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Come Back to Us, Dean!

deantorixmasI got distracted with my computer woes and failed to inform you that Dean McDermott is not returning to True Tori. Okay, the season ends on Tuesday, so it’s all a bit convenient if it’s not renewed. What is a reality TV show about the angsty horror of being married to a cheating fuckwit without the cheating fuckwit?

I know, we still have Tori cheater/OW/chump wannabe, but it’s not the same. I’d rather watch one of those viral video hedgehogs attempt single parenthood before Tori.

Dean! How could you walk out on us?!

I mean, it’s not like he doesn’t have experience walking out on people. But chumps, I’m sorry, he’s got to do this for his soul.

“I can’t keep opening a vein, opening my soul and sharing my feelings and thoughts and demons with the world.”

“I don’t watch it. I can’t. It’s really difficult. I can’t do it anymore, for my soul.”

You’re asking yourself — Dean has a soul? — yes, it’s there next to the gravy stain on the ratty gray t-shirt he wears every episode. (Dean, you’re married to a Spelling. Can’t you afford a pressed shirt?) Yes, Dean has a soul! He was soul mates with Tori! But Dean’s soul is tired now, tired of bleeding, tired of answering Tori’s stupid questions about the babysitter. Dean’s soul wants a pancake. It wishes to be left alone in Canada where he and his demons can go ice-fishing. And maybe cruise for escorts. Anyway, Dean’s soul is EXHAUSTED. Enough, Tori! ENOUGH!

But what will become of the children? Without Dean to fill up air time, what’s next? On-air therapy with them?

Tori knows this has been hard on them too.

“They weren’t even fazed by me being in the hospital. They’re used to it. And I don’t want them to grow up thinking, ‘Mom’s sick.’ I need to change. I need to prioritize me, and my problem is I put everyone before me.”

Reticent, media-shy, self-effacing Tori. She’s going to begin her self care by taking a “boob vacation” — removing her breast implants. (Take THAT Dean! No more boobs for YOU!)

“Why are you WITH ME?!” wails Dean.

We all wonder that, Dean. Go have a soul break.

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  • I have to be honest. When I saw the trailers for this nightmare of a relationship once the cheating was revealed, I was horrified, and thought the show should have ended right there! (lol) The whole situation seemed so crazy to be played out on television for the world to see. Even worse, I used to admire this guy when he won on the Food Network. However, when he then went on to host Chopped Canada, I wondered how in the world he got the job because his delivery was ironically just as wooden as Pinocchio. I think he’s done us a favor by going far, far away, veins and all. (lol) Hugs…

  • Dean lost his soul, Tori lost her boobs, and I just lost my lunch.

    Living proof that the best revenge a chump can know is watching your cheating spouse marry an affair partner.

    • Amen. nine years out from D day and seven years from XH’s marriage to MOW, nothing I could have wished for them even compares to the nightmare they have brought on themselves. Now that my hubby (the good one) has adopted my kids and we’ve moved two states away, I’m so meh it’s great. They can’t draw my kids into their problems any longer

  • I have just one question for former OW/current chumps Tori Spelling and French First Side Piece Valerie Trewiler. In the name of Segolene Royal and Mary Jo Eustace, why did you self absorbed fuckwits not think your Twu Wuvs would pull the same idealize and discard shit on you? Was it the same Special Amnesia Gene that allowed you to rationalize blowing another woman’s family apart?

    And the worst, you both don’t just parade your deserved consequences like a badge of courage and pity, you want to be paid to do so! You want other families to buy your books and watch your tv shows sponsored by your provisional ethics and utter lack of self awareness. You expect to be paid for sleeping with repugnant old men.

    Thanks for normalizing whoredom. You are beacons of the sisterhood. Of whores.

  • I think hell on Earth is watching the Toris, Kardashians, Honey BooBoo, the duck people etc. Every one of those shows has a cheater. How fun!

    • I kinda like the Duck Dynasty folks. At least they admit they are rednecks looking to have a good time. (Not to mention, they occasionally blow stuff up.) But the rest of what you cite and more is indeed, pure torture.

  • I agree Let Go. Hell on Earth…reality shows. Gah!

    I like the topic of what cheaters do to and with to other cheaters. Did they really expect they’d be different? My EX cheats on the OW. Isn’t that shocking? But she spackles and puts up with it and I’ll bet money she never leaves him. The only way they’ll break up is if he leaves HER for another woman. She’ll put up with ANYTHING to have a man and if that includes lying and cheating, so be it. To her that means she WON him from me. Lucky girl, huh? She really believes this. She WON.

    • And the prize is this – his lies belong to you now – oh, he has stopped telling them now – that sounds like one of them.
      His kids hate you – you know it, he knows it, they know it – its awkward all being jolly together when all you want is to finally have him all to yourself. Can’t he see how rude and selfish they are? Its their fault if we row.
      He comes home to you now – all of him. Now you get his unsavory bathroom habits…his sport watching…all the bits that snatched moments edited out.
      The insecurity – what about the women he works with now? That is how you got him…its how the one before you tried to get him. He picked wifey that time but hey, that was not real love like he has now. There is no further need to cheat as long as the standard of that “steak at home” anology is never allowed to slip.
      You are now the defending champion and not the OW but the ONLY woman…all he ever needed…pity he sired those pesky kids though.

  • Dear fellow Chumps,

    please notice that little “Donate” button up on the top right of the blog post page. If each of the many readers here would click that and give $3, or what the hell, even $5, I’m sure it would go some way toward helping Tracy defray the cost of this major upgrade to the site. Must of cost an arm and a leg.

    Just sayin…

    And now I’m doin it, so should you 🙂

    • I just took your advice Dat. Such a great idea. I made a small donation today. If I ever get a divorce settlement that helps alleviate my chump poverty, I intend to make a recurring donation.Love Tracey and my fellow Chumps.

  • I have only seen a few minutes of this show, when I was flipping thru the channels. And the part I came across just had to be – Tori setting on the couch crying her eyes out saying “what did I do to deserve this? ” all I could think was REALLY? Tori you did this to another woman and now it is happening to you and you can see how it feels! Damn narcs!

      • You never hear Tori reflect on how wonderful her immense wealth growing up was and she sure isn’t asking what did she do to deserve being born into a mega wealthy family. Nope, poor Tori can’t be happy with less than the millions she used to have and so she is fucking over her kids to get some money. Oh my, she’s not being paid much for the show either, poor sausage.

  • Yay! I can comment! 🙂
    First: SC is NOT a “no fault” state, so when you commit adultery here you automatically lose alimony and sometimes you lose custody, because judges here don’t let you shack up with a lover AND have your kids. So there are good things about living in one of these “backwater” states, people 😉

    Second: I have heard too many stories about Mary Kay Jesus Cheaters for it to be a coincidence… Multi-level marketing scams + prosperity theology + Jesus cheaters = holy hot mess

    and Tori and Dean are both disgusting.

  • The clip makes it seem surprising that a cheater might not be “able’ to change. Character takes time. Cheating means an adulterous spouse is already in a deep, deep hole on that number. And they’re not getting out of that hole overnight. Is it then really shocking that Dean walks away? A cheater not keeping a commitment to therapy/rebuilding the marriage? Who would have thunk?!

  • why is the OW always so surprised that he CHEATED on her? i mean i totally get that he told you a lame poor me story about how his wife doesnt understand him, how he tried but she is never happy. i dont understand how the OW doesnt have any moral, values or consideration for the wife. personally i have never slept with a married man just because well,,,he’s married. but how could you be so stupid to believe that he would never do it to you? they honestly think they are BETTER then the wife? do they honestly think that the wife didnt do everything she could for the man and that they are going to do it better?

    my XH MOW thinks she won too. she thinks that i was just being childish for the way i acted after finding out he was cheating on me (she is the that everyone does it, we all make bad decisions but are not bad people, and you need to do whatever to make yourself happy cuz YOLO group) she has been posting stuff about how god changes your life, how god puts the right people in your life at the right time, and all sorts of lovey posts (like love is holding hands, a kiss on the forehead, telling her she looks beautiful when she looks her worse, etc etc) funny thing is i know my XH does not do those things. and of course how much she loves her boyfriend….GAG

    they are perfect for each other since they both are stupid as fuck.

  • Some people swap out their used cheater mattress, Tori takes it up a notch and swaps out her cheater touched boobs.

  • Bless these two crazy fuckwits. I hope they stay together forever and drive each other insane. As seems to be happening already. Sorry for the kids they brought into this mess, of course, but I really hope they just keep making reality shows so that everyone who runs off with their schmoopie soul mate gets a window into how reality drops a bomb into their ‘happiness’.

    I was sent something about my ex today and while I usually just delete for some reason I took a look. Got the best laugh ever. He’s miserable and all those ‘fun, happy’ times are long, long gone. Now he’s just an ageing guy with a young girlfriend who looks like he could use a good rest.

    Poor sod. 🙂

    • “…who looks like he could use a good rest.” Nord, that part made me laugh! And it reminded me that someone who had seen my ex a while back told me he looked pretty exhausted and said that it takes a lot of energy to keep up with OW’s dramatic nature.

  • After All of this cheater crap for an entire year, I find it remarkable that cheaters are outraged when their cheating cheater is cheating with a cheater.

  • OMG, do not click the boob vacation link, gross. In fact the only the hedgehog is ok to click, but even it is cruel, da poor hedge hog dumped out of his cozy sock. It’s better than reading about poor tooriies tits

  • I don’t watch the show at all, but just hearing about the trainwreck these cheating douchebags have made of their pseudo lives is like a gigantic hug from the internet.

    May they both enjoy all the happiness they so richly deserve.

  • Seriously, who watches this shite? Between this show, Keeping up with the Kardashians, and the Housewives of ____ (fill in the blank)___, it’s no wonder U.S. PISA scores are toward the bottom of first-world countries.

    • Tempest: I think that’s the irony. Not many people may have been watching the show, (or maybe they were) but just about every commercial or trailer we saw while watching other programs subjected us to all their dirty laundry if we didn’t get up fast enough to get a snack! (lol) Hugs…

  • Since this has turned to outliers in the extremely entitled cheater realm, I would like to introduce Harold Hamm, oil tycoon who built and 11.5 billion dollar enterprise. For more than 26 years of that undertaking his wife who was also an executive at his oil company for many years, remained faithfully by his side and even played the pick-me-dance back in 2010 when she first discovered he was having an affair.

    To date, he has fought an equitable distribution of her share of the assets to the point of having his company re-write its corporte history about when it acquired assets and discovered oil deposits.
    His STBX is appealing a 1 billion dollar settlement.

    Let me ask you, who didn’t keep fit?

    She probably didn’t have the maid fold towels properly, right?

    • Note it is also suspicious that Hamm married her 6 months after the divorce with his first wife in 1988 and while she was a lawyer working for his company. So it may be history repeating itself.

    • Does that guy have a drinker’s nose, or what? I guess I’m not really surprised about the divorce fight. That just seems to be a really common calling card among the disordered, no matter how much money you have — the rules don’t apply to him. Anything that isn’t everything he wants is deemed totally unfair. Other people? Their needs? The law? What nonsense are you talking?!

      If current wife is an ex-OW, yeah, well she gets to walk away with millions and parting gifts. I don’t feel too bad for her.

      • Yes w all that money you’d think he’d have his nose cosmetically repaired

        this is actually a fascinating case where the disordered might encountered his ‘Opportunistic manipulative ‘equal.

        Not only was she the OW but she was actually a corporate lawyer for his company, Continental, when she and Hamm married. She went on to take a series of executive roles at the exploration and production company and also claims that Haralson undervalued her own contributions to the couple’s wealth.

        She knows where all the bodies are buried Im sure

        Not your average OW. Tough to tell who Is the spider and who is the fly

  • You know, at least Tori & Dean show the devastation, disorientation & destruction of the lives of cheaters, unlike many shows tat make it seem like it is a fun, entertaining victim free activity that is just part of the hip new world mentality. No harm, no foul. I do not & have not watched the show, but did see a couple of these clips, not a fan of reality TV like many of you.
    It is a pathetic view into our moral suicide as a culture IMO

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