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The Exceedingly Un-special Tori Spelling

tori-spellings-husband-dean-mcdermott-enters-rehabIt’s Friday, and it’s time for the latest nonsense on Tori Spelling. (I’m tired, people. I finished my book yesterday. Typesetting done, now working the kinks out. More news soon. I need fluff. Let me write about fluff.)

In a new development, that will come as a surprise to absolutely no one, Dean McDermott is a more of a horndog than previously thought, reports RadarOnline. Did they say there was just one other woman in their reality TV show, True Tori? Emily Goodhand, that singular “mistake”? A little one-night stand? Nah. There were at least five. Moreover McDermott told Spelling about it all months ago in rehab, according to reports. Like, before their reality show was filmed.

But God, how depressing is that narrative? If you’re going to have an opponent in the pick me polka, choose some ghostly nobody that no one has ever heard of (and many suspect doesn’t exist) like Emily Goodhand. Emily was so obliging to fade out of view, unlike other OW, who show up on your doorstep, barge into your house, or at the very least spam your social media.

Tori, I don’t think you’re a chump until you’ve got some batshit crazy OW leaving her thong in your bed and then friending your kids on Facebook. Remember that wing nut Sidney Leathers that Anthony Wiener wienered? Going around on her publicity campaign about what a schmuck Wiener was? Why couldn’t Tori get a bunny boiler like that?

Oh, or worse — one of those other women that marries the cheater and has four kids with him and touts her marital bliss on a reality TV show! Why couldn’t she get a freak like THAT?

No, the writers of True Tori give her Emily Goodgag — the OW who never speaks.

Makes sense really. If all the OW spoke up, it’d be quite a chorus.

According to RadarOnline:

“He was forced to finally admit the truth to Tori,” the insider previously said.

“Making matters worse, Dean admitted to not always using protection during the encounters. It’s the ultimate betrayal for Tori and she probably won’t be able to ever forgive him for that. It’s one thing to cheat, but another to have unprotected sex.”

Oh yeah. Horrors. If you’re going to boff five women (and who’s counting really? Can Dean count? How many fingers am I holding up?) not wearing a condom  — is that the most unforgivable thing? Isn’t this one of those how-many-cheaters-can-dance-on-the-head-of-a-pin kind of questions? He fucked fifty women, but wore a condom. OMG, that’s much better! We can work with that. So long as there was a tiny sheath of latex between his penis and the 50 women, we can reconcile.

Sure, unprotected sex and cheating is horrible. But it’s what cheater’s DO. Cheaters live in a magical reality without STDs and pregnancy and other bummers. Is anyone surprised by this, except maybe Tori Spelling?

Tori? Sweetheart, you’re not special.

Spelling did address the accusations of bad karma, as both she and McDermott had originally cheated on their respective spouses to be with each other. “What happened was hurtful to other people,” she said, “but you can’t help when you fall in love with someone.”

Later, the ex-Beverly Hills 90210 star, 41, said she felt bad for 47-year-old McDermott¹s first wife, Mary Jo Eustace, however, “I don’t see it as I broke up his marriage, that was his decision.

“I knew he was married and I was thinking this was wrong but we fell in love — there was that connection, it was instant. But I always said at the time, if this should ever happen to me, I don’t think I’d blame the woman. I would blame my husband. I still, to this day, I don’t blame Emily [Goodhand]. I blame Dean completely.”

Yes, Tori, for you and Dean it was love. What he did with those five, six, fourteen (hey, we don’t have an exact count) other women was just meaningless, unprotected sex. Only one woman is heir to the Candi Spelling fortune and has Dean’s heart and that’s you, Tori. Love means never having to use the active voice. “What happened was hurtful to other people,” is the sort of passive voice non-apology reserved for special people like you and Dean. Shit happens. People get hurt. No one’s to blame.

How’s that working for you, Tori?

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    • I did! Still some proofing and things to do, but the big, long haul is over. 🙂

      • Go buy yourself some cake and put your feet up. Well done Chump Lady!

        • Me too! Not the kindle version either (assuming there is one). I want to proudly display it on my bookshelf, coffee table where ever. Plus which, illustrations do not translate well on my kindle since it is black and white.

          I can’t wait!!

        • Yes, ditto, me too, also, in addition — congrats! (however, …cake??? 😉 howzabout some nice pie? with ice cream perhaps? Down in Texas I’ll bet you could get a kick-ass banana cream pie. Or some fabulous Margaritas. Austin is a culinary heaven, as I recall.

      • Congratulations! I cannot wait to buy it – several copies. I’d like to pass copies of it around like chips at a super bowl party! Is there a tentative release date?

  • I’ve been out of commission this week but had to comment on this shit because ex is feeding a similar line to the kids. Final OW (and certainly not the numerous other OW) had nothing to do with the breakup of our family, it was him and me and no one else. Because fucking numerous other women, grooming even more and never once letting on that he was dating while married had absolutely nothing to do with the divorce. Nope, it happened because he and I just didn’t ‘have that connection’ anymore. And he had it with others. And love, yes, love, final OW tried to pull that line on one of my kids who shot her down fast.

    Tori Spelling is an idiot married to a unwashed possum. The shit they both spew is so unoriginal that it’s funny – but also sad because she still can’t quite admit she married an asshole and is an asshole herself.

      • In my neighborhood, Nord, you’ll be glad to know that it’s the run-over-a-possum season. (In reality, poor lil dumb critters.) But if you distain them, there’s a lot of roadkill to see!

    • Nord,

      LOLOLOL! I have seen many a possum in my day, much to my dismay, and they are pretty grimy and unsettling creatures to be sure. I do, however, think you do our possum friends a disservice and disparage those poor critters by comparing them to Dean. There is no possum, living or run over, as rancid as Dean.

    • “Final OW (and certainly not the numerous other OW) had nothing to do with the breakup of our family, it was him and me and no one else. ”

      I HATE that asshole excuse..I get that too! The fat skank from down South has NOTHING to do with the utter destruction of an entire family..nope. It was STBX and ME. Excuse me? Me? Um….last time I checked, I wasn’t out screwing someone other than my spouse. And the phrase “dating while married” is such a plain and simple fact, because that’s what they’re doing. They’re dating other people while they’re married to someone else. Oh and yes..we can’t forget about the true love aspect, can we now. Apparently it’s okay that Tori and Dean fucked over 2 innocent people..because..wait for was TRUE LOVE. You know, the sparkly, unicorn, Skittles over the rainbow, once in a lifetime soulmate kind of love. So wait. That makes it OKAY, don’tcha know? Now, if it has been purely sexual and there were no emotions attached..heck, just lust..then it would have been a different story. Now THAT would have just been plain WRONG, right Tori? Hmmm. Seems to me there’s no “love” involved with the 5, 50 or 500 women Dean’s been screwing since you’ve been married. I guess now that the shoe is on the other foot, the whole affair thing isn’t quite as fun as you thought it would be, huh?

      • Bad behaviour is only bad if other people are doing it, not you.

    • Been traveling, so chiming in late. Yes, Nord, my exH also told daughter the marriage was long over, he tried to reach me but couldn’t, blah, blah blah. He was not happy when I told daughter about the 1st OW (always suspected, only confirmed after learning of last OW).
      One OW, meant to be….more than one, that’s something else.

  • I think the condom thing matters. If your partner isn’t using one when they cheat, it isn’t physically safe to stay with them.

    • It’s never physically safe to stay with a cheater IMO. Are you going to believe it when they say they used a condom?

      • And also they don’t use condoms for oral sex. Could they really be trusted to use them correctly if they’re that careless with the feelings and lives of you and your kids?

        • Tonya… I am in the process of divorce and separated for a year and a half. And I am so naive… such a chump! I hadn’t think about the oral sex part. And after reading your post I realized that he had been giving oral sex to all those sluts and then he would kiss me with that filthy mouth…for years. I can’t stop crying. I feel so desecrated, my body, my dignity, my marriage covenant. He desecrated everything. And he doesn’t give a shit.

          • Oh Gaby my heart goes out to you. I felt so violated knowing my ex was screwing me after he’d been with the floozie. It is so damaging to your self-esteem and your entire psyche and you feel so duped after you find out. It’s just all so horrible and sorry if I triggered a nerve for you.

            After the shock of finding out, all the little details start playing on your mind and eroding away at you. I hope you have some help and support dealing with this. Be kind to yourself, a year and a half is still early days in my opinion. Come here to let it all out. Chumps care.

            • Thanks for caring. I keep thinking I am so grateful this blog exists…and so sad at the same time.
              Yes, a year and a half after 20 years of marriage. It is still hard.
              I did stop crying. Now I am pissed.
              Anyway…one day at a time until that precious “meh” tuesday comes to our lives. Big chumpy hug.

    • Of course it matters. It’s one of the unilateral, horrible, damaging things cheaters do. But why that detail was the One Great Unforgiveable — and not, oh? serial cheating? baffles me. You should assume all sex a cheater has is unprotected sex. Cheaters lie, and the very act of cheating is risk taking. These people enjoy risk-taking and unprotected sex is a risk. They don’t think about consequences or the impact of their actions on other people, if they did, they wouldn’t be serial cheaters.

      • Don’t ever take a patho-biology course because if you do then you will find out that using a condom really doesnt matter you are still exposed to pretty much everything…………ignorance is bliss………

        • True….but condoms do help prevent pregnancy. It’s tougher to reconcile when your cheater has gotten the OW pregnant.

          • Ducks, I completely agree about the pregnancy part…just meant that from an STD part, the condoms only protect against a few of many evils……and you are still exposed

            • I have to jump in here…my WAW asked MY DAUGHTER to go buy her a pregnancy test because there was a possibility Ex was pregnant by the POSOM. (I had a vasectomy 15 years ago.) Condoms, STD’s and pregnancy were no where on the radar…just sex with her POS.

              I’m not even sure my daughter understands how messed up and selfish that request was by her mother.

        • Yes……
          It should be in place before they get ” man juice ” and “lady juice ” on their hands.
          When they roll condom on they contaminate the inside as well as the outside.
          Man juice is not sperm free before ejaculation, now we have the little trouble makers swimming around on the outside of the condom.

      • Whoa! Wait a minute. So, are you telling me that’s OW got pregnant BEFORE he left us? UNPROTECTED SEX with someone OTHER than his wife????? Could someone please explain THAT to xMIL! She was the one that didn’t approve of her 30 year old son needing condoms when we got together…..guess that was the only indoctrination of hers that stuck!

      • I thought the not-wearing-condom thing was in the second chapter of “Cheating for Dummies” (Like there’s any other kind.) Heh.

      • I don’t know why Tori is bitching about Dean not using a condom with 1, 5, 17 OW’s. She should count her lucky stars he wasn’t not using a condom with 100, 200, 1,000 other men in gay bath houses.

      • Condom or no condom, don’t believe and doesn’t matter. Husbands should not have their dick in another woman’s vagina and equally, wives should not have their mouth on another man’s dick. Period!!!

        On a better note, I love the fact that CL brings up Tori, cheating, Dean, condoms, etc… but the comments are about her book. I love it! Sounds like we are on the highway to Mehville after all. Put that book on tape for the drive. ha ha ha

    • You can still get things using a condom…and why believe any of the lies that come out of a liar’s mouth? OW and OM routinely do little things to condoms to render them ineffective, the least of which is recycling genetic material to impregnate themselves with later.

      • Ah, it’s all spin anyways. It would be just as easy to sensationalize it with “He had unprotected sex with Goodwank, but the ONE UNFORGIVABLE THING that was revealed after is that he LIED–he’s actually a serial cheater, having had 5 OW’s”.

        Disembowel me with a seafood fork or stab my head with an icepick–it all hurts.

  • “But you can’t help when you fall in love with someone”…is a justification used by cheating cowards everywhere and a statement that I abhor. When you marry your spouse you are making a commitment to that person and that person only! That means that you DO NOT allow yourself to be in a position of falling “in love” with someone other than your spouse, it means that you protect, honor and respect your marriage, it means you conduct yourself with morals and integrity. Why is this such a difficult concept for cheaters to grasp? Ugh!!

    • Is there a handbook somewhere that they get these lines from? This is almost exactly what my XH OW told me. “But, we love each other so much that we just had to be together.” Guess she should have told HIM that because he’s out catting around on adult dating internet sites. Wonder if I could persuade some tv station to pick up their story. Would love to see this in the tabloids. Maybe Maury Pavich or Dr. Phil???

    • Exactly!!!! You CAN help it, that’s the whole point of committing!

      • Twu wuv….only happens every other day of the week when you’re a cheater…

    • Absolutely. “You can’t help it when you fall in love,” is total cheater bullshit. Love requires attention, time and nourishment to bloom, it doesn’t just happen out of thin air like these cheaters seem to think. Plus, emotions/feelings do NOT require action. Just because you “fell in love” with someone does NOT mean you were forced to fuck them. We all have many emotions every single day that we do not act on.

      • Yep. Part of surviving the teen years is learning enough self preservation to avoid bad boyfriends/girlfriends. When you get to be an adult, and you start to notice you’re attracted to someone not your spouse, you clamp down. You set boundaries. For those of us faithful chumps, we did this without even thinking about it.

        It’s total cheater bullshit to say, “we knew it was wrong but we couldn’t help ourselves.” If you’re truly in love with someone else, you get a divorce. You don’t cheat.

  • Ah yes, I got the ‘it just sort of happened’, when I asked my ex WTF he was thinking.

    Its as though cheaters have no control over their minds or bodies. Their genitalia propel themselves involuntarily towards other random genitalia in some weird magnetic vortex that cannot be explained logically.

    • Tonya, I also got the “it just happened” excuse even though he went over to Vietnam and Cambodia armed with a truck load of condoms!! He still had to be tested when he returned home because he confided in (bragged to) so work mates and they suggested he get tested. Guest what, I had to be also and for that I will never forgive him. It still turns my stomach when I think of him.

  • Dean cheated with other women?!!

    In other Shocking News: Cigarettes are harmful to your health.

    Of course Tori knew about it this entire time. As a commenter on an earlier CL post pointed out, “True Tori” was all about Tori getting out in front of the narrative. For her to go on camera months later and pretend like it was only one is blatantly dishonest, not to mention disingenuous.

    But is anybody really shocked at this? If her #1 concern was the safety and well-being of her kids, the last thing she would’ve done was bring fucking TV CAMERAS into her home while it was in serious crisis. No. Just as the title of the show suggests, it’s all about Tori.

    As for “Emily Goodhand,” my guess is she’s probably a composite of all the different women who came forward. Remember, a tabloid always contacts a celebrity’s publicist before stories like this go to press. Tori most likely swooped in with Candi’s lawyers, had the paramours sign a mountain of legal paperwork, paid them off handsomely, and thus compiled them into “Emily Goodhand.” This way: a) They would remain anonymous; b) The OWs wouldn’t come forward (i.e. Sidney Leathers) and compromise Tori’s control of her Reconciliation narrative.

    Now that’s all speculation, but if ANY of it has any factual basis, then Tori is even MORE pathetic than I originally thought. God Forbid some skank goes public and jeopardizes the Fairytale Romance that poor Tori packaged and has spent the last 8 eight years trying to sell, via a litany of bad reality shows, books, blogs, and photo-ops.

    Tori’s full-on OBSESSION with crafting and maintaining the perfect public image for herself and her family is both mystifying and downright depressing. She faded from popularity as an actress nearly two decades ago, and both her and Dean were hovering over the D-list when they met on the set of a TV movie that nobody has seen. Actually, has anybody seen ANY movie she’s ever acted in? Who gives a shit what her home life is like? Who cares what Tori Spelling does at all?

    But that’s just it! With her tatted-up, bad-boy schmoopie and her adorable kids, Tori finally found her niche in Hollywood, something slightly away from “Aaron Spelling’s Talentless Daughter.” Think LaToya Jackson doing Playboy and psychic hotlines back in the early 90s. Sure, she wasn’t performing in sold-out, European soccer stadiums the way her brother was, but at least she wasn’t trying to sell shitty records that nobody was gonna buy anyway.

    “Hollywood Wife/Mom” is Tori’s niche, and it’s probably the only thing that’s keeping her from hawking dog shampoo on QVC. It’s a title she refuses to let go of, even in the face of the fact that her husband is a loser, a burn-out, a cheater, and just an all-around dirtbag. Yet she’s so desperately in love with him and so desperate to maintain her Perfect Family that she’ll let an admitted coke-sniffing drunk live in a house with four children under the age of 8.

    By the way, did anybody notice how shitty Dean looked post-rehab (I believe CL compared his face to a “hammered steak”)? I’ve watched enough episodes of “Intervention” to know that most people usually come out of rehab looking healthier (and often younger) than they have in years. That is, if the rehab “takes.” Yet Dean traipsed through those half-dozen episodes looking pale, bloated, and unhealthy.

    As always, my sympathy is with the kids. Tori’s not only modeling dysfunction, but also calculating, cynical behavior. Sure, she played her cards right, got out in front of the narrative, and turned in probably the best acting performance of her life. But look what it got her: A reality show with horrific ratings and a “saved” marriage……to Dean McDermott.

    Somewhere in Mehville, Canada, Mary Jo is shaking her head in shame. Isn’t it funny when the OWs turn out to be even BIGGER Chumps??

    • Chris, I’m sure that’s the next revelation — Dean didn’t do rehab! His face looks like a SPAM soufflé because he’s still a drunk. He’d have to be high to read those lines like “I’m so ashamed…. the pain! It’s like an icepick in my head!”

      Or maybe that was the hangover talking?

      • And you do know I will be totally stealing SPAM soufflé. LOLOLOL!!!!

    • Chris, you are a superb writer, ! Kudos to you and your talent!

    • Chris, you wrote: “As for “Emily Goodhand,” my guess is she’s probably a composite of all the different women who came forward. Remember, a tabloid always contacts a celebrity’s publicist before stories like this go to press. Tori most likely swooped in with Candi’s lawyers, had the paramours sign a mountain of legal paperwork, paid them off handsomely, and thus compiled them into “Emily Goodhand.”

      And you are probably so right! What you wrote about this makes so much sense!

      (The only thing I would add is, Mary Jo is probably watching the show on a big screen while eating popcorn and drinking soda. And laughing her head off.)

    • Chris, you always hit the nail on the head. I personally don’t believe Tori cares that much about the cheating, because as a narc, she only sees Dean, her children, the OWs, the entire world, as props in the movie about herself that is filming inside her head.

      In fact, Dean’s cheating is a GOOD thing for Tori, because the train wreck drama gives her sad show something titillating to bring in viewers.

    • I bet he looks like shit because his inner lizard was trying to figure out ways to circumvent all the new rules, new ways of lying, and basically doing the Charlie Brown “wahn, wahn, wahn wahn” during all his therapy. Too much energy to come up with new scripts in the How to Cheat manual.

    • That “pale, bloated, and unhealthy” appearance is what shit looks like when it floats to the surface. My ex had the same look when his sex addiction came to light. It’s all the nasty they hide deep down in the dark hole where their humanity should be.

  • I am chuckling here! It just cracks me up when an OW (Tori) and her cheater partner (Dean) get married…and then there’s all this shock and pain and drama when one of them is unfaithful! Duh! Tori CHOSE to marry a cheater. She knew his capacity to do what feels good to HIM without regard for his wife and marriage; she knew that lies, deception, manipulation, and sneakiness were skills he was quite comfortable using; she knew that priorities like ‘wife’ and ‘family’ could easily get trumped by self-gratification. How she went into that marriage actually believing that Dean was a good man of character, integrity, etc who could be trusted to never cheat…is beyond me! She, essentially, signed up for infidelity in her marriage. She’s living the old ‘if he cheats with you, he’ll cheat on you’. I am not saying that every OW+MM marriage experiences infidelity. But, IF it happens, why all the shock, pain, drama, etc?

      • Naw. Not just she’s special (though there could be some of that too). It’s because their ‘love’ feelings were special feelings because it’s all about feelings, you know?

        You see, that’s part of how they justify cheating in the first place. If I just had the special love feelings, I wouldn’t be doing this.

        I am convinced this is a more self-centered view of what love is, and it doesn’t seem terribly mature to me: love is about how I feel about you. Are you good enough for me? I don’t think so, or I’d feel differently right now, and so this isn’t real love, so what I need is to find these feelings because it’s all about how I feel, don’tcha know?

  • Every cheater couple thinks THEIR story is different. Yawn. 95% of cheaters never marry, and of those that do, 98% of them get divorced. Why anyone is surprised it doesn’t work out is beyond me.

  • ” SOB” I’M SOOOOOOOOOOO SORRRRYYYYY *SOB* It was the booze *SOB* We can make this work Tori I promise to be a good boy and cut it down to only fucking you & hmm 5 others *SOB* IM SO SORRRRRYY *SOB* How about I get a tat on my pecker for you and only you my Tori *SOB* Man I need a drink all of this cring is leaving me thirsty,,, ,, , , ,, ,

    This dude is a fucking turd scum bag dirt ball, rehab yea sure,,,,,,,,, my feeling is he needs a 38 oz Louisville Slugger to the back of his skull. Just my angry opinion sorry folks HAPPY FRIDAY 🙂

    • OH ! and what about all the “surprises ” Dean had in store ?
      I honestly thought for a second , we would hear the announcer from the “Price is Right”
      “Tori Spelling , you have just won a NEW CAR !”
      I was some what disappointed that, one of the “surprises” was just Dean raising up his dingy T- shirt to reveal her vows tattooed, across his pasty white rib cage.
      He looked like a toddler showing off some major accomplishment (like being able to find their belly button)
      The the other “surprise” Dean singing a song( that I am sure someone else wrote)… I doubt any of this a “surprise” all scripted, rehearsed .
      SURPRISE !!!!!!!

      • That’s going to cost a lot in laser tattoo-removal surgery when she dumps his ass.

  • It is absolutely disgusting what some people will do for a buck!!! Publicly displaying this train wreck in front of their children puts these kids in such psychological peril. I just can’t believe any parent would welcome this kind of drama in front of their children. The entertainment industry is seriously f’ed up!!!

    These two are no-talents and nobody’s. I just don’t get it!

    • That’s okay. The kids will have their own reality show with a therapist dealing with the shit their parents dumped on them.

  • And congrats on the book CL ! Please dont be shy pimping the living shit out of it,,, after all it is the American way 😉

      • Sweet,,, HUGGY BEAR !!!!!!!!!!! He ROCKS !!! 🙂 Man that suit is the shizzle !!!!

        • Isn’t it? Clearly some woman has feminized him, to wear pink so boldly… which is why he is a pimp. Right? In Linda Joyce logic?

          • LOL,,,,,,,,,, Yea but he was the Original G Money look at the cig holder and rings all very bad ass, Ms. Joyce would have a field day with this,,,, if I rem he used to wear a feathered bowa (sp) also very girly girl.

            I hate to admit this,,,, but change that color to baby blue with white platform shoes & that is the tux I wore to my freshman dance minus that bad ass hat !

          • Only a man totally comfortable in his manhood and Pimpoliciousness would be BOLD enough to wear pink, with a pink hat band! Just sayin’.

  • “Love means never having to use the active voice.” I love it!

    And I can’t wait to read your book, CL!

    • To quote my wife. “It’s not worth you getting so upset about some silly little thing that happened.”
      That would be an affair of a year and a half with a guy she encouraged me to have social and business dealing with and “lent” $200k to. Well constructed so that I’m the one performing the action in the sentence.

  • Yay!! Can’t wait to read the book! Will you be doing signings?

    Yep, my cheater didn’t use protection. When he told me that, I felt this horrific disgust inside myself, as if I were contaminated. Thankfully, all the tests came back negative, but that feeling comes back every time I think of him touching me again. So, in a way, it’s another thing that is keeping me from getting hovered back in. For that, I’m a little thankful for his lack of self preservation…just a smidge.

  • Congratulations! Looking forward to reading that book!

    These two are ugly, inside and out. They are welcome to each other.

  • My h, who swears his ‘Oh little employee, let us count the ways I’m important, ok?’ sexy time was emotional only, that it was only his ego getting stroked, claimed I was pissed that my std tests came back negative. Nothing says love like syphilis, eh chumps? Wtf? That’s what pissed me off? Sobbing to your ob/gyn neighbor that you need an std test, climbing onto a cold table, bare-assed and humiliated and scared is the fucking Cannes festival of shame after 27 years of fidelity. Climbing off the table as she says, “will you be at the street party?” sucks too. But yeah, something itchy would have been the happy ending I was looking for. The cherry on my cherry, if you will. Oy.

    • Agreed, going for STD’s as an older woman and a faithful woman, is really humiliating.

      When my tests came back negative I entertained the thought of telling him he and his girlfriend need to get down to Planned Parenthood pronto. Alas I didn’t, but it made me chuckle a bit.

      • STD’s! There was nothing like it: having a former student take my blood for those tests.

        I’m clear as far as I know. I’ll need to check again.

        Part of me had hoped that I did have something . . . which is really sick. Maybe I thought, then, that I’d get more unconditional empathy. I had imagined myself screaming the results from the rooftops so that more people would know how disgusting the fuckhead was/is.

        I count my blessings: I’m free.

      • ML, how do you think I felt? I have only ever been with one person and that is my ex husband. He said he felt bad after the event when he screwed a 20 year prostitute with a condom on and he didn’t feel bad with me thereafter without a condom. As I was hysterical asking how he could do that to me, he said, “you know I wouldn’t put you in that dangerous position’!! Hello, he did and to this day I want to vomit at the thought of it.

    • Yep, having to get that HIV test twice while pregnant is awesome. Just to make sure. Because it doesn’t always show up right away.

      • I was nauseous when exH admitted he’d had unprotected sex before I got pregnant with our first child. I know they test for STDs when you get pregnant…. But I could have already been infected and daughter born with birth defects, etc.

        I found this out 12 years later. And I know I had at least one type of infection during that time (never went to doctor). So, while I currently test negative for anything, HPV infections can cause cancer 10-20 years later. So, still have that to worry about….

  • Omg-THIS! So humiliating to have to tell my Dr. That I caught stbx with hookers & need full std panel along with hepatitis & aids test. Not to mention testing every 6 months for the next year to make sure nothing shows up.

    Who cares if he used a condom or not……like I believe anything he says? I know he lies about everything & still won’t say sorry or admit anything happened when I watched him walk out of that place with my own eyes.
    Asshat fucktard!

    Today feels like it’s going to be an angry day

    • Oh yeah, my ex admitted he had unprotected individual affair and groups sex with co-workers for over 15 years. I am sure all of them were not “trinogomous” with each other, so there we have it. I was tested for all of that on my 51st birthday, happy birthday me! That was over 2 years ago, lucky me no diseases….at least none I caught. They are a disease unto themselves however.

      • I had a hysterectomy at 40 and hadn’t been for a pap test thingy for a long time. Yep, sitting on the cold hard table doing the stirrups, the cold spectrum thingie – forgot how awful that little pull is….and being almost 58, yep – just what I wanted to go through. I wish men had to experience that just once. The humiliation of asking for the full aids/herpes – ack. I keep reminding asshole who’s living with this creature that he needs to get checked every few months because some of this crap will show up later…seem to just fall on deaf ears.

  • These two are so gross.

    My cheater didn’t use protection. Thankfully I am ok. When I said that he could have given me an STD, made me very sick his response was, “maybe I should have given you one, it would have given you a better story.”

    Pathetic loser.

    • Oh man that’s harsh. Like my dickwad, it reeks of “see? I’m not as bad as you thought, grumpy bitch.” at least that’s how I felt. Because a trip to the gyno is just like getting your nails done or a parent teacher conference or a trip to baskin fucking robbins. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.

      • Yeah, when I told my husband I was going in for STD testing he was insulted that I would think he’d have sex with an infected woman. Cuz he’s so classy, you know.

        • Mine is insulted that I think he slept with her. She’s vile, like a dirty pillowcase. But since they’re the only 2 who know, and they so happily lied to their spouses, I’m inclined to believe he was digging around in there. “she got me, rock star. She really listened to me, and she’s a good person who helps others. Yes we went to an overnight conference, but my mother and sister were there too. I’d never sleep with her”. anyone seen my turnip truck? Who are these idiots?

          • Yeah, the Jackass has the same playbook, but Schmoopie is in looove so his outraged protestations of innocence are not credible. But there are dozens of reasons he doesn’t want anyone to know about the affair since the OW and her husband live around the corner and the husband has a crossbow…not to mention the OW is not in any way attractive. And they hooked up at a family memorial service, so…tacky.

          • Mine said she was “a good person” too.

            I don’t know about that….do “good people” do this shit? I’m not so sure. I suppose life is complicated if we want it to be. I guess west can be east if you are all kinds of lost.

            Idiots find idiots.

          • My stbx also informed me that the OW “is a good person.” A good person does not screw another woman’s husband while she is still married . Her husband was in therapy trying to work on their marriage while she was out boinking my stbx. I am going in for STD testing and am angry that I am having to get this done . My stbx told me he did not use protection with any of his”girlfriends.” I hate the POS.

            • Always, always, always the OW/OM is a ‘good person’. Because they wouldn’t screw around with a bad person, would they? So it’s ‘good person this, and ‘nice person’ that and then comes the granddaddy of stupid statements: ‘you’d like her and probably be friends if you two met in other circumstances’.

              I still laugh at the shit I heard after dday. Clichés as far as the eye could see.

              • mine actually told me that too. “You would like her, shes a lot like you” WTF!! like i would lower myself and f*ck a married man who was living with his eldest daughter at the time. yep, she is so much like me, right!!!

                and then to top it all off, he tells me “you two should be friends, after all you had something in common,……(yep, gagging) you both have had a little of me in you”

        • Moving, mine was also shocked that I got a full STD test and an AIDS test. Although, when I tell people that I got that AIDS test, they look at me funny and I can totally read their minds….”I wonder if her ex was sleeping with MEN and that’s why she got that AIDS test. ” I like that many people probably think that. Makes me smile. =)

          • Being tested for HIV is very important. Heterosexual women make up one of the biggest demographics of new infections.

            The fuckhead was insulted that I saw it necessary to be tested. But when you sleep with someone, you are sleeping with everyone that that person has slept with.

            This has really taken me back. Ahh . . . memories. The pit of my stomach is convulsing. What a fucking piece of shit.

            Does reliving this help or does it keep me stuck?

            • Joy filled Chump…I’m not sure. Sometimes I think it might keep you stuck. Every time any of this shit floats to the surface I try to convince myself to think of something different. Otherwise it’s a broken record in my head.

        • Yeah, my stbx puts the capital “K” in Klassy…………..all the hookers at the asian hooker palaces & the craigslist, fuckbook, adult friend finder hook-ups, etc.

          When I caught him I just wanted to scour/bleach out my vag-jay. The first round of tests were clean thank god, and I’m waiting for the results of round #2 now.

          • They are all “Klassy” aren’t they? Mine had a vasectomy so and the OW apparently couldn’t have children so I guess since pregancy was off the table; my health wasn’t particularly important.

            I had my yearly pap not long after dday and fortunately my OBGYN asked me the same question he asked me every year which was basically something along the lines of is everyone being faithful. I realized at that moment what an idiot I was because it didn’t occur to me until that moment that he might’ve had unprotected sex during his affair.

            I told the doc that actually I knew that my husband had an affair. He asked me if he used a condom. I gave him a look like how the hell would I know. He said “Well, he had a vasectomy so I’m gonna say he probably didn’t. You should probably be tested for everything.”

            I did and I was clean. The asshat of course refused because “he knew she didn’t have anything”. I guess he went out and got an MD while I wasn’t looking. Total. fucking. loser!

            • What is with the sex industry that they can’t spell???

        • Oh I got this one too.

          And you can file it under STD/ over sharing:

          I went in to my sweet sixty yr old genteel southern doctor and proceeded to word vomit about how I needed to be tested for every STD known to man bc I had just found out after 15 years of fidelity that my husband will duck any hole that will hold still long enough for him to get it up and is so ignorant that he asked ME all about HPV bc his schmoopie had it and her bad pap resulted in a hysterectomy for his “friend”, you know the latest one he fucks without a condom. Arghhhh! Poor Dr. …… He looked totally traumatized before he recovered enough to console me.

    • Mine didn’t use protection either. And I was nursing babies during it. The.whole.time. And we had lots of sex ourselves, unprotected of course. 48 hours in mid-October were the worst hours of my life. 6 vials of blood, 3 vag swabs and the intense fear of wondering what death sentence Asshat had given not only to me, but to my two boys.

      He had been having happy times with co workers, sex workers and his fuckbuddy who engages in group sex with her spouse AND has/is engaged in numerous other affairs.

      • I stopped nursing my son when I caught my CH red handed with a 20 yr old girl from his work! I was so sad to quit breast feeding him but I was afraid he would be harmed. So many years ago, and the pain remains. I thought he had been faithful all these years in between… But he and his old flame “lofed” each other. The affair was bad enough but their baby talk makes me want to vomit.

        • Oh…and I had to be tested again this time. I poured out my ugly story to my Dr. She was awesome about it all.

  • Tori and Dean are such a joke. They are such typical cheaters in that they fake and pretend that their marriages and relationships with their affair partners, post D day, are so great.
    I personally know a couple that blew up and destroyed their marriages and the lives of others. They are still cheating with ow and/or om, and they pretend that everything is so perfect with them. Obviously, after you have destroyed everything and everyone to be together, you must pretend that everything is so perfect. Otherwise, everybody is going to talk about how you destroyed everything for absolutely no good reason at all.

  • I just keep thinking of those poor kids,,, I mean what kind of fucking animals do this to those innocent little angels ?? !! Tori is just as much to blame PROTECT THE KIDS YOU STUPID HAG fuck him !!. They both need to go away just go away and protect the kids. Man ,,

    • THIS! I agree with you Michael-if they want to to show the world their shitty reality fine but leave the children out of it. The younger 2 kids probably have no idea wtf is going on but the older 2 are old enough to get it. Hopefully, the nannies will be able to shield them from some of that. I hope Grandma Candy has $$ put away for their future therapy.

      As hard as it is for me, I do not cry, yell, or argue with stbx in front of my little one. I want to protect him as much as I can. The one time he saw me cry (stbx showed up unexpectedly at his school when I was dropping him off) my little guy panicked & freaked out-…he told me he was scared & so worried about me. Sigh…….Little kids don’t need that kind of stress.

  • Congrats on the book, CL. I plan to purchase it.

    Tori and Dean are disgusting, indeed, but it does make you want to be a fly on the wall as to how Tori and her peeps decided she’d spin this for maximum exposure.

    Their little reality show left the world with a cliffhanger, him off to Canada and her insecure about him being there. By now, in real life, they’ve no doubt broken up. In the meanwhile, as horrible as it was to witness, any publicity truly is good publicity, and the two of them now have higher profiles.

    If he manages to keep steady work with Chopped Canada then he will be earning income and won’t be able to sue her for as much, but he will sue her.

    And she’s busy filming her new sitcom and we all know it won’t last more than a season. Her reality show, however, as long as she’s humiliating herself, will garner many viewers. I’d say she could just resign herself and go the Kardashian route, but there’s only one Tori and she’s just not interesting enough to carry the show. At times they show Tori out with her “friends” but they seem like really forced relationships.

    All the while Tori looks like a walking cadaver, but hey, being skinny is pretty much the only important thing in Hollywood. The large silicon filled head teetering on her toothpick body complete with fake boobs, she’s a lovely sight.

  • Congratulations on your book, CL! I also can’t wait to read it….BTW, I’m a bit new here, so forgive me for asking (since it may have already been discussed)….what’s the title?

  • CL, again, you rock so hard it hurts, even after finishing a book! Fluff, maybe — but to me, this post is FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Kudos and congrats on your book too, Chump Lady! Can’t wait to get a copy!

  • Congratulations on the book Tracy! Can’t wait to read it! Nothing would make me happier than to see it as #1 on the New York Times bestseller list – hmmmm, I wonder what Chump Nation could do to see that dream to fruition….

    Way to go, dear lady! I think I can speak for all when I say that we’re very proud of you and what you’ve accomplished here.

    You rock!

    • I agree! Will buy several, including the e-book to carry around, in case I need to review pertinent chapters!

  • As far as the Dean and Tori soap opera goes, I’m quite sick of them and people like them.

    Personally, I would like to boycott each and every one of their shows and see the fireworks as they plummet to financial ruin. Hooooo-ey can you imagine the REAL tears and REAL heartache when they finally discover they’re no longer relevant or marketable?

    Now, THAT’S something I would watch, but I’m kind of evil that way.


    • Babu “Now, THAT’S something I would watch, but I’m kind of evil that way.”

      LOL – no, we’re not are we?

      Since I don’t watch t.v. I’m getting all the ‘news’ here. I think I’ll pass as much as it sounds pretty damn funny, I agree with all the Michael-followers here. Those poor damn kids…and for what? Notoriety at any cost? That’s scary.

  • Congratulations on your book CL! I’ll be the first in line at Barnes and Noble when your book tour hits the Philadelphia area. I can bet that it will be a best seller – you have Chump Nation to market it for you!

    I hesitated to watch the Tori Train Wreck until I saw posts about it here and then decided to tune in. What a complete and total mess! I only caught half of the last show and spit out my iced tea when the interviewer referred to their show as a documentary! I could not stop laughing! WTF! I turned it off before the loser even started singing his song. Hopefully ten years from now the kids will have seen therapists and will be wearing regular clothes not pajamas. As for the parents, I’m sure Dean will be history and Tori will be on yet another failed relationship – and another horrible reality show. Meh will not make her any money!

  • The comments have me cracking up and I love the picture of the always stylish Huggy Bear! If nothing else everyone gets a good laugh at the expense of our “Special Adulterers” today and a glimpse of thier future! Made me fe better anyways!

  • Yay, yay, yay, yay! Can’t wait to read the book!!!!! Congrats CL. You have done some amazing work with us chumps. I can’t ever thank you enough for your honesty and clarity. But, I will happily purchase your book and pimp it out regularly! Its the least I can do to repay you for the sanity you delivered to me.

  • Congratulations on the book!!~
    Can’t wait to read it. Should be a Must Read for every cheater.

  • I like this: “He was forced to finally admit the truth to Tori,” the insider previously said.

    No one can force a liar to tell the truth. They just tell an truth-simulation, faux-honest lie.

  • “How’s that working for you, Tori?”

    It’s garnering publicity and making $ .

    She may be a hot mess…or not, but she IS Aaron Spelling’s daughter. Does it surprise anyone that she is pimping her pain in a calculated way?

    She’d pimp her farts if she could catch them and paint them green. And plenty of fools would buy them.

  • I came down with a virulent bladder infection about a year into my cheater’s affair. He was acting so strange and hot/cold (gads, wake up! It amazes me how trusting I was back then. Seems so long ago.) that I took myself to the ER and spent the day there on IV’s and pain shots. I hadn’t had a bladder infection since 1975.

    After the results came back from the lab, the earnest young doctor took me aside to say that most often that particular strain was sexually transmitted. It was considered an STD, basically. He asked if I was in a monogamous relationship. I assured him that I understood that he probably saw a lot of those kind of situations, but that, no, there was ZERO chance that I had gotten it sexually, because my fellow absolutely would never do that to me.

    When I relayed that to my cheater after D Day, he blanched, and then recovered, and then asked, “What month was that?” And then insisted that I couldn’t possibly have gotten it from his affair because he was the only one she was with. Yeah, okay. So you assume. She lives in another state and you really don’t know that, I told him. I like to think he had a few anxious, paranoid moments over that.

    • I look back on various things that were going on downstairs over the years and realise just how dumb I was. I won’t go into detail but let’s just say my hooha was trying to tell me something.

  • We need somebody to tell Tori it’s all just bad weather: Dean keeps stumbling into “The Fog” which apparently surrounds all willing females. He knows not what he does because “The Fog” reduces his ability to clearly see the link between cause & effect, his actions and the consequences of those actions.

    It’s really all just bad weather.

  • How are you marketing your book, CL? What can the Chumps do to help?

  • CL, Congratulations on finishing your book, it will easily make the best seller’s lists! 🙂 Can’t wait to see you on tour, your book’s release for me may rival waiting up for the next Harry Potter. I’d come out at midnight to purchase it. Just remember to book signings in California.
    Oh yeah I can remember finding the HIV test in our personal papers, two years after dday. Three weeks after that happy family guy article in our small town paper. I emailed that “bloated lying ugly face” telling him what I found. His wtf email response back “no worries!” What a loser.

  • Congratulations on the book, CL – I am looking forward to buying it.

  • CL, ck out cry Wolfe on I’D channel. Identification Discovery channel. OMG.

  • I’m definitely getting your book. You’re advice and experiences have helped me IMMEASURABLY!! Congratulations!!!

  • I get so annoyed that Tori doesn’t seem to give a second thought to the family that was broken up by their affair. Yes Tori – you couldn’t help that you and Dean fell in love – that you found your soulmate – and the two of you needed to be together for all eternity… Have you considered that maybe Dean couldn’t help the lust he felt for Emily, and had to boff her brains out the first night he met her? They couldn’t help their need for sex. Don’t feel bad or anything.
    (And by the way Tori – you and Dean had sex the first day you met – there was no way you knew you were “soulmates”, and in love, after only knowing each other only a few hours. It was all lust between you two – whether you’re willing to admit it to yourself or not).

    Despite the pain that Mary Jo and Charlie (and their families) had to go through because of Tori and Dean’s selfish actions, I think they all know in the end that they are better off now. I really hope that Dean and Tori stay together – because getting divorced would mean they are both free to marry again – and that gives them both the opportunity to marry other people – and cause more grief and heartache in the world.

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