Several alert chumps have sent me the story about Steve Kroft, the 60 Minutes host having an affair with New York lawyer, Lisan Goines. (As OW names go, this one is Dickensian. Goines? Sounds like a cross between “goiter” and a Scooby Doo exclamation.)
The two cake-eaters are both married and the affair went on for over three years, but reportedly ended when Goines dumped him for being cheap. (He wouldn’t buy her train tickets.)
Kroft, like so many cheaters before him, chose to make a press statement speaking in the royal We.
“My wife and I are committed to each other and are working hard to get past this, and consider it a private matter.”
It’s always “my wife and I” — working together, getting past it, and considering it private. Really? You sure about that Steve? You certain she wants to stick by you after reading how you liked to drink champaign from your mistress’s ass?
Page 6 reports:
In one sexting session, Kroft allegedly cooed to Goines, “Miss you and all that goes with it. Especially my favorite tastes and colors … pink and brown.”
Another time, the 69-year-old newsman asked Goines, 41, “What exactly would be your preference,” the Enquirer reported.
“U all over and deep inside of me,” Goines responded.
At one point, the hard-working TV journalist, who has a son with Conant, lamented his long hours on the job, the report said.
“Working late. Just ordered out. Would rather be eating your pudding,” he allegedly wrote.
“Don’t work too hard this week bc I wanna wear you out afterward,” Goines replied.
“You got it,” Kroft responded, according to the Enquirer.
Look, I’m sure no one would like their intimate sexy selves exposed on national media. I mean, we all probably have had cloying nicknames for our lovers or little kinks that best remain private, but I can’t help but marvel at the ick factor in affair talk. Rather be eating your pudding?
Is this a Bill Cosby reference?
Are you saying her genitalia is squishy? Because that’s not flattering, Steve. Are you saying she has vaginal discharge that you find endearing? Is this some reference to anal? What exactly about sex with her do you find gelatinous?
I’m sorry. I have a pretty creative mind and I cannot for the LIFE of me figure out how that line is sexy. What woman wouldn’t run screaming from that line? Or dissolve into hysterical fits of laughter?
Are cheaters just that delusionally narcissistic that this crap passes for kibbles?
I think you know the answer to that, chumps.