An alert chump sent me this HuffPo video of actress Maria Bello discussing infidelity. Mercifully, it’s only 1.20 minutes of self-justifying word salad. The interviewer begins by asking Bello if she feels judged for openly discussing her infidelities, and she replies:
“More than 50 percent of married couples say they’ve had affairs.”
Where’d that statistic come from? The “scientists” over at AshleyMadison? Oh yeah, cheaters are the silent majority and the rest of us are just aberrant monogamists and hypocrites.
Many of Bello’s “heroes” have had affairs, she says, and puts herself in the company of Martin Luther King, Jr. and John F. Kennedy. You see, she stands with Great and Powerful Men. Iconoclasts boldly
fighting for civil rights fucking around on their wives. Clearly Bello is in the Cool Kid Club. I would point out that these two men were also assassinated, but… whatever.
Sitting Indian-style atop a sofa, Bello furrows her Botox-ed brow and contemplates the meaning of “good/bad” labels when people cheat.
“What is this about? So I looked up the definition of desire and it said ‘to want something you don’t have.'”
(Actually that is the definition for “covet”…)
“When someone is in a longer committed relationship, perhaps they have the person but no longer desire them.”
Oh yeah, that’s the Esther Perel mindfuck of — you can’t desire what you already have. Because desiring only works on things you DON’T have. Being content with what you have? That’s for losers.
Also, this notion completely side steps the Unified Theory of Cake. Of course cheaters want what they have! AND they want whatever else is out there. But if you’re an OW like Bello, you have to tell yourself, hey he doesn’t desire his wife anymore.
Who is Bello and why should we care whatever drivel she spouts on HuffPo? A self-described feminist, humanitarian, and sexual “Whatever” — Bello has recently written a book “Whatever…Love Is Love: Questioning the Labels We Give Ourselves.”
In an interview with the Daily Beast, Bello explains why we should cast off our “outdated” partnership models.
Things are more fluid. As soon as we start to think of anything as static we’re basically just lying to ourselves. Life is fluid. Partnerships are fluid. Things will change and we will die. We don’t know when that’s going to be, for the most part. If we can remember that and continue to question, to live in the question, which is sometimes so difficult. For me, the more I live in the question, the more I am mindful, the more I am joyful, the more I am compassionate, and the more I am grateful.
If one thing pisses me off most about the Esther Perels and Maria Bellos of the world is this crap that they are somehow aligning themselves with the oppressed and misunderstood. That they are more authentic and the rest of us are “lying to ourselves” about relationships. Infidelity is just a quest to “feel alive” (Perel). It’s all just a Big Question and we should be open and fluid. Listen, Bello, if you were compassionate, you wouldn’t fuck another woman’s husband.
If you want to be a Whatever — fine. Partner with whom or whatever. But respect the boundaries of other people’s relationships. It’s wonderful that you care about earthquake victims in Haiti. All those affairs you had on movie sets — there was a chump. Is she a victim deserving of your compassion? Or someone you can disregard because she’s not “desired”?
Oh and FUCK all this ambiguity. We are in the middle of the greatest civil rights moment of our generation — gay rights. The U.S. Supreme Court is expected to rule on gay marriage next month.
If partnerships are all just one big fluid Whatever — why give people civil rights to marry? If partnership is always changing, why care? Why don’t you ask Edie Windsor if her 40-year committed relationship to Thea Spyer was “outdated”? Oh, they’re lesbians so I guess monogamy is cool if they do it.
When you have the freedom to marry, I guess you can be all “whatever” about your relationship status and choosing who you love. But if you really gave a shit about civil rights, you’d realize that people aspire to cherish one another, commit to one another, and be recognized as legally and spiritually bonded couples. It’s not “whatever.”
Never cease to amaze me to read another example of how BAT SHIT CRAZY these self-obessed personality disordered shits are. The real funny thing is that they believe their own bull and then you get someone that prints it. So who is the worse one her or the people that print this sad stuff. Thank you for saying the truth Chump Lady.
Life is always open and fluid and whatever until it happens to you…
Standing ovation! Right on, CL.
Tell her, CL!!!
Yeah and “Thou shalt not covet” is another of the Ten Commandments anyone with even a most basic of moral education would know we are told NOT to do. But why think she cares, she is already breaking the adultery one.
What makes me sick and angry about cheaters is how they try to claim the high ground in doing these things. It is NOT being honest and open to cheat. That is a lie. It is the opposite of that. Adultery is all about living a lie.
Sad thing DM is that they will never see it that way. The ex told everyone and including me different stories on why we broke up and none of them were the same story and none of them where the truth. I knew the truth but for some reason it is ALWAYS about them and they are not the bad people sadly in their eyes we are the bad people.
Well said DM.
Exactly, DM – it most certainly is NOT honest and open to lie over and over again to your spouse, knowing they trust you and believe your lies. I refuse to accept this drivel that someone who can do that with no remorse, is somehow more “alive,” or “mindful” (trendy new thing to be) than the honest chumps who trusted them and loved them.
I read somewhere that the oath pledged at a wedding is the only real oath one has to take & uphold. Shame on them all – our cheaters.
Please tell me that somewhere it is written that the “cheaters will be cheated on”! I can move on, I can live a good life, I can raise my kids and someday enjoy my grandkids, I can be with a new loving person, but deep inside I need to believe that someday he will understand my pain. The only way that will ever happen is if his heart gets shattered. Maybe then he will get it.
Stayin Strong…. The “good” news I would say is that yes…. cheaters will get cheated on…… the “bad” news is that I don’t believe their hearts will EVER be shattered…. they do no possess the ability to love deeply enough to be shattered. IMHO. I think most of Chump Nation will agree.
Only thing that EVER hurts these assholes is when it is “personal” and happens directly to them. They get cheated on…. the just go latch on to another skank.
*do not (not do no) 😀 😀
I agree that a serial cheater at the far end of the narcissistic scale does not experience heartbreak of the kind that chumps do.
Stayingstrong, what they get is the shitty life they deserve. You can love and be happy. They feel inadequate every day. They are empty and can’t empathize. I love that X will never have the opportunity to control me ever again. THAT is their pain. Leaving them to their own destruction is the best solution. They are bottomless pits of toxic waste. Let them dwell in their own disturbed shit. We live better.
Well, she’s clearly more in-the-know and forward thinking than the rest of us. How old fashioned I feel desiring a loving partner & companionship that lasts a lifetime. How closed minded of me, expecting my husband to remain faithful.
Silly little hillbilly….that’s not how things work in the real world, you know, in the big cities like NYC & LA. Maria Bello is PROGRESSIVE! She thinks outside the box. She’s one of those New Aged Trolls that have it all figured out and move fluidly through life without any lasting connections. Wow…she’s so inspiring.
Alright, I’m done…whatever, Maria Bello. Excuse your lack of morals however you need and love you “free to fuck” life as you choose. Just stay the hell away from me and from any future husband I may have and we will be good.
*live your “free to fuck” life….
Get with the times, Jamie!
Don’t you know we humans beings, with our millenia of trying to pursue the noble truths in life, are really just animals with no impulse control?!
I don’t know about you, but whenever I want more money, I just push over the nearest old lady and take her purse.
Whenever I want sex, I just identify whatever it is a girl wants, and then repeat it back to her, even it is “love” until I get the sex and clean home I want, and then, because we are just animals not laboring under oppressive “labels,” I just find whatever I need from another girl who I identify as someone with specific needs I can repeat back to.
But, like you should be Jamie, I get really incensed whenever someone takes something of mine! Or heaven help the person who tries to lie to me.
I mean, I am not down with that, because we should all stick to our inner truth
and…I can’t do this anymore.
My roommate is a narcissist and listening to him try and pretzel his way out of things is quite fascinating because through his convoluted reasoning he actually comes to believe the bullshit coming out of his mouth.
By the way, he reads a lot of philosophy books…which he uses to justify his narcissist ways.
Was I the only one who misread outside the box as outside to Botox? Never mind…..
That last paragraph, Tracy…good stuff. Some of your finest.
Maria Bello can go eat a bag of dicks. Shocking, a navel gazing “enlightened” Hollywood narcissist explaining life to us little people! Maybe she should have brunch with Gwynnie.
Love This! Spot on!
Amen scotty, I understand the strong words. I think any decent empathetic person who has not been a victim of infidelity can understand our suffering, but I don’t think they really get the utter hatred disdain we have for narcissistic pieces of shit like her. The impunity , oh the impunity of conventionally attractive narcissists to dress up selfish lying into self serving rationalizations.
I do not have enough middle fingers…
Rather than come up with something clever myself, I will just jump on Chumpions bandwagon.
If my deadhusband wanted to have an open marriage or he wanted to change the terms halfway through, there was no stopping him from pitching either of those ideas, but HE insisted on a ceremony in a Catholic Church where they say SOLEMN vows that have no expiration date. He never told me he was changing the rules and he felt free cheating because of some revelation he learned form the ilk of the Maria Bellos of the world who aim to redefine commitments based on capricious whims.
Cannot stop laughing!
JFK and MLK were indeed great men. As husbands though? Epic fails.
Which negates everything…. not great at all!
No, it doesn’t. It negates their use as role models for marriage. I do not expect any public figure to make the choices I do; great people can do really shitty things. But anyone who attempts to use the misconduct of another person to justify their own shitty behavior is just, well, a complete moron. Something about false equivalencies and all that.
FK was a great politician. Martin Luther King was a great Civil Rights leader. Both of these men spoke exceptionally well, did good deeds and inspired others to do good deeds. This does not actually mean that they were great or good men – they were exceptional in their leadership but not necessarily good. Martin Luther King plagiarized large chunks of his Doctorate……whatever …. he is still a hero in the context of what he did for the civil rights movement – and that is the way it should be – he is no less a great leader for his failure to use his own words. JFK has been accused of numerous things that bring into question his behaviour ……whatever…..he was the consummate politician -the things he while president changed the modern world…. Both men displayed exceptional leadership qualities and were able to draw people together in pursuit of the common good. At the same time both men had numerous extramarital affairs. Both lied to the people close to them. Both believed that commitment to their wives and families did not apply to them in their personal lives – they both believed they were above those requirements of other more ordinary human beings.
In the end these personal failings do not matter to the general public or to history- the impact of these individuals was to make the world a better place because of their leadership. But those individual QUALITIES do not generalize across their behaviour – it doesn’t mean they were good men. There is so much more to whether we are ‘good’ or ‘bad’ than the role we play in society – for example what kind of partner are we? what kind of father, daughter, son, employee? are we honest ? are we kind ? are we principled? do we do good for others where we perceive no tangible benefit to ourselves? ……….and it goes on – these qualities and values in combination are what define if we are good people. As for Maria Bella – comparing yourself to others who are held in high esteem for the good deeds that they have done by saying in essence “I am similar to those exceptional people because they did good things and they did some bad things and I also do bad things so then I must also be at least capable of great good and am therefore a ‘good’ person ……this reasoning is both convoluted and bizarre when examined closely. Also cheaters love this argument – I do good things therefore the bad things I ‘do’ don’t matter – this is how they live their lives and they see their behaviour as separate from their ‘innate’ goodness. But we Chumps know all of this – we generally have a very clear understanding of what actually makes a person ‘good’ – most of us have lived that excruciating experience of the discovery that our cheaters version of good is so very far from actual good.
My cheater tried to convince me it was like he was 3 actually different people- the good husband the good father and the cheater – (no dickwad you are one person and you are 95 percent cheater) – but they love saying “but I am a ggooooddd person” – look how generous/helpful/supportive I am – this good persona is one that they cling to and generally try to make their poor chump look like the bad person. Looking ‘good’ is often very important to them.
Maria Bella does not appear to have any of the exceptional individual qualities that JFK or MLK displayed – she is not spiritually enlightened, she is not a good leader – as far as I am aware she has not done any particularly good deeds for the disadvantaged or underprivileged – her life seems to be one where she has courted the public eye for the benefit and attention it gave her rather than the impact she could have to improve things for others less fortunate unlike her hero’s JFK and MLK who did many good things to help and inspire others. She now seems to think that she is in a position to advise others on what the world of relationships should look like and that there is actually anybody who would be interested to listen ?????. She is so full of her self importance that she thinks she has something to say that people need to know??? why??? did she give someone her kidney and we haven’t heard ??? what has she done except lead a fairly selfish life devoted to her own personal gratification in some cases to the detriment of others – what a narc – who cares about her ….no thanks Maria not interested one iota and BTW I also didn’t read Fifty Shades of Grey or Eat Pray Love – life is just too short to listen to people with shit lives and values who have never done a thing for anyone else tell me how I should live …. complete new age self indulgent drivel
Spot ON Kristil!! My Xhole is a selfish asshole, selfish partner, selfish father and selfish son….. but let ANYone and I mean ANYone on the outside circle (customers, business associates) ask for help and he is THERE….. at Christmas he LOVES to take the kids to 5 Below and buy “Toys for Tots/Needy” and TELL EVERYONE about it….. yet… this is the man who doesn’t see his 10 year old daughter (from previous marriage) for 3 weeks in between visitations and NEVER calls her in between those visits…. and I am being 100% serious, it is despicable… she deserves better!! He does call our son more often… still says he will call and doesn’t…. and goes 3 or 4 days in between calls. This is the little boy that crawled up in bed with Daddy every night of his life to be near him when he went to sleep, I would carry him to bed afterwards. They are DAMAGED…. not REDEEMABLE!!
Steven Covey (“Seven Habits of Highly Successful People”) raised this very issue; he said that people who well-thought of and “successful” in the world outside the home (whether internationally, nationally or locally) are not really successful if they fail in their closest relationships, as spouses, parents, siblings, children of aging parents, etc.
I don’t hire a politician to be a good husband, I hire him to be a negotiator, a prudent financial analyst and businessman who loves his country puts the citizens first and upholds the constitution (in my dreams that someone like this exists).
I don’t admire a civil rights leader because he is a good husband, I admire him because it takes fucking guts to right a wrong that was status quo knowing your life is at stake for your beliefs.
I’ll let the wives make the decision to throw the fuckers out of the home because they couldn’t keep their willy in their wonka.
Listen……this twat can tell herself whatever she wants to about partnerships and desire. This is how she gets through her day being a shitty empty soul person. She is compassionate only for herself. Some people don’t give a shit about anyone else but themselves. Her happiness is more important than anyone elses…..PERIOD! I could write an entire book about THAT!
I wish people like this would STFU! It would be nice if she choked on that word salad.
What saddens and disturbs me most about this is that these books sell.
Wild, Eat, Pray, Love, 50 Shades of Grey, and other such nonsense wherein women find liberation by throwing away their husbands by having affairs, simply because they want to, and feel entitled to pursue their wants above all else.
This is what is disturbing – that so many people see fulfilling their wants at the expense of others as some kind of a noble virtue; however, as so many others have pointed out, if they really believed this bullshit, then they would announce their intentions in the beginning so people can make an informed decision.
But they don’t.
Instead they hide the truth because they know otherwise they would not be able to con people because they are frauds.
Actually, they are revealing themselves. Whenever I start seriously dating again, I am going to observe, but also ask “tell me about how you feel about — insert title of twat liberating book here —“
I agree, I found the book “Wild” to be disturbing. She cheated on a very loving and faithful man for no reason. Then she announced it to him one day and he was devastated. The poor guy even kept writing to her afterwards and continued to be a supportive friend. Actually reading that book helped me because I realized her reasons for cheating had nothing to do with him, and everything to do with her.
There is a very attractive Indian woman at work I’ve been interested in. After doing some research, she is very well read. She ranked ‘Eat, Pray, Love, 5 stars out of 5. Now I’m a little suspicious of her.
As well you should be.
First read the book.
Then ask her open ended questions about how she feels about it.
Then decide what you want to do regarding her.
TennisHack–I think some people skip over the “I abandoned my husband for no good reason,” part to focus on Gilbert’s path to enlightment (cough, sputter). The book is utter tripe, of course, but perhaps your friend just needs a deeper literary analysis of what exactly eat.pray.love entails. If she still defends it, then I’d be a little suspicious. Your friend can be “well-read” and still not think deeply until things are pointed out to her.
When I read that book I found myself not liking it at all. I thought she was pretty selfish and self centered. That was without any judgement at the time about her leaving her marriage. Another book that’s really popular with spiritual seekers is The Way of the Peaceful Warrior. That guy abandons his wife and child to find his true spiritual path and his true spiritual mate. There’s a lot of that tripe belief out there.
The truth is that abandoning a wife and child is never spiritual. Selfishness is not spiritual.
Some people confuse the two like the way some people confuse truth and bluntness. Speaking the truth and seeking your spirituality or happiness sometimes do not make others happy, but it should never ever be at the expense of someone else. If you’re climbing over someone else, that makes it a bad thing.
Imo I think both the new age community and the Christian community can get caught up in the idea of the “spiritual mate”. I think that’s how Jesus cheaters justify themselves.
And Amen to gay civil rights!!!!!!!
I agree, Kat. I didn’t like the book either (had a really hard time getting past how/why she ditched her husband, and I didn’t even know I was a chump then). However, an aunt of mine who had just undergone a personal crisis loved the book because of the spiritual enlightment” nonsense (and I don’t think drew the next logical step of conclusions about Gilbert…”flaming narcissist!!”). I suspect if I pointed out deeper themes of the book, my aunt would take notice of them. But not everyone does at first parse.
Exactly! My STBX thinks he is not a bad cheater because he did it for love and happiness. He didn’t mind lying, cheating and leaving his kids as long as he is happy with his new “true love.” Books and movies make these asses feel better about themselves, “see everybody does it, everybody thinks this way, happiness at all costs!” Everyone doesn’t think that way, some people value honesty, integrity, fidelity and actual love (not lust and infatuation).
TossedAway, your post brought something to light in my situation living with a serial cheater. What about out happiness in the relationship ? It was always clouded by his self importance and ill communicated needs. It wasn’t until the end that I knew he could not relate to MY needs. I was unhappy as he never could take on anyone’s perspective. I suggested marriage counseling and, fun things we could share as a couple. The stumbling block was complaints and negativity. This wasn’t a person unhappy in his marriage!
X led a double life of one night stands, multiple sex partners, and unprotected sex. X flippantly explained it was always about the thrill of the chase. When I asked about his latest whore he asked which one with a smirk. They are users and very cunning. It was never about love OR happiness. It was always about exploitation, power and control. When normal partners are unhappy they discuss it and try to work together and have compassion and decency for their life long partner and children. Normal partners do NOT degrade their wife to gain sympathy from countless vulnerable needy victims. When I look back over the past year I know I made the right decision in letting go of a person incapable of loving any woman or being happy. X is still miserable, complaining, and cheating. We ARE able to find love and happiness because we are the worker bees willing to do what is necessary to move past living with a narcissist.
“Instead they hide the truth because they know otherwise they would not be able to con people because they are frauds.”
Heard that ex is marrying a woman not the OWHore. Your statement is what sums it up for me regarding ex. If he lies to wife-to-be about cheating on his former wife of 24+ years for a short lived schmoopie-fuck then he’ll lie to her about other things. On the other hand if he told her the truth, she gets what she deserves.
Quite a long time ago I remember skim-reading through that 50 Shades crap, and laughing my arse off at the terrible, terrible story – and then realising the ENTIRE book is about a woman who pick-me dances to a guy inflicting TERRIBLE abuse – and doing it just because he’s got money. Then when the shit hits the fan she gets pregnant. The money aspect in particular is flaunted through the book where they mention exactly how much things cost, yada yada.
Its why my walls go right up and I view people who liked that book with the ultimate of disdain – because they are cheap fucks who think abuse is OK.
Its funny in a way how the disordered types will spin it to be like “Oh its such a cool book about S&M” – it shows exactly what NOT to do in that sort of relationship, you dumb pricks.
I won’t touch Eat Pray Love with a 50 foot barge pole though – after hearing the plot line of it. I refuse to read tripe like that – after knowing the plot.
i read eat, pray, love and it was pretty sappy, not my usual type of book. My recollection is the author initiated a divorce because she found herself profoundly unhappy. That she did not cheat on her husband. I can respect that. In fact I read it during the worst of times with my ex, pretty sure I’d have returned it if it started out with her cheating on her husband.
Gilbert cheated on her husband and left him for the other guy. The relationship with the AP did not work out. Gilbert sort of glides by what happened. There’s some reference to doing things that hurt others and being sorry, but she really downplays it. I get being private, but she downplays it to the point that I can’t believe she really is sorry.
Aah. I suspected “other man” as I was reading, but my memory is that she didn’t explicitly state that in the beginning of the book, only that she was unhappy & sobbing in the bathroom. Makes perfect sense, once you’re gobsmacked with the narcissism in the rest of the book.
I have a question for Miss Bello.. How does she expect this to work without marriage? We are designed as is every species to perpetuate the species. Humans are monogamous whether so-called enlightened people say so or not. It is because our children have very long childhoods. That means a stable home environment. There is polygamy that works because the participants agree, therre are all sorts of arrangements and they work as long as all the adults are agreeable. Otherwise children suffer. Children don’t need a lot but what they need is so important that without it they suffer. They need stability and dependable caregivers. They need the basics; food, clothing, shelter and nurturing. I can’t decide how people like Miss Bello think we are going to give that stability to children if all of us follow inclinations out the door every time we feel a disconnect with ourspouses. All of us start out in the honeymoon stage and then if we are healthy find reality. Reality has good days and bad days but it is expected that we are committed to each other and to our children. Anything less than that causes emotional scarring that last a lifetime. This woman is a moron
I wonder what Ms. Bello’s poor child thinks of her sexual revolving door? I’m sure she makes a lot of quality time for him.
Is here book on the market yet? …. I will lovvvvvvvvve to give it a review on amazon. Maybe point out she is not so highly evolved… And maybe just sanctimonious….. Or just a big lying sack of shit who justifies her behavior in the murky landscape of ‘ The Question. ‘ Would living in Question land mean that your oblivious to the pain that you have cause others by your selfish pursuits? Or does living in Question Land allow you to evade others questions and judgement of you Maria?
Would Huffington do the honor or going full circle and interview the folks she so lovingly manipulated… Fairly confident they will have some questions for Maria… And some statements… like, fuck you Maria and the fucking unicorn you rode into Question land.
Question land. LOL. That’s funny!
It’s on Amazon. It even has the usual “this is the best book EVERRRRRR!” pre-publication reviews editorial reviews (read: PAID reviews) up. Not for the weak of stomach. “It’s so HONEST!!”
I say, have at it with the reviews
Just did. Lets see if they publish it… Cause they prescreen all the comments.
What irritates me most about these so-called “feminists” is that they are ruining what is supposed to be a noble struggle for equal rights, and easily making it to where people can label all “feminists” and feminism as just liberal, hippie, do-whatever-you-want nonsense.
Feminism is about equal rights, not about the equal right to cheat on your spouse because “men do it all of the time,” something my ex-wife said – even though I had never cheated on my wife.
Thank you. Exactly.
Couples don’t have affairs. People do.
Also, IMO, any self respecting feminist would not poach a husband from her sister.
Yes. Feminism includes respecting other women, even if they’re not living the Question. Infidelity isn’t feminist at all. Getting your worth and happiness and aliveness by having sex with someone else’s partner is the opposite of feminism.
Amen! My friend and I discussed this very thing, women who knowingly sleep with married men and help break up a marriage are the lowest of the low, IMO.
Nothing less empowering and supportive of a woman than a husband who cheats on her and the heedless, selfish woman who participates in the cheating.
My thinking, too. Feminism has a “sister code.”
Perfectly said. What always strikes me is that cheaters assume we chumps are cut from some sort of Puritan cloth, where morals just come easily to us. This was always used as a degrading point during arguments with The Cheater. What they don’t realize is that we put effort into living by the code of right and wrong. And no, it is not always easy. But neither is doing a triathlon or eating healthy or getting up for work every day because your kids rely on you. I always go the extra mile to make sure someone I am considering being with is not in any sort of relationship. And if I have met someone and am attracted to them but find out that they have a partner/wife/girlfriend/someone who cares about them, I do the tough but mature thing called accepting, which these wanna-be-enlightenees seem to forget about. I accept that they are with someone, that that third party deserves my kindness as any other being, and I change my behavior around and towards the person I found attractive. Yes, sometimes it sucks having to accept that these are the cards. But the last time I checked, I am well past the age where I can kick and scream and demand that the universe gives me what I, above all others, want. I left that in the toy aisle decades ago. What would make me think that me wanting to be with someone trumps what his partner wants?
I also LOVE that cheaters all seem to pick the image that is polar opposite to their true character to tout around: the holier-than-thou wise and enlightened person. If this were really the case, their actions and character would speak for themselves. No self promotion required. The last time I checked, Gandhi and Mother Theresa didn’t have to sit down for talks and write books to prove how much good they were doing. They decided to just go out there and actually do it.
Well said and spot on!
Mother Teresa wasn’t all that and a bag of chips – if you read deeply into what she did, she’s not as ‘saintly’ as you’d think.
Ergo, she is a bad person too.
To me life is simple. If you want to sleep around, stay single. And stick with other single people.
Exactly. Shortly after divorce I dated a bachelor I knew for years. We lasted about 5 months. I didn’t know it at the time but that was the shelf-life of his girlfriends. We still meet up for drinks from time to time because of our long friendship & the girlfriends continue to go through his revolving door.
The narcissism is strong with this one.
Indeed it is Glad; after all there are no I’s in team but there are three in narcissistic!
Part of me wonders if this is all extended arrogance about her “Modern Love” column in the New York Times a few years ago, where she talks about the “flexibility” of falling in love with a woman. At the time she wrote the article, she was still in that relationship. She garnered a lot of accolades, and that column was selected as one of the top 20 Modern Love columns a couple years ago.
So maybe getting praise for “thinking outside the box” by dating a woman (seriously, who cares) led her to expand her thinking about “labels” and she made some half-baked decision to cast off ALL society’s labels and expectations, including both the more socially-imposed values (heterosexual/homosexual) and the more core-person values and MORALS (integrity, fidelity, honesty, trustworthiness).
Usually at this point, I wonder how these cheaters would feel if it happened to them, but that circles back around to the narc/sociopath persona which has no deep ties to anything, so maybe it’s all just a big game: take what you want, move on if you lose, … leave a good-looking corpse. Those of us who love and cherish deeply are just fodder for the mill.
I used to love reading the Modern Love column every Sunday when I was married. Now I can’t bear it.
Me, too. :/
Didn’t she come out as gay? Or was that bi? or was that
“equal opportunity to be fluid” and I’m guilty of labels. (eyeroll)
Yes, she’s been a master of the “I’m so darn enlightened” word salad for years.
Jeez, JoJo, don’t hem her in with ?!Labels!? She doesn’t care which fluid something is, just so it’s fluid.
A big shout out to our IT guru Brent! The comments are working again! Hurrah!!!!
Sorry about the site difficulties this morning. 🙂
Yes, thanks to Brent and to you, too.
“For me, the more I live in the question, the more I am mindful, the more I am joyful, the more I am compassionate, and the more I am grateful.”
Translation: Me, me, me, me and then more me and then some me again. Oh, yeah, and .. Me.”
How on earth is she “compassionate,” though? Because part of cheating is that you fucked someone over be deceiving them so you could be more mindful, I mean, Me-full.
Yeah, there are a lot of “I”s in there and even a “me”.
Me, I, I, I, I and I.
I think you have detected the real pattern here.
“Translation: Me, me, me, me and then more me and then some me again. Oh, yeah, and .. Me.”
@ TheMuse……Yes!!! THIS ^^^^^^ EXACTLY THIS^^^^^^ LOVE it!!
Gratitude and compassion have nothing to do with cheating and everything to do with respect for the feelings of others.
Boy, that Maria Bello is one smug bint.
Yeah, she’s got this relationship thing all figured out. In addition to her on-set affairs of which she’s so proud, her Wikipedia pages tells us: “In November 2013, Bello wrote about having a same sex relationship with her partner and then friend, Clare Munn. Bello has a son with former boyfriend Dan McDermott.”
DAN McDermott???? As in, just one letter difference from DEAN? Tori’s cheating man-child husband? Damn, the Universe has a sense of humor.
Also, an anagram for Maria Bello: MORE LABIAL.
That’s about right.
I had to read her Wiki entry twice because the first time I thought I read Dean McDermott too. lol
Excerpt: “…but the truth is that if there is somebody significant to you in your life that you are committed to, isn’t that a partner? And then people light up and go, ‘My dog is my partner!’ or ‘My ex is my partner!’ or ‘My best friend is my partner!’ So I just think the traditional labels don’t work for people anymore, we just can’t fit into those tidy little boxes any more.”
My cat is not my partner. The day she starts cooking dinner, cleaning her own cat litter, and contributing to the household other than by sitting there and looking pretty, we can talk.
Yes, by this logic, anyone can be a partner. My oven mitt is my partner!
Partners matter so little and are so interchangeable, my oven mitt won’t mind if I cheat on him.
You are so dedicated. I have five of them and they are all over the house. Whichever one I am closest to is the one I use. I’m a total whore.
(Correction: The quote is from an interview.)
Well… thank god… Now i will never be alone… I got oven mitts… And a Dyson…
Bahahahaha! Coffee came out my nose. Hilarious! Got your oven mitts AND Dyson- all set.
This thread is cracking me right up.
What a lot of linguistic drivel. Instead of “partner” in her interview, insert “wife” or “husband”to see just how stupid that sounds, “My dog is my husband!!” Pretty sure at least 48 states have laws against that.
Those terms–husband, wife–have specific (i.e., non-fluid), social, and legal implications. Changing someone’s status as husband or wife involves legal documents, $5000-$30,000, several months/years. Doesn’t sound “fluid” to me.
One day you’re married, after the judge stamps your documents, you’re not. Binary, not fluid, not “fuzzy boundaries.”
I’ve got some needs that would require a partner but the felines in my house don’t swing that way.
What about your oven mitts?
“Life is fluid. Partnerships are fluid. Things will change and we will die.”
Yes, we will die. And when you die, will they say in your eulogy that you had integrity? How important is your own integrity to YOU? How important is abiding by the promise you make in front of God, friends and family? It really all boils down to asking yourself that question. Are you faithful to your promises? Or are your promises “fluid?” Those decisions have nothing to do with the person you’re in a relationship with, and everything to do with the kind of person you are.
Yes we will die and if your life partner learns that you had no integrity during your life, the singular person who was committed to you, shared your name and bore your children may end up realizing that you were a selfish prick and throw your shit away with aplomb. You will lose the last thing you had, your reputation and the love of people who shared your life. Only 79 days until I get to purge the last name I willingly took when I married my cheater. Someday I will be buried under a stone with my new husbands name on it.
just watched the video in question…so you desire something you don’t have because you are in a long term relationship and you don’t “want” your partner…that makes me sick…part of being a good partner is remembering that the person at your side had great value. When I marry my sweet man, I will want him and be devoted to him because we chose each other…oh I could go on and on
Yeah, regardless of the definition of the word desire, defining a word to justify something makes no sense.
Murderer: “I looked up murder – it means to kill someone with intent, so if you are with someone, then they are alive, so maybe with intent, you kill them. I don’t have an answer for it, just more questions”
(ok, so maybe not a perfect analogy, but still …)
“Yeah, regardless of the definition of the word desire, defining a word to justify something makes no sense.”
Yes! And I got a good laugh at the idea of her using this method for justifying murder.
“forsaking all others” is neither fluid nor ambiguous. If you think it is, your intelligence is in question.
Well, it depends on how you define “forsaking.” And “all.” And “others.”
Ms. Bello needs to repeat third grade Language Arts class. That’s where most of us learned that words have these things called “definitions,” and that using “definitions” gives meaning to things we say. And when we unhitch words from their definitions? You can say any “words” you want and they don’t mean anything at all. They’re just sounds coming out of your mouth.
For example, “If up can mean down or up, and up can mean up or down, than up is really a concept that’s fluid and ambiguous.”
See how this stupid game is played?
Just another whore trying to justify her bad behaviour. Ever heard of simply having integrity?
Maria Bello on her deathbed: “so glad I fucked all those losers!”
Normal woman on her deathbed: “so glad I made the lives of my loved ones a little better”
So true Marci!
A powerful comparison, Marci.
“So glad I fucked that loser!”
Funny. I’m pretty sure that’s also what Maria Bello’s affair partners are going to say on their deathbeds, too!
I thought that, too!
All the talk about how you will be remembered once you die brings to mind a beautiful poem that I heard recently at the funeral of an 83 year old man. The poem is called The Dash and it is beautiful. Makes me cry every time I read it, but also reminds me to live each day with love, compassion and integrity. I encourage everyone to Google this poem and read it.
Living in The Question? Bitch, please.
Summed it up perfectly, Uneffingbelievable.
Yep. “Living in the lie” is more like it.
If she spins it to sound deep and philosophical, then she’s not a slut, she’s a scholar. Her pussy isn’t just a tool she uses to feed her ego, it’s a path to enlightenment.
It’s probably difficult for her to live in the question, because she has to think hard about the answer to make sure they line up with all her other bullshit answers. Perhaps if she can answer questions honestly, they won’t give her so much trouble.
Cheater “logic” like this works with informed consent. (stay with me…). Fluid multi-dimensional relational planes (ugh) are fine with my moral code if all the hearts and minds involved are explicitly informed of, and can freely agree to, the “whatever”. which is to say, there are no chumps or cheaters!
This new brand of relationship is not my cup of tea.
Neither is Maria’s narcissistic book jacket: Look at ME ME ME, adorable ME! If the book is supposed to be about LOVE, then at least give readers an abstract symbol upon which to project themselves. Oh, wait. maybe that IS Maria?
I was reading the other day about Reverend Jesse Jackson’s extramarital love child on Wikipedia the other day. Guess he’s a Jesus Cheater.
He is as much of a Reverend as my pet dog. And, I assure that most of us in Chicago think he’s a sleazebag.
I had no idea, With Brave Wings. There ought to be a big Cheater Directory so you will know when you are dealing with one, and could act accordingly. I just found out that someone I was really nice to a couple of months ago is a Cheater that deserted his wife and kids and fled the country. Makes me sick to think of it.
forgot to state the obvious assumption (for me) that this ‘whatever’ relationship logic is only acceptable without lying and mindfuckery. so it then follows, the affair partners need to be…single and honest. which brings me back full circle to no chumps and no cheating.
i am sick of all things cheater. and i love living my honest life.
Let us not forget… She is an actress. This is just another part. Faker.
Though the chumped wives of Maria’s APs may have wished she hadn’t auditioned.
what is the saying? ” your wife cant play her part if you have someone auditioning for her role”
So much garbage to justify weak character. My ex justified her sister-in-laws father’s affair because he was prominent Philadelphia surgeon. My ex’s father’s affair because he was manly. And I guess hers because she was womanly.
All just WEAK characters.
This narcissist isn’t special, she is just a fluid type. Ho hum, I need more attention now that everyone knows I can’t be trusted, have no boundaries, and fuck anyone. For the love of me I’ll write a book about my emptiness and Botox the shit out of my false face. I’ll take a fresh approach to justification. This narc just wanted to spackle herself.
“Bello furrows her Botox-ed brow and contemplates the meaning of “good/bad” labels when people cheat. ‘What is this about?'” Unbelievable.
What THIS is about? Maybe it’s about a Hollywood POS’s attempt to make a highbrow statement equivalent to “I love you but am not IN love with you.” It is just another pathetic attempt by a cheater to JUSTIFY their insane amount of ENTITLEMENT and cheating!
This shit she tries to wax poetic about doesn’t even make sense. She “tries to live in the question.” WTFH? What IS the QUESTION exactly? Oh, maybe the question is “How can I say I don’t give a shit about other people and the only important thing in life is what my vagina and/or his penis wants? How do I say marriage and monogamy and commitment are NOT at all important, but say it in a way that will not out me for the enormous selfish asshole twatwaffle I am?” THAT is the real question she is living in. SHEESH.
Oh wait! But relationships are FLUID. Right. So are the words flowing out of her mouth – pure LIQUID BULLSHIT. She can swim around in that vat of LIQUID until she drowns. Fuck her and all the cheaters who think life is about them getting whatever they want, whenever they want it and to hell with anyone who might get hurt in the process, including the children. When Bello got through fucking a married man and fucking up his entire family, did she EVER had to look into the eyes of the little broken souls of his children? The souls that she and cheaterspouse broke?
I might slap the next person who says “but he didn’t MEAN to hurt the kids, it just happened.” FUCK THAT. I mean and while we’re at it, let’s just forget the betrayed spouse, because nobody can even bother to give up a care about the betrayed spouse. According to the cheaters and reconciliation “experts,” it is the betrayed’s fault anyway. Cheater spouse wouldn’t have cheated if you (betrayed spouse) were meeting his/her needs at home right? GAH!!! I mean, to hear Bello tell it, it’s all just so normal and fair that people cheat on each other – it’s so obviously the MORE “natural” thing, so why are we all surprised? And, she’s all like, “what’s with all the labeling and name calling?” WTFH? How many times did she fall off that sofa and hit her head? She. is. BAD. She is a BAD person and she wrote and entire book about how BAD SHE IS. It’s not just her behavior or philosophy that’s BAD. SHE is bad. How these disgusting fuckwits manage to fill entire books with pages of liquid bullshit is astounding. As IF the original betrayal isn’t enough, the betrayed spouse is further abused and traumatized every time some idiot attempts to dump this can of bullshit nonsense over their head.
Sorry – this really hit a big fat fucking raw nerve with me. And also maybe has something to do with my asswit cheating husband having the grand balls to tell me that MY swearing offended him. I stared at him blankly because I know he did NOT just say THAT. But he kindly repeated it for me when he thought I hadn’t heard or maybe he thought I misunderstood. I heard. I did NOT misunderstand and neither did Mr. Fuckweenie Jr. after I was done with him. I used up ALL of the swear words I DO know, at least twice, and then started making up new ones. That is so fucking messed UP, that he could SAY that to me after what he’s done? I can’t even.
You GO CUC !! preach it sistah
My cheater H who was a mean selfish narc liar abusive rage filled POS used to tell me that he didnt like how I
1) Argued from my own point of view (don’t all people do that?)
2) Move my hands when I spoke to him
3) had a tone. You lying fucker…you dont like my “tone”
and with him being dead and all, I never ever have to have another argument with him EVER again (although I wish I had one last chance to scream and yell and use every curse word ever invented)
This! Powerfully said, curse words and all.
I was also “abusive” for being angry and cursing, according to my child-abandoning ex.
OMG! Were they separated at birth? My stupid ass says the same “doesn’t like my tone or my pov….right you don’t you POS bc then he’s gotta face what a complete TOOK he is! GAH!!!! Why would he ever do that? He tries to drive me in circles with his faulty logic and ridiculous self-righteousness and pretend he never cheated on me however many times, I don’t even know, and he still “can’t” understand what the hell is MY problem? My therapist said she thought she could help me with this using EMDR? Because I know you all are thinking I have a “choice” in what I say and how I say it, but I disagree to some degree. I have been gas lighted and disoriented for so long bc of his mindfuckery that there are times when I KNOW “do not say that” and I’m just completely blinded by the pain and madness of it all. My therapist said I connected the cursing to him and my interactions with him (thanks be to him) but it’s part of the trauma and how I deal with it. I guess so. It’s not like I feel better afterwards because he could not seem to care less, is completely unmoved by ANY emotion I have at all, and I end up feeling as if I just look as crazy as he tells everyone he believes I am. Fortunately, I have come to a point where at least in the company of others, I can hold my shit together long enough to get out of the situation where he is poking and prodding me and trying to trigger that reaction. Yes, once again it’s always MY reaction/response to his fucking cheating and massive lifetime deception that is the problem, not his fucking cheating and deception. Mindfuck Madness.
Ah, Yes. I well remember being exactly where you are. Mindfuck madness, you said it. 20 +years later and I still don’t know the truth, but I’ve accepted that I never will. Now, I just trust that he sucks….maybe anonymously….in public restrooms….at rest areas off the highway….or in campgrounds in State parks, or in city parks on Sunday afternoons, while the kids and I sit on a blanket and eat bolognia sandwitches with lays potato chips, and drink cherry kool-aid. Isn’t it a lovely day, I’ll say after he meanders back to us, with cum on his breath…but I can’t smell it, because I’m in love and nose blind, and lying to myself, and because I still believe he loves me.
OK, bluemoon – this comment is poetry. Raw, ugly, and so damned relatable, but still poetry. I wish I had written it.
Poetry… you clueless asshole. “The dog returns to its own vomit, and the sow, after washing herself, returns to wallow in the mire.”
Poetry… you clueless asshole. “The dog returns to its own vomit, and the sow, after washing herself, returns to wallow in the mire.”
Yep, they can go fuck somebody but are offended if you SAY it. Whatevs. Thanks, OWhore, for that addition to my vocab…
Mine also didn’t like my language. Really? I’m not very fond of you FUCKING your howorker.
ChumpedupChik: “my asswit cheating husband having the grand balls to tell me that MY swearing offended him.”
Yes!! I have a great story about that–after I ask for a divorce 3 times after D-day, my X books a MC appt. He then refused to tell the counselor why we are there, so I have to say, “He fucked a graduate student.” He says, “I object to that language.”
My face: : O then I started laughing. He objects to my SAYING “fuck”? Really? Cheater logic and double standard.
He objects to HONEST language. That’s the REAL objection.
And cheater narcs object to your point of view, because you aren’t supposed to have one, in fact, you aren’t supposed to have or be anything. You are an extension, and if you cease to be an extension, and chose to have your own voice, you’ll be replaced with a quickness.
Did he get pissed as hell at you for laughing? Because I laughed also the first time the asshat said it to me, as if he HAD to be joking, and he got raging mad. The ABSURDITY is phenomenal.
He got all haughty, behaved like an ass the rest of the session, and then tried to get me to sleep with him afterwards (despite my having rejected him for 6 weeks already). Egads, their delusions of their own appeal are astronomic. I filed 6 days later. “Get me off the Mindfuck roller coaster.”
My term to the ex was screw. He screwed his patients and ho-worker and objected to the term screw.
Gold!! Fantastic Post.
I always wondered why Maria Bello– in my opinion one of the most beautiful, talented and versatile actresses in Hollywood– was getting so few roles and accolades. I wonder if her career has been severely derailed because she’s pissed off and/or chumped enough actors, executives and/or their wives.
Again, it absolutely frustrates me how much some people prescribe polyamory as a cure-all for cheating. People who cheat, by nature, get off on clandestine nature of their sexual acts; they get a thrill out of deceiving someone who trusts them. It doesn’t matter how narrow or wide the boundaries are; they will cross them.
Does anybody have a transcript?
Trying to understand the last bit.
“By sharing my personal story about it, I am just hoping to AGAIN open uh(sic up? Does she start to say up?) be a conversation for people”.
Because it sounds like she starts to say “open up a conversation for people” but mid-way through it changes it to “be a conversation for people” which might be a bit more honest than what she was starting to say.
She and others like her need to save their shit for a deserted island and never allowed near children. Children don’t need fluidity, it fucks with their reality and leads to long talks in therapy and acting out.
The Big X has been in denial about the steaming pile he left our kids in and continues to add to it. My kids are still struggling with what he did and The Big X left 4 years ago.
The Big X and narc wifestress have been arguing and my kids are worried hes gonna take off again, like he did when we broke up.
It’s bizarre how Maria Bello compares herself to MLK and JFK. I guess her point that “great people cheat”. That being great comes with fucking around and saving the world in one single bound.
I’m saddened that JFK and MIL were hypocrites who didn’t practice what they preached. In those days the press didn’t reveal their cheating ways. I doubt they’d have been positions of power if that were the case. Maria Bello lives in the now, and she misses the point.
Not sure that Maria saved the world from nuclear war (JFK) or put her life on the line to secure citizenship rights for those who suffered under Jim Crow segregation (MLK). Maria? She screwed a lot of people and felt good about it. This put me in mind of that Pinterest meme that has Princess Leia, Katniss Everdeen, and Hermione Granger talking about fighting forces powerful and evil. And then we see a picture of that dumbass female from the Twilight books and her claim to fame is: I got married. To a dead guy.
Great meme! Maria needs to feel the power of the force, or the sting of the tracker jackers. Expelliarmus!!
If monogamy is so unnatural, and the demands too rigorous for Ms. Bello, then she should spend her time with all the other UNMARRIED people out there.
I understand that monogamy is a sacrifice, and I understand it’s not biologically natural. So what!?! I’m doing it…and I don’t find it all that difficult.
If you find it difficult, then don’t get married. Simple as that.
JC, I hate to disagree with you but monogamy was not a sacrifice for me personally and I think it was/is biologically natural. I have only ever been with my ex husband and I can tell you I never thought about having sex with anyone but him. Maybe I am different I don’t know but I am very happy with being me and I have no interest in being with another bloke now or ever again. I am done.
Ditto. I’m wired the same I guess. For monogamy and commitment. MC who was pushing reconciliation as if asshat just got “off track” or “didn’t realize the damage he was doing then, but he does now” blah blah blah! He realized THEN it he wouldn’t have been hiding it! My response was that when we got married, I thought it was clear and well understood by ALL, that when love wasn’t enough to carry us through, the commitment we made before GOD, would. Because who the hell would ever ever EVER get married if we only had our initial feelings of love to rely on – every second of every minute of every hour of every day? MC had nothing. Crickets. Yeah, everybody at some point in their marriage hits on the realization that this marriage shit is hard, and love isn’t all it takes to keep up your part of the contract. But thank goodness there IS a contract when the going gets tough right? Because think what that would look like without one? Omg?! I KNOW what THAT looks like! All of our stories is WTFH that looks like. Well, I’m rewriting MY fucking story and Mr. Asshat Twitterdick ain’t in it.
Agree JC.. a lot of things require sacrifice.. having children, for example.. requires you to be unselfish, dedicate yourself to someone else. Same with monogamy.
What separates us from some animals (notice I don’t say all) is our ability to use our brains to control our urges.. to imply some moral guidelines to our behavior.
If you want to fuck anyone and everyone that’s your business.. then don’t stand up in front of a church and your family and say “forsaking all others”.. and don’t covet your neighbor’s wife or husband.. ie.. don’t fuck someone who has made a vow to someone else.
It’s really very simple.
Even if 50% of marriages are impacted by infidelity, I don’t believe in using the existence or occurrence of a phenomenon to justify it as acceptable. Plenty of horrible things exist, that doesn’t mean they are OK.
We can still discuss them, but those discussion should be about prevention not permitting.
If you want to discuss how unilaterally cheating is okay and that inflicting devastation and trauma onto your spouse and children is proper, then just say it. Don’t start a conversation or ask questions. Have the guts to just say what you believe.
I believe the tried and true “two wrongs don’t make a right” applies here Buddy! 🙂
Exactly, Buddy! Roughly 33% of parents are so insensitive to their children that the kids end up insecurely attached. Should we all jump on the bandwagon of being unresponsive to our children?
You gotta remember though, that these types of people have no morals, no brains and just spew nonsensical shit. They don’t have the ability to get real and be honest. They are literally incapable of it.
And to use the old domestic violence analogy illustration technique:
In married couples, many people said they beat their wives, so my question is that there is something deeper about this, am I a good guy or a bad guy, cuz they beat their wives
ok, perhaps not perfect analogies, but still…)
Quote from the fictional famous actor Mario Bellows who spent 6 months in jail after kicking his girlfriend:
“In married couples, many people said they beat their wives. And while I’m at it, a lot of my heroes, incredible athletes, musicians and actors – Ray Rice, Sean Penn, Chris Brown, Tommy Lee and Christian Slater – all beat their partners, so my question is that there is something deeper about this, am I a good guy or a bad guy, are they good guys or bad guys because they beat their wives? And again, its more questions”
Domestic violence perpetrator: “I looked up domestic violence. It means to control someone else by physically injuring them, so maybe when we need to control someone, we have to shove their cheekbone into a wall. I don’t have answers for it, just more questions.”
whoops messed that one up somehow with the cut and paste – oh well, need to go work on my paper work anyhow
Yes but living in the question is what we, as new agey philosophers, and totally zen, fluid people need to be doing. Right? This cheater wants to think outside the box…She’s thinking WITH her box.
“Thinking with her box” — hilarious!!!
I guess what I don’t understand is why people like this try to co-mingle the two lifestyles. Monogamy is a lifestyle choice and once you’ve made that choice if you don’t think it’s natural then at least have the courage to end the marriage honestly.
Polyamory is another lifestyle choice. Be up front about your intentions from the start and I don’t believe any of us here would judge that lifestyle. I know I wouldn’t. It’s making that decision after you’re already in a committed relationship that’s the problem. Why is that so difficult for them to understand?
I really don’t understand why cheaters like Bello make this all so complicated when it’s really not complicated at all. I think I’m reasonably intelligent. I’m no genius by any stretch of the imagination but I sure do feel like one whenever I get a whiff of cheater and cheater apologist logic!
The answer to all such questions: It’s about CAKE.
I agree. People have the freedom to lay their goals and boundaries out – gone are the days of the shotgun wedding.
My H created a narrative where I “forced” him to marry me, gave an “ultimatum”. Although we were very young, we had dated 3 years and lived in different states and only saw each other on trips. I was ready to create a life together and he wanted to “long distance date” for an undermined amount of time (where we would have sex on our visits and I would be faithful to him between – how handy).
I told him we needed to either get married and move forward or we could break up and I would pursue other people more interested in an active relationship. I had an education, job, car, apartment…I wasn’t pregnant, broke or suicidal. So my “threat” to him in the “ultimatum” is that I would move on (cue crickets) he had 2 feet he could have used to walk away but he chose to get married and be the suckiest husband ever.
After he died, I dated this guy who had the handsomest face you could ever imagine (his handsomeness stopped at his neck, nothing south of there was good) we dated and he turned out to be openly poly…he made it clear that he was not offering monogamy. I very politely ended our relationship but was reacquainted with my now fiance shortly thereafer who is a monogamist to his bones. At first I thought Mr Poly was “wrong” & “bad” but really he was just setting his boundaries and looking back I appreciated it.
I actually liked her. I mean, as much as you can superficially “like” someone whom you don’t actually know and who really only exists in the “entertainment” realm of your life…but I did like her. I have long thought she was beautiful and talented, and I have enjoyed her work very much.
But that was yesterday. I’m now disgusted by this basic whore.
Damn. Another one bites the dust. I’m crossing cheaters off my list like crazy these days.
TANGENT: Does anyone else here have a problem with cheaters and cheater apologists to the point they no longer enjoy/support/endure ANYTHING which involves the known cheaters/cheater apologists? I just can’t even with these people. Julia Roberts can fuck right off. I will not buy Paul Newman’s salad dressing if you PAY me to do it. I grew up as a tried and true country girl (including the music), and don’t listen to ANY of it now just in case I might hear the names of Blake Shelton or Miranda Lambert…who can both fuck right off. I’m an avid watcher of cooking shows/Food Network type-stuff, and I refuse to suffer a single second of Trisha Yearwood or Bobby Flay, because GO FUCK YOURSELVES YOU CHEATING FUCKWITS. Don’t even get me started on Jay Z, whom I would happily assault in an elevator if given the chance. I’m a tried and true bleeding-heart liberal (don’t hate!), but Bill Clinton has failed for LIFE as far as I’m concerned, and I physically tore up my copy of Eat Pray Love, page by page (and me a bibliophile!) because fuck you Elizabeth Gilbert and your entitlement masking itself as enlightenment. The list goes on and on, and I guess I’m adding Maria Bello of The Cooler (dig that film!) on to the list.
Off to throw away my DVD copy now. I just CAN’T with these horrible people.
Paul Newman, too?? Oh no!!! I had no idea. I went to high school in the 70s in Westport CT and he and Joanne Woodward lived there… everyone idolized him. He came to speak at my high school and all us girls swooned for his blue eyes. Well, I’m adding him to my list too. So sickening and disappointing.
He cheated on his first wife with Joanne. Bit like Johnny Cash and June Carter. Yeah, they went on to long, successful marriages. I bet that didn’t help the first wives any! Be sure. Be really fucking sure before you marry someone. I know too many people who did because they “felt ready” or “thought the time was right”…..to paraphrase Maria…..whatever….
I do this too! Its part of enforcing your strict boundaries – its not a bad thing.
I do it with not only celebrities but with people in general. If someone who professes to be a friend of mine cheated, they are no longer my friend.
If it means that I end up friendless, oh well.
Yes, Lania – I now also cut people out of my life like that in addition people who side w/ cheaters, feel it’s ok, etc.
LMM! Exactly. My words exactly….they can fuck right off bc the whole bunch of them disgust me. I can’t separate any of it. Maybe some day it’s possible, but where I am right now it all looks pretty black and white to me. All of those people you mentioned – the first thing that comes to mind is what entitled cheater fuckups they are. And I think about the sad ones they left behind in the dirt…..and wonder where the hell the karma bus is right now and how could it possibly have better things to do? I get what you’re saying and feel it too. I’m hoping some of this “heat” eventually subsides, so that other cheaters or cheater stories don’t bother me that way so much.
^^ LMM’s Tangent: Me!Me! I loved Trisha Yearwood and all her songs, but cannot listen to her anymore, and I hate her for it because they were good songs. I can’t watch her new food show either. Big country music fan and The Voice, but I trip over that Blake Shelton and his oozing “love” for his Miranda.
I think I’m the only one here who’s never heard of this Maria Bello, but she stinks! I am reminded of the bumper sticker that I read a while ago, something along the lines of: “Do not be so open-minded that your brains fall out.” Pretty much sums it up for me regarding all this BS about “enlightened” relationships…”fluidity” blah, blah.
I read an article all about Garth, Trisha and “their” daughters…barely mentioning that his first wife birthed them all (and is still alive and well, from this article you would thing she was dead) … and if memory serves, one reason his first wife divorced him was that he cheated. euw.
Oh, yes!!! Trisha & Garth!! I read the same article about how “domestic” they were for years when HIS girls were growing up- UGH!!! His wife Sandy- the mother of his 3 girls (last I heard) also has a house on their property and she has since remarried, but when Trish was married to a member of that band, um, God, what was its name? Oh yeah- Renegade (I think), and he & Trisha divorced, he flat-out said that her “friendship” with Garth was why they broke up.
I did try to watch her cooking show- so schmaltzy I had to stop. By the way, I never really liked Bobby Flay, but my STBXH thinks he’s great…go figure!!!!
This! Feel that way about abusive jerks, too. FUCK OFF MEL GIBSON.
Yes exactly. I have started this too now that I am a member of the “chump” club. And like Blake and Miranda – that also applies to Jason Aldean. I realize I probably have no impact, but it gives me the illusion I can speak w/ my dollars. I no longer support these types of people.
Civil rights had to happen, needed to happen, but deceiving another, betrayal, and what I would consider the a use of infidelity says more about a persons character to me than the “great words” used to inspire others to action. I have no hatred or disdain for mlk or jfk but since when do we have to settle for people being leaders that cant respect their own vows or commitments? I think we should demand leaders who have high personal standards or at the very least, the intellect to not succumb to base instinct and desire just because they are powerful or influential. Is it really asking too much to follow men and women who honor commitment and can also inspire? The guy who died after 45 years of faithful marriage who was beloved by his wife and kids is a heck of a lot more inspiring then someone who can spit out the right rhetoric while screwing around on their spouse. At least in my book.
Who does that leave? Jimmy Carter is the only one I can think of.
I think Donald Duck was faithful to Daisy.
Yeah, but didn’t he lust in his heart? 😉
You gotta remember that people in ‘positions of power’ are more often than not narcissistic – which means they feel the world revolves around them and they have carte blanche to be a fuckwaffle and treat other people like shit.
The people who are honest and upfront and don’t tolerate shit – more often than not they don’t want to be in the spotlight at all – and show humility in their lives – thus they would never want to be a leader.
There are exceptions to the rule of course, but by and large this is what occurs.
I started to write something like this above and gave up, wary of generalizations. But there is certainly a correlation between people who seek the public eye, people who seek “fame” and narcissism.
Oh Yes Scott!! I feel the same way. You would hope your Leaders would be a cut above your everyday ass. I believe it says volumes about them too. When someone knows right and wrong and has a conscience about it, no one can MAKE them break their vow to themselves!
When my Cheater told me I should go out and screw around on him to get him back, I said “you can’t make me.” The reason is because I wouldn’t do it to MYSELF I have more respect for MYSELF than that! Response: stunned silence.
I heard Imagine by John Lennon in the car today and all I could think about what his creepy personal life. What a hypocrite. I just have to remember not everyone is a Cheater. It just seems like it.
This woman is an asshole. Unless she was dallying with people in an open relationship glorying in sharing herself with cheaters is self serving drivel.
I do not hate my x’s OW. She never cheated on me. He did. However this bitch cheated on her husband by having sex with my x. That makes her scum to me. x is scum for her and all his hookers and Ashley Madison pals.
To me the enlightened new agey bitch is entitled to her narcissistic opinion as long as she is not helping some jackass hide his infidelity. Lying, hiding relationships, disrespecting beliefs/religions/morals/values are signs of being a sociopath you stupid cunt.
I apologize for that epithet but her actions are disgusting.
Oh please, SPARE me the bs!!! Anyone who commits infidelity will reach so far to JUSTIFY themselves!!! Come back and talk to me when you feel the PAIN and HURT if it’s been done to you when you Committed yourself to another with mind, body, and soul!!!
The gene pool needs more chlorine, it seems.
Fuck this ‘enlightened’ bitch and anything she says.
I swear I am losing faith in humanity the older I get – seeing all this tripe being spewed – and people accepting it as normal and acceptable behaviour.
There are exceptions – but for the most part, a lot of people fucking suck.
Lania; Well stated! More are falling to this type of thought process by the day! TV and all forms of entertainment treat infidelity like a joke, a trivial bump in the road of marriage, an inconvenience. As has been stated by many Chumps, it is the WORST EXPERIENCE EVER that hits parts of you you never knew existed!
My daughter is 29 and married and she told me if her husband cheats she will stay! Two years in and she is already prepared for it! Her very cute girlfriends are educated and her age and most can’t even find a decent guy. They take so long to grow up now and many do not want responsibility or commitment. I have read in two different places that most young women have more sexual experience than their male counterparts of the same age. (20) I cherish this spot in CN for my dose of sanity. Thank You!
I’m the same age as your daughter – and I don’t tolerate that sort of shit. Period.
Not to mention, the ‘sexual experience’ thing in my case is very limited – and for good reason. Only worthy people get that intimacy – and a lot of people have deemed themselves unworthy. I don’t need to be a slut to prove a point about how ‘cool’ I am. Its disgusting.
Lania, teenagers and the very immature cheaters stuck in adolescence think about life in terms of being cool. My teenage granddaughter was taught the difference between classy and trashy at a young age as her dad married a woman who dressed like a call girl. When I picked her up and she was dressed in provocative clothing I called dad and said if you ever send my granddaughter here dressed like a whore again I will burn the clothes. He is a good dad and followed my lead. He ended up divorcing her when my granddaughter was sent nude pictures of her cheating. This is what low life’s expose to children. I am honest with her and to the point. Now she has to deal with her grandfathers behavior. She is beautiful and thriving. She just said to me last night, “I understand why you divorced him and never want him back but why does he want to be with someone like THAT. She is gross and there’s obviously something wrong with her the way she acts”.
Well done for your grand-daughter for being able to spot the shit a mile off!
Donna, your lovely granddaughter has class and intelligence way beyond her years. She will continue being a good and decent person. Your should be very proud of her and yourself.
Where, in all this crap, is about NOT causing hurt to anyone? If you can’t help people, at least don’t hurt them philosophy? So she wants to help earthquake victims? What about the personal earthquakes she has caused families? Start the change there and she will do the world more good. She’s nothing but Darth Vader with a bra.
Yeah. Dr. Barbara Stephens, a pioneering therapist for partners of sex addicts,who rejected the whole co-dependancy thing, and applied a trauma model, called the earthquake you speak of, a “life quake”. Bellows is busy provoking life quakes, and she’s a pompass ass about it. PUKE.
Boy did this halfwit cheater fucktwat pull a lot of triggers or what? I’ve hardly posted anything before today, but THIS horrendous kind of shitspeak that cheaters like Bello want to line the streets with, to make cheating/lying/fucking around all “normal and ok” is insidious and worse than offensive.
Well, when I watched her, all I heard was word salad and all I saw was a whole lot of crazy–in her body language and eyes.
The chick is UNstable, that’s for sure.
Who cares what she thinks?
“Things will change and we will die. We don’t know when that’s going to be, for the most part. If we can remember that and continue to question, to live in the question, which is sometimes so difficult. For me, the more I live in the question, the more I am mindful, the more I am joyful, the more I am compassionate, and the more I am grateful.”
This is the most non-sequitur fucking statement I have every had the pleasure to read.
I must be deft. WHAT IS the BIG FUCKING QUESTION she LIVES IN?
I’m in a longer committed relationship and I desire you, wanna fuck?
Damn, how I immensely dislike bullshitters like this woman. If she was giving a speech I would have stood up in the audience and starting screaming and then run out as fast as I could.
Ambiguous, obfuscated, opaque, masturbating bullshit.
Pant, pant, pant….okay, I feel better.
I thought by “Things will change and we will die” she was saying, “Hey, we’re all going to die someday and then it won’t matter who you lied to or cheated on.” But she may have meant, “we’re all gonna die, wanna fuck?”
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
I truly believe that is the number one reason why cheater’s cheat, Muse.
In Moonstruck, there was a line from the character Rose Castorini to her cheating husband, Cosmos who was screwing a younger woman, “I just want you to know, no matter what you do, you’re going to die just like everybody else.”
His response, “Thank’s Rose.”
I believe Chumps see the whole of the moon.
Yes and they die alone. X father abandoned him emotionally and hadn’t seen him in years. His mom was also selfish. They held grudges for everything and lived in a cocoon when his fathe died X went to see him and his father kissed him on the lips. There he is following the same selfish lifestyle. Yes we all die but there is something to be said about grace, dignity, and the legacy we leave behind. We can hold out heads up high in life and know we were honorable. Like his father he will leave a legacy of pain. In that moment they are alone and have no one to blame or care.
Yes, Donna. “there is something to be said about grace, dignity, and the legacy we leave behind. We can hold out heads up high in life and know we were honorable.”
I am working on the ‘grace” part…
It’s all around you, and as far away as your next breath.
Oh yes!!! For years I have been quoting this line from Moonstruck to my STBXH, especially when he would try to give me “permission” to go fuck some other dude and either bring them home so he could watch or call him so he could listen:
Rose: No. I think the house is empty. I can’t invite you in because I’m married and because I know who I am.
He never quite understood what I was trying to say, I guess.
Agreed, CalamityJane. All her logorrhea reminds me of is the joke,
“How many Dada-ists does it take to change a light bulb?”
HA HA HA HA…..love it, Tempest!!!
How many Narcs does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one. He holds the light bulb in the socket and the WHOLE world revolves around him.
How many cheaters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. They use gas-lighting..
I think that “living in the question” is pretty much the same thing as living in the mind- fuckery. Just sayin’. Cheaters are alike in one way, they all want us to live in the question, because that gives them power. And then they dress it up and take it out and parade it all about town, and call it being fluid and enlightened. They don’t live in the question, we do. They have the luxory of knowing what they’re doing. Her question is a crock of shit.
Without reading all of the comments yet, and not knowing anything much about this actor, I don’t give a fuck if she is or isn’t more enlightened. Do what you want. Just don’t drag those who haven’t got the ‘monogamy is not normal’ memo along. And when you reach this place of higher enlightenment, divorce/separate or don’t ever marry or partner up with anyone. Serial monogamy is not what your partner signed up for, bitch!
Thank you, horsercumin.
This “Whatever” attitude about many things has our current society going straight down the road to Hell! Day by day, little by little, these smoothed over lies, these finely crafted rationalizations to cover selfish, cruel and evil intentions is proliferating and it is scary. People like this are changing the world by inches, to where we will be the stodgy, old fashioned, narrow minded people that don’t know how to really live and enjoy life. Imagine the effect on children and then future families.
Not that I care what they think, I was just a lot more comfortable in a world with rules, values and social responsibility.
Nice takedown of this whack job.
I heard that “Love is Love” is merely the first book in a trilogy of tautologies planned by Maria.
The others are rumored to be,
“HPV is HPV”
and, after a few more years of living in The Question,
“The Answer is the Answer”
“The Question”, huh? I think “The Question” is “Why are you such a goddamn fucking skank?” She left herself wide open for that one.
Me too! Skank or my new favorite combo mashup of words “skunt” did leave herself wide open for that — oops! no disgusting pun intended
Woke up and couldn’t fall back asleep.
….this is hilarious, Tempest.
Live in the question???? Bitch, please. You haven’t lived in a question until the love of your life fucks a ho-worker. Then question you live in, and never get a real answer to is, “Why?” Because cheaters never have the integrity to really truly answer THAT question, since they are too busy trying to deflect their betrayal with bullshit like, “I am living the question” and all the other crap word salad stupidity these fools come up with to hide their ugly truth. Which is, they are losers, plain and simple.
Yes she did, Lania!
Well said, Carol. Until they feel the deep pain of the question, why?
Exactly Carol! I’m going to borrow your words for any new round of “counseling” we go to as if it’s going to make any difference? But I’m going because otherwise I’m made out to be the bitter quitter. So I’m memorizing this “cheaters….are too busy trying to deflect their betrayal with bullshit like I am living in the question…to hide their ugly truth.” Exactly. That’s what this has been about all along and I couldn’t put the right words on it. Thank you!
Chump Lady needs to do a post about word salad. Call these losers out! My favorite, compliments of Rebekah Gordon Taylor, from a NY Times “Vows” story, is, fucking a married person makes you “real.” “Living the question” is pretty darn slick though! One after another, these cheaters have some weird explanation for their cheating, always imaging that their betrayals are beautiful and sanctified. Biggest bunch of narcissistic bullshitters ever!
Living in the question comes down to this: Why did the chicken cross the road? Oh Hell. I don’t know. I want to know. Do you know/ Do you know anybody who knows? Can I google it? Do research? If I find the answer will the chicken stay put on this side of the road and not go there? Is that a bit of lint in my naval? And excuse me, but is that kale you have stuck in your teeth? Chicken? What chicken? You have lint in your teeth.
Rotfl!!! And, THIS!
This post made me sad. I’ve always liked Maria Bello as an actress. But now that I know what a skank she is in real life, I will no longer enjoy her work.
Yes, I do judge based on actions. Which is why for all of their good work with children, I also think Angelina and Brad are assholes, too.
One doesn’t know pain until you’ve been betrayed by the person you loved the most.
Totally agree. There is some hope for Chumps like us when we realize the likes of Jennifer Aniston, Stephanie March and Christie Brinkley (to name a few) have also been chumps.. proving that chumphood has nothing to do with social class, beauty, intelligence or any other measure. Usually, chumps are good people who happen to love jerks. The cheaters almost always affairing DOWN.
Cheaters are disordered assholes. While redemption is possible (all of us can atone for our sins), the odds against it are great.
The pain these people dish out not only to the chumps but to our children, extended families, etc is unforgivable really. I know some people find redemption, but that requires the cheater to take responsibility and as Maria Bello illustrates, this isn’t very common among people who enjoy validating their selfishness. As my brother put it, some people never reach rock bottom because they lack the souls to even know how low they are. Sad really.
I’m gonna live in the faith that the karma bus is coming, Chicken, if you cross that road you’re on your own, and it don’t matter why you crossed it….all that matters is you did. /
Damn straight. Totally off topic, but I didn’t realize how well my lil character pic fits how I feel about all this crap
What a douchebag!? Typical bullshit from people who don’t like accountability, being trusted for her word, etc. The only thing I remember her being in was ER, and I really can’t think of exactly what her character was, but who cares? She sucks.
More gobblegook nonsense from the selfish, narcissistic, disordered.. Me Me Me crowd.
It makes me sick.
I was incensed by this. The bit that arrogantly declares that things are “more fluid now”. I was a child of the seventies with very liberal parents who had very liberal friends and they thought things were more fluid then too … Sexual liberation is not new. But whatever anyone thought of my parents and their friends, they were honest. They told the truth. Even then open marriage didn’t work and abandoned wives and husbands and children got badly hurt. I just read this letter and thought you awful, selfish woman. It is not just about you love and your self-absorbed, self-indulgent whims. Jump on a plane to Nepal for the next month and shock some sense and empathy and reality into yourself and hope for just an ounce of self-awareness… It is not just about you love …
Good points, Chumplady about the cheaters Martin Luther King and John Kennedy. So well said, chumplady
Yeah really, they cared so much about civil rights and oppression of other people that they abused and oppressed their lovely wives. You are so right where was their empathy for their own wives? Did they not see the irony in their behavior toward their own family?
Maria Bello, you are a selfish douchebag. It’s all fluid, fun and enlightening until it happens to you.