Stay in Touch

Check out CL's Book

Man Busts Cheating Woman at Detroit Lions Game


Makes me proud to be from Detroit. Did anyone see this viral Facebook post? Supposedly, this guy was at a Detroit Lion’s game on Thanksgiving Day when he noticed a pregnant woman in front of him texting another man when her partner went to the bathroom. He later slipped the guy a note, telling him to check his girlfriend’s phone. Then he posted about the encounter on Facebook.

“I was at the Detroit Lions game today when I noticed this woman who looks 8 months pregnant in a seat in front of me texting a man messages like ‘I wish I was with you all day’ and ‘I will see you as soon as I’m done with him,’” wrote the guy in a Facebook post. “She kept hiding her phone every time her partner put his arm around her or reached in to talk to her. So being the man that I am I couldn’t help it … I had to write him a little note and on his way out after the game was done I simply waited for him to exit and stopped him in front of his woman and handed him a piece of paper and said “I don’t know you and you don’t know me, read this when you get home. TRUST ME.” He looked at me confused and said, “okay.” And that was it, idk what happened after and I was a little tipsy but I don’t care, it felt good. I hate fake people.”

Is the Internet lauding this guy as a hero?

Well, some are as the thing has gone viral. Others are questioning if it’s a hoax. But several media outlets that I looked at are criticizing the man for getting in another person’s business when he didn’t have all the facts. Maybe Jason was her uncle! (Yeah. Then why was she hiding her phone?)

God forbid someone tip off a chump.

Check out this crap from The Stir, “Stranger Who Snitched on Cheater Was Out of Line”:

He could have been her brother.

For that matter, “Jason” could be her gay best friend. Maybe she’s really looking forward to going Christmas shopping with Jason after she finishes watching this BORING football game with her boyfriend — whom she loves dearly, that’s why she’s at that game with him even though she’d rather be shopping. For a Christmas present — FOR HER BOYFRIEND.

Another possible scenario is that her boyfriend is abusive, and she’s planning her escape with Jason. Now that her boyfriend has been tipped off, the violence could escalate. It will be harder for her to escape because he’s on alert now. And her life could be in danger now, thanks to the guy who hates fake people.

Let’s not forget that this woman is pregnant and about to bring a human being into the world, a person who will need a father in his or her life. That complicates things, you know?

Honestly, I think when it comes to “exposing” cheating, you should look out for your closest friends. But strangers? In an isolated incident for which you have ZERO context? I think it’s a bad idea. And in this case, I think this was more about the stranger probably feeling bitter about his own past experiences with women and taking that out on this pregnant woman. It’s more about him, and wanting to feel vindicated, and wanting to feel like a hero, than actually wanting to help someone.

But who knows — maybe he was right all along, and the pregnant woman admitted her affair and finally left boyfriend 1 for boyfriend 2. Heck, maybe the stranger did this woman a favor by pushing her to leave a relationship that was making her unhappy. You could see it that way!

Let’s feed it through the patented Universal Bullshit Translator.

“Stranger Who Snitched on Cheater Was Out of Line”

Snitched? What is this, the mob? Who complains about snitches? (Other than small children…) Criminals. People who do Bad Things and don’t want to be caught.

He could have been her brother.

Does your brother snuggle you in public? Mine doesn’t. If it were her brother, why hide the phone?

For that matter, “Jason” could be her gay best friend. Maybe she’s really looking forward to going Christmas shopping with Jason after she finishes watching this BORING football game with her boyfriend — whom she loves dearly, that’s why she’s at that game with him even though she’d rather be shopping. For a Christmas present — FOR HER BOYFRIEND.

Well, then she has nothing to fear by showing her boyfriend her phone, does she? So the guy didn’t do any harm. But could’ve saved him from a world of hurt and a paternity test.

But again, why hide the phone? People with nothing to hide, hide nothing.

Oh right, she sure sounds like the thoughtful sort. “I will see you as soon as I’m done with him.” The guy is just a nameless burden.

Another possible scenario is that her boyfriend is abusive, and she’s planning her escape with Jason. Now that her boyfriend has been tipped off, the violence could escalate. It will be harder for her to escape because he’s on alert now. And her life could be in danger now, thanks to the guy who hates fake people.

If she was cheating on an abusive man instead of leaving him, I’d say she was being pretty stupid. But of course this narrative plays into the story cheaters give that their chumps are so controlling and horrible, they Just Can’t Leave. And affair partners are just liberating unhappy people from the shackles of monogamy. This woman has agency. If she was in an abusive relationship, you can bet this guy is already checking her phone. Ask me how I know.

Let’s not forget that this woman is pregnant and about to bring a human being into the world, a person who will need a father in his or her life. That complicates things, you know?

Yeah. Keep the chump on the hook for child support. Of course the kid has a father. It just might not be the guy sitting next to her.

Honestly, I think when it comes to “exposing” cheating, you should look out for your closest friends. But strangers? In an isolated incident for which you have ZERO context? I think it’s a bad idea. And in this case, I think this was more about the stranger probably feeling bitter about his own past experiences with women and taking that out on this pregnant woman. It’s more about him, and wanting to feel vindicated, and wanting to feel like a hero, than actually wanting to help someone.

…. And the BITTER card is played.

Talk about extrapolating a narrative without any evidence. Is she a cheater? She’s texting another man behind her boyfriend’s back. What evidence do you have that this stranger is BITTER and misogynistic? Because the chump is a MAN? Well women CHEAT. DUH. Who do you think men are cheating with? Other men? (It happens.) Goats? (Ew.) Men cheat with other WOMEN. Women can be assholes too. They’re not all sad sausages without agency. Women are not victims with sad narratives that compel Them Do Bad Things. I’m a feminist. I believe women are created equal. We aren’t the fairer sex. Some of us are cheating POS.

But who knows — maybe he was right all along, and the pregnant woman admitted her affair and finally left boyfriend 1 for boyfriend 2. Heck, maybe the stranger did this woman a favor by pushing her to leave a relationship that was making her unhappy. You could see it that way!

Yes, because cheaters only cheat because they’re unhappy. At whose expense are they unhappy? That guy who thinks he’s going to be a father? Who thinks that child is his? Might be. Might not. Can you imagine the unhappiness at having to paternity test your child?

You can poll a thousand chumps here, and everyone of them would tell you they wish some brave stranger had told them their partners were cheating.

If this man was mistaken, no harm done.

If this man was correct — he just saved another man from a world of hurt.

Detroit Lions guy? I think you’re a hero. Well done.

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at Read more about submission guidelines.
  • My cheater turned off the ringer to his phone, password protected it (I didn’t know the password) texted in the dark with his phone in his bathrobe pocket while I was in the next room. Ask me how I know? After he butt dialed me and I heard him talking to her, I got the phone records, dates and times, 300 texts and 300 voice minutes in one month alone. He was even texting/talking to her on our daughters bday when we were out of town celebrating! I wish someone had given me a clue. I was clueless for over a year!

    • Mine was sending 5,000 text per month to OW. Like a fucking monkey masturbating at the zoo. Like? Probably not a metaphor since he DLed Skype after Dday while he was couch serving at his enabling sister’s house. Eeewwwwwww.

    • Very courageous dude. I appreciate what he did very much.

      The OW was pregnant when she and stbx had their affair. Pregnant cheaters deserve no special empathy. They are particularly revolting. In my case, the chump of the pregnant OW was a great father, much kinder than his pregnant cheater wife who stuck their first kid in front of the TV while she and stbx went at it in her kitchen and basement.

      The chump of the OW (what a crazy way of describing someone—but true) knew years before me and never reached out to me. I understand they were “reconciling.” Poor guy. I am also sure he is enraged that my stbx felt up his kid when she was a fetus and had play dates with our kids so cheaters could be together. I sometimes wonder if he knows these details, that his cheater wife wanted to leave him for my stbx but couldn’t because stbx was not going there with her. STBX would never want to take care of her kids and face their father. He likes to do shit hidden so there are no consequences.

      Good for this guy. I wish there were more people like him. I wish someone like him told me about the pregnant OW and stbx—would have saved me years of misery to heal from. So greatful to be out of that psychodrama and string enough to tell the tale.

  • I busted my cheater by checking the phone records, too. He was texting, calling and picture-texting and receiving the same from OW, anywhere between 12-100 times a day every day for the month that I was able to find out about. When he came home that night and I asked him had be been “out on a date,” he laughed at me and lied and denied it. Verizon records don’t lie, I showed him the phone log, and he caved and admitted it then 180’d to how it was all my fault. Had I not found those phone records because I got suspicious, I would still be living with this lying cheating disordered sack of shit right now, had been for 16 years and would probably continued to another 16. Ex was texting brazenly right next to me in our own living room.

    So I would have THANKED any stranger who had tipped me off 1, 5, 10, 16 years earlier than my DDay. Kudos to the guy who had the balls to expose it and say the emperor isn’t wearing any clothes.

    I betcha the people saying he should mind his own business are the same ones who would step over a homeless person in a heartbeat. I have a medical condition called Menieres Disease and I read on a fb page the other day a fellow sufferer, had what’s called a “drop attack” (Menieres affects inner ear function and therefore balance). She fell down on a public sidewalk and NO ONE STOPPED to help her. What a sad, narcissistic world it seems like sometimes. Glad there are brave souls who step forward now and then.

    • margaret, I also have meniere’s disease, It got very bad when I was on vacation and was snorkeling.
      After many tests, and alot of dizziness, I was put on a diuretic twice a day and no more dizziness. the ringing, hissing and buzzing I still hear though. The medicine helps reduce the fluid imbalance in your inner ears. If you haven’t, please check it out!

  • Ah yes, the phone records. When I got a “minutes almost gone” message I checked them, found the hundreds of texts, hours of calls. POS was away for a week, called me ONCE, for 10 min, spent a total of TEN HOURS on phone with lunatic OWhore. Caught him by calling him and reading him the number and asked him, if I called that number from the land line, would I hear it ring? Crickets. Then, “uh, yeah.” No gaslighting, at least.

    • kind of similar to my XH.he didnt have a phone of his own because he never paid the cell bill. i had provided one for him and he kept going over his minutes with his stupid family. they always needed to talk to him when he was at work. and i begged him to talk to them after 7 when it was free. he never did so i stopped paying the bill for him. told him to get his own phone, in 9 years he blew thru all the carriers in 2 separate towns so badly he can not get a phone of his own. and since i refused to buy his phone bill, you know…it was just another way i didnt treat him right. but eventually his work gave him a cell phone.

      i had always texted him alot but i tried to refrain from texting him while he was at work. he did not get charged for getting texts only if he sent one back. so i would text him and he would call me. unless of course he pulled some stupid shit. which he did ALOT at the end of last year and the beginning of this year. but still i finally stopped texting him so much when i found out about her. and that is when he started telling me he was getting in trouble at work because he was going over his minutes and was getting charged so his boss was pissed. i told him that he was NOT TEXTING me so it wasnt MY FAUlt he was going over his minutes. and maybe he should tell that to his chewbacca.

      but yes, over the past 4 years he has done some crazy shit with his phone. pass code it, i broke it. never putting it down. taking it to the bathroom at 4 am in the morning when he was showering for work. a few times he even slept with it underneath him. ALWAYS telling me that he didnt have anything to hide. if i EVER asked to use his phone, he would get all cagey. why, why do you need to use my phone. then before he gave it to me he would even delete shit right in front of me. i would ask him what he was deleting and he would say nothing i dont have anything to hide. YA RIGHT, give me the fucking phone then. and then he would stand by my side, looking over my shoulder to make sure all i was doing was dialing a number.

      then he wondered WHY i was so suspicious he was doing something, even asked why i thought he was talking to OW……WTF!!! i guess i had “stupid” written on my forehead. he cried….you always are accusing me of doing shit….yep and i had a good reason to!!! ASSHOLE!

      sadly i put up with this for 4 years. sigh.

  • The only person who could have told me with proof was the MOW spouse in 2012 when MOW had “the talk with details” with her husband.

    .At that time MOW and my cheater were planning their great escape into cosmic happiness. The MOWspouse begged her to stay. Cheater worried about how his kids would suffer, so neither of them went anywhere. They continued their love fest with the blessing of the MOWspouse.

    Three cowards. I would have liked a secret note.

  • I too caught my STBXH by checking phone records. Once I got suspicious when he wasn’t home at 4:30 in the morning. (They were having morning meet-ups before work). I noticed he wasn’t using his phone in front of me anymore and actually hiding it. I was working the night shift at the time so when i got home one night i hit the button on his phone to wake it up. He had put a password on it. That’s when I knew. The next day, I went on Verizon’s website to search his phone records. One number kept coming up again and again and again. Page after page. When we were on vacation, my son’s birthday, every night while I was at work. It was heartbreaking. And when I confronted him with the pages that I printed out and highlighted all afternoon, he laughed at me and said they were just friends. That hurt worse than finding the evidence.

    • Ditto all of the above. I’ll never forget that kick in the stomach of staring at the computer screen at OW’s number (a “client” of his remodeling business) 100s and 100s of calls. Calls and texts while sitting right next to me. Calls and texts while on a family weekend to Boston to visit my daughter. Calls within seconds of having just called me to tell me he was going to be late for dinner. Sickening. and then YES, to be lied to and LAUGHED AT. Like you just didn’t matter. Sorry for you conniered, that you experienced this particular variation of being shit upon.

    • The cell phone records and the obsessive way in which he began to guard his phone were my indicators, too.

      And then, I became obsessive about checking the phone records, looking up information on all frequently called numbers. Eventually, I learned that his main squeeze was a bona fide professional masturbator. Meanwhile, I kept paying the phone bills — I financed the yucky liasion.

      What I would have given for a stranger to slip me a note! The thing that still bothers me, lo these several years, is that none of his friends/acquaintances/coworkers who knew what was going on and who knew me, could be bothered to give me the little kindness that the man at the Lions game gave to a total stranger.

      I still hate not knowing who knew what, when they knew it, and why they said nothing to me.

      • I would have given anything to be able to see my ExH’s pone records. I knew something was up when he had a lock code and was always on he phone. He accused ME of always being on the phone but that was projection. Unfortunately, he was the deputy director for the county ambulance service and they provided him with a cell phone. The phone bills all went to the ambulance board who don’t care if the employees use it for personal use. The county tax payers would probably be sick to know they were financing his late night sexting sessions with the OW. Not only that, when I filed for divorce, he used the same cell phone to harass me. He would text me over 100 text messages a day. I even got over 100 phone calls a day! I wouldn’t answer but it interfered with my work. I’m a social worker and I couldn’t use my phone to make any calls bc he was ALWAYS calling me or texting. I finally had to get a restraining order. It probably could have cost him his job if I had alerted he ambulance board about him harassing me on work time from the work phone.

  • My Wasband did exactly this, on at least two family outings. He texted photos of MY daughter to his ho worker all throughout Disney World, and in the swankiest suite my sister’s money could buy at a Cleveland Indians game. He told me he was texting a male friend. Later found out otherwise. It seems he was lovebombing Schmoopie with the great life she could have if only they could be together. Too bad it was my life, my family and my salary providing it.

    It’s not all right, but it’s okay. Skankomatic realized in short order that on his own Hubs was penniless, and it only lasted three months. Ex can’t afford a hot ham sandwich, but it won’t stop him from trolling his job and the internet for new chump material.

    • “Skankomatic realized in short order that on his own Hubs was penniless, and it only lasted three months.”

      My ex’s mistress dumped him for the same reason. And because she wanted to date someone else (o thou irony, thou art delicious!).

      But she tried to blame the break-up on me. I hadn’t had any contact with her in six weeks. Uh-huh.

      • These soulless tartshells- I broke up a marriage, but you broke up a THING. A what? A gross, rutting unholy union? If so, yay for you and crown you Fidelity Warrior!

        Nope, they broke up because without all the illusions and deception and fantasy, real love is hard, and sometimes boring. And no one wants to tell and retell the story of their meeting and falling in love as “In the Janitoral Closet at Rubbing Pennies and Privates Bank, LLC”

  • I would be grateful to the guy who gave me the note. And like CL says, if she wasn’t doing anything wrong, where’s the harm? If she was getting ready to buy him an awesome gift with the help of her gay friend (yeah, sure) it would basically be one of those stories that go into your library of wierd stuff.

    Years ago (when things were good) I sent my sister in law some flowers when she returned home from the hospital. Also had some sent to w while I was at it, just because. When I got home that night w had somehow heard there were two floral arrangements scheduled for delivery that had been ordered by me, and asked me what was up, suspecting the worst, but hoping for a rational explanation. When I was able to take my coat off and explain, the relief was incredible. Stuff happens. We shared a laugh and moved on.

  • Wow! I’m with you Margaret and Irene. As I read about this cheating woman who dared to humiliate her husband in such a way, and the men who were caught texting other women right i the same way, I think of two words – Narcissism, Abuse. Ironically, I just passed on info on Techniques of The Narcissist on my blog, intheknowwithro. These are people who don’t care about the feelings of others, and clearly feel a sense of entitlement for their own personal gain. I’m proud of the man and anyone else who has the courage to defend the underdog, or stops to help a person who has fainted or passed out on the street, or stops someone from being beaten or berated on the street. If more people became involved and did the right thing what a difference we may see in society. Hugs…

  • The crazy speculation that this is something other than what it appears to be is just a form of social spackle, an expression of the fear that ***anyone*** could be the victim of such profound betrayal, or the annoyance that strangers would cock-block (or vag block?) a cheater’s cake buffet.

    • Good point. Remember that Chumps spackle because we’re normal human beings who want to give other people the benefit of the doubt. Since normal human beings tend to want to give the benefit of the doubt to others, it’s no wonder that there’s a social drive to spackle.

  • Ah the cell phone….a compact kibble storage unit for cheaters and a chumps best friend. This is how I finally saw the light. The exH who hardly ever remembered to charge his phone suddenly couldn’t put it down. (He carried it with him like he was a 14 year old girl with a new iphone) He added a password (said he was worried about identity theft) which of course isn’t hard to figure out if you watch closely enough. Once I got the code it unleashed the detective side of me that I didn’t know existed. (Probably qualified to work for the FBI at this point). I copied his texts, pictures and emails. Took advantage of GPS technology and saved it all. There was no gaslighting this time. I now had proof that I wasn’t crazy for all of those years. (And my attorney was incredibly grateful.)

    I just hope that the chump in this situation doesn’t believe the avalanche of lies that are surely coming his way. “Why would you believe a stranger?, “He is just a friend” “Of course I said I wish I was with him, we have a huge project due and I left him to handle it because I wanted to spend time with you”, “I didn’t mean to use the word “him”, my phone autocorrected your name to him”, on and on and on. My ex idiot sat next to our adult son at a baseball game while he sent texts to the OW. After d-day I told my ex what our son had seen and of course my son had “misunderstood, she is just a friend”. Asshole couldn’t tell the truth even when the truth was staring him in the face.

    It would be nice to think this stranger saved this poor schmuck from years of agony!

  • I can’t remember where I read it, but apparently the primary way for spouses to find out about their cheaters is via the cell phone. Cheaters guard their phones to the point where, on the rare occasion they leave the phone out, the Chump picks it up and WHAM! Proof!

    That’s how I discovered about my cheater. I’d made a comment about OW’s having feelings for him, which he denied. Then he walked out of the room, leaving his cell on the counter. For some reason, the screen didn’t lock, and I got a glimpse of the texts he’d been sending. Sheesh!

    • i got really good at finding ways to get him phone and go thru it. he got good at deleting all the bad texts. but i would still find numbers in the history. oddly, the only texts he saved were the 100’s i sent him about him not coming home, and bitching him out for not coming home and all the hateful crap i would tell him.

      i figured out later that he saved those to show HER. as proof that i was a mean hateful wife. look at the shit i text him so they could talk about how horrible i was and poor little XH having to put up with that. he deserved better… worked for his poor me story. she loved it and saved him.

      now she has full access to his phone. takes it out of his hand when he was talking to me or texting me. like i couldnt tell when she started texting me. been with this ass for 14 years and all of a sudden he is texting in full sentences and spelling words correctly that he never spelled correctly before….but right. it was him telling me those things…… just as bad or possibly worse, he just sat there while she texted all the cruel and hateful shit to me. of course she was defending him because poor little sausage is too scared to tell me what he really thinks. or what she really thinks…..

      gag, my stomach is hurting just thinking of this shit

  • Thinking about this a little more, I like the rough justice of it. It always amazes me that the Cheaters do what they do best, and then have the chutzpah to bitch about it when they are caught or called out – “You snooped on my cell phone”, “You spied on me”, “You were eavesdropping on a private conversation”, yada, yada.

    I would bet that this woman is angry that she was “unfairly” caught – and not at herself. Basically, it boils down to “Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time.” I guess the simplicity of this is too much for the word salad spinners of the totally entitled and enlightened among us.

    • So very true. Apparently, cell phone or email snooping is worse than adultery and embezzlement. Scumbags, every single one of them!

      • Oh yeah I remember going into FBI mode. I was all about checking his computer, his phone. Found out how deep it drives them. When I did a recovery on the hard drive, I stopped at 16,000, yes 16,000 photos and videos of the most disgusting filth you could find on the net. Mind you, I STOPPED at 16,000. I couldn’t stomach any more. Disgusting mfpos.

    • I never checked the phone; he was always open about that until…he wasn’t. By that time, he was well into “you aren’t the boss of me” and all of his actions screamed something had changed. But of course it was his one-friend FB page that clued me in.

      • All those years, it never occurred to me to snoop. And looking back, my husband had the perfect life set up for cheating — he went out of town for two or three weeks of every month. Had a separate cell phone account for his self-employed business, and he always handled making payments to the account. I had no access to it.

        He handled all his travel receipts, too, and although his business Visa was tied to our joint checking account, I never would have thought to look at the transactions. Because I trusted him completely. I may have been an uber chump, but I’m not ashamed that I trusted. It’s totally on him that he was unworthy of that trust.

        One day, a letter arrived for me, from the fiance of the woman my husband was boinking. I’m grateful to that poor fiance. Otherwise, I doubt I ever would have known.

  • And how many fellow Chumps besides me were also PAYING for the loser’s cell phone? I mean, WTF? I paid for his cell phone service for years. The entitlement never ends.

      • Yep. Me too. And I managed everything so he didn’t even know the dang password to see it himself. If he had, I wonder if he would have done anything different. Probably not. They are so busy being selfish that they don’t even consider who pays the bills and who sees what they do.

    • Ditto. In fact, reading this post today, I just realized that it was one more way I was financing my STBXW’s affairs. But I think she figured, “Half of that money belongs to me!” Maybe that is true now, AFTER WE’RE SEPARATED! How was it that she was entitled to use the money I earned to pay for cell service, babysitters, hotel rooms, fuel, etc., so she could cheat?!?!?

      • There is no doubt about it. Sitting near, behind, beside or in front of your significant other while he or she is texting or being texted to is horrific, cruel and abusive. In addition, these people who profess to love us are clearly stating that they think we are totally stupid (as someone mentioned earlier), allowing them to get away with anything. Plus we’re paying the bills for the phones making it even more wrong. Even worse, when the culprit is caught, he or she then has the audacity to blame everyone but the pope for what was done, refusing to show any remorse or accountability. This woman, or any other person who subjects another human being to this type of heinous behavior should be downright embarrassed and literally begging for forgiveness. In my opinion, they look totally obsessive in texting someone 100 times a day or more. Why in the world aren’t they working, spending time with family or doing something productive? Yet a cheater will NEVER admit that this type of emotional trauma is a form of domestic violence, stating instead, “Get over it, I never hit you did I?” Hugs…

    • Yup! Me too. Paid $100 in overages when he was on the phone to her for 67 HOURS in a month. Plus a few hundred texts, but he’s not so much for the texting…that whole spelling and grammar thing is so hard!

      But there was nothing going on, of course. She was a good friend from church. She told him she loved him and called him “Sweet Baby,” but there was nothing inappropriate. I’m probably not being friendly enough in church…

      When they went to a nudist camp together I became unreasonably suspicious. I am SO controlling. I’ve been working on that and have had significant improvement since going no contact.

    • Meeeeee. 🙁 He paid it, but it was in my name bc poor sausage couldn’t get his own. Dayafter DDay I marched him down to the wireless provider and made him get his own account. I already had enough proof. And in several places. Heeee. It was funny when he got on my computer and erased the text records I downloaded and then denied it, and I said “Boy, good thing I put those on a USB drive and emailed them to all my friends!”

      Also hilarious when he didn’t ‘complete’ all the paperwork and tried to stick me with the cost of the 600.00 phone. Fixed it without breaking no contact.

      *Standard Soulmate Schmoopie prayer- “I hope you finad all the happiness you deserve.”

  • People sending honest, innocent texts just don’t put sentences together like, “I wish I was with you all day.” They just don’t. And if she was truly afraid of the man sitting next to her, the texts would have the flavor of fear in them.

    It’s like that shocking photo of Nigella Lawson at a restaurant, with her husband’s hands around her throat. When that came out, and the husband tried to explain it away as some playful little thing he and his wife do with each other, all you had to do was look at the expression on her face while he was publicly choking her. There was your truth.

    • Rally, I have a formerly favorite photo of Ex and me at my Mom’s one year for Xmas. I mean, I dearly loved this photo for years and years. One day about six months ago (post DDay) I looked at it again. There as plain as day — why didn’t I see it before??? — Sticking up above my head, he was sticking up his middle finger in the air. Yes, giving me the finger behind my head while one of my children took a Christmas photo of us at my mother’s dining room table. And you should see the demonic look in his eyes.

      • Margaret,
        Same here, I only noticed the demonic scowl on scumbag’s face in photos several months after d-day. I showed the photos to colleagues who didn’t know Ex, and they each commented on how evil he looked. Little slitty, puffy eyes, glowing a faint red.

  • “For that matter, “Jason” could be her gay best friend. Maybe she’s really looking forward to going Christmas shopping with Jason after she finishes watching this BORING football game with her boyfriend —”

    Well, then the hubby of the pregnant woman will KNOW that Jason is gay and loves to shop, and he won’t care that she was texting Jason. Problem solved.

    Otherwise, kudos to the guy who outed the cheater for showing a little brotherly compassion (oh that my husband’s whore had followed the ‘sister code’ instead of boinking him).

  • “For that matter, ‘Jason’ could be member of Navy Seal Team 6 (texting in code), which is trying to rescue her from her ‘husband,’ who is actually a terrorist that has figured out that making someone watch a football team that over the last 10 seasons has won only 50 games while losing 110 and has only won one (ONE!!!) playoff game since 1957, when Dwight Eisenhower was president, is far worse than waterboarding.”

    Hm. Not likely. I’m going with the obvious explanation, that the lady hiding her phone from her husband and texting sweet nothings to a dude named Jason is a cheater. Just like when I hear the clip-clop of hoves outside my window I assume it’s a horse and not a unicorn.

  • The only question in my mind is how the guy could read what she was texting. Other than that, I say he’s a hero.

    I had already found out about my ex’s OW during the hellacious five months I had to continue living with him after Dday. It wasn’t until he foolishly forgot to take his cell phone with him into the bathroom, however, that I discovered the OTHER OW, the fuckbuddy, that he was continuing to screw even during his affair with the “soul mate” OW.

    By pure chance, a few days after I moved out, the fuckbuddy’s husband was at the checkout behind me in the supermarket. I knew him, knew her, knew the other OW as well. He asked me how I was doing, was I hanging in there okay. I replied yes, and then told him right then and there that his wife was having an affair with my (then) husband.

    I don’t know what ultimately happened with that couple, but I guess the OW told my ex, because ex angrily told me how “malicious” I was for informing the husband. I guess his fucking the woman wasn’t a problem, though.

    Like most other cheaters, my ex spent a staggering amount of time texting his various affair partners. His phone was in his hand constantly, and he would be texting other women (and men) while sitting right next to me.

  • I’ve said this here before, but I was one of the fortunate chumps who was informed of my partner’s ongoing affair with a co-worker of his. It was a very young man who came out of their office while I was waiting to pick up Ex. He just stopped briefly, confirmed I was Ex’s partner, then said, “he’s cheating on you with X, his co-worker. Sorry for the bad news…really” then he walked quickly away. Even as he disappeared, I knew in my shock that I would forever be grateful. I called after him “thank you” but never saw him again.

    I went home and keylogged my laptop and got the evidence I needed. That young man likely saved my life since Ex was found to be trying to poison me. I was oblivious before that to the utter treachery that greed and envy can bring out in people. I say it often, but some Cheaters have far more evil stuff in store for us than just f**king around. They often want our money as well. This is why it is so vital to thoroughly check out red flags. I see nothing wrong with occasionally checking a partner’s phone or email or facebook to see what’s up. They should have nothing to hide.

    • OMG Marci!!! What a nightmare to find out your husband was planning to actually murder you! Praise God you got away from such cruelty!

      • It is a long story, but the police told me I was very lucky that fate intervened with the cheating episode. Once I threw him out, he came back and threatened me with a knife. Held me for six hours in fact. It was only when after a few days away from him that I suddenly felt so much physically better,,and the cops suggested I get some blood tests. The levels of lead they found were too high to have been random, they knew he was putting it in the cooking. Curries, yellow dyes. Don’t let anyone cook for you, at least if you think they might be wanting you dead. If your partner is penniless and they have insurance on you, it’s not a safe situation to be in. Love be blowed.

        • You know, there are no accidents. That young fellow must have had a powerful intuition about the danger of that situation to seek you out and tell you, even though he might not have understood what was impelling him to do such a bold thing. And thank God.

          • I agree, LAJ, and am happy to know that Marci now has a real chance to live. That young man saved her life….That whole “mind your own business” crap is just that-crap. We haven’t become a better people minding our own business. IMHO some people “don’t want to get involved” because having integrity and character can sometimes be a bit messy. You know the neighbor that pretends not to hear his neighbors fighting, or the teacher who doesn’t report a child’s questionable bruises. Life would be so much easier if everybody were honest and invested in their fellow man-and woman :)-but there are some people we should all be warned off of. Kudos to that Detroit Lion’s fan. I too would have appreciated it if I had been forewarned. It would have, at the least, saved me a lot of time and money.

  • I agree with Stayin Strong – “the cell phone….a compact kibble storage unit for cheaters and a chumps best friend. This is how I finally saw the light.”

    I too saw the light via his phone. I ignored all the red flags because I trusted him sooo much. But he tripped himself up one night when he actually did something nice – he was working late out of town and he text me to let me know he’d be leaving soon. It was out of the ordinary so I tracked him via GPS and found out he wasn’t out of town at all. Over the next few months, I saw texts between he and Scanky:
    1. the night of our daughter’s birthday party sleepover. Scanky was gushing at what a great dad he was. Proves how how much of liar he is.
    2. while he was at a doctor’s appointment with our daughter. No wonder he couldn’t relay to me what the doctor said.
    3. while sitting in the back seat of our car while our daughter was learning to drive. He told me HE would teach her to drive because I didn’t have enough patience but every time we got ready to leave, he jumped in the back seat so he could text Scanky.
    4. while he and I were at dinner on our anniversary, I guess when he went to the bathroom. Yuck.

    I looked at his phone almost every night for about 4 months gathering evidence and there was plenty of it! Not just Scanky…others too. The cell phone makes it easy for cheaters to cheat and can certainly be their downfall too.

  • Today, I am in the minority. I agree that the woman probably was cheating. But the man’s admission that he was tipsy and his discussion of the woman as annoying in other ways (not in reference to her texts) makes me wonder how much he was motivated by integrity vs. something else (sexism? how many men in the stands were being annoying, but he didn’t feel the need to eavesdrop on them and expose them). His judgment just seems questionable. (You can follow conniered’s link to see his fuller explanation of his choices.) Finally, the decision to advertise his behavior on Facebook leads me to wonder how truly noble the gesture of the note was.

    Ultimately, this is probably the story of two entitled people–one who feels entitled to cheat and one who feels entitled to shut down a woman who dares to displease him. I end up happy that I don’t know either of them.

    • That is some wracked logic. She annoyed him because he heard her put down the guy for being “small”.
      This has nothing to do with sexism. The woman is a cheater. Is it any surprise she is an annoying asshole.

      • He says she made “snide remarks” that annoyed him and other people. The one remark quoted might have been a personal put down to the man with her–and a rude and demeaning one. But, I don’t have enough context to tell. For me the point is that he found her annoying and then found a way to take revenge on her. I don’t have any trouble believing she may well be a cheater. I do have trouble believing that his motivations are admirable.

        • Seems that tipping off an unsuspecting victim is pretty admirable.
          We have no evidence that this man was motivated by sexism.
          He heard the woman gratuitously put her spouse down in an incredibly cruel and lewd way. Many folks would find that disgusting and abusive.

  • Anyone ever figure out how to SEE the text messages? I could see the number of texts back and forth but I could never figure out how to see content without actually having access to his phone.

    I should probably feel lucky that I was spared the details but thought it would help during the divorce proceedings etc.

    • I also searched like cray for the means to see all the texts, without success.

      Except that it finally convinced me that I wasn’t imagining things, I actually DO wish I had NOT seen all of the emails from OWhore. I spent WAYYYY too much time going over and over them, just keeping myself in crazyland.

      On the other hand, it WAS kind of fun (in an evil way) to send copes of them to her sister, her brother, her parents, and the other men she was also dating at the time (and dissed, in writing).

    • As a teacher, I can often see what students are texting on their phones, if I can read over their shoulders. If they are in class, that’s fair game. No expectation of privacy if they are annoying and distracting others in class.

    • Contents of text messages are stored by cell providers, but they are protected by privacy laws so you can’t get them without “a subpoena relevant to active litigation”. The process and requirements for getting that subpoena vary a fair bit because laws concerning fault in divorce, child custody, obtaining protective orders, etc. are slightly different in all states/provinces/countries. Every cell provider will tell you that you can’t-no-way-no-how get transcripts, but if you meet legal criteria you may be able to get them released to a lawyer.
      In other words, you will need the help of a lawyer and possibly law enforcement in order to get SMS transcripts. If you can find out from your cell provider (probably their legal department) all about the precise contact details of where a subpoena should be sent and what language and info it must contain, then so much the better because you can hand this info to your lawyer and streamline the process, saving you both time and money. Be super cheerful when you are talking with people at the cell company and let them know that you’re not suing them, you just need to know where to send a subpoena to help you with an unrelated matter, and that will hopefully prevent you from getting the bureaucratic runaround.
      Good luck.

  • Being the Olympic Chump that I am (a couple of gold medals), I too ignored many of the huge red flags that were waving in front of my chumpy face. But I love and trusted…which is why I am here. But the cell phone is one flag that I never should have ignored. He password protected it (said it was because of work), never let it out of his sight, and practically became obsessed with the damn thing. I regretfully ignored those things, but I couldn’t ignore the phone records once I took off my chumpy cape. The texts and calls all hours of the day and night were amazing. He couldn’t stay up to talk to me, but he could keep late hours “talking” to her. Calls and texts to Howorker on Thanksgiving, Christmas, my birthday, our anniversary!! If it hadn’t been for the phone records there is no telling how long he would have had his kibbles and cake. He once AFTER DDay1 told me that he was disappointed that I tried to look at his phone. Really, FU! (How many time can you say chump?!?). I was a little disappointed he was fucking Howorker. I don’t know how many people knew about his affair, but I wish just one had told me before I was exposed to the complete devastation of HIS adultery on my soul.

    • It’s amazing how many people (cheater apologists) think that they are doing the chump a favor by not disclosing what they know. I used to live in an area that was frequently hit by tornados. I would much rather get a false alarm than be hit with several tornados because nobody wanted to say anything. (I get tired of hearing ‘It’s none of my business,’ or ‘Maybe Chump did something to deserve it.’ If you saw someone dying on the ground next to you, would you say those things? Unlikely. Sadly though, lots of people probably would (e.g., Kitty Genovese case). I guess these apologists don’t think about how much time, money, heartbreak, and possibly lives (by preventing deadly disease transmission) they could spare a Chump and his or her children. I would have been tremendously grateful to anyone (of the several people who knew of the deceptions) for informing me of Cheater’s behavior before my D-Days, a decade later. My life would have differed dramatically–I would have felt I had had a greater say in it if I had been privvy to the truth.

  • This guy deserves a medal… And atleast a coupon for free onion rings! If I had a dime for everyone who came up to me after the divorce with their professions ‘ I saw them… ” Their logic?!… Like the bullet would hurt less after the divorce instead of prior. Yes, please allow me to continue my charade of a marriage with a fucking target on my back for later.
    I had one friend tell me after the fact’ i didnt want to say anything just in case you got back together’ I now think it was a way to keep things ‘ tidy’ in Surburbia. Cause if her husband could do it! Like it was contagious.
    Ya … I told that friend … And many other friends who spinelessly told me after the divorce… The same stupid dribble about the reunion.
    ” not only would he have to hold a gun to my head, he would have to unload the clip before i go back’ get the picture! And thanks for nothing.
    The Clip

  • After we tried to reconcile, lol. I bought him an ipad (no reason). He was in the shower, I pulled back the cover, locked! Busted, I flipped and threw the damn thing in the pool!

  • My then husband used to deride those of us who owned cell phones, saying such sarcastic things like, “Well, unlike YOU, I guess I’m just not important enough to need to be reached 24/7,” or “It’s the new cigarette for people who don’t know how to hold a conversation.”

    Then he discovered how easy it was to cheat with a cell phone. After that, guess who became a “chain smoker?”

    The most egregious instance was when our son was having an epic meltdown, crying with suicidal threats and all. Dear old dad refused to turn off his phone, and continued to read text messages AND REPLY with a sly smirk while we were simultaneously trying to get our child calm enough to be hospitalized.

    I hate him for that.

  • It’s not only cell phones, but tablets too. My EH had a Kindle and used it to to play online games with OW (ya know, cause they were “just friends”) and message her that way.

  • “Let’s not forget that this woman is pregnant and about to bring a human being into the world, a person who will need a father in his or her life. That complicates things, you know?”

    Really? So, the likely chump is the one to blame for the consequences of the cheater’s actions. It’s HIS character in question? This is lunacy. Pregnant or not, she is the one doing things calling HER character into question. Besides what basis does this author have to assume that the dude would leave his own child hanging (assuming it is his) after learning of the cheating? So much flawed with that author’s viewpoint!

    • It’s amazing how many people bring children into this world unequipped to give them what they need. Cheating on your child’s father probably doesn’t make you Mom (or Spouse) of the Year.

  • I busted my ex cos he used email and when I went to check the Verizon bill online, they had revamped the site and his email inbox popped up. Of course after that he used only his company email and blackberry because they were password protected.

    I agree with Ro and some others that one of the most hurtful things is realizing my ex was texting/chatting with his OW while in the same room with me. One memory of it won’t go. He had started playing music more and I was happy to have that rather than TV all the time. The time I’m remembering is before I found out about his cheating. He was playing “Hot for Teacher”, I was singing and dancing to it while he’s typing away on his computer. Then I gave him a hug and asked him to play something else, he put on “Come Away With Me”, a beautiful song… Later I found out his OW was an elementary school teacher, “Come Away With Me” was “their” song and he was typing to her that night. To this day I cannot listen to Hot for Teacher and he pretty much ruined Nora Jones for me too. In fact, it took me a year to take back any music at all. My favorite song is “Free Will” by Rush.

    • My XH took long hot baths to “relax and wind down”…with his phone texting the whore. While we were on vacation he used his Ipad “to do some writing for work”…to communicate with the whore. While we were watching TV, he is facebooking his brother to “check and see how he is doing”…while private messaging his whore about how terrible I am and that he can’t until they are together. Good thing I could only see a few facebook messages out of all the communication between those two because I don’t look good in orange stripes!!

    • Gloria Gaynor’s “I will survive” got me through the 10 days after D-day, followed by “Jar of Hearts.”

      Now, the Ramone’s “I want to be sedated” is top of my list.

    • I still have not been able to take back my music. XH had always been told he had a beautiful voice (kibbles), but he really did not sing much. In fact, I loved to sing and looking back he would make fun of my singing…asshole!! Anyway…before I knew he was cheating, he started belting out the song “Say Something” from A Great Big World every time the song came on the radio. Thank god that song finally ran its course because every time I would hear it after DD1, I would become physically ill. No one would ever in a million years be able to quantify all the ways a cheater changes your life.

      • Quick survey — how many of our cheaters had musical tastes that generally ran toward shallow, mindless, lyrically challenged? A good beat that you could dance/rock to, but otherwise pretty insipid?

        • My ex mirrored my taste in music, then he did the same with his OW, the only constant favorite he had was Lynyrd Skynyrd. I happen to like them too.

        • Shallow, mindless, insipid. Really sums up his taste, in music . . . and skanks. Really got into rap and hip hop when treating all the 20-somethings to drinks and dinner during his giant arrested development phase. Must suck to be soulless and have no preferences of your own. Worst I ever saw in him was when we went to the Super Bowl and our most hated team was playing. The people we were with were fans. He actually rooted for them while I alone cheered for the other team. That was the day I knew something wasn’t right with him.

  • Its nice to know there are good people out there who will not look the other way when it comes to doing the right thing.

  • Pregnant AND cheating? At 8 months? Gee, can you imagine what she’s capable of when not pregnant? I remember being in a Red Sox game in Fenway Park on my 8th month of pregnancy and all I could think of was what I was going to eat next. I don’t even remember who won in that game. Probably not the Sox since that was in the early 90s.

  • Bravo to this Lions Fan! So many people are weighing in after the fact – maybe it was a friend, maybe her husband is abusive, etc. I love how they put the onus on the observer to go through all the scenarios that it COULD be. This complete stranger saw something fishy and made the incredible decision to let the man know what was going on in HIS life. That is what I consider a hero. Makes me so proud to be a Detroiter!

  • I have started to listen carefully to how people excuse, justify and minimize the behavior of others from the just plain shitty to the horrendously egregious. For some reason it is difficult for them to recognize and/or accept that some people have poor or no character and live on Planet NavelGaze. The fact that she is 8 months pregnant and could possibly (likely) be texting a boyfriend while with her spouse/partner is minimized when it should be THE point. If she is pregnant and texting another man, hiding her phone, deliberately obscuring who she is texting, she is not entitled to the benefit of the doubt. Anyone defending her is deliberately ignoring her behavior and instead of making that the problem (because it truly is) has decided to focus on the messenger and make the messenger the problem. I worry about a society where so many people appear to hide their morals under a basket and only pull them out when something affects them adversely.

    I’m with Uniquelyme on this one – pregnant AND (even possibly) cheating? If I could fly, I would have alerted her partner/spouse with sky writing. I wish someone, anyone, had alerted me to Flaming Turd’s duplicity. I might have been upset initially but that would have passed and I would have been eternally grateful. Even though I was thoroughly traumatized by the “pinging” of the iPhone during the height of the cheating frenzy, it at least alerted me in a big “Houston, we have a problem,” way.

  • Several women that my STBXW works with KNEW she was seeing a coworker. They sided with her and one almost called the cops when I went to their store to talk with the asshole. It would have been good to get a heads up.

  • CL, I am an Australian and we have a talk show here called Studio 10 on which this very topic featured this morning. There are 3 or 4 regular panel guests (or show hosts). Not one of these people and their ages would range from approximately 35 to 75 thought that anyone should interfere with something so private and that they thought it was a terrible invasion of privacy because this female might have been texting her son. I was so upset with this. Here in Australia we have a saying and it is “she’ll be right mate”. In other words, just get on with it. If only it was that easy. I was oblivious to the heartache and devastation that existed due to cheating until it happened to me. God help me but I stand up to people now when they say “get over it and just move on”. If only it was that easy!!

  • >