Boy, we wouldn’t want to break up the intact home of three vacuum cleaners, would we?
Which got me thinking that cheaters with all their grandiosity and entitlement ask for some pretty crazy shit back in their divorces. I remember having a huge laugh with a friend because her cheating ex demanded a moldering pile of ceramic floor tiles in their basement. I mean, WTF? I think they were leftover tiles, not enough to actually tile anything with, but goddamn it! he wanted them back. SURRENDER THE FLOOR TILES!
Which makes me wonder — do they really want the stuff or are they just trying to fuck with you? Mine demanded — a grill brush. (My lawyer asked “Is it a gold-plated grill brush?”) His uncle’s pen. And his book “A History of West Virginia Logging.”
No. I’m not making that up. Apparently, he could not live another day without “A History of West Virginia Logging.” (Which of course, I didn’t have. I fled the house — packed up all my possessions in under four hours with a moving van — so perusing the shelves for his favorite discourse on the Appalachian lumber industry never occurred to me.)
It could be that they never really think about the consequences of their actions until it comes to the great injustice of losing their floor tiles. You might have sobbing children, decimated finances, and a PTSD twitch — but OMG, they’re going to have to part ways with the waffle iron! How could you inflict such cruelty?!
So tell me, guys — what’s the craziest object they wanted in the divorce?