It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like… Infidelity

holly_petraeus It’s the Christmas season — and you all know what that means, don’t you? A new crop of freshly minted chumps.

I don’t know what it is about the holidays that inspires sudden tragedy. My mom used to work as a renal dietician and every year Christmas would bum her out because half her patients died eating Christmas cookies or some other forbidden delicacy. (Kidney disease being rather unforgiving about the Wrong Sort of Diet.)

Is it me, or do people just seem to kick off around the holidays more?

Death, over spending, family get-togethers — it’s already a season packed with drama, so why not add a D-Day?

I have theories as to why so many of us discover infidelity around the holidays:

1. Shopping. Cheaters are lazy. How many people discovered receipts, which led them to uncovering affairs? Either cheaters get sloppy and leave their receipts laying around, (diamond earrings? I didn’t get diamond earrings…), or they get you the same gift they got the affair partner, or more commonly, they get you an absolutely craptacular gift or forget you all together. (GladIt’sOvers consolation wash cloth comes to mind.)

2. Affair partners get uppity. Another reason affairs are discovered at the holidays is affair partners get demanding and want togetherness during the significant holidays. It’s a bit harder to conceal a spouse at Christmas, or make up lame excuses why you can’t be with your family on Christmas Eve. (No, I have to work. Really. End of year audits. So sorry.) And scorned affair partners often like nothing more than to blow up the holidays for the schmoopie who can’t be there with them.

3. You’re actually forced to spend time around your family. Cheaters can usually juggle the double life fairly well because life is full of obligations and places to be. Except at the holidays, you’re supposed to slow down and businesses close, and people take time off, and goddamn, you have to BE together. The in-laws visit for four days, where’s a cheater supposed to take their private phone calls? Children are expecting you to actually hang out with them, and set up the Hot Wheels track. It’s harder to slip out and find excuses.

So, we all know what happens next — D-Days.

Some chump somewhere right now is finding out in some horrific way that their partner is cheating on them, and the holiday is going to be one long buffet of shit sandwiches, as they either choke down this knowledge or feign happy togetherness at the holidays.

Let’s hope they find us. And Santa brings them a new life this year. Happy, authentic holidays, chumps.

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Regina
Regina
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

CL-LOVE that cartoon, might be my favorite-shines light on the absurdity of it all. Laugh every time I have seen it

TimeHeals
TimeHeals
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

You forgot to mention affairs that start at Office Christmas Parties.

mary
mary
9 years ago
Reply to  TimeHeals

…or with the so-called Xmas kiss.

ramonthedog
ramonthedog
9 years ago
Reply to  mary

Yeah, It’s not their fault. It was the mistletoe, they had to kiss. It’s State Law or something.

UnderConstruction
UnderConstruction
9 years ago
Reply to  ramonthedog

Yeah, we shouldn’t have let them get so close to the mistletoe. We knew there would be mistletoe at the party. They had no choice, and it *was* our fault, after all. We should be apologizing to them, really.

IHaveHate
IHaveHate
9 years ago
Reply to  ramonthedog

Ramon….love ‘it’s state law or something’!!!

SerialChump - Jen
SerialChump - Jen
9 years ago

Yep, all the D-days that I remember were on either Mother’s Day, my birthday, or around Christmas.

Justine
Justine
9 years ago

It’s all so cliche isn’t it? I found out about the affair in January (6 years ago now) and did a bit of snooping. Found the receipt from the jewellers for a gold and diamond necklace (which was actually from the next affair although I didn’t know at the time there’d been more than one). They all think they’re so special and unique but really, it’s all the same tired old BS.
To those just finding out for the first time, life is better on the other side.

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
9 years ago

I found out less than a week before Thanksgiving in 2010 so I got a nice helping of shit sandwiches that year. Sadly, the Chump Lady didn’t come up in any of my searches for “infidelity help” but better late than never right?

I hate that people get ddays around the holidays but here’s to hoping that Santa can provide a little relief with Google and this website!

minda
minda
9 years ago
Reply to  cheaterssuck

I had a Thanksgiving D-day too. No holiday weight gain for me that year…with the psychological trauma and all.

Red
Red
9 years ago

The first D-day was two weeks before our anniversary. The second was about a week before Thanksgiving. We officially separated a week after Easter, and he filed for divorce right after New Year’s. All those holidays were tainted for me for a couple of years. Thank goodness I got over it!

Freeatlast
Freeatlast
9 years ago
Reply to  Red

God. Easter was another for me too, when I discovered he’d sent OW a present for Easter, and was puzzled by why I would be upset. Hmmm….I wonder…..

Portia
Portia
9 years ago

I think there is another, darker and more insidious reason for holiday D-days. I think it is the cheater’s way to “pay you back” for not behaving the way he/she thinks you should behave (do what the cheater wants you to do without question). It is a special little present for the cheater to give himself. It is a form of emotional blackmail, too. “Behave yourself, or I will be forced to leave and then the children’s holiday will be ruined and it will all be YOUR fault.” or “What will your family and friends think OF YOU, if I am not there?”

Since they have the emotional maturity of an undisciplined two year old, they love the drama of little fits, and moping around and being the center of attention. What fun for them to triangulate the OW and you, causing you both to stress out and (hopefully) do the Pick Me Dance. More selfish pleasure for Mr Cheaterpants!

I know I am being extremely cynical, but I have noticed that holidays and birthdays and family get togethers are usually mentioned when someone tells about D-day. There has to be a connection. I believe these personality disordered demons really enjoy hurting anyone who has outlived their usefulness, or who doesn’t follow directions. It also gives them the opportunity to dramatically exit one relationship, and dramatically enter another relationship. It is too bad that the OW/OM rarely figures out that if the cheater will do this to you and his children, he will also do it to her, one day. Cruel? You bet!!!

overcomer
overcomer
9 years ago
Reply to  Portia

I have to agree with Portia’s observations. I was just thinking about how I used to share my hopes and dreams with ex who was noncommittal about them with me, only to discover he “borrowed” them and made them his along with the ho-worker, his new wife. He doesn’t have an authentic thought in his head! He just twists it all around to make it look like it was his idea.
I just can’t decide if he really is that diabolical or I’m giving him too much credit and he just has his overly inflated disordered narcissistic head up his arse so far its too dark for him to see reality!
Either way I am forever grateful I found Tracy and this site to help me work through the pain and betrayal of 30+ years with a narc and be able to see there is a better life waiting ahead, I just need to keep walking forward one step at a time.

Finally realized
Finally realized
9 years ago
Reply to  overcomer

Oh! The lack of originality! Mine “borrowed” SO many ideas, thoughts, favorite things of mine that it’s almost as if he stepped into my identity in order to impress the new woman! I guess I should take that as a weird compliment.

My New Year’s traditions (which he’d never heard of prior to me), my favorite music, including a famous musician friend, even my best friend and her husband and their home and accomplishments….photos of them! with me standing next to them edited out….WTF? Did he imagine the day would ever come when he would be welcome at their house with his new true love?

Even jokes or interesting tidbits I sent him in email. He cut and pasted and sent them along to her ASAP. She was so impressed with his fount of knowledge, she said. LOL!

But worse than all the examples of that sort of thing, I remember that someone on here had been trying to conceive with their husband, and had a baby name lovingly picked out in hope. His affair partner got pregnant with no difficulty – and he gave that child the special name. Ugh. No sensitivity, no awareness or no heart.

young
young
9 years ago
Reply to  Portia

Yes, Portia, I think you hit the nail on the head. It goes along with the underlying contempt and resentment that the cheater feels for you, which always confused me, because isn’t the cheater the one acting badly and hurting you?

Stillachump
Stillachump
9 years ago
Reply to  Portia

Portia, you are 100% right. It’s all about them and a dramatic exit. The joke is on them, instead of coal for Christmas, they get to lose half their assets. Haha take that scouge’s

SerialChump - Jen
SerialChump - Jen
9 years ago
Reply to  Portia

YES!!! I think you hit the nail on the head with that. My ex would never ruin HIS holidays (Father’s Day or his birthday)… but he probably had fun ruining mine. Pay back right? And then the “pick me and don’t ruin the holidays for the kids” or “let’s keep this a secret until AFTER Christmas”… all while he’s triangulating all the relatives by telling them lies before we get a chance to speak the truth. That was my Christmas 2012. I was trying to keep him from his family… that’s what he said. All while he was really setting things up to get everyone on his side.

cina
cina
9 years ago

Welcome to my Christmas 2014. :'(

Cheaterssuck
Cheaterssuck
9 years ago
Reply to  cina

Sorry Cina. I know how much it sucks pretending to be happy through the holidays. Next year you won’t have to pretend.

Jedi Hugs

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
9 years ago

I finally asked my ex for a divorce in August of 2013, He hemmed and hawed and wanted to know what my rush was for getting out. He wanted me to wait until after the holidays and I complied.

As it turns out it was just so he could set up the next sucker-who he wound up suckering when he found his way back to the original other woman who he’s been living with since like May or June. (Our divorce wasn’t even final). But the biggest reason he didn’t want me to leave before the holidays were over was so I could finish up one last online class for his bogus Bachelor’s degree..

I should have spineless simpleton tattooed on my forehead!

Sherri
Sherri
9 years ago

Yep, my ex first admitted to an affair day after my birthday. After a year of counseling, tears and I’m-sorry-I’ll-never-do -it-agains….thought last Christmas was the best ever…even said so many chumpy times. December 27th he revealed he slept with a friend of mine right before our 20th anniversary that November! Been a tough year, but bought a house on Mother’s Day, and looking forward to 2015!

Nat1
Nat1
9 years ago

For me it was my birthday. I’ve noticed here that is quite common. My girl friend found out about hers about 8 weeks ago when her husband of some 30 years took off with a gf from 30 years ago. He killed himself 10 days ago….just in time for Christmas! It’s not even my story but boy did it hit some trigger points. What fuckwits they truly are!

Stella
Stella
9 years ago
Reply to  Nat1

Sure do hope your friend’s husband had a good insurance policy that named her as beneficiary and that did NOT exclude suicide.

Lyn
Lyn
9 years ago
Reply to  Nat1

Birthday for me too. My ex always sucked at doing anything special for my birthday. So nice of him to make my last birthday with him completely sucktackular.

Chump me once...
Chump me once...
9 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

My ex served me with divorce papers, on my birthday, in front of my then 5-yearg-old son. Because I wouldn’t eat the shit sandwich.

Cathy
Cathy
9 years ago

Always around Xmas for my cheater Three years after d day. And cheater decides to bring out the mistress he has hidden for years two days before Xmas. Every child fighting. Trying to and succeeding in ruining another holiday!

byebyecheater
byebyecheater
9 years ago

Yep, found out a year ago last Friday after seeing an email for a watch he already bought me. It was for his whore for Christmas. Same watch he bought me for Mothers Day earlier that year. He never gave it to her. HE actually broke it into a million pieces one night in a rage. The jig was up. Could you imagine, “whore, I can’t give you your Christmas present I bought for you because my WIFE found out about it” She’s with him now and I’m FREE of the lies and deceit. Best Christmas gift EVER!!

KibbleFree_MightyMe
KibbleFree_MightyMe
9 years ago
Reply to  byebyecheater

BBC – I can’t say that I found a gift that was the exact same (LAME!!), but I did find a stash of about 25 Shmoopie Cards from the married whore-worker to my STBXH in the storage compartment of his truck on Christmas Eve last year. One of them even said, “To My Husband…” What fucking morons! I bet that particular card gave him his gross bent hard-on. Crooked – just like his serial-cheating character.

But in similar fashion to your f-tard, I also found a sappy bullshit card that he bought that whore, and that he wrote out, and didn’t even finish! LOL!! Lame as hell!! The bullshit & sparkles he wrote to that whore (& that she believes!) was THE SAME bullshit he would write to me year-after-23-years in all his cards to me. Turns out, every cheater isn’t as “special” or “unique” as they believe themselves to be, and the “soulmate” bullshit is tired, played out, and is as common as their cheating and their evel of suck. Us Chumps just had to find out the freakin’ hard way, and then believed it only after we’re done with all the spackle jobs.

Stupid f-tards. All of them.

Margaret
Margaret
9 years ago

Merry Christmas to all us Chumps – we are all so better off this holiday without those Cheating abusers!

tflan386
tflan386
9 years ago

Years ago, Christmas was the first time I noticed that something strange was up with my husband (at the time), although D-Day did not come for another four months. All the tasks, my STBX was regularly in charge of during the holidays were either done late, badly or not at all. The lights were put up late, the Christmas tree fell down twice because he grudgingly refused to buy a new stand, there was no joy in buying the kids’ gifts, his siblings received no presents, and Christmas dinner was a desultory affair. I have no memory of what he gave me that year. He left shortly after dinner, claiming he needed to see a patient, even though I knew he was not on call. Came home with a ruddy glow, whistling a little tune and clicking his heels. Somebody made his wishes come true and it wasn’t Santa.

Tempest
Tempest
9 years ago
Reply to  tflan386

May he receive a 200-volt shock putting up his Christmas lights this year.

syringa
syringa
9 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Tflan..I’m so sorry you had that Christmas
may this one be so much better
God love you

Walking it
Walking it
9 years ago
Reply to  tflan386

Pig

DaisyDupedNoMore
DaisyDupedNoMore
9 years ago

My STBX and I started dating at Christmas time 32 years ago. We got engaged Christmas Eve 27 years ago. First DDay was 6 years ago when I found that OW’s address and phone number in his address book as I was making Christmas card address labels. Just to keep things tidy, I informed my STBX that I was done with the marriage in December this year. Merry Christmas to me!

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
9 years ago

Damn–I was hoping you’d have told him that you were all done sending the Christmas cards this year, and that you’d innocently sent her one, as well, with a picture of your FAMILY tucked inside, all smiles. Not that she’d care what she had a hand in destroying–the innocence of children, and what a legacy these whores leave on this earth, eh?–but it sure would have sparked a jealous rage within her.

DaisyDupedNoMore
DaisyDupedNoMore
9 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

Oh she is looong gone Miss Sunshine. She started asking his advice on her daughter and making him listen to her family drama and that was the end of her! He just wanted the skanky romance not the skanky reality. Ha ha. I did put together a Christmas letter this year which conspicuously did not mention STBX. That’s my revenge – living well and happily without him.

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
9 years ago

Besides getting lazy, I think holidays might put more pressure on what is left of the cheater’s shredded conscience. Mine called me on Thanksgiving Eve on a feigned fit of nostalgia. Then she unloaded murdering my chumpy hope it had “only” been another emotional affair. Nope. Sexual, it was. And she had lied for MONTHS vehemently about that after my confrontation in the summer. Then I remember her telling me her cheating wasn’t why she was divorcing me. Really? Talk about arrogance. Now, I enjoy my holidays with my new family cheater free. Best way to celebrate 😉

Syringa
Syringa
9 years ago

My XH started his affair around Christmas. In fact Skank Woman was acting all weird at the company Christmas party. We were waiting in line for drinks at the porta bar and she was standing behind us being all wiggly and giggly and i actually wondered about it but she was super ugly and I just didn’t think my XH would fuck around on me so I dismissed the whole thing. Haha on me. He WAS about to fuck her if he hadn’t already. They were certainly playing footsies according to the emails I found later.

Fast forward a few years. I looked at my bank statement yesterday and he had deposited $2500 in it for Christmas. I’m sure she’d like that a lot if she knew. Looks like she got herself a cheater but it works for me. It’s Tuesday, right?

namedforvera
namedforvera
9 years ago

My DDay did not feature any particular holiday, but I did have a team of competitive derby roller-skaters–really great tough broads! staying at my house. Black and blue, and covered in tattoos.

I didn’t know any of them–friends of a friend of my daughter…but I made a giant pot of chili, passed out the Ibuprofen like candy (they had come from a derby) and thanked the good Lord that although my marriage was doomed, my hot water heater held out.

Meanwhile I think I swallowed valium like they were taking the Advil.

In several years hindsight, I wish I had told them what was up, I’ll bet they ass-whupped the ever loving shit out my (now) Ex. I was too much in shock to do much of anything.

NorthernLight
NorthernLight
9 years ago
Reply to  namedforvera

The alternate version where you confided in them sounds like it would have been a good movie…

TodoVa
TodoVa
9 years ago

Oh CL, you know these cheaters all too well! My first D-Day was while pregnant with my youngest daughter right before my birthday. Six years later, my second and final D-Day was New Years Eve2012/day 2013 and it was just that…schmoopie wanted to be with him to ring in the new year. She texted and called all night. I saw so many red flags leading to this day, I sometimes want to kick myself. Anyways, I kept my calm but as soon as my guests were gone I let it all out! I spent the next three months in horrible pain, among other things and literally thought I would die from a broken heart. I found this blog in March 2013 and never looked back!!!

Two years out…I’m living the life I never thought I would: happy and healthy on the other side with my three daughters! We just moved in to our new house and we’ll spend the next two weeks unpacking and making new memories!

Oh and as a christmas present to myself, I got my first tattoo!!! I love it!

Here’s to a new life…live and learn dear friends and it really is better in the other side! Hugs to all!!!

namedforvera
namedforvera
9 years ago
Reply to  TodoVa

Hey, TodoVa, I got a tat , also… Mine is Mehitabel the cat, and her song (by Don Marquis) includes this verse:

“i know that i am bound
for a journey down the sound
in the midst of a refuse mound
but wotthehell wotthehell
oh i should worry and fret
death and i will coquette
there s a dance in the old dame yet”

It was the “dance in the old dame yet” that convinced me! I love her very much. My Ex was always *talking* about getting ink, but he was and is too much of a chicken, the perpetual wanna-be.

Getting Mehitabel was one way of affirming myself.

TodoVa
TodoVa
9 years ago
Reply to  namedforvera

Awesome namedforvera! Love the lyrics and hell yeah…we’ve got some dance left in us, for sure. I’m no dancer, by any means, but I’ll be damned if my Mexican roots don’t kick in and do some sort of dance.

My exH was always too much of a chicken as well…what a pair of wusses, to say the least.

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
9 years ago
Reply to  namedforvera

I went to the Cats play twice by myself when it was still playing in DC, I totally love that play and all the songs. Cool tattoo girlfriend!

And you rock TodoVa!

TodoVa
TodoVa
9 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

Thnaks hun! I’ve seen Cats once and it’s one of my favorites. 🙂

HeartChump
HeartChump
9 years ago

My DD Was on Good Friday. Was not such a good friday for me.

Irene
Irene
9 years ago

Two years ago my daughter got married, she lives three hours away. We planned for almost a year. The husband was AWOL at the reception. Has no memory of the toast, the garter, the cake. Is in very few of the pictures. Should have realized he was involved with OW but was too busy and emotional to connect the dots. He managed to keep his secret life for 13 months that I know of, thanks to the cell phone, talking and texting daily. He started behaving like a real ass, they have to do that to relieve their conscience, if they have one. So you become the bad guy and what they were doing is justified. Merry Christmas to me!

UnderConstruction
UnderConstruction
9 years ago

Yes, I was thinking of this same thing last night while out on the street. I was thinking about how many spouses are getting introduced to affair partners at holiday parties this week, and won’t know anything for a few more months. Pathetic.

mary
mary
9 years ago

Yes, and think of all the poor unknowing chumps who smugly think it could never happen to them while their loving spouse is busy texting in the bathroom.
No wonder January is peak time for marriage councelling and divorce lawyers.

UnderConstruction
UnderConstruction
9 years ago
Reply to  mary

Super true for me. The NYE that I didn’t know about his affair yet, he spent texting his ow from the bathroom as well as (I’m guessing) right in front of me, because he has so many friends that I’d never know the difference. I found out by talking with his ow after dday, that many things like buying us both the same gift on the same holiday or texting us both at the same time, happened pretty regularly. I was SO trusting sometimes and you know MY relationship was special and my husband was NOT the cheating or lying type! LOLOLOL.

Mary
Mary
9 years ago

I know someone exactly like you were in the past. She is so trusting, that right now she is in denial, after finding out a few days ago that her husband was cheating on her.

I can understand that this kind of news is very shocking, but what helped you, for example, see the truth? What convinced you that he was cheating on you? What makes someone like you open the eyes and see the truth?

Bea
Bea
9 years ago

I found out this year, after 4th of July. While I was celebrating the 4th of July with my family in Vegas, she was celebrating it with the affair partner in SF. :/ the thing is that she has me convinced that they only started seeing each other around 4th of July-july 12th ( when I got back and was given the news that she “love me but like him to much to let him go.”). Anytime before that, she claimed they had no feelings for each other, they were just co-workers. I’m not sure anymore if that’s true and is freaking bugging me not knowing if they had anything before those two weeks. :/

One Step at a Time
One Step at a Time
9 years ago
Reply to  Bea

So true, Mary. I, too, will never know when it started (which bothered me immensely), but I do know when I ended my unwilling triangulation, my pick me dance, and my trust of my lying POS XH.

mary
mary
9 years ago
Reply to  Bea

Bea, they most probably did. They lie and it is crazy-making. It no longer matters to me when or how it started just that it did. The truth is as elusive as the end of a rainbow.

Bea
Bea
9 years ago
Reply to  mary

Thank you Mary, I think you’re right! :/ I hope one day I’m like you in which it doesn’t matter when it started, but just that it did.

Bea

SheChump
SheChump
9 years ago

My 2nd dday was the day after Christmas as we drove 900 miles back home after spending it with his family. He had assured me he was no contact with his slut after the first dday 2 mos earlier. Long drive home, that was. Kicked him out as soon as we walked in the door. Merry Merry to me this year.

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
9 years ago

Two days before Dday, we attended my family holiday party. My uncle is a top divorce attorney. Ex cornered him for at least an hour, wanting to get all sorts of information about alimony/child support. He claimed this info was for his sister (she wasn’t getting divorced), although he told my uncle she has two children (she has three) and surprise, surprise, his OW has two kids. The moment we got home, ex said he was going to walk the dog, didn’t want me to go along. He was on that walk for two hours, obviously talking to the OW about what he’d found out from my uncle. He did the same “dog walk” the next night, and then Dday was the following afternoon while we sat in a coffee shop. It was two weeks before Christmas.

He moved out the next day, but then moved back in on Christmas Eve, saying that legally I could not prevent him from doing so (he was correct about that.) Apparently someone had told him that if he hoped to keep the house, he needed to stay put.

Ex always claimed afterwards that he was NOT pumping my uncle for info for his OW, he insisted it was really for his sister. He actually got angry that my family believed otherwise. Oh well, my uncle’s firm represented me when I divorced that loser, and he never did end up with that OW.

Still, the holidays are still tainted for me.

Stayin Strong
Stayin Strong
9 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

Glad – man you just hit a trigger! Before I knew of the affair he would occasionally say he was going to walk the dog and then be gone for a long time. When he would come back I’d ask where he had been and he told me “he got lost”. In our neighborhood, that we have lived in for 20 years. And I bought that shit. Actually laughed with my friends that he was such a moron that he could get lost in our neighborhood. Now I realize that he was either talking to Schmoopie or one of his other back up plans. Can’t believe I didn’t even think about this until you said it.

trying2fly
trying2fly
9 years ago
Reply to  Stayin Strong

My POS used taking the children to the park as an excuse to call whoever he had a hardon for at the time. We had no dogs that needed walking.

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
9 years ago
Reply to  Stayin Strong

Yep. Your ex was talking to someone he didn’t want you to know about. The poor dog was just the excuse.

Prior to those two evening dog walks before Dday, my ex had NEVER wanted to walk the dog without me. And then walking for a couple hours….. I knew something was going on.

SheChump
SheChump
9 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

Glad – oh, he must have thought he was so sneaky and snarky to pump your uncle for info like that. Nobody will think these questions are odd; I’m so clever! Hope your uncle stuck it to him, and good.

Thankful
Thankful
9 years ago

Last year,

22 Nov. I put STBX out after 14 yr old son confides seeing homosexual porn on fathers phone.

1 Dec. STBX confesses to being sexually active for 8 years. Despite being OTT about being faithful all of that time.

Christmas Day. STBX Takes the kids for the first time overnight since seperation and returns them late Boxing Day happily knowing I would be by myself as I have no other family. I lost my father a month before Christmas many yrs ago. And my mother disowned me 20yrs ago due to her mental health issues.

I was then further blown out of the water when our youngest was diagnosed with leukaemia on new yrs day. Yep the holidays sucked last year.

This year. The kids negotiated that they will go with him for a few hours Christmas night and nothing more.
I think it is time to move on and make new memory’s.

Merry Christmas to Chumps every where. Stay strong and stay safe.

ChutesandLadders
ChutesandLadders
9 years ago
Reply to  Thankful

Good God, Thankful! I hope your son is doing well. Talk about the trifecta! Hugs to you this Christmas Eve.

LovedAJackass
LovedAJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  Thankful

My DDay was November 22 last year–I found his Facebook page (he who hated FB) with his MOW as the only friend. He had been telling me for weeks he was “too busy” to talk or text, using his father’s passing as an excuse (which still strikes me as about as low as he could go), but he had time to start up a FB page so the two of them could communicate without it showing on her phone, for which she no doubt shares a plan with husband and three kids. The first day I suspected something wrong–my birthday, because he brought no gift and wouldn’t spend the night. Had to get back to Mommy’s house so he could text his married girlfriend. The holidays were such an effort last year, everything done with a totally broken heart. But I was determined even then to build a great big life, and this year I am reaping the benefits of all that effort, as I am now in the second year of my new traditions and they feel so good. A happy holiday season to all chumps.

Blackbird
Blackbird
9 years ago
Reply to  Thankful

Thankful – 26 November last year for me. My kids have agreed to go to his for Xmas Eve but want to have proper Christmas with me. Christmas shopping and preparation was so much better this year without his grizzling and trumping although this evening will be weird.

Absolutely time to move on and make new memories. Best wishes to you and your kids – you are a mighty mama-bear.

slg188
slg188
9 years ago

DDay was two years ago the day after Christmas. He introduced my daughter to the MOW on my birthday. They got married secretly on Easter, and now- just announced their new baby on the way. Merry Christmas. I think my holidays should be awesome here on out.

Dr. I Can't Believe I'm a Chump
Dr. I Can't Believe I'm a Chump
9 years ago

Christmas D-Day, right here. He was just being an assho-ho-hole.

This was really the only Christmas song I like, but it became more meaningful after my divorce. So have yourself a merry little Christmas.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yudgy30Dd68

SheChump
SheChump
9 years ago

Can’t-Believe-I’m-A-Chump – oh wow, that was a beautiful song and heartbreaking scene. Just streaming tears throughout it. How true for so many. This will be my first Xmas alone for the first time in my 58 years.

Roberta
Roberta
9 years ago
Reply to  SheChump

Same for me! Mine ran off to be with his Schmoopie! Almost 41 years of marriage and he finds “Twu wuv” on the internet! This is a man who is almost 60 years old and a OW who is in her 50’s and menopausal! Hope they can sustain the “fantasy” romance, but I doubt it! He may want to start thinking about what assets he will be losing come January cause I’m finished with him and his childish fantasy! All I care about right now is that I am with the family we created and he gets to stare at her ugly mug! Merry Christmas A-hole!

Moving Liquid
Moving Liquid
9 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

Many of us are menopausal.

FreeWoman
FreeWoman
9 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

Yes, I am, and it is fine with me! I refuse to see something natural as a bad change. I enjoy the easier life, just another part of being a woman.

Walking it
Walking it
9 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

I agree. Merry Christmas you flaming turd A-hole.

Dr. I Can't Believe I'm a Chump
Dr. I Can't Believe I'm a Chump
9 years ago
Reply to  SheChump

I think being alone on Christmas is the reverence of a certain solitude. Sometimes we need the darkness and silence in our lives.

Hanginginthere
Hanginginthere
9 years ago
Reply to  SheChump

This will be my first Christmas after my divorce. I was married 33 years. I wondered about the stupid gifts I received last year. I’m sure MOW got better gitfs. Its been hard and very depressing. I know I should be grateful I found out the truth but it so hard knowing I was replaced. MOW was a secretary who he has known for 15 years. My grown daughters and I had to do some digging to find out the truth of the affair. He finally came clean about it but did a ton of lying to all our faces before getting caught in his lies. Its so depressing to see all the Christmas love stories and commercials. This is the first year I cant wait for Christmas to get over. I’m definitely a chump.

Dr. I Can't Believe I'm a Chump
Dr. I Can't Believe I'm a Chump
9 years ago
Reply to  Hanginginthere

My ex married the OW, bought her a big-ass house, and they travel all over the world. It’s cool.

She has to live with him.

Gini
Gini
9 years ago

I feel your pain. My ex. married his OW and they live in MY freakin’ house. I picked it out and it was the house I had worked my whole life for. After he left, I could not afford it by myself and it was 500 miles from my closest family so I moved back to my home state and he moved back in. It has been 4 years since D-day and he has not paid me for my half of the house. I will be seeing an attorney this Christmas break. Lucky for me, the house has increased 25% in value since he left. He is such a prick. Oh, they travel the world together too. That was something I had always wanted to do and he knew it. That lady has no idea what she signed up for. I would not be surprised after she gets her American citizenship he’s going to be single again.

LovedAJackass
LovedAJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  Hanginginthere

It’s not to late to go out and buy yourself a great gift, something great and meaningful. Being betrayed is a horrible thing, but you know something about your X that MOW doesn’t, because she’s busy spackling over his lies to and betrayal of you. It’s not easy to be aware you are alone at the holidays for the first time, but it is better than being alone and not knowing it. You keep hanging in there–try to establish a new tradition or two, even if it is just going for a walk on Christmas morning.

Chump Change
Chump Change
9 years ago
Reply to  LovedAJackass

Wow. Had to sit with that LAJ. “Better than being alone and not knowing it”. Last Thanksgiving and Christmas my STBXH of 35 years was drinking way more than I had ever seen him. He was moody, depressed, moping around and picking fights with me. I got craptacular gifts. I collect Egyptian Revival antiques, and he got me a piece of cheap King Tut Jewelry on eBay. For my Jan 2nd birthday he went in hafsies with our oldest son on a $50 soldering iron. DDay january 19th. Realize in hindsight that OW must have broken up with him over the holidays. I’m sure whatever bs he is telling her didn’t jibe with being with his wife and kids for all of our holiday festivities. This is the 13th year for the Christmas Eve party at our house with our very dear neighbors and their extended family, followed at their house by the Christmas Day preparation and roasting of a suckling pig and holiday feast. My 2 sons 18 and 26 don’ t understand why their father is not welcome at the neighbors bonfire for nightcaps after “mom goes to bed” to hang with the 20 somethings into the wee hours. Although it’s just like him to sneak in under cover of darkness, I explained that Dad has lost the privilege of enjoying any part of our Traditions. They can spend any part of the holiday with him, just not on my turf. It’s called a boundary. Those a very new around here…gonna take a little getting used to.

Walking it
Walking it
9 years ago
Reply to  SheChump

Me

Chumpita
Chumpita
9 years ago

Last Christmas was awful. We had been separated for a month, not because of DDay but because he was acting like an asshole for several months and I couldn´t take it any more and asked hime to leave but I never imagined an affair or even wanted a divorce. He would show up at the family Christmas parties and act like if nothing was going on. And then after a week long family trip for New Years, where we went as a family and we slept together, he told me he was going on a work trip in January for 15 days. I caught his big fat lie the night before the trip with his whore. He still went on the trip and thought that I would forgive him when he came back because he was going to “break up with her”! Honestly? You break up with someone for two weeks? !!! He thought I was an idiot, but those were the best two weeks for seeing a psychologist, consulting lawyers, moving out his crap, getting the money issues clear! I even lost 15 pounds! And this was all before I discovered Chump Lady. Fast forward to this Christmas, we are not yet completely divorced, but almost. He is broke and my life is so completely better without him. Being cheater-free is the best gift of all! And I KNOW 2015 will be awesome!

SeeingRed
SeeingRed
9 years ago
Reply to  Chumpita

Omg Chumpita! ((Hugs)). I found out the day before his vaca with OW too! He still left for that plane to go to her. While away he text me often. Said he was sorry he hurt me but he “needed” this, why can’t I let him be happy, then to please forgive him, he begged, saying he had to “close a door” with her, and then he planned to be with me forever. During that awful time his prev OW introduced herself to me, taunted me for stbx running out on me and claiming she was his one twue wuv and BFF. I all but lost my mind. I was the gullible spackeling back flipping love dumb chump before that. He could dance his way out of anything with me. He would seduce, confuse and manipulate. It’s sad these parasites exist.

Regina
Regina
9 years ago
Reply to  SeeingRed

Seeing Red; “It’s sad these parasites exist.”
And prey on those with child like goodness & generosity.
I have always noticed that also Chumps tend to be quite successful at what they do, from student, to SAHM, to major breadwinner, but can’t think of one who seemed materialistic. (trying to keep what is yours does not count!)
I can’t help but think what Cheaters will find out about the character of the ones who will cheat with them.
I guess this is the karmic justice.
The one my ExH went with was just trying to drain his bank account it became clear. Probably about as capable of love as he was/is.

bigsvig
bigsvig
9 years ago
Reply to  Chumpita

Awesome story!

LovedAJackass
LovedAJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  Chumpita

Very, very mighty. He was an idiot to give you a 2-week head start.

Thankful
Thankful
9 years ago
Reply to  Chumpita

You rock Chimpita.
Right now I wish I could go to sleep and wake up in two or three days. Christmas done. But not to be.

I am looking forward to afar better 2015.

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
9 years ago
Reply to  Chumpita

Way to be decisive!

mary
mary
9 years ago

I was doing well but have been struck by the Xmas Blues…he is travelling tomorrow to spend the holiday with OWs relatives and spent time with our grown kids tonight in lieu of not seeing them over Xmas itself.
When he dropped off the son who still lives with me he came into the house when there was really no need and I did not expect to see him…wanted to wish me good Xmas and had son pass on a small card to me.
It has set me back sisters…I know…that old devil called hopium. The guy is choosing to go spend the Xmas holiday with the folks of his OW and away from his own flesh and blood and tiny grand kid. I will NOT relapse into chumpdom by reading meaning into such a feeble little gesture…ooh, he must care deep down. He wrote me a little card from the bumper box…he must be missing me…maybe I should have offered coffee when he came in uninvited.
He is going to be pulling crackers with her folks, eating their turkey, accepting their gifts and, if it snows, re-acting the snow scene from Love Story now she comes first. I get a little card and his kids get him for a few hours on the 23rd!
I am remembering Xmases past when we were still a family even though they were often fraught with deception. 35 years is a long time.
Please someone who is in a stronger frame of mind tell me what I need to hear…I feel weak and ashamed to be having this moment and have to keep it from the family. I want to cry and rip his poxy little card to shreds but its on the shelf with all the rest for their sake.
They hurt too. We all have to be grown up and move on…blah, blah, blah.
Just when you are coping something small and silly can set you back and make you want to cry when you are clean out of tears.

LovedAJackass
LovedAJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  mary

Mary, remember first of all what he is: a cheater.You had years of holidays “fraught with deception.” He’s spending the holidays with his Schmoopie and her family, his own kids pushed to the side. So whatever gesture he makes, see it in the context of WHO HE IS.

Note also that he gave the card to your son to give to you–so he is manipulating his son, and through his son, manipulating you. And he uses the pretext of dropping off his son to cross what should be your boundaries. So that is, all around, bad behavior dressed up as “being nice.” Again, we’re back to who he is.

More important, though–what do you deserve in this life? You want this guy back? After years of deception? Seems to me that you are mourning not the cheating jackass you were married to but the family you built with your effort; you are mourning your hopes and dreams. And once again, bad form on his part to stir that up for you at the holidays in order to look like a “nice guy” and grab a few kibbles by seeing your heart hoping a little again. What he did was not at all nice. It’s also likely that he is just checking on whether he can still pull a few ego kibbles out of contact with you.

The only way out is through. You’ll mourn as long as you need to. But while you are doing that, you must also do things that build you up. I would say taking that card down and throwing it away would be a start. After the holidays, it’s not likely he will be around, but decide now how you want to handle such boundary incursions when they come up again. Tell your grown son not to be an intermediary and be honest that it sets your recovery back if your X comes to the house. It won’t kill your kids to know that you are hurting. No need to slam their dad; just set your boundary. And what a way to teach your son how painful and destructive infidelity is.

Even at this late hour, make one little new tradition for you. Have a drink at midnight. Put $20 in a Salvation Army kettle. Buy a candle, light it, and say a prayer in every room. (I do that on the solstice.) Get on the computer and order something you really want. The other day, I stopped at a local antique shop, a nice place with reasonable prices, and saw that it had a nice collection of vintage jewelry. Or just buy a dozen roses and put them in a vase. Make pancakes in the morning and have bacon! Whatever works for you.

FreeWoman
FreeWoman
9 years ago
Reply to  LovedAJackass

LAJ, those are great ideas!
We have to take excellent care of ourselves now, and we deserve it!
One of my friends keeps telling me – Treat yourself!
I love the prayers said around your house, that is a nice tradition I will adopt. I like going to look at the lights downtown, and around the local lake. It’s so beautiful, even if you’re alone, and I always try to think grateful thoughts while I enjoy them!
Merry Xmas, all you wonderful Chumps!

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
9 years ago
Reply to  mary

You handled him well, Mary. He is under the mistaken impression that he is so very important to you, and, in a gesture of pity for the love-starved you, has thrown you a bone, in the form of a card, as he waltzes away.
But remember, he sucks. They all suck. He is not CAPABLE of loving you, nor anyone else for that matter. What he’s after is excitement and being important to this next thing. But that woman doesn’t matter to him, for he is dysfunctional.
If I had my way, you would never allow him into your home, because your home is YOURS, not his. This would be sure to raise ire–how DARE you claim your own space?? But you must form strict boundaries for your own sake, not just with him, but with all people. YOU decide who is worthy to enter your home, your space, your time, and nobody else. And I can tell you right now, he is NOT worthy.
He is not an honorable man, not patient, not kind. He is self-absorbed, without integrity, without loyalty–not even to his own flesh and blood. A good man would never choose anyone over his own kids, bar maybe their mother, his wife. He is not that man.
You hang in there, and give this time. Resolve to claim more personal space, and to protect it without fear, without equivocation, but with certainty that you are worthy and that you and only you decide your boundaries. Work to make that instinctive. Work to make it silly of him to think that he decides anything for you. YOU decide for you.

Big hugs! Throw that card away. It’s dirty.

bigsvig
bigsvig
9 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

Miss Sunshine, your words really spoke to me, “Resolve to claim more personal space, and to protect it without fear, without equivocation, but with certainty that you are worthy and that you and only you decide your boundaries.” Thank you

Ro
Ro
9 years ago
Reply to  bigsvig

Wow, Ms. Sunshine – those are great words of wisdom to end the year of 2014, and to start anew in 2015. Thank you so very much, and Merry Christmas to everyone here. Kudos Carmen for getting such an awesome AND useful gift from your son, Damien. I wish that you all receive the desires of your heart, knowing that you matter. Hugs…www.intheknowwithro.blogspot.com

KibbleFree_MightyMe
KibbleFree_MightyMe
9 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

Miss Sunshine – great advice!! For Mary, and all of us Chumps! Remember they SUCK! And they are NOT kind, good, or people of any sort of integrity – AT ALL. And these a-holes will lie – obviously – at all costs. That includes the BS they write in cards they think will manipulate you in to doing/thinking what they need at the time.

Remember what Maya Angelou said: When someone shows you who they really are, believe them; the first time.”

Cheaters suck!!

Love to all of you Chumps this Christmas & New Year’s. Stay mighty & on kibble alert! 😉

ringinonmyownbell
ringinonmyownbell
9 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

Mary, all I can do is send you strength for this and the trust and faith that next year, this will have faded a bit from an f’ing nightmare to merely a bad dream. My only salvation besides Chump Lady is reading everything I can get my hands on about disordered personalities.

I have come to the conclusion that I created (not him) a pretty good life for the kids, myself and did what I could to shape the cow flop I married into a relatively recognizable family participant. Dad seems too strong a term here. But as you read, you will start to see that he, at his core, is a cow flop, disordered, a shapeless, stinky mess. That is what he is and will always be… As you read you will be better able to understand the disfunction in his family that created him. All of that will coalesce into an understanding that you never really had a partner, that he showed signs of disorder all through the marriage. This kind of stuff doesn’t appear overnight.

And as you come to that place, you will trust your peace, trust in your values and the people who love and support you. It will get better I promise you. Trust… Trust he sucks and always will and trust that you are a warm ,compassionate, loving, kind person who brings good into the world for every person you meet. Merry Christmas to you… and take joy in that sweet grand baby… as we know… they do not stay that way for very long.

mary
mary
9 years ago

You are so right….the first time I heard him lie with ease it was to his mother so he could get out of visiting his folks. The truth would have done but he fabricated a convoluted story without missing a beat. I should have taken note.
His family of origin was founded on secrets and lies and the signs were all there all along.
I still wonder if he has morphed into an honest and loving partner to OW though he lied to her for years about big things.

Gini
Gini
9 years ago
Reply to  mary

My ex. lied right through his teeth to his mother. On what turned out to be D-day, I rolled out of bed and drove my daughter to school. I got half-way home and he called me on my cell phone and told me to meet him at a park around the corner from the house. He shoved a business card for a divorce attorney in my face and said he was leaving to next day for Taiwan (OW lived there), i later discovered. Told me he never should have gotten married. This after we had been married for 20 years. I beat the stupid SOB to the bank and took a sizable amount of cash out and opened an account somewhere else. He went to the bank 2 hours later and WHAMO! He didn’t have enough money to go to freakin’ Taiwan. So, he stole $1,000 of our son’s high school graduation gift money and then called his mother and lied to her and said we needed money for bills and she wired him $2,000. Pitiful.
I am glad to be rid of him. In the past 4 years since D-day, I finished raising my daughter and this past summer, at age 46, I started back to college. Both kids are in college too! I have taken 6 courses so far and I have a 4.00 GPA! YEAH! I just made the Dean’s list and the President’s honor roll. I won’t that sorry bastard rain on my parade. I just keep gettin’ better. I am going to get a master’s degree in a high demand field and I will never have to worry about supporting myself.

KibbleFree_MightyMe
KibbleFree_MightyMe
9 years ago
Reply to  Gini

Gini – you’re awesome, and your education will be SO worth the effort and struggle you’re going through now. I – unknowingly – was working on my last two semesters of my master’s (4.0, like you!) while f-tard was busy cheating on me while I was up till 1-2 a.m. reading & writing papers. I found him out 4 months post master’s graduation, and the fucker had THE NERVE during mediation to say, “And I was with our daughter all the while you spent all those hours reading & writing…” YEAH!! Because working on something to better myself and my family’s earning potential is SO EQUAL to him using his time (& my distraction) for schemeing, lying, and adultery. Asswipe even was texting the whore IN FRONT OF OUR DAUGHTER while I was in my room writing papers. Fucker.

What I can tell you is just stay focused on the end goal. You’ll look back at all these accomplishments and honors and know without any doubt, that you’re more mighty than you EVER thought possible. But, also consider other smaller goals you’d like to check off your “ass-kickin’ list” when you’re done with that master’s. NOTHING is going to hold you back from now on, and most especially, not the freaking dead weight of that f-tard you’ve rid yourself of. LOL! You win! xox!

Gini
Gini
9 years ago

KibbleFree Mighty_Me, thanks so much for your words of encouragement. I have proven some things to myself since I started back to college. I was last in school 22 years ago. I can tell Ralph Malph to move over because, “I still got it!!” HAHA!
My ex. is cruising around in a new BMW and he is unaware that an attorney is going to be looking him up to enforce a 4 year old Judge’s order for him to pay me for half of the house. If anything happens to him before this is settled, his whore/wife can pack her shit and get the hell out of my house!!
I am excited about furthering my education. I am really enjoying being in school again and it’s pretty fun making the highest grades in the class! One thing I can clearly say is that our ex’s suck and we don’t!!

Lily
Lily
9 years ago
Reply to  Gini

Way to go!
The best revenge is success.

just another chump
just another chump
9 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

Mary,

Got a shredder? Put the card in it and let ‘er rip. It will feel cathartic.

I did that to a couple of my cheater’s pictures he left hanging around and our marriage certificate too!

NC is the best way to feel safe and unemotional. Too bad he did the sneak attack. That card was NOT for or about you. He wants to feel better about something.

Hope you can put his insensitive gesture behind you and enjoy the season with authentic friends and family.

Happy holidays!

Linda Danette Williams
Linda Danette Williams
9 years ago
Reply to  mary

Mary, three years later, I just received an email from my ex – filled with the words I once desperately wanted to hear. It sounded as if he had finally come to his senses and recognized the crime he had committed against me. It was short but spoke remorse. We were divorced a year ago January and d-day was in January of 2011. Once upon a time I would have fallen at his feet – deeply addicted to hopium and terrified of living without him. (even though I knew by that time he was the poster child for disfunction). I ran it through the bullshit translator in record time: I have broken up with my schmoopie (wife replacement) and I need you to triangulate to keep my numerous office affairs exciting. It was a transparently covert plea for cake. I was so glad (finally, finally) to know that I will never have to engage in his perverse and purposeful “see what a good man I really am” decimation of my soul again. It takes time. But one day you will come to the place where you rejoice at having escaped him. My wish for all chumps is that it will come soon.

ChutesandLadders
ChutesandLadders
9 years ago

You rock, Linda!

savannahpaige
savannahpaige
9 years ago
Reply to  mary

Oh my darling mary. He is being a right royal shit! He is playing games with your tender loving chumpy heart! First of all, trying to keep you hoping, so that if it doesn’t work out with th OW, he can walk back into your arms. Secondly, he is devaluing you, everyone else gets the (dubious) priveleges of his prescence, gifts, blah blah blah and you get this tiny little card. Thirdly, he is bulldozing your boundaries to see what he can get away with, coming into your house, (will she tell me to get out or will she be NICE ) Fourthly, he is wanting kibbles, cake, pick me, ALL of it! Please remember the unbearable pain this horrible man has caused you. He is not worth another minute of your time, he did not deserve your love, kindness and attention and he most certainly does not deserve them now. You deserve better! Give yourself the gift of a happy peaceful NC Christmas and new year. Hugs to you, you are mighty!

mary
mary
9 years ago
Reply to  savannahpaige

Thanks, that helped as he did not get kibbles. I was polite, unemotional, and reminded him of the paperwork I need to divorce his sorry ass! I will have my family close on Xmas day and see the face of my little grandkid open her stuff while he spends the day with near strangers. If they have reached the stage of whose folks should take centre stage for the holidays then maybe they are past that rolling in the snow thing anyway.

SheChump
SheChump
9 years ago
Reply to  mary

Mary – big teary hugs for you. I got a short email from my X just a minute ago, wishing me a Merry Christmas. He was on the train to go the 900 miles to be back with his family – a trip we used to take many times together over the last 35 yrs – celebrating with champagne and treats in the sleep car. Yeah – chumpy me, took it like he meant it. (since I never got a b’day, T-day or any other greeting this year) I was doing well until then, now I’m as blue as can be and getting darker. This holiday can be the absolute shits. I am alone for the first time in my 58 yrs and he just walzes away for mama to take care of him. I am stuck because I have big dogs at home. However, I am pushing myself to get out – and will not turn down one invitation from friends/neighbors. Tonight, tomorrow and even Xmas day – I’m doing pizza for the stragglers. It’s really hard to move on. Please know there are so many of us out here feeling just like you do.

Squeezing your hand in strength {}{}{} And, try pushing – maybe it’s comparable to having kids, I don’t know as I never had them. But someday, these bulging emotions will pass, I know it.

mary
mary
9 years ago
Reply to  SheChump

Thanks SheChump…sounds like we are the same age and got married around the same time. We have got through these moments before so I guess this too will pass…I love that little saying.

Let go
Let go
9 years ago
Reply to  mary

Chumps, I have a friend whose husband told her he was leaving, left immediately and she was blindsided. She told me it was the best thing he could have done for her. She thought they had a good marriage but after he left she realized her whole 25 year marriage was about what he needed. She found tons of friends and her sense of humor. Do NOT spend the day by yourselves. Go help feed the poor. Walk the dogs at the animal shelter. Find a VA hospital and visit soldiers. Your self worth should never be his to shatter. My friend became a beloved member of her community because she had the time, finally, to put her skills to work for other people. He, on the other hand, married again and told my friend it was the second worse decision of his life. The first one was leaving her but by then she was all about Tuesday and meh.

UnderConstruction
UnderConstruction
9 years ago
Reply to  Let go

I agree with this so much. I don’t have money right now. I’m alone in a city I moved to for work a few months before my 2nd dday (last dday, we’re finished now). He was supposed to move here next year after his current contract was up. Now, I’m single, living in a new city with no friends or family, feeling insecure about forming new friendships due to self-esteem crap from this betrayal trauma. Anyway, this Thanksgiving I delivered gift bags of 99cent store items. It went so well that I did the same thing for Christmas. I delivered them this morning – I feel happy and loved today, even though I just got the another very sad patch a few days ago. Life is so much bigger than these liars and cheaters. I adore love and relationships, but there’s a feeling like no other, even love, that comes from helping someone who cannot help themselves. It’s a fulfillment like no other. When you help someone (or animals) who can’t help themselves, you realize your personal involvement of good spirit here on Earth and everything takes on a deeper meaning. Being the good feeling for someone or an animal can turn your entire day and your focus right around into an amazing day. I hope you find something to turn your mood around today, whatever feels good to you.

Sdee
Sdee
9 years ago

Christmas Dday here, unfortunately not the last dday (big Chump here). White String Bikini in a Christmas gift bag in his truck…. unfortunately I was due a week later with our second child, so definately not for me….. cant even remember the lame excuse think it went “…wasnt sure we’d still be together at Christmas…”. If only i could go back in time and slap myself…..

Verity297
Verity297
9 years ago

I tackled him about his ‘friendship’ on Christmas Day, he got angry and denied it. Actually left on my daughters birthday, told me it was over on Mothers Day and confessed to his affair on Easter Sunday and then went on holiday with OW on my birthday.
I can laugh about it now and I have completely reclaimed those days, but really??

ChutesandLadders
ChutesandLadders
9 years ago

One of my biggest Christmas trigger movies is – to my utter dismay – becoming a holiday favorite: “Love Actually.” God, I HATE that movie so much! The man who is in love with his best friend’s bride. The woman who’s about to have great sex with a gorgeous crush, only to throw it all over for her mentally ill brother in need. The Christmas costume-making Mom, happily oblivious in her comfortable marriage who accidentally discovers her scumbag husband got a heart pendant for his emotional affair when they open gifts.

I feel I’ve been all of those people at one time, and being alone for Christmas is just my fate. Don’t get me wrong, I’m delighted I’m divorced from a loser, and thank Chump Lady and Chump Nation for supporting me through the darkest time of my life. Honestly though, I can’t wait for Saturday. Try as have to change course, I know Christmas Day is going to be one big suckfest of disappointment for my sons.

Nat1
Nat1
9 years ago

Oh Chutes, I know right! I watched it again with my kids last week and spent a considerable portion of the movie yelling at the TV. My kids luckily understand my ire but those tears of that costume making mum….they get me EVERY single time.

ChutesandLadders
ChutesandLadders
9 years ago
Reply to  Nat1

Me too, Nat1. Her pain was palpable.

I also hate that the “successful” love stories involves a creepy prime minister who fires a woman for what he thought was “cheating” on him with the POTUS, then reunites during her nephew’s Christmas play. And Colin Firth, who proposes to a woman who SERVES him.

The only scene I semi-enjoyed was when the boozy has-been rocker declares his “love” to his abused manager. But they immediately muck it up by vowing to watch porn, because (the underlying message) declarations of platonic love might lead to homosexuality. SERIOUSLY FUCKED in that logic.

Ugh!

(See what I mean? TRIGGERS!)

Tempest
Tempest
9 years ago

I hated that movie even before I realized I was a chump. I can’t imagine watching it now.

Walking it
Walking it
9 years ago

Your post struck a nerve – it has been one of the darkest times in my life – and I just want to fast forward to Friday.

savannahpaige
savannahpaige
9 years ago

My DDay was two weeks before Christmas last year. He had been acting strangely for a while and part of this was being nice to me! Not the norm.
On the weekend he had taken me to the city, took me out for lunch, we looked at the decorations and the Christmas windows, looked in the shops, he bought me an expensive Christmas plate. The next evening he suggested we buy fish n chips and eat it in the park. All lovely and all completely out of character, he was normally stingy and way too busy to spend time with me. By Tuesday night he was gone.
A friend of mine had an equally unpleasant Christmas last year. Her Dday was Christmas Day.
Although it is at times a struggle, I know I am way better off without that grumpy selfish lying cheating arsehole.
Peace, love,truth and light to us all. Hugs and gratitude to Tracey and all of chump nation. You have been my lifeline since Ifound you.

Regina
Regina
9 years ago

Oh man, does this topic bring up bad memories!! I experienced DDay on November 30th, which is not only between Thanksgiving & Christmas, but just after my Birthday (Nov 24) & his Birthday (Dec 10th) He also added that her Birthday was the day after mine without being asked, so that even my Birthday got marred for a few years. In addition, he lied about WHEN it was, saying it had been years earlier, and it just didn’t fit. I started sleuthing & found out on Memorial Day weekend (when he admitted the truth) that it was really actually recent & found out it was with a coworker he was/is still around on Fourth of July weekend (that is when he decided to tell me.)
Each time he told me something more it was in anger as though I had no right to know the truth. When I asked him when it started, he told me he first noticed her on or around July 4th, but the affair didn’t start until Labor Day!!!! And No I am not kidding! I said you have just about ruined every Holiday on the calendar! He denied being with her on Valentine’s Day which could be a lie, but at least it was one Holiday that didn’t remind me of cheating. (Even though truly every day reminded me of cheating) The following year, my Mother died on Valentine’s Day.
CL knows just how these Cheaters fly.

Hopeful Cynic
Hopeful Cynic
9 years ago
Reply to  Regina

My birthday got ruined too, because his mistress’s birthday is one day before mine (and 16 years after). I thought I had gotten over it, but this past year, the kids accidentally let on that the ex had them buy the same present for me that they did for her. So now every present for me that he helps them buy is going to be suspect for a while.

LovedAJackass
LovedAJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  Hopeful Cynic

How about this? Tell Cheaterpants not to bother helping the kids shop for you. Tell the kids you want them to think up their own present for you and it doesn’t need to cost money. Then buy yourself something far more awesome (even if inexpensive) than he would ever think of.

Stillachump
Stillachump
9 years ago
Reply to  Hopeful Cynic

Hopeful, OMG reverse it. Think how she will feel about her present. Guess she isn’t the chosen one.

JBaby
JBaby
9 years ago

I’m so lame. My first dday was Columbus day, lol.

LilyBart
LilyBart
9 years ago
Reply to  JBaby

Well, Columbus was a mega-asshole, so…

Regina
Regina
9 years ago
Reply to  JBaby

You will have to admit, it is a historic day for Discovery!

mary
mary
9 years ago

Just remembered before I say goodnight from England…I heard of someone who found out she was being chumped because she received as her present the “free gift” that was being offered as a deal with a particular perfume purchase. She did not get the perfume.

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
9 years ago
Reply to  mary

What a complete pig. Just such a pig. As if she’d never notice. Ugh. Good riddance to the dim-witted jackass. CHEAP dim-witted jackass.

KibbleFree_MightyMe
KibbleFree_MightyMe
9 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

Ahhh, yes. But remember Mary, that loyal spouse didn’t need the perfume! Only pig whore “boys” try to cover the stench of their pig whores with perfumes. At least he knew the stench of the disgusting whore he found needed a go at a cover-up. Hahaha! So that lady is cheater-free, and smelled like roses the whole time! That whore of his still smells like what she is…

kuchak
kuchak
9 years ago

I think it is because at holiday times it is in the cheater’s face how much they are living a lie, having to act like it is one big happy family when they know it isn’t. This pushes them over the edge and the beans get spilled. It is also why I believe one might find higher instances of D-Day after vacations, or after hosting or attending a dinner party with other couples.

rockstarwife
rockstarwife
9 years ago
Reply to  kuchak

Maybe that’s why my cheater decided to spill the beans the second time (second D-Day) at a relative’s wedding reception. The irony.

Regina
Regina
9 years ago

You know, after reading all of these entries, I know for sure that the announcement of cheating at such hurtful times is no accident. I don’t even think it is because they are trying to carve out more time for schmoopie. I think it is intentional to cause as much pain as possible to chumps.
Most Chumps (I believe) started out as happy go lucky people who joy was palpable. Over the years of being chipped away at by Narcs, they drifted further & further from their true self. I think Narcs actually get “reverse kibbles” but kibbles nevertheless by seeing how they can devastate us when we are most vulnerable.
.
I know I as a Chump I would make sure I did not devastate a persons special day or holiday unless there was no other option. (Like someone died & it was necessary to tell) They are cut out of Cheater cloth-that cheap bright fake fur stuff is what I picture.
I am so sorry for all these very sad heartless stories & all Chumps that had to endure them.
Certainly we must be better off without them, lonely or not!

Maybe some of us could start some kind of new Holiday tradition with our kids, sibling(s) or even on our own that will go on into the future without the Cheater.

KibbleFree_MightyMe
KibbleFree_MightyMe
9 years ago
Reply to  Regina

Regina – yes!! You’re spot on. The further out I get, I see what great clarity who I became due to the heavy spackling over a 23-year period. Just a shell of my former self, and the joyful person only returning once little bits at a time once the cloud of PTSD and the peace of not begging for affection and attention from that loser began to lift. What’s strange is that I still struggle with being completely free of that asshat. Free to do what I want, when I want, how I want, and not being tethered to someone who really didn’t care, but that I spackled for, and who’s opinion I actually valued. LOL! Unbelieveable to me now that I did that for SO freakin’ long. But yes, 15 mos post DDay, divorce to be finalized in 5 days, and thank God Almighty – I’m free at last!

Regina
Regina
9 years ago

KibbleFree you got right down to business-Good Going!!

Flowerlady
Flowerlady
9 years ago

Same here!! 28 years of slowly losing myself! Very much enjoying reconnecting with the person I was/am/was meant to be!! I’m also 15 months post D-day, divorce was final in August, and I just bought myself a cute little old house!! Christmas will be spent with family and moving things into new place. So exciting!

Duchess Chumpetta
Duchess Chumpetta
9 years ago

Mine didn’t announce around the holidays, but for two of the last three Christmases I spent money on gifts and hosted Christmas for his ungrateful children and grandchildren.

Trying a new thing (not doing that) this year.

Duchess Chumpetta
Duchess Chumpetta
9 years ago

While he was cheating, that should have said.

Walking it
Walking it
9 years ago

My DDay was the very day I took my son off to college. I had just finished a highly intense masters program, when I realized that my son grew up while I was working and attending college. I was already struggling with depression, sitting in the lobby of the dorm crying, when I noticed that my ex H’s truck keys were missing from my key chain. By the time I got home, the house was empty. It was incredibly painful – it felt like I had lost everyone in a few hours time. But I think the posts were right, this was his way of punishing me – and it worked. I begged. I pleaded. I discovered the truth via the cell phone bill and went no contact. It gets better every year. I’m still lonely. Internet dating has not been that great. But I’m learning that God must have some great plan for me to endure such grief and loss. The good news? I don’t have to spend Christmas with the in-laws and deal with their anger or hatefulness.

LovedAJackass
LovedAJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  Walking it

He’s a special kind of disordered jackass. But once you know the truth, you get your life back, with that Master’s degree as the centerpiece.

Lyn
Lyn
9 years ago
Reply to  Walking it

Walking it, my heart goes out to you. Something similar happened to me. It sure complicated the grief didn’t it? I’m doing better now, though. It’s been 3 years since my D-day and I’m a lot stronger now. Hope you are too!

Walking it
Walking it
9 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

That’s a good word – complicated. I wasn’t sure what I was grieving. The loss of a marriage, my son, empty nest, aging…..it all hit at once. For him. it was different. He re-married a few days after the divorce was final. Some day I will be happier on my own, but for right now, I’m glad for this web site and blog.

Lily
Lily
9 years ago
Reply to  Walking it

That is so horrible! Way to go on the Masters though. That takes skill and one day your son will be grateful for your example. I wish I could pull myself out of bed and go to school. Merry Christmas! I like your trust in God.

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
9 years ago

No Christmas DD, just a ton of red flags that I missed, even as they flapped and whipped me right in the face. Nope! No problem here!
Christmas fell between a November (first-time??) re-connection with OW in Hawaii, and a couple of “solo” snow-camping trips in January.
xH was soooo stressed out from work that he’d forgotten to buy my Christmas present until the very last minute, then had me show him which purse it was I’d wanted (not an expensive purse, mind you) and bought it on line right in front of me. Romantically, he paid for the express shipping–how magnanimous of him! Of course, this beat the time I’d received a plastic dog turd and a cooking pot for Christmas from him. (Typical level of generosity from xH.) xH returned every single present I’d bought him that year–well, he asked me to do so. And I was still clueless.
DD did not fall on a holiday-holiday, but did fall the night before a Spring break vacation (what some of you would call a holiday, I suppose.) He’d refused to go with our kids and me on a ski trip. (Still clueless.) So he took the opportunity to send me off with a little BD present (and I don’t mean BirthDay.) That way he could spend the week with HER! Woot! (In my bed? I’ll never know. I don’t own that bed any more, and you wouldn’t recognize this house today, either. I win.)
I think xH, a passive-aggressive coward (have I mentioned that he is a teeny little coward?) LOVED the giant “FUCK YOU” of conducting an affair right under my nose. I suppose the Twat Troll may have issued an ultimatum of some sort, and besides, they’d been making plans to buy a home together (hahah, THAT worked out well…) So, in the end, he had to fess up, and that ended that. Which sucks, because I cooked for him, and washed his underwear, and brought in a big income and, though not often enough, what with teens in the home, did provide him with some good lovin’ in the bedroom.
What I gave was not enough, though, and now he has a really great life with a disordered older woman who loves chihuahuas. And she has a great life with a sour, stingy, socially awkward dick. I can only wonder if his back hurts all the time, still. It would explain the way their love nest looks. And that commute…it’s a killer…. Hopefully his retirement, and the inheritance he gets from his mother will be enough for the both of them. She’ll get it all when he dies. Luckily, as he informed me, “she’s a woman of simple needs.” So he’s got that going for him.

Tempest
Tempest
9 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

Miss Sunshine–if she is a “woman of simple needs,” that explains why she “won” your fucktard of an X.
And you get the newly decorated house!! Yeah, you!!

His gift of the plastic turd can’t even be said to be metaphoric.

I hope this Christmas is spectacular for you.

ringinonmyownbell
ringinonmyownbell
9 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Ms Sunshine, I think the plastic dog turd and the cooking pot has cartoon worthy written all over it. I do not recall it being mentioned in CL’s worst cheater Xmas present contest. Perhaps CL will allow for a late entry. As I was saying before…we just have always been mystified about our X’s. We think that if we are just wonderful people, kind, loving, understanding blah blah blah, they will respond… but NOOOOO! They are disordered turd balls from day one, we are just uneducated about what a personality disorder looks like. We all are getting an idea about what mental illness looks like but no one ever mentions personality disordered. Alas there is no DSM Cluster B category for turd.

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
9 years ago

Well, I do love potty humor the best. But xH bought the turd for me because I’d wanted a dog. So he said that the turd was about as close to getting a dog as he was willing to get. “Merry Christmas, Love, Passive Aggressive Coward.” Now he lives with two dogs. No trade-backs!

I do love the turd references here, too. I knew I was going to be a CL devotee when she likened the cheater and AP to sparkles…overlaying a dog turd. It’s all sparkly, and shiny and reeeeeeeeeeally pretty! But still a turd. That made me giggle.

Also I have gotten a lot of mileage from the “turd in a punch bowl” reference, also courtesy of Tracey. I never knew when xH was going to show up where I was, and still don’t. (I actually saw OW in real life for the first time ever, out of the blue last week, riding in what used to be our family vehicle. She sits where I used to sit now, which is disheartening-ish/not.) So every time xH startled me with his appearance, thereby casting a pall on what would otherwise have been a very nice occasion (usually kids’ school functions), he was just like the proverbial turd in the punch bowl. And, that, too, would make me giggle.

Thankful
Thankful
9 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

Turd in a punch bowl!

Thank you that is awesome. My X is always showing up at things to be seen as the devoted father. Bullshit translator says- haha I get to see my kids without having to speak to you and arrange it and don’t doubt I will mike it for a couple of selfies with the kids and a ‘check this out’ Facebook status update.

LOL turd in a punch bowl. Love it.

ringinonmyownbell
ringinonmyownbell
9 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

🙂 I will now have the turd in a punchbowl image too. Thank you!

Tempest
Tempest
9 years ago

Me, too, but I’m kind of wishing I did NOT have the turd-in-a-punchbowl image. Holiday parties will never be the same.

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
9 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Hugs, Tempest.
It won’t be my most spectacular Christmas–xH gets my kids this year. I think I will actually go in to work. Holiday work days are actually fun–very festive and low-key. And the nice thing is this: the last year he had them for Christmas, I very nearly did eat my heart out with angst. This year? Meh. It’s a day. It sucks that I ever have to be apart from them when it’s not my nor their choice, but it just is. And so I will make the best of it. I could go off with friends or go back to my parents’ house, but I don’t feel very celebratory on holidays without them. This year I won’t be glum nor depressed. I will be happy to see my work mates and get caught up. (I work in healthcare, where there are no holidays.)
So I guess in that way, it is spectacular, because going from a manic depression in the days following BD to what I am today, which is, “MEH!”? That is a hard-earned gift to myself.
That’s my wish for all of you, my dears!

Freeatlast
Freeatlast
9 years ago

Yep, 1st Dday was a couple weeks before Christmas. I found out, left him and took our 4 kids and went to his mother’s in the Berkshires for Christmas. He then decides to text me, telling me how horrible I am, that we are over, and that I have my priorities all screwed up. Mind you, he is in Boston with the OW spending Christmas with her and his friends, lying to me about it, and lecturing me on my morals and priorities. Un-fucking-beleivable.

Drew
Drew
9 years ago
Reply to  Freeatlast

Wow, FreeAtLast, these people suck. Amazing how lecturing us on our morals fails to help them with theirs!

rockstarwife
rockstarwife
9 years ago
Reply to  Drew

These cheaters would choose projection over introspection any day.

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
9 years ago
Reply to  Freeatlast

Ah, par for the course. This is the club you never thought you’d be in, where words like that from a cheater are no longer appalling to those of us who’ve heard it all, or mostly all. And even when we hear something new, it ain’t really new, as it follows a pattern of finger-pointing and blame-shifting that is really almost amusing in its audacity. But that’s how they roll. Now you know.
Ridiculous. And who’d want to be with someone so pathetic?

Thankful
Thankful
9 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

Cheaters and their twisted moral compass.

I for one am so glad I no longer have to live under that twisted logic.

Freeatlast
Freeatlast
9 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

Exactly. That was almost 2 years ago. I’ve since divorced his dumbass, have my kids, and am in therapy doing the hard work to understand why I put up with his shit for so long. I should write down all the awful things he has said to me, truly shocking.

Tempest
Tempest
9 years ago
Reply to  Freeatlast

Freeatlast–you should write down all the horrible things he has said. Post them here–you’ll find tons of other chumps heard the same things, almost verbatim. Cheaters are not an imaginative lot.

ANC
ANC
9 years ago

Should have known with the knife sharpener gift. Really?! Backstabbing mofo.

I’m learning to be expectant about someone actually caring about me and showing it in every way, like I did with the creep.

Tempest
Tempest
9 years ago
Reply to  ANC

I can see how that knife sharpener might come in handy…..

Tempest
Tempest
9 years ago

First Christmas after my 9/11 D-day this year (yup). There was a frisson of pleasure in not signing his name to the Christmas cards. There will be a few surprised recipients.

ANC
ANC
9 years ago

Warm holiday wishes to all of you. May the New Year bring peace, contentment and HAPPINESS!

Drew
Drew
9 years ago
Reply to  ANC

Yes, warm holiday wishes. I may be alone, but I am never as alone as I was in a marriage that didn’t work. One day at a time, newbies. Grieve. Honor your Chumpy heart. And baby steps forward. There are small gifts for us to notice every day. Surround yourself with kindred spirits. Stay busy. ANC, and this too. “May the New Year bring peace, contentment, and happiness!”

Rally Squirrel
Rally Squirrel
9 years ago
Reply to  Drew

“I may be alone, but I am never as alone as I was in a marriage that didn’t work.”

Sing that truth, sister. To be in a house with a husband who acts like not only do you not matter, you don’t even exist — loneliest feeling on Earth.

What you discover eventually, once you get away from the disordered ass, is that you had given him the power to determine your value. Going No Contact gives you the space and time to gain presence of mind. You can begin to reclaim that power.

You become — slowly, ploddingly — aware of your own strength. Because you’re surviving something traumatic. Hour by hour. Day by day. That strength belongs to you and nobody else. It’s the first whisperings of your power. And eventually, you’ll have the mental, emotional and physical distance to appreciate that even at your weakest, you had more strength in you than your pathetic ex-spouse could ever hope to have on his very best day.

Kimberly Abrams
Kimberly Abrams
9 years ago

Nothing says “Merry Christmas”!and “Happy Holidays” like serving my serial cheating husband with divorce papers – which happened today – after enduring almost a year since the first D-day. I should feel mighty. Instead. I feel sorrow and weariness. Enduring Christmas this year and fervently waiting for “Tuesday” Is this normal?

Thankful
Thankful
9 years ago

Yep. Mine got served on the 1st of December. And if all goes well at court in January. I will be divorced for my next birthday.

Drew
Drew
9 years ago

Yes, you are mighty, Kimberly, and will feel sorrow. It is a process, grief, and we each experience it differently. No contact saved me…. Just know Chump Nation is here.

Tempest
Tempest
9 years ago

Kimberly–Miss Sunshine is right. Filing gives you the sense of the enormity of ending a marriage. Of course you’re going to mourn, but you’re mourning the good times, and let’s face it–those were becoming fewer and farther between.

You filed; that means you took a step toward self-respect. It took two days after filing before I felt MIGHTY!! Has that been my consistent mood? No, there are low times, and then I go back to feeling strong. It cycles through anger, depression, and feeling relieved/empowered, and each week has more hours than the last of feeling good.

One trick, though, is to maintain no contact with cheater–the more you are exposed to their emotional shenanigans, the harder it is to cycle up.

Jane lamczyk
Jane lamczyk
9 years ago

Kimberly a.
I wish I were you .i’m here with toddler/middle school “man”. Being abusive to me.pray I get the the courage to file. Peace and love to you.

Tempest
Tempest
9 years ago
Reply to  Jane lamczyk

Jane–baby steps. Go file (I filed pro se by downloading the documents on-line). Think to yourself, “I can withdraw the divorce petition later.” That will give you the courage to file even in the face of uncertainly, and filing itself is empowering. Then baby steps toward total pest-removal.

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
9 years ago

Yep–totally normal. One day you will be able to congratulate yourself for hiking up your skirt and doing what has to be done, and you will realize it was the beginning of a very good life. But now? Now you mourn the loss of what Could Have Been, of what you thought you had (but, sadly, didn’t, after all.) That’s because you’re human. Allow yourself to grieve–there’s no way around it, but through it.

As Sir Winston Churchill once said, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” I loved that quote. And this is war, you know. A war to reclaim YOU.

Big hugs!

danabern7
danabern7
9 years ago

I think,this is my opinion, that with Christmas it’s the time to get engaged. Believe me, I spent 6 years waiting at Christmas for an engagement ring that was never gonna happen( I thank God or unanswered prayers,in the end). So, I think APs get anxious and start demanding divorce him, her or marry me.so it’s a lot of stress

PF
PF
9 years ago

My ex wife is jewish , and I did not convert, but our children have been raised jewish. Funny, the last guy she cheated with was a Roman Catholic of Italian Heritage. I read their emails and texts, and the a-hole mentioned going to Christmas Eve mass, and my stupid wife sent him a picture of the menorah on our kitchen table.

It’s hilarious now, and kind of like a black comedy. Cheaters are big on holidays, a holiday is an accessory to their skewed sense of specialness and they take themselves seriously, which in itself is hilarious.

This time of year, the religious time of celebration is a big deal for narcissists.

Regina
Regina
9 years ago
Reply to  PF

It seems to me more like it is hard for them on Christmas to relinquish the spotlight to Christ for even a day.

LovedAJackass
LovedAJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  Regina

Bingo! I think one reason why holidays are hijacked by cheaters is that they must be at the center of everyone’s attention. A holiday is focused on family as a unit, and often extended family, as well. I think cheaters often resent their families as a whole because they do not want to be part of something larger than themselves. They want to blot out the sun, all on their own.

Regina
Regina
9 years ago
Reply to  LovedAJackass

Mine had something going every year…he didn’t feel good, he didn’t want any gifts and would angry if we got him one anyway, his back was out, you name it, there was always a reason to make the household miserable for the Holidays. I had big FOO issues like many of you, but as soon as I could have a drama free Christmas I was SO happy! I remember before we got married he said he couldn’t wait for the Holidays with me. Little did I know he couldn’t wait to RUIN the Holidays, not share them!!

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
9 years ago
Reply to  PF

That is a very, very good point–they wrap themselves in holiday festivities to seem human. Often they co-opt the work of their spouses, taking credit for how the beauty of the season makes them look.

Digbert
Digbert
9 years ago

When I asked my XH why did he have to run off 2 weeks before Xmas Andy birthday he said that thought if he had have gone through Xmas and then left it would have ruined Xmas for me – forever!!!!!!!! Yeah that’s his logic

Digbert
Digbert
9 years ago

That should have said and my birthday ……

Freeatlast
Freeatlast
9 years ago

Oh, should add, 1st Dday was in Dec. 2012. Last year, Dec. 24, I had him served with divorce papers! Love it! Oh….. the indignation as he read that I wanted alimony! He was seething. Ha ha. 🙂 I forgot I had a happy story to look back on.