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Happy Thanksgiving!

boiledturkey Hi Chumps! Hope you’re enjoying a Happy Thanksgiving today! For those of you who don’t celebrate this American holiday of gluttony and football, I pity you there with your kale chips, eating a sensible diet. The rest of us here will be slumped over, gravy stained, sleeping off the turkey.

I’ve got too much cooking to do today to draw a cartoon so I was googling free clip art and this nose-like thing popped up. It’s from a Victorian cookbook for… boiled turkey. Too weird to resist.

So what are you all thankful for this holiday? Other than boiled turkey-free dining?

Health? Wealth? Meh?

My husband and I are celebrating the holiday with three teenage boys ages 16, 17, and 18. So that’s a 20-lb turkey for each of them. (No, not really. Just one 20-lb turkey. We like to see them compete for the leftovers. It’s like our own little Hunger Games.)

I should be grateful I’m not trekking through the snow to anyone’s house (but I miss snow and get polar vortex envy). I’m thankful for my family. I’m thankful I already mailed the Christmas presents parcel post. I’m thankful my son hasn’t spread his flu germs… yet. I’m thankful that my agent got the book proposal edits to me. (Thanksgiving week.)  I’m thankful that Ginger the Australian shepherd has learned she cannot reach the back countertops of the kitchen for turkey. (She can, however, reach the island… ask me how I know.) I’m grateful that no one in my household has any interest in Black Friday shopping…

If you’ve got a case of the holiday funks, may you find blessed distraction today (how about a Thanksgiving Day sale? Nothing like being nearly trampled to death to make you appreciate life.) Hope you’re all out there creating your own traditions and taking back the holidays for yourself! (My new tradition — pumpkin pie for breakfast. Yes, I got to it first.)

Happy Thanksgiving!

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  • Happy Turkey Day right back atcha, Chumplady and glad to see you’re spending it with family despite having to cook that 20 pound turkey. (lol) I’m thankful for waking up and that my son is happy with a family of his own. Despite some of the rough times, he grew up respecting the love of his life, and treating her like a queen. His fiance tells me she fell in love with him because of his kindness and calm spirit. I’m thankful that those who have been in abusive relationships are FREE from the drama and have been able to take back their lives for a chance at happiness. Finally, I’m thankful for all the new friends I’ve met this year who continue to help me grow. May your day be as as special as you are! Hugs…

  • Happy thanksgiving to ChumpLady and the Chump nation! I’m grateful I’m getting closer to Meh as time from d-day has been 3 yrs. I’ve got to say ChumpLady your wisdom and humor helps me on a daily basis!!

  • My sons (15 & 13) and I have crab cakes prepped and ready to saute in butter and a fabulous apple pie that my sons and I made last night. (We skip the turkey ’cause, hey, we like other stuff better!) And a bottle of good champagne I had been saving until I filed (which I finally did last month). Just watched H of 21 years drive away. I have Thanksgiving this year. He has Christmas. Yesterday’s snow storm delayed his flight a day, but now I have a house and sons to myself. I am sad for our lost family, but thankful to be moving on. May you each find something to celebrate to day. Peace and strength.

  • Good morning chumps and Happy Thanksgiving!

    I’m thankful that I get to spend Thanksgiving with my parents and sister for a change. We always spent the Thanksgiving holiday with my ex’s family so that is one tradition I am thrilled to change. Unfortunately I do have to drive through snow since a nor’easter meandered over New England yesterday.

    I’m thankful to be able to drive, eat like a glutton and watch lots of football with my dad today. Have a great one fellow chumps!

  • Happy Thanksgiving. I’m thankful for my daughters and other family. I’m thankful that I will get to have two Thanksgiving dinners this year–one today and one on Saturday. I’m thankful we have laws that allow us to divorce.

  • Thankful for my kids! Not so thankful for having to fake it around the in-laws currently in my house. But I suppose I’m thankful that this will be the last year I’ll have to do that.

  • I’m thankful that because of time and Chump Nation, I’m pretty much “meh” with XH remarrying this weekend – much more so than the kids, his mother, and his friends. The kids refuse to have anything to do with the wedding or his new family, his mother has disowned him, and his friends are all boycotting the wedding. Oddly, it really doesn’t bother me – probably because she’s not OW. I’ve received tons of phone calls from his friends and family, all upset over the whole thing, and I’ve told them all the same thing: he’s a big boy, he makes his own decisions. But it’s still vindication, of sorts, that they’re coming out of the woodwork to support Team Red. 🙂

    Meanwhile, it will be just the kids and me for Thanksgiving dinner this year. Good food, great company, no drama. I feel truly blessed.

    Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

    • Yeah, Red! I’m glad everyone has come over to the side of Right and Good (your side). “Meh” or almost-meh is a great state; I’m still on the highway to it.

      May your thanksgiving be full of wine and free of drama.

  • Hi, CL, and happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. I’m grateful for you. You made this website which I somehow managed to find and it has helped me on an hourly basis to be as strong and brave as I can under dire circumstances. You and my fellow chumps have supported and encouraged me at every turn and I shudder to think where I’d be without you.

    I’ll be driving in the rain to spend the day and night with my daughter whom I adore and am so grateful for. She has shown me what being independent is. So I am thankful (knock on wood) that my car will get me there and back.

    I’m thankful for my therapist and primary care physician and all the people who think I’m worthwhile enough to keep helping me.

    I’m thankful that slowly, very slowly, I am building a new life.

    I love you, Chumps.


    p.s., Tracy, two days ago at the pharmacy there was a mix up on my refills. I was getting exasperated and told them I had not been on my antidepressant for three days and worried about how that might be affecting me. The pharmacist said, “Do you feel jittery and nervous?” I said, “Well, that doesn’t really count right now because I’m dealing with the discovery that my husband’s girlfriend is in her early 20s.” The pharmacist looked at the woman who had been trying to help me sort out the mess. She said he’s only two weeks out from discovering her husband with an 18 year old and has three kids and is desperate to get help. I told her about this website and she wrote the web address on her hand. I think I’ll have cards printed so that I can hand them out to chumps I meet. I hope she and all other chumps in pain find their way here.

    • ML–You deserve a peaceful holiday after all you’ve been through. Thank you for all your words of encouragement to the rest of us, despite your own suffering.

      I’m grateful you have a strong, supportive daughter with whom to spend the holiday.

      And love your idea for cards. I’ve now given the address for this site to my therapist, ex-marital therapist and my lawyer so they can spread the word to hapless souls in the future.

        • ML, have a wonderful day with your daughter. Remember how screwed up we all are in our early 20s and so your X has lots of chaos to look forward to. The OG (Other Girl) is looking for Daddy; your X is looking for his youth. But you can live in the real world. I saw on Pinterest this morning that Jackass’s MOW still can’t manage to keep her boards organized. She’ll start a board for covered bridges (WTF, but to each her own) and the next thing you know she’s sticking Christmas stuff on it. She’s 17 years younger than I am but dumb as a rock. Uneducated, and by that I am not just talking about formal education, which I have to the nth degree and thus know it limits; I mean that she isn’t educating herself, pushing to grow and develop as life presents its challenges. ML, you picked a true jackass. The fact that he has moved on to a female who is younger than you are is not about you. It’s about him. Just as the Jackass preferred, for a few brief months, the adoration and attention of a female who couldn’t do any of the things I do as a matter of going about my life every day. At some point, he figured out she was clingy and emotionally immature and not smart and he was done with her. These guys use people up and through them away. You are way, way, way too smart not to be internalizing that truth. You had money, you loved him, you took care of him and he used what you gave him until he saw a new source of supply. Hyenas.

          Let him go. Nothing great will ever happen to him. He throws away things of value. You–keep swimming and writing and figuring out the rest of your life. I figured out how to do the “tricky” storm door today, and it was lady boner time, again. I read something Taylor Swift said about her life right now, that it’s all about her friends, family and her work. And she’s taking a break from relationships to enjoy all that, to learn and grow , and figure things out. Not a bad role model for a woman in her 60s, eh? You have a lot of life ahead of you, and none of it, not one second of it, will involve the predator you were once married to. Love, hugs, and blessings to you.

    • ML, I wish you a beautiful day with your daughter. Today you and your compassion for everyone here is on my list of things to be grateful for. Happy Thanksgiving!

  • Happy Thanksgiving, American chumps! Here in Canada it’s just another Thursday in the bitter cold, but I’m thankful for all of you (you especially, Tracy), for the support of my friends and to a lesser extent my family, for the breathtaking tact, kindness and wisdom of my counsellor, for the steel-ribbed professionalism of my lawyer and for the love of my two wonderful sons. Save your forks — there’s pie!

  • This is my first Thanksgiving without mfpos. Going to a friend’s house with all four kids then dropping the other two with him for 3 hours. I am grateful to have my four kids. I am grateful I no longer have any contact with mfpos. But, I am missing my son who is in Afghanistan. He is cold, hungry.and mentally drained from fighting over there..I pray for them to have a decent day Maybe hot chow with no curry LOL. Having a son overseas is hell. Seriously, I am grateful for so much God is good. And I am grateful for chumplady and all the chump nation for being here every day, helping me just get on with it. Happy Thanksgiving and blessing to all!

  • I’m thankful for my kids who are old enough to decide where they want to spend thanksgiving and they both chose my house over their cheating mothers place. Been making stock and pies last night with my daughter and we are about ready to get up to get the bird stuffed and ready for the oven. 9 months post breakup after 24 years I was seriously dreading the holidays and while I’m not at Meh yet, I’m surviving and grateful for my kids and their support.

  • Im grateful for the house full of family and friends including my two kids, sister and all her kids. For those who are just starting this awful journey know this, as hard as this holiday is, life will get better, your life will flourish and the kindness of so many will bring you to a much better place. Be good to yourself and show kindness and dignity to all, stay positive and trust chumplady.

  • Happy Thanksgiving CL and to all of CL Nation. I’m without my kids again this year, but I’m grateful to be their mother whether they like me or not. I have much to be thankful for this year and will be sharing the day with wonderful friends.

  • Happy Thanksgiving, all! Quiet day at home with my daughter, and a glass of wine with my 74-year old neighbor, who is also divorcing her cheater husband. (Amazing where you find support at a time like this!)

    I’ll be indulging in turkey but not football–I’ve seen pictures of those poor football players with Chronic Traumautic Enteropathy from all the hits they take. Their brains are as black & damaged as our cheaters’ souls.

  • I’m thankful for this site!! And my big Italian family. I think the count is up to 30+ who will be there. We’re all bringing something special. I’m bringing the Flame Crafted hams. If you haven’t had those yet, oh my…to die for.

  • I am thankful or my sweet 5 year old son, my supportive family, friends and therapist and that chumplady helped me understand there was no reason to pine for a sparkly dog turd. Breaking tradition since my son is with his dad, I’m spending the afternoon sipping mimosas with some football widows whose husbands went to the game. Love and healing to all of Chump Nation.

  • I am thankful for Chump Lady. She and this site have gotten through the last 9 months. I too am sad for our lost family, but very happy to be with my parents, children, and new friends. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

  • I’m thankful for so many things, one of which is this site. I’m thankful I am no longer married to my cheating ex, who bizarrely just sent me a text message photo of himself and a raw turkey with an obscene caption. I’m thankful for all of the good in my life. Happy Thanksgiving to all the chumps here, whether you celebrate the holiday or not!

  • I am about 6 days past the 1-year anniversary of D-Day. I am grateful for all I have–house, land, new car, great work, friends, students, my two cats, my health, and all of the people who have helped me survive and thrive during the past year. It goes without saying that I am grateful for Chump Nation, for Tracy’s humor and wisdom, and all that I’ve learned from reading here. No doubt some part of me would still be pining after the jackass. One thing I am very grateful for is that I have been forced by circumstances to tackle many challenges on the home ownership front that I’ve always wanted to outsource to some male–husband or boyfriend. I’m thinking that once I get comfortable with these responsibilities, I might be more attracted to a man’s character than his ability to clean the gutters. Just sayin’. And there is much satisfaction in seeing the lovely and tranquil home I am creating.

    In terms of those who post here, I am one of the lucky ones. I didn’t have kids with the Jackass. I didn’t move away from job, family, and friends to be with him. And while I took a financial hit, I have the opportunity to recover, so long as I am willing to be prudent and work hard. And while the emotional devastation is so hard to recover from, the tools are there for all of us to use: gratitude; love for all that life has given us–even if it is just the bird outside the window; and the opportunity to move to a level of awareness that will exclude predators and jackasses from our lives. So here I go to put away the window boxes and the screen door, to drag a few more leaves over the hill, to cover the air conditioner box, and then get cleaned up and drive to have dinner with my family and assorted others, as my cousin hosts a table open to anyone who needs it. Have a blessed Thanksgiving, everyone.

  • I’m thankful for the wisdom of CL and the Chump nation, because if my Angels hadn’t brought me here, just when I was drowning, I’d still be with X! Cooking and spackling like crazy, don’t miss that!
    I get to go spend the holiday with my sister, and her big family, my 86 year old Mom, and my sexy BF 🙂
    I’m thankful I got past my Breast cancer diagnosis, and feel really healthy now, with smaller breasts, but the cancer is gone!
    I’m actually looking forward to Christmas, and the New Year. I never thought my life would be this different, and I miss my sons who live two states away, but I am very, very grateful for what the Goddess has blessed me with! Love to you all, enjoy all that good home cookin!

  • Happy Thanksgiving!! Today is exactly six months from DDay. I found Chump Lady by googling something about cheating and am so, so thankful for her and for Chump Nation. I come here every day and read every article and every post, though I don’t always post myself. Because of Chump Lady and Chump Nation I was able to avoid the Pick-Me-Dance and trust that he sucks right away. All of you here have helped me so much and I thank you! Thanks for sharing your stories! Thanks for this great place of humor and healing with a healthy dose of reality, Tracy! You rock!
    I’m grateful for both of my kids and that they are with me and have gone no contact with stbx. We’ll get through this together! I’m grateful for my home; the kids and I are still living here and stbx was court-ordered to move out 3 1/2 months ago. I’m grateful that I found an excellent attorney…he’s a gentleman and a fighter and understands dealing my narc stbx. His staff is amazing!!
    Hope everyone has a wonderful day with lots of family, friends, food and football…Go Seahawks!!

  • I’m grateful that I can do whatever the heck I want on this day. I’m spending time with lots of friends. I’m grateful that I’m not my ex, who drove by my house this morning and I so happened to be outside and our eyes locked. He has no business being on my street which leads to miles and miles of homes. Better yet, I’m grateful that I am meh that I laughed off the entire incident!

    Thank you, Tracy, and Chump Nation. May we all reach the point where our partner’s cheating ends up to be the worst and best thing that ever happened to us. Blessings to everyone.

  • I am also thankful for all the wisdom and strength Tracy and Chump Nation have provided me this past year. I cannot count the times coming here has helped me rebound after feeling down.
    I am thankful I will not have to see the asshole today unlike last Thanksgiving and will spend it surrounded by people who have shown me their love and support since all this started.
    I am especially thankful for everything so far going smoothly as my lawyer and I prepare to file in less than two weeks. I am so looking forward to him not being my husband anymore.

    And I cannot forget to be thankful for the new job I will be starting this coming week after being laid off earlier this year.

  • I am thankful for this site. For the smiles it gives me. Helps me through hairy days. Let’s me feel like I’m not alone. Makes me stronger. Thank you CL! And thank you Chump Nation for posting all the stories and advice you do! xoxo

  • My first thanksgiving without my children (stbxc gets the youngest – oldest is with his gf). My second as a free woman. I am so grateful for your site and your wisdom. Best therapist ever. I’m paraphrasing your column today for my FB status. Today will be about chocolate, wine, and testosterone from a hot new guy.
    I lost a shitbag, and gained my life back.

    And yes, shitbag invited me and my family to thanksgiving at their house. Everyone down to the lawyers is just astounded at his lack of comprehension of reality. Completely delusional as to the damage he’s done to this family. We go back to trial next week, fully armed. Karma is putting on her stilettos.

    Happy Thanksgiving to all the strong bitches (and man-bitches) on here that survived. You are my tribe.

    • GMSBS–Congrats on the f**ktard-free holiday and the new guy! Yes, delusional suits them–mine is still trying to convince me to come to his hotel for a romantic rendezvous, despite my having filed 2 weeks ago, because “reconciliation is a process.” Amazing.

  • I am thankful for Chump Lady and all my fellow Chumps – how I would have come this far in my recovery without you all I really don’t know. This is my “take back the holidays” Thanksgiving, my first since we have physically separated. Yesterday was tough, a lot of tears for what was. Today I am nothing but grateful. Grateful to have that ratbag out of my life on a daily basis and to be spending a holiday without his smug, smirky, hateful, dismissive asshole self. I got the preliminary draft of the divorce decree on Monday and look forward to being divorced in January!

    I am spending this day with all 4 of my daughters, the partners of the oldest 2, and my parents. We will be eating and playing games and relaxing. I could not be happier. I am so thankful for them! And for: my home, my newfound ability to repair plumbing and program a smart tv, my friends who have been there for me every step of this journey, my therapist, my lawyer, that I have a food to eat, and 2 cats to keep me company. I am grateful to still be standing. Still loving. Loooking forward to the rest of my life.

    Happy Thanksgiving!

  • I am also Canadian and therefore celebrated Thanksgiving last month. It was hard because it was the first one post-D-day split. I live too far from my family to go there for the weekend so I was by myself. Luckily I celebrated with a friend whose husband was travelling, and we both talked about what we’re grateful for. I’m grateful for my health (physical–the mental health ain’t so great at the moment), home, cat, job, family, friends, and Tracy and Chump Nation. I read all the posts and comments and keep the best quotes in my journal to inspire me when I’m feeling down. Happy Thanksgiving, American neighbours.

  • Please don’t pity those of us who don’t celebrate Thanksgiving,here in the UK we do Christmas big time, stuffing ,Yorkshire puddings, mince pies, loads of chocolate, proper chocolate, Celebrations being the best and crackers, just a few of our traditions, the list is pretty endless. Plus the UK basically shuts down for a week so we can celebrate. We do Christmas Day and then we do Boxing Day. It is a basically a week long party, so please our US cousins enjoy Thanksgiving but until you have experienced Christmas in the UK you have not lived. It really is something else. X

    • And for me this will be the first year I am not a chump, thanks to this web site, this year I actually get to enjoy the party just like everyone else. Thank you Chump Lady for all your wonderful wisdom, it has truly changed my life. X

      • Mmmmm … yorkshire puds! – happy xmas Ole sammie – and a happy Thursday 🙂

        I’m grateful that when all I could do was keep breathing in and out, it kept me going while I waited through that long purgatory until I could smile again. I’m grateful for my lovely family, friends and sweetheart employer/client who has both driven me to distraction (and, bizarrely, often a much needed distraction) and given me much to smile about too. I am so grateful to have found Tracy and Chump Nation who have given so much support, love, tears, understanding and chuckles aplenty – love you all 🙂

        Happy Thanksgiving GIO x Datdamwuf x, TimeHeals x, Chumpinthesand (where are you sister? Hope life is treating you kindly) x, Nord x, Dutchchump x, Nicolette14 x, Kira x, MovingLiquid x, MrsVain x, Tempest x, Irish x, ChumpDad x, TwinsDad x, Luziana x, Fred x, Nomar x, Arnold x, DivorceMinister x, NWbiblio x, cheatersuck x, Uniquelyme x, Lania x, Ro x, LovedaJackass x, rockstarwife x, Supreme Chump x, ANR x syringa x Scott x, Lissa x, Karmaexpress x, kbchump x, nic x, myexisanutjob (I love your monika)x Red x breathe x, He’s Gone x, Chumpfor21 x, Heather64 x, Mehbound x, FreeWoman x, Jam Lady x, CRHCHK x, Mightymite x, ScorpioRising x, Gotmysexyback x … and our Newbie Charles x, sorry you had to come looking for us, great to meet you hun x. Who is it who’s just changed their monika to GoodMazel? Happy Thanksgivings to you! x. Oh heck …. I’ve shot myself in the foot now because I’m certain there’s loads of you I love dearly but have forgotten your monikas – oh no!!! Look, there are hundreds of us and I kept calling my housing officer (hurrah, I am so thankful to have met today a lovely lady who is going to help me with my ongoing house repossession/eviction nightmare) Karen and her name is Helen – which is my sister’s name, goddammit, …. I swear, I have the memory of a goldfish when it comes to names – so if I haven’t mentioned you, it’s not because I don’t love you, or you haven’t given me something really precious … a smile, a virtual hug, a deserved kick up the pants … it’s not you, it;s me! Love you all – you rockin’ angels, all of you xxxxxx 🙂

        • I think I need to go no contact from you now.
          Its all about me and my needs because YOU DON’T CARE ENOUGH ABOUT ME!

          • Bahaha, and then I realised my name was somewhere in the middle.
            Now who has the goldfish brain?
            (On a slightly hilarious note, the last captcha I had when I posted that last post was FUYCK – what a coincidence!)

            • Lania that captcha was well funny! Hahaha ….. phew I’m sweating now, so glad my fish brain hadn’t missed you 😉

              BTW – I shoulda started with ‘in no particular order of loveliness’! 😀 xx

              • How sweet are you Jayne; wishing all of us a Happy Thanksgiving!! I hope your day was awesome. Just getting to breathe another day is something to be thankful for so I feel super blessed that we have each other here in chump nation!

                The only thing that could possibly top it is if we got to celebrate together with Tracy at the head of the table!!

        • … oh flippin’ heck …. and Forgeon x and FoolMeTwice x and skatergirl x and Northernlight x …. and I know in my heart there’s at least one more of you I’m kicking myself for not having mentioned, your name is screaming at me from the back of my fish brain! Betcha I wake up at 3 am in horror that I’d not mentioned you! So …. (cos I got work in the morning so I’ll not be firing the engines in the dead of night) A doubly Happy Thanksgivings to you!!!! Love you loads, I’m so THANKFUL for all of you xxxx kisses 🙂

          • Thanks, Jayne! Hope you had a lovely day! 🙂 I am thankful for you and everyone else here too. I learn so much from all of you and find companionship in this journey we all ended up one…that will eventually, I hope, lead us all to the land of Meh.

        • Hugs to you, too, Jayne! Into the Pimms, are we? (Cheeky, I know). I just got done telling my mother how wonderful this community is. She’s a bit of a Luddite and can’t quite understand why I’d want to hang out on the Internet with strangers but she appreciates the help it’s doing me, a scant four months after D-day.

          x from Canada, where we don’t have Thanksgiving in November but we do have Boxing Day on 26 December and Yorkshire pud and good chocolates and Christmas crackers. 😉

        • thank you so much Jayne. i hope your day went well also. i spent Thanksgiving like i always do with my parents, my children, my sister and nephews. we eat and play cards till all hours of the night, sometimes we drink white russians or wine, but this year i stayed away from the alcohol. XH crossed my mind a few times but then i brain dumped him. this was HIS decision so i hope he had the Thanksgiving he wanted. The boys never even asked where dad was.

          but i am touched that you thought of me. you always have some good advice that pulls me back from the brink of maddness. thank you for that. and cheers my CN friend.

    • Ole Sammie: I’m ditching my English cheater, and sad that I may not experience wonderful UK Christmases again : ( Perhaps I’ll make a special trip one year just to do so (I know there are members of his family who would rather spend time with me than him; narcissism doesn’t make one popular!)

      Have a grand holiday season, and don’t forget to put that fruit in alcohol!

    • I’ve spent a couple Christmases in London, back (eons ago) when I was a student. Loved Boxing Day most when the four TV channels would only run movies all day. That probably doesn’t happen any more. Showing my age… Christmas pudding (suet? really?) is an acquired taste, IMO.

  • Happy thanksgiving from England. I cooked a turkey dinner for one tonight and sat alone under the stars in my backyard in the countryside. Such a different life now than surrounded by the happy mayhem that was family life. However, contentment can be had in any circumstance. Toxic people gone from my life, it feels right.

    Thanks Tracy for helping so many of us to think through the hard times when we have no one to turn to.

    • Marci – I posted a ‘Happy Thursday thanksgivings’ and ‘how could I have forgotten you?’ message … and it’s disappeared! Happy Thursday Marci, from this fellow Brit, I am so glad to hear you are having a peaceful contented night under the stars. I used to live in Shropshire, now I live in the city, I so, so, so miss looking up into eternity … my idea of bliss 🙂

    • Not seeing stars but also alone Marci, it’s OK, I have afire and cats and next year I’ll make sure to be with people. Jedi hugs

  • Happy Thanksgiving to all our American chumps…whatever stage you are at there is sure to be something you can be thankful for. I am in England and thinking of you all. Some of you will be finding it tough if this is the first year on your own so just hang on in there and try to find something to make you smile.
    Things I am thankful for – my beautiful little grandaughter – a job I enjoy – my new red lipstick – my kids being well and happy – the smell and sound of the sea – finding this site and having fellow chumps the world over to share and chat with. Thank you all.

  • Happy Thanksgiving Chumps, Tracy and the mighty Chump Nation you have been a blessing to me. I am grateful the pies are made and my surly 17 year old daughter is snuggled up on the couch and crushing on Benjamin Cumberbatch/bun whatever, the dogs are snoozing and I fixed my fountain and put out the bird food so the birds are singing in my garden once again. I am so grateful that I have figured out that I am not a bad person, a toxic person but rather that was the person I lived with. He is gone and we are soon to sign the final papers. I have friends and family and people I love and who love me back. I am on the road to a happy future. I am so grateful, wishing you all the same. much love.

  • The English Christmas sounds lovely, especially the proper chocolate…yum.

    My son and I have a new Thanksgiving tradition of going to the NY Thanksgiving Day parade. He got one

    of those stars that turn into a ball when you throw it, and we played happily in the street. We then met my

    mom at our home and we had a lovely meal watching Kung Fu Panda 2 and talking about family history. I

    learned that my mother never liked my grandmother’s cherry pie and home made gefilte fish. Neither

    did I, but no one would dare mention that while she lived! I also learned that our favorite grandma Sadie

    dish was Hulopchis (stuffed cabbage) my mother told me that the secret was getting the cabbage very soft.

    Just lovely.

    After I brought my child to stbx, I met a neighbor outside who told me that years ago her ex-husband left

    her for a 17 year old. Cheating feels like a plague. I am never comforted to hear people were

    cheated on. Yet, cheating s so normalized. That is why I am thankful for Tracy and you all for speaking

    truth to power, daily.

    Thank you Tracy, and all of you kick-ass chumpy human beings for giving me clarity and strength in the

    bleakest of places. May we all go from strength to strength.

    • Yes … that was weird spacing! 😉 GoodMazel – could you please remind me what your old monika used to be … it’s driving me nuts here!

      • I was Chumpectomy! I realized that I was always going to be somewhat Chumpy–in the good ways—wanting to make the world a better place way—helping others etc. so I was never going to get rid of those characteristics, and I also wanted to give myself a more uplifting name to uplift myself.

  • Yikes! Sorry for the weird spacing…I wanted to see if it would be clearer if I double spaced…It’s me, I think I am going blind from reading the computer.

  • No Thanksgiving here, but have a great day for all you people in the ‘States, hopefully fucktard-free.
    And psch @ healthy diet, the 5 food groups are chips, lollies, chocolate, cake and biscuits to me. 😀
    Damn my sweet tooth!

    • Cheese – cheese is my downfall Lania, dammit!! But that baked camembert, that creamy blue, cheese on toast, macaroni cheese, damn my rotten lactose addiction! 😀

  • Thankful for CL. Thankful for a dog sitter who made THREE trips through ice and snow to make sure my beloved doggie got dinner, cuddles, and out safe and sound to pee and whatnot. Thankful that although Skyping with faraway daughter did not happen today, it happened yesterday when we tested the iPhone hotspot! so she’s OK. And of course stuffed to the gills with my sisters wonderful cooking. (I in turn smudged her house for her to remove bad ex-husband & ho-bag juju. Fair deal!) pretty good.

    Better days ahead to all.

    • …ah … namedforVera … you could be the voice battering at my fish brain! Happy Thanksgivings darling x … right, I’m off to bed now.

      D’yknow when you do something that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside cos you think it’s a nice thing … but then you realise you hadn’t thought it through properly and instead probably caused offence? well, I reckon my naming everyone I love in CN was one of those things …. so I’m just going to skulk away to my pjs and book and hope everyone will forgive me and, most importantly, not feel unloved just cos I’ve got shit for brains 🙁

      Love to all – there isn’t a single person (honestly!) I don’t look forward to hearing from, and love for who they are! I tell everyone IRL that all the posters here are intelligent, kind, intuitive and wonderful people, and that’s my honest truth! x

      • I was cheered by your effort and thoughtfulness and thankful spirit (even before I got to the post where you remembered me!). I think we all know you didn’t mean to leave anyone out and have the best, heartfelt intentions!

        • Jayne…just lovely. Thank you for your thoughtfulness.

          I spent the day with 25 angels aka as my big loving family. Everyone brought their favorite dish and since I come from a long line of fabulous cooks everyone just outdid themselves. I’m beyond full. Got my snuggly jammies on in front of the fireplace and reading a good book and checking out Chump Nation on my Ipad.

          I’m so thankful for this wonderful blog that Tracy has created and all the words of wisdom I’ve gotten from everyone. Their are some brilliant and funny writers here and I enjoy every word.
          I’m thankful for my wonderful loving family, my job and the fact that my XH and I have finally come to be on some pretty good terms. He’s a hard guy to hate in spite of everything. He never left me high and dry like some of the sad stories I read about here. He gave me our beautiful home and the means to pay for it. He never fought me on anything. He gave me everything I asked for and then some. He was just a cheater. Too bad because he had some wonderful characteristics too.

          Reading here every day has helped me heal in ways I could never have imagined. I had one rough day in particular by something insensitive said to me about my XH. I came here and posted and the support was so beautiful that I reread every post a dozen times and you made me feel so much better. I’m so thankful for every single one of you.

  • Hope you guys had a lovely holiday! Thanks for all the kind words — this blog would be nothing without the community you create and the shared wisdom of all chumps. Happy to create a space and draw the occasional cartoon. 🙂 Now to sleep off the turkey coma… 🙂

  • I’m living in a different country, but I am celebrating Thanksgiving here this weekend by having my annual Thanksgiving dinner and inviting my friends and family-by-choice here. (I’ll be the only Amercian, as usual). I have been feeling a little down these past weeks, but I told myself if I could do it last year (when I was surprised to realize that it was about the same amount of work to host the party on my own as it was with my ex there, ha), I could certainly manage this year. And my mood has improved the last week too. No idea why, but I am thankful to be feeling closer to my normal optimistic self.

    I’m thankful for my community and that includes Chump Nation. Tracy, thank you so much for creating this place and for all you give to the world, especially to us chumps. I don’t know where I would be if I hadn’t landed here by the miracle that is google search. I am thankful I ended up here only about six weeks post dday, and I am incredibly, deeply thankful for all the wisdom I have absorbed from you all. I know my journey to Meh is a much shorter one because of all that I have learned here.

  • So thankful for healthy kids and grandkids. And this place. This is a sanctuary.. especially when compared to the galaxy of worthless reconciliation complex websites. It’s the only place to find sanity and healing after getting chumped.

    Happy Thanksgiving – Chump Nation! Thank you, Tracy!

  • I cooked Thanksgiving Dinner all by myself for a dear friend and my youngest son. And I thought I was allergic to the kitchen! After hearing and believing that I always made things miserable by the stressful feelings I had (?) entertaining, (I like to be prepared, not do everything at the last minute…) it was a eye opening to realize that I completely enjoyed preparing the 5 course dinner, setting the table, styling the flowers and home, selecting the music, lighting the candles and thanking the Creator of All That Is for our blessings. All that, and I still had time to join the neighbors mid prep for mimosas! Today was entirely stress free and fun. Dinner was amazing and they had seconds! Who knew? I see light at the end of the tunnel. God bkess Chump Nation!

  • Jedi hugs to all of Chump Nation. I wish I could swoop in and hang out with you all for a bit. The fire is dying down, the cats are snoring and it’s quiet and peaceful, Happy Thanksgiving, we live, we learn and we never give up, to life and love, and hope.

  • I am so thankful for CL and Chump Nation! I am thankful for “trust that he sucks” which has become the mantra that I repeat often as I continue this journey. I am thankful that although the journey is not easy, I do not have to spend another minute or holiday with a lying, cheating fucktard. I am not close to “meh”, but with the help of CL and Chump Nation, I am slowly taking one step at a time and I know I will get there. Happy Thanksgiving to all!

  • Happy thanksgiving (probably more being stuffed and/or nursing hangovers now). No need to feel sorry for us, we have Sinterklaas. On December 5th the original, not the gluttonous Coca-Cola version that crossed the Atlantic, bishop will come to give presents to children. With traditional spiced cookies, chocolate letters and my personal tradition of a treasure hunt through our house to find the hidden presents.

    It’s typically Dutch, his black helpers have inspired great controversy the last years (actually they were slaves the good Saint Nicolas set free centuries ago, they are dressed in clothes that remind us of the finest you could get in those days, colorful velvet costumes and those white large collars you see in the portraits by the Dutch masters, they stayed with Sinterklaas out of free will – but associations with black-face are growing and it’s threatening to spoil an innocent children’s party – the same one you celebrate as Santa Claus, this is his origin).

    Ex does not celebrate this anymore, since his MOW is Danish and he’d rather dance around a Christmas tree or whatever the Danes do… Lucky for me, I get to claim Sinterklaas!

    Anyway, I was supposed to see ex at the youngest’s school last night, for a teacher’s meeting. Second year he did not show… His loss, I’m getting closer to meh (still, my unconscious threw in some nightmares last night for good measure…).

    Thank you all, especially Chumplady, for getting me here! I’m surprised every time someone mentions me, since I don’t write often. But I read every day, it keeps me going in the right direction. Thank you!

    • Sucks that political correctness has to fuck with everything traditional huh?
      Wish people would just grow up from that crap and accept awesome things for what they are, not for any ‘hidden’ racist/sexist/other-ist connatations.
      Come to think of it though….the people that perpetrate that political correct crap are probably of the same ilk as the fucktards in our lives, so go figure.

    • Dutch Chump, een fijne pakjesavond toegewenst! Don’t let thoughts of your ex spoil Sinterklaas for you (anders worden de zwarte Pieten…en ikke… boos op je).

      • Hihi, no way! I reclaimed Sinterklaas last year, but it was mine anyway (guess which chump bought everything, baked, planned, organized, just so someone else could take credit?)

        • Goed zo! But why do you do baking? Why not just buy pepernoten and kruidnoten at the Albert Heijn or HEMA like everybody else? 🙂

          • What started out as typical chump overdrive (I’ll bake and clean and be incredibly sexy 100% of the time…), spoiled my taste. Once you’ve made gevulde speculaas yourself, there’s no way store bought will do… 😉

  • Thankful for family (especially my children who are such beautiful young adults), friends, good health, my job, my babies (and coworkers), Tracy and Chump Nation, and time spent outdoors. It was 92 here today! lovely weather.

  • I am thankful for my children, family, and friends (including the CL community). The support has kept me going.
    I am thankful that my teenage daughter’s overdose was a call for attention and not a real attempt to kill herself. This attempt has shown her how much she is cared for, and loved.
    I am thankful for my exH’s response to this crisis this autumn, as it finally brought me to meh, and realized I will never get a true apology.
    He did not come out after the overdose, though now plans to visit the kids monthly (ugh). He blames the crisis on me (I must bad mouth him) and takes no responsibility at all that the cheating, moving away, and starting a new family is the crux of daughter’s issues.

    Jedi hugs to all.

    • Zyx321 He is poison, glad you have detached. Just be careful, many of them have an epiphany and decide they have made a huge mistake, especially when they realise they can’t cope with the new family any better, and often much worse, than they did the old one. Then they come crawling back, but it isn’t real, it is just self pity. Stay strong and don’t let him make you stray from the course of recovery, you and your children have embarked on. Best wishes

  • Yes, not that keen on Christmas pud myself, but always buy ( I know I should make it and put in shillings, but for goodness sake dentist are expensive and M & S is so convenient! ) one, always have one hearty person who wants some, which they always leave so I throw the rest away, waste being another Christmas tradition! Anyway holidays are very hard, be they Thanksgiving or Christmas,? However I do think they give us some insight into how far we have come. I
    am feeling quite relaxed this year in direct contrast to last year. Have negotiated painlessly arrangements with the children, so clearly I have made progress. Feeling good about that, small steps people, small steps. Love to all whatever celebrations you are planning. X

  • I didn’t realise Canadians had crackers, thought it was a British only tradition. Makes sense though, perhaps we should have a bad cracker joke competition after 25th? Just to lighten the mood, as I know we all suffer, to varying degrees, over Christmas so might be good for light relief.By the way have to say I am seriously worried that Cadburys have issued a warning about a shortage of chocolate in the coming year. WTF !!! Seriously WTF!!!! I don’t think I can take much more pain and suffering!

  • I am so grateful this year. Last week I was homeless a second time, due to the shitbag, and had no money, again thanks to shitbag, and nowhere to go for Thanksgiving cuz my family is on the mainland and my friends are tired of hearing about shitbag’s shitbaggery.
    I called a my hula teacher’s mom and asked if me and my kids could stay with her. She said yes. We now have a safe place, and my job started paying, and I even though shitbag had the kids for Thanksgiving, I was with people who love me.

  • I hope the new year brings better times to you, Sweetsunny and Babysunnies!

    Of course I’m late to the party, I never was very punctual…I am still hurting some but also so thankful.

    My children and I are getting better day by day, and Stepdaughter reached out to wish us a happy holiday. We had a nice one, a big family event. So grateful that I lost no friends or family members in the breakup.

    When I got home from the family dinner, I had a good cry. I say good, because it was nothing like the wedding I went to in August where I just wanted to die. I still felt like I had a big wound in my chest, I was less than alone, less than whole. This felt like your garden variety grief. This I can handle.

    And I am grateful for this site. I am loathe to think what shape I would be in if I had not found you all. I recently had to communicate with ex (hopefully for the last time) and as usual that had me in a setback. I took the occasion to read over the minimal email communication I had allowed since he moved out to be with Schmoopie No More, and there was a marked difference in the health and clarity after I started reading here. By the end, I’m incredibly proud how I have only responded to him when absolutely necessary, seen right through his hoovering and implying I was rude to not be friends, absolutely decimated his blameshifting and shut down his attempts to see me or manipulate others.

    The thing I am most thankful for? I believe he deserves his current financial and emotional suffering. When Schmoopie realized he actually had no discretionary money of his own, and he only could afford secret dinners and gifts when he lived with me, she split like the dirty skank she is. He threw away his family, his integrity, and a great comfortable life for a 3 month fling, and now has no friends, no money no one to count on, and his daughter is less than thrilled with his life choices.

    While I think, hey, consequences! I’m most thankful that I didn’t have to do anything to bring his about. I’m thankful that I can look back and be proud I was a good wife who loved genuinely and has nothing to be ashamed of. And that what I wanted out of life was just my family, and I tried my best. I am thankful that I am where I am on the merit of my own actions, and the help I received here.

    Bring on Christmas!

  • I am still in a food coma.

    I drove to my mother’s house, and celebrated Thanksgiving with 10 family members and 4 dogs. It was a cheater-free celebration, as I left STBX at our home. Apparently there was a break-in attempt. And oh, he now is sick, has flu (or “attention flu,” as my sister-in-law said). I am sure he had dinner with Schmoopie, but I didn’t really care if he had warmed-over Beefaroni, the new go-to dinner to show that yes, he can cook!

    I drive back tomorrow. Soon, STBX will be X and I won’t even even be texted about his flu. 🙂

    • Sweetsunny and Babysunnies – I too wish you a better time in 2015, but you can rejoice in knowing you’re free of the negative drame! Luziana – Wow! Talk about Karma. Most of us don’t often get the chance to see it play out, but it sure didn’t take long for everything to go badly for your hubby, and I’m sure he regrets every hurt he caused you. Glad you’ve been able to move on. ChumpLady – good for you to be able to have a good time for the holidays, despite everything you’ve had to go through. Again, this site is an awesome place to connect with others and to hopefully lessen some of the pain. Hugs…

      • Thank you, Ro! I think h’es just reaping what he’s sown. I am incredibly lucky. I’ve had wonderful support through this whole consarned episode! Thanks for your kind words!

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