Dear Chump Lady,
My D-Day was in August 2014. My husband was always a terrible liar. It was a running joke in our marriage. It was funny because it was true. So, it didn’t take me long at all to unravel the truth. He was cheating for 3 months when I found out. And, luckily, I found you and the entire Chump Nation in September. I googled something about kids and divorce and up popped your post about “Kids eating the biggest shit sandwich”. I was hooked on the site from that day forward.
We are coming up on the holidays. I am especially concerned about Christmas. Stupid asswipe has chosen his ugly downgrade of a OW over me — and our seven-year-old son. My son believes in Santa and Santa comes to OUR house, not the one-bedroom POS apartment he moved to which is 4 miles from HER house. He told me not long after I kicked him out that he only had 2 days off from work: Thanksgiving and Christmas. He didn’t actually ask to see our son, but that’s what he intimated, I think.
Do I have an obligation to let him see our son on Christmas Day? The custody has yet to be determined, although I have asked for legal and physical custody and he has been served. I was thinking that he can see his son AFTER Christmas during the weekend. I am just afraid it will be a shitty thing for my son to go through. It’ll be our first in this new reality. Any recommendations to help me? I have a backbone, but it’s getting soft when I think about the holidays and my son.
As everyone is aware, Santa has a Naughty and Nice list. The North Pole takes a dim opinion of men who walk out on young children. In fact, Christmas is on a tiered adjudication system. For “naughty” infractions, Santa delivers coal in your stocking. But for really heinous crimes, like child abandonment, Santa throws the offender in a sack and delivers him to his labor camps above the Arctic Circle. There he will be forced to make “Rock n Roll” Elmo dolls for eternity.
Most crappy apartments don’t have chimneys, so your ex might be spared this fate. But I certainly wouldn’t risk it and let your son spend Christmas with him. (“Where’s Daddy?!” Santa shanghaied him. Could be scarring.)
Santa justice aside, you don’t have a signed court order that specifies holiday arrangements. As you seem to have physical custody of your son, I’d say the ball is in your court about exactly when the douchebag sees his kid for Christmas. If Saturday or Sunday suits you, make it then. If he is vexed by this, let him go get a court injunction and explain his extra-marital co-habitation to the judge. Somehow for a guy who only has two days off during the holidays, I doubt he’ll make this a priority.
If your ex complains, just turn that Christmas tune “Dominick the Donkey” up really loud into the phone. He should wilt and shy away.
Enjoy your fucktard-free holiday!