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The UBT Takes on Aimee

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bimboThe other day, Sweetz posted that the Other Woman sent her an email and asked that we decode it for her. By request, I will throw it into the jaws of the Universal Bullshit Translator and see what happens.

The letter:

Dear Sweetz,

When you asked me to keep away from your husband for the next year to see if God would or could do anything to bring healing to your marriage, well, I could not. Why? Because you told me that I was not the first “interest” he had, and “probably would not be the last”. You said that if his interest were not in me, then it would have been in someone else. Well, I suppose I still want to be that “someone else”. Your husband reminds me of my father who passed away just a year ago. I know that I am vulnerable, and I know that your husband simply sees me as someone exciting and likely in a sexual way. So I have no delusions of grandeur for a lasting future with him. I am twenty five years his junior and cannot imagine caring for him in his old age. I have no husband (divorced) and want a secure life someday with someone my own age.

You said that he seems to be “never satisfied”, and that he had been unfaithful in his previous marriage too. So I suppose that this means that I should expect to experience the same kind of waxing and waning from him also in due time. But I am willing to enjoy the relationship in spite of the risks and for however long it lasts. I have resisted seeing him for these last three months at your request, but met up with him recently for a brief visit at a pizza take out. I surprised him after he closed his store, and he was more than willing to meet with me. This indicates that he has not put me out of his mind and that it was really YOU that wanted me to go away. If you had not figured us out, we would still be in our friendship.

Your husband speaks VERY highly of you, which indicates that he does not intend to divorce you, but simply wants a larger variety of relationships. If this is something that you can live with, then I would advise it because he is otherwise a very kind and generous man from what I can tell. I would hate to see him get tossed and lose so much of what he has at his age. He seems to love the Lord and believes that he will be disciplined appropriately if and when that time arrives. He is a gambler I take it?

He told me that all your children are grown and gone, you have a nice home, you each have your own businesses and apparently get along great as long as you do not mention the subject of other women. He is just bored with the same o’ same o’. I would advise not rocking the boat because like you said, if it were not me he is pursuing, it could be someone far more ruthless and possessive. I also advise that you do not make his life miserable. This will only result in making me appear suddenly more desirable to him other than as “just a friendship”. He really does not fit my idea of someone permanent . Keep what you have, look the other way, and let God be the Judge.

You might be tempted to think of me as a bit sleazy, and the way I am handling the loss of my father by taking comfort in your husband, I suppose this gives the appearance of that. I do not care. You can have him back after I feel whole again. If you no longer want him, just remember that it was HE that pursued me and offered himself for no other reason than his desire for excitement and variety. He knows that I am bereaved and attracted to his resemblance of my father and is willing to take full advantage of that. So your issue will not be resolved anyway long after I am gone.

This speaks of nothing about your qualities as a person, but I imagine that your husband could not have picked anyone better to have married. I was shocked when I finally met you, you are truly beautiful and kind. I instantly could tell that you “knew” that he and I had already developed a relationship. Yet, you were gracious to me nevertheless. Hold on to your virtues and do not let this destroy the person that he truly admires and what you have.

Aimee

The UBT translation:

When you asked me to keep away from your husband for the next year to see if God would or could do anything to bring healing to your marriage, well, I could not.

I will not. (Aka “You’re Not The Boss of Me.”)

Why? Because you told me that I was not the first “interest” he had, and “probably would not be the last”. You said that if his interest were not in me, then it would have been in someone else. Well, I suppose I still want to be that “someone else”. Your husband reminds me of my father who passed away just a year ago.

I fuck people who remind me of my father. Yes, I’m just creepy like that.

I know that I am vulnerable, and I know that your husband simply sees me as someone exciting and likely in a sexual way. So I have no delusions of grandeur for a lasting future with him. I am twenty five years his junior and cannot imagine caring for him in his old age. I have no husband (divorced) and want a secure life someday with someone my own age.

He’s just a plaything. You can have him back when I’m finished.

I really probably have no lasting future with anyone. I’m divorced at 25 and screwing a married man who reminds me of my father. I. Have. Issues.

You said that he seems to be “never satisfied”, and that he had been unfaithful in his previous marriage too. So I suppose that this means that I should expect to experience the same kind of waxing and waning from him also in due time. But I am willing to enjoy the relationship in spite of the risks and for however long it lasts.

By “waxing and waning” I mean he will seek kibbles elsewhere. I’m okay with that. I have zero standards. None at all. Zip.

I have resisted seeing him for these last three months at your request, but met up with him recently for a brief visit at a pizza take out. I surprised him after he closed his store, and he was more than willing to meet with me. This indicates that he has not put me out of his mind and that it was really YOU that wanted me to go away. If you had not figured us out, we would still be in our friendship.

I am rather dim. YOU requested I not see him! (first sentence) THEN (third sentence) I discovered that it was YOU who wanted me to go away! I HAVE CONNECTED THE DOTS Sweetz!

You figured us out. And I have just figured out that you don’t want me to see him. But I saw him anyway. Because you’re not the boss of me. I can be friends with anyone I want to be. Like men who remind me of my father. In that fanciable, fuckable, fatherly way.

Your husband speaks VERY highly of you, which indicates that he does not intend to divorce you, but simply wants a larger variety of relationships.

You should be grateful. He just bangs me and then buys me pizza.

If this is something that you can live with, then I would advise it because he is otherwise a very kind and generous man from what I can tell.

You should listen to me. I’m 25, divorced, a woman of the world.  Nuggets of wisdom spring forth like from the head of Zeus. I’m like Athena, if Athena was the Goddess of Cluelessness and Chutzpah.

I would hate to see him get tossed and lose so much of what he has at his age. He seems to love the Lord and believes that he will be disciplined appropriately if and when that time arrives. He is a gambler I take it?

Please don’t divorce him. He’s got a lot more money to date me if you stay married. I need a lot of pizza to be happy.

Pay no attention to his whoring and gambling. Leave it to God. Someone needs a steady job here so he can afford me.

He told me that all your children are grown and gone, you have a nice home, you each have your own businesses and apparently get along great as long as you do not mention the subject of other women. He is just bored with the same o’ same o’. I would advise not rocking the boat because like you said, if it were not me he is pursuing, it could be someone far more ruthless and possessive.

You could do worse for Other Women! I’m, like, benevolent. I said I’d give him back and maybe find someone age appropriate. Some day. Meanwhile, while he’s still got money to spend on me, don’t divorce him. That’s my advice. Does that sound ruthless or possessive?

I also advise that you do not make his life miserable.

I’m full of advice! Do you want to hit me with a brick yet? 🙂

This will only result in making me appear suddenly more desirable to him other than as “just a friendship”. He really does not fit my idea of someone permanent . Keep what you have, look the other way, and let God be the Judge.

Don’t make him miserable, because then he might CHEAT. Oh hang on, he’s already cheating on you. Ergo you must make him miserable. Hmmm. If you quit doing that…? Shit. I’m confused. Anyway, I’m sure this is somehow your fault, but let’s make of fuck-up of things and leave it to Jesus!

You might be tempted to think of me as a bit sleazy,

Oh never.

and the way I am handling the loss of my father by taking comfort in your husband, I suppose this gives the appearance of that.

No, it gives the appearance of mental illness that goes far beyond mere sleaziness.

(UBT aside: You take comfort in fucking men who remind you of your dead father. I shudder to think what would happen if you lost a family pet.)

I do not care. You can have him back after I feel whole again. If you no longer want him, just remember that it was HE that pursued me and offered himself for no other reason than his desire for excitement and variety. He knows that I am bereaved and attracted to his resemblance of my father and is willing to take full advantage of that. So your issue will not be resolved anyway long after I am gone.

I’m a poor sausage who is being taking advantage of! But I do not care. He pursued me!

This speaks of nothing about your qualities as a person, but I imagine that your husband could not have picked anyone better to have married. I was shocked when I finally met you, you are truly beautiful and kind. I instantly could tell that you “knew” that he and I had already developed a relationship. Yet, you were gracious to me nevertheless. Hold on to your virtues and do not let this destroy the person that he truly admires and what you have.

Aimee

You’re a good chump. Hold on to your virtuous chumpiness — you know, that person who doesn’t make him miserable and let’s him eat cake! He admires cake. Don’t destroy cake.

Aimee

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Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • I wonder if he held a gun to her head and made her write that to his wife? I can’t belive someone would be that stupid to write the wife an email like that. But then again, there are very stupid people out there…. I think you are right on the nose with the UBT: “You should listen to me. I’m 25, divorced, a woman of the world. Nuggets of wisdom spring forth like from the head of Zeus. I’m like Athena, if Athena was the Goddess of Cluelessness and Chutzpah.” LMAO!

    • I tend to write some stupid things when I’m drunk. Regrettably on Facebook. But I delete them within minutes most of the time and I’m not an other woman.

    • Therapy? No. Volunteering? No. Physical exercise? No. Journaling? No. Support grief groups? No. Her plan for healing and wholeness is to have sex with a married man her father’s age because nothing resolve grief and father issues like adding additional sexual trauma to one’s life and others’.

      • It’s gross. I miss my dad a lot. I was Daddy’s girl. But I’m not sexually attracted to relatives. Wonder if she was sexual abused by him.

        • Jen my thoughts too…wonder if dad sexually abused her. My daughter is a bereaved 19 yr old and she isnt trying to screw old men euuuwwww.

  • Wow. You know, I’m stupid enough that I might try to save a marriage after infidelity. But I can honestly say, if I was married to someone who fucked someone as stupid and mean as that whore, I would divorce him just for being attracted to such a person. No way would I ever want to be with a man who liked *that*.

    • I truly hope that she has filed already. Her husband sounds like a winner. He’s such a kind man my ass

    • I had a reaction like that once I had a dealing or two with final OW. She was a smug, dumb bitch who thought she was a winner. But it turns out she’s like ex: she takes on personality traits of those around her because she has no idea who she is. It’s going to be pretty funny once one or both of them realise neither is actually a whole, functioning person.

      • Nord, That whole taking on personality traits…like a chameleon. This! Too I believe people who fuck those “married” or “committed” (and those in such relationships) have a major screw loose. Isn’t this the same whore who’s fucking that man’s son (a babe at 24, god forbid that my son should run across someone this dysfunctional….). You know they say you get an adult brain and way of thinking at 25 but this AP has missed the filing deadline. My stupid ex chose a stupid whore too. Go figure.

      • Nord & Drew…my ex ho-wife is also just like him. They have taken each others personality and made it their own. They even speak the same and think that they sound so much smarter and cool when they use big “words” such as “assuage” and “succinct”. They sound so much alike at times I can’t tell them apart. I’ve written about a blog that she had a wrote one directed at me. She revised it 4X’s…I kid you not. I have all 4 blogs stating different things and called herself “his last love”. She also gloats about being younger than me..I told her she might be younger but she looks used, abused and put away wet. She was 23 when he left and I was 38..I looked younger than she and she looked her she was about 40. I remember once when I asked him why her…he said he didn’t know and that “she was nothing spectacular and plain” lol

    • Ha, Carol! My IC said that should X and OW ever get together permanently, his fantasy that she was kind and gentle would be in for a rude shock.

      • I believe a lot of cheaters of both sexes think this makes them so special, that they managed to get someone in a committed relationship to screw them!! Wooo-whoooo! What an accomplishment! The Chump doesn’t even know they are in a competition, so what kind of competition is that?? Like killing an unarmed man, where is the skill & cunning in that? Fools and imbeciles they are.

    • Maybe there are folks who could make these people up, or use material like this to construct a character for a book or a show. Their behavior is simple enough to predict. They’re like robots.

      It might be that they are too easy.

      I think we don’t see too much of it, outside of tripe like Twilight, because of how boring a story composed of such “characters” would quickly become.

      • Coward, I only have experience with easy other women with no morals or self respect and serial cheating narcs who find lying with ease compatible with picking them up. No experience with programmable robots. Do you think we can crack the code and teach them empathy? Now that would be a useful application. Ya think?

  • This whole email, to me, comes off with the following attitude (in my opinion). And please do not take offense because I’m only translating the underlying message *I* get from this snotty kid:

    “Listen to me. You are a Has-Been. You were stupid enough to marry some guy who cheated on his former wife; cheats on you; and will continue to cheat. I am awesome enough to use this idiot and toss him back in the lake when I’m done like an undersized trout. But don’t despair: YOU should continue to use him for his financial stability and good nature. However, it’s up to you to wipe his cheating chin when he gets that stroke – not ME !!! I’m on to greener pastures, chump! Oh by the way – you’re a nice lady – no offense!

      • That is a good read onthehill, what a pompous ass. At first, it was hard to stomach her disrespect for this chump, but she has the same disrespect for herself. Dumber than dirt to think like this, let alone send a letter to another person. She really could care less about anything except her very sick ego. Sniff them out and get away.

        • Unbelievable temerity to speak to this man’s wife the way she did. I don’t know that I’d even dignify it with a response. Maybe just take a copy of it to (my) attorney as evidence. Good Lord.

  • She implies that she wants a sexual relationship with her father. If my wife’s affair partner told me that my wife reminded him of his mother I would vomit repeatedly for all kinds of reasons that are difficult to articulate!

    • I called my OW, and I asked her, So what do you love about STBXH? and she said “well he can be a jerk sometimes, but he reminds me so much of my father, and I always thought I would end up with someone like him” – I had great, great pleasure in telling him that he reminded her of her father. LOL

          • LovedAJackass, gotcha! Too damn funny! I swear, unless you have lived through this crap, no one would believe it! These cheats are somewhere out there! Whatever fantasy land or orbit they are in, I hope to NEVER visit!

      • “I had great, great pleasure in telling him that he reminded her of her father.” Hysterical! Absolutely priceless.

          • Oh, I have a doozie. X always told me I reminded him of his mother and that’s why he couldn’t have sex with me. I should have left him on the first date. Silly me, thought he was holding back for marriage….and then BLEH sex. Never again. What a waste of 35 yr of my sexual powers.

            • Lesson learned: we should ALWAYS listen carefully to what people say about themselves on a first date…it will predict the future with almost 100% certainty.

    • My STBX texted his girlfriend a picture of his mother in the middle of an argument they were having (they chiefly communicate via text), telling OW that he missed his mother, that his mother would tell him what to do. Wow. Issues.

      Dear OW: Welcome to the mommy role. How’s it feel to know that my STBX is fucking you because you remind him of his mother?

      • I met my cheater 40 years ago so knew my late mother in law when she was in her late 40s. OW is short like she was, fat like she was at that time, she did lose some weight later, face same shape, dark hair like her, which she has grown for the first time I in 20 years, so she now has long hair like MIL had, and he went off with her when she was about the age that MIL was when I first met her. She even has the bad looking teeth and feet that MIL had. But as far as I know MIL remained faithful to FIL through 60 years of marriage

    • The father reminder is very creepy. Reminds me when I was first dating my Cheater, his mother said I looked like her when she was young.

  • “Aimee” reminds me a lot of the OW a friend of mine had to deal with. I was stunned at the crap that spewed from her mouth. I was at least fortunate enough that the whores my now ex–husband chose left me alone. My friend’s husband left for the two-bit emotionally damaged whore and she was devastated. I, otoh, thought how great it was that she was rid of such an idiot. I mean, who wants a man who falls for that kind of woman? That’s just plain gross. Ewww. They deserve each other. Lawyer up, get rid of the fools.

  • My head hurts so much after reading all of that! And can I say JESUS CHRIST on all of the mentions of how Cheater reminds her of her dead father?! We’ve all thought these much younger OW have “Daddy Issues,” well THAT just confirmed it. (Shivers and throws up.)

    The other thing I always think about with OW/OM that hook up with people 20+ years older than them is – You’re not going to want to take care of them as the age difference gets more profound – thanks to the dim-bulb OW in this instance for actually confirming that!

    • I don’t think this ow is even being genuine about this guy reminding her of her dead Dad. I think she didn’t think that comparison thru very well and just wrote what she thought moth gain her the most empathy from this chump wife. Cannot trust ANYTHING from an ow/om’s mouth. They are as bad as cheaters when it comes to truth telling, IMO. They all say what they think you want to hear in order to avoid blame or guilt.

  • Sweetz I know you’re religious and may not want to divorce but why are you still with this shitbag? He is making a mockery of your union. He is having a full on affair with this daddy issue skank. You need to teach him a lesson and leave him to his own devices. Move on you will be more at peace after the storm dies down, this is too hurtful for anyone to bear. If he can’t keep his cock in his pants dump him. ..he s worse than a pavlovian dog!!!

    • If I recall correctly, Sweetz is lining up her ducks and waiting for the 10 year marriage mark so she can collect asshat’s Social Security. Smart woman, but I am so sorry she has to live through another 9 months or so of this.

      • Sweetz can build a lot of fabulous life foundation in 9 months–take a class, strengthen friendships, figure out what makes her happy. It’s way smart to hold on for the SS and keep her ducks lined up.

  • Unbelievable! What a stupid (OW) woman! Makes me sad that she is so utterly clueless. Love the pet idea but I don’t believe she is capable of connecting the dots on that one. Sweetz needs to divorce him, heal from this asshole and finally have a great life.

  • Woah, Nellie! (family mule??) Get thee to a therapist, creepy person with Daddy issues. Candidate for probable sexual abuse?

    And the Cheaterpants, who thinks this is all fine? eee-www. I am so sorry, Sweetz, that your husband is unmasked to be someone with such low standards.

    He never deserved you.

  • It sounds like a typical woman making the hound( the H) chase her fox tail. Take this letter to the nearest wolf attorney and let there pizza loving life flourish in oregano breath

  • Holy crap. This one is one of the dumber of the OWs, a dim group to begin with. I wonder what her father would have thought of this.

  • I can’t stop laughing…the whole thing is justification and blame and cl just nailed her for what she is…great stuff…

    • But seriously…what a shit show. There’s so much disorder in there I don’t know where to begin….wow…
      Delusional level-expert

      • Yes the other woman clearly has a personality disorder. She doesn’t care how her actions are affecting everyone else as long as she gets what she needs from the affair to “feel whole again.” Sweets is over there in the corner interrupting their pizza party with her tears and shit. “Like OMG! What a buzz kill. Here are some Puffs. Just look the other way! The problem isn’t what we’re doing, it’s your reaction to it! If you keep looking all pathetic with those messy emotions, he’s only going to want me MORE. I can’t help it that your husband is so attracted to me. It’s not easy being fabulous. Don’t worry, I really don’t even want him.”

    • And Sweets, I send you the biggest hug ever. I can’t imagine what it was like to read this insanity and realize it’s been brought in as part of your reality. I am so sorry.
      It’s not my place to press my views on what surviving infidelity looks like to anyone (I too struggled with divorce because of my religion. Luckily STBX filed and took the burden off me.) but I think I speak for everyone here when I say that we would fully support you moving on as a single woman. You’ve clearly got so much to offer (even the OW admits that…straaaaaange) and you could have a new lease on life, the life you deserve.

      I’ll be thinking about you today.

      • Me, too. I’m sorry, Sweetz, that THIS is what your guy threw you over for: an idiot. I think if you look at it from just the right angle, though, you might see how poorly this reflects on him, that he would choose someone like this. And you might even realize that the flipside is that YOU are NOT like her, which is actually a good thing.

        It was comfort to me when I realized XH had chosen a 25-year-old waitress who spends all her day on Buzzfeed quizzes about which Game of Thrones character or dog breed she most resembles, and all her nights partying, because I was never gonna be that girl. Clearly, he wanted something different than an overeducated bookworm doctor, so a PickMe dance was never gonna work in my favor, thank god.

        Thank your lucky stars you are not this bubble-head, and try to take a little comfort in the knowledge that your shell of a man is not who you thought he was to be so easily taken in by such a creature as this.

        • You make an excellent point here about the OW, NWBiblio, one I can relate to as well. It’s much more productive to see that for whatever messed up reasons of his own, this ridiculous OW is what your H is into now. He’s shown his cards. It’s time to move on.

          Sending you a huge (((hug)))) Sweetz.

        • NWBIblio,

          “…you might see how poorly this reflects on him.”

          Never thought of this!! About 3 months after dday & 2 weeks after he filed (remember I was still in a state of shock), I called one his co-workers (we had been to dinner a few times at his home) & told him about OWhore. He was in disbelief saying no way, not her. I had this info because ex told me on dday. Apparently he didn’t even know that my ex was barking up her tree (and skirt), wining/dining her & buying jewelry or divorcing me for that matter. If anything I felt it made him question ex’s judgement.

          This co-worker was a few years older & bet he did question ex about her. This co-worker left Poland in 1980 & had to wait almost 5 years before his wife could come here, he wasn’t able to go back to Poland during that time. He often mentioned how much he loved her & she was a keeper because she waiting all that time to join him. Ex & I often talked about how great of a marriage they had.

        • NWB, after I met the skanky whore my x called his Dream Girl he was literally embarrassed. I sent him a text saying if that was what he was looking for all these years, I wished he just told me! I could never be THAT. If only they were honest. He is now living the dream shacked up in a shitty apartment with a disgusting whore. Now that the pain has subsided it is laughable. He found an inmate.

        • NWBiblio, you are so right. I’m another overeducated bookworm doctor/athlete. Jackass preferred someone who thinks the past tense of “see” is “seen” and spends her time pining after HGTV-style million-dollar homes, themed false fingernail, and overdone eye makeup. She’s dumb as a rock. But as my mother (the narcissist, bless her heart, and she should know) always said, “Water seeks its own level.”

        • I hear you, NWB. I could never be that girl/guy/homewrecker/prostitute my STBXH wanted me to be. And now that cheater STBXH has filed and the Court has repeatedly had its way with him (refused to be manipulated by him), he may never have the LIFE he wanted. I, fortunately and unexpectedly have been given the incredible opportunity to trade UP to a fabulous fellow (who is an old friend and also a chump)!

          Hope life improves for Sweetz soon.

  • OMG – I hope Sweetz had a good laugh at her expense, and freed herself from her stupid husband so he could have this utterly stoooopid girl.

    • Actually, I am frightened for my stepson…for him this is not a laughing matter. But as for my marriage, it is on the way out by the years end.

      • Hey Sweetz,

        I second, third and infinity what others are saying here. Glad the divorce is in hand.

        Having a child in the mix is awful, your own, or a step. All you can do is model decency and integrity. It sucks for kids-they were abused as badly as the spouse, yet society and the system coerce them into relationships with people who just.plain.suck.

        But you don’t and I am assuming the Chump Mother of your stepson is somewhere in this? If you have coparented over the years, then maybe you two should talk. The kid gets priority over the jerkwad and Miss CankerpantsDaddyIssuesJesusCreepPersonalityDonor.

        As do you.

        Love to Chump Nation, and to you, Sweetz! Tuesday will come.

        x-Meh

  • I think it’s good to communicate with these nitwit ow/on at least once. I know after I talked to the ow in my case, her rating on the Glamour meter went into the negative zone. From that point I was mostly pissed off that he picked such an inferior person to hold up as wonderful. No wonder she ate that shit up, cause none of the flattery/ high opinion has any basis in reality. Ugh, a true loser. As is he.

    • “From that point I was mostly pissed off that he picked such an inferior person to hold up as wonderful.”

      Never met OWhore but ex described her as skinny with 5 kids & no custody. He loved (use to love) women with curves & big boobs – wait that’s me. We also decided to not have kids early on in our marriage. I asked him point blank after dday if he regretted us having kids & he said no.

    • I kind of want to let him know that I am aware OW level of attractiveness isn’t high. Because I think he would be embarassed, and I remember when a really stupid young girl at work kept throwing herself at him. She was not liked by employees, and her level of maturity was not high. I just ignored it and waited. He discarded her, I think because I was willing to discard him, and nobody was impressed with this poor young girl. They did like me because I do have class.

      But we are no contact, and none of that should matter now. I just think if I had realized how skanky and fairly unattractive she was, I would have been much calmer about it, and he would of let it go. I don’t believe it’s about sex, its about points. But we shouldn’t have to put up with this immaturity. The girl in the letter is trying to play a head game. Let him know she did it, but don’t answer her. Wait till you get your ten years to leave and do it unceremoniously. It isn’t personal. It’s business. That girl needs to pay for her own therapy.

      • The Downgrade looks like a horse, got a purple Mowhawk for her 40th birthday, hasn’t worked a day in the past 15 years, dropped out of school, drinks every day, never isn’t stoned, is well known for her freeloading… the clue is in the name, really.

        Oh, and Sweetz? This email? Send it to stepkid’s Mom as well, maybe? And your lawyer.

      • I had a career when I met ex. When we got married he wanted me to stay at home with the kids. So I left my job and little by little I was becoming more dependent on him. Eventually, he gave me an “allowance “. Ho-wife is educated and told me that I wasn’t a real “sahm” and apparently I never worked a day in my life according to her (I know he told her that bs) I’ve worked since I was 15 yrs old. Since he left I found a great job that allows me to continue my education and be with my son after school. I’ll be graduating with two degrees next year and will be relocating once I do. Again she throws the fact that I was a sahm like I should be ashamed. After telling her for the umpteenth time that is was he who wanted me to stay home, I stopped trying to justify what I did for my family. She also refuses to believe that he refused to pay for my textbooks (I started school before their affair ) bc he “didn’t want me to go to school bc he thought I would find someone better than him). Then the pos cheats on me with a college educated whore who looks like a tranny destroying my self esteem in the process. Now they are married and she thinks she’s won. I’m patiently waiting for karma to hit them both.

  • What an entitled idiot. She’ll be sorry when some day someone feels entitled to take something of hers. Karma’s a bitch.

    • That’s exactly what I see. I see “Dear Sweetz: Blah, blah, blah, I’m selfish and don’t really care about anyone but myself, blah, blah, blah, Did I mention I’m very self absorbed? Blah, blah, blah.” I don’t even buy the daddy stuff, just more entitlement BS costumed in self pity.

        • It’s weird that she would admit it. I think she is doing reverse psychology. “Don’t leave him or make a big thing about this” actually means “leave him so we can reap the financial benefits.”

    • FlowerLady, screwing someone who reminds her of her daddy as a way if grieving his loss makes me think she rides her karma bus daily.

      • As do all APs. Look at Lewinsky-yeesh! The Downgrade’s karma is twofold: firstly she has to be herself, and, secondly, she gets to live with Mr Fab.

        Meh.

  • Sweetz…I forgot to say that your husband is just looking for stability and a cover for his debauchery. If he loved you and thought so greatly about you he would not hurt like this. It’s true, do you want to grow old with such a selfish buzzard? Nurturing and taking care of him? Making him puréed soups because he can’t chew after his stroke…maybe then he will stop gallivanting like don Juan.!

  • Time to see a divorce attorney and bring that letter with you! This woman is very unwell and so is the cheater!!!!! This is very sick indeed. Nothing will change. Infact it will get worse and worse. Serial cheater indeed.

  • Love it, Chump Lady. Oh, and I’m not buying the daddy issues. Aimee is as deep as a wading pool and has no real ability to care about anyone other than herself. She uses “daddy passed away a year ago…I’m so saddd” so that she can play up her victim status. I’d be willing to bet when he was alive that she cared no more for her dad than she did her ex-husband, Sweetz’s husband, or anyone for that matter. Her heart is dark and empty.

    • Ohthisagain, I get the feeling that the OW misses Daddy cause she used his deep pockets! She has just moved on to another deep pocket and screwing him is the way she is able to get what she wants! I mean gosh! Somebody has to pay for her pizza!!!

    • Exactly what I was thinking! OW is using daddy as an excuse for sympathy – poor me, my father passed away, WAHHHH. Now let me get away with WTFever I want to do.

  • Why is it that all OW use the excuse that he Pursued me? As if that makes a difference!! They could Always say NO but choose not to. By the way to all the OW out there, Did you ever ask yourself why a married man would approach you in the first place? Here’s some answers: flirting, damsel in distress, or you were just plain garbage!! Let’s face it a man who enters into an affair does not have Standards and seeks out someone lower than himself.

    • OM like to say “it ain’t my fault she wanted it.”
      Same playbook, different gender!

      Aimee shits too close to the house !

    • I agree Michele. I find the whole “who-pursued-who” argument tiresome anyway. People with integrity don’t seek out affairs and also would never consider opening themselves up to an affair. And really, is it like we’re assigning a higher level of fault to one or the other? He pursued her so that makes him 60% to blame, whereas she’s only 40% to blame? Or is it a 70/30 split? 80/20? Nope. Regardless of who made the first move, both parties in the affair are in it together.

      • Oh stupid us it’s really our fault!!! Lmao!! It’s a matter of who pulled the trigger, or who drove the get away car! Same difference!! You see when you know your wrong about something you will look to blame anyone or anything to Justify your actions!! Takes a lot of integrity to say I made a choice, not a mistake, I take Full responsibility , No one is to Blame but Me, and my selfishness. But wait we’re talking about Cheaters here who don’t have integrity !!

        • Michele I fully agree with everything you have written. Also let me add to your comments (if you don’t mind) we all have FREE WILL and we all have the right to walk away when any married person (male/female) starts on the sorry fake stories about how the marriage is not working for them. Sadly so many of these AP are the same type of thought process as the cheaters. We are living in a increasing level of NPD world now sadly. Still no excuse just to know the basic level of right and wrong in this world. Sadly all these people just know one word and that is ME, ME, and oh yes ME……

  • Astonishing. Just amazing at what passes for human beings these days.
    I am sorry for Sweetz. I know just how destabilizing it can be to have a long term marriage and all you thought was worth your love dissolve in a sleaze bucket.

    Sweetz – you deserve better than a man who would pick this idiot – hope you are on your way out the door.

  • According to Sweetz comments yesterday, Aimee is also fucking Sweetz’s stepson, which just amplifies the creepiness and incest factor on both the husband and Aimee’s parts by about 5000%

    I can summarize this letter much more succinctly: “I’m a complete nutjob and bimbo and I’m going to continue fucking your husband until I get bored with him and move on to someone else. You should thank me.”

    • Okay, that is really gross, really disordered. How gross for them. Do men like to share? I know women don’t. That sounds like an episode of Californication.

      • Or Jerry Springer. Here the funny ends!

        I am assuming then, this kid is of age? There is nothing you can save here, Sweetz, except yourself.If not, go directly to Child Protection Services, do not pass go, and tell the Mom.

        • The stepson is 21 and Aimee is 24, so if she wasn’t such a complete nutcase, they would be much more appropriate for each other as partners than Sweetz’s husband.

          • Again sounds like a bad episode of Californication. Hank sleeps with Karen’s future 16 year old stepdaughter who proceeds to punch him n the face during sex. Too much familiarity going on.

    • Sweetz, document, document, document. Pretty sure your STBX won’t want the creepy “Aimee sleeping with father and son” stuff to get into the public domain.

  • Fascinating.

    I disagree with CL, though. The whole “reminds me of my dead father” thing is just an excuse. It’s a morbidly convenient rationalization that this woman uses to justify her terrible behavior. IMO, she’s no more messed up than any other OW/OM, except that she has the stones to write to Sweetz.

    Speaking of stones…

    I know a woman (a former friend), L, who cheated on her husband for 3.5 years with a colleague (who was also married). She and her AP made some homemade videos! And when the AP decided he wanted out and to re-commit to the marriage (at least for a few weeks), L sent the videos to the AP’s wife. The logic here appears to be to hurt the wife and force the AP back into L’s arms. L regularly writes to the AP’s wife, calling her all sorts of names and belittling her ability to keep her man satisfied.

    Of course, none of this involved’s L’s own husband: a 6-foot-3, muscular, ruggedly handsome engineer and do-it-yourself handyman. He was a chump for almost 4 years before filing for divorce. And to this day, L insists that she wants him back.

    Of course she does! Cheaters and their APs have plenty of wants. Too many wants, if you ask me.

  • OMG. That was actually hard to read and really hard for a sane person to wrap their head around. I often wonder how people like that get through the world. On the other hand, she explained the answer to that question very well. I feel sorry for her in a way. She will never be happy because her perceived source of happiness is from other people. In this case outwardly ruining the lives of others. It’s really sad our culture (and others) has become this.

    • I only have sadness for Sweety. No empathy whatsoever for someone who sleeps with a married man, his son and taunts a victim of a use. Boundaries are in full force for this chump. Selflessness and forgiveness are two qualities narcs exploit. This is unimaginable, I feel for you Sweety.

    • Well, what happens next?

      According to Divorcesource.com, “The refined divorce rate – the number of divorces per 1,000 married woman – includes only those people at risk of divorce, so social scientists and demographers see it as preferable to the crude rate. Using this routine, the divorce rate ranged from a low of 14.3 in North Dakota to a high of 34.5 in Washington, D.C., for a national average of 19.4, according to National Center for Family and Marriage Research. Using this regime, in 2008, divorce fell from a rate of 17 divorces per 1,000 married women in 2007 to 16.9 per 1,000 married women.”

      Rates of marriage and commitment are going down quite a bit.

      Source: “http://www.divorcesource.com/ds/main/u-s-divorce-rates-and-statistics-1037.shtml”

      Divorce rates are lower, but so is the number of people getting married.

      The lifetime likelihood of divorce is still at roughly 1/3, and the biological fact of motherhood against the less powerful interdependency of fatherhood makes many poor societies matriarchal, in a bad way.

      • These stats need to be seen in relation to demographics. Average age for marriage is going up. And the recession and economic collapse that hit in 2007-8 as well as high student loan debt makes it tougher for young people to get established.

      • What does this have to do with anything? I fail to see what the point of a bunch of out-of-context statistics about divorce sprinkled with a topping of biological deterministic sexism is for this given situation. Is this some kind of enfeebled push for her to not divorce this asshole?

  • Aimee,
    Honey, your Daddy was an ugly, sick bastard. Move on.
    He didn’t really love you. His death is a good opportunity for you to let go. Bad fathers teach bad values. What you have is a rotting bucket of fish guts where there ought to be a little steel.
    Your Dad walked through life ignoring life’s dangers and the hole in the living room floor.
    You will never be whole by visiting your dead father. He doesn’t care about your sweet intentions and your true needs. Please, let him go.
    Practice your ‘goodbyes’. Walk away.

    Sincerely,
    SMH

    • // ,

      The UBT works in reverse, too, you know, for those who choose to so use it.

      I suspect that anything short of an outright court order reads as “Attention attention attention attention.”

      For this,

      “Aimee,
      Honey, your issues are real, and hurt you a lot. We pay attention to them, and to you.
      This message, here, is about you, and how pitiful your childhood must have been. His death is a good opportunity for you to call attention to your plight, and how it can never be made right, because there are people willing to argue the opposite, and thereby pay attention to you. Your bad values are not your responsibility. What you have is a rotting bucket of fish guts where there ought to be a little steel, and this is to blame for the bad things you do.
      Your Dad walked through life ignoring life’s dangers and the hole in the living room floor.
      You will never be whole by visiting your dead father, but damned if you can’t find people who will pay attention to the problems you create when you try. He doesn’t care about your sweet intentions and your true needs. Please, let him go, in a way that leaves the door open for skipping responsibility from future problems.
      Practice your ‘goodbyes’, but also practice your I-had-a-hard-childhood face for when things go wrong.

      Someone willing to give you attention,
      SMH”

      The real kibble factories are not out in the wide world, or in anyone’s mind. The kibble converters in the hearts of people who see the world that way.

      When you have a hammer, every problem becomes a nail. When you have an army, every problem becomes a war. When you have a dumpster heart, everything it feels turns to garbage.

      • // ,

        Oh, oh, I forgot to add, “Your issues are a part of what makes you such a complex, unpredictable, interesting, real person.”

  • I can’t stop laughing! The family pet…bahahahahahaha. Love this CL. Now just get the husband to tell this OW “you remind me of my daughter. Let’s have sex!” and see how that goes over. She needs a really good shrink, not a humpbuddy. Freud would be so pleased.

  • “So I suppose that this means that I should expect to experience the same kind of waxing and waning from him also in due time. But I am willing to enjoy the relationship in spite of the risks and for however long it lasts.”

    Translation:

    I am will to enjoy the relationship because I AM JUST LIKE HIM.

    Two completely amoral jackasses found each other. Nothing new here.

    I would not wait to hand him this letter. I would give it to him now. I can’t imagine anything more embarrassing then to realize your lover thinks of you as their dad or mother. Puke.

  • Sweetz,

    Please remove yourself from this triangle. It is time to protect yourself from people who do not deserve you. I know that it is easier said than done, but nothing is more soul crushing than the reality you are living now. Free yourself from the crazy!!

    SmmGood

  • What a pathetic and broken person. Cut him loose and let her have everything she wants. She clearly cares a lot about him! Take this letter to your attorney– Pronto. You do not need your loser husband nor this kind of crazy in your life.

    • // ,

      I don’t know, for a pathetic person, she seems to have participated in the causing of quite a bit of damage.

      For someone with such poor judgement and critical thinking skills, she has, in fact, made quite a mark on the world she lives in. I imagine there’s not actually all that much to even break in the first place, and her heart seems basically invincible. Broken might not be quite the word, though I suppose I understand what you mean.

  • O M G! This is a fallen world. We chumps however do not have to fall with it!!!! God has better plans for all of us. Look away Aimee. Walk away Aimee. Get what you need financially, divorce, and be free to LOVE YOURSELF!!!!

  • Sweetz, not only does your husband show complete contempt for you by cheating in the first place but he has invited THIS kind of person into your life. He has made you an active PARTICIPANT and if you stay with him, then you are a WILLING participant. I think you should KNOW deep down in your soul that this is not what you desire or deserve. I hope you take action to leave this sleaze and the cra-cra riff-raff he has brought into your life. Big Hugs. Be brave. Be happy. Be FREE.

  • The OW is twenty-five years younger than the husband, not 25 years old. Sweetz says her husband is 62, the OW around 40. Plus she says the OW is also fucking the husband’s 24 year old son to boot! So she’s 37 years old, fucking a 62 year old and a 24 year old. Maybe she thinks it all levels out and there’s a guy her own age in there somewhere.

    • I’m 43. I have had men in their sixties make a pass, but the idea grosses me out. It won’t gross me out when I am sixty, it’s just too big An age difference for me. I have also had men as young as 19 make a pass. I thought it was cute, but no way! My son is 19. I’m not weird, right?

      • I’ve seen a few relationships with a bit of a gap in age work but like you the ewww factor cranks up with the age difference of over 10 years. I’d happily date a 42 or 62 year old if they were honest decent men and we were mutually compatible with interests and comparative attractiveness. I’ve always believed like attracts like (so I’m not Brad Pitt worthy but definitely not out of shape slob worthy either!)

        • Brad Pitt, eeeewwwwwwww haven’t you noticed he’s growing uglier every year? Cheaters are all the same, no matter what they spin. Give me an honest man, that is real beauty.

  • Oh my GOD that was so saccharine I think my tea over sweetened itself just by me sitting here reading her letter.

    That girl has no fucking clue what she’s talking about. Seriously. She’s in deeeeeeep denial about how serious her issues are, and she has the audacity to basically “advise” Sweetz to pretty much just let him keep fucking her until either he’s picked a new target or she’s done with him is one of the most arrogant and entitled things I have ever heard. The fact that she has the ego to think she’s in any place to “advise” Sweetz of ANYTHING for that matter is entitled in and of itself. This girl has her head so far up her own ass that pizza she got from him is clogging her ears as it comes down her throat…

    The minute I read the part(s) about how he reminds her of her father, I wanted to vomit. Freud would be choking on his pipe with this one. Holy. Shit. Men who look like/remind me of my father stay FAR, FAR, FAAAARRRRRRR away from my bedroom. She doesn’t need to just keep letting them “be friends” (yeah…ok, ‘Friends’) until he moves on to the next, she needs to be sitting in a shrink’s office.

    If I were to respond with anything to this drivel, I’d just send her back a link to this UBT post. XD Then ignore whatever inevitable sob stories come from it.

    Oh, yeah, and divorce this asshole.

    Hey, Aimee, I’d “advise” you to keep out of the beds of married men and figure out why the image of your dead father turns you on. You got far more problems than you’re willing to acknowledge here and absolutely NO ROOM to be even breathing the same air as Sweetz. Also, you might want to look at what caused you to become divorced at the ripe old age of 25. Seems like you’ve made a lot of bad choices, you might want to change course, eh?

    • Sweetz can’t do that – she’s waiting until the end of the year to file, which is very smart of her. If she lets on to anyone about this post then it could get back to her husband what her strategy is and ruin her chance to get her well-deserved SS benefits. There should be SOME compensation to having ever married her lousy cheater in the first place. It will be hard for her to get through the next months, but it would be really foolish to show her hand now. There’s been enough unfairness for her already.

      Sweetz, you have my sympathy for your situation. This OW’s evil flaunting heart is shocking. She really has no shame whatsoever.

      God has a real and kind and honorable man somewhere for you.

  • Here’s a plot twist, the affair partners usually are dumber than bricks. Aimee just confirmed what we all knew about AP’s. And CL didn’t break a sweat tearing her bumbling apart and shining the truth all over it.

    Really, were we expecting more from an AP? Seriously, it’s so illustrative of the mentality, we shouldn’t be shocked there are people that actually buy this garbage as valid. Which is why the posts from the last several days are just circling the same drain. All those morons on loveshack or whatever site it was slamming CL, THIS is what you’re protecting. A mental midget with daddy issues.

    This might be the only sane place left in the world. Where stupid is as stupid does and the morons are called morons for a reason. God bless CL for continuing to expose this stupidity.

    • I agree Scott. My ex husband was so fond of telling me how smart and strong his MOW was. I told him that smart women don’t screw other women’s husbands and if she were truly strong then she could stand on her own two feet instead of chumping her husband while humping my husband! Strong women don’t need to line up the next sucker to take care of them!

        • When the husband refers to the MOW as smart and strong he’s probably referring to the times that the MOW and him plot their future together and she tells him how great he is and how he deserves better than his poor old chump wife. She would never treat him that way. She’s so smart and strong. Cheaters are dicks like that. It’s always about them. Always.

          • One time I asked Jackass what he saw in XW#2, since by his account she was the spawn of Satan, unattractive, nasty, narcissistic (blah blah). He said, “She has good genes.” He must have forgotten about that because he went on to talk about how disturbed her parents were and how his stepson was unhealthy and had a low IQ. So they just make stuff up.

    • Reading that letter certainly sheds light on the vacuum inside an AP’s head. I always wondered what was going on inside there, now I know. Absolutely nothing!! Aimee is just a big bundle of impulses. There’s no rational thought inside.

        • Scott, Damn straight! Sex is best when there is reciprocity, healthy relationships require this. That was missing in mine. Healthy respect, communication, shared goals, reciprocity, and time together. Oh, and great sex! 🙂 With my Cheater ex, the sex, like everything else, got worse not better. Wasted years waiting for ex to realize he had it all….(even with life challenges spelling it out, he never “got it.”) There is no saving Stupid.

          • A man I really respected (since passed) said “You can’t outsmart stupidity.” I just love it, how true is that? Why bother trying?

    • After reading everyone’s post it seems that the majority of OW have daddy issues. Ex’s ho-wife was 23..they met in Jan and he left in march. Her daddy passed away and my ex is 10 yrs older than she. Both cheaters have also used the same exact lines on me. It seriously blows my mind.

  • I loved my dad very much luckily my dad was an honorable, honest, faithful, reasonable, non judgmental person and I would love to find a partner who the morals and character of my dad. That by no means I would want to marry someone just like my dad or would have sexual fantasies about him. I’m glad I had a dad that I could look up to and that showed me how a man should treat me. Now if I could find a man that was raised the same way, lol

    With all that said as a disclaimer, lol I wonder if her dad isn’t rolling over in his grave!

    • I too believe we look for familiar great qualities in those we partner with. IMHO in healthy (and unhealthy) families the opposite sex parent does influence a person’s choices in a mate (ie my son will fall in love with a witty strong optimistic brunette like me while my daughters will focus on partners who are educated, charming, hard workers, though they may also be attracted to the exact opposite!). I believe we are also greatly influenced by our same sex parent. I recognized Mom’s strengths and weaknesses and was very intentional with my own family. I wanted better, but not all good traits ended up well, as I suspect many of us now know. However, after having been Chumped, you can bet my kids will be looking at actions and how someone makes them feel….

  • Eeeewww. My father died when I was thirty, and I never had any interest in a man, then, now, or ever due to him reminding me of my dad. Eeew, just eeew. Sick bitch.

    • Yes. My dad died 11 years ago and I miss him still, but I’m not looking for a boyfriend who reminds me of him. In fact, I’d have a hard time fucking a guy who reminded me of my dad. Aimee has serious issues.

  • Carol, cheaters aren’t really into screening their ho’s for much of anything. Let’s face it if they are willing to have unprotected sex with a stranger while they are possibly drunk and/or on drugs, its always a pass. The ones who fail are the ones with dignity and morals. Cheaters are really not that intelligent when it comes to OW in my opinion. Anything will do.

    Sweetz, my heart goes out to you for having to tolerate having this seriously abusive, mentally ill woman in you life. Please, stay away with this evil woman and have no contact with her. She is so seriously desturbed and is gaining such pleasure taunting you. Please protect yourself.

    • Yeah, that’s true. They will cheat with just about anything but they will swear the AP was something special. Meanwhile, they have a perfectly normal, sane, loving, decent spouse. It makes no sense.

    • Bingo. Cheaters screen their prey for vulnerability. Aimee is exactly what he was looking for. Only problem is that cheaters that do not want to divorce will have a really hard time trying to extricate themselves from sick partners once they are finished with them.

      • Dingding! Is that the karma bus I hear?

        I hope you can get away from the crazy. I moved 8,000 miles in the end. Not looking back.

        • Yes, but cheater pants VIEWS her as being vulnerable…remember, it was I who got the letter…although he will get it once I have already filed and left. He goes after women who appear to be broken (easy prey), and the first thing out of Aimee’s mouth when she was bring treasures into his store to sell was her grief for her father and that my husband reminded her of him. So, my husband took advantage of those facts and began to cultivate her for himself.

  • I sensed a subtext of superiority and desperation going on that says that even though he has cheated before, this dimwit things she’s Something Special and is willing to take a gamble because really, the same thing won’t happen with her. She gives lip service to being hip and clued in to the situation and says she plans to discard him eventually, but something tells me she is dancing really hard in hopes this guy will pick her. My bet is that if he asked her, she would shack up with him in a New York minute. But he has made it clear that he has an awesome wife that he doesn’t intend to leave, so she is trying to pretend that it doesn’t bother her. But she really, really, really wants him to pick her. Sad and desperate and juvenile.

  • I smell some serious personality disorder underneath all the bullshit. That letter creeped me out… there are a lot of veiled threats there, lots of delusion and sadism hidden underneath pseudo-concern and benevolent advice. I thought of the bunny-boiling OW in Fatal Attraction. I think Sweetz’s cheating husband might have bitten off more than he can chew with that one.

  • I think this letter encapsulates the reason so many APs are young: they’re all still “playing the field.” They haven’t yet realized there’s a time when people STOP playing the field and want to settle down and have a solid and predictable life. It’s a lot more challenging to trip in & out of superficial relationships when you’re 50 than when you’re 25, or at least I’ve found it a lot more difficult.

    I shudder at the dim-bulb perspective of this young woman, so clueless while spouting her “wisdom”. Eventually her looks will run out and she’ll find herself older, and when HER husband leaves her for a younger woman, she’ll see how that feels. Oh, to be able to peer into our own futures….

    • I agree with you… My first impression is that the woman is just young and not very bright to say the least. She is also very manipulable because reading between the lines, one understands she has been to a church to justify her own behaviour, and she now is sprinkling her poor litterature with a lot of “God” words that she clearly doesn’t understand. Trying to sound psychologically mature and failing miserably. In a couple of years, she will have forgotten the whole story just like a bad movie.
      But the husband… What is he thinking ? That he can have sex with anyone as he pleases and easily fall back on his feet at his age ? That his soul can handle this level of betrayal and the ridicule of the situation ? Are these cheaters so delusional, that they believe they are creating themselves a bright and exceptional future ? Or maybe, they don’t think. They just enjoy the moment, the exhilarating feeling of being young again during this pitiful sexual act, and then they pretend to ignore the cramps.

      • Yeah, I don’t know how this isn’t the start of a bad lifetime habit, right? I mean, why would he do it once, get away with it, then go back to his “old life” … and never do it again? Seems incredibly less realistic than thinking, “Hmm, well, when I get bored in the future, I’ll just do it again with someone else.” Trust shattered.

    • She’s not young…. she’s 25 years younger than Sweetz’s husband, she’s not 25. He’s in his 60s so she’s in her late 30s or early 40s. That makes her a lot scarier, IMHO.

      • Really ??? She sounds like a teenager ! Yes, this is a lot scarier then ! Her brain is underdeveloped or something

    • If this is playing the field… it is playing the mine field… Anyone who can write this letter, fuck father and son, send this letter, is an explosive disordered device ready to blow up anyone who comes near her. Sweetz, gather your ducks, play your own hand and ever so carefully step away from this shit storm. There is no hope for anyone involved in this little cluster fuck. I think she is of the fatal attraction persuasion too.

  • Wow… I thought the Shiny New Girlfriend Mr. Hanecita picked out was nuts, but this one…. Wow…..She’s certified Crazy.

  • Hmmm … Clearly Aimee sent this email to poor Sweetz in the belief that there was something redemptive in what she had to say. And this is the mindboggling thing – that she composed this shite and went ‘yep, that’ll explain it all and Sweetz won’t think I’m sleazy anymore, she’ll read my words, realise I’m not after actually taking her man, just want to borrow him for a while, then she can have him back. Just like sharing a dildo, really – and what’s wrong with that?’

    Oh Sweetz, I so hope you showed this email to the idiot who masquerades as your husband.

      • … Even if he is telling himself it’s ‘just a fling’ – Aimee makes it clear that she sees him as no better than a ‘thing’, a means to an end (a bizarrely sick way to regain mental health???) and destined to be kicked to the kerb when/if she finds a younger model (and anyway, she has no intention of ever having to change his diapers or spoon-feed him his pureed dinners – no, she fully concedes that delightful right to Sweetz).

        Sweetz I so hope you tell him that in sharing his bobbly bits with miss daddy-chaser there, he sacked you from the elderly care duty and, as dear Aimee makes it clear she balks at the idea of the job, he’s pretty much stuffed himself for his twilight years. Stupid old bastard. Seems he’s left it late in life to be learning about consequences.

    • Jayne,

      Your ‘sharing a dildo’ remark has probably done more to get me to Meh than anything else I can think of.

  • The part about the dog was the very best in this award winning translation of Aimee’s crap. I spit my coffee out at that

    • Oh Sweetz, pls clean him out in the divorce and END her sugar train….if not for anything … Just because she wrote u this letter… Show her what mighty can do….

  • Dear Sweetz,
    I don’t know you – but everyone on this site knows something of your situation. I could talk about the funny, caustic and perfect UBS translation Chump Lady provided (spot on as usual!) and we could all have a very bitter, very deserved laugh at this slunt’s letter to you.

    But……I’m not. Instead – I put to you – WHY??? Why in God’s name (and the context of the OW letter would indicate that you, your husband and the slunt are all “Evangelical” churched types) are you still living with this man? He is bringing you nothing but betrayal, heartache, STDS (if you are still having sex with him) and embarrassment. Because – as one who also in an strong churched network – believe me – you are being talked about and tsked over and prayed over…..all with a dollop of schadenfreude because every woman in your church world is thanking God it’s not her and her husband.

    Is that what you want for your life? To be the object of pity and more than a little snideness? This Amiee is dripping with disrespect and condescension toward you. Where do you think she is getting that attitude from? The main source is your man – the one you seem so willing to put up with that you are now trying to “heal” the marriage.

    Sweetz – it takes two to heal a marriage – and he’s not in there. He’s using you for comfort and because at his age he’s terrified of losing status in his church community and especially being left alone. Believe me – if he thought this broad would actually put up with him long term – he’d have moved out and be ready to ditch you like month old Chinese food in the frig. But he’s NOT sure of her – so he wants cake, cake cake…and you are – frankly – stupid and desperate enough to oblige him.

    And I know I might tick off the uber religious types here – but all this talk of God being the one to judge? The best, most useful excuse to the Christian cheater or anyone of bad behavior. I want to fuck around? Well who are you or anyone to judge me? Let me do what I want – be happy you have me at all and leave me to God to figure out when I’m dead. To quote the great Ron Burgundy “I FEEL LIKE I’M TAKING CRAZY PILLS!” I do believe that bigger judgment is out there – but I think God gave us a brain and a moral compass to JUDGE: judge what is right/wrong/good/bad and who should be allowed in our lives if they are completely morally off the rails with no atonement or repentance in sight. Just because God judges does NOT mean that we should sit back and take it like the submissive in a moral S & M relationship. HE’S NOT CHANGING – HE’S STILL FUCKING HER – AND NOW HE’S GOT HER SENDING YOU LETTERS TELLING YOU HOW TO LIVE YOUR LIFE SO YOU CAN KEEP THIS ASSHOLE PRIZE OF THE CENTURY.

    I was where you are – children grown, happy life, golden couple by everyone’s standards. Only to find out he’d been cheating for at least the last 7 years of our marriage. I won’t lie – I would have tried to save the relationship. I loved him that much. But 6 months into our separation the REALITY and the EVIDENCE was so overwhelming that I realized he’d actually been checked out of my life for a long time. So the love of my life became my enemy. And I fought, clawed, maneuvered every aspect of this last, horrible chapter of “us” until he bled as much as I could possibly make him bleed. And then I was done. And five years later? He’s married to the OW who was last in the cheaters lineup and he still doesn’t believe nor will admit that anything he did was wrong. “I guess I just handled the end a little badly” is the most he will acknowledge.

    Unless you secretly like this situation, or are more motivated by security, status and status quo than by your own discomfort and heartbreak – divorce this ungodly douchebag. You have a business, you have talent – and that husband of yours is – to paraphrase St. Paul “a body of death” that you need to cut yourself free of. If you don’t – it’s not on Aimee or your husband and certainly not God – IT’S ON YOU!

    It’s up to you.

    • Thanks for your support. I have already passed through the heartache starting from the first year of our “marriage” and forward. By then, he had already spent my $100K and additionally, drove us into $270K of credit card debt a year later. I filed bankruptcy and after 3 years it was finally discharged. Porn, flirting, heavy drinking and God knows what else already sent me through and beyond the emotional knot holes. Now I am at peace and I know what I plan to do. The end of this year marks 10 years and that is when I take my leave of this charade. All of our assets are sunk into our property, so there will be no “hidden” assets that he can take from me. I run credit checks on him to make sure there is no debt that I will be responsible for, and am collecting all financial records for my lawyer. Just biding time.

  • The two subtexts I see are 1) I am a “good” other woman because I am honest and am telling you what I intend, including the fact that I don’t plan to “take” your husband away from you so you needn’t worry. And, 2) I have no conscience and do whatever I please, so if I change my mind and decide that your husband might provide financial stability or healthcare coverage or some other bauble that I could only get through marrying him, I’d go back on my word in a flash, but, of course, I’m hoping to find a younger, wealthier dupe eventually.

    Please, Sweetz, run don’t walk to a divorce lawyer.

  • “You can have him back after I feel whole again.”

    That is hysterical!

    Aimee’s just using him like he’s using her so why is Sweetz so being selfish? Can’t she just look away for the good of everyone? I mean, if Sweetz had just given him more variety he would never have been vulnerable. So really, it’s Sweetz’ fault that all this happened. She should just go sit alone in her house and be thankful that the affair will be over soon. After all, her husband could be screwing someone a lot worse. And it’s not Sweetz’ job to judge. Why is she being so judgemental?

  • I believe it is ALL about delusion. For the disordered serial cheater, there are only two standards 1) must be easy to obtain, and 2) must be gullible. There can be no end to the variation, because the cheater will do anyone who is willing. The cheater thinks that he/she is “Super-Sexual” — needs are far beyond the “normal mortal”. I believe the truly disordered will do anyone, big or small, fat or thin, any race, any religion or lack thereof. CL may have good reason to be concerned about the family pet. The disordered cheater just needs to be “serviced.”

    Not all cheaters are completely disordered, of course. Some may just be using sex like a balm to sooth their troubles away. Some may be truly attracted to a person they should not have a relationship with, and then they make the selfish choice that their wants and desires are more important than other people’s wants and desires. There may be some who are unable to calculate the true costs of illicit relations. This one doesn’t understand that you don’t borrow a husband like you might borrow a cup of sugar, or an ink pen. She doesn’t understand that the wife may not want him back after she knows where he has been and what he has been doing.

    I think I was delusional when I thought “it was a mistake” or when I thought “he must have an illness” and that I would be able to fix whatever was wrong. Fortunately, my common sense came back and reclaimed my brain.

    I also think it is interesting that the prior history of cheating, as well as the knowledge that the cheater is willing to cheat now, does not concern the partner, and this one even acknowledges that he will move on to another, and this won’t last long. I wonder how many “daddies” she will have before she figures it out, or if she ever will?

    • “I believe the truly disordered will do anyone, big or small, fat or thin, any race, any religion or lack thereof. CL may have good reason to be concerned about the family pet. The disordered cheater just needs to be “serviced.” ”

      When my ex admitted that he had fucked hundreds of other men at gay bath houses and similar such places, he actually told me that he had found many of the men to be ugly or repulsive, but he had fucked them anyway. He said something very similar to what Portia wrote: that he’d fucked black men, white men, old men, young men, fat men, thin men. It really didn’t matter — it was all about the quick sex with some anonymous guy. I don’t think his attitude towards the women he fucked was any different, but there weren’t as many of those.

      • The gay male community is different like that. That’s what I’ve been told by my male, gay friends. But not all of them are like that, and some find it repulsive.

        I for one, just don’t get it. Sex is personal to me, but I guess it isnt to everyone, and maybe that’s not a morality thing. The gay men I know that did this, sometimes felt bad about it, but not too bad. It was kind of understood among them. But they are also capable of falling in love just like we are, and then the rules change.

        So… finding a partner on the same page you are can be difficult. Getting them to committ for life also difficult. Lying is unacceptable.

        • True, but my ex claims to be STRAIGHT. I would actually have a little bit of respect for him if he would come out and admit that he is gay, not say that he’s been “cured” and now just wants a nice Christian woman.

  • “He seems to love the Lord and believes that he will be disciplined appropriately if and when that time arrives.”

    Umm, no. The Bible is very clear that if you really love God then you OBEY His teachings! One of those teachings is to NOT commit adultery.

    “Keep what you have, look the other way, and let God be the Judge.”

    The Bible says otherwise on this one as well (see I Cor 5). We ARE to JUDGE people claiming to be Christians who act in flagrant disregard to what the Bible/Jesus taught. This includes adulterers and adulteresses who–like Aimee and the cheating husband–are hell-bent on continuing in adultery. To do otherwise is to be complicit in their spiritual destruction as well as enabling their sin.

    In general, I found Aimee’s moral/spiritual education extremely lacking on top of the Daddy issues.

    • Love your post. The ow who pushed her way in my life told me : do not judge or you too shall be judged, whoever is without sin cast the first stone etc etc, she couldn’t believe I was angry with her!!! First words out of her mouth to me I’m a Christian woman, my words to her : Well if your what a Christian woman is I rather be an atheist!!!! She was by the way my neighbor! Like the bible says: love your neighbor….LOL

    • I’m going to use the quote from the Bible that you posted to her.. File this Big Time under JESUS CHEATERS!!!

    • Typical Jesus cheater talk, they are all the same. During his affair, my ex was always talking about how he needed a “good Christian woman to go to church with him.” It didn’t seem to bother him that the “good” Christian woman was already married to someone else. To this day, my ex uses my being Jewish as one of the primary reasons our marriage ended. He conveniently glosses over his staggering level of infidelity, but goes on and on that he needs a believer like himself.

      And of course, the ultimate line from the Jesus cheater, “Jesus has forgiven me, why can’t you?” My ex would always add that he had forgiven HIMSELF, so there must be something wrong with me for not forgiving him right away.

      • What a moron. I’m sure there are many people who fall in love & decide not to marry because of religious differences. And others know there will be issues, but go through with the marriage committed to working those differences out and accepting each other as is. How could it be a deal breaker all of a sudden if he was fine with it from the beginning? Just more BS, not owning up to the real reason the marriage failed; solely because of him.

      • “Jesus has forgiven me, why can’t you?” And this is why, when anyone says I am a Christian… my arms start waving Danger Will Robinson, Danger Will Robinson… IMHO, (all of you nice Christians can beat me up here and now) about 50% of the Christians I meet use this excuse for doing just the most horrendous things.

        • Ringin–I love, love, love the Lost in Space referral!! I said exactly the same thing about my limbic system’s response to cheater after D-day: “Danger Will Robinson. Danger!”

        • My Ex’s Ho-worker has the Jesus statue on her front lawn, just to let the world know what a great gal she is. And probably reminds her she is forgiven as she “cums & goes.”

      • GladIt’sOver–they always pick what we will be most vulnerable about, and use that to justify their sick behavior. For you, it was your religion. For my cheater, it was that the cupboards were too full and he didn’t like clutter. In Stupid Shit Cheaters say, it runs the gamut from “you didn’t play board games with me, “You’re so independent I didn’t think you needed all of me.”

        Blameshifting and mindfuckery, all of it.

      • Were you not Jewish when your marriage began? Shows what a liar he is then. And as for being forgiven already, do have a look at Divorce Minister’s blog on what BS that is

    • Yes, the Bible is very clear that Christians are not to judge people outside of the church. But “expel the immoral brother”.

      The idea is that you are more condemned if you know the right thing to do and continue to do wrong.

  • My goodness, the UBT must be made of strong stuff if it’s still operational after feeding this letter through.

  • The best part must be when Sweetz shares the letter with Cheater. He’ll be mighty impressed with Whore’s view of him.

  • The husband is happy sitting on the fence, having his cake and eating it to.
    I think the wife should take her cake with her.

  • Sweetz, get your running shoes on and run to your lawyer’s office and file for divorce. Give your attorney a copy of that letter Aimee sent you! That’s your proof of infidelity and your leverage for a nice settlement from the nut job you are married to! Once divorced, run in the opposite direction should you happen to see your ex heading your way! You deserve better! As for his poor son, survival of the fittest! Hopefully he’s no fool and he’ll pull the plug on his “relationship” with this over the hill woman!

  • Wow! What a workout for the poor UBT!

    Sweetz-you insinuated in your later posts that you were getting your ducks in a row to get away from this crap weasel. I hope you are for your own benefit. This woman err creature seems a little too grandiose and very worrisome. I don’t think it’s normal to send a letter like that to the betrayed spouse of the person you’re consorting with in said betrayal.

    Nothing about infidelity or affair partners is normal but this is even a little too wonky for that group. Your husband invited that level of craziness into your lives which doesn’t speak volumes about him. Whatever it takes for you to line up those ducks, please do it quickly.

    Sending jedi hugs your way.

    • Yes, Aimee sounds seriously imbalanced. I hope Sweetz is being very careful, because I think there is trouble ahead.

  • I don’t buy any of it. At one time, I would have read this letter and taken it at face value, thinking yes, this woman is a delusional nut. But after much more experience than I ever wanted with manipulative people, I really think that’s all this is; an attempt at manipulation.

    My first question is what was her purpose in sending this? Taken at face value, it appears she wants to hurt Sweetz, to let Sweetz know “the truth”, to antagonize. I think it’s all a manipulation. I think she’s trying to use reverse psychology. If I tell Sweetz she should keep him till I’m done with him, that’ll really piss her off. She’ll want to dump him, etc, etc… Maybe the husband is in on it (the letter, that is)…

    Of course, we all want Sweetz to dump this guy for her own good, and she absolutely should. But so does little Miss Freudian. It gives a new mind twist when you figure out these peoples’ true motives. Just my 2 cents.

    • KK you may very well be right. But the end result should be the same. Why would Sweetz want him back? The most obvious thing about all this is that she would ge best to go NC and get a good settlement.

    • KK, it’s so difficult to apply logic to such a disordered individual. It feels like such a cat and mouse game. Not only can I play with your husband, I take pleasure in playing with you. This woman is enjoying it on both ends. I doubt this is her first time destroying a marriage. And to also destroy the father son relationship at the same time is horrific. This is a horror story come to life.

      Waiting 9 months in this situation is scary to say the least. What are your options? Sweet, can you throw him out or leave while riding out the 9 months? Who knows what else she is capable of? You meet to take cover from this sicko!!!

      • Agreed, Donna. She should protect herself in every way. When my DDay came, I was in absolute shock & horror. I learned the affair had gone on for at least 2 years. My XH was extremely clever in hiding it from me and I never suspected a thing. The only red flag in hindsight, of course, was that he had offered to take over paying the bills (yes, approx. 2 years before DDay). He supposedly wanted to relieve me of the burden. His affair took place during the work day. He had rented an apartment for the two of them. Always home on time. No suspicious activities. Nothing. It wasn’t until one day I asked to see our cell phone bill that the truth came out. My daughter rcvd a text about an app she had purchased that would be a recurring monthly charge. He refused to let me see our bill. He had never acted weird like that about anything before. After 30 minutes or so of harassing him about it, he admitted to having an affair.

        I eventually got him to tell me the OW’s name, details, etc. I googled her name & found a picture of her. I kept thinking to myself that she looked familiar to me for some reason. It finally clicked. My husband had been playing an online game on FB and had encouraged me at one point to join him. You’re supposed to add random people to your friends list in order to play. I did. One of these people had sent me a friend request for this game. It was the OW. She had basically been cyber stalking me for the entire 2 years. She had a fake name & profile but I recognized her picture. She would frequently comment on my posts, sometimes send private messages asking me for advice in her personal life. She was having an affair, you see. She had a 2nd fake account where she posed as a man. Would also send me flirty messages, as if to test my loyalty to my husband.

        Forgive me for being so lengthy. The point is some of these people are psychotic. Or sociopathic. Not sure which, but they definitely are not right in the head. It was a big manipulative game for her.

        For XH it was the same. On DDay 2, the final one, I asked him why he even bothered going to MC. Why bother telling me he wanted to reconcile, why couldn’t he just be honest and tell me it was over. He said it was all a charade and he enjoyed it.

        Again, shocked and horrified, I’ll never forget the smug smirk on his face. Certainly proud of himself after seeing the look of shock and horror on mine.

        I have many other sick stories concerning him. I truly believe if I wouldn’t have discovered what I did and gotten away from him, he might have killed me.

        All that to say, be smart. Be careful. Heads up. You’re dealing with disordered people here. Don’t take them at their word. Always assume there’s an underlying motive and get the hell out of the situation.

        • God, to think I wake up and just have a coffee, go to the gym, get my hair done and take walks. The energy it must take to lead a double life blows me away. You are so right, they could just get a divorce. No wonder why my x was so boring and fell asleep so early. What mind fuckers.

      • She is having her “kook” and eating it too! Kooks a-go-go! I believe it too that this is manipulative, but as CL says: Don’t try to untangle the skein of fuckedupness! Trying to figure that shit out is a mind bending road to HELL! Take it from a professional untangler, you never make any headway with it and it eats up all your thought time and throws you into the “wonky” category yourself. Love that “wonky” word Cheaterssuck, too funny!!

    • I do not fall to the reverse psychology that Aimee may be trying to do. I will not let on to either of them that I ever received the letter. It was not an email, it was a letter sent to my own store. I do not care what her motives or game is. I have already been planning to divorce my husband regardless of Aimee or anyone else that came along.

      • Good for you, Sweetz. Bless you for holding up under this barrage of sh*t. Your strength of character is inspiring.

  • I really hope Sweetz got a full STD workup done and praise be if she didn’t pick up anything from those dunderheads.

  • Sweetz…here is my take on the whole thing….seems like Aimee is running the show. Seems like she is telling you how its gonna go and and well…u are going to deal with it. Aimee’s got the plan.
    Take your power back Sweetz….
    I get why u sent her the letter asking her to leave your husband alone…rememeber we are all chumps here. But she is seriously calling the shots isnt she?
    And asking the good Lord to help him make the right decision…dont know about you Sweetz…but the good Lord gave me a brain and the good Lord gave me a back bone…use both. Unless you got some secret God connection…like on speed dial…then dont leave it up to the good Lord.
    Sweetz….let Aimee think she is “winning.” She can kept Idiot Stick occupied while you make your exit plan. Use Aimee for all she is worth. By all means allow her to keep him entertained and blissfully ignorant while you make some serious financial plans ….u have nine months to get what you need …make them count. Play your chumpy self and when you have what you need …cut Idiot loose and let Aimee figure it out…

    • I am doing exactly as you suggest already. I did not send her a letter. I told her to her face IN FRONT of my husband when she came into his store. He stood there and told her that he had “stepped over the line” and that he did not want her to contact him anymore either. Then three months later, she waited outside his store to pounce on him when he was going to pick up an order for pizza (for us). So he came home and told me what she had done, and I asked him if he thought that he had any other options rather than to tell her where he was headed. He said he could not think that fast and so met up with her in the parking lot. So I imagine she will keep coming up with excuses to meet up with him, and he will have decisions to make each time. Does not matter to me though at this point…there will always be another Aimee if he does not repent.

  • I am not so sure that she wants me to dump him. My husband spoke a lot about her prior to me finding out about them having a “personal” relationship (which included him having her in the back room of his store for “lunches”). I chastised him for turning a business deal into a personal relationship with a customer..something you just do NOT do in a business setting let alone while in a marriage. What I found out was that her father was quite wealthy and left everything to Aimee. She ended up in my husband’s store to sell items, and that is when she told him that he reminded her of her father.

    BINGO. My husband took this to mean that EUREKA!! she would welcome “becoming closer” to him (to be soothed in her loss), and of course, that is most advantageous for him because she has all the whistles and bells that he likes. Easy prey, and comes with money, youth, giant boobs, fun and excitement ect. Everything I do not possess.

    He/she swears that they are just close friends, and that my husband’s son is her primary interest. Must be a lot of truth in that because my stepson and her are sexually involved…and my husband did not know that fact until he drove by his son’s house and saw/confronted his son about her being over there. Aimee told my husband only a MONTH after they all met that she was looking to buy a house that she would “share” with my stepson!! This took my husband aback because he thought she was interested primarily in HIMSELF. (Poor sausage). I am thinking that her interest in my husband was designed to get his “approval” on some level to snag his son given the age difference. If she has the “blessings” of his father, then she can use him to secure the son?? And if she has to “put out” to the father, then so be it, everyone wins something.

    Aimee is not stupid. She detected/revealed that my husband has had his own “designs” on her for sexual/ego reasons. But it may be that she used THAT to create a wedge into their lives for gaining entry to his son who is otherwise very shy unlike his dad. My stepson would have NEVER tried to exert himself towards her had his father not already drawn her to himself first. Cripes, he was a virgin prior to her getting a hold on him.

    At any rate, my husband has shown me the greatest disrespect of allowing her to call all the shots against my wishes (once I found out the nature of things) because “he has compassion and respect” for her. I hold him 100% responsible for what has happened, and for what may happen to his son as well.

    I am getting my ducks in a row, and then my husband will finally be clear about HER true intentions once he is completely free of me to pursue her. I will give NO WARNING. I will NOT show my hand. Meanwhile, I am doing what is most beneficial for MY future.

    I believe that her letter to me was designed to get me to let her continue in my husband’s life under the smoke screen as their being “just friends”. Time is of the essence for her because if my husband loses interest in her (given the prohibition I placed on his relationship to her) then she may fear his son coming to his senses regarding her suitability to him. She certainly let me know that she understands what my husband’s OWN motives were for having her around. But she also let me know that her needs far superseded my husbands own personal intentions. Being “daddies girl” gives her the advantage because she knows that my stepson is a “daddies boy” as well…he worships the ground his father walks on. Secure favor from the father, then that secures having the son. That is my take on it.

    Quite diabolic.

    • Aimee is a psychopath and is full of sh*t. I’ll bet everything I own that she is NOT wealthy and if you really checked you would find out she has nothing. Most psychopaths lie about their financial status. Gotta love it when a psychopath/sociopath decides to screw with a narcissist. The narcissist is no match.

      • She is indeed wealthy. She took my husband to her storage buildings (that were left to her) full of rare antiques as well as brought in tons of gold collectables. She sold my stepson a nice car that was her fathers…she has TWO trucks left to her and on and on. She already made an offer on a property that has TWO houses on it. Who cares.

        • In that case she must just be sick. I thought she had to be getting some financial gain, it was so weird.

          She can’t win over your stepson without his father. This stuff is for Law and Order.

          • THAT Jen is exactly what I believe is the case. My stepson is daddies boy, the closest person they both have is each other. Aimee knows this. Sooo…best to get on daddies better side by making him think there is “something delicious” possibly in it for him so that she can have his son. She picked up on my husband’s lust for her and is playing him. If daddy approves, son gets kudos from his dad for his “smart pick”. Sheesh. I feel so badly for his son. Tragic.

            • Those dynamics don’t make sense to me. It seems more like she is playing father and son against each other to have them both fighting over her.

            • But what happens when your stepson learns he is fucking his dad’s side piece?That would be a major issue for the 24 year olds I know! In fact, most men would be completely grossed out at the thought of sharing a vagina with their dad. Talk about incest…I do hope your the stepson is aware that he is sharing body fluids with his dad, as it seems that young man is going to have alot of anger when he learns of his dad’s betrayal. That betrayal is the sign of some seriously fucked up shit within the family.

              • My husband would lie to his son to prevent the destruction of their relationship IF that had happened. My stepson would likely believe his dad. I may have intervened before that could have happened however. Much to my husband’s chagrin. Once my husband saw Aimee’s car parked at his son’s house, and asked his son if he was “involved” with her, he did back off.

    • Reminds me of the creepy film, Damage, with Jeremy Irons, where he screws his son’s fiancee. (Read the plot line only–definitely NOT a film for chumps to watch.)

      • Creepy…that reminds me. After DDay1 over 20 years ago I went through his closet and found, among other things, a small newspaper cutting neatly clipped out.
        That film was current at the time and the clipping was promoting it in the local evening newspaper….no internet back in 93.
        Damage…Desire…Deceit…I still remember the byline.
        It was not the type of film that would have appealed to my ex. He admitted to me that she had cut it out and given it to him. To this day I do not enjoy watching anything with Jeremy in – although he is a fine actor.

  • The sad truth is, almost all affair partners are about as disordered as this chick. If you tried, you can’t find people more disordered, yet still walking around with jobs and families and seemingly normal lives, than cheaters and their affair partners. When it comes to cheating and cheaters, black is white, up is down, everything is twisted. These people are not rational. They have to be this twisted, this delusional, this stupid, in order to justify in their minds the stuff that they do. That is why it’s just best to get rid of them. There’s no way you can deal with these folks on any rational and sane basis. It’s roughly equivalent to trying to maintain a marriage with a serial killer or something. These people are not right. They will always have excuses for their shitty behavior and choices and they will always be trying to gaslight, minimize, blame everyone else, etc.

    • Well said! Excuses I have heard about poor OW are sick. There is a deep depravity that amounts to a sick & twisted individual.
      Post infidelity, after two plus years, Ex got a new car. He gave the old family car to me. The title was still in my name.
      OW decorated the inside with rotten tomatos, chocolate chips, my baby’s dirty diapers and random trash.
      It took a long time to clean.
      This is just one of many examples of her disorder.
      She also has one of those Aimee type names. She also has a lot in common with old MIL: plain looks, fake innocence, fake concern, greedy, and shallow.
      I would never do what she did.

  • My goodness. Where to start.

    First, Tracy–I wondered very seriously if the UBT was up to the task of that letter, when I read the title of today’s blog. Job well done!! I do think, however, the filters need to be cleaned after this one.

    Now on to Sweet Aimee. She’s not crazy, or stupid, or naive. I think, my friends, we have documented proof of our Very First Psychopath.

    I’ve read Stout’s “Sociopath Next Door” and Hare’s “Without Conscience” and even perused self styled psychopath Sam Vaknin’s work—and I’m telling you—this woman is a full fledged psychopath.

    In Hare’s work, he described the visits with inmates that had pretty much nothing to lose by telling him exactly what he wanted to know—what makes a psychopath tick. The cold, hard truth of what motivates them, how they do what they do—and their words and descriptions of actions sounds exactly like what this Aimee is doing.

    Listen. She and Asshole (yeah, Sweetz, darling…he’s an asshole. First Class.) got caught–and NOTHING HAPPENED–no consequences for EITHER of them. Sweetz nicely asked Aimee to back away. I admire you, Sweetz, but you are misguided in this attempt at reasoning with a psychopath. She does not feel shame or pity or remorse. Don’t project your own wonderfulness onto what pretty much amounts to an inanimate object.

    As for the Asshole—he gets it ALL. Sweetz dancing pretty and this Aimee just enjoying the living shit out of doing whatever her psycho brain says is fun to her. Want to fuck the Dad? Great! Everybody’s on board! Want to fuck the son too? Hey! Why not! WHO IS STOPPING HER. Certainly not your husband, Sweetz—and definitely not you—so why should she be afraid of anything or anyone? No one is holding her or your husband accountable.

    Your husband, Sweetz, is not quite a psychopath in my view, but he’s close. Probably a sociopath. NO ONE shares a fuckbuddy with a parent or a child—that dynamic is so beyond disordered, I have no idea how to even approach it. Humor is great, you guys—but this man, his son and AIMEE are three very dangerous people.

    My question to you, Sweetz is—is this all about money? Finances and all of the material trappings of a lifetime? I “might” be able to understand a tiny teensy weensy bit of that logic—but then I snap out of it and re-read….”I’m fucking your husband because he reminds me of my dead Father. OH! And I’m fucking your husband’s son too!” There is absolutely ZERO……I mean Z.E.R.O that could convince me that there is any hope for this situation, and in fact, that Sweetz is going to end up in dire straits before she knows it if she doesn’t back away from them.

    You need to read Hare at least, Sweetz. This woman is fully and freely admitting to exactly what she is and has no remorse about it. This is a dangerous situation. Get out.

    • I had a year and a half before I would qualify for my ex husbands social security, and I decided I couldn’t make it. Later I kind of wished I hung on, but it is easy to say that once you have peace. I hope Sweetz doesn’t regret her choice either way.

  • SphinxMoth…I know. I am keeping quiet, minding my own business and playing MY own hand. I did tell my husband that I thought Aimee to be emotionally and mentally dangerous on several different levels, and especially to his naive son. I also told him that HE is the one who rolled out the “red carpet” for whatever happens to his son. One thing my husband told Aimee (she once asked him how I could not be afraid to be in the business that I am in, and he told her that I am armed at all times, even at home. And that is true.

    I am not sure that there is a sexual threesome or if ever there was for certain regardless of what my husband was trying to set into motion. I “may” have caught that relationship before it escalated to that level. But I am sure that my husband is not (at the moment) having sex with her. He knows his son is already deeply involved with Aimee and would not risk losing the only person that really means anything to him. My husband is an immoral man seeking out his thrills…not looking to destroy his relationship with his only son. His son is the apple of his eye.

    I believe that if there had been anything physical between them that transpired, Aimee would have gladly given that information to me in her letter if her intention was to “make me go away”…I may have squelched her next move by “catching on” when I did. As it is, there are certain innuendos that could possibly elude to this, but perhaps those comments were just designed to reveal my husbands “intentions” rather than any actual happenings. I do know that Aimee could easily have made that a reality if she had not already “secured” my stepson first. And I do know that Aimee sees me as an obstacle for having free reign to her plans. THIS is why I cannot stay married to this man…there will always be another Aimee.

    • “….she once asked him how I could not be afraid to be in the business that I am in, and he told her that I am armed at all times, even at home. And that is true.”

      Holy fuck. This line here rings HUGE alarm bells. I am really, really not kidding.
      I sincerely fear for you, mate. This is very, very dangerous. Watch your back – literally.

    • Sweetz, I am hoping you are sharing this information with a therapist specializing in narcissistic relationships. If not this is very important. My concern is that this situation is NOT something you can manage on your own. First you are outnumbered three to one. You are dealing with a woman who is simultaneously manipulating all of you. You are not just dealing with an OW, there are too many layers here. Being safe at this point is the priority.

      • I think Aimee got what she wanted, my stepson. My fear is what can happen to him if he comes to his senses and tries to extricate himself from her. Aimee however, does not know where my husband and I live (in another town across the river). Keep in mind that she is about 40 years old, and my stepson is 24 and has no “woman experience” other than her (he is shy). I think he would not know an evil person until they made a serious threat to him. The only person Aimee has not been able to manipulate is me. I told her to stay away from my husband’s store (and him) and she has done that so far except for when she “lay in wait” after he left the store. This is why I do not intend to answer her letter or even let my husband know that she sent one or that I got it. If she tells my husband at some point, I will deny ever getting anything.

        You would think she would be happy just to have my stepson…but she knows that to move that relationship to the next level, she needs daddies approval because son wont do anything that his dad frowns upon. So that is probably why she wants to continue the relationship with my husband, and why she sent me the letter…to assure me that she wants nothing more than a “friendship” with him (to get back to shlepping him for his approval). She does not know that my husband and I know about her sexual relationship with the son, that is, that it is sexual with all the trappings of “ownership” in her mind.

        If my stepson needs to get away from her, we have a cottage that he can escape to. She does know where my store is. But the minute I see her face, my right hand will itch. I always wear my weapon (have a laser grip for perfect aim) and have no problem protecting ANYONE who needs it.

        • But no dad is ever going to approve of his ex-mistress as a wife or girlfriend of his son, particularly one who is 16 years his son’s senior. It ain’t gonna happen. There is something rotten in Denmark and that is not good. Be very, very careful. Things just don’t add up.

          • Haha! My husband is full blooded Danish! Your point is well taken. But perhaps my husband just wanted his own mistress up until he found out that his son had already beat him to the cake. He swears that nothing physical ever happened…and maybe I am fooling myself, but I am inclined to believe that he did not get that far when I walked into the mess and confronted my husband and Aimee.

            I agree that things don’t seem to add up. But I am thinking that it is because that neither my stepson or my husband wants to be entirely honest OR put the skids on cake eating. This is my stepson’s “first” woman/sexual relationship. He may be smitten by her regardless of the age difference. She looks identical to his older sister who he used to wrestle with on the ground frequently. My husband however, is well seasoned, but probably did not count on his son taking the bait as well. They both work the store together during the week…so they both began a relationship with Aimee together. It is far easier to simply lie and spin a story to placate me.

            When I told his son that Aimee was not allowed in the store (and why) his eyes got as big as saucers. What I did not know when talking to him, was that he was already involved with her. What HE did not know was that his dad was having lunches with Aimee in the back room on Saturdays when my son was not working. And this is the reason I gave him for her not being allowed there any more…because it is inappropriate for a married man to be “entertaining” a woman in the back room, especially when his wife does not know her.

            The letter is what throws me. Why even send it? What purpose could it possible serve? That is why I posted it here.

        • So your step son would never mention where u live to Aimee? If he is so niave my guess is she good get a great deal of info out of him. And why are you so sure your husband wouldnt tell her? If he was so easily manipulated into speaking with her after a 3 month absence… If indeed she was absent.
          Like to believe your story Sweetz…but it doesnt add up.
          If any of this is true… I wish u luck… But it sounds like you have all yr shit together and then some….
          If you decided you were bored a wanted to induldge the Nation with a good yarn…. Maybe its time to stop.
          All the best.

          • Well, I only have the info that was fed to me by a liar (husband)…and now, from the letter I received. So you are correct that I do not really know what was told to Aimee by either my husband or my stepson. I have no idea whether she knows where we live, I am just assuming that my husband would not be THAT stupid if he were pursuing an affair.

            • Sweetz, Aimee delivered to your business to make sure you got the letter & it could not be intercepted! She also knows where you live & pretty much everything about you via your husband & step son. She will have extracted info etc…she is a female & we are great detectives! Does your step son know he is boinking daddy’s leftovers? If he does & has no problem, then he has a problem. If he doesn’t I would show him letter & let him decide. I would want to know.

              • I thought about that, but the letter never really admits to any boinking…just that my husband is “likely” sexually attracted to her and finds her exciting. And, she never even mentions my stepson at all. (See my post just above your own). If Aimee is a liar as well, then who knows what she told my stepson regarding his dad. I do know for a fact that she told my husband that she “views his son as she would her own son”. She has no son. So if that is true, why is she boinking my stepson. See, that is a bald face lie designed to make it look like simple friendship as well.

                I was hoping that someone here could give the possible motives for that letter being I will not show it to anyone until I make my exit. I guess it is missing too many pieces that do not add up. I tried to fill in as much as I could based on what I have been told. But if LYING is in full play, then I guess this is part of unraveling the skein that I will never be able to do.

          • Hi The Clip,

            I posted a comment last night (way back when) then caught up on the rest of the posts this morning. I’m with you – as the tale unfolds, with it’s concealed weaponry, killer dog breeds, fabulously wealthy heiresses, virginal and naive 24 year olds, incest-like dynamics, Jessica Rabbit-esque crazy other woman – I’m struggling to believe.

            Now, I know I’m a Chump, and as such have had a problem in the past with gullibility, I also know, as a post D Day Chump that I find it hard to put any horror past a cheater now, but I think my stumbling block with Sweetz tale is the depiction of Stepson and the convoluted machinations OW is supposed to be employing to get her claws into him. I mean really, why? He’s 24, he doesn’t need his fathers cooperation or consent, and by the way – how can you possibly know he was a virgin prior to meeting dear Aimee? Was he giving daily status reports on the state of his sex life? Does anyone else know any 24 year old men who would ‘share’ this info with his parents?

            I’m really sorry Sweetz if this is really your life, I’m not usually prone to questioning my fellow Chumps word, it generally doesn’t even enter my head to question, but there is something about this whole story that makes me think of how ’50 Shades of Grey’ was supposed to have been written.

            Sorry again if my skepticism is doing you a disservice.

            • Jayne, I too am having the same reaction, and I’m wondering if it’s time to call in the Myth Busters. Something just isn’t adding up here, and with each additional piece of information, it seems less plausible. When you find yourself reading a thread and simultaneously hoping it’s true and hoping it isn’t true, there’s a credibility issue. Sorry, Sweetz. It’s not my intention to cause you more distress if this really is happening, but the latest detail of how Aimee is a dead-ringer for your stepson’s sister, whom he used to love wrestling with on the ground, is the smoking gun for me. There’s a much higher ratio of story to chump pain, and how could any of this be happening without a whole lot more angst? I’ve never heard any of the other chumps describe events so clinically. I see a whole lot of Aimee and stepson in here; what I don’t see or feel is Sweetz.

              Again, I’m sorry to call a chump’s experience into question, but I just can’t imagine anybody telling this story without a whole lot more emotional reaction if it were actually happening.

              • The reason I do not display the typical angst that is so prevailant on this site is because I am numb. I have been dealing with a plethera of these kinds of incidents for nearly 10 years, and am on my way out knowing that there is really nothing possible that I can or could have done for anyone involved. I have already done all the raging, confrontations, had MANY urges to commit suicide, begging, boundaries, ultimatims, and snooping. Over time, this wore me down to the final realization that I just need to leave. I need to save my own sanity and dignity (which was often compomised).

                I have four children of my own as well as four grandchildren. This mess is life draining and I have neglected my own family trying to make some “progress” or sense for staying in this marriage.

                I know this whole things makes me look suspect, but I was trying not to give out too much information to avoid ending up writing a book here.

                The fact of the matter is that both my husband and his son have some horrible family dynamics that predispose them to seeking out incestous types of relationships. (My husband’s father sexually molested his sister for years). They seem comfortable with that. My stepson (not knowing the family history) cannot “connect the dots” as to why he finds himself involved with a woman old enough to be his mother…or why his own father made a play for her attentions. But thinking about how his older sister was always vying for their father’s attention by using sexual inuendos and dressing/talking slutty ect…I can see where he thinks this to be “normal”.

                The letter I received had me thrown for a loop, simply because I cannot understand why Aimee would send it in the first place. But this is typical of the type of manipulation that my stepson’s sister also practices. Both Aimee and my step daughter are cut from the same cloth. They are both promiscous and aggressive.

                At any rate, thank you all for the support…I was hoping that the skein could be unraveled at least on the level of why I would get a letter like that. I have gleaned a lot of information on how to protect myself going forward thanks to all the articles in CN.

              • Sweetz, you explained in an earlier post today more about your step children’s inappropriate interactions. You also said you learned that the reason your husband’s first marriage ended was because of him making advances towards his own daughter. You said you found this out about a year in to your marriage. You have 4 children of your own. I can’t really get past the fact you would stay married to that creep for another 8+ years. Even without children, how could you find him to be an acceptable mate? But the fact is you do have children and you stayed with this man who very well could have sexually abused them. Maybe others disagree, but I find it completely unacceptable to take that kind of risk with your children. You knowingly but them in harms way. That boggles my mind. I’m all for supporting chumps that have a hard time deciding when to leave, but these are your children we’re talking about!

                Also, you seem to be really concerned about this step son. You say him and his dad are close. When this marriage ends, I hope you know that relationship is over. You are not his protector. He’s a grown man. He might even turn on you after the divorce.

                Remember what you just said. ” I am on my way out knowing that there is really nothing possible that I can or could have done for anyone involved.”

                Take care of yourself and your own children. Leave these creepy people in the dust.

              • You have valid points KK. All of our children were already grown and gone when I married this husband. My daughter and grandchildren live in another State and my three sons were never in any danger especially given that my husband knows I already had my “radar” up and running. It took a long time for me to get my head wrapped around what was said and what was done…putting the pieces together as to why my husband and stepdaughter had such a volital relationship even after that “incident”. He said his behavior with her was a “one off anomoly” that he repented of.

                I think my Christian faith played into the idea of redemption being a real thing and my husband is VERY well aquainted with this. Basically, I thought that if a person truly repents, then he repents. But things kept rising to the surface over time that gave me pause regarding that…and by then, he had bankrupted us financially (we have since recovered from that). I waited to see if he would be capable of repenting for ANYTHING at all. And he is capable of repenting only of what is too painful to continue doing.

                My children were never in any danger given their ages (late twenties to thirties) and locations. My husband never would go with me to visit them, and they rarely came to our house because of distance and careers. Three of them are also male, so he never had any sexual interest in them.

                Keep in mind that he did not actually “get” to molest his daughter, but rather, made the attempt. She went to her mother and that is when the marriage fell apart. This and verbal abuse and drinking were the contributing factors…things hidden very well from me at first. So I figured he had already paid a large price for that move on his end via divorce, and as I was already married to him when I found out, I watched to see if there were any new indicators of this. But now, I see similar dynamics in play regarding Aimee and his interest in her as well as his son’s interest. THIS is why I need to leave. I cannot see any ending to that and other things he does.

                The reason I do not go to my stepson and “lay it all out on the table” is because I would come off as crazy to him. Like some kind of neurotic wife. He adores his father and would think I am the one trying to cause trouble. He is clueless and his dad knows how to spin truth.

              • “Promiscuous and aggressive”

                That really caught my eye because it describes the women my x cheated with. It’s always been hard for me to comprehend. If I find someone attractive, but they are taken, it is no big deal for me to just subtract them from being a possible option. You don’t do that. You don’t wreck other people’s happiness for just a hint of possibility. It’s called being decent. And the cliche that there are many fish in the sea is true.

                But he falls for their skanky act. He is flattered, stupidly. He is competitive with me. He likes for me to know he has fame. What an asshole. Take the social security and please buy yourself something you want.

            • Jayne & FMT,
              My radar went up on this story…. And I dont want to plant a seed of doubt …but….. Something doesnt add up.
              I am glad I am not the only one!

            • Jayne says, “I find it hard to put any horror past a cheater now, but I think my stumbling block with Sweetz tale is the depiction of Stepson and the convoluted machinations OW is supposed to be employing to get her claws into him. I mean really, why? He’s 24, he doesn’t need his fathers cooperation or consent, and by the way – how can you possibly know he was a virgin prior to meeting dear Aimee? Was he giving daily status reports on the state of his sex life? Does anyone else know any 24 year old men who would ‘share’ this info with his parents?”

              I’m struggling with this one too. Also, yet another plot twist, Sweetz says Aimee looks ‘identical’ to her stepsons sister, who he used to wrestle on the ground with. Sorry, it seems as if someone has some kind of weird incestual infatuation. I don’t know if this is really going on or if it’s Sweetz own projection. It’s all very disturbing.

              • Let me fill you in: Stepson and his sister enjoyed wrestling together as teens. This is a time in life when hormones are developing/raging. I thought it strange that my stepson would be so attracted to a woman that so resembles his own sister. His sister is heavily endowed, (and I imagine this could not escape his notice in such close contact). And being they were raised in a Christian home, yes, he was still a virgin due to his being shy on top of that. He has had a few women he was interested in the past, but they always “got away” because he did not know how to approach them. Other young men his age never seemed to have a problem with that.

                His sister is very outgoing like her dad, very controlling and manipulating. So my stepson is accustomed to that personality “style” and seems to rely on a woman making the first move.

                Also, there was an incident when his sister was 17. My husband would drink late into the night after his wife (ex) went to bed. My husband’s daughter (stepson’s sister) would stay up with him and play chess ect. because they are both night owls. He and she did not exercise proper boundaries when talking about sex and other racy subjects. (I experienced this many times and finally asked him if they could “tone down” the way they would talk to each other). One evening, my husband approached her with an obvious erection (through his clothes) and she ran to her mother and told her. He was making a sexual advance for his own daughter. This is what ended his first marriage.

                I found out about it after we had been married a year when my husband explained why there was so much tension between he and his ex wife. This is also during the time when I began finding so much porn.

                The way I figure it is that my stepson was exposed to the charged dynamics between his sister and his dad during those formative years. He may have an attraction to his sister’s “type”, which made him vulnerable to this OW.

                That is all I can figure as to why he easily got pulled into being involved with Aimee.

      • Sweetz, the other thing that occurs to me is that they both really really like money. I would certainly be checking around to make sure that someone hasn’t taken out a great big honkin insurance policy on you. If you are dealing with at least one if not two sociopaths, they might just be looking at your demise as the mother of all pay days

        Watch your back Girlfriend.

        • If you listen to anyone’s advice, I hope it’s Tessie’s. She knows whereof she speaks, and hopefully no other chump here will haveto eexperience a similar tragedy. God bless you, Tessie.

  • OMG– I haven’t even finished reading the post yet, just the girl’s letter.

    One word: Borderline!!!

    • Aimee has an agenda….. And i wouldnt necessarily believe that she inherited half of the crap she got in storage or otherwise… She sounds like she in business…
      Aimee is a collector.

      • She is tag teaming the boys… Aimee has a retirement plan.
        Sweetz…. Watch yr business and yr assests… My guess is Aimee is a bit of a shark. Keep yr cards close to yr chest and make sure yr assests are not tied to yr spouses.

        • Something about this just doesnt add up…
          Anyhoo…. I think Aimee is just fishing for some new stuff to put in her storage lockers… Whoever it belongs to

          • My husband told her early on that his son will eventually inherit my husband’s business. When I found out about this, I stopped all transactions to that end (we were in the process of putting his business into mine and his sons name), but are now leaving it in my husband’s name only. I will be the one to inherit the business rather than his son. But once we are divorced, my husband will have had to make a will to this end…and he wont. He is too occupied to bother with such things, leaving everything to chance as always.

            And, she did indeed inherit everything from her father. Her father was the collector over decades, but she was the one who went with him on his business trips. Her mother divorced him years ago, and for some reason, her own two daughters and sisters got nothing.

            My business is exclusively in my name only, nothing joint, no joint account tied to him. My bio son is the only one with the keys and combination to my safe and has a debit card to my business. He has been instructed to immediately take everything of value if “something” happens to me.

              • “And, she did indeed inherit everything from her father. Her father was the collector over decades, but she was the one who went with him on his business trips. Her mother divorced him years ago, and for some reason, her own two daughters and sisters got nothing.”

                Okay, I’m confused. Are we talking about Amy’s two daughters and sisters who got nothing?

              • Fool me twice, I’m trying to respond to your post at 8:59 pm.

                I’m confused on that one too. I’m not sure if she’s talking about Aimee’s daughters and sisters or if she means from Aimee’s mom’s perspective saying that. The part that says “her own daughters got nothing” would include Aimee as one of the daughters because she said “Aimee’s mother”. I don’t know. Either it’s the first scenario or it’s some typo or something.

              • Aimee’s father and mother divorced years ago. Aimee has two daughters who are the near the same age as my stepson (early twenties) who she is boinking. When Aimee’s father died, he left everything to his daughter (Aimee) and left nothing to Aimee’s two sisters or to anyone else for that matter.

  • It sounds to me like she has/had major MOTHER issues…I bet that relationship to be dysfunctional too. A lot of OW go for married men because they need to be in competition with his wife and get off on the rivalry. If the man divorces and becomes fully available then the challenge is over.
    The OW my ex is with has been divorced twice. Her second husband was a long married colleague many years older. He got a divorce and they married but instead of living happy ever after she got bored and started an affair with my ex in the same workplace.
    Now they are together just like she wanted and she is threatening to leave him rather than allow him to declare her assets and earnings as the law requires of co-habitees in a divorce situation.
    She feels that her money is hers alone and resents sharing it with him while he pays me alimoney.
    I thought she longed to be his recognised partner and it all to be out in the open…now she is getting what she wished for!

  • Classic triangulation & naturally we all judge Aimee but, behind Aimee is Mr Narc that is controlling & manipulating & loving the drama that is Aimee etc…

    Sweetz, go No Contact with them both if you can? They will continue to torture you forever if you let them keep playing with you. The fact she took pen to paper shows a lack of respect towards you & the contents are self absorbed & self entitled. She’s a massive Narcissist with no morals & no class!

    You Sweetz do not need this tripe & deserve better. Keep the letter for evidence & divorce his arse & take him to the cleaners so, he can literally only eat pizza & buy cheap thrills! She will also dump him when the time comes & happily trot off into the sunset with some other poor smuck!

    You Sweetz will rise above with dignity & class & above all, yourself knowing you deserve better & are worthy of more!

    Love & Hugs to you 🙂

    • I so agree with you. SHE could have NOT gotten to first base were it not for the primal motives and actions of my husband. He could have conducted business with her and sent her along her way as he does everyone else. But his mind was full of lust and titillation and he could not resist drawing her closer to him. Then comes the smooth talk, flattery, flirting, lunches in the back room. Heck, even her dog was very happy and familiar with my husband by the time I came on the scene and I put things together (in an instant). That dog was the first indication that something was not right, as was finding her hair brush in the private bathroom in the back as was the “air” being full of thick tension when I introduced myself to her and tried to have a conversation with her. After getting home, I asked my husband why she and he were so tense…and then I found out so much more.

      I am not positioned to go NC with my husband yet. I am NC with her and intend to keep it that way. As far as my husband goes, I keep conversations very light…never speak of or ask any questions about what is possibly going on because I do not want to tip my hand for what I will do at the end of this year. Everything is fine because I cannot be tortured anymore…been there, done that already. This is not about my worth, it has been quite a discovery to learn about what my husband’s worth in a marriage has been all about.

      God help him and his son.

      • Aww Sweetz, I hear you & get you 🙂

        It’s still so very hard for you to be in your situation & being an Empath, you will naturally keep the peace but, it will still be doing you damage 🙁 toxic people & situations do this, believe me.

        Good on you for being brave & having the courage to bide your time & I truly hope you can hang in there until the end of the year?
        I had a similar situation as my ex 19 yrs married ran off with our business receptionist & my friend over 12 yrs ago. He was a gambler, liar etc…so, they are still together & misery does love company 😉
        I have had to socialize with them over the years but, I always manage to rise above 🙂
        They are so pathetic & even his own family see’s it. (I have a very good relationship with his family & they support me more than him 🙂 I am no martyr but, my children are paramount & I will never let him separate me from them so, he hasn’t 🙂

        I ran headlong into a massive malignant narc though, straight into his arms as, I was so traumatized after my ex walked out. I had 10 yrs of being gamed by a classic Narc with many different women (I only found out 2 yrs ago & that’s another story!)

        I am 2 yrs clear now but, obviously had to walk down that road again to finally learn my lessons, self worth, never accept the unacceptable & never ever let another person control me.

        I am free & happy & still standing & I wish you love & light on this your journey.
        A word of advice, your husband will be repentant because, he knows you have the upper hand so, don’t be fooled his agenda is him first & foremost!

        Protect yourself financially, emotionally & spiritually 🙂

        Good Luck!

        • Yes, I hear you and have read the Naugahyde Fake Remorse thread here. He can do his repentance from afar AFTER I am gone, and he can do that for his relationship to God. If he is serious, he will have to leave off women entirely to convince me…and I mean for years. But then, I will never know that because I will go full NC, so he can save that for someone new.

      • I am so sorry and I get your strategy, but it can only last so long until you pop. I know, I did. It was about six months later. So if you plan on doing this you sadly have to think like them and compartmentalize. Do you think you can make it?

        • I have learned to compartmentalize quite well. I keep myself busy collecting the necessary papers that I will need and stuffing cash aside at every turn (this part is fun I must say). I have a detachment/disconnect that serves me well due to so many issues that I had already gone through regarding my husband’s past behavior. This is the remarkable thing, this disconnection even surprises me. The letter did throw me for a loop, but I have already decided not to let it get under my skin or reply to it. The audacity of it is amazing. The pomposity that she would think that it would ruffle my feathers makes me laugh. She obviously does not get that I am already “done” with him…neither does my husband.

          I really think my husband just thought of Aimee as an easy piece of cake. But what he did not think of (because he is using the wrong head) was about what his own “exit” plan would look like when he felt had had enough of her. According to the letter, he had made it clear to her that he had no intention to divorce (he speaks highly of me)…so that means he just wanted an affair of short term duration. He did not realize that his own son would be pulled into it as well, and that her true interest was never really in HIM. That would likely destroy their father/son relationship and I think he now realizes that, hence he did actually back off from pursuing her…but I doubt he would have done that had I not figured out what was going on and confronted he and Aimee.

          Too late to save our marriage. There will always be another “Aimee” that will turn his head, another opportunity to get his thrills. But this one is scary. He led his own son to Aimee like an ox going to the slaughter. His grand performance in front of his son when “conducting business” resulted in pulling both of them down to a new low.

  • Sweetz,

    Firstly want to say that NONE of this is your fault, and you deserve far better than this shit.

    This letter is proof of how much of a disordered psychopath this ‘woman’ is. Its also leverage which your lawyer will need in the future. Any letter like this, that you may receive in the future, is all leverage.

    I already expressed my views above on how dangerous and unhinged I think this twit is. Really not kidding – you’d be very well wise to be vigilant to literal backstabbing.

    As for this ‘Aimee’ – I only have two words for you: GROW UP. Your self righteous shit is inane and pathetic, and if you had said this to me in the street I would have backhanded you. I think everyone is mentally backhanding her, anyway.

      • Haha! No…I have a BIG cattle dog. Part Pit Bull, part Australian Shepard. Scary to look at, scary sounding, but a cream puff. Speaking of rabbits…that’s another fear I have. What if my stepson gets Aimee preggo’s? I shudder to think this could actually happen to him.

  • I got one of those letters. In it, Bimbo tried to bond with me, saying, “…I’m no stranger to the pain of divorce.”

    Then why did you help cause one?

    It pissed her off immensely that I never responded to her carefully, “heart (of ice)felt” olive branch letter.

    Fuck her and the scumbag that rode her into my and my children’s life.

  • I am just as worried as the others about your safety. The first scenario would be your husband getting killed “accidentally” by you. Your very vulnerable, naive step son has Aimee right beside him as you go to prison….guess who gets the money? Second scenario. Aimee is killed, you go to prison, your husband gets the money. Your step son is killed. Same set up. These are not nice people and your step son is so vulnerable to both of them that he is the perfect patsy. Please see a lawyer. Make sure your assets are tied up so that none of the three can touch them. This is some scary shit.

    • Yes, Let go. It is scary indeed. I’m thinking along the same lines as you. It always sounds far fetched until it happens and your life story ends up on 48 hrs. No doubt Aimee has friends who are just as screwed up as her & willing to help her out. Scary. I’ve known 2 women in my life that were murdered by their husbands. One was the daughter of a family friend. The other I had known in grade school and heard about recently. This stuff happens in real life more often than we’d like to think it does.

    • No one gets killed. Who is worth prison when I am already in the process of securing my future? Now then, if I have to defend myself, then that is a different story. But I would rather be “tried by twelve than carried by six” as the saying goes. I wear a .38 on a “belly band” (concealed) No one knows when I have it on or take it off. My husband would not harm a fly…and as long as he thinks I know nothing, there is no threat to him or to myself. I think. His son is the one who I am concerned for.

      • I guess what we’re worried about is the fact that if he, or she, get wind of ANY of your plans, you’ll be in for the fight of your life – literally. Disordered twits get very, very dangerous when cornered.

        “My husband would not harm a fly” – this is along the same vein of thinking as “My husband would never cheat on me” – ALWAYS assume the worst scenario, but hope for the best, when dealing with looney tunes like this.

        Also, assume that she has been told everything about you and where you live. Liars lie, after all.

  • Sorry, didn’t finish. Your husband is being waaaaay too cooperative. He may love his son but it would not be the first time a third party got something terrible to happen. Is there any way you could work and still visit family and friends until you can file? Be sure to tell your atty EVERYTHING. This includes things you might think mean nothing. I agree with others. You are in the middle of a hornets nest. Psychopaths are ruthless. Add sex to the mix and you need to watch your back.

  • Alice In Wonderland level distortion! Fun house mirrors, psychedelic drugs, brought up by wolves….not sure which sounds close to a match for this loon. Triple dose mindfuckery!

  • Okay everyone, I’ve been giving some thought to this OW and her “daddy” thing for the old man. She has to be in her forties and is also banging the son. So, in her pea brained mind then is the son like her brother or at her age is she banging her pseudo “son”? This is a really warped lil HO so I imagine in her head anything goes! What kind of relationship did she have with her biological Dad and possibly brothers? If I were Sweetz, I’d find a safe place to hide out for the next 9 months. This is just too wierd!

    • Roberta 🙂 I am pretty sure Aimee is a Narc & likes penises regardless of age etc…all power, money & sex!
      She obviously has issues but, likes (HIS SHOES) play on words! 😉

      She is just a pussy wagon in reality & has the morals of an ally cat!
      Having the audacity to write to Sweetz says enough, she’s remorseless, self entitled & pure & simple (simple being the operative word!), a psychopath that is enjoying the whole shebang & she bangs everything!

      😉

  • Awareb4, you’re probably right! My mind just tends to wander! I’m sure that in Aimee’s itty bitty brain there is not a lot of “thinking” going on! Guess I spend far too much time alone! Ha! Ha! Ha!

    • Roberta, I like alone time too 😉
      We live in Ha Ha land now & not la la land with the Aimee’s & her co-horts!

      Love & Light to you 🙂 x

  • Awareb4, you got that right! I just find the kind of life these aging cheaters lead to be exhausting! I’ll take alone time any day of the week over their “fantasy” lifestyles!

    • Me Too Roberta & my last ex Socio/Narc had over 6 women running concurrently!!! He was always tired & naturally it’s no wonder. The Socio has no empathy or conscience & requires little sleep etc…they have higher testosterone levels & live to play a game. Mine was the master of the game & had two jobs, one a commander in the fire brigade & a used car salesman so, juxtaposition in his career as well. The hero & villain interchange. He also collected Royal Doulton Lady figurines as a representation of his conquests! His adult son aka wingman, collects Predator Figures from the movie!
      I like boring & alone time & am finally free of these disgusting creatures from the deep! 😉

      Take care & remember, we are in this life for a reason, don’t waste it! Be happy 😉

  • Maybe it’s supposed to say “her OTHER two daughters” instead of “her OWN two daughters. I don’t know. Lol. That’s my best guess.

  • Such great comments and sharing of wisdom on this post. Obviously it struck a chord within CN.

    Sweetz writes: ‘She is indeed wealthy.”

    I just want to challenge that because wealth can ‘appear’ to be that way, but people can be in terrible debt.
    Perhaps, that’s why she needs her sugar-daddy. (and she sounds like that’s what he’s giving her)

    That’s one thing the OW did – she put her sights on X, (and he on her) and, despite her beautiful home and various cars her and her now ex bought every year – sports cars, weee…new motorhomes…weee…it was all fake in the end and their house of cards came crumbling down.

    Well, lots of families came crumbling down from that.

    Thankfully, I got all the money back that I know of, that he spend on his sugar-sweetie and he is now gone.

    Sweetz – I think you have an ingenious mind to be playing the cards right like you are. It takes an enormous amount of self-control and holding the tongue. Congratulations, and good luck keeping it all under the belt. Nothing sweeter than hitting them with divorce papers when they least expect it. As hard as it was, I got a lot of gratification out of it.

    Strength to you, sister.

  • And so the Ho- worker just waved to me…while I was driving home with the kids. Augh! Sorry you fucking whore! We. Are. Not. Friends!!!!

    Get a fucking life!! I do not forgive you or him for being completely selfish assholes! Oh wait…you had a hard life and needed a friend? Nope…not buying that shit.

    He keeps saying “sorry for putting you in that position but you shouldn’t have flipped her off and told her fuck you”….really…really?!??? Maybe YOU shouldn’t have put me in his position in the first place!!! I don’t care if he loses his job and this creates problems for either one of them!!

    Translate this….,”FUCK you and that bitch!” Please could I not be anymore clear.

  • Traci, I am laughing so hard over your abilities as a UBT! What a gift! Hilarious! Thank you!!! It is late at night in Maryland, our house settlement is tomorrow, and after this I will only have to see my ex at weddings of our children. Meh is so much closer but you have truly saved my sanity during the last 3 years! You are a blessing!

  • It’s really sad that so many people actually go through life not caring about the feelings of others by engaging in senseless and abusive acts. Playing games, telling untruths, cheating, gaslighting, covering things up, cell phone codes, laughing at our gullibility, etc., just seems like such a wasted effort. Still, it continues…

  • On word press under infidelity is a blog written by a woman who cheated on her husband with her best friend’s husband. She writes about how one little conversation led to text, lead to more conversations, lead on and on until it became an affair. They discussed leaving this spouses for each other. She does not say how it becameknown to her husband and the other woman but she writes about her husband lying on the bathroom floor. If I were he I would spit in her face for putting my private life on the Internet. By the way, she uses her own picture and her own name. Here’s the kicker…. she has made peace with her husband because she has been forgiven by God and Jesus. Sorry, I don’t think God acts this way. If he was going to interfere in our lives I think the first thing he would do is stop people from killing each other, from people molesting children, from theft and other horrible acts. I do not believe God is in the business of forgiving a person who blows up two families. I think behind all of her religious speak is a narcissist whomis just as dangerous as Aimee. She is just so much better at bullshit

  • One very small thing, I would bet her legal name is Amy but she thinks Aimee is fancier or more glamorous or something. All the Aimees I’ve met are legally Amys. Nothing wrong with either spelling of the name, just something I’ve noticed.

  • As far as where anyone lives, for about $2 you can find that info in the internet in about 30 seconds. Nothing is a secret anymore.

  • Dear Sweetz,
    I think the overshare has caused some in CN to question your credability? I know nothing is ever straight forward & life is very complicated & so is telling your story with or without emotional input.
    We are not here to judge you & I hope that any negative energy does not affect you & your journey.
    It’s time to rest CN & remember we walk our own road individually & are here to recover from abuse not inflict more by doubt & suspicion.
    Sweetz I wish you all the best & remember it is your life & you are in charge.
    Love & Light x

  • Thank you awareb4 for your KIND KIND words. Yes, I do now feel abandoned and attacked here (while the TRUE credibility issues belong squarely to my husband and Aimee). This has been a 9 year journey into hell, and into the fine art of the “mindfuckery” that chumps all have in common . But in trying to keep it simple and yet answer tons of questions to give enough detail…well, now I can see why chumps often come off looking insane to others. The more I tried to explain, the worse it becomes. Just telling someone that I pack a gun (when they insisted I needed to watch out for potential crazy sociopaths) resulted in my becoming suspect? I have been carrying for 8 years due to my job and was just trying to assure others here that I was self protected. Then someone asked if I owned a rabbit, which I dont, but I told them about my dog…which became more fodder for suspicion against me???

    I have exhausted all of my vile cussing as well as my stronger emotions long ago… expressing those strong words of hatred and disdain was the primary way I have lost my own personal dignity, which never served to solve a thing…and I often was convicted by God for lashing out in the flesh regardless of the circumstances I was enduring. So when I read so much of that here (no offense intended), I would never have thought that maintaining my dignity by NOT using such terms would then be judged as MY lacking my own credibility. In the past, emotional outbursts only destroyed my credibility and all my points were lost and blame shifted back to me.

    Thank you again regardless, and the best to all of you in your endeavor to reach MEH.

    • Sweetz, I’m really sorry for my previous post. I of all people should know better. My own childhood background is so unbelievable that when I finally landed on a psych ward in my early 20s, none of the psychiatrists there believed my stories (before that, I’d never told anyone what really went on growing up). They had to call in my sisters to verify everything, and my sisters were like, “Yep, that all actually happened.” The day I finally unburdened myself, one shrink actually left the room holding a handkerchief to his mouth. So, yeah. You really can’t make this shit up, and even if you could, why the hell would you want to?

      Anyway, I’m sorry. No excuses, just a sincere apology and a prayer for your peace and deliverance. We’ve all had our own narratives called into question, and I’m ashamed of myself for contributing to that here.

      • Only part of my reply went up? Probably the heavens at work 😉

        Sweetz thankyou for sharing so much of yourself, that takes courage & guts & I believe you 🙂

        Blog land & posting can be awfully hard & sometimes very harrowing when the negativity & doubters surface. Rest assured you are credible & very well supported here 🙂

        You are on your way Sweetz, to freedom which is a little like getting out of jail for a crime you did not commit but, one you still have to redeem yourself from!

        You are not alone & I get you as do others & our stories are unique & not for judgment.
        True compassion exits & that is why we are all here.
        Our compassion led us into this life & will lead us out.

        Trust in yourself as, that is all you need dear Sweetz 🙂

        Love & Light to you & a big cyber hug ((())) xoxo

    • Sweetz-I for one was so happy when I heard (read) you were “packing heat” but didn’t bother to post it. This is not a political blog. You have every right to have a carry permit even if your job did not require it.
      I never had such protection in the past, but dealing with the lack of trust and loyalty I now see in people, I have changed my mind about this for my life. I always believed in the right, I just wasn’t sure I would have the guts to use it if a situation arose. My survival dynamic finally kicked back in.
      God Bless you for your strength and what feels to me to be clearmindedness in the face of total chaos!! Kudos to you and stay safe Please!!
      Believe me, most of us I am sure were not as wise as to detach and look out for yourself and your future at the same time so early in the experience. Or shouldn’t I just say I wasn’t nearly at the place you are when I was in the whirlwind of mindfuckery. You are doing great!
      I think folks are just worried you are underestimating the depravity of those you are dealing with. But we are not there & you are. Please take care of yourself.

  • In reading some of these responses, it does seem like Sweetz is being a bit put on the hot seat by CN. I believe that she is laying it out how she sees it and what has happened to this point. If we weren’t all good at overlooking things about our mates, we would not find ourselves here! I have no doubt people are this screwed up and worse. There are things I read in my local paper here that are just unbelievable and shocking. Makes this story look like Mr. Rogers Neighborhood.
    My Ex’s story did not add up either, that was the reason it screwed with my head so badly, and also why I told quite a few people about it trying to see if anyone could lend me some sanity. (or help me figure out the truth). Problem is, we never get the truth, so good luck on that one!
    It wasn’t even Sweetz that asked for the UBT to process this letter, she just sent it & someone else suggested it.
    I come from a family with 2 alcoholic parents (as I have stated before) and I can relate to the “numb” reaction after a piece of debilitating personal news, or another experience of sheer powerlessness. It is hard if not impossible to determine how someone else will react & what is normal.
    Plus, I think Chumps tend to look on the bright side to their later chagrin when they find they should have listened to their gut……as has been posted by so many.

  • I’ve been following this thread silently, after I posted just once.

    I think all here might be well reminded of something that I have to remind myself of….every single day.

    You do understand that the ONLY information that Sweetz–or ANY of us, for that matter–gets, is from LIARS.

    Not just any run-of-the-mill liars, but ACCOMPLISHED Liars. Ones who spend entire days doing nothing but conversing with those voices in their heads on how to best construct plausible lies. It’s what they do.

    WE might not understand it, because that shit is exhausting for normal people along with all of the every day responsibilities that we normal people take care of….but to these freaks, this is WHAT THEY DO.

    Does her story sound fantastical at some points? Some of the information she’s passing along as something that she “knows”—-what told to her by….tadaaaaaaa!! A LIAR.

    He could have made up every single moment of his prior life before Sweetz. Unless she wants to go and verify every single item, she has NO IDEA WHAT IS TRUE.

    This is where the ground under my feet shifted to the point that I thought I would not be able to go out of the house again. To think that someone was capable of lying to that magnitude, and that I LET HIM IN.

    So, at the end of it, some of Sweetz’s story may not be true—and guess what—it’s not even her fault. Garbage in, garbage out. You hear your spouse tell you sad stories of their childhood—and you BELIEVE THEM because you love them. Did any of you ever stop to think that some of those stories were made up in order to manipulate you?

    Mine did. Bullshit that I thought was true and I had such loyalty to him that I would NEVER, EVER go to the people involved (his family members) and question them about it. Of course I believed him! Turns out….he played me the whole time.

    It’s their schtick.

    So, give her a break on some stuff here, folks. She only knows what an accomplished set of liars has shown her.

    • Bravo SphinxMoth, Totally agree 🙂

      I also could not believe the magnitude of the lies & deception that these fools carry on with!
      Really such contrived & discombobulated thinking that goes to such extreme’s!

      This will make you laugh, mine told one OW he was buried alive & had to breathe through a straw (he’s a commander in the fire brigade & old & overweight) he also told us all (yes all 6 that I know of) that he works for ASIO (like the Secret Service) & was often on secret covert missions?!?!

      Did we dispute or believe him??? Yes & No but, had no way of disproving because, it was secret for national security etc…blah blah. Just all his delusion & he watched way too many James Bond movies! Oh & he went to the trouble of having documentation.

      I stupidly did a diploma for him to keep his current ranking!!! He was off on special missions & was overburdened blah blah….I would love to kick dirt in his straw 😉 or pull it from the rubble he’s buried in!

      He’s a short fat bald Italian (born in UK) with delusions of grandeur. I used to just shake my head & look awestruck at ‘my zero hero’ whilst thinking ‘Gee, it’s a wonder they waste money training someone that is close to retirement & a heart attack waiting!’ But, I never ever said anything because, I knew his ego was working overtime! 😉

      Such pitiful people they are really, having to make up their life rather than just live in reality like us 🙂

      Love & Light to you Sphinx & Sweetz 🙂

      xoxo

  • Amen and Amen ! More than a few of us after the dust settles are forced to look back for decades(in my case) and accept that we were forced to live a life of  lies. Huge, unexplainable, terrible hurtful lies & this mind fuckery will take years and years to recover from. Thoughts are with you Sweetz !

  • Gawd! I’m literally speechless over what this woman has said and done. I mean why are we amused by the ramblings of the ignoramus? My brain just snapped. I suppose its because of the level of ludicrous bordering on psychopathy this Aimee seems to exhibit! I cant handle this level of infantile audacity. She needs help or she needs a dildo! Somebody, quick, send her a dildo! She’s whacko!

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