As long as we’re talking about cheater TV drama, I’m sure you’re all aware that “True Tori” has been renewed for a second season.
I hesitated to write about it because Dlisted did such an awesome smack down. I don’t think I can top “useless beady-eyed sex possum of a husband The Deaner cheated on her half-melted margarine-looking ass.” (God that’s good, Dlisted. May no one I love ever get on your bad side.)
What I lack in colorful insults, however, I can make up for in befuddlement. Who watches this? Why does this improbably vapid woman continue to get reality TV shows? Improbable vapidness likely being a requirement for getting reality TV shows aside — doesn’t anyone pity her children enough to spare them another season? Whatever Spelling’s getting in residuals couldn’t begin to approximate the therapy costs these kids will need.
Nevertheless, True Tori inflicts itself on the viewing public October 21. I’m sure you’ll all want to tune in to discover the answer to the big teaser — Is Tori Pregnant? Apparently, she’s already wearing maternity clothes. (How could you tell it isn’t just a loose fitting sweater? The woman is so anorexic a bean burrito could give her a baby bump. What constitutes abdominal weight gain in Hollywood, anyway?)
“Why are you with with me?” asks the slightly perturbed but reaching for angst-y Dean McDermott. Yes WHY Tori? Why is anyone with this serial cheating, alcoholic Canadian ham?
“I feel like such a nag, tyrant. You’re making me feel bad all the time.”
Poor Dean. He can’t even get the mindfuckery right.
“I just want to see a picture of the woman my husband cheated with,” whines Tori.
LOOK IN THE MIRROR. He cheated with YOU on his first wife.
Also “woman” singular is being terribly optimistic, Tori. Women.
Shock! Horror!
Dean clutches his chest then bows his head in faux remorse. I think there are duck blinds in Winnipeg with better acting skills.
Don’t miss it, guys.
I cant that day, i have an appointment to scrape tori spelling’s whiney voice out of brain. I get a little more brain damaged every time I hear her…
Hangs head in shame. I won’t go out of my way to watch it because the only show I know the day of the week it’s on is Doctor Who (Saturday). But if I happen to be channel surfing and it comes up, I’ll probably watch it. (I also watch The Shahs of Sunset and Kim of Queens so there’s no accounting for taste!)
I watched a few episodes last season because seeing her cry her heart out somehow made me feel that my own pain could be seen by the world. I applauded her when she was mean to him and waited for her to dump him.
Now that I fully realize that every move she makes is for money, er, I mean publicity I will probably watch it this season to see how much abuse she can take and how long she’ll drag it out.
It’s a train wreck, pure and simple.
Also, I wish I had a life so that I wasn’t home seven nights a week!
Must be the fact that daddy is the late Aaron Spelling who made a fortune in Hollywood in the industry. My guess is she’s using her inheritance to bankroll this trash. On the other hand, I could be wrong. Perhaps she has a real group of fans. After all, Kim K is now a celebrity! Argh!
As for Dean…. Gag me!
I think her mom has all the money. That’s part of the problem. She’s hard up for cash having only inherited $800K or some such paltry sum.
Yep. Daddy left her 800 grand and she has to work for a living. I*m guessing this was quite a shock to old Deaner.
Quotations attributed to Tori Spelling at BrainyQuote.com (I sh*t you not):
“I’m lucky that I have such a hands-on husband.”
“I want to be a cool mom.”
“If I ever had the time to take on another job, being a party planner would be high on my list.”
“I want to be a positive role-model for my daughter. The last thing I want to put out there is that it’s acceptable to be too thin or have an eating disorder because you’re in Hollywood.”
“I am a huge fan of gays. They love me, and I love them. They think of me as sort of a gay icon.”
“Sometimes, when I’m alone, I put on six inch heels and wear nothing else and dance around in front of the mirror and do my little stripper dance.”
“My reality is the misconceptions about me.”
“People are always saying that Hollywood messes up kids. I’m like, ‘No, families mess up kids!’ I grew up in Hollywood, and I’m perfectly fine.”
So, yeah. Not a smart girl. Poor thing. I think her head might be on backward.
Cool moms do the stripper dance.
Cool moms do the stripper dance when they’re alone. LOLOLOL
Cool moms dance in the audience while filming their daughter skanking up “Jingle Bell Rock” on stage with her high school friends.
What is stripping off if she’s wearing high heals and nothing else? Isn’t the main function of the stripper dance to take off clothes, albeit not much clothing, but nonetheless something besides shoes?
I would not challenge that one to a battle of wits because she is clearly unarmed!
Now i have to scrub that image from my brain.
Tori Amos is not a gay icon — more someone aging drag queens compare themselves against to raise their self-esteem.
Tori SPELLING.
Haha!
“I’m so lucky to have such a hands on husband”
Yeah Tori-his hands are all over other women that aren’t you!
Don’t miss it, guys.
Gee, no thanks. I’m pretty sure I am doing something else whenever that comes on wherever it comes on.
Could be walking dogs, cleaning house, grocery shopping, playing with music toys, posting here, calling a friend or family member on the phone.
Something definitely more important 😉
Cleaning your drains. Wiping mold out from behind the refrigerator. Staring aimlessly at the left hand corner of your ceiling…
Yes definitely: re-caulking the shower, hedge trimming, teeth whitening, trying to remember all the lyrics to “The Twelve Days of Christmas” without looking them up on Google, talking to my plants to see if it helps them.
So many things more important to do 😉
Watching grass grow…..
Cleaning the dirt from under your fingernails, clipping your toenails, clipping any stray nose hair . . .
Staring aimlessly at the left hand corner of your ceiling…
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Using cheater’s toothbrush to clean toilets……
Scooping the Great Dane poop……
Popping blackheads……
ANYTHING is more intellectually stimulating than watching her bunch of tripe!
I started to watch it last season after the show was mentioned here a few times.
It is a complete and total train wreck…..however I quite enjoyed hurling insults and advice at them as I watched it weekly. It made me feel like I was passing on all the sage wisdom that I have learned over the last few years. The screaming at yelling at the TV was quite therapeutic!
I doubt that I will watch this season. That whole “is she pregnant?” tease is ridiculous. Cut him out of your life, go no contact and move on. Make yourself useful and write a book based on being the mistress and being the chump – that would be Tru Tori – but it would require more thought than she is probably capable of.
She mentions “change in lifestyle” in that trailer. She’s probably very aware that Dean will be going after her for support.
Margo – I also confess to watching a few minutes of it so I could snarl, insult, and then laugh hysterically. For me, it was affirmation that when you take two nasty, skanky, fake-life cheaters and throw them in a box and shake it…you still have two nasty, skanky, fake-life cheaters. No true love, just drama and a foul smell. (Giggling our loud and happy to be free….)
Amen ReDefiningMe! Just like you said – smelly, nasty, skanky, fake-like cheater drama. They need to Get.A.Life.
“The uploader has not made this video available in your country.” Damn. But not entirely true as I found it on Radar Online.
(See http://radaronline.com/exclusives/2014/10/tori-spelling-true-tori-season-2-pregnancy/ for anyone else who would feel deprived by not watching this touching cameo of domestic drama).
Such stuff is dubbed Reality TV, which is true although it’s not about truth. The issue is always whose reality. Tori nails it- for her and all of us who carried on with repeats of a Cheater soap. “Dean came back from Canada and we came back to our reality.” That’s it – he came back, and nothing changed….
Of course Tori’s stuck in a double bind – being a cheater who’s been cheated on by the person she cheated with. Which is why we Chumps are a bit engrossed with their drama. If it happened to them maybe it’ll happen to our own dear cheaters. We can but hope…..
I’ve never seen this show, but since you’ve mentioned it twice I now deem it “lean forward” “must see tv” and will set DVR accordingly.
Eek. No. Not my intention!
It’s just fun to snark at. Although I suppose there is a thin line between snarking and throwing kibbles at…
oh no, don’t watch it, I don’t even watch the linked vids in CLs column after clicking on the first one. Yikes, sickos
I’ll bet a large percentage of the 5,000 Facebook “fans” of my ex watch that show. I had never realized how many delusional people there are in the entertainment world until he went crazy, and how many entertainment-world-wannabees. Shallow and narcissistic…. those are the main two characteristics needed to really enjoy Tori, or pretty much any of those “reality” tv garbage shows.
How on earth could Mr. Yeti have 5K Facebook fans? That’s just not right. He must spend his days friending strangers.
Maybe he bought them. I’ve heard there are services on FB & Twitter that will sell you fans/friends.
For some reason… this strikes me as being a lot like using real money to buy fake things in Farmville 😉
He spends most of his free time going through every one of his friend’s listing of friends, and then asking them to be HIS friend as well. I doubt very many of them actually know who he is.
At one point, he offered our son $30 per week to do this task for him. Son said no, which caused a lot of rage. Just one more reason son is now NC with his dad.
Thats because, for the far majority of the people in the entertainment industry its all about them trying to glean kibbles from others.
Perfect storm for narcissistic fuckwads, really.
Plus, they aren’t the brightest bulbs on the Christmas tree – they can’t get a job that involves intellectual pursuits due to the lack of brain cells.
This sits in stark contrast to the clip I just watched of Malala Yousafzai’s speech to the UN last year – a speech where she argues for the right for education for all, especially women.
Stark contrast.
Leave his ass Tori. Get some self-respect and do something with your life. Look at this 17 year old girl who just won the Nobel Peace Prize…the youngest person ever.
Ah yes, I agree. I was just thinking about this – not just Malala- but also of the threats of Ebola, and IS.
My ex would get all PC about the troubles in the world and then deduce that they were the reason why you should just do what you want to do because ‘you might be dead tomorrow.’ Of course in his case, that meant adding to the (small) troubles in the world by cheating etc etc. Whereas the truth of the Malalas of this world is that you must add to the good.
I’ve found recently since the Divorce, that I’ve been able to give some perspective to the marriage episode, because there are truly much, much worse things that can happen to you than have somebody cheat on you. Not least because if you’re living in the ‘Free World’ you have choice- to leave, start again- be free. Women in particular should not underestimate this liberty which previous generations of women did not have. This is not to minimise the painful aspect of cheating etc but as CL says- the shit is finite.
Tori Spelling sits in stark contrast to dryer lint.
Most anything really.
I have great respect for the intellectual (not the pseudo-intellectuals) types and the ones actually doing something to better the world altruistically.
Its no wonder that a lot of people in the world these days irritate me, because ‘its all about them’.
This is just to say that I adore Michael K. from Dlisted…He is such a truth speaker (about the ridiculousness of what passes for “popular culture) in the same vein as CL is about infidelity. How great when both things collide.
That’s all, just very unexpected strangers to add to my gratitude journal. Thank you!
It’s great stuff. I won’t be posting here today because I’m indulging in that wonderful snark that CL just turned me on to. Laughing my fool head off.
“While looking like the kind of strung out trucker you don’t want to take a ride with if he pulls over next to you while you’re hitchhiking, Dean dramatically tells Tori that he doesn’t deserve her or his family and he wants to be with her. Tori re-defines the ugly cry in a way I didn’t think was possible and she screams at him to do something. Tori looks like a constipated Admiral Ackbar trying to push out a shit. If you watched that ridiculous clip and kept waiting for her head to spin before she throws up pea soup, you’re not alone. I thought the same thing. I wish I had a vat full of holy water to throw at the screen. Where’s a priest whose specialty is exorcising the fame whore demon out of a ho when you really, really need him?”
**Makes you never want to cry or get angry about cheater again. So embarrassing. One thing I have to say, a daily dose of this cringe inducing nightmare may be a fast track to meh.
Michael K is awesome, but Allison (who wrote this Tori piece) has REALLY come into her own. Love, love, love them both.
I watched it last season because it was so bad. Schadenfreude, I guess. I feel terribly for their kids, who do not deserve to be pawns in Dean and Tori’s sad little self-engineered narcissistic drama. Who is looking out for them? They need some solid adults in their lives.
You have only to witness the incredibly bad acting to know that this is a purely manufactured “crisis” in their otherwise unnoteworthy lives.
What’s truly surprising is that they have the sheer audacity to make cheating the crux of the drama. Hello!!! This is what you did to your significant others when yau’ll were the cheaters! Only die-hard narcissists fail to make such obvious connections.
Isn’t it striking how narcissists never learn anything from their own mistakes and never grasp consequences of their own actions? That’s why there is no real karma for them — they are unable to take anything to heart that relates to their own actions.
LB, I think CL should add a Twu Tori forum category so we can bad mouth them there after every episode.
I woke up in the night to find Kendra Wilkinson wailing about husband Hank cheating on her with a transsexual. (I must have falling asleep with the TV on during a “Law and Order” or “Blue Bloods” marathon, as my obsession with “justice” shows continues and I would not voluntarily tune in for either her or Tori or the Kardashians–any of these young, reasonably attractive females who put their lives out there for all to see. Anyway, I digress.) Kendra is crying, puffy-faced, clearly devastated, either in real life or as a more talented actor than I would suspect. But I recall the highly televised courtship and marriage (seen via commercials) and I thought at the time that here was another train wreck TV marriage served up as entertainment. And the narrative is already “chump needs to forgive” after sufficient time has passed, even in the 2 minutes that it took for me to find my glasses, the remote and turn it off. It’s what we in the literature biz call a “master narrative”–what these people call “love” conquers everything, including dignity, self-respect, and common sense.
If the reality TV show industry stays true to form, every single one of them will soon be introducing some cheater drama.
Apparently, after conferring with “Hef,” Kendra thinks the media made up the whole thing about Hank to cause them problems.
I’m beginning to think I must be from the planet Krypton or something because I am really confused by the (lack of) intellect and values of so many of these humans on this planet. Beep. Blurp.
‘Reasonably attractive’ and Kardashian do not go into the same sentence without being an oxymoron. They’re skanks. And they look terrible. Lol.
By “reasonable attractive.” I meant “surgically enhanced narcissists dressed like skanks.” 🙂
Here is what a show like this is good for… it is a metric for who you shouldn’t be friends with… if you meet anyone who confess to watching this, even as a guilty pleasure… or actually says they LOVE IT and LOVE her… you know you can’t be friends with this person… that you would have a better time and a more fulfilling friendship with a turnip or a fence post. Now to look up Dlist…
I have to admit that watching any reality TV has crossed my mind only in the context of wondering why anyone would want to watch reality. I get enough of that in real life. 🙂
Same therapist that Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed used. I think this is all made up. Glad I no longer have TV.
Dlisted is the best, rudest, and funniest gossip site around. Allison does ‘Deaner Dialogue’ – makes me laugh every single time.
It’s pretty freaking awesome.
“The Deaner” gives Canadians a bad name. We’re not all so creepy and slimy!
But y’all apologize for things for no apparent reason 😉
We do. Sorry about that.
I was thinking the same about Tori and Jews. At least she did not make Dean convert and wear a yalmuka. Please don’t tell me she did. I really do not want to know.
I personally have a vendetta against Canadians! 🙂
Never watched more than a half a minute of Tori and Dean. They remind me of my relatives and my ex wife’s family. Bloated Dean and Pudding face Tori are “normal” Cali-Portland-Canuck- wannabe -Celebrity. These kind of folk don’t give up on illusion and cannot grasp that their drama is fodder for ridicule.
All I can say is Deanster’s ex-wife, Mary Jo Eustace, is the winner. She’s beautiful, talented and living well. Flakey cheaters are their own worse enemies and deserve each other.
Update.. I’m alimony free….my ex married her fat bald Texan gun toting meat and potato Doctor. Ex-wife, throw pillow swallower, yoga vegan mantra hipster breast implant cowboy boot wearing 44 year old, is now a Garden and Gun magazine junkie.
Yippy…yah…yeah….
Congratulations, PF! Nice to get out of that.
A fat, bald, gun-toting RICH guy, huh? I see a karma bus in her prostituting future.
Ah yes I remember the throw pillow swallower, a classic! Congrats and good riddance!
Wow! Congratulations! You should go spend the equivalent of a month’s alimony and celebrate!
Maybe you could send the couple a nice wedding gift? Some new throw pillows perhaps? Bottomless yoga pants? A tasteful round of ammo?
Or paper plates instead of china since, you know, the “’til death do us part” may be as long as a paper plate may last.
Congratulations, PF! Now you are really free of that train wreck! And I’d be willing to bet her new guns n’ potatoes guy will be watching her swallow throw pillows eventually, as the cycle of cheating repeats itself.
Congratulations PF!!
However, I think I saw your Ex’s plot line on an episode of “Scorned Love Kills,” or “Who the *Bleep* Did I Marry?!” It did not end well.
Thanks for all the congrats.
It was tense up until I got confirmation the wedding was a done deal. What a relief it’s been to no longer subsidize my ex’s flaky lifestyle.
I thought of gifting this odd couple a case of scotch guard…but doubt they’d get the joke.
Bets are on, as to how long this marriage lasts. I give fat meat-n-potato gun loving Texan and his Boobs on a Stick Yoga Chick wife won’t last too long.
I booked a trip to Italy , I’m taking back Florence. I leave on a Tuesday.
Congrats and safe travels!
I’ve always loved when you end your tales of the X with the heartfelt “namaste, y’all”.
I love the Italy trip leaving on a Tuesday! Have a wonderful time!
Thanks CL, I’m looking forward to revisiting Florence. The last time I was there it was with my ex , who I later learned was sexting from the hotel bathroom. I’m taking this beautiful city back and with a hefty alimony free wallet.
I will be departing on a metaphorical Tuesday. It’s amazing how great and drama free life is when everyday is a cheater free Tuesday.
Thank CL for your blog. Your compassion, wit, intelligence, and not shit straight talk.
“Namaste, y’all”
My Reclamation Tour was one of my favorite things I’ve ever done.
He’d have to pry Florence out of my cold, dead, hands. Tuscany’s mine. I recommend Trattoria Omero in the hills outside of the city. Cin cin!
That is wonderful news.
Nah, I’m not watching. I’d rather watch my toenails grow.
Oh, Tori, why did you turn into a slimy Cheater ? You were so sweet as Donna Martin on 90210 all those years ago. Makes me kinda sad. Jennie Garth is renovating a house, and you are doing this crap. I read Dean’s ex wife ‘s story and it was heartbreaking. Now it’s your turn, girlfriend.
Sorry I’ll have to miss Toonces and Deaner. I’ve been busy fixing a plumbing leak and replacing some wet subfloors. There’s a cheater reality show for you- Schmoopie and the Fat Man. Negative ex wife goes against the laws of nature to wield Sawzall. In revenge? In anger? Naw. To get to that leaky PEX T-valve under the laundry room. “What is a PEX valve?” wonders aloud the Fat Man. “Does it have to do with icky chores?” “No, Silly! Chores are when you lift your gut up so you can fuck me. Let’s go to Frisch’s, Big Boy!”
hahahahahahahahahahaha!
ummmm..just watching that promo forced me to block that entire channel. Yikes.
Coward! 😉
I have watched this show to exercise my unfortunate acquired narc-trait identifying Superpower! Honing in on his blame shifting, coercion, and feigned remorse. Tory once asked if she would ever be enough?–he already answered that when he cheated on her.
They should call the show,
“Tory’s Train Wreck – 2 Cheaters & Their Derailed Lives.”
Trash.
Looks like The Deaner’s ex-wife met with Tori. the mind boggles.
http://radaronline.com/exclusives/2014/10/tori-spelling-dean-mcdermott-ex-wife-mary-jo-eustace-video-tru-tori/
I think she is at a comfortable level of meh. Perhaps even feeling a little relief not to be in Tori’s place. I know that that is how I feel—relieved that he is no longer my problem. Someone told me (or I may have read it) that if a woman ever steals your man, there’s no better revenge than letting her keep him. The mask always slips and true character always reveals itself over time.