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Cheater Freak Christmas Contest!

xmas6It’s time again for our Cheater Freak Christmas Contest!

This is how the game is played. You determine what parts of your infidelity story  make you Freak of the Week. I want the weird, WTF details.

For example, my husband and I know a fellow whose (now ex) wife had special wedding rings crafted for when she and her OM had trysts. That’s a contender!

The object here is to be as SUCCINCT as possible. No essays! You can comment on other people’s submissions, but each submission needs to be three brief sentences, tops.

For example, my submission would go like this.

1) He had the same mistress for over 20 years and three marriages.

2) OW and ex apparently had a kid together and she passed the paternity off on her brother-in-law.

3) After boinking his OW in Vermont, he drove home and presented me with a one-pound bag of coffee.

Last year, we had nearly 600 submissions (which still make for some pretty awesome reading). Every day this blog is gathering new chumps and new stories. You veterans are more than welcome to submit your previous stories, (we never grow tired of BarristerBelle’s story of her ex who jumped around furiously in a sleeping bag). One caveat — GladIt’sOver cannot play! She destroys the competition every time with her dancing Yeti ex and his gifts of half-eaten box of Cream of Wheat. We’re amateurs here, Glad.

The contest goes until Friday, December 19. After which, I choose the top 12 contenders and draw 12 cartoons depicting “On the First Day of Christmas My Cheater Freak Gave to Me.” Then I go collapse in a heap and have some Christmas cookies.

So BRING IT ON, chumps! Let the competition begin!

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • 1) Told me I too, should get on Match.com – “You’d do really well on it”.
    2) Waggled empty ring finger (during anniversary dinner) & said “you think I don’t wear it because of the weight I lost? Why do you think I lost the weight? I’ve got a plan B,C, &D”.

    • He texted me lovelorn messages drunk out of his mind after getting wasted at the stipclub: “Why don’t you accept me”, he lamented! Bullshit trabslator: “Why don`t you accept me warts and all. I ll fuck those lil whores but your my queen that I love.” Wowww, I feel so special!! What a sweet talker! Except, that it`s a pretty shallow and lonely world when you`re boinking anything that moves but not eating cake! Poooor hijo de puta!

      • Yeah, he seemed shocked when he got served – thanks CN!!! You all don’t even know how much you have helped me. Seriously. Saved my sanity, made me realize I’m not crazy.

    • Oh! I have a #3!!
      He bought a $400 shirt at a high end retailer – paid cash for the shirt except for $28, the amount of a box of high end chocolates I usually get for VDay… so when I saw the CC bill, I would think he bought me chocolates..

  • After hooking with the MOW in Texas at one of his conferences, MOW gifted Cheater a branding iron in the shape of his last name initial. He proudly displayed this memento in my home….until I fucking connected the dots and tossed it.

    Last year, after DDAY, Cheater requested as a gift for Christmas a binder for all of his NYC Broadway theater Playbills. A storage memento of all of the Broadway shows he attended with the MOW from the past decade. (wtf)

    • WOww 10 years this rigamarol…why did he not come clean instead of going through so much trouble??? Very weird indeed!

      • “As soon as this hurts my family, it’s OVER…” Direct quote of entitled, academy award winning NPD ass. I’m in the pissed at myself phase because I never knew until I busted his ass. But….that’s not all….he began EA/PA’s around the 2 yr mark of the 20yr marriage.

        But there is a light at the end of this tunnel :). Getting I’s dotted and T’s crossed.

        • Sounds eerily familiar – I know thing he made it to year 5 in 21 year old marriage but then made up for lost time so to speak…

      • Well, he tried to jokingly brand me, so I would say YES. He has zero originality and she gifted it to him. They are both pretty sick people in so many ways.

  • My cheater told me she was going to visit an old college friend in Oregon (even emailed me a fake airline ticket receipt). Instead she flew to Vegas to hook-up with a married dude she met online. She called me and the kids each night to say she missed us describe the natural beauty of “Oregon.”

    Oregon? More like Whoregon.

      • How old were your kids when you divorced Nomar? Do you have joint custody? How did she get a fake receipt? Maybe there’s a casino with hemp sweatshirts and patchouli odor that is intended to represent “Oregon” somewhere on the Vegas strip?

        • Our sons were 12 and 16 when the marriage blew up. Had 50-50 custody until the youngest turned 14 and chose to live primarily with his mother since she enforced zero boundaries and I insisted on unreasonable demands like, you know, video games limits and bed times and decent grades and not hanging out with friends who smoked pot. Standard visitation after that. True suckitide. Fake receipt was not problem for the ex since she co-owned a publishing company and did online design work.

          Great symbol of our marriage, that receipt: Fake, fake, fake.

      • Or it could be a new insecticide for cheating wives and OW – “When confronted with those pesky female cheaters who just won’t go away, one treatment of Whore-Be-Gone and you will instantly be whore free.”

  • One very broke Christmas STBX received money from his mother. He bought an electronic keyboard because he “must feed his soul” and pity me if I can’t fathom how important that is. Meanwhile the kids and I got nothing.

  • My fave- Before I knew of OW she came to town on a “business trip” and my ex wanted me to pick her up at the airport with one day’s notice. I had plans with the kids and couldn’t pick her up on short notice. Later he told me that if I had met her on that day that he wouldn’t have had an affair with her.

  • 1. I got an anonymous letter at work exposing Ow #1 – which my boss opened (Yes, I am a Chump at work too 🙁 )
    2. Before I could confront him I saw him kissing OW #2
    3. Dday he confesses letter writer was an OW also, and that he’d been cheating from DAY 1 … for 13 years.

      • And was he actually a Mason? I’m sure there are plenty of cheating Masons, but, officially, his behavior could get him kicked out. Then he wouldn’t need the ring. 9 k? 🙂

        • My STBX is a Mason. I think he’s in the line, too. He’s active in both York and Scottish Rite. I know that while there are plenty of cheating Masons, Freemasonry is a fraternity that prides itself on helping good men become better. Moral character is important.

        • He’s a mason and Scottish rite and 32nd degree mason simply because he thinks it makes him look mysterious. He wears the ring to show off (9K, hahaha) and he rarely goes to meetings and never does anything for charities. I’ve thought about going to them, but it’s such a boys club — they have basically sworn to have each other’s backs no matter what.

  • He texted me lovelorn messages drunk out of his mind after getting wasted at the stipclub: “Why don’t you accept me”, he lamented! Bullshit trabslator: “Why don`t you accept me warts and all. I ll fuck those lil whores but your my queen that I love.” Wowww, I feel so special!! What a sweet talker! Except, that it`s a pretty shallow and lonely world when you`re boinking anything that moves but not eating cake! Poooor hijo de puta!

  • The weekend before D-day I was invited to their date night. At the nightclub, cheater started dancing with me with his front rubbed up against my back (the kids call that freak dancing, hahahaha!). At one point, I looked in the mirror and OW was freaking him from behind at the same time. A cheater sandwich!

    • The ultimate cake-eater wet-dream–triangulation that (as they used to say on American Bandstand) “has a good beat and you can dance to it!” The only thing that might’ve topped that for him is if the two of you had started fighting over him. What a loathsome shitstain of a human being.

    • Thanks Dat and nomar. I was trying to keep it brief but I should have added that I immediately left the dance floor when I saw that and went to the car. When we got home and I questioned cheater about it he said, “What’s the big deal? I dance with your sister like that!” Uh, no. I then devised my plan to find out what was really going on with those “just friends” and viola – D-day three days later.

  • While confronting my (now) ex wife who is a marriage therapist about the OM, I remember her telling me with a straight-face that the OM had nothing to do with our marriage problems. The next month she relaunches her private counseling practice as a practice from a Christian perspective (in bold letters) specializing in rebuilding trust and helping those dealing with infidelity. This is still during the time she was denying the affair/gas-lighting me.

    • Winner, winner, DM! Not sure it will make a great cartoon but a Christian marriage counselor pulled that nonsense! Run, clients, run!

      • Jesus Cheater providing marriage counseling from a Christian perspective; thou shalt not commit adultery, if you do, we are here to help you blame your spouse and get them back on God’s path…yikes

      • I like how she really tried to “rebuild trust” with DM, because of course she threw herself at reconciliation and shit-owning, right? Right??? No?

        Jesus just forgave her. No biggie, DM.

        • Well, CL, I do remember her telling me several times that she was always “open to reconciliation.” She just needed to see ME to address the “real issues.” Because screwing another man isn’t the real issue…how dare I point that out!

          • DM– I got the same thing, he would go to marital counseling contingent upon working on my issues that had made him unhappy. I told him to go to hell instead (guess he hadn’t received the memo that after the affair, he had zero bargaining power).

            • I was so stupid, I agreed to a bogus reconciliation in which he expected ME to make all sorts of changes to make him happy, including supporting him financially when he quit his job to become an actor. His concession was that he claimed he would no longer cheat on me and was going to be truthful from now on. Of course, that was a total lie.

            • My ex refused to cop to the PA until much later even though I had pretty solid evidence indicating it took place. I think she didn’t cop to it knowing it would change the power dynamics. It’s harder to convince another marriage counselor that the problem is your husband when it’s known you cheated on him for months (minimally).

      • Oh Boy DivorceMinister!! My condolences! Maybe the cartoon could show the inside as well as the outside of her “office” with some kind of “wall” partition from the side view. On one side is the sign (CLASSIC!!) and on the inside, she is twisted up with the “patient” on the couch!! Definitely showcases twisted Cheater Logic at it’s finest!

    • She’s still denying the affair. She recently tried to sue us for the blog, claiming it was defamation for him to say his ex wife cheated on him. Needless to say sending her written confession naming her affair partner to her lawyer didn’t give her a case. She STILL tried a 2nd time to control the narrative that he could only reference her adultery if he put the stipulation that it happened after she left him (no legal separation was in place and she was mad that DM wasn’t talking to her more during this “separation” time). That doesn’t stand up either considering the state she tried to file from considers adultery adultery, regardless of physical separation. You’re either married or you’re not. She was still married and carrying on with someone not her husband. Suck it lady!

        • Does that even hold water Feistypants? I’ve often wondered about that but if you don’t name, names and what you’re saying is true doe they have a legal leg to stand on? I hope not.

          • CS-We’re not lawyers of course, but the ones we talked with said truth is a complete defense. (If there’s another court decree in place that you’re violating then you have to be aware of being held to that i.e.; if the divorce decree said you can’t live side by side and you violate that then you’re held with that violation, regardless of false accusation for defamation). If it actually goes to court and you have to defend yourself you still have to pay to defend yourself to prove it’s true. That’s the shitty part. In order to file defamation you also need to prove financial damages. When you’re not specifically identified it’s really hard to prove those damages. She only sent threatening letters and you can say whatever you want in a threatening letter via a lawyer. (If you ever get a threatening letter from a lawyer take the time to find out if it even holds weight. If you take it at face value you’re probably screwing yourself over unnecessarily). What was said in those letters wasn’t accurate, didn’t hold legal weight, it was just a bully tactic. She also would have needed to foot the money to even bring it to court. Very unwise when you already know you don’t have a case, will lose and be out all of that money. We didn’t need to hire anybody, it was sufficient enough just to reply via email or phone. Had it gone to court her written confession is all we would have needed to prove our case.

  • I got a new Trader Joe’s bag each time he got a “massage me off”

    There was a parlor near each one in our area.

    I sent him packing with his Trader Joe’s bags. Mother Fucker, almost ruined my shopping at my favorite store!!

  • 1) Last Christmas, Cheater gave OW an anal vibrator. I got a cupon to get a massage because I was “too stressed”

    2) When asked for information about OW so I could know about her as much as he knew about me, Cheater says “I didn´t talk to her about you, out of respect”

    3) OW advised Cheater on how to go through an amicable divorce like she did with her cheater-Ex (who cheated on her with someone with my same name). Former-chump-turned-OW told him to get joint custody, not tell the children about the infidelity, and maintain a good relationship with me. She lets her cheater-ex stay in her home when he visits her and her daughter is friends with cheater-ex´s OW´s daughter. She wanted the same for “us.” When I questioned her about how she could become an OW having been a chump, she said that infidelity is a “sociological fact” that occurs in most marriages and that all we have to do is accept it and deal with it!!!

    4) Dday occurred when I found out his 15 day work trip was in fact a escapade with OW. Two days after Dday he still went on the trip and send me an email about how he hoped we could have a friendly divorce after 20 years of mostly good times. He added that I could have also fallen in love with someone else considering the way things were going in our marriage. It just happened to him first….

    • Susan; I got that same one #2, “I didn’t talk to her about you” like it is out of some kind of respect. I would suspect since everything they do is selfish that it was because it would be a “buzz kill” and may affect their precious hard -on. #3 so twisted I ad to read it 3 times to even understand it! Ugh!!

    • Susan, love the anal vibrator gift! So while you were metaphorically taking it up the a**, she was literally doing so. (that will be a NSFW cartoon, CL!)

    • “1) Last Christmas, Cheater gave OW an anal vibrator. I got a cupon to get a massage because I was “too stressed””

      Sounds like you got the better deal! But seriously, what says true love like an anal vibrator? 😉

  • 1. He continued to fuck one of his old girlfriends for the first 8 years he lived with me (I didn’t know till Post D Day). My WTF moment was when on FB she told me she “broke up with him in 2007” when he had been living with me, I thoughy monogamously, since 1999. I remember thinking, “Huh? How could she break up with him if he was with ME at the time?” Duh.

    2. The OW that caused D-Day was once married to a good friend of Cheater and mine, 20 years ago, which I also didn’t know till Post D Day. I was telling the friend’s current wife about Cheater and his OW when she suddenly asked me OW’s name. When I told her, she laughed out loud and said to her husband, “Hey George (I changed his name here), Cheater is fucking your Ex Wife!!” Upon hearing this Cheater said this proved they were meant to be together. WTF?

  • It just blows my mind how absurd and wacky these cheaters are.

    The crap they do and say is beyond ridiculous. It really comes down to how desperate they are to feel special, and their brains shrink as their egos grow. What there really are dumpster divers for attention…..it’s like they get all excited about a rotten bag of potatoes, half eaten chinese takeout, a rancid piece of meat and rat droppings. For a cheater this is a feast and you better not tell them this is not so.

    The worst thing she did was buying a ticket for her luuurve so he could sit directly behind our family at a play we went to. This excited her, having our kids and me there while he sat behind us and sexted her throughout the show.

    • He’s sick. Mine did something similar, suggested he and I watch House of Cards (in which infidelity figured largely in the plot) on netflix together the week that he was spending literally every day fucking OW then texting her all night while I was sitting next to him in our matching recliners. He’d say “Love ya! Goodnight!” when I got up to go to bed, then whip out his phone and text and picture-text her and she him. I only found this out after DDay by matching his cell phone records (phone service paid for entirely by me of course), with our tv watching history. Sick, sick, sick.

      • Yes, on the day I confronted with evidence, she went in hysterics, jumping from couch to couch sucking on our throw pillows. Even though I’m a guy I liked those throw pillows but they met an awful death.

        I have new throw pillows at my place, scotch guarded and nutcase protected.

        • ‘scotch guarded and nutcase protected’. LOL PF 😀

          Q: How do you nutcase-proof throw pillows? For future reference 😉

          • Well, I was told scotch guard is like garlic to vampires. If my ex ever tried to eat my new throw pillows she’d dissolve into a puddle of vapours, something like the wicked witch in the wizard of Oz.

            I was thinking of gifting her throw pillows as a wedding gift. She married a much older fat, bald Texan meat and potato gun collector husband. She’s a vegan, breast implanted yoga student. Namaste Y’all and god protect all the throw pillow in the world.

              • When you’re disordered narcissist yoga vegan who eats organic but gets silicon boobs it’s about being authentic and loving yourself. I guess she thinks being vegan and getting implants is evens out the toxins… She don’t eat meat but gets Botox, she eats raw veggies but got herself implants. It’s all about narcissistic balance, and the new tits got her a new husband. Win..win…namaste y’all.

          • I feel sorry for the state of Texas CL, especially those in the Dallas area. If you see a breast implanted woman in neon yoga gear and a fat bald gun slinging meat and potato juices dripping from the side of his mouth port man, run…run…. and hide your throw pillows. If you happen to run into them, spray them with scotch guard and notify the local throw pillow authorities.

        • “jumping from couch to couch sucking on our throw pillows.”…hahaha that’s right in line with jumping around in a sleeping bag! Stress relief for a cheater: jump around in a sleeping bag and chew on throw pillows….(insert face here)

          • 🙂 as my XH was the one bunny hopping in the sleeping bag, I think he could have been related to PF’s throw pillow weirdo. This one is definitely cartoon worthy!

  • After breaking up his affair to stay with me (unbeknownst to me at the time), my H posted a personal picture of me in lingerie on Adult Friend Finders without my permission. Guess he was craving sexual novelty and wanted to watch other men have at me.

    • That sounds so uncannily familiar! My H posted provocative and a nude photo of me via craigslist “Casual Encounters” – using me as bait to try to get a foursome going…..all without my knowledge or consent. I found out later through the emails.

  • 1. Ex, an entitled peace officer, tried to serve me the divorce papers himself (a big NoNo in CA) then drove over to our neighbor’s houses to finally get another asshole to do it. (Laughs all around except when he showed up my daughter was there and I, at that time, feared he would harm me.)
    2. A month after Dday, he gave me two unwrapped gifts for my birthday, an album of Taylor Swift’s, Fearless, and a water bottle.
    3. He butt dialed me on the way to Costa Rica with his whore, then brought back souvenirs for his kids(16,18).

  • Also I have another one: `what happens with those lil bitches has nothing do do with me and you”. THis after 4 years of trying to get blood from a stone, in this case an admission from a cheater. This is true compartment thinking at it`s best. A relationship is about sharing a life together not leading a dual one. (by the way I got this much out of him because I pushed him in a corner and told him I had cheated on him, he freaked)

  • Last week, totally out of the blue, I got a text from my ex saying that he’d purchased me a box of Wheatena and was going to mail it to me.

    I don’t know what his thing is about me and hot cereal.

      • I just Love it when MmmHmm writes about this. It makes me laugh every time. This one gets my vote!

        Along with the disordered character and disordered finances, there might be a facet of the pooping deal that is a warning light for these characters. My ex was on a pooping schedule (2x per day in case you were wondering AND at SPECIFIC times ). And if perchance I was not present when the poop was expelled; he would love to regale me with the tale of how big it was, how long it took to expel, and where he was exactly when it was expelled. You cannot make this stuff up. It’s as if he’s two years old – telling Mommy about potty training. WTF? Seriously, is there a psychiatrist out there that can shed any light on that behavior? Ewwwwww!

        I hope CL runs a Valentine’s Day contest because I have a good one that might get me an honorable mention for that DDay holiday.

        • chumpfor21,

          Yes!! I am sooo glad I do not have to hear one more story about how his bowel movement is
          curled up like a snake with its head poking up out of the bowl!!! And no, your shit size has nothing to do with your other size!!! LOL

    • If I spoke to my cheater “at the wrong time”, he would look at me all accusingly and say, “I was just going to take a POO, and YOU interrupted me. Now I have to wait!”

      So glad I never have to hear that again!

  • Christmas Entry
    1. found Christmas list in cheaters coat pocket.
    2. Listed OW, kids, me, pets.
    3. Divorce atty said ” at least he listed you before the dog”

    can’t make this shit up!

    • Lol, Janet! Six months before blowing our marriage up, my ex attended a work seminar. It was along the lines of priorities, work, life, and balancing them out. I guess cops divorce more than the general population. Well, anywho, fucktard was spending a lot of time doing the things he liked best. Work. Racquetball. Hanging out with his “friends.” And those made the top of his list, in that order. Then somewhere down the line he had noted wanting to spend more time with our children (because he wasn’t…). Last was me. He was probably living a double life then. He left the workshop’s journal on the kitchen counter which was where I saw it, and I had plenty to say. Amazing how disconnected he was. I used to give him far better character than he had and spackled like a pro.

  • 1. My XH told me I was his second wife when we got married, come to find out I was his FIFTH….and he cheated on all of them.

    2. After he recovered from a life threatening illness he insisted we renew our wedding vows on our anniversary. Five months later I caught him sneaking off to fuck Skank Woman at a skeezy hotel.

    3. As I cried my eyes out at the kitchen table when I found out he cavalierly told me to ‘move on because he was, go get some friends and do some things and to get a boyfriend.’

    • Your #3 sounds familiar. The morning after dday, my ex and I were sitting at the kitchen table, and he told me who he thought was interested in me.

  • My loving ex-husband started buying odd items about the time he hit his midlife crisis. The Harley Davidson was predictable. But why the $2,000.00 authentic tailored Scottish kilt and accompanying gear (he’s a freaking 16th generation French-Canadian) to wear to his Malt Whiskey Group meetings. And the ceremonial officer’s sword despite the fact he’s been out of the military for over a decade. Then he started talking about getting dental implants to replace some troublesome crowns.
    My sons and I were at a loss to explain these weird purchases. One even quipped “oh God Mom, gouge my eyes out with a rusty spoon, all I can see is Dad in his kilt with breast implants riding the motorcycle with that damn sword between his teeth”
    Waste of money but we still laugh about it now!

    • Just Another Chump, I think this is a great way for our Cheaters to dissipate assets. My ex purchased two trucks, a car, guns, and traveled (without me), then dumped 60k in savings, refinanced the house, pulled money out, stole money from the kids’ savings (college funds), then walked out on our mortgage. He was just making it easier to split the estate!

  • Okay, since this post has a Christmas theme, gonna start a sub-thread here:

    CHRISTMAS GIFTS YOU RECEIVED FROM A CHEATER. Chr

    My most memorable from the ex-wife? A set of craftsman screwdrivers. 3 flat head, 3 Phillips head, in a plastic wall-hanger. Extravagant, no? And yet oddly fitting for a woman who seemingly ***screwed*** so many dudes behind my back.

    So, what Christmas gift did you receive from your cheater that, in hindsight, tells the story of who they were?

    • Our first Xmas together I got a lovely gift of scented candles – really nice (in hindsight, his sister would have bought that for him to give to me). But my first birthday present from him? ‘The Great I Am’ had a big thing about us NOT sleeping together (he reckoned it was because he wanted to keep the romance going – so no listening/smelling his farts in bed) – so my first birthday present was a single duvet and duvet cover, so he could sleep on the sofa in my flat. I was too much of a chump to shove it down his throat, but I must say, I was like WTF? – As it turned out, we very rarely actually slept together in the same room, and eventually I got used to having the bed to myself, but there was a long time where I felt bereft of not having the post-coital cuddles. Urgh – had I been paying proper attention, I’d have taken that single duvet as a sign of how ‘not into coupledom’ that knobhead was! (I’ve adopted a new word – knobhead – I like it – descriptive and vaguely ludicrous )!

      • Nomar…you’re onto something…the gifts cheaters give is another side to their creepiness.

        May I suggest your send your ex “a do it yourself brain surgery kit, along with an industrial sized construction drill”, as a Christmas gift.

        • Me too. I have some great ones. One of the signs of a narcissist is bad gift giving…bc they can’t bring themselves to actually think long enough about you and what would make you happy.

    • He shoved some crumpled $20’s into my hand the last Christmas, I was pretty confused, he’d always bought me gifts before. This was a few weeks before he got caught. Guess he was too busy to shop?

      • “He shoved some crumpled $20’s into my hand.”

        Sounds like a habit he might’ve picked up with the OW. LOL.

  • 1. He insisted that we watch the “Cheaters” program on TV, while he was cheating. Each time, as the show went off, he would say, “If you fall out of love – I mean it happens sometimes – Tell your partner! There’s a right way to proceed! I don’t get why they don’t just do that, instead of sneaking around on them.” I finally told him that I just didn’t want to watch it anymore because it hurt too much to watch these peoples’ hearts breaking week after week. Little did I know.

    2. On D Day, I asked what he had told her about me. He assured me, “Don’t worry. She doesn’t think less of you.” Say what? A couple of weeks later, he revealed that she didn’t even know about me. A year later, I said, “I’d like to hear the real truth. What did you actually tell her about me?” His response, a moment of silence, followed by, “What did I tell you I told her?”

    3. His OW treated him to at least five fabulous get aways at top resorts around the country, and then during our false reconciliation, they were actively planning a sixth (unbeknownst to me, of course) I told him I planned to go on a trip with my son, and he shouted, “I told you way back years ago at the beginning of our relationship that we were not ever going to take separate vacations!” Uh…and all those five star luxury trips he had enjoyed with her?

    “Those don’t count! They weren’t vacations; that was an affair. Not the same thing!”

    • “Those don’t count! They weren’t vacations; that was an affair. Not the same thing!”

      …. urgh 🙁 what a complete tool! It never ceases to amaze me what bullshit they allow to come out of their mouths!

    • “I told him I planned to go on a trip with my son, and he shouted, “I told you way back years ago at the beginning of our relationship that we were not ever going to take separate vacations!” Uh…and all those five star luxury trips he had enjoyed with her?”

      “Those don’t count! They weren’t vacations; that was an affair. Not the same thing!”

      You cannot make this shit up

    • ” he would say, “If you fall out of love – I mean it happens sometimes – Tell your partner! There’s a right way to proceed! I don’t get why they don’t just do that, instead of sneaking around on them.””

      Finally realized—Whoa, that is some amazing denial and emotional subterfuge. And the sick pleasure he must have had watching Cheaters with you. Odious little man.

    • “Those don’t count! They weren’t vacations; that was an affair. Not the same thing!” Finally-for the win!!

      Just Wow. I am seriously speechless other to say I am sorry.

  • We go to the beach every summer for a week typically with my sister and her family. The summer before I kicked him out, we decided to go on a cruise instead of the beach. I worked with my sister to plan the cruise, our excursions, travel arrangements, etc. and paid for everything upfront so we could have a relaxing time. The day of departure was my birthday so at dinner that night, my sister had cards and presents. My husband had nothing. He sat there while I opened their presents and didn’t acknowledge my birthday at all. About a week after we got home, I very calmly told him that I was disappointed that he did NOTHING for my birthday. He looked at me and said – oh, I thought the cruise was for your birthday. WTF? How did our annual summer vacation turn into my birthday present? A couple of days later, he emailed me at work to invite me to dinner with him for my birthday – he had already made reservations at HIS favorite restaurant. Me, being the Chump at the time, went just to keep the peace.

  • 1) Knobhead’s friends came to stay for Christmas. They basically arrived, spread their junk all over the house, then sat down and expected maid service for the 2 weeks they stayed (were only supposed to be coming for 5 days). ‘The Great I Am’ sat down with them and expected the same maid service. Meanwhile I was clearing up junk after these 3 lazy fuckers, fixing drinks, snacks, housework. The female stated she had a stomach complaint and needed to eat every other hour – and not just a snack, oh no, a full bloody meal! After 5 days I collared knobhead upstairs and whispered that they were doing my head in ‘Well, you don’t have to stay’ was his loving, festive answer.

    2) When clearing Knobhead’s drawers after he walked out, I found 2 cheap, cheap (like 99p – on the price stickers) cards – ‘Happy Anniversary To My Wife’ and ‘Happy Xmas To My Wife’.

    I reckon both incidences were designed to offend me so much that I would leave him and save him from being seen as ‘the bad guy’. Don’t know why he didn’t end up giving me the cards, I guess he couldn’t think of a good enough excuse for such physically tangible nastiness that I could show anyone. I gave him both cards back when he collected stuff, just to let him know I knew they existed.

    Sorry, they weren’t very brief sentences!

  • My dh’s ex wife was a sociopath. Dh discovered her affair when the OM found his phone number from her luggage tags and called him… OM states that “she told me she was a widow and that her husband and kid died in a car wreck 5 years ago”. When confronted with the truth, that husband and child were still very much alive, OM states “Well I love her, man.” The End.

    The sociopath lost custody and rode off into the sunset with the OM.

  • K – that’s incredible. I don’t know which shocks me more, the callous lie the ex-wife told, or the OM who obviously didn’t give a fuck she’d told him that lie! Maybe he was a sociopath too?

  • When my ExH told me about is past affair (supposedly past, but still in workplace 2 x a week at the time) He blurted out angrily “Well I could have had you both!!
    I pointed out that he could only “have us both” because one of us was a home wreaking whore, and I did not know, as I would never be part of such a arrangement.” I told him “don’t forget your wallet, most of them don’t do this for a happy meal!” (they seem to think it is their irresistible D–k!”

    • Regina! So funny! Yes I imagine if my ex, fucktard, had been poor his Schmoopie would not have walked out on her life either. Health insurance anyone?

  • Ooooh, I can play! Now that I can look back and see how much of a narcissist my XH was, this makes perfect sense:

    We had a lot of trouble getting pregnant. In 2009, I finally did, but found out I there was no heartbeat and I was going to have a miscarriage. It took about 3 weeks between when we found out and for the miscarriage to finally happen, and it happened over the holidays. The day before Thanksgiving, while I was sitting at home, probably in the worst depression of my life and just wanting to see my family, XH went out and finally bought himself that mustang he’d always wanted. I had to wait about 6 hours after we were supposed to have left to see family while he was up at a dealership…and he wondered why I didn’t think the car was the most wonderful thing on the planet.

    We had to give up the mustang about a year later when we declared bankruptcy. XH wasn’t the best at paying for all the stupid toys he wanted.

  • True story:
    On his last night before moving out – under false pretenses – left a piece of soiled toilet paper in the bed for me to discover when I got home next day. He claimed that all the stress of leaving me had given him diahorrea.

  • My wife spent three hours on Christmas day drinking wine and sexting with her boyfriend in the tub with my kids on the other side of the door and me in the freezing basement assembling an air hockey table (gift from her parents), She then came downstairs and proudly announced how she spent her day.

      • She said she had been “communicating” with him using a secret phone. I saw a few of the texts and a copy of the bill. It got a lot worse — she took a drunken tumble at 4:00 AM that morning and smashed her face. One eye was completely swollen shut. My kids were horrified and had to spend 10 days with my parents while she recovered. My 9 YO told me the other day that the only thing he wants for Christmas this year is to forget last Christmas ever happened. She sucks, right?

  • About a month prior to DDay, at 5pm ex asked if we could have a spur of the moment work party that night. Turns out I cleaned the house for his MOW and his asshole work friends that thought such behavior was ok. AND, he gave her a tshirt at the party. AND, he immediately left the party at the end. Now I know why I was gaslighted. Don’t you know I’m the crazy one thinking something weird was going on.

  • I can’t add to this post but I do want to wish everyone here at Chump Nation a wonderful Christmas. Particularly to all of us who will be spending it alone. Here is to a fabulous 2015. Onward and upward I say.

      • My STBX brought his infant OW along to play wheelman while he broke into my new apartment. While I was home. After I’d moved to a secure undisclosed location, forwarded mail to a P.O Box, garaged my car and gone no contact. I think he sweet talked someone into giving up my whereabouts. And I don’t believe it was the first time. Someone had taken a crowbar to a patio sliding door but only got it open a few inches (stymied by a steel pin through the frame) and had bent a heavy duty security screen door (new), all inside a couple of weeks and after I decided to move away. I think the idea was that unknown burglars would take whatever he didn’t like me getting in the property settlement and they’d have a chuckle about it.

        But seriously, who brings their trollop with them to steal from their wife?

    • Lol,slg188. My ex on his way out took two things that belonged to our children (college and high schoolers at that time) their big trampoline and their big wagon. Both had been gifts to my children (and ones they had used from baby/toddlerhood on) from my parents (their ONLY set of grandparents).

      • The crib was his when he was a baby. Which I hated having to use for my child- it was over 30 years old! But, I was the crazy one for thinking it wasn’t safe. Glad it was gone, but totally felt violated that he took it and never told me until I realized it was gone months later.

  • 1.) Told me that MOW and her 3 kids should move in with us because not only was she having money troubles, but her marriage was in Trouble!!!

    2.) While away on a fantastic trip that none of us would have been allowed to go on, MOW brought me a box of chocolates on Valentines Day.

    3.) After BD stbx ran around that Christmas in front of family and friends telling everyone in earshot ( including our kids ) that we had better enjoy this Christmas because it would be the last one we ever spent as a family – with a weird smile on his face!!

    Stupid Ho Ho Ho

    • lisahaight, my heart goes out to you. During our last Christmas my ex wanted to divide the ornaments up as we were taking the tree down but I couldn’t bear it and begged him to keep them together. Your ex sounds just as cold as mine was. It’s beyond me how little feeling they have for anyone but themselves.

    • “we had better enjoy this Christmas because it would be the last one we ever spent as a family”–“enjoy” doesn’t seem like the right word, given that announcement.

    • lisahaight1969, wow on number one, just wow. I don’t quite understand number two? oh wait, she BOUGHT you chocolates, another wow

    • DDay was last Christmas Eve. My kids and I just decorated our tree and laughed and sang and danced to Christmas songs the whole time. I plan for this to be the holliest, jolliest Christmas ever. F***STBX. He wasn’t missed at all.

  • 1. My ex wrote a manifesto called “The Secret” which detailed his secret affair with his married grad student.
    2. He moved into OW’s parent’s basement after we separated.
    3. She is still married, he coaches her son’s soccer team, her kids call him Uncle.

    • Winner…..winner…..basement dwellers!!!

      It gets damp in basements and the lack of daylight, along with the musty smell and probably has the OW and “Uncle Soccer Coach of the affair Manifesto” looking like the living dead. These folks need a serious spray tan and oxygen.

      Maybe you can publish the “the secret ” manifesto, or buy the rights to it and sell it to a toilet paper manufacturer, so everyone has the opportunity to wipe their ass with it.

      I’d be happy to wipe my ass and flush the “the secret affair manifesto” down the toilet.

    • Mine’s “main” OW was homeless. He didn’t want to be homeless too. But Thanks to CL and CN that’s exactly what happened. I will forever be in your debt!

  • 1). My Ex fancied himself an artist. He really was just another Peter Pan, spending hours on end painting little military and war games figures and selling them online. One day he announced he was going to start supplying Dr Who parapernalia…by custom order. Imagine my disgust when, after running all over town finding Miss Kitty stickers to put on his stupid inventions, i discovered that it was the OW who had “ordered” herself a pink Tardis. I am truly embarrassed I ever took in such a loser.

    2). After I threw out Cheater, I found all sorts of kinky sex stuff, outfits, etc. in a storage box. I packed it up and sent it over to his office. He sent me an indignant text telling me I had no business embarrassing him like that.

    3). When OW slept over at my house, in my bed, while I was away on business…she helped herself to some of my clothes. Little matter that I was a size 10 and she a size 16. She actually posted photos of herself wearing my clothing on her facebook site. She looked astonishingly ridiculous to the point where I was convinced she was totally out of touch with reality.

    • Wow, your Ex’s OW is a lot like STBX’s Schmoopie! She’s sent him pictures of her when she was 17 (before she was pregnant), letting him know she was voted sexiest in her high school class. Okay, so that was over 30 years and 80 lbs ago, but….

      • And, kb, it is the absolute truth that OW is now posting on her blog site that she has “gained six dress sizes” since having given birth, and now pregnant again…she must weigh in at a minimum 250 and gaining. She “models” fashion (cheap Walmart sweats and baggy tops) on her blog and boasts about her panic attacks, night sweats, and horrible FOO. How the Cheater got stuck with her is beyond me…not that looks are everything, but this one is a royal sight to behold. I laugh every day at the choice he made. Then I go for a run, work out, eat well, and enjoy my freedom. Being a chump actually rocks for me.

    • Marci I’m thinking Borderline personality disorder for the OW. That sounds a little too close to Single White Female

      • Or that scene on House of Cards where the young reporter AP wears the wife’s dress. Granted she was clearly coming unglued by then and all the people in that show are awful…. but it’s still uncanny.

  • My first thought reading this blog was, “Glad Its Over is a lock for this!” Her X is an epic freak!

    X is recreating every event we did together with his bimbo. Same restaurants. Same vacations. Same sweet nothings in emails. Same holiday events, including our church holly fair. He can’t understand why our kids aren’t on board. Same. Same. Same.

    P.S. It got old even before I realized I was soon to be replaced. SO happy he’s her problem now! 😉

    • Chutes…….me and OW(C)….that’s my short version for ‘other woman-child’……he was 50, she 25. Anyway, me and OWC in 2011 got matching sapphire and diamond rings for Christmas!!! I discovered that through much digging a couple years later. I have spoken w/OWC via FB (he put an order of protection on her; prob bc he was over that and onto lil miss 22– oh yea, that one is gone now too!) and she confirmed she did get that ring too! (Supposedly he lied to her too and said he was broke off w/me for 2.5 years; we weren’t married but together for 10 years).

  • 1) we had the best Christmas ever…my stepdaughter had finally and fully bonded with our family! Took so long to get here…
    2). The next day at a Christmas party, i was told about his 4 year affair by his adulteress’ ex boyfriend ..the one she was seeing when she started the affair with my X…while she was still married!
    3) my then husband kept wearing that beautiful expensive watch i gave him through the Dday weeks. I made him return it…he was irritated

    • I bought my cheater a very expensive whiskey for Christmas last year. I asked him to bring it over for our first divorce conversation in January. I drank most of it and it didn´t even get me drunk even though I hadn´t eaten in days. It felt good to know that it helped me get through the conversation and OW never tasted a drop of it.

  • We celebrated both Hanukkah and Christmas. Two weeks before Hanukkah, ex BEGGED me to let him go on a weekend trip with some coworkers, it was “all he wanted for Hanukkah.” I said okay. Turns out he spent that weekend having orgies with the coworkers.

    The following week, I suggested we meet for coffee at the mall, since he worked in an office nearby. He said he would be a little late, because he and one of the coworkers were taking ANOTHER coworker lunch as she “was sick.” Turns out he was having a threesome with the two coworkers, one was his “soul mate” OW, the other was his fuck buddy.

    When he finally met me for coffee a couple hours later at the coffee shop, he told me he never should have married me and had never felt any passion for me. Claimed there was no one else, but that he was “interested” in those two coworkers if they were single.

    Left our house the next morning, sent a mass text message to everyone we knew announcing that we had separated and they should all wish us well. This is how all of our friends and even his own family found out.

    He moved back into the house on Christmas Eve, and the next morning as I sat in stunned disbelief, gave me a washcloth he had bought at the nearby drugstore as a Christmas gift.

      • Ditto, Glad. No joy in having the freakiest freak, but hopefully you know how much better you are without him in your life. Hugs.

      • I don’t think I said anything….. I was so absolutely paralyzed with fear and disbelief at the sudden disintegration of my 20-year marriage, I wasn’t really able to function much at that time.

        • Yeah, I get that. My ex gave me a gift the day after dday that he brought back for me from the trip where he fell in love with OW. I don’t think I did anything but stare at him with disbelief. I mean…shopping for a gift for me while knowing he was coming back to me to leave me? And then actually giving me the gift right after dday. Uh. Okay. I think he must have been oblivious to the amount of pain this kind of thing inflicts on a person…

    • GIO, I know I shouldn’t laugh but that’d so bizarre I couldn’t help myself. You really should consider writing a book, then Angela Jolie can direct the movie and you can get rich off your life with Yeti.

    • Glad It’s Over; The only downside to hearing about your Prize Winning Crazyman of an X is he is starting to make me think mine wasn’t so bad after all. I just have to remind myself that even though I didn’t have a Prize Winning Loser, he was a Loser nevertheless.
      Some of us had to settle for the disordered partner without the entertainment element.
      Truly, I don’t think I could have handled anything more shocking than what I got! Kudos for surviving and creating laughter out of it for all of us!

  • Before dropping me off at the airport, when I was leaving him a week after dday, my husband slipped a jumbo size bottle of lubricant into my purse, in the hopes that I would be stopped and embarrassed by TSA. This, even though he was balling his eyes out with crocodile tears that I was leaving. Unbelievable.

  • Cheater wife gets pregnant during affair.

    OM (her therapist) shows up at our first ultrasound appointment.

    When I asked why the therapist was there, cheater wife says, “When OM and his wife were pregnant, ultrasounds were not available then and he wanted to see one since I shared with him how happy I was to be pregnant.”

    Chump was too obtuse to get it, even then…..

  • One more to add – during the 24 years we were married, my husband ‘lost’ his wedding ring twice. After the second time, I jokingly made the comment ‘3 strikes and you’re out’. He never replaced it with a 3rd because he said he was afraid he would lose it too and be ‘out’. After DDay, during false reconciliation (on his part), he asked me if it would be ok if he bought a new ring. I was touched (can you say chump?)….but I told him I needed to think about it. It was only a month or so later that I found out about the many other women for many years of our marriage and the prostitutes that he was seeing even during fake reconciliation.

    • My ex once told me his truck was broken into and his wallet and cell phone stolen. Yeah, right. More like the “massage therapist” had her “friends” toss the truck! One way to get at a cheating asshole’s valuables.

    • Mine was robbed of his wedding ring and expensive watch following a hook up some years back. I could never quite understand at the time how his assailant had managed to hit him in the head with a skate board at quite that angle. I do now.

  • Oh I want to play….but all I have is a freak OW

    1) she is married to one man but lives with his brother and she has kids with them both so her children are brothers and cousins
    2) there are forums about her all over the internet about what a trashy, homewrecking whore she is
    3) my husband stuck his d#%@ in that “gag me with a spoon!”

    • 1) she is married to one man but lives with his brother and she has kids with them both so her children are brothers and cousins”

      OMG, those poor, poor children. That is so seriously messed up.

      • My ex SIL had a long term affair with her own sister’s husband. She even “confided” in my Ex (her brother) about it. She got so used to having two lovers that she started whining about “feeling so much guilt she wanted to confess to her sister”. She never did confess thank god, but I have always thought her kids looked more like BIL than her own husband. Those sisters had six kids between them, but I’ll bet they’re all siblings.

        Thank heaven I finally left that super dysfunctional bunch of inbreds thousands of miles away.

        • Oh boy. Mines not Christmas related since all my hell happened between New Years and my September anniversary, but: When my loser started mentioning his (unbeknownst to me) mow work subordinate, he told me how she had been married to one guy, then started screwing his brother and ended up marrying him. I said it mustve been fucked up at Christmas etc – and were her 4 boys brothers cousins or both? Ha ha ha, we both had a big yuk over the whole duck-dynasty-without-the-money-or- class trailer park thing. He said the path to her vag was well worn according to the personal injury lawyers in the city (she’s a (now unemployed) social worker). Turns out he was fucking her for 5 months since she was a good listener. Which is what every guy on Craig’s list is looking for, according to my research. When I asked him why he didn’t just leave me, he said that she was a horrific dresser, abrasive and had no manners. I mean, Nic, have you seen her? She’s awful! Plus she was a serial cheater and gross. But she was a swallower. Ew. i was the trophy in a contest in which I never wanted a part.

          But the 2 brothers thing – seriously! I’d at least hope to upgrade my mother in law in a second marriage, not keep the same one. My mil pushed the mow on my h then went nc with me and the kids. Crazy town.

  • During DDay aftermath, when it was revealed he had been going to her house every single day all day and the “working late” there till 7:30 or 8:00 p.m., I said, so you sat around fucking all day long? He said WITH A SMILE ON HIS FACE, “it was only a little bit of fucking!” I’ll never forget that sick smile. He was actually proud of himself.

      • Thank u, ihh — i appreciate the sentiment. This was only one of several insane cruel things he said including “it’s all over, kiddo,” like a bad line from a B movie…. or, “it’s not about sex, margaret! it’s not like she stuck her big tits in my face!” (she did but they’re not that big though her ass is and her legs are like tree trunks). “It’s not like she just wagged her pussy at me!” Though she probably did do that as well, and they did it here in MY house while I was at work.

        • Marg……this has YET to cease to amaze me! Better than the Discovery ID I watch! Unbelievable! Very very sick people we were linked up with! Makes me wonder about the human race! Just shocking! I’m sorry for you (and all else, self included, actually having horrific stories to contribute)

  • 1) he said the empty box if condoms that I found in his car was just planted there for me to find in attempts to make me realize what a mistake I was making after I filed for divirce and that it will snap me out of it and bring us back together.

    2) you should of read between the lines when he told me that he was going to start going out and coming hone late, that I was supposed to infer that meant he was going to cheat and I was already forwarded on more that one occasion.

  • Oh yes, forgot about this one… my cheater heard about some new homemade electrical device, where you wrap somee wire around your junk, connect it to a small battery and the sensation is out of this world. Needless to day I declined to participate.

  • Just 3 things? Ok…here are my 3 entries.

    1. My ex had an old office chair set up by a window in our attic, where he’d sit and shoot squirrels with a bb gun and smoke cigarettes. Because, you know, he had to do something to escape from my “craziness.”

    2. He liked to hit himself in the head with things during arguments about the affair, including: the TV remote, his fist, a paper towel holder, a door jamb, and the refrigerator (which he ran into, headlong). When I begged him to stop, he’d do this weird fake hyperventilation thing and look at me with a wide-eyed Jack-Nicholson-in-The-Shining glare.

    3. He once left for a week to escape the stress of my suspicions, and told me he was in a tent in the woods somewhere in northern NY. He wrote me long emails on his blackberry about his feelings, and how he needed me to change, and his feelings, and he still loved me- blah, blah, blah. Turns out he was on a “romantic” lakeside camping trip with the OW. I wonder how he pulled that off.

    I have so many more. It’s good to remember why I left, and how much better off I am without a legitimately crazy person trying to convince me that I’m crazy. So long, and thanks for the chuckles, dipshit.

  • On the second day of Cheatmas, my cheater gave to me:
    **Two fools a-cleaning **
    In an attempt to hide any evidence of their illicit weekend tryst at our vacation home, my cheater and Schmoopie thoroughly cleaned the place before leaving. It sparkled! It shone! Busted!!! the place never looked THAT clean before! plus, the decorative pillows were out of their usual place 🙂

    • Of course it sparkled! Schmoopie sprinkled sparkly fairy dust all over everything. Done and dusted (pardon the pun).

        • Hee hee. Cheater freaks can rob of us of many things but we manage to survive with our sense of humour intact. 🙂

          • Oh, it got better…sooo, I was promptly informed of the shenanigans taking place, and on the way home, schmoopie received a nice little cease & desist order via email. Honestly, I cannot fathom what goes on in the minds of these disordered wingnuts!

  • My idiot ex, Stupid, screwed a married woman ( he was then single) at a conference. He then kept a picture of the conference group on his mantle for years.

    2. He then invited this MOW to our wedding.

    3. MOW proceeded, at the wedding, to glare at the homilist and to tell my mom, that it was the saddest day of her life.

    P.S. This is not the same OW he eventually left me for.

  • 1. When wife realized that I was suspicious she was having an affair, she went to my 21 year old daughter and told her that “Mom was fucking William” (a family friend) and didn’t want Dad to find out and asked daughter to add her onto her cell phone account so “Mom could have a second phone.”

    2. After I found the secret phone and confronted daughter about it, I also found out that Mom had to “borrow” a pregnancy test from daughter; I had a vasectomy in 1999.

    3. After OW dumped wife, daughter happily introduced Mom to new boyfriend, a volunteer fireman with whom she currently lives currently, prior to the divorce being final.

      • It’s going to take years to rebuild the father-daughter relationship. Best definition I have heard to this point was given by my therapist…emotional incest…

        I’m a career firefighter btw, that’s another line you just don’t cross…no boundaries

  • Came home and noticed a white pickup truck parked on the street near the end of my driveway, wife’s car parked in the drive, and no wife in the house.

    Wife came in the front door about 5 minutes later, pickup truck was gone, and I realized she had been in the pickup with someone.

    Sister in law later told me, “Yeah, I can’t confirm that specific pickup truck, but that sort of stuff isn’t out of her bailiwick.”

  • I only have crazy OW stories too:

    1. OW believed the affair was divinely sanctioned and had intense mystical visions during sex with H.

    2. OW wrote to saying that she urged H to leave me because she loved ME and didn’t want ME to suffer from his infidelities any more (she didn’t care if he cheated on her, although she didn’t believe he would be able to if he was married to her or any “true wife” ).

    3. At a religious service where both H and OW were present, OW had a vision of her astral body and H’s merging that she later wrote to him about and said felt just like having sex with him. In church.

    OW had keyboard diarrhea so I have HUNDREDS of pages of her obsessive emails. In the ‘funniest’ she wrote with concern that she believes I am “unbalanced.”

    • A lot of these cheaters seriously need to be committed. I hope your ex is still with that batshit crazy OW, because nothing would be better karma than spending the rest of his life with that lunatic.

      • Last I heard he had an OP against her (even MORE karmic, IMO), because when he finally realized she’s a lunatic and dumped her, she would show up at his work, home and other places begging him to come back. So pitiful!

  • In the words of Sun Tzu’s classic: The Art of War “Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer”, the OW and my then-fiancée were still having a several-years-long affair going – keeping it all so secret from me -as I was recovering from brain surgery – and she is married to an Elder in our church. She took great efforts to make me her close friend. One sunny August day, just prior to our wedding, she invited herself over to the house for a visit. I welcomed her to the secluded front yard with lawn chairs, lemonade and cookies (with me using my walker because I was still pretty fragile) – being the kind hostess. We chatted for awhile, and then she, without asking me first, took off her shirt and bra and started sunning herself topless. No, I didn’t join her, I was so stunned to say anything! It was four months after the wedding I discovered a stash of explicit photos and text messages between the two of them – the affair was still going on. After the initial shock I noted with gallows humor: “say, I recognized those boobs…” I’m still in the surreal/grieving stage, but the divorce is forthcoming.

  • Sheesh, Chumps. These are staggering displays of disorder and emotional abuse. These can’t compete, but here goes:

    1. Fuckwit then-hub worked a cruise in the Bahamas and bought me a Bahamas-themed ornament for the Christmas tree. He knew I collected ornaments as reminders of special family memories. A few months later, I discovered he had gone straight from the cruise ship to his mistress’s house for an extended boinking session.

    2. Recently, ex sat next to his 17-year-old daughter at a restaurant where we were celebrating her recent excellent SAT score. When he found out daughter was interested in going to NYU (a very selective school), he told her that he had been accepted to NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts when he was in high school. No way that ever happened. He was on academic probation for much of his actual college life at Mizzou, where I unfortunately first met him.

    Pretty sure the NYU he was referring to was Narc Yahoo U.

      • Class of ’92, MmmHmm! Journalism School. Fuckwit ex was a theater major at Mizzou. Supposedly having got the acting chops to be accepted to Tisch, do ya think he might have been in ANY theater productions at Mizzou? None that I ever knew about.

        But he sure can tell a lie with total confidence and zero observable remorse.

        • Hats off to you Rally Squirrel for having a degree from the #1 journalism school in the nation!! 🙂 and IHH, what part of MO? I’m near KC

  • 1) My stbx is excusing away his affair by explaining that we were going to divorce anyway and I (magnanimously) gave him permission to sleep around because I couldn’t imagine depriving him (or others) of his sexual needs.
    2) After DDay, I did some spring cleaning and cleared very old/unusable food out of the pantry. Saw stbx going through dumpster and take out quite a few things, put them in his truck to take to OWhore.
    3) One night, when he wasn’t with the OWhore, he was at the house. While I was lying in bed, he put a ladder up against one of my windows so he could watch me.

  • From the first cheating episode

    1) We couldn’t go on vacation together and ex insisted he deserved one. He picked Hedonism Resort in Jamaica, all his coworkers were jealous because I was letting him go to a nude resort alone. I thought it was funny too, until I found all the nude selfies he sent before he went. He convinced me all the naturists sent pics so they could recognize each other, I didn’t know what a swinger was back then…

    2) After the trip I confronted my “recovered” alcoholic husband with a a pic on our camera, him with a half empty bottle of Jagermeister in hand. The next day he had deleted the photo and insisted I imagined seeing it. I pulled out a full bottle of Jagermeister I’d found in his dresser, he said “see, I didn’t drink any of it, I only thought about it”. I told him to pack, so he swore he wasn’t drinking, then promised to stop anyway…

    3) Shortly thereafter he was admitted to hospital over night with pancreatitis, ended up in intensive care due to alcohol withdrawal symptoms. Upon recovery he said “the doctors are liars and wanted me to die”. I didn’t know what caused pancreatitis back then…I thought the drugs they gave him made him hallucinate…

    yeah, major chump

  • Boudica was a kick-ass, courageous, smart beautiful warrior woman. If you are Boudica Reborn then you are surely mighty!

    • Thank you! Heeding the advice of ChumpLady, I’m using my anger of the situation to fuel myself forward. I believe all of us Chumps can access our inner Boudica. If you are a man, I would suggest Vercingetorix perhaps?

  • A few months ago, my ex sent a picture of the two of us from our very early married days to Ellen Degeneres’s Instagram account. Apparently, she sometimes posts wacky pictures people send in.

    Our pic was accepted and posted. It was not an obscene picture, but it was really bizarre and sort of inappropriate, and incredibly embarrassing more than 20 years later. I have no idea why ex kept this photo, I had completely forgotten about it. It was taken at one of those Glamour Shot places and was ex’s idea.

    A friend saw it on the Ellen Degeneres site, and messaged me in disbelief.

    When I checked, the picture had well over 85,000 views and thousands of comments, most of them very mean and directed at me. I could only thank God that my name was not attached in any way to that photo.

    Ex commented on the Ellen Instagram site how “his ex thought it was hilarious” and he was “loving all the views and comments.” Guess it didn’t bother him that the comments were making fun of us, and that I certainly didn’t give permission for him to post that photo.

    Embarrassing and hurtful to me, but for him, any attention, even negative attention, is kibbles.

  • 1. He received a card from his “translator” mistress. She told him how much she missed him and how special he was, and included a picture of herself. He read it to the kids and I at the breakfast table and put her picture on the refrigerator, saying,”Isn’t she sweet!!”

    2. He told me he would sue me for mental cruelty if he didn’t get what he wanted in the divorce. The day we signed the papers, he wanted a hug.

    3. I asked him to leave for a night so I could think things over. He left for a week instead to stay with an OW. He called me crying and yelling, saying I made him LIE to his children because he told them he was working. He had just returned from a trip where he stayed an extra night to be with a different OW.

    Really, only three??

  • Yes, I am a chump. But I am also a chump kid. This post is about my cheater dad.

    1) Pre D-Day: My dad told my mom he could not afford to also fly her to NYC to accompany me for a life-saving surgery. Once I was admitted to the hospital, he flew his mistress up and they partied and went to broadway plays the whole time I was alone in the hospital and almost died.

    2) Our family’s first Xmas after D-Day, dad took us kids shopping for gifts. He let us look around on our own for a few inexpensive items of our choice. As we were getting in the vehicle with our few little things, he pulled a shopping cart up to the car and unloaded AN ENTIRE TRUNK FULL of extravagant clothes, toys and gifts for his mistress and HER children. Not a word was spoken about it. But we all knew.

    3) Post Divorce, he bought his current (new) girlfriend AND my mom (I know, weird) the exact same Christmas gift: grey suede jackets. But when my mom dropped off kids in presence of the girlfriend, both women – wearing the same style jacket — got pissed at my dad when they realized he had given them the same Xmas gift!

    • The best part was, when we were leaving NYC after my hospital stay, dad and I coincidentally bumped into a female “business associate” of his at La Guardia airport. I mean, imagine the odds? Dad mysteriously arranged to have all three of us sit together on the flight back. As we sat on the plane, I told the lady about my rare illness and surgery and almost dying in the hospital a few days before. I also noticed that she looked just like my mother. Med. brown shoulder length hair, blue-green eyes (very unusual), tall, slim, etc. I said, “You know, you look just like my mother. Daddy, don’t you think she looks like Mama?” and I proceeded to pull a photo out of my wallet and show the nice lady. When we debarked the plane at the airport, my mother and all of our extended family was waiting for us to celebrate that I was still alive. I said, “Mama, we bumped into dad’s business associate at the airport,” and I introduced them. Then I said, “don’t you think she looks like you?” With that, the ‘business associate” scurried away to her connecting gate. That was a big red flag to my mom and she filed for divorce the following month.

      • DeltaGirl, your father was evil. I’m sorry you had to grow up with such emotional abuse. I hope your mother found happiness later with someone else.

      • deltagirl, I’m so sorry. It reminds me of my grandfather who ran off with another woman and then had a journalist friend write a bogus article saying the two of them had been killed in a car wreck. Years later my grandmother found out that they were very much alive. Amazing what lengths they’ll go to.

        • What pieces of shit. I too had a cheater dad. I remember he took me to his married girlfriend’s house to have a date with her and all of her kids. Her name was Betty. When her teenage kids piled into the car my father said. “D (me) told me that she wished we were all a family” I said no such thing. It was one of many experiences feeling silenced, that my father was using me as a tool for his desires. Just gross. It is hard to disrespect one’s father so much. But that is the way I feel. Kinship is stronger than blood. Biology is not destiny. I thought I was choosing a man so unlike my father. My stbx was highly educated, had an intellectual family, was a “feminist” very socially conscious. Never saw it all as a front. My father was a con man and so is my stbx. I did see signs, but was on a train wreck I could not control. Figuring that out now.

    • MissDeltaGirl65, I wanted to thank you for sharing your story and I am sending lots of hugs your way. I am a Chump too and am a daughter of a parent who cheated. I think us kids knew more about my mom’s crap affairs than my Dad did. It changes who you are. I did not want to be anything like my Mom when I grew up and worked hard to do everything differently. Then I married a man who possessed my parents’ worst qualities, When my ex blew up our marriage I was so angry at him for letting me and our children down. I worry about that still. What a legacy. All children deserve more.

  • ok.. I hope that dad ROTS IN HELL.
    i am ashamed sometimes to belong to the human race hearing such stories 🙁

  • 1) Found OW (old childhood friend) on facebook and went on a business trip to star she lives in when youngest was 1 years old. Waits 6 years to tell me he wants out. He has no respect for me, does not think we ever ‘made love’ (high school sweethearts and neither of us had other partners’ what was his frame of reference), that he has wanted a divorce for year, but was testing me to see if I was worthy to stay married to. I find out he has installed a keylogger on my computer and a motion camera in our bedroom to get evidence against me for the divorce during the 14 months we were forced to live in the same home with our 3 children while divorce finalizes.

    2) I find out 6 months to the day after divorce is final that it was all a lie and he has been cheating on me for years when he introduces OW to kids in compliance with 6 month waiting period on introducing kids to relationships. Moves her into our marital home I walked away from 3 months after that.

    3) 14 year old daughter asks him if he cheated on me and he tells her he did not. That the relationship did not start until he knew the marriage was over. Too bad he didn’t tell me until years later. 14 year olds tells me she thinks the only ones who think they did not cheat are ex and OW.

    • Zookeeper – mine also said that our marriage was ‘barely consummated’. I’ve posted that on CL before. We met when we were 19, he’s been my one and only, and he said he was only with one person before me one time. ‘Barely consummated’ my a$$ – 3 years of dating that included sex, 24 years of marriage, and a daughter. What a liar.

  • First OW sent me the nicest, biggest flower arrangement to the hospital when I gave birth. I had no clue she was the OW until the cheater confessed a few months later. Cheater ex then said when he saw the flowers, “Oh, that was so nice of OW to send you these gorgeous flowers. Isn’t that really nice of her?” Silly me agreed. I’m just glad thinking about it doesn’t even bother me one bit. Meh rocks.

  • She told me she would strip for her boss. I said, “You’re married to me!”. She replied, “I didn’t realize that’s something married people shouldn’t do when they’re with their friend!”

      • No CL. She actually would strip for her boss! And later told me she didn’t think it was since they were friends.

        • *it was wrong since

          PS: She and him used to make out, fondle and undress in the company exercise room. For three years. And THEN, after D Day, she swore they never had intercourse!!!!!! What say you?

  • Cheater liked to personally attend space shuttle and rocket launches…with OW.

    The jokes just write themselves, don’t they?

  • I also noticed how he always asked what I wanted for Christmas, thereby ensuring I would get something else.

    One year, he took me to Victoria’s Secret where I loved a certain fuchsia robe and I said, “This one! Not the pastel pink, please!”

    Christmas morning, I did get a Victoria’s Secret robe and guess what color it was?

    • Yes!!!!!! Exactly. Exactly the opposite of what you said. Why did you bother asking? Just to ensure that I would be unhappy, I guess.

      • Exactly, liking something or asking for something ENSURES you will never get it! Of course, my cheater insisted he absolutely wasn’t passive aggressive!

        • Oh my, I asked for something sexy too and he got me flannel pajamas!
          He would send me links to cool music events and ask if I wanted to go, when I said YES! He ignored it.
          I wanted to see the movie Lincoln badly and asked for weeks for us to go together. Nothing. Oh, then there was the time that he took us to a business Holiday Inn for a vacation that I asked for him to plan because I was working long hours. It was so cold there.
          Now, I am just glad to be out of his world.
          Yes, with these passive aggressive cheaters, ask and you will not receive.

  • 1) My husband decided that he had a right to be happy, so he left on my 49th birthday–but before he drove off, he gave me a present of a little garden-type statue of a young boy, representing our 9 year old son. He handed it to me with a birthday card saying, “Love you” on it–and I later found out that the OW had made the statue for him to give me as my present. How considerate of both of them–I tossed it back at her when she accompanied him to our house to help him move his stuff out of our garage–and she was shocked by my rude behavior.
    2) During the first weeks of our separation, my husband vehemently denied that there was an OW in the picture. One morning at work, he accidentally texted me a message that said, “You okay, baby? I’ll take care of you.” Now, he had never called me “baby” before so I replied and asked who “baby” was and after 20 minutes got back a reply that he had a male friend who was in a motorcycle accident and everybody called him “baby” and was upset that I didn’t seem to trust his explanation.

  • My STBX:

    1) Created a secret email account (after d-day 1) called “loverslove2000” which he used to get back in touch with the OW.

    2) When I couldn’t understand why he would want to leave me for this OW that he just met he said – “you are so selfish, don’t you want me to be happy!?”

    3) He then told me that she is his soul mate and he would rather drink a bottle of vodka, eat sand and walk into the ocean to die then not be with her.

    • Loverslove2000… sounds like a sex toy that K-tel would make. Or an email account that a 17-year-old would set up. Eww. Just eww.

      My fucktard left me for a Schmoopie he just met, too, because the whole entire gigantic happiness of himself and the universe depended on it. Uh huh.

      Did you provide your STBX with some vodka and sand and give him a one-way ticket to the nearest ocean?

      • Karma Express, you made me laugh! And what is wrong with us that we are so inconsideration to get in the way of their happiness? Oh, and the universe too! The nerve of us :-). Thank you for the giggle!

        • klk.1270, I’m just rethinking your STBX’s death-wish scenario and the physics of it are stumping me. If he drank a bottle of vodka, well first of all he’d suffer from alcohol poisoning and wouldn’t be able to eat sand and wade into the ocean. But assuming that he still had something of a pulse left, if he drank the vodka, consumed the sand, and waded into the ocean, alcohol is lighter than water and so he’d float to the surface, right? But wouldn’t the sand then weigh him down? Or would the saltwater of the ocean buoy him? Could the physicists of Chump Nation please help with me this? I don’t think your STBX thought this through well enough. Unlike his very reasoned decision to leave you for Skanky McSkank and the Land of Eternal, Unselfish, and Manifest Destinied Happiness.

  • Wait, is being a chump at work a “thing”? I have been an avid reader for more than a year… But must have missed out on that. Work is the only place that I still feel less than mighty.

  • 1) STD results came in mail stating ” girlfriend exposed to chlamydia’
    2) took our 9 year old out on 3 dates
    3) picked the marital bed off the lawn and brought it to his tweenies dorm.
    He is a dog fucker

  • 1. He brought me a “cinnamon banana bread as a gift from OW. She knows you like it so she baked you one”
    2. We don’t have sex, I only masterbate to her pictures”
    3. “There is nothing going on between us but our horoscopes say we belong together”

  • Oh, I have sooo got this…. “Lord of my heart” bought his “princess of my dreams”, as they lovingly refer to each other, a silver wide neck collar, so the world would know she belongs to him and is his sub…she was afraid to wear it however, because of the metal detector at the airport!!! These fucktards are both 48.

  • 4 months after DDay, ex introduced MOW to our preschooler without my knowledge. Their outing was to pottery painting place to make me a birthday gift.

  • My STBX met the OW while working the midnight shift as a police officer. They would hang out in a 7 eleven parking lot where she would come in drunk in the middle of the night and he would be hanging around drinking coffee. On his rare nights off he would drive an hour and 15 minutes from home to hang out in a parking lot and he told me this was normal for a 42 year old man with 2 small kids. No big deal. When he tried to break it off she jumped into his cruiser and on another occasion chased him down the street in her car. Sounds cuckoo right?? Well guess who is still in contact with this nutjob,..two secret phones later and he can’t imagine why she just won’t go away.

  • Told me he won a work trip to Mexico..(our vacation spot). had to go with co-workers..that meant his secetary (ow) and opened an account there with our money….

  • After reading all these entries, I am never dating again after the divorce is final. The world is obviously populated with a much higher proportion of fucktards than I imagined possible. And how the hell did we (who all sound like reasonable human beings) not detect their insanity before we married them? I am going to go flagellate myself for 25 years of stupid.

    • Oh, Tempest, it’s not a hopeless cause! There are “happily ever afters” all over this site -CL, DM, and others:)- I just think we all met up w/disordered when we were young and naive. We can not imagine destroying someone, while our exes could and did. Not for long though. I do know my ex was missing something, red flags were present, and as the years passed he only grew worse. I was walking this morning and started laughing out loud because I love this site and our stories. I do think we are all good people. Witty, brilliant, fun. Just needing a little time to lick our wounds…. Hugs.

      • Tempest, I know how you feel. But I will put my hand up for the “young and naive” category. Nothing prepared me for meeting a person like this. But if I think long and hard, I remember all the truly good people I passed over for my Narc, and why. Older and wiser. I may never have a relationship again, but if I do, I’m certain I’ll make a better choice.

    • Yup, me and my dh were both young and naïve when we married our beasts. But now we have our happily ever after, so don’t lose hope. I felt the same way after my divorce. The trick is to find a guy (or gal) in middle age who has survived the same crap that you have. There are a lot to choose from, and we chumps are really good at loving each other. 🙂 ((hugs))

  • OW #1 told me they didn’t use protection because there was no need they were both in committed relationships.
    OW #2 thinks she is a Fairy, a month after Dday he went a got a 10″ fairy wing on his bicep – “a lost & saved fairies wing”
    He dumped OW #1 for talking to me on Dday, because she betrayed his trust. He is now chasing the Fairy that dumped him.

  • My ex delivered his support chq with his prescriptions for his active STD outbreak after a recent trip to visit the OW

  • 1. He ended the marriage out of the blue because he “wasn’t sure he was in love” and “needed to think about it”. He moved out four months later.
    2. After he moved out, I hosted a sleep over birthday for our 12 year-old-son. STBX had already taken our two year for the overnight. His car pulled up in front of the house, and a family friend hopped out with her son. She walked son up to the house to join the party, made small talk with me and my father outside, and then hopped back into the car with my husband and baby, which took off like greased lightening. My eight-year-old daughter turned to us and said, “That’s Daddy’s girlfriend.”
    3. He has yet to admit the affair, rather saying that he and the paramour became “more than just friends.” Since then he has taken her on three “family” vacations with our children, including visiting his family. . . twice. WE ARE STILL MARRIED, and this Christmas he made my daughter cry.

    • NHG Mom; WOW, that is quite a contender, about dropping off HER offspring to YOUR son’s B-day party while they floor it out of there with YOUR toddler in the car & YOUR HUSBAND!!! He must need help lugging those nuts around!
      The Cheaters take such advantage of our stunned silence or terrified numbness. They think paralyzed PTSD is weakness. SHOCK is more like it. Hugs to you & your kids.

  • On DDay I found out that all the divorce filings and correspondence with his lawyers were fake ,,found him listed on adult friend finder and multiple other sites, found multiple OWs, proof of affairs going back years,porn addiction etc etc.I confronted him, he broke down .An hour later he had to fly to another city for work.
    Once he was back from work, he called me and was crying hysterically on the phone and gasping for breath so much so that I thought he would pass out .He kept apologizing profusely, declaring his undying love and beseeching me to promise him that I would never leave him.Amidst all this, he suddenly tells me that he has to hang up and tells me he will call me back in an hour.I am taken aback and I ask him what emergency has cropped up.

    He says , “well it’s time for ” America’s got talent ” and it’s the semi finals and theres this 17 year old girl who is one of the semi finalist and whose voice I love and whom I have been following from day 1 of the show so I will call you back”.

    I am sitting there, phone in hand , completely flummoxed, in sheer disbelief, broken and shattered.

    He calls back after the show is over , voice absolutely stable and normal, talks about the show and how disappointed he is because that girl lost.

    I hung up.

    It took me a while to disengage from that crazy but I walked away and it’s been 3 years but this incident has me shaking my head in sheer disbelief even today.

    • This just goes to show how the disordered will use fake tears and emotion to manipulate and get their way. They can turn those fake tears on and off like a faucet.

      I will never forget my ex actually bragging to our teenage son that he could cry at will, and the way he did so was by thinking of son killing himself.

      • GIO, your ex…it’s mind-boggling. He’s so much worse than a fame/attention/man-whore (though he’s all of those, too). He’s an actual monster. How can these people walk among us, appearing so normal in daily life? How many are in our grocery stores at any given time?!

        • rally, I think the same thing when i am commuting back and forth to my job. Every time I see someone driving like an entitled asshole, I think yep, they are a cheater ! LOL

  • 1) after booking a business trip across the country, including a weekend in (romantic) Savannah – because he just needed to rest, he left the website of the gorgeous hotel open on his computer that he’d booked for the two of them. Complete with fireplace and bed canopy. Following him on GPS, all he was missing was a photo of them fucking on that bed. Said he was staying a a Motel 6. He brought me home a sack of fresh Pecans!

    2) Continued to follow him the next year on gps. He lied everywhere he could while I was watching him at specific locations. Played fun cat and mouse with that info, I did.

    3) He was paranoid for years about the government. Suddenly, he really did think I was part of the NSA! Humble ever since.

      • Your life’s a snowflake, so soft and white.”

        I’ve read many posts about the dancing yeti, but this is the first time I actually saw the video. Man, I don’t even know what to say. I can’t tell what’s more jarring, the singing and dancing yeti (with a blue face!) or the fact that Jessie the Cowgirl appeared out of nowhere to harmonize with him.

        Seriously, that is just 50 shades of f’ed up. Glad, you’re a total hero, and I can see now why you’re not allowed to participate in this contest. Big hugs to you.

        • Wow, I can really see the gay flare in this one. From what Glad says – he’s bisexual. That is one really creepy guy. And since when do Yetis have blue faces? No loss for Glad there, that’s for sure.

  • 1. D’day 1st of December.
    Confession. 1 brief affair, and multiple random hookups. Over 8 years. Apparently all sourced in local public toilets.
    But claims will take full responsibility.

    2. Following d’day. Does not take children over night till I ask do you want to have the kids for a few hours Christmas. He takes them at lunch time and brings them back the next day.
    Yet does not get why this upset me. Total disregard for the fact I have no other family. Asshole.

    And I can’t wait for the gift story time.

      • My divorce was final on Christmas Eve morning, 2012. It was horribly painful at the time, but something worth celebrating now. What a difference two years makes. Hang in there, Chumps who haven’t hit the two-year mark yet. It definitely gets better.

  • He left the Uk to visit his family in USA on 19th August having spent 6 weeks trying to win me back after declaring love for a friend of mine. On the 26th August he is writing this (see below)to his x of 20 odd years.

    Also I split up with my wife in June- that was also brilliant. That gave Liane (step mother) the go ahead to give me the letter that you wrote me last year- that was brilliant as well. I can’t wait to talk to you, we have allot of catching up to do.
    I haven’t been successful sending you an email yet but I think I’ve go it sussed. Also I’m sorry about the messages I’ve been leaving, me waffling on but for some reason I’m very nervous- my heart is pounding when I start to call you. That is, if you are receiving them. The sooner I talk to you the better.
    All My Love, Jeff

    • hi rally squirrel, yes, we’ve been seperated for 18mths now, but he’s still living on the premises. He sleeps in a touring caravan on the yard, and hangs out in the workshop most of the time, whilst declaring his love to his old gf via skype and email on a daily basis. Like you say his emotional development and any other developement for that matter halted in high school. We’re in the process of selling the family home so he can sail off into the sunset, hopefully very soon.

  • ddg — they just want it all, don’t they? And the PRIDE they exude about leading double and triple lives. So fucked up. His labeling splitting up with you as “brilliant” was an odd choice of words. That sentence alone would be a red flag to any normal, healthy woman who was considering dating this tool.

    This dude’s emotional development screeched to a halt in high school. Please tell me he’s your STBX, if not your actual ex.

    • hi rally squirrel, yes, we’ve been seperated for 18mths now, but he’s still living on the premises. He sleeps in a touring caravan on the yard, and hangs out in the workshop most of the time, whilst declaring his love to his old gf via skype and email on a daily basis. Like you say his emotional development and any other developement for that matter halted in high school. We’re in the process of selling the family home so he can sail off into the sunset, hopefully very soon.

  • Hi! Can I play too?

    1) Ex met a woman on a plane, brought her home to live with us 3 months later because “she was nice to his mother”. (I booted her out 2 months later, he told me I was cruel) and he hired her as his secretary.

    2) After D-day (he was screwing his sales director) when I moved out, she started doing his laundry, cooking his meals and cleaning his apartment daily (all the while he was engaged to the sales director and still married to me).

    3) He went Boston on a “business trip” (took his sales director for good measure) and went whale watching; there were no whales during the three hours trip, my ex gets horrible motion sickness and SHE was left holding the bag the whole time.

  • My STBX’s co-worker emailed him: “Tell that beautiful women you sleep with thank you for the football tickets.” My STBX responded: “Did you mean the beautiful woman I’m sleeping with or my wife?” and then forwarded me the emails.

  • 1. He featured the OW in a music video he directed…for my brother.

    2. He had me read a script he and OW were pitching for an animated show…the main characters had his name and ( learned later) the OW’s middle name. (I was really upset because he was going to his meeting and I had nothing positive to say about it…Later I have reveled in the purity of my response to their artistic collaboration…)

    3. While I flew cross county to bring our kids to see his parents in New Jersey, he kept being delayed “by work” from coming in from NYC — he was there with OW.

  • I don’t know if I can compete, but I want to play:)

    1. He had sex with us both in the same day and didn’t shower in between. I couldn’t figure why he was so proud of himself at the time. (yes, I’ve been tested)
    2. He fucked her in the boxer shorts I got him for Valentine’s Day during our false reconciliation. They were incredibly silly, she had to know I gave them to him.
    3. After telling me that he a. wanted to watch another man fuck me, b. wanted me to pretend not to have enough money to pay a repairman and “work off” the debt, c. have a threesome, he said “Briana, you know I like to collect experiences.”

  • Fortune 500 company he works for has Christmas party every year at which he tells me “spouses aren’t invited because they can’t afford it”.
    Ha! He was using the Christmas party as his launch board to scurry on over to the annual swinger sex party near by that he had continually been frequenting! Merry FUCKING Christmas is what it’s been for him for over 8 years.

  • 1. Told his lawyers and the judge during divorce proceedings that I not only knew all about his regular prostitution habit during the whole marriage, but that the 60 plus documented hookers were hired for ME to use, not for him. (Hopefully it goes without saying that this is not true).

    2. Pre D-day, when I saw a receipt one day for a $500 ATM withdrawal but he had no cash in his wallet, he told me that the ATM machine processed the transaction but hadn’t dispensed the money. I later confirmed during divorce proceedings that was one of his “hooker days”.

    3. Had sugarbaby hooker “on retainer”, paying her a monthly salary to be his regular hump (of course still using the random craigslist hookers on the side). Since he’s a lawyer, I’ve gotta admire his commitment to the practice model.

    • Oh, cheating lawyers are the worst. Yours sounds like he should have a brain transplant to a brain that doesn’t blame shift every fucking thing he does to you onto you! I too have to deal with one. During mediation, he tried to get sole residential custody because I was working more hours! He! An alcoholic who regularly drove while wasted or hung over with us (I learned to drive later in life, so was not comfortable until recently when I am without him). He also tried to get me to not drink in front of my child because I did not want him to drink in front of my child. I have never gotten drunk in my life. I know, very unlikely for an ex-orthodox radical feminist Jew, but I just have no taste for the stuff. But, really, could you imagine the gall? No Contact forever!

  • Rats, I just remembered another oh so annoying behavior.

    After D Day #1, cheater would come home from work, and upon entering our home, close his eyes, tilt his head back, and open his mouth with the most “WOE IS ME!” agonized expression on his face. You know the reaction you have when you open a really hot oven, look in, and flinch while rearing back?

    I guess after his initial cheating was discovered, coming home was just hell…poor, poor cheater!

  • After DDay he spent 6 weeks coming up with a list of things he is willing to change or do to make our marriage work… it included ‘make you a coffee each morning’ (I drink tea); ‘take you out for dinner once a week, if we are in the same country’ and my all time favourite ‘tell you when you are being a miserable cow’….

    What a chump, I thought maybe he would be willing do do something about his problems with alcohol, prostitutes, regularly losing thousands at the casino, the secret bank account, secret email address or annual ‘golf’ trips to Thailand.

  • 1. Mid 50’s cheating husband asked me to clean up his ear hairs for him before he left for his work conference.

    2. work conference included a 8 day fuckation with his OW

    3. Read their Skype chats about her sticking her tongue in his ears…

    • Horrifying. Grooming him to cheat on you—-so fucked up. The worst part of all of this is that our labor and actions are used to service their cheating. That is actually the worst part for me. Hope you are away from the piece of shit.

      • Yeah, I remember while fucktard was cheating, he was still having me do his mending to make sure he looked A-1 for OW.

  • Never used a condom when they screwed, but told me he never felt comfortable sharing a hotel room with her as it was too intimate.