As long as we’re talking about cheater TV drama, I’m sure you’re all aware that “True Tori” has been renewed for a second season.
I hesitated to write about it because Dlisted did such an awesome smack down. I don’t think I can top “useless beady-eyed sex possum of a husband The Deaner cheated on her half-melted margarine-looking ass.” (God that’s good, Dlisted. May no one I love ever get on your bad side.)
What I lack in colorful insults, however, I can make up for in befuddlement. Who watches this? Why does this improbably vapid woman continue to get reality TV shows? Improbable vapidness likely being a requirement for getting reality TV shows aside — doesn’t anyone pity her children enough to spare them another season? Whatever Spelling’s getting in residuals couldn’t begin to approximate the therapy costs these kids will need.
Nevertheless, True Tori inflicts itself on the viewing public October 21. I’m sure you’ll all want to tune in to discover the answer to the big teaser — Is Tori Pregnant? Apparently, she’s already wearing maternity clothes. (How could you tell it isn’t just a loose fitting sweater? The woman is so anorexic a bean burrito could give her a baby bump. What constitutes abdominal weight gain in Hollywood, anyway?)
“Why are you with with me?” asks the slightly perturbed but reaching for angst-y Dean McDermott. Yes WHY Tori? Why is anyone with this serial cheating, alcoholic Canadian ham?
“I feel like such a nag, tyrant. You’re making me feel bad all the time.”
Poor Dean. He can’t even get the mindfuckery right.
“I just want to see a picture of the woman my husband cheated with,” whines Tori.
LOOK IN THE MIRROR. He cheated with YOU on his first wife.
Also “woman” singular is being terribly optimistic, Tori. Women.
Dean clutches his chest then bows his head in faux remorse. I think there are duck blinds in Winnipeg with better acting skills.
Don’t miss it, guys.