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Craziest Thing They Asked for in the Divorce?

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vacuumdivorceToday’s post came to me yesterday from NoMoreDancing’s comment that her cheating ex enumerated all the things he was going to miss… about their HOUSE — including their three Dyson vacuums.

Boy, we wouldn’t want to break up the intact home of three vacuum cleaners, would we?

Which got me thinking that cheaters with all their grandiosity and entitlement ask for some pretty crazy shit back in their divorces. I remember having a huge laugh with a friend because her cheating ex demanded a moldering pile of ceramic floor tiles in their basement. I mean, WTF? I think they were leftover tiles, not enough to actually tile anything with, but goddamn it! he wanted them back. SURRENDER THE FLOOR TILES!

Which makes me wonder — do they really want the stuff or are they just trying to fuck with you? Mine demanded — a grill brush. (My lawyer asked “Is it a gold-plated grill brush?”) His uncle’s pen. And his book “A History of West Virginia Logging.”

No. I’m not making that up. Apparently, he could not live another day without “A History of West Virginia Logging.” (Which of course, I didn’t have. I fled the house — packed up all my possessions in under four hours with a moving van — so perusing the shelves for his favorite discourse on the Appalachian lumber industry never occurred to me.)

It could be that they never really think about the consequences of their actions until it comes to the great injustice of losing their floor tiles. You might have sobbing children, decimated finances, and a PTSD twitch — but OMG, they’re going to have to part ways with the waffle iron! How could you inflict such cruelty?!

So tell me, guys — what’s the craziest object they wanted in the divorce?

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  • Mine demanded a download of the intunes librairy. And all the screws, nuts and bolts in the basement. This was in writing. haha

    • Mine locked me out if all bedrooms! Stole the furniture I bought.,charged me 50 cents for every cup of coffee…wanted the house for 1/2 price.,took the $8,000 dollar Ferris lawn mower….and tons more..,wrote post stick up noyes with thousands of bogus charges that I owed him! The killer is when he wrote a letter he was suring me for contempt of court for taking his kitchen spatulas..the lawyers had a good laugh but let him get away with all of it..I ran for my life …36 years with this crazy ass wipe!!! We are now dividing pensions and assets…he rewrote history ..my sons don’t talk to me.. He destroyed my clothes..I moved as far away as possible…started all over…don’t know why the courts treated me so bad when they told me all along they knew he was an asshole…anyway I would do all over again…because he was slowly killing me with his cheating and stealing are retirement funds!

      PTSD Chump

      • Hi Gail, I was married for 37 years (45 years all up) but never had to put up with what you have. My daughter (35) and son (32) don’t talk to me either. What have we done to deserve this treatment? I raised my 2 kids because the ex was not interested but they prefer him to me. Do your kids prefer their father also? I hope you are healing now.

        • You don’t deserve to be treated this way!! They make us look like the crazy ones. My children looked back and figured it out on their own. He discarded all of us. For some reason they always saw me as the strong one and all the spackle and forgiveness helped them view him as this simple guy. Every time I went along with what he wanted we suffered. I pray your children will see through the lies. You don’t have to convince them. It will take time but the assholes life will fall apart and they will see you thrive. Keep in touch with them regardless of what they say. This is so unacceptable.

          • Thanks Donna. It is very unfair but my 2 kids know that I love them more than life itself and I would give my life in a heart beat for both of them. I am a very strong person although there have been times when I thought is wasn’t worth going on. I know my kids see their father differently to me and I have to hope that one day they may make contact again. I live in hope.

        • Hi maree….married 36 years. Three sons, ages 31. 28. 24….oldest and youngest have had no contact with me or my middle son in over a year. The X must have spread some really good b.s. After he cheated, lied and is living with the OW. WTF?!? At the end of divorce and he is dragging it out for some nails and screwdrivers and worthless art. To fill up his low life 1 bedroom apt they now occupy. Oh well. I just want my kids back….where is the karma???

          • Hi tnsne1stcSusan, I hear your pain. I want my kids back also but it is a waiting game that we just have to sit through. There are so many variables with our estrangement that I don’t even want to think about them. I am really happy that your middle son is there for you. Cherish him because he maybe all you ever have. I will say a prayer for all of the Chumps whose kids have abandoned them and hope for reconciliation sooner rather than later.

            • I hate to say it Maree but I reckon if you want them you have be proactive and persistent. You can’t give up, shrug your shoulders and sit back and wait. Those kids, despite their ages, still see you as the grownup. If you dont fight for them, thats what they see. I have seen this time and time again. Both sides become stubborn, stick in their heels and become complacent waiting for the other until it becomes a habit, that over time becomes too hard to break. You have to keep at them. Wear them down. Dont give up!

      • First thing he asked for….first thing on the list…was the f@#%ing Christmas China. Really!!! And the OW is Jewish…..I am sure she would enjoy dining off of Spode Christmas China in December with a picture of a Christmas tree and presents on it….He is so stupid.

    • Mine left everything, pretty much except for his clothes. But he wanted that iTunes Library. Also in writing. I said – why can’t we just keep the same login/id, and I just promise I won’t buy anything. He looks at me all steely eyed, and says, “NO. It needs to be completely separate.” Uh – ok dude. Whatever. Shit.

    • Ah the digital media. Mine too wanted a copy of all the music and movies on the external hard drive. Music and movies that I had painstakingly ripped from our old CD and DVD collection.

      I sweetly told him “sure”. And then gave him a taste of his own medicine, I agreed and never did it. He’s still waiting.

      • Mine accused me via our dd13 of erasing everything on his HD. I did not but if I think hard about it I may have cut/ pasted instead of copy/ pasted the whole content of his HD. Which I had used as a spare…technically most of the contents ( music/ movies/ TV series) was mine. Oooops my bad.

      • So happy to hear this! How many times did I wait, never realizing he had no intent to finish anything.

  • Mine wanted the down comforter off my bed, even though he has his own house and bedding, for some reason he wanted me to be cold at night? I think it was because when he moved into the guest room after DDay, I told him the comforter kept me warm so I didn’t miss him in the bed. I still have the comforter, but he has half my retirement pension, think I lost on that one.

    • Mine also took bed linens. A velour blanket. It was special to me because it was so big,thick and fluffy and i went to a particular flea market in Germany for the sole purpose of acquiring that blanket. He was always too hot when i put it on the bed so i know it was out of spite.

  • Mine took the “half of everything” way too literally and proceeded to take half of each set of matching towels and half of two separate sets of pots and pans. He also took a mop bucket for some unknown reason. it had a wringer attached and i used to be really happy about that so i think he was just trying to take a piece of my happiness. *Shrugs*

  • Not the craziest thing, but he demanded I give him the bowflex. He maybe used it twice in the 4 years it sat in the garage, but he wanted that damn thing so bad that I received threats. Good God, have the damn thing…the stress you put me under gave me a new dress size, wasn’t worried about using the stupid bowfelx. Loser.

  • The water fountain he bought me for my birthday. Too big for me to move two big burly movers will handle that. And questioned why I would clean the house out when it sells? He moved in with his whore to a complete household doesn’t need anything. He said what if they broke up what would he do now having nothing! Ha! I told him move on to the next bar fly whore. When they first moved to their own place he would show up at my house with a list from the bitch of things they needed to borrow?!?!?!?! WTF!!! told him my house isn’t fucking walmarts and your whore makes 4 times the money I do! Really? The nerve of cheaters is beyond me! Every time he asked to borrow something. No its mine I bought it. Fucker.

  • Mine specifically asked for a wooden step ladder and the digital camera in our agreement. The step ladder sounds odd but it belonged to cheater’s grandfather. The mediator specifically said the camera was the FU item on cheater’s list since he knew I was using it to take pictures of all our daughter’s events.

  • The worst thing: he dug up dozens of perennial plants while I was at work, reeling from the early D-Day trauma. The following spring I went out to the yard looking for them, to cheer me up and saw the holes in the ground.

      • Yes. That’s takes meanness to a whole new level. And imagine–these people are the CHEATERS, not the people who were cheated.

      • We worked together for 12 years doing the landscaping ourselves… all the plants were chosen by both of us and paid for by me. The ones he took he considered ‘his’ because they were gifts from other people. It was just mean for him to do that since he was the cheater and the one who threw away what we had together. I don’t think your taking yours is the same.

  • My cheating ex husband wanted half of my 401k but wanted me to get only a small portion of his retirement accounts. He even had his attorney write up the marital settlement agreement specifying this. When my attorney got wind of this he stated that no way would a judge sign off on this and the agreement was rewritten. I don’t know why he thought he was special and what is normally split in half during a divorce would not apply to him

  • Hey, as a born West Virginian, I can understand his desire for the book & his affection for the history of their logging practices…good stuff…lol.

    Anyhow, I may have more to add to this list later when we actually finalize everything, but I will say that at his first leaving he wanted nothing. He said he had “zero emotional attachment to anything in that house”. I guess that includes your wife, your kid & your dog…because we’re all still here.

    But upon him realizing that he wasn’t going to get rich by leaving me he decided that “he is entitled (his favorite word to use, gag) to half of every single gift we received that was invented for us from my bridal shower to our wedding”. I asked him if he’d like me to send him the bras or panties of the lingerie sets…he didn’t like that. So I asked him to be more specific, like, does he want half of my effing 12 piece China set. He said “well yes, I’m entitled to half!”. So he specifically wanted 6 mugs, 6 salad plates, 6 bowls and 5 dinner plates (one broke) and half of a set of silverware, to start.

    But let me add that upon him leaving I realized how little he had here. Most of our furniture was mine before we met or from my family. Big surprise, just another area where our relationship was lopsided.

    • I guess I should’ve added that in his divorce filing he asked me to pay him alimony and all his attorney fees…..while I have our child 80% of the time…and he has the ability to work full time….and he lives with his mommy & daddy with no living expenses….and he cheated and left……

      Good stuff.

      • My STBX did this as well! He filed for spousal support and for me to pay his attorney fees. My attorney was shocked. Here is a man who is perfectly capable of working, yet chooses to be underemployed. I’ve worked two jobs most of our marriage just to make ends meet, and he thinks that I am going to continue to support him?! That ended up getting thrown out…he has to pay support and half of the kids tuition. And his attorney petitioned to withdraw from the case because STBX wouldn’t pay. I don’t know how his mind works, I’m not even going to try to understand it!

        • Yeah, mine has to pay spousal support and child support, as well. And no, I will not be paying his attorney fees…lol. I’m shocked his attorney hasn’t dropped him yet.

          I think him asking for those things in the divorce was perhaps one of the most despicable things he’s done yet.

        • I made sure that my divorce decree specifically stated that ex could never come after ME for support/alimony. He was angry about that. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that he intended to come after me for support after he quit his job.

      • My divorce is still in the works so no telling what all he’ll ask for but in his Discovery he wanted a list of every gift I’ve received since 2013? I had fun with that one. Gifts from my kids, gifts from my family, and some beautiful, heartwarming gifts from my friends in my online support group. SO many people have been incredibly loving and generous towards me. I bet his stripper girlfriends have bought him all sorts of gifts too. Oh wait…he has to pay THEM. Bahahahahaha 😀

      • Just now getting here to read everyone’s comments. After reading (so far to TBJ’s) all I can think is they are SUCH A BAG OF DICK’S!! EVERY single one of the disordered ASSHOLES. Fuckers is right. Good Riddance!!!

  • My ex might be the only person in the history of the world to ask for absolutely nothing. And we had plenty, including a home. I sent his clothes and books to him. He never asked for another thing. He gave me the equity we had in the home we owned for 18 years. I always assumed that he hated me so badly, and wanted to be done with me so badly, that he was willing to give everything up. We were separated and had little contact for seven years, and then I filed for divorce. He gave me everything.

    • Mine, too. 18 yrs, walked away from the house, stayed on mortgage until I could get refinanced. He moved while I was at work, and took basic stuff. Some towels, some vases, some dishes, some furniture, not enough that you could tell things were missing.
      I had to go through the photo albums and give him pics, that was painful. I loaned him the albums to scan photos of the kids. Not quite sure if that ever happened.

      • All mine wanted was his TV and clothes. He left his gold crucifix that his godmother gave him for his confirmation which I think is telling. I gave it back to him hoping that even for a second he might think about God watching him (Catholic upbringing and guilt runs deep I hear) and also I didn’t feel good about keeping it. I could have sold it but I have a conscience.

        • Mine left a small wooden sign that his grandfather had handcrafted for him that said: “Jesus” on it. It was tacky, but if my grandfather had made it, I would have kept it. He actually threw it in the garbage the one time he came over to clean up his stuff. I fished it out and put it with some of his other belongings – and told his father that it was there for him should he wish to retrieve it. OW in my situation is Jewish, so not sure if he was trying to be respectful of her home (see below my comment about him keeping his sports Christmas ornaments – but you throw away something that your grandfather handcrafted?).

          • mine also didn’t want anything. But here’s the thing? He is the perennial VICTIM. In order for him to maintain his followers, he had to be able to tell this story – that I left him “for no reason”, and “took everything”. Oh yeah. He even tried this with the Judge the 2nd time I took him to court. He had written out a letter to the Judge about how much he had put into my fledgling business (at the time -10+ years ago – and its bullshit), and how many things he did for me. (PUKE). He sat there being his own lawyer at the court dates. He actually limped in (coming in late to make an entrance) and told the Judge how he had ‘recently’ had a car accident (PUKE). Thankfully the Judge listened to NOTHING that he said, she went only by the paperwork – period. She told him – “if you would like to re-file your paperwork – I can look at any other tax records, etc that you may have to change my ruling?” Also – my ex-husband remarried in 5 months – he had dual income and the Judge reminded him of that. This particular court date was on April 1st (APRIL FOOLS DAY – HE was the fool) and he lost every single thing that he was trying for (less alimony, etc) – AND he was supposed to pay MY legal fees because he forced me to go back to court to fight for the future. I swear that that “limp” he had disappeared as he scuttled out of there just like the underground beetle that he is. Dickwad. I ended up (10 years later) getting 61,000.00 out of him (last November) because he did not do ONE thing after this particular court date which was in 09. He screwed himself…. he and his narc wife were trying to get their equity out of their home…. and lo and behold (?!) there is a lien on this house….. hmmmm. That was the ONLY way I got money out of him. Anyway…. I’m rambling now – but there are definitely those who don’t want anything for their own sick purposes.

            • Yes, I think mine wanted to make himself look good by being able to say he left me everything. The truth is that he was too lazy to pack up anything else and also wanted to buy himself new things. He’s telling everyone he “gave me” the house when I brought it into the marriage and had to buy him out of his share.

            • Exactly Wejoly! My exH didn’t ask for anything either but it was all part of his “poor me, she selfishly used me” narrative. He makes 6 figure salary and I make 1/3 of what he does. He just wanted to buy all new stuff and (double bonus!!) get to blame me for it. His narrative is that I was the abuser. He fails to mention all of the abuse he’s inflicted on me all of these years. My kids and I lived it tho. Just when I feel weak and start to question if I was abusive, I go back and listen to the recordings of him raging at me or the kids. I also have messages saved from him that are full of contempt. It helps reaffirm my reality.
              But back to the topic- he didn’t even take his clothes when he moved out. he left all of them at my house in the closet. He used that is a new opportunity to buy an entirely new wardrobe. He would show up at my house clad in full under armor attire. Every stitch of clothing on him from the hat on his head to the socks on his feet was brand spanking new. Meanwhile I struggled with the bills. Although he makes six figures, he lives with his mom and every penny he earns goes right out the door. He likes to impress people with his money.

              • Its all about their image. No money…. but new clothes… and new car, …. piffft. MEH!

          • Cindy–People are commodities to these cheaters. There is no sentimentality attached to things that other “things” have made for them.

        • Interesting. My “strict catholic” ex left the crucifix his grandmother gave us for our wedding, too. I guess he doesn’t want it staring down on him.

          • Mine took every religious item we had. Gotta keep up the facade that he is a deeply devout Catholic,…….. lying, stealing, and adultery aside, I’m sure he’s just peachy……

    • My ex didn’t want anything either, until he realized I wasn’t going to take him back. He literally told me “I thought I’d be back in the house.” After that he requested his laptop and PILLOWS. Apparently the pillows were very important to him lol. A point of pride came when he cleaned out our very large walk in closet of all his clothes and remarked, “Wow, I guess I really did have more clothes than you.”

      I filled that bitch up with some new, sexy clothes! 🙂

      • BettyD, I have been slowly buying new sexy clothes too. I never realized how many “mom” clothes I had!!! Cute but so “mommy”. Now I am working on buying what I like! And I like sexy sweet! And fun undies even though no one sees them but me!!! haha

        • Good for you conniered! You deserve to feel sexy even if your single. I hate the way single moms are shamed. Just this week in my little backwoods town, A local photographer advertise a boudoir photo shoot for married women to come have pictures taken for their husbands. She advertise that the proceeds from her boudoir shoot would go to benefit “single moms.” It made me feel like a lower class of person. Like I wasn’t deserving of the boudoir photo shoot because I didn’t have a husband to give a picture too. Like I had no need for sexy lingerie because I lacked a husband and my sexuality needed restraint. And because I was a single mom, I was to be pitied and needed sexy married women to go have fancy pictures taken so they could give me charity money. I felt like calling her out on it but I know her heart (no matter how misdirected) was in the right place. However, I wanted to say “hey! I’m a single mom with a masters degree working three jobs! I don’t need your charity or anyone elses thankyouverymuch! In fact, I do better in my own than some married couples. My home isn’t “broken.” It WAS broken, but I fixed that.”

    • Mine, too. As we did the house walkthrough, trying to be fair, he declined one thing after another. Didn’t want the furniture, the bed, the TV, the quilt I made for him, … nothing. All he wanted, evidently, was “Not this.” 🙁

      Yet another poor financial management decision, IMHO 🙂

      • Nwbiblio isn’t it like they want all new EVERYTHING? I think these disordered narcs are always looking for happiness in a new partner, a new family, a new LIFE. They are hollow shells of a human being and no matter how much “new” they consume, they will never be fulfilled or happy.

        • But isn’t there also the element of “YOU never let me have a say in anything. You always picked everything out…made all the decisions….wouldn’t let me have any input. Nothing here is to my taste. Not even you!”

          And actually it’s true….but all he ever had to say was “I like this one” afterall that’s howcome I got to be stuck in this house!!!!!!

    • My STBX hasn’t asked for anything either, so far. He even helped me buy a new house, because we have needed a bigger house for years but he wouldn’t ever upgrade because he didn’t want to spend the money. Now to get rid of me quickly, so he can marry his slut, he is willing to spend whatever he has to. I don’t know if he feels guilty for starting this shitstorm or hopes the house will keep me from going after his stocks and 401k.

    • Mine didn’t ask for anything either, I however gave hime A LOT. Several of my friends said I was way too generous but at the end of the day I have to live with myself and he is still the father of my kids and grandfather of my grand kids. Besides being a compulsive liar and cheat he is not a bad guy “puke” LMAO the twatwaffle is sooo welcome to his alcoholic self.

    • exhole didnt want anything either. i kept asking him what did he want from the house. he would say “there is nothing there that i want”. including his wife and his kids. i had already packed all his clothes and everything else i could find of his. it came down to 5 big boxes. most of it clothes because i took good care of him. he had stuff in the garage and yard but kept saying he didnt want anything so i kept it all. i think he really didnt believe that i was going to divorce him.

      right after the divorce was final he wanted a truck that he had bought for parts. i dont know if he needed it for his truck or if he was planning on fixing it up for her. (she didnt have a car, a job, a house or her kids) but he already stole a rear end from me so i told him no. it was mine by the divorce. he wasnt happy.

      i have also found some stuff disappeared in this year. he left his trash picker upper thing. i used it a lot so i wouldnt have to bend over. it disappeared one day (i am almost certain he saw me using it and remembered it was his.) a glow in the dark cross he had given me also disappeared. who steals a cross? and oddly enough my bike seat went missing. it wasnt anything special, just a seat that was wider then the seats that come on the bike. i actually paid 10 dollars for it at walmart. i have no clue why he would steal it but his cousin rides bikes everywhere and probably needed one. there are other things missing in my yard but as soon as he moved to another town things stopped disappearing.

      i am sure it was all done in spite. because he hates me now. it is all my fault doncha know. a year later i still run across some stuff that is his. the things i cant throw away. like his picture of his dead cousin i throw in a box. when the box is full or i finally go thru every squAre inch of this 3200 sq ft house i will give it to his sister. i thought i would go thru the pic and give him the wedding albumn but havent made the effort yet. from what i can tell he has all new clothes so i wonder what he did with allthose boxes i gave him. he seems not to wear muc that i bought him. which is good because it buggs the shit out of me to see a picture of him with her in a shirt i bought for him.

      he hasnt asked for anything else. including his kids so i guess he is done with us now.

  • The dogs ashes, the orange crock pot, a crochet blanket and the blender his mother bought him. He didn’t get any of it. Goodwill got that damn $400 blender.

  • Not so much one thing for me. When I finally forced her hand by telling her either divorce me or get busy reconciling, she chose divorce. I let her know we weren’t playing the “break up” game where she got to pick through things she wanted, etc. This is serious and a lawyer needs to be involved. I changed the locks on the house only to rechange them back later–per law. Looking back, she uses this stance as me “making” her divorce me something she was saying she was going to do for weeks if not more. Her view, “I couldn’t let you steal my stuff.” Ha! And you wonder why lawyers are necessary? Cheaters are so entitled that they think it is ALL their stuff. (And they do not care about the chump or the marriage). Such materialistic, cold hearted creatures cheaters are!

    • My Cheater was getting his one place to “work on his issues” and I (yes, chump here) helped him get items for his “temporary” apartment. He came back a few days later and picked up a tv, dvd player and 1/2 the DVD Collection when I wasn’t home and took pillows and blankets from the family room (and put other one’s in their place thinking I wouldn’t notice). He left the pictures of the kids and everything that would be noticeable. He wanted the new knives that I purchased with my Christmas bonus (as he would be bringing them home), the heavy comforter for the bed, 1/2 the silverware (again was mine from before and he was going to be bringing it home). This was before DDay.

      DDay came and I packed up the rest of his stuff and put it into a storage locker (which I paid for),changed the locks and sent him an email of where his stuff was the deadline to pick it up, a list of things he needed to do and letting him know that I knew about OWhore with a single line. He finally did go and pick what he wanted and left the rest of HIS stuff for me to deal with.

      Interesting that setting up his slutshack was more important than pictures of his child, etc. And the sound of crickets is all I have heard.

    • i think that is what exhole wanted to do. play the “break up game” he used to tell me he never cheated on me because we were broken up at the time. i would tell him “there is no break up in marriage and this isnt high school” . even thou i think that is how he believes in his high school mentality so he wanted to “break up” for a while so he could party and fuck his hood rat and when he got tired of partying come back home to good old stable boring wife and kids. until the next time.

      i refuse to live like that.

  • When we separated, my cheater stated “I have a RIGHT to do laundry in my own home! ”

    His cheating brother left a bottle of cumin and cayenne pepper on the counter for his ex wife –but took all the others.

  • Mine didn’t ask for a thing. He *took* some shit without asking though.

    When he was moving out, he went upstairs (while my 90+ mother was sleeping), and stole her Oreck vacuum. Yep, another guy with a vacuum fetish. When I noticed it missing, I confronted him about it. He brought it back.

    Two other things he took which I decided to let go (not worth the fight): He gave me a John Deere trailer for our lawn tractor. He took that (now mind you => I have 3-4 acres to tend; he moved to an apartment ;/ ). I’m sure he sold it to someone. And he took (1) knife from my Henkel set (the small paring knife). That might have been symbolic.

  • A bit opposite here but along the same lines….

    Mine was in deep MLC ( head up ass ) when we got transferred to a city 3 hours away. Unknown to me, he was planning ( told me this after BD ) on how to move without me!

    We were moving from a pretty big house into a church rectory half the size. He decided to give away all of the appliances, rec room furniture, spare bedroom sets, ect. Enough to furnish a house.

    We moved and as I was unpacking boxes to a house that I had no rights to ( it belongs to the church and his office is in it ) he tells me that the marriage is a bad marriage and that he is DONE!

    I won’t go into the couple of years of hell I went through trying to afford a place to live , but I will say that I struggled and lived for over one year with no appliances. I had a plug in cooler and a microwave and then somebody gave me an ancient BBQ.

    I had more money and better furniture when I was a Univetsity student!!

    Things are a lot better now. But it blows my mind that we gave thousands of dollars worth of furniture away when he knew I would need that stuff!!!

    • Yes…my fiances XW demanded a bunch of stuff that she later dumped never asking him if he wanted any of it (and he did).

  • He took every towel (3 bathrooms) , rug, curtain, vacuum, went through the Christmas decorations, my camera lenses, shelves on the wall and hid them off property….took all of these things when I wasn’t home. I had been packing waiting on the moving company and he actually went through my boxes. I guess the 26 year old needed them more than I did. Yet he told ME I wasn’t going to clean out the house of everything when I left.

    • I had forgotten about the glamour shots ex insisted we take together in our first year of marriage. Last year, he posted one of them on Ellen DeGenere’s Instagram account, where it received well over 85,000 views and thousands of really mean comments. In the photo, it looked like we were naked (we weren’t) except for long gloves I was wearing. What can I say, it was 1990 and the pose was NOT my idea!

  • months after he texted me wanting the pointy shovel and rake??? I kept thinking in was to bury my body!!!

    • That’s a bit creepy! He probably didn’t want to be on video at Home Depot during the homicide investigation! Ha! Ha! Ha! Sorry, I’m an ID TV fanatic and they usually bust the murderous spouse with that footage!

  • My ex took the broom. Fine with me. In the day, when we entertained, I’d give the house a good cleaning. His idea of helping with tidying the house would be to go sweep the garage floor! Not the front walk, back porch, deck….no the garage. Whatever that’s about? To the non-chump this list Cn ia about to tally will be hard to believe!!!!

    • OMG, mine did that too! Before we entertained, when I was frantically cooking & cleaning, he would go clean the garage “in case anyone wanted to see it”. Riiiiight…

    • Mine did that as well! It would be Thanksgiving, I’d be frantically cooking an entire traditional turkey dinner for 14 people and he would decide that was just the right time to go tackle the garage reorganization. This happened on several occasions.

  • Mine asked for his clothes, guns and some tools from the garage. He took the damn paint sprayer. He lives in a one-bedroom apt with rented furniture. What was he planning to spray???

    Right after DDay he was in a hotel and so he would ask for “towels I wasn’t using” and the green accountant’s lamp from the office. I gave them. But he never asked for pictures of his son. Or how to access pictures online of him.

    I now own the house now, free and clear. He signed a quitclaim deed to remove his name from the deed. My name is the only one on the mortgage. I dare him to ask me for anything now. The house and all its contents are mine. Ass.

    • Mine never asked for pictures of the kids either. When I asked if he wanted any, he demanded half of them. I ignored that since he’d never taken or printed or labeled or given a damn about the pictures before. But I did send him a wide collection of images. I do not think he’s ever unpacked the box they are in. That was during my earlier, stupider period when I thought we would make a reasonable effort to co-parent, and I thought my kids would want to see pictures of themselves at both homes. Now, I know that they’ll never get any normal parenting out of him and all attempts to help foster it on my part are futile.

      Yet, he has always kept a stash of pictures of former girlfriends that stretches back to kindergarten. God, I was stupid not to see the writing on the wall. He keeps trophy photos of a 6-year-old crush ready to hand but not his own kids.

      • One of my stupider moments early in the marriage was when I found out he kept pictures of his exes too. I look back now and go “I let that slide! Boy, I was stupid!” But add me to that list as well, seeing as he kept digital copies of a boudoir photo shoot of me! Ughh, at least he can look back and say “Damn, she was fine!” Lol.

      • Ah yes, co-parenting does not exist in my world either. He sees our son each week for about 24 hours. That does not constitute parenting in any way. That is a visit. So we don’t parent together. Never will. He spends his weeks with OW and her 14-year-old son. The hypocrisy of his life is astounding. The OW’s son has even started giving our son hand-me-down toys and video games.

      • Mine asked for pictures of the kids and me and a full complete copy of our wedding album and video don’t ya know cause they are his memories too! Ha! I said no. You took those memories and threw them under the bus! Our wedding album really? Pictures of me really? Gave him all pictures up to before me. Maybe after divorce final house sold and I’m hours away from him I may give him a few. He completely ignores his kids and sister except for birthday and Xmas and the has to be reminded by me not to dissapoint them. Other woman could care less. They wanted both of us to be happy even if we were not together but after years of basically no contact from him to them they got his number. I also found naked pictures of the first drug addicted drunk POS first wife and near naked ones of me hidden away after he left. First wife five years, me twenty five. I gleefully burned them all up! He was enraged! I had no right to do that! I burned them for her dignity and mine even though I hated her cause she screwed her kid with him so badly. He would never have gotten rid of them and children at no age should ever come across pictures like that. I sent all photos out of state til after divorce where he can’t get them. Again, the fucker.

        • Mine threw our wedding video in the trash. Lucky I found it – not that I wish to remember the day when he really didn’t commit to me, but so many of our loved ones that have since passed away, including my mom, are on that video. I was totally shattered when I found that.

          • aw…sorry about that…mine couldn’t wait to tell me he ripped up all the pictures of “us” that he had

  • Oh, this is a fun topic! My STBX left in January, 2014, and all he took was a carryon suit case full of clothes.

    By April, he still had all of his crap here, so I put his clothes in trash bags and left them on the curb for him.

    By August, I told him if he didn’t get the rest of his stuff, I was selling it all on Craigslist. I sold it all September 1st when he thought I was bluffing.

    Two weeks ago, in April 2015, he called asking for his forgotten guitar and golf clubs that have been in the attic for over 2 years.

    This is after a court order was issued in January for him to pay me the 12 months of back spousal and child support he should have paid, along with a financial settlement. It’s almost May, and I haven’t seen a check yet.

    But he asked me to be “understanding of his difficult financial situation” and not pressure him for the money, while asking for the golf clubs and guitar because he wants to take up those hobbies again.

      • Not yet… Not that I am saving them for him. I just haven’t had the time to do the research to see how much they are worth to sell them. If I remember correctly, they were expensive enough when he bought them for me to get angry. Ahhhh, the joys of raising two threenagers as a single mom…

  • My STBX took what he wanted out of the house, but he never managed to tackle the garage. When I finally told him that I would be having movers take it to him and asked what he wanted, he said, “absolutely everything.”

    He’d been piling junk mail, half-finished projects of various sorts, and other trash in there for years alongside his tools and sporting equipment. When I pointed that out and asked if really wanted “everything” or just his stuff, he told me, that he wanted it all (peppering the request with plenty of obscenities and threatening me with legal action if I withheld a single item.)

    That was the final straw for one of my family members, who proceeded to help me by bagging and boxing every single thing including–trash, fall leaves that had blown in, his empty alcohol bottles, house hold cleaners, etc. He put every bit of it into some container and onto the movers’ truck. Dead beetle or tackle box filled with fancy new fishing gear, it made no difference to my family member.

    Later, my STBX accused me of trying to poison him by sending him “toxic” materials (i.e. the ordinary brands of household cleaners all still in their original bottles and no more toxic in his new garage than they were in our shared one). It would have been funny if he hadn’t been making the accusation to our young kids.

    For the next year he would call me to ask where something-or-other was. I’d just answer, “In one of those boxes from the garage.” Then he’d accuse me of stealing his stuff, since he couldn’t find it amid all the junk he had demanded I send him. He’s a gem.

  • Mine wanted a 20 year old mitre box (cheapest plastic one on the market) from repairs we did on a townhouse we were selling years ago! Funny thing was, he never “mastered” the art of cutting trim work and I had to use the damn thing to finish the work!! Silly, but he never asked for a saw to go with that mitre box. To top it off, his Schmoopie lives in a cheap condo, (read: apartment 950 sq. ft.) and the rest of the week he resides in a hotel room!! So why the mitre box?? Who the hell knows! He left our 2400 Sq. Ft. House on over an acre of land so you can just imagine the equipment we own to maintain this, but dumbass asks for a mitre box!!!!

  • I posted this yesterday, but I’ll do it again.

    The ex asked for half of the homemade vanilla extract. It is so easy to laugh about now. He’s pathetic.

  • Out of the blue, Big Chief Dumb Fuck demanded that the listing of divided assets on the divorce petition be amended to include thirteen Dept. 56 light-up Christmas houses.

    Which he hadn’t needed in the intervening two years’ Christmas celebrations since I kicked him out.

    Which hadn’t been out of their boxes in the previous nineteen years.

    I promptly amended the petition, put the individual boxes on the curb on a Monday evening, and notified him that the boxes needed to be picked up immediately, reminding him that trash pick up at my/our house was first thing Tuesday morning.

    He drove over post haste, and he and Twatwaffle loaded them into Twatwaffle’s car (since the convertible he’d bought himself after D-Day didn’t have a trunk big enough to hold them.)

    I stood there on the driveway watching, with a garden hose in hand, and ceremoniously washed down the driveway and curb to sluice off the bad JuJu.

    • “I stood there on the driveway watching, with a garden hose in hand, and ceremoniously washed down the driveway and curb to sluice off the bad JuJu.”

      THIS^^^^^ priceless!! Awesome.

  • When he moved away to his bachelor apt leaving behind the colonial 4 BR house wife/kids/dog…he took golf clubs, a bike, those sorts of things. He had assured me this was temporary and he would live in an “executive hotel” while there but be home “all the time”…he wasn’t LEAVING, you see, he was WORKING…doing what good responsible men do..leaving 3 kids and a wife in a puddle of tears so he could WORK 3000 miles away in the same city where the OW (who he had SWORN he broke up with) was working. She didn’t LIVE there, mind you, she LIVED in Seattle near her fiance.

    and I was SO FUCKING STUPID AND TRUSTING that I BELIEVED this shit, I really did

    and soon after he got there, my birthday rolled around and he forgot it…I asked him if he left me and simply didn’t bother to tell me about it and he said “Oh no!!”

    But that Executive hotel thing didnt work out because if he bought a jar of mayonnaise then there was no place to put it when he came home, so he needed an apartment. 1 year lease and $5000 in furnishings later he still wasn’t “LIVING” there, mind you.

    He stayed there for 18 months and I was TOTALLY in denial that he and OW were likely living out their schmoopie love nest fantasies while I was back east.

    Much later after he moved back home to continue our wreckoncilliation, he told me “I feel good about the fact that I never left ”

    and for anyone who missed my other post on this…tuesday of this week, 2.5 years after his death, I learned that he was not a one-Schmoopie cheater, he was a serial cheater.

    Odd thing about dying…they take NOTHING with them, NOTHING…He had a huge coat fetish…he owned coats, worked for a coat company then started and sold a coat company…no fuckingshit I had about 200 mens coats when he died – literally opened boxed I didn’t know we had to find coats I didn’t know we had….on my craziest “coat purge” day I walked up to a janitor at work, handed him a North Face coat and told him it was a gift and never to give it back.

  • Mehphista, these asswipes honestly believe that they can buy love, respect and honor and integrity! They are so full of shit it hurts! Tell him to throw some money at his side fuck of the week and she can pretend to “respect” him!

  • As a West Virginian I can give you the history of WV logging Cliff Notes Version…They cut down trees, environmental disaster and flooding ensued before they lopped the top of the mountain for coal with even greater environmental disaster… As far as today’s topic, I have the opposite problem, two years after she moved out and a year post divorce I still have a basement full of shit.

    • Cletus,

      I’d send her a certified letter, return receipt requested, stating that you will no longer provide her with free storage services and on Date X all her property that she left at your house will be deposited on the curb in front of your house at 9 a.m. and if it’s not picked up by 5 p.m. it will be thrown away. Then follow through.

      Boundaries should be literal as well as symbolic. Her shit goes at her house, not yours. I predict getting rid of that stuff will leave you walking on air for several days.

      • It did for me. In spite of XH not wanting anything, I knew what was his so I packed it up. He started hemming and hawing about how he could trickle over now & then and “move a few boxes.” FTS, I thought. I’ve played second fiddle to that f***ing business of his for TOO long, so I moved everything to the garage of the house where he was staying. — We were still talking then, so he said, “You didn’t have to do that, thanks.” I told him, “That wasn’t for you, that was for me. You want out? You’re out.” Very liberating.

      • agreed! I put all his shit on the front porch and told him to pick it up. He hemmed and hawed about how he wasn’t sure it would fit in his pick up truck but it did. There’s still a few things of his in the garage but that will be gone soon too.

    • Same problem, Cletus. My ex left with most of his clothes, his computer, a couple of towels and a set of sheets. I kept asking him to get his stuff out of the house, he ignored that (at the time I didn’t realize he thought he’d be coming back).

      I didn’t set clear boundaries such as ‘if it’s not out by the 31st, it’s all being donated or trashed’, because he has been and continues to be more financially generous about child support than the law requires. So a year later the kids and I boxed up all his crap (tons of books, some clothes and CDs) and put it in the basement. He opened a couple of the boxes a year after that to get some documents he needed, the rest is still there. I guess it’ll molder until I move out of the house, then it’ll go in the garbage.

      But the entitlement there still pissed me off; I fuck around and end our relationship, but I shouldn’t have to be bothered packing my stuff and getting it out of your way. Assholes are assholes, I guess.

      The weirdest was that, while living 3 blocks away in a building WITH LAUNDRY FACILITIES he kept coming back to the house to do his laundry. It took multiple attempts and finally a threat to re-key the locks to get him to stop doing that.

      He also never asked for photos of the kids, unless he made an extra back-up from the computer and took that. Don’t think so, though. Cold cold asshole.

      • “But the entitlement there still pissed me off; I fuck around and end our relationship, but I shouldn’t have to be bothered packing my stuff and getting it out of your way.” THIS!!!!

    • Cletus,

      I feel your pain. I have a garage crammed full of every automotive tool imaginable. And since my money covered all the living expenses (because “team”, you know) it was only the best for my baby.

      I’m also in West Virginia. Maybe we could have a joint yard sale. lol

      As for what he took besides his clothes -5 of the 8 household pillows, enough pillowcases to make sure there wasn’t a complete bedding set left behind, and a very distinctive patchwork quilt handmade by his grandmother and later used as a backdrop to showcase his ‘charms’ in a Craigslist casual hookup ad.

  • Mine made sure he removed the VCR from the house. He showed me.

    I let my ex keep everything. I only needed enough to start a new life in a one-bedroom or loft apartment and modestly requested only the things I would need.

    In response, he very generously offered to let me take anything I wanted– Except the items I requested. I smelled what he was doing immediately, which was “clearing” the house of years of his accumulated kitsch to make room for his mistress on my dime.

    The only thing I really wanted was our new bedroom set or half the value (not unreasonable), particularly as he failed to disclose his assets. He rebuffed by offering his old hand-me-down family set.

    I told my attorney to inform him to shove it up his ass. Sleeping on the floor would be a more dignified life that being married to him for a day longer than necessary.

  • My ex wife made a stink about some of her yoga chimes and incense sticks were missing. She also asked for the swifter wet jet in our settlement.

    She left behind her tree hugging hiking brochures. She lives in Dallas now has become and is gun toting republican.

    Namaste Y’all

  • Oh yeah, he took all the alcohol that he had collected. Several years before DDay he got interested in fancy cocktails and I had bought him a bartender set of tools, recipes etc for Christmas, and he invested lots of money in many different fruit flavored liquors. He took every last bottle. Took them to our (now my EX-friends) friends’ house where he was staying for a year while he also drove to OW’s house 2 hours away every weekend. I’m sure they had some sparkly fruit flavored parties and fun there.

    This particular couple immediately took Cheater’s side when told he was cheating and even defended him (“Cheater must have his reasons!)… they really never liked me because I was the party pooper who never wanted to go out drinking for hours every Friday night because I had a serious medical condition called Meniere’s Disease and because I worked at a stressful job supporting us. What a Debbie Downer I was, to be sure. Plus I’m sure he must have told them what a crazy psycho bitch I am.

    • Remember Muse, nothing says “Twu wuv” until they have those “beer goggles” on! He probably needed the alcohol to tolerate the Schmoopie! My ex was a tee totaler until he found Schmoops on Facebook! If you had to look at “hatchet face” all the time then you’d steal the liquor too!

  • Mine came in and stole all the power tools out of the garage for his tiny apartment that he rented. We fought till the end over a player piano his father gave me. He found it for me at a garage sale. My Ex was as musically inclined as a slug but knew the piano meant something to me and my daughter who both play. I pretended to want a coke machine we owned and held out till he gave in. He got the soda machine, I got the piano. He always taught me to let the other guy think he won. He taught me well.

  • Ooh he inspired a CL post! I’m so proud 🙂
    I keep asking him what he wants to take so I can start shopping, replacing, planning, etc. I’m being very generous because I don’t want to delay him moving out any longer (and yay I get to buy new stuff that I like!) But he won’t commit to anything. The only “list” he was able to come up with so far is “the blender and the garlic press.” Deal! Where do I sign?
    Update – he hasn’t decided which Dyson he wants yet either!

  • A frog shaped bottle opener. Not kidding.

    He one or two expected things when he moved out-a table his grandfather made for us, and his deceased brothers records. Clothes and other stuff I packed up and left for him to come and get. After that I realized he’d left some things he might want-gifts from his parents, sentimental thing, his grandfather’s old tools, he hadn’t taken any pictures with him. I found a box with all the cards and presents like clay pots and handprints the kids made for him when they were little. When I asked recently if he’d left anything he wanted, he got really serious and said he wanted the bottle opener shaped like a frog that I’d gotten at the Container Store for $2.00 ten years ago. Mental!

    • Mine cleared all his own stuff when he left. His wardrobe drawer was full of little novelty gifts from the kids collected over the years, when I commented that he hadn’t packed them, he told me to get rid of them, they were no use to him.

  • Mine dismantled two huge water butts and dragged them to his car, he waited two years to get them. It was another six months before he realised he had no photos of his children.

  • We have not got to this point since mediation is next month. I left under to cover of darkness with a truck and trash bags taking things he acknowledged he felt were mine to take. I will see how this plays out next month. I left behind antiques, things that belong to the kids, and pieces my dad refinished that I would like and have no Idea what he is going to request. At this point i feel like throwing everything in a pile and selling it down to a fork, split it and move on. It is just stuff and we have to have money to live.
    As a side note, he also asked about a vaccum. I left the one we had but the bags got packed. Luckily i had bought my mom the same model one year and gave her the bags. He must have had to take the big boy field trip to buy new ones. He wanted to know what would be the best new one to buy. Yes, it has to be the best! I thought to myself that i left you you the best one. The one i took broke and I had to buy a new one. He may have used it in the house three times (never helped). He used it to clean his campers with-OCD about those about and his stuff. He cared less about family and home.

    • Informal, take what you want.
      I had a rather long and drama-filled two years after D-Day, not all crapweasel’s fault, but look here;
      From then get-go, he was very avid about splitting our possessions, ie. “We will go through the house and pick one after the other, labeling the possessions we want. You get the first pick.”
      I was horrified. This was not going to happen in my lifetime. My kid’s were freaked about dismantling their childhood home.
      Kudos to my sister, who after being informed our home of twenty years was sold, swooped in and told me that I was moving to my new home on our parent’s anniversary, June 22.
      I nodded dumbly and got to work. I chose everything I wanted for our new house and my Mom arranged with great movers. We moved and the beds were set up that night, all the big pieces were in place and looked lovely.
      I actually returned a few pieces back to the marital home as I did not need them.
      Crapweasel had no idea that I had moved out until almost a month later, when he requested access to the house thru my attorney. She informed him that I had moved a month ago and IT WAS ALL HIS.
      My daughter informed me that “Dad is really angry” and “Dad wants my piano” during HIS moving process which included 27 years of detritus; my wedding gown, innumerable shit that is accumulated when you entertain a lot.
      After the move, he tried some half assed confrontation that I cheated him in the material settlement. He said, “You took exactly what you wanted and left me with sh…” I laugh as I looked straight at him as he was saying this and he could not finish the sentence.
      I should have kicked him in the ass when he turned to leave.

      • Oh, and I left him with the Ansley China, service for 12, with serving pieces. I have no use for it in my new life, but perhaps he can!

      • Beverly, so ironic: “You took exactly what you wanted and left me with shit.” My Ex said something similar. He spent many weeks daily removing stuff while I was at work, and this was in Early Days, I mean the four weeks following D-Day (which was a total surprise to me). I would come home from work and take pictures to compare to the pictures I’d taken the previous night. I was also starting to get righteously pissed, and one night, I put a post it note on his pile of paperback cookbooks (“Macrobiotic Kitchen,” “Kripalu Kitchen,”) — in 16 years he not ONCE cooked dinner for us! I did it all. I put a post it note on the pile that said, “Don’t forget your cook books.” OK passive aggressive I suppose, but the next time I came home the cookbooks had been flung down the basement stairs and were all broken up at the bottom. I asked him why he did that, and he angrily said, “Do you have ANY fucking idea what it feels like to have you take everything I ever gave you and have it shoved into the fucking trash????!!!” — I replied, “YES, I do! that is what YOU are doing to our relationship!!!’ Dimwit.

  • This stuff cracks me up! But think about it this way, they simply aren’t choosy about who they screw around with so what makes you think they are going to be any more discerning about their “stuff”? They simply do not value a damn thing in their lives! A cheaters mind has just got to look like a selfish six year old high on sugary drinks having a childish fit on the floor! It’s absolutely hilarious really! Notice that they are usually pack rats and collect useless shit in multiples. Mine has hundreds of tubes of caulk! He’s never caulked shit in his life! He is the original “unhandy man”! He found changing a lightbulb difficult! Ha! Ha! Ha

    • Why caulk? Why? Same thing here. Every time something needed to be caulked, he’d go by a new tube, usually the wrong one, but never do the job. SO MUCH CAULK.

      • Donenow, same here! Mine fancied himself “happy Harry homeowner”, but truth be told he was incapable of hanging a picture or choosing the right lightbulb for a fixture! I did ALL the work in our house or I had to explain to him one step at a time how to do the work. Anything he ever worked on required an expensive follow up by a professional or me! He’s quite inept! Good luck Schmoopie!

        • Awww, Roberta, I thought *my* stbx was the original un-handyman. I too did all the work around this place, and then when he moved out, he took the toolbox to his leased apartment with 24-hr maintenance. That one bugged me at first, until I realized that I was slightly disorganized and that most of the tools of value weren’t even in the box when he took it. Oops. Dumbass got a box full of odds and ends and random supplies. Enjoy!

      • I’ve mentioned before that there are several drawers in the garage that are full of boxes of nails. Each time he needed a nail for something, he would buy a new box of them rather than look through the thousands he already had. Lazy, entitled, SOB.

        • Bye Bye Cheater, same here! I think my husband was “pairing” tools and supplies like Noah preparing the paired up animals on the ark! It’s so ridiculous, but also good for yard sales!!!!

          • Roberta

            Funny how your ex had hundreds of tubes of caulk. Maybe it was repressed Freudian juxtaposition of being endowed with only one cock and this fed his ego.

            Nothing like a man with plenty of caulk. Maybe one day he can fill the cracks in his brain with it, talk about a mind f*ck.

    • OMG Roberta!!! I immediately thought of the SNL Home Improvement skit. Didn’t you know that caulk is used to fill cracks? I’m sure he’s planning on caulking a lot of cracks. In fact, every decision these idiots make is based on their caulk.

      Enjoy… it’s hilarious!
      https://youtu.be/tiPkYt09awo

  • I boxed up all my ex’s shit for him, and took 4 hours off of work to make sure he didn’t take anything he wasn’t supposed to. When he didn’t show up, I set up a video camera. He walked in 15 minutes after I left (real shocker there!) with his twin asshole brother. They only took what I had packed for him and a couple other small things. NOT the brown furniture set he and his HW had left cum stains on and I refused to sit on (or let our daughter sit on).
    A couple weeks later, I realized he charged $2000 to a joint credit card to furnish his and the HW’s new apartment. AND his attorney complained that I took EVERYTHING! Plus, he demanded the lawn equipment- for an apartment…

    • I did the same thing. Had all of my ex’s personal things boxed and ready to go. He brought his brother over to “help him load it the truck”, then they proceeded to go through the house as if it was a department store. My ex-brother-in-law would see something HE wanted and my ex would then try to claim it!! Also my ex-mother-in-law had given her son a list of items that SHE wanted!! I immediately put a stop to that BS. Told my ex-BIL to leave the house and told my ex that anything he wanted that wasn’t already packed needed to be in writing and sent to my lawyer!

      The dumbest thing he requested in writing was one of the dining room chairs (out of a set of 6) because it “had sentimental value”… It was the “Captain’s Chair” that he always sat in at the head of the table…blah, blah, blah. He did not get it!!

  • I purchased a pink refurbished Dyson about 7 years ago and it still works great. I WILL be taking that with me. He can have the other POS vacuum. It’s not like he knows how to run a vaccum anyway…

    • There was no way that POS was getting my Dyson. He used to joke that I loved it more than him. Now I know I do!!!

      • I bought a Dyson after Saddam moved out, the one thing he did was vacuum because I hate the sound of it and so he always bought giant heavy vacuums that never really worked and he never moved a stick of furniture. However funny it may be, I love the Dyson even if it only has one ball it’s better than having my ex around

  • The shirt off my back?
    My children?
    My sanity?
    My dignity?
    Actually she failed on that score

    She did get the stone cat from the pond. She really kicked off about that. It wasn’t even an heir loom.

    • Yes, the time with the children they steal from us and our peace of mind matters the most. I would honestly give him anything just to have my kids with me all of the time. That way I know they are safe from his barrage of emotional abuse.

  • Who cares. If you are unhappy it’s worth it to give away anything that reminds you of your life together.

    I wish Chumplady would write a blog about about crazy marriage counselors or psychologists who blame the loyal spouse. What the heck is that about? Mine told me my mother was obnoxious and as a result she wanted to discuss ways I may be acting like my mother. Huh! None of my friends have ever told me I act like my mother. In fact, they told me the opposite. They said I am nothing like my mother. Also ex boyfriends said the same thing. None of them liked my mother but they always said I was nothing like her.

    IMO, I think the real truth is that sometimes someone with a crappy mother, marries a person that is just as crappy as their mother. Maybe because they think that being crappy is a way to show love. Anyway, I stopped seeing marriage counselors because almost all of them wanted to blame me for my spouses actions. Can you write a blog about these people?

    I learned more about me and the effect of my crappy mother from self help books.

    • I don’t know if she’s ever written a post specifically about counselors, but certainly about plenty of psychologists who write columns for Huffington Post and the like.

      I’m so grateful my therapist wasn’t like that. I’ve heaped enough self-blame & recrimination to last a lifetime, I don’t need their professional help to give it permanence and validity.

    • CL has definitely written about “blame the chump” marriage counselors. You should be able to locate those blogs in the archives. Many of us have suffered at the hands of incompetent “therapists”; mine was actually related to OW, a fact she conveniently failed to remember (although she did tell me OW came from a family of narcissists). That’s the beauty of this site-no matter how crazy your situation seems, there is always someone who has experienced the same insanity, or worse!

    • You nailed it. People with horrible relationships with their mothers jump right into horrible relationships with romantic partners. Speaking from experience here. It took a couple years of therapy and TWO good, competent psychologists (NOT the idiots discussed above) to figure out WHY I went to my ex from my mom. It is shitty to have to sort through, but apparently, it is a common pattern. I am sorry you have to deal with this, but know that it happens a lot, and once you figure out your own mess, you can heal and put that bad relationship (with your mother and your ex) into the lead-lined toxic box of bad habits, and become WHOLE for they first time. 🙂

  • My ex, who treated me like something on the bottom of his shoe as well as cheating, specifically broke into the house to take….
    the CD of our wedding photos.
    What the?

    • Wow! I used to tell my Cheater that he was treating me like something he scraped off his shoe….That was well before I knew about his cheating…

  • The peg tin. He very carefully placed all the pegs on the washing line and took the empty tin.
    It still cracks me up.

  • I don’t have a good story here. When I left my wife for the second (and last) time, she put her negative energy into calculating the market value of everything we owned in a huge spreadsheet. She found some recommended formula only with which she simply priced everything we owned all items 1/3 their original price. Then she sent me the spreadsheet and said I owed her that much money.

    I think she was expecting some resistance, or for me to argue over our nice enamelware, overpriced computer, or furniture…or simply to argue that replacement costs would certainly be higher than market costs.

    But…when you’re restarting your life, you don’t need much: a bed, table, and chair; a few dishes; a pot and a pan; a good cooking knife; and a cheap laptop. I only took one of our cooking knives, and I left the rest to her. I didn’t care that market value does not equal replacement value. I just care about getting away from her and her lies. Getting divorced costs money; and it sucks. But I wasn’t about to drag out arguments with a cheating skank over what would amount to a few thousand dollars. It’s not worth it.

    Of course, living the Spartan life wasn’t all fun. When I moved to a permanent home after 6 months of living in month-to-month housing (where I rented my furniture; kitchenware, etc.), it took just *one* trip to move all of my belongings…in a Prius…with 3 people in the car. When I’ve had to buy stupid little things–like an ironing board–I got angry that I had to re-accrue life’s little necessities, all of which kept eroding my new persona savings.

    There was an upside, however: nothing in my home reminds me of my old life. All of the decorations and day-to-day items are mine alone, not purchased with my ex-wife or received as a wedding present. Meanwhile, she’s still surrounded by everything we owned together. I’m fully aware that this doesn’t faze her, as she’s self-important. But it would have fazed me.

    • what IS it with cheaters and their fucking spreadsheets? mine included on the spreadsheet he gave his attorney quantifying what he spent on us over the years a CAKE (oh the irony) he bought on… yes, my birthday. He bought me a birthday cake that year, and he considered that a contribution to the household groceries.

      what is that old saying, figures don’t lie but liars figure?

    • I was SO over being married and just wanted to be divorced that I also just stopped and essentially walked away with $4,000 less than I should have. I’ve truly never regretted it since I was officially divorced that very next week.

    • There was an upside, however: nothing in my home reminds me of my old life. All of the decorations and day-to-day items are mine alone, not purchased with my ex-wife or received as a wedding present. Meanwhile, she’s still surrounded by everything we owned together. I’m fully aware that this doesn’t faze her, as she’s self-important. But it would have fazed me.

      Exactly the same!!

  • Because we had sold the house and he was moving into a small apartment while I regained my sanity at my brother’s home, we put a lot of things in storage. I bought a small apartment a few months later and took what I needed for my home. Funny thing was, I didn’t want anything from our 30 year marriage. I gave my siblings whatever they wanted and held onto pieces for my kids, but I didn’t want anything we had bought together. For years, whenever I wanted to decorate a room, it was a compromise and thing ended up looking fussier than I would like. Now I started fresh with all new sheets and towels and drapes and carpeting and tables and sofas, etc. It cost me a chunk of change, but I can look around and be proud of the way I’ve turned my life around. Meanwhile, his apartment looks like something grandma would love.

    Actually, he took something that was important to me. I had bought a painting done by a high school kid about 15 years ago. It was part of a silent auction for the school, I paid for it and I loved it. It hung in our home. When I discovered that he had it propped up in his kitchen, I took it back and left him a note. Just found the artist on FB and he’s now got a gallery in NYC and enjoying a successful art career!

  • Mine didn’t ask for anything–didn’t have to. After she’d moved into another house, I told her I would be out on a particular day and she could come get what she wanted. Imagining she’d take half of the stuff accumulated over a 22 year marriage, I came home to a mostly empty ground floor to the house. She and her hillbilly clan had taken pretty much everything in the living room, dining room, and kitchen. Thankfully, she left some not-terribly-valuable antiques that mattered to me, even if it left me nowhere to eat a meal and not much to cook it in.

    Does my ex-wife have entitlement issues?

    Does the Duck Dynasty family have facial hair?

    • Yeah. She does. She felt she was entitled to everything in the house, as it was “her stuff”.
      This is the main reason why I’d change the locks after kicking someone out – don’t want the fuckers sifting through the stuff in the house to take things that they forfeited by rights because of their fuckwittery.

  • The Ikea quilt. He’d flipped his shit on me when I casually plopped it into the cart. “It’s forty BUCKS!” He pouted the whole rest of the night. Oh, I BOUGHT it, all right! With money that I earned at my good-paying job. Years later, it’s lovely–crimson and silky.
    And he was using it on his mattress on the floor in the living room. You know, the mattress on the floor–because his Back Hurt. (NOT because he was carrying on with a Facebook Troll.) Then, when he bailed, he tried to pack it up and take it to his love nest.
    Hell to the no, I said, and handed him a different comforter that I never liked, anyway.

    He accused me of hiding his golden coin, as well. (???) I found it in the attic and gave it back to him, happily. I was overjoyed to throw all his shit into cardboard boxes (way classier than black plastic bags, which, in retrospect, I wish I’d though of.)

    Adieu! Good riddance, said I, red quilt tucked safely under my arm! Good bye! You’ll miss me!!

  • My XH asked to be able to put X amount of money into a trust for the children’s education. I was never against this but it became a huge deal. At court I agreed again but then he realized that the money was going to come out of his 50% of the assets and he changed his mind in the matter of minutes.

    He generously left everything in the house, so the children didn’t have to experience us picking over each item. But when he left he took all my books and CD’s. I didn’t care and simply ignored this which tortured him. He was desperate for me to kick and scream. When I didn’t he brought them all back without a word.

    He now lives in a house 3 x the size of mine and has bought the children every toy, game, and electronic possible. He lives on grounds with a private lake and tennis courts. No wonder he didn’t want anything – what we had was obviously not up to his current standards.

  • Cheaterbaby is really lazy. He would probably have to get someone else involved in the removal of anything valuable that he couldn’t carry out…like an OW he had enticed with stories about all his worldly goods. (USER much?) One thing he didn’t want were our cats- he said he would have to put them down as he is just so busy being retired. Who has the time, when waking moments could be spent seeking kibble instead of caring for his furry friends?

  • The Pig asked for the panini maker (not that he or OW cook) and the alarm clock. Also his sports Christmas ornaments (I never understood this one as the OW he lives with is Jewish and celebrates Hanukkah).

    I did, however, ask for the Dyson vacuum cleaner as pictured above – they’re quality and expensive! For the most part, I got everything that was worth anything, including my pension. Everyone is correct, a fast divorce while they are guilty is the way to go. If he and his whore knew how much a pension was worth, they might not have focused on the panini maker.

    • Guilt for them is short lived. The worst scenario is when the entitled hook up with a needy whore who wants everything you had. X is a giant wimp that had his whore doing battleship vagina moves. Luckily she is brainless and ugly. She had him get an inexperienced lawyer that lived near her slut shack apartment. I hired the best at tourney in the state. I had possession of the house within a month. He had my son selling things on craigs list before he moved out.

      • Donna, you’re correct about the “needy whore” situation. The whore in my situation is a complete psycho. She just didn’t really understand how much the pension was worth because, like a moron, ex had cashed out a pension that was fewer years than mine. He didn’t get very much from the buy out, so I think he figured if I didn’t touch his 401k, which had about 60k more than mine, it would be a wash. (He’s a complete idiot). Whore is young and doesn’t have a pension where she and cheater work.

        The whore preferred to play the game of “marking her turf”. I’m pretty sure she cooked for him in my house and slept in my bed. 3 weeks after our 70 day divorce, she went home to meet his parents. My xbil’s wife texted a photo to me she snapped of them on Skype, with her wearing his college sweatshirt on his mother’s sofa, with her arm draped around him. I flipped out (our first holiday apart) and texted him that he was a POS for lying to me about the status of his relationship with the whore and what I thought about them both – she filed an Injunction Against Harassment against me. 10 days later (no additional contact) she succeeded in getting him to do the same – only his was an Order of Protection. These people are insane. 18 years together and I never touched or threatened him, never stalked him. (I did call the whore once while we were married and told her to keep the fuck off of my husband and that I was a problem she didn’t need).

        • Cindy, stay no contact with them. Get a good lawyer and block his family from contacting you. I was harassed by his whore in a public place and recorded every word that came out of her vile mouth. These creatures they bring into their lives are parasites. They are losers wit no class. Her claim to fame is picking up married me in bars. Don’t engage and record everything. I have cameras on my home and cars. She has an arrest record for assault sand drugs. I decided when it was over. They choose a shitty existence. We get to live a better life. I went out on my first date and actually amazed that I could have a NORMAL conversation. It has been almost a year and I am finally happy with my life. Focus on you!

          • Thanks Donna. We’re divorced and completely no contact. I had to hire my attorney back last year as ex wouldn’t pay for his share of household expenses after I vacated it. I didn’t tell him where I lived, but he tracked down my PO Box. He started sending bills to that address in an envelope – never paying his half. Attorney told him that for someone that didn’t want anything to do with his ex wife, he sure was trying to engage me. Luckily house sold and I’m done with him. He and whore drive 40 miles past 2 Costcos to come to the one in the town where I live. I refuse to deal with him, so I don’t go to Costco anymore. I have cameras as well. It’s just crazy to believe I was “sleeping with the enemy” for almost 17 years!

            Glad you’re dating! I’ve started as well and it’s so nice to talk to healthy people!

  • Boy, wouldn’t the Dyson company love to know how these cheaters heart the Dysons!
    Mine got ours too! But my siblings bought me a new one as a housewarming gift!

    And while we’re on the subject of kids’ photos, in his apartment, he has only two framed high school pics of the girls BUT they’re hidden behind his trophies! I called him out on this and he just shrugged. Meanwhile, the gruesome photo of my ex-MIL is staring down from her high shelf on the bookcase. It’s all just so appropriate and I know I should take a picture to show a therapist. It speaks volumes!

    So glad to be done with him!

    • Mine also kept the Dyson. He kept many things that I bought and then sold them when he upped stakes to move to Cambodia. Sold everything that wasn’t nailed down the greedy pr*ck.

  • Don’t think twice Cindy. We all know what these assholes are focused on and it hasn’t got one thing to do with household goods or power tools! They “sell” themselves cheap!

  • Loki the Loon took all my possessions. He thought they were all his. I asked for things at mediation & got 1/20th of what he paid his lawyers. He is evil.
    The long time social evaluator said that our divorce is the worst she has ever seen.
    I do recall Loki bragging about making beans with my pressure cooker.
    When I asked the kids if they still practice piano, they said that OW got rid of it. That hurt. It was my $14K concert pitch piano. ((good grief))

  • Mine will be moving out any day now. I was hoping he’d take our bed, but he was insulted when I mentioned it and fumed, “I want NEW stuff… NICE stuff.” He’s been shopping for his new life, and has already decided on the name of the NEW dog he’s getting. Basically, a shiny new life. I think he thinks this will be our new long-term arrangement, but I’ll be filing for divorce as soon as his ass is out.

    We’re cordial now, but that’s because he thinks I’m going to cater to his personality disorder. I’m consulting with attorneys now and would appreciate any advice you all may have. I’m in a community property state, married more than 20 years, and have commingled most of my (significant) inheritance. I think he’s worried I may be able to reclaim it all… I don’t know if I can, but I’m going to try.

    • Just wishing you energy and love for the fun ahead. Not sure about community property states, but I’m sure others here can answer to this.

    • I’m not 100% sure about the community property stuff, but document x100 the stuff you have and how it came about.
      Got any leverage to sweeten the deal on your end? If so, go for the jugular. Might be low, but hey, what he did was lower.

    • It’sAJourney, I don’t believe he can get any of your inheritace. Mine couldn’t. Ask your lawyer specifically!

      • ItsAJourney, I did some checking and your inheritance is safe if you put it in a bank in ONLY your name or you kept it separate from other marital assets. If the money gets commingled with your spouse or banked in a joint account than it will be divided between the divorcing spouses. I’m not an attorney, but looked it up on Google. I live in an equitable distribution state.

  • Literally two days after my moron left, he emailed me asking for his bowling ball, which I thought was hysterical because I was a literally a blob of goo on the floor and this fucker was bouncy enough to want to go out bowling.

    About two weeks later, he wanted a beer mug his kid had bought him for Christmas. He had been to the house 3 times to move his crap out prior to this, and with what was left he had told me to “keep or throw out.” Since I was in purge mode, naturally all his shit met my trash can. You should have saw the rage after I told him the mug was no more. He was aghast that I didn’t make a shrine with his remaining crap I guess.

  • I left my ex after 10 years of verbal, physical, emotional and financial abuse. Not to metion the 7 affairs that I found about. He lost his shit and demanded the two potholders that I took when I left. Unbelievable!

  • Not yet working on D…. but she can have it all….. I would prefer to start over without possessions that remind me of what I leave behind……

    • That’s what I did. I left the ex and pretty much everything else behind. I bought all new furniture, plates, glasses, etc.

      I did however request a few things that we had multiple amounts of; for example luggage, pots and pans and a snow shovel (I live in MA so that last one was important).

      He gave me our ‘collapsible shovel’ which is compact and meant to be kept in a car for emergencies; not cleaning up after 3ft snow storms we had this year. We had 3 good shovels and a snow blower and that’s what he chose to give me because I would be living in an apartment complex and “they clean up the snow.” When we get the amount we got this year, it’s hard to keep up so I had to buy a real shovel eventually.

      One of the pieces of luggage he gave me was insanely old and the wheel just broke off on my last business trip.

      The only thing that’s worked for me so far is the pots and pans.

      Yeah I miss him like one might miss a giant, gaping hole in the middle of their head!

    • DavidB,
      Please reconsider! Take what is yours. You may miss some things later on. Take all that you can. You deserve your things. You will need some items.

  • XH was generous in settlement, but nowwww it appears he and OW are having financial stressors, so he is asking to “get back” most of what he agreed to in divorce. not gonna happen. it is a legally binding document. it may also be karma. as for me? 90% meh about it.

    • They weren’t gifts or common items, it seems they were his bargaining chips. This isn’t a fuckin’ casino!
      If he and his whore are running into money problems, how about get a job, or a better one – or stop overspending on frivolous shit?

  • In a word…EVERYTHING!! We own a business together…he drove it into the ground by doing jobs for cash payments without my knowledge to severely devalue it as a marital asset…if it’s worth nothing, nothing to split in half! We own a home together…he has now come up with a story for the court that his mother (who we purchased the home from 13 years ago) actually meant the house to be for him, as his separate property and that I’m not entitled to any part of it. Never mind that all the paperwork (legal and bank) show it was a straight sale to both of us, as husband and wife. I guess I’ll have to wait to see what else he comes up with…he probably thinks literally everything is his since I was a SAHM for most of the 21 years of our marriage.

    • OMG Mighty Mite – I have a very similar situation! My stbx does jobs for ‘beer.’ No shit. He tells people they can store their campers in our shed. They ‘pay’ him with BEER! – I make the fucking house payment and they are paying that asswipe with BEER? Oh and yes – 15 years ago we bought property from his parents and put a house on it (That is why I am moving – not him cuz we live next to the out-laws). Suddenly, after all these years – the shed that is on our property is partially on his parents land not to mention part of our septic. OMG – so according to dumbass our shed is ‘technically’ his parents since it sits on their land. It is sheer stupidity and anyway to hose me he will. It is insane!

    • Mighty, check to see if the wording says you each own the house 100 percent in entirety. That was recommended by the realtor when I purchased the home asshole lost while chasing pigs. That may help you.

  • Mine told me several times to take whatever I wanted out of the house, no problem. He stayed in our marital home, I moved to an apartment. I took what I needed for myself and my son, I was not greedy but I did not shortchange myself, either. When I told ex I was going to take the bed (at this point he had been sleeping in the guest room for a couple of months), he got all bent out of shape, and hissed that I “wasn’t going to rape him in the divorce.”

    Well, I moved out and I took the bed. A couple days later, I got a text from him complaining that I had taken the set of six cheap steak knives and all the AA batteries.

  • *vacuum* and he his also a multiple collector of all things-coats, shoes, motorcycles, campers, cars, trucks, whores.

  • When we got to “division of property” discussion at our 4-way meeting with the lawyers, his lawyer brought up that he wanted the bed. Stbx muttered, “You know, since I won’t have anything to sleep on.” I’m still surprised my head didn’t explode right there on the spot. I hadn’t had a bed for months and months while we were stuck in the same house and he refused to leave our bedroom.

    The funny (not funny) thing was that I actually wanted nothing to do with that bed and was hoping he’d take it with him. I still get so happy when I climb into my own bed at night, knowing that his skanky ass never touched it at all. 🙂

    • Stronger, I feel the same way about the bed situation. I didn’t want the marital bed AT ALL or anything to do with it. I bought a brand new smaller bed and super comfy sheets and bask in the glory that his disgusting self has never touched it.

      • I’ll just put in a plug here for Tuft & Needle mattresses.. you can order them on Amazon, they come delivered in a cardboard box. They unroll, and voila! the best mattress I’ve ever slept on. They come in 5″ deep (kind of like a futon) and 10″, more like a standard mattress. With my crummy back, it’s heaven, every single night. And best of all, Crapweasel has never even seen my bed, much less slept in in, or done any other gross out thing. Mine all mine…..

        • I love the on-line mattresses! I got mine from Overstock. It came in a tube, and it was quite inexpensive. And it’s so comfortable–it’s a foam mattress. I bought two more with inner springs for my kids, this time from Amazon. I second namedforvera!

  • Oh, I also got a text from ex a few days after son and I moved out, complaining that I had left some dust bunnies on the floors. Yeah, I had to move out of my home where I had lived for 19 years. So sorry that there was some dust underneath the furniture, and that gave you the sadz.

    • Dust bunnies. The Horror!!! Yes fellow chumps, I sadly have to say that the dust bunnies were the reason that he had to have an EA. Apparently our dust bunnies were epic, not those “regular” dust bunnies. Schmoopie did not have dust bunnies. I wonder when she had the time while “working” with x, being married, having young children and having a “friendship” with the x. Damn that schmoopie was on things….. Ergo: Schmoopies do not have dust bunnies. I’m hanging my head in dust bunny shame. NOT!!!!

  • We aren’t that far in the divorce yet but I have a related story. About a month ago my stbxh was dropping off our son after taking him out for his birthday. He begged to come in and use the bathroom and said it was an emergency. (He is not allowed in the house.) I let him in and he used the bathroom and then tried to chat with us but I just ignored him and turned my back to him so he’d get the hint. He left but a couple days later I realized our soap dish was missing out of that bathroom. I’m sure he took it. Weirdo!!!

    • Ugh, when I was single there was a creepy guy that liked me although I didn’t particularly like him. I’d been married about 20 years previously and was inexperienced with dating at that point. He asked me out, and I said no, then he started the Let’s Go Out as Friends crap. So anyway, I didn’t know what to do and went. It was so strange. Anyway, this guy would come to my house to pick me up for dinner or something and he would immediately run our off to the bathroom. Ugh, I didn’t want him in there with my personal stuff. It really bothered me. Finally I told him to leave me alone.. There are some real weirdos out there. Must have been a great soap dish, lol.

      • Creepy! The soap dish was hand made but who cares. If I knew he wanted it so bad I could have thrown it at him…missed opportunity there. 🙂

  • More than 3000 books…he took 90% of our books, many that I paid for and were mine. and even the ones that were torn and moldy…I am sure those books will be his karma. He doesn´t have anywhere to put them and my kids hate going over to his (rental) place because the books are everywhere. They start sneezing as soon as they walk in the door. Now at my own apartment, the walls are singing and I am buying back only the books I really love and want. And my kids have no more allergies! Good riddance!

  • This is one of the most hilarious threads I’ve ever seen on here. I am sitting here laughing my ass off at the ridiculous shit these morons have asked for. Spatulas? Swiffer Wet Jets? Soap dishes? Paring knives? Really unbelievable.

    When my POS cheating ex and I combined households, I gave away pretty much everything I owned. Biggest dumbass move ever, and I’ll never be that stupid again. I left with pretty much zilch and had to replace everything I’d given away, and it’s taken me almost 18 months to do it. Lesson learned. Ex put on a big show about being generous and fair, but in reality he was incredibly cheap. He’d made a big deal out of buying me an oak filing cabinet (in actuality, I’d paid for half of it), then when I was leaving decided he was going to keep it. WTFever. I said nothing, since I knew he was just doing it out of spite, then went out and got an even better one for free off of Craigslist. And when I was clearing out my holiday stuff from the basement, I took a boxed collection of Christmas ornaments we’d bought for 80% off at Superstore. The day we bought them he gave me such shit for it, saying “we don’t need any more ornaments” and what a dumb purchase it was. But the day I moved out, he decided that was the one thing we needed to divvy up. All $20 of it. I just stared at him and carried the whole thing out to my car. What an asshole.

    • FMT–I know, I can’t get any end-of-semester grading done because I am laughing so hard at the stupid shit cheaters ask for. Mind-boggling, and yet somehow fascinating….

    • As much as I’ve tried, this goes to show that one can never really understand the mind of a cheater; the absurdity of it all. So FMT, I must add bowling balls, caulk and a pair of potholders… just a few that had me scratching my head. Now that I’m out of the fog, I can see the humor in the tragedy. Hang in there chumps!

  • It’s all about maintaining contact and fucking with you. It wasn’t a divorce demand, but stbx texted that he needed the (dollar store) floaties so he could let me know what an awesome dad he was, taking our son to the pool last summer. When I said, GET YOUR OWN he got in a big huff, saying, I would think you’d be more cooperative when it involves our son! Right. You can fuck your coworker and lie about it for months, but I’m uncooperative for not giving you $1 floaties.
    That’s when I learned to utilize crickets.

  • Cheater #1 insisted on keeping the expensive dining room set his parents had helped us buy. China cabinet, buffet, table that could seat twelve, eight chairs, the whole enchilada. Also, when I bought him out of the house and he was forced to move (whole ‘nother story, there), he took all the artwork and my CD collection. Then he had the nerve to complain he didn’t have anything in the kitchen because “you cleaned it out”. This from a guy that had not cooked a meal in the 20 years we were married .

    The irony of it all? He’s left a piece of the expensive furniture with every ex girlfriend he’s had in the last 12 years. I have no idea what happened to the artwork or my CDs, but it doesn’t matter now.

    But to get back to the original posting question, he demanded a picture of himself because I “stole” it and he wanted to give it so our son one day. Cue derisive laughter. Why would I want a picture of you so badly I’d “steal” it? He was incensed that I wouldn’t value a picture of him when he was young and handsome. Moron.

  • Our wedding pictures. Yep, in the divorce papers. He cheated, he left, he went on a smear campaign that’s lasted three years. He hates me, I ruined his life. It’s all my fault. I’m good for nothing and no one will ever put up with me. But he needs those wedding photos.

    • My first husband did that! He wanted the freaking wedding pictures. And the most perverse thing is the guy FRAMED my wedding photo and put it on his mantle (poor sausage! his love will go on? WTF?) — and the man had never had a framed picture of me in his entire life. But no, after leaving him, he frames the wedding picture — solely, I am sure, to unhinge his girlfriend. Do the pick me trot a little faster…

      • Mine was a little less original. He only wanted the wedding photos of himself. All of them, I was sternly told not to keep any of them for myself.

        And, you know, I was okay with him having every last, one of them.

        I should have drawn little horns and and devil’s tails on them, though.

    • mine didn’t ask for the wedding photos but if he did, I would say hell no! I’m considering a bonfire when I get the final divorce papers….

  • Thank you Tracy for sharing my story about the floor tiles. To be specific, it was 8 12″x12″ rubber floor tiles, used as a cushion for darts that bounced off the board. Somewhere in my email account I still have the full list, which I believe included his collection of nasal spray that he stored in the fridge and neglected to take with.

    • His collection of NASAL SPRAY? OMG, how could you part with that? 🙂

      Sorry I got that detail wrong — rubber floor tiles — well, of course, they must be so much more valuable…

      In any case, the story lives in infamy!

      • Oh yeah… there was also his collection of airline liquor bottles (from the days when that was a thing). He brought this up during D negotiations some 5 years later… as if there would be anything left of them. Lol.

  • I had just the opposite reaction… he didn’t give a care, took what he wanted… but I listed both of his cars in the papers and awarded them to him. He flipped out because he only said I should have listed one of them. I was like sorry.. I am not going to lie to the court. That stuff about the tiles and the logging book, insanely funny!

  • Didn’t want anything I didn’t already consider could be his but I was incensed when he twice tried to get me to let him take our daughter’s little wagon and bike she had outgrown to give to OW’s small children. Loser.

    • Oh and the $25 other half of a matching pair of lawn chairs we had just bought a few days after dday when I was a walking zombie. I didn’t let him take it a week later when I kicked him out.

  • I just walked through the break room at work and guess what they were advertising on the TV. The Dyson vacuum. Lol, everyone probably thought I was laughing at the cheesy British accent, not the reason I was actually laughing. Stupid cheater shit.

  • Interesting timing for me on this topic, since my cheater STBXW just moved out (while I was in Italy on a business trip), taking whatever she deemed fair in her own mind, and without a) letting me know the timing, or b) indicating what property she wanted to take. She gutted whatever rooms she wanted, including taking things that I paid every dime towards, and even left me no beds (even took the inflatable mattress); what a nice thing to do to someone with chronic back issues! 🙂 You would think that I was the one who screwed her over in the marriage… but in her mind, I am sure that the justifications convinced her that a) I am somehow at fault for all of this anyway, and b) that makes her own version of physical asset distribution “fair.”

    Now, I am VERY glad that she has moved out. Between that and nearly-NC (we have a young daughter), though the house is too big even for my daughter and I, it has been FANTASTIC around here, and I am now well on the fast track to MEH-ville (and even lined up a date already).

    But it’s worth pointing out to Chump Nation that my divorce attorney called the STBXW’s handling of the move and her unilateral decision-making on the marital property “a total bitch move.” And there we see exactly why going NC and serving a cheater divorce papers was the right thing to do in my case, and likely in the majority of such cases. Our entire relationship was plagued by this kind of deception / trickle truth / omission / whatever on her part, ten plus years of it that I only am now seeing for what it really was. I am SURE that will sound familiar to many of you reading this!

    Time to redesign the living space and look forward eagerly to the future! Cheers, everyone!

  • If this ever comes down to a vote then I’d have to vote for the homemade vanilla extract and as a runner up the collection of nasal spray!

  • Ex wanted my engagement ring which I had had for 30 years. Thought he was going to sell it (expensive ring) but turns out schmoopie pie face really liked it. Guess she saw it one weekend she stayed at my house while I was out of town with my parents painting their lake house-never wore that ring when I was painting! Ummm, get your own ring B**ch!

    • What kind of woman would want another woman’s ring? Oh that’s right the same kind that want another woman’s man. That’s pathological.

      • Yep, she also wanted the marital home. Guess she is lucky though, because she got the vacation (love nest) home. Sweet gal!

      • I agree. That’s pathological, in the same category as wearing your clothes when they sneak over while you’re on a business trip and bonk in your marital bed.

    • She wanted your engagement ring? That is as creepy as shit. I had a $2000 ring from when we were young. OW was engaged to a high end jeweler and wore a $39,000 round diamond ring when she fucked my H. H told the story of her educating him about diamonds at dinner one night…the whole thing made me want to vomit. When it was time for me and my sweet man to get engaged… I was determined to not get a round diamond, so mine is cushion.

      While he was in the batshitcrazy mode of telling me all about his affair, he shared that he “joked” with OW that he would buy her a $40,000 ring. Mind you our kids didnt have college finds and I worked nights caring for the dying while he joked about buying $40K rings for his coworkers. He couldnt figure out why I got annoyed at his comment “It was a joke!” “Oh really and how many other coworkers did you ‘joke’ about buying wedding jewelry with?” asshole.

    • Isn’t that what serial killers do? Take trophies? **shiver** Screwing in someone else’s house/bed is a territory thing, almost primal–but taking possessions, particularly intimate/personal possessions (and spouses don’t count, because we do not own our spouses)–that is…..psychopathic.

  • After my ex left me (while I was still shocked and devastated) he would periodically come to my house to get stuff and would always take a dump in my toilet. After one such trip, I discovered he had taken my plunger and a roll of toilet paper. He makes over $100,000.00 a year. This was one of the few things that made me laugh in an awful time of my life. Also, he asked for some pvc pipe in our settlement.

    • Middle, I am so glad you could laugh at that because I snorted water up my nose because plunger/toilet paper/pvc pipe created a really weird image in my mind. Go ahead think about what he wanted those for. OMG

  • XH paid his lawyer $1200 to write my lawyer a letter demanding…..

    his Blockbuster card and the SPARE key to a junk car we had that he planned to sell.

      • Although it wasn’t $1200 for just one letter, sadly enough. It was more, (from my lawyer) “Sphinx, CrazyPerson wants you to stop using his Blockbuster card and return it to him. Oh. And there’s a key somewhere to that junk car, drop that off to my office too.”

        Me: “I haven’t been using his Blockbuster card, because I don’t have it. And I don’t know what key he wants, because there aren’t any “spare” keys to that junker car.”

        This went on for WEEKS. My lawyer did charge for responding to him—but as I mentioned before, he had to pay my lawyer’s fees in the end.

        I think someone finally informed him that he could simply go and cancel his Blockbuster card. I don’t think it was his lawyer, though. 🙂

        Stupid is a pretty tame word I think, Kimmy, for that production.

  • My ex, who has had a habit of manhandling me in front of our kids and said actions led to my getting the hell out is saying that everything marital is being saved for mediation. (good luck with mediation, right?) But getting in moving my “pre-marital” things I asked for some rags and as I was grabbing them said “NOT THOSE RAGS.”!!!!! Better not take the good rags lol.
    Doesn’t matter that our kids live with me 1/2 the time – he is also unwilling to let me have 2 rugs that have spent the last 6 years in the attic. God forbid one of the 4 sofas. And are still there. He said I could trade him sex for the rugs. Or 10k. bahahahahaahahaha!
    Pathetic. What have been your experiences in mediation? I have exceptionally low expectations. One of his fun tricks has been to renig the last 3 mos of payments on our childrens private preschool that is on my credit card.

    • You can’t take the ‘good rags?’ OMFG – now thats right up there with the nasal spray and the homemade vanilla extract (LMAO). He is a real charmer! I’m glad you got away from that jackass. I can’t trust anything my stbx says either – he ‘renigs’ on just about everything. Jerk.
      I haven’t been through mediation yet – my lawyer is calling on some in my area. One thing I did find out is that there are 4 distinct types of mediators, so research that and be wary of what you are getting into. I’ve insisted on an ‘Evaluative’ mediator.

    • I don’t know what’s worse, stopping you from taking cleaning rags or telling you that you could trade him sex for carpets that are rightfully yours. What a dipshit. Thank the Lord you are away from that crazy!

    • chumpalita, forget mediation with your stbx, it’s a way to fuck with you. File now and work out a settlement using the lawyers. Trust me, anyone who won’t let you take the “good rags” is not a good prospect for mediation. I tried that route and it cost me more money than it would have if I just went directly to filing and presented an agreement. Just freakin start the process, srsly!

        • Mediation is a total waste of time & money. This is totally one of the best threads EVER! I’ve read every comment, it’s so awesome. CL can do a related one about “crazy antics/tactics Cheaters do in court and or mediation.” Mine wasted 5 hours the day before Thanksgiving conning our mediator and flirting with her that he was a “poor, sad sausage who was going to change, be a good father to our sons and live happily ever after with OW.” Mediator came back to our room and chastised me that I was “mean to the OW”. I stared at her and said, “You’re a professional mediator? Lady, he conned you and played you like a fiddle. ” That horrible day cost me $5000 in legal fees and one of my vacation days at work. I was disgusted and told my lawyer, “No More Mediation! !!!”

          Anyway, back to topic at hand. I am STILL dealing with his shit, even though he left the house 18 months ago, moved 2000 miles away 10 months ago, and our divorce has been final almost 4 months! !! During the first 8 months before he moved cross country, he would come into my home as he pleased and take various stuff. Most of it was his own crap, but the weird things were he made sure to take MY fishing poles, the blanket from my bed, snow shovels and our wild bird food. However, he left a TON of crap behind: closets of clothes, two garages worth of tools and crap, boxes of books, etc. The kicker was when our divorce was raging on during Nov, 2014, he wanted it written in the divorce agreement that “he still has possessions in the marital home and wanted to retain the right till December, 2015 to come in whenever he wanted to retrieve them”. Even my lawyer went ballistic and said, “he moved 2000 miles away 5 months ago, this isn’t going to be open-ended!” I didn’t agree to Dec, 2015, but I agreed to give him till June 1st, 2015. He’s made ZERO arrangements to retrieve any of this crap for the last 6 months. So now I only have 30 days, 3 hours and 40 minutes left before I can junk it all. (Not that I’m counting) 😉

  • My man-child ex/cheater took his collection of Dr Who figures, his armies of toy soldiers, and his war games. There were 25 bags of stuff. And a lamp.
    I put it all in the driveway and texted him to pick it up before it rained. Then I changed the locks and went on vacation.

    He moved in with OW. Wonder what she said when she realized the house we lived in was not actually his. He had been fooling her for months, bringing her here to sleep in MY bed when I was out of town. Mwah ha ha they deserve each other? Strangely, she had a childish streak too…wears pink almost constantly.

    • My 53 year old cheater took all of his Magic the Gathering cards and special decks that he had built a special neatly organized labelled array for. He left some of this other toys, a little wagon that he built out in the back yard to haul logs and other things up and down the hill, another little wagon he used to hitch to the lawnmower to cart things around, our 70 inch TV that he used to watch sports on (he has demanded this $3000 TV or his ‘half’ of it in the legal papers).

      It’s amazing how childlike many of these cheaters are.

        • Forgot to mention that after bagging up his toy soldiers, and leaving the bags out for him, I discovered a stash of kinky paraphernalia under the bed in the spare room (which was “his”) where he painted his toy soldiers…must have been where the OW and he did their thing. I boxed it all up and sent it to their studio apt lovenest-over-a-betting-shop. The outfits were on the large size for me anyway…she weighed well over 100 lbs more than I. Her role…perhaps his cuddly mother figure.

          I am so glad to rehash these memories because it makes me SO GLAD my life is better now.

  • What about an ex that still asks for some of his things (long discarded) two years after the divorce? I love ignoring emails!

      • Oh Kelly, you are so right. Glad those crap are long gone. More entitlement. What else is new, right? At least they’re predictable.

  • My ex husband wanted all the negatives we had from taking pictures of our entire life, travels and kids. That was back when film was what you used in cameras! It was even written into the divorce agreement. He was suppose to return them, but of course never did. I went through as many as I could to remove the negatives that had any pictures of me, our son that had died from leukemia and some that I wanted to keep in case he did not return them. Why he wanted to have the negatives of our life together when he was living with the OW is beyond me.

  • When X finally moved out and into his love shack with Bim, he took all the Boston sports memorabilia we had collected over the years for our three kids. I even donated blood for a Remdog shirt for my son at a hospital, and he swiped that. He left our basement a rathole, which took me weeks to shovel out. It was a perfect metaphor for a rodent’s domicile.

    When he heard through the kids that I demolished his homemade frat bar as part of the “clean out,” he was furious, stating he should have been given an opportunity to take it.

    My response? Crickets. It made a nice bonfire.

  • Mine left everything, including many of his own clothes. But the one thing he wanted was his high school football trophies– His 15 minutes were up while he was still in puberty.

  • The ex took whatever the hell he wanted. He kept so much stuff locked up and hidden that I don’t even know what all he had, and he wasn’t about to let me see what he was taking. I know there were a lot of tools, because they were all charged to my credit card. I didn’t really fight it because I wanted him out so badly, and I am so done with the fights.

    The real kicker was what he left behind. Cleaning up his bathroom, there were 29 empty tissue tubes on the floor. Over forty empty liquor bottles in his bedroom, black lights in fixtures in nearly every room in the house, halloween decorations that he insisted be kept up year round, trash, trash and more trash. Ugh!

  • kids pictures? NOPE family heirlooms? NOPE kids childhood anything? NOPE. he wanted his wok. WTFFFFFFFFFFFF

  • When I threw the serial cheater out I emptied his closets on the porch. I gave him a list if things he needed to do before he could take his other possessions. He had a basement full if business crap, files, and a pile if debris in the yard. I threw it out the back door and told him when he could pick it up. He took loads of shit to the dump and dragged it out over the entire summer. He broke into the house when I was away with my daughter. NEVER leave evidence in the house!! Mine was at a friends house.

    He wanted a metal pipe one if his previous pigs gave him. Haha! He never found it. He smoked weed all the time. He also wanted his collection of whore correspondence with a woman he met 15 years ago when he moved to Florida. She is still waiting for him to move back. He must have been disappointed I had all his AP’S phone numbers and love notes.

    I kept all the antiques and furniture. I boxed all the shitty towels and crappy cheap gifts he bought at Walmart and out them with his junk. After the hearing I sold half the shit we accumulated in the garage for 3500. He called it junk. He threatened to go after my pension but with all the evidence I had on him he backed down. My lawyer said he would never get it since his lawyer dropped him for his lack of ethics. He is so fucking dumb he thought his lawyer had to do what HE said even if it was illegal. He got two junk vehicles all his credit card debt and his business. I also made sure he got the pee pillows he slept with between his legs every night because his back ached and wet the bed. Oh yes and the electric heating pad. SEXY!! Yes I lost all that!! Hahaha. It is actually funny now that I look back. I have NO regrets!!! I left this cheater and gained a life!!!

  • A friend of ours was instrumental in building a hunting lodge at the back of our farm – it was done communally, four guys, on our land. No separate title, not a lot of money involved (they were pretty wealthy anyway, if that counts, probably not!) His at-least-twice-cheating XW (married just six years, and had two long term affairs we are aware of, and probably at least one other) listed it in the matrimonial chattels. We roared laughing, good luck with that, “lady” – and eighth of a small hunting shelter – on someone else’s land! Bwahahaha!

  • My cheating douchebag ex-husband is asking for a Christmas village back that his bat-shit crazy mother gave me. I’d really like to smash it to bits and mail it back to them in pieces (he is 30 and living with mommy and daddy). I’m wondering if he will drop it because it will sound pretty lame to have that written up in the divorce papers.

  • When you read these comments, it is just amazing that so many of the Cheaters are Sociopaths or Psychopaths. On the Reconciliation boards and in real life the things they do are usually covered up. It’s really irritating when someone is exposed as a Cheater and people say stuff like they are not Bad People, it’s not an indication of their character, their “personal life” doesn’t affect their “work life, regular life”, etc. Excuse me, yes it does! Cheating POS are POS in all parts of their lives. Everyone should know what these turds really are like.

  • I laugh at most of these posts and the things I posted about my ex being so petty, but it’s awfully sad too when you realize that the potential you once saw in your partner has all but disappeared or was an illusion to begin with. Then I just want to cry, but not for my cheater. For me and all the wasted years! So sad!

    • Roberta, it’s kind if like laughing at a funeral. There is nothing really funny about being abused by someone we loved and trusted. We were in it for the long haul and the grieving is lasting because they didn’t die, something inside of us did. Betrayal has that effect.

      • Donna, sounds about right to me!! I have long given up on the question why. Now I deal with taking care of myself, but he manages to continue making me miserable which I don’t understand because I am NC. Like canceling my health insurance which he is ordered to pay, then my dental insurance and some how I’m supposed to just keep on keeping on! He’s wired totally backwards now! Wish I had the 40 years I wasted back again! It’s just mind numbing!

  • I had a friend a few years ago at work – you know, one of those really smug happily married types who adored her wonderful husband of 7 years. She left work one day, picked up her beautiful children from childcare, and tra la la’d all the way home to discover that her house was empty. Everything was gone – all the furniture, her & her family’s clothes, appliances, carpets, curtain rails – even all of the LIGHT BULBS. Of course she thought her house had been burgled and she willed her husband to arrive home immediately to help her deal with the police, and how were they going to bathe the kids with no soap and no towels, and where would they sleep? It took many many hours to realise that her husband was the person who had ripped up all the carpets and piled them into the back of a moving van. Her husband wasn’t “just” a cheater – he was a bigamist and a con artist, too – but i can still really relate to her story.

    • I was happily dating for seven and then married for about fifteen years until things went sideways. I was smug. Happy. Blessed with all I had worked hard for. But every minute of that with disordered means you feel like something bad is going to happen and it did. I don’t think it’s fair to wish others harm when their lives are going well. Isn’t that what we all want? For our loved ones, friends, acquaintances, ourselves? There are a lot of decent people who are happily living great lives and that’s what I want. I don’t begrudge them that because I know I have had my share of blessings and challenges.Marriage ever again, probably not. But to be part of a couple that recognizes what is important. That at the end of the day it’s our relationship with our loved ones that will matter most. Somebody who lives with integrity, loves me for the person I am, supports us both in chasing our dreams, who reciprocates. I was the best wife… Right up till the day he asked me for a divorce. There were signs but I was so fucking clueless. I now know there are evil people in this world, my ex went scorched earth and he planned well… I believe a lot of our disordered exes really have problems/behaviors/character that can not be fixed. Over time the mask begins to slip until it completely comes off. I was naive and young when I married my ex and apparently we had everything but an honest marriage (his choice, not mine, I was committed to making it work!). I tried. Too, I think the disordered value things that normal people don’t think too much about. Like a size 4 waistline, or money, or screwing others, or WTFever. Their values are about crap things. My ex spent the last two years of our marriage sabatoging our finances and then the next two while divorcing in dumping the house I loved…. Forget his family. Wife and kids hell we were disposable. I can imagine that a lot of people in our small town got off on what happened, thinking I deserved it somehow because wasn’t I fortunate? My ex, a peace officer, is still spinning his narrative. He tells everyone he can about how good a person he is. And I just feel lucky To be rid of him. I recognize my work’s cut out though. I have three young adults who are still trying to wrap their heads around this, me too.

      • Oh drew, you’ve so misunderstood my post! Maybe it was badly written. . . NO WAY did I ever wish anything bad on my friend for being smug about her happy relationship! I was a SPECTACULARLY smug and happily married person! And i DESERVED the beautiful marriage I truly believed I had! (So did the friend I was writing about.) And then one day you come home and find that everything is gone, down to the lightbulbs, and you never saw it coming. At the time this happened to my friend, I thought it was just about the worst story I’d ever heard. . . and thank god that could never happen in MY beautiful relationship! HA HA HA HA HA. Metaphorically, it’s EXACTLY what happened to me a few years later. One day it was all hearts and flowers and rainbows and then poof! it was all gone.

  • What about the x who insists that you take something you don’t want? The x kept on insisting that I take a tiny patio set, because I liked it so much, it was just 2 chairs and a table. Ummm no if I had wanted the damn thing I would have taken it. It was on the settlement several times, as we disagreed several times.

  • I forgot to mention that I actually was chastised for returning something to EX and his mother. I boxed up all the old, valuable crystal that has been handed down for generations in his family. I had been “chosen” to make sure that this crystal was handed down in the family after his mother passed. I returned it to her because I was fired as the family memory keeper.
    Well, I guess I was a bitch to he and his brother for wanting to “purposely” hurt their mother. My bad!

    • Ruggermom – I wanted him to have everything his family gave us. I even had it packed up – xmas dishes, heirlooms she had given us over the years – Everything! I didn’t want any of it.

      Wasn’t much but ‘Mother’ gave us a vase for a housewarming gift 20 yrs ago. And, suddenly, SHE was demanding it back. Nice renege gift, MOM. She sure didn’t want me to have it. And, since he lives in a trailer – he didn’t want it.
      We even forgot we had it – it was in some back room, but This Vase, for her was especially important to her – never mind I would have been happy to get rid of the memory. But, hey – this is OUR division of assets, Mother, so I said – here’s Your Mother’s Vase – you can return it to her if you like, and I’m taking the 2 Bronze Bears. He didn’t argue. (math: $10g’s for the bears, $300 for the vase)

      Winning!

  • hmmmm, after I got the protective order he wanted his computer, clothes, air cleaner, I forget the things he asked for. Of course his mother and her husband had to come get his shit. I helped them put all his shit in his suitcase and boxes and insisted they take crap he hadn’t asked for.

    Then I went through the whole place and boxed up everything. It was like I HAVE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES IN THIS MOTHERFUCKING HOUSE! WE ARE ABOUT TO OPEN SOME WINDOWS (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLaX8UvVUQw). I put it all in the basement and told him to send his mother again but he didn’t do it. Then the basement flooded…When I emailed him if he didn’t get the boxes out within 3 days I would trash all of it, he sent his mother again. The boxes were sodden with water, they were beginning to smell, almost felt sorry for his mother that day.

    He didn’t have much to ask for at settlement, obviously. He wanted the ugly sofa he bought during false reconciliation and a lamp, I thought at least he wasn’t being an ass anymore. I was wrong. Long after the settlement and divorce, when I finally felt like watching a movie, I grabbed the The 13th Warrior and the DVD was not in the case. I began opening all of the DVD cases, thousands of dollars worth, all empty. He’d taken them during our false reconciliation. A few months later when I could deal with music again, the same thing happened. He’d taken every single CD out of it’s case, even those he hated, all my Tracey Chapman and many more, gone. It reminds me of how calculated he is when I think of this and other things he did. On the bright side, I have the Dyson vacuum 🙂

      • Dat – that makes me speechless.
        It’s like faking a burglary – something you may not have noticed for awhile.
        How scheming.

        I went through every single cassette tapes (yes, cassettes – that he couldn’t possibly throw away after 20 yrs) and all the movie CD’s we bought. Gave him 90% of them and kept my chick-flicks and documentaries he didn’t like.
        One day after a visit, he came and stole all those too, without mentioning a thing.

        Lies – always lies.

        So, I made him Fed-ex them back to me – just mine, but he did the entire collection that I had given him (how nice) which I had to resort again and leave in a box with his shit. What a waste of fed-ex overnight money! pfft.

        Too add insult to injury, last weekend when he came to pick up the rest of the stuff, he actually went into MY bathroom and ‘stole’ a jar of my face cream…without telling me. Like I wouldn’t notice? Stuff is expensive. He immediately sent me a check when I caught him. Crazy stuff….just WHY can’t you be HONEST? He used to be…sigh.

  • I was forced to leave my home after a horrific weekend that ended with my youngest son being arrested twice in 24 hours … once for disorderly conduct and then for criminal mischief. As he was being lead out of the house in handcuffs my now-X was sitting in his car, in the driveway, being guarded by a police officer and screaming to me, “Susan, what did you do??!!” I was allowed back to the house twice (4 hours each time with police escort and periodic drive-bys) to gather my things. Both times after I left and X and our sons returned home, the police were called over things I took … a Dyson vacuum, a bike rack, my Longaberger basket collection, and knick-knacks from the hutch. The best was, however, when the police called me to inform me my X lodged a complaint against me for taking a hooded sweatshirt that I bought a year earlier for my son that he wouldn’t wear because it was bright red and he hates the color red. (It was a pre-order item that I didn’t know what color it would be.). My son told me I could have it, and the X often told me how “cute” I looked in it. X involved the lawyers in the ‘red hoodie’ incident and I was forced to bring it to court and return it. At another court appearance I overheard the X talking to the GAL demanding the return of our boys ‘teeth molds’ (I had saved their before and after braces molds, but eventually threw them away with the boy’s permission.) The GAL was completely baffled by what he was asking for and when she finally realized she told him, “Forget it … we’re not having another hoodie incident!” and walked away in total disgust. My boys (22, 19, and 17) are estranged from me now and that breaks my heart, but I’m so grateful to be away from all the BS my X put me through.

    • This is the worst thing for our children. The disordered do such harm. When my Dday arrived I knew exactly how this would play out and my children did not deserve this…. These exes actually wish their families harm. I hope your boys one day realize exactly what happened. Young men are so fragile…. 🙁

  • Mine tried to give me his guns so that he could call the police on me for being unlicensed! I unfortunately didnt fall for that. He also was adamant that he needed both fridge freezers and the chest freezer. When I asked what I was supposed to use he said I didnt need anything because I was staying with my mother. He meanwhile was moving into his girlfirends fully furnished house. Oh and he took the dyson. When I brought a new vacum I didnt by a dyson on principle

  • Mine wanted half of the house.
    Asshole, you can have the whole damn thing seeing that the bank is foreclosing on it because you refied the damn thing every time you couldn’t pay for a new “toy” (motorcycle, boat, credit card debt).
    Apparently the concept that half of zero equals zero eluded him!

    But the thing that REALLY pissed me off was his asking for 2-3 hours, once a week, for visitation…

    with the dogs.

    He HATED the dogs, bitched about them every chance he got, but he knew if he got this that I would have to see him at least once a week.

    Let’s just say he is now dog visit-less 😀

    Oh, another…

    He had his lawyer try to add a stipulation that if I could not “live with an unrelated male”. If I did I would lose my alimony payments and medical coverage.

    My lawyer noted that it didn’t read “unrelated HUMAN male” so technically he could say I couldn’t live with the male dog.
    Nice try asshole, again. 😀

    It got to the point where it no longer surprised me when my lawyer cc-ed me cover letters from Asshole’s lawyer with “do you believe this shit”? scrawled in the margin.

    LMAO

  • My 17 year old son lives with me but he was meeting his Dad, my stbx in another city for a few days. My stbx forgot to grab his warm jacket as he left his house (in another country) so he sent a text, could son bring a warm jacket for him… His dark blue adidas one.
    He left the country more than two YEARS ago!! Does he really think that I have his old clothes hanging up in my closets?

    • When he left, he took a couple of suitcases of clothes. I packed up all the rest of his shit and stuck it in a storage locker, which he is paying for – unbeknownst to him – I guess one day he will ask for it. Or not. Whatever.

  • My EH took the:

    Dyson
    Big Fuck me Telly
    Xbox/Xbox guitar
    CD DVD collection

    All the furniture (it’s okay I was moving abroad, the sofa was brand new though I paid for it and I couldn’t be sure he hadn’t fucked his skank on it ,or the marital bed)

    More importantly he took his collection of dinkys (toy cars) that he had been collecting since he was a child, all in boxes, he hopes to cash in on them in a few years, and his collection of Tetley tea men, the UK readers will get this.

    And the fucking Star Wars light sabre I bought him for his 30th, it lit up, made noises etc.

    He left me, the cat, every single photo, wait, think he took one cos’ he wanted the frame and reluctantly let me have the Imac that is registered in his name that he probably did unmentionables to all his cyberwhores on………

    Anyone know how to unregister an IMAC to a cheater so I don’t see dickhead’s name on it everyday. I wouldn’t part with it cos a lot of my artwork is on it…………..

  • My ex didn’t take anything. Only his Ralph lauren clothing. Too bad they somehow got all stretched out at the color and buttons missing.
    He lives with his mommy. She probably bought him garanimals, so it will be easier when she dresses him in the morning.

  • The only thing ex wanted after he left with his clothes, a chair, guest bed & dresser was the 10 year old Bose Wave radio/cd. The request came from his lawyer to mine. Really, the man makes over 100k. I told my lawyer that it broke (it didn’t) – asshat.

    He also took the shop vac for his apartment over a dollar store. He must like things that can suck.

  • Me and Xhole were never married (I thank God for this now) so…. technically there is no “divorce” or legal proceedings. He DID however scamper out the door with his “good” clothes, his laptop, his Ipad and whatever tools were in his SUV. He grabs tools here and there when he picks up son, hasn’t “asked” for anything except his STUPID Keurig…. I pretty much told him what I’m taking… the rest is his.

    With that said… however….. HE is the only one that has a new laptop AND Ipad….. as I sit here typing now… on a PC that is about a decade old I shake my head at the absurdity of his THREE day temper tantrum upon leaving. THIS…. this OLD PC is what he fought with me about and wanted to take….. while he had already taken HIS laptop and Ipad….. he wanted to take this from me. Asshole.

    Ironically he has always acted as though I’m the bad guy and can’t be trusted…. yet EVERY thing he owns except for what he took with is STILL here….. I haven’t touched a thing…. even though he has totally abandoned me & son and only throws us crumbs here and there. Every one that knows us & the situation has said I should have started selling his shit to pay the bills. I won’t. That is my character though, something he has ZERO of. I have been blessed with a lot of support thankfully.

    Hugs CN & CL

  • Mine wanted the wooden chopstick set. SRSLY?? I handed them over of course. It was a black day…hahahahaha!

  • Mine took all of the tools and grooming equipment, his clothes and the Hudson Bay blanket we got as a wedding present. He was going to come and take the commercial lawnmower he used on our 4 acres and the weed eater. He was going to drive it to his postage stamp size property 3000 miles away. He thought better of it when he would have to make two trips. One for big stuff, one for the dogs. He’s getting the dogs and won’t be able to make a second trip. When I asked him why he wanted the mower he said (at age 62) he was going to mow lawns to make some money. In drought stricken California, no less.

    • When I first read this post, FMT2, I thought you meant he was actually going to drive (as in ride) the commercial mower 3000 miles to drought stricken CA. I started laughing so hard, thinking of this pathetic cheater riding a mower on the highways of America. I read it again and got the real meaning the 2nd time, but I wouldn’t put it past these nut-holes!

  • GREAT Meme, CL! well done and deserves a listing in the forever cartoons. Now I really want a Dyson Vacuum!

    The saddest thing about this mostly hilarious post, that brightened my day actually – was the fact that so many of these creatures could leave all their pictures behind of their past life, without a thought to what history meant to them. Whether it’s the children or the pet photos you’ve lovingly framed.

    I just don’t know how anybody is capable of erasing their past like that – walking away from photos of your 36 yr old past.

    Somebody answer that for me, would ya?

  • He wasn’t disordered for 34 of those years, not at all. We had so many fun times. But, call me naive – I just didn’t see disordered until now – that somebody could do that. WOW – was I off the mark.

  • Oh, and for the record – I exchanged him our wedding photo album (which he really wanted) for all the wedding dishes.
    Back when he was in the guilt stage. bwahaha
    Never wanna see that album again.
    But, gonna enjoy the dishes and crystal and silverware in my new place.

    • Mine HAD TO HAVE the (as seen on TV) Garden Weasel. It was several years old, never used, in the box, with loads of accessories. And dangerous as hell, which is why I never used it. Also, he demanded, but never got, my grandmother’s bedroom furniture, claiming that she gave it to him instead of me because she liked him better. Oh, and he stole one earring from every pair I owned. I kept the vacuum.

  • We got through the splitting of stuff without too much rancor… but he took pointless things I would have given him if he had asked, like 3 spoons and a bottle of Worcestershire sauce. WTH?

  • Oh, man…. It was the next thing and the next thing… The TV, some cheap silverware from Target, the kids’ beds–even though she had beds for them at AP’s house where she had moved in. (She just didn’t want ME to have them.) Finally it came down to my Lazy Boy, and I put my foot down: I believed it would distress the kids to see AP recline in their father’s Lazy Boy. This went on for almost a week–emails flying between lawyers discussing a Lazy Boy. Finally I relented: take the fucking Lazy Boy, just sign the papers. So she did.

    A week later I drive past our house and my Lazy Boy is out on the curb and draped over it is her wedding dress.

    I texted her: “This is what it came down to? My Lazy Boy?”
    She texted back: “I’m sorry for your angry attitude. That’s too bad.”

  • My ex threatened to take me to small claims court for the Montreal Steak Seasoning. I kid you not. He had a fit over the steak seasoning. After all he loves to BBQ. I wasn’t worried. He is all talk and no action. Plus I don’t think the value of the seasoning meets the minimum to file a claim.

  • We were monogamous and “sexually adventurous” (a polite way of saying kinky), and had been for the entirety of our married life of 17+ years. During the second affair, after she was arranging threesomes and fivesomes with the OM (isn’t it really just an orgy when you hit more than 4?), she told me she was NOT kinky and never had been. Then she demanded all of the hemp rope I used to tie her with so the OM could tie her up. That was a real head scratcher. She’s not kinky, but she’s demanding the sex toys and the rope so the OM can tie her up? He eventually dumped her. When the divorce happened, that bag was one of the first things she packed to take to her new place. But she’s not kinky. Not at all…

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