (who lives with him now? At least I think she still does?) can deal with his drinking and financial irresponsibility and inability to ejaculate. Plus his addiction to porn and his constant flirting with other women.

    Whatever. I could care less what is going on with his life now. We had no kids, no house to split, no shared assets and no alimony. The divorce papers are just waiting to be finalized by a judge. I never have to talk to him ever again. That is the best Karma of all !!!

  • In the case of my cheating ex-wife, karma showed up when she married her last (?) affair partner a couple of years ago. Made a big deal of it. Wore a white dress and veil (she was a mom in her mid-40s, her marriage to me lasted 22 years, during which she had half a dozen affairs), a white-collared ministered presided, and they involved my sons in the ceremony. Blech. But the superficial wonderfulness of their union is a sham. They are wretched people. Cheaters and takers with anemic coping skills and budding mental illness, the both of them. It makes me smile to think of them inflicting themselves on each other. Every. Single. Day. It’s so just, so poetic, so . . . perfect. It’s Kim Jong-Il buggering Bin Laden. Charles Manson eating Jeffrey Dahmer. Tori Spelling reconciling with Dean McDermott. I wish them a long marriage.

    Because they deserve each other.

    • nomar, the Jackass was involved with a married OW who is the same age, married about the same length of time. The OW in this case is not planning a wedding to which she can war inappropriately youthful attire, but she does pin lots of teenage appropriate stuff to her Pinterest board (she has no daughters, so it isn’t like she’s looking for clothes for kids). She also posts on social media about not needing to “party” all weekend any more–something that really never occurs to normal people with kids. I think some of these women are highly immature, stuck in late adolescence/early 20s, desperately hanging on to some time in their lives when they felt attractive. They are pitiful.

      • Oh, my ex does that inappropriate-for-her-age thing also. Whatever tendy music or online games or phones are out there, she’s into them. I think her cheating mania arises in part out of a fear that she’s no longer Young and Full Of Potential. In middle age, people start to grade you on What You Do, and doesn’t fare well on that scale.

        There must be a female equivalent to the Peter Pan Syndrome, right? Trying to think of women famous for not wanting to grow up. The Madonna Syndrome, perhaps? The Tori Spelling Syndrome?

      • My stbxh is like this too. One of our big fights was that I never wanted to go out clubbing and he did. We’re both in our 30s with 2 kids. I’m too damn old to go out where the 20 somethings are grinding against each other and the music hurts my ears. Sorry, I’m such a buzz kill.

    • “It makes me smile to think of them inflicting themselves on each other. Every. Single. Day.”

      Yup, Nomar, that is it.

  • I am to the point that “meh” is hovering….but sweet schadenfreude is such an addiction that I do still wait for Karma to dispense the justice my ex and the OW so richly deserve. Thus far – it’s been trickling in – but no torrents. He developed COPD – but that’s not Karma as much as 40 years of smoking. He has gained a huge beer gut from increased drinking – but I wouldn’t call him an alcoholic. The best physical thing is that his teeth – always naturally straight and (thanks to his bleachings to enhance his looks for the OW) very white. But he must have some sort of gum disease because they are shifting and there are now minute spaces between each tooth that makes it look like black lines go between. And he has a space between his front teeth that you could drive a car through. That is a smack to his vanity – since he always valued his megawatt smile. But he’d deny that he or she is bothered by it. The OW had a couple Karmic smacks in the last year – she was sitting at a light and a car plowed into her and totaled her brand new Tuscon, forcing her to use insurance to pay off the wreck and then have to get a new car, a new loan, etc. Then my kids found out that her daughter is living with a convicted extortionist and druggie. I’m not even sure if she knows his background – which makes it sweeter from where I sit. And best of all? The $20K Barbados wedding they are planning in 2014? They are paying for this felon to go – he’s the daughter’s date and they are giving an extortionist and a drug peddler a free ride to 10 days of wedding celebration! For that my ex cashed in a big part of his TSA and put themselves even further into debt. (I got everything from the household – and did I mention he filed Chapter 7 bankruptcy about a year and 1/2 back after running up huge debt during our 25 yr marriage?)

    So….is it karma or just the inevitable result of “cheater karma” exposing itself? I don’t know – they also have a house with a perfect lawn now, they travel all over the place on the teacher’s union dime and I still stew that they are having incredible nasty sex and he is happier then he ever dreamed or was with me.

    So I’m a work in progress to “meh”…but what Karma I have seen – I won’t lie – is extremely satisfying to my wounded soul.

    • If he’s blowing his retirement money on a huge wedding, he’s headed for trouble. The house of cards looks nice, but it’s going to collapse.

      • If he is developing gaps in his otherwise perfect smile, his retirement money may not be the only thing he is blowing.
        just saying. 😉

  • I don’t believe in karma in the sense of the universe arranging bad things to happen to you when you’re bad.

    I just think that many cheaters end up messing up their lives. Trying to have a long-term relationship with someone else with your co-cheater only makes it worse.

    A lot of chumps seem to have been taking care of the cheater for years. Without the chump, the cheater makes a worse mess of their life and career.

    • This!
      I had to dissolve two businesses during our marriage. One was very large and thank God it was incorporated because I was told that our only option was to go bankrupt.
      Instead, I made payments and eventually paid off the losses. All by my self . He shut down when things started to go south.
      The second time was almost a replay of the first. He could not cope and the mess ended up being my responsibility once again.
      We had to start our lives over. And once we got a toe hold on that, he ran away to University to change careers leaving me to raise the kids and live in reality land.
      Once he got his career, he did me the favour of having a giant cheater mental break down and firing me from the wife position.
      Now that there is no one to clean up after his poor life and financial choices – he is swimming in debt that he cannot seem to come to terms with.
      Not my problem. I have a good credit rating and have a peaceful yet frugal life.
      Hope his parents enjoy bailing his sorry ass out.

  • This thread make me wonder about some of the marriage reconciliation advice. I have no trouble believing that some people having affairs are in a fog and acting in ways that are irrational. They risk losing partner who have taken care of them for years just to have exciting sex.

    So maybe the best advice if you want to reconcile is to absolutely not let things go on as they are or try to be an even better spouse. Maybe the best advice is to quickly show them exactly what their life will be like without you and with the OW. Although I suspect that while many cheaters would then want to get back what they had, the faithful spouse might not want them.

    • Well said Diana, my IC first mentioned how much I clean up after him. Still can’t quite see it, but I sure do a lot of property management and stuff…

      When chumps aren’t there to look after them, their life takes a turn. I think!

  • The karma tree hit my ex pretty hard. So, immediately after he left me for her, he got injured at work, then he got a stroke. When he told his boss that it was a stress-related stroke caused by work, the boss insinuated that it wasn’t because of work and that it was because of the affair (He probably just didn’t want to pay worker’s comp or whatever, but still awesome to hear it happened).

    He then moved to a run-down apartment closer to his shmoopie (she wouldn’t let him move in with her and he couldn’t afford our old place), but not even a month into their relationship, there was trouble in “paradise.” They would break up, get back together, break up, and get back together. He had been telling people they fought over the fact that he wasn’t “over” me. *rolls eyes* They got back together one last time so he could introduce his new “twu wuv” to his parents, but then he found out when they parted ways that night, she was actually going to her new boyfriend’s place. She had apparently been cheating on HIM with another guy from work for about a month (keep in mind all 3 parties work at the same place… Awkwaaaard).

    I didn’t think it was possible for the karma bus to come along within the year, but it makes me glad that I’m not a part of all that anymore. Even if it’s not true, I’m glad my friends reassure me that I made the right choice in leaving him. They always say “You’re the best he’ll ever do, but he’s definitely not the best you can do.” It’s nice to have friends that have your back through all this 🙂

    • LOL! My ex and his schmoopie did that same dance. They broke up several times during our divorce, and called it quits for good before the divorce was final. Now, he’s living with a woman who is married to another man. He says they’ll get married once her divorce is final. Whatevs.

      • Wow, it’s really like these cheaters are incapable of living “normal” lives. By normal I mean functional 😛

  • Luckily no one tells me what’s going on with my ex, so I don’t know whether he’s been hit by the karma bus or not. By what little I’ve heard, it sounds like he’s doing fine. I actually hope he does fine enough to keep working because I depend on him for maintenance. However, I’d love for his weird relationship with his married coworker OW to blow up in his face some day. There’s got to be a consequence when ex moves closer to OW, ingratiates himself with her parents (even moves into their basement for awhile), has her kids calling him “uncle,” and now coaches her son’s soccer team. As I read in his journal, he’s “planting seeds” to break up her marriage so they can live happily ever after. I wash my hands of the whole sordid mess. The only karma I know for sure that’s hit him is my oldest son has lost respect for him and barely talks to him. My younger son, however, seems to be just fine with his dad. In fact I heard his wife “loves” my ex. That hurts, but it’s not my issue to deal with any more. I try to enjoy my youngest son and his wife when they’re around, and keep my mouth shut about my ex. I didn’t in the beginning, and it cause problems between me and my youngest son. He was always close to his dad and they have a lot of interests in common. I’ve done my best to let it all go…

    • Lyn,

      What you wrote resonated with me. My sons are in college and have a once-every-seven-to-ten-day hour-long dinner at their dad’s “lair”. When the fuckhead was still with his whorefriend, I knew that my sons wouldn’t warm to the whorefriend because of their loyalty to me but I imagined that their future wives would because she’s only ten years older than them. And, after all, who doesn’t like a flight attendant?! I know that any future grandchildren are mine but if I don’t have a good relationship with their moms, I won’t be able to enjoy them. I have always prayed that my sons find women who love them (as much as I loved their father), who make them happy, and who see me as a support. I am grateful that I dated a guy after college whose mom was my role model on how to be a mother-in-law. She was so incredibly loving. She and her entire family were what I missed once that relationship ended. My x’s mom . . . don’t miss her but I thank her for showing me how NOT to treat people.

  • My karma arrived shortly after the D was finalized. I needed to meet with my ex-H to get him off our joint bank account and my car title. He kept resisting, saying that he couldn’t spare the time. I finally convinced him to meet me at a bank branch 5 minutes away from his apartment.

    Six months earlier, he totaled his car and had been borrowing one from his sister. However, when he pulled up to the bank he was driving a beat-up 10-passenger van — you know, the kind of thing a canoe outfitter might use to haul you upriver. I asked whose car it was, because I was legitimately confused as to why he wasn’t in the old Camry. He got all pissy and explained that his sister needed her car back for our niece. Of course, the van belongs to MOW — she has to have something to haul around her six freakin’ kids and assorted pets. So that’s why he didn’t want to meet me — he was embarrassed.

    We signed him off the bank account and then sat down in the lobby to sign the car title paperwork. He noticed that my diamond wedding band was now on my middle finger. I joked about how I didn’t even think of the irony when I had it resized, and flipped him off to illustrate my point. He lit into a “poor me” tirade, saying, “Well, you just have everything while I have nothing. You have all our property, while I’m almost 50 years old living in a one-bedroom apartment and don’t even have enough money to get a used car. I work from home and I have to beg people for rides if I want to go somewhere.”

    My response? “Well, maybe you should have thought about that before your stuck your d*ck in another woman.” That caused him to run out of the bank and peel out of the parking lot as clumsily as one does in a full-sized van. Nice midlife crisis mobile…

    Anyway, the best part is that about a month later I heard that the MOW and her husband lost their house, so she and the six freakin’ kids and the big hunting dog and the cat moved into his one-bedroom apartment! And his purported reason for cheating on me and running away from home? I wanted to have kids and he didn’t. Bwah-haha!

    Clearly, “meh” hasn’t completely settled in but I’m sure my Tuesday is coming soon. However, I think the schadenfreude finally helped me move on.

    • 2 adults/6 kids/2 pets in a one bedroom apartment? That sounds like the inner circle of Karma Hell!! Love it!

    • Suzanne,

      You are getting to “meh” because you sat next to him and shared your humor. I hope never to give any more of myself to my x since he is such a scumbag. I can remember doing the “meet at the bank” thing. In front of people, he was Mr. Mensch. Afterward, he tried to argue with me in the parking lot. I told him that I no longer had to put up with his abuse as I got in my car and drove away.

      That reminds me of a calendar hanging up at work. A woman says, “I ran into my x the other day.” Below is the punchline: “And I put my car in reverse and hit him again.” Didn’t that woman in TX do that to her cheater? Is justifiable homicide exist?

  • I would love to think that there was some cosmic karma god out to inflict justice on cheaters, but in reality I agree that karma is more self inflicted by a cheater’s propensity for drama and poor choices.

    In my situation, it appears ex-husband is making better choices so not sure he will ever experience any pain or guilt over leaving me financially strapped and in poor health (pre-existing minor stuff made worse by D Day) after 23 years of marriage. Seriously, he appears happy with OWife. No health or financial problems to speak of at the moment. He’s bonded with her kids, who live with them part time. He maintains a cordial (although distant) relationship with our children, but they are grown anyway. And after conveniently losing his job during our separation (so judge ruled no alimony for me because I was working – I guess I should be glad the judge didn’t make me pay HIM), he by some miracle of miracles landed a better job than before – conveniently several months after our divorce was final. I think it’s pretty clear I need to get to meh post haste because waiting for the karma train isn’t going to happen…

    • “I would love to think that there was some cosmic karma god out to inflict justice on cheaters, but in reality I agree that karma is more self inflicted by a cheater’s propensity for drama and poor choices.” Tomato, tomahto 🙂

    • I know I am like 3 years late to comment on this post but I do believe that what goes around definitely does comes around. You can’t treat people like that and expect life to be full of sunshine and rainbows. I have read several cases where karma got to them YEARS later. I truly feel sorry for you because I can’t fathom someone leaving a 22 year marriage for someone else but remember that everything in life happens for a reason. I hope you are at a much better place now 🙂

      Tbh reading these posts makes me fear I will never be enough for someone to spend their eternity with me.

  • I guess the karma I still long for happened in the separation and I have to keep reminding myself of that. We weren’t even married, but I got legal help immediately after D-Day. I got the house and paid him a significantly smaller amount than his share–when it was all said and done, he left about $75k on the table. You wanna fuck skanks on Adult Friend Finder? Go ahead, just leave the brand new house with me 🙂

    I still long to hear about any misfortune that comes his way. STD’s, public humiliation, whatever. I know it will happen because he’s a drama magnet. The other shoe will drop. You can’t be a spineless liar with no integrity and not have it catch up with you sooner or later. I got him in the pocketbook, but his emotional world will crumble, that I am sure of.

    Now, 6 months after D-Day, I am bbq’ing in my backyard with my rescue dog, entertaining lovely men who I am casually dating, and my dear girlfriends who actually appreciate me for who I am and admire me for my strength and independence. And he hides behind lies, telling lies about me, about himself…that’s no way to live.

    I guess the other karma is that my friends were his friends– and now they are gone from his life. He had none to speak of before. Now all he can do is cling to his 2 co-worker friends and his cat, and the skanks. Always with the skanks. So I guess what I have is the Chinese Water Torture of karma going on-not a big karma bus….and that’s fine with me.

    • My ex also lost the friends in our community, but he just moved on to embrace OW’s friends and family as his own. One thing he did tell me after D-day was that no one talked to him any more. I guess that’s why he decided to move to where OW and her husband live.

    • You know, I kinda like the thought of the water torture karma for the ex-that’s pretty much what they did to us, really.

  • Oh I can’t WAIT for the karma bus to gear up in my case! Most of you know my story..I’m 5 months out from Dday and smack dab in the middle of a divorce. We’re battling things out right now, and it’s going nowhere fast! STBX waited until our 90 day waiting period was almost over and THEN decided to hire an attorney, which threw it all for a loop. Anyway, he hasn’t been supporting my daughter and I financially so that’s being battled in court. Then, his attorney tell us STBX has decided to file bankruptcy..with or without me. If I don’t, then that debt automatically goes to me! My back is against the wall on this and it sucks! He’s also been verbally abusing me, leaving messages on my voicemail which are now in the hands of my attorney. But he’s still happily in love with the OW, so that’s all that matters to him. So please..tell me that the karma bus or whatever goes around comes around will make an appearance soon! I’m waiting impatiently..because if anyone deserves karma..it’s our cheaters!

    • I hope you have a very good lawyer, Sandy R, ’cause this guy is a monster.

      Be patient, it sometimes takes a while for karmic results to become clear. But it is highly unlikely that a guy who is this big of a jerk is going to go on to live happily ever after …. He’ll reap what he’s sown.

  • I just love the timing of this topic, as I recently got a karma update straight from the mouth of my XH. So, to quickly recap: within a few months after the DDays and upon separating from XH, he (1) was reprimanded by the state licensing board for (other) ethics violations, (2) was evicted from his office for failure to pay rent, and (3) his flashy new sports car was repossessed. XH and dingbat OW moved in together, but XH’s family wanted nothing to do with her and refused to let him bring her to family functions. Our mutual friends dropped him like a bad habit, and his name is mud back in our respective social circles.

    And now that the divorce has been final for well over a year? I was on vacation at the coast when XH calls me about an insurance error that billed my account instead of his – so I had to break my No Contact rule to sort this one out. As we’re on the phone, he’s asking me how my life is, he hopes I’m happy, etc… My quick answer: “Yep, I’m on vacation w/ my boyfriend right now actually. Life is good. Much less complicated than it used to be, thanks.”
    He then asks whether I’d heard what was new with him. [nope, I had not] So he volunteers this little nugget of Schadenfreude: Turns out, he and OW broke up in a “rather spectacular fashion.”
    XH: “I mean, I always knew she was a nut job, but she kept going through my phone and reading my emails. Suffice it to say, we had some trust issues – and I tried to work on that, but… She even screamed at me when we were in public, and she *threw a punch* at me! Can you believe that? I mean, I’m peaceful person, but I couldn’t believe she’d resort to violence like that. I was just shocked. Well, we also had problems because she expected ME to pay for everything – [nervous laugh] As you can imagine, BarristerBelle, that clearly wasn’t going to happen with me… I mean, I went back home to live with my parents for a little while. But, anyway, since she’s turned all my friends against me here, I’m actually thinking of moving down to the coast soon, think I’ve got a good opportunity for things down there and depending on how things go [with ailing, elderly relative] I may have some money coming in to start some new things down there and…”

    Dumb sausage actually expected me to say that I was sorry for him, or that I wished him well, or something to that effect. I just reiterated the steps to take to clear up the billing error and that I’d confirm with with the insurance company directly. Hung up the phone, went to the beach with my bf, grabbed some beers from the cooler and toasted to a much better life.

    • Good Lord, what an ass. It sounds like he wanted you to feel sorry for him. You handled it perfectly to let him know that you are no longer in the business of validating him in any way. Sheesh!

    • My ex still does this all the time, wants me to sympathize with him, counts on my helping him to manage his life and his emotions as I always did ….. No Contact has been SUCH a relief!

      He actually had the gall to say, in an e-mail a few weeks ago about the fact the kids won’t see him any more, ‘I lost way more than you did’.

      He was not well amused when I pointed out that he didn’t LOSE anything, he threw it all away, repeatedly.

    • Yea BarristerBelle! He can bunny hop his sorry ass somewhere else.

      Nice double karma story really. His life tanks, and OW suspects him of cheating (or confirms it). Can’t imagine why her friends don’t like him anymore.

      Poor sausage.

      • LovedaJackass – ugh, it was rather weird. Like he was just letting me know he was single again, hoping I was up for another ride on the ol’ merry-go-round-of-crazy. Oh, but he did say that the whole experience with OW really made him “appreciate what we had and how badly [he] messed things up.” I’m thinking he’s really missing the bank account with money in it and all the spackle-services I’d provided. And let’s not forget the ever-popular line: “I still want to be friends with you, don’t see why we can’t keep in touch.”

        yeaaah…NOT interested. Not in the slightest.

  • I guess in a sense, you could say that my ex’s entire life since Dday has been one big karma-fest. He didn’t end up with the soul mate OW. He lost our house in foreclosure. He hasn’t had a real job in more than four years. He moves from place to place, wherever someone lets him use the spare bedroom for cheap. His “acting career” certainly didn’t become the huge success he thought was his destiny. His bizarre YouTube videos keep coming, and not one has gone viral or been anything beyond pathetic. None of our old friends want anything to do with him, they all think he is crazy and disgusting. He recently told our son he actually has no real friends, only acquaintances. The longest “relationship” he has had since Dday (at least out in the open) is three coffee dates long, according to our son.

    I, on the other hand, am still struggling financially, but have managed to make a new life for myself and my son. I’ve been in an apartment I love for four years now. My son and I are very happy here. I started a new career as a freelance writer after Dday, I have well over 1,000 articles published online and some are for very big companies. I may not have a huge circle of acquaintances, but I have three or four really close friends that I know are there for me, and I’m there for them. I’ve been dating Nice Guy for eight months now, and I’m starting to think that he is the real deal.

    So is it karma, or just life? My ex still considers himself a huge success and an inspiration, it’s not like he is suffering in any way. I agree with CL: though I admit I might smile if I heard a tree fell on his car, I try to aim for not caring one way or another.

      • “Yeti ought to stay out of forests. Just saying.”
        Just LOL-ed in my office! Hilarious 🙂

    • People with Alzheimer’s are often happy because they don’t realize they have it. I think your husband sounds like that. He believes his own version of reality so he’s happy. Karma has caught up with him, but he isn’t noticing it.

      • Diana, you hit the nail on the head. I actually believe my ex is delusional, lost in mental illness. He definitely believes his own version of reality, where he is a big star.

        • Glad in the way our husbands have behaved mental illness is the only way they can function. With out it they would be honestly out, or normal. Form reading your posts our X’s are neither. Our sister in law ( i say our as she is married to STBX’s brother) has said to me several times since D’day that STBX functions in an altered reality and is totally oblivious to it.
          Karma has caught up with him, but he isn’t noticing it. Glad, you got that right.

      • I was a volunteer at a retirement home when I was 14-17. The bottom floor was for people who had physical disabilities, floors two and three were for the general population, and the fourth floor was for those who had Alzheimer’s or were otherwise unable to mentally care for themselves. The entrances/exits had password protected locks so none of the patients could wander off. I worked mostly on the fourth floor so I ended up having plenty of experiences with those with Alzheimer’s.

        My second month there, I arrived and saw a woman crying, holding a baby doll, and rocking back and forth while some nurses tried to comfort her. When she saw me she immediately dropped the doll and reached for me instead. I ended up spending almost four hours sitting at her feet and letting her play with my hair while she talked about Uncle Someone or Grandmother or experiences we had together. When one of the nurses came over to ask who I was, the woman replied that I was her daughter and described what a close, intimate, relationship we had. Before I walked in the door I didn’t even know she existed. While she was telling the nurse about our relationship, I still hadn’t learned her name. When I came back the next day she introduced herself to me and asked who I was.

        Obviously the poor woman couldn’t help confusing me with someone else, even someone she loved and was close to. But your comment about cheaters also creating their own reality and the above comments about thinking they can just swap people and it will be the same came together in my mind to remind me of that instance.

        Cheaters see us as the people we need them to be, are happy when we don’t tell them the truth, and reacted badly when forced to see otherwise, or don’t see at all.

  • I don’t believe in karma. As far as I am concerned, they can be happy, not happy, drop dead, and it has to be all the same to me.

    The karma bus stop is closed over here. Nothing happened to either of them. On face, it appears they are doing superb.

    The long view is that my ex-husband has MS and eats nothing but fried food, carbs, and meat. I mean that strictly.

    I was watching the “Golden Girls” episode last night where Rose’s (unbeknownst to her) married lover dies in his sleep after a romp. His wife convinces her that she did not kill him because all his arteries were clogged because all he ate were fried foods and at least he died doing what he loved best.

    I never choked on my soda. Certainly that is my ex 15 years from now.

  • My friends and therapist have kindly pointed out to me from D-Day onward that the Jackass has a clear pattern that involves preferring married women, women in some distress that he can “save” in some way, and using meanness. gaslighting, blameshifting, lying, and walking away entirely when commitment rears its ugly head. The one relationship he had that made it nearly to the 10-year mark was one where the woman trapped him with a pregnancy. He stayed married because of the child, but got involved in a 10-year war of attrition until the woman finally filed personal bankruptcy, took all the furniture, and filed for support while he was out of town. He doesn’t like to leave anything without a “reason” that won’t make him look bad in relation to the woman–so rescuing a married woman who is unhappy and then, once she “loves” him, dumping her to “save” her marriage is a pattern. (I was something of an outlier in the pattern as we had a long-time friendship and my “problem” was very temporary) but once he had to make good on his commitments, hello, there is another woman over there at this funeral….mourning her brother…has a fat husband….So much for me. His narcissism causes him to have conflicts with supervisors and peers, as he knows everything and his way is always right. Sadly enough, he is enormously knowledgeable but people are rubbed the wrong way by narc displays. He will no doubt continue his pattern, but he will never meet another woman like me, given where he lives and what he does for a living. And he will never know what it’s like to really love someone wholeheartedly and settle in to a happy life. It’s all about the ego kibbles, the control, the facade, his self-image as the “go-to guy” for someone in distress. He will never be happy in the way that I will, but I doubt he will ever understand what he is missing, because what is REALLY missing is something inside himself that chumps have in abundance.

    As to the married OW: a month after D-Day, I wrote Jackass a letter about putting his stuff left in my house into a storage locker. I added a short paragraph about if he wanted me to be discreet about their affair (he threatened me not to “go public” as he and MOW are neighbors in the nebbiest neighborhood in America), there needed to be reciprocity: he and MOW needed to never say my name to anyone, ever. I pointed out evidence on social media that MOW is not discreet about the affair and a mutual acquaintance said “we need to talk” about something. I thought no more about it until a couple of months passed and someone saw MOW’s Pinterest board with pins about her broken heart. How sad she is. How she would follow her true love anywhere….if he would only talk to her. So evidently he kicked her to the curb. I cannot tell you how good that made me feel. He went to all that trouble to set up a landing place for himself and then blew it up. And she “fell in love” with someone she hadn’t even talked to in 30 years and now has a dilemma–stay with the poor OM she has diminished in her own eyes to someone who doesn’t matter or get a divorce and support herself on $12 per hour. Either way, the shack she lives in won’t measure up to her Martha Stewart $500,000 house “dreamz” (her spelling) and her “dreamz” of designer jewelry, purses, furs and other expensive trappings will stay dreamz. Meanwhile, I have my 2 acres, my wonderful remodeled house, my gardens, my new car, my great job, my friends and family. I will hit my goal weight in 4 or 5 weeks and I haven’t looked this good since I was 40. Six months ago, I thought I would die from the pain. I’m still not at “meh” but getting closer. This board has been a great blessing on my journey. Lose a cheater, gain a life.

    • “Six months ago, I thought I would die from the pain.”

      This was me too. I really never thought I’d feel this happy again. I have my house too, lost 40 lbs thanks to the divorce diet, and have been having fun living my life the way I want for a change.

      Glad you are closing in on Meh!

      • I remember 6 months ago, my best friend said to me as I was sobbing on the phone with her: “In 6 months you will feel so much better and your life will be so much better. ” and sure enough, on the 6 month anniversary of DDay, I had an insanely fun first date and didn’t even realize that the 6 month “anniversary” of the emotional apocalypse had passed until the next morning, when I woke up with a hangover and started laughing hysterically. It’s amazing what getting a vampiric asshole out of your life does for your happiness.

        • on my 6 month anniversary (last week) I went out for dinner with a group of mutual friends that we had known for 6 years through our son’s soccer team. There had often been nights out for dinner over the years but I had always stayed at home to care for the kids while he did the social thing. Best night I have had in a very long time and yes I did have to answer questions about my marriage but was kept entertained by the stories the men at the table had to share about my STBX.
          STBX certainly resides in an altered reality

  • I realised that with my (now) fiance that there were a few disconnects that I needed to investigate. He left his FB and e-mail accounts open as well as a bunch of papers lying around. I decided to take a look. Otherwise, I would have left him anyway…….. no matter how many times he was determined to tell me that “she’s JUST a friend.”

    So when we had our big talk, me armed with knowledge (power), I also asked him “since her b-day is at the end of the month, do you plan to go.” His immediate reaction was “before we had this conversation, I would have gone…….” that does not garner much confidence.

    In any case, we decided to take a day trip on Saturday. At 1pm that day, his EA’s boyfriend sent him an FB private message “we’re some friends around for X’s b-day, you’re more than welcomed to come……….”

    by 11pm that evening, btw, the closing times for pubs in London (where the party took place and my (now) fiance was often good for the tab with her….) his EA texted him “why didn’t you come…….”

    • Wait . . .your “now” fiance? This girl was your “now” fiance’s affair partner before you were even engaged?

      • Yes. This is the problem these days with people feeling the need to remain “just” friends with someone they used to date. It’s better to get these extraneous relationship issues resolved before you get serious with someone.

        A lot marital problems are caused by dodgy friendships that either the wife or husband have that never seems quite resolved.

  • After two years of daily shit sandwiches involving my exH cohabitation with OW in the big expensive dream house I waited for for 20 years and my kids being bought every gadget under the sun while I struggle to pay for tutors and therapists ect, just got some unsolicited hot gossip yesterday. Now ex hubs of OW had a mutual friend who kind of sided with him relay a conversation she had with OW. OW was bitching about my ex, saying that had fun for awhile but now she doesn’t know if she wants to put up with his shit and may go single. Not sure, she’s a gold digger but I know Ex lead her on about the money he’s got her under his roof (engaged, not married, not even a real ring, a hand me down) he’s keeping tight control of the money. Oh well, what a psychopath, tore apart two families leaving a loving father in foreclosure and five kids total in her wake. No fault divorce is bullshit, she should be sued. I’m sad for my kids, so young and innocent before all of this ugliness.

  • Sorry Chump Nation, I have no karma stories to share. That XH and OW split up after less than a year of living together and XH not having any meaningful relationship with his once-adoring children are consequences of poor decision-making more than anything else. I think XH got a speeding ticket the same month he moved out.

    I’m another person who doesn’t believe in karma. I’ve seen far too many bad folks living very good lives while good people consistently get the short end of the stick. I won’t get into any stories, because quite honestly, they’re depressing as all get-out.

    Indifference is really the ultimate goal to work towards, and that’s where I’ve put all my effort and time. The payoff may not be a fame or fortune but is worth a lot more – peace of mind and contentment with my life, no matter how simple it may be.

    (for what it’s worth, when XH’s speeding ticket came in the mail, I did do a little dance of joy.)

    🙂

    • I don’t actually believe in karma at all; the world would be a very different place if people got what they actually deserved!

      But I do believe that most of these cheaters are self-centered, entitled fools, and that those characteristics will lead to their continuing to make bad decisions, which will lead to consequences they don’t like. And that is SATISFYING to watch!

      • I believe a lot. The more love and good vibes I put out into this crazy fucked up world the more love comes back to me maybe not today or right this minute but it does. If I live like a scum bag and lie cheat steal I can expect to be surrounded by filth pain dirt bags dregs scum other cheaters. Its just my humble opinion 🙂

    • I think TimeHeals says above the Karma is connected to action. That is, Karma for cheaters comes as a natural consequence of leading a selfish, disordered life. I don’t think we always see tangible physical “events” like getting your house crushed by a tree, but I do think the lying, cheating, betraying, selfish way of being shows up in the limits on their personal development. They may be “happy” with their APs, with their standard of livimg, with social status, but we here all know how ephemeral those things are. I suspect there is little real joy, almost no deep spiritual satisfaction, and little understanding of how people grow through facing adversity with integrity. In essence, Karma comes down to “wherever you go, there you are.”

      • I am a big believer in karma, but perhaps I define that word differently than some here. I think of it as a running with scissors, self-induced kind of thing. On the surface, it may appear the cheater has the life of Reilly, but in reality his or her life is a fucked up pile of goo. The chump may not witness first-hand how the dance of destruction plays itself out, but all actions have consequences, they just do.

  • Indeed… Karma got my ex-H. After we split up he got his 3rd DUI and got to spend the holidays last year in jail (for 2 months), and I got a lovely holiday season with my daughter sans the idiot!!!! Oh and when he got out… he and his schmoopie broke up.

    Oh plus he is a 40 year old BARTENDER with a drinking problem… yay for karma. And yay for me losing a cheater and gaining the life. It’s not the easiest life, but its a million times better than the unauthentic one I was living for the 16 years I was with him.

  • I don’t think schadenfreude violates the principle of Meh. Schadenfreude is passive, it’s simply a feeling that flows through a person involuntarily upon receiving some piece of information. It is to be distinguished from revenge, which involves taking some action to cause harm. Revenge certainly violates the principle of Meh. As does stewing on fate of the wrongdoer to the point that it interferes with your ability to get on with your own life.

    If I am robbed, and I hear that the robber has been caught and sent to jail (and perhaps even romanced by the White Aryan Brotherhood in the showers), it’s natural and healthy for a slight smile to crease my face. That could be characterized as schadenfreude, I suppose. But there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s only justice, after all.

    Similarly, hearing that a cheating ex was picked up for DWI or beat up by his girlfriend’s husband or lost his job is justice. No harm IMO to smiling at that. So long as I wasn’t out there making those things happen, or holing up in my house with a voodoo doll of my ex obsessing about what ought to happen to such a rotten person.

    • Yep – this is where I’m at too. I don’t wish any horrible stuff on him or her, I don’t actively attempt to screw with his or her life either. I just go about my life and know that they will fuck themselves more thoroughly than I ever could. It’s inevitable.

  • Six days after the divorce was finalized, my now ex wrecked on his motorcycle literally a block away from the house – on the motorcycle that just showed up one day, the motorcycle he said I denied him his entire life. Broke his collar bone and wrist, suffered for 2 months before needing surgery.

    No Karma for the OW that I know of yet. But here’s hoping and yes while not meh, don’t care, I will take a minute for myself and delight in it.

    • I had a neighbor who did this — went middle aged crazy after the kids were gone and left his wife for a brand new Honda Valkyrie (big, heavy) that she had always said they couldn’t afford. He hadn’t even had it a week when he lost control on some gravel and died after suffering for two weeks in the hospital.

  • I have long since forgiven my ex. I understand she is mentally ill. I married a widow with three kids (youngest 18 months). We were married 7 years and she cheated multiple times. Time (divorced 3 years), has given me the proper perspective. During our divorce I had to battle custody with her. Custody was resolved after an 18 month period. Some moderate parent alienation.

    While we were married her oldest took her life (20 year old girl), now 8 years later her oldest daughter is 18 and she survived her 2 attempt on her life. The girls have the same thing as their mom.

    My ex and the man she cheated with have been married a couple of years. He is in a protracted parent alienation fight with his ex. I have been told their legal expenses exceed $60,000. My ex talks to me about how horrible the woman is. I can only smile inside.

    I don’t want any harm to come to my ex step daughter (I lost visitation with my step kids in the divorce). They were told to call me by my first name, I am no longer their father. I certainly don’t want any harm to come to my son’s mother.

    It is a horrible situation in her home. Yes, karma is a bitch.

    • Happy to be Free, That is a sad story. It’s particularly sad that the mother couldn’t see how disrupting her daughters’ connection with you. Best of luck with you as you go forward in your life with your son. These cheaters don’t understand what they are giving up when they cheat on decent people.

  • I live by the motto, “The best revenge is living well.”

    So, I don’t dwell on hoping that the karma bus will bite Big Chief Dumb Fuck’s ass. Nope, I revel in the fact that the karma bus stopped for me, took me on board, and is making up for seventeen crappy years with the cheating ex.

    Five months after I kicking his lousy ass out, I was given a promotion at work, and my salary nearly doubled. So I could pay the last two years’ tuition for DD#1 and get her moved into grad school without help from the ex, because he was too busy buying himself a convertible and having a “midlife crisis” with a woman 16 years his junior (of course! he met her in the church choir…).

    I’ve kept the house, and made all the upgrades and repairs that BCDF whined about but never wanted to pay for. Because not having to pay the ex’s income tax out of my paycheck withholding (he’s self employed and never wanted to pay quarterly), and claiming both daughters as dependents gave me unexpectedly large tax refunds, which I put to good use.

    Got incredibly lucky by discovering that unbeknownst to me, I had the proverbial Unknown Wealthy Uncle whose death six months after my divorce was finalized left me with a windfall large enough to put DD#2 through four years of college. Because the ex can’t “afford” more than a nominal contribution, and never paid child support.

    But best of all, four years after DDay, I’m engaged to a truly wonderful man I’ve known for nearly a decade, who lost his wife shortly before I ended up alone. Life is indeed sweet, and I revel in it. Gloat, actually. BCDF moved in with the Short Fat One, jettisoned all his household belongings, and kept his clothes and his car. When she inevitably kicks him out, he’ll be destitute.

    Karma works in mysterious ways….

    • MN, I am really trying to live by that motto but gosh it is hard. Your comment “So, I don’t dwell on hoping that the karma bus will bite Big Chief Dumb Fuck’s ass. Nope, I revel in the fact that the karma bus stopped for me, took me on board, and is making up for seventeen crappy years with the cheating ex”. In my case it is 44 years. He is having the time of his life without me. Getting promoted at work to bigger $$$ and screwing 20 year old Asian prostitutes. I have heard that he is cutting a sway through these young women like there is no tomorrow. I don’t want anything to happen to him but I would really like to see him understand the hurt he has caused me. That won’t happen so I just keep on going and getting closer to MEH.

    • I like your point about the karma bus stopping for you to let you on. I got some good karma too very soon after dday, as far as my career goes. It was weird…my life exploded yet in the middle of that, some good career stuff happened. A weird mix of life stuff, but I am so thankful for the good things.

  • Oh god why can’t I get any karma? He lives a charmed life, he lives with his Ow and her two children in her parent’s house. Everyone said that must be unbearable but he appears to like it, despite her parents being in their 70’s. He pays a minimal contribution and has everything provided for him. He does what he wants when he wants, she apparently has no objection to his sporting commitments which take up a huge amount of his time, plus when he isn’t playing sport he is working until 8 or 9 at night. He told my son that he doesn’t have to deal with her children much as he doesn’t really see them, they are either in bed or at their dads. So he basically lives the life he always wanted free of any responsibility. He sees his ( my kids) whenever he wants and that means most weekends, she has never met my kids. Yet, still she is fine with it. He told me she was a saint and I am starting to think he is right.
    She just doesn’t behave like a normal woman, she appears happy with scraps although obviously his large pay packet helps.
    They are going to live together soon, but even then near her parents so they will help with child care, something I never enjoyed.
    It just seems despite their horrible behaviour that they just keep coming up smelling of roses. I am working towards ‘meh’. But it is really hard when everything appears so effortless for them. I, on the other hand,have struggled for the last two years ( when he left) and continue to struggle despite my best efforts.
    How do you keep sane when natural justice seems like a fanciful notion for half wits?

    • You keep sane when you stop waiting for their life to turn to shit in order for yours to get better. Your focus has to be on YOU. It doesn’t matter what they do.

      The true goal for us really isn’t karmic retribution, the true goal is just not giving a damn what happens to them. (That there is also called freedom and contentment.) I think about me and what I need to do in my life to make myself happy and secure.

      Like I said, they will fuck up their lives way better than I ever could, but their downfall isn’t required for me to have a happy life. Fuck ’em both.

  • I don’t believe in Karma as some purposeful agent of retribution because terrible things happen to both good and evil people. It’s the good and the innocent who get my empathy and sympathy.

    I do believe that when people continue to make terrible choices (despite knowing better) sooner or later the consequences jump up and bite them in the butt.

    It is always better to go through this world making every attempt to be honest, fair, and considerate of people because friends come, and friends go–but enemies accumulate.

    X and MOW took some pretty hard lumps, and then she dumped his gullible butt. I can’t say it didn’t give me some fleeting satisfaction that their lives did not turn into the “mirage of perfection” that they had envisioned, but I was too busy making my life fulfilling to give it more than a passing thought. Not my circus; not my monkeys.

    • “Not my circus; not my monkeys.”

      I love that expression, and have only ever heard it from my Polish father-in-law. Where did you pick it up, notyou?

  • Notyou, beautifully said. When I spend time trying to make my life fulfilling I am content and feel that happiness might come again to me some day. When I spend time wondering what went wrong or how he is doing, I feel awful. It’s sort of a no brainer, isn’t it? Still, sometimes it’s easier said than done.

  • I have no interest at all in cosmic Karma, as in a power from somewhere beyond the skies that smacks evil-doers down. When random bad things happen to good people or bad people, I perceive them to be just that — random — and thus not particularly helpful tools for making sense of the world. There’s a theological arrogance in thinking that humans can determine the logic of the circumstances that aren’t due to a human’s choices. And I suppose I carry enough Calvinist suspicion that we are all guilty of something that I can’t be wholly confident that cosmic Karma, if it is operative, will pass me by, so I don’t dare to be complacent about my Jesus-cheating-ex’s inevitable divine punishment.

    But I believe fervently in consequences; when folks use karma to mean the natural consequences for selfish or narcissistic choices, I affirm and pay close attention to the workings-out of those events. The karma-fest of a basement-dwelling Yeti, a guy who has permanently alienated a loving spouse and is too pathologically self-absorbed and psychologically defended against reality to make the trek back to the community of healthy, interdependent adults — that’s a karma story that I can learn from. My own jesus-cheater-ex’s descent into a frictive, covert-aggression-suffused dance of hostility with sanctimonious-fellow-Jesus-cheater-from-our-church-turned-wifestress? Satisfying to glimpse from the distance of my daughter’s occasional anecdotes about visits with her dad, because it reaffirms *how and why* I appropriately got to meh over the end of a 20-year marriage. I will never not be disgusted with my ex over his selfishness with regard to my daughter. But I can’t logically regret or get caught up in obsessing about the absence of someone who so didn’t deserve me. And seeing him take the same covert aggression into the twu luv marriage that I had endured throughout my relationship with him? that only helps me feel relief at being released from the Schrodinger’s anger of his passive aggression. That kind of karma-data all helped me with getting to meh — helped me to see past the sparkly dance of twu luv being performed for public consumption at school nights, etc.

    Olesammie, your account of your ex’s choices doesn’t sound like something that would suit you. To me, as with most things that resist conventional explanation, (i.e., how demeaning and inappropriate for a grown man and a father (!) is it that your ex has made this choice for himself ), it’s kind of like the tao: water has to reach its level. Evidently, that’s your ex’s level: living off aged folks, taking what he can and giving back nothing, avoiding growing up, avoiding obligation. Surely it’s not yours. Isn’t it better that your son has your example to follow than the degrading mewling adolescence of your ex’s parasitical existence? There is so much value and honor in struggling in the service of a life of integrity and purpose. I hope things ease for you. And I am glad for your son that he can see you taking the right path even when it’s hard.
    peace and strength for the journey…

    • “…only helps me feel relief at being released…”

      Recently I have been trying to focus on the idea of being liberated by dday and what happened. When I was with my ex, I just dealt with his faults because I loved him fully, even with his faults. But now, I am trying to focus on the fact that I get a life without a Peter-Pan husband and all that entails. And like others have said above, I think my ex is experienced some natural consequences because I am no longer there to handle all the “adult” tasks in his life, so there is some karma due to his inattention to all that. And I just have kept taking care of my own stuff, and things are going relatively smoothly…

  • Well, as far as I can tell…Karma has not yet taken a big bite out of my soon to be XH’s butt. For the most part I try not to dwell on the life that I imagine he is living. I keep myself busy with work, my dogs, exercise/dance classes, renovating my new living space and dinners/social activities with my family and friends. I have been blessed to maintain a very close relationship with my stbxh’s parents and family (he has neglected his relationship with his family for years while I always embraced them as my own!) I am grateful for the many, many wonderful things I have going on in my life. But still, to be perfectly honest, it hurts me beyond words that my stbxh so carelessly tossed away 17 years of our life together. It is incredibly painful to realize that he and his AP have seemingly walked off into the sunset to live happily ever after. I am ashamed to say that I do hope that Karma bites those two…and bites HARD!

  • No trees have fallen, and I don’t have any exciting stories to share, but I can say that if given the chance to either go back to my ex or to trade lives with my ex, I would do neither.

    My ex will never be content. I am generally happy and appreciate what I have.

    My ex made me feel like a single mother long before the divorce actually made me one. According to my kids, he’s still doing that, but now it’s to the Owife. I hated that… feeling resentful over his lack of help and involvement in our family. Now that I’m actually alone, raising my kids as their primary caregiver, I’m not angry or frustrated. Hope she’s enjoying all that alone time with her kids and my kids while he’s at work (or whatever the hell he’s doing).

    My ex struggles to connect with our kids. They hate visitation and always complain about it. I feel naturally connected to them, and when we’re together, everything is comfortable and familiar. It was bad enough when we were together; at least I was a buffer for my kids back then. Now, they feel like strangers in their own house (since he kept the marital home and moved the Owife and her kids in).

    I didn’t compromise myself, embarrass myself, jeopardize the well being of my family, or lose my integrity at any point. If I do date again, it won’t be to someone I have to hide because he’s married, and I won’t ever break up someone else’s family to “get a man.” I can live with my decisions every day and feel good about them. I wouldn’t feel that way if I were the ex.

    May the ex and his HOwife stay together forever. They deserve each other, and more importantly, her jealous presence keeps him from sniffing around my door. Plus, if they stay together, that’s two cheaters who will no longer be inflicting themselves on innocent chumps!

  • I’ve been waiting YEARS for the Karma Bus to show up in X and OW’s culdesac but so far nothing. They got better jobs and moved away for them. He’s completely inept when it comes to paying bills on time or managing his life at all but he has a new Mommy now to do all that for him.
    I expect to hear that they won the lottery any day now.

  • Tree of Karma? Nope, not yet, in fact the XW and the OM are more happier than ever. He bought a house closer to the area so now they can spend even more time together. She’s now gotten two men to relocate for her (I was the first). I smell wedding bells and I’m still trying to get to “meh”, but I think I took a big step in getting to “meh” a couple days ago after having a “light bulb” moment when reading CL’s posts on oversharing (I made a Tolstoy-length comment about it on the second article).

  • I love Chump Lady’s view of the world and I love the people on this site.

    I was raised to believe that ultimately, people will end up reaping (harvesting) whatever seeds they sow (plant). Your choices create your reality. I’ve always believed it because why would the natural flow of nature be suspended in relation to human behavior. That doesn’t mean that everything that happens to people is the result of some action on their part – sometimes it is just a confluence of events. I do believe, however, that deliberate actions will result in deliberate consequences.

    A few months back during a therapy session, I was lamenting how my STBX never seemed to suffer any consequences for his selfish choices and foul behavior – how he skipped blithely along leaving destruction in his wake. She calmly said, “With everything you’ve just said, and what you know about him and how he operates, would you rather be him skipping blithely along, or would you rather still be you?” It was the first time I actually thought about it in that way and I realized even with all the pain and devastation that I had experienced, I would still rather be me. I could never be happy or content living a life devoid of morals, character or integrity.

    When we were together I was able to prevent The Flaming Turd from indulging in many of the behaviors to which he is currently giving free reign, as Reverend I’mAWhore cheers him on. What a mockery of what she professes to represent. I continue to take the high road and continue to attempt to protect myself from as many of the negative consequences of his machinations as is possible. In doing so, and stepping back from covering for him, people have begun to become aware of who is the authentic, caring human being, and who is the straw man. My grown children have begun to realize who is the consistently dependable parent and who is the poseur and have begun to treat him like a slightly daft uncle that one hides when company comes.

    I am not sitting around waiting for what is likely to occur as a natural consequence of his fucked up from the floor up behavior. Too much of a time suck. He’s taken enough of my time and my life. His inability to make good decisions and choices will catch up with him eventually. By the time it happens, I hope to be so far removed from him in my head and my heart that it will barely register. May he reap the whirlwind and may I be out of its path.

    • Chump princess. .I too was able to reign in some of stbxs bad behaviors during our marriage. His father was a severe alcoholic for a long time and has now been sober for 20 years. Stbx has had drinking problems in the past but during the marriage things were kept in check for the most part. Now that he’s with the skank ow I’ve discovered that during their 3 year relationship they go out and get drunk quite often…end up in bar fights and thrown in jail. I guess there 2 dysfunctional personalities create 1 big nightmare when they’re together. I’ve even learned that he drinks on the road now..he’s a long haul truck driver. I don’t think he drinks until he’s parked to sleep but then again I guess I never really knew who he was for 26 years. I suppose she’s a bad influence and he’s gleefully now able to live this way now that he’s rid of me.

    • Chump Princess,

      “She calmly said, “With everything you’ve just said, and what you know about him and how he operates, would you rather be him skipping blithely along, or would you rather still be you?””

      With all of the “Why me’s” and “What can I do now’s?” I have asked and hoping for even the smallest bit of Schadenfreude, but at some point I need to stop sucking up time and mental energy with that poison.

      You’re better than your ex, and so am I.

  • One year after final DDay, cheater ex showed up and wanted to come home. NOT. He said he was miserable but went right back to OW when I showed him the door. Cheater ex is not doing well at work, is on anti-anxiety pills, only child refuses to have anything to do with him, OW is monitoring his emails, he’s not allowed to go out with his friends, has been dealing with her drug addict son and he’s supporting her 100%. She promised him that she’ll look for a job – that was a year ago.

    I never, ever expected karma to come around so fast. In the beginning, all I could see was their supposedly wonderful life but then I told myself to shift my focus. While I wasn’t watching, the karma bus rolled around, and it still keeps on making U-Turns.

  • This approach may not work for everyone but it has helped me immensely in getting to “meh.” I start with the assumption that karma is simply non-existent in my case, and I take as objective reality that my ex is really happy, living a completely consequence-free life, frolicking in daily ecstacy with his soulmate and utterly oblivious of the wreckage he’s left in his wake. Not merely happy, but blissfully happy. In fact he is living the most blissful life any human being has EVER had… Ok. So I sit with that thought for a while. How does that feel? Um, not so bad. Can I be ok if this is the truth? Can I accept it? Can I stand it? If I can stand it, then there’s nothing about him or his life that has the power to upset me anymore. It’s the ultimate letting go experience. I accept, I surrender, I release. I imagine the worst fucking scenario possible and… hey, I’m ok with it! It has nothing to do with my life. Let him have his bliss. If karma never strikes, so be it.

    Of course, I know that no one’s life is blissful and that consequences will catch up with him sooner or later. Just him being stuck with himself 24/7 for the rest of his life is punishment enough. But I’m amazed at how much my little thought experiment has helped to free ME not to care what he does or how his life goes.

    • Clarys, that thought experiment is BRILLIANT! A couple of months after kicking his cheating ass out (right after DDay #2), I had a thought; that my ex was happier now, that this woman he was with actually was a better match for him than me. All that crabbiness and negativity that I had to put up with from him would be reduced, because he had found somebody who suited him better. He might even create a better relationship w/the kids, because of his happier life! And that made me feel SO much better!

      Because if those things were true, it would mean that he didn’t just throw away some very valuable things (our relationship, my love and loyalty, and most importantly, our kids’ intact family) because of stupidity and selfishness. Maybe it was done poorly (cheating not being a great way to end a marriage), but maybe he really did need out, and things would go better for him now.

      But of course not. Within a few months it became obvious that he was making his already-poor relationship with the kids even worse, through his selfishness and lack of thought and caring for them. A few months after that he made a sustained attempt to come back, telling me at great length and in great detail how miserable he was. When queried, it also became clear that he had put ZERO thought into deciding to have this second affair, and deciding to happily accept my kicking him out; simply NEVER thought about what that would be like, on the medium or long term, for himself or anyone else. He tried several more times to convince me to ‘try again’ over the following year, despite very limited contact. Our kids were just young teens, and we live in a jurisdiction where 50-50 shared custody time is standard, but he pretty much abandoned the kids, within a year becoming the Uncle Daddy who sees them for 3 days total a month, and pays the bills. Eventually the kids simply started refusing to see him.

      So it turns out he DID throw away so many things that I value, completely without thought of consequences even for himself, never mind forme or his children. It was apparently a complete waste; he turned all our lives upside down, caused a lot of pain, to end up more unhappy than he was before.

      Sigh. This did NOT make me feel better. There’s a bit of schadenfreude when I see how messed up his life is now, but frankly, I would have been at peace earlier if I had seen him actually make a success of his ‘new life’.

      • Because if those things were true, it would mean that he didn’t just throw away some very valuable things (our relationship, my love and loyalty, and most importantly, our kids’ intact family) because of stupidity and selfishness. Maybe it was done poorly (cheating not being a great way to end a marriage), but maybe he really did need out, and things would go better for him now.

        Actually that thought is something that often occurs to me too. If you could do this for her I hope it’s forever dammit and that there was a worthy reason you would treat your kids like this. Time will tell!

        • Karen and Nat, yes! That’s how I felt. I thought that my kids would be better off if their dad was happy. It was a wrenching, horrible way to end our long marriage, but maybe, hopefully, we’d all be better off in the end.

          Unfortunately, for me it didn’t work out that way. STBX and OW broke up a mere 9 months after our separation, once he was finally “free” to be with her whenever he wanted. I was SO pissed off when I heard about that. They screwed up our marriage and our family for this cheap fling that couldn’t even last a year? I really did want them to live happily ever after. Now, who knows?

          • My Stbxw is already questioning the long term prospects of the OM and it depresses me more than her prior declarations of love for him. Makes me feel like shit, for one, that she would dispose of me for a fling, and even more angry that she would ruin my 6 yr old Boy’s childhood for meaningless sex. Unbelievable.

    • Clarys, without calling it an experiment, I try to see things as they are.
      I have a great family, my parents came to my rescue when he left. I have a healthy, smart baby.
      I am still young, beautiful (he told me before he left), fit. I am educated and have a well paid job. I got 2/3 of the flat value and I’ll be able to buy a home for me and my son.

      What he has: his family sucks, literally. his mother needs help, his uncle tried to cheat them out of her flat. He lent money to his brother who is paying back in minuscule payments.
      He has the babysitter, a “professional”, he is her meal ticket. I assume that’s working out nicely for her, since she was looking for a “sponsor”.
      He is raising her autistic son, not his own child.
      He cannot afford to buy anything, so he’ll pay rent for the rest of his life.
      There are a few more details, but I’ll keep them for myself.

      If I put these in the balance, I win by far. I have all the reasons to look ahead, straight into the future.

      I think in his case: karma is being him. Trust that they suck!

  • Karma for me (in regards to ex) was seeing 2/3 OWs with my own eyes. One was much older than I, around middle age, quite unattractive, and matried. I don’t believe she has any formal education, besides putting in 2 decades into stripping and prostitution. When she opened her mouth, it was a string of vulgarities. I’ve almost felt relieved that my narc, sociopath ex had to stoop as low in order to satisfy his sex addiction. Another OW was much younger than I but still a child. Also, no education,
    2 kids before she turned 21, lived off boyfriend’s income. Both prizes were at the lowest level of socioeconomic ladder and quite inferior to me intelelctually. Seeing both with my own eyes was so cathartic to me.
    Fast forward to few months after DD, and I am still fully aware how lucky I really am: every significant asset is in my name (thanks to my good credit), the cars, the house, the bank account. Cherry on top? We weren’t even married. The depression lifted almost instantly, the anxiety- poof disappeared literally overnight. I feel as I got a new lease on life. I even met a very single, very handsome, very kind man a few weeks after DD, and although I’m cautiously optimistic, my future looks mighty promising.
    Mister ex? Living at his mothet’s house at 43. Unemployed. No friends. I guess he still has his guns, but he can keep those. Meh.

  • golly gee- forgive my typos, typing while distracted. I just had to contribute to the comments. Karma is my favorite topic these days.

  • I’m guessing that when I arrive at the state of Meh, I’ll come to finally appreciate that he will always be a miserable, cranky, belligerent, old coot. And his white trash fuckbuddy will serve as a cautionary tale about a skank so stupid, desperate and selfish, she ended up bankrolling the lies of an always-irritated, self-absorbed, cheap, crabby old man.

    While I still think I’ll eventually see their names in the Police Log of their city’s news, it gives me satisfaction to picture her wrapped in a dirty blanket in her seedy, dusty bedroom, hooked up to machines, covered in bedsores (because he won’t spring for home care), and wondering why she can’t get a drink of water when her “soulmate” is sitting in front of their built-in bar, crying in his beer because now he has no one to take care of his needs.

    Yeah, no where close to Meh, yet.

  • I got karma for the OW. I warned her that she should run, back when their luv was fresh and exciting. But she stuck around until he started abusing her too. I heard him screaming oscenities at her, and she tries to nice him out of it. Now he is holding her hostage, threatening to tell her husband about their affair if she crosses him. Ugh.

    My STBX… I don’t know if it’s karma… I was holding his life together all this time, and without me it is crumbling quickly. It’s not very satisfying though. He is still the father of our children, and I wish they had a better role model. I fear that his decay will hurt and scare them.

  • The philosophy of Karma is very simple…it says no deed , good or bad , goes without consequences.Destiny /God /laws of nature callmit what you may , always reward the good deeds and punish for the bad ones ,if not in this birth then over the next or the next till the account with that person is settled.Yes , the philosophy is much deeper and talks about reincarnation and karmic bonds, good bad or ugly.

    In a nutshell it’s nothing but consequences of our own actions , at times we maybe able to see the cause and effect , whereas most of the times we are not.

    I believe in this philosophy , it makes a lot of sense.So if I believe that the serial cheating ex with all his APs and his prostitutes will meet his Karma bus , the corollary is that the pain and devastation and complete mental and physical meltdown I experienced was my Karma.

    The cheating, lies , duplicity , multiplicity, fraud, financial and otherwise, are all his but somewhere some past Karma of mine had to be nullified. Oh, that doesn’t mean that the ex will escape his Karma .

    It was my bad karma that I met the ex and went through sheer hell but my good karma that I found Tracy and all you guys that has absolutely pulled me out of this shithole,suicidal thoughts and all.

    And one last word, Tracy the amount of good Karma you are building by helping us all is infinite and not measureable.

    Gratitude, forever , Tracy and all the fellow chumps

    • I’ve pondered this philosophy, too. I must have been a real asshole in another life to have ended up with such a shit show of a marriage.

  • After I kicked cheater out, he went to OW’s rental property and lived there presumably for free for 3 months, then he moved in with a couple who are they only former mutual friends of ours that stayed friends with him. Only because he agreed to remodel their house for free instead of paying rent. They say they don’t mind sharing their one bathroom house with him because he’s never there on the weekends when he is at OW’s house in a city an hour and a half away from here.

    In the friends’ house here, they converted a spare bedroom their dogs formerly slept in, into a bedroom for him. OW’s rental property is rented out to tenants but her house in the other city has been on the market for 6 months. Perhaps it’s overpriced. She emailed Cheater trying to help him find comparables to try to challenge my ownership of our shared house that my accountants determined I paid over 90% of the mortgage payments on. Cheater has been making frequent withdrawals from his IRA, probably to pay his $100/mo cell phone that I used to pay for along with his housing, food, and utilities. OW has been unemployed for a year and a half. She is apparently holding out for another “executive director” position to replace the one she was forced to step down from in 2010 due to “conflicts with the trustees [of the not for profit she worked for] and the staff” according the newspaper. She made $90K at that job but settled for a new job in 2012 making $35K/yr but they laid her off too a year and a half ago.

    How exciting it all must have seemed when they were fucking around behind my hard-working back! How dull I must have been compared to her! when all I was doing was working 10 hour days supporting him in an upper middle class lifestyle with anything he wanted including letting him rage at me like a spoiled baby, and his kinky controlling sick sex. Yes, so dull and “not meeting his [narcissistic] needs” as he said when caught.

    His 9 year old truck looks like a rusted piece of shit and it only gets 11 mpg so it must be costing him a bunch to drive 240 miles round trip back and forth from the dog-bedroom house, to his Schmoopie’s house where he told the dog-bedroom friends he “sleeps in her bed with her cat in between them.” Did I mention he is highly allergic to both cats and dogs? LOLZ.

      • And.. he had told everyone we know that he was “doing everything” around here so I think almost a year later it’s obvious that he can’t even afford an apartment for himself. He told me to my face that the house would “eat me up” (it hasn’t, it’s in better shape than ever and I’m finally getting improvements done that he refused to do)… he’d told me during D-Day that “Muse, I left you a long time ago, I just never told you!” (I wish he really HAD left a long time ago when he started his serial cheating! I’d have a lot less debt if he had!)…. and he’d also said that he’d tried to “fend off” OW by telling her he couldn’t leave me because I needed him to take care of me… I don’t know if it’s Karma, but it’s so obvious now it was always the other way around. So very glad he is gone!!!!

  • My ex was doing well with me, but now he can’t get a job, buy a car, or even get approved for a new cellphone. He’s almost 50 and has been fully supported by the troll/OW ever since I kicked him out. To get around town, he now takes the bus or — get this — rides his new scooter (just picture a fat, ugly, old-looking guy, thinks he’s a badass, riding a scooter). The best, though, was when the notice declining his cell phone application, due to bad credit, came to my address by mistake (seriously, who can’t even get a cellphone?).

    Anyway, What I’m really looking forward to is tax day next year. The desperate but well-employed Troll/OW is marrying him this summer (talk about a bad picker). So I can’t wait until their joint tax return gets garnished to pay the thousands he owes me in child support. I only hope they stay married that long, though, since he’s been cheating on her since day one. Haha, yeah karma’s a bitch.

    • Thanks sunshine, I was feeling nostalgic for my cheater today…I don`t know why if rationally, I am so much better without him and I know that karma will kick in soon enough (or it already has in many ways…) but the image of your ex on a scooter fixed that and totally made my day!

  • The Muse…

    “The Dog Bedroom House” now that’s some funny shit, I don’t care who you are.
    How appropriate that’s where he landed. What a howl. (pun intended)

  • When I first met my NPD ex he was 31 yrs old, living in his parents’ basement, had a half-assed sales job and was a drummer in a bar band. When he was with me, he enjoyed a significantly upgraded lifestyle while jumping from job to job (getting fired from most of them) and swore off the band gigs because he “hated” being on the road, the other musicians, etc. etc.

    I kicked his cheating ass out over 7 years ago and have been living a pretty good life since then. Certainly a much calmer one. Last I heard of the ex he is living in his parents’ basement and is a drummer in a bar band. Oh, and today is his 61st birthday. True story.

    • Oh my. What a loser. Mine also got fired from most jobs he had and there were at least 5. I wonder if there’s any correlation btw cheating and not being able to keep a job. The kicker? He told me I drove him to cheating because I gave him such hard time after he’s lost the last one.

      • I think there is probably a correlation, through narcissism. Apparently (there’s actually research on this!) narcissists do great on job interviews, because they appear confident and transmit security in their skills (also probably comfortable ‘exaggerating’ or out-right lying about those skills ….), but then don’t do well on the actual job part, because their arrogance, blaming others and reluctance to work consistently hard even on the boring parts of the job come out pretty fast.

        And aren’t those the same things that led to so many of our narc cheaters to be so great at the beginning of the relationship, and so crummy later on? The same entitlement that leads to problems on the job leads to cheating.

        Admittedly, my ex works in a field where changing jobs often is normal (IT), but he had 8 or 9 jobs and spent almost 2 years total unemployed in the 14 years we spent together. And he is super smart, has a PhD, and now an MBA as well! Several times I know he was ‘laid off’ or didn’t have a consulting contract renewed because of his attitude and personality. He never admitted to that, of course, but it was obvious to me just from what HE was telling me, can’t imagine what it was like actually on the job!

  • I wish with all my heart that subsequent to our divorce 15 years ago, the XH had gone on to live a healthy, happy, constructive, authentic life – despite what he did to me and regardless of what I went through.

    Instead my now young adult aged sons witnessed a rotating door of women, wives, pets, living arrangements & step siblings being wove in/out of their lives. They’ve had a front row seat to their father living a parasitic life off of women, with no work ethic or integrity, and they became disposable to him as he rationalized or apologized (depending on the moment) his toxic decisions. XH’s life sucks. Just sucks.

    With my emotional and financial support, he rose from a childhood of abuse and poverty to obtain several degrees and a promising future in his field. Instead, he got every shitty thing he had coming to him. He’s poor, unhealthy, alcoholic, and anyone with an speck of common sense who may have cared about him – has had to walk away to preserve themselves. Including, to a degree, my sons. It must really suck to be him. He has nothing.

    While, my life began the moment his rancid last footstep crossed the threshold, my sons grew up with me fighting to keep them out of the cross-hairs of the unreliability, impulsivity, addiction, and fucked-up-ness generated by one of the people they should have been able to count on to help them grow into healthy, happy men.

    Karma got him alright. Unfortunately, there was collateral damage.

    • Wow, this is mind opening…you are right…I shouldn´t wish my STBX do that bad because it will hurt my daughters . A friend of mine, who is very Zen, told me to wish him well because if not, I might have to meet him again in the next life!

  • WAW has been evicted from the first apartment she moved into immediately after we separated, forced to move from the second house she lived in when the landlady sold it, and was finally forced to file bankruptcy in April 2014. She moved in with a new boyfriend who lives 2 hours away and now has to commute to an office job each day. She also picked up a part-time job as a server in a restaurant and often can’t afford gasoline when it’s her weekends to pick up the kids.

    Ironic since this is the same woman who wouldn’t contribute to our budget through 20 years together, hated going to work, and had to be a stay-at-home-mom. In retrospect, she was using me for an early retirement. I hope the sex and affair were worth it.

  • I’m still waiting at the Karmic bus stop, but trying not to check the schedule. I do expect the bus will make a stop, since my Ex has become involved with his ex-ex (GF prior to our meeting ~28 years ago…she dumped him then after about 3 months…).

    It’s rebound for them both–she started up with my Ex before our divorce was final (no biggie for me), but she didn’t even file for a couple of months and was still posting lovey-dovey stuff about her then–and still current–hubby. And she has Early Onset Parkinsons, while he could not care for a sneezing Parakeet if it were life or death.

    Two cheaters, one serious illness, a transcontinental relocation, and she’s a spoiled Trustafarian. What could possibly go wrong. ::snerk:: ??

  • Oh my God. I just remembered a fabulous one that I can’t believe didn’t come to me sooner!

    A week after I left after D-Day, he was hit by a bus. Slightly injured – broken glasses, cut head, some bumps and scrapes – he had the paramedic call me at 3 a.m. half-way across the country. He was in a cab that ran a red.

    Anyway, no happy ending yet to this story but that was literally the karma bus.

  • I still live in my marital home with the ex.

    It’s unpleasant, but we own the home 50% each, and run a business from it where we are equal directors. I will not get out until he buys me out! End of story.

    Anyway, for some reason, things in the house are starting to fall apart. The coffee maker, the lighting system in the bathroom. The back staircase! He wants to keep the home because his 82 year old mother lives in the bottom half, it’s a duplex. My lawyer has instructed me not to pay for any repairs, as they would only be of benefit if we were planning to sell the house to a third party.

    It’s karma enough for me right now. I’m 9 months from D-day, and I am strong now.

    But what I really wanted to share was an e-mail from a friend of mine who has Muscular Dystrophy. She has experienced a similar kind of grief to us all as a result, and tells me also that you find out who your friends really are and which ones are just controlling little sh&ts, as you move through any sort of grieflike journey.

    She told me that she had to let certain friends go, when they tried to tell her how to handle her grief and became controlling about it, as they had no idea what she was going through, but that many have come back to offer an apology since that time.

    So a month or so ago, when I was having a particularly down day, she sent me the following, which meant so much. It’s not Karma… but it’s karma-like, and I know it will happen… she is right.

    ——————————–

    I am certain that Asshat will eventually have an AHA moment, and you will be long gone. And he will never find a YOU again…stunning, smart, fun to travel with, etc.

    But his cycle will start again with a less appealing girl, and then again, and all the people who believe him now will find you on Facebook when they realize what a shit he is…and he will die a very lonely man.

    And so is the ending of a really bad B-rated soap opera, which is what he has made his life.

    xo.

  • Karma got my husband before I knew what was going on. I was on my way home when I received a phone call saying my husband fell off a ladder 16 feet, landed on his head and broke both arms. He ends up in the hospital for four days, required surgery on his left hand (dominant hand) and all that good stuff. Turns out he fractured his right elbow, broke right hand, and shattered his left hand. You know what you can’t do with two broken hands? Text your girlfriend. While he was in surgery I was replying to his text messages and letting his different home owners know what was going on, he’s a general contractor, when I come across multiple calls and texts to some girl. Since he was in the hospital and in a lot of pain, I really didn’t think it was the place to get into it. He denied it at first. Then have me a story, then another, then another. Two weeks after he finally confesses, with his mother present! I leave, then receive a face book message from her saying she is 4 months pregnant. I turn my car around and go back to confront him. I ended up staying for awhile as I had no where to go. I did ask him once while I was helping him shower “how dies it feel having your balls washed by someone who hates you? Are you scared?”
    Now almost a year later we are separated. And the baby might not be his.

  • Okay, I have a pretty good story about a cousin’s ex-husband. She was the faithful wife for years. Her husband was pretty narcissistic. He was nice looking, drove a Corvette and had a sailboat. He was “fun” etc., BUT he was also cheating with women throughout the marriage we all found out when my cousin divorce him. About 10 years later, her ex-husband remarried some young thing that was around 20 years younger. After the wedding they go on their honeymoon. . . and then within 2 weeks ex-husband comes home one day after work to his young bride and discover (dramatic music playing. . .) young wife and ALL the wedding gifts are GONE!!!! We all laugh about that story. Ex-husband than forbid any of his family to mention that ‘short-term marriage’ or her name. LOL! Karma is for real!

    • I know someone whose cheater spouse ran off with a much younger woman abandoning his wife of many years and two kids, ages 13 and 16. He marrieds the OW. Fourteen years later he is diagnosed with terminal cancer and has less than 6 months to live. The OW throws him out of their house and files for divorce saying she can’t deal with him having cancer. The ex-wife who had never remarried but led a very happy life took him back into her home (guest room) and cared for him until his death. She did not do this because there was a shred of love left for him but because of her chumpy compassion for any creature in need. She is a saint. What a complete looser for throwing away such a woman.

  • Sorry about all the typos in my story above! I have got to learn that I spell better when I am well-rested. . . 🙂

  • The tree of karma did fall on my cheater exh… In the middle of reconciliation (silly me…learning a lot more here) he went to the kitchen naked to deal with some soup that was boiling over… some splashed on his pecker and burned it a bit. I thought even that had some karmic action in it. About a month later, he had these terrible red streaks on his pecker… I told him I was worried about STD’s but I knew it was marks from his soup incident… so he ran down to public health and had to drop trou in front of a nurse friend of mine. I still smile at that…

  • Lastly, my xbf is getting his karma, after years of fucking every woman in sight, drinking like a fish, feeling sorry for himself and playing the poor little me song constantly… his bones are giving up. Did you know that osteoporosis is an effect of alcoholism. His spinal column is falling apart and it is impacting his nerves. Surgery, migraines, breaking ribs etc. I have read that the end for narcissists is ugly but sadly the end for borderlines is ugly too. My compassion comes out here and I am sad for the person he could have been but not sad enough to get back into that mindfuck. His new flame can deal with that shit. I am heading into a wonderful life and taking the time to learn what I need to know to avoid these critters next time.

    • Crippled Cheater!! That ought to be good for a sympathy screw from some desperate whore!
      No matter what we do, we still owe THEM in their sick logic. Maybe next time he will crack his head & wake up!

  • So this just happened… My ex fell off a ladder broke his elbow, wrist and sprained his ankle… Best part, he is suing me because his insurance covers my daughters medical expenses ( employer funded account) and he thinks I shouldn’t be using it??? Instant karma

    • Does THAT spell Narc entitlement, or what? Is he represented by a lawyer on this? I am a criminal attorney, not a PI attorney BUT if you have to hire an attorney he/she might be able to ask for sanctions (depending on which state you reside in ), get terms and attorney fees for you- his claim appears ridiculous in your description of the facts. Check with a PI attorney.

  • Crippled Cheater!! That ought to be good for a sympathy screw from some desperate whore!
    No matter what we do, we still owe THEM in their sick logic. Maybe next time he will crack his head & wake up!

  • My happy husband (he says he was and so was I) lost his mind when an old girlfriend moved 3 blocks from our home. She began coming over, pretending to be my friend. He started a secret 15 month long affair with her. He told her he loved her, he was sending pictures of his penis and they both were wishing things could be different so that they could be together. They never missed one day of communication. I uncovered, by mistake, over 43,000 text, 500 phone conversations and 90 pics sent back and forth. All the while neither of them felt bad about what they were doing. Since discovery, I’ve found out that this is the SAME woman he cheated on his first wife with, 37 years ago (several girlfriends too). She weighs 300 lbs and has a colostomy bag due to anal cancer, but that didn’t matter. I have been absolutely devastated. I do not believe in karma. If I did, then all this damage that was done, to me, from their affair, was payback for something I’ve done. I did nothing wrong. However, this horrible female has just been diagnosed with stage 4 bone cancer in her spine. I hope she considers it karma. I hope she thinks about how she wasted her second chance at life by hurting someone that never deserved it. I’ll bet she doesn’t throw her fat head back and laugh at me in public anymore. I do not think my marriage will survive. My husband should be very afraid of what he will reap for his part in all of this. I would like to know why he isn’t with her if they’ve been wishing and messing around for nearly 40 years.

    • So Many Tears, I am so sorry for what you have been put through! I hope you find it in you to divorce his sorry ass. Please don’t waste another minute with him! 43,000 texts, 500 phone conversations? Does your husband find time to work???? If someone has that much time to waste and focus energy on a 300 lbs woman with a colostomy bag from anal cancer what were you ever given? 400 texts and 50 phone conversations during your marriage to him and perhaps flowers on Valentines Day? Please, divorce him quickly and don’t look back!

      • He communicated, mostly, WHILE at work. He drives the big rig that I own! That’s right… texting while driving! The ONLY time my husband didn’t pay much attention to me, is while he was enjoying his affair. Funny, he was telling HER that I wasn’t paying HIM any attention! How could I when he was on the phone all the time…telling me it was all work related?

  • I only think it can be called karma if the event is related directly or even indirectly related with their shitty choices surrounding infidelity. I mean, having a car ram you from behind while sitting at the lights shouldn’t really count as it has no relation at all. The cheater will never interpret that as a consequence to their infidelity.
    But if the karma is something like the POS suddenly having to experience what it’s like to go from being a bachelor with no commitments, smoking, enjoying life and having a motorbike to suddenly having a monster sized mortgage, a pregnant girlfriend (my exWW), living with two children from a previous relationship, being banned from smoking and being forced to sell his motorbike, then I think that could be classed as Karma.
    And the icing on the cake is that the pregnant exWW has had another boy when she REALLY wanted a girl.

  • God must love me, I saw it almost every time! The last one:

    Oh the last guy I loved ( false the illusions I mean ), I was so committed to would never harmed, listened to all his grievances and really cared for was long distance, I did not care I would waited forever and did for years.. Only to find out he was hiding a girlfriend, I forgave it we were so far apart I was the one making most the moves, yet he gave JUST enough to have me thinking “maybe”, you know the type.

    Okay so that girl he was living with he discovered cheated on him for a year behind his back, he then runs off to marry a Russian bride, younger and better looking than me I guess sure, and then his story seems to me he was sending HER money while he was living with the other one who so broke his little heart? Ugh jackass only hurts when they leave him!

    NOW him and his wife they are apart and she is living with some guy, But see just days ago he saying he could not live without the sex he was and probably cheated on her too.

    He knew I had feelings and always let me know every time he found an image of a female hot, so yeah I was shit you know, the committed, caring piece of shit for like six years!!

    Oh Karma sweet Karma it is… now that he is crying over the wife, I also dumped him and feel NOTHING, he made out like maybe we would be married, I was so devastated, and now after all his shit? He is shit to me and deserves all she does to his stupid creepy and selfish heart I hope to god she is getting banged like hell by that other man, LOL! OMG he cannot cry to me anymore he might commit suicide, oh I wish I could only see his grave to take a big huge dump on it.. : )

    • I also had a LDR after my divorce..we knew each other from kindergarten up till high school grew up in same neighborhood..i thought since i knew him it would be ok..smh..it was good for 2.5 years. We fell in love and then here comes “distance” showing up doing her thing..he starts to pull away etc etc..he always initated me to come see him and like a fool i did…but i cut that short real quick especially after “anger obsession over protection and a female calling me from his phone questioning me”..i gave him an ultimatum and after that i just wasnt in it i regret not breaking it off then..instead i gave him a chance shortly after “request for money” came by and i sent money but never again i met someone else because I was tired of him…narcissistic men are mental!! I moved on..i hope karma doesnt come for me…? i couldn’t take it any longer..

  • My lying, cheating, player of an ex-boyfriend now has 2 daughters. I think it must be karma because as his girls grow up and start dating, he will know full well what guys are capable of!

    • The first guy…when he showed me his true colours, I wished him to have a daughter.
      No luck yet, he’s too narcissistic to have kids, he’s holding his 4 years older wife hoping. She is nearing 40s…
      But it turns out I’m the one who got away…
      Must suck to be him, no?

  • Yes I got my karma ..for cheating my friend and saying yes to dat her asshole bf ..I was the otherwomen. .But soon I came to know he is dating us both ..I broke off as I understand my mistake ..I was nursing my heartbreak ..But soon after few months he came back saying she left him and got married to someone eles ..after much hasitation I took him back ..big mistake …had a horrible 5 year long relationship wer he kept me like a secrets girlfriend. .after dat he cheated me n got married to someone eles .. wen asked he said I am a characterless girl who steals other’s boyfriend ..so I got my karma.. yes karma is real..

    • Really sorry, Sasha. It seems he used you.
      Besides Karma, most of the above were your choices.
      I hope you can mend that broken heart and make better choices in the future. For your own good.

      Though it sounds like you are the boyfriend, posting as one of the girls he fooled. Shame on you! Better yet, Karma is on you!

  • My EH cheated with MW and i was so angry ..he was my first we have 3 kids together i got pregnant the first time i ever had sex and..We met in the Army @ Walter Reed and military men and women are up there with cops..cheat cheat cheat..well long story short he cheated with his sisters best friend and oh how in love they were…..Not!! A little bug told me they fought like cats and dogs and everything he did to my children and i was done to him by the MW and her husband left her..i hear he is now married with kids. ..karma karma my friend karma will nip that tail real quick.. If you did nothing wrong in a relationship karma will definitely get the person that did!! People always think things are better on the greener side..karma!!

  • My Ex walked out and me and my kids. Screwed us over. Has allowed the current wife to treat his kids poorly. My kids don’t really have much to do with him these days. So thru some of his family recently I here that his current wife treats him so poorly and is very critical of him they can’t stand to be around it. Ha ha! Guess that grass aint so green now. Guess he is currently getting exactly what he wanted… Loving the karma train finally pulling into the station. He had a beautiful wife and 2 awesome kids that he basically turned his back on for some too bit piece of trash. Good luck with that whore and here mongers… Hope it works out! HA!

  • Mine is still pretty new and I’m in process of D. But…
    6 days after D day, and 2 days after he left home with our only vehicle (my parents bought me my own the day he left though) he crashed it. Totaled. Completely his fault. Haha. I am sure there is more to come. His mom and I both told him he was spiraling down. We discussed it a few days ago and shared a laugh.

  • So, I started dating a cop. He also drove 18 wheelers part time I dated him for three years before I found out I was the other woman. I know I was stupid. We both worked, I was also back in college at night. He was a single dad with two kids. I thought he was a good man. Hard working. I would see him thru the week at lunch and a few nights a week when we would meet up to work out together. Only occasionally saw him on weekends. As a cop he worked every other weekend and the weekends he didn’t he needed to spend time with his kids. Or, truth comes out, his girlfriend was at his house on weekends. Sometimes I would get that feeling in my gut and question him. He always had an answer. I was the only one. He loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Then D Day. The phone call. I was shattered. I had been so naïve and trusting. I didn’t see him for a while, and then he asks for another chance. Swore he would never hurt me again. So like a loving idiot, I gave him that chance. I had also helped him with his applications for the SBI. He got the job, I took over taking care of his kids. His karma, he got kicked out of the SBI Academy. He said it was because he failed two tests, but who knows. This is a man that would look you in the eyes and lie to you. With anger a lot of the times. Who was I to question him? My karma? Well, two months after promising me he would never hurt me again, I found texts to another woman. Asking her when she was going to give him what he wanted, sex with him wasn’t a trip, it was a journey, send me naked pictures, on and on. I cried, devastated again. Like an idiot. He was angry. This girl was a friend. This is how they joked. It didn’t mean anything. Then I find out by getting the computer fixed, he’s on dating sites. Angry again. That was for fun, didn’t mean anything. Why am I checking behind him like he’s a kid. Another three years go by. So much hurt, distrust. He’s angry at me. I need to let the past go. He is going everything he can to be a good man. Supported him and his kids for two of those years. He tried to get back on as a cop, but, failed. I think the SBI isn’t giving him a good reference. So now he’s back to driving 18 wheelers full time. Won’t answer his phone half the time I call. I would tell him, what if something happens to me or the kids. Oh well, he would say. Nothing I can do, out of town. This is a man that is never wrong. Never apologized. Only the one time he asked for another chance. He would leave me waiting for hours. I would get angry, he would say I was starting my crap again. A month ago, I packed up his stuff and his kids stuff and put it on the porch. Haven’t spoken to him. I don’t want to. What I do want is to wake up and feel nothing. Why do I miss him. The heart wants I guess. The mind says you should have done it a long time ago.

  • Tracey,

    I no longer believe in Karma! My cheating ex husband is very happy with the OW 6 years later. My son lives with them because of a college situation and tells me what a nice person “she” is. He got mad a me because I said “nice” people don’t sleep with other peoples spouse. He called me bitter which is a quote from his father. I said not bitter just stating the truth.
    He has the big house and gives them money and nice gifts that I can not afford. My son says yes Dad is selfish but so what, he was unhappy. WTF not how he was raised!!
    Our daughter spends time with her father as long as ow is not involved. She said he is still a good Dad. I keep my mouth quite.
    I am thinking WTF how is this an example of being a “good” father? We were married almost 25 years and I was blind
    sided… we all lost the family we thought we had?!
    The hypocrisy gets to me because he always was the one pushing going to church and pretending to do the right thing but lying about his real actions. When I lived by my word I was told it was because I was bitter that my father was a cheater. I feel like the tradition continues that those that believe in the right thing are punished because of why we believe this way…

    • Honestly the best revenge is to live your life happily. Everything in life happens for a reason. Invest time on things you love. Develop a closer emotional bond with your kids. Sit down with your kids and talk to them about your feelings. Give them a scenario where they are in the same situation as you. You are not a bitter women, you just got played by someone who you thought you would spend your eternity with. Cheating is inexcusable. Life is a circle and what goes around always comes around. If his OW is willing to cheat with him despite knowing he is a married man, then that OW is more than willing to cheat on him. Their relationship will run it’s course because you can’t find happiness in a relationship that stems from a betrayal. It takes YEARS for people to receive their karma but in the end it does bite their butt. I have read posts where cheating ex leaves their spouse for OW/OW and lived happily for more than a decade before they finally got what was coming to them. Life moves on and just forget about your ex.

      • Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie – More than a decade. Now , Brad was in rehab and has completely lost his happiness. you can tell he is “off” simply by looking at his face.

  • Karma is what might give me hope. My ex of 3 yrs 4 months. 
    I met my ex Nov 2013 on a dating site. We instantly connected. He was Pakistani muslim and I’m Indian sikh. Originally I told him I wasn’t interested because they always bring religion into everything and I will not convert. He convinced me his family is open minded because his sister married a christan and his family is okay with it. 
    This was a time his family wasn’t in his life. He was living in his own working etc. He was great. I would get good morning msgs beautifully done. He would bring me out. He ended up getting a promotion to open a call center in Phillipines. It was 3 months. He did Valentine’s before he left. My cards were beautifully written decorated etc. I took care of his car during winter because he didn’t have a garage. Everyday he would write to me. It didn’t seem like he was gone. He came back. His job was laying off ppl but he still had one. His car has problems I gave money to repair. I had introduced him to my mom friends since I wasn’t hiding. I still hadn’t met any coworkers cuz according to him our schedules wouldn’t meet. His birthday in June I surprised him with treasure hunt. Aug I saw in his phone he told of coworker he was going out with a friend. That bothered me. He said it was a typo didn’t believe him but. I let it be. Oct was my birthday. He did a nice dinner with my friends etc. Our 1 yr I surprised him with a belly dancing halal restaurant. Everything was great. Dec his family contacts him. And things start. The more he starts hanging with them the more he became dumb. He was getting promoted to a high executive position.i told him to take it he quit because his family said a job is just a job. Since he comes from money. I start asking him talk to his family about me.but always an excuse of he’s not ready. He wants to see what his family wants since they contacted him after 4 yrs of no talk. They were building a million dollar house. This is the same time I find out he was married before and divorced which he hid. He was 28 she was 18. Lasted 6 months or so he said. We start having arguments because he isn’t working just working on that house. Spending his time their I’m barely getting anytime. I’m still compromising on meetings etc. Eventually we get into a huge fight because as usual I wanted to plan something for the weekend but his mother wanted something and he wasn’t telling her he had plans. He broke up with me may 27 2015. He made a ticket to go to kuwait cuz his family has business and restaurant there and like a lazy **** that he is. He wants easy money. He left 3 months i heard nothing. I was depressed. Crying. I got sick. Lousy 40lbs. I finally get an email where he wants to see how I am. He wanted to be friends I said no. He came in Sept. We met up. He apologized said he realized he loved me couldn’t be without me etc at. He wanted to get married. But future generation was a concern for him. I told him about compromising kids learn both when old enough they can choose. He didn’t want. He asked me to convert. I said never. I studied so much of his religion and it’s contradictions. Now this dilemma started. Meanwhile he still didn’t tell family. He was still going out of his was to do everything supposedly for me. He asked me to give him time because he eked to be financially independant before he could mention about me. I said okay. He left again to kuwait. Dec 27 2016 we break up because he pops a comment that my mom will not be allowed to teach my kids about my religion etc. I got mad and told him to be afraid of god. 3 weeks later his sister baby of 10 mths dies. He calls me crying. Told him karma. But he didn’t believe. He starts with the can’t be without me etc. This goes on for another year. He stopped asking me to convert. Now it came to how he should tell family. Oct 2016. I break into his phone and see him msging 2 girls .. I miss u I’m with my niece and nephew ..meanwhile he was with me. .etc.. I’m furious. I walk out on him. He chases me telling me he never cheated etc. Same time He gets call his mom is in hospital. He goes there. From there he is begging me not to leave. He never cheated it was just talk. He just hide me cuz that’s what he’s used to etc etc 6 hours non stop of he made a mistake he’s an idiot he can’t lose me. His life without me is nothing .. etc etc etc all his words. He came over and begged for me on his knees. I give him another chance. He starts being good and so called perfect… He would send me screen shots of whatsapp and Viber showing He wasn’t talking to other girls. He has to leave again in Dec told me his plan is to ask his uncle on how to break the news to family. He gets back to kuwait.i even send me a Christmas and Valentine’s gift in advance so he would have something to open. Which I did everytime he left for whatever holiday was near. He Is good for the first month. Everyday sending texts . Calling. Everyday telling me he lives me he’s lucky to have me. Feels on top of the world because of me etc. After the drama starts . Texts are boring. He is calling his family everyday. Supposedly business drama he had to deal with. Etc etc. Everyday 2 hours talking to his family. He would be trxting on whatsapp I wouldnt get a text cuz he was busy. Sat sun I would wait all day to talk to him. I would get half asleep talks cuz he was so tired with his family. I’m still trying to be patient. and still be is telling me he is grateful for me. I’m sick on feb 26. And he spends the day calling his family. Eventually I lose it. I’m so angry. I told him off. At 35 yrs old which guy needs to speak to his family 2 3 hours. everyday. We hang up. I calm down. I apologize. The next day. He goes his feelings changed. I was angry. And told him everything he was..a liar cheater user etc. He still denies everything. So nothing Feb 27 2017 we break up officially. He has to come back mar 28. Which he does. I’m thinking he will do his same pattern.. nothing. I’m upset everyone told me not to Contact him. No contact rule. I’m hurt angry crying. Thinking he is v with someone else. Everyone kept telling me he can’t be. May 14 mother’s day I’m praying and crying non stop. I ask God please give me a sign. I need something. I go to work next day. My friend sends me a picture of him and his new wife. I’m 35.She’s 26 supposedly good girl etc. Not the girls fault. But the pain I feel till today is never ending. The so called family talks were ****. He was talking and planning a wedding. Meanwhile telling me he will never leave me. 
    How can a person do that? Play with my emotions. But to give me mom hopes and dreams to. 
    Do I believe I got saved yes. Who knows if I had gotten married the **** I would have gone through. 
    But I can’t get passed the pain. Everyone keeps telling me. Don’t worry let it go. He will suffer and pay. Guys like him don’t change. Etc etc etc. But I just feel like he got away with the **** he did. I did send him a pic of his wife and him and a msg day after he got married. He read it never responded. 
    I know I have to move on. But do guys like him suffer in the long run?

    • I am really sorry about your pain. I was at this place last August. I am bipolar and I suffer from heavy depression for months. I was about to commit suicide. This page and many other pages on the internet helped me. God helped me get through. I am at peace now. I have bouts of anger and depression of how she played a number on me but that’s for God to punish her.

      It may seem like your enemies are winning and their life is awesome but trust me, IT IS NOT. While a lot of your friends would’ve thought that you have a boyfriend and your life is so great but you knew it was not all that great. Similarly, we don’t know how this girl treats him and when she will emotionally detach herself from this guy.

      People like him don’t win ever. I know this for sure. Think about when you were back in school. The prettiest looking girl and the hottest dude are not the “shit” anymore. Their time is up. Now, they are one of the crowd and it is difficult to find their identity. This won’t last long either. Not for you. Not for him.

      Pray hard. Work hard and keep yourself busy. You will be proud of yourself when you come out of this storm.

      And once the storm is over you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” —Kafka on the Shore (Haruki Murakami)

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