I seem to be attracting a few trolls lately. I don’t know what I did to trip the troll wire, but apparently my existence pisses them off and they feel the need to tell me about it — and of course warn you all, lest I corrupt your gullible minds.
I know it’s best to ignore the haters, or reply to them with kitten pictures (as one chump brilliantly suggested). But today I thought I’d create a little Troll FAQ and respond to the vitriol.
Why is Chumplady still living in the past if she is happily remarried?
This is one of those “How long have you been beating your wife?” questions. To answer it is to concede that I “live in the past.”
I find it very weird that trolls think my blog is all about MY story. Generally speaking, I don’t write about myself. I answer other people’s letters, draw cartoons, and snark about infidelity in the news.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with the personal memoir blog. Much infidelity writing online is of the personal journal sort — My Emotional Rollercoaster of Betrayal kind of thing. But I deliberately set out to create a different sort of space. Chump Lady is an oasis focused on saving chump’s sanity — not their marriages.
It’s a place for EVERYONE to share their stories. I participate in sharing my story because I lived this, and that’s my Chump Lady cred — I’m a chump. This blog began as a sort of brain dump about what I learned about infidelity, and it grew from there.
Now, it’s a fair point to wonder why — if I’m so moved on — do I feel the need to blog about infidelity?
Bloody-mindness, troll. To this day it still angers me that the overwhelming resources on the web are about reconciliation and guilting chumps into “owning” their part of another’s abuse of them. Every day the media posts some click bait on Why My Affair Is Really Sexy and Special… (“The Affair” won a Golden Globe, case in point)… and I feel compelled to offer an opposing point of view. That affairs are narcissistic, hurtful — and pathetically deserving of ridicule.
Call me crazy, but I think chumps are underdogs. Maybe it’s studying with African Marxists and my useless masters degree in history, but I believe in underdogs. I think their story deserves telling, and the dominant narrative often deserves a middle finger.
I also blog about infidelity because no one else was claiming the “leave a cheater” space. I had a hunch other people felt like I did and — 2.5 years later? Over 4.1 million page views. Yeah, a few people feel similarly.
I fear her anger and bitterness have permanently broken her picker. Maybe? Yes? No?
Oh dear. You fear for me!
Do you worry I might trip and fall and break my picker? Admittedly, I was pretty awful at choosing husbands, but I’ve improved significantly, thanks for asking. Very happily married for going on 5 years.
As for “anger and bitterness”? How is telling people to “gain a life” after infidelity angry or bitter?
Have you seen my cartoons?
See? It’s a cute monkey! And look! I can also draw unicorns! And teddy bears and boxes of Wheatena and Jesus.
I think the only reason you may find me “bitter and angry” is that I advocate gaining a life without a cheater (or failing that, staying with a very generous post-nup). So that puts me at odds with the Reconcile or Die folks. You can protect yourself without bitterness, troll, and anger is often the fuel that propels a person to protect themselves, so I’m not down on anger. It’s useful, if finite.
Also she spends waaaaaay too much time focused on her past negative spouses. So much time that I fear she will spend too much time wallowing in negativity and ruin her new marriage. Not to mention all the time she wastes here focusing on long dead relationships.
I can’t help but think you’d love nothing more for me than to “ruin” my marriage, because that would vindicate a POV that advocates me clinging to my cheater. God forbid there’s a better life, or better relationship, on the other side. Much better to tell yourself that really my husband is a cheater, like your husband. They all suck and I’m kidding myself. I can’t distinguish steak from shit sandwiches.
As for wasting my time? I’m proud of my work here. When I get a letter like “Some Day“, I bawl to think Chump Nation helped someone that much.
Take heed chump sycophants.
Yes, anyone who agrees with me must be a sycophant. Pretty condescending there, troll. Scary to consider hundreds of thousands of people have found this blog and can think for themselves. I must have super powers! I can compel people to cheat on me AND obey me with their sycophancy!
The lady’s attitude and entrenchment in the past is toxic, IMO. Run. Ruuuuuun like the wind. Stop focusing on the past. Move on. Forgive your spouse or don’t, but for cripes sake move on.
Troll, I’m not focused on the past — Chump Lady is about “gaining a life.” A NEW life. That’s a focus on the future — the “what next” after infidelity. You could make a good argument that reconciliation is a focus on the past, an inability to imagine a new cheater-free life. (More self respect! Less mindfuckery!) It’s a long struggle to “move on” when you’re living with the very person who gutted you. Ask a bunch of survivors of false reconciliation how they know.
I find it weird that you think people don’t “move on” from this site. One of the interesting things I’ve found with this blog is the large number of people it helps who, hey, actually MOVE ON. Unlike unicorn sites, they’re not here 7 years later triggering. Don’t get me wrong, I love my veteran chumps, I get attached. But then I’m happy too when they write back to say oh hey, they reached meh and don’t read as much any more, or they send me their engagement announcements, or job promotion news. I’m kind of in the business of making myself obsolete, except so many new chumps are minted every day.
And I know it’s hard for a troll like you to consider, but some of us like to pay it forward. We’re not here to wallow and stay stuck, we’re here to help UN-stick the others. Think of it as a chump underground railroad.
These ladies are all bitches that’s why they were cheated on once and they will all be cheated on again. Let them rant. Your wasting your time. Just like the people who cheat and blame, they are bitches and blame. Like you said folks got to own their own shit. Chump lady is a chump mainly because what’s she going to do with this blog when her next spouse cheats, if she ever finds anyone to marry her, again. She likely will cause despite her muffin top, she’s kinda cute, but she sounds like a blamer and very unforgiving.
Gee, I can’t imagine why I don’t want to have a respectful exchange of ideas with this fuckwit. I get blamed for “banning” people — to date, none of the aforementioned trolls are banned — but do I have to point out the OBVIOUS here? Trolling is throwing a Molotov cocktail into the discussion — it’s not a dissenting opinion. It’s insults and no substance.
Now, if he wanted to call me a bitch and logically tear my arguments apart, I don’t mind. Curse all you want to. But this guy just wants to patronize me and let me know even though I’m unforgiving, hey, I’m still fuckable. Someone might even marry me! (OMG, we’re all lining up for a smooth talker like you, Bevin.)
If you’ve got something to say, dissenting or otherwise, you’re welcome here. If you’re a troll? Please fuck off.