I’d like to say it’s just douchebags like Noel Biderman, founder of Ashley Madison, who spouts such self-serving crap, but pundits like Esther (I Have a Third-Rate Degree in Art Therapy) Perel and Dan Savage say similar. You know, you can preserve the sanctity of marriage, but screw around on the side. It’s that wonderful release from the rigors of monogamy that keeps the union intact!
Left unsaid, of course, is that they are promoting deception to self gratify. Lies make a marriage better! is not a winning slogan. But fuck around to SAVE your marriage? How noble! Now self gratification is self sacrifice!
Orwell would have a field day.
In our time, political speech and writing are largely the defence of the indefensible… Thus political language has to consist largely of euphemism, question-begging and sheer cloudy vagueness… the great enemy of clear language is insincerity. Where there is a gap between one’s real and one’s declared aims, one turns as it were instinctively to long words and exhausted idioms…
“Affairs save marriages” is propaganda. Talk about defending the indefensible. No wonder we have to speak about infidelity in euphemisms. We can’t say what it really is — chumping innocents for kibbles. Playing your loved ones for fools. Stealing resources. Risking another’s health. Intimately humiliating the partner you purport to love.
Oh well now, it’s not humiliating if they don’t know about it! That’s why we have to obscure the truth! To PROTECT chumps!
Is theft any less of a theft if it is undiscovered? Doesn’t every criminal try to cover up his crimes? Bernie Madoff was a great Wall Street investor until he was found a fraud.
In yesterday’s post, Alegria shared this interview with Noel Biderman on a Latin American radio station.
“AM is now in 43 countries.”
“AM saves millions of marriages. People have affairs because they don´t want to get divorced. They want to do something in secret, they want to have their cake and eat it too. They want to raise their children and share their home, they are just tired of the monogamy. And so we see AM as a “MARRIAGE PRESERVATION DEVICE” I have no remorse because I can´t convince anyone to have an affair. I am not that persuasive. But our service is a way for people around the world is to find passion but still remain married.”
“AM makes people happier and helps them preserve their marriages.”
According to Biderman he is in monogamous marriage. When asked how he would feel if his wife had an affair, he said that he would feel responsible for her affair and that he would not blame a website but himself for not giving her what she needed.
So, hang on here… the problem is “being tired of monogamy.” Yet, if someone cheats, it is the chump’s fault for “not giving them what they needed”?
What they “needed” was an escape from monogamy. Mono meaning ONE. One person. Unless his wife can morph into multiple women, or he can morph into multiple men, the chump is not the problem here. As I like to say about my marriage to a cheater — alas, I could not be a smorgasbord of pussy.
“The great enemy of clear language is insincerity.”
Cheaters, you don’t mean a word of this shit, do you?