Dear Chump Lady,
I have been divorced from ex-shithead for five months now. We have two teenage daughters. I receive child support and alimony weekly with a direct deposit going right into my checking account from exH. Additional expenses regarding our daughters are split 50/50. Because I have primary custody, I pay for what they need and he would be responsible to send me payment for his half.
With school just starting there are obvious expenses. I sent exH an email outlining the expenses and requested a check from him for his half. I get home yesterday and there is a check in the mail from him…….but it is written and signed by the OW!!!!!!! I know he is the one who handles the money (the control issues he has). My best guess is that he or she or both of them did this to bait me and get under my skin!
Honestly, it did bother me initially. After processing through the emotions of it, I am better now. I am just happy to have the check. But when the cheaters do this stupid shit it sets you back in the healing!!!! Why on earth do they continue to do things like this?? What could they possibly get from this? How do you get to meh when it seems that they just want to draw you back in ?
Hey, it’s a check. I don’t care if Satan signed it — cash it and don’t give it another thought.
I have never in nearly 14 years of divorced “co-parenting” EVER received 50% of additional expenses, despite the fact that’s in my court order. Never. Ever. I could drop a paper bomb of dental receipts, dermatology bills, school fees, field trip permission slips, and emergency room visit bills over northern Virginia. That man wouldn’t open his wallet unless held up by gunpoint, and even then I tend to doubt it. He’d probably rather die.
Kimmy, Kimmy, look at the big picture here. You’re getting support WEEKLY. You got some kind of awesome settlement other chumps can only dream of. Full custody, alimony, support, AND 50% of additional expenses. Moreover, you’ve got an ex that PAYS IT. Do you know how many people have unpaid support? Or exes who conveniently lose their jobs, work under the table, and welch out on their commitments?
I know, you don’t want to eat your brussel sprouts and I’m giving you the starving orphan in Africa guilt trip. But please put this in perspective — what did the OW “win”? She won a cheater. AND a dude that’s happy to have her PAY HIS BILLS.
And she’s so desperate to do the “pick me” dance — she does it!!!
And what do you get?
Do you see how this works out in your favor?
Oh please, OW, teach me another lesson and write me another check. Yes, yes, you won. Sally needs a pony. That will be $5,000 plus boarding costs.
If this idiot wants to goad you by writing checks, dear God woman, LET her. Is she trying to fuck with you? Oh probably — and see my point above — you get MONEY.
But! But! She’s trying to be all superior and put you in your place and get at you!
Only if you let her. You won. You lost a cheater and gained a good settlement for life without him. She won a manipulator, a guy who’s quite happy to let her write his checks. He’s a cad. And she’s his new sucker.
Quit asking yourself why they did it, or what their motivations are. That’s untangling the skein. Fold the money, stick it in your wallet, and focus on your new and improved cheater-free life.