An alert chump sent me this Dr. Phil clip on “Sugar Babies.” For those of you who have more prosaic affair partners (and probably retain your retirement savings accounts), Sugar Babies are those um, scholarship recipients of Sugar Daddies — men who meet young girls online and financially support them. This one claims she doesn’t provide other services, except prance around topless and let men lick her feet for $500.
You can watch this and think, “Oh dear, Dr. Phil is going for the Jerry Springer demographic.” Or you may think “WTF with the bows in your hair, kid? Are you seven? Do you have a Minnie Mouse fetish?” Or you might just dismiss everything she has to say because she’s a tart-ishly attired, vapid girl with no ambition in life other than to let stupid wealthy men support her.
This is what I thought:
She’s saying EXACTLY what the Reconciliation Industrial Complex says about affairs.
1.) It’s your fault. It’s all because you got fat and didn’t wear makeup and lived in sweat pants. Direct quote!
2.) You weren’t meeting their needs. She’s got the “gift of gab.” She’s just there to talk. “I think of myself as a therapist.” They’re so lonely, these men. They just want someone to connect with!
3.) You weren’t keeping their attraction. “Let’s keep things spicy!” Notice how many times she says “spicy.” I’m thinking the young strumpet read Esther Perel. (If she reads. I have some doubt.)
4.) Affairs make your marriage stronger. See, these Sugar Daddies visit her and come home happy and now they’ll be nicer to you! (Even though you don’t deserve it, because you’re fat and wear sweat pants.) Win, win!
Okay, unicorns mean affairs make your marriage stronger in that you’ll recommit even MORE after this terrible crisis, but IMO cheaters see affairs make your marriage stronger as you suck, you can’t meet all my various needs, cake is great.
I don’t think Dr. Phil or the audience are buying it coming from a young woman who looks like a stripper. What she needs is a proper suit and a Ph.D. and then they’ll listen to her. And maybe a Belgian accent.