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Seriously, Shayanna, Really?

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Today I’m running a guest post, submitted by an old, former chump friend Jayne Bennet from New England.

shayannaFor those of you who have missed it, Aaron Hernandez, a former star tight end for the New England Patriots is on trial for the execution-style murder of Odin Lloyd, a former friend. Shayanna Jenkins is his fiancée and they have a child together.

Shayanna testified in court “I made a decision that if I was going to move back in with Aaron, I would need to compromise with his behavior, including his infidelity.” Reports indicate that after Aaron proposed in 2012 (after their child was born) that she continued to tolerate his roving eye.

Hernandez kept an apartment approximately 25-30 minutes away from the home he shared with Shayanna, and as court testimony revealed, he frequently went clubbing and socializing (read: on the prowl) without her. She willingly tolerated this and asked no questions when he spent the night away from home or decided to go out without her.

More importantly, there is speculation that Shayanna rid their home of critical evidence at Hernandez’s instruction. Should this prove to be true, not only does she sacrifice her self-worth at the Altar of Aaron Hernandez, she seriously (possibly permanently) compromises her character. This will follow her for the rest of her life . . . in job interviews, in standing on the sidelines at soccer games . . . there won’t be anyone who isn’t wondering if she really did it.

Shayanna, honey, no gravy train is THAT good. Compromising is deciding that you will go to an Italian restaurant because he likes Italian, NOT that you willingly subject yourself to humiliation just to stay in this one-sided relationship. What you sacrificed in your self-worth cannot be made up with a nice car and a mega-mansion on the outskirts of Boston. Would you want your daughter to follow this path—turning a blind eye to deliberately hurtful and demeaning behavior in order to drive a Lexus or not have to worry if there is enough money this month to treat yourself to a pedicure?

The “price of admission” in this relationship is too high. And really, the payoff isn’t likely to come. After the lawyers are done with Hernandez’s assets (even if he is acquitted), there won’t be much left. There’s not much left of your self-worth, either. And even if it does play out that Hernandez can return to the NFL and the sort of lifestyle he seems to enjoy living, what’s to say he wouldn’t throw you over for a new model in a few years?

This “relationship” has been all about him and all about you hanging on to something that isn’t much of anything. He gets to live like a single man and you . . . what are you getting out of this?

Is it worth it, Shayanna?

I don’t think so.

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Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • Honestly,
    If I were Esther, I wouldn’t even want that crazy King.
    Dignity is priceless.
    Also, if I might add, we set a precedence for the younger generation.
    I never want my children to think their Mama isn’t anything but golden in the core.

  • Shayanna, Dude kills people. You’re a people. See where this is going? If he beats the rap now it’s only a matter of time before you or your family become inconvenient or convey some real or imagined slight. What then, Shayanna?

    So, the woman has no brains as well as no character or self-respect.

    God help the child born of two such parents.

    • Laughing but shaking my head, Nomar, clever and cutting through the bull**** as usual… “Dude kills people. You’re a people. See where this is going?” Poor poor child.

  • Where to begin? I listened to this crap on the radio in the car the other day and all I could think was, “What a pathetic fool this woman is!” She “sold her soul” to an incredible narcissist who feels so incredibly entitled that, if the allegations are true, felt he could get away with murder! Where in the world does she think she stands in his line of “useful” people? And the tragic part is the child she subjects to this insanity! All I can say is, I hope her life is worth sacrificing for this poor excuse of a human being! I sincerely doubt it.

  • Saw that in the news. I follow the NFL as a former collegiate football player myself. Really sad and sickening. Clearly, Hernandez is a “user” if ever one existed. Just sickening how he treats his own fiancee not to mention what he might have done to a friend–trial verdict pending.

    Personally, I feel sorry for Shayanna and her kid. Hope they find a safe place away from such a dangerous individual as Hernandez. The fact that he already is demonstrating clear contempt for her by sleeping with other women WHILE ENGAGED does not bode well for the future even if he beats the rap.

    Crazy.

    • I wonder if she was a “Groupie”. Does anyone know?

      If Groupies are “lucky” enough to land themselves an NFL, NBA, MLB player, I would imagine they will do literally ANYTHING to hold on and NOT let go. Even if it meant jumping off a building if her “man” was good enough at selling the idea to her.

    • The worst kind of lies are the ones we tell ourselves and s
      he has told herself a lifetime of lies. She needs to get to a therapist’s couch immediately!

  • well i agree that she “sold her soul”. however i remember doing some REALLY stupid shit because i was “in love” with the exhole. i hate to admit that and hopefully nothing i did was considered criminal or illegal and just stayed at really really stupid. But think of all the stupid crazy stuff you did for your cheating spouse, remember how confused your logic was from all the twisting, gaslighting, stonewalling, hiding and lying, think about HOW MUCH you simply “put up with” from the cheater…now throw in a couple of million of dollars and how much MORE would you put up with?

    i am NOT saying it is more ok just because there is a lot of money. but it is easy to see how she would compromise her character for this handsome cheater and his millions. people do stupid shit just for money, at least she is thinking she is doing it for love AND money?

    of course, she messed up when she started hiding things for him from the police. that is going over the line for me. (at least i hope i wouldnt do something like that for the exhole, thankfully he NEVER put me in that position to know). personally i dont follow the rich and famous, all of them sold their soul to the devil a long time ago.

    • Mrsvain I’m with you. I tolerated some real stupid shit because of the mess you describe above. I also thought I was doing the best for my kids and family and the life I had built. I’d hope that even in my hazy state I would never have lied or broken the law for the ex. Maybe she had no character in the first place maybe her character was eroded maybe she held on for the lifestyle. Either way it’s a sad story especially for the child.

      • Yes, very sad.

        But her criminality is for a court of law to decide, not the court of public opinion.

        Just more proof that narkles are dangerous. And expensive.

      • He killed his former friend! Imagine what it was like living with this asshole? I am leaning on giving her the benefit of doubt based on the fact that she has a child with this monster. He is a violent individual. Who knows what abuse she suffered or the magnitude of his aggression and threats. People do strange things when they fear an abuser and want to protect their child. He wanted his own apartment and chose to cheat. On those nights she probably felt relieved he didn’t come home drunk and beat her up. Maybe she didn’t have a way out regardless of her lifestyle.

        • Exceptionally good point. I think we can all agree he is an abuser. She is a victim too. We have no right to ask why a victim stays or is protecting him. We have not walked in her shoes or lived her experiences. Anything outsiders say is merely speculation. He may have threatened her life, or the life of her child. Abusers are very skilled at controlling and manipulating their victims. We all saw what happened to Nicole Brown when she left her abuser. The system failed her and it fails victims every day. Especially when the abuser is in a position of power and influence.

          • I want to clarify- I’m not saying everyone here hasn’t sufdered abuse. If you’ve been cheated on, you’ve suffered abuse. What I’m saying is, Aaron Hernandez takes it to a whole different level. He killed someone for God’s sake. That’s a whole different world of fucked up. If I were shyanna, Id be quaking in my shoes. What if he gets out of these charges (like OJ did) and she DIDNT testify for him. You think MAYBE just MAYBE she might be at the top of his hit list? We need to think before we judge.

  • Mrsvain, I understand that we all did things for our disordered partners because we loved them. And these people are very, very good at convincing us to do things and make it seem so “normal”! I guess now I hear this “news” and having hindsight, it’s clear the poor girl is headed for trouble. No doubt she could give you a million reasons why she loves this guy, but it’s sad to see someone so far in the weeds that they honestly believe the love of their lives appreciates their loyalty and would NEVER turn on them!! See Nomar’s comment earlier on this thread. Just very, very sad

  • She’s a modern-day Daisy Buchanan (The Great Gatsby). Unfortunately, her behavior is nothing new. Yes, there are people who are willing to sell their souls for luxury. They are too shallow to realize that they could have a richer, fuller life if they left their cheaters. All they see is a scary path that might very well involve some hard work *gasp* and a change in mindset *gasp– no more regular visits to Tiffany and Prada*.

    I will always be grateful that I spent a decent part of my childhood with my great aunt, who spent her late 20s and early 30s living through the Great Depression. She and my parents taught me to appreciate the little things in life and how important delayed gratification is. I think it’s that mindset that can not only teach one to be frugal with money but also with selfish wants (including the desire to cheat).

    • The reason I am stuck has nothing to do with luxury..It is my health that keeps me from leaving the WH right away..I am a senior citizen with no family available to help me should I divorce now..So I will have to un retire (I retired for health reasons) to keep myself barely afloat if I leave at this point in time..Time can be a gift..To get one’s ducks in a row…But I have to admit, I never did or hid anything from the law..For myself..For my WH

      • And I was the major or sole breadwinner in our marriage of 40 years..So it is all about the laws in our state…I would be the one who would be taken to the cleaners..Without any or very much time to recover financially, before I have to worry about going into a nursing home or have my children take care of me..

        • I don’t think that everyone stays with a cheater for money. I’m just talking about people who live a lavish lifestyle and *could* leave if they wanted to… but they don’t because they’d rather enjoy the material benefits than strike out on their own and live with less.

  • This guy is a murdering asshole and she’s as dumb as a box of rocks. I have nothing more to say, other than fuck the both of them, because they’re cut from the same fucked up cloth. Enough of this shit.

  • Shayanna is not a chump. IMHO, she is simply a businesswoman who made a deal to remain with a sociopath because it provided her with a nice lifestyle. It’s not like they were already married for a decade or two, and then she found out he was a cheater. My assumption is that a high percentage of marriages in the world of the very wealthy are basically business arrangements like this.

    • A friend of mine is one of them. The wife of a former CEO of a big insurance company. She literally made a deal with him in how they’d live after she caught him cheating. They did not divorce.

  • Shayanna could be the new Real Housewife of Southie… “I fuck athletes. These are my trophies.”

  • Please let me mention here Ray Carruth, a professional football player for the Carolina Panthers, who, because he did not want to pay child support to his eight months pregnant girlfriend, had her shot and killed. And get this, he gets out in about three years. A woman died, a baby has brain damage and he gets out. Yeah, our heroes. I guess the people sitting on the jury did not feel like he should have to spend the rest of his life behind bars just because somebody got killed. Just got through watching a sad show on Bryant Gumbel’s real sports. Young women crying because they were so verbally abused by their college coaches. I just love athletics in this country. From what I can see the students are treated like businessmen and women, told they will be fired if they don’t live up to the contract, and do not educate them. It is no surprise that we keep having criminals in professional sports. Look at how they are trained. Oh, yeah, the coaches can hit their players and shove them and scream at them and as long as they win they are not punished at all. Also realized while watching this that Penn State has been allowed to have their wins back so that Paterno is now the winningest coach in college football.

    • Don’t get me started on sports… they dictate way too much in this world rather than being the simple past time and entertainment that they should be. A lot of the pro football players that play for my town live near where I work… I’ve heard all kinds of lovely cheating and abuse stories about some of them. Yes, let’s worship these people of low moral character because they can run fast and throw well! (And yes, I know– I’m sure there are some pro athletes who are faithful and decent, but they seem to be outnumbered by the ones who are having their mug shots taken and then getting off with a slap on the wrist.)

      • Ditto…. Do not get me started on professional sports. ….thr ‘ Big’ universities as well…resorts. The public health and education systems are hanging on by a thread. Pay fucking teachers… Invest in children. Take care of our elderly and veterans. I think all peolple of this country should have to invest a couple of years of their life to the service of the country. Not necessarily military but a form of National Guard. Two years between high school and university. Everybody stripped down to the bare bones for two years in service. Invest in the social structure of your country.

  • Hernandez is a liar and a narcissistic prick who really “believes” he’s going to get off on this. Why not? OJ did. He’s a idiot… As far as Shayanna – she’s just as stupid. But hell, who are we to talk, some of us lived with repeat offenders, although, mine didn’t have an apartment for his sexcapades.

    I feel sorry that this sort of acceptance and behavior has become the “norm” in today’s society. I don’t like it, and never will.

    All for what? Money??? What is this world coming to?

    • X used our bed of hotels. He was so cheap he wanted me to pay for my own meals. He just went out and bought a car with the money he hid. Vacations, cars, gambling, and the fucktard needs me to pay his bills. On a positive note I just left the gym and rode four miles. Summer will be here soon.

  • I turned a blind eye to the gambling and the way he managed our money because I wanted him to be happy. I realize now that he was just like Saul from Breaking Bad. A sleazy salesman who cheats, lies and manipulates. I can not WAIT to get out of this crazy life with my husband. We were arguing this morning because I am filling out applications for places to move. He wanted to make sure this is something that I really wanted and why am I rushing it. D-Day was in January and he has done nothing but prove what a true POS he really is. Did you know that my whole life was about the kids and I didn’t love him the way I should have….Wow….how fucking from the guy who slept with my BF plus other serial cheating. He said he was awesome and I was like “wasted space”. The mother of your children, college graduate, faithful and loving spouse. He seems so surprised that I don’t want to stay. He gambles, has no friends except these whores who think he is so sparkling, he gained 100 pounds and is so shitty. Thank you I will take my dignity, loyalty and good moral character any day over making a deal with the devil!!

    • LeoLion, I too devoted my life to my children, was faithful and loving, and went back to college for seven years with three children at home. I would add, I took care of his grandmother and developmentally disabled uncle for years. None of that mattered. He too spends all his time at the casino, not gambling, but sitting at the bar picking up whores. He would disappear and watch bands, get drunk, and dance with other women. When I told him I didn’t want to go anymore he became enraged. My function was to be his designated driver. I would spend hours trying to find him and now realize he was meeting women there. When we see their mask slip, the become vicious and love to leave us with the most hurtful words. Now I recognize that every parting word was meant to keep me stuck. They don’t want to be faithful but can’t imagine us moving on or being with anyone else. Luckily they take themselves with them and into their next relationship. What I realized since dday is that he is not my responsibility or problem child anymore. After a while I realized how much better simple things in my life could be enjoyed once again. What he thinks can no longer hurt me as I made it through almost a year paying all my bills, supporting my son and granddaughter and getting stronger. What we value gets us through. All those years spent on my children were worth it. They respect and appreciate a good mother. He can never take responsibility for THAT. He was too busy fucking whores. I used to beat myself up for staying so long with an unappreciative narcissist. No more. I spent my weekend with my granddaughter and her friend shopping for a dress, going to the gym and laughing. I am going to my daughters tonight to read a paper she wrote for one of her classes. I spent this winter living with my heat on fifty degrees because I couldn’t afford to heat the house. No one complained. I had to stop buying my granddaughter’s clothes, she understands. X is spending the money he hid on vehicles, feeding slot machines for his whore, and magically thinking he is in heaven. I think of it as ‘wasted love’ on an asshole. What he says doesn’t matter.

  • “I made a decision that if I was going to move back in with Aaron, I would need to compromise with his behavior, including his infidelity.”
    Word salad for “I’m a gold digger, so I’ll put up with everything including him murdering someone, just so I can have all the shiny things in my life. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!”
    No self respect there it seems – but hey, a lot of people these days will sell their self respect and dignity just to ‘know’ someone ‘famous’ – which to me just doesn’t compute – at all. I’ve never been attracted to ‘rich and famous’ – yet people think I’m odd for it. A simple life = far more satisfying.

    • I am shocked to read all the hate thrown this girls way.

      She has been with this man since high school, when he had nothing. There’s zero guarantee that the high school football hero will end up in the nfl.

      He has had years and years to mind fuck her. I am not one bit surprised by her behavior. I bet it has zero to do with money. Let’s face it a selfish serial cheater like him is not giving her the keys to the kingdom. The nice things she has are crumbs he throws her way to keep her in line.

      I would think chumps here would well understand this dynamic. How many of us here have twisted ourselves into knots to hold onto our dysfunctional cheater?

      How many of us have looked the other way as our cheater continued to ramp up the shirty behaviors?

      Are all of us a bunch of stupid gold diggers?

      I bet she didn’t think her cheater was capable of murder, until he did it.

      And how many of us didn’t think our cheater wasn’t capable of such and such horrible thing, until they did it.

      When I look at this woman, I think, there but for the grace of god go I.

      • ThatGirl, I have some sympathy for the mindfuck she’s under. However, that said, at the end of the day, once infidelity is revealed (D-Day), you have a choice. You can keep being a chump, or you can get out. You can volunteer for more abuse, or you can trust that they suck.

        This guy didn’t put her through false R. She was clear the deal was to look the other way at his philandering, with separate apartment included. She paid that price of admission.

        I think there is room to criticize that choice. And I also think it touches a nerve with chumps, because we all paid certain prices of admission to be in toxic relationships, which we regret. It’s easier to see the fuckupedness in others.

        When you’re throwing away murder evidence though — whoa, that’s some SERIOUS fuckupedness.

        • I think the decision to portray her as complicit with his cheating is a maneuver orchestrated by his legal team. I do not believe this girl has full agency. This is s powerful man who has gotten away with a series of violent behaviors. I’m betting 1)he threatened to hurt her child 2) she can see he’s capable of murder/violence 3) he has shown he is powerful enough to keep getting away with his violent behavior 4) she fears for her life and the life of her child 5) she knows he will have access to the child and the ability To fulfill his threats. I think there is just too much we don’t know to be casting aspersions on her character. As a mother, I have a hard time thinking of something I wouldn’t to to save the life of my child.
          Hypothetically, let’s say she refuses to lie for him and he HAS threatened her and the child. He has his trial. He gets away with murder. The court says he’s innocent, therefore, she has no grounds to keep the child from him. He kills her and the child. Whose fault is it now? His, yes, for doing it. The court for not protecting her? The jury for finding him innocent? Society for its messed up stratification system that gave an asshole with money more power and influence than a mom with no job or special talent? Or do we go back to blaming the victim? It’s her fault for getting involved with his guy in the first place? Everyone here has been duped. We can all agree he didn’t win her affection by treating her bad in the beginning. Just my thoughts.

      • Thatgirl, You have a point. When I look back at the compromises I made to stay with an obvious cheater – I was 23 and had been with him for 6 years already – I had no adult version of myself and the thought of being without sparkly him was terrifying. Then we had the kids and I used the excuse of not wanting to disrupt their lives by undergoing the “shame” of divorce.

        Many people who have children with Cheaters do live lives of quiet desperation and paralysis.

        As for Shayshanna, I have heard it said that 90% of people who commit crimes actually believe they won’t get caught. She may not be that bright, and possibly “bought” the crime show version of “accessory after the fact” thinking she’d only get a rap on the knuckles for it. Some people are not really capable of logical, left brain reasoning even if it’s to save their own a**.

        If the press reports are right, there appears to only be circumstantial evidence that Mr NBA is guilty, so brace yourselves for an acquittal. I think the NBA is such big business now – and a revenue source for the networks – that they avoid tabloid reporting of these player-crimes unless they are convicted.

      • Thatgirl– I think you need to read just what Shayanna knew and didn’t know.

        “But there’s the sociopathy of a savage game, and then there’s Aaron Hernandez. Since 2007, he’s been charged with, or linked to, the shootings of six people in four incidents. Three of the victims were gruesomely murdered. One survivor, a former friend named Alexander Bradley, has had multiple operations and lost his right eye. The other two survivors were shot in their car outside a Gainesville, Florida, bar after an altercation involving Hernandez and two of his teammates his freshman year at the University of Florida. While in Gainesville, he sucker-punched a guy and shattered the fellow’s eardrum, and reportedly failed multiple drug tests, though he was suspended only once for those offenses. He posed for selfies in the mirror while a) wielding a .45 and b) swathed from head to toe in Bloods regalia, and threatened to “fuck up” Wes Welker, his Pro Bowl teammate, just days after being drafted by the Patriots. (Welker, a veteran, had refused to help the rookie operate the replay machine.)”

        Ms. Ms. knew precisely what Hernandez was, what he was capable of doing—and didn’t give a shit.

        Why is this so difficult to believe that she is a sociopath as well? What rule book says that one person is an unknowing innocent and the other person is the devil? She PARTICIPATED. She didn’t “turn a blind eye” because she loves him and he’s sparkly—she was granted immunity in return for finally telling the truth (after lying 29 times to the grand jury) about what she claims she knew.

        She got rid of that box out of “second nature” (her words). She absolutely knew what was going on and she did this ANYWAY, knowing that she may be implicated.

        This isn’t about his cheating–and I seriously am doubting her version of this as well–it makes her look very sympathetic if she is the put upon, self sacrificing and brain washed victim–this is about her KNOWING what Hernandez was all about for years. I think Ms. Shayanna has a really good lawyer.

        Read about this guy—and you need to remember that Ms. Shayanna was right there with him. She knew all along and she liked the perks.

        Nobody knows what that relationship was like–maybe she was the cheater. Maybe they both were cheaters. Maybe she was right there with Hernandez smoking pot and doing angel dust in front of their kid. She’s not going to go out there and spread that all over–she wants immunity from prosecution for knowing what she knew and helping this asshole anyway.

        And according to Rolling Stone? That apartment wasn’t for philandering. It was upon Coach Belichick’s demand that Hernandez “lay low”.

        This whole story stinks to high heaven–with Ms. Shayanna right there in the thick of it with Hernandez.

        Feel sorry for her? No way. I can see turning a blind eye to philandering in order to keep your kids’ family together—but this asshole was involved in and even charged with six shootings while they were together. He was abusing cocaine and angel dust. He was carrying an unlicensed weapon (in MA, that is a serious crime). His teammates hated him. Belichik threatened to cut him or trade him on numerous occasions. Even Tim Tebow tried to reason with this asshole and couldn’t get through.

        Knowing all of that and remaining, spending his money, having a child with him–is sociopathy, plain and simple. Shayanna’s no victim. The only victim here is their poor kid.

        • Just thinking about this mans history of having NO consequences sounds familiar. How could any woman protect herself from this monster? For perks? Who exactly could she reach out to? He was untouchable was he not? It was more about survival.

          • Donna I agree wholeheartedly. If GIAG would read what she just wrote and REALLY comprehend it. I mea REALLY comprehend it- Hernandez has proven time and time again that he is capable of violence (read: KILLING people) and GETTING AWAY WITH IT. All of these judgemental comments are making me nauseous. Shyanna has a child with him. There is no “walking away” from someone you have a child with. That person is in your life forever. Shyanna sees what he is capable of if she doesn’t comply with his demands. Do I know for a fact she is doing this because she’s under duress? No I dont. But likewise, none of the accusers here know that she’s just doing it because she’s a gold digger looking to support her lifestyle. What I AM saying is NO ONE KNOWS BECAUSE WE ARE NOT SHYANNA. WE HAVE NOT LIVED HER LIFE. WE HAVE NOT WALKED IN HER SHOES. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HE HAS DONE TO HER/THREATENED HER WITH ALL OF THESE YEARS. WE HAVE NO RIGHT TO JUDGE HER. Abusers will mindfuck you in ways you cannot even begin to imagine (ask me how I know). I normally agree with CL but I think the majority of posters are off base on this one. As a DV victim, this victim blaming makes me sick

            • I’ll be blunt.
              I have no sympathy whatsoever towards someone, regardless of who they are, of being complicit in crime, especially a crime as heinous as murder. She’s not a ‘victim’ in this – if you’re complicit in it – you are no longer a victim. Period.
              @ Thatgirl: Yes, I think shes a gold digger. Who else would be complicit in this, with someone whos ‘famous’? Even if shes been with him before he got famous – fact is, she would have done it to be ‘the girlfriend of the one on top of the pecking order at school’.
              So yes, I will blame her and be ‘judgemental’. Its got nothing to do with DV or anything even near that (DV is sickening too).

              • No sympathy for those complicit in crime? Where do we draw the line?

                I have been on infidelity boards where BS’s have confessed to forgiving their cheaters after they have slept with underaged girls, killed family pets, stole from their job, stole from business partners, cheated on their taxes, beat them, abused their children, and on and on. Some openly admitted that they stayed because of financial issues (stay at home moms, underemployed, fear of change). No on accused them of being gold diggers or responsible for the mess they were in.

                Why this girl? Because her asshole is famous?

                I used to be judgmental towards women like her too. I used to think, “well that’s the price of admission with those rich and famous assholes”. But then I hooked up with my asshole and I realized it isn’t that simple. I spent time on infidelity boards and read stories of women married to rich assholes, poor assholes and everything in between. And all the stories sound the same. We get suckered in by the narkles, we apply liberal amounts of spackle, and the assholes do what ever the hell they please until finally we have enough.

                I realized that a relationship with one of these disordered assholes is not normal. And normal people are NOT prepared to deal with them. They get you to move your boundaries bit by bit until you accept all sorts of things that you would have sworn you wouldn’t accept just a moment ago. Thank god all my asshole did was cheat on his taxes, but who is to say there isn’t more? How would I know? The nuts that made us all chumps are masters of deception and double lives. I will never know everything, I don’t want to know. I’m free and that’s what matters.

                I don’t know if she was some gold digging partner in crime, or if she was some super chump with a vat of spackle. But since I don’t know her personally to really know about her life, I not willing to throw stones at her.

              • I’ll “throw stones” at anyone who engages in shitty behaviour. Her words and actions line up to someone who’s willing to throw someone under the bus if it means spackling, and accept and even be complicit in murdering another human being. She’s disgusting.
                If people on infidelity boards want to have shit character and accept their fuckwit cheaters engaging in crime – thats their perogative. Doesn’t mean I won’t call them out for being the disgusting human beings they are, and have no sympathy towards them when the law comes knocking at their door. There are some things which should be intolerable under any circumstances – breaking the law is one of them.

            • Here’s a thought.

              Sometimes, a cigar really is a cigar.

              You’re projecting your own reactions onto Shayanna’s situation. YOU DO NOT KNOW what her situation is, only what she has revealed and what the media has told you.

              NOTHING MORE. You do not know anything about what she is or isn’t. Are you so positive that Hernandez didn’t kill Oden because Shayanna met him in the backroom one night for a quickie? YOU DON’T.

              Shayanna mentions “philandering” in a coy, demure and very subdued way—and she mentions NOTHING ELSE about how he treated her poorly. No mention of murder, angel dust use, drug use, guns….nothing but an obscure, side bar of “yeah, he was not such a faithful guy”.

              “Poor girl. HE MADE HER INTO WHAT SHE IS.” Does this sound familiar–

              “Poor sausage. OW/OM made them do what they did. If not for the OW/OM, my spouse would not have done what they did.”

              Just as Hernandez chose to do the things he did–and Rolling Stone tried their hardest to make his life into some sad, sad story of “how could he possibly have avoided being a violent, sadistic asshole–with parents like his—you should have EXPECTED IT” bullshit article–Shayanna ALSO chose, willingly, knowingly and with full cooperation—to stay with a man that she had known for YEARS to be a murderous, drug dealing/taking thug. And then chose to procreate with him. THAT is a choice after being together for 5 years….she wanted to cement her place with the million dollar man. Period.

              You’re projecting.

              Hernandez was involved in or accused of SIX shootings since 2007. Let’s see. She’s 24 now. Her kid was born in 2013. Two years ago. Shayanna has been with him since high school—ergo, she knew about his MURDEROUS proclivities for 6 years prior to having a baby with him.

              Donna, you’re using false equivalencies with the “I stayed because I am afraid of change” and comparing that to KNOWING YOUR BOYFRIEND IS A MURDERER.

              Who could she go to. AGAIN, you do not know ANYTHING about her life. Nothing. She could have a circle of friends and a huge family support system.

              Sometimes, a cigar is simply a cigar. You don’t want to think that perhaps this woman participated willingly and knowingly in her own destruction, because it makes you uncomfortable thinking that maybe you enabled your own cheater to do despicable and reprehensible things to people.

              “As long as he doesn’t do it to me.” People do this all the time. They see how others are treated by the asshole, and they shudder—“Wow. I’m glad he loves ME, I’m glad that he would never do that to ME, I’m sooooo lucky to be the one he showers with love and affection!!”

              Translate that to–“I like what he gives to me, and I SEE and KNOW how shitty he treats other people, the dog, the kids, his boss, his clients….but what this is about is ME, and how he treats ME. That’s what’s important here.”

              Narcissism and sociopathy. You do not know if Shayanna was a cheater herself, so all of this sympathy and empathy and outpouring of “poor, poor girl” is off the mark.

              Gold digger? Yep. She had a baby only after she saw he was going to be the million dollar man. How many here have blasted OW/OM for being gold diggers—for wanting the high life. Or is that judgement only reserved for them…only THEY can be gold diggers and despicable sociopaths who only want the high life? Someone who’s been cheated on (so Shayanna claims) is exempted from ANY type of judgement, because hey, they were cheated on.

              • GIAG My point is exactly yours. We cannot judge her because we do not know her or everything about her situation. I’m happy for you that you know nothing about Stockholm Syndrome or Traumatic Bonding. I am not projecting. I am a licensed masters level clinician. This does not mean I know everything. What I DO know is edactly that- we don’t know everything. The media is unreliable and that seems to be the source of all the information we have. His lawyers aren’t going to allow her to testify about abuse. That would not benefit him. There are several players controlling what information is released and who it is released to. This man has PR on staff. I’m not projecting onto shyanna. Projecting would be me saying that you’re projecting your issues on to Shyanna. What you say about someone else says more about you than it does about them. Perhaps you stayed with your user for financial reasons and that’s why you think she’s a Golddigger. I don’t know because I don’t know you or your situation. See how that works?

              • Directed @ MmmHmm, because theres no ‘reply’ button on it:
                Her words and actions say that she doesn’t give a fuck and is complicit in his shitty behaviour and even bred with the fuckwit. That means that yes, we can judge her, and feel justified in doing so. None of this pussy-footing around the issue – just calling a spade a spade.
                You’re saying we can’t judge anyone because we don’t know everything? Theres plenty that some of us don’t know about the fuckwits in our lives – but we certainly judge them for the shitheads they are! Not to do so, is one step away from being full blown Switzerland, and I won’t stand for it.
                Cut out the circular logic and cut out the harrassment of GIAG. You as a ‘licensed masters level clinician’ should know better.
                PS: The picture of the woman gives me the creeps – those eyes are those of someone who doesn’t give a fuck about anything except herself.

              • *Sigh* just because I have a difference of opinion doesn’t mean I’m attacking anyone. I am opposed to abuse in any form. I would stand up for anyone being abused whether it’s GIAG, lania, or shyanna. I find it repulsive that shyanna is protecting this man who is clearly a monster. My training and education is in human behavior and development (MSW). I naturally look for reasons people behave in the way they do. AND since you throw my education in my face, yes- I have a commitment to social justice which includes attitudes that contribute to and sustain violence against women. If you too are opposed to abuse, then educate yourself on the contributing factors and attitudes that sustain it. When we know better, we do better. I think the prosecution should focus on evidence of abuse directed at shyanna by Hernandez then introduce an expert to testify on traumatic binding to explain her behavior. They may even want to request a psych eval. I think it would be worth the money if it puts Hernandez behind bars. I don’t know though. I’m not a lawyer. I’ll leave that to the experts in that field. I just believe Stockholm syndrome explains her behavior. I will never stop challenging attitudes and behaviors that sustain abuse. Once my eyes were opened, I can’t shut them. There was a time before grad school and working with victims that I would have agreed wholeheartedly with these statement but I know better now.

  • She is example of how people living a “comfortable” lifestyle will turn a blind eye when it suits their needs/wants. I would rather be dirt poor with a man that truly loves me and will honor our marriage vows to his death than tolerate cheating. It’s sad and degrading, and it would never be worth it to me to cover up a crime or anything like that either. What a sad display of devotion.

    • I think he is pure evil and regardless of how dumb she was I still believe she was in fear for her life. Yes, she was right there –being degraded to the point of compliance. I don’t think she was acting out of loyalty to this fuckwit, he probably terrorized her daily with threats. Yes, she took those threats seriously, he was a murderer!!! That is pretty intimidating considering he had the power and control of her and the money. I don’t buy that it was for greed. She was probably living in an unimaginable hell.

  • I tried to google this crap and it looks like the guy is up on 1 murder charge for the guy she’s supposed to have dumped the murder weapon for him, then other murder charges for two other people? It’s really weird because I cannot find any mainstream articles on this guy. I can’t find motives. It’s bizarro

  • Aaron Hernandez was truly sparkly. Everyone on his football team (including the great Tom Brady) thought he was great until he was arrested for murder. This girl is no different than anyone else who fell in love with a sparkly guy and had his baby and started on the hopium that he would get married and settle down if she only compromised and made him happy. Because she was the one he bought a house for….and so on. She loved him or thought she loved him and so sold pieces of her self esteem until she was covering up for murder. The girl is a poster child for what happens when 1) people conflate their self-worth and identity with being in a couple; 2) people are willing to compromise their integrity to stay in a relationship; 3) people are so afraid of “losing” a partner that they lose themselves.

    A generation ago, women went to college for an “MRS.” degree. Shayanna is the contemporary version of that attitude toward life, in which a woman looks for a man to both support her and give her a sense of “being somebody” at the very point in life when she should be figuring out who she is and how she will develop the skills to take care of herself.

  • Throughout my 8 years with X, I’ve known that I’ve compromised and I’ve known that I’ve been getting the short end of the stick in several departments (financially, emotionally, sexually, etc.) ….. the infidelity is my deal breaker and what finally made me stand up for myself. Yes, I’ve been guilty of “hopium” and I’ve wanted “reconciliation” but I only offered it IF he would come clean and lay it all out and go to therapy. He has shown ZERO remorse…. truthfully…. still blaming me and I won’t eat the shit sandwich anymore. So… even though I am still hurting and I hate the idea that my family and life as I thought it would be is disintegrating….. I will NOT share and I will NOT turn a blind eye to what he is doing. Now that he has shown me who he REALLY is….. I have to start believing him. I watch what he is DOING…. I have to assume that every word out of his mouth is a lie, everything and anything he does is for his own benefit.

    This woman….. living like that….. just WOW…….

  • If you’re interested, there are several petitions making their rounds on the internet to have “Justice” Mark Fuller resign from the bench for perpetrating domestic violence upon his second wife, after she accused him of having another affair (*gasp!*) with another clerk. This guy is a complete scumbag. (Note: I am not a Democrat, and I am not a Republican–for me this is not a partisan issue, but a justice issue.) A few congresspeople, it appears, are gearing up to have the “man” impeached, and these petitions can only add fuel to the fire.

    Interestingly, it looks like the woman at the center of his latest scandal is an OW, whom he married. Much as I despise OW and OM, it is a complete outrage that this man hasn’t been jailed, let alone had his judgeship revoked.

    http://abovethelaw.com/2014/08/federal-judge-allegedly-has-affair-with-law-clerk-goes-to-jail-over-domestic-violence-incident/

    http://www.latimes.com/nation/la-na-judge-impeach-fight-20150315-story.html

    • It’s amazing how often bad people across all walks of life get away with egregious behavior. IMO, this judge has a history of bad behavior, and “private” or not people should model integrity in both their public and private life, especially in positions that impact others. And weren’t there allegations of drug abuse? This is a public servant. “Kopf, the conservative judge and blogger, wrote that he opposed impeachment because ‘Fuller’s despicable conduct was nevertheless private, and it was unconnected to the performance of his judicial duties.’ ” So sex with coworkers didn’t affect his performance? :0 So any ruling in regards to domestic violence, cheating, infidelity, or women’s issues would be ruled on fairly? (Wonder how those divorce settlements went down.) Rrrrrriggggggghhht. I say let this asshole go.

  • I really am not familiar with this story, so I will reserve judgement. I will say that if you keep up with popular culture, and I do due to having a preteen daughter, a lot of it is about rampant materialism and trying to get money from men. Talk about cars and money and jewelry and such basically in exchange for sex.

  • How enlightening all of this is! A Justice being investigated and possibly impeached? Has that ever happened before?

    And, let’s not forget Michael Dwayne Vick, convicted with a slap on the hand for a couple years in jail for murdering dogs viciously and enticing dog-fighting, as though there aren’t better ways to gamble?? ASSHOLE!! His case makes he sick and he was back with the NFL in no time, probably with million dollar contracts. And, believe you me, he still mistreats dogs – cats, people, whoever. Those people never change. I’m gonna go puke in my mouth a little now.

  • I guess it shows to go you, maybe more media attention is on a monster that Vick – because it had huge media attention. Maybe, murder not so much to humans? As somebody said. OJ got away with it. I don’t get it.
    And, then there’s all the rich rapper dudes…a lot of scumbags there too.

  • We all know that it is definitely wrong to cover up for someone who has committed a crime, but we’ve seen it in the news before. Lil Kim, Jenniper Lopez, and others, who believed they were protecting men they loved. We’ve even heard about women kidnapping or killing others, all for their man. In Urban lingo, the term used to describe this type of behavior is “ride or die chicks”. Many women are proud of being considered “Ride or Die”, and others are simply disgusted. I think we all just want to be loved, appreciated and respected for who we are without all of the drama. Would most of us here in Chumpnation protect a criminal? Would we dare risk our freedom and the chance to hang out in a jail cell, waiting for someone to place money i our commissary? I think not. Have most of us been in cheating or even abusive relationships where we hoped the person we loved would eventually wake up to realize our importance, and stop mistreating us, so we could have that happily ever after we all so richly deserve? Probably. Everyone has a story to tell, or a path to travel. A few people can, and will change circumstances immediately, some have to wait it out for financial reasons, others have self esteem issues that are almost crippling, making it impossible to leave. Despite all this, eventually, a light goes off and something happens to make us say, “Stop, I can’t take or do this anymore”. Maybe this is Shayanna’s light, if not with Mr. Hernandez, then with the next man she’s in a relationship with.

  • “Should this prove to be true….she seriously (possibly permanently) compromises her character.”

    Am I the only one that thinks she ALREADY did that by sacrificing herself to his shitty behaviour?!!!

  • It is a crying shame that so many women in this day and age feel they need to stay with their man, despite the fact that he lives like he’s single. It’s been over a year since D day and it’s been a long road, but these days I am feeling so good about being single, free to do what i want when i want to do it. i’m even over the fact that he hangs out in bars all the time while i am home with the kids, but you know what, i did my share of clubbing and hanging out for decades, i would rather do active things during the day and watch tv with my kids in the evening, at least i don’t wake up with a hangover. i’m no longer worried about whether or not i grow old with someone – there will always be people to share experiences with and i’d rather be free than abused. if i want to travel with adults after my kids are in college (in 10 years), i can sign up for a group trip along the lines of my interests (art, cooking) and have a much better time not worrying about some dickhead’s nonsense.

    this story is a high noon example of the crap us chumps have been putting up with – the “living like he’s single” aspect really gets my goat. who needs to be married to somebody single!

    • Yeah. Its one of my ultimate dealbreakers, actually: If you move out, you stay out. Period. Fortunately no-one has been stupid enough that they’ve felt the need to ‘act single’ in my presence – and when I found out they were cheating I immediately kicked them to the kerb.

  • Where was the this vitriol, when Anne Sinclair, was supporting Dominique Strauss-Kahn “Seductive ways”, and only divorced him when he no longer had political power.

    Are we only contemptuous of poor powerless women, who may have fallen for a narcissistic killer?

    Interesting?

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