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Why Sleeping With Dean McDermott Is a Very Bad Idea

tori-spellings-husband-dean-mcdermott-enters-rehabIt’s been a bad week for Tori Spelling, folks.

First she falls into a Hibachi grill at a Benihana on Easter Sunday… then she learns that Dean canoodled with his ex, Mary Jo Eustace.

I know, I was as shocked as you are. The McDermotts eat at chain restaurants. Who knew?

As for McDermott’s ex, Mary Jo Eustace, Radar Online reports:

Spelling, 41, found out about 48-year-old McDermott’s betrayal after Eustace spilled the beans on Brandi Glanville’s Unfiltered podcast.

Earlier this year, “Dean, my ex-husband, apologized to me,” Eustace, 52, revealed on the program. “There had been no apology for years and years and years. He came to my house, off camera, and I went into the kitchen to get him a coffee and turned around and he was right behind me.”

So did he make a move?

“A little bit. Wouldn’t you?” Eustace gleefully told Glanville.

Are we to infer that they slept together? Radar Online says yes. I’m wondering what a “little bit” of a move is. “I’d like cream with that coffee?”

Well, whether they “hooked up” as Radar Online claims, or Tori the once Other Woman now wife-tress felt betrayed by Dean’s choice of coffee drink, I’ve got some words for Mary Jo Eustace.

For the love of all that is holy, DON’T SLEEP WITH YOUR EX!

And if you’re so idiotic as to do such a thing, don’t gloat about it online. Go take a hot shower, disinfect yourself with bleach, have a full STD screening — anything but don’t play this off as a jolly escapade.

Why was sleeping with Dean a bad idea?

1. It’s about as un-meh as you can get. Sleeping with your ex keeps cake alive. It’s the pick me dance performed naked. It’s saying what you did isn’t so bad that I won’t still suck your dick.

2. It doesn’t work as revenge. It’s a common chump mistake to think that sleeping with your ex is some sort of comeuppance to the cheaters. Hah! You’ll want me and I just won’t care! You’ll come back to me and I’ll USE YOU just the way you used me!

Do you really aspire to sociopathy? Is not giving a shit your value system for intimacy? I think you’re kidding yourself. You care.

As for revenge, if you’re trying to humiliate Tori Spelling, the woman doesn’t need help in that department. Aside from falling ass backwards into a Japanese grill, the woman’s life is one huge embarrassment. Just because she’s too narcissistic to notice, doesn’t make her any less of a train wreck.

Do you really think sleeping with Dean will make her have an AHA moment that Dean McDermott is a serial cheater? Hello — she CHEATED WITH HIM, she’s been cheated on already, she is impervious to the obvious.

3. He’s not sorry. You made this guy a cup of coffee to listen to his lame ass apologies? Yeah, he is soOooo sorry he has a reality TV show with the Other Woman broadcasting how fabulous his life is. Then he’s so sorry, he fucked over Tori Spelling the same way he fucked you over. (Yes, she deserved it, but still the guy is a serial cheater.) He’s so sorry he had FOUR children with the woman he left you for.

He’s so sorry he’s letting YOU make HIM coffee.

What kind of magic sorry were you hoping to hear that could negate the flaming evidence of his character?

4. Sleeping with your ex lowers you to his level. Mary Jo, you had some earlier cache as the classy ex. Now you just appear conniving and weird. First you appear on their show and let Tori tell you what a sad sausage she is. Mortifying for everyone, but not fatal. But now, you’re catty about how your ex still wants you? And imply that you hooked up with him?

Dean would fuck a pancake. You’re not special! Tori’s not special! No one is special to a serial cheater!

The only person winning here is Dean McDermott. Gorging himself on ego kibbles. Please don’t feed the beast. Please.

 

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    • This is hilarious news…I m Canadian and embarrassed that Dean inadvertently represents us in Hollywood. Before even knowing who he was I saw him on Food Network’s Chopped the Canadian version, he is the host. My first reaction was when I heard his vapid comments….: Who is this MORON! He looks so uncomfortable like a fish out of water when it comes to the world of gourmet cooking, he obviously knows nothing on the topic and it so shows! He looks like an over sized oaf fumbling for words and wit lol! Also I saw Hell s Kitchen the newest one and he was on there as a special guest with a strumpet for a date which was obviously not Tori!!!He was all excited because Chef Ramsey made their meals…he’s such a bigshot in Hollywood you know! lol And NOOO don’t give your ex cheater the satisfaction of having you whenever he wants!

      • We Americans do appreciate tremendously your country sending us John Candy, Samantha Bee, Martin Short, Dan Ackroyd, David Hubel (vision scientist), etc. (but feel free to keep Dean and the Bieber).

      • And I thank you for Leonard Cohen. I couldn’t get through all this without his golden voice to listen to.

      • First of all, Mary Jo never fully said if she slept with him or not, so let’s give her a bit of a break. I completely understand the want for revenge or to prove to the AP and to yourself that the cheater is nothing but a cheater. What Chump Lady said about caring is absolutely correct. You DO care, but in so many different ways. I went through a period where I just needed to prove to myself that HE was nothing special and either was his AP so I entertained the prospect and sure enough he came running. I fully protected myself and I’ll be completely honest here. It felt great knowing that he was “cheating on her” even though we are still married, not divorced yet. She found out and was furious and that honestly put a smile on my face because for so long I felt like why should she get such happiness out of my pain. So now she got a taste of her own medicine and didn’t like it. He was a train wreck because he still wanted both and I called him out on it all. That made me smile as well. But in the long run it didn’t change the situation. They are still fuck buddies. I was never sure of the extent of the “relationship”, but I knew for sure she wasn’t the only one he had interest in. She was just the one who knew about my son and I and didn’t care about playing a role in the drama. She’s a bucket of shit and so is he. At the end of it I felt only a little upset. But it accomplished the doubt in her head which will affect the kibbles she gives him so he won’t be as happy as I thought he may have been. All in all I have no regrets about it. He’s still my husband so I’m ok with it. I’m a totally different person than I was this time last year. Once we are divorced I won’t be doing this again. I won’t be doing it before then either for that matter. I just feel it was something I needed to do and I’m satisfied with the result. I can move on further now.

  • These people are a hot mess, and it’s sad that society glorifies this kind of trash with reality shows and internet podcasts.

    This is why cheating has been considered so accepted by society in recent years… if the celebrities do it, why can’t we?

    Narcissistic bastards indeed. Once a cheater always a cheater, eh Tori? Who could have seen that coming?

    These people have no pride, no dignity, no honor.

    And why the hell are they fighting over this guy???? Ick… he’s gross. They are all gross!

    • not Juliet—you are so right. Dean is gross gross gross. A greasy, talent-less, riding on his wife’s coat tails BABOON. He looks like a freaking BABOON, the red assed, sharp red snouted iridescent white faced kind. The first time he looked like one, a tv reviewer said the same thing the following day. He has subsequently launched into BABOON face mode when he gets frustrated/challenged/ ‘suicidal’ (can we say “Tori controlling”?)…even when Tori mentioned a sauce he just made didn’t taste like it had in the past.

      I previously had respect for Mary Jo for the way she handled the cheating aftermath and her conversation about it with Tori on the show. I sure do wonder if the canoodling came about before or after the televised air clearing conversation …..I am guessing after.

      Bleech…..I just had an image in my head of what Dean’s BABOON ‘sex face’ would look like. Sorry for planting that seed, CN….

      • HesattheCurb. lol. I think everyone in Chump Nation may be permanently scarred by that visual of Dean’s Babboon Sex Face. I know I am.

  • Mary Jo, Mary Jo – what have you done?

    You went from train wreck Tori’s show to train wreck Brandi’s show, after sleeping with Dean in between? Eww! You need to remove yourself from all the drama and focus on getting back to “meh” asap. Otherwise, you’ll find herself trotting down the same dark path as Brandi.

    The karma bus has hit Tori HARD…and even backed up over her a couple times.

    Looks like it hit Donald Sterling’s mistress, too – she was ordered to return all the gifts he gave her during the affair, including her home and cars (about $2.6 million). Wish that could be the law of the land – any money spent on affair partners during the marriage has to be returned. I know I’m just dreaming, but still…

    • Money spent on affairs IS typically recoverable during settlement. Collect the evidence (receipts, credit card statements, etc.) and give it to your lawyer.

      • True Tempest! It’s called “dissipation of marital assets” in my state and absolutely can be recovered!

  • Another example of why it’s rarely a good idea to take sides in celebrity cheating scandals. More often than not everyone involved is a half-wit narcissist looking for a sixteenth minute of fame.

    Laugh at them? Sure. Learn a few lessons in what NOT to do? Absolutely. Conclude that anyone involved has character and pure motives? Odds are better that Dean Mc Derp-It will come to your house and make you a cup of coffee.

    • The people on reality TV shows always remind me of that Dorothy Parker quote, “If you can’t be a good example, you’ll just have to be a horrible warning.”

      • The people on reality TV shows always remind me of that Dorothy Parker quote, “If you can’t be a good example, you’ll just have to be a horrible warning.”

        LOL

        • Similar to my favorite, “Some people’s entire purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.”

  • WTF; please NO Mary Jo. Please let her have been saying the idiot made a pass that she shot down in flames or doused with that stupid coffee!

    Otherwise I’m starting to believe I’ll be overcome with lust if I ever set eyes on my cheating x. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little (make that a lot).

  • Cheating is unacceptable in any form. Cheaters and the cheaters who screw them are lacking real morals. My ex’s OW was cheated on by both her husbands and her first was the love of her life! So the bitch knows exactly what it feels like and turns around to help destroy another woman’s marriage and make her feel that way. I could never make anyone feel like I did and do. It’s just damn mean! At the very least be honest when you hurt your spouse. TELL THE TRUTH!! But they are not wired that way. F them all!!!

  • Spot on like always, Chump Lady! There is no way in hell I would ever ever do that. The recent pics I have see of the ex I think he would be to FAT to find his penis anyway! Ha! Then also just YUCK just per YUCK when I think about being with the ex. I don’t think enough showers in this lifetime will ever make me feel clean enough being with the ex. YUCK!!!!!!

    But how in the world did she fall into a Hibachi Grill? The ones I have been to there is a square table set a good distance from the Grill itself and also there are chairs so it’s not easy to do this at all. I really do think she has some other mental health issues; such as, Munchausen’s Syndrome. Really the list of her Tori Spelling’s issues are a endless list.

    Then you got her “soul mate” Dean McDermott geez that guy is beyond creepy! I would not trust my hand lotion with that guy!

    Poor sausages they will do anything and everything to get that “free” attention!

      • What is it with the weight gain afterwards? EH was working out like mad prior to walking out and had lost a lot of weight. He was also drinking protein shakes and trying fat burning pills. Then in court I saw he’d piled it all back on.

        I think he’s living on junk food, drinking, or both.

        • Linda, My general thoughts is that the OW that now is his wife fatten him up so he will not go any place. But he battled his weight when we were together and he was cubby off and on but now he is fully obese and her also. When we did split up he was dealing with some health issues so that was a plus for her also. I’m thinking from what I heard about them they are so far each others butt because they don’t trust each other at all. Really sad! Sadly when he was with me he needed a “babysitter” also. I got tired of that very fast and than is when he would start his cheating again. I spent way to much time on that loser.

          • EH started resenting my making him a nice home cooked dinner every night during the devaluation. I guess it was my fault he wasn’t slim too. Wonder who he blames now.

  • Uh oh. I must not even be close to meh, because I loved this. I love that Dean came on to Mary Jo a little bit. I love that with this one small action, Dean proved beyond all doubt to the whole world, and especially to Tori, that everything he had said before to justify their affair was all bs. I love that now it’s Mary Jo who has the power to “wreck” Tori and Dean’s marriage.

    What’s that you say? Tori and Dean’s marriage was already wrecked? And the whole world already knew that everything Dean had said was bs? Yeah, I know. But Tori and Dean didn’t know that, or at least they could still claim plausible deniability. Not anymore. I’m sure Tori’s tearing her hair out, because she can no longer feel superior to Mary Jo. Also, I don’t think Mary Jo slept with Dean. I think she just let him debase himself enough so that she could get the last laugh. Now she’s walking away, at total meh, and avenged (somewhat), laughing at what losers those two are.

    Um yeah, guess I still have a ways to go to get to Tues…

    • I was thinking the same thing – she didn’t sleep with him, she simply revelled in him showing he’s exactly the same asshole he’s always been.

  • I read a gossip site (guilty pleasure) and one of the articles was about the Bobby Flay divorce. It was their prenup and his cheating. Anyway, o commented that cheating is abuse and hot a lot of push back from several other commenters. Mostly that it is not abuse, just hurtful and that she signed a contract and she should be accountable to that contract. Ugh, I was pretty disappointed by these ladies, and it does go to show that cheating is accepted in our society, these shows do not help that perception. I feel for all of their children.

    • Ha! SHE signed a contract and should be accountable to that contract? Well so did HE! It’s called a marriage contract, where he promised not to fuck other women (or men)! HE should be held accountable, plus HE broke his contract first!

      • I know! Someone did point that out, but they came back that if there was not a clause in the prenup, it did not matter. Sad.

        • Too bad she didn’t include an adultery clause. Lots of prenups have them, particularly if there is a celebrity involved-celebrity marriage is usually doomed to failure from the beginning.

    • Meh, at lot of those ladies shrug at the cheating…until it happens to them. That’s the way it goes.

      I think cheating should null and void a pre-nup. Cheating shows you didn’t sign it in good faith. I also think that after a certain number of years a pre-nup should be thrown out. After 6 years or more you clearly have invested much in the marriage and deserve an equitable settlement.

    • She probably bought into the “we should be civil and friendly for the children” bullshit meme. All that does it allow the cheater more opportunities to mind fuck you more.

  • Let’s not forget that sleeping with your ex can be extremely confusing and upsetting for the children (Mary Jo and Dean have one child). So on the one hand, you’re trying to convince your kids that what their cheating parent did was immoral and unforgivable, but on the other hand, you’re still sleeping with him? You’re trying to get your kids to accept that their parents are divorced, but then you give them hope of a fairy tale reconciliation?

    If you can’t have respect for yourself, at least consider the feelings of your offspring.

  • Did not Tori cheat on her own husband. It’s just Karma.

    But hey, most men want to go back to their nice comfortable age appropriate wife after about two years or so with the mistress. It’s typical.

    Not sure it’s the worst thing to do taking back an ex who now realized they effed up. If they learned their lesson, it’s a good thing. I know more than one wife who experienced this and their lives have improved.

    If a gal marries someone new, a guy that hasn’t yet gotten hit with the karma bus, then there is always a possibility the new guy will have to cheat before be woken up to reality. The reality is people rewrite the marital history to justify cheating. But they know they are rewriting it.

    Wow, though, the ex wife sure stuck it in Tori’s face. Tee hee.

    • It’s not the worst thing to take back an ex who now realized they effed up?!? Um, yes it is! This guy is a serial lying, serial cheating bucket of pond scum! It’s bad enough that Mary Jo let him in her house, much worse if she had sex with him, and a MILLION times worse if she were to take him back. I think that would be the most pathetic, disordered thing she could possibly do in her entire life.

      • When the X realizes they fucked up its because the infatuation with the OW wears off and the X can’t be his old disordered self. I figure the OW will get sick of faking orgasms when she realized how cheap the asshole is during his slow season when he starts dating again. Olga, cheaters need supply. Not only do I have no contact, he is not allowed on my property. This will never change. They never change.

    • It just shows you how really dumb these OW are because they think they are so “special” and so entitlted and really have to commons sense to see how they started these so called “relationships” and being dumb enough to marry them (the cheater) and then have loads of kids with them really is not a good idea at all.

      Great saying to these ow ~ If they do it with you, they will do it with you…

      sadly they will never get it!

    • Olga, you’re ‘Not sure it’s the worst thing to do taking back an ex who now realized they effed up.’ But I’m SURE. Because what you’d be getting is someone who you already KNOW is a liar and a cheat, who was perfectly happy hurting you and messing up your life, repeatedly and/or long-term,who only changed their mind because there were consequences FOR THEM that they didn’t like – meaning selfish and entitled.

      My ex actually tried to do exactly this. Within 6 months of DDay #2/my kicking him out, he was back, wanting to talk about how to get back together, and he tried again periodically over the next 2 years. First of all just telling me how miserable he was (fired me from caring about that, idiot), then later how much he had changed and was a better person (while trying to cheat on the OW with me, and later still taking zero responsibility for on-going issues between us).

      It might be different, trying to reconcile with somebody who cheated once and confessed it immediately, took responsibility, etc. MAYBE. But the serial and long-term cheaters most of us here had? Nah, we can be sure about that.

    • “Not sure it’s the worst thing to do taking back an ex who now realized they effed up.” What the WHAT?! Why would anybody take back a person who fucked you over?

      “If they learned their lesson, it’s a good thing. I know more than one wife who experienced this and their lives have improved.” That’s unicorn talk.

      “If a gal marries someone new, a guy that hasn’t yet gotten hit with the karma bus, then there is always a possibility the new guy will have to cheat before be woken up to reality.” Um . . . ok? So marry a proven cheater because better the devil you know . . . ?

      I don’t get it. You don’t read here much do you?

    • “But they know they are rewriting it.” Do they? I believe they convince themselves that the rewriting is the actual truth. If a liar keeps repeating their version of the truth, doesn’t it make it the truth to them? Just MHO.

  • I saw Dean and Tori on a Dr. Oz show last week and Dr. Oz seemed to buy all Dean’s bs about owning his mistakes etc. Dr. oz told Dean he has to realize he cheats because of a poor self esteem issue and because he thinks he’s not good enough. It was nauseating!!!!

  • Confession time. I had a few weeks there about 2 months after DDay where my life plan was to be “ex-friends with benefits” with Jackass. It took Chump Nation, lots of reading about narcissists, therapy and healing to see how f#&*ed up that thinking was. It was all about “proving” he made the wrong choice, about getting my own back, about not having to do the work of getting a life. Having a relationship with a disordered narcissist is like being on drugs. You have to get clean and then build a life that lets you stay clean. I am very close to “meh” but still had a setback when I saw Jackass trolling for kibbles from his female HS classmates–even though that trolling really exposes what a con job he did on me, as of course the playbook he uses remains the same.

    On the other hand, I have a very handsome male acquaintance whom I see 2-3 times a year on business. He’s divorced, but very flirty. At any point I had seen him, I was always either married or otherwise in a relationship (owing to my need to be paired up like an animal marching to Noah’s Ark). This week, he asked if I was still in a relationship, and I said–“No. But what about you? Aren’t you in a relationship?” Well, he’s not married and they don’t live together and….So I said, “There are things I would never do to another woman.” At that point, I saw the light dawn in his eyes and what I swear is respect. Boundary drawn. Still friendly. But I love my life and self-respect more than I need a man’s attention.

  • Mary Jo’s comment was catty and childish for sure. But I think that for chumps on the way to meh, there’s a lot of grey area between taking the high road and taking revenge. When you’re slogging through that murky arena it is very hard to let any opportunity for a good *zing* pass you by.

    But yeah…if something actually happened between her and “The Beady-Eyed Canadian Sex Possum” (thank you Dlisted; I can never think of him in any other way now), she’s jumped right into the toxic hot tub with Tori. Ew.

      • That is an absolute truth. And practically speaking, there’s just not enough bleach in the world to make it possible for me.

        • I get that zing knowing he has to pay his own taxes today!!! $$$$
          Never sleep with the EX!!! Accepting that narcs only love themselves is the painful truth. The memories of discard, STD exposure, and the knowledge of his toxic personality are enough for me to demand respect in every relationship moving forward. It’s a trap door to hell I will never enter again. Meh requires a commitment to boundaries and no contact. I love the sound of ‘single’.

      • Nord…That site cracks me up altogether, but I love when there is drama between Tori and Dean because it always means one of Alison’s Deaner posts can’t be far behind!! Thanks for giving me something to look forward to when I peruse my blogs tonight!

  • Regarding celebrities and cheating, the one that troubles me most is Woody Allen. I mention him because I have just seen the synopsis of a new movie, a story of a middle-aged professor who shacks up with a young student (noooooo, not again !!! Ewwwww) The guy has enough money to incite viewers worldwide to accept his personal enjoyment of cheating with bordeline paedophilia and a hint of incest, without the risk of rejection. He throws in some humor, and voilà, critiques are happy… He cheated on his wife with her adopted daughter, right ? And devotes the rest of his life to convincing us that it was the right thing to do, because young girls are so fine… In my country, there seems to be just one movie repeated over and over: the middle-aged guy who complains about his life and gets consolation by cheating with a young girl who has no power. (Just like America has that movie with guns shooting in a warehouse). I hated it when I was a young girl, I still hate it now.

    • I like ONE movie of his, and now that I think about it, it involves a fiancee who is portrayed as a shitty, selfish cheater. It’s a beautiful movie and has a great story and soundtrack. Midnight in Paris.

      • Yep. Pretty sick.

        That’s why I never get people defending him by saying she’s not “really” his daughter. Bullshit. He was in a committed relationship with her mother and basically helped to raise her. He was a father figure to her during her formative years.

        He’s a pedophile who manipulated his victim into marrying him. Just nasty and sick.

        I feel sorry for Soon Yi. I can’t imagine what kind of mush he must have turned her mind into over the years of grooming her.

  • Do we really need any more proof that the default setting in Hollywood is narcissism?

    Sorry Mary Jo but what you did was wrong too if you did in fact sleep with him. It might just be as LAJ says..it’s like a bad drug habit. I spent my three years of faux reconciliation trying to prove I was a better wife and that he made the “right choice”

    The only thing that accomplished was feeding the beast ego kibbles. I’m not at meh yet but the thought of being on the same planet with him makes me throw up in my mouth so obviously I don’t want anything of his anywhere near me. I also no longer give a rats hairy ass what he thinks or whether or not I would make a better anything to him.

    I will be at complete meh when I stop wishing for all the protruding parts of his body to rot and fall off. I’m looking forward to Tuesday and when there is NO more real estate in my brain wasted on giving that man any thought!

  • 10 More Good Reasons “Why Sleeping With Dean McDermott Is a Very Bad Idea”:

    1. Dude apparently doesn’t know how to shave. Or bathe. Or brush his hair. Just like my dog
    2. Dude dresses like he’s homeless.
    3. Dude’s claim to fame is he hosted a cooking competition. In Canada. From which he got fired.
    4. Dude is a cheapskate who got half a dozen folks to write “his” cookbook and then refused to pay them (http://www.tmz.com/2014/01/23/dean-mcdermott-chopped-book-lawsuit-canada-tori-spelling/ ).
    5. Dude is pale and puffy and looks drunk or hungover. Like, All. The. Time.
    6. Dude is a film actor wannabe whose short filmography includes these roles: “Young Man at the Bar” (in 1991’s Stepping Out), “Attendant at the Station” (in 2001’s Picture Claire), and “Plumber” (in 2007’s Kiss the Bride). So, working his way up to leading man veeeeerrrrryyyy slowwwwwwwlllly.
    7. Dude has serious dumb in his eyes.
    8. Dude Tweeted picture of his four-year-old son that “accidentally” included wife’s bare boobs: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2062806/Tori-Spelling-topless-photo-Dean-McDermott-accidentally-posts-picture-Twitter.html
    9. An anagram for Mister Dean McDermott (reality TV show marriage exemplar) is “retarded commitments.”
    10. Dude actually had this thought. And then . . . SAID IT OUT LOUD, “I’d love to be on Dancing with the Stars. It looks like the scariest thing in the world.” (People Magazine: http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20422126,00.html)

    • 9. >> The anagram ‘retarded commitments’ is incredible!

      Ironically, the XBF’s name produces the word karma, if you can believe that.

      Notable karmic anagrams for XBF:

      A karma does in
      A karma dies on

      and the ever popular

      A dream as oink

      CL—we need to have an anagram ‘competition’!

      • Lol. Ex the Ass: Anal Loco Banjos. (I think I better change his name on my phone.)
        #1 Reason to stay away from Ex: I would have to choose between administering a hefty dose of potassium chloride or a selectively located tournequit.
        I must be at ‘meh’ because I feel totally indifferent about the karma route.

      • I win the anagram challenge. My ex left for butt sex. Anagram for his name is “Die anal way”. I faithfully pay his life insurance premiums, whilst praying that it’s true 😉

  • I know its childish…un-meh…and a list of other not so “over it” things. But if I had a chance to stick it to the other woman…can’t say that I would pass it up. ( Not sleeping with him…eweeee…nor any contact…lets say I replace her hair gel with gorilla glue) Would it feel good…maybe for 5 mins….then my conscious would kick in…..but would I do a happy dance for those 5 mins?….you bet your sweet ass I would.

    • TheClip, I did quite a few things to make the X’ s life miserable and I did enjoy those moments, they still bring a smile to my face. However, after meeting the seriously disordered whore and filed, I knew he created his own personal hell. His previous OW at least had something going for themselves, and they dumped him when they realized he was still married and living with his wife. This one is so needy and possesive he lost his independence. He said she doesn’t make much money but is willing to pay his bills and treat him while he banks his money. He admitted he wouldn’t stay with her and laughed when I asked him why he called her a DREAM GIRL. He said, “oh she’s no dream girl, it’s about sex”, “I won’t stay with her”. By this time his mask was off. She is as dumb as a rock! That is what she gets for telling him she didn’t care if he was married. These morons get our cheaters. He bragged about not having to marry her because he will lose his health benefits. This shit bothered me for the longest time. Now, it’s the disordered living with the disordered.

      • Donna,
        I have had numerous opportunities to stick it to her. She is an illegal alien working on purchased papers. It wouldnt be hard. Despite all the crap he has dragged me thru i still cant bring myself to disruppt their’ perfect’ lives. Same with him. I have enough ammo to take his job and his kid. I will leave it to the karma gods and trust that the universe knows what its doing. I can never see any good come from mal intent.
        If a bus fell out of the sky and flattened him like a Dean McDermott pancake…. Would i be upset? No. If immigration threw her back over the fence … Would I feel vindicated? No. Someone elses pain does not erase mine. Instead I would bow my head in reverence to the karma gods and devine intervention. …..And then i would do a happy dance.

        • TheClip, I can relate. As much as it nauseates me to know that in a matter of months the OW (who is married) moved in with STBX, and that I could make things hell for her by letting her husband know she’s sleeping with my STBX for the last 2 years or more, and I could make my STBX suffer by sharing all this with his work (because he is a in a sensitive law enforcement position and sexts her all day long when he’s supposed to be on duty), I resign myself to believing that someday justice will occur, with or without my efforts. Then again, nothing would make me happier than seeing some misery-but I won’t be there; I’ll be moving towards MEH

          • Mal, I am not sure what will ever make me feel better. I do joke quiet a bit about the bus flattening him and other like tragedies… And you have to really believe that nothing good can come from lies. Lets say they are ” in love” Will their lives be any more or less difficult. I mean, what are the odds that they make a go of it? Are their lives any more or less doomed because of their beginnings?
            I guess i have to hope that some where in the universe that negative energy that they generated and sent out will only come back… like a cosmic boomerang… But will they connect the dots? Will they say… ‘ shit, there is fucking karma biting me in the ass for being such a douchebag to my wife and kid.’ I dont think so ….they remain blissfully ignorant. Or blame any of their bad luck on someone else.
            Maybe that is my fustration… And possibly many others here too. We will never get that genuine ‘ sorry’ and never see the Karma bus pull up to the curb… Or witness divine intervention. And lets say but some freakish turn in the orbit of the earth… all three occur…a la Ebenezer Scrooge… See the light, come to Jesus, karmic enema…. Would it take away the pain that they inflicted? No.

    • I agree. Revenge makes my heart flutter. I admit it. I’m a bitch like that.

      I wouldn’t go so far as having sex with the ex for it, but flirting? Replying to his sexy messages just so I can send them to his whore? Blabbing about his advances to people who I knew would repeat it to her? You bet I would. It would make me smile – on the inside. LOL

  • Dean is just grabbing a cup of joe and checking to make sure he totally emptied the kibble dispenser! But of course once he made his “move” on Mary Jo he realized there still may be a few kibbles left for him to scarf down his narcissistic gullet! Dean Mchatchet face is your run of the mill narc and both Tori and Mary Jo should work to bounce him on his ass! (Not to be confused with his face)

  • I’m still puzzling over how she fell onto the hibachi grill. I’ve been to that Benihana’s. The grills are in the center of the tables, and there are chairs all around the tables. It would NOT be easy to fall and land with your arm on the grill. In fact, I can’t even figure out how that would happen. Plus, she managed to finish her lunch and go the whole night before even seeing a doctor for a burn supposedly so severe it required skin grafts? Something is weird about the whole story, and maybe this is wrong of me, but it smells like a publicity stunt to me.

    As for Dean, he looks like he smells bad. Why ANY woman would want to sleep with him is beyond me.

    • I’m wondering the same thing about her “falling” onto the Hibachi Grill. I have been to many places that have these Hibachi Gills and there is no way she could have done that. She does seem to always be in pain, hurting herself, and/or the hospital for some reason. I do question if she has Munchausen’s Syndrome. Not sure if someone has questioned this issue with hospital staff.

  • Well not having left my cheater yet, I will not have an opinion. I do believe when my time arrives, I will leave and never look back or have any contact. It blows my mind to pay attention to my surroundings and cant really find anyone who has been married that has not been effected with cheating! Where exactly are the good marriages? Good people?

    • DavidB, my sister has been in a good solid marriage for well over 40 years to a great chap. It hasn’t been a bed of roses but they have walked side by side and hand in hand all they way together. They support each other and have always backed the other one in times of distress. It doesn’t get much better than that does it?

      • My parents have been happily married for 56 years and went thru many bumpy roads but still love each other deeply.

      • Maybe there is hope….. But at the moment, my thinking leans towards hermit status! It does seem more people are cheating than being honest! What I do know, is that my physical and emotional state can not take another DDay in any form or fashion!

        • “It does seem more people are cheating than being honest!”

          True enough, though it’s important to remember: 1) the cheaters get the press (TMZ and HuffPo have found that stories titled “my sister has been in a good solid marriage for well over 40 years to a great chap” are lousy click bait); and 2) you only have to find ONE (1) person! So unless you believe there isn’t a single person of the appropriate gender on the planet capable of faithfulness, there’s reason for hope.

        • All the other good people are out there being hermits. I haven’t got a clue how to find them myself.

    • I’m happily re-married to a wonderful, caring, honest and NORMAL man. He has helped me so much with my healing process and is truly a one of a kind. Of course we have had our ups and downs but nothing like I had in the first marriage with a person that has NPD. Yes, good marriages are there!

    • David, I know a lot of people in long-term, stable and good marriages. That doesn’t mean they don’t have their share of problems, just that infidelity is not one of them. So it definitely is possible and there are definitely good people out there. We were just unfortunate enough to fall for one of the subpar specimens of humanity.

      • Maybe or maybe we dont know what is going on behind closed doors. I dont run around yelling my wife had an affair. Most think we are 23 years married new house and happy! Me I think I would be better off single and alone go hire a hooker….. no chance at further pain there!

  • Amen to that, CL! When I started reading your post, I hoped you would skewer Mary Jo for being just as nasty and duplicitous as her ex and Tori. I’m not sure why I expected anything else… maybe because everyone else gives adultery in all of its forms a pass and would probably cheer her on for getting “revenge.” But, adultery is adultery. There aren’t “good” forms and “bad” forms. It’s disappointing to see that she stooped to their level.

    • I don’t think what she did was as bad as what she received from those folks who blew up her life. I just think it was dumb and ill-advised and un-meh. If she’s doing it for some sort of publicity ego kibble… sigh… wouldn’t you rather keep the brand “classy ex who doesn’t need that yahoo”?

      • But yeah, I see your point that she’s still an OW. Which gives her very little ground to complain about OW. Then again… the last person to “respect” your marriage vows is the once chump you fucked over.

        • I don’t understand where she’s saying she slept with him. I took as he made a lame move and she laughed about it.

          • That could be the case. I hope so. Except the article I quoted (admittedly it’s gossip) said “hooked up” and Tori feels “betrayed.”

            I haven’t listened to the podcast. Maybe it’s clearer there.

  • DavidB says

    April 15, 2015 at 12:08 pm

    Well not having left my cheater yet, I will not have an opinion. I do believe when my time arrives, I will leave and never look back or have any contact. It blows my mind to pay attention to my surroundings and cant really find anyone who has been married that has not been effected with cheating! Where exactly are the good marriages? Good people?

    ———————–

    I agree. Everyone I know has been hurt by an affair. IMO, the world is changing. It’s too easy to have an affair. It used to be much more difficult to skulk around. But the world has changed.

    Also, a lot of people have only told me about their husband’s/wife’s affair. So I think the situation is even worse than I know. I only told a few people, too. Mostly I just complain on forums like these. Very few people know.

    My spouse seemed like the most honorable type, but…….oh well.

    • It is to easy! I may now have all the known passwords to known accounts. But how hard is it to set up a new Facebook, email, or use Text apps. It is impossible to keep up with. Way to easy to get away with. Not to long ago I found out a good friend had an affair years ago… wife doesnt know…. what do you do? I dont visit with him anymore… before DDay, I had no real clue what an affair truly did to the spouse. I can no longer be around him. All this just makes me sick.

      • This is why being the ‘marriage police’ just doesn’t work. If they’re going to fuck you over the first time, they will do it again by making new accounts or secret phones or such.
        Dump and run like hell, the first time, I say.

  • If it was the zombie apocalypse, and my ex and I were the only two people left alive on earth, and the fate of the human race depended on us………I wouldn’t touch him with a thousand foot pole. Besides, knowing my ex he would’ve been having his way with the zombie ladies. Yuck, just yuck!

    Can I get a rule #2 double tap please?!

  • I didn’t take it as her saying she slept with him. I took it as her saying he tried it on, and she was laughing at him while saying ‘Why wouldn’t he? I’m hot stuff!’

  • Ironsided thanks for the head’s up about this blog.

    Both you guys feel as I do, Ironsided and David.

    Cheaters are just everywhere. I don’t trust anyone, anymore.

    I keep finding out about a knew cheater every day. Some of these people seem to be the most unlikely suspects for such a dastardly deed as betraying a spouse. What is going on out there? It’s like everyone in the world is a kid in a candy store since sites like ashley madison and other cheater sites came online and please don’t mention the word cell phone. arrrggghhh, now everyone has a completely private phone line.

    I am so depressed. I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life, but I can’t handle another betrayal.

    • I’m not sure this is new. Maybe it was hidden better before our world went digital. I had a lot of illusions regarding several “perfect couples” of friends my parents had. Since then, I found a box of Viagra hidden in the toolbox in the shed when looking for a screwdriver to help one of them build a rabbit hutch.
      Maybe we are more sensitive, more open, and divorce is now an obvious option.
      No question that the generation of my grandparents were very good at hiding things and compared to the wars, cheating was laughing matter. They were tough.

    • As a chump that is just shy of a month since Dday, the overwhelming knowledge I have obtained from this site and IC has been enormous. I used to think you couldn’t make this stuff up or you only hear about stories, but “It can’t happen to me”. WRONG! My cheater and I had the talk when we first started dating that if someone wants something other than the relationship, have the decency to end the relationship BEFORE going elsewhere. WHERE THE HELL DID THAT PERSON GO?

      I guess I am blessed with NC, although I want answers. I know I am not likely to ever get the apology I rightly deserve or the answers, but still my heart wants to know “WHY?”.

      I agree that with technology it is easier for these bottom feeders to cheat. I guess I am just not wired the way they are. Promises and my word are something to be banked on. Unfortunately, I found one of the ones that had “situational ethics”.

      • You are like me. Tell the damn truth before parading the slut about and lying about the marriage breakup. He tells every one. We drifted apart. Not me I tell the truth. At least we can be honest to ourselves.

      • I am sorry that you have reason to be here, but I am glad you found Chump Lady so soon after dday. I also had that talk with my ex and he also ended up being one that practices situational truth. “I meant the vows when I said them,” and “Maybe you’ll be less judgemental when you find yourself in the same situation one day.” Sigh.

        Whatachump2015, hang in there. It is so very difficult in the beginning. Please take care of yourself. And it gets better, so much better, on the other side. (I am getting close to 2 years post-dday.) The pain of dday is more and more in the rearview mirror.

        There are some helpful books recommended on here. I am currently reading George Simon’s Character Disturbance. Though in the very early (nearly-impossible to-sleep-or-eat) days what got me through was How to Survive the Loss of a Love and Runaway Husbands. As soon as I found this site, Chump Lady became my primary source of strength, sanity and wisdom.

  • His family is just starting to find out that “he moved out” or “we broke up”…..REALLY??!!?? I guess that is “PART” of the story. How about the Paul Harvey version? I haven’t yet decided what to say to HIS family when the are calling me. I want to tell them what a lying, cheating, thief he really is….BUT….somewhere is that high road. IDK.

    I am hoping the KARMA bus hits him, backs up and does the double tap. He has walked off into the sunset so far with his OWhore (but pretending nobody knows what he did so keeping it quiet for now), and I am dealing with the mess he left behind.

    • I was honest about why my ex left from the very beginning, and each time I shared what happened it made me feel like I had been set free from some of the awfulness. And with time, I eventually figured out how to speak the truth without also unloading my emotions on other people. But that took time.

  • I am thinking, she did it, not to be with him, but to get back at Tori ….. either way, it was a fail.

    I read her book and thought she was past this, above this. I’m surprised.

  • I have never been able to figure out how someone who was a willing cheater with a cheater would ever be able to convince themselves that the two cheaters wouldn’t cheat anymore once they get together??? I can’t quite bend reality around that particular bit of razzle dazzle thinking. When cheaters get together, it is just a matter of time before another willing cheater to be comes along — for both of them.

    Truly disordered people always use the “I’ve Changed” BS on chumps. We want to believe they have seen the error of their ways and will never make that mistake again. That is the only reason to try reconciliation.

    After I joined the marriage police and did all my great investigative work (should have joined the CIA –had skills I never imagined!) I KNEW TOO MUCH to ever want to have sex with the X again. It is easier for me to understand I was completely fooled at the beginning when I met Mr. Mirage. I didn’t see the real loser underneath that con artist until much later. I consider myself terribly lucky not to have a fatal STD from his shenanigans.

    It is a sad world we live in to realize that in order to be safe you really need to get a complete sexual disease screening prior to having relations with any new partner, and you need to investigate their past — because you cannot believe what they say. It takes a long time to observe behavior so that you can analyze their actions. Dating is just more difficult in today’s world. Trust is a rare commodity that must be earned. Once you know what anyone is capable of — and if you’ve been on the marriage police force you can never claim ignorance again — it changes the way you look at people. I am disappointed in both men and women — I never would have guessed that so many seemingly ordinary people would do the lowlife things they so willingly do. I had no idea how naïve I was when I was younger. Now days, I don’t want to know any more bad things than I already know about — because I am afraid I will look for a deserted island to homestead rather than trust again.

    These people on these so called reality shows who expose every aspect of their sordid lives. Why would anyone ever want to be with any of them?

    • In their fucked up minds, they think “I was awesome enough to pull them away from their husband/wife, therefore I’m awesome enough to keep them on the hook and I’m all that and a bag of chips. WHEEEEEEE!!!~” Disordered to the max.
      These days, a lot of people are attracted to ‘sparkle’ that comes from the trash which is reality TV. They throw away their morals and decency to get ‘power’ and ‘prestige’ – which in reality to someone who really is no-frills ‘powerful’ in their own right looks upon with disgust.
      That feeling you get when all ignorance goes out the window and you realise just how awful some people are – the rose coloured goggles have well and truly come off. Been there and done that, which is pretty sad for someone who’s, fortunately, not had to deal with some of the heinous shit you guys have dealt with (In my instance its ‘just’ a couple of people who cheated on me in relationships that lasted no more than 3 years, and 2 partners which was abusive (one which was cheating, the other who I suspect was cheating but never had any proof on – but in the end it didn’t matter and I got the fuck out) and someone who’s far, far too young to have to deal with that shit, not even pushing 30 yet.

    • “It changes the way you look at people.” I am well past meh, but this truth is with me everyday, and it makes me sad.

  • I jus read the most beautifully wording against cheating. It is a blog Retributionisjustice. I think every one who is thinking of cheating ought to read it. It is from a man’s point of view.

  • I have personally slept with this man. It was on a camping trip and we shared a tent. He did not try anything.

    He did, however, fuck one of the women who were with us. He didn’t sleep with her though. After he fucked her he came back to my tent and snored the rest of the night.

  • I think this illustrates what complete disasters these sub-human things are. They almost always lose in the end because they are incapable of thinking long-term. They live so much in the instant gratification of the present that they cannot think of the consequences (and do not want to) of their actions.

    Conversely, this is where we come in – the planners and caretakers. They select us because they know that we work hard, and commit and thus will make up for their shitty decision making.

    I think we should remember that the very things that made them shit partners make them shit at life. I also think that many of us struggle with the disbelief that we could be traded down for something so meager that to us it is ultimately an irrational risk that we would never take…but they do.

  • How do her kids deal with all of this? Isn’t she embarrassed for them? Doesn’t she want to stop being a part of this?

  • I agree with Tony! And I know, although it hurts, that filing for divorce was the right thing to do. I feel my ex traded his wonderful life for a downgrade. His life now is a disaster and there is only more impending disaster looming on the horizon for him. The MOW court jester he took up with is just as sick as he is! And trust me when I tell you, she lost a whole lot when she got caught sleeping with my ex. Her husband wasted no time at all dropping her into my ex’s lap. I believe that my ex wasn’t her first, but her husband finally had the solid proof, name and all, of who she was screwing around with. I am divorced now and it really isn’t my concern, but what these two gave up is far greater than the sum total of their extra super duper Twu wuv!

  • When I look at cheater ex, I see a person who lies all the time. Not a big turn on.

    Going with this story—Dean is probably going back to Tori saying, “You know why I slept with Mary Jo, babe? Because I wanted to bring back what we had when we first met! So I would feel like fucking you again. I did it for you Tori, I did it for US.” Seriously, they truly say this kind of shit. Having sex with a psycho-liar-gas-lighter is just unappealing.

    But this does prove my theory that just being cheated on does not place people in identification with one another. Just like being a woman does not place women in a class. It takes the experience of an injustice and a desire to do something about it.

    I don’t know this Mary Jo or even if this story is accurate at all. But if it is, she could use a better picker. Why go back to sociopathic drama? I feel meh just thinking I am not there anymore.

  • When cheaters do reality shows, or write books, or do interviews I kind of look at it as a “public service announcement.” No one could paint them in as unflattering light as they do for themselves. It’s really educational, a picture of what and who Real Cheaters are. Soap operas and t.v. and novels, and especially cheaters themselves, glamourize themselves and their cheating. It’s all just GREAT, you know. Then you see the real life cheaters, and they are just Train Wrecks. I can’t think of one that’s not.

  • I couldn’t stomach sleeping with my ex for revenge or any other reason. He also is a huge liar, gaslit me over and over, left me not once, but twice when I was so very ill! Just unforgivable! And just like a guy who doesn’t want to end up with the “town slut”, i don’t want to be with a person who bounces from my bed to his whores so easily! A man with no moral compass at all? No thanks! He’s a fraud! I never knew him even after 41 years of marriage. He’s strange and a stranger!

    • “He’s strange and a stranger!”

      Yes, what happened to the man I fell in love with & stayed in love with for over 26 years together? Never knew he “had it” in him to be so manipulative, destructive and totally uncaring once I uncovered the OWhore. I guess he was wearing a tight-fitting mask all these years & it finally slid off to reveal his ugliness.

  • I will say that there is nobody with a bigger, puffed up head than a Cheater who has been caught and is playing their spouse and affair partner against each other. My husband strutted around like a prize rooster when he was doing this. I’m sure the Whore had her own inflated ego popping out of her head at the same time. I could never figure out what he was doing till I read Chump Lady’s Theory of Cake. It is brilliant, everything that had been so confusing finally fell into place perfectly. I did not realize that his ideal state of being was having two women on the string. I honestly believe they enjoy it even more when you know about it, and haven’t kicked their ass to the curb. I mean, how much more SPECIAL could they get?

  • I know just what you’re talking about Not Juliet! My only real regret was not finding Chump Lady soon enough and putting up with his BS! Hindsight being 20/20 I should have booted his ass out the minute he told me about his “love” for his Facebook lover!! I let him humiliate me and I made every mistake in the book! Just wish I would have found CL sooner! It would have spared me so much heartache! I can’t believe I lowered myself so much and I now realize he and the whore were thrilled driving me insane!

  • I love it too! And I am loving my life without a cheater! Although his affair broke my heart and stole the dreams I had, I’m alright! As I told him on his way out the door the day I finally kicked his ass out, ” you and your whore are no better than thieves, you stole my life I had, but you and she will not steal my destiny! That belongs to me now and it’s going to be great!” Now mind you, I was “acting” a bit because it was a horrific moment for me to realize what a snake he was, but now I am happier and now I control my life! Not some mentally deranged, over-sexed 60 year old who finds “Twu wuv” on the Internet with a 50 something over the hill case of arrested developement! And bonus round, his life is already swirling down the toilet! I won’t lie, I’m glad! He deserves it and so does his whore!

  • And I might add that once I found Chump Lady and the fine people here I was able to see how “common” these two assholes were and I became a quick study, read all the articles and knew I really had zero to work with! It was just a matter of positioning myself for the day I’d boot his sad ass out! I will be forever grateful to CL and chump nation for the clarity to not only claim my life and self respect back, but to win a huge victory in the divorce! What did they “win”? They get to live with the shitbags they are! I get to watch them crash and burn! Karma is a bitch!

  • Whoever recommended the DListed site, thank you, thank you, thank you ! I will be reading all day tomorrow.

  • I feel bad that Brandi and Mary Jo were chumped, but I think its unseemly that they have glommed onto careers that are based entirely on being chumped by minimally famous men. Neither Dean nor that nastyman who is married to Leann Rimes are taken seriously from what I can tell…without reality TV these folks couldn’t even pay their bills. Yuk.

    We each have one life to live and serve humanity and this is their contribution? I would hate to meet my Maker and say “I had a realtiy TV show where I talked about how adulterous I was. I left feeding orphans and curing cancer to other folks”.

    So CL is right, DONT sleep with your ex and brag about it, that’s just nasty. Break away from the icky and have a great life and do something real. Genuine badass chumps aren’t defined by it forever.

  • My ex asked me out (to dinner, baseball games, and shows) for months when we were separated. He also came out to see my band (and make amends with me for his 12 steps) and offered me a ride home. I declined and weaseled my way out of every offer. I just couldn’t understand why he didn’t remember how awkward and terrible our “dates” were, leading up to the separation. How both of us felt the palpable sense that I was judging him for being late (I was), or how I could obviously see through his pseudo-sparkly manipulation when he tried to nostalgia his way back into my good graces. And he wanted more of THAT? I couldn’t even entertain the idea of spending an evening out with him, let alone an evening in.

  • “cheating is rampant in Canada”

    That may be true. It’s rampant everywhere. No place is safe from it. That’s why I am staying single.

    My wife cheated and I still had to give her half of everything. She never complained about us. She always claimed to be happy. If she thought something was broken, how could I fix it unless she informed me about things.

    Even on dday she said it wasn’t me. You know what? That only made me feel worse?

    Like everyone, I occassionally fantasized about some nookie on the side. Still I kept my thing in my under pants. I knew being unfaithful would destroy my marriage and hurt my wife irreparably. It wasn’t worth it to me.

    I guess a little nookie on the side was worth it to her.

  • Lania says

    April 15, 2015 at 8:06 pm

    “This is why being the ‘marriage police’ just doesn’t work. If they’re going to fuck you over the first time, they will do it again by making new accounts or secret phones or such.
    Dump and run like hell, the first time, I say.”

    Well, Lania, That is why I am staying single. I don’t want to have to be the marriage police guy in a new marriage.

    Today, if you don’t stay alert and you don’t snoop, you will most likely get cheated on.

    Really, truly, my cheating wife was the nicest person. She really was. She is and was a much nicer person than I am in aggregate, and she never really had any major complaints in the marriage. She in fact claimed to be happy and even stated numerous times to our friends that she was glad she met and married me.

    So, really and truly, how can I believe what a new spouse says. Best to stay single. I never thought my wife would cheat, neither did anyone else who knew her. Her friends were just as blindsided as I was.

    It really is far more easy to cheat these days due to the techno toys. Also, it’s considered acceptable. It’s romanticized and on display so much that people feel like they are missing out on something.

    That is in fact one of the excuses my wife gave. She said a lot of people she knew were cheating……she said a LOT OF THEM were and she started to feel she was missing out on life and just wanted to have one affair to see what it was like.

    It was a deal breaker for me. She still wants to get back together and now I have to feel badly about telling her no way. What a shite mustard sandwich.

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