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If You Don’t Take Her to Brunch, She’ll Have an Affair?

bitchdayMen, you better up your game this Mother’s Day Sunday or she may CHEAT. Apparently, your inability to please the mother of your children is what forces her into the beds of random strangers she meets online.

Yes. Brunch is THAT powerful.

Consider other infidelity deterrents like wrist corsages and chocolates. Maybe a bouquet of flowers, but not carnations. Everyone knows carnations are just cheap ass bouquet filler. Same with Baby’s Breath. One wrong flower selection, guys, and she’ll be blowing her boss.

Yes, it’s Mother’s Day season, and you know what that means, don’t you? The marketing department “scientists” over at Ashley Madison start sending out press releases about the big spike in traffic they get from disappointed mothers after Sunday.

According to the New York Post:

The adulterers website Ashley Madison is expecting a massive 500 percent spike in sign-ups from women on the day after Mother’s Day. According to its data, there was a 442 percent increase in sign-ups (compared to the daily norm) after last year’s holiday, following an upward trend since 2010.

Didn’t men LEARN? We had this same warning last year! And now the numbers are “expected” to climb from 442 percent to 500? Get with it, men! You’re fucked now. Good luck trying to get a brunch reservation today. I hope you know how to flip pancakes or have a diamond tennis bracelet tucked in your pocket or something. The preservation of monogamy is counting on you getting this right.

If you don’t, your wife may become like Ann.

Opening the Mother’s Day card last year from my husband, Derek*, my heart sank. We’d been married for more than 15 years, and I was the mom of his two young children — but he hadn’t even thought to buy me flowers, let alone jewelry.

The whole run-up to Mother’s Day had been depressing. It made me feel old, like I was losing my sexiness. My marriage was stuck in a rut.

Ann, if we’re doing to blame anyone here — let’s blame the children. I hate how children make me feel old, with their dewey skin and lithe little figures. Did THEY think to buy me flowers or jewelry? No. I get a fucking clay ashtray. That they made. I turned it over. Was there a Tiffany’s hallmark? NO. Oh and duh, I DON’T SMOKE. I live with those little cretins for five years and they never figured that out? They don’t know me at ALL.

I know what THEY like. Ask me to name any Thomas the Tank Engine character and I can spot Percy at ten paces. Sir Topham Hat? Diesel? I care! And yet my OWN CHILDREN, my flesh and blood, don’t know that I collect Lalique.

The ingrates. The eldest? Three DAYS of induced labor. Posterior. The epidural fell out. Went home with a catheter and couldn’t pee for weeks. Frankly, for all that pain and suffering, he should buy me a condo on Lake Como. And what do I get? A fucking ashtray.

You know what I’m going to do? Find a fuckbuddy on Ashley Madison. Break up their happy, intact family. That’ll show ’em.

Happy Mother’s Day.

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at [email protected]. Read more about submission guidelines.
    • “You know what I’m going to do? Find a fuckbuddy on Ashley Madison. Break up their happy, intact family. That’ll show ‘em.”

      Unless your the trailer-park type of predatory whore who works in HR at a global company. These types of whores have their own married man-whores to pick from in a more face-to-face Ashley Madison sort of way. Plus, they already know the man-whores have a job.

      But pig whores like this get to prey upon married men each month at orientation (should any of them think they are the new one-and-only soulmate of the HR pig whore). Then, they celebrate their faux-awesome Mom-ness on Mother’s Day, and they actually expect to be treated like a beautiful queen, instead of like the lying, schemeing whore that she is. THAT’S who she’s been to her actual spouse and children for months or years, while fucking around with someone else’s spouse and ruining other children’s intact families. And, they are children of real mothers who have integrity and would never fuck up their family for an immature junior high dopamine rush. Stupid whores.

      Happy F-U Mother’s Day to all the married cheating whores out there. I truly hope you get EXACTLY what you deserve in this life and the next for being the selfish, disgusting pig whores that you are, and I hope you get nothing of what you want. I also hope your kids get to see you for EXACTLY the pig whore you are, that they are disgusted by you, that they never have respect for you, and that maybe THEY can stop the cycle of whoredom in their family legacies. You sure didn’t.

      To all the mighty Mommy Chumps of Chump Nation – I hope you each have mountains of blessings this Mother’s Day, and have peace in your hearts over the fact that you are amazing, strong, intelligent, beautiful, AND worthy as true parents, mentors, and models of what women of integrity look and act like. (((hugs!!)))

      • I love you KibbleFree_MightyMe! I said earlier today to a friend, anyone who preys on a married man with kids deserve the whore title. I also said, he deserves the divorced title because he fell for it.

        The moms in Chump Nation are MIGHTY!

    • Oh, yes! Brunch is powerful! I’ve mentioned it in a previous post but how can I forget my ex husband stopped taking us to Brunch when I was pregnant because the OW would cry…wonder what she cries about now they’re married?

    • OMG I had no idea a site like that existed! Googled it and read some of the justifying drivel (“monogamy is not natural” … Huh? ) and am so disturbed. Get a moral compass people! Ashley Fuck-tard websites cannot possibly fill the hole in their seriously flawed souls.

  • I have to hand it to you ChumpLady, you know mothers pretty well.
    When my kids grow up and bring flowers to my grave (in many, many years) I want them to know that I was the barbed wire type. The type that preferred AM to those finger paintings. 😉

  • Because Mother’s Day is about not becoming old or losing your sexiness, Ann. And the way to fix that is by cheating on your husband and kids, okay, if you say so.

    • or should I say, “Ann” (since this person probably doesn’t really exist)

  • Ha! Nothing says Mom is a selfless giver than her going off and cheating on the whole family. Exactly, CL. Just another example of cheater entitlement and boldfaced selfishness. Willing to trade gold for plastic…a fantasy that only destroys those closest to them.

    • Oh, come ON, DM! We all KNOW that cheaters NEVER, EVER, EVER cheat on the children…right…?

      • NO, Gypsey, you are right! They didn’t leave the children, they left you!

      • Yeah, I particularly hate that lie. Of course, they cheat on the kids as well. They are inflicting incredible trauma to their parent and showing contempt for half of who those kids are!

        • Divorce Minister, I agree regardless of the ages of the children. Mine are adults and because he cheated and we have no contact it significantly impacted out children. At first it was assumed I had no hard feelings. That is so far from the truth. I feel for every chump that has to maintain contact because the children are young. Their behavior is not excusable. They could have communicated instead of committing adultery.

  • WOW, This is hilarious!

    My divorce is one week away YAY from my narcissistic soon to be x-wife.

    Yes I am a chump just like everyone else.

    One last note, on her way out the door she is claiming my vacation/sick time is a family asset and I need to pay her half of its value because if I do not use it my company pays me out anything over 15 days at the end of the year. WTF!!!!!! Apparently there is a legal argument for that one 🙁

    • You can send me her mother’s day gift this year. Sounds like she is the type that will hang herself if you just give her enough rope.

    • Lothos–then take your vacation. Don’t give that cheating ho anything more than you need to.

      • This was my thought as well. I think you need a few mental health days just from dealing with her.

        • When I was going through my divorce, my boss just flat out said, “Take at least a week off to clear your head and take care of a few things”.

          Made me appreciate my job a whole lot.

          • Do what I’m doing. Post photos of the kids and me on a cruise ship to Cozumel. Asset liquidated.

            PS what a petty penny grabbing bagwhore. The gall!

            • yes petty as hell. They are all alike, I kept ex on my health insurance until the divorce was final but he had to pay the monthly bill, about $150. When he went on COBRA they charged him for the last month he’d already paid for on my policy. He had the gall to ask for his money back, when I said it went to his insurance so no, his response was to tell me I was “petty, vindictive and keep his money”. Assholes are gonna be assholes

              Lotho, definitely take your vacation days

              • I had to keep the ex on my insurance until the divorce was final too. When I called to tell him that I would be removing him promptly on 6/1/14 he told me that they were in the “middle of open enrollment so it didn’t matter”

                I thought about it for a moment and realized that open enrollment is usually associated with an actual date, like 7/1/ or 1/1. It doesn’t just happen on the last day you have insurance because your ex is dropping your cheating ass like a hot potato-that’s called a “qualifying event”. I was going to say something but I decided he was a big boy and could figure these things out for himself.

                On 6/2 I got a frantic email that he was officially uninsured (illegal in my state) I guess he didn’t figure these things out for himself. Shocking! He needed documents right away to prove that I dumped him off my insurance. I wanted to tell him that his lack of planning did not constitute an emergency on my part but instead I gave him crickets for a day and then sent the needed documentation.

                I miss that jackass like a gaping hole in the middle of my head!

              • During the serial cheating loser boy felt entitled to my insurance. Asshole lied to my daughter saying he didn’t understand the settlement. He had to pay under 1000 a YEAR to stay in my policy. Lying asshole wanted ME to cover his cost. I have to pay this child like cheaters insurance until one of us married. Of course he stated no one will ever want me. I’m recovering nicely!! Next time around I thin I’ll wear white.

              • Dat: “He had the gall to ask for his money back, when I said it went to his insurance so no, his response was to tell me I was “petty, vindictive and keep his money”.

                X does that, too. Grudgingly pays less than half of what the kids need, and then makes it my character flaw that he had to pay.

                I’d call him an asshole, but those actually work.

      • My thought exactly. Take every damn day and do something you’ve always wanted to do. Be sure to post lots of pictures on Fakebook,too.

        • Or if you don’t have the finances for a vacation, just take one day a week off all summer–a three-day weekend here, a Wednesday off there. Go to the ball game, sit in the yard, wax your car. Rest and relax! Time is an “asset” too and you get to spend it.

    • Lothos – I don’t think there is an arguement for that. I’ve been doing a lot of divorce research and that was a case file I came across – the wife trying to be paid her husband’s vacation and sick time. I think the reason there is no weight in that is because: for instance at my job – when I quit – I get paid out my vacation, but not my sick. If I were to get fired tomorrow – I would not GET ANY of my vacation. So who’s to say you won’t get fired next week? Not only that, but when we quit, we get paid out our vacation time at the rate we are currently making. Who’s to say in a month you will step down to a lower position, therefore get paid less? I don’t think she has a claim on that…. too many variables. Good luck.

    • You know in the state I live.. when a person who seeks alimony commits adultery and it can be proven, the courts almost always don’t award it. I hope you hit this narc where it hurts most.. the POCKETBOOK.

      Cheers to your freedom!

    • Lothos… Not sure if you have kids but u can flip it on her…. So if she takes have of your sick time and half of your vacation …. that doesnt leave time to cover the childrens illnesses doctors appointments and their school holidays and parent teacher conferences. With her demand she potentially preventing you from being the parent that you need to be and alienating you from your children. And if I were yosu I would use that extra sick accural for cough ! cough ! counseling time. So watch your accurals … Attend all of your childrens activities… Thats real ‘ family time’ and if she does attempt to fight you further then insist that if its family time then the moneis are put into an account that is used to support family time activities and make sure you clearly define what that is. Insist on receipts and insust that its for your childrens activities or to support their extra cirricular activities or for emergencies …. Like a replacement cell phone or new soccer cleats… Or the pediatricians copays…She wants to insist its family money… The make it fucking so.

  • I spit my coffee too..Taking and editing photos is an activity / hobby that makes me feel relaxed and grounded..I tend to collect moments, not stuff…F#c())) the cheaters and their messed up mentality!

  • Funny…now that I am coming out of the fog of my crappy marriage. Posts like these help me remember the stuff that I accepted in my marriage.

    For example, my Stbxh use to tell me that I can’t have everything that I want in life. That when he grew up with a Jehovah Witness Father that they didnt exchange gifts especially on holidays. He did a great job little by little to manipulate me to expect less. Holidays were always stressful or disappointing.

    How ironic is it that my first DDay came on Christmas Day this year. Also I found out later that the night before Mothers Day about 3 years ago he hooked up with some slutty mom after one of our kids fundraisers. Which I stayed home to watch the kids!

    I am looking forward to my future drama free holidays. I will not be signing up for Ashley Madison’s..ha!! I am going to spend time with my kids, cherish their homemade gifts of love and get some new shoes!! Happy Mother’s Day CL and CN!!

    • You go, Leolion! This will be my second Mother’s Day as a single mother. My kids will take me out for lunch at a nice cafe (ie I will make a booking and drive us there and pay – they’re only teenagers!). We will have a great time, just like we did last year.

      The seventeen years before that? Every year, STBX would ask me what I wanted. I would say, take us out to a cafe for lunch. He would agree. But then…

      How many times in seventeen years did that happen? Never. Not once. He was always too busy/too tired/came up something else to do (that he wanted to do).

      Damn. I should have cheated on him.

  • Yea. saw this either last week or earlier this week. If anyone thinks cheating is a male dominated trait….think again. Cheating has ZERO to do with gender and EVERYTHING to do with character. Thanks for reminding us!

    • I agree that cheating is not a biological characteristic tied to male or female chromosomes, but I think this “science” from Ashley Madison is not about women at all. I think it is some piece of craptastic PR aimed at men to make them think that if they join AM right now, they can latch on to all the eager mommy-cheaters who will be signing up on Monday ready to hook up with them. I don'[t believe any such bump in sign-ups will actually occur (not because women are saints, just because AM is a sick and deceitful business built entirely on lies).

  • What?! You didn’t get me something expensive for Mother’s Day? Whaaa! I’m gonna go sleep with someone else. I’ll show YOU!

    These woman sound like spoiled brats…

  • Ashley Madison needs more women to sign up, their clientele are overwhelmingly men according to everything I’ve read. Last stat I can find is women make up about 22% of AM users.

    • Yup. I’m guessing Eilonwy has it right in her comment above about marketing. Just getting more guys to sign up in anticipation of all those fresh, slutty, soccer moms.

  • Not having children, I count myself lucky that I never suffered the mother’s day mindfuck. I did suffer other anniversary ‘disappointments’ though. My favourite (I think, though there are numerous contenders for fave) was a birthday being stonewalled – I can’t recall what my heinous offence was – perhaps I’d forgotten to genuflect one day when he walked into the room – so, he hadn’t been acknowledging my existence for a few days but presented me with a card and a bunch of flowers on my birthday. There was a note on the envelope of the card telling me that the flowers didn’t mean anything. So that was nice, wasn’t it? But guess what …. I STILL didn’t go out and fuck someone else! I’m sure I must be thick as a brick – I just didn’t learn how to be passive aggressive despite living with a master!

    • …what am I talking about … there’s NOTHING passive aggressive about adultery or giving a gift AT THE SAME TIME as calling it shite! What’s the word I’m looking for? …. ah yes … evil.

      • I think you must be right about the evil, because this is really bugging me. After all the things I’ve read here (most of which make my own crap look small), that little note on your flowers just…I must have a repressed memory or something, because I’m having trouble with this.

        You mean absolutely nothing to me. Here’s some flowers.

        Jeezus, what a flaming asshole.

        • My special man, while in the absolute thrall of some piece of shit he met on Craigslist, sexting, testing, sexting away, met me with a big kiss when I came home later than him one night. He was drunk, with a bouquet of roses, and the encouragement to me to “buy anything you want, you deserve it”. Smiling like an asshole as his phone kept dinging away on the counter “new text!” “New text!”. Same guy who could never manage to buy me anything for any occasion because he enjoyed being a passive aggressive mindfuck. Hard to get this out of my mind…….flowers bring out the worst in me now.

          • I always got cards professing his love. On our 36th anniversary he had his girlfriends and passed on a card and gave me the old STD gift instead. Never once did he appreciate that I was a loyal, loving, hard working wife and mother. Owhore’s son broke into her house ,punched her and she had him arrested. It must be horrible having a sloth for a mother.

            • To be fair Donna, if someone broke into my house and punched me in the face, I’d have them arrested too – son or no son.

              So sorry to hear you were ‘gifted’ an STD. If I ran the world that right there would be an arrestable offence too 🙁

              • Yes, I also speaks to the whore mother who has a record of assault and gets hotels with married men.

          • i got flowers for every dad holiday. at first i enjoyed them but when every single holiday is a crappy bouguet from the local walmart or super market. usually the ones that were ugly and half dead because he only thought of it that morning and all the good ones were gone.

            every valentines day, birthday, mothers day, wedding anniversery, and sometimes christmas.

            the last mothers day i specifically asked him for no flowers. guess what i got yep half dead craptastic flowers. my daughter even told him “oh dad, why did you do that? dont you remember mom said she did not want flowers?” and what did chump mrsvain say? “oh thats ok. its the thought that counts.” daughter says “well he didnt put much thought into that one”…YEP!! she said what i was thinking and that was a good md present

            fucking asshole!! ironically he finally started giving good gifts after 13 years. so 1 yr out of 14. yay! now he gives her gifts. and i bet they are not flowers.

            • It’s like “Let’s Make a Deal.” The OW thought she was getting a gift, but behind Dorr #2 was a sparkly turd.

          • If I was gifted something from my serial cheating H, it was usually a gift to himself. One year on my birthday he got HIMSELF a nice, expensive camera. He knew that it had no real meaning to me but he wanted to buy one for a long time. It was not in our budget and I had told him that several times. Sure enough he found a way to manipulate around it by buying it with the excuse that it is my birthday present. (Then he gets all sulky and pissed when he sees the account balance and there is no more money left) MY present was not wrapped nor handed to me, just bought it and stated that he got it for my birthday. Yeah right, self serving asshole. He would usually ask me a day or to prior, what do you want for so and so occasion? Than he would ignore what I would have liked and I either got nothing or usually something that was serving himself. After the initial get to lure me in phase was over I have never again seen him putting any thought, care or effort into finding a meaningful present. Did I ever go out and cheat after all these years of neglect on special occasions?
            Nope did not!

        • Thanks Pearshaped … yep, it was a lovebomb/discard in one neat package! The crazy thing is, to my ears it sounds like a really small example of abuse, but it did really hurt – hurt more than it would have if he’d just not bothered to give me anything at all. It gives me great comfort that you see it as the shit it was. I guess, like many of us, his many ‘small cruelties’ inured me to it. Thanks again – I love that you think he’s a flamin asshole for doing that – yay! 😀

          • Jayne, I got chills when I read your post…My x did the almost the same thing to me EVERY birthday. Still can’t figure it out…he’d pick a fight and get me nothing. The one time I called him out on it he replied, “who you gonna go cry to? Your mom? Oh that’s right, you can’t cuz she’s dead! Your dad? Oh yea, he’s dead too! Go cry to your dead mother! Go cry to your dead father! You got no one, you’re pathetic!”
            So glad to call him x.

            • Oh deepbreaths, I just don’t know where to start with condemning that. Too horrible. Too shocking. Too disgusting. This is the stunted hobgoblin who sent you the lovebombing/hate filled texts from the post a few days ago, isn’t it?

              It’s amazing isn’t it, that this is what love looks like to them. If they weren’t so thoroughly deserving of a major RTA with the Karma Bus I’d start feeling really sorry for them. You have to believe the attitude comes from their FOO and the wire monkey they had for mum/dad, but the truth is they also learned, somewhere along the line, how to fake love, or we wouldn’t have touched them with a barge-pole.

              I’m so sorry you had that bastard in your life, and so glad you are rid of him now x

            • deepbreaths–Your X is an odious lump of carbon-based material who really doesn’t deserve his share of the air he’s using. I don’t care what his FOO issues are; plenty of people use traumatic childhoods to become *more* empathetic. He is just a flaming jackass.

    • “I can’t recall what my heinous offence was – perhaps I’d forgotten to genuflect one day when he walked into the room”

      Jayne, that will keep me laughing all day (and, oh, do I relate to it)

      • 🙂

        For all the punishments, criticisms and accusations – I sometimes wish I’d have actually done something dreadful to have warranted them! Oh why, oh why was I not boiling his drawers in caustic soda? Doh!

  • I’m sorry, since when did Mother’s Day become about fucking? I’m not some guy’s mother. My daughter will give me small gifts she makes and that is ALL I WANT. Ashley Madison is as full of shit as its loser cheater clientele.

    • Exactly–I never thought my H should do much for Mother’s day. I wasn’t his mother, oh, wait…..

    • I understand what you’re saying, but I believe that the husband should set the tone of gratitude toward the mother (and vice versa). At a young age children should be encouraged to show gratitude through small gestures, like making a card, writing a poem, or some other act of kindness. Of course, this would be an overwhelming expectation for a narcissistic spouse.

      I should have known on my first Mother’s Day that I was on a sinking ship. 8 months pregnant, I was very hurt that stbxh didn’t acknowledge my soon-to-be motherhood. I kindly let him know that I was hurt. His response: “you’re not a mother yet.” Even when the kids were old enough to be coached he never made the effort. I heard more than once: “you’re not MY mother.” He was a narcissistic jerk from the beginning, and he hasn’t matured.

      • Loki thought he was generous. He would say, “Today is Mother’s Day… you don’t have to wash dishes”.
        Guess what I got to do on Monday?

        • Aaaaaaaaaaaand, lemme guess:

          He was all butt-hurt that you didn’t appreciate your “gift” of not having to wash dishes. Amiright.

          • Lol.
            We need to do something for Tracy on Mother’s Day. She has like 10,000 children, and some of them seem to be jealous of her “hubster”. $♥£

            • I should clarify, earlier in the day, a thoughtful bunny hugging troll said that Tracy needs to work on her marriage to her hubster.
              I kinda like that word… not sure why.

            • // , Dat cartooning ability. Cheek rosiness. Clear thinking.

              The three C c-c-c-combo of attraction that makes lets Cupid load his gun with Tracey Tracer Bullets.

      • This was on another post. Husbands saying, “You are not my mother so do not expect anything from me.” I remember being so shocked that I was not the only one to have gotten that remark. I was happy and not even thinking of a gift. I will never forget it. I always had the kids do something for him on Father’s Day and birthdays. It was always unappreciated. Left sitting around or somehow broken. They are older and I did not do anything last year.The beginning of my awakening and I decided that I would not pretend things were okay anymore. We left three month later.

        • It’s appalling how heartless these assholes are about the small gifts of love from their kids. I made a special folder for ‘papa’s keepsakes’ in our file cabinet, and we had a couple of things the kids made for him on the living room shelves. I kicked him out so he could live his twu lurv w/Schmoopie almost three years ago. Guess where those keepsakes still are? He had plenty of chances to take them, and he’s never asked about them.

          Whenever I need a reminder that my ex really truly sucks, that kind of stuff works really well.

          • KArenE, when they assume the new identity it’s as if nothing matters but the whore. X wanted nothing that reminded him of his fake life. Their new beginning is after all a fantasy. X was the most boring person until he was dating and suddenly he came alive. Behavior never changed. It’s always on to the next ho.

        • I got that, year after year. And every mother’s day he would gloat over the fact that my kids (he wasn’t their dad) didn’t call me till later in the day or evening. Just rubbed it in to make me feel bad. So imagine my surprise last year to find old emails from 2009 in which he wished a then OW, “a warm and deeply rewarding Mother’s Day.”

          • Oh TheMuse – what a nasty, nasty pos! I think we just about survive their cruelties with bucketloads of spackle-flavoured ‘they don’t know any better’ … then they go and prove that they bloody well did know better all along. It’s hard, facing up to the willful contempt they had for us, but you can’t avoid it, with shit like this.

            Hugs sister – have a wonderful, wonderful Mother’s Day x

            • i had a 14 year monthly subscription to the “He doesnt know any better” spackle club. it never occured to me that he just didnt think of ME as being worthy of his appreciation, generiousity, love or thoughtfulness. not after all i did for him. i had blinders on the whole time!! Geesh

            • Thank you, Jayne! Realizing that he wrote that to a woman he was trying to get close enough to to fuck, puts it in perspective for me. He didn’t really care about her Mother’s Day any more than the 16 Mother’s Days while he was my fake boyfriend.

              This year, my son and his girlfriend will spend the day with me… my two other kids will call (they live far away) at some point and I don’t watch the clock! Mother’s Day never was a hallmark holiday in my family… but this is my 2nd since kicking the asshole out and I am so much closer to Meh, that is the best gift of all. Thanks !!

          • Oh yeah, cheater spent a lot of time reasurring his whore what WONDERFUL fabulous mother she was. Who knew all it took to be a great mother was shack out with men in front of your teenage daughter. Till he threw your skank ass out when you confessed to being a prostitute. Actually merely fucking someone’s husband was a step down on the skank ladder. Something we should all aspire to.

      • ItsaJourney, same here! I was a week overdue on May 10 when Mother’s Day rolled around. He never said a word.

        • I went into early labour with my eldest 2 days before mothers day 19 years ago. I had to travel 200km in an ambulance to the nearest hospital that would cope with a prem baby. I had a drip, I was uncomfortable and depressed but still mothers day rolled around and nothing. I ended up with bed rest and held off having my baby for another month but I just needed to feel ….nurtured maybe is the word. Ironically just 17 years later when he took off with pregnant 22 year old, she went through the same thing at the same time, right before mothers day (new baby has a birthday 3 days after my eldest) and I was the ” fucking selfish heartless bitch” who didnt care that he had been travelling to every hospital trying to prevent the premature birth of his “fourth child”. Oops pardon me!

    • Regarding “The whole run-up to Mother’s Day had been depressing. It made me feel old, like I was losing my sexiness.” CL ought to run this nonsensical sequence through the UBT. There is a run-up to Mother’s Day? And is the run-up what makes her feel old? Or the holiday? Or being a mother?

      Don’t even get me started on “made me feel old” and “losing my sexiness.” Like the “run-up to Mother’s Day,” I missed the moment when I was supposed to prefer “sexiness” to being beautiful and respected and a loving person.

      • I know. When does a holiday about mothers and children become about being sexy? My mind can’t make this connect. I think these are very insecure women. I think it’s sweet for husbands to get their children’s mother a card, gift, etc but it’s certainly not expected. And jewelry, lingerie, etc. That seems more appropriate for valentines day or Christmas.

  • Having done brunch on Mother’s day far too many times and watching it get progressively worse over time to the point that the food isn’t done right, the service is bad, and this is true no matter where you go to some extent because they are overwhelmed…

    I would say, go have your affair and file for divorce and save myself to PITA.

  • Oh man can I relate to this post. Valentines Day and Mother’s Day I was always set up to fail. No matter what I got her or how much it cost or how much she told me she wanted a particular thing I bought her, it ALWAYS got returned or collected dust. She once wanted this pink coat from Talbots that she HAD TO HAVE. So I bought it, and she never wore it once. Now, today after school I have to take my kids (6 and 9) to the store because they want to get her some Mother’s Day presents. Yep…I have to spend my money to buy Mother’s Day presents to the woman who strapped on a penis shaped bomb vest and blew up our entire family… Can I get some mustard for my shit sandwich?

    • Why not a clay ashtray? Mothers like the homemade gifts when the kids are little. I have an assortment of pipe cleaner bracelets.

      Save your money for pipe cleaners and some glitter glue, is my vote.

      • Amen about the homemade gifts. And if the whore doesn’t like it, it shows the kids what kind of mother she really is. Gold diggers can never hide their disappointment about not getting something expensive .

        • Homemade gifts are the BEST! My Christmas tree is the same every year… decorated with cheesy, glittery, handmade, heartfelt ornaments. It warms my heart.

      • My mom still has the homemade gifts we made her–and we’re all grown, married (and some of us are getting divorced–yay!). Also the kid-purchased items. The best was the condom my youngest brother bought from the men’s washroom in a swanky Chinese restaurant in Toronto oh so many years ago. He was maybe 4? His brother, not much older, had a quarter, and the two boys thought that the “fancy soaps” they saw in the machine would be wonderful for a gift for my mother. They came through the restaurant, brandishing the gift, and exclaiming to her in those special high, little boy voices, that they’d found a wonderful gift!

        This reminds me that I need to send a present to my mother, but I don’t think that if I fail to send it, she’ll cheat on me. At this point, the best present I could give would be a finalized divorce from Asshole.

      • Yes, get some glitter glue and a package of brown Fimo clay, and have the kids make the glittery turd I have described elsewhere. What a perfect gift for the kids to give to their cheating mother for Mother’s Day.

      • My mom still has the card I made her for Mother’s Day when I was around six years old. I wrote, “Mommy, you are beautiful even when you are ugly.”

    • You know, my H is the SAME way. One of his many complaints about me is that I never buy him the right gifts. I don’t “know him very well”. I can’t win. I try to pick out clothes.. he hates them. I try to buy electronics, I have no clue so I get the wrong ones. The other thing is, he tends to buy what he wants EXACTLY when he wants it, so when Christmas, Father’s Day, or Birthdays come around, there are no ideas because he already has all he wants. It’s impossible. I can’t win. He says I don’t appreciate anything but I think that’s some serious projection. He’s the one who is never satisfied.

      Me on the other hand, I am happy with whatever. Entitlement.

      • “The other thing is, he tends to buy what he wants EXACTLY when he wants it”

        OMG!!! THIS ^^^^ RIGHT^^^^ HERE^^^^^

        Xhole ALWAYS bought himself EVERYTHING he wanted, shopping for a gift for him was always a pain in the ass… fortunately he hardly has any decent taste and luckily for him I usually bought him clothes, improved his image a ton. Funny… the ONLY clothes the asshole took when he left are ALL of the things I have bought him over the years…. all of the ugly embarrassing crap he had when I met him is still here… go figure.

        • My ex was always into instant gratification too; there was no chance for me to get him anything he wanted on any special occasion because he’d already bought it himself. I’d end up shopping for futile hours hoping to stumble across something he had managed to not hear about.

          Strangely enough, now I see perfect gifts everywhere I go, and I think “haha! not gonna buy you that!”

      • Yeah, WTF is it with narcs and gifts–they are called “gifts” because you don’t HAVE to get them. So when you do get a gift, appreciate it.

        One of the things I most resented X for was his contempt at a present I had thought long & hard about.

    • Take them to the dollar store. Get her something with complicated instructions.

    • Cletus…a trip to the dollar store is in order. Give them $10 and tell them to go wild.

    • Cletus, I’m agreeing with the other folks. Ask your kids what they’d like to do for the day. Buy craft stuff so they can make her something, or let them go in the dollar store.

    • Thanks all!…I am going to take them to the Dollar Store…They will have fun with that!

    • Cletus – yes. A bag of pasta, some food dye and a ball of wool or string. My kids made me coloured pasta necklaces when they were little. I wore those necklaces to work with pride (and I am a senior executive in my company). I still have them (kids are teenagers now) and they are far more precious to me than any designer bullshit.

    • I really wish there was a “like” button on CN!!!! My XH practically threw a bunch of side-of-the-road flowers bought last-minute on the last Mother’s Day we were together, then when it was Father’s Day, oh boy did he expect the King-For-the-Day treatment!!! Hell, hell, hell those days were!!!

      Cletus, yes- take your kids to the Dollar Store!! Perfect idea!!!

      • hell yes! i always made a big deal about fathers day. even last year when my divorce was already final. made a cake, took the kids to store and they put so much thought on the cards they picked and some small gifts for his truck, cooked him dinner and they watched a movie while i stayed outside and cried.

        fast forward a year later, he called on monday and accused me of not letting him see his kids last fathersday!1 fucker forgot all about it until i reminded him and still got the day messed up with the pool party we invited him to a month before.

        that is how much it meant to him. i am not doing shit this year. if that is how he wants to remember all the things we did for him, so he can cry about it later to whoever believes his shit….well then why not give him something truthful to cry about

        • Yep, my XH and I have been divorced so long and he is now married to yet another wife, that I don’t even bother acknowledging him, he damn sure never really did after we divorced, so why should I????…over the years, I (like so many of us in the CN) have just not made a big deal about Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, my birthday- not because I didn’t think I “deserved” good stuff, I’ve always been more anti-commercialism about it…like, one or two days out of the year shouldn’t be used to make up for the other 363 days of the year where you should make your spouse/partner/mother/father of your children feel special…for the most part, those holidays with my STBX were OK- nothing fancy, but special nonetheless, and even in the most disappointing holidays, never did I feel the need to run out and hook up with a random stranger to make me feel special or wanted…such a mind-fuck…nice try, AM on your mind-fuck campaign to get more subscriptions!!!!

  • My stbx has been going to Vegas every year for the past 10 years with his lame drunk friends for a pool tournement (ya right) while I stay home with the kids. I never complained – I was never invited. 2 years ago a friend of mine and I decided to road trip down to Dallas (I live in MN). Just a ‘girls’ weekend to visit some family in Texas – that’s ALL. Prior to going and after the trip I would hear smug remarks from the asshole basically accusing me of “Whoring myself out” on our trip. We arrived home on Mother’s Day 2013 from our trip. What I got from my stbx was “Why should I wish you a Happy Fucking Mother’s Day? You aren’t my Fucking Mom.” Yep – such a nice ‘welcome home,’ huh? My son at the time was in the mental hospital (he was the one who busted my stbx cheating on me and at that time my son had not yet told me, but knew about it – that’s why he was hospitalized). Even after that treatment, never did it cross MY MIND to go out and ‘find’ someone else and cheat on the shit for brains.
    And a simple phone call from my kids is more than enough!

    • LadyStrange, when your ex went to Vegas every year he was having sex with strangers. Of COURSE he thought you were doing the same when you went out of town without him.

      • Elizabeth – I definately don’t doubt that now – but I trusted him all those years. Another friend and I are roadtripping down to Arkansas in less than 2 weeks. This trip – I DO plan to “Whore myself out!” LOL. (I am ‘single’ now, so ya…..) ( I won’t be calling AM though – EWWWWW!!! – but I guess I can’t anyway, because I’m not ‘married’ and trying to be discreet about anything)

      • Aha ! This must be why my boyfriend got so distressed and angry when I spent a week driving my American cousin around the country. At the time, I did not understand why he was displaying so much jealousy. She is only 20 and it was her first time here. I enjoyed this innocent trip a lot, and he resented it. He is 44, he has the means to travel around with me all the time. But hey, he prefers to go on his own to eastern countries to fuck his Russian online “friend”. Which I was unaware of.

  • For several years in a row, I asked my (now ex) wife to join the children and I on a charity walk to honor a friend’s 3 year old daughter who had died of cancer. Afterwards,, I always took everyone out to lunch at a nice restaurant, plus gave her cards from myself and the boys.
    After revealing her affair, she threw in my face that I had selfishly spent Mothers Days making her walk in honour of “some kid she didn’t know”.

    • ‘After revealing her affair, she threw in my face that I had selfishly spent Mothers Days making her walk in honour of “some kid she didn’t know”.

      OMG Don. She needs those words of hers tattooed on her face. Like a good chump I hope she squirms with shame every time she recalls them, but of course, she won’t. Meanwhile, the rest of us feel so disgusted we want to take a bath.

    • Don…
      She shits too close to the house !

      Good grief !

    • Empathy, care, concern, kindness – all the things that separate us from freaking apes – these cheating asswholes DON’T HAVE and cannot relate. What a f-ing bitch! She can’t even put herself in that other mom’s “shoes” on Mother’s Day. What a freaking douchebag. So glad you’re rid of that crap, Don.

      • And actually, I believe mother apes are likely more capable of true kindness with their babies and families. Saw a documentary on it. Just sayin’…

  • On her birthday, I rounded up the kids and took them out to all our local farms, wineries and stands and we put together a beautiful arrangement of local fruits, jams, breads and wines (about $500 or nice wine at that). Then I cooked a gourmet French dinner.

    The next few days I heard multiple times how “we didn’t do Jack for my birthday”

    On my birthday, while I took the kids to the lake for the day, I got nothing from her except an intercepted email to her AP how luscious and ripe and creamy her private parts were for him.

    I wish I were lying or exaggerating. That was really my life? my experience? Yes. Truly Yes. Maybe I’m still a bit in denial.

    • On my birthday – we didn’t do Jack. My birthday was a Friday…. what I got was waking up at 4:00 am to a loser alcoholic throwing up on the carpeting beside the bed. Obviously he didn’t go to work on my birthday, let alone get me ‘anything.’ I did get a text at 3:00 pm wishing me a happy birthday. That was probably in between all the other ‘texting’ messages to who knows who else. (Stbx not only has an addiction with alcohol, but a cell phone addiction. Seriously! It is pretty pathetic!)

    • What a bitch. You deserve better Buddy! I hope you find yourself a nice gal. Plenty of women out there would love someone to cook them a french dinner. Hell I’d settle for someone cooking dinner at ALL.. I do all the cooking and most of the other house/domestic work, and it sucks.

      If someone cooked me dinner, I would fall over.

      • I think part of the problem was I thought that if I was a good husband and father, then she’d respect and love me and reciprocate that effort. But I know now that isn’t how it works – it’s more important to truly stand up for your values, your integrity, which, if married to a BPD,NPD is not necessarily easy to do, because those types are very good at escalating back beyond where a ‘nice guy’ is normally willing to go.

        • Damn, Buddy. You nailed it. You stand up and they just take it way to far, even if the kids are around.
          I stood up a lot in the beginning but the shit was constant and relentless. Finally, I just gave up and avoided the constant shit storms to the extent possible.
          I asked my therapist if I had set more boundaries it would have adequate a difference. He said no,but the marriage would have ended a lot sooner.

          • Interesting.

            I can’t go back in time and try again, but I do think if I had stood my ground, it probably would have ended in divorce, but at the time, there was no way that was every a possibility in my mind.

            And subconsciously, she knew that, so she knew she was in control.

            At the same time, I think a part of me knew that if I did truly stand up for common sense, it would have ended in divorce, and I was not ready for that possibility so I avoided that path.

      • newchumpatl, I have been in the same situation all these years. And I have noticed that many people on this site suffer from it. Buying the food, cooking, cleaning, paying everything in advance and computing the other person’s share, making concrete, gardening, repairing stuff, painting, decorating, driving, etc. etc. I wonder if this is taken into account in a divorce.
        I mean, this kind of lazy people give you only two choices: do everything yourself, or nothing gets done at all and the home loses its value. Is there any way to legally force someone to participate ? If the place belongs to both people, aren’t they supposed to do 50% of the work ?

    • Wow Buddy…I can relate though…My D-Day was my 40th Birthday via intercepted texts with pictures. So sorry that happened to you!

        • Buddy and Cletus, I’m so sorry you guys had to go through that. You are both good men who deserve so much better than the hell your worthless exes put you through. Please know how important your voices have been to me (and I’m sure many other women on this board). Not only do you remind me on a regular basis that cheating isn’t about gender but rather about shitty character, you also prove that there is hope for those of us who are a little gun-shy about getting back into another relationship. Good and honourable people are out there. Thank you.

              • Me three. I love hearing from chumped men here. Not because I am glad they were put through hell, but because it reminds me that there ARE decent, honest men out there who have integrity. It also always amazes me how cheaters are all alike, no matter if they are male or female, gay or straight. Whatever is broken inside their heads crosses all human boundaries.

  • It just comes down to what people see marriage for.

    I think marriage is a framework for shared sacrifice in achieving mutual goals. And if I don’t get what I want, then I compromise for the greater good of the relationship.

    Cheaters think it’s a party of attention. And if they don’t get what they want, then they cheat.

    • Oh, and happy Mother’s Day to you mothers out there!

      By the skin of my teeth, I avoided breeding with a cheater (or being cuckolded). And I’m happy to think that the future mother of my children will be someone I’m proud to celebrate on Mothers Day.

      • Lucky you JC!!! I swear that is the WORST part of this…. breeding with these assholes keeps you tied to them for the duration!! Makes closure and NC so difficult to maneuver!

      • Thank you, JC!! My first mother’s day as a single mother, but I am looking forward to it.

        I only wish my children had had a wonderful father as you will make some day.

    • JC, I believe a good marriage supports both personal goals and mutual ones. Reciprocal. I think when a relationship centers on only one person’s goals/wants/needs there is a sense that power/winning is what the relationship is about instead of love/caring. If that makes any sense. I am happy my children acknowledge my worth in their lives. They text me! Lol

  • The last few years, facebook became the main criteria for my cheater. If she had something that showed how awesome her life was via facebook, then all was golden, else hell to pay (or hours spent staging a photo shoot for fb – a whole other type of hell).

    • Right there with you, Buddy. How many likes can I get to validate my self worth? Which, of course, was my fault that I didn’t give enough praise and such. Blah.

      • And the not giving enough praise is most likely rewriting history and simple justification.

        I think once these cheater types start looking beyond the marriage, it doesn’t really matter what you do: praise, support, listen, engage, hold, comfort – while the cheater still expects all those things, they don’t really respect them and you don’t get any “credit” for them.

        In my case, all I did was desire my wife and act accordingly, then post DDay I get the “but I wanted to feel desired, and you didn’t seem like you desired me” bullshit. 100% rewriting of history.

        By the way, I’m sure your presumed cheater gave you plenty of praise and support during this time.

          • Everything being said is so common with us all that it makes my head spin. I also have all the trinkets and cards that my kids made for me and I Love those thoughtful fun gifts given with love.
            Yesterday I listed some things my husband taught me over the years. The first was to never expect anything from him. That was an early lesson that for some reason I accepted. Do not expect gifts, help, participation unless he wanted to, respect… I learned to make our needs so small they disappeared. He taught me how to be alone and lonely. He taught me to be a single mom. I can’t say I miss shared responsibility with anything in the marriage because he left me to do everything. I am unable to pull a single happy moment from 33 yrs because I feel\learned it was totally fake. We are in a better place though some days still hard and emotional. This year I get to celebrate it happily with my kids and my mom without feeling dismissed and judged! Happy Mother’s Day!

            • Today I was thinking about how my entire marriage was a lie. That in itself makes me determined to push forward and live better.

              • Donna, I have felt the same thing lately. The best part of my marriage? My kids.

            • Happy Mother’s Day Informal- and all moms for that matter. Your post breaks my heart. I’m so sorry you had to “learn” those things from your x. I hope blessings and joy and prosperity for you, you’ve earned it.

            • Ohmigosh, informal – YES!! I have said so many times since DDay and after accepting that I was gonna divorce that douche, that I’ve been alone in my marriage, and a single parent for so long, NOTHING is different except for two things: there’s no second income, and now I have to mow the whole lawn myself. Big freakin’ whoop.

              I hope we all find real men of integrity, who will love us for who we are, and be models for our kids as to what real love and kindness is. =(

            • Informal

              I learned all those things too. It’s a realization that really caused me to lose my glue. I got so angry during another argument about why am I so mean and how I can’t even try to be nice to him….. so, I asked him if he thought fucking around with other women throughout our entire 25 year marriage was NICE? He just flippantly said he didn’t really think about whether it was nice or not at the time, but he’d like me to stop throwing the past in his face now, because he GETS that I’m fully pissed and understands how I think HE was not ever nice. And, that he’s not the same person now and my words hurt him very much. I told him I didn’t just THINK he wasn’t nice, it was a simple fact.

              I also said he just didn’t care and we didn’t matter to him. Not enough. Because if we mattered, he would NOT have been able to go out there and just behave as if we didn’t exist. He suddenly agreed with me and said, “yes it was very much like that. I did pretend you didn’t exist I guess.” It was appalling that he glommed onto to that nugget, as if it was an acceptable excuse? The old I can’t be responsible, because you didn’t even exist in MY mind when I was doing that stuff, therefore I wasn’t in my right mind, soooooo in my mind I wasn’t cheating on anybody see? Now we’re all square right?

              Excuse me? We didn’t exist? He really DID just pretend we didn’t exist, because nobody with a toenail’s worth of moral integrity could do what he did to blow his family all to hell and then demand I do some grand rug sweeping maneuver. GAH! Mr. Ho D. Bag is Karma’s problem now, because I don’t have anything to work with here! No wonder he’s NOT sorry! As he sees it, he doesn’t have anything to be sorry for, because we didn’t EXIST and you can’t cheat on people who don’t exist. Boy, I’m glad he cleared that up and we are all fine now. Not. Fucking selfish twatdiddler

              • ChumpedupChik,
                Only a true sociopath thinks he can make you not exist. He needs a lesson or two on reality. 25 years… what a nutcase. These jerks need more than an intervention, they need full fledged Himalayan Avalanche therapy.

          • Moose, that was the best part of my life. My adult children are both studying for finals and insisted on taking me out. We never give gifts. We plan a day trip.

  • Crying because you don’t get expensive gifts? What a spoiled brat.
    A simple gift with thought behind it is far more fulfilling than something cheesy and expensive.
    To be fair though, I think that those days (mostly Valentines day though) are far too commercialised. I’d rather a gift on a random day of the year, than someone trying to outdo everyone else on one particular day.
    I guess its an easy red flag to pick out – if s/he gets all pissy about a gift not being extravagant enough when showing appreciation, run for the hills.

    • I don’t like commercialism myself, but the fact that Cheater’s idea of a gift for me (not the whore) was some shit he threw into a gift bag while I sat in the car at Walgreen’s actually made me analyze all gifts more critically. Hope that makes sense. I went from happy go Lucky to making some comparison to the way he treated this tramp about everything. That’s just so unlike my nature.

      • Not Juliet,
        I understand what you are saying. I had been talking about a particular handbag for my 50th birthday. My sync makes good money as do I. I arranged a get away weekend with my cousin and his wife to celebrate my 50th birthday. Stbx hands me his gift and it was 2 paperback books. Seriously? Apparently, he preferred to use his money on his fun with hookers, massage parlors, and other hotel rooms. He mentioned that, my side of the family makes too big of a deal out of birthdays. Come to think of it, I took care of the hotel that weekend.
        Maybe I am spoiled but I am not an ASS!

    • all i ever wanted was a card and alittle bit of thought into it and some of his time. my dad never got my mom anything but we all knew he loved her. so all i wanted was love. he never cared enough

  • OMG! Marriage is a shared sacrifice??? Nobody gave that memo to my ex husband! He thought marriage was a one way street with his name on it! Oh well, not anymore! Now it’s a one way street with my name on all of his assets! Yep! Now THAT is a great Mothers Day gift this year! Makes up for all the crappy excuses and gifts I didn’t get while married for 40 years! Wonder what he’ll do for Schmoopie? What can you get for that “special motherf****r” with change off the floor of your car??? LOL! I’m sure she’ll be happy with whatever Mr. Sparkles can scrape up at the dollar tree!

    • Gosh Roberta – I so hope I am wearing your shoes soon. I envy you!

        • Thanks you guys! He insisted on mediation which I didn’t want, but it ended up working in my favor. I also walked in to mediation knowing exactly what I needed for my future security and what I wanted and was prepared to say no to him and go to court if necessary. Believe me, I was nervous because he had told me he would NEVER agree to the things I asked for. To quote him, “I would be a fool to sign that!” Well, I don’t know what happened to his resolve, but thank God he folded! Had a great lawyer also and it may have helped just a little that if we ended up in court my ex knew I was going to haul the Schmoopie into court and send out invitations to his boss and co-workers! Could be that helped a bit. Who knows! Just remember, unlike in our marriage where we were forced to accept less our divorces give us the right to decide what we want and the right to say No to the crap they throw out there!

          • You are the champion, my friend (I am singing this). That is awesome!

          • Roberta – you are fierce! I’m so glad you kicked his ass both before and during your divorce, and came away with everything you deserve. Funny how the threat of exposure makes them break. What a douchebag whore!!

            I went head-to-head with the douchebag’s lawyer (I’m a professional PR practitioner) and got what I wanted, as well. Kept all my retirement funds (he as ZERO), and he didn’t get anything from our house or equity. The asswipe didn’t even ask for a single photo of his kids or grandchild! (22, 15 & 3) But this was the same douchebag that I packed into 5 black lawn bags after 23 years together. How is that freakin’ possible?? Because he didn’t “exist” as an authentic person or partner, but was, and will always be, just an image of whatever he wants dumb whores to think about him in a moment, on a particular day just to get some ego kibbles because he hates himself so much. SOOOOOOOO glad we’re rid of that bullshit this Mother’s Day, and can just enjoy our kids and move closer toward “meh.”

            (((hugs))) Roberta!

  • In a recent movie I watched, it was enough justification that the traveling husband phoned his wife back at home and she was TOO BUSY WITH THE LAUNDRY to chat! So he turned around and fucked the little tart that had been hanging around him WAY too much for the past few days. — Can you imagine? The NERVE of that wife doing LAUNDRY instead of dropping everything to fawn over her husband!

    • I can imagine. After DDay #1 my STBX told me he wouldn’t have cheated on me if I had only stopped whatever I was doing (generally cooking HIS dinner) and greeted him at the door when he came home from work. Oh and refrained from mentioning anything bad about the kids until after he relaxed (ie, looked at porn in the basement). I did all of that for four long fucking years (and started his car for him on cold mornings) only to learn that he was still cheating on me the entire time with a parade of strippers. What a massive chump I was…

  • My first 5 mothers days were spent each year eating a half assed picnic on freezing concrete steps watching the only female in the family that didn’t have kids play field hockey, she then gave that up, so instead we went to swanky restaurants where my XH and his brothers talked shit like experts and I spent my lunch trying to entertain three tired/board children, while my XMIL held court. One year I just flat out refused to do anything with them, stood my ground stating that I was a mum I had a right to choose what I did on the day. Omg I thought XH head was going to rotate. But after a few hours he bundled the kids into the car accusing me of being heartless for wishing to keep them all from the MIL on such an occasion. He never actually gave his mother a gift for Mother’s Day in the 20 years we were together, I am sure he thought his being with her was gift enough.
    This year XH has two of my three kids till lunch time. He insisted when he gave money to my youngest for the Mother’s Day stall at school that she not only buy for me but also the XMIL and the new girlfriend of only a few months which clarified where I fit in XH dysfunctional thinking.

    To all the CN mums out there, you are all awesome, so scoop up your kids glitter glue artworks and your crazy coloured clay thingys, and have a great day. CN dads your day is coming. Hang in there.

    • Thankful, I have watched your story and your strength and your growth, and just want to say, you are a truly awesome mum and your kids are lucky to have you! I recall they are still little, so bring on the pasta necklaces and homemade card and clay ashtrays! Happy Mother’s Day.

  • My daughter wanted to buy her Nana a coffee mug. The same Nana who believes that despite several witnesses and a domestic violence conviction her precious son never punched me in the face. I bought the mug. Does that make me a PermaChump? Nope. The one thing Diablo’s family and I agree on is that Lil’ Peep is a) AWESOME and b) still gets to love all of us. The slightly more palatable canape d’merde is also that I just want my daughter to know how to reciprocate with kindness and holiday gifts. Manners.

    As for me, I HAAAAAAATE any actual holiday that stinks of prix fixe menus and competition for space, resources or status. We’ve made a tradition of going out approximately around a holiday but not on it. Besides, (humblebrag) my culinary skills are high enough there are very few things I couldn’t just make at home. But I do love the No Dishes Concept.

  • The ashley madison concept is so sick. Imagine having a mother who actually thinks like that.

    I recall spending one mother’s day tending to a sick child in the cabin of a cruise ship in the Bahamas…while hubby went ashore and enjoyed the sunshine. Did I throw a fit…no..because I loved my child and husband more than myself. And it never crossed my mind to cheat because I didn’t get everything I wanted precisely on a certain day.

  • Damn – my X bought me literally 100’s of bouquets of flowers throughout our marriage. I had more vases then an antique store. He never missed a birthday, Mother’s Day, Valentine’s Day, etc. I would even get jewelry just because he “loved” me.

    Never mind he was fucking any co-worker or bitch from his old neighborhood that would lay down for him. Wait! Don’t look there . . . Look at the FLOWERS! THE PRETTY FLOWERS!!!

    • That makes me think of Carol on the Walking Dead Look at the flowers, Lizzy . Then she shoots you.

      • No, I did not. Wait! I see the error of my ways! I should have bought HIM the flowers. FUCK!

  • Last Mother’s Day I got phone call wishing me a “Happy Mother’s Day” in the most hateful tone ever and then fucktard hung up on me. Totally unexpected since he had not ever wished me on before which made sense since he wasn’t the father of either of my children. I found out shortly afterwards that he was a tad resentful that I missed them during the 6 months we lived together. This woman told him even if my kids were adults no woman worth her salt would abandon her kids for a man. He made it clear he wouldn’t part with any of his guns for me, LOL! Here’s to hoping he finds the type of woman who does kick her kids to the curb for him.

    Happy Mother’s Day to all the Mom’s here at CN!

  • This bit of cheater apologist propaganda brought to you by Ashley Madison and the good folks at the National Brunch Council.

  • I find your response here très amusant Moore. You don’t sound very meh to me. Your language gives you away as a person who frequents reconciliation sites. très amusant indeed

  • I tried with the gifts, honestly. From fixing a romantic dinner to order, flowers, sexy lingerie, to a spur of the moment Lady Rolex (no special occasion, just because). Somehow it all became a no win situation. 90% of what I picked out got returned (including the watch, not her style). Some things (what I had thought was nice jewelry or clothes) were made a subject of ridicule. Looking back, it was a bit crazy.

    Buying stuff became an ordeal rather than a pleasure, knowing whatever it was I bought would either be not expensive enough, or not specially suited enough to her and thus an insult, or a letdown, or somehow not right. Finally we got to where she just picked whatever she wanted and that made it a lot easier, but I suspect I was still blamed because I should have been able to get it right if I were a more attentive husband.

    • Being unsatisfiable is a power trip for them. Ask me how I know.

      • Good point – much of it probably is simply a form of manipulation and control. They see you squirm at your inability to please them and they go, “hmmm, yes i can emotionally control him” then consciously and subconsciously use that to get their way and control the dynamics of the relationship. Of course, in that type of relationship, since the victim becomes more of an object to be controlled, the narcissistic one loses attraction and needs to search elsewhere for their kicks.

        And the cheater after D-Day would probably tell the therapist, “He always felt obligated to try and meeting my romantic needs with gifts and flowers and the like, and he even tried to buy my love with a Lady Rolex. Somehow it all became a no win situation – I wanted someone who loved me for who I was and DESIRED ME and WANTED to please me. 90% of what he did seemed to be just an ordeal for him. It all just got crazy.

        Some of his attempts at romance were downright insulting and really demonstrated how out of touch he was with who I really was. Eventually he stopped altogether and had me just buy the gifts myself. How romantic is that?”

        And then the therapist, in this case, Esther Perel, would reply, “I see. With your husband unable to truly desire you and appreciate your gift of monogamy and realize your need to feel alive, I’m glad to see you got a fuckbuddy – well done – Bravo!!!”.

        • Buddy,
          So true. You are a good man. I read these comments & it suddenly seems like I wasn’t so alone all those years. Someone, somewhere was living a parallel gauntlet of doom. Thanks for the company! 😉

    • Chumpguy, I’ve been married more than once and had my share of male friends who bought me gifts. And I’m 63. I’ve never once taken a gift back or felt disappointed, even when times were lean and gifts were simple things. The only gifts I’ve ever “hinted” for were good winter socks and a “Mamma Mia” DVD. My XH (not a cheater, but an alcoholic) gave wonderful, thoughtful gifts–even simple things like cute pajamas. One reason our marriage ended was that he started to complain about having to by birthday and Christmas gifts. As years went on, he was less and less generous until I finally felt like I was just a paycheck. Gift-giving is vastly overrated in this culture, with the emphasis on designer stuff and how much one spends, but I think the spirit in which partners give and receive says a lot about the relationship. I put much thought into gifts for my XH–new bicycle, iPad, camera, etc. And even now that we aren’t together, I always do up a basket for him with all the things he likes best at Christmas because I don’t want him to have a holiday in which the only gifts he receives are the obligatory ones from his grown child. Not a chance in the world that he would reciprocate, but that was where our marriage was when it ended. But now I have no expectations and that works for me.

      So many people–not just cheaters–value things more than people. Chumpguy, there will be a kind woman out there who will appreciate your giving, generous heart. And who will reciprocate not just with “stuff” but with affection.

  • You don’t know shit about anyone’s experience save your own, you come here and act holier than thou and wish to engage me over my avatar? Where’s your avatar Moore? I’m guessing your ex didn’t hold a gun on you or chase you with it. I’m guessing you aren’t really over your ex either or you wouldn’t be here posting. I’m here to support people going through hell, and to simply chat with friends. You are here to insult those friends (both old and new).

    We have nothing in common, your faux concern for me is about as convincing as a cheaters, that is to say, not convincing at all.

    • Dat, I haven’t read many posts as I have started at the bottom today. Ignore the idiot. You are a fantastic person to have on our side.

      • Thanks Maree, no worries :).

        Concern trolls don’t bother me personally, they just annoy me on the macro level – they are so obviously not concerned with anything but their own grandiosity.

      • Ha Maree 🙂 I do that too … start reading from the bottom! 🙂 Do you also start newspapers / magazines from the last page as well? I thought it was just me! 😀

        • I sort of do a hash-sort approach: read the first couple, read the last couple, randomly bounce around the middle…. lol

  • Mother’s Day pre-DDay? A weed whacker. Post-DDay? A diamond tennis bracelet. I liked the weed whacker better.

    • Mother’s Day pre-DDay? A pressure washer (Which I asked for and wanted!). Post DDay? Absolutely nothing because I don’t deserve anything, except harsh words, because it was MY FAULT HE CHEATED….

    • I hope you used it to rid yourself of the biggest weed in your life.

  • You can buy her a diamond and take her to brunch and she’ll say you’re needy for the diamond, and controlling because you set up brunch…

    She’ll get creative with the justifications and excuses, see “stupid shit cheaters say” for references.

    So 500% increase in females signing up huh? Wonder what percentage of those are real and not set up by the site to lure in horny men.

  • Speaking of Ashley Madison… My husband’s girlfriend was a frequent flier who had used their services for three previous affairs with married men before my DH. That’s four long- duration affairs w married men in her ten year marriage, with two kids under ten.

    I wish them both every happiness they deserve. And wouldn’t bet on either of them changing their spots.

  • >> It made me feel old, like I was losing my sexiness. My marriage was stuck in a rut.

    You know what? Maybe so, I’m following you up to here dumbshit Ashley Madison lady. We all can feel this way about marriage or have stale feelings about the spouse, it is the impending “therefore” or “and this gives me license to” that makes me want to throw my computer out the window.

    Oh yeah, when I read that Ashley Madison bullshit (what a cheap-assed low class porny name by the way) I make a loud Bronx cheer/raspberry noise. It provides prompt, temporary analgesic type relief.

  • I think that if you are looking for an excuse you will find one, and having a crappy Mother’s day experience is certainly not good for your self esteem. Still no excuse justify’s the cheating. If you have a crappy Mother’s day gift because your spouse is so thoughtless that he cannot take the children out and encourage them to participate in finding a wonderful gift for their mother, then my suggestion is to buy yourself something for your day. I understand it is not the same thing — but it will make you feel a little better to “treat” yourself. You deserve that — you need to be willing to love and nurture yourself. In addition, you will have an opportunity to talk to your children about how they should treat their parents, because Father’s Day will be soon. You can try to instruct your children, and pray that they may actually have character and learn from the experience. Your spouse may be beyond help if he hasn’t figured it out by now.

    Part of being married to a dysfunctional person is that you learn to expect NOTHING. The trick is to understand that does not mean you are nothing.

    If someone is feeling unloved, and unappreciated that doesn’t mean it’s time for an affair. It may well mean that it is time to start thinking about marriage counseling and/or divorce. There is a big difference between treating the symptom and treating the disease. Ashley doesn’t offer a cure — just a sure fire way to wreck the marriage entirely. An affair is a catalyst , not a cure.

  • How is mediocre sex with a married man considered “pampering”? Some people have exceedingly low expectations.

    I’m not sure what a 500% increase really means. . .

    • It means they created 10,000 new fake accounts last night to lure in the men, with an ad claiming the womenz are coming.. Many morons will fall for it.

    • Dr, snorted in my coffee reading your comment. The interesting thing about many of these promiscuous and even hyper-sexual sorts is that they are so darned mediocre or even sub-standard at performing (yet we never cheated). Hit me full force when I got re-married last year and realized what I was missing all of those decades with ex-cheater. Leave a cheater, gain a life, is true in so many ways.

  • Mother’s Day mindfuck. Ain’t it the truth…

    I’d laugh at this, but I’m in the middle of mediation, and it seems true. The script is the script. And I am mighty, but oh, so, sad.

  • Please, Chumplady, put the commercial vid up, again, so I don’t have to hunt it down. Now THAT makes me laugh…

  • I got this one too. My ex would get upset if I called my mother for mothers day. I didn’t get my ex a gift. She’s NOT my mother. My dad never got my mom anything for mothers day. My mom has 6 kids. My parents were married for 45 years until my dad died at the age of 72. My mom was never bent out of shape about it.

  • Holy shit, when I think there’s no lower ground to sink to, Ashley Madison proves me wrong. This is just insane to me!

    If I had known my ex was going to end up to be such a dirtbag I could’ve beat him to the punch 3 years ago for his careless Mothers Day gift to me. He bought me an iPad, it was a smaller gig, though…how DARE he. His punishment should’ve been for me to join AM, find a fuck buddy, then record it all on that lack luster memory iPad & conveniently leave it out for my husband to find. I had no idea I’d have such a solid explanation for cheating first!

    Ok, much sarcasm there. In honesty that iPad was the best gift he ever gave me and I appreciated it more than I could express. Of course I didn’t realize it was a pricey guilt gift for his secret life. How can some people be SO ungrateful? I cherished everything that ass gave me, even the thoughtless gifts. Aaaand that’s why elevate the chumps and they’re the cheaters.

  • Datdamwuf says

    May 8, 2015 at 10:15 am

    You don’t know shit about anyone’s experience save your own,

    ********Datadamwuf, excellent excellent point. It applies to everyone posting here, including Chumplady. How very insightful of you.

    I do certainly agree.

    We only can speak about our own experience as we experienced it. Each of us experiences something unique in all situations involving emotions. How true.

    Now, do you actually believe your own point?

    • Happy Mother’s Day for all the Moms who made their children a priority in their lives. My mother was the most caring and loving woman. She was honest, loving, caring, and selfless. She put her children’s needs above her own and sacrificed herself for the duration of her marriage to a man who abused her relentlessly. She never deserved to be demeaned, humiliated, or abused. She lived in a time when moms stayed home with their children and didn’t work. I modeled myself and never recognized the pattern until this year. I wear her wedding band to remind myself that marriage should be about respect and genuine love from your partner. She gave me the strength to put myself through graduate school so I would never have to depend on anyone else to fulfill my needs. My heart goes out to the amazing chumps who tolerated abuse from the narcissist men who not only discarded them but also manipulated their children into having no contact with them. This by far is heartbreaking and defines the extent of character disordered sickness. We are fortunate to have a role model like Tracy who through her experiences can provide us with the guidance,strength,and empathy necessary to recognize and put words to our very real relationships with cheating spouses. My mother chose the hard road and it devoured her sweet soul. Happy Mothers Day. Thank you Tracy for your courage and insight to leave a cheater and gain(save) a life.

      • Love this, Donna. Your Mom sounds like mine. We are lucky girls to have had them as mothers. Big hugs to you today!! =)

  • Message to all…. I you think they are a TROLL do not respond! Trolls need food! All you do is give them a woody when you argue with them!!!!

  • Well not to sound bad, but I am glad (very bad term in this situation) to have more guys around to hear their story and reactions. I do believe a lot of the info out there that men and women have different emotional responses to adultery. Being surrounded by angry women being one of the few men on here is scary!!!! 🙂 Now I have many faults, but I can say over the years my wife has had some excellent Mothers Days! Real gifts real food real cards!!! Cant always say fathers day was the same! So I admit I have not heard this as a reason for her infidelity! Truth is she has this gaping hole in her that no one can fill…. her need for just about everything is beyond normal.

    • I hear you, DavidB. Mostly similarities between the male and female chump experiences, but some notable differences as well. And like you, I always brought my A-game with celebrating holidays, milestones, etc. If only we could control our cheaters with a few thoughtful niceties.

      “Somebody get that woman a quiche and a mimosa STAT! Before she fucks a total stranger!”

    • DavidB…we’re here buddy. Probably a lot more lurking than you realize.

      Nomar, maybe I should’ve tried the quiche and mimosas instead of designer handbags and wine…

      • Well, at least now I know how to traverse the wine lists at the finest restaurants and pick out the perfect Coach bag!

        On the other hand, my credit and retirement plans are both decimated.

      • Damn it! I love brunch. And now I really want a mimosa too. Sad thing is that my ex always got me Mother’s Day gifts for being a stepmom. Since Dday was a week after I found out I was pregnant I spent last M day with a five week old as a single mom.

        Thanks to all you brave guys who post on the site and Happy Mother’s Day to all the Chump Moms and to those who may not have kids but are like moms! I heart you all.

    • “Truth is she has this gaping hole in her that no one can fill…. her need for just about everything is beyond normal.”

      Wow, David B,, never saw it explained quite so succinctly and so well.

  • The foolish spew from the whiny spoiled lady Ashley Madison cheaters…sounds a lot like what my fiance got from his XW…no matter he got her a fur coat, and a Mercedes and she didnt have to work, she fled for greener pastures. After burning her bridges with her XH to rubble, she tried to get back together with him as he boarded a plane to Iraq (?) he opted to not take her up on the offer.

    Those green pastures she left him for turned out to be slim pickings after all and her new husband (who seems like a nice guy by all accounts) doesn’t have quite the plenty she was initially looking for, even her D said she feels bad for the guy “he seems to love her more than she loves him”. I think somewhere deep down, she knows that she would have a LOT more if she would have kept her husband v1.0 but she isn’t going to admit to anyone that she made a mistake, she will hide it under hostility.

    Mothers Day I was happy with anything…what really bugged me is when deadhusband would have our daughter pick out a “funny” valentines day card “from” him…on the one day I hoped to get a little loving sentiment from him and I got a farting dog cartoon or whatever.

  • Horseyset: “she is playing into our hands.”

    What is this, an episode of Pinky and the Brain? You have a plot to take over the world? Force all of us into the Reconciliation Industrial Complex? Leave aside that comparing you to the “Brain” is a s_t_r_e_t_c_h, why the fuck are you here?

    Go upstairs where your mother is making your sandwich so that you can live in her basement in your 40s, and give her a kiss to wish her a happy mother’s day.

  • Every Mother’s Day I did the same for my wife, grilled steaks, peeled and skewered prawns for grilling with melted garlic butter, salads, cocktails, wine etc. She still cheated. I don’t think the brunch will help haha! 14 months post split from her disordered ass and feeling much better and actually enjoying being single 🙂
    Thanks so much to this site, what a Godsend it’s been !

    • Excellent KB, glad things are looking up,you can grill for me anytime and I’ll make you something special in return. Jedi hugs!

      • Aww thanks us chumps have to stay together! Happy Mother’s Day to you 🙂

  • Once again, how very predictable they are. Ten plus years of marraige, and the only gift I ever received for Christmas, Mother’s Day, Valentine’s Day, and my birthday was one window air conditioning unit. That technically wasn’t a gift, I just happened to suggest it around a few weeks before my birthday, so he made a big fuss about my “fancy present”. I should have known.

    Mother’s Day always sucked when I was married. I had a very hard time becoming a mom, so I was so very excited for my first Mother’s Day. Maybe a card, or at least something? Nothing. And when I mentioned that it was Mother’s Day, he told me that I was cruel to bring it up since he has/had such a demented relationship with his mom. As a side note, the first year we were married, I picked out a lovely cameo with a mother and child and sent it to his mom for Mother’s Day, with a letter I had carefully written and translated into her native language, thanking her for accepting me as the wife of her (perfect) son. She called a few weeks later to rant at my exH – apparently I had insulted her with the quality and thickness of the gold chain – she instructed him to tell me that the “gift” was in the garbage. Yeah, I shoulda known.

    So for my first mom’s day, I picked out a gift for myself, told myself it was from my six month old daughter, and still wear it – a pendant with a mommy holding her child – every day. When my mom was healthy, after my ex left, she took over the mother’s day prep, and always helped my little ones make me a special card, and they would tape a Hershey kiss or a stick of gum to the card for my “gift” 🙂 For the past ten years, our tradition is that my kids and I take my mom to the nursery to shop for flowers, and then we plant them together. For a number of years, we got rose bushes, and now both mom and I have wonderful gardens of our own roses that remind us of how precious and beautiful children are. It doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive – it’s about time with the ones you love, making memories. The cheaters and their ilk will never, ever understand that kind of joy. How very sad.

    • OMG Redefining ….I can’t tell you how shocked I am by your exMIL’s attitude towards your lovely gift. As I was reading I was fully expecting you to tell us some shit he’d said or done about it … I wasn’t expecting his mother to have behaved like that. Outrageous! So glad you are away from that family of Vogons (re-reading Hitch-hikers Guide to the Galaxy – Vogons might well be too charming to describe your ex and his family).

      • Jayne – they were a treat for sure…don’t miss that.

        I always figured after that experience, and several others like it, that my exH’s attitude toward gift-giving (or the lack thereof) was related to his mother’s absolutely selfish, evil response to gifts he had given her as a child. Maybe so, or he was just a selfish prick. I’m guessing it’s #2, based on the reality that he never gave either of our kids gifts either.

        I’ll never forget the time my little brother gave my mom a box of batteries for a gift. He was about 6, and he was so excited because they were all sizes and types, and he knew how “useful” they’d be. My mom had happy tears in her eyes, and was so very sweet when she told her son that a box of batteries was the PERFECT gift. My brother is now an awesome husband and dad who treats his wife and little girls wonderfully. You live what you learn. So very grateful for my awesome parents, and especially my seet mom.

        • Awwww – that’s a lovely story about your brother and the batteries 🙂

  • I’m reading the most recent issue of Family Circle. There’s an article on couples where the woman earns more than the man, which is apparently now around 30% of couples. The article notes that men who stay home while the wife works as breadwinner are five times more likely to cheat than working men. So what does the article advise? “Go the extra mile and show them love” so they don’t feel the need to cheat. Say what?

    Maybe I’m just tired, but that reminded me of today’s post. The old, “You had better treat me extra special so I don’t cheat” card.

    • Maybe they are five times more likely to get caught.

      Or maybe they are five times more likely to take advantage of their working spouse so they don’t have to work.

      (now on a more serious note, i can see the odds of EAs going up for sahds who spend many hours a week with a bunch of moms sharing intimate parenting moments – not to excuse it. geez i sound like Dr. Laura)

  • It’s obvious trolls are really pissed that the cheater apologist narrative is being not only challenged but chumps are taking their lives back. It scares cheaters to divorce them is to gain a life.

    I booked brunch and bought my ex flowers (no carnations in the mix), and helped the kids prepare her breakfast in bed. I guess it didn’t compare to the HPV her affair du jour gave her. Nothing says forever and you’re a great Mom like genital warts.

    Trashily Madison, new tag line

    500% spike in married women membership after Mother’s Day including a 500% spike in sexually transmitted disease for our membership, carnations not included.

  • There’s a difference between trolling and having an opinion. Google it.

    Intrawebz forum moderation and moderation of comments happen, even to good people. Don’t let it make you become a bitter troll.. stay happy.

  • HorseyShit, we never get used to abusive assholes. Yet we are quick to identify them and sometimes delete them from our space. You know what I mean,like when your in a crowded space and some scum bag gropes you just because he can? Life getting boring in the affair department? Despising the truth?

  • And I answered it asshole, nice how you snipped the answer out. Here is the entire answer

    “You don’t know shit about anyone’s experience save your own, you come here and act holier than thou and wish to engage me over my avatar? Where’s your avatar Moore? I’m guessing your ex didn’t hold a gun on you or chase you with it. I’m guessing you aren’t really over your ex either or you wouldn’t be here posting. I’m here to support people going through hell, and to simply chat with friends. You are here to insult those friends (both old and new).

    We have nothing in common, your faux concern for me is about as convincing as a cheaters, that is to say, not convincing at all.

    And you Dollmaker came here for the same reason Moore did, go concern troll somewhere else

    • OK CL, apparently I’m seeing the troll posts like 2 seconds before you do and responding to them before you delete them, this is now cracking me up

      • Had to step away from my computer this afternoon. Apparently the trolls have a field day. I’m pretty sure I know who is trolling the site — and it’s one person, using various proxy IPs and “emails”. The spew is the same spew this suspected person said about the site and my husband, almost verbatim, over at TAM. She rather tipped her hand today. (If you followed that debacle about a year ago, then you can guess the troll.)

        Anyway, trolls live on attention. I will delete as I see them. No need to bother yourself with responding to the idiocy.

  • Omg I can believe that fucktress Ann referred to her children as “his” children… If they ever divorce I hope she gets visitation every leap year…

  • Thinking back on this because I guess I’ve never really thought about it… but Cheater never made me a meal, took me out, bought a gift (except when his parents came ON a Mother’s Day – so he got me a card or a gift to not look bad – something completely over-the-top and useless to me), or had the children do anything for me.

    Our children are 8, 9, and 10 years old.

    I’ve done ALL of those things each Father’s Day. Breakfast out, gifts from the children, dinner, gift and praise from me (grasping at ANY straws, really.)

    I’m mad, tonight.

    Can we say it, all together now? SPACKLE.

    • You are one awesome, hard-working mother. I loved reading your money saving posts. I also used cloth diapers and never ate fast food. You rock!
      Our goodmama skills last. Ho skills fade. Just peek in the local nursing home. Mamas are fun to be around. The old, wrinkly hos… Not so much.

      • (In the facility where I worked)
        … And… to be fair to both genders, the doting, faithful, ultra elderly husbands are adorable!
        While the player old men are very, very lame.

  • Haha, it seems I missed all the fun. Kinda cute almost that these widdle pathetic fuckburgers are coming out of the woodwork to try and subvert us to their point of view. Guess what? We’re not brainless fucktards like them. But that’s OK. They have asylums for people like that. 🙂
    Any chance we could get an abortion on these idiots in the 75th trimester? I guess that’s probably illegal the world over. 😀

  • Excellent post CL! Thanks so much for this. It’s exactly what I needed to laugh this week.

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