Craziest Thing They Asked for in the Divorce?

Today’s post came to me yesterday from NoMoreDancing’s comment that her cheating ex enumerated all the things he was going to miss… about their HOUSE — including their three Dyson vacuums.

Boy, we wouldn’t want to break up the intact home of three vacuum cleaners, would we?

Which got me thinking that cheaters with all their grandiosity and entitlement ask for some pretty crazy shit back in their divorces. I remember having a huge laugh with a friend because her cheating ex demanded a moldering pile of ceramic floor tiles in their basement. I mean, WTF? I think they were leftover tiles, not enough to actually tile anything with, but goddamn it! he wanted them back. SURRENDER THE FLOOR TILES!

Which makes me wonder — do they really want the stuff or are they just trying to fuck with you? Mine demanded — a grill brush. (My lawyer asked “Is it a gold-plated grill brush?”) His uncle’s pen. And his book “A History of West Virginia Logging.”

No. I’m not making that up. Apparently, he could not live another day without “A History of West Virginia Logging.” (Which of course, I didn’t have. I fled the house — packed up all my possessions in under four hours with a moving van — so perusing the shelves for his favorite discourse on the Appalachian lumber industry never occurred to me.)

It could be that they never really think about the consequences of their actions until it comes to the great injustice of losing their floor tiles. You might have sobbing children, decimated finances, and a PTSD twitch — but OMG, they’re going to have to part ways with the waffle iron! How could you inflict such cruelty?!

So tell me, guys — what’s the craziest object they wanted in the divorce?

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Linda
Linda
8 years ago

Mine demanded a download of the intunes librairy. And all the screws, nuts and bolts in the basement. This was in writing. haha

ThatGirl
ThatGirl
8 years ago
Reply to  Linda

Ah the digital media. Mine too wanted a copy of all the music and movies on the external hard drive. Music and movies that I had painstakingly ripped from our old CD and DVD collection.

I sweetly told him “sure”. And then gave him a taste of his own medicine, I agreed and never did it. He’s still waiting.

jmshepp
jmshepp
8 years ago
Reply to  ThatGirl

So happy to hear this! How many times did I wait, never realizing he had no intent to finish anything.

trying2fly
trying2fly
8 years ago
Reply to  ThatGirl

Mine accused me via our dd13 of erasing everything on his HD. I did not but if I think hard about it I may have cut/ pasted instead of copy/ pasted the whole content of his HD. Which I had used as a spare…technically most of the contents ( music/ movies/ TV series) was mine. Oooops my bad.

ThatGirl
ThatGirl
8 years ago
Reply to  trying2fly

LOL! Whoops!

TBC Girl
TBC Girl
8 years ago
Reply to  Linda

Mine left everything, pretty much except for his clothes. But he wanted that iTunes Library. Also in writing. I said – why can’t we just keep the same login/id, and I just promise I won’t buy anything. He looks at me all steely eyed, and says, “NO. It needs to be completely separate.” Uh – ok dude. Whatever. Shit.

Gail
Gail
8 years ago
Reply to  Linda

Mine locked me out if all bedrooms! Stole the furniture I bought.,charged me 50 cents for every cup of coffee…wanted the house for 1/2 price.,took the $8,000 dollar Ferris lawn mower….and tons more..,wrote post stick up noyes with thousands of bogus charges that I owed him! The killer is when he wrote a letter he was suring me for contempt of court for taking his kitchen spatulas..the lawyers had a good laugh but let him get away with all of it..I ran for my life …36 years with this crazy ass wipe!!! We are now dividing pensions and assets…he rewrote history ..my sons don’t talk to me.. He destroyed my clothes..I moved as far away as possible…started all over…don’t know why the courts treated me so bad when they told me all along they knew he was an asshole…anyway I would do all over again…because he was slowly killing me with his cheating and stealing are retirement funds!

PTSD Chump

tnsne1stc
tnsne1stc
8 years ago
Reply to  Gail

First thing he asked for….first thing on the list…was the f@#%ing Christmas China. Really!!! And the OW is Jewish…..I am sure she would enjoy dining off of Spode Christmas China in December with a picture of a Christmas tree and presents on it….He is so stupid.

Maree
Maree
8 years ago
Reply to  Gail

Hi Gail, I was married for 37 years (45 years all up) but never had to put up with what you have. My daughter (35) and son (32) don’t talk to me either. What have we done to deserve this treatment? I raised my 2 kids because the ex was not interested but they prefer him to me. Do your kids prefer their father also? I hope you are healing now.

tnsne1stcSusan
tnsne1stcSusan
8 years ago
Reply to  Maree

Hi maree….married 36 years. Three sons, ages 31. 28. 24….oldest and youngest have had no contact with me or my middle son in over a year. The X must have spread some really good b.s. After he cheated, lied and is living with the OW. WTF?!? At the end of divorce and he is dragging it out for some nails and screwdrivers and worthless art. To fill up his low life 1 bedroom apt they now occupy. Oh well. I just want my kids back….where is the karma???

Maree
Maree
8 years ago
Reply to  tnsne1stcSusan

Hi tnsne1stcSusan, I hear your pain. I want my kids back also but it is a waiting game that we just have to sit through. There are so many variables with our estrangement that I don’t even want to think about them. I am really happy that your middle son is there for you. Cherish him because he maybe all you ever have. I will say a prayer for all of the Chumps whose kids have abandoned them and hope for reconciliation sooner rather than later.

Nat1
Nat1
8 years ago
Reply to  Maree

I hate to say it Maree but I reckon if you want them you have be proactive and persistent. You can’t give up, shrug your shoulders and sit back and wait. Those kids, despite their ages, still see you as the grownup. If you dont fight for them, thats what they see. I have seen this time and time again. Both sides become stubborn, stick in their heels and become complacent waiting for the other until it becomes a habit, that over time becomes too hard to break. You have to keep at them. Wear them down. Dont give up!

Donna
Donna
8 years ago
Reply to  Maree

You don’t deserve to be treated this way!! They make us look like the crazy ones. My children looked back and figured it out on their own. He discarded all of us. For some reason they always saw me as the strong one and all the spackle and forgiveness helped them view him as this simple guy. Every time I went along with what he wanted we suffered. I pray your children will see through the lies. You don’t have to convince them. It will take time but the assholes life will fall apart and they will see you thrive. Keep in touch with them regardless of what they say. This is so unacceptable.

Maree
Maree
8 years ago
Reply to  Donna

Thanks Donna. It is very unfair but my 2 kids know that I love them more than life itself and I would give my life in a heart beat for both of them. I am a very strong person although there have been times when I thought is wasn’t worth going on. I know my kids see their father differently to me and I have to hope that one day they may make contact again. I live in hope.

LittleLady
LittleLady
8 years ago
Reply to  Gail

Gail, you are a survivor. My God, you have earned your angel wings.

krking911
krking911
8 years ago

Mine took some legs to an outside table.

SerialChump
SerialChump
8 years ago
Reply to  krking911

He’s got legs! And he knows how to use them… sorry that song had to come out i have a sort of musical turrets.

Cletus
Cletus
8 years ago
Reply to  SerialChump

Brilliant!

ChumpedtotheMax
ChumpedtotheMax
8 years ago

Mine wanted the down comforter off my bed, even though he has his own house and bedding, for some reason he wanted me to be cold at night? I think it was because when he moved into the guest room after DDay, I told him the comforter kept me warm so I didn’t miss him in the bed. I still have the comforter, but he has half my retirement pension, think I lost on that one.

SerialChump
SerialChump
8 years ago

Mine also took bed linens. A velour blanket. It was special to me because it was so big,thick and fluffy and i went to a particular flea market in Germany for the sole purpose of acquiring that blanket. He was always too hot when i put it on the bed so i know it was out of spite.

Racquel
Racquel
8 years ago

Mine took the “half of everything” way too literally and proceeded to take half of each set of matching towels and half of two separate sets of pots and pans. He also took a mop bucket for some unknown reason. it had a wringer attached and i used to be really happy about that so i think he was just trying to take a piece of my happiness. *Shrugs*

SayNoToSparkles
SayNoToSparkles
8 years ago

Not the craziest thing, but he demanded I give him the bowflex. He maybe used it twice in the 4 years it sat in the garage, but he wanted that damn thing so bad that I received threats. Good God, have the damn thing…the stress you put me under gave me a new dress size, wasn’t worried about using the stupid bowfelx. Loser.

kar marie
kar marie
8 years ago

The water fountain he bought me for my birthday. Too big for me to move two big burly movers will handle that. And questioned why I would clean the house out when it sells? He moved in with his whore to a complete household doesn’t need anything. He said what if they broke up what would he do now having nothing! Ha! I told him move on to the next bar fly whore. When they first moved to their own place he would show up at my house with a list from the bitch of things they needed to borrow?!?!?!?! WTF!!! told him my house isn’t fucking walmarts and your whore makes 4 times the money I do! Really? The nerve of cheaters is beyond me! Every time he asked to borrow something. No its mine I bought it. Fucker.

ByeByeCheater
ByeByeCheater
8 years ago

Mine specifically asked for a wooden step ladder and the digital camera in our agreement. The step ladder sounds odd but it belonged to cheater’s grandfather. The mediator specifically said the camera was the FU item on cheater’s list since he knew I was using it to take pictures of all our daughter’s events.

TheMuse
TheMuse
8 years ago

The worst thing: he dug up dozens of perennial plants while I was at work, reeling from the early D-Day trauma. The following spring I went out to the yard looking for them, to cheer me up and saw the holes in the ground.

Regina
Regina
8 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

Ugh! Muse! Unbelievable!

LadyStrange
LadyStrange
8 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

Muse – I plan to dig up my perennials….. I spent too much time creating and maintaining my flower gardens to allow him to have the beauty I created.

TheMuse
TheMuse
8 years ago
Reply to  LadyStrange

We worked together for 12 years doing the landscaping ourselves… all the plants were chosen by both of us and paid for by me. The ones he took he considered ‘his’ because they were gifts from other people. It was just mean for him to do that since he was the cheater and the one who threw away what we had together. I don’t think your taking yours is the same.

DramaFreeMe
DramaFreeMe
8 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

Ugh. That’s just horrible!

LovedAJackass
LovedAJackass
8 years ago
Reply to  DramaFreeMe

Yes. That’s takes meanness to a whole new level. And imagine–these people are the CHEATERS, not the people who were cheated.

Carrie
Carrie
8 years ago

My cheating ex husband wanted half of my 401k but wanted me to get only a small portion of his retirement accounts. He even had his attorney write up the marital settlement agreement specifying this. When my attorney got wind of this he stated that no way would a judge sign off on this and the agreement was rewritten. I don’t know why he thought he was special and what is normally split in half during a divorce would not apply to him

TheBetterJamie
TheBetterJamie
8 years ago

Hey, as a born West Virginian, I can understand his desire for the book & his affection for the history of their logging practices…good stuff…lol.

Anyhow, I may have more to add to this list later when we actually finalize everything, but I will say that at his first leaving he wanted nothing. He said he had “zero emotional attachment to anything in that house”. I guess that includes your wife, your kid & your dog…because we’re all still here.

But upon him realizing that he wasn’t going to get rich by leaving me he decided that “he is entitled (his favorite word to use, gag) to half of every single gift we received that was invented for us from my bridal shower to our wedding”. I asked him if he’d like me to send him the bras or panties of the lingerie sets…he didn’t like that. So I asked him to be more specific, like, does he want half of my effing 12 piece China set. He said “well yes, I’m entitled to half!”. So he specifically wanted 6 mugs, 6 salad plates, 6 bowls and 5 dinner plates (one broke) and half of a set of silverware, to start.

But let me add that upon him leaving I realized how little he had here. Most of our furniture was mine before we met or from my family. Big surprise, just another area where our relationship was lopsided.

TheBetterJamie
TheBetterJamie
8 years ago
Reply to  TheBetterJamie

I guess I should’ve added that in his divorce filing he asked me to pay him alimony and all his attorney fees…..while I have our child 80% of the time…and he has the ability to work full time….and he lives with his mommy & daddy with no living expenses….and he cheated and left……

Good stuff.

NCStevie
NCStevie
8 years ago
Reply to  TheBetterJamie

Just now getting here to read everyone’s comments. After reading (so far to TBJ’s) all I can think is they are SUCH A BAG OF DICK’S!! EVERY single one of the disordered ASSHOLES. Fuckers is right. Good Riddance!!!

DaisyDupedNoMore
DaisyDupedNoMore
8 years ago
Reply to  TheBetterJamie

My divorce is still in the works so no telling what all he’ll ask for but in his Discovery he wanted a list of every gift I’ve received since 2013? I had fun with that one. Gifts from my kids, gifts from my family, and some beautiful, heartwarming gifts from my friends in my online support group. SO many people have been incredibly loving and generous towards me. I bet his stripper girlfriends have bought him all sorts of gifts too. Oh wait…he has to pay THEM. Bahahahahaha 😀

DramaFreeMe
DramaFreeMe
8 years ago
Reply to  TheBetterJamie

My STBX did this as well! He filed for spousal support and for me to pay his attorney fees. My attorney was shocked. Here is a man who is perfectly capable of working, yet chooses to be underemployed. I’ve worked two jobs most of our marriage just to make ends meet, and he thinks that I am going to continue to support him?! That ended up getting thrown out…he has to pay support and half of the kids tuition. And his attorney petitioned to withdraw from the case because STBX wouldn’t pay. I don’t know how his mind works, I’m not even going to try to understand it!

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
8 years ago
Reply to  DramaFreeMe

I made sure that my divorce decree specifically stated that ex could never come after ME for support/alimony. He was angry about that. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that he intended to come after me for support after he quit his job.

angelgirl
angelgirl
8 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

Oh what a great idea, I am going to steal this one in mine!! Thanks!

TheBetterJamie
TheBetterJamie
8 years ago
Reply to  DramaFreeMe

Yeah, mine has to pay spousal support and child support, as well. And no, I will not be paying his attorney fees…lol. I’m shocked his attorney hasn’t dropped him yet.

I think him asking for those things in the divorce was perhaps one of the most despicable things he’s done yet.

Carol
Carol
8 years ago

My ex might be the only person in the history of the world to ask for absolutely nothing. And we had plenty, including a home. I sent his clothes and books to him. He never asked for another thing. He gave me the equity we had in the home we owned for 18 years. I always assumed that he hated me so badly, and wanted to be done with me so badly, that he was willing to give everything up. We were separated and had little contact for seven years, and then I filed for divorce. He gave me everything.

MrsVain
MrsVain
8 years ago
Reply to  Carol

exhole didnt want anything either. i kept asking him what did he want from the house. he would say “there is nothing there that i want”. including his wife and his kids. i had already packed all his clothes and everything else i could find of his. it came down to 5 big boxes. most of it clothes because i took good care of him. he had stuff in the garage and yard but kept saying he didnt want anything so i kept it all. i think he really didnt believe that i was going to divorce him.

right after the divorce was final he wanted a truck that he had bought for parts. i dont know if he needed it for his truck or if he was planning on fixing it up for her. (she didnt have a car, a job, a house or her kids) but he already stole a rear end from me so i told him no. it was mine by the divorce. he wasnt happy.

i have also found some stuff disappeared in this year. he left his trash picker upper thing. i used it a lot so i wouldnt have to bend over. it disappeared one day (i am almost certain he saw me using it and remembered it was his.) a glow in the dark cross he had given me also disappeared. who steals a cross? and oddly enough my bike seat went missing. it wasnt anything special, just a seat that was wider then the seats that come on the bike. i actually paid 10 dollars for it at walmart. i have no clue why he would steal it but his cousin rides bikes everywhere and probably needed one. there are other things missing in my yard but as soon as he moved to another town things stopped disappearing.

i am sure it was all done in spite. because he hates me now. it is all my fault doncha know. a year later i still run across some stuff that is his. the things i cant throw away. like his picture of his dead cousin i throw in a box. when the box is full or i finally go thru every squAre inch of this 3200 sq ft house i will give it to his sister. i thought i would go thru the pic and give him the wedding albumn but havent made the effort yet. from what i can tell he has all new clothes so i wonder what he did with allthose boxes i gave him. he seems not to wear muc that i bought him. which is good because it buggs the shit out of me to see a picture of him with her in a shirt i bought for him.

he hasnt asked for anything else. including his kids so i guess he is done with us now.

Multichump
Multichump
8 years ago
Reply to  Carol

Mine didn’t ask for anything either, I however gave hime A LOT. Several of my friends said I was way too generous but at the end of the day I have to live with myself and he is still the father of my kids and grandfather of my grand kids. Besides being a compulsive liar and cheat he is not a bad guy “puke” LMAO the twatwaffle is sooo welcome to his alcoholic self.

tossedaway
tossedaway
8 years ago
Reply to  Carol

My STBX hasn’t asked for anything either, so far. He even helped me buy a new house, because we have needed a bigger house for years but he wouldn’t ever upgrade because he didn’t want to spend the money. Now to get rid of me quickly, so he can marry his slut, he is willing to spend whatever he has to. I don’t know if he feels guilty for starting this shitstorm or hopes the house will keep me from going after his stocks and 401k.

NWBiblio
NWBiblio
8 years ago
Reply to  Carol

Mine, too. As we did the house walkthrough, trying to be fair, he declined one thing after another. Didn’t want the furniture, the bed, the TV, the quilt I made for him, … nothing. All he wanted, evidently, was “Not this.” 🙁

Yet another poor financial management decision, IMHO 🙂

MmmHmm
MmmHmm
8 years ago
Reply to  NWBiblio

Nwbiblio isn’t it like they want all new EVERYTHING? I think these disordered narcs are always looking for happiness in a new partner, a new family, a new LIFE. They are hollow shells of a human being and no matter how much “new” they consume, they will never be fulfilled or happy.

Nat1
Nat1
8 years ago
Reply to  MmmHmm

But isn’t there also the element of “YOU never let me have a say in anything. You always picked everything out…made all the decisions….wouldn’t let me have any input. Nothing here is to my taste. Not even you!”

And actually it’s true….but all he ever had to say was “I like this one” afterall that’s howcome I got to be stuck in this house!!!!!!

BettyD
BettyD
8 years ago
Reply to  Carol

My ex didn’t want anything either, until he realized I wasn’t going to take him back. He literally told me “I thought I’d be back in the house.” After that he requested his laptop and PILLOWS. Apparently the pillows were very important to him lol. A point of pride came when he cleaned out our very large walk in closet of all his clothes and remarked, “Wow, I guess I really did have more clothes than you.”

I filled that bitch up with some new, sexy clothes! 🙂

conniered
conniered
8 years ago
Reply to  BettyD

BettyD, I have been slowly buying new sexy clothes too. I never realized how many “mom” clothes I had!!! Cute but so “mommy”. Now I am working on buying what I like! And I like sexy sweet! And fun undies even though no one sees them but me!!! haha

MmmHmm
MmmHmm
8 years ago
Reply to  conniered

Good for you conniered! You deserve to feel sexy even if your single. I hate the way single moms are shamed. Just this week in my little backwoods town, A local photographer advertise a boudoir photo shoot for married women to come have pictures taken for their husbands. She advertise that the proceeds from her boudoir shoot would go to benefit “single moms.” It made me feel like a lower class of person. Like I wasn’t deserving of the boudoir photo shoot because I didn’t have a husband to give a picture too. Like I had no need for sexy lingerie because I lacked a husband and my sexuality needed restraint. And because I was a single mom, I was to be pitied and needed sexy married women to go have fancy pictures taken so they could give me charity money. I felt like calling her out on it but I know her heart (no matter how misdirected) was in the right place. However, I wanted to say “hey! I’m a single mom with a masters degree working three jobs! I don’t need your charity or anyone elses thankyouverymuch! In fact, I do better in my own than some married couples. My home isn’t “broken.” It WAS broken, but I fixed that.”

zyx321
zyx321
8 years ago
Reply to  Carol

Mine, too. 18 yrs, walked away from the house, stayed on mortgage until I could get refinanced. He moved while I was at work, and took basic stuff. Some towels, some vases, some dishes, some furniture, not enough that you could tell things were missing.
I had to go through the photo albums and give him pics, that was painful. I loaned him the albums to scan photos of the kids. Not quite sure if that ever happened.

TBC Girl
TBC Girl
8 years ago
Reply to  zyx321

Mine hasn’t asked me for so much as ONE picture. Nothing. He’s a reptile.

Lina
Lina
8 years ago
Reply to  zyx321

All mine wanted was his TV and clothes. He left his gold crucifix that his godmother gave him for his confirmation which I think is telling. I gave it back to him hoping that even for a second he might think about God watching him (Catholic upbringing and guilt runs deep I hear) and also I didn’t feel good about keeping it. I could have sold it but I have a conscience.

TheBetterJamie
TheBetterJamie
8 years ago
Reply to  Lina

Interesting. My “strict catholic” ex left the crucifix his grandmother gave us for our wedding, too. I guess he doesn’t want it staring down on him.

Freeatlast
Freeatlast
8 years ago
Reply to  TheBetterJamie

Mine took every religious item we had. Gotta keep up the facade that he is a deeply devout Catholic,…….. lying, stealing, and adultery aside, I’m sure he’s just peachy……

Cindy
Cindy
8 years ago
Reply to  Lina

Mine left a small wooden sign that his grandfather had handcrafted for him that said: “Jesus” on it. It was tacky, but if my grandfather had made it, I would have kept it. He actually threw it in the garbage the one time he came over to clean up his stuff. I fished it out and put it with some of his other belongings – and told his father that it was there for him should he wish to retrieve it. OW in my situation is Jewish, so not sure if he was trying to be respectful of her home (see below my comment about him keeping his sports Christmas ornaments – but you throw away something that your grandfather handcrafted?).

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Cindy

Cindy–People are commodities to these cheaters. There is no sentimentality attached to things that other “things” have made for them.

CalamityJane
CalamityJane
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Ouch…this is so true.

wejoly
wejoly
8 years ago
Reply to  Cindy

mine also didn’t want anything. But here’s the thing? He is the perennial VICTIM. In order for him to maintain his followers, he had to be able to tell this story – that I left him “for no reason”, and “took everything”. Oh yeah. He even tried this with the Judge the 2nd time I took him to court. He had written out a letter to the Judge about how much he had put into my fledgling business (at the time -10+ years ago – and its bullshit), and how many things he did for me. (PUKE). He sat there being his own lawyer at the court dates. He actually limped in (coming in late to make an entrance) and told the Judge how he had ‘recently’ had a car accident (PUKE). Thankfully the Judge listened to NOTHING that he said, she went only by the paperwork – period. She told him – “if you would like to re-file your paperwork – I can look at any other tax records, etc that you may have to change my ruling?” Also – my ex-husband remarried in 5 months – he had dual income and the Judge reminded him of that. This particular court date was on April 1st (APRIL FOOLS DAY – HE was the fool) and he lost every single thing that he was trying for (less alimony, etc) – AND he was supposed to pay MY legal fees because he forced me to go back to court to fight for the future. I swear that that “limp” he had disappeared as he scuttled out of there just like the underground beetle that he is. Dickwad. I ended up (10 years later) getting 61,000.00 out of him (last November) because he did not do ONE thing after this particular court date which was in 09. He screwed himself…. he and his narc wife were trying to get their equity out of their home…. and lo and behold (?!) there is a lien on this house….. hmmmm. That was the ONLY way I got money out of him. Anyway…. I’m rambling now – but there are definitely those who don’t want anything for their own sick purposes.

MmmHmm
MmmHmm
8 years ago
Reply to  wejoly

Exactly Wejoly! My exH didn’t ask for anything either but it was all part of his “poor me, she selfishly used me” narrative. He makes 6 figure salary and I make 1/3 of what he does. He just wanted to buy all new stuff and (double bonus!!) get to blame me for it. His narrative is that I was the abuser. He fails to mention all of the abuse he’s inflicted on me all of these years. My kids and I lived it tho. Just when I feel weak and start to question if I was abusive, I go back and listen to the recordings of him raging at me or the kids. I also have messages saved from him that are full of contempt. It helps reaffirm my reality.
But back to the topic- he didn’t even take his clothes when he moved out. he left all of them at my house in the closet. He used that is a new opportunity to buy an entirely new wardrobe. He would show up at my house clad in full under armor attire. Every stitch of clothing on him from the hat on his head to the socks on his feet was brand spanking new. Meanwhile I struggled with the bills. Although he makes six figures, he lives with his mom and every penny he earns goes right out the door. He likes to impress people with his money.

wejoly
wejoly
8 years ago
Reply to  MmmHmm

Its all about their image. No money…. but new clothes… and new car, …. piffft. MEH!

Lina
Lina
8 years ago
Reply to  wejoly

Yes, I think mine wanted to make himself look good by being able to say he left me everything. The truth is that he was too lazy to pack up anything else and also wanted to buy himself new things. He’s telling everyone he “gave me” the house when I brought it into the marriage and had to buy him out of his share.

Chumped in Chicago
Chumped in Chicago
8 years ago

The dogs ashes, the orange crock pot, a crochet blanket and the blender his mother bought him. He didn’t get any of it. Goodwill got that damn $400 blender.

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
8 years ago

Not so much one thing for me. When I finally forced her hand by telling her either divorce me or get busy reconciling, she chose divorce. I let her know we weren’t playing the “break up” game where she got to pick through things she wanted, etc. This is serious and a lawyer needs to be involved. I changed the locks on the house only to rechange them back later–per law. Looking back, she uses this stance as me “making” her divorce me something she was saying she was going to do for weeks if not more. Her view, “I couldn’t let you steal my stuff.” Ha! And you wonder why lawyers are necessary? Cheaters are so entitled that they think it is ALL their stuff. (And they do not care about the chump or the marriage). Such materialistic, cold hearted creatures cheaters are!

MrsVain
MrsVain
8 years ago

i think that is what exhole wanted to do. play the “break up game” he used to tell me he never cheated on me because we were broken up at the time. i would tell him “there is no break up in marriage and this isnt high school” . even thou i think that is how he believes in his high school mentality so he wanted to “break up” for a while so he could party and fuck his hood rat and when he got tired of partying come back home to good old stable boring wife and kids. until the next time.

i refuse to live like that.

WhatAChump2015
WhatAChump2015
8 years ago

My Cheater was getting his one place to “work on his issues” and I (yes, chump here) helped him get items for his “temporary” apartment. He came back a few days later and picked up a tv, dvd player and 1/2 the DVD Collection when I wasn’t home and took pillows and blankets from the family room (and put other one’s in their place thinking I wouldn’t notice). He left the pictures of the kids and everything that would be noticeable. He wanted the new knives that I purchased with my Christmas bonus (as he would be bringing them home), the heavy comforter for the bed, 1/2 the silverware (again was mine from before and he was going to be bringing it home). This was before DDay.

DDay came and I packed up the rest of his stuff and put it into a storage locker (which I paid for),changed the locks and sent him an email of where his stuff was the deadline to pick it up, a list of things he needed to do and letting him know that I knew about OWhore with a single line. He finally did go and pick what he wanted and left the rest of HIS stuff for me to deal with.

Interesting that setting up his slutshack was more important than pictures of his child, etc. And the sound of crickets is all I have heard.

Chump in the Sand
Chump in the Sand
8 years ago

When we separated, my cheater stated “I have a RIGHT to do laundry in my own home! ”

His cheating brother left a bottle of cumin and cayenne pepper on the counter for his ex wife –but took all the others.

onthehill
onthehill
8 years ago

Mine didn’t ask for a thing. He *took* some shit without asking though.

When he was moving out, he went upstairs (while my 90+ mother was sleeping), and stole her Oreck vacuum. Yep, another guy with a vacuum fetish. When I noticed it missing, I confronted him about it. He brought it back.

Two other things he took which I decided to let go (not worth the fight): He gave me a John Deere trailer for our lawn tractor. He took that (now mind you => I have 3-4 acres to tend; he moved to an apartment ;/ ). I’m sure he sold it to someone. And he took (1) knife from my Henkel set (the small paring knife). That might have been symbolic.

tony
tony
8 years ago
Reply to  onthehill

onthehill

Interesting thing about the paring knife from my nice Henckel knife set…

It was my ex-wife’s favorite knife and the only one she used whenever she got around to seldom cooking – even if it was completely unsuited to the task.

redless
redless
8 years ago
Reply to  tony

What’s with the paring knife. My ex-h took my Henckel paring as well and it was my block set!!

Verity297
Verity297
8 years ago
Reply to  onthehill

What is it with vacuum’s? My ex took our daughters vacuum cleaner.

NWBiblio
NWBiblio
8 years ago
Reply to  Verity297

It’s easy: Trust that they SUCK! 😉

tony
tony
8 years ago
Reply to  NWBiblio

hey-o!

lisahaight1969
lisahaight1969
8 years ago

A bit opposite here but along the same lines….

Mine was in deep MLC ( head up ass ) when we got transferred to a city 3 hours away. Unknown to me, he was planning ( told me this after BD ) on how to move without me!

We were moving from a pretty big house into a church rectory half the size. He decided to give away all of the appliances, rec room furniture, spare bedroom sets, ect. Enough to furnish a house.

We moved and as I was unpacking boxes to a house that I had no rights to ( it belongs to the church and his office is in it ) he tells me that the marriage is a bad marriage and that he is DONE!

I won’t go into the couple of years of hell I went through trying to afford a place to live , but I will say that I struggled and lived for over one year with no appliances. I had a plug in cooler and a microwave and then somebody gave me an ancient BBQ.

I had more money and better furniture when I was a Univetsity student!!

Things are a lot better now. But it blows my mind that we gave thousands of dollars worth of furniture away when he knew I would need that stuff!!!

unicornomore
unicornomore
8 years ago
Reply to  lisahaight1969

Yes…my fiances XW demanded a bunch of stuff that she later dumped never asking him if he wanted any of it (and he did).

michelexoxo4
michelexoxo4
8 years ago

He took every towel (3 bathrooms) , rug, curtain, vacuum, went through the Christmas decorations, my camera lenses, shelves on the wall and hid them off property….took all of these things when I wasn’t home. I had been packing waiting on the moving company and he actually went through my boxes. I guess the 26 year old needed them more than I did. Yet he told ME I wasn’t going to clean out the house of everything when I left.

Irene
Irene
8 years ago

Mine took glamour shots of me that I had taken 20 yrs ago, seriously, why?

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
8 years ago
Reply to  Irene

I had forgotten about the glamour shots ex insisted we take together in our first year of marriage. Last year, he posted one of them on Ellen DeGenere’s Instagram account, where it received well over 85,000 views and thousands of really mean comments. In the photo, it looked like we were naked (we weren’t) except for long gloves I was wearing. What can I say, it was 1990 and the pose was NOT my idea!

TheMuse
TheMuse
8 years ago
Reply to  Irene

eew, like a trophy?

TheClip
TheClip
8 years ago

months after he texted me wanting the pointy shovel and rake??? I kept thinking in was to bury my body!!!

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago
Reply to  TheClip

That’s a bit creepy! He probably didn’t want to be on video at Home Depot during the homicide investigation! Ha! Ha! Ha! Sorry, I’m an ID TV fanatic and they usually bust the murderous spouse with that footage!

Mehbound
Mehbound
8 years ago

My ex took the broom. Fine with me. In the day, when we entertained, I’d give the house a good cleaning. His idea of helping with tidying the house would be to go sweep the garage floor! Not the front walk, back porch, deck….no the garage. Whatever that’s about? To the non-chump this list Cn ia about to tally will be hard to believe!!!!

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
8 years ago
Reply to  Mehbound

Mine did that as well! It would be Thanksgiving, I’d be frantically cooking an entire traditional turkey dinner for 14 people and he would decide that was just the right time to go tackle the garage reorganization. This happened on several occasions.

Sausalito
Sausalito
8 years ago
Reply to  Mehbound

OMG, mine did that too! Before we entertained, when I was frantically cooking & cleaning, he would go clean the garage “in case anyone wanted to see it”. Riiiiight…

conniered
conniered
8 years ago

Mine asked for his clothes, guns and some tools from the garage. He took the damn paint sprayer. He lives in a one-bedroom apt with rented furniture. What was he planning to spray???

Right after DDay he was in a hotel and so he would ask for “towels I wasn’t using” and the green accountant’s lamp from the office. I gave them. But he never asked for pictures of his son. Or how to access pictures online of him.

I now own the house now, free and clear. He signed a quitclaim deed to remove his name from the deed. My name is the only one on the mortgage. I dare him to ask me for anything now. The house and all its contents are mine. Ass.

Eilonwy
Eilonwy
8 years ago
Reply to  conniered

Mine never asked for pictures of the kids either. When I asked if he wanted any, he demanded half of them. I ignored that since he’d never taken or printed or labeled or given a damn about the pictures before. But I did send him a wide collection of images. I do not think he’s ever unpacked the box they are in. That was during my earlier, stupider period when I thought we would make a reasonable effort to co-parent, and I thought my kids would want to see pictures of themselves at both homes. Now, I know that they’ll never get any normal parenting out of him and all attempts to help foster it on my part are futile.

Yet, he has always kept a stash of pictures of former girlfriends that stretches back to kindergarten. God, I was stupid not to see the writing on the wall. He keeps trophy photos of a 6-year-old crush ready to hand but not his own kids.

kar marie
kar marie
8 years ago
Reply to  Eilonwy

Mine asked for pictures of the kids and me and a full complete copy of our wedding album and video don’t ya know cause they are his memories too! Ha! I said no. You took those memories and threw them under the bus! Our wedding album really? Pictures of me really? Gave him all pictures up to before me. Maybe after divorce final house sold and I’m hours away from him I may give him a few. He completely ignores his kids and sister except for birthday and Xmas and the has to be reminded by me not to dissapoint them. Other woman could care less. They wanted both of us to be happy even if we were not together but after years of basically no contact from him to them they got his number. I also found naked pictures of the first drug addicted drunk POS first wife and near naked ones of me hidden away after he left. First wife five years, me twenty five. I gleefully burned them all up! He was enraged! I had no right to do that! I burned them for her dignity and mine even though I hated her cause she screwed her kid with him so badly. He would never have gotten rid of them and children at no age should ever come across pictures like that. I sent all photos out of state til after divorce where he can’t get them. Again, the fucker.

Cindy
Cindy
8 years ago
Reply to  kar marie

Mine threw our wedding video in the trash. Lucky I found it – not that I wish to remember the day when he really didn’t commit to me, but so many of our loved ones that have since passed away, including my mom, are on that video. I was totally shattered when I found that.

chumpedonceneveragain
chumpedonceneveragain
8 years ago
Reply to  Cindy

aw…sorry about that…mine couldn’t wait to tell me he ripped up all the pictures of “us” that he had

conniered
conniered
8 years ago
Reply to  Eilonwy

Ah yes, co-parenting does not exist in my world either. He sees our son each week for about 24 hours. That does not constitute parenting in any way. That is a visit. So we don’t parent together. Never will. He spends his weeks with OW and her 14-year-old son. The hypocrisy of his life is astounding. The OW’s son has even started giving our son hand-me-down toys and video games.

BettyD
BettyD
8 years ago
Reply to  Eilonwy

One of my stupider moments early in the marriage was when I found out he kept pictures of his exes too. I look back now and go “I let that slide! Boy, I was stupid!” But add me to that list as well, seeing as he kept digital copies of a boudoir photo shoot of me! Ughh, at least he can look back and say “Damn, she was fine!” Lol.

Kelli
Kelli
8 years ago

Oh, this is a fun topic! My STBX left in January, 2014, and all he took was a carryon suit case full of clothes.

By April, he still had all of his crap here, so I put his clothes in trash bags and left them on the curb for him.

By August, I told him if he didn’t get the rest of his stuff, I was selling it all on Craigslist. I sold it all September 1st when he thought I was bluffing.

Two weeks ago, in April 2015, he called asking for his forgotten guitar and golf clubs that have been in the attic for over 2 years.

This is after a court order was issued in January for him to pay me the 12 months of back spousal and child support he should have paid, along with a financial settlement. It’s almost May, and I haven’t seen a check yet.

But he asked me to be “understanding of his difficult financial situation” and not pressure him for the money, while asking for the golf clubs and guitar because he wants to take up those hobbies again.

Kelli
Kelli
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Not yet… Not that I am saving them for him. I just haven’t had the time to do the research to see how much they are worth to sell them. If I remember correctly, they were expensive enough when he bought them for me to get angry. Ahhhh, the joys of raising two threenagers as a single mom…

Eilonwy
Eilonwy
8 years ago

My STBX took what he wanted out of the house, but he never managed to tackle the garage. When I finally told him that I would be having movers take it to him and asked what he wanted, he said, “absolutely everything.”

He’d been piling junk mail, half-finished projects of various sorts, and other trash in there for years alongside his tools and sporting equipment. When I pointed that out and asked if really wanted “everything” or just his stuff, he told me, that he wanted it all (peppering the request with plenty of obscenities and threatening me with legal action if I withheld a single item.)

That was the final straw for one of my family members, who proceeded to help me by bagging and boxing every single thing including–trash, fall leaves that had blown in, his empty alcohol bottles, house hold cleaners, etc. He put every bit of it into some container and onto the movers’ truck. Dead beetle or tackle box filled with fancy new fishing gear, it made no difference to my family member.

Later, my STBX accused me of trying to poison him by sending him “toxic” materials (i.e. the ordinary brands of household cleaners all still in their original bottles and no more toxic in his new garage than they were in our shared one). It would have been funny if he hadn’t been making the accusation to our young kids.

For the next year he would call me to ask where something-or-other was. I’d just answer, “In one of those boxes from the garage.” Then he’d accuse me of stealing his stuff, since he couldn’t find it amid all the junk he had demanded I send him. He’s a gem.

Mehphista
Mehphista
8 years ago

Mine wanted respect.
As if…..

LadyStrange
LadyStrange
8 years ago
Reply to  Mehphista

HAHAHAHAHA!

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago

Mine wanted a 20 year old mitre box (cheapest plastic one on the market) from repairs we did on a townhouse we were selling years ago! Funny thing was, he never “mastered” the art of cutting trim work and I had to use the damn thing to finish the work!! Silly, but he never asked for a saw to go with that mitre box. To top it off, his Schmoopie lives in a cheap condo, (read: apartment 950 sq. ft.) and the rest of the week he resides in a hotel room!! So why the mitre box?? Who the hell knows! He left our 2400 Sq. Ft. House on over an acre of land so you can just imagine the equipment we own to maintain this, but dumbass asks for a mitre box!!!!

with brave wings
with brave wings
8 years ago

I posted this yesterday, but I’ll do it again.

The ex asked for half of the homemade vanilla extract. It is so easy to laugh about now. He’s pathetic.

expatChump
expatChump
8 years ago

Mine, who barely cooked and at the time was living in a hotel with basically a hot plate, took the Old Bay Seasoning. I was truly pissed

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
8 years ago

I read this twice and literally laughed out loud both times. WTF, these freaks are truly insane.

zyx321
zyx321
8 years ago

Well, given the vanilla crisis that is understandable…
😉

MN Moved On
MN Moved On
8 years ago

Out of the blue, Big Chief Dumb Fuck demanded that the listing of divided assets on the divorce petition be amended to include thirteen Dept. 56 light-up Christmas houses.

Which he hadn’t needed in the intervening two years’ Christmas celebrations since I kicked him out.

Which hadn’t been out of their boxes in the previous nineteen years.

I promptly amended the petition, put the individual boxes on the curb on a Monday evening, and notified him that the boxes needed to be picked up immediately, reminding him that trash pick up at my/our house was first thing Tuesday morning.

He drove over post haste, and he and Twatwaffle loaded them into Twatwaffle’s car (since the convertible he’d bought himself after D-Day didn’t have a trunk big enough to hold them.)

I stood there on the driveway watching, with a garden hose in hand, and ceremoniously washed down the driveway and curb to sluice off the bad JuJu.

NCStevie
NCStevie
8 years ago
Reply to  MN Moved On

“I stood there on the driveway watching, with a garden hose in hand, and ceremoniously washed down the driveway and curb to sluice off the bad JuJu.”

THIS^^^^^ priceless!! Awesome.

unicornomore
unicornomore
8 years ago

When he moved away to his bachelor apt leaving behind the colonial 4 BR house wife/kids/dog…he took golf clubs, a bike, those sorts of things. He had assured me this was temporary and he would live in an “executive hotel” while there but be home “all the time”…he wasn’t LEAVING, you see, he was WORKING…doing what good responsible men do..leaving 3 kids and a wife in a puddle of tears so he could WORK 3000 miles away in the same city where the OW (who he had SWORN he broke up with) was working. She didn’t LIVE there, mind you, she LIVED in Seattle near her fiance.

and I was SO FUCKING STUPID AND TRUSTING that I BELIEVED this shit, I really did

and soon after he got there, my birthday rolled around and he forgot it…I asked him if he left me and simply didn’t bother to tell me about it and he said “Oh no!!”

But that Executive hotel thing didnt work out because if he bought a jar of mayonnaise then there was no place to put it when he came home, so he needed an apartment. 1 year lease and $5000 in furnishings later he still wasn’t “LIVING” there, mind you.

He stayed there for 18 months and I was TOTALLY in denial that he and OW were likely living out their schmoopie love nest fantasies while I was back east.

Much later after he moved back home to continue our wreckoncilliation, he told me “I feel good about the fact that I never left ”

and for anyone who missed my other post on this…tuesday of this week, 2.5 years after his death, I learned that he was not a one-Schmoopie cheater, he was a serial cheater.

Odd thing about dying…they take NOTHING with them, NOTHING…He had a huge coat fetish…he owned coats, worked for a coat company then started and sold a coat company…no fuckingshit I had about 200 mens coats when he died – literally opened boxed I didn’t know we had to find coats I didn’t know we had….on my craziest “coat purge” day I walked up to a janitor at work, handed him a North Face coat and told him it was a gift and never to give it back.

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
8 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

That’s funny that you use wreckonciliation. I spell mine a little differently wreck-con-ciliation. It was a wreck and he did con me!

unicornomore
unicornomore
8 years ago
Reply to  cheaterssuck

your spelling is more apt…mine also conned me … BADLY…very odd to only learn now how bad it was

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago

Mehphista, these asswipes honestly believe that they can buy love, respect and honor and integrity! They are so full of shit it hurts! Tell him to throw some money at his side fuck of the week and she can pretend to “respect” him!

Cletus
Cletus
8 years ago

As a West Virginian I can give you the history of WV logging Cliff Notes Version…They cut down trees, environmental disaster and flooding ensued before they lopped the top of the mountain for coal with even greater environmental disaster… As far as today’s topic, I have the opposite problem, two years after she moved out and a year post divorce I still have a basement full of shit.

WiserToday
WiserToday
8 years ago
Reply to  Cletus

Cletus,

I feel your pain. I have a garage crammed full of every automotive tool imaginable. And since my money covered all the living expenses (because “team”, you know) it was only the best for my baby.

I’m also in West Virginia. Maybe we could have a joint yard sale. lol

As for what he took besides his clothes -5 of the 8 household pillows, enough pillowcases to make sure there wasn’t a complete bedding set left behind, and a very distinctive patchwork quilt handmade by his grandmother and later used as a backdrop to showcase his ‘charms’ in a Craigslist casual hookup ad.

KarenE
KarenE
8 years ago
Reply to  Cletus

Same problem, Cletus. My ex left with most of his clothes, his computer, a couple of towels and a set of sheets. I kept asking him to get his stuff out of the house, he ignored that (at the time I didn’t realize he thought he’d be coming back).

I didn’t set clear boundaries such as ‘if it’s not out by the 31st, it’s all being donated or trashed’, because he has been and continues to be more financially generous about child support than the law requires. So a year later the kids and I boxed up all his crap (tons of books, some clothes and CDs) and put it in the basement. He opened a couple of the boxes a year after that to get some documents he needed, the rest is still there. I guess it’ll molder until I move out of the house, then it’ll go in the garbage.

But the entitlement there still pissed me off; I fuck around and end our relationship, but I shouldn’t have to be bothered packing my stuff and getting it out of your way. Assholes are assholes, I guess.

The weirdest was that, while living 3 blocks away in a building WITH LAUNDRY FACILITIES he kept coming back to the house to do his laundry. It took multiple attempts and finally a threat to re-key the locks to get him to stop doing that.

He also never asked for photos of the kids, unless he made an extra back-up from the computer and took that. Don’t think so, though. Cold cold asshole.

expatChump
expatChump
8 years ago
Reply to  KarenE

“But the entitlement there still pissed me off; I fuck around and end our relationship, but I shouldn’t have to be bothered packing my stuff and getting it out of your way.” THIS!!!!

nomar
nomar
8 years ago
Reply to  Cletus

Cletus,

I’d send her a certified letter, return receipt requested, stating that you will no longer provide her with free storage services and on Date X all her property that she left at your house will be deposited on the curb in front of your house at 9 a.m. and if it’s not picked up by 5 p.m. it will be thrown away. Then follow through.

Boundaries should be literal as well as symbolic. Her shit goes at her house, not yours. I predict getting rid of that stuff will leave you walking on air for several days.

ByeByeCheater
ByeByeCheater
8 years ago
Reply to  nomar

agreed! I put all his shit on the front porch and told him to pick it up. He hemmed and hawed about how he wasn’t sure it would fit in his pick up truck but it did. There’s still a few things of his in the garage but that will be gone soon too.

NWBiblio
NWBiblio
8 years ago
Reply to  nomar

It did for me. In spite of XH not wanting anything, I knew what was his so I packed it up. He started hemming and hawing about how he could trickle over now & then and “move a few boxes.” FTS, I thought. I’ve played second fiddle to that f***ing business of his for TOO long, so I moved everything to the garage of the house where he was staying. — We were still talking then, so he said, “You didn’t have to do that, thanks.” I told him, “That wasn’t for you, that was for me. You want out? You’re out.” Very liberating.

Dr. I Can't Believe I'm a Chump
Dr. I Can't Believe I'm a Chump
8 years ago

Mine made sure he removed the VCR from the house. He showed me.

I let my ex keep everything. I only needed enough to start a new life in a one-bedroom or loft apartment and modestly requested only the things I would need.

In response, he very generously offered to let me take anything I wanted– Except the items I requested. I smelled what he was doing immediately, which was “clearing” the house of years of his accumulated kitsch to make room for his mistress on my dime.

The only thing I really wanted was our new bedroom set or half the value (not unreasonable), particularly as he failed to disclose his assets. He rebuffed by offering his old hand-me-down family set.

I told my attorney to inform him to shove it up his ass. Sleeping on the floor would be a more dignified life that being married to him for a day longer than necessary.

PF
PF
8 years ago

My ex wife made a stink about some of her yoga chimes and incense sticks were missing. She also asked for the swifter wet jet in our settlement.

She left behind her tree hugging hiking brochures. She lives in Dallas now has become and is gun toting republican.

Namaste Y’all

FoolMeTwice
FoolMeTwice
8 years ago
Reply to  PF

Yoga chimes and a Swiffer Wet Jet. Best thing ever. LOL!!!

Chumpion
Chumpion
8 years ago
Reply to  PF

“Namaste Y’all” … friggin’ awesome.

Boudica Reborn
Boudica Reborn
8 years ago
Reply to  PF

“Namaste Y’all”
Laughing so hard right now at that closing remark. Such shape-shifters they tend to be!

TheMuse
TheMuse
8 years ago

Oh yeah, he took all the alcohol that he had collected. Several years before DDay he got interested in fancy cocktails and I had bought him a bartender set of tools, recipes etc for Christmas, and he invested lots of money in many different fruit flavored liquors. He took every last bottle. Took them to our (now my EX-friends) friends’ house where he was staying for a year while he also drove to OW’s house 2 hours away every weekend. I’m sure they had some sparkly fruit flavored parties and fun there.

This particular couple immediately took Cheater’s side when told he was cheating and even defended him (“Cheater must have his reasons!)… they really never liked me because I was the party pooper who never wanted to go out drinking for hours every Friday night because I had a serious medical condition called Meniere’s Disease and because I worked at a stressful job supporting us. What a Debbie Downer I was, to be sure. Plus I’m sure he must have told them what a crazy psycho bitch I am.

Irene
Irene
8 years ago

Twatwaffle! Love It!

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago
Reply to  Irene

Remember Muse, nothing says “Twu wuv” until they have those “beer goggles” on! He probably needed the alcohol to tolerate the Schmoopie! My ex was a tee totaler until he found Schmoops on Facebook! If you had to look at “hatchet face” all the time then you’d steal the liquor too!

Papasadouche
Papasadouche
8 years ago

Mine came in and stole all the power tools out of the garage for his tiny apartment that he rented. We fought till the end over a player piano his father gave me. He found it for me at a garage sale. My Ex was as musically inclined as a slug but knew the piano meant something to me and my daughter who both play. I pretended to want a coke machine we owned and held out till he gave in. He got the soda machine, I got the piano. He always taught me to let the other guy think he won. He taught me well.

NoMoreDancing
NoMoreDancing
8 years ago

Ooh he inspired a CL post! I’m so proud 🙂
I keep asking him what he wants to take so I can start shopping, replacing, planning, etc. I’m being very generous because I don’t want to delay him moving out any longer (and yay I get to buy new stuff that I like!) But he won’t commit to anything. The only “list” he was able to come up with so far is “the blender and the garlic press.” Deal! Where do I sign?
Update – he hasn’t decided which Dyson he wants yet either!

PF
PF
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I guess he’ll go for the Dyson that sucks as much as he does.

What’s with cheaters and vacuums, are these some kind of sex toy?

This Chump medicated for your protection
This Chump medicated for your protection
8 years ago
Reply to  PF

Vacuum begets vacuum.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago

A+!!!

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  PF

PF–that is an image I will never get rid of!! Hysterical.

FoolMeTwice
FoolMeTwice
8 years ago
Reply to  PF

I think it’s so they can continue doing the Hoover Maneuver.

PF
PF
8 years ago
Reply to  FoolMeTwice

Lol….Hoover Maneuver, is that in the Kama Sutra of vacuum instructions. How does one attach the suction hose to the groin in conjunction with flawless vacuum lines in wall to wall carpeting.

Is there a Dyson porn site I don’t know about?

FoolMeTwice
FoolMeTwice
8 years ago
Reply to  PF

The Hoover Maneuver is a common ploy used by narcissists/abusers (cheaters) to keep their victims literally ‘sucked in’ to their ongoing drama.

http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.ca/2006/05/hoover-how-to-recognize-it-and-move.html

I just think it’s hilarious how so many of these fuckers go after the vacuum cleaners when they leave. It’s almost as if it’s a sign they leave behind, sort of like Zorro and his Z.

Boudica Reborn
Boudica Reborn
8 years ago
Reply to  PF

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZF9hxyXx3Ns

Well, maybe not exactly a porn site…..but Mr. Dyson does seem to have keen interest on spherical shapes.

PF
PF
8 years ago
Reply to  Boudica Reborn

Thanks for the link…it was hilarious.

DoneNow
DoneNow
8 years ago

A frog shaped bottle opener. Not kidding.

He one or two expected things when he moved out-a table his grandfather made for us, and his deceased brothers records. Clothes and other stuff I packed up and left for him to come and get. After that I realized he’d left some things he might want-gifts from his parents, sentimental thing, his grandfather’s old tools, he hadn’t taken any pictures with him. I found a box with all the cards and presents like clay pots and handprints the kids made for him when they were little. When I asked recently if he’d left anything he wanted, he got really serious and said he wanted the bottle opener shaped like a frog that I’d gotten at the Container Store for $2.00 ten years ago. Mental!

Verity297
Verity297
8 years ago
Reply to  DoneNow

Mine cleared all his own stuff when he left. His wardrobe drawer was full of little novelty gifts from the kids collected over the years, when I commented that he hadn’t packed them, he told me to get rid of them, they were no use to him.

KarenE
KarenE
8 years ago
Reply to  Verity297

Verity, OUCH!!!! I feel so bad for you and your kids. What an asshole.

Verity297
Verity297
8 years ago

Mine dismantled two huge water butts and dragged them to his car, he waited two years to get them. It was another six months before he realised he had no photos of his children.

informal
informal
8 years ago

We have not got to this point since mediation is next month. I left under to cover of darkness with a truck and trash bags taking things he acknowledged he felt were mine to take. I will see how this plays out next month. I left behind antiques, things that belong to the kids, and pieces my dad refinished that I would like and have no Idea what he is going to request. At this point i feel like throwing everything in a pile and selling it down to a fork, split it and move on. It is just stuff and we have to have money to live.
As a side note, he also asked about a vaccum. I left the one we had but the bags got packed. Luckily i had bought my mom the same model one year and gave her the bags. He must have had to take the big boy field trip to buy new ones. He wanted to know what would be the best new one to buy. Yes, it has to be the best! I thought to myself that i left you you the best one. The one i took broke and I had to buy a new one. He may have used it in the house three times (never helped). He used it to clean his campers with-OCD about those about and his stuff. He cared less about family and home.

Beverly Bochetto
Beverly Bochetto
8 years ago
Reply to  informal

Informal, take what you want.
I had a rather long and drama-filled two years after D-Day, not all crapweasel’s fault, but look here;
From then get-go, he was very avid about splitting our possessions, ie. “We will go through the house and pick one after the other, labeling the possessions we want. You get the first pick.”
I was horrified. This was not going to happen in my lifetime. My kid’s were freaked about dismantling their childhood home.
Kudos to my sister, who after being informed our home of twenty years was sold, swooped in and told me that I was moving to my new home on our parent’s anniversary, June 22.
I nodded dumbly and got to work. I chose everything I wanted for our new house and my Mom arranged with great movers. We moved and the beds were set up that night, all the big pieces were in place and looked lovely.
I actually returned a few pieces back to the marital home as I did not need them.
Crapweasel had no idea that I had moved out until almost a month later, when he requested access to the house thru my attorney. She informed him that I had moved a month ago and IT WAS ALL HIS.
My daughter informed me that “Dad is really angry” and “Dad wants my piano” during HIS moving process which included 27 years of detritus; my wedding gown, innumerable shit that is accumulated when you entertain a lot.
After the move, he tried some half assed confrontation that I cheated him in the material settlement. He said, “You took exactly what you wanted and left me with sh…” I laugh as I looked straight at him as he was saying this and he could not finish the sentence.
I should have kicked him in the ass when he turned to leave.

TheMuse
TheMuse
8 years ago

Beverly, so ironic: “You took exactly what you wanted and left me with shit.” My Ex said something similar. He spent many weeks daily removing stuff while I was at work, and this was in Early Days, I mean the four weeks following D-Day (which was a total surprise to me). I would come home from work and take pictures to compare to the pictures I’d taken the previous night. I was also starting to get righteously pissed, and one night, I put a post it note on his pile of paperback cookbooks (“Macrobiotic Kitchen,” “Kripalu Kitchen,”) — in 16 years he not ONCE cooked dinner for us! I did it all. I put a post it note on the pile that said, “Don’t forget your cook books.” OK passive aggressive I suppose, but the next time I came home the cookbooks had been flung down the basement stairs and were all broken up at the bottom. I asked him why he did that, and he angrily said, “Do you have ANY fucking idea what it feels like to have you take everything I ever gave you and have it shoved into the fucking trash????!!!” — I replied, “YES, I do! that is what YOU are doing to our relationship!!!’ Dimwit.

Beverly Bochetto
Beverly Bochetto
8 years ago

Oh, and I left him with the Ansley China, service for 12, with serving pieces. I have no use for it in my new life, but perhaps he can!

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago

This stuff cracks me up! But think about it this way, they simply aren’t choosy about who they screw around with so what makes you think they are going to be any more discerning about their “stuff”? They simply do not value a damn thing in their lives! A cheaters mind has just got to look like a selfish six year old high on sugary drinks having a childish fit on the floor! It’s absolutely hilarious really! Notice that they are usually pack rats and collect useless shit in multiples. Mine has hundreds of tubes of caulk! He’s never caulked shit in his life! He is the original “unhandy man”! He found changing a lightbulb difficult! Ha! Ha! Ha

ItsAJourney
ItsAJourney
8 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

OMG Roberta!!! I immediately thought of the SNL Home Improvement skit. Didn’t you know that caulk is used to fill cracks? I’m sure he’s planning on caulking a lot of cracks. In fact, every decision these idiots make is based on their caulk.

Enjoy… it’s hilarious!
https://youtu.be/tiPkYt09awo

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
8 years ago
Reply to  ItsAJourney

Awesome video ItsAjourney!

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
8 years ago
Reply to  cheaterssuck

that cracked me up

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago
Reply to  ItsAJourney

OMG ItsAJourney! That’s hilarious! Thanks for the giggle and snort! Certainly might answer some questions about that damn caulk. Oh and BTW, did you know that caulk gets old and can’t perform the way you want it to? It fails to get hard or shrivels up! Ha! Ha! Ha! Oh well, not my problem now I guess. I’ll just go find some new caulk!

ItsAJourney
ItsAJourney
8 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

LOL is so overused. I just wanted you to know I’m actually laughing out loud.

itsAJourney
itsAJourney
8 years ago
Reply to  ItsAJourney

Darn link won’t open. Just google SNL Caulk Home and Garden Show, or try Youtube directly.

DoneNow
DoneNow
8 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

Why caulk? Why? Same thing here. Every time something needed to be caulked, he’d go by a new tube, usually the wrong one, but never do the job. SO MUCH CAULK.

ByeByeCheater
ByeByeCheater
8 years ago
Reply to  DoneNow

I’ve mentioned before that there are several drawers in the garage that are full of boxes of nails. Each time he needed a nail for something, he would buy a new box of them rather than look through the thousands he already had. Lazy, entitled, SOB.

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago
Reply to  ByeByeCheater

Bye Bye Cheater, same here! I think my husband was “pairing” tools and supplies like Noah preparing the paired up animals on the ark! It’s so ridiculous, but also good for yard sales!!!!

PF
PF
8 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

Roberta

Funny how your ex had hundreds of tubes of caulk. Maybe it was repressed Freudian juxtaposition of being endowed with only one cock and this fed his ego.

Nothing like a man with plenty of caulk. Maybe one day he can fill the cracks in his brain with it, talk about a mind f*ck.

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago
Reply to  PF

Agree PF! But I think he’ll need a whole lot more caulk to fill those cracks!

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago
Reply to  DoneNow

Donenow, same here! Mine fancied himself “happy Harry homeowner”, but truth be told he was incapable of hanging a picture or choosing the right lightbulb for a fixture! I did ALL the work in our house or I had to explain to him one step at a time how to do the work. Anything he ever worked on required an expensive follow up by a professional or me! He’s quite inept! Good luck Schmoopie!

StrongerEveryday
StrongerEveryday
8 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

Awww, Roberta, I thought *my* stbx was the original un-handyman. I too did all the work around this place, and then when he moved out, he took the toolbox to his leased apartment with 24-hr maintenance. That one bugged me at first, until I realized that I was slightly disorganized and that most of the tools of value weren’t even in the box when he took it. Oops. Dumbass got a box full of odds and ends and random supplies. Enjoy!

Jenny S
Jenny S
8 years ago

I boxed up all my ex’s shit for him, and took 4 hours off of work to make sure he didn’t take anything he wasn’t supposed to. When he didn’t show up, I set up a video camera. He walked in 15 minutes after I left (real shocker there!) with his twin asshole brother. They only took what I had packed for him and a couple other small things. NOT the brown furniture set he and his HW had left cum stains on and I refused to sit on (or let our daughter sit on).
A couple weeks later, I realized he charged $2000 to a joint credit card to furnish his and the HW’s new apartment. AND his attorney complained that I took EVERYTHING! Plus, he demanded the lawn equipment- for an apartment…

Over & Out
Over & Out
8 years ago
Reply to  Jenny S

I did the same thing. Had all of my ex’s personal things boxed and ready to go. He brought his brother over to “help him load it the truck”, then they proceeded to go through the house as if it was a department store. My ex-brother-in-law would see something HE wanted and my ex would then try to claim it!! Also my ex-mother-in-law had given her son a list of items that SHE wanted!! I immediately put a stop to that BS. Told my ex-BIL to leave the house and told my ex that anything he wanted that wasn’t already packed needed to be in writing and sent to my lawyer!

The dumbest thing he requested in writing was one of the dining room chairs (out of a set of 6) because it “had sentimental value”… It was the “Captain’s Chair” that he always sat in at the head of the table…blah, blah, blah. He did not get it!!

LadyStrange
LadyStrange
8 years ago

I purchased a pink refurbished Dyson about 7 years ago and it still works great. I WILL be taking that with me. He can have the other POS vacuum. It’s not like he knows how to run a vaccum anyway…

One Step at a Time
One Step at a Time
8 years ago
Reply to  LadyStrange

There was no way that POS was getting my Dyson. He used to joke that I loved it more than him. Now I know I do!!!

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
8 years ago

I bought a Dyson after Saddam moved out, the one thing he did was vacuum because I hate the sound of it and so he always bought giant heavy vacuums that never really worked and he never moved a stick of furniture. However funny it may be, I love the Dyson even if it only has one ball it’s better than having my ex around

Matt
Matt
8 years ago

The shirt off my back?
My children?
My sanity?
My dignity?
Actually she failed on that score

She did get the stone cat from the pond. She really kicked off about that. It wasn’t even an heir loom.

Nicole S
Nicole S
8 years ago
Reply to  Matt

Yes, the time with the children they steal from us and our peace of mind matters the most. I would honestly give him anything just to have my kids with me all of the time. That way I know they are safe from his barrage of emotional abuse.

Dawn
Dawn
8 years ago

Who cares. If you are unhappy it’s worth it to give away anything that reminds you of your life together.

I wish Chumplady would write a blog about about crazy marriage counselors or psychologists who blame the loyal spouse. What the heck is that about? Mine told me my mother was obnoxious and as a result she wanted to discuss ways I may be acting like my mother. Huh! None of my friends have ever told me I act like my mother. In fact, they told me the opposite. They said I am nothing like my mother. Also ex boyfriends said the same thing. None of them liked my mother but they always said I was nothing like her.

IMO, I think the real truth is that sometimes someone with a crappy mother, marries a person that is just as crappy as their mother. Maybe because they think that being crappy is a way to show love. Anyway, I stopped seeing marriage counselors because almost all of them wanted to blame me for my spouses actions. Can you write a blog about these people?

I learned more about me and the effect of my crappy mother from self help books.

C.
C.
8 years ago
Reply to  Dawn

You nailed it. People with horrible relationships with their mothers jump right into horrible relationships with romantic partners. Speaking from experience here. It took a couple years of therapy and TWO good, competent psychologists (NOT the idiots discussed above) to figure out WHY I went to my ex from my mom. It is shitty to have to sort through, but apparently, it is a common pattern. I am sorry you have to deal with this, but know that it happens a lot, and once you figure out your own mess, you can heal and put that bad relationship (with your mother and your ex) into the lead-lined toxic box of bad habits, and become WHOLE for they first time. 🙂

violet
violet
8 years ago
Reply to  Dawn

CL has definitely written about “blame the chump” marriage counselors. You should be able to locate those blogs in the archives. Many of us have suffered at the hands of incompetent “therapists”; mine was actually related to OW, a fact she conveniently failed to remember (although she did tell me OW came from a family of narcissists). That’s the beauty of this site-no matter how crazy your situation seems, there is always someone who has experienced the same insanity, or worse!

NWBiblio
NWBiblio
8 years ago
Reply to  Dawn

I don’t know if she’s ever written a post specifically about counselors, but certainly about plenty of psychologists who write columns for Huffington Post and the like.

I’m so grateful my therapist wasn’t like that. I’ve heaped enough self-blame & recrimination to last a lifetime, I don’t need their professional help to give it permanence and validity.

Justine
Justine
8 years ago

My ex, who treated me like something on the bottom of his shoe as well as cheating, specifically broke into the house to take….
the CD of our wedding photos.
What the?

WhatAChump2015
WhatAChump2015
8 years ago
Reply to  Justine

Wow! I used to tell my Cheater that he was treating me like something he scraped off his shoe….That was well before I knew about his cheating…

ChumpedtotheMax
ChumpedtotheMax
8 years ago
Reply to  WhatAChump2015

That was my reference to my ex too, he treated me like something he was trying to scrape off his shoe….amazing how much these guys are alike

Verity297
Verity297
8 years ago

The peg tin. He very carefully placed all the pegs on the washing line and took the empty tin.
It still cracks me up.

JC
JC
8 years ago

I don’t have a good story here. When I left my wife for the second (and last) time, she put her negative energy into calculating the market value of everything we owned in a huge spreadsheet. She found some recommended formula only with which she simply priced everything we owned all items 1/3 their original price. Then she sent me the spreadsheet and said I owed her that much money.

I think she was expecting some resistance, or for me to argue over our nice enamelware, overpriced computer, or furniture…or simply to argue that replacement costs would certainly be higher than market costs.

But…when you’re restarting your life, you don’t need much: a bed, table, and chair; a few dishes; a pot and a pan; a good cooking knife; and a cheap laptop. I only took one of our cooking knives, and I left the rest to her. I didn’t care that market value does not equal replacement value. I just care about getting away from her and her lies. Getting divorced costs money; and it sucks. But I wasn’t about to drag out arguments with a cheating skank over what would amount to a few thousand dollars. It’s not worth it.

Of course, living the Spartan life wasn’t all fun. When I moved to a permanent home after 6 months of living in month-to-month housing (where I rented my furniture; kitchenware, etc.), it took just *one* trip to move all of my belongings…in a Prius…with 3 people in the car. When I’ve had to buy stupid little things–like an ironing board–I got angry that I had to re-accrue life’s little necessities, all of which kept eroding my new persona savings.

There was an upside, however: nothing in my home reminds me of my old life. All of the decorations and day-to-day items are mine alone, not purchased with my ex-wife or received as a wedding present. Meanwhile, she’s still surrounded by everything we owned together. I’m fully aware that this doesn’t faze her, as she’s self-important. But it would have fazed me.

SDK
SDK
8 years ago
Reply to  JC

There was an upside, however: nothing in my home reminds me of my old life. All of the decorations and day-to-day items are mine alone, not purchased with my ex-wife or received as a wedding present. Meanwhile, she’s still surrounded by everything we owned together. I’m fully aware that this doesn’t faze her, as she’s self-important. But it would have fazed me.

Exactly the same!!

With Brave Wings
With Brave Wings
8 years ago
Reply to  JC

I was SO over being married and just wanted to be divorced that I also just stopped and essentially walked away with $4,000 less than I should have. I’ve truly never regretted it since I was officially divorced that very next week.

TheMuse
TheMuse
8 years ago
Reply to  JC

what IS it with cheaters and their fucking spreadsheets? mine included on the spreadsheet he gave his attorney quantifying what he spent on us over the years a CAKE (oh the irony) he bought on… yes, my birthday. He bought me a birthday cake that year, and he considered that a contribution to the household groceries.

what is that old saying, figures don’t lie but liars figure?

tony
tony
8 years ago
Reply to  JC

word

mom9193
mom9193
8 years ago

Because we had sold the house and he was moving into a small apartment while I regained my sanity at my brother’s home, we put a lot of things in storage. I bought a small apartment a few months later and took what I needed for my home. Funny thing was, I didn’t want anything from our 30 year marriage. I gave my siblings whatever they wanted and held onto pieces for my kids, but I didn’t want anything we had bought together. For years, whenever I wanted to decorate a room, it was a compromise and thing ended up looking fussier than I would like. Now I started fresh with all new sheets and towels and drapes and carpeting and tables and sofas, etc. It cost me a chunk of change, but I can look around and be proud of the way I’ve turned my life around. Meanwhile, his apartment looks like something grandma would love.

Actually, he took something that was important to me. I had bought a painting done by a high school kid about 15 years ago. It was part of a silent auction for the school, I paid for it and I loved it. It hung in our home. When I discovered that he had it propped up in his kitchen, I took it back and left him a note. Just found the artist on FB and he’s now got a gallery in NYC and enjoying a successful art career!

nomar
nomar
8 years ago

Mine didn’t ask for anything–didn’t have to. After she’d moved into another house, I told her I would be out on a particular day and she could come get what she wanted. Imagining she’d take half of the stuff accumulated over a 22 year marriage, I came home to a mostly empty ground floor to the house. She and her hillbilly clan had taken pretty much everything in the living room, dining room, and kitchen. Thankfully, she left some not-terribly-valuable antiques that mattered to me, even if it left me nowhere to eat a meal and not much to cook it in.

Does my ex-wife have entitlement issues?

Does the Duck Dynasty family have facial hair?

Lania
Lania
8 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Yeah. She does. She felt she was entitled to everything in the house, as it was “her stuff”.
This is the main reason why I’d change the locks after kicking someone out – don’t want the fuckers sifting through the stuff in the house to take things that they forfeited by rights because of their fuckwittery.

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
8 years ago

The Ikea quilt. He’d flipped his shit on me when I casually plopped it into the cart. “It’s forty BUCKS!” He pouted the whole rest of the night. Oh, I BOUGHT it, all right! With money that I earned at my good-paying job. Years later, it’s lovely–crimson and silky.
And he was using it on his mattress on the floor in the living room. You know, the mattress on the floor–because his Back Hurt. (NOT because he was carrying on with a Facebook Troll.) Then, when he bailed, he tried to pack it up and take it to his love nest.
Hell to the no, I said, and handed him a different comforter that I never liked, anyway.

He accused me of hiding his golden coin, as well. (???) I found it in the attic and gave it back to him, happily. I was overjoyed to throw all his shit into cardboard boxes (way classier than black plastic bags, which, in retrospect, I wish I’d though of.)

Adieu! Good riddance, said I, red quilt tucked safely under my arm! Good bye! You’ll miss me!!

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

Miss Sunshine–he go his golden coin, and you got the golden ticket–one way trip out of cheaterville!