At last, I’m proud to announce that The Chump Lady Survival Guide to Infidelity has been picked up by the trade publisher Perseus and will be published by Running Press, March 2016.
I’ve mentioned it a few times here and there, but I didn’t want to make a formal announcement until I finally signed the contract. Which I did on Sunday. 🙂
My self-published book came out June 28 of last year. The first day it was for sale, it went number one on Amazon in Divorce. Thanks guys! That was also the day, coincidentally, that I was at a conference in Austin pitching agents. Talk about cosmic synchronicity. Nothing like attending a writing conference and getting a tweet that your book went number one as you are just about to meet an agent. I signed with an agent I met there.
But, as aspiring writers know, it’s not enough to get an agent. You have to be able to sell your book to publishers, which is some subjective science of How Much Is Your Book Like Another Best Selling Book? As anyone who has read my book realizes — it’s nothing at all like any other book on infidelity. For one thing, I argue against the presumption of reconciliation (which puts me at odds with 99.9 percent of the existing literature), and for another — I draw cartoons.
Here are some of the rejections I got:
Pass – She’s great – really funny and in-your-face — but I’m afraid I just don’t see a readership for a print book version of her work. I’m sorry. I hope you find her an editor who proves me completely wrong.
Pass – Although I appreciate Tracy’s updated approach to cheating and her tell-it-like-it is tone, I feel like it would be a tough sell beyond her devoted fanbase as I found most of the advice intuitive.
Pass – I love Tracy’s voice—she has great energy and really masters that “feels like a friend talking to you” tone. I like how she is direct and reasonable and funny all the while dealing with a very serious issue. But, to be honest, I don’t think I’m the right editor for this. Maybe it’s because I’m engaged to be married and am having a tough time swallowing the idea of being cheated on (!), but I just don’t feel the passion for this project. If she ever writes something else with a different beat to it, I’d love to take a look because her voice is one that is not easy to come by.
Pass – I really enjoyed Tracy’s empowering, un-pitying approach – she’s the best friend you want to have when you are going through something like this. I can totally see the appeal of this book, and obviously so can others, since she has done nicely with her self-published edition. But in the end, after talking with a few folks here, I’m afraid I have to pass. I’m afraid our concerns about topic overshadowed our enjoyment of her voice, and in the end I’m just not sure I can sell a book about infidelity survival, even one as take-charge as this.
Chump Lady just doesn’t seem like a phrase that women might identify with.
Essentially, nice writer, shame about the topic. I had to laugh that it wouldn’t work in print — after the BOOK went number one on Amazon in Divorce. Yeah, I don’t think it works at all…
As for the advice seems intuitive — well, that’s probably true, until it happens to you and then you realize that common sense is sorely lacking in the existing lit.
Well, thank goodness for Perseus/Running Press who decided to take a chance on me. The cartoons sold it — the new book will be around 256 pages in FULL COLOR with 30-40 new never-before-seen cartoons. If you wonder why I keep using recycled cartoons and e-cards? This is why. I’m saving my mojo for the new book.
Speaking of which — the title will remain the same, but the subtitle will be familiar — “Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life.”
The new book has the same material as the old book, BUT twice as much new content, including “Letters to Chump Lady” that illustrate each chapter. I’m making up the letters myself, based on actual submissions and comments I get here. (The stories are so much alike, you may think I chose yours.) Gives my snark free rein. Also there will be new chapters on Switzerland Friends and Family, Obsessing Over the Affair Partner, The Unending Punishment of Breeding with a Fucktard, more chapters on “gaining a life”, and true stories of the mighty. I’ve privately asked some readers here to share their inspirational stories with me. The publisher asked that the participants remain anonymous, but I assure you, these are real stories of triumph over cheater adversity.
All to say, if you bought the old book, I hope you will buy the new one too, as it is significantly different. And I also hope you’ll support the book, because buying it in droves the first year ensures its survival. How it ranks and compares to the existing titles decides things like whether it will be available overseas, will it get reprinted, etc. And finally, I hope you’ll review the next book as positively as you reviewed the first one. All of these things get the Chump Nation message out there to new chumps, and knocks a few unicorns out of the fairy forests.
On a personal note of chump triumph — do you see the fountain pen that I signed the contract with? I bought it in Paris on my honeymoon with my cheating ex. I bought it for him, an extravagant 18-carat-gold nibbed Dupont fountain pen, and spent around 400 Euros. An absolutely stupid amount of money to spend on a pen, but he loved that sort of thing and I was making a bold gesture for his birthday. (Because hey, Paris wasn’t enough?)
When D-Day hit, I hid that pen, and feigned ignorance of its whereabouts. It sat in a drawer. I thought about giving it away several times, because of its sad mojo. I didn’t really want it, I just didn’t want him to have it. I couldn’t get back my wasted time or money or the way he fucked up my son’s life, or my life. But I could take back the damn pen. (I left everything else.)
So the other day, it came out of its dusty drawer to sign the publishing contract for the new Chump Lady Survival Guide to Infidelity.
I thought about giving it away again after that, but reconsidered. Heck, I can sign some books with that pen. Every day I put it into service, I like to think people get a little less chumpy.
So maybe that was 400 Euros well spent after all.
Anywho, the old, existing book will not be for sale after mid-August (except used ). As soon as pre-orders are available, I will update the Book Page here and include the new table of contents and info on ordering. The new Survival Guide comes out March 2016 with Running Press. Thanks Chump Nation — I couldn’t have done it without you.
Tracy, congratulations. This is fantastic. You took an absolutely horrific situation and turned it into something positive for yourself, not to mention the boatload of others you have helped. This is a well deserved kudos. Cheers.
Tracy – dear Tracy – the PEN (regardless of what it cost), Is indeed mightier than the sword. : )
You’ve armed us all. I am grateful. : ) Nain
YES!! Congratulations! Count me in on a few books!
Congratulations, Tracy!! YOU. ARE. MIGHTY!! And I LOVE that you used the pen that you had intended for that x-douchebag. It was meant to be yours all along, for you to sign this document. I don’t believe in coincidences THIS big.
Massive thanks to you for providing an outlet and safe place for all of us Chumps, and providing a way for us to move through this hell without feeling alone after the betrayal. You’re truly an inspiration!!
xoxo & (((hugs!!!))) =D
Congratulations on your new book and publisher! Can’t wait to get a copy!!!
I’m laughing with regard to the comment about Chump Lady because “chump” has become such a part of my vocab. I recently signed up for online dating and thought about mentioning that I’m a chump and looking for another chump. It seems so appropriate to me!
An another laugh — I too bought my STBX the same pen in Paris on our honeymoon 32 years ago. His was stolen off his desk … at work. Wish I thought of that!
What wonderfully exciting news!! Congratulations! I will be among the first in line to purchase your book, and I will be telling all my fellow chumps to join me. You saved my sanity. Bravo to your publisher for recognizing that a book has that much power–get it out there to the masses!!
Congratulations! Wonderful news, can’t wait for the new book.
Congratulations to you! Onward and upward. So happy for you. Thank you for all you do!
Congratulations! I can’t wait for the new book. I will buy two, right off the bat. One for me and one to share, sadly, when necessary. Please try to come to Joseph-Beth Booksellers in Lexington, Kentucky, for a signing! It is a very large independent store. I know they would love to have you and there are fans in this area! Lyn and I know each other and we would be there, first in line!!! Tracy, you rock!!
Let’s start a list of independent bookstores for Tracy to visit throughout the country! I vote for The Bookmark in Atlantic Beach, Florida. An extra bonus-it’s located in a small scenic town, which is beautiful in the spring.
I think you’ll have to petition the publicity department of my publisher. Not every author goes on book tour. But I would love to visit anywhere I’m invited!
Please come back to PA – Chester County Book Company. I will rock your visit with good will
This is wonderful news Tracy. The more you get the truth out about cheating the more voice you give to all of us. I am grateful for you and can’t wait for your new book.
If you do go on tour, please come to Greenlight Bookstore in Brooklyn, NY!!
By the way, my civil divorce is in sight. I am doing much better providing much less mental real estate for those doula monsters and sick ex. Some days I have real feelings of meh. I will make it.
Powell’s Book Store in Portland, OR! Gorgeous city and the bookstore is recognized country wide as being one of the best.
Yes, come to Powell’s!
Awesome news! I can’t wait to get a copy!
Congratulations Tracy! I’m very happy for you. Also glad the next generation of Chumps will benefit from your and the collective CN wisdom from your new book. Hopefully it will reach folks that might not have found your blog. I’ll be putting in for at least two copies.
Congratulations CL – this site came as a breath of fresh air to me after many years of unicorn hunting and as a veteran of the pick-me mindfuckery. I learned that my “special case” breed of cheater was nothing of the sort and that all the unique factors that made my story different were actually rather standard fare.
What the reconciliation industry has to sell is buckets of much needed hopium – maybe I can fix this and control the uncontrollable – and that is what new chumps want to hear. The truth might scare them out off.
The very popular “He is just not that into you” challenged the lies we tell ourselves about common relationship dilemmas. He has lost our number, he is shy, we have put him off by being too keen/not keen enough, he is going through stress at work, his dog has just died. In our hearts we know that none of these things deter guys who want us – it is just spackle.
That book was made into a successful film that told the truth in a light hearted way – I would love to see the same outcome for CL!
I look forward to your book and, in the interest of preserving the sanity of chumps everywhere, would love to see it as an international bestseller.
Me too Mary…I thought our situation was special and I was figuring out a fabulous way to save my marriage…turns out he was a garden variety cheater.
Awesome news Chump Lady. I will definitely be buying a couple more!
Congrats Tracy! This is wonderful news! I’m so very happy for you. I will be buying my copy when it comes out.
Congrats Tracy, You tell the truth in a way no one else does, I think it scares some people. But your legion of fans at Chumplady have lived it and you are our Voice! You are One of a Kind! Rock On!
Congrats! I only wish your book was out when I was in the thick of my divorce! As for the fan base, do they think that the world is going to stop spinning and cheaters are going to stop cheating?
Good question. You know, going through this process just really confirmed to me what a stigma there is about being chumped. Think of all the grisly subjects publishers publish. True crime, murder mysteries, dead children, pestilence — and what are your ODDS of that happening to you? But infidelity? Oh, horrible subject! Couldn’t possibly sell. Cannot IMAGINE this ever happening.
And if it DID? Well, I’d know what to do. The advice would be “intuitive.” Half the battle has been trying to win people over that yes, this shit is really COMMON, and people do get stuck and don’t feel supported doing that “intuitive” protect yourself thing.
Well yeah. True crime, murders, etc.?? Well that stuff happens to *other* people and we can be voyeurs to it. Infidelity? That hits a little more close to home…. Why tweak something I might be in denial about 🙂
I have a friend who constantly gets bashed about for her speaking out that losing your husband and family unit as you know it through a divorce when you’ve been chumped is worse than losing your husband who has died. They just don’t get it. Maybe this is something you can address and target those people who really don’t understand what it feels like and what we go through. There is such little empathy from the ‘rest of the world’ and I hate when they say “Get over it already!” Sigh…..
By all appearances, I have “gotten over it”, mainly because my profession abhors a chump. The fact of my betrayal remains with me every day. It’s kind of like being the victim of a violent crime; the assault on one’s core identity never goes away (especially for those of us who are older and were married a very long time). So this place really is my refuge and the people who post here make me feel less alone. I think Tracy’s book is going to find a very large market and will end up on bestseller lists, much as Can’t We Talk About Something More Pleasant did. Time to start negotiating movie rights!
A movie that actually portrays the truth of infidelity would be something of a miracle.
Or a documentary.
How about a CL Cruise!!!
Me, too , Violet. I was really quite in love with my first wife and I was happy with my family, including my two young sons when her infidelity was uncovered. that was just about 21 years ago. I still think about how she tore our family apart by cheating serially while I was completely oblivious to it as I trusted her so much.
My life has been changed so much since then, some for the worse some for the better.
When this happened again, in my second marriage 8 years into it, it tore open an old wound. No one should go through this even once, but twice messed me up forever.
I have real trouble with intimacy and trust now. My brain is much more scattered. I fight anxiety a lot. I think of suicide fairly often.
Tracy’s site has really helped me and I will bury a few copies of the new book , as I , often , encounter people going through this.
I go pretty far back on this site, and believe I was one of the first folks here, having encountered Tracy on TAM and SI, before I was banned. I had to laugh when one new poster accused me of being a troll after some back and forth about the patriarchy and male oppression stuff that had invaded the site. I’d been here years before her and contributed regularly.
Anyway, congrats CL. If I qualify for the Senior Open ( unlikely , but possible) I will advertise for you on my bag.
Arnold, no one should have to go through this ever. I too loved my life with my family. I will never understand how anyone can make a choice to cheat. It’s just not part of our makeup. I had a dream before Mother’s Day that I saw them together and beat him to a pulp with my bare hands. I woke up unable to breath. When I am here I find hope knowing there are people in the world who share the same experiences and have integrity.
Arnold, don’t start with the poor sausage and misogyny on this post celebrating CL’s new book. Just stop
Damn, Arnold. You make it really hard for me to embrace you as a fellow chump. I’ve been here about 6 months, so I don’t know your history. Dat, you go!
Wow! My story is like Violet’s but I’m not over it as it is still fresh (3 months ago.) I’m shy on this site but have learned a great deal from reading it and will be brave sharing in the future. Great therapy. Congrats Tracy! Being in Texas, I hope you will have some book signings in Dallas area!
happily never after – I’m in Dallas too. Perhaps we could connect. I will post in the forums.
Good Guys/Good Woman don’t cheat, lie, get hotels, spend money on porn, blame their spouse, spend money on others and walk away from their life as if it never existed, and further the pain by disregarding/manipulating their children. The list goes on. These are cruel, selfish, entitled, disordered assholes. Their exit is classless and sleazy leaving the good honest spouses and children to pick up the pieces. It is a death of knowing your life was a series of fake memories from the past and of the illusion of commitment for the future. Nothing was real but the pain they leave in their wake. I hate the fucking x cheating narc and pray he lives a horrible shitty life and suffers for his actions. There is no intuition great enough to combat their indifference or fucked justification which I never heard. We didn’t ask for this burden. I would have taken a PASS if I knew. This book is so valuable.
My husband died and then I discovered all his secrets. I can say with absolute conviction that grief over his death was a walk in the park compared to the total devastation of learning of his betrayal and infidelity.
My x was extremely ill when his infidelity came to light. I agree that dealing with his terminal condition was child’s play compared with coming to terms with the fact that my one great love was one great lie…
Cheryl…that is exactly what my daughter said to me after months of discovery of ALL the sick activities, the HUGE financial tear down, the many skanks and the EA/PA and her children that he was supporting. “Mom, what if he died and then we found this all out!” (He was 68, a non compliant diabetic, overweight and sedentary.). My heart goes out to you Cheryl. Sending you a huge Chumpy Hug. BA
Chump Lady…I am singing with the choir here and part of the standing ovation. Congratulations on the new book and giving back to a Nation desperately in need of help. Your blog has been such a support for me over the past year….I know when I arrive on Tuesday in the land of Meh and look back on this time in my life, a large piece of my memories will be reading Chump Lady. Looking forward to buying and reading your book.
I like that image – the creation of Chump Lady memories in the land of Meh.
You know, even though the site and book are about infidelity, I find the advice has more universal applications. People can be crappy, even when they keep their pants on, and it takes a lot of gall to make decisions and live life on your own terms while being decent. That’s what being a “chump” is all about.
I’ve said this before – that the lessons learned on here are great for all non-infidelity cheating as well.
Lots of people are manipulative snakes, and these lessons help to carve through that shit too.
I agree – I just used several Chump Lady terms to help a friend chumped – or betrayed – in the workplace after 20 years of hard work. Telling her she would get to Tuesday and it would be ‘meh’ (to make her laugh) made me realise how betrayals of any kind can result in similar, disorientating trauma.
Manipulative snakes – yes. And they can certainly wind themselves round inside your head.
Any Erma Bombeck fans out there? I am trying to find a reference to something I read decades ago about a young woman who was in prison for killing her child. She said when she read one of Bombeck’s collections she learned that she was not alone. She had been alone, penniless, no support group, no family, no knowledge of raising children and what a screaming baby can be like on those nights when nothing seems to help.
My point is that you may well have saved a life or two out there. You are needed and appreciated.
And if what I read on a book jacket is true, and there is one sociopath out of every twenty-five people, you will, sadly, never run out of material and your fan base will only grow.
Actually, I meant to include that she read the book while in prison. She knew her life would have been completely different if she’d had a little knowledge. No internet back then, either.
Pearshaped–YES!!! I remember my mother (a HUGE Erma Bombeck fan) telling me that story. Didn’t the woman in prison say that she wouldn’t be there if she had known she could laugh about things?
I inherited my mother’s EB books, but won’t have time to look through them for at least a week (living through finals week).
Love, love, love Erma Bombeck! My mom loved her books too. One day I walked in on her absolutely hysterical with laughter (tears rolling down her face and everything) while she was reading one of her books. I made note of the book she was reading and when she finished I read it too.
I was only 12 at the time so a lot of the humor was over my head. What I did understand, I found hilarious. The book I found my mother reading was called “Just wait until you have children of your own”. I re-read it as an adult after I had my first child and it really resonated. It sounds like it could be a contender for the book that woman in prison read.
I gather from Erma’s writing that husbands weren’t a big help when she was raising her children. I know a lot of husbands still don’t help that much but I think there are more that help now than did in those days.
Yes, and many more women are pitching in on the financial aspects of raising a family now, too. Seems both genders are making progress toward equality and sharing responsibilities. It is amazing how many men, now given some more freedom to enter the child rearing/nurturing realm are doing so. If only society had granted them this opportunity earlier…
Well Arnold, at least you finally recognize what the patriarchy took from men as well as women. Glad to see you understand that now.
Pearshaped, I have no doubt that a life or two have been saved. Just knowing that the suicidal thoughts are all part of the process, along with the paralysis, the PTSD, the whole up and down cycle, makes you feel like you’re normal and having the same reactions as other chumps. And like the survivors, I know I will get there someday. On days when I go off the rails, I come here and reread older posts for encouragement. This and DM’s site which has pulled me out of the darkness countless times. I guess my point is I wish everyone who feels like they are alone and no one understands could get this kind of free therapy. I’m sure the book will help with that.
I prefer to think of it as the gynocracy.
and the fact that your fanbase is in the millions from your site means nothing to them?
Gotta love those strange squirrels, book publishers. Ha! Thanks for doing this work, CL. And I am excited to see the new book when it comes out! Will it come out as an eBook as well? I hope so. Moving too many paper books these days…trying to go digital and save my back 😉
Yep, ebook too!
I think some of those rejection letters are the publishing equivalent of “ILYBINILWY”! 🙂
Oh totally. You have to have a really thick skin to subject yourself to this. Fortunately between HuffPo and the trolls, I’ve developed one. (Well, they would argue with that, seeing as I delete them.) 🙂
I thought the same thing–they love you, but they’re not “in love” with you.
There is some beauty in the right publisher being named after Perseus. He was mostly raised by a strong single parent, had a good stepparent figure, he faced down some scary monsters, drove a pretty great karma bus, and he had some fantastic shoes that helped him run out of bad situations…sound familiar?
I’m so happy the right publisher saw your tremendous value. And that you reclaimed your pen.
Typing with fingers crossed that the book has a cartoon of that goldfish who is not gonna knit me a sweater.
I love this!! I hadn’t thought of the Perseus connection! He’s also the guy who cut the head off Medusa. Slaying gorgons… yeah, that’s me. 🙂 (Actually I rather look like Medusa, but best not to over think this..)
And yeah, that throw away line about the gold fish has stuck with people. I need to cartoon that.
please send reference to “gold fish line”. I am so out of it….
Here you go, Happily Never After: links to the best phrase ever regarding the futility of expecting a human being to change his or her fundamental character and behaviors (at least that’s how I deploy it!). When someone says “have no expectations”, picture the goldfish and the knitting needles. That sweater is never going to appear. I’m looking forward to the cartoon so I can place it in a fancy gold frame in my office.
My post with the goldfish references is awaiting moderation. In the meantime, here are some of my other all time favorites regarding the futility of it all:
Expecting closure from a cheater? Might as well expect tap-dancing from a snake. – Nomar (2013 post called Why, Why, Why Closure)
Might as well try to teach a toddler physics. Mephista (2013 post called Where’s My Meh?)
This one from Red especially hit home for me: trying to reason with an alcoholic is like trying to discuss quantum physics with a two year old: it doesn’t work. (2013 post How Do You Divorce a Narcissist)
I’m viewing it as an lovely auspicious coincidence. Slay on, CL.
And I chose a gorgon for one of my patronuses/patroni. Don’t slay her.
What a fantastic achievement Tracy, I am so glad I found your website 3 years ago, I look forward to the new book and the artwork, you are so very talented.
As an aside -perhaps you could post an inspiring article on how some of us Chumps can get our own ‘mojo’ back my own illustrated kids book project is lying in my portfolio 75% completed but I haven’t physically been able to open it since DDay, it’s like a light went out……
Anyway, congrats again and keep the pen it’s obviously come in handy!
Don’t wait for mojo. Try discipline instead. Just force yourself to do it, and set your expectations LOW. At first anyway. Just do it. Do it. Do it. Then it comes.
Yes, I know, I am doing that with everything else work/health etc. but I am procrastinating deliberately on the creative side, back life drawing every week though – so that’s a start…….:-) I shall take a deep breath and have a peek……….
Well done again!
// , I think that’s a great start! It’s good to see you doing something you enjoy.
Congratulations!! You deserve another best seller! I agree with Irene. I think this can be a scary topic for sure – especially for someone who *thinks* their SO *might* be cheating.
This has likely been said before, but IMO, I think the Reconciliation Complex plays on the emotion that people are afraid to break off their marriage and be alone. It’s an extremely hard thing to face, but, more often than not, necessary.
Congratulations. The voice for Chumps just got louder. I look back and realize I would not be where I am now without YOU and the CN. Count me in for a copy and maybe I will send one to the Mr. 50% responsibilty MC I had. Haha.
I think we should all send a copy to whatever therapists we have seen. Maybe that will influence change in the way these therapists handle the topic.
I was going to send one to my former therapist. I went to this woman for a year while trying to find the ‘Unicorn’ I decided to have my cheater husband attend a session with me. I thought it would be a good idea to have her meet him and talk to him about a few concerns. Well by the end of the hour he had bamboozled her with his half-true stories and blame shifting excuses. He totally manipulated the situation and she fell for it. I left there shaking my head. Of course I never went back.
Shortly after that I found CL’s book and the first thing I thought of after I read it was that I have to send her a copy. Well I am definitely doing it with this book! And maybe keep an extra copy in case I ever come across another chump to spread the Chump Power.
Cheers to CL!!
I’m with you, amjive!
Well Done CL. It’s a fact – if you do good, good comes back to you. When I stumbled onto your site (after reading some nonsense about “standing for your marriage” in the middle of the night), I stopped sobbing and got a little more of a grip every day. I’m not sure how well I would be if it wasn’t for you, the CN, and your book.
Humor and a fighting spirit – the tools that keep me skipping …and sometimes crawling to MEH were reborn in me when I decided I wanted a new life.
Gratitude does not adequately describe the emotion that I feel for you and the CN. Congratulations!
Congrats Chump Lady. Will definitely be buying your new book.
Woohoo! Wonderful news, can’t wait to read it!
WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL!!! AND THE ADORING CROWD ERUPTS IN APPLAUSE!!!!
That is a great story about the pen, it certainly needs to accompany you to book signings.
In addition to the book, I am so anxious to see the new cartoons; I love them! I have submitted a few suggestions and in my mind’s eye I can see how you would illustrate one in particular. I have mentioned the XBF’s inane utterance a few times over the months and always get gleeful snarky remarks from CN regarding it. Maybe it passed the cartoon worthy test. (We couldn’t let the entitled narc know though or he would claim ‘intellectual property’ and demand royalties–lol)
What a great accomplishment, Tracy! I hope you have a book signing in San Antonio!
You would think the market would be wide open for you CL. But there are those who chose not to live in the light of the truth. Thanks for living out loud.
Cant wait for the book!
OH Yay!! Congratulations, CL! I will continue to support you by purchasing the new book, and please let me know if/when you might return to Lancaster County for a signing 🙂
Okay, only if you promise me pickled beets. 🙂
I agree in that this is obviously the Elephant sitting in many living rooms. If somebody hears your spouse may be cheating (or you tell them) – they avoid you, in case it’s contagious. So, what is SO surprising about your refusals on the book (other than the freshly married editor) is that they don’t think that 50% of us are going through this?
My God – bury your head, publishers.
To be truthful, I also thought ChumpLady was a silly stupid name.
I hated the name chump..and lady combined.
Of course, that didn’t matter in the end.
She got me out of my marriage quicker than you can say Lady Chump. (lucky me – found her in a week)
I bow to you – and wish you great success on this book.
And, I’d be proud to read Chump on one side of my sweatshirt, and Lady at the backside. (I get it now)
Doesn’t this world (our country anyway) need to pull their heads out of their asses and start TALKING about this issue, and the complete devastation of families – which, of course, ARE society’s problems? Why hasn’t there been a book out there that talks about the truth of Adultery, being the main cause of D. ooo…sweep it under the rug.
There are just too many of us for this not to become a movie..(or yes, documentary).
It’s way overdue to get the word out how much damage this does to families and our society in general.
Bowing – CL
Congratulations, Tracy, on this wonderful opportunity! So glad a publisher has recognized the value of your message and hope you reach even more chumps, far and wide.
I’m not only going to buy multiple copies of the new book (it’s amazing how many people I find to ‘lend’ them to!), I’m going to take the couple of copies of the self-published one that I have left and insert them into the self-help section at the library ….. Somebody who needs it will find it!
Congratulations CL! That’s great news.
So… congrats, CL!!! Great stuff!
As a fellow writer, I can tell you what one famous person in my topic niche once told me: “there is a special place in hell reserved for publishers!”
Here’s a potentially awesome karmic thought:
If you are in the Philly area you can look me up, and we can see if we can get you and your ex-cheater-pen set up for a book signing at the local independent book store where my STBXW used to work, and which her AP owns!
That would be so much ironic karmic chumpy mightiness in one location, we all might explode! 🙂
Congratulations Tracy!! I will most definitely be buying the updated version of the book Loved the first one. You and Chump Nation were there when I needed to hear the brutal truth and deal with the cheater. Y’all were right on time for me. You gave me words and actions to move forward so I didn’t stay stuck for very long. Everyday just gets easier and easier. God bless you!!
Now if I could just figure out this whole dating thing….
Love your writing Tracy and although I never read your first book, I’ve just ordered it. Looking forward to the next although I am hoping to by then, writing in as having reached meh and only relating the good stuff! Congratulations.
Bravo Chump Lady on your Book deal, for being such an inspiration, and for leading us out of the darkness into the light.
Woo-Hoo! Congratulations Tracy! I will definitely be buying a copy of the new book (maybe more than one)! I am so happy for you! I know I would not have been slapped into the reality of my “real” existence as quickly had I not found your blog. Before finding your blog, I felt like I was mired in quicksand even though I had already begun therapy. Coming here was like that slap in the face that Cher gave Nicholas Cage in “Moonstruck” and being told to “snap out of it!” – and snap I did.
Thank you so much for everything that you do and thank you for paying it forward to help Chumps like me navigate and get past one of the worst things that can happen to someone. Big hugs and kisses and a toast to you! Continued success!
Chump Princess, I can relate to that slap in the face. “Get busy living!” Lol
Congratulations!!…Looking forward to the new book!
Tracy, it’s almost amusing that people are so uncomfortable with such “negative” subject matter that they’d turn down an opportunity to publish your book. I guess it’s easier for them to be in denial and pretend that cheating doesn’t happen to good people. Nobody actually wants to look this pain in the face (except you), so thank you again for all you do here.
I think you’ve changed the language around infidelity and introduced much needed and well-aimed snark. You deserve the success.
As a phrase as a man, I’ve identified with “Chump Lady” just fine, thank you.
I have a feeling those agents who didn’t sign you will be smacking themselves.
Congratulations Tracy! I know that many more chumps will be helped by the wider publication of your book. It is no exaggeration to say that this site saved me. I found it through a link on an RIC site, where I was learning how to “make the marriage the better place to be.” I knew in my heart that was bs. God bless whoever posted that link. I’m 8 months out from d-day and still in hell, but I know that I’ve been spared years of dragging out the misery through false hope.
As for your perspective being intuitive–well of course it is. You never claimed to be a psychologist or to have conducted extensive empirical testing–this is REAL life, and we’re all learning from each other. Neither your book nor your blog have ever said what I wanted to hear (with the exception of the pain is finite and you will one day get to meh), but what I NEEDED to hear. What finally got me off the stay-or-leave seesaw was the striking number of chumps who refer to their 2nd D-Day. 2nd D-Day?!?!? I’m already in shreds. I’m not sticking around for that. Traditional infidelity advice books and the RIC don’t tell you about subsequent d-days. The proof is in everyone’s stories and similar experiences. I now know that I’m not alone, I’m not crazy, and it’s not my fault.
Again, so thankful to have found CN. I can only afford very limited counseling, and I get more out of this. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
That’s how I found my way here too Carmella1722! It was from a RIC site and one of the less liked contributors posted an article from CL. At the time I was in my third year of wreck-con-ciliation; dancing like a pro and trying to make the marriage a better place to be. I too feared the ever popular second dday that I read about on this site horrifically often.
Reading the Chump Lady and her words of wisdom was like a veil was lifted up and I could see clearly again.The more I read on her site the more I grew tired of playing the role of marriage police so I stopped. I also stopped feeling a connection with the exhole almost immediately. I had a niggling feeling that what we had wasn’t real and everything I read pointed to the fact that I didn’t have a unicorn; I had a run of the mill, non contrite cheater. I had learned to become a master spackler.
About 8 months after my first visit to this site, I asked him for a divorce and shocker of all shockers, he’s living with the OW now. Gives me a real warm and fuzzy feeling that their affair never really ended and I totally did the right thing. Never got the official second dday but I have no doubt if I stayed it was a sure thing.
I’m not at meh yet but I’m getting so close!
Glad you found your way here cheaterssuck. We are all the lucky ones. (If it’s possible to feel lucky).
How to tell a cheater from a healthy person.
Narcissist Cheater: “Talk about cosmic synchronicity.” means “The fact that the OM flirted exactly one week after a seagull flew over me as I walked in the rain without an umbrella is a sign that my affair is true love.”
Healthy Person: “Talk about cosmic synchronicity.” means “I self-published a book that went #1 while I met with an agent and I stuck with it and now have a book deal, and throughout the whole process, my spouse and I supported each other.”
See the difference.
I cannot wait to get my copy of your book and would LOVE to have you sign it with your pen! I have gained so much strength from visiting this blog daily and could not imagine going the distance without CL and Chump Nation!
Life changes……..it doesn’t end after the divorce. My story isn’t over……I’m just starting a new chapter!!!
Tracy, you helped me start that chapter! THANK YOU!!!!
I would definitely pay MORE for a signed copy! (Tracy, you could donate the extra money to a good cause!)
I am thrilled for you Tracy. I think your new book is going to be a huge success and I would not be surprised to see you on lots of tv shows once the new book takes off. I just know it will. The legions of chumps you will help will be astounding. You Go Girl!
Years ago I wrote a self help guide for people who have lost loved to murder. Let’s just say I have a most impressive rejection slip collection. Lately I’ve been thinking of giving it another go. Things are different than they once were as far as self publishing goes and you have given me hope that maybe the perception that no one wants to read about recovery from a loved one’s homicide has passed. Thanks Tracy.
Give it another go, Tessie! Self publishing has really evolved and IMO will kick traditional publishing’s butt in a few years. We’re just on the cusp of that change. I have nothing but good things to say about createspace.com and Kindle Direct Publishing (all owned by Amazon). It gets your book to an international audience immediately — there are MANY people in the world who could use that support. Yes, you have a sad niche, but an important one. Go for it!
I wholeheartedly agree Tessie – you should give it another go. You have a very distinct voice and strong writing style. You have inspired me and so many other Chumps have said the same. Your message is powerful and I am very sadly sure there are many people in the world who must feel utterly alone with their tragedy. I am certain there is a wider need for the world to hear you. xxx
Go for it, Tessie. Self publish your book. While it’s true that the topic is very niche, that niche desperately needs to hear the voice of one who has survived the ultimate nightmare. You are so strong and your words are so clear… I think your book could well be a lifesaver for many people.
Congratulations and all the best wishes!
Great News! Hang in there all you chumps out in the world who have yet to discover CL – help is on the way. And the cheaters? Start quaking in your boots, the jig is about to be up!
Is it too early to pre-order? 🙂
As soon as I get the green light to pre-order, you’ll know. It’ll be up on this site. Probably early this fall.
Yay! You go, CL! Can’t wait to read the book!
YAY! Can’t wait to get the new book. Just when I think I am at “meh” I find myself back here looking for help decoding the craziness of my XH. Who needs counseling when you have Tracy’s blog & books! Congrats!!!
Yes, I never did the counseling thing (perhaps because his OWife was a licensed marriage/family counselor) and Tracy’s blog did more to heal me than everything else. I am not perfect but I was ALL IN with my marriage. My ex, however, wasn’t. He was always looking for greener grass! Lol
Congratulations, Tracy! Fabulous news! Maybe the next one could be “How NOT to be a Chump”. With hindsight being 20/20, you could really help women and men who are dating and/or engaged to listen to that distant warning bell. No one was more stunned than I that my asshat cheated on me, but looking back, those red flags of narcissism were waving from the very beginning. If I had had your tell-it-like-it-is voice back then, I just may have saved myself 25 years of misery. Your voice helped me dispense with the denial, the excuses, the bullshit and helped me trust that he sucks. Thank you!
Oh yes, the perfect sequel to ‘how to leave a cheater’ would definitely be ‘how to avoid marrying a future cheater!’
Yes, THIS! <3
Yay!!!!!! So glad to here it CL! Will definitely be buying at least 2 copies of the next book, and then will probably buy more as we’ve bought our own copies, then given them away to friend chumps and bought ours again.
The irony of using your cheater’s pen to sign a contract for a book about kicking cheaters out the door is so awesome!! Congrats!!!
Congratulations, Tracy! I really look forward to the new book and admire your perseverance to get it published. Thick skin, indeed.
My most heartfelt wish for your rejectors is that they never need to to read your book, but statistically the odds are that at least one of them will. Sad but true. And, no, not intuitive when the whole world is gas lighting you and you haven’t slept more than about three hours total in the past week — not “intuitive” at all.
You say you couldn’t have done it without us, but the truth is that many of us would’ve ended up in jail or the loony bin had it not been for you. Thank you for your beacon of snarky light in all this MFing darkness!
(I also wonder how many of the rejectors were cheaters themselves and thought, Oh thank heavens this book wasn’t around when I chumped my wife/husband!)
I agree, NWBiblio. The right path couldn’t be farther from “intuitive” when your soul has been crushed into the dirt.
Do you know pass meant for a lot of these rejections? (Yep- time to whip out the UBT!)
“The folks I talked to” got uncomfortable. You zeroed in and told them that they didn’t deserve any cake. How dare you?! LOL
Congratulations, Tracy! Sign me up for multiple copies (and remember, J.K. Rowling was rejected by over a dozen publishers, and look where she is now).
Love the pen-that-launched-a-career story! “Pen? What pen?”
I’m waiting to be sued for the pen. 🙂 I Lied!!! Imagine that.
Hey, don’t joke! I WAS actually sued for 1.5 Million for “defamation” by a RIC Guru for posting the truth online about his intentionally impossible to meet return policy. He strongly advertises a 100% risk free return guarantee for his products! The case went to Federal Court. It was finally dismissed, but cost me thousands of dollars to defend. Talk about taking advantage of people in crisis… He tried to scare and bully me. Told my attorney he threatened to ruin me, take my business, my home and everything i owned if i didnt agree to take a consent judgement for defaming him. Their real plan was to use my judgement to compel Google to take down ALL of their online complaints! The lengths one will go to to take advantage of Chumps! Tracy, I hope your new book will address the RIC Industrial complex and how soul damaging betrayal and Narcissistic abuse is to good people. Many never recover. Your voice is making a difference. I hope to see you on talk shows, and maybe even a TV talk show of your own! That might change the public perception that cheating is no big deal, and the Chump’s fault. You would have viewers and unlimited material tonwork with. Congratulations, and i will buy a copy of your new book too!
I’ll totally be buying the new book! !! CL has been my survival guide for the last year. Everytime I get anxious about tackling a task that Cheater used to do around the house (like yesterday bringing out the 15′ ladder to change the batteries in the smoke detectors in cathedral ceilings), I think of the mightiness of CL & Chump Nation. You guys give me my internal push to be mighty in all things, and everyday without Cheater Boy reinforces how little he did and how he was never special or did anything I can’t do. YES, there’s no other book out there like it – THAT’S THE POINT! Go back to that great thread a couple of days ago about what books we all used after DDay. We all used scores and scores of books and NOTHING HELPED! CL will HELP! The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. “Let’s keep buying books that are virtually identical to each other and hoping one of them will work or make a difference. ” THEY WON’T! Because you need something new, something different, the only book on the market of its kind, to build up your self esteem, get you away from these disordered freaks, and possibly save not just your sanity, but your life!
Congratulations added. Roll on March 2016. I’ll be buying it even though I’m now a CL graduate- ( Decree Absolute with a No Contact Distinction). As for literary rejection, many a best-seller has previously been rejected. Often means the work is innovative, creative, ground breaking….
And yes do we still need to keep changing the affair narrative. Here in the UK we have the sad tale of the Bercow clan. Poor ‘unhappy for years’ Sally didn’t realise she could just get a divorce so had an affair with her husband’s cousin. While Speaker of the House of Commons, John Bercow, was being upstanding in Parliament, Sally was sharing an ‘appreciation of fine wine’ in a Balls Brothers wine bar with his ever so dashing (not) cousin Alan (insert snort here). An appreciation which obviously had to be continued under some bed sheets.
But now the Grand Passion has turned sour and Alan has trotted off home to his wife Erica who has declared she has ‘won’. ‘Lots of people have affairs’, Erica says ‘Their marriage continues on, people actually work had at fixing whatever fractures were in in their marriage and they move on…
Thanks to you Tracy, we know that it’s only Erica who will be working hard on this marriage and that she hasn’t ‘won’ anything at all. Hopefully she’ll realise that it’s she and not the marriage that has to ‘continue on’ and leave her cheater and gain a life.
Oh yes, I had a snark fest over that on Twitter. Poor cheating sausage couldn’t stand to live in London home paid for by tax-payers. It had 18th century art! The horror!
If only there were Damien Hirsts instead. Modern art could’t saved that marriage.
To add insult to injury, there was some asshat on a UK talk radio station “explaining” affairs with the old BS excuse about monogamy not being natural for humans, especially men. Why especially for men? Either it is or isn’t. I had to turn it off.
Congratulations! You are the mightiest of the mighty chumps and a model to us all!
Too bad your humor is untranslatable because I can also see it hitting number 1 in the Spanish books world!
Your pen anecdote reminded me of a super expensive and fancy bottle of whiskey I brought back from Scotland for my cheater´s Christmas present…Dday was two weeks after Christmas so when we got together for our first conversation to begin negotiating the divorce, I told him that he had to bring the bottle of whiskey to the meeting or there would be no deal. I drank almost all of it while we talked. The amazing thing is that I usually can only drink half a glass of anything , or I will get drunk. The whiskey didn´t have any drunk effect but it calmed me down and allowed me to be serene despite my terrible pain. I was able to “act stupid” and be strong at the same time to begin the process of defending my girls and property to my advantage at the moment that I was grieving the most. Incredible how these gifts came to good use in the end!
“I feel like it would be a tough sell beyond her devoted fanbase as I found most of the advice intuitive.”
If the advice was intuitive, there wouldn’t be so many people staying with unrepentant cheaters.
You said it! You’re supposed to suck it up and “do your duty” or “stay for the children.” Tracy’s advice might be intuitive for people who listen to their guts and leave their cheaters, but I think most people squash that intuition right down for a host of not-good-enough-in-my-book reasons.
Tracy, Congratulations on a very well deserved publishing deal and a new book! This book and your thoughts are becoming more relevant today as I believe many people cheat and sweeping infidelity under the rug is not going to make it go away. I never bought into the whole it takes two to uncouple…. Most of those rejection letters sound as if they could have been written by the very young, and I am not knocking youth, it’s just that not one could relate to cheating because like most of us in our early twenties you just don’t recognize disordered yet. It could not possibly happen to you, right!?!? Didn’t have a lot of boyfriends then who cheated on me either. What I did have was a twenty eight year relationship with a man who chose to end our marriage by fucking his racquetball partner. And in the years leading up to my Dday he was busy planning his new life, treating me like shit-but hey! still fucking me and pretending to be Mr. Family Man in public-and methodically destroying everything we had worked towards. My finances are a joke (and you can bet I will never make that mistake again). I was clueless. I remember watching Oprah and one show in particular. I was so sure cheating, and the financial fallout, and a divorce would never happen to me. I trusted my husband. But in the end he not only walked out but went scorched earth as well. There is a pattern! Cheaters are disordered, I get that now. There was not one thing I could have done to fix that marriage. There were red flags. Selfish, entitled behavior, and in the end totally disengaged. He shows up at his kids graduations and doesn’t even acknowledge the hurt he has caused them and is under the delusion that we have to be friendly. Uh NO. Tracy, your blog let me know that what I was feeling was real. We had not “grown apart” or “stayed together for the kids” or “had nothing in common”, what we had was a guy sneaking around, lying to his wife, and in no way was he committed to our marriage. Walking away was the best thing I ever did! In this day and age we should call out Cheaters for the crap people they are. I do love the story about the pen. It is almost as good as having the judge sign my divorce papers on the very date I got married. I would have never gotten stronger if I had not found your voice, your righteous blog, and later your first little book. I will be purchasing and sharing more than a few of the next and am so damn excited for you! Definitely come to San Diego. Congratulations, Tracy.
Not all young people have trouble recognising disordered. I recognised it almost from childhood – and knew mostly to stay the fuck away from people like that.
What Dr. Ruth was for straight talk about sex, and Dan Savage was for straight talk about sexual preference, Chump Lady will be for straight talk about sexual infidelity. Both of those predecessors were seen as freak shows at first (remember Dr. Ruth on the early Letterman shows in the 80s?) but very quickly become beloved by more folks that you could count and changed forever and for the better how we talk and think about these sensitive subjects. I predict a similar path for you, CL.
Adventures ahead! Here’s wishing you strength for the journey!
Congratulations!!! Your blogs have been a life saver; I’m certain the information I’ve found here has kept me from going completely insane. The lies, the gas lighting… it was all so dizzying. There’s nothing like Chump Lady out there, and I feel very fortunate to have found you.
I’m looking forward to all the new literature that’s sure to follow. You’re leading the pack Tracy… ahead of the wave. I’m certain the popularity of your book will change our common vernacular. Webster’s will be updating the term “chump” to include your definition, and best of all, maybe my spellcheck will stop changing “chumped” to “champed.”
Yes! You’re book is the best self help book I have ever read! I’m so glad it’s getting even better!
Interesting that some editors just didn’t want to deal with the subject matter of the book, although they liked your writing. I agree that it’s a subject you might not want to know much about unless it’s happened to you. But for those of us going through infidelity, the book will be a God-send. As long as there are people who are cheated on there will be an audience for the book. I’ll buy one to read and then donate to our local library!
Hooray! I honestly think the rejection letters are very positive – but I think what scared the publishers off was the blunt truth of it all. Judgment is required when facing infidelity and calling it what it is – and publishers don’t want to “be judgmental.” Congratulations, Tracy – you have earned it the hard way and you have the support of all who you have stood by and helped over the last several years!
Love this story. Congratulations!
I’m so glad you did it your way and didn’t wait for permission.
Self publishing has been nothing less than a revolution. I wrote the first book to PROVE there was a market for this message. And you guys delivered in spades. Only THEN could I approach the gate keepers of traditional publishing. If I blogged about cupcakes, I think the platform would’ve sold the book. But it was a harder sell because of the cheating topic. So, I self-published.
People get snooty about self-publishing, but the proof is in the marketplace. If people buy it? There’s your validation.
I don’t understand why the topic of the truth about infidelity is so off limits anyway. Everything else seems to be fair game. Would it be better if it were titled “101 Reasons Why It’s All Your Fault” and included diet tips and coupons in the back for discounts on botox and new boobs? The whole point is that you’re changing the conversation; bringing a new and honest perspective. A voice for those of us who aren’t willing to simply close our eyes and think of England.
I identify with Tracy… and Chump Lady.. in fact.. she and CN have saved my life. I’ll be buying her book. Many of those rejections are just funny… a bit close to home? Uh huh.
K.I.C.K.A.S.S. – that’s the way you spell SUCCESS (Matthew Good).
Kudos to you Tracy and thank you for ChumpLady!! Can’t wait for the book.
Rock on Mamasita.
CL, can’t wait for your new book. In the meantime, I will buy more copies of your old book before it goes out of print.
This is such amazing news. Congrats Tracy. You deserve every ounce of success you have gained for yourself. I love the “pass” responses you got, because they really do reflect how people/society react to the topic of infidelity. I am thankful every single day that I found your blog. That I left my cheater and gained a kick-ass life. And I am so pleased that you continue to provide the necessary voice for people when they are ready to hear it. Your words are so important. Thanks for sticking up for, and stick with, us chumps.
“tough to sell beyond her devoted fan base” . . . as if we are some little niche market. With the statistics what they are, your “fan base” is potentially HUGE. Rock on, CL! You are mighty!
Yeah, as if no one will ever be chumped after us.
Congratulations! Your blog gave me direction when I was lost in the fog. Thanks for guiding me back to sanity. I can’t wait to read your book. Wishing you much success.
Congratulations! It couldn’t have happened to a more deserving person.
Congratulations!! This site has been a lifesaver for me. I thought I was all alone and no one understood. Lost every friend but one they all took his side. Only one friend understood me. I was so weary of get over it! Big deal! Who cares! What did you do to push him away! Get another guy! And then I found this site. Not to meh but hopefully by the end of this year. House selling issues. This site literally saved my life. Realizing I had to start over at 60 with a 27 year marriage ripped to shreds. No job still looking. Depending on him for support. His business is here. I had only one person who would listen and help when needed and slap me upside the head when I needed it. Now that’s love. I’ve changed for the better and I’m feeling better every day and its nice for me to know that HIMSELF is miserable. Thank you Tracy and chump nation for being there. I will get several copies of your book so I can help others. I tried a divorce and separation group. They suck. Need to start chump nations groups worldwide!
Kar Marie–you’re awesome, and your old friends suck.
Thanks tempest! And yes they do with the help of all of you I’ve cut all drama and negativity from my life. Thanks to all of you!
Add me to the list saying you saved my life when I was in the darkest moments. Congratulations and thank you a million times over!! I will be buying the book of course, and giving it outstanding reviews. Thank you for all that you do!
Awesome, well deserved Tracy. You have literally saved my life as well. Can’t wait to get the new book. Thank you.
I actually got a little emotional reading about your success. Well deserved. You may be snarky and have a personable voice (thank goodness) but you cut to the fundamental issue of the value of empathy, that lying is bad (who knew?) and we all must value ourselves and not stand up to being manipulated.
These fundamental truths are not attractive to the lazy & clueless book publisher. Truth, to them, is not sexy.
Tracy, I congratulate you on your success, and I love you because of your Snark. Rock on!
As for the rejection letters you received, I have worked in the field of Education most of my adult life, and it breaks my heart almost every day when I see the system being watered down, and standards crumbling. We cannot even be honest with potential students with regard to the problems they may encounter and the likelihood of their success — because we may “hurt their feelings,” or “kill their dream.” Personally, I prefer being honest and direct. I want to know as much as possible about a new territory before I start to explore it.
I see you as an Explorer, and a Survivor. You are willing to try something new, if the old way is not working for you. You have common sense ( a rare commodity) and you tell people what they need to hear instead of what they want to hear. That is why your fan base is so loyal to you. Although I am sure you would prefer having income, you are not writing for the money. You write from your heart, and it shows. You provide a type of gallows humor that is needed by those who feel that life as they knew it may be over.
Every day I hear some of the same rejection comments you received about why we cannot “fix” the problems in education. It is not that we don’t have any idea of what to do, it is more likely that we are being told what to do by “an international cabal of rabid squirrels”. They try to shove a very limited amount of money at the problems and they want something that SEEMS new to talk about when they are asked about their views on educating the masses. They keep recycling the idea that higher education should be available to everyone, and never seem to consider whether everyone actually needs higher education. They won’t try anything that is actually new or insightful — because it MIGHT fail. Isn’t there a definition of insanity that claims doing the same thing over and over again, in spite of failing, is insane? Just because the reconciliation industry is making money and just because reconciliation is based on a premise that might be true in some cases, is no reason not to consider another point of view. You are the fresh air in the stale arena of folks who have experienced marital problems.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, change is necessary. Sometimes, there needs to be a revolution. Sometimes, we need a fresh point of view. I hope this is your time, and that your new book can open up new opportunities to people who find themselves in a situation that cannot be salvaged. There comes a point where you have to give up the dream you had of what your life would be, and start dreaming of what your new life could be with your changed circumstances. We may well feed on our dreams, but sometimes we need to try a different cuisine. I never thought I would describe myself as a Chump, but I have come to regard the title with great affection. Thanks to you, Tracy. Thanks to you!
beautifully said Portia 🙂
As a fellow educator, I highly agree. Well said!
Congratulations Tracy. I don’t write much but visit your website everyday. It is an anchor in the storm. A sane voice in the wilderness. Thank you for taking on this mantle. A revolution in understanding infidelity and its fall out for partners and children is imperative in todays ‘tolerant’ society. We’ve all got your back!
Congratulations on beating the odds, tenacity, and perseverance.
Hell of a pen you got there, CL.
The best way to sign a contract on a book about infidelity is with a cheater’s pen…that always belonged to you.
Obviously super happy for you, CL! Now let’s help sell this book, Chump Nation! We need to save other chumps from making some very dumb mistakes. Woohoo!
Yay!!!! I agree with Chumpion above, my eyes watered a little reading about the fancy pen used to sign your contract.
Congrats Tracy, and thank you, thank you, thank you for continuing to do this work!
Intuitive??? No kidding it’s “intuitive”!! Of course everyone says so confidently “if my husband/wife ever cheats I’ll blah, blah, blah….”. Once you are smack dab, gob-struck in the middle of the betrayal, trauma, mess, intuitiveness goes out the window and you don’t know if you should shit or go blind!! Intuitive my ass. There’s nothing intuitive about this.
Good for you on finding a publisher. You are helping a world of people.
So agree. Chumps are the strongest not-giver-uppers in the world…we intuit that we need to “try harder” to “save” our marriages…that is what we have been told our whole lives so we double down on all the stuff people tell us to do to “affair proof” our marriages. Lets round up all the people who make money selling
“affair proof” ideas and smack their heads together
I’m feeling the punishment of breeding with a fucktard after a full 8 hour day of mediation with STBX yesterday. 6 hours discussing minimal property then he wanted to push for 50-50 custody (I have full presently, with him getting visitation) to sign agreement. And then poor sausage cried about not discussing his request for support. Please tell me it gets better?
My situation was very different than yours, but I can promise you it gets better. Yesterday was a big hurdle that it sounds like you have cleared.
It gets better Qwerty, you are in the worst of it right now. Jedi hugs!
Thanks! That’s why I love CN! I’m glad I found CL early and didn’t but too much on Amazon!
Tracy, wonderful to see this-many congratulations! Of all the possible outcomes, this has to be one of the best. And, thank you.
What wonderful news! I can only imagine all of the hard work behind the scenes (those many rejection letters tell part of the tale) that got you to contract-signing day. WONDERFUL! Job well done, Chumplady.
Also, I really love that you kept that fountain pen. Talk about a full-circle moment. 🙂
Congratulations, Tracy! Thanks for being there for me when I needed you (I still do, I’m afraid). You’re doing well by doing good — what could be better?
I have only published one children’s book with, but oh! do I remember that wait for the contract! They told me it would be in the Spring 20XX catalog, then a year went by with me wondering if I could tell people before the contract finally arrived (and the advance.) 🙂
I am so happy for you, and all the people who will be better for this publisher’s wise decision!
Congratulations! I’ve only recently found you but boy, did it come when I needed it most. Very much looking forward to the new book, well done!
that is wonderful! i am so excited and will definitely buy a copy. I might buy a few just to give out to people who may be in need of your sage advice!
I’m delighted to add my congratulations Tracy. I’ll look forward to placing my order :-).
With regards to the ‘passes’ – I was confused by the one who couldn’t see the first book in print – is my copy a mirage? I’m sure it’s paper and I’m very sure it’s sitting proudly on my library-shelf even as I speak! As for it being ‘intuitive’. All the self-help books I’ve ever read have been ‘intuitive’. The only ‘non-intuitive’ advice I’ve ever been given in a therapeutic setting is the old ‘rubber-band’ on the wrist. Your snark and your direct calling it for what it is; abuse, is the therapy – is the ‘diamond in the rough’ of infidelity hell – and that right there is unique to you and the big selling point. Do these people know nothing!?!
Like someone else has said already – CN wouldn’t be here, wouldn’t be glad to be called your ‘fanbase’ and wouldn’t have bought the first book in droves if we didn’t love what you say and how you say it.
Still, their loss. Decca passed on The Beatles you know! 😀 xxx
Congratulations!!!! Well done, now you can spread your life saving words even further. Thank you for helping me (and so many) see the light and stay strong every day with your blog. Huge smiles today for you!
The publishers who turned you down are fools. Did you know that the first Harry Potter book was rejected by 12 publishers before JK Rowling found one to publish it? Imagine how stupid those first publishers feel now.
I can’t wait to read the new book and see the new cartoons! You rock, CL!
I agree with Gladit’sOver. The publishers who turned you down will be kicking themselves when your new book hits the best seller’s list.
Good work… congratulations. You do indeed, save lives and we are so grateful.
Tracey. I am also one of the legions of fans. You are AMAZING. And I don’t know where I’d be without your kick ass attitude no self pitying support. I hore anyone standing still about you. Please come to England to sign your book. I for one will be buying copies. My version is battered with the re reads. Keep up the leading challenge to those character disordered nasties.
Hurray! Your words are intuitive, but so incredibly unspoken.
There is a saying: It is easier to believe a lie that you have heard a thousand times, then a truth you have never heard.
A person recently told me that my divorce was “at least 0.5%” my fault. Oh, I didn’t even buy that! Eat dirt RIC.
I found a sweet letter online from Ghandi to Adolf Hitler… So sweet… So hopeful… So trusting… Imploring him to solve his problems peacefully & without war. Kinda reminds me of my most chumpy days. Fellow chumps beware: my ‘holy’ cheater ravaged my life. I should have been crafting a sword and armor.
ChumpLady fights for what is right. We need her.
If all women were like Tracy, hell would stand no chance.
Congrats CL–you have helped so many of us and now will continue to save even more from all the narcissistic cheaters out there! Your words have helped me to recover and I look forward to reading the new book!
congratulations!! i am glad you have gone against the “norm” and tell it how it is. when you are lost in the hopium and the mind fuck you need a little of Chumplady slap down in order to clear your head and start getting on the path to healing. i am sure i would have been lost in limboland if i hadnt found this site and sent Tracy my first letter on facebook. the world needs more people like you
I remember what reeled me in to CL… She had an article that was about signs that marriage counseling will not work for you. I read it & every single one struck true. Who else can tell you when your MC is doomed without ever meeting you, your therapist, or your partner?
It would’ve saved me money and time. Heck, my marriage shouldn’t have lasted past the six month mark… All the signs were probably there from the beginning.
Advice is intuitive?
You think you know what you would do in this situation because you think you’ve married someone wonderful who would never do something like this. When it actually happens, you find yourself considering options you never thought you would. That’s why you need Chump Lady to slap some sense into you and give you strength and confidence in yourself and your future. Can’t wait to see the new book!
CRHCHK: “you find yourself considering options you never thought you would…”
Yes, shortly after D-day is when the first thoughts of grisly murder followed by use of a wood chipper (think ‘Fargo’) popped into my head. Thankfully, I found CL shortly after that and opted for the less violent option of divorce….
Yes,tempest my intuition cried out wood chipper too!
We so need ChumpLady the movie now ! Someone’s probably said it but we do.
Congratulations Tracy! Your book will be a huge success!!
Jeez, CL. I’m sitting here with eyes welling I’m so happy for you!! And I’m happy for all of the chumps out there who so desperately need your advice and humor in a dark time. I know you an CN have helped me immeasurably.
Congratulations! I can’t wait to read it. I hope I can have you sign my copy in person some day!
Congratulations! This site came into my life last year after going through a 33 year marriage thinking I would
never be a divorce victim. It has been so hard. It is so interesting these cheaters say the same thing. It was like I was reading my divorce situation. This site helped me know I wasn’t the only one going through this. Today will be 1 year from when my ex left me. Thank you for the encouragement with reading the support and help from others. I look forward to your new book.
Congratulations – you deserve this! Count me in for buying a few copies!
One year ago, I was horrified at being betrayed in such a heinous way and terrified to make my next move. I will never forget that Memorial Day weekend when I wrote you that letter in a state of utter paralysis. Your response and the responses of CN changed the course of my life for the better and I am forever indebted to you!!
The “updated approach” goes against everything that kept me stuck for too many wasted years. We can all see ourselves in your writing and know we are not crazy. Some day thanks to Tracy, the narrative wil change and become the norm. Over the past year i replaced cheaterspeak with the truth, stopped eating shit sandwiches, threw out the spackle, went no contact, and instead of Reconcilliation filed for divorce. This IS the approach with the best outcome. It is counter intuitive to remain in an abusive disrespectful relationship because cheating on a spouse IS abuse. Yet previous to Chump Lady we didn’t have a well thought out plan of action and understanding which even remotely relied on our strength and recovery. Chump Lady, I like the sound of the name and can relate. There is something attractive about becoming Mighty.
Along with everyone else on here Tracy, congratulations to you. You deserve every compliment you receive and then some. Your blog should be compulsory reading for everyone who is about to get married not after the sh*t has already hit the fan. You literally saved my life along with the CN community, which has been warm and welcoming when the world turned its back on me. Thank you. 🙂
Congratulations! I bought your first book, initially just to support you and CN, had already divorced and de-chumped quite nicely. But – unfortunately – I had to share it with several people that joined our ranks. There is a huge international market. Although I wouldn’t even know how to translate a basic concept like ‘chump’ in Dutch… no such word comes to mind. But the concept? Crystal clear, same everywhere.
It’s a subject no one is really comfortable with, but all chumps will think your writing about their cheater, all cheaters and affair partners would probably think: nope, not me, I’m a special snowflake! Once you’ve been cheated on, the intuitive approach will make sense. For me it clicked. After all these weird, counter intuitive things our MC made me do during false reconciliation, suddenly someone struck a chord. Leaving a cheater really does save lives, it made mine livable again.
So happy for you!
Terrific news! Congrats!
This is exciting! I have the first one and will be buying the next as well. Maybe a Q &A talk radio show next?
Congratulations Tracy! I just wish you had been around in 2010 and I would be living the single life now instead of reconciled with a fucktard. I bought your current e-book and I loved it. If he presents me with a 2nd d-day, I will know exactly what to do! I hope the new book is an international and stateside bestseller! I love your snark and it helps me keep from falling for more bullshit. I also keep him from gaslighting me and he knows that the truth is what will happen or I will leave. So thank you for that and all the support you give all of us at chump nation. YOU ROCK!!! As do all the ones who went down the path to freedom!
Congrats! I will be buying a copy, then donating to my local library for new chumps. A must-read! 🙂
Congratulations, ChumpLady! You are brilliant and give us all a powerful and eloquent voice against the the mainstream message that tells us we are “nuts” (yes, a “friend” actually called me that for “holding a grudge about the years of cheating and double-life.”) I was confused by the publisher who cited the approach being intuitive as a reason for passing on your book. THAT is the main reason that you and the rest of CN make so much sense to me. We have our gut instincts about things. We know deep down (“intuitively”) that wrong is wrong. But, the rest of the world tells us, “NO, you’re just mean, bitter, vindictive, can’t let things go, etc….” It’s such a prevalent message that some of us start to believe it (sorta). When I stumbled upon this site and read the rest of CN’s stories, I became even more certain that I was not nuts…that my instincts were right…that my righteous indignation/anger was appropriate…that I was raised with good morals and that I was correct to stick to them, even when doing so alienated me from so many in my circle.
Thank you! Again, congratulations.
Congrats CL, no small feat to get a paper book deal these days, you rock! It is my fondest wish that every time another Amazon Chump is born the first book that is returned in the search will be yours!
As far as your work being intuitive? Well no shit, the problem is that when people are traumatized they are fully capable of ignoring their intuition. Did these publishers never hear of the book Gift of Fear? And thank you for taking a stand against the RIC on both your blog and in your books providing a safe place to deal with betrayal is also awesome.
Congrats Tracy! I immediately envisioned that with every swipe of that pen, it’s a big ol FUCK YOU to your cheater-ex.
“…with every swipe of that pen, it’s a big ol FUCK YOU to your cheater-ex.” Well said.
It was CL and CN that fostered my fondness for the F-word. It use to sound so vulgar and unladylike for me to say it. But, I say often now when I really need that perfect word and nothing else will do. I tell my cheater x that I have to co-parent with to FUCK OFF every time he tries to do his mindfuck. Very gratifying.
Congratulations Tracy your site is a safe haven for us all. Thank you.
BTW … What is it with cheaters and super expensive fountain pens?? Mine would drag me into any exclusive pen shop around the world and admire exhorbitantly expensive fountain pens (hoping I would buckle and buy him one). I think he wanted me to bend as some way of getting his kicks out of me rewarding him like a good chump that he thought I was. He had a collection of them before I met him … The pompous disordered fool !
You didn’t just sign your name on that contract, Tracy, you also signed on behalf of thousands of chumps who left a cheater, to gain a life…
From the bottom of my heart, thank you for giving us a voice.
i second that from the bottom of my heart too, Tracy (& CJ 🙂
Wow, I am new to chump lady. I am so glad I found you. For the last few weeks, I have been reading the archives section. Yesterday, yes yesterday, I made the meh sound. What???? Yes, slight tilt of the head, eyebrows raised and out of my mouth came, ” Meh” ! I had been reading it in the archives saying in my brain. maw, me, WTH. It came out of my mouth when my daughter shared with me that her dad would not listen to her when she said she didn’t want to meet the mistress, cum bucket, ho, or whatever nicknames I like to think about her. Here is the fun part, I told her that her dad would not make her meet her if she didn’t want to, just tell him I said. Damn, when I am going to learn… Damn kibbles of course he made her meet her….. It was too soon for her and he didn’t listen to her. Narcissistic…rat’s ass. Damn should have known that…. Here is the best part her exact words were, “she is heidious, mom, hideous! “. I am so glad Grammy and Uncle Ian were there. So, just a little but of karma my way. Also, he acted just like a narcissist would….should have known…. Meh…. Can I be first on the list for the book? Sign it with that fancy pen. Thank you, thank you…
By the way can you give a list of all the characteristic to beware …in your book. I.Will. Not. Be. A. Chump. Again.
You have pitch perfect penmanship, Tracy!
Got to add my congrats!!! So cool, us at CN know what you are made of AND now look out world!! Chumplady will be a celebrity calling cheating what it is and letting those not in the know to trust that they suck!
Yay!!!! You rock! I’m buying lots of copies but hoping they all gather dust on my shelf as the world of rainbows dawns and no one ever cheats again. (But just in case, I will have some to give away.) And I want a special pen-flourish signature on mine! BTW my pompous entitled ex-hole has a thing about fancy fountain pens, too. I’m sure my marriage would still be intact if only I’d lavished more of them on him.
YA TRACY!!!! I know I couldn’t have made it without you and Chump Nation helping me find my way and encouraging me to step out of it and into my life!!!!
Please let us know when we can buy a copy!
Fantastic news. I work in book publishing and know what a tough nut it is to crack. Thanks for cracking a whole bunch of nuts. (And yes, the double entendre is deliberate–no offence, gentlemen.) Count me in to buy another copy.
Congrats! Cannot wait!
“I feel like it would be a tough sell beyond her devoted fanbase as I found most of the advice intuitive” Leaving an abuser seems intuitive. Reporting a rape seems intuitive. Running away from your kidnapper when you have the chance seems intuitive. Not cheating on your spouse seems intuitive. Probably 90% of the self-help books out there seem intuitive. And yet there remain real-world consequences, emotional trauma, and downright assholery out there that throw up real and perceived barriers every step of the way.
Tracy, congratulations on finding a publisher and getting the next version of your book out to the public.
Like freevixen, I am amazed at the notion that a publisher found “most of the advice intuitive.” Is that person living under a rock? Does he or she know no one who was left with kids to support and a lazy fucktard X who fought for years in court to avoid divorce or child support? Or who spent 30 years with a spouse who turned out to have a double life–married and serial cheating, married and long-term AP? Methinks I sense some denial in that response.
I pitched your site to a total stranger in the airport last weekend.
Another grad degree candidate leaves spouse for undergraduate.
Sadly, cheating never stops. So, I know I’m good for at least two of the new books. One for me, one for reserve. By the time it’s released? Who knows.
Awesome, Tracy!!! Congratulations! May it be another list topper! (as if there’s any doubt, lol..)
Looking forward to reading it. Thank you for all of your great work.