Stay in Touch

Check out CL's Book

Australian Ad Board Finds Ashley Madison Ad Discriminatory to Women

I really try to avoid writing about married “dating” sites. Besides the obvious oxymoron, why give these yahoos any attention by blogging about them? My feeling about these (cough) business ventures is that they’re the lowest form of capitalism. They wouldn’t exist if there wasn’t a market. If you want to cheat, you’ll seek their services. If you don’t want to cheat, they may as well be an ad for adult diapers or Chia Pets. They’re irrelevant.

Of course advertising is all about making us think we need something we previous considered irrelevant. Ron-co egg scramblers. BeDazzlers. Extramarital affairs.

At Ashley Madison, they’re selling affairs. “Life is short,” have one.

I’d prefer to change the conversation towards making cheating uncool than tilt at the corporate mindfuck over at AM. It’s like high fructose corn syrup. The Corn Refiners Association spent millions trying convince the world that HFCS was “natural” and delicious. A ragtag Facebook campaign and others convinced the public otherwise. Now HFCS is considered synonymous with cheap, processed, industrialized food. CRA grossly outspent its opponents, but failed. Despite CRA’s best efforts to normalize this shit, the public thinks “ew.”

I’d like to see the same thing happen with infidelity. All together now! EW!

Meanwhile, Ashley Madison is trying to normalize cheating. If you can stomach the ad above, note the singing douchebags shopping for women online, swiping profiles as if people were just something you put in your Amazon cart.

Kudos to the Australians who didn’t find the ad winsome. They complained.

I learned about this because a chump wrote to me to say her daughter, a law student in Sydney, argued to the ad council that the ad was degrading to wives and therefore discriminatory. (Frankly, it’s also discriminatory to men to assume they’re all assholes who want to cheat on their wives.)

The Australian Advertising Standards Board reconsidered its previous allowance and agreed that the ad was discriminatory.

Some of the received complaints:

“If men want to visit such websites that’s their choice but to target married men to entice them into adultery is uncalled for. This advertisement has the potential to destroy families and break up marriages it should not be allowed on TV no matter what time of day it is. It gives the idea that your wife is boring and to look elsewhere. This is a very dangerous commercial.”

“This ad is letting all men know that they can go and have an affair. Their logo is “Life is short. Have an affair”. And their ad has men singing that they want something better than my wife. I don’t want my children growing up thinking it is ok to cheat on their partners. It is wrong and I am disgusted by it.”

“The advert is inappropriate, highly immoral, disgusting and wrong, by promoting the act of cheating on your marriage partner. By encouraging dishonesty and immorality, it should not be approved by any television or other media channel, on the basis of gender discrimination. The ad is distasteful and offensive to any married woman and therefore does not promote a healthy marital relationship.”

AM responded to the criticism by saying anyone who took offense is just a “vocal minority.” Everyone else is in on the joke, apparently.

Well chumps, you might be a minority but keep being VOCAL.

It works.

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • The AM response makes for some interesting reading.

    “The referenced AM Advertisement does not discriminate on any basis whatsoever, does not vilify any women, nor does it exploit, condone or elicit unlawful behaviour. The AM Advertisement does not exploit sex and sexuality. It simply contains a somewhat humorous and catchy jingle.”

    Guys, it’s just a CATCHY JINGLE. What’s your problem?!

    • So AM is using gaslighting tactics to make me feel stupid for even questioning the ad. It’s not tasteless, it’s funny, and if I don’t think so, then I must not have a sense of humor. Next up, they will blame me for the ad, they had to make it because I was never there for them.

      • So AM is using gaslighting tactics to make me feel stupid for even questioning the ad. It’s not tasteless, it’s funny, and if I don’t think so, then I must not have a sense of humor. Next up, they will blame me for the ad, they had to make it because I was never there for them.

        OH SHIT!!!! LOL!!!! You MUST HAVE been married to xmr!!!!

        LOVE THIS!!!! LOL!!!!

        Thank you Raging!!!!!! LOL!!!!

        • Since when have people needed an Advertisement to tell them to have an affair. Does AM think we are that stupid we would go and have an affair just because they advertise it? Think of the money AM are making out of people’s vulnerabilities. Yes people are paying for this nonsense! I can’t think of nothing worse than insulting my intelligence.

    • I am surprised they managed to hire anybody to perform in that ad. I guess it says something about the desperation of some professional actors in Australia.

      I can’t imagine it will be at all helpful in building up their resume. It’s the kind of thing that comes back to haunt you if you ever do anything worthwhile in your life.

      • These are not professional Aussie actors. And if they thought doing a tasteless ad that appeared late at night was a boost to there future job prospects. Good luck with that.

    • It’s not what they’re doing, it’s your reaction to it. /sarc

      Ya know, these are the kinds of people that make me hate capitalism. Anything for a buck. If there is big money to be made, they’d encourage cannibalism. The porn industry has already successfully destroyed how most men and women think about sexual behavior—and we let them get away with it because “it’s a personal choice” to watch it.

      There is such a thing as being responsible for what you say, what you encourage people to do. Not everyone is stable, as we all well know. This is like those people who post how to poison your boss and not get caught or how to make a pipe bomb—and some angry person goes and does it—the originators of the information throw up their hands and exclaim that they cannot be held responsible for other people doing what they gave them blueprints to do.

      The argument goes that I am not responsible for YOUR behavior, which is what we tout with cheaters. We are not responsible for what they do, which is correct. But this is selling sex. This is no different than prostitution. Sex is a basic human need, right there with air and water on Maslow’s. We’ve ruined the way most people view normal sexual behavior, this is just furthering the deviance.

      There has to be a line when someone can get on television and urge your partner to perform an immoral act, and thereby not just breaking a covenant with God, but also breaking a legal contract with their partner.

      Oh. And it IS ILLEGAL IN SOME STATES, you AM assholes.

      • Yes! I’d like to see AM have to pay for public service announcements about the harmful effects of cheating/adultery & breaking that pesky social (LEGAL) contract you made with your spouse.

        Like the PSA’s for cigarette smoking, drunk driving, etc. Show what the effects on families are. Highlight it as the social ill it really is.

        • I am sure the ad is disgusting. And I am by no means an expert on the first Amendment. But, I think here, in the U.S. government censorship would not fly. Gotta protect all forms of free speech, even the stuff we despise.

          • I agree….you’re certainly not.

            It’s not protected speech. It’s advertising.

            And the government does impose regulations on marketing. Look it up.

            When was the last time you saw a commercial or print ad for the Marlboro man? (Before he died of lung cancer.)

            The FCC requires advertisers to disclose harmful side effects, too. Listen closely to the next Cialis commercial if you don’t believe me. There’s probably one coming on in the minute or so.

      • OMG…this is so timely…a few days ago I heard the Ashley Madison founder, Noel Biderman on an interview in a Latin American radio station and this are some of what he said that shocked me.
        (http://www.wradio.com.co/escucha/archivo_de_audio/hombres-tienden-a-ser-mas-infieles-que-las-mujeres-revela-estudio-de-ashleymadisoncom/20150303/oir/2656751.aspx)

        “AM is now in 43 countries”

        “AM saves millions of marriages. People have affairs because they don´t want to get divorced. They want to do something in secret, they want to have their cake and eat it too. They want to raise their children and share their home, they are just tired of the monogamy. And so we see AM as a “MARRIAGE PRESERVATION DEVICE” I have no remorse because I can´t convince anyone to have an affair. I am not that persuasive. But our service is a way for people around the world is to find passion but still remain married.”

        “AM makes people happier and helps them preserve their marriages.”

        He also said that he was in a monogamous marriage. When asked how he would feel if his wife had an affair he said that he would feel responsible for her affair and that he would not blame a website but himself for not giving her what she needed!!!

        I was sick to the stomach after hearing so much crap….

        • Makes you hope his wife cheats on him. Multiple times before he finds out. Then blames him, divorces him, takes a buttload of his money off him, then tells the kids what an asshole he is.

    • Another thing. That “catchy jingle” routine? Didn’t those racist and sexist college “jingles” get them into some serious hot water recently? There’s a difference between “Do the Macarena” and “Do your Neighbor Because your Wife is Boring”.

      Those college kids weren’t the first to get into trouble for it–just like rape on campuses is rampant and hidden/excused by college administration because of sports and alumni dollars.

      This IS the same thing–it’s teaching people that “Anything Goes and Nothing Matters”—it teaches men that their basest instincts are of primary importance in life, and women that in order to be “loved” that they must submit to whatever keeps their man’s attention. If they don’t succeed? Oh well, you didn’t try hard enough. Were your boobs as big as basketballs? No? Well then, he had a reason to cheat because hey life is short and boobs as big as basketballs are what he needs.

      • Message seems the same for both genders to me ( not this particular ad, maybe): Cheat if you have even the most minor dis appointment in your spouse. Cheat if you are bored. Cheat if your spouse is less than perfect etc. I see no submission being advocated to women. Hell, most women cheaters. just like men, are actively pursuing this activity.
        Most male betrayeds feel the same type of attack on their adequacy. Just substitute monster dick or wallet or status or emotional availability for basketball boobs and they get the same message.

        • You are joking, right Arnold? “I see no submission being advocated to women”? Really?

          How many advertising dollars are spent telling young men that they need to have implants, stay a waist size 32, look forever young and pretty much have to be a cartoon of a human being in order to attract women?

          I am NOT saying that men do not fee the same type of attack on their adequacy when they are betrayed.

          Let’s take the porn industry–women are shown to be submissive, willing to be abused, screaming and panting like an animal—trying to sell this idea that this is what real sexual experiences are and how “hot” and “desirable” woman should act. What about the MEN in the porn videos? Abusive. Dominating. Whether it’s scripted or not, the men are depicted as aggressive and abusive, the women as submissive and subjugated.

          Even in the “honest world” of marketing…women are told time and time again that they need to look and act like nubile 17 year olds or else their man may find a newer model. They need to act like porn stars in the bedroom and Martha Stuart in the kitchen.

          What are men told? Take a look at those college scandals–UVA and Yale are great examples. These young men are told that women are there to be sexual toys for them. If they don’t agree, then it’s okay to drug them, rape them and dump them. These are NOT isolated incidents. There are studies out that have shown that boys as young as in the SIXTH GRADE are pressuring young girls for oral sex.

          Young men in this country are inculcated early on that whatever they do and whatever they want is fine—that women are there to service their desires. We can’t get fat, old or disabled—because then that’s grounds for trading up.

          Young women are inundated with images of what they “need to be” in order to attract and keep a man–nothing about education or intelligence included.

          This AM ad is a perfect example of what I am saying—airbrushed, sultry, pouty, nubile women–and a couple of “average guys”— and the intent is to tell these “average guys” that they DESERVE whatever their imaginations can cook up.

          If there was “equality” in the men vs. women department here—why isn’t AM, as a profit seeking enterprise—putting out a bunch of ads with Chippendale models dancing around some average bored housewife? Because there’s no money in it.

          • I disagree on the message to men regarding looks and aging being much different. Men are bombarded with images go washboard abs guys and muscular development. Just look at all the men’s magazine covers or the covers of Harlequin romance novels.
            Additionally, boys are taught that they need to be rich or athletic or have power to be attractive. These qualities are no less superficial than looks.
            Ours society does not condone rape or violence. We have laws against those things.
            I could point to many examples of women sexual,y molesting undergo boys, but I do not feel that just because there are women like this out there that means we condone such behavior as a society.

    • The lyrics of the jingle are ‘Ashley Madison’s right’—-uh, no……it’s WRONG. DEAD. WRONG.

      Even more of a pisser is the damn jingle has become an ear worm and it’s playing on a loop in my head at this instant.

    • Just so you know…..they may have pulled the ad with the fellas singing about someone other thn their wife….but there is a whole new ad….a bunch of women looking for a new man….I guess that’s ok then!!!!!!!!

    • Who knew the French had fidelity in marriage written into their laws? Wow. The French. I mean it seems pretty anachronistic, OTOH, hey, if you can sue them with it, why not? Had to barf at infidelity being described as a “secret garden.” Way to ruin a childhood book for me…

      • The French are interesting; they are much less likely than people from other cultures to agree with statements like ‘infidelity is morally wrong’, yet infidelity is the NUMBER ONE reason for divorce in France. (And divorce rates over there are pretty horrific, too.) Even the supposedly ‘sophisticated and accepting’ French get their hearts torn out and their families destroyed when there’s infidelity.

        • Good to know. Getting a little sick of the unbelievable bull that “Wul….the FRENCH have no problem with affairs…..” Soooo….yes, people don’t like being lied to and catching diseases and losing their savings and loving people who don’t reciprocate. Entitlement in any culture sucks.

          • Miss Sunshine, the “French have no problem with affairs” because their betrayed spouses do what we do and walk away and divorce that loser. I would hazard a guess that most people who have been cheated on will not stay married, no matter what. 🙂

      • @ChumpLady,
        In SOME place in the US there are still laws on the books in regards to adultery.
        That doesn’t mean they are ENFORCED, just that they are still there.
        For instance, in New York State adultery is a Class B misdemeanor.

        For BOTH parties!!!

        Granted, that’s a slap on the wrist (Class B misdemeanor: not more than three months in jail and not more than $500 in fines), but on your record nonetheless if someone wants to push the issue and has sufficient proof.

        S 255.17 Adultery.
        A person is guilty of adultery when he engages in sexual intercourse
        with another person at a time when he has a living spouse, or the other
        person has a living spouse.
        Adultery is a class B misdemeanor.

        From here:
        http://ypdcrime.com/penal.law/article255.htm#p255.17

    • Isn’t it sad that only a catholic association reacted ? Thanks to them for suing the company. The site owners and users provide quite a load of bull@t: “Sometimes the infidelity is what saves the marriage”, yea right.

    • Nice to see that French law supports marital fidelity. My bf is French and, as a former chump, it causes me physical pain when people make cheating jokes to me just because he’s French.

  • I don’t remember when or the context but I remember my ex once saying that “men cheat because they can.” WTF? Little did know that that would be true for him.

      • I think that was Bill Clinton’s exact line. My cheater said similar. Guess it makes all these slime balls think they are in the same league as an all-powerful, Rhodes Scholar, charismatic, world leader.
        Actually, Clinton should be feeling, “l’m just another run-of-the-mill slime ball cheater regardless of anything else.”

      • Coco,
        It would be more believable if he said ” because she let me.”

    • “Men cheat because they can”…..I totally agree!!!! But if you ask my daughter’s therapist, people cheat in relationships because they are lacking something in the relationship!!!! UGH!!! WTF?!

    • Clinton said the same thing about Monica L. He said he did it because he could. Talk about entitled behavior. They do it because they can. Well we all CAN! It’s just those of us with a moral compass choose not too. Idiots. the lot of them.

      • Very well put Willowchump, I suspected mine of cheating before I caught him because he was seemingly insecure about me and ANY males that came near the house…. our older kid’s friends… repairmen… neighbor’s….. and even with considerably less attractive men. Funny, still to this day I have yet to even think about being with someone else. I suspect I will eventually but right now…. not.even.interested.

        • My idiot explained his cheating as such: {as my ire escalated with each (in)valid reason}
          1) because he could
          2) it was a game
          3) he wanted to see what he could get away with

          Thinking he would further make himself look better in my eyes, he then finished with assuring me that
          4) the women didn’t mean anything to him

          Oh hell, that made me feel SOOOO much better about it.

        • I know. right? one of the worst conflicts my Ex and I got into was one night we had friends over for a party and many left, but one (male) friend stayed later, and the 3 of us sat at the table drinking a bit more and joking around. I was laughing at alot of our friend’s jokes and apparently cheater got jealous bec after friend left, cheater gave me absolute SHIT claiming I was making a play for our friend, which believe me was the last thing on my mind, never had that vibe, never interested like that. I was faithful to the cheater, and I didn’t know till after DDay that back THEN, he was cheating on me! amazing hypocrisy.

          • Those damn red flags! I’m sure mine was probably cheating back then too. Blameshifting assholes… all of them. Mine absolutely threw fits about men he KNEW I wouldn’t have ever thought about being intimate with, he was just being a jealous dick…. guilty conscience is all.

          • Typical case of projecting. I wish I’d known about it earlier, then I would have made the connection between my husband hacking into my emails, and the trashy emails he was sending his Fbuddy.

  • The smirking expressions on those mens faces are disgusting. Yes, I know corporations are about making money and hey, it’s “humorous!” (so they say), but I just cannot understand a corporation that actively promotes lying and deception as their core value. I guess they don’t care.

    • To further add to the impression that AM is morally bankrupt, their response (which I just read in full) seems to consist of: (1) It’s not illegal, (2) We are making money therefore ‘good for the economy’ (3) hey, it’s all good fun, why must a ‘vocal minority’ of good two shoes be allowed to spoil the fun and profit.

  • I find AM repugnant. It was site of choice for my STBX when he “decided” to have an affair and magically appeared on his bank statement time and time again. Too bad he lacked the balls to say he was unhappy…or to file for divorce.

  • And seriously, what does “Ashley Madison” even mean? Are those two popular whore names strung together?

    • I seem to remember reading on a link posted here a while back that it came from a mishmash of popular baby names?

    • I love unraveling the NameGameSkein! Think Dickens, and how his characters name’s phonetics & connotations gives a whole subliminal setup for the character before even being described by him.

      First, it’s the dj/onair personality trick to create instant familiarity: two first names standing in for first and last names.

      Next, Ashley – I hear a simpering, dreaming Scarlett O’Hara: “Oh Ashley!”
      Then I think of sheets. Laura Ashley sheets.

      Madison – There’s porn star named Madison Young. Also, Madison is manly. It has MAD in it, and a SON, only separated by a teeny, tiny squirting phallic “i”.

      Perfect subliminal setup for what’s to come. (So to speak).

  • I saw this add a few months back and was horrified that it was being aired just after 11pm on a free the air channel. I really didn’t think much of it at first until I realised the two blokes where singing “I’m looking for someone other than my wife”. “Seriously that pissed me off. We have a policy here, if we see an add that we think breaches the advertising code of practise we can report it the the station. If enough people do so they then have to act. I am glad the ruling came down the way it did. Cheaters may be pleased with the likes of AM but clearly the Australian public is not.

    We are mighty.

  • I am fom Melbourne and the first time I saw the ad I wanted to cry. It’s true the jingle is oh so catchy and cute….but when I looked up the standards to complain I just couldn’t make it fit. No one was being physically harmed. I’m glad someone was able to put it so eloquently.

    • It is pathetic that we have so many ads these days encouraging the use of a dating sight to find love.
      To be honest I would have been relieved if this had been how my Ex had found his infidelity partners. My Ex was not so tech savvy. But a friend of mine not only found her husband had a whole other family, he was listing his junk on every sight he could.
      The thing that really gets me is that while we were busy caring for our children, our homes, our spouses. Our EX’s had enough time on there hands to text, chase and loiter where they shouldn’t be. Yet if we had wanted or needed some of their time, they would have been way too busy. Or fumed quietly, pissed that we had interrupted their plans. Making us crazy.

      Just because something is socially acceptable does not make it right.

  • Just when I thought I was feeling better about all the pain associated with the cheating mentality I wake up to the real world where not only are we supposed to get over IT we have to see infidelity marked as an adventure. Fuck them was my first thought. After spending months trying to have my teenaged grandaughter understand that it was inappropriate for her to spend time with her grandfather and the thing he picked up and moved in with after three weeks this summer I now realize the mighty are being cast as the vocal minority. This is a shit sandwich buffet of justification for narcissists.

  • This is truly PhD territory- Discuss how this is still a Man’s World and capitalism will make pretty anything that man wants to buy.

    Once the Victorian, industrial capitalists had respectable wives and secret mistresses, now the Corporate boys buy ‘someone other than my wife ‘online. But there’s still a wife, somewhere. Capitalism still needs men to have the reputation of a ‘good’ marriage, whilst not only supporting extra marital activity but turning it into a commodity you purchase with your credit card.

    As for the advert, it’s aesthetically challenged, and creepy. Young men who look like they should be celebrating getting engaged, or the birth of the first born are plucking at their keyboards for Ms Anonymous. Air guitar? – don’t play with yourself; play with someone else, someone not your wife. What next? Buy One Get One Free spouses? That’s a BOGOF- which is how I feel about this degradation of human relationship.

    • Well said. I’m happily married and I don’t know why this commercial bugs me so much. I don’t have any inclination to cheat or fear it. But it makes me feel like the world laughs at married people and our lifestyle, like its a joke waiting for the punchline. Or a bomb waiting to go off. I don’t see it that way. Marriage, for me, is the best thing ever, and its precious. Why can’t people just respect marriage and stay single if they always want a new partner? Why do they need to shit on our front lawn?

  • Why does it not have women singing – looking for someone other than my husband? N what is it with those big knockers n air brushed women on the site in the ad? Do they actually select a certain type of look when women register on the site? It’s just sick… My stbx reminded me that there is a site called Ashley Madison for married men – part of get in line or else tactic… I told him its for both men AND women. Besides I actually considered it when I spent year after year without sex ( yes, sex twice a year was god send!!) but decided it’s not for me. The look I got spoke volumes….

    • Yes, that’s another thing– the reality of the woman you get on AM? False advertising. In my ex’s case, not the airbrushed model with the big knockers. He married a woman who looks like a 12-year old, and she’s so unremarkable that if I passed her on the street and didn’t know her, I wouldn’t give her a second glance. More false advertising– my ex isn’t one of those guys singing in the ad, either. I’m sure that AM is full of far more unattractive people than attractive ones. Conventionally attractive people who want to cheat probably don’t need a site like that, but people like my ex? He couldn’t get some in real life, so he had to pay a service to help connect him to another pathetic, unattractive dirtbag like he is. I guess that wouldn’t work so well in the ad, though: “I wanna find someone who is average looking or possibly homely because I can’t find any other way to have an affair with someone other than my wife!” Yeah, not quite as catchy.

      • Yeah false advertising… These fucktards who go to AM in the first place, they do false advertising in real life too … Pretend to be someone or want something when in reality they would be anywhere but here with us. That’s why the false advertising works for them.

        My STBX is an average guy, decent looking n cleans up nice. Look closely he has a slight squint, rather large nose, broad frame that turns to flab easily if he doesn’t maintain it. He thinks he is IT.. N not to mention the attitude that goes with it. After 10 yrs I realize everything was false advert with him…. ALL the stuff I thought we had in common ??? U guessed it – he doesn’t really like any of it… Never had.. If that isn’t false advertising I don’t know what is…

  • My X, I was told had no consequences for his behavior when I tolerated his behavior through forgiveness. Now I see the bigger picture, literally. There are no real legal consequences when you go to court. I was told the judges don’t listen to this shit. It really has become so common place it’s no wonder they snicker. They can get away with it.

    • No, there are no real legal consequences. Courts only care what assets there are and how it will be divided. Mine got off scot free too. Family and friends sticking by him (although knowing them, I believe his family will only use him for what they can get), free to go on and live his life with new woman, while I have been left alone at 56 years old and up shits creek with major depression. I’m not perfect but I was so good to him. He took what he could get and then off into the sunset.

      He’s a big fan of Howard Stern who used to have the lowlife owner of Ashley Madison on his show all the time. Red flag I guess, but he used to act like cheating was so wrong.

      If one good things comes out of this mess it will be that I’ll never put up with being judged or bossed around by another person again.

      • My cheater was suddenly into the Howard Stern show and I couldn’t understand what was so entertaining to him. My ex is almost 60 years old and suddenly loves listening to some foul mouthed over the hill shock jock?? WTF? Now I guess I know!

        • Howard Stern is still alive? Or do they just recycle the old shows from back in the days his stuff used to be shocking- like from before the internet was invented.

          • Howard Stern got big bucks from Sirius radio for doing about three live shows a week. The rest is recycled garbage. Of course, he also dumped his long suffering wife and mother of his three daughters for a trophy model. Thank goodness I never have to listen to his show again. EH had either his show or sports on the car radio constantly.

      • Lina, I too have suffered from depression for years. They take everything we give and leave us with not one ounce of compassion. They move on to a distorted reality based on fantasy. My X counts on my inability to move on because he always took advantage if my love for him. Instead of getting help cheaters decide having sex with someone else is a better plan. We on the other hand do seek out therapy and medication to help us heal. In two years he will be the same asshole and I will be mighty.

        • Donna, yup. You will be mighty and he will remain the same asshole he’s always been. I don’t know he may, like my ex, become worse!

    • @ Donna ~ I had an “aha” moment during one of our (4) counseling sessions…. I had argued with him on several occasions about his enabling his older children by not imposing consequences for bad behavior and trying to explain that HIS decisions and handing them money didn’t JUST affect him. I then realized that I have been doing the EXACT same thing with him. Allowing him to continue his shitty selfish indulgences, his disastrous & irresponsible spending…. it affected all of us negatively and I allowed it. All the unappreciated forgiveness and desire to understand was just a green light for him to serve up more shit sandwiches!!

  • Imagine that those two morons probably got paid pretty good money to sing that stupid jingle. They got up in the morning, had a coffee, put their pants on, caught the subway, went into a studio to chirpily sing “I’m looking for someone other than my wife” and left with a cheque. That was their job for the day – how low can you go? Pathetic.

  • Here’s what can happen when you use their wonderful service to look for someone “other than your wife” and think that their site is “all right” (from a woman’s perspective):

    That “wife” divorces you. She takes a whole bunch of the assets that you previously shared with her.

    You lose a whole bunch of friends and family members because they are disgusted by what you’ve done.

    You have to pay child support (or spousal support, though not in my case). That will go on for years when your kids are really young.

    You no longer get to see your kids every day; if that doesn’t matter to you, when the kids come over for their required visitation, all they want to do is fast forward the time that they’re with you so that they can get back to their mom. You know, the parent who cares about the family and doesn’t put her sex life before the stability of the home she provides for her children?

    The excitement of your Trashley Madison relationship “devolves” into the everyday, ordinary relationship with laundry to do, messes to clean up, and bills to pay.

    After all of that excitement once finding someone “other than [your] wife,” you’re right back where you started– now you’re remarried, living the same life that you were before, only now there might also be stepkids to take care of AND all of the financial responsibilities that you have toward your ex-wife and biological children.

    As far as I’m concerned, the step forward my ex thought he was taking by hooking up with someone from Trashley ended up taking him twelve steps back. I don’t see anything different about his life except that he now has more responsibility to juggle and more mouths to feed. He’s in the same house, driving the same mini-van, and living in the same martial setup he so desperately wanted to escape before. Oh, except that Trashley brought him true love this time, right? *wah-wah*

    Funny, Trashley doesn’t have any of their cheesy actors singing about any of that, does it?

    • See, but if you convince chumps that it’s right and natural to cheat, everyone does it, it’s no biggie, and pile on the divorce shame, cake is preserved!

      • What is it with this whole cheating is natural shit? And apparently it’s only ok for the supposed alphas of either sex. So assume ur an alpha, convince ur spouse it’s natural for u to cheat in fact it’s NECESSARY n they have to support n love u through anything because u obviously deserve it…

        It’s some sick shit….

        • So it’s natural to cheat if you’re an alpha and your poor little spouse is a beta or god forbid a more lowly omega.
          If it’s so bloody natural why skulk around on these sites; proudly proclaim your right to have sex with anything or anyone you want despite any facade of committment to your chump?
          Oh yeah, the lowly beta chump might get miffed and start carving up and divvying up the marital assets that’s why.
          Sick, twisted, entitled, narcissistic jackasses!

    • Moving On, exactly! Once the “romance” ends all you have left is “reality”! Yikes! But cheaters don’t think that far ahead and remember, they are SPECIAL!! LOL!

    • When the cheater I divorced spoke excitedly about the thrill of the chase after our final DDay he sounded like a teenager talking to one of his adolescent friends. What he found was a woman that was wiling to have unprotected sex with him knowing he was married. Surely, the thrill is GONE. He lost all the freedom he had to come and go as he pleased. He lost a home, the respect of his family, unconditional love, and the ability to come back. He hated his business, could never problem solve, and had no friends. He has two junk vehicles, no retirement, and can’t get a loan to purchase a home. Yes, I am alone and have my dignity, the respect of my children, two decent vehicles, little debt, a great job, and a pension. What was I thinking I lost?

      • I didn’t think my cheater could possibly f*ck his financial situation up any worse than it already was…. but he is proving me wrong!! He is farther behind on EVERYTHING than he was when he left here 4 months ago and he is just “living it up” as if everything is “as it should be”. He’s traveling, renting cars, tanning…. buying new shoes… I’m beginning to wonder if he is just going to disappear one day…. make a run for the border. Idiot! I seriously do NOT know HOW he sleeps at night with all of the shit he has hanging over his head and he walks around giving off this vibe that “life is ALL good”. WTF?

    • It boggles the mind doesn’t it? This comment hits the nail on the head. These people are broken idiots.

      • The advertisement may as well say: “Play with matches. Burn dry sticks in a Summer forest. Why have a firepit? Boundaries are a killjoy. Fire is so exciting and fun. “

        • Yes, take out the theme of infidelity and stick anything else in. Shoplifting is great! Drive over the speed limit! Never meet your deadlines.

          CL should run those lyrics through the UBT. What would come out is something along the lines of “my dick is more important than my integrity or you.”

          We are being driven from a collective society to an individualist society, where the needs of the one outweigh the needs of the rest. The growing acceptance of infidelity is simply another symptom of a greater change.

          • Not even just an individualistic society, but one that ignores the fact that we CANNOT be happy if we don’t take other people’s needs and wishes into account. Ignores the fact that no one can be happy in a culture where honesty and trust are not widely found. Ignores the fact that many of life’s greatest pleasures come from deep within caring, trusting relationships of many kinds.

            Not just individualistic, but narcissistic. And the worst part is that the narcissism doesn’t even work as a source of individual happiness!

      • Well, marriage may be great with the right partner, CL. But, apparently, I lack the ability to figure out if a woman is decent. So, I will just stay out of that realm. Too many well practiced actresses/actors out there.

        • Don’t give up hope Arnold. Don’t think of marriage as the goal, think of just having a good relationship as the goal. You are a nice guy and honestly, that’s a rare commodity.

        • I understand why you feel that way, Arnold, but most people (male or female) aren’t con artists or actresses. My therapist tells me just to live my life and if someone nice comes along, go on a few dates and see what happens. You are a smart guy–you can learn to spot the good ones.

          • From all that I can tell, my GA is really trustworthy. But, we lose about $600 a month in retirement benefits if we marry. But, I do trust her. She is a fellow chump.

  • Saw an AM ad a long time ago that touted the site because cheating with another married person is safer because they won’t expect you to leave your spouse for them. Easier to keep your affair a secret. Assholes. My ex learned this lesson, he joined that site one month after moving in with his girlfriend…guess he didn’t want to lose his cake again

    • “Saw an AM ad a long time ago that touted the site because cheating with another married person is safer because they won’t expect you to leave your spouse for them. Easier to keep your affair a secret>” Cake, cake, cake, cake, cake.

  • Ah the good old days when you actually had to work to find your affair partner. Now, with the click of a mouse, everyone can cheat. Its just not for hardcore players anymore, cheating is now a mass consumption commodity. Kind of like a buffet of mcdonalds food. Accessible to all scumbags and losers, whats next?

    By the way, cheating is harmful to faithful men too australia…dont leave out 1/2 the chumps because the ad is primarily targeted to men…

    • Well if you look at it logically, for every guy who cheats there is possibly an equal number or close there of, of men being chumped.
      I don’t think any cheater does a quick pole to make sure that they are not about to fuck someone who is married, or in a committed relationship.
      That is why AM is unisex. I think those behind the Sydney ad where trying for the young Aussie knock about as their target market. The ones who are always looking to stay young and have some fun. I know many young single males (20-35) who would just laugh it off. It is a concern that their perspective would remain the same once married.

      • But I would bet there are more unfaithful husbands than there are wives. Something about carrying a child makes you learn to put the welfare of your family above yourself. No offense to any chumped husbands, I know you exist,but my bet is that you are fewer in number.

        • I used to think that women were more virtuous for the reasons you state. I don’t believe that anymore. I think gender is just that. Gender. Doesn’t make you good or better, doesn’t make you smart, funny, or ethical. It just is. My ex had no issue sleeping with at least one for sure, and I suspect as many as 5 men, all younger, all behind my back until she was finally caught almost completely red-handed. She is the mother of two children. She used to espouse all sorts of holier than thou rhetoric about how disturbed she was by cheaters and how nasty you had to be to cheat. It was all a game to her. She led a double life for years. So, as nice as it sounds to think that there is a whole class of people, solely based on their gender, who are more prone to being faithful because they can get pregnant and have a kid, I think it’s a fairy tale. It takes no talent to reproduce. It takes no talent to have sex. Commitment takes talent. Commitment takes energy. Cheaters have no desire, talent, or energy for anything but themselves, regardless of gender.

          • Scott, you bring up a good point.

            I am lady chump who had no idea that so many of my girlfriends were cheaters until I was chumped. I disclosed I was separating from my serial cheater husband & they immediately disclosed that they were cheating on their husbands! Like they couldn’t keep holding it in or something. Double lives all the way.

            Being a chump has forced me to take a hard look at many more of my relationships than just my marriage. Still working through that but setting boundaries is step 1.

            I don’t know if I’ll ever find it possible to trust someone again, either, but I’ll keep hoping for both of us 🙂

            • No it doesn’t take talent to have sex or reproduce, but it does take something out of you to carry a child inside your uterus for nine to ten months then expel it through your vagina. I have had many a friend opt out of this process, it isn’t for everyone.

              It takes sacrificing your health and well being for someone else’s. Granted there are women who do it in exchange for child support or welfare, but it still is lot to mother f$&@in ask of someone.

          • I Have to agree with you guys. My cheater didn’t just get off on porn, webcam ho’s and special massages. For every IRL interaction, there was a female fuckbuddy. Even the long term married one. Cheating and everything else that comes with it is not gender specific. Hell! Cheater’s MOW herself is a serial cheater and still married to her chump.

            They are a pretty fucked up bunch. They should never marry. One of my friends declared me as a “Beard” for Mr. ANC. We are the mates, partners,spouses who help cheaters project the fantasy of normalcy.

        • Jen, what it seems to be is that in the past, because women had more to lose by being unfaithful, because they had less power and less earning capacity, they were less likely to go there (consequences!). Of course that’s been changing over the past few decades ( and that’s also one of the reasons that the age gap between partners is getting smaller.)

          Although good studies in this area is hard to do, I heard a researcher speaking here recently who said that his (quite solid) numbers show that currently about 25% of Quebec men and 20% of women admit to having cheated on a long-term partner. I guess the extra 5% of men are cheating with single women. I’d love to see the data on what percentage are long-term or serial cheaters, and how many made perhaps one mistake, often when younger and more immature, and learned from that. It’d help me refine my picker!

          • Don’t get excited Arnold, AM and Craigs List and the online dating sites are all equal opportunity for both genders, and all types of sexual persuasions. This particular ad may show 2 men wanting someone other than their wives, but if AM is for those who acknowledge that they are married, or those who don’t care if their affair partner is married, then there is no gender contest.

            Lack of character is not about gender. Historically, it may have been easier for men to cheat because they controlled the money, and they had jobs outside the home, and they may have travelled more frequently. However, they still had to find someone willing to “hook-up” with them outside the bounds of marriage.

            Having children doesn’t make you a good parent, either. Think of all the family of origin issues that stem from bad parenting.

            Women have plenty of issues to address with regard to character, within our own gender. All the comments on this forum about the Other Woman could easily be directed toward the Other Man. Sometimes the spouse may start the affair with someone who is not aware that they are married — married people lie all the time, people who are supposed to be in committed relationships without legal marriage lie all the time, too. The problem for those who enter into a relationship with a liar comes when they find out about the lie. That is where the entitlement starts, and when they decide that their “twu lub” is worth hurting other people. They are special, and they deserve all that cake! Either sex can be delusional, either can be deluded.

            It is not a contest.

            • That happened to me once–I was attracted to a man but only found out he was married because of an article that appeared in the paper. When I first met him, I asked point blank if he was married and he lied. Didn’t have a wedding ring, either.

              • I don’t mean to offend men. I know women cheat, but I think they are more likely to be the OW than the MOW. Women get a kick out of stealing someone’s man. It’s a Daddy complex thing.

          • No contest. My suspicion is that it’s pretty equal these days. I do think at one time men cheated more, because they had more opportunity. But it’s an equal-opportunity market for cheaters these days, and especially with texting, smartphones and websites for hookups.

            I also believe that society’s swing towards narcissism has fueled way more cheating than in the past. At one time, people were expected to honor commitments and do what’s right. Today, all that matters is how someone feels (as if feelings are reality) and that they are “happy”, regardless of consequences. Commitment, morality, decency and obligation are archaic, as they get in the way of “I do whatever makes me happy” entitlement.

    • The AM adv is targeted to get men to sign up. I guess there are more women on the site than men. Maybe this adv points out that women are just as bad. If you need more women in your club you advertise ladies nite, if you need cheating husbands to accommodate an abundance of cheating wives then you advertise for cheating husbands. Takes two to tango.

      • Some of the info I’ve seen actually says way more men sign up for AM. There are a LOT of fake women’s profiles on it! There was a labour-law case when AM was opening in I think Brazil, and a woman here in Toronto was hired to make up thousands of fake women’s profiles for the new site. She got carpal tunnel syndrome from all that rushed typing, and the sociopaths at AM didn’t want to pay for her physio!

        And who would ever know? If you try to contact 10 women and only 3 respond, you’d never know that of the other 7, only 1 actually existed!

        • THIS THIS THIS!!!!! Right on, KarenE! They are making more$$$$$$from men & that is why MEN are their target audience.

          Thank goodness someone finally said it.

          • Unless, something has changed, women could join AM for free, but men had to pay. It’s like that on most of the hookup sites, simply because men outnumber women on the sites. Probably because women are too busy taking care of business in real life to spend hours each week in fantasyland. Porn is like a gateway drug for internet-facilitated cheating. Look at a picture of someone not your wife, then chat with someone not your wife, then talk on the phone with someone not your wife, then send a picture of your junk to someone not your wife, and eventually hop in the sack with someone not your wife. Each degradation becomes a little easier. I’m not a conspiracy theorist folks, but I really think there is a dark force with a very nasty agenda behind all of this.

            • Poor Arnold, no one is saying that. Anyhow, found stats on AM. 70% of the members are men, 30% women. Approx 28% of the women are actually single. But on the point of younger women being more likely to cheat, one survey indicates that for the under 35 group, the number of men and women on AM are about equal.

              • I think the patriarchy is responsible for that recent phenomena, Dat. I feel that women are being forced to cheat due to oppression.

            • There is no getting away from the fact that most rapists are men; most serial killers are men; most pedophiles are men; the people initiating wars in recent memory have been men. So yes Arnold et al, too much evidence exists to support that men as a group are more likely to be sociopathic compared to women as a group, regardless whether this manifests as cheating or any other type of narcissistic behaviour. Any male feminist would acknowledge those facts. To take them personally and say the mantra is “men bad, women good” is purposely overlooking these facts and looks like you are fishing for unwarranted sympathy just because you happen to be male.

              I don’t concede that men and women cheat in equal numbers as long as women are the people who go through the pain of giving birth (and yes that does fu*&king take talent!! whoever said that it doesn’t – how rude.
              As long as there are no words in popular usage which offer a male equivalent to words like ho, slut, whore, (whatever else men learn to call us through the medium of increasingly degrading horror-porn that saturates our media). As long as women are paid less than men; As long as men are statistically more likely to commit sexual crimes – no I’m not even entertaining that spousal cheating occurs in equal numbers.

              A lot of the women on AM are escorts (not married women cheating as AM would love us to believe) Ashley Maddison herself was an escort to a married man called Richard Pratt here in Aus, the whole framework began as a surreptitious/ out of the box marketing ploy to connect AM’s escorts to more clients, namely married men with money, without making men feel that they are paying for escorting services. I have no issue with prostitution if it is the woman’s choice, but I do take issue to what AM has now evolved into (as a result of it’s male investors) to the point where we are now being subjected to media which vilifies women as wives.
              The message that wives are useless and deserve to be emotionally devastated for being stupid enough to buy into the concept of marriage is an atrocious message to naturalise and expose kids to (who happen to be up after 10pm) watching TV.

              In post-modernity sexism is not as obvious as it used to be when the feminist movement began. Hence AM’s gas lighting tactics (it’s just humour) in their response to the complainants about their stupid ad. Post-modern feminists (male and female) necessarily have to be vocal when they witness sexism in any form as it all feeds back to how women (and our future generations of daughter’s and grand-daughters) are treated in society, at work, and at home.

              If men feel that they too are being oppressed then by all means they need to speak up when they witness it in the media, or in everyday language or if they find that their female co-worker’s are suddenly making more money than them just because they are women. Until that happens, they are not operating the same unequal starting point in society to even begin attempting to extract statements of sympathy from women in this forum or have us concede women are just as likely to cheat; or just as sociopathic and narcissistic as men – because statistically as a group and by comparison to men as a group, women are not.

              • Matilda, I have always been swayed by a beautiful speech, and your facts are spectacular! I think I am in love — but don’t worry, it is just an emotional affair! LOL!

                Seriously, I don’t know why this message is so hard for some people to understand. Some people refuse to believe there is a patriarchy, and continue to grind this ax on this forum, even though it has been pointed out that the information and statistics spouted are specious. It is also downright inconsiderate to proclaim this message to a predominantly female audience of chumps who have already endured being gaslighted and blame shifted more than enough for a single lifetime.

                If you have a halfway decent education, and were awake in history class, the overwhelming information available supports the idea of patriarchy. To me, it is like denying there was a Holocaust. Maybe all those ovens in the death camps were just for baking bread? Sure.

      • I think it *used to* be more socially acceptable for men to cheat…boys will be boys and all that crap. Look the other way, etc. Now instead of it becoming less OK for men, it’s become more OK for women to do the cake-walk….so the numbers are slowly evening out. Sucks for all of us here, men and women, who picked the short straw(s) when it came to partnering.

        Wouldn’t it be loverly if the idea that: “don’t become married unless you can commit to faithful marriage?!!” became a thing? (A girl/and/or boy can dream, eh?)

  • I recall seeing a news story recently about how South Korea just decriminalized committing adultery. What contrast to smuck like AM! From decriminalizing adultery to glorifying it. Yeah, that’s a real step forward in humanity. Ha.

    That said, I am not sure I would want a criminal legal penalty for adultery. Civil, yes. I think justice demands more than what chumps usually get.

  • The appeal of the ad, I suppose, would be that the silly singing fellas looking for a fling are just that — silly normal guys. The implication is that there’s no guilt associated with cheating — because see! Funny normal guys do it just like they play golf or make chili!

    Just think of how much pain cheating causes. In my own life it has made me feel so dreadfully hurt every single day. I don’t cherish that pain — I wish it was gone — never there to begin with. So to see those signing dickheads is really disturbing. That one douche with the computer is particularly offensive.

    The Muse: I think Ashley Madison is supposed to sound sexy but classy.

    • I have a picture of my son that I took one morning after his father dropped him off at the very beginning of this separation. I took it to send to his father because it PISSED me off seeing him in that much pain, he is seven and the sadness in his eyes still haunts me. Told him that he and MOW are both cheating pieces of shit. I don’t know how he can stand himself or her. Human waste.

  • This post strikes a chord… Before being laid off, I was working for a car restoration shop. The owner loved the Howard Stern SIRIUS radio show. The major advertiser: Ashley Madison. Af first I thought it was just stupid to have this show playing in the shop and mostly ignored the ads. But after D-day, the show bothered me and the ads were like knives. I tried listening to a personal music player but was told not to. So I had to learn to ignore and tune out the radio.

    This ad above shows guys singing about cheating on their wives, but most of the ads I heard were of women looking to cheat and making light of it. Talk about painful! I could just hear my wife (now ex) talking to her coworkers like the women in the ads. Just disgusting.

    • If it makes you feel any better, I was kind of horrified when a young teacher I worked with had flowers delivered to her at school. They were not from her husband. This girl was all of 23, just out of college, married to another teacher, just starting their lives together. Not everybody has the same priorities.

    • Talk about a hostile work environment. Chumpdad the last thing a moral person needs to be surrounded by is a nest of Cheaters (or stupid) and the crap they listen to. How did the women there handle this?

  • Websites/blog sites have companion ads, eye-catching streaming ads, etc…. How powerful would it be to have a Chump Lady ad blinking, “Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life” in neon back at a prospective AM client?

  • Does Ashely Madison have a disclaimer? And if so does it state” by indulging in an extra marital affair you are at risk for STDs, pregnancy, paternity testing, divorce proceeding. Ashley Madison is not responsible for children born into unions formed on this website nor are they responsible for the child support. Etc. ” Or, is Ashely Madison true to its cheater roots ?
    In 20 years will we hear from the bastard children of Ashely Madison? Will that be a Dr Phil special? ” The Children of Ashely Madison. My Life is not short”

    • I was wondering if it were possible for a chump to take legal action against AM as being the reason for the dissolution of their marriage. Not sure if there is a legal leg to stand on with the proposition, but it would sure be wonderful to witness AM having to dole out money to compensate a chump for their pain.

      • Not likely. And not good for a chump to endure a shitstorm of criticism about how it was all the chump’s fault.

        • There are tortious interference laws that I suppose could be argued if you had the right attorney, a ton of money to bring the suit—and irrefutable evidence that harm has been done and it was directly related to AM.

          A marriage can be argued as a contract, I suppose. I worked at this company years ago where I would travel to different sites with our equipment. A friend of mine worked for a rival company, but not in the same capacity. I was a low on the totem pole, she was a sales manager.

          She would call me frequently, just to “chat”. In that chat, she’d casually ask, “So, Sphinx, where are you today? Somewhere exciting?” I didn’t know what she was really doing, so I just answered her honestly.

          Turns out, she would take that information and go into that particular facility–and undercut the contract that my company had with them. Her company successfully stole several facilities this way.

          I was named in a tortious interference lawsuit that my boss brought against the rival company–and my employment was terminated. I was liable, supposedly, for handing over information, whether intentional or not–that resulted in real damages through the actions of someone else.

          I suppose you could argue this against AM.

          • Wow, SphinxMoth, I hope that “friend” of yours was called out for her unprofessional behavior. I worked with a nest of vipers once and as soon as I figured out what was going on I went directly to the top of our organization and ratted them out. Most decent employees do not know how to handle these snakes, too bad your innocence lost you that job (but probably a blessing in disguise…?) A marriage is a contract. Has anyone here ever sued their ex for dissipating assets?

          • How about negligent infliction of emotional distress, although I think the standard has to be outrageous conduct. I did a little research on it and saw one jurisdiction dismiss the case against a third party because cheating was not sufficiently outrageous conduct.

  • During one of my crazy periods, after I found out he was sleeping with prostitutes,( not the street ones! the $500 plus.He had his favorite. If that was supposed to make me feel better, it did not, because he still gave me STDs)I looked up the numbers of local escort services and begin calling them. They were all answered by men and I hung up each time because I didn’t know what to say. One actually called me back and asked if the hang up was a mistake and I was actually looking for a job? I told him know I just wanted to know what the fuck my husband has been up to and if they have seen him? He hung up. I was so grossed out that they asked that because thought OMG they are desperate for whores. Anyone! What a high demand and its fucking illegal. But he always lives on the edge. If it is AM or the local yellow pages from a hotel, if they want to cheat they will! Sick Assholes!

  • After D-day 2 (AM tramp), STBX made comment he was surprised I wasn’t on AM. WTF? Guess I should have read it as a sign to kick h to the curb and find a real man…one with integrity.

  • Separate note…but where did the forums go? Was going to post this AM and it isn’t accessible. Tried late last night too and page was not found. Just a heads up : ) Thanks CL for all you do.

  • Their whole premise is that lying and cheating is just good clean fun if your spouse is kept in the dark. I hope all of their employees are embezzling money from them. Because there would be nothing immoral about lying to and cheating your boss, right? What a bunch of assholes.

  • Just a sad commentary on our society and how far people have lowered their moral standards! Not only that, but it is now considered okay to totally destroy a faithful spouse because “life is short and I need to be happy!” Please!!! That has to be the most flawed thinking in the world! Cheaters are delusional, base, creepy people who worry about nothing but their “junk”! So glad I dumped mine and cleaned him out! Guess he’s having some “forhead slaps” lately, but after the hellish two years he put me through I am over it and him! Let him find his kibble supply and cake elsewhere! That is if he can afford it! (Snort).

    • And I agree with DeeDee, if adultery is just terrific to these idiots who run AM, then embezzling and cheating the boss should just be considered “fine” by these morally corrupt hyenas!

  • The jingle should be,

    I am looking for someone other than wife…hey…hold on…is that my wife…..wtf…is that my wife’s picture…wtf…someone’s looking to screw my wife…what a bitch….who’s watching the kids.

  • Well, in my case Facebook was discriminatory towards women, if we’re following the logic that a website might entice men to look outside their marriage for someone other than “m’ wife.”

    But, of course, that’s silly. If someone wants to cheat, there’s a loser under every rock, and cowards will get it on with any loser anywhere. You either partnered with a man or woman of character…or…you didn’t. I didn’t.

  • I wonder if chumps whose families were broken up by cheating on AM could file a class action suit for damages, using the ads as evidence….

  • OMG I just looked at the ad! Those guys aren’t even appealing singing such a ridiculous phrase with the lame music, the iPad sleazy photos and air guitar! Weird, ugh, strange but then weird, strange people would go for the idea. What a new low for society if this was on regular TV in Australia.

    • Oh and yes Miss Sunshine, since Facebook connected my x with his schmoopie I would love to blame it on that but it just made it easier for him to do what he wanted anyway and it painfully saved me and made me wake up in the end to who he really was.

      • Atmeh, I know how you feel. My ex found his AP on Facebook also! I can’t stomach so-called “friends” Anymore from Facebook! Even when I caught them both in a hotel room together they swore they were “just friends”! I told Schmoopie that i didn’t f**k my friends from Facebook or meet them in hotels!

        • So sorry you had that experience Roberta. It was bad enough mine telling me “we were just talking!” when they made their plans to be together and marry and my life would be blown up as a result. Their “plan” involved several more months of cheating before “she would be ready at the end of summer” but since I found out “it was my fault” somehow that he had to face reality sooner. Early red flag in our relationship: “Why can’t I have friends?” (e.g. you’re so mean). It didn’t feel right because my intuition told me it wasn’t ever “just friends”. He had such a wandering eye.

      • Mine didn’t meet MOW on Facebook…. but that was how they started communicating… through “Messenger”. Truthfully, she isn’t that attractive…. and she lives FOUR hours away from where we live… I just do NOT get it. I actually asked him once “couldn’t you have found someone single with NO kids and a little closer to home to f*ck if you were going to cheat? Pissing away all that money on gas and a hotel room? Seriously? WTF?”.

  • First of all, I was told many years ago that I didn’t have a sense of humor because whenever EXH crossed a line and said something particularly annoying, I was told to “lighten up, I was just kidding.” When I explained it wasn’t funny — I found out I had no sense of humor. Strange — because one of the personality traits everyone else in my world always comments on is my sense of humor. HMMMMM!

    Second, regular online dating sites are full of married people, and even those who are actually divorced may just be looking to be a “player”. Ashley Madison just puts the pretense aside — none of these folks are looking for “twu lub” they are looking for immediate sexual gratification with no apologies, no commitments. AM is just being upfront — they don’t even bother to lie about their purpose. As disgusting as they are, I think that the people who join get exactly what they deserve and seem to want. AM is kind of a more expensive Craigs List. Same type of person, just a bit more affluent.

    The advantage to chumps is that they would not go on AM looking for love, like they do with regular online services. The lies are outrageous — the profiles usually provide a few clues, but the uninitiated can fall for the BS hard. I have seen several news stories about women who send their life savings to some schmuck they fall for online — and they have never even met him! I am sure this happens to men, too. If you go online looking for love — you better put your BS detection meter on super charge. Even otherwise possibly nice people tend to bend the truth a bit in those profiles! I keep hoping these money making machines will run their course and people will wise up. They seem to be a new super highway to heartache for the most part.

    Third, if you get a narcissist, one of the key things they do is “mirror” your behavior and preferences. Everything about them is fake, but they are generally very good at being fake. It may take a great deal of time for you to figure out the fake. Especially if you are being love bombed, and having attention paid to you. You may be starved for attention — I think these freaks have esp tuned into that desperation. I also think they seek out attractive, smart, competent, independent potential partners — and really hope you have money, too — because they see these types to be extremely useful — to them.

    Fourth, this jaded and selfish way of thinking is epidemic in our world. I have been watching the news stories of the racism and sexism that is running rampant in our society. Lately the reporting has been about the abuses that are commonplace in higher ed institutions, and in fraternities in particular. I do not think it is confined to the college students — I think it also runs throughout the administrative and teaching levels as well — but it is more hidden in practice there. These are our “leaders,” and “future leaders.” Are you scared, yet? Explicit in the attitudes is that these folks regard women and minorities to be less than the “people who count.” Women are interchangeable parts, drug them and/or fill them with alcohol, and then use them. If you are a woman AND a minority, well, you might be invited to “party” — but never expect an invitation to join the club of exclusive, worthwhile people. Sad thinking — and even sadder because there is absolutely no shame associated with the thoughts. The only thing that seems to get their attention, and send them into pleading denials of their behavior, is when they are publicly exposed and it may hurt their earning potential, or cost them money for their legal representation, and maybe even send them to jail for awhile. I am sure they will not meet the “right sort” of people there, either.

    This is the world we live in. Meanwhile, those of us who have values and live responsible lives just sit at home because we don’t have a sense of humor and are not seeking a fun filled anonymous sexual hook-up,. We probably can’t even come up with a jingle.

      • Yes, I did match.com for a few months after a breakup a few years ago. It was loaded with men who were recently divorced or separated. Some of them were probably still married. I couldn’t stomach more than a few dates, and then gave up.

        My ex has a match.com profile, but no picture, he hasn’t paid for the subscription. I checked his mail, so I know he looks at the prospective matches. He also sometimes looks at “black singles” website emails, which is interesting to me because he comes off as slightly racist. We work in the restaurant industry, and while he gets along fine with black employees, I have seen him react with some racism towards customers.

        What is this called? Cognitive dissonance?

        • I found my cheater husband has a match.com and eharmony profile. I know on eharmony you must say you are single or divorced, not even separated. Loser.

        • I would say t least 50% of the women I met on match had cheated on a partner or been an OW to a married guy at some point

    • Portia, every single word you wrote regarding the narcissist and their standard operating procedure describes my experience to a T. Literally from the instant we met until I finally got him out of my life; you described what I brought to the faux relationship and he used it all to his advantage to enable himself to cheat. I was merely a means to an end.

  • I read some reviews of AM a while back, and most of them were about what a rip off it is. They have requirements on you spending a lot of money to have your “guaranteed” affair. The funniest comment was that their slogan should be “Ashley Madison: Your chance to date an overweight 50 year old on a Tuesday afternoon.”. I think it’s mostly just a front for prostitution.

    • LOL! “Your chance to date an overweight 50 year old on a Tuesday afternoon”. So funny! I just love CN, everyone has such a great sense of humor and can clearly see the irony in all this shit! It totally makes my day and it is driving me at warp speed towards “meh”! Something I thought could not possibly happen a year ago! Thank you!

      • Thank you, Roberta. It is ridiculous, isn’t it? And no offense to overweight 50 year olds, I happen to be one myself.

  • You know this ad begs for a parody. The one where the pictures on the ipad are of goats and chickens. (Sorry to the goat and chicken readers of CL.) The with the same jingle one where he’s loading his trunk with hefty bags of his crap. The one where the kids walk in on him doing a Trashley partner. The ones where his kids and wife are all waving their middle finger at him. The one where he’s at the altar with all his friends and family watching.

    • If the station airs ads for free, someone should make a video! Similar jingle, just past tense. “I wanted someone other than my wife.” showing wife finding the evidence, the guy being kicked out of his house and living in his car, getting bad news at the doctor’s office, etc.

      • OMG, yes: and the downgrade. Minus the risk to CL of defamation, I would post a picture of my former BIL’s 4x married ho-wife. Holey-moley, she might melt some laptop screens with her appearance…every bit of her low morals comes through in her looks, and I’m not usually one to point fingers at looks! But she’d make a great model for AM, since I think she and whoresband #5 hooked up on either AM or AdultSexFinder.

        You simply could not credibly make this stuff up.

        • namedforvera, I too am not one to judge people on their looks, but I wish there was an anonymous place to post OW pix. When I went to look at her LinkedIn and FB profiles the day after D-Day, this just added to my horror and shock. She is not at all attractive. She’s a year older than me (so she’s turning 60 soon), her hair is a weird cheap dye job with frizzies and a mullet (seriously); she is completely flat chested (I’m a 36B not that it matters, but still) but has a huge ass, and legs the size of tree trunks plus she is apparently about 5 inches taller than the little man who liked having me call him Master. Oh, and when she smiles, all you see are her upper gums because her upper lip is pencil thin like her painted-on eyebrows, yet her upper gums are enormous. And I’m not the only one who’s said “eeew!” upon seeing her photo for the first time. I am actually pretty average looking. I guess I just expected he would go for someone more conventionally attractive but it just PROVES that he would go for whoever is willling to spread her legs and wallet for him.

    • Ca Chump, you forgot the one where he dies alone and everyone goes to the funeral home to spit on him/her in the coffin! So much “Klassier” than pissing on the grave out in public!! Just keep it klassy!

  • Portia, I always got the “no sense of humor, you don’t get my humor” toward the end. My mother still will say this to me and I’m very clear now on where this all started with me from my family of origin. I picked someone I was comfortable with, someone I had to try to please so they would love me back. I took up the challenge of what was a difficult pairing to begin with. I brought all my compassion and love and thought that would conquer all.
    I am so glad to finally understand now after all the years of fear of relationships, avoiding relationships, just dipping my toes in relationships, being hurt by them, and finally thinking I found something and could finally have marriage and family like other people though at a late age. All that avoidance and time wasted with OCD like things.
    Well in one particular way that has all paid off in that I have a wonderful small family now, my daughter and I. I have joy, so much more fulfilling than being expected to laugh at unfunny odd “jokes” of my x.

  • Ok. Time to show a followup AM website with photographs of diseased P Ps and V Vs from STDs. Along with divorce attorney ads, doctors, marriage and individual counselors.

    Add a few sad sausages and pieholes living in a shack with their tell of woe and the exwife/husband in a mansion with the kids.

    Add line…

    Thank you Ashley Madison for showing me a cheater free life!

    We could call it,

    Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life.

    Whaddaya think?

  • Love the idea of a Trashley Madison spoof.

    How about singing and tap dancing cheater Penises and Vaginas with dubious red spots doing the Trashley Madison theme song.

  • I take offense. AM and advertising this crap is not degrading to wives. It’s degrading to ALL women. Even OW’s!!! It’s degrading to men as well. As if a person with the propensity to cheat needs and advertisement to make them aware of it. This is ludicrous!!! Capitalism at it’s finest indeed!!!

    UGH I give up. There is no hope of humanity.

  • That ad is wrong on so many levels. We have a couple of well dressed, affluent looking men. The message is all about them and what they want. But there are references to “my wife” to demonstrate their ownership of the unseen woman who saw to it that they have clean clothes and live in a nice place. And is probably working or looking after the kids while they cruise for “others” online.

    As some have suggested, the response piece should be that catchy jingle “I was looking for someone other than my wife” while they pick their clothes off the front lawn and load them in their car.

  • Is it in the air? Here in the Netherlands a religious political party (SGP) has tried to stop the website ‘Second Love’ (yeah… you get it). Unfortunately, the strong religious agenda of the party and the smart reaction of the cheater-site are drowning an open discussion on cheating. The site thanked SGP for the free publicity with a billboard ad: http://static.eo.nl/fileadmin/bestanden/_processed_/csm_Second_Love_bedankt_SGP_voor_publiciteit_9d8d07b651.png (Second Love’s free publicity machine – with SGP in bold capitals).

    It’s all over the news, the discussions show me once again that most people either don’t care, or think you must have had something to do with it. Unless it happens to you…

  • Somehow I was expecting the commercial to end with a small child coming down that spiral staircase, clutching a teddy bear, saying “Daddy? What are you doing to Mommy’s ipad?”

    • Lol! Ah, yes, the children. My cheater ex walked out on his promises to them too. He would rather have his new fuck than pay for their college.

  • Am I the only one thinking, “I am looking to leave a cheater and get a life” fits that tune perfectly? Maybe they could do a split screen with cheating douche on one side, and chump on the other singing a duet. The chump could be scrolling through ads for divorce attorneys.

  • My first thought was, “Hey, can I send this to my ex?!?!?” Lol. This stuff is funny. Who the fuck does this, right!?!? Sad too. It’s my story too. Cheated on spouse, etc and in a BIG way. BTDT, but I could no sooner “change” my cheater than I could stay married to him, knowing what I know. I however don’t believe it teaches poor morals or makes cheating in a marriage acceptable to anyone with a brain because hey some of us are gifted with class character and would never cheat. Not on anything…not our taxes, our exams, or our spouses! I hope the folks at Saturday Night Live do great parodies with this!

  • Great timing! I caught my “unicorn” on Plenty of Fish Dating site yesterday. He doesn’t know. But I asked him if he had been up to no good. I told him I could sense something. I didn’t tell him that sense was my eyesight on the Web history of his computer. He said he couldn’t possibly. ..it would hurt Jesus! Wonder what he believes Jesus thinks about the porn I saw on there too.

      • Yes, linda2, don’t give too much away. You know the score and now is not the time to let your intelligence shine on that unicorn. Take care of yourself and let his head spin about how you were so intuitive.

              • They’ve also come in pretty handy since I left my ex. Anytime my mind starts doing any revisionist “good old days” type reminiscing, I pull them out and remind myself. Was it really that bad? Yes, it was really that bad.

  • Chump Lady & HesAtTheCurb —

    ‘Couldn’t Get It Right’ – Climax Blues Band (Billboard #3 – 1977)
    YouTube: https://youtu.be/MDcbZYQTim4

    AshleyMadison co-opted (stole? plagiarized?) that song for their “catchy jingle”. I wonder if AM paid anything for the rights to use the melody & (most) of the lyrics — could AM be brought down via that tack (copyright infringement aka theft) a la George Harrison’s ‘My Sweet Lord’ vs. ‘He’s So Fine’?

    Looked up the song before posting, because to me it was always an annoying disco song that grated on my nerves. Climax Blues Band was/still is a British rock group and this song, their one big hit, is literally about driving around lost, late at night, looking for Holiday Inn signs whilst on tour in the US.

    Like all art, annoying or otherwise, it lends itself to your own personal interpretation. So to me, the song is about Being/Doing Wrong and The Quest and Repeating The Same Mistakes. Perfect application here.

    “And I kept on looking for a sign in the middle of the night and I couldn’t get it right”
    Metrolyrics: http://www.metrolyrics.com/couldnt-get-it-right-lyrics-climax-blues-band.html

    Apt. So very apt.

    CL – hope I’ve done links correctly – if not please advise so I can learn how – Thanks!

  • Chump Lady & HesAtTheCurb —

    ‘Couldn’t Get It Right’ – Climax Blues Band (Billboard #3 – 1977)
    YouTube: link removed by me

    AshleyMadison co-opted (stole? plagiarized?) that song for their “catchy jingle”. I wonder if AM paid anything for the rights to use the melody & (most) of the lyrics — could AM be brought down via that tack (copyright infringement aka theft) a la George Harrison’s ‘My Sweet Lord’ vs. ‘He’s So Fine’?

    Looked up the song before posting, because to me it was always an annoying disco song that grated on my nerves. Climax Blues Band was/still is a British rock group and this song, their one big hit, is literally about driving around lost, late at night, looking for Holiday Inn signs whilst on tour in the US.

    Like all art, annoying or otherwise, it lends itself to your own personal interpretation. So to me, the song is about Being/Doing Wrong and The Quest and Repeating The Same Mistakes. Perfect application here.

    “And I kept on looking for a sign in the middle of the night and I couldn’t get it right”
    Metrolyrics: link removed by me

    Apt. So very apt.

    • If there wasn’t an agreement to use the tune, money can be made off that. Marvin Gaye’s family just won over $7 million for a ripoff tune. Tom Petty just go co-writer credits on another. The band Spirit wants some cash for “Stairway to Heaven” and I think they have a good shot.

  • I’m in Australia – haven’t seen the ad, but I watched the video attached to this post. They’ve done well in selecting dudes who look like the type of creepy douchebags that use AM.

    The song isn’t catchy – it’s boring.

    I agree that people who oppose being gutless, narcissistic, entitled, dishonest, home-wrecking assholes are a vocal minority. I’m happy to be in that majority; I can sleep at night.

  • I watched this ad again just now. I really want to punch that fucker on the right, right in his fucking smirky face. Then the part where the audio suddenly swells with the chorus of the implied thousands of men who are also “looking for someone other than m’wife” is just insidious and sickening. My cheater and I were not married but I spent sixteen years desperately wanting to marry him because I respected the institution of marriage. I had been married before, for 10 years, also to another cheater. For many long years, my brother, and then my daughter, were legally prohibited from marrying due to their being gay. These assholes at Trashly Badison make a joke out of something that people have sacrificed, protested, gone to the Supreme Court for the right to; and something that for every single generation of humanity in every culture, has been held dear. Has all this been caused by the internet making it so easy? I don’t know. But it just adds to my cynicism at this point, 1.5 yrs after being chumped by someone I loved and (till that day) respected. Sad.

    • Muse at this point I am exhausted thinking how easy it is for people we thought shared the same values and partnership with us could just erase us from their life with such callous indifference. What was easy for them, namely cheating while professing their love, is an act of selfishness. The fact that this is highlighted as something hip to do through a dating site is outrageous I lived an honest and loyal life with someone I was devoted to as you were. At this point I am not sure if I can heal because I am not sure what is real anymore. Then I think of all the other chumps and know I’m not as alone in this fucked up mess an asshole created. I will fucking NOT live a shitty life because they win if I let them. Cheaters are not going to rule the outcome. I will because I have always been mighty. I was just attached to someone toxic. He has been permanently removed. Therefore we have a chance at a better life.

  • Noel Bidermann, co-owner and mastermind behind Ashley Madison, who by the way, earns $ 5 million per year, is perfectly pleased with the 55 million+ dollars they make annually. He claims to be happily married and makes the site available for those who wish to use it. Our complaints, as Chump Lady mentioned make him and his business partners thrilled as they literally run to the bank. Australia isn’t the only country which has banned those ads. Despite the craziness of this site, people cheat because they “want to”, and they should take 100% responsibility for those acts which ruin relationships. Again, when it comes to viable sites that make sense, I’m Team Chump Lady all the way! Hugs…http://intheknowwithro.blogspot.com/2015/02/life-is-short-have-affair.html

  • I personally think Mr. Biedermeyer is a liar, on a couple of fronts. First, he’s not trying to reach people who are going to cheat. He is trying to actively recruit people who weren’t actually planning it by making it look fun, cool, and easy to do.

    I also believe his wife is equally guilty. She promotes it, and profits from it. I think they even use her photo in ads.

    I do think one or both of them have probably cheated or will. It’s in their value set, so what would stop them. Watch What they do, no what they say. How hypocritical can two people be?

  • I live in australia, haven’t seen the ad……but why would I as I never watch telli.
    I work in the advertising industry and I wonder who the low lifes were who came up with the concept for this ad (ad agency or design group), and who were the low lifes who decided they would produce this ad (director, production company,,,stylist, make-up, grooming, wardrobe, casting director, location manager etc). If this concept landed on my desk I would throw it back at the agency/design group and give them a serve…..disgusting!!!!

  • I also think AM membership numbers are inflated. Probably to make it look like everyone is doing it. Many of the profiles are fake, and a lot are inactive. I think they charge you about $35 , to delete it, even for women who participate for free.

    A while back, another infidelity site had an article on AM and a link to it. I clicked on it, but to see anything you have to create a profile. I was curious, plus I wanted to check for my husband, so I created one. I used his AP age, 44 I think, 150 pounds as weight. No photo or message. Relatively innocent , mildly suggestive name.

    As soon as this profile went up, I started getting dozens of emails. Even being old and not thin. I looked at profiles for my area, and they were disgusting. Very suggestive names and photos. Some make you request a photo, but a lot are there for anyone to see. I didn’t respond to emails but I did read them. Lots of invitations to meet, especially out of town people. One guy could tell I was “wonderful and special” even though I put no personal information. Some offered Long Term Relationships. Talk about desperate. Some sent followup emails, mad because I didn’t respond to the first email.

    The photos I did see were not impressive at all. Average/below average looking, mostly middle age or old men. Like 70to 80s old men.

    There a were a couple who were decent looking, but that could have been fake too. I did not find my husband and made the profile inactive after a day or so. They do charge you to delete it, so I guess it’s still there. I altered my information first so I don’t know how anyone could recognize me, and I also set the account up with an email that is no longer active. I don’t feel good about viewing the am site but it was very useful from a research standpoint. Definitely not something I would actually EVER want to do. Too bad they don’t show the real users in their ads.

    • NJ, I did a similar thing. I put up a profile on “illicit encounters” which is popular for “married cheaters” here in the UK. Made myself sound bouncy and cute (which I am not) ..and got a landslide of replies. Most of the messages were template replies from the trawlers who bulk-message, but a few were very targetted and, sickeningly gave away the identities of the men who were messaging. How can someone (married) in their right mind risk sending their real names and phone number to a perfect stranger hoping for a one night stand? I never replied to any of them, until a senior executive in my own workplace came out of left field and messaged me. Clearly identified himself as wanting an encounter with bouncy blonde me, gave his real name and even bragged about his job. Astonished, I kept that information to myself but have observed him, even sat in meetings across from him since, with a Very Different view of the jerk!

      Perhaps when I eventually leave my job, I should alert his partner to his little habit. What do fellow chumps think? His partner is a strong, professional woman whom I have every reason to admire. I would never want to cause trouble or hurt and perhaps this unfortunate occurence which went nowhere of course..is better just left unmentioned.

  • i guess you could use it as a screening device. like if somebody asked you for a date you can check AM to make sure they DONT have a profile created. *shrugs*

    just like my little college town has A LOT of drug dealers in it. i have lived here for 25 years and i have NO CLUE where the drug dealers are or live. however, someone like my XH seems to have no problem finding out where they live. he would point them out to me on occasion, i still have no clue. Why? you might ask….because i have zero desire to buy drugs. so i do not need to know where they are, so i dont pay much attention to them when they are around me. same with this site. i never even knew it exsisted until coming on this site and a few others. yes, i was appalled but being as i have no interest in cheating i never even thought they had things like this, however, those people who are interested in cheating will find this site and others to do so.

  • msvain – you always speak so well. I never knew this stuff went on before I joined CN. I swear, I lived in a bubble and never knew what a butt-plug was until I started reading more. Like – WHO wants a butt plug? I have enough issues. I’m tweaked out by it all and I want to start ignoring the awfulness out there. It was like getting into animal rescue and having bad dreams. I’m just not cut out for these really awful things I see in the world. I would be terrified to try out a profile on an AM site. You’d get junk mail for life.
    So, sometimes (and I read (still need) this site everyday) I want to scream with my hands over my ears and say no-no-no, I’m not listening to this awfulness anymore on this day…but I read all the posts anyway, painful as they are.
    It’s my therapy.

    Yeah – I’m an addict of CL and CN..still have a ways to go but I did close and got the keys on my new (old) house today – so I am celebrating and the experience of bankers, insurance co’s (who can discriminate against dog breeds) – I was livid – and all the other stuff. I never thought I’d be this close to MEH when this journey started a mere year ago.
    But, moving into a new home sure helps. (I know it will!)

    I found CL immediately, and I was a lucky one that moved on very quickly.

  • I just watched the ad. Those guys are not even physically attractive in my book. I wouldn’t find them attractive even if they were single and available. Maybe that’s the subliminal message in the ad. Cheaters are ugly in a variety of ways, and so must resort to being attention whores.

  • >