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Leave a cheater, gain a life!

So What Do You Call Them?

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This request was in my inbox this morning, and I thought… hmm… I don’t think I’ve asked this question here before. The chump wanted to inquire of Chump Nation what everyone calls the affair partner(s).

Twatwaffle?

Fuck puppet?

Mommy’s Special Friend?

I’ve written quite a bit about how I hate cheater euphemisms like “wayward.” Perhaps it seems juvenile to make up names for the poor idiot who’s taking that cheater off your hands, but I do think snark is therapeutic. Take your power back with humor!

I once referred to the long-term OW in my story as “Poor Alyson. Always a fuckbuddy, never a bride,” because she withstood three marriages as an OW, and apparently was quite keen to get that sociopath to marry her. But really, who was I kidding? It was MUCH worse to be that guy’s bride than his fuckbuddy.

I do know that the name “Alyson” is now forever tainted with psycho associations for me. (Apologies to any sane and decent Alysons out there.) Did the OW or OM’s name fuck that name up for you?

Did you just not give the person (or giant collective) a name because it was too fearful? They Who Must Not Be Named. Like Voldemort?

Did it feel good to give them a stupid name to show, hey, they were NOT that powerful — they were pathetic?

Lay it on me. What did you call them?

Comments

  1. Slunt

    I can’t take credit for inventing it. I took it from the divorce board on a popular infidelity site. It does make me smile, though!

    • Thank you, that has made my day and will now replace ‘Princess Jolly-Hockey-Sticks’ ( for those not in the UK ‘Jolly Hockey Sticks refers to someone who is a bit posh, trendy, and right on. OW is very much that and STBXH is a critical, self obsessed layabout. Should be interesting. )

      • I know this post is a little old, but wanted to share my name(s) for the OW.
        Troll Hobbit…yep, she’s maybe 5 feet tall, oddly shaped, and bad teeth. I also use Downgrade and, of course, the ever popular, “Whore”.
        I can finally laugh at STBXH’s choice to forsake his wife & family for such a pile of vomit. Honestly, I’ve shit prettier things. Anyhoo, I’m enjoying my life & kids, while he is now a jobless, pathetic mess that even Troll Hobbit no longer wants. Karma…such a beautiful thing

      • OMG, “Slunt” is absolutely brilliant. I have just added it to the (long) list of derogatory names I call the OW.

  2. That immoral, boundary less POS.

    She would come into my house, admire pictures of my happy beautiful smiling innocent children playing and running on the beach, and then fuck their father in one of our beds. She found out that she was being lied to and used in the end, but she succeeded in helping change innocent people’s lives.

    How do you do that. How can she live with herself. How do you hurt people that badly. I will never get it.

    • You can’t get itPatsy, you have a conscience, which is what separates the good from the bad. But I feel you-the Downgrade was a close friend and family member-she’s IN some of the pictures….well…..was…..

      Keep faith in the karma bus! And have an extra hug. Trust that they suck, but Chump Nation doesn’t

      x-Meh.

    • I had the same experience Patsey. There was a whole conspiracy of leaders in a birth education organization in my home taking notes. These posers claimed to support new mothers and their children. They had a theory that beginning bonding at birth with having a doula and breast feeding sets up kids for stellar social interactions throughout their lives. When my child was one years old TDH the then president of the board organization and her best friend executive director worked hard to nab my lying husband. She could have had him having known what ex was capable of!

      But their charade resulted in my son having to go back and forth each week from mom to “dad.” So hard for him. “Dad” could care less. He just wants to project a “good guy” image and drain love from his child.

      If I knew when my son was one I would have left then. These trolls did not think my mother-child bond was all that important. The hypocrisy is profound.

      One day I will write an anthology of women’s experiences of motherhood that include my story.

      Your nightmare gave you the feeling of respecting your family by marveling at pictures—mine by telling me to trust that they have my and my child’s best interests at heart. All to disarm me from self-protection. I felt sick—seeing her meet with ex to talk about “fundraising” and seeing her in my kitchen to talk about “fundraising” and thought it was just me and the faulty jealousy my ex attributed to me.

      We have to get beyond the staggering hypocrisy and damage to create something unique. To become very present and powerful. To embody our dignity and place in this world. We know now what people are capable of. We were burned badly. But we never lost our dignity–as they did, the horror at their actions evidences our connection to others and the empathy we have. Karma is that they have to live with their shit selves. They have to look in the mirror and see the vacant soulless false image every single day. I love who I am and what I can do for my child despite their deliberate destruction of my parental home. They cannot break us—like dust we rise.

      • I think I will call her “Miss Phenomenal” because she won the Ms. Phenomenal award in Bloomington, IN for her “philanthropy” when she was in the throws of an emotional/sexual affair with shithead-ex. Seriously. I wish I could paste the link. She also blogged about how to take care of yourself when you have two kids! She forgot to mention having an affair! People in Bloomington know. No one in Bloomington cares. She just soooo Phenomenal.

        I never thought about her once until I heard about the affair. She is that “Phenomenal.” Your time is coming for major prize winning for the most Phenomenal pathological crazy ass liar.

        • ugh, Bloomington IN itself is now a ruined association for me, as my Cheaterpants Ex is from there and we used to visit his father and family twice a year. Guess what OW skankwoman went to IU so he told all our friends of COURSE he had so much in common with her! see of course he had to fuck her! I reply (we lived in Syracuse NY) that by that token I should have fucked every man who went to Syracuse University law school cuz we had so much in common, right?? Now – sorry! – I refer to Indiana itself as batter dipped and deep fried because everything his family cooked and ate was!!

          • Oh yuck. For some people that’s all it takes to shit on other people—a common college. Well, it’s not like they share values of empathy or “do no harm” their love is built on a shared college—-not meaningful at all. I could care less if my significant other went to NYU or IU or whatever-the-fuck U…

            I feel badly for visitors of Bloomington who get involved with certain local communities. This small college town is a haven for power hungry individuals to work out their destruction, everyone walks the same blocks, shops at the same stores, visits the same homes each and every day. Some locals feed off each other and target visitors with their platforms of “trust us we are safe/once we are trusted we will suck your blood” behavior.

            Big cities are much more humane to me.

            I have read your posts TheMuse and feel somewhat comforted by our Bloomington deep fried associations. I do feel “fried” by BABS, but also became intimate with my intuitions and strengthened my voice. I never felt these Bloomington birth fetishizers legit—just mean spirited self-absorbed power hungry women looking to lord it over vulnerable populations because they could. They could care less about mothers and their children.

  3. I have several choice names for the OW but my favorite was “fur ball.” She was as worthless and has as much staying power as the fur my dog shed and would blow around my floors and under my furniture. Everyone in my life knew exactly who I was talking about and it helped me remember exactly what a piece of shit (another of my favorite names for her) she is.

  4. Jill.
    That is what the ex, my kids, my friends, the clients, her family (who I know), the co-workers and I always called her and who she will always be.
    She can have the secret, hidden life with her law partner that she has had for I don’t know how many years.
    How she put up with, and continues to put up with, being the OW and having to live with HIM I don’t know and don’t care.
    Like taking the money no matter who signs the check from yesterday’s post, her salary supports them so he can pay me…no problem with that!

    • I love Finding me’s comment above!!!!

      Me——l am not very creative—–sorry. I just called her The Whore. Could not bring myself to speak her name. Now, I have changed to calling her The Pig, if I mention her at all. Not worth mentioning…..She and Cheaterpants are history anyway, as she always had 2 or 3 guys at once, and quickly tires of the same ‘ole, same ‘ole……

      My cheaterpants, well, I call him Scumbag. (told you I am not creative!)

      But, my then daughter-in-law shared the same name as the whore, so I did have to speak the name. Even though I did have a nick name I usually used when referring to or speaking to my d-i-l.

      Funny thing—a few years later that daughter-in-law cheated on my son. hmmmm What’s that saying—– “What’s in a name?”

      Forge on, Great Nation!!!

      • Hey Forge on I couldn’t think of anything else but The Whore. That’s the only word that covers it nicely!
        And by the way I was once told by a friend “The Pig” sounds too decent you should change it to “The Hog” 🙂
        Think of The Hog rolling in the mud and anytime any of you have a memory relapse think of her/him like that … covered from head to toe … in mud ! Bet it will make you smile.

        • Yes, Lioness, The Whore seemed most direct & descriptive to me. And, I do like the term “Hog”, ’cause, yea, some little piglets are kinda cute! Hogs, not so much!!!

          How about instead of mud, picture them covered in sewage. That is what always comes to my mind when cheating is mentioned, as it is so utterly filthy and revolting!

      • ha ha ha! I call the MOW ho-worker the “butterface skank”, she has a really bad skin and she had no problem just being a cum bucket for 3 1/2 years, who from what I heard spent many times on her knees, which included bathroom at work and in cars. I guess those facials didn’t help much with her skin problems lol!
        The cheater? well, I call him fuckface, fucktard, dickwad but asswipe is my favorite!

        • I didn’t have the time to come up with cute names for each and every one of them, but Darlene….the one he screwed the most, got the title of Skankalina.

          He had a thing for skanks. The sluttier the better.

          • Absolutely! Specially in her case! If she gave that many bj’s to her husband as much as she did to my asswipe on demand, I am sure her hubby wouldn’t be so cold and neglectful to her as she had complained to my ex lol!

  5. She has a stupid name, so I just use that. 🙂

    I won’t say what it is on this blog, but it’s stupid.

  6. She’s “The Lucky One”. (See Alison Kraus lyrics.)
    A woman that suffers no compunctions, moral obligations or boundaries. Have at it little lady. Your day will come.

  7. Mugshot
    Because her mugshot ended up on the front page of the paper.
    Now that’s classy, he was screwing a local celebrity……priceless

      • It was hysterically comical, at least to me. I did purchase several copies and left them on the table as he would not leave my house. Consequences of her own actions… arrested for a dui and hit and run. (they both work for the sheriff’s dept, big news in a small town, although he has already moved on to a new gf).
        Positive in the respect that my kids got an opportunity to see who their father threw away his family for and what kind of person she is. Which says a ton about their father.

      • the woman my Xh left me for has been in jail several several times. for just about anything and everything. and that is what i think, he thinks she is better then me? wow, blows my mind

        • The one he finally left for has a rap sheet for fraud. Now that she has discovered that he doesn’t have any money, she has moved on. Her x and I predicted that.

    • Mine also ended up on the front page with her mugshot! I choose to just call her “The Whore”. Her name has been forever ruined for me….and it was one of the names that my parents ALMOST named me! Ugh!

  8. Her name is Sarah, and my ex always says her name in hushed and reverent tones as if she is to be revered. I make sure I always get her name wrong if speaking to him e.g. Tara, Simone etc etc. privately I call her fanny-face or vinegar tits. I call him NARP. Stands for not a real person. I hope they get all the happiness they deserve!

    • Seriously funny!!!! Thank you for this!!! Made me laugh so hard.

      I never could say OW name. I just couldn’t make myself say it. A friend of mine has the same name as well and I avoided saying it after dday. Recently, now that I am divorced and everyone knows the reason why I’m happy once again, I was with a group of about 10 friends and my friend with the same name was there and she totally understood my problem with her name and we spent the evening drinking wine and trying to come up with an alternate name for my friend!!! We had lots of laughs!!!!

      It’s crazy how something as simple as a name can become so difficult!

  9. HBB – honey boo boo
    My stbx took up with his college gf 35 years later. She is from the midwest and he’s lived the life of a preppy east-coaster for 32 years. He comforted her when she was going through her divorce due to her x infidelity. She knew he was married with kids. Why would one woman do this to another???? So honey-boo-boo it is or sometimes horny-boo-boo….

    • “He comforted her when she was going through her divorce due to her x infidelity. She knew he was married with kids. Why would one woman do this to another????”

      Wow, Susan, that’s the million-dollar (in alimony) question. We always talk about how people who haven’t been chumped don’t and maybe even can’t ‘get it.’ But this woman was a chump herself, so surely she would have known how soul-crushing an experience it is! The impact on the kids. The whole life infrastructure/sense of reality. The loss of hope and trust so many things and in so many ways.

      To have gone through all that and still be able to willingly inflict it on someone else? Wow. Just, WOW.

      • And she continued to believe his lies even after I contacted her and my daughter wrote her a letter calling her out. She must be evil!

      • I think there are some people who are just attracted to drama. They love being the center of attention because they’re in “crisis,” so they purposely sabotage themselves or others just so they can swoosh into the room and demand that everyone listen to them and sympathize with them. “Oh, you think YOU’VE got problems! Blah blah blah…” I think that attracts people to infidelity– it’s exciting and dramatic to them, and even if they’ve been cheated on before (which has its own sort of terrible “excitement” that they can use to get attention), they are such whores for attention that they compartmentalize. “Well, what my ex did to me was reprehensible, but what I’m doing is DIFFERENT. It’s true love/meant to be/his wife is a harridan/yada yada yada.”

        I hate drama. I always have. I’d venture to say that most of us on here are laid-back, well-adjusted people who are nice to those around us and just want our lives to be pleasant. Think about the cheaters you know. The ones I know are total drama queens who love it when everyone in the room is listening to and watching them. Ex-cheater is a professional musician, so maybe that’s where some of his “look at me! pay attention to me!” behaviors are rooted. Or he’s just an asshole. 🙂

          • I think the latter. And I believe that this is what the Whore’s issue is also. I cannot count the number of selfies on her FB there are and she was cheated on twice from what I have heard. She is an attention deprived slut and lives on drama. So it did not bother her to participate in helping chump another woman. She is a narcissistic slut bag with little personality and fake boobs. She is a fucking fucktard.

        • Very well said. Never been a fan of drama kings and queens. Always just wanted to get along with people and enjoy my life as much as I can, like most people. When there’s a narc in the room it really spoils the mood.

        • MO, I agree with you, there seems to be some sort of “aliveness” to Drama Queens (and maybe Kings too?) that is an attractive draw in some way. I also agree that we Chumps are more level-headed, know who we are, don’t need a bucket load of attention. etc. I remember my husband told me the Ho-Bag told him she threw her shoe across the room when she called and wanted to see him & he was busy with work. I wondered why he was telling me that, and then I realized he must think that is cool, exciting. whatever. It sound immature and unattractive to me….guess I am boring.

        • Mine likes to think he’s a professional musician. Always new, hip, cool and ‘metal’. Always with the groupies. Apparently he used to tell the hot ones that his profile on the band’s page showed married because it kept away the fuglies and the fatties. Not because he was actually married… or in a ltr, like the 8yrs we were together before getting married.

          What jackasses.

          Know how you feel, MovingOn

      • You are assuming that this woman was deeply in-love with the man who cheated on her, which isn’t necessarily the case. What she did do was throw herself at a married man, which leads me to believe she was with her husband for reasons that have nothing to do with love. She was able to use it to her advantage for drama, and to be the center of attention at the pity party. Makes her the most despicable kind of cheater.

    • Yeah, one of the woman who sleept with my X was seeking revenge after learning her husband had fathered an illegitimate child… Total loser, she stayed with her husband for the money, but was perfectly fine with screwing mine and smile to me afterward.

    • Omg Susan, mine did the exact same thing!!! Ow used hubby to cry on as her hub just cheated on her!!! Mine was called Pat, and was heavy, so I called her FAT PAT!

      I’m 3 yrs out, we are still struggling…
      ~ Susan

    • “He comforted her when she was going through her divorce due to her x infidelity. She knew he was married with kids. Why would one woman do this to another????”

      You’re getting your information 3rd hand through two known liars. Is there any chance Horny-boo-boo is the one who blew up her marriage?

      • I thought the same thing, Elizabeth Lee.

        OW had a long list of offenses about her husband including cheating. He was my 1st call after day & he called B.S. on that!

        These folks lie about everything. They know no other way to function without lies & drama.

    • OMG! He comforted her because she was in pain that her ex cheated on her? then she turns around and does this to another woman? WOW! That’s so messed up!

      • My cheater also fell for a chump who was cheated on by her husband with a woman who has my same name! She used to come to my house for work (with his harem) and made up a nick name for both of them “Solapao” (in Spanish slang) that means
        solapado adj (con falsedad) sneaky, evasive adj
        underhand, underhanded adj
        (private) secretive
        (deceitful) two-faced

        Just amazing!

  10. Wrinkles… affair partner was 25 years older than I am and I was already older than useless arse face.

    • Mine was 10 years older, I call her the old skank that lived in a shoe, cause she has 5 kids and left their dad for my 45-year old frat boy STD-carrier ex. He dumped her of course, but that is still her name as far as I’m concerned.

    • I called the Married OM Wrinkly Balls, since he is 13 years older than me, and looks his age….. Also, it was great in the Adam Sandler movie Big Daddy!

      It morphed into WB for short…..as in “how’s WB doing?”

  11. Whore.

    I realize that’s hackneyed, but it’s true. I signed her paychecks, so she was paid to be my ex’s exclusive sexual consort. I have no problem referring to her as such in communications with the ex because I know it drives him crazy. As much smack as was talked about me, that’s the one thing they can’t say is true of me.

    She has a white trash name (see the movie Ted). If I have to actually refer to her in the first person, I always make sure to add the -Lynn after it.

  12. My ex’s affair partner had the same name (and birthday!) as me, but went by a nickname of it. Whenever people call me by that nickname, my blood pressure skyrockets.

    • The Potato my husband settled for (Craigslist solicitations, on-line chat rooms, blah, blah, blah) and promptly moved into his townhouse (somebody has to pay the bills) shares her birthday with our wedding anniversary. Pretty classy huh? Oh well, she can celebrate my anniversary and call herself the lucky one until the cows come home. Live-in, girlfriend, fiancé-to-be, stepmother (yeah, how about slut-mother…) the lucky one (HA), whatever makes her vinegar tits hard is fine with me. She is THE ONE he has been searching for. She calls it “true love,” I call it a TRAP! When she finds herself gnawing her foot off to make her escape maybe then she will realize that choking on a toenail was her best option all along.

  13. in private – Shithead. Simple and to the point

    In public I use her name, but rarely.

    Her last name is appropriate. Think of what you would say when someone vomits on the sidewalk, ewwwww, g_____!!!!! Yep, that’s her last name. I use that too.

    Of course, now that I’m meh about the whole thing, I can use both their names freely in full sentences and discuss them with my children in an unfortunately humorous way.

    Oh, the webs we weave…

  14. Chilean Puta – she is/was a ho-worker of my eventually-to-be X’s when we lived overseas for his job. They kept it up even after we left – found out this past January about her and all the other sex partners during 13 years of sleeping around while I stayed home with kids in my 15 year sham marriage. Haven’t said it out loud yet (still in the extracting myself from this stupid marriage stage) but love to think it when I’m feeling down or pissed off.

    • BAM, I wasn’t going to say mine, but you went there first! Mine was from “another country” where quite a few of these seem to come from and I called her his “Beaner Baby.” I hope that no Chumps were harmed in the making of this name, it just fit.

  15. Manhole…

    Just for fun., here’s Webster’s definition:

    Manhole: a small covered opening in a floor, pavement, or other surface to allow a person to enter, especially an opening in a city street leading to a sewer.

    Yep… Leading to a sewer…

  16. Twinkie, because it sounds totally disrespectful without actually cussing which I would not do around my kids at the time.

    She showed up at an open Alanon meeting which I was chairing, sat right next cheater S.H….(shithead!)) and proceeded to put her hand on his knee, snuggle in close and give me the evil eye. I decided I would conduct myself as a lady, did not bat an eye and proceeded to conduct the meeting. Everyone was looking at the three of us with a WTF look, but all I could do was be the classier one. Afterwards I went into the bathroom, cried for 5 minutes, splashed some cold water on my face, and went out to the car. They were saying their goodbyes on the porch. I walked right past. When he got in the car, I turned to him and said “You want her, you got her! Lets go home and pack your shit!” He was all …..wait a minute, wait a minute….I need some time to make up my mind!. Told him he had three days. During that three days I got on with life….going to nursing school, working full time nights, taking care of two kids, and the house. Him I ignored. Unfortunately, he picked me. She eventually dumped him because he wasn’t making enough money to suit her. he moved on to Twinkie # 2.

    Do I know how to pick em or what! (Gag)

  18. I’m mean person… I called the latest one The Little C#m Dumpster That Could. She’s in an open marriage with her husband and took it upon herself to try to open up my marriage (without my knowledge of course). She’s made her way through every male in our social circle and I didn’t give a dang (all were single or in open arrangements) until she made it clear that I’m a prude for not wanting to share.

  19. I just called her “the hoe” and yes, her name is forever taunted. Unfortunately for me, it’s a very popular name and I cringe every time I hear it.

  20. For a long time, I couldn’t say her name. Now I call her by her name. He wants to forget all about her, but I won’t let him. He had 5 years to tell her to take a hike. He didn’t want to then, and he’s going to have to live with it now.
    One messed up thing about it: During the A, I was writing a book and my protagonist’s name was hers.

    • Yeah, when I communicated with Jackass, I always use her first name and her married name (although on social media she uses her maiden and married names hyphenated). He first knew her as a very young girl, and by her maiden name, so I always wanted to remind him that she is, indeed, married. Only one time did her EVER use her name, and then to call her “my friend V—-.” When he communicated with me, he pretended she didn’t exist.

  21. There are so many but the two I use most are Granny Anal and Drifty. The first is an abbreviation of one of her porn movies. (Granny porn – just drips with class (among other things, I’m sure)). The second is a nickname she was given over 20 years ago at by a coworker when we all worked together. It has a derogatory meaning and most people we worked with called her that, behind her back (childish, yes, but we were in our late teens, early 20s) which shows you how she was regarded at that workplace. My ex would still call her that up until the time he was in twu luv with her, then he started calling her by her boring, regular name.

  23. I called her *The Ankle*…..which is two feet lower than a you-know-what. **The name we can’t say here.

  25. Pink cow as he met her on fb playing FarmVille. She was the pink cow that wandered onto his field.

  27. This is easy….

    I call her by her initials: EZ
    (She must be eeeezzzeee since she was married, too)

    And now that she married my Ex, her initials are: EZR

    He thinks it’s petty that I call her that, but it is apropos.

  28. The first one was Rebecca Sleazy because her last name happened to rhyme nicely with that. The one he left with (who apparently is no longer with him) is whorenado or Trek Whore – where every man has gone before. But I am liking manhole from Nadine above. The one he is with now (betraying my daughters by fucking their friend’s mom) is Pattycakes. And he is fucktard thanks to this site. 🙂 although a friend of mine calls him “anorexic howdy doody” because he lost way too much weight and changed his hair style to something from the 50s.

  29. Meh, the woman my ex had teh affair with is named Sue Stein, she is an elementary school teacher in Fairfax, Virginia. She lives on Hobsons Choice Loop in Manassas, VA – and I found her address to be a perfect description…

    Hobsons Choice (noun): a choice of taking what is available or nothing at all

    I laughed so hard when I saw the address, heh.

    • My ex’s wifestress is also a school teacher: but middle school. The weird part is he thinks that made cheating with her special. I thought it made it gross.

      • My XH’s slunt is also an elementary school teacher. I’m hoping she gets to read her favorite book to her students this year (with apologies to Dr. Seuss):
        “Horton Hears a Ho”

        • Believe it or not the other night (this week) I read about a poll that was taken I think it was by “Cheater’s” the show that said that the most common cheater job category for women is teaching, and for men it is the IT guy position. It said do not underestimate the geeky IT guy! Funny, never would have suspected either!

          • Hahaha, this is rather fitting then, since he met “Vinegar Tits” (got this name from a programme in the 80’s) on a teacher graduate course.

  30. Mine had a name. Ashley. I now hate that name. When I was going through the divorce and looking for a new house, there was a really nice one on an Ashley street my realtor wanted to show me. Um, no thanks. Don’t want that name in my return address. Kind of ruined Gone With the Wind for me too, and I won’t go in Ashley Furniture to shop any more. When someone is introduced to me and their name is Ashley, I have a hard time not sneering. Hopefully it will get better with time. I’m sure there are some perfectly good people out there with that name. Recently there was a radio segment about people who named their daughter Isis. They were asking if the president could please call Isis the terrorist group by another name. They said about 1000 people in the US had that same name and now a lot of them are getting teased or bullied. I would like to suggest we rename the terrorist group Ashley.

    • I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one that hates the OW’s name. I recently met a new friend who has the same name and I cringe when I say the name. I also hate white Hyundai’s because that’s what the furball drives.

      • For me it’s not the name, but the car the OW drives, which ex-shithead also drives. I’m in a small town and they live nearby so I see it quite often. Also it’s a very popular model and color in my part of the country. I used to love this car and almost bought one myself. EVERYBODY seems to have this car! So it gives me a little mini-trigger whenever I see this car, either the one belonging to them or others – which is pretty much all the time.

    • It’s interesting what kinds of associations are made. I know that OW has decided to embrace the television show, Doctor Who. I’ve enjoyed that show for decades, but Schmoopie sees herself as Clara and STBX as Matt Smith’s Doctor. This is absurd, of course. Unfortunately, it’s spoiled Doctor Who for me. I plan to retake that once I’m divorced.

      OW also sees herself as Emma, from Once Upon a Time. Again, this is absurd. However, I’ve never really liked that series.

      • Or you could look at it this way…….OW is so lacking in having a personality of her own, she has to “borrow” a mixture of personalities from fictional characters. How pathetic is that?

        • Yeah, it is pathetic. That’s another reason she’s Schmoopie. In her own mind, she’s an assertive career woman, a sexual dynamo, a Siren. In fact, she tries to fuck her way into management positions, has the reputation of a slut, and looks like an overweight 40-something trying to dress like a 20-year-old.

  31. Butt slut. Because, according to my ex, she enjoys anal sex. I enjoy knowing that now she’s stuck with two sore assholes.

  32. Nothing too creative – Pig whore – mainly because she has a very round face and truly a turned up, wide nose – so it fit…if I didn’t feel badly lumping pigs into the same category with her.

    • pig face for me! first time I saw her face with that fat turned up nose, it was pig face or ms. piggy, but i laughed my ass off at manhole!!!

  33. In general, I refer to them as Fuckbuddies, because that’s what they are.

    As for the paid sex workers, I consider them working women. My cheater is the whore.

    The decade long fuckbuddy has a name like a Craig’s list hook up, and it’s spelled like one too. Maybe for her, because she’s such a fucking hypocrite I call her the Jesus-lovin’, porno star, lipstick wearin’ 200 lb pig (ironically she sells Mary Kay crap and you’ve heard what they say about lipstick on pig….it’s STILL a pig!), married 50shades of makin’ bacon hag (yes, the two assholes acted out those tomes -barf).

    That’s all.

    • I call her his girlfriend when I talk to him about her, although he says they ended it the same month that he filed for divorce. They co-workers for a large company and she is the VP of Humam Resources, that still chaps my ass, and I am still a chump.

  35. I call him Doofus. I initially used the term “girlfriend” and have now switched to the “affair partner”. I like using precise language that accurately describes the relationship. It’s more clinical. He initially denied he was in a relationship. Now he is denying that that the affair started prior to our legal separation. When describing the kind of person she is . . . well let’s say that she has the morals of a feral cat. Interesting that I also cannot bring myself to use her given name.

  36. My Ex Wife is known as “Sparkles”… because she is driven by flash and sparkly shit and has no depth. Her OM#3 and Exit affair partner is known as “Glittery Glenn”…not as crude as I would like, but apt!

    • My stbx is known as fuckhead. I had his name changed in my phone, and have the font size large, so when my daughter (23) and I were at a restaurant
      having drinks, The nice waiter comes over and sees my phone flashing
      fuckhead, fuckhead… and he just says ummm, ok… and starts laughing!

      • I have a friend who put in for her cheating spouse DO NOT ANSWER when the phone rang this is what showed on the screen.

  37. Not gonna give too much away, but OW rhymes with ‘tawdry’. Sometimes I cal, her cock-juggling thunder cunt, but her best nickname was given by the guy in my local shop. ‘The Downgrade’.

    As to my cheater-it could only be Mr Fab, short for ‘Mr Fabulous’, which makes me think of that scene in the Blues Brothers in the cheesy hotel, wearing burgundy velvet tuxedos. Suits him.

  38. Not mine I’m afraid but I was always rather fond of

    Twinkle Twat
    and
    Fucktard

    I have a string of choice words that I use to refer to wasband, including Smegma and Fuckstain

    Not that I give them much thought anymore…

  39. She has a common first name, and now whenever I meet a new person with that name, it makes me cringe.

    • I say, “What’s His Name…you know the third guy.” That way she’s put on the spot to come up with the name of either the third guy I know about or the actual third guy! I do enjoy to see her squirm.

      Names I still cringe to are: Ron, Steve, Jim, Joe, and Adam.

      GGRRRRRRR.

  41. My favorite from this site was the the fellow (help me out) who calls his ex Groceries and the AP Chainsaw Man. I giggle every flippin time!

    I stole Schmoopie and HoWorker from this site. My ex is just The Cheater, or 3X Bleach Blob Undershorts, or Romeo McMedicare.

  43. My marriage fell apart due to my EX frequesnting massage parlors 3 times a week, I never knew any of their names (I referred to them as “Hookers” – and he would say “They are licensed massage therapists!”) but my EX was also engaged in EAs with several women. One he was grooming and positioning in case I decided to divorce his ass. So, I decided to divorce his ass and 2 days later the 2 of them are involved (she is married with 2 young children). I call her the new gin and tonic. She’s just the new flavor. She will eventually “choose her children” over him and he’ll go running back to the massage parlors.

    The bigger issue for me is that my Ex’s first name is the same as my last name. Example: I’m FL Bright. He would be Bright Cheaterpants. I was 37 when we got married and have name recognition in my field, so I never took his last name (Thank God!). I’ve seen some of the great names used here and I LOVE seeing them and laughing at them, I’ve never really found one that felt right for him. I’ve decided he is not worthy of my name so I mostly call him “Mr. (Last Name)”. I haven’t had the opportunity to use it to his face (NC ROCKS!) but if ever that is necessary, I like that is purports a formal distance and lack of familiarity, and to others it will sound, perhaps, polite. He’ll hate it.

    • I refer to the big one that started the Troubles as “The Professional Masturbator” but only because she masturbates men for a living as a body rub provider and I like to be precise in my language. Hey, I read the Four Agreements. She’s a whore, too, but whores and the men that love them get so offended when you actually call someone a whore. They’re a testy little group.

      The latest and last OW I call his “Latest Lady Enabler” or “The Mother of my Husband’s Child”. She has a really dumb first name too.

      I rarely speak of any of the OW anymore. As a dear friend reminded me, they are utterly inconsequential.

      • Doop – As long as we are naming things, I like “The Troubles”! I’m so stealing that one 🙂

        • I’m happy to share…it’s an efficiency tool. You’ll save so much time not having to recount the horrors!

  44. In some weird way I kind of wish I had a way to give a “name” to the many prostitutes, strangers, craigslist people, sugarbabies, etc. that in some way provided my STBX with cake. I feel like it might help me direct my anger or something. I can’t even feel superior over these people, because I never saw them and don’t know anything about them. I can’t watch them screw up their lives and my STBX’S life, or watch the relationship crash and burn. It’s just nameless shadows that apparently flitted through my life that I can’t pin down. Of course in some ways this is very good, because I fortunately don’t have to deal with the mental pictures torturing me, or the constant reminders, the way so many chumps have to.

    BUT, I do have a great name for the STBX…I changed his name to this in my phone so if he tries to break NC it gives me a laugh.

    “Emotional Chlamydia”

    I’m lucky that he never gave me actual chlamydia, but he sure did emotionally.

    • Ha ha ha ha ha…”Emotional Chlamydia”.

      Thanks for this. My Mr. Cheaterpants was into massage parlors, phone sex, pornography. I feel sorry for anyone who has to jerk off men 15 or more times a day, five or more days a week, 52 weeks in a year to survive on this planet. I compare it to having to pluck chickens for Foster Farms. To me that would be hell.

      I have no idea who else he was with, but if I see him with someone, all I will see is a desperate man into pathetic sexual connections and his new victim.

      • yes, I used to think working / living in a cubicle 9+ hours a day was hell. but you are right. not trading for this pro. no.

    • That’s awesome DG! My stbx is also a fan of the porn, asian massage parlors, craigslist etc. so there is no particular other person to name . I call him iPhone F’cker and Porno King. And the massage parlors are now asian hooker palaces. It is still upsetting to me driving around to see how many of these places there really are. Ugh! I know my son ‘s next step mom is going to be a barely legal asian sex worker!

      • Talk about two triggers….craigslist and iPhones. Must be standard issue for SAs. I still hate iPhones! Wish I had creative name for ex….just call him asshat.

    • Can we collectively refer to your Ex’s whores/strippers/sugar babies/etc as “the Destinies” or “the Desirees”? No offense of your name is Destiny or Desiree, just thinking of a nice classic name that I affiliate with that particular strata of society.

      • Doop-you are far too kind in reference to these hookers-er-‘working women.’ I prefer guttersnipes as it refers to the lowest class of people. But then if it weren’t for these middle-aged cheating fucktards we married, they wouldn’t have any business! I sometimes wonder what these so called workers really think about clients…….

        My stbx is a bald 45 yr old who thinks he’s hot shit cuz he can buy underage asian strange pussy on the side. I guess in his mind he thinks they really like him. Whatever.

        • Current, your stbx must be my xh’s brother! Ditto!! Did he start admiring himself in the mirror all the time & have special silky boxers he wore only to ‘appontments’? His whore drawers, I liked to call them.

          • No whore drawers for my stbx-but he has come home occasionally with his underwear miraculously on inside out………

            Of course he has no idea how that happened during the day! Ha Ha! Guess he wants me to believe that after 17 years that he now is starting to strip naked to take a crap like George from Seinfeld?

            • My ex. came home once with lipstick on his collar and perfume on his dress shirt. I so wish I had sent those drawers to a forensic lab to see what all was in them. He is pushing 50 and he has married a foreign-born Asian “woman” who is also in her 40’s (and looks it) but who he pretends is hot stuff. He is busy re-living his teen years except this time with money. He met our young adult kids tonight and he and the OW rolled up in a rented hot rod. Oh, did I mention I think he has Bipolar II? He’s a real piece of work. That “woman” has no idea what she signed up for. I bet she is counting down the days until she gets her U.S. citizenship so she can dump his sorry ass.

    • I would love to rename him on my phone! Can’t due to having to keep records of his stupid texting. But let me add this to my “someday” list. 🙂

      • Chumpty couldn’t you rename him and then if you needed to take screen shots or something of the phone, just change it back for that purpose? Just a thought 🙂

  45. the village bicycle. (h’s name)’s acquired brain injury. the white trash downgrade. trailer tits. miracle vagina. corporate cocksucker (she likes men for whom she works). the overly-social worker. colleen the country cunt. catfish (all mouth, small brain). typing tourettes (prolific communicator, grammatically challenged). ass zit. fast food, because she’s cheap, ugly and has no lasting value. cargo pants, since she went to big meetings wearing them, to the embarrassment of everyone. she likes to be with 2 men from the same family at the same time, but i haven’t come up with something for that yet. as for h, he’s just a dumbass dick. wow, that felt good, like drinking a green smoothie. thanks chumps!

      • oh that’s rich. She did leave her first husband for his brother, so it’s spot on. And icky. Perfect! Deep reverent bow to you C-diddy. You rock.

      • just went on iCloud and changed her name in his contacts. Immensely juvenile, but I’m punchy and pissed today.

    • My X’s OW also bedded both him and his brother. I mean, how disgusting- If that’s not the biggest red flag of a creepy sewer-infested soul, I don’t know what is.

      • the best part was she wrote the whole story in an email to my h, swearing him to secrecy. “Please affair partner/married man don’t tell anyone I left my first marriage for my husband’s brother – it’s embarrassing!” But she swore him to secrecy, not me, so I tell everyone.

        • As do I- that particular twist is extra disturbing. In my case, my X knew his brother was already sleeping with the pathetic thing, and he set his sights on her anyway- making him extra creepy too. And now he’s lost both a wife and a brother, along with the respect of most of his family.

    • This is my story too. My whore is married to one brother but lives with the other brother. She has kids by both of them so her kids are brothers and cousins? She sleeps with anyone, apparently everyone but her husband? I don’t know what to call her? I don’t think there is a name for such a sick twisted person and I am still so ashamed my husband messed with trash like that.

      • jezebel? biblical. like sleeping with your husbands brother…. usually in the Bible though, they wait ’till he’s passed.

      • Oh my, she has kids with both of them? Those poor children, and I’m so sorry *you* have had to endure that. You really are better off being out of that family- seriously.

        • Yea it is just sick all around but I’m not out of this marriage yet still working on that because all our money seemed to disappear while he was having his affair and all the bills were so far behind! But things have recently started falling together so hopefully not much longer. But she did move out of the neighborhood not long after the truth came out so at least I have not had to see or run into her!

  46. Schmoopie.

    I know her real name, but Schmoopie feels snarkier without being crude. She is stereotypically white trailer trash. Pregnant at aged 18, married baby daddy, divorced baby daddy (according to her he was an asshole, but hey! child support!), married some other stooge, divorced him (apparently another asshole), had at least one or two married boyfriends before STBX, drinks too much, and goes out to bars where she drinks too much and goes for one-night stands. She let her daughter’s boyfriend live with them, and then was all angry when daughter got pregnant.

    She’s 5’3″ and about 210 lbs of divine sex goddess/waif in need of protection from the cruel world. She spends money as if there’s no tomorrow.

    I like calling her Schmoopie because it sums her up.

    Him? When I’m not referring to him as STBX, I think of him as “that mother-fucking-sonofabitch,” with only minimal apologies to the memory of his late mother, who was chumped by her husband but stayed in the marriage anyway. In a lot of really weird and twisted ways, I think he is getting back at his mommy for being weak.

    Yeah, I’m still pretty angry.

  47. I call her Pasta whore. She dated/slept with my cheater douchebag’s best friend before moving onto douchebag and the fact that hanging out with both men now doesn’t seem to phase her, proves to me her whorish nature (and how shameless the men are too). In addition to speaking Italian, the night she and douchebag mind-fucked, she told him how she could make homemade pasta…..douchebag always told me he didn’t really like pasta dishes.
    For awhile, my enthusiasm for eating Italian food diminished. But, I’m happy to say I got over it with my first bite of pesto (douchebag hates pesto)

  48. Child Whore, as she was quite literally barely of age, right out of college and working for X as a waitress (before promoting her to his assistant for easier access to banging her without suspicion at the country club he managed).

    I couldn’t hear, much less utter her name without cringing and it stuck early on. This became a point of contention with both the X (I won’t listen to you talk about her that cruel way- LOL) and in-laws (let’s not be so vulgar please!). Now that I’m much closer to meh, this all makes me laugh. What’s vulgar and cruel is “what” you both are as human beings, not how I refer to it. And by the way, whore is not defamatory given it is the very description of what you are.

    As for X, my bro-in-law and I renamed him Waldo. After months of gaslighting and false reconcilliation, I GPSed his ass (legally, as I owned the car) for proof that he was still full of shit.

    We enjoyed some much needed laughs at the time tracking Where’s Waldo today? as we watched him go to strip clubs (“I was at work all day”), to visit Child Whore at her mothers because of course, child whores still live with their mom at times (“I was out with the guys”) and on and on and on.

  49. Since my Stbx is a pornsturbating, pud pulling jackoff, I named him and his little organ. Gollum and his precious……. I was on another site for partners of porn addicts and he PAID for a subscription with a woman’s name so he could troll. He found out what I was calling him. Hahahahahaha!!!!! I had to leave the site, which brought me here. There were a great bunch of gals there, but their privacy bad been compromised, so I left. I love chump nation ! I also alternate between fucktard, Mr Wonderful, pud puller, cum monkey, slick Willy and his wee Willy. Oh, and the standard fucktard,manipulative asshole, jerkoff sob. 🙂

      • LOL. Love it.

        After I informed friends that I had no interest in even hearing his name or whether he was happy or miserable(yay for NC), one of them named him, “Lord Voldemort”

        So “You-Know-Who”, “He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named” and “The Dark Lord” also stuck.

        :~D
        Yep. Meh is good

    • My PI asked me what I ever saw in my ex, he said he looked like Saddam crawling out of his hole. I’ve called him Saddam ever since.

    • Gollum & his precious!!!
      LOVE THIS!!

      I can just picture stbx doing his pornsterbating with that creepy little voice!!
      LOL!!

    • How awful to have to leave a support group because the person who necessitated your being there in the first place infiltrated! That’s an incredible violation. Sad to say it’s in keeping with what you’ve told us about your ex. So sorry, irish.

  50. I just call him a POS. To myself, I have a different one, but it’s racially insensitive and I know it’d be wrong to use it. It’s taking time, but I know that she didn’t choose him because of his ethnicity, she chose him because of what she lacks in morals and boundaries and what she has an abundance of: selfishness and a craving for attention.

    The thing that really bothered me in our short reconciliation was she’d always refer to him by a shortened version of his name, which he used to make himself to sound really cool. It just made me realize how intimate their relationship had become (versus what she confessed to) and how little empathy she had for me.

  51. Bimbo (Bim for short)
    Take 2
    White-trash fuckbuddy
    Skank

    It’s childish I know, but I would rather have a mouthful of hot sauce than say her name out loud.

    My kids refer to her as, “Scarol.”

  52. Yes, the name Kristina has been forever ruined for me (or at least for the foreseeable future). Unfortunately, my job entails interacting with lots & lots of people, and I find when I have to say that name (or see it), I still get a little hitch in my voice. Maybe someday that won’t be true, but my sister’s XH’s OW’s name was Sherri and she still has trouble saying that name, and it’s been more than 30 years (yeah, we have some problems letting go in our family). In emails, she’s Xtina because it reminds me of the pretense of Christina Aguileira in her younger days. As a couple, they are “C & X” because they aren’t worth the effort of typing out their full names.

    XH, on the other hand, has many choice and assorted names, none of which are particularly clever nor are they complimentary (as you might imagine). Most commonly, D-bag serves its purpose. I’d love to think of some clever name but I realize I’m not supposed to be thinking about him, I’m supposed to be thinking about me.

    • Omg. Ow’s name is Christina. ..and went by Xtina in type while with Ex, because he insisted it made her sound cool.

  53. Her name is Chelsea. I could also list her full name, her address, her phone number, where she works, her mother and father’s name…you get the idea. But I won’t 🙂

    The name is ruined for me, along with her middle name – she uses that as her “last” name on social media. so both her first and middle give me trigger-shivers.

    Furthermore, I was one of those pregnant chumps, so Cheaterpants Shitface (husband) and I were doing the baby name thing during his affair. He came home with several suggestions for names which I found out later came from her. Yeah, she was trying to name my baby. Delightful. Those names are also forever tainted with triggers. I have a literal, physical response to any and all of them. Unfortunately, they are all extremely popular kid names these days, so my son goes to kindergarten with at least one of each!

    It’s weird what an affair ruins, and the list is long. Places, names, certain foods, tainted memories, certain dates or days of the week. Gack!

    Anyway, I am not overly creative, but very verbose…so my list for her is long, and if I ever refer to her, I usually pepper the entire sentence with a collection of names – which I don’t shorten or abbreviate.

    *Barefully Functional Alcoholic Homewrecking Whorecunt (sorry, I love the C-word).
    *The Fucking Howorker
    *The Fucking Downgrade
    *The Fucking Sequel (She looks like a taller me. Seriously. We had socialized slightly prior to me finding out about the affair, and people have mistaken us for sisters).
    *The Fucking Skankstress or Fucking Skanktrix
    *Ms. Low-Class Bar Star Gully-Ass Bitch
    * Whore Who Must Not Be Named
    *That Stupid Fucking Simple-Minded Twat

    And more…whatever I’m feeling right then – lol 🙂

    Fucking Chelsea. What a numb cunt.

    • apparently you love the f-word too. hahaha

      just kidding you. that word doesnt bother me. but i thought it was funny how you say you love the c-word then f bomb us…..

      i love both words and use them regularly

      • I love the C-word, when it fits, and it sometimes does 🙂 However, I am conscious of the fact that it is a base and ugly word that some people just can’t stand using or hearing, no matter how much it may seem justified. So I don’t actually use it all that often, so as not to bother any perfectly decent people who may have an objection to it.

        The F-word is (clearly) my hands-down favorite. It has fallen into disuse for a few years (I have small kids), and now I am likely to replace it with “fruit.” As in, “motherfruitin’ fruit on a fruit stick.” My mother, the English grammar teacher, thinks this is hilarious.

        But when I talk of the affair at all, I am reduced to an apoplectic, stammering string of profanity, and “fuck” is pretty much every other word. Whether through lack of creativity or simply because it flows so nicely, it tends to pepper any reference I make to the affair or OW. Even as I have more and more “meh” days, even as “meh” outweighs anything else – the language just fits. I tend to think it always will.

        However, this thread has given me so many creative and inspiring alternatives, I may be able to expand – lol! She can go from “that fucking Chelsea fucking Leann fucking drunk fucking whore” to “Princess Jolly Hockey Sticks!”

        That is golden – makes me happy inside 😀

    • She tried to name your kids?!?! Holy hand that rocks the cradle crazy.

      • She sure did! The affair began when I was just about 12 weeks pregnant with my second child. Since she and Cheaterpants McGee worked together, she was full of “name suggestions” throughout my pregnancy. I didn’t find that out until much later, but he would happily take her suggestions to me and pretend they were his own.

        I tend to think she was imagining the day she would be playing Step Mom (because of course, it was Twu Wuv, and Schmoopie Perfect and all that, and OF COURSE he was going to leave his wife for her, and OF COURSE we would all just “be adults” and “get along” and the kids would ADORE her).

        Gack.

  55. I call her Skeletor because she is evil and anorexic. And also Whippet- because I showed a picture of her to a friend and she said “Why she looks like a Greyhound!!!l” so it kind of took! Also Whore is another fave.

  56. The first OW was the 20-year old next door neighbour. A single mother who lived with her older sister because her religious parents kicked her out. She also said that she was a “good Christian girl”. I called her “Sinning Young Thang”

    The second OW was a married co-worker of my Ex’s. She was EBCW (Evil-Bitch-Co-Worker).

    I didn’t have names for the numerous “friends” that he liked to exchange naked pictures and sexy texts & emails with – they were all just whores.

    Whatever – at least I do not have to deal with any of them anymore. Thank goodness!

  57. Call my OW “Duck Face.” She is 30 yrs younger than my STBXH and posts photoshopped selfies on all her social media w the pursed kissey-mouth the kids call “duck face.” She needs the photoshopping-she is what Spanish speakers would call “cachetón.” Fat-face, big cheeks, whatever.

    When she’s not sending kissey selfies to my husband, she’s sending close ups of her naughty bits. My son saw one open up on his dad’s snapchat icon on his phone.

    Been quite a ride.

  58. Chumplady, do you cringe whenever you hear Elvis Costello’s “Allison”? That would be a loss for me. :-/

    I used to refer to the OW as “The narcissistic elf.” She’s 8 inches shorter than me with red hair, so it fit. I haven’t thought about that in a long time, though — so I guess I’m getting to meh.

    • Chumplady, do you cringe whenever you hear Elvis Costello’s “Allison”? That would be a loss for me. :-/

      The song is about a cheater, right? It’s a Chump song to a cheater. Kind of apt, really.

      • It is about a cheater. It’ a beautiful song, though — and I’d hate to lose it from my playlist because of a cheater. Elvis C. must have been a chump. He’s captured the experience beautifully in a couple of songs. “Baby Plays Around” comes to mind.

          • I meant Gloria by Van Morrison.
            Doucheturd is a huge Kinks fan and I PAID for us to go see Ray Davies (Kinks leader) TWICE so Kinks songs are painful too.
            Confusion all around, sorry.

          • I call his two co-workers “the Twits.”  Twit 1 and Twit 2 – Theresa and Traci (with an “i”).

            I can’t stand to hear Jackson Browne songs anymore!  We both loved his music and even flew to Las Vegas to see him (during the affair, yuck).   I found out later that he’d bought a Jackson Browne disk for Twit 2, and given Twit 1 a CD (which I burned for him, grrrr!) with the song “Just Say Yeah” on it—he told me later the lyrics reminded him of their “relationship.”

            We also went to see “The Eagles” (with our daughter) during his affair, and now they’re spoiled for me too.

        • Correct me if I’m wrong (and he may have written that song long before this occurred), but I thought he was also a cheater. Didn’t he end his own marriage to marry Diana Krall?

  59. I call them irrelevant. There were so many, thirty plus by cheater’s own approximation. They are collectively known as the sloppy sluts.

  60. …and I like “twinkle twat,” cuz I’ve seen it on his screen. May use that, too, though it doesn’t convey the sheer narcissism of Duck Face.

    CL, you have to lift the ban on the C-word for just this one post. I agree w you about it, but people need their reality, too.

  61. Since he is so full of Mommy issues and his whore is ten years older, I’ve started to call her by his mother’s name, followed by an “Oh, sorry, I mean Whore’s Real Name.” Retangling the skein. 🙂

  63. Actually it was one of The Beatles, I think Paul, who said that phrase after refusing the say the name of the man who killed John Lennon.

    Her name is Cockroach. Not even “The” before it. Just plain old, scurry in the light of day, eat others crumbs, nasty, twitching, Cockroach!

  64. Oh, Susan, me too! Me too! My former husband got ‘close’ to his AP while helping her through a ‘difficult relationship break-up’. When I pointed out that she has been where I was now, he replied ‘yes’, in a sad, ‘you have so much in common’ voice! Anyway, my friends call her ‘Miss Piggy’ as she is a brunette version, and I call her ‘Shaun’s girlfriend’ which delights his sons as it sounds so ridiculously peurile (he’s in his 50’s and she’s not far behind). Interestingly, her first name translates as ‘Lady’ and her second name is Irish gaelic for ‘ugly head’. Probably more descriptive than anything I could invent!

  65. I usually go with “Cheater” but sometimes use “N” (short for Narc, which is short for Narcissist). I just finished a 50 page summary for my attorney to use in negotiating X (another one I use) off the deed to the house we own; in that document I purposely did not refer to him by his first name/nickname a single solitary time, opting instead for his last name, sans the “Mr.” He showed me so little respect with his serial cheating and financial exploitation along with years of emotional abuse – he deserves no respect from me.

    • I refer to OW as “new source,” “schmoopie” (timeless); sometimes though I call her the Moose because he is very short and she is very tall; so at times I’ve referred to them as Boris and Natasha.

    • In my haste I originally misread the topic! But yes, Boris and Natasha they are. Her last name actually resembles another word for Spider and sometimes I refer to her as the Arachnid.

  66. I just call them “prostitites” because that’s what they were (literally, they were women he paid to sleep with him — I’m not using it as a derogatory term). But sometimes I like to use a euphemism and refer to them as “businesswomen.” Ya know. Women in the sex business. But when I’m feeling particularly pissed I refer to them as crack whores, which is also a technically correct term, not a derogatory one, since many of them were women who slept with men to support their cocaine addictions.

    And yes, of course I’ve been tested for STIs — twice — and I’m healthy, thank goodness.

  67. Since my cheater fancied strippers & whores I didnt get to come up with clever names , dammit. I’ve helped a few of my friends out with theirs though. Skankalodeon for the underage slut, for example.

    But mostly I focused my snark on the XH. During divorce proceedings I had my huge dog neutered. He was left with a big, shriveled empty nutsac that just flopped around. I named it Edgar after xh (because I took his balls, too) and thus refer to xh as Sac, or Sacko ( short for Sac ‘O Sh*t).

    He has other names too…Cornholio, Short Bus, Sasquatch (a favorite when I was messin’ with him & playing done before Dday). But Sac seems to fit him best.

  68. Her name was Steve Baker for a while. (that was her code name, as her initials are SB) Now I know her first name is Sarah. It was always a beautiful name until now.
    The first OW (that I know about), I think was Barbara. His initials are BW, so his code name was Barbara Walker.
    I like Manhole! 🙂

  69. The full name of my cheater husband’s AP is Habitual Homewrecker Diseased Drunk-driving D—–. Fortunately, I don’t need to address her often as I am busy learning the names of new friends, neighbors, and prospective colleagues.

  71. I didn’t do this. The men my ex groomed–both of them–are non-entities as far as I am concerned. Didn’t think about them, didn’t feel compelled to compete with them, and I figured their choices spoke pretty much to their character and lack of boundaries.

    Looking back now, I can say I feel pretty much the same. They are nothing to me other than the canaries in the coal mine that alerted me to the fact that air in the mine shaft that was my marriage was toxic, and I needed to get out or wind up a non-entity myself.

    • TimeHeals – I’m feeling the same way. Guess I’m getting to meh. Used to have a whole dictionary of names for them both. However, now that she is a complete non-entity to me – I refuse to believe she even deserves to exist in my mind anymore. Poof! And him, well, Cheater. That’s all I call him now.

    • Not sure where I am on this. The dude is welcome to my ex. Think I’ve still got some anger about the fact that he was a friend of the family and I facilitated, to some degree, his building of a relationship with my daughter. It’s fading, though.

      Do I like the guy? Nah, he’s a motherfucker.

    • Me too. It took me quite a while to remember the real name to begin with. Yea! no need for euphemisms. Is it Tuesday?

  73. I also called her a Cunning Stunt.

    I like Schmoopie though. It’s so belittling which fits them both. He’s had so many of them and she’s s so beyond ugly it isn’t even funny. I still can’t believe he fucks that thing. Wish I could show you all her picture.

    I HATE her name, Jill. I NEVER say it and get all twitchy when I hear it.
    It’s a good thing I don’t really know anyone with that name except her.

    • Oh, Syringa – My EX’s new Gin and Tonic is Jill, too. I used to be on email list for the clothing store J.Jill. Had to block them.

      • FL…..I would have to block it too. I seriously get all twitchy when I see/hear that name. Maybe it’s the same Ankle? Because women named Jill do fuck married men.

      • every email and text from colleen the country cunt mentioned her love of hendricks gin and tonic. and ended with a question, a la “time for a gin and tonic, yes?” “oh mr president, i’ll bring the gin, yes?”

        annoying and insecure, yes?

  74. Desperately Seeking Sausage
    Scooter (Because he loved riding her but didn’t want to be seen with her)
    The 19th Hole

  75. Sometimes I envy the chumps who know who the affair partner is. Other times I know myself and I think it would be more than I could handle. All I can do is make assumptions about her. The only time I referred to her while speaking to my husband I called her “your whore.” Which he did not like at all. He swears he didn’t start up with her until after he kicked me out of the house. But he’s a notorious liar. All the texts and phone calls on the cell phone bill and the cold/cruel behavior started about six weeks before d-day. And he, he is just “Fucking asshole.”

  77. My serial cheating ex-wife married one of affair partners, whose last name happens to be Gross. So I just call them “Mr. and Mrs. Gross.” Seems fitting.

    • Scooter would have also been a good name for him as well A sixty year old washed up tennis pro who couldn’t even afford a decent car – actually drove a scooter.

  79. Grampa Rick
    No offence to the grandparent chumps out there, but I find it hilarious/sickening that the best fuckbudsdy my then 40 year old wife could scrounge up was someone’s grandfather

    • I think today we all learned something about how sexy gramps might be (see discussion of “granny porn”, supra.)

  80. Sweet Cheeks – 1 and 2. In honor of the young Japanese girls that conveniently seem to get into “true love” relationships up with my pilot husband.

    • Getting pretty meh now so she is not in my thoughts but daughter came up with “skank ass ho” and we had many laughs over her for awhile. It was after the extremely painful part where I couldn’t say her name, only referring to her as “the woman” in emails to x (when I still thought one could make sense out of crazy) then was accused by OW of being dehumanizing (as if planning to marry my husband wasn’t thinking of me as a piece of crap). Well, they did marry but he’s lost a daughter.

  82. In the early days I referred to her privately and probably out loud as cum-dumpster. Now I refer to her by her name, Ellen. That name has the same connotation to me and I get the small satisfaction of watching my cheater squirm when I bring her up in MC. Not very meh, of me, I know. I’m about 18 months out from D Day and 8 weeks out from getting the truth, if that truth was the truth, who can tell anymore…

    • DDame

      This is so funny you say this. On the rare occasions that I do use its given name my H squirms too. I think it’s part of them wanting everything about the AP and affair to be a secret. And when they we use the actual real name, well it just hits to close to home for them.

      I don’t know about your case but my H doesn’t have too many warm and cozy feelings about his past. Funny how that happens when cockroaches come out in the light. They squirm and scurry.

      • mine too. he’s trying to reconcile, i’m trying to figure out how to go elegantly. throwing a bunch of these names in his face won’t be elegant, but it is pretty funny.

      • Oh, I just love this! I have called the skank her Real name to him a couple of times. And, his skin crawled worse than when I called her whore, which he hated. I think I like this idea of calling her by name!

  83. For years I hated the name Chris as that was OW1 (that I know about)…my daughter has called the current one the witch but I like mad cat lady as she is childless, menopausal and dotes on her cats.

  84. I go with Dr. Hoe… I actually not allowed to use her real name, not that I want to, (this was AP # 1, I think, or not, who knows?).

    But, she is a doctor, and she certainly is a hoe (whore). Mine was certainly not the first family she destroyed.

    And, Most of my real fam are Dr. Who fans, so it made sense.

    All in the past anyway.

    • Similar 2 my W’s former OM:

      Rat Meat.

      he has a common name, same as a very close friend of mine, so I refused 2 refer 2 him by his real name. So, when my W and I were in MC 2gether a couple months after d-day, I told the counselor that and referred 2 him as “[Rat Meat’s wife’s name]’s husband.” I could feel my wife cringe ever time.

      Rat Meat came later. I only used it because I hadn’t heard of “Controlled Bleeding’s” albumn, “Phlegm Bag Spattered” at that point. Because only Phlegm Bag could top Rat Meat.

      • 2long – “Because only Phlegm Bag could top Rat Meat.”
        omg – I get your sick humor. Make a cake out of that. Rat topping the cake. bwahaha – this is getting really funny.

  86. Whore always worked for me!
    But I had to stop when my 3 year old started calling her that to her face!
    (Obviously not knowing what that meant, thonking it was her name!)

  87. I love to use acronyms. To me she is known as ***SCABS****Sorry, Crazy Ass, Bitch, Slut. When the affair was discovered she told me that if I were more of a women, my then husband would not be sleeping with her. Need I say more?

    • FYI- my ex and SCABS had their own nick name for me – Ragen (from the exorcist). Talk about “demonizing” someone. She never met me. I spoke to her once after DDay. Dignity is important to me. I wanted to spew green puke at her, but refrained all temptation to do so.

      • I learned the the ShitBird and the Professional Masturbator kindly referred to me as “the Evil Empire”.

    • “if I were more of a women, my then husband would not be sleeping with her.”

      Yep. I don’t know–he just didn’t inspire me very much, what can I say. Maybe if he had been more of a man.

  88. OW had an uncommon name- I’d never known anyone personally with this name. As I’ve shared before, we worked together so I got to hear and see this name a lot. And STBX of course – (who also called her the H-bomb because she had had such an effect on his life- esp. the sex part. Yuck.) I really got to hate her name.

    Well, after the H-bomb fell I eventually moved 300 miles away and arranged to rent a property… and the letting agent was called… yes the very name. It felt like a Karma moment from the Universe – that name was involved with the destruction of your old life but it’s here too, helping you build the new one- a sort of cancelling out. I’m still not a fan of said name, but it’s certainly lost some of its sting and it’s really not the name’s fault- only the person behind the alias.

  90. Ho bag or Lover Girl.

    Although I love Twat waffle. And I just heard a new one I liked from a friend – slutina.

  91. Big Chief Dumb Fuck and the Short Fat One. (Actually, in private I have a more politically incorrect name for her, but I shall not mention it here…)

    Althought I’ve recently co-opted “Twatwaffle” from this site because it just cracks me up!

  92. Goiter Girl.

    Because she had a big goiter on her neck from Hypothyroidism.

    Apologies to anyone who is suffering from said malady, but she the OW to me and it felt right at the time.

  93. I always called her Caroline. That was her name. In my marriage Caroline was only a symptom of the problem. The big problem was my husband. The kids and I eventually started calling him “Himself” because that’s the only person he cares about.

  96. Skank. He has a nickname too, although I won’t write them on the same page because it could show up on a google search …they are very paranoid of me…and for good reason. I so enjoy following her loser blogs because it’s comforting to know how low they have fallen.

  97. “C U next tuesday”
    They met every Tuesday morning while I was out at a local charity doing volunteer work. Classy

  98. I want to add that the guys real name is Marty. Now every time I hear the name Marty on tv. I cringe. I used to like the name too. I loved Marty McFly in Back to the Future and things like that. Now every time I hear that name I want to punch someone. I hate that name.

    • Same here, only Marti. Thankfully it’s becoming pretty impervious to me now as I feel better and better and realize I only lost a flim flam man and she’s an idiot gold digger.

    • Fred,
      I agree with LilyBart. At least you can have some comfort knowing he is saddled with a stupid name. My OW’s name still makes ME want to throw a punch, and I’m a girl!!

      However, I do wake up in the night and smile to myself that she is an obese, bankrupt, hair-dyed-pink loser. And I lost him to that? Unreal! I spend my best moments counting the ways my life is better without that pair of oxygen wasters.

    • Be thankful you’ve only one name to hate. Also be thankful you’ve gotten out of that mess.

      The first guy I found out about, I came close to exposing him at work, ruining his reputation, flying across the country to confront him, etc. I was so mad. Found some peace on my own without having to bring him (or the subsequent others) down. First and foremost was moving on.

      Let the anger move you on, brother.

    • awww…that’s sad because I associate Marty with the old movie with Ernest Borgnine. Maybe if you watched that again, it would change your view of the name?

      Like places and things, we need to OWN these names back. There are too many wonderful ladies named Ashley (a niece!). How dare those sites bastardize that name. The o/w in my life was a Kim – she HATED kimmy. (sorry to Chump Kimmie on this site) but, I started calling her kimmy. Kim (and Kimmy) is a nice name and I know a lot of friends named that. My name is the same as a weird cult group that entered eastern Oregon back in the 80’s. Rajneeshpuram, or something – leader’s name was Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh.
      His top advisor poisoned the salad bar at Hood River and finally got caught for all sort of things. He was the guy who owned 12 Roll Royces. Her name sounded exactly like my name – only spelt in Indian. So, I was harassed, in fun, of course.

      And, then there’s my sister, Monica – also harassed during the Slick Willie ages. But, you have to have a good sense of humor. And, CN certainly has it, with a full dose of profanity, wit and laughter. Rock on.

      Going forward – I’m going to take my names back – including the Marty’s in the world!

      • I’m stuck with my cheating ex wife’s adultery partner having one of if not the most popular name. “John” I can’t escape the name I work with many. One of my best friends I grew up with had this same name. His last name is very closely spelled to one of the worlds most well known condiment companies in the world. I can’t go a day without either one of those name crossing my path. Truly sucks.

  99. I have been calling AP since DDay Mark’s Slore Pudpuller
    (Mark is her husband, slore is just a nicer version of slunt, Pudpuller is what she must do like it’s her job)
    The dumbass I was married to will forever be Uncle Daddy, or Ass Hat, or MicroMan, or Dick Head (no explanation necessary)

  100. When my Ex wanted me to do the “pick me dance” he would refer to his current wife as “She Who Must Not Be Named” because I liked Harry Potter so much. I doubt she ever knew he did this. Since her name is Valerie, I just shortened it to “Valdermort”. Or TwinkleTwat. After they got remarried, I call her the “Wifestress”.

    When I was stupid enough to be tempted to do the “pick me dance” my brother helped me come up with a way to distance myself from my Ex: call him by a different name. Hey, he’d become a different guy so why use the same name? So I picked “Ted”. As in Ted Bundy. As in Ted Kaczsynski. A little over the top at the time, but it felt good. I was just about to give him another fake name when the movie “Ted” came out about the horny obnoxious bear that came to life. Seemed a perfect fit for who he is now. So, Ted it is!

  101. I have many names for the both of them, but I’ll stick to the ones that are the most anonymous:

    Ex is The Dope. He’s behaving so stupidly in every aspect of his life, that The Dope pretty much sums up who he is. It also makes me and my friends laugh whenever I say it!

    I have many creative names for her (which I probably wouldn’t have bothered with if she hadn’t married my ex and inserted herself as some sort of Dudley Do-Right mother figure in my children’s lives). One of my favorites was invented by a sibling: Hepzibah. My sibling saw a picture of her and commented that “She looks like she just stepped off of The Mayflower– a dowdy, pale, weathered-looking Puritan… she just needs the bonnet and black dress!” So, we gave her a pilgrim name. Heaven knows, she had no problem traveling away from home for some “strange,” so it seems fitting!

  102. My stbx has a MOW who started out as a giant EA and eventually turned PA.

    She is short, dumpy and whines when she talks. Has blond hair that she tosses and big saggy boobs.

    She idolizes my idiot too. She needs him and bla blah blah

    She started dressing like me at one point.

    Even when I was not sure about this justafriend – I dubbed her Miss Piggy.

    My stbx is kind of like Kermit – he’ll never commit but he will string her along !!!

    She even left her long time marriage because he couched her along to do so.

    They love theatre events and she likes to Glam Up. Hence Miss Piggy.

    I cannot say her name without making it come out like a swear word. One of my guy friends pointed this out – so now when we use her real name we say it in a low voice like a transsexual truck driver would say it.

    Stupid woman.

  103. People at her old work used to call her OOMPA LOOMPA, because her body is nasty, short, and fat; and she is ugly like the characters in the original Charlie & the Chocolate Factory. So I also called her that for awhile.

    Sometimes I refer to her as OW/TROLL, because that seems appropriate too, both in terms of her looks and her personality.

    I actually use her real name with the kids, but maybe I’ll start calling her “YOUR DAD’S LATEST WIFE”. This is his 3rd marriage, and she supports his alcoholic, drug-addicted, domestic abuser ass 100%, even though he cheats on her all the time. Given the dynamics, it seems like this can only go on so long before something breaks.

    But she also has a big, ugly pig nose, so maybe I’ll also adopt the name someone used above, HOG.

    DOWNGRADE, from above, is a good one too.

  104. “new import”
    The new circle of friends I refer to as “Wonderful Strangers”
    Not one of those assholes knew me and very few met me in person. They sure did help my X make his decision without involving me.
    Fuck all of them… They all have such loose morals and lack of character, I would not want to associate with any of them.
    Staying NC, staying away, trying not to even think of those assholes. I am alone and figuring out my new course all by myself.
    Wait until X is comfortable enough with his “new import” to let it all hang out… she will get the horror I lived.

  105. When my STBX told me about her and said, unlike me, modern feminist well educated woman, that she was an old fashioned girl, I said that I had a good old fashion name for a girl like that, ‘SLUT’. Man he is all yours baby… good luck. Please! Please! Marry him!

  106. I call the OW in my marriage Dave’s Couch. Two days after I told him we were getting a divorce, he didn’t come home. When I asked him in the morning where he slept he said Dave’s couch and I foolishly believed him. I had no idea at the time that he was cheating and I was ending the marriage because he was treating me so poorly. I found out about the mistress and the lap dancers 8 months later.

    • That is hilarious and awful, all at once. Instead of The Troubles, maybe I could refer to that horrible time and series of events as “the times he was playing cards at Kyle’s.” His Kyle is your Dave.

    • Doop! Lol @ Dave’s Couch! Why didn’t I think of that? My XH was always at ‘BestBuy’. It didn’t dawn on me how perfect that was. He always came back with an empty wallet but nothing to show for it. Best Buy indeed.

      • Looking back, you’ll be able to refer to them as “the Best Buy years”…you can get Dickensian here:
        “it was the Best of Buys, it was the worst of Buys, it was the age of chumpiness, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief….the season of darkness, the spring of hope, the winter of despair…” Hey, guys, anyone else thinking that Charles Dickens was a Chump? Where’s that grad student who wanted to study chumps – maybe she could explore this hypothesis instead.

          • Eeew. That is disgusting about Charles Dickens. A few years ago, I had to research Theodore Giselle, aka Dr. Seuss, to help my daughter with a school project. Found out he, too, was an adulterer. I believe his wife actually committed suicide. I can never hear about him without thinking of him.

        • Love it! If I had a tome machine I’d love to go back & say ‘so how was Best Buy?’ Whatever you bought I hope you got virus protection. .

  107. My OW was short and fat…so I called her Ooompa Loompa and then “Pathetic Jeannine…the Perpetual Booty Call”….
    As for my x-husband…to me he will always be “Dickhead”. 🙂

    Oh…and just a bright note. Now that my divorce is final and I have processed through everything…and read this sight almost daily…I can say, fellow Chumps, IT DOES GET BETTER!! LIFE IS SO MUCH BETTER WHEN YOU FINALLY REACH THAT POINT OF MEH AND YOU ARE ABLE TO EMOTIONALLY LET GO OF THAT CHEATING SCUMBAG!! 🙂

  108. My personal favorite is Road Whore. Especially nice when I put the name of her podunk “city” in front of it. I also like Juliet because he told me “we aren’t Romeo and Juliet”. So I guess she is his Juliet. I told him I wasn’t 15 and dead. One year on Halloween my costume was Juliet, if she had not died. Old, fat, haggard. Carried a cup and said “If only I’d drank the poison.” My friend dressed up as a disgusting, alcoholic Romeo who said “I hate you” and I would say “I hate you more.” Lol.

  109. from the first day i saw her (feb 9 2014) i have called her chewbacca, because she has natural curly long hair that is apparently never brushed or styled. (i find that funny, since he hated long kinky curly hair) she is short, little oddly shaped, big head (and then the hair) small but has this bulging tummy (i think it is a beer belly).

    that is what i have always called her, chewbacca. he would get mad. to her face i called her homewrecking chewbacca hood rat. to which she responded so smartly “i aint no hood rat” haha point made thank you.

    i really like that oompa lompa, she really is a short.

  110. I have quite a few other names I used for the husband’s skank, mostly just your whore, the slut, etc.

    Like everyone else, I hate her name. What is bad is she has an Old Woman name (think Ethel, Gertrude, Hortense, etc) and I know no one else with that name. It always makes me think of her. Even worse, I work at a company that specializes in “seniors” and I see her damn name at least four or five times a day, since apparently it was popular a long time ago.

    • Hortense! I cannot hear that name without thinking of the great movie, Secret’s and Lie’s. The adopted baby was Hortense. I’ve always loved the name since this movie. Check it out sometime!

      It stars Marianne Jean-Baptiste as Hortense, a well-educated black middle class London optometrist, who was adopted as a baby and has chosen to trace her family history.

      I’m going to slowly take ALL these name back from negative – one post at a time! lol. I want my NAMES BACK!

  111. These names are all hilarious! It’s amazing what a sense of humor can do to lighten an otherwise awful situation. I call my ex (and have him listed as such in my contacts so every text I get from him has this label): SSS = Sorry Sack of Shit. His little girlfriend I don’t speak of by name at all. I have never met her in person, and have never had any communication with her at all and I intend to keep it that way as long as possible (SSS and I share two wonderful children so I suppose one day I will have to run into her at a graduation or wedding). They are both “Jesus Cheaters” – two oh-so-devout Christians who just conveniently skipped over the “Thou Shall Not Commit Adultery” part of the 10 Commandments. His emails all end with a scripture verse, and my younger son attends church with them occasionally. The hypocrisy is disgusting. I guess I could call her Devout Whore or Saved Slut…and I could go on but that would be using too much mental energy for two people who are not worth it!

  112. I called them The Whore and The Cheater. I am now pretty much at meh and refer to them by name. They are still living together. She does not look happy, and I have been tempted to tell her it was a ‘final sale’ and there were no returns. But, I have refrained since we are at a tolerant level of cooperation for the kids, and that would just make it open season again.

  113. I had my cheater husband in my phone contacts as Liar. I’d forgotten, and one day he borrowed the phone to call his when he lost it. He certainly Took Exception to being called that. Not with doing it, but being called that.

    • NJ, I have my ex in my mobile as Gutless. He also has another mobile which I found out about for his Asian girls. I kept that number and I have that listed as Gutless (Asia)!!

      • Haha. I should change my ex’s phone contact name to say “tiny penis”. But I moved and got a new number, so it’s not like he could contact me even if he wanted to

        If he did have my contact info I’d want it to be under “she left your bitch ass” in his phone. She left your bitch ass is calling…..

  114. The OW in my case is a complete arse-wipe who blogs daily about her pathetic life. She wrote yesterday about the ‘dangers of payday loans’ which are quite popular in the UK. I recall the Ex had about three of these incredibly stupid loans outstanding when I met him. I helped him work off his debt and got him making some savings. Then in his silly arrogance he thought he was back on track and started digging around for a Skank on the side. He found her at work. Fine….glad to be rid of him. He was a ‘project guy’ who wasn’t worth my efforts.

    The best part is, the OW is a huge consumer spending freak who has now, after a couple of years, gotten him back into considerable debt. She blogs about all the crap she buys…and then starts blogging about ‘how to handle your debts’ and ‘what we bought at the mall last week’. I am just flabbergasted at the rank stupidity of some losers like them. It has given me the biggest laugh since d-day…mostly at what a stupid, malleable, lonely woman I must have been when I met him. And I thought I was intelligent. Just a really bad picker, me.

  115. The first one, Sadie, I called Buck-toothed Gutterwhore. (Her real name still makes me cringe.) The current one is Tinacunt. And the cheater is usually just Freak.

    • I was actually an illegal immigrant for about 3 months before I got my green card – as I just got married. Legal, but not really. I got a job as a cleaning lady to which my mom (horrified) started calling me Sadie, the Cleaning Lady. She was a funny lady, my mom. We used to sing it together. So, I’m taking Sadie back – sorry!

  117. I call her “Lifesaver.” If it hadn’t been for her, I would still be tethered to a man who never loved me, never respected me, never cherished me and was more than happy to toss me out like a piece of garbage once she came along. She really did save my life.

  118. Her name is Amber. A name I’ve always hated. I call her DD, which is short for DildoDolly since she sent my soon to be ex many pictures of her using dildos… I’ll never get those images out of my mind.

    • Ugh, I hate Amber too. I just remembered that was the stage name (or maybe her real name, can’t recall) of one of the strippers my X liked to frequent.

      • Amber – a burning coal, or the name of another very sweet niece? (of course, who can forget Amber from the Scott Peterson days?) Poor gal. But, let’s own that name back again – it’s beautiful. Fiery woman with great power? I dunno…

  119. She’s the Tick (a blood-sucking parasite), the Twat Troll (she and my ex found each other trolling on FB, or at least that’s what I was told), or her real name, which makes me want to wash my mouth out with mouthwash. She’s also The Alcoholic Home-Wrecker.

    Have I mentioned how dim she is? My ex is actually fairly intellectually intelligent–not socially, not emotionally, but intellectually. And she is none of the above. She’s pushing 50 and really…not…smart. Not good. *giggle!*

    The ex? He’s just the ex. Or the idiot. Or dumb-ass.

    With the kids I just refer to him as “your dad.” Which is a joke. I should refer to him as “your uncle.” But that would be cruel to them, so we keep it all civil. They know what’s up.

    Such a sad, old man. Shot his wad. Now what? I have to wonder if he’s getting bored yet. Maybe not. But what a major blunder.

    I like Manhole. A lot.

    • I would like to point out that one of my children has Tourettes–a very mild case, but nonetheless, we’re bonafide.

      And, I am not losing my shit over your use of the word as a sort of comedic colloquialism–it’s very common. Because my kid and I know that being offended is a choice, often with unfortunate consequences. And nobody’s offended in the least.

      Carry on. You’re awesome.

  121. BMW — BM for Barry Manilow (because I learned from contacting the husband she’d also been cheating on that this is her nickname — because of her extremely prominent nose) and W for whore (need I say more?). Also, he drives a stupid, pompous BMW that he loves and cares for more than his own children.

    • BM also stands for “bowel movement.” Poor real Barry shouldn’t be in the same league!

  122. I call her “brillo pad” because of her short, curly hair. (No offense to anyone here. I love curly hair! Just not hers.)

  123. cunt… always… in all correspondence with stbxh or, for that matter, all correspondence she’s discussed in she is known by cunt…

    • HopiumAddict….In my opinion that’s what they ALL are. Any woman who knowingly fucks a married man and breaks up a home is THAT. They invented that word for women like THIS. I hate the word but the world can call me that too if I fuck someone’s husband. I’d deserve it. That’s pretty much what I called the OW. Now I call her Skank Woman.
      And ‘Uglier than a Sack of Assholes.’ She is too. Ugly on the outside and ugly on the inside. Must suck to be her.

  124. I call my STBX “dickead ” and his 3 times married boss (cheated on at least the last two) either “Schmoopie” or my favorite is “the Ho-Worker”.
    She and the hubby present themselves to people they meet as a new couple, easy to do when you fire everyone at work who knew the real story. Ho is big with a charity (manned mainly by older people) and I’m just dying to let them know what kind of person represents them.

    • jj…Presenting themselves as a *new* couple…easy to do when you move 3000 miles away and get new jobs. Maybe no one will ever find out how treacherous you really are.

      • I forgot to mention that I changed dickhead’s contact name on my phone to “Fornicator”. This is what he called a woman we knew a few years ago and he was so outraged. Funny how it was totally justified when it was his turn.
        MOW keeps him on an extremely short leash. They work and live with each other 24/7. STBX can’t even show up to our daughters after school event without the ho-worker (and her son from M #2). They sit in the stands and gaze into each other’s eyes and smooch like teenagers. Both are still married. H does not see how he was manipulated like a pro. They deserve each other and I only hope karma (or a Mack truck) will roll over on them some day.

  125. Also, I call him “Asshole,” not so original, but wait… I changed all of my e-contact names for him — so whenever he calls or texts or emails or whatever re some issue with the kids, it comes up “Asshole LAST NAME.” He has seen it, in replies and email reply chains, etc., and it infuriating him. So satisfying.

  126. I actually don’t, and never did, hold too much anger against the married OW. I totally blame my X (aka Fuckstain) for grooming and pursuing her. I refer to her as “his secretary” because nothing spells typical, loser, mid-life fool, more than a boss having an affair with his younger secretary. She dumped him. His name fits — he’s a Fuckstain!

  127. I am so glad I found this site months ago. This site and all who contribute have been a great help to me during many dark hours. We were together 28 years and I am now one year in to this journey and I’m still uncovering his lies. I haven’t really been able to say his given name since this all happened.

    In the beginning – for the many cruel things he did to me he earned his first new name “asshole or f-asshole”.

    Then he became “alien asshole” to me, but in public just “alien”, because I felt the need to be polite and classy when people referred to him and I did not want to seem bitter to others.

    I often refer to him as “Zilla” with close friends. Reflects his state of mind and he certainly does not deserve the name “god” in any way shape or form so I will not use “Godzilla”.

    In my cell phone, I set up his contact as “Lying Asshole” to beat it in to my head any time he calls or texts me to just expect whatever it is to be a “lie”.

    The first OW that I knew about that he forever denied (and I foolishly believed him) even after she called me and told me otherwise 2 years before all of this s—t – I have always called her “skank”. When he left me a year ago he had the nerve to complain to me that “skank” was now calling him and asking if it was true that we separated. The current OW I have just ignored since this all started. Probably because I blame him 100% for being an idiot and if I was to focus on her in any way it would be letting him off the hook for what he is responsible for which is his actions, his decisions, his lying, his deceit, for deeply hurting me.

    But – time for me to put some blame her way too and therefore as of today I name her “gâteau pute” = whore cake / hooker cake/ bitch cake. Yes, her pedigree is french so she deserves a french AP name.

  128. My daughter named my ex’s two fuck-buddies “THE WORMS”. We could not bear to mention their real names, so when we discussed this in the horror right after D-Day, this is how she insisted we refer to them. Worked for me.

    • My husband’s former with cheater with a co-worker who also cheated on his wife. The narcissits are also aggressive parental alienators and complete morons.

      We call them DUMB AND DUMBER

  129. I just refer to him as an animal. To me,it’s not even a human being,just an animal who happens resemble one of us. I also found that calling him Slimedick was quite therapeutic.

  131. I call OW in my case, Magnum P.I. She has a mustache (no joke, she needs a good waxing) and she drives an expensive convertible.

    • Haha! A friend’s OW has a frizzy bleach blonde mullet & is masculine looking. Thus, Dawg the Bounty Hunter

  133. The OW (former friend) has the same given name as me. It was so hard to take – still is. Every time I sign my full name to a document, I think of it. I don’t get badly triggered anymore and I resorted to using a shortened version of my name. When my h would call me by that given name though, I shot him a look that could kill. He didn’t get it. Idiot. For her, I call her Evil Incarnate. She most deliberately moved on him and he went right along for the ride.

  134. OW was also Alison so to me she was either Ally McCunt or “Honeybucket” which is a portable toilet company.

  135. The married one with a child I called “a little bit of fucked up.” The new one I call Soon Yi because they look a lot like Soon Yi and Woody together, and it rhymes with her real name.

      • it’s funny we never had a dog for our whole 16 yrs bec of X’s allergies. Now my brother and his dog live in my house and i’m really enjoying the dog! yes, dogs are way more loveable than low down dirty cheaters.

  137. Because today we get to use this word here.

    I called the OW an Ankle….two feet lower than a cunt.

    I call him The Village Idiot.

  138. Getting a lot of laughs at all these posts and favorite nicknames. Made me think of one that a friend of mine used….Community Crotch.

  139. The Hyena. I can’t take credit for it; I read it here at CL and loved it and thought it so appropriate to my situation. I’m the lioness and she’s the hyena…skulking around in the background waiting for me to leave so she can scrounge the scraps of my life. The only thing left she’ll be able to have is the fucked-up, disordered POS and she can have him!! Not much to hang around for, IMO!

  140. Her name is Debby so I used to call her “Debby the Douchebag”. I showed a friend of mine from Australia a picture of her and he referred to her as a “Bush Pig”. Oh man, google that shit and you will see that is NOT a compliment!

    As for cheater ex? I refer to him as “Swizzledick”

  141. I Refer to to my ex’s slut as cum bucket, cunt, dirty slut(she had an STD) and my fav his best friend is nicknamed Spanky, I call them Spanky and Skanky. Lol

  142. When thinking about my Narc sociopathic X, I got to thinking that these kind of people have always existed, even before modern psychology had names for them. Then they were called Cads, Rogues, and in the case of my freeloading X, Grifters.

  143. His name is Carl and he works at Lowe’s with my STBXW. I hate that name. Any time I hear it, I see his face.

    His nickname is Zero. I was religiously watching the cell phone log online and my STBXW decide that I shouldn’t see his home and cell numbers, so she labeled them ‘0’. She also relabeled the home number as ‘home’ and S17’s cell as his First name. Then every time I went to view the log, the 0’s jumped off the page making it very easy to see when and how often she and he texted or called each other. I thought the number Zero was a good fit for a man who sleeps with another man’s wife.

    • Carl…hmmm…okay – I’m on a mission tonight to dissociate that nice name with…say, Carl Edwards (race-car driver), Carl Sandburg (famous poet), Carl Burnstein (Watergate reporter)…and I’m sure the list is long..
      Let’s take back the name Carl!

    • And every time I see a Lowe’s, my anxiety level jumps. All I can picture is her giving that old ugly jackass a bj (she so proudly told me such things).

  144. We’ll this has given me a few laughs today which I so needed! I have fell into the depression stage the last couple of months and just can’t seem to pull myself out of it…I was so strong before all this and this has broke me down but I know this too shall pass! I got a lot of new ideas to call the OW now because I usually just called her the Whore!

    • Hang in there– it does get better! Just be patient with yourself, this shit is devastating so it takes time.

        • somuchhurt – I can feel you hurting so much. Try the forums for extra help. After 9 months and feeling really good, I also fell into a deep hole once the divorce got finalized. Guess I wasn’t prepared for all that grief. A whole other chapter of dealing with the infidelity that caused the divorce. It just felt like another huge blow on a terrible nightmare. No, I didn’t celebrate. I cried for 2 days. Just now pulling myself out of the hole. I understand true depression for the first time in my life. Please, if you aren’t on medication, it might really help. hugs. Also, the laughs here, really help.

          • Thank you Shechump…I think your right about the meds! I am sorry that you are to a part of this club it sucks but thanks for the encouraging words!

            • Yes, meds. In the darkest days, they helped me immensely. I begged my dr for anything to help ease the terrifying and sad things I was feeling. Truly, I don’t think the human brain is naturally equipped for some of the stuff the disordered dish out, so you need extra help to get through it.

  145. Looks like you hit pay dirt here today CL. This was too much fun!

    I’ve been banging around these pages for several months and thanks to CL and Chump Nation I’ve gotten to Meh. It took Way Too Long.
    I owe all of you.
    In reality I rarely think about the OW these days. I know her life can’t be that swell. She married an alcoholic cheater and their twu luv was not based on any kind of integrity. Their entire relationship is just one big fat lie. I’m sure in time they’ll get what they have coming.

    I’ve moved on. I met a lovely man two years ago who I spent time getting to know well and recently took it to the next level. He’s crazy about me. This feels good.
    It’s about damn time.
    Hugs to all …CL and Chump Nation.
    What a bunch of funny and entertaining and smart people!

  147. I usually refer to the OW as Your Whore. I want a better name. Something incredibly demeaning. Like Dick Breath. Garbage Hole. Your Skank. or How about Your Million Dollar Hole, because his dick and her hold and costing us both hundreds of thousands of dollars lost in this divorce. I want her name to remind him EVERY time he sees her how much money his dick and her cunt is costing us. Really angers me. I want her name to create an ugly image whenever he sees her. I think Million Dollar Hole just might have that effect.

    • Won’t be long before he resents her for what she cost him. (It’ll be her fault, not his, of course.)

      For now, because you’re fighting, it’s your fault, of course. When it’s all over, he’ll be all alone with himself and a conniving female, and we all wish him good luck with that. He will put his head on his pillow, but there will be no rest.

  148. Just to poke fun of names here, I actually have a Real name that coincides with a particular ‘name’ in Australia – as ‘loose woman, chic, available’, or some such variation. (you don’t have to watch to many Aussy movies to know what that name is) So, when I enter the man’s world of export lumber trading to yep – Australia, I had a very interesting time with my name…..to overcome the slang they had for my name. Lots of giggling. And, not one of those gentlemen or their wives every felt threatened or came onto me. True gentlemen, but they all teased (that’s what that country does) and I’d I met all their wives who were also curious how anybody would name their child THAT. lol. rambling…sorry.

    Thankfully, I kept my first name after the Divorce! lol.

    • Well, you must have a great sense of humor and be very likable, because the Aussies won’t tease you to your face if they DON’T like you.

  150. For the second last one ~ Bat-Shit Crazy-Ass. And the latest love of his life ( in a year, wink), I call her his “latest schmoopsie-poo”. Him, he’s just “poor little lamb” aww………

  152. Dammit! Why couldn’t I have thought up a witty name for the OW. She was ‘The Whore” for a long time. Then she was ‘Psycho Bitch’ when she decided she wanted to ‘fight’ me for my X. As if I would waste the energy to ‘fight’ for that POS. At the time she had bleached blonde hair. She was so very low rent. An obviously Hispanic woman with bleached blonde hair is so….ghetto. I feel I can say that since I am also Hispanic (but alas with natural dark brown hair color). So don’t judge me because I say that about her. I mean, if she could pull it off that would have been one thing but HONESTLY…it was NOT a good look. Coupled with the fact that she has zero fashion sense. Ick. Ok, I’m just being bitchy now.

    Sooooo….The name ‘Erika’ is ruined forever for me. The visceral reaction when I see that name still abounds even after all this time. I also hate the name “Mark” and “Mark Anthony”…my ex’s name. Meh…thank God I don’t have close relatives with those names!

    A good friend of mine named the OW in her situation “Big Gulp” due to the fact that when she last saw her ex (with the OW at THEIR SON’s wedding), the OW had a ginormous Big Gulp that she slurped the entire time plus she had cankles. I love that image.

    I do love some of the winners some people made up. So creative!

    • After reading some of these—hysterical btw—I was reminded of one name I DID call her: WHORIKA. 🙂

  155. Two gems I came up with, for the skank OW in one of my previous relationships: ‘Skankasaurus Rex’ and ‘The Red-headed Fat Hag’

  158. Unfortunately, OW shares a first name with one of my Bff’s. This majorly sucks and makes life awkward. It’s not an uncommon name but they are the only two of this particular name in my life.
    I have some interesting stories as a result – in hindsight, my frenemey gave away that xh was having the affair based on her reaction when I was telling her about hanging out with my friend named Sally (not her real name) and frenemy thought that I was referring to the OW named Sally.
    I’ll stop rambling. I call OW (now xh’s gf) fat hussy, dump truck and a particularly creative derogatory slur that is sort of a mashup of her first name and my ex’s last name- they sort of rhyme and I think that is hilariously idiotic and it makes me smile knowing that if she marries him, her name will be totally ridiculous and make people laugh.
    To be honest though, the more “meh” I get about it, the less I think in these terms though. I almost feel sorry for her…being with xh was not a picnic.

  159. After reading Mighty Little Me’s story, I think we should just rename all these whores DELUSIONAL!! In what alternate universe is a man fucking around on his pregnant wife considered a”good catch?” Anyone remotely normal would be repulsed by that .

    • No, no, you don’t understand! Let me explain how he is an AWESOME catch. We didn’t have sex. We slept in separate bedrooms. He lived in the basement. Our marriage had been dead for three years at least, and a mistake from the beginning, you see. I was only pregnant because he knew I wanted a second child, and he consented to father just one more because I made it clear I wouldn’t fight a generous custody arrangement IF he gave me the consolation prize of a sibling for our oldest before we filed for divorce. We conceived through artificial insemination, because we already knew we were filing for divorce within a year. We were great friends and allies…but it wasn’t meant to be a marriage. Silly us.

      Oh, because we WERE filing for divorce. It was mutual, you see. We had agreed to separate months prior, and were only “taking some time” to “keep up appearances” because his mom was battling breast cancer and didn’t need the shock – and our son was at a crucial developmental stage, so we didn’t want to rock his world that year. He is actually an incredibly loving and devoted father and son. He also thought I was an amazing mother, so it was okay to make another baby even with a divorce imminent – he knew I would do a great job, and we would co-parent perfectly and cooperatively. His kids were gonna LOVE her, too.

      Oh, and I knew he was dating her. He told me all about it. I only asked they keep things very discreet and undercover, because we hadn’t made our separation public knowledge to anyone, and we wouldn’t want to confuse any friends or family. That’s why she couldn’t talk to him when he was at home. That’s why they couldn’t go out in public unless it was far from where we lived. That’s why they had to keep their love affair totally under wraps at work. That’s why she couldn’t ever mention their relationship on Facebook or anything. Because we knew a lot of the same people and frequented a lot of the same places. Word would get out, and it would be “confusing.”

      But me? I knew all about it. Thought it was great he had found someone who “fit” him so much better than I ever did.

      And if you believe all that…I’ve got a great bridge-buying opportunity for ya 🙂

      • Lol, you had me going for a minute there. Your story is eerily similar to mine. He (sad face, here) wasn’t happy, and thinking back on it, had never been happy. He just dated me three years cause he “felt sorry” for me. No sex there either *wink, wink* and he wasn’t worried cause he had “plenty of freedom”. So this free, unattached man has to sneak around, can only see you in daylight hours, and “can’t talk” when you call. The so called other woman is even more delusional than the chump cause theyKNOW

        • Cause they KNOW the guy is a cheater and liar going into it. Not insecure much, are they ? Oh wait, I forgot, they are Special….

      • Oh, we had such similar marriages. How ironic. My XH and I had also been “separated” for some time. The only reason why I had just had our second child was because we had a brief reconciliation during our separation and oops! I got pregnant. Him being the super father he is decided he should stick around for a little bit longer to help with the new baby. He then had fulfilled those responsibilities when the baby was four months old and promptly moved out and in with Magnum P.I.

        This was the version of events he told OW after she discovered he was married with two children. Just a minor detail he left out. So this was the second cover story. She just shrugged her shoulders, said “okay” and moved cross country to live with him.

  160. Her name was Jenny but she went by Madison because she wanted to be more hip than a Jenny could be.
    It really just became a name that I will forever associate with my cheating ex. She wasn’t the only one,mind you, but she was the first. They’re all a Madison to me.

    • Roxie, maybe she was modeling herself after Ashley Madison, cause that is soooo classy. This is funny to me, cause in my city Madison is a “less than desirable” area of town. Too bad people can’t sue AM for sullying their names.

      • All the crap with Madison predates the website; Ashley Madison, but believe me, I find it amusing.
        She was a narcissistic piece of crap, only outmatched by my ex-cheater. I almost wish they’d find each other again, I think they’re a match made in heaven/hell (however you want to look at it) and I would love to watch all that play out!

  161. Getting to this on day 2 but had to say: yes, the OW has ruined her name for me for all time, One friend has called her “the middle-aged Britney Spears wannabe” based in her Pinterest pin taste in clothes (eensy tiny cutoffs and sequined bras). I went through a stage early on when I thought she was younger, prettier, thinner and more exciting than I am (since I am not a big partier). She was Angeljna Jolie in my head. She is crafty about her images online but her sister posted a full body shot and behold! Her forearms are the size of Easter hams. (I mean no disrespect to my fellow chumps who struggle with weight, as I was 45 pounds over my healthy weight a few years ago. I swear that dealing with my narcissist mother and others required me to insulate myself.) But seeing what she actually looks like brought me back to the reality that it wasn’t about her being “better ” other than in the newness of the ego kibbles she gives out. And the immensity of the gap between her fantasy of herself as a size 2 teenager and a somewhat overweight middle-aged married cheater has helped me see that she is someone whose base mode is on “escape from reality.”

  163. forgot about a girlfriend of mine who called her ow “my way home” because her husband was always “On my way home”.

  164. I’m also coming to this on Day 2, but I’ve been laughing my ass off over all the other posts. Despite the crap ways we all found our way here, the creativity and expressiveness of my fellow Chumps is always amazing, amusing and inspiring.

    I call cheating POS ex “The Vortex.” He used to call my ex-h this, in a really derisive way, and even abbreviated it using my ex-h’s first initial (KV). What a clever boy. He’ll never ever know how much more damaging his own vortex is, certainly far more invidious than anything my ex-h (who never cheated on me or was ever intentionally malicious) ever did.

    As for OW? I call her “Lady Bountiful.” She’s one of these in-your-face altruistic types who is always looking for ways to do good in the world. But only if a social media photo op is involved, and usually at the expense of her own family. It also turned out to be at the expense of my family, too.

  165. The first one (that I knew about) was Penny (her actual name.) Cheaper than a two-bit whore, this one’s only a penny! But I later settled on “pegboard” because that’s what the guys were calling her–because that’s *what* she was!

    Later, I found out he was visiting those “hostess bars” in Honolulu…so when some photos turned up with xh and a “hostess” at a concert, I began referring to them as his Host-itutes.

  168. Gah! Who can use just one name? I. Can’t. Even. Maybe it’s because I am still so fucking pissed and no where near meh? They met on an airplane during work travel. I refer to her as the fucking-clap-trap-cunt-whore-soulless-bitch-spawn-of-satan. Yeah, I guess I’m still THAT level of pissed. We are a year past the initial D-day, but the whole thing has been mercilessly dragged out because he could not tell the truth. Not the whole truth all at once. The truth could bite chunks out of his ass and he still wouldn’t be able to identify it. He has admitted he did a lot of things wrong and he crossed a lot of lines, but not a physical one. I say why the hell wouldn’t he when he was so fucking g-d damn sure I would never find out? So, he agreed to take a polygraph, got his own therapist and he is GO-ing. He’s stopped being defensive most of the time now whenever I wig out on him (and that still happens frequently). My freak outs happen mostly because I don’t think I know the whole truth and it’s unsettling and anxiety provoking to keep thinking there are more shoes to drop kick my stupid ass. And even if he passes a polygraph, will I even really know then? Is it enough that he didn’t get physical with her? Or any of the others before her? He said he flirted and carried on in non-physical ways like a selfish ass and he wrongly thought it was harmless, so long as I didn’t know and nothing REALLY happened. He says he sees now how his behavior hurt US and he doesn’t believe that anymore. WTFH? That’s just become punctuation for me now – WTFH? I don’t know if it’s enough. Even IF he passes a polygraph, and I have little confidence his lying ass will pass, but IF he were to pass and I could believe he wasn’t ever physical with another woman, I’m not sure that makes up for the 25 years of his complete and utter mindfuckery. I’m not sure I can get over it, ever, because all I think about is WTFH? I look at the pictures hanging in our home and it makes me SICK wondering WTFH he was doing during THAT or THAT time…..I’ve been over reading on the minister’s website and that helped, yet didn’t help, because I’m not certain there was physical contact/adultery/banana in the tailpipe or WTFH you want to call it. Minister says it’s a hard call when you don’t have proof there was a PA. ME? I’m not sure it matters, when it’s obvious he spent every fucking waking hour leading other women to believe that’s exactly what he wanted by the way he behaved when he was around them and by the way he looked at them etc etc. It’s not like he had a come to Jesus moment with each woman to make it clear from the start that he was NOT seriously hitting them up, but was really just playing around and flirting for kibblekicks; AND just so they were crystal clear, there would be nothing further like touching or bananas in tailpipes. Those convos never happened, so as far as the OW knew, he was indeed after something “special” from them. How the fucking hell can I believe anything he says? I went to the minister’s site hoping for some clarity, because despite my sailor mouth, I believe marriage is forever and I took/take MY vows seriously. The incessant swearing is the only thing that keeps me from prying open his eyelids while he sleeps and sprinkling my magical unicorn pixie stix powder onto his fucking lying eyeballs. And then, ain’t this a kicker, he has the big raw fucking NERVE to ask me not to swear because he finds it offensive. Seriously? You disordered fucking cheating halfwit asswaffle! I just let it rip after he said that and this swearing snowball has just picked up steam from there out. Of course he’s recommitted his life to Jesus since I found out about his UN-Jesus-like activities. Well, I guess Jesus did hang out with whores, but He didn’t hit on them. I’m pretty sure of that. I’m starting to think Jesus can have a go with sorting out his disordered shitforbrains because I’m not sure I even want him anymore after the fucking cesspool of hell he threw me in this past year. I feel like he just stands at the side of the shit pit yelling “paddle faster dear!” Can’t bother to throw me a fucking G-d damn rope or pull me out. No sir, might get the foul shit of my potty mouth spewed onto his lily white cheating ass pimp daddy clothes. Fuck it. I have two sweet boys 15 and 9. The youngest was diagnosed with Aspergers, just prior to me finding out about this last fucking-clap-trap-cunt-whore-soulless-bitch-spawn-of-satan, so I was already stressed and had been working hard at getting his needs taken care of – and yes I did it very much on my own, I see that now. He couldn’t deal with it. We went to marriage counseling for a long time, but it was/is a waste of time and money if he’s just going to omit/ minimize or lie. Or you know what’s worse? Him saying he can’t remember. This or that happened but so sorry it was sooooo long ago I can’t remember. OR he will say he doesn’t THINK anything like “that” ever happened. Really? Your brain doesn’t THInK so? How about we ask your dick and see if it remembers? THAT nearly fucking drives me to the gates of hell for more and better fucking fuckstick fucker words. I am seriously traumatized and my regular therapist wants me to try EMDR? She doesn’t have the training to do it, but gave me some names. Anyone else tried it? I’m getting desperate and am feeling worse not better even though he’s finally doing many of the things I read about here that to shows real remorse. It is possible he’s stupid, selfish, disordered but not an adulterer. What I DO know feels bad enough. What I DO know seems to make it obvious to me he never wanted me and he had little reason to stop himself with any of the women. I feel used and trapped in some ways. I’d throw myself in front of a bus for my kids. I kinda feel like sticking this out until the little one is older is my bus. He is already having so many problems and a change like separation/divorce would be like Hiroshima to him. I can do it for them even if nothing changes between the selfish stupid asswaffle and me. He’s still a good dad and even moreso since he pulled his head out of his backside. It sucks. It’s all just shitty because I feel more confused and my feelings are all over the place. It seems all I do is cry and if I’m not crying/sad then I’m angry. None of us deserved this. If he wanted out why didn’t he get out? Sorry this is so long and whiny and tedious—like my dumbfucking asswaffle H! Thanks so much for letting me vent so thoroughly. I can’t talk to anybody bc they all say some version of how I have to find a way to forgive and “look how hard he’s trying…” I suppose if I could believe he had really told me most everything, I might be able to move. I think that’s my biggest hangup – feeling like there may be significant data left untold. I was never so relieved as when I stumbled onto this site. I wept and laughed for hours. Thanks again

    ChumpedUPChik

    • To chumpupchick

      You are HILARIOUS! Just from reading your letter I am sure you don’t need/desire/want your husband. Why stay and stay miserable? I just found out about the OW three months ago two days before my 28 wedding anniversary. Just found out three weeks ago the OWs are prostitutes. Talk about freaking me out. Yep, I’m freaked out, but at the same time within three weeks of finding out about my lying cheating creepy sleezy soulless “husband’s” charade, I have sought out an attorney and will be soon filing for divorce. he is not worthy of me. He is not what my delusional mind thought he was. This I know for sure. He made up my mind for me, this marriage is over. He ended it the first time he stepped into another Million Dollar Hole’s bedroom. Decision made. Fuck it. I can go on. So my favorite names as of lately are “Million Dollar Hole” because that’s the money this divorce will cost us. “Dick Breath”, because you know her mouth is full of various dicks.
      Oh, yeah, I’m bad, and would not suggest this EVER. I texted the whore and she actually texted me back several times. It did feel good to call her some choice names and rant and rave, but in the end it really was the lowest point in my life. Never would I have ever thought to have actually a form of conversation with my husband’s regular prostitute. And the bitch can’t spell. “someone” is “sum one”. “Probably” is “prolly”. Yep, I told dearest husband I contacted her and pointed out what a dumbass he sticks his dick in. Wanted to humiliate him. Told him the awful things she said to me, HIS wife. What a sick encounter, I know. But right now I am letting my emotions be what they are, I am saying what I feel and not holding back.
      Forget about the saying “forgive and forget”. I say “Forge Forward and Fuck It”!

  169. DFW (Dirty Fucking Whore) my BBF coined this term which suited her down to a T. My ex (DH …dick head) was not the first and not the last (poor next chump was only married 18 months but no kids so I guess thats one good thing), I guess this makes her a serial DFW.

  170. I get really vulgar when I speak about the prostitute my husband was having a paid for affair with. Name calling has become a real outlet for me so i refer to her as Cupcake Cunt !!!

    cupcake cunt !!!

  171. Her name is “Dawn,” so at one point when she had done something exceptionally dumb, I said to the ex, “She’s really not the brightest Dawn in the heavens now, is she?” That really seemed to get under his skin.

    And though it’s not very “meh,” here’s another vote for referring to the OW as “whore,” if only because it gets under their skin. They are more bothered by me calling her a “whore” than they were by their choice to cheat on me and the pain they caused me when I found out. I am tempted to affix a photo of them to the underside of my toilet lid next to the words, “AND THE WHORE YOU RODE IN ON…”

    Hey, I’m only a few weeks past D-day. “Meh” will come.

    • Her name is “Dawn?” Maybe that is why she thinks the sun doesn’t rise until she gets up in the morning (Narc!)

  172. The younger, hipper iconoclastic yoga pixie my Peter Pan wasband left for will ever be known as Skankerbell.

  173. Golly some of these are spectacularly concise and just nail the fucking shitpickers to the wall! Skankerbell is really – like that bc the whore I think MY fucksicle H rode in on — priceless,— was skinny enough that her bones must have made a tinkling sound whenever she moved. (((Shudder))). And yeah the asswaffle cheaters really don’t like you to use the “whore” word. I think that’s an interesting observation . Maybe bc to them it says less about her than what it says about HIM (or vice verse depending on your situation). I have called my SOB fuckstick H a manwhore for being so disgustingly smitten by the attentions he was getting from these skankolators. He doesn’t like that either. Bush pig? Love. It. I am officially borrowing and incorporating all these new wonderful descriptive words into my cheatercaller vernacular. I do think it is one way I cope with how overwhelming the anger is when I’m forced to speak about her or her or HER. GAH!!! Can’t use real names EVER. Million Dollar Hole is a great visual to hurl at him! I want that effect you were talking about – where whatever names I use conjures up nothing but negative imagery that he can’t brush off or forget so easily. He is such a loser fucktard fickledick. Love that I didn’t even NEED to go to the gates of hell for more better fuck HER and fuck YOU and fuck both of you and double fuck you again. Lots of awesome fuckity fuckHer words you guys shared here. I snorted coffee through my nose more than once and THAT my fellow chump friends, makes it a very good day for me! Until I found this board, I don’t even know the last time I smiled let alone laughed. Keep bringing it!

  175. See! Isn’t this fun? We’re never too old to learn a few new vocabulary words. Good idea CL!

  177. I remember during a rather heated exchange I referred to his OW as a Slag… (I’m not proud but it needed saying)
    He didn’t defend her at all, just went on to say that I would never be rid of him because he was going to have his ashes buried in the family plot.
    Whatever.

  178. We call her “Grandma”

    My 38 year old soon to be ex, had affairs with 60, 52 and 47 year old women (these are the ones I have found out about). He is now in love with the 47 year old (due to drugs,smoking, drinking and sun she looks like she is pushing 65). She thinks she is a fairie (he recently got his 4th tattoo, a 12″ orange and pink fairy wing ripping out of his bicep). What a better way to prove he loves only her, lol.

    Due to her extensive criminal record and my awesome lawyer…grandma is not allowed around my kids.

  179. I generally refer to the OW (now his new wife) as “that woman.” My ex. and I were married for 20 years before he abandoned me and our 2 teen kids for her. The OW is a Thai woman, whose last name has 15 letters and ends with RAT. I’d says that’s pretty darn accurate.

  180. X: “Dr. Evil”
    Because he has (karma induced) alopecia areata, shaves what’s left of his hair, and looks exactly like Dr. Evil from the Austin Powers movies.

    OW#1: “The Concubine”
    They broke up 2.5 months after the divorce was final because she started pressuring him to be the next Mrs. Evil and he said “not yet, if ever”. Before they split he sourced and secured:

    OW#2: “The Next Victim”
    Though she doesn’t know the true “backstory”, the only reason she could possibly be interested in someone as fat and bald as Dr. Evil is because she thinks he’s rich, which he used to be until he had to give up half of our assets and half his gross income to pay alimony and child support. At the rate he is spending on his fancy new lifestyle, he soon won’t have 2 nickels to rub together. Which means she will eventually dump his fat @$$ and he will be onto:

    OW #3: TBD
    OW #4: TBD
    OW #5: TBD ad nauseum….

    • I do have some good choice names for the prostitutes jackass screws, but the ONE that gets under his skin the most is when I refer to her a “Your Girlfriend”. It really pisses him off, which gives me joy. He finds it personally insulting, that a prostitute would be a “girlfriend”. So, yeah, that’s the name that I love to call her. Her other names are “Million Dollar Hole” (because that’s what this divorce is costing us). And one of my favorites is “Dick Breath”. I want him to think all these names tagged to her if he continues to “see” her.

  182. Ex is SWAP – Slut With A Penis.

    All the other women began to run together but they had certain, um, qualities in common. They are known collectively as “the barnyard animals”. They like to rut and roll in sh!t. Seems to fit.

  183. My ex had his final affair (he was a serial cheater) whom he later married.
    Her name is Les short for Leslie. Why he could not pick Betty, Carol etc. for his future bride.
    You see my beloved father’s name was Les.
    It still pains me after 30 years of being divorced.
    As the years go now I remember my dad as Apukam, that was my childhood name for him in Hungarian.

  184. I called one whorey Lori , and another, whose name was Lisa, Leacha, Lessa, and loosea., now, I call them supply. On another web-site, someone called them, blood muffins, similar to hostess cupcakes, but more host like, in a paracitic, or vampirac way. Loved it.

  185. Wow, not sure how I missed this post! I call the OW “Whoremelia”. She was also a selfish, psycho-bitch that was allegedly cheated on by her X. Some how, what she did with my now X wasn’t the same I guess.

  186. My specially reserved name for the OW is ‘dopey cunt’.

    I don’t speak to her, nor call her names for the hell of it. But I wouldn’t hesitate to call it to her face if I’m provoked. I just want to be a class act & not give a fuck where I can help it. They still try to triangulate me even after I gave him up (I only pick-me danced about an imaginary problem as he denied the reality of an affair that I was picking up on. Once he finally admitted the truth, I dropped him like a hot pot.).

    Imagine being that petty & dissatisfied with your own relationship. Why do they need a hypoteneuse??

    The name ‘Emily’ is forever tainted to me as well. And I feel like it annoyingly creeps up more often after D-day or I’m hyperaware of any fictional character named as such. His initial nickname for her was ‘Red’ (translated from her Chinese name Hong). You can guess which colour I’ve developed an aversion to.