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Leave a Cheater, Gain a Cat?

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catinboxSo, Chump Lady poll today — how many of you replaced your cheater with a pet? Did you leave a cheater, gain a Vietnamese pot-bellied pig? A marmot? Schnauzer?

The single cat lady is the butt of jokes, but think about it — whatever the faults of a kitten, he won’t spend the 401K on Thai hookers. Cat ladies may be on to something…

Growing old alone in a bunker full of cats is probably a better life than five minutes with a remorseless cheater. I know if I had to compare the toilet habits of a cat with my ex-cheater, I’d take the cat. Heck, I’d take a gold fish. Or befriend some dryer lint and call it “Fred.”

So, today tell me about your pets and how they compare favorably with cheaters.

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Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • I have a beautiful palomino quarter horse. He let’s me cry on his neck all the time. I managed to hide him while I’m finalizing the divorce. And I have to say, when I ride him, its the best thing I’ve ever had between my legs!

    • I whole-heartedly agree! My paint mare has been my salvation since D-Day. When we hit the trails I start to relax and enjoy being with a living, breathing being that does more for me with a mere nicker than shithead did the whole 15 years we were together. Also having a horse has been a life-long dream but having my cake-eating STBX has been a nightmare!

      • I don’t have horses anymore – but I still work with them. We have an array of retired racehorses, and active show horses. While sometimes the physical work I do leaves me flat exhausted, it has always been a salvation for me.

    • My new Schnoodle puppy was old enough to bring home a week after d-day. I was gone overnight to pick him up, and my stbxh told me “I need to take the time to be home by myself while you are away to really think about everything”. Yeah, right… Instead he met Schmoopie with a group of her friends at a neighboring Winery. The Winery is a big client of mine, and I’m close to the staff. We used to ride our quarter horses there all the time to go wine tasting and would pack a picnic in the hand tooled saddlebags I made for him. Apparently stbxh rode over there alone a few times leading my horse, and would give visiting ladies horseback rides. That’s how he met Schmoopie. She thinks she got the Marlborough Man. Well, I now have his horse, am living on the Ranch, (let’s hope I’m able to keep it after the settlement) and he’s persona non grata at the Winery. Now he has the nerve to want to know who’s riding his horse! Hmmmmm, who’s riding my husband???

    • Totally agree there. Two weeks after the idiot left, I bought my daughter a horse (because she was never allowed to have one) and then got one for myself. It is my true therapy. Love love love going riding. I forget about everything else. I also got two ferrets a month later. Already had a cat and dog. They are my family.

  • Like Kar Marie, I kept the dog…she’s my bulwark (as a Newfy, well suited for the job!) and my best pal. Taking care of her gets me out of doldrums when I need that.

    Crapweasel kept our fantastic cat…for a few months. But he couldn’t even manage that. Thankfully I have a cat-obsessed relative who was happy to add the little guy to her crew.

    But–seriously– who in the hell can’t take care of a cat? (especially a smart, social one.) What an idiot.

  • I kept the dog. When we told the kids we were separating, we even made a joke about fighting for custody because he so obviously hated her. Can I add on to your question, Chump Lady? Did your cheater leave your family pet behind? (I have a theory.)

    • We had two Labradors when POS left me and my son for The Slunt. He kept emailing and saying how he missed them and I said he could take them for a walk whenever he wanted as long as he arranged it first. He didn’t bother with them for eight months, until the black dog was at deaths door. Then he was over to see her, all tearful, kept saying how much his dogs meant to him. She was PTS in March. A couple of weeks later, he came over to see the yellow dog, and yes, you guessed it, hasn’t bothered since.
      See what’s your theory ANW?

    • My EX took the dog. And failed to care for it adequately. It died. I found out when I discovered a child curled in a ball crying on the floor. My child was sobbing too hard to speak but was holding the phone. On the phone, I found a phone message from their dad cheerfully discussing this-and-that, and then tacked on to the end, and “Oh, by the way, Skipper, came to me in a dream last night and let me know that he was happy. He ran away a few days ago, but I didn’t tell you because I was waiting for a sign from him.”

      I think the UBT would translate the phone message as follows: “The dog ran away because I sure as hell cannot be bothered to keep him in the house or on a leash. I didn’t want to admit he was gone, but I’ve discovered he was run over by a car, so now I’m going to try and spackle that as some sort of spiritual/mystical experience. I wanted you kids to know before you came to my house this weekend because you are going to be upset, and I’d rather your mother deal with that–if possible I’d like her to take the blame as well. If I actually told you in person, you might get mad at me, so I’ve left you a phone message and done my best to make it sound like no big deal.”

      • What a complete asshole! Wish there was a way to keep people like him from having animals. Always had dogs. My old guy is 14 and very frail, but still loves his walks. My son brought a rescue home from school and I have really grown attached to him. Love me, love my dog (and kids).

        • I wish there was a way to keep people like him from having children to fuck with their heads when a beloved pet dies due to neglect.

      • What a horror story. What a stupid, careless excuse of human being. So sorry for the dog’s passing and for you child’s grief.

      • What a jackass!

        And I am so sorry for your child! Even if the dog had escaped from the house, spotted a squirrel, and gotten hit by the car, your child deserved the truth delivered in person, and hugs. The carelessness and the lie are yet more evidence that he sucks.

      • My EN#1 actually claimed my beloved dog in the divorce decree— I cried for that dog and got stuck with the other one that I never liked; he took that one too, but he “ran off” soon after I moved out. My beloved Golden Retriever died a few years later- Oh, how I cried!!! Bastard kept her outside and neglected…funny thing is she bared her teeth at my STBXH#2 when she was around him– never liked him!!!

        I have been left with the cat that STBXH#2 rescued from some delinquent neighbors when he was about 4 weeks old. We’ve had him almost as long as we were together…damn flea-ridden cat!!! He “can’t” take it because his new slut-shack doesn’t allow pets- funny thing is, we’ve lived in several places that didn’t allow pets- didn’t stop him from bringing fur ball into those homes!!!

        Sigh… good thing the cat just stays hidden most days, doesn’t bother any of us much, but still…

      • Wow Eilonwy, I think your reading of your ex’s bizarre phone message is spot on. Living in his fantasy land is so much easier than dealing with truth.

        • Thanks for all your kind responses. Eventually, I want to get another dog, but there are too many days now when we are all out of the house for 10 hour stretches, and I think most dogs need more companionship than we could provide. I do think I will follow the advice here though and adopt an older dog! For the time being, we “borrow” a family member’s dog whenever he has to travel. It is a good deal all around — the dog gets heaps of attention when she visits, no boarding fees, and having the dog for a week now and then is a treat for my kids.

          • If you really want a dog but are gone a lot then get two. Dogs are pack animals so they get lonesome by themselves. Two will keep each other company.

    • He left me, 3 kids, 2 dogs and 3 cats. He didn’t even care when the pets got old and/or sick and had to be put down within a short time after he left. Grief on top of grief on top of grief.

    • I got all the pets (dog, 2 cats and a bird) since he said he didn’t want animals anymore. Never mind that OW had a dog and they took it on their love trysts. Oh, wait, she was going to get rid of it. But wait, she and the dog are living with him.

      Have since lost the dog (old age) but Birdie and the two cats seem to be going strong even though they are at advanced ages. The cats snuggle up to me and purr me to sleep every night – much more faithful and loving than Ex.

  • Love this topic, Chump Lady! My two cats – who have been with me through this entire ordeal – are the most loyal and loving furry family members, especially for someone who lives far from any kin of the human sort. I don’t care if I get the crazy cat lady moniker.

    Unlike the cheater, my relationship with my kitties is balanced. They give me the same love and affection I give them. They know they can sleep with their soft underbellies exposed and that they have nothing to fear from me, that I would never do anything to hurt them because I love them.

    After an exhausting day of my cats hiding in the cupboards or the couch to avoid the realtors and their clients (selling the house now – splitting any profits with the narc), I bring them a bowl of cat food and some comforting cuddles – comforting for us both! I get just as much out as I put it.

    My oldest cat never liked the cheater, even though we adopted him together from the shelter. He’d meow loudly whenever I’d fight with the cheater, would hiss at him whenever he got too close. When I’d play the marriage police and go through his phone, my kitty would stand at my feet and meow at me impatiently, as if to say “Really? What don’t you know yet about this asshole?” They’re wiser than we know.

  • i kept the two dogs. I love them, but honestly if I didnt have them I wouldn’t have any pets. I travel a fair amount so always getting a sitter is $$ and a pain. Their presence is indicative of my ex’s attitude: he’s the one that brought them home, but after a couple years got sick of them and never wanted to be responsible for taking them to the vet, feeding them, or caring for them in any way. I am glad we never had children!

  • I wouldn’t be here to read this if my two dogs weren’t here during this ordeal. They are with the doubt what got me through the past year of learning that my husband enjoyed prostitutes for a good portion of our marriage.

    Even though we adopted them together 11 years ago, he did leave them behind with not much of a fight. I often wonder how he could’ve done that, I couldn’t have lived if I had to be separated from these animals. I am curious to hear your theory, ANewWoman.

      • I had a red tail boa named Blue for five years, he was a very cool snake. Had to find him a home when he hit six or so feet long cos he started going after the cat. Snakes do make good pets if you don’t have small edible pets around 🙂

      • Not exactly… My immune system is so awesome that it attacks things like puppies, kittens, and ambient air, so it’s all faux all the time for me.

        But I do have faux snakeskin. And zebra, leopard, tiger, and even Dalmatian from my Cruella Deville costume.

        I’m exploring the tipping point between shoe “enthusiast” and “addict.”

  • He left the cats that he “adored” behind. If you can walk out on wife and kids, animals are no biggie. 6 months after he left I went to the SPCA looking for a third cat , but surprise! walked out with a dog that all my kids adore, even the dog phobic one. Security and unconditional love for the price of a few puddles on the floor. Let me put in a plug for adopting older dogs, and giving it time. We dealt with a month of destructive separation anxiety as his previous elderly owner was likely around all the time, and then suddenly he settled. The best dog ever. My neighbors all come out of their homes to pet him;that’s how friendly and appealing he is.

    • I agree with adopting older dogs, that’s what I will do. I’ve had numerous puppies to raise and it’s a lot of work like getting up several times a night to take them outside to avoid accidents in the house. Been there, done that. Adult dogs are the way to go for me.

      • I agree, foolmet2wice, about the wisdom of adopting adult dogs. I kept the two family dogs in the divorce, then eventually adopted a rescue puppy (German Shepherd/terrier mix) and a 10-year old blind, deaf Shih Tzu. I adore the puppy, but she is driving me crazy with her Hurricane Katrina-style destruction of everything that is not bolted down. She has also hidden several pairs of my reading glasses.

        • Same with adult cats. And you usually know if an adult rescue cat is OK with other cats, other pets, and kids, so fewer surprises and problems.

        • Yikes! I forgot about the chewing stage. Thanks for the reminder! Years ago we planted bushes around the foundation just before the puppies came. One bush made it out alive. We also had to put chicken wire around the trees to keep the bark from being stripped!

        • I adopted an older dog from the shelter, and a youngish-dog (3 years old) from the breeder after the dog had been returned for being unsuitable for the type of herding she’d been bought for. Both dogs are herding breeds and need jobs, and even though the older dog doesn’t jump on 4-foot high walls anymore, he wants to be worked.

          Tempest, you probably have zero time, but that German Shepherd mix will be drivey (dog trainer speak for lots of energy that needs positive direction or it’ll become destructive). Working dogs present special challenges for owners. Getting a good trainer–more high-powered than pet-store training–will make your life easier.

          • Thanks, Kb–you’re right; puppy is HIGH energy and will need training. I grew up with German Shepherd mixes, and love their intelligence and feisty personality and loyalty. Summer is coming up (slow time for my job) so I will have more time to train the dog and may start running with it; I’ll get the high-powered trainer if it becomes necessary (or take tips from Irish, who has trained dogs). Puppy lets me know when she needs more attention by nipping me on the leg as I stand typing at my computer.

            You’ll be amused to hear that the 45-pound puppy knows she is lower in rank than the 15-pound Chihuahua (as the Chihuahua is not timid about putting puppy in her place with an intimidating stance and growl).

            • When I was a kid, our huge collie, the neighbours’ collie-german shepherd cross and the other neighbours’ german shepherd were all TERRIFIED of our very small male Siamese cat. They knew EXACTLY who was boss! It’s all about the attitude.

  • startofsomethingood, love that! I got a puppy, Vinny, little brown daschund puppy. Sleeps in my bed, follows me everywhere I go, is happy to see me even after he’s been left alone for several hours. Gives love freely, thinks I’m special. Even if he misbehaves, I can easily forgive him. He will never cheat or lie or break my heart. 🙂

  • i had my cat years before he came along, she hated him and would run and hide whenever he was around, he would force me to leave her out in the winter (Uk) and if i let her in, he would grap her and throw her out the door again, saying she has a fur coat on she will be ok, she now sleeps in my bed and walks round the house like a queen lol I also keep my dog, the dog was never his as he never did anything for him or pay for anything, he now sleeps next to me and his a black lab. at xmas i nearly lost the dog and it broke my heart but made me release i can live with ex but not my dog, his ok now thank god.

    • saralou, you have developed a good “picker” test. If a guy isn’t KIND to your pets, he’s a total loser. Glad the cat won the battle!

      • I agree with LAJ also Saralou, animals can read people very well. If the dog growls or runs from them, then beware. Chances are that person is another shiny turd!

        • My STBXH agreed getting a family dog and dropped the ball on us very fast after realizing they need care and attention. The dog became a nuisance very fast to him and we had fights because I was upset about the neglect he gave him. He would refuse to walk him, pet him or pay any attention to the dog and had the guts to complain about me walking him too much. The dog received the same neglect from the family got. I do agree animals read people very well. The sweet Golden would tuck his tail in and end up hiding under the table when my STBXhusband would pull into the driveway and come home spewing his negative energy around. How he treated the dog (or other animals) showed so much about his character and reflected to me what a poisonous person he is to be around. Everyone had to walk on eggshells around him.

  • He was out of town when we left and he had his dog with him. We knew he cared for her more than us. If he left her when he went out of town, we dreaded it simply because if anything happened to her we knew there would hell to pay. Actually if they noticed the dog alone, they would know their dad was out of town. He could have been away a week with the dog and they would not notice he was gone.
    We took our old beauty with us and loved her to the end. She died in April at the age of 14. We are planning on adopting a new one in the fall after summer activities cool off and we are settled in a routine.
    We have kicked around the pig idea. Has anyone had experience with those? We have plenty of outside space. We are also considering adding guineas into the mix. Everyone wants a different breed. I am an australian shepherd fan, one wants lab mix, and the other wants a husky mix. We have a rescue farm nearby with plenty to choose from.

    • My X-daughter-in-law had pigs. They were pot-bellies and ended up to be like 80 lbs. My son built a large kennel for them and they always managed to get out. They are not easy to train. If they are hungry and you are trying to make breakfast – they will not leave you alone. I highly recommend NOT getting a pig as a pet!

  • When my stbx moved in with OW 3000 miles away, he left me to wrap up (and pay for) everything he left behind including his business and 5 80-100 pound dogs. I’m also paying for the separation agreement, quit claim deed and divorce. I always paid for most things for the last 15 years so it’s not a surprise. He thought he could live responsibility free with her, I guess, for ever. He used his 401K to buy his current house (we are keeping our own 401Ks) I had him come and get the dogs a couple of weeks ago. It was the hardest thing I had to do. His Shmoopie is not a dog person and when she moves into his 975 square foot house it’ll be with him and 5 big dogs.

    I know within a year I will have to sell this house and buy a smaller one next year. They had 4 acres to run around in. My house is now empty of everything but stuff we bought over our 36 years together. It’s very quiet and the first time in 25 years I don’t have dogs running around. My next house will have a much smaller fenced in back yard and I will get another dog (probably two because I feel dogs need another of their species to hang with, unlike cats) when I am settled. So, I guess, he did leave the dogs initially but now has them. Others have asked if I could have kept one of them. They were litter mates, were born in my house, and I felt it would be less traumatic for them to stay together.

    • One more thing. He had planned with OW to leave for at least 3 years. But, apparently, never considered what he would do with the dogs except assume I would take care of them, like I did everything else. This 62 year old man would cry to his 83 year old mother that he missed the dogs terribly. Not enough to plan to take them with him. He told her that he felt I would keep them for a year or so, not that he ever discussed that with me or gave me his timeline. I guess he couldn’t rely on OW to support him and 5 dogs when he moved in with her.

    • Good for you, FoolMe, for putting the interests of the pups first! That is what loving, compassionate humans do! (aka Chumps!)

      Yes, it would have been so traumatic for those litter mates to be separated.

      Forge on, all…….and keep praying (or whatever is right for you) for all the ones dealing with the devastation in Tracy’s ‘neck of the woods’……..So glad you & yours are safe, CL…..

  • Agreed Tracy! I already had a cat when I met the asswipe, and when I eventually dumped him, he tried to take MY cat with him and I told him to go fuck himself! His own mother mentioned more than once that he hated cats and was surprised he was nice to my cat, of course like with everything else he denied that too, but I still wonder why he wanted MY cat…I take the company of my good natured cat to any man! Her love is unconditional, she doesn’t mingle with other cats behind my back and she doesn’t steal from me lol!! 😀

  • I’m noticing a trend here…not a big shock either. I too kept the dogs. They were actually HER 2 dogs that she had when we got together, and I had one. She couldn’t be bothered, they cramped her “lifestyle”. (It’s hard to take care of dogs when you don’t know where you’re going to wake up the next day)
    Another example of how these fucktards don’t make normal emotional attachments to anyone or anything.

    She did take her 2 cats, but I think that was more because my dog thought cats were delicious and it was a lot of effort to keep the peace in the house. I honestly couldn’t have handled it given the state I was in at the time.

    Unfortunately I’ve lost 2 of them to cancer and old age in the last 2 years, but I don’t know what I would’ve done without my girls. They weren’t much for advice, but they were great listeners 🙂

    • “They weren’t much for advice, but they were great listeners” My beautiful red heeler would sit at my feet and stare at my Ex in a very protective posture whenever Ex would antagonize me. She knew who would sit up with her when she was sick. She is now the dog of my dreams. Such fond memories. I hope you have pictures Scotty.

  • Cats are amazing, Nord. I work at an animal shelter and can’t say enough about the therapeutic benefits of sharing your life with a furry family member.

  • Last time STBX cheated, I brought in another cat. We already had 3 at that point, and a beautiful English Setter. I had been fostering cats from the local shelter and this was a feral cat that had a litter of kittens. She was so hissy and wouldn’t let me near her. The goal was just to get the kittens to the point that they were adoptable, then the shelter was going to introduce her into a feral colony. I couldn’t do that to her, of course. 😉 I was afraid that they were going to put her to sleep. I kept her. After a month of working with her, she finally came up to me one day and head-butted me. i almost burst into tears. She had never let me touch her before that. She has blossomed into this beautiful what looks like a Maine Coon mix. Gorgeous, loving cat. And just what I needed at that point when STBX was being a complete asshole. We ended up with one more cat, from a relative who could not keep it, so now the grand total is 5 cats. No more, please!

    Last summer when I kicked STBX out, my sister kept telling me “you need a little lap dog”. The kids really wanted a small dog as well. We ended up with this little chiweenie who has become the center of our world lol, and a total little buddy to our older dog. Oh my gosh this dog is a hoot!! And he is completely attached to me and my older son.

    These animals provide such an unbelievable source of calm and serenity. Our house seems like a zoo sometimes but I wouldn’t trade any of them. They ask for nothing but the basics, but provide so much more.

    Now…my oldest son has said “mom, no more animals”…and I have agreed. But my two chickens died over the winter and I really miss my chickens! The kid may come home to a coop full some time this summer. 😉

    • I found my cat, she was homeless, when I leaned to pick her up, I was horrified, she was nothing but skin and bones and on her way out if you know what I mean. I was going to take her to a non-kill shelter like I have done many times in the past, my other cat passed away, I was heart broken for sometime and I didn’t want to get attached to another one and I didn’t think I was ready. But those beautiful eyes looking at me I just melted with her.. I took her to a vet instead, got her taken care of, shots, got her fixed then I took her home. From the shape she was in when I found her that I couldn’t really tell what breed she was, what do you know, she is a mainecoon and she is one of the sweetest, most good natured cat I ever had besides my other one. She is a blessing 🙂

        • I’d always had Siamese, loved their personalities, but when I went to get a rescue cat in my last 30s, it was a Maine Coon that won my heart. Couldn’t be more opposite from a Siamese, in looks and personality! I’m from out West and had never met this kind of cat before. I used to joke that the Cat Union would throw her out if they knew how obedient she was. She actually never jumped on the counters or table even when I wasn’t home, and consistently came when called. When we had kids, Gabi was the PERFECT cat. Soft and cuddly and super super patient and sweet. What a gift she was in my life.

          I think they choose us, they know what we need. Gabi died of very very old age about 6 months before DDay #2 (and my kicking the narc out). But a few months after her death, a colleague that I never worked with just happened to be on a committee with me, Her daughter just happened to be fostering a mom and kittens for the SPCA. The colleague just happened to show the kitten pictures when we both just happened to be early to a meeting …. My kids swear that Gabi sent us the kittens to take over her job of loving us and always being there for us.

  • This is so timely as I am going to pick up a cat this morning that I adopted yesterday at the SPCA. We had 3 cats & ex adored them but just like me he left them in the dust. Two cats turned 21 in January but unfortunately one passed in March. She was a lovely tortie. My local paper lists cats for adoption & there was a tortie & I had to have/save her.

    At one point a few months after dday I told my therapist that I had nothing to live for but my cats & she said, well live for them. Well I’m still here.

    • That’s what kept me going in the worst days, reminding myself the cats needed me. Who else would know one has to go under the covers at bedtime and the other wants pets but you have to pretend not to see him until he flops down on you? Only me. I’m glad you have your cats, Jedi hugs!

      • Good question! Not that my other cats don’t show me attention but this new one is sooo lovable & content. Just what I need right now – new love & contentment.

  • Mr. Pickles, the cat, became mine. I think I have shared this story here before. We were dividing up our stuff in the most bizarre of circumstances…her mother with us after eating Chinese takeout together…yes, awkward. I ask to makes sure I get the cat and my xW says I can have him. She tells me to take good care of him. I say that he has taken good care of me, which was very true.

    Meet up with now xMIL later that evening. I was hoping she was going to stop her daughter from the whole divorce train. Very chumpy at this time. Now xMIL goes after me referring the cat exchange saying, “Do you need someone to take care of you?”

    I respond, “That cat has been more faithful to me than your daughter!” That stopped her up short. Little did I know just HOW right I was as my now xW was doing another man probably around the same time of the encounter.

  • I was always the animal lover and he wasn’t – he tolerated the cat. She’s a very vocal kitty that doesn’t like to be held but will come to lay with you on her terms. During my dark days after I kicked him out, she was there for me, always tight up against me and purring loudly. She’s been my savior with her never ending love. She’s 15 and occasionally has trouble jumping up on the bed. When her time comes, it will break my heart.

    • Years ago I had a kitty in her late teens and early 20s who learned to use those pet stairs to get into the bed. She had slept beside me every night of her life and the pet stairs prolonged her ability to do that. MY XH (not the cheater) made them but you can get them in pet stores and online.

  • I didn’t get a new pet, but I kept the my precious mini schnauzer. XH had to have a schnauzer, grew up with one, I love all dogs so I didn’t have a preference of what kind so we got her. Schnauzer’s are very loyal to their family but tend to pick one person that they most loyal. The dog loves her mama and over time started to really dislike XH. She must of had a sixth sense about his cheating that I didn’t pick up on. Now she growls at him when he comes to the door to pick up the kids…Good dog!!!!

    • I love all my animals so dearly and they show their appreciation so freely, whether they are a tiny parrot or a 16.3 hand horse.

      It’s nice to be giving kibble to only those who truly deserve it, isn’t it?

  • I had three children–two girls and a boy–with my first husband. He’d always said that if he ever had another son, he’d want to name him Otis, after Otis Redding.

    After I caught my h cheating with a 20-yr-old grad student (We were in our 30’s) and filed for divorce, I took his America Express card and bought the kids a puppy. Guess what we named him?

    • Apologies if this is a double post.

      My first name is Otis. I just had a good laugh thinking of a scene from The Last Crusade: “You named him after the dog?” “I have a lot of fond memories of that dog.”

  • Before the discard he got me a bunny for my birthday and a guinea pig for Valentine’s Day. When he started acting distant the animals got the same treatment. He wouldn’t pick them up anymore. Claimed they got fur all over him. But he used to love holding our pets previously. I have a theory that OW didn’t like to see any pet fur. He did not even glance at the animals on his way out the door.

    Anyway, I lost my little guinea pig to pneumonia shortly after he left. I ended up adopting a pair from the animal shelter and then another I bought at a pet shop who was growing up and they had him on sale. I was afraid he wouldn’t get a home. I still have the bunny. I would like another cat someday.

    On the days I just wanted to stay in bed and pray to die these little guys got me up and busy cleaning their cages and caring for them. They’re always grateful and cheer me up. I love them.

  • Didn’t get a pet as much as I got the two cats and the dog she just had to have.

    The dog died about a year after our divorce was final, on what would have been our 9th anniversary IIRC. I just bawled and bawled as it was too much, too soon.

    That dog had been my constant companion through the marriage and divorce. I think I missed him more than my ex-wife.

    One of the cats escaped when I was getting the mail, never to be seen again. The other, I had to give away as I sold the house and moved into a temporary apartment when my bride and I were looking for our new home. I don’t really miss the cat. He never cared for me, but did begin to suck up to me once he realized she was gone and if he was going to get fed, he better make sure I was still around 😉

  • She was his dog and she and never really bonded…. However guess who took care of her in his long absences, sickness and surgery? Idiot tried a few times to ‘ reclaim ‘ her by hopping my fence. Neighbor told me she ran from him. I knew she was over him when he one day dropped our daughter off early and she got up from the window , sighed and walked to her bed in the bedroom. She got tired of the pick me dance too! She got extra cookies that day.
    The cat is another story….he is an asshole( think Stifler in American Pie) I often speak to him as if he is my ex. Its very cathartic…

  • My stbx wanted to keep the dog so he had “something”. He brought her to his parents in September for a month visit and she’s still there. He doesn’t have time to take care of her. Kids want their dog back…but I can’t have pets in this rental. We will see what happens when I move into our new permanent home next year. I miss her…she’s my first child. But really, he chose to take the dog away from his kids. Selfish much?

  • I sold my 15th wedding anniversary diamond and bought a motorcycle. I took classes, got a new license and I love hitting the highway. I also love looking up at the stars at night when I am at a stop sign. The wind is blowing all of his Passive Aggressive behaviors off of me and clearing way for love of life and freedom to feel like a normal person again. AMEN

    • Good for you Princess! I too have my license, but haven’t ridden for awhile so will probably need lessons all over again :-). However – I didn’t get a diamond on my 15th wedding anniversary. Hmmm, pretty sure I didn’t get anything. I guess I can sell my wedding ring. That would probably get me a bicycle.

    • PA Princess,

      I came to hate motorcycles because my ex bought himself one after D-Day to deal with all of the stress I caused him by acting hurt. Blecch.

      But picturing you on your bike and the freedom you must feel is turning me around. Maybe. Ok, just for you — but I think you are awesome, so rock on! 🙂

      -LIlyBart

        • I had 2 beautiful rings which my daughter was going to have, naturally. She has cut me from her life so I gave a ring each to 2 lovely young women who treat me so well and are happy to see me and have a chat. I summed up these girls long before I gave them the rings. They were delighted and embarrassed all at the same time. At least I know the rings are appreciated, loved and worn. My daughter always assumed that everything I have will be hers in due course. Boy is she in for a rude shock.

          • The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree with your ungrateful brat of a daughter, right? Obvious to see shes taken after the lowlife sperm donor.
            I feel for you Maree, I really do. Shes only a couple years older than I am, and I’d NEVER treat my mum like that. (My mum was chumped too, but she was a warrior queen and took what she needed to gain a life). What a spoilt brat.

  • Cheater brought home a cute little dog I fell in love with. I found out years later it was OW dog. Cheater is gone still have dog. She’s a sweetie.

    • Lol, Dog Lover. I thought I was the only person who had another whore’s dog. Ms Wonderful was such a loser she didn’t even have an apartment, she lived with her brother, supposedly on the couch. She surrendered the dog, a black Labrador , to the pound. Cheater called one day and said he’d ” done something crazy ” and gotten a dog. I had that intuition that this had to do with the whore and I was right. Found an email where he sent her how the dog was doing, calling her the name whore gave her. I guess they had a romantic pound experience. Can’t compete with that After that, I enjoyed calling the dog by the original name or just Whore’s Dog. He did have a different dog when we met but it ran away.

      • Here’s another whore’s dog story. During his tenure here, the XBF walked in and floated the idea of my ‘adopting’ a poodle–the details of the owner and circumstances were extremely vague. I already had plenty of dogs, 4 of whom live indoors. I suspected something was up because the ‘adopt a poodle’ idea was so random. I told him no thanks, I’ve got plenty of dogs and I don’t like poodles (sorry poodle people but it was the strongest excuse I could come up with).

        I was right—–the whore dog was trying to pawn the whore’s dog off on me.

        • Lol, He’s at the Curb. It is almost uncanny that everytime the Cheater did something that I suspected involved the whore I always found out later it actually did. I really need to learn to trust my intuition.

          • Yeah, he was good at attempted ‘recycling’ of all things whoreish.

            One day he walked in with eleven rather tattered roses. Seeing their condition, I instantly sensed there was a history to them. Turns out his perrenial whore had thrown them on the floor when he presented them to her (with a huge attention grabbing flourish) at her place of business earlier in the day.

            He apparently was trying to smooth something over with her. When that didn’t work, he scooped them up and brought them home to me.

            His explanation as to why he brought me roses? “Oh, Baby, you know I love you. I just thought you would enjoy them”.

            What.a.fuckstick

            (BTW–I know this story because one of whore’s co workers became a friend of mine. Out at dinner with a group one night, she was recounting a story about a hapless office visitor who’d had roses thrown at him and how silly he looked scrambling to pick them up in front of the entire office. My telling the rest of the story was definitely good for a laugh.

            • What a fucktard, He’s at the Curb. I’m pretty sure the fucktard of mine was hanging around the whore’s work too, considering all the begging for lunch dates he did. We work in the same industry, I should have applied for a job there, lol. Her company was shut down for fraud, though, so it’s too late.

      • These dog stories are unbelievable! What is wrong with these people?? Oh, that’s right… At least the dogs got good homes.

  • I love my cats.
    Ex did not grow up with pets (xMIL thoughts they were filthy, etc), plus ex was allergic. I finally convinced ex to get a cat when I rescued a kitten from a parking lot. She got bathed almost weekly (really helps with the dander) and ex adjusted to her dander, less allergic around her.
    She LOVED Ex. She was a big cat and loved his bigger lap. She got ill when ex was working away from home (and turns to out having his final affair) and I had to deal with insulin shots, etc on top of false reconciliation. I had to her to sleep a week before the final decision to divorce. That was so tough, and it was quite the sign, as always, who was the adult in the relationship.

    Kids could not wait for kitten season once we decided to get another (8 months later), so we went to the shelter and found a feral momma and her 8 month old offspring. We’ve had them for 18 months. Bit of a pain getting adult cats as they could not be trained for some things, but we love them. The momma’s still a bit skittish (will not be picked up), but every morning she sits in my lap and purrs when I am eating breakfast.
    It was a big day when she curled up on the couch with my son.

    Daughter is desperate for a dog to help with her depression, but I just cannot do it given my work travel schedule. Instead daughter is going to walk the therapy dogs at a nearby clinic.

    Pets are an amazing source of comfort; everyone should have one at some point in their lives.

  • Ex declared on DDay that I was “mean” (read: tried to stop dog from jumping all over people. You know, like have rules and stuff) to the dog, Thunderpaws. I had to leave him behind because I had to stay with friends while awaiting and recovering from surgery. It almost broke my spirit.

    Three months later, Schmoopie must have decided she didn’t like him so exhole thought it would be “best” for the dog to be with me, the person who was “mean” to him. When I got him back, he had lost weight and had an ear infection from fleas (fleas aren’t even indigenous to the area we lived) that was so bad, it took three months of antibiotics and veterinary care to resolve.

    Thunderpaws is all mine now and he saved my life. He greets me every morning with a happy dance and loves our walks.
    I am grateful to be his friend and….he doesn’t cheat or spend all my money.

  • Because i will soon be living ‘alone,’ I knew I needed something for protection. However, because I work full-time – I didn’t think it was fair to a dog to be left alone all day. I got a Ruger LS9 instead.

    • LadyStrange, you rock. I considered this when I first lived alone, given his whore has had charges for breaking/entering, assault, and drug use.

  • I got two cats. Then my son brought home a stray cat, a female. She got pregnant( cat rape culture and patriarchy, undoubtedly) and we had 4 kittens. So, we had 7 cats in the condo, where they only allow 2.
    Found good homes for the mom and the kittens.

    • Oh, for crying out loud, Arnold. I guess you think rape is funny? Try it sometime, and get back to us.

      Also ps. Spay and Neuter your pets.

            • Thank you. It was less painful than the cheating. Stranger deal. No betrayal. Guy did it to my best friend, Al, too. We never told and never talk about it.

              • Trigger warning: r*pe

                Arnold it’s really horrible that you were raped and at such a young age too. I’m sorry that you went through that.

                I do want to say though that I don’t think it’s a good idea to use rape as a punchline in any context. I think it can be quite triggering and harmful and even if you (proverbial sense of you) have processed it to the point of being comfortable to make jokes about it, others who have been raped may not have and it can be extremely upsetting to be exposed to something that is so destructive and cruel.

                Again, I’m sorry that it happened to you and I am enraged that children have to bear crosses for paedophilia X monsters.

    • I’m so sorry, Arnold. I’ll bet if we did a poll here than at least 51% have either been raped or molested at a certain age.
      Not to hi-jack this thread – it’s probably for another one…but I don’t believe you were making jokes.
      Just a comparison. I find cats the same way, animalistic, of course – but the females want it just as bad.
      It’s called spay.neutering when they are 2 mos old…

      I was molested by a very trusted mentor BIL since my tits started showing – Age 12?
      Then, raped by a boss at 17 and got preggo.
      It changed my entire life’s direction.

      I finally made it around the circle and came back to myself and here I am, alive and happy and at Meh.
      And happily alone with my fur family.
      I don’t really trust any man at all.

      And, it’s not just men who do this, I’m sure there’s another percentage for pedophile women.
      They have no idea what they do to people’s heads and lives.

      SPIT

      • The BIL that molested me for 5 yrs who I just confronted after 40 yrs, along with his wife, my sister as I wanted to get it out on the table.
        I HATE secrets! And my sister has had her head in the sand about his ‘habits’ towards other young girls (driving the bus to parade band shows with 14 yr olds – uh huh) and I wanted to finally put it on the table and STOP the asshole.

        Well, he put it out on the table that he was raped at 13 by a trusted neighbor and a good friend of his Dad’s.
        He’d never told anybody about it but he opened up how that every time he had to drive by that guys house, he puked in his mouth.
        Sure, I’ll bet he was tormented, just like me and his actions towards me (taking advantage), that I guess we kind of came to a ‘peace’.

        Altho, neither my sister or he is talking to me right now.
        (they’re busy)

        Say lav vie but this horrible thing needs to be stopped in it’s tracks.

  • My Mother-in-law asked me, “Don’t you miss my son? Don’t you miss having him next to you at night?” I answered, “I have my dog. She is all I need.” I don’t think she was amused!!!!

  • My cheater started cheating because of a dog. I had offered him an expensive australian shepherd puppy with a bonus I got at my then austere work (I was stupid enough to buy and did not know about shelters then). Because he had always wanted a dog since childhood, he had many books about them… Yet, he rejected the puppy ! He didn’t want to take care of it. (“this is YOUR dog” still resonates in my ears, his first truly hurtful comment, after a saturday morning dog camp). He started closing the door every evening, to talk to his future mistress over Skype = “language lessons”. Stressful job, hurtful relationship: I spiralled into burnout. When I emerged after 3 months, and returned to work, the dog, who had become a splendid animal that passers-by admired, suddenly died for no reason: the autopsy did not find anything. Genetic fault of purebreeds I suppose. It left a void.
    After a few weeks, I adopted the most hopeless hound I could find in a shelter, he had been there 6 long years, skinny, terrified, with a history of beating (drunk hunters). And then another one, to keep him company. They are the most lovable animals I’ve ever had. They never demand anything and are always so thankful. They learnt confidence, and now look good, in addition to being totally silent when inside the house, and jumping/running all excited when outside in the forest. They never bark. Their display of joy when I come home is pure fun.
    My cheater, in contrast, never once expressed gratitude for any of the >3000 meals that I served him, and never gave me the impression that I had any special worth to him.

    • My male cat loves his food, but he won’t eat his supper until I’ve picked him up and given him lots of love first. ‘Til then he keeps stropping around my legs and mewling. Unlike my cheater, he knows how to show that I have special worth to him!

  • My kids and I adopted a puppy from the shelter 5 months after d-day. XH accused me of spoiling the kids…. I told him that the puppy was for me and that I was looking forward to having a LOYAL companion.

  • I have a senile senior kitty that I got in 1996. She doesn’t seem to know where she is, but she seems happy. She sleeps a LOT. Enjoys her food a lot. Uses the litter box but manages to get pee under it constantly, lol.

    My daughter’s best friend, 11 years old, their family cat just passed away last Saturday. He was about the same age. Her family is heart broken.

  • Well, I inherited the dog I bought for STBX as a Christmas gift in 2011, just after we found out we were expecting. He had always wanted a dog and I thought it would be a great addition to our family unit. He picked the fluffy white Maltese ShihTzu mix, to many peoples surprise, while I was hoping more for an Austrailian Shepherd.
    Once we had him I did all the work, shocker, I know. I did the training and the feeding and the grooming and the dog and I bonded because of that. When STBX left he left his dog, too. He was looking for zero responsibility, after all and dogs are work. So I kept everything that took effort and he gained freedom from the constraints of suburban American life. I love this dog. Sure, he gets sassy and poops on my floor occasionally, he fancies himself a 3am grooming sesh on my bed and farts when he sleeps but I’d take him any day over the ex. His love is RECIPROCAL, it’s unconditional, he holds no grudges.

    I also had(have) a deaf ferret and kept her, but STBX rarely paid a bit of attention to her anyway and I think he was kinda afraid of her. Lol. My first ferret when he and I were early in our relationship used to attack him, that should’ve been a clue. She would go after his feet & ankles relentlessly and bite him as hard as she could. She never did this with anyone else. So he gained a fear response when in the presence of ferrets, if they ran to him he danced his feet around like he was on hot coals, further I fixing them to take a bite. Hahaha!

    I’ll take the dog & the deaf ferret 100 times over.

    • Yep, dog, cats, ferrets……me too. I started with one cat. Later I added a dog, a cocker spaniel who had been horribly abused and was just starting to heal enough to start trusting me. Then I started taking in strays and finding them home. I had six kitties and one pup when someone…(ex’s family, I think) burned my house down. They all died in the fire. I was at work at the time and came home to a burnt out shell, and every thing gone. All I had left were the clothes on my back.

      Well, thanks to good insurance, I rebuilt right there and started taking in kitties, doggies, and ferrets. I’m going to have quite a welcoming committee when I cross the rainbow bridge.

      Cheater ex wanted nothing to with any pets. He wanted all the attention. Creep.

      • Six kitties! And a pup! What a loss. You have been through so much. I would love to read your book sometime Tessie, you are amazing.

  • About a year before my wife began her affair and our marriage began falling apart, she called me from her car while in the driveway and I was in the house getting ready for work. She was scared of a stray dog that had wandered into our backyard. I went into the yard to find a chocolate lab/pit pull mix puppy of about six months old. She was big, but still a puppy. At the time we were renting a home and couldn’t have pets. We kept her outside as it was during the summer, and by some miracle our landlord came over, fell in love with her and let us keep her. When my wife left with our son, it was just me and that dog. She kept me sane and provided the true unconditional love dogs are known for. I ended up moving in with a relative after the divorce, and took her with me, and my relatives fell in love with her. I can honestly say that I look for qualities in women that I find in that dog. She loves me no matter what. She knows when I need my space and gives it to me, she’s loyal, she’s comforting. I’m sure if someone asked me what qualities I’m looking for in a woman, and I said “the same as my dog”, they’d laugh, but it’s true. The most beautiful thing is, she found me, she loved me during the worst time of my life. The lesson I’ve learned is sometimes God will send you exactly who and what you need when you need it.

  • Oh yes! We adopted a bengal cat, one who peed all over his former home, because of dominance problems with his brother.

    He is the ultimate narcissist, picky with food, needs a lot of attention. But… he comes home when I call him, listens to me and keeps me warm at night.

    The boys and I do our pick-me dance to get his favors, all the while knowing he doesn’t have a cheating bone in his body.

    Only thing I keep wondering, if I was so controlling… why didn’t we get any pets before we lost our cheater? Boys and I love animals!

  • Haven’t read all the comments, yet, but for what it’s worth, I give you:

    “My Dog, Compared to My Ex”

    My Dog:
    50 kilos worth of lazy, eating machine (that’s kilos, not pounds – Rottie-Ridgeback cross)
    Epic toxic farts (I am afraid sometimes we will fall asleep and wake up dead from the gas!)
    Snores so loudly he wakes me up.
    Occasionally tries to hump our visitors, but in plain sight and in a totally honest, open kind of way.
    Barks and growls loudly at our crazy neighbour.

    My Ex:
    90 kilos worth of costly, must have the latest gym membership and frighteningly expensive protein shakes, lazy-arse man.
    Epic toxic farts (but always blamed on the dog)
    Snores so loudly he wakes me up, then wants a BJ to go back to sleep (in spite of the two hour naps each afternoon)
    Occasionally tries to hump our visitors, but only in our marital bed when I’m out at work providing for our family
    Barks and growls loudly at our kids and me.

    Where the dog has the advantage?
    He is always happy to be fed and never complains that I should bring home more money.
    He listens with great interest when I talk to him.
    He loves my company, and the kids’ company, without conditions or complaint.
    He is always happy to give me a cuddle, without trying to grab my arse, tits or wallet.
    He is totally honest and all-in when he decides he loves someone.
    He knows he’s got it good.

    The funny thing is, after I kicked the Big Man out, I was totally fair about custody arrangements and agreed to fifty percent with both our son and daughter, as well as the dog. Darling Daughter scotched that within a few weeks, and announced she would be living full-time with me from then on. My beautiful, confused son stuck it out for another year, due to intensive guilt tripping from the Big Man, but a few months ago announced he would not be staying with his Dad any more, after his Dad kicked him out and followed up with a physical altercation…

    Now the great big lummox of a dog is the only member of his family that is happy to see him any more…

  • …and I just have to add, in the hopes of a cheer from Chump Nation, that today my purchase of a new home was finalised!

    I am very excited and looking forward to moving out of this house – this house is truly beautiful, architect designed, private and by the creek where we hear kookaburras every morning and see clouds of sulphur crested cockatoos sweep in every afternoon. Everything I ever longed for except the total mind-fuck that he moved us in here when he was in a long-term, committed relationship with someone else.

    Out new home is a boring, orange brick rectangle in a new-build suburb – no trees, no character, nothing distinctive or interesting about it. Kids are disgusted at how ‘boring’ it is, but gods, I can’t wait to get into it! New home, new life!

    And I am kind of amazed and proud of myself that I just bought a new home, all by myself!

    • Congrats Blackbird!! I am very happy for you and look at it this way, since there are no trees etc., you can plant trees, flowers, bushes the way you want and watch them grow. In the end you make it the way you want it and it will be all yours. When I bought my house there was no plants, no character, nor distinctive or interesting, but I did all the landscaping, planted trees, bushes, flowers around my home, on my land (however my backyard looks at a huge forest) and its the best looking and distinctive home in the neighborhood now. Then later you will be happy with the results because its you who took a house and turned it into a home. 🙂

      • Tried to reply to this already, but *somebody*–won’t say whom–was walking on the keyboard and fritzed what I’d written.

        Suggest you take pictures of house: street view, back and side yards, and print multiple copies of each on non-glossy paper. Then sit down with the kids and a box of markers and go at it. Dream big. Koi pond? Roller-coaster ride in the back? Zip lines and trapeze and climbing wall? Then gradually shift to the do-able. What would you think of a couple of flowering bushes under this window? Garden? Fruit trees? Design some simple changes together, plant them, and then stand back and compare the finished product to the design. Take another picture in another year, and the one after that.

        It’s an opportunity for them to see that they can make the changes in the world that they want to see, and to understand that life is a process and change can be slow and simple and messy, but they can make it happen.

        Congratulations on your new house.

    • Hurray, Blackbird! It feels good to have your own place, doesn’t it? And you did it all on your own! Congrats!

    • Kudos, indeed, Blackbird! And once you move in and fill it up with life, the house will be anything but boring. I

    • Congrats Blackbird, child labor will allow you to plant plenty of stuff so the house won’t be disgusting to the kids, LoL

    • Well done on the HOME (not house.)

      You’ll come to love the shelter and peace it affords you, how it protects you, how you bought it on your own and made it yours, the good memories you’ll make.

  • I acquired an incredible little Black and Tan dachshund who absolutely adores me. When the ex left we had two dogs that he supposedly loved! The oldest one missed him so very much that she aged before my eyes. She was older anyways, probably 15 years old, and he would baby her to death and she ate it up! She was always by his side and then he just up and left! I don’t know whose heart was more broken, hers or mine! I had to put her down and I cried like a baby. My ex eventually did find out but never mentioned her again! So much for love and loyalty!

    • His sickness has his business here still so my older dog his dog sees him all the time when he leaves to home to the whore I have to wait about an hour or so to let him out because or he will run to the gate and sit there waiting for daddy to come back. Broke my heart so I wait to let him out. Now the older dog his dog won’t even listen to him anymore and disobeys but they all listen to me. The poor sausage just doesn’t get it. I’m the mommy and well sausage is now nothing to them! Haha fucker!

  • I still own the cat that had bonded with Cheaterpants…

    Boots the cat is now 18 and Cheaterpants passed away more than 2 years ago. Boots always began his day with a routine affectionate chin rub with Cheaterpants, leaping onto the bathroom counter for a mutual chin bump. One morning after the affair had begun unbeknownst to me, Boots looked at Cheaterpants and gave him a big old very unfriendly, Hisss, seemingly out of the blue. Boots knew before I did.

    And yes, despite Boots old age, he is a far better, more loyal companion than Cheaterpants ever was.

    Should have skipped marriage and got a cat.

  • My family always had a dog while growing up and my XH and I usually had 3 dogs at a time that we would adopt from the shelter. If one of our pet would die we would mourn a short while but excitedly go pickup another one. They were never meant as replacements for each one had their own special personality. However, we provided them a great life to freely roam about 4 acres in the country with all the love we could share.

    When XH and I were separating he wanted to take our biggest dog we had gotten together as a puppy, she had a fiesty temperamen,t because he felt she and him were bonded more due to their rough housing play. I told him he couldn’t have her that I would keep them with me at home where they belong together.

    There was no way I was going to lose any of my dogs that I loved and let him take my “family” away from me, we never had kids. Might seem weird to some but because I kept my dogs I had to keep going, keep working, continue my responsibility to them, and in this way I had something to live for after BD.

    I’m quite sure that they can read my moods, and they knew when I was sad and they knew that XH was gone and things were changed and different but they probably didn’t understand. They knew XH had left but they had me, I wasn’t going to leave them.

    I could never give to my dogs what they have given to me, unconditional love, happy welcome home everyday with wagging tails, smiles and laughs from their antics, physical connection and “cuddles”, companionship.

  • I kept cat and dog, my STBX never really liked them. The kids and I did all the caring for them anyway. The kids always wanted another dog but STBX always said no because he didn’t want to fix the fence in the backyard and didn’t want to mess with another dog. Of course he loves OW’s dog and can’t wait to adopt more with her! I guess “true love” makes everything better, even pets!

    • It’s amazing what they can do for others. I wanted to get a dog for a couple of years and X said he didn’t want to be tied down and didn’t want the responsibility. After I threw him out I spent months cleaning up the dog fur from my house as she was bringing it to my house for his sleepovers when I was away. Next year I plan on adopting an older dog after buy a home. I think ill name him Faithful.

  • Had two cats that stayed with my kids and me after D-Day in 2010. One died of cancer in 2012, and we adopted a runt of a litter kitten not big enough to fill my palm. She now runs the house. Then, during the Winter Olympics, we adopted a gorgeous Staffordshire terrier from a rescue group in OH called Paws for Prayers – I’d highly recommend it to anyone looking for a great dog.

    We gave him a Russian name (Boris) and have adored him ever since. The cats bully him, but he is so handsome and dear and a real cuddler – so it’s hard to miss sitting with someone on the couch when Boris is right there pretending he’s a lap dog.

    And if I ever have reason to get sentimental or nostalgic for Shit-for-Brains and all his delights….no worries. Because Boris farts and snores just like he did! HA!

  • I got landed with his Rottweiler and he won’t pay for her care. She’s lovely and my four kids think she’s wonderful. At least the dog is loyal. I basically got rid of 17stones of useless fat when my old turd left. Life is sooooooo much better now 🙂

  • The dog was his from before the marriage and like him, she was always mean and aggressive with me, even though I was the one who fed, walked and cared for her the most. My new husband’s dog is a sweet, well-behaved angel. Like cheater, like dog, I guess.

  • Ha! Of course a comment section isn’t complete without the occasional troll! [Insert sarcasm]

  • My ex and I adopted a 6 year-old from the county shelter (pictured in my avatar – Willy Wonka). He’s a fabulous dog. I can almost understand her walking out on me, but I’ll never reconcile who I thought she was and how she felt about Willy to how she left us. She made one mention of joint custody and when I declined that was the end of it. Her few pathetic communications with me haven’t mentioned him. After 9 months he still runs around outside looking for the rest of our family when I get home every day.

    I had a pair of cats from before we met, one of which her son took on as his. The cat was sick and nearing the end of her life – my ex and I discussed it and decided to have her euthanized. Then the abandonment hit. One of the items on the ex’s list was having the cat dealt with. I couldn’t believe it! Not only was she destroying our human family, she also wanted to kill of a member of my pet family. When I brought that up she was shocked as she hadn’t thought of it in that way. Really? What the fuck other way was there to look at it? She left and my cat got to enjoy a few more months of good weather before she died on her own. The callousness of even suggesting euthanizing my cat after leaving me still has me shocked.

  • I kept the two dogs and the cat and the child. He bought a snake… I kid you not… so appropriate. They are so personable NOT, and only require dead things.

  • We have a darling Maltese mix that picked us as we visited the shelter following our former dog’s death. I’m not really a dog person but really missed someone to walk. That dog became my stbxh excuse for hooking up with the schmoopie. He would take the dog out 80 times a night for walks so he could text/call the OW (who I might add is 40 yrs younger than him–disgusting I know.) The dog was a “daddies dog” and would lay on him, buddy up to him but is my good friend too. We also adopted a beautiful white cat off of Facebook who is very loved. During one of our “reconciliation meetings”–yea, that lasted 2 days– he was pushing the dog away. I told him the dog was having a hard time with rejection, just like me. Anyway STBXH was kicked out and I have both the animals. They have been wonderful companions and have cuddled up to me like nothing I have ever seen at this time of need! My counselor said she’s heard of that before. STBXH never asks about them, ever offered anything. Just like he has done with his own children and grandchildren. The dog has already forgotten about him as has the 5 yr. old grandchild. I’ll be forgetting soon myself when I hit MEH.

    BTW, the dog only needs to go out once a night.

  • We had three dogs when Cheater #1 and I separated. I took the dog that hated him when I moved into a rental. Like previous posters, I should’ve paid more attention to why she hated him so much. After I moved out in October, then STBX called on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and told me he couldn’t keep the other two dogs. Hey, a$$hole, I’m in the airport with a baby waiting on a plane, what do you want me to do? The threats to give up the dogs/put them down continued all through the divorce process. He was cruel and neglectful to the dogs, but I couldn’t have more than one in my rental, which broke my heart. I’d go over to drop off Jr. for visitation, and the dogs would have no water or food – oh, and #1 was usually too drunk to notice (yes, I wouldn’t leave Jr. either). It was torture to witness.

    When I bought him out of the marital home and moved back in, I took one of the two dogs back. He insisted on keeping his “designer dog” which we’d paid waaaaayyy too much money for and who was an untrained head case, but was *his* dog. Poor thing was nearly toothless and had hot patches on his fur from malnutrition and neglect. I called animal control to report abuse but they didn’t do diddly. He finally put the poor creature out his misery when he moved in with his then-fiance who didn’t like dogs. The kicker? He took Jr., then five years old, to witness the dog being put to sleep. Poor kid was a puddle of tears. WTF was Ex thinking??????

    Anyway, the other dog that I took back, was a pound puppy who lived to be, in my estimation 15 years. We adopted her from the pound in 1993 and I had to put her to sleep in 2008. She was a little dog with a big, big heart.

    Today, I have two dogs, the latest one just adopted about a month ago. Both are rescues and are sweet and loving. I’ve often said to #2, don’t ask me to choose you or the dogs. The answer will be the dogs. Every.damn.time.

    • ETA: The picture in my avatar is one of the dogs I have now. He is a big ball of fluffy husky whose only item on his bucket list is to have all 6 billion people on the Earth pet him!

    • Her Blondeness: What an awful story about #1’s designer dog. More evidence that their hearts are black holes.

  • My experiences, as always, are a little weird…
    X#1 – we didn’t have animals but cats LOVED him. Like, worshiped him as a deity. It was unsettling, especially as he was so abusive and NPD. He went on to have animals (cats/dogs) with OWife2 & OWife3, but either they died (accidents, neglect) or he moved on from the Schmoopie and didn’t take the critters.
    X#2 – came into the relationship with a cat and left with both the cats. Was terrible with dogs; cruel and withholding of affection. I got my former BFF to take our dog in the divorce “because her husband had just lost his dog and needed it”. Otherwise I would have had to fight X#2 for custody and it would have never, ever been over. I missed that furbaby terribly, but they spoiled him rotten right up until he went to the Rainbow Bridge. So I know it was the right decision. X#2 is a real cat person. Humans like me were just seen as walking ATMs, I guess.

  • I took the dog and two of our three cats. The cats are old but doing well. The dog is the dog of my heart, he is the best companion and a ton of fun. Ex still whines to son occasionally that he misses the dog. The cat that stayed with ex loved him so much. Ex dumped the cat on his sister because he was moving around so much, and basically abandoned the cat. Just last week, son asked about cat, and ex claimed he had no idea of what had happened to her, but she had been gone for at least a couple of months. Ex said he was “scared” to ask what had happened to her. Personally, I think the sister told ex to get his cat the hell out, and ex took her to the pound. But whatever is the truth, it was ex’s responsibility to find the cat a good home, and he failed, just as he fails at everything required of a decent human being. There is no living thing that stays in contact with him without eventually being hurt, even that poor cat whose only mistake was loving him.

  • The dogs (past and present) have always been mine. He doesn’t give them affection or ever really consider their needs. Interesting… even giving a dog affection is too much for him. When I go out of town I board them, and would never trust stbxh to take care of them. They give me love and affection, and lots of cuddle time and kisses. Just laying in bed with them around my feet is so soothing.

    We live in an area where we get lots of “drop-offs.” It amazes me how easily people can discard these loving creatures. They are usually shy and scared at first, but with some love and affection, and a little house training they are relatively easy to place in a good loving home. I think saving these little fur balls is also, in a way, acknowledging my own value. Very healing.

  • Returning to our animal theme: I had two fairly young rescue cats before Jackass entered the scene. The 4-year old was checked by the vet in August but started into kidney failure in mid-November as a result of lymphoma. At this point in the cheater drama, I was being discarded in a fairly brutal way but couldn’t get a straight answer out of his lying Jackass face. My poor cat spent a week in the vet hospital, getting sicker and sicker, before we got all the tests back. I spent a week trying to be calm and reassuring with my cat and started crying the minute the vet door closed and cried until the next morning when I had to go to work. I left Jackass a message to let him know about the cat–at that point, he wasn’t picking up my calls. He sent one cliched text message in response. He couldn’t be bothered to pick up the phone to call me. That was about a week before DDay but reading that message, I knew he didn’t love me, so DDay just confirmed that and made it clear what had happened. I was feeling so much grief about so many things that I was barely functional.

    What saved me was the other cat, a fluffy Maine Coon girl who is super affectionate and sweet. I didn’t want to lose her, too, so of course I had to feed her, do the litter box, and keep her brushed. I cried a million tears into her fur. And just before Christmas, a friend sent me a shelter posting about a black and white cat in a foster home who needed a quiet home and a patient human. It took nearly a month to get her to come out of the basement (and an afternoon sawing a hole in the workshop ceiling where she had somehow trapped herself.) It certainly wasn’t that this new cat doled out any affection in the beginning. She was scared of the Maine Coon and me and doorbell. But she was a powerful healing force because the act of taking care of her, comforting her, making a home for her is all about love in the best sense–wanting to further the life of a fellow creature. Unconditional love. And in that sense, feeding the birds, the turkeys, and the deer during the polar vortex did much the same thing for me, kept me tied to life in the most elemental sense, living one moment at a time.

    This post is timely for me in that I realized just this week that I wouldn’t trade my quiet home, my cats and the little wren singing outside every morning for any relationship. If there is ever a man in my life again, he will need to add value, not require me to give up what I’ve build here.

    I had Jackass’s cat for about a month during the early discard phase. We had picked it out together at a shelter, and I had taken her to the vet and nursed her through pneumonia, and bought all her toys. I hadn’t seen her for almost two months when I paid a surprise visit to Casa Jackass one evening. Her beautiful black fur was all matted. He was embarrassed when I commented and said, “I guess I’m neglecting a lot of things right now.” The next day I sent him a cat brush. Four days later was DDay. And I still wish I had taken the cat with me.

  • My heart was dead after the emotional decimation. So I decided to take a big risk and rescue a stray pittie who was alone on the streets and had the saddest little face. I thought “you and me both, sister.” Best thing I ever did. Training her and giving all the love I have to rehabilitating her into a normal, albeit slightly weird dog, has given me laughter and smiles when otherwise I would have been moping around the house. When I’m sad, she snuggles me. Sometimes I catch her just staring at me with her stupid cute pittie smile just wagging her tail: “oh mom, I love you” she seems to say…it’s calming, stable and lovely. Nothing at all like the asshole I booted from my life.

  • I have an 85 pound pit bull who is a rescue dog, and one of the world’s largest lap dogs. The saying is “Adopt a Greyhound, lose a sofa”. My saying is “Adopt a pit bull, lose a bed.”

    During the day he comes to the office with me and sleeps near or under my desk. He bumps me with his snout every hour or so for attention and a hug. He’s a classic “leaner” who can almost knock you over with his wagging tail and full body wag when he greets you. He grumbles at me when I fail to attend to his every convenience and whim. I have to hike a large trail system tomorrow as part of my business and he will accompany me. Any visitors to my office become his new BFF as he shows them how terribly neglected and starved for affection he is.

    I don’t know how I would have gotten through this without him. He is 9 years old and I cannot conceive of life without him. So thankful W basically lost interest in him when her new, exciting life began. It’s sad in a way that he is kind of one more discard, but glad for me.

  • I kept our high-strung, little dog (the dog he wanted, not me) and a month later got an English Mastiff/Rottweiler puppy. She is almost 5 months old now and has been a great distractions for my son and I. Lots of slobbery, puppy love. Both dogs make us laugh every day. I definitely chose them over the cheater.

  • My plan is to go no pets! Nothing that eats and poops that has to be taken care of! So I can just leave whenever I feel the urge! Maybe some fish……

    • Davidb posts here regularly and I do believe he’s being sarcastic. (I don’t always agree w/his posts but not a troll so far as I know)

    • Trust me, fish need to be taken care of–feeding, water heaters, filters, tank changes every 10 days….my 40 bettas all in separate tanks….*

      *posted purely for the amusement of CJ

    • Troll??? Where did that come from??? I am serious, I dont want another dog or cat!!! Have to find someone to take care of etc… when going somewhere!!! Fish, yes you have to clean and feed but you can put extended feed blocks in while away!!! No you dont have to agree with everything I say, nor do I with what others say….. but I am a CHUMP… wife has been screwing around on me for 3 plus years!!! Just found out on Christmas Day 2014! I do try not to dwell on it with my every comment. But it sucks!!! He was a child!!!! 26 years old!!! Im well into my 40s and almost 25 years married!!! So TROLL I am not!!! Quite normal….. I will never and have never typed a disparaging word against anyone in this group!!! And never will!!!!

      • DavidB–not to worry; we all know you’re legit (and I remember that your spouse, like mine, had a predilection for APs significantly younger).

          • I was defending you Davidb, People on the board are getting a bit crazy labeling ppl trolls. Jedi hugs dude!

          • Davidb, now I get it, there were some not nice comments labeling you a troll, I responded to them saying you were NOT. Then it looks like CL deleted the other posts. Sorry for the confusion!

            • My bad, they were talkin about a different person but the comment was gone so I thought it was in response to you. Sigh…sorry!

              • No problem…. I really am not easily offended…. well the 26 year old screwing my wife… that is offensive… but past that not much bothers me!

    • DavidB, I understand your position on no pets. It’s not that I don’t like animals. I like other people’s pets a lot. Pets are a huge responsibility and I have never been ready to add more responsibility for another living/breathing thing on top of raising a child, working, etc. So, I’ve always been indifferent when it came to pets for our family. Then, in the early days of the split, my son tricked me into adopting a cat. I’m more of a dog person, but I knew that dogs required even more attention and care than cats do. Cats, I was told, practically take care of themselves. There was some guilt involved. One lazy Sunday afternoon, after much nagging from the boy, I relented and we drove to a shelter to just look around. I was imagining him playing with some dogs/cats and getting it out of his system. He fell in love with a kitten almost immediately. There were tears. He refused to play with her unless I promised him we could take her home. I told him I could make that promise, and he absolutely refused to touch her. He cried all the way home. Two days later, out of tremendous guilt, I went back and the kitten was still there. I filed out the paperwork, was interviewed by several people (you’d think I was adopting a human child) and we went back to pick her up at the end of the week. He loves that cat and I love seeing him demonstrate such tenderness towards her. That said, it will probably be my last pet. He’ll have to get his own pet once he’s grown and on his own.

      • Well my situation is a bit different. By the time a divorce is done and all ties severed, I will be on my own. My last child is going to be a senior in high school…. If I had younger children I would be ok with having another pet for them. Being done with raising and single, no pets!!!!!!

  • My cheater gave away the family dog (the dog he had to have) to the neighbors across the street. Both of us were moving into apartments that didn’t take big dogs. But the asswipe could have given the dog to someone to keep him temporarily, including his skank girlfriend. Asswipe bought a condo soon after the split and still didn’t try to get his dog back. Throw away the wife, kids and dog, who cares!!!

    This is a great story too. A few months before I found out he was a cheater, we had someone over working on our house. One of our cats was kind of skittish and dipwad went to pick up the cat right when the cat was feeling threatened. The cat bit him on his ring finger. To make a long story short, asswipe wouldn’t let the cat back in the house, I finally gave the cat to a friend who had patience with and loved cats, asswipe’s finger hurt like hell and he had to go to the hospital twice to get antibiotics. Should have been a sign that the cat bit his ring finger. If I had known what was to come I would have gotten rid of dipwad right then and there and kept the cat.

      • That is so true! I forgot to mention my happy ending though. I kept my beautiful little girl cat and found a gorgeous furry boy cat at the pound two years ago. Life is getting so much better and I have my cats and my girls to love on, and they know how to love back.

        • Love to respond here one more time to the insight pets have. My dog shoveled through the trash one day and ripped up pieces of a handwritten note caught my eyes, Sure enough when I pieced it back together it was a „horney” letter to my STBX from his AP. (I am sure the dog was just sniffing for left over sausage in the trash bag).

  • I didn’t get any extra pets after D day but I got custody of our two cats after I threw him out.

    We have two pedigree cats, I wanted to get rescues but he wanted showy cats, it’s all about the appearances hey?!

    They both have big characters and one follows me round like a puppy I adore them both, as I thought he did. He actually used to say they were his “cat family”.

    Guess what he’s not asked about them once since he left and is now with the OW. But as I’m currently 40 weeks pregnant with his much wanted baby and he’s only managed three texts in 6 months to my sister and mother asking if I’m “well?” I guess cats are easy to leave behind.

    One of the biggest things that hurt out of finding out about the cheating was that I discovered he’d taken a selfie of himself and my favourite cat to send to the OW, nothing is sacred with these types.

    Looks like the cats got the narc discard too but they seemed to be at Meh straight away and seem more than happy to be no contact with him (along with me)

  • Ugh. Cheaters and pets:

    My XW brought her young dog into our marriage and I brought mine. They were our first children and we adored them.

    Then she moved out for a year to enjoy unfettered cake. I took care of both dogs.
    Then one of our dogs died.
    Then I filed whereupon she moved in with her AP and asked if she could have “her” dog for a week and we would switch. (Suddenly she had become “her” dog after ten years of “our” dog.) I agreed and that was the last I saw of our remaining dog, who died with her and AP.
    Reason #312 why cheaters suck.

  • We had 3 dogs together…2 chihuahuas and a border collie mix. He abandoned them much as he abandoned his family. He wouldn’t even pet them when he would come to pick up our son for a visit. So weird. It was never even discussed who would keep the dogs. He moved to a one-bedroom apartment near OW and had to rent furniture. He made room for no one or no pet.

    I love the dogs and glad we kept them without drama. I lost one chihuahua back in December to old age. She was 15. So sad.The other two dogs are doing fine even though they have become very clingy to me…and my son for that matter. Even pets can feel the effects of a crappy cheater.

  • The night my husband left his Aussie climbed up in the bed beside me, layed on his pillow and licked me off and on all night as I cried. I swear she was like an angel sent to comfort me. I sort of ended up with her by default because my ex didn’t come back to get her, said he was traveling too much to take care of her. So I’m very lucky and blessed to have her companionship. She’s better off with me anyway. Don’t know what I’d have done without her to keep my company.

  • Ah, once again the timeliness . . .

    Had a big, beautiful long-haired German Shepherd that I semi-joked helped raise the children. Went with us through a lot of moves and changes, and the final separation. After a few years in our new house, a skinny little stray cat checked us out, and after several weeks we passed the test and she moved in. When I broke my leg, she showed her depth–sniffed me over, laid down on my thigh, and looked at my son with a I’ve-got-this-now expression so unmistakable that he and I looked at each other in astonishment. She nursed me through the pain very deliberately. Had no idea she was wired that way. When the old dog died, she grieved right along with the rest of us.

    We went dogless for about a year, when my son and I got another GSD, another long-hair, black male this time. People have the hardest time pegging his breed, and I can see why. When he was one, we ended up getting another GSD, a female pup.

    My daughter moved out of state after finishing college and asked if she could take the dogs with her. I agreed, as I felt that it would be a positive move for everyone involved. I work, and am facing knee surgery, not as active with them as they deserve. She’s able to put the time into being active with them, and is moving to a dog-friendly city with lots of beaches and dog parks. We’ve plugged into a trainer that works one-on-one with dogs and owners and has a lot of experience with working dogs. She’s agreed to only work part time for the next three months or so while they are going through initial training. She’s sharing a ground-floor apartment with a little patio out back with three friends her age who all look forward to welcoming the dogs. They are sooooo ready for this.

    She came back home to spend a few weeks here reconnecting with the dogs and learning their routines, as she has been away for about six months. Went to the vet yesterday for travel certificates and packed them on the plane early this morning.

    The animals have been through the kids and me packing to go somewhere so often that they knew what was up and were glued to her like Velcro. When they were asked whether they wanted to go, you could see that they got the notion that they were included in. I packed up the grooming tools and odds and ends, and showed them to the younger dog, and put them in my daughter’s duffle, and she smiled. They knew.

    They’ve also been through airport drop-offs and pickups of the kids so often that they knew what that meant, and to be included in this time was clearly a change of routine. I am thrilled for all of them that they are going on to this new phase of their lives–almost like sending a kid off to school–and I am glad my daughter and her friends will have a couple of large, intimidating-looking, intelligent, active dogs in their lives.

    DS20 got on a plane early last week to head out for boot camp, thrilled to be going, and DD24 and the dogs left at 2 a.m. As of this morning, it’s just me and the cat. Woo! I am that crazy cat lady now! (BTW, my STBX hates cats, so we never could have a cat while we lived with him.)

    We took the dogs to their doggy-day-care place yesterday so they could get in a good romp before they were stuck in the kennel for hours. When we told the owner that they were leaving, she turned to me and said, “You’ll be needing another dog now? We have several . . . .” (Apparently people drop off dogs for day care and just never come back. How crazy is that?) I told her no, and she said, “Cats, then? We have a couple of cats . . . “

  • my ex told me (yes, told me) that I had to stay in the house because I had to take care of the dogs. Best trade-off I’ve ever had. The dogs were MUCH better company than he ever was and he never once asked about them but, of course, was later ticked because I ended up with the house….yet, he’s the one who told me I “had” to stay there! Dumb ass…

  • I like my dogs. Don’t mind at all that I was the one “stuck” taking care of them.

    Life is good. The dogs keep me out of trouble too 😉

  • Cheater took “his” dog with him. Interestingly enough in the months of the discard phase, I was the one walking, feeding, etc etc “his” dog. His dog became my buddy. BUT HE HAD to take the dog with him. He was talking about the things he was going to do and I mentioned that he would have to go to the apartment (aka slutshack) and potty the dog first and the response was “oh…..yeah”. Would have fought to keep the dog, as he was part of the family too, cheater’s daughter loved the dog and I figured she was going to need him as obviously “dad” was too busy with OWhore. We miss the dog and feel sorry for it living in the little apartment and being boarded when Mr. Cheater now is too busy to take care of him (note: he was never boarded in all the years together as we never went anywhere – but NOW he will go with OWhore – JACKASS!).

    I kept our 4 cats (2 were mine from before Cheater). One was diagnosed with Lymphoma 10 days post Dday and we brought him home and kept him comfortable for the last 3 weeks of his life. He was a big orange sponge of love. Wanted to be held and cuddled. When we found out he was ill my son asked if I could bring him home as “just too much, mom”. We were blessed with the 3 weeks before we had to have him euthanized as he started to suffer and we couldn’t do that to someone we loved (unlike Mr. Cheater couldn’t care less who he was hurting and left to find his “happy”).

    Pets are all the things these miserable airbags aren’t: Loyal and loving. Always there for you and it is a complete relationship built on trust – a lifelong relationship. Bless the pets!

  • I get the two dogs. This is fine by me, although I will miss the cat who really likes the dogs and likes to sleep with me.

    On the other hand, I walk the dogs a lot and train them. My post-settlement plans, after I get the new house, will be to spend a lot more time training them. Also, friends want to give me more dogs, since no one wants high-energy Border Collies. They look so cute as puppies, but then it turns out that not only are they smart, they’re too damn smart for their own good, and the high energy means they need lots of physical and mental exercise.

  • I had grown up with dogs, two or three at a time. My EH didn’t want any when we married 22 years ago because they were too much work (that I would have done) and we both worked full-time blah blah blah. At the ten year mark he had a weak moment (drunk) and said I could get one. I went the next day and picked up a Springer that was in the newspaper. Six years ago I got a Cocker. EH was fond of them but I love them with all my heart. When I kicked him out after DD he would come over to “visit the dogs” but was really just coming to rattle my chain. He patted them on the head and then ignored them. When I saw him at his brother’s house Christmas day, he asked about them and I told him the older one was getting pretty feeble. He said in front of all his family that he was heartbroken and would bring treats over. Haven’t heard from him since. I have also rescued a cat from the shelter, she fits right in and I don’t know how I would have made it without them. They all snuggle with me in bed and entertain me constantly. Oh and the cat bit EH on one of his visits. Good girl!

  • Why, yes, I did. When the crapweasel walked out, I let the stray cat in. Outfitted his bathroom with the litter box. I was frankly more heartbroken when she died than the end of my marriage. She curled up in that hole in my heart.

  • I quit sharing a home and a life with a liar, and got to remain roommates with my two big dogs and one big cat, not one of whom has ever lied to me, stolen from me, or cheated on me, and all of whom are happy to spend as much time with me as possible.

    My dogs knew more than I was willing to see during The Troubles. I remain so grateful that they helped me be brave and showed me what I knew I needed to do.

    The first dog is now almost 11. She was the one who made us a family. She dearly loved the Ex. During The Troubles, he had just returned to the house after being away for work. He walked in, called for her, she came to the room we were in and she gave him the total cold shoulder. No eye contact, would not come near him, sat on my lap (a 60 pound lap-dog). That moment said more to me than any other. Turns out he had been on a drug-and-cheating binge and any decency he had left had been extinguished. And she knew it.

    The second dog was a rescue who had a very tough life before he joined us, but he very quickly became a beloved member of the family. When we got him, the Ex bought him a logo collar from of the Ex’s favorite sports team, which we always made sure was snug around his neck (because the doggie was then still a skittish rescue who could run off when frightened).

    One day, after a series of particularly hideous series of cheating and addiction-related events, I returned home to find The Ex on the couch. I knew I couldn’t be in the same building with him at that moment, so took the dogs for a hike. On the way to the trail and during the hike, I prayed and prayed for a sign to tell me what to do. I lost sight of the dogs for a moment…when they came bounding back to me, the rescue dog’s logo collar was gone, and I had my answer. That was the day I knew what I had to do. How did my two dear dogs get that collar off? I’ll always wonder.

    I will never understand how he was able to leave them, especially the first dog – she looked for him for at least a year after he left. Every guy jogging or on a bike caught her attention. He has never asked about them. And now, the first dog is showing some signs of aging and disease…and I have started to wonder if I should tell him when the time comes that I have to say goodbye to her. My anger at him has flared up again when I think about how he left me to deal with that last hard decision all alone. For now, every day I wake up and am so thankful that I get another day with all three of my dear friends.

    • No Doop, your ex does not deserve to know when your sweet pet goes, and your pet deserves only those who really care to surround her with love.

      • Thanks Kelly. I knew as I typed it (like saying it aloud) how chumpy it sounded to even consider that I had some sort of obligation to him about a dog he discarded.

  • In all the years we were married, I begged to get a dog for our boys, but was told it would be cruel to get a dog and keep him on a leash. We live in a beautiful neighborhood that is filled with happy dogs.

    When he finally left, my heartbroken 12-year old begged me for a dog, found one at a shelter, and two days later, we had a dog.

    He rescued me tenfold. I adore him and wish I had gotten a dog 22 years ago instead of a cheater husband.

    • P.S. When he found out we got a dog, he texted me that he’d be fine having him come on visits to Clusterfuckdale with our son.

      I told him to shove it.

  • Well, does a motorcycle that I named count as a pet? I love her soooo much!

    But perhaps I have over-shared again…

  • I have a yellow tabby rescue cat with feline herpes virus of the eyes, (not contagious to humans). He was a skinny and pathetic stray…probably about 5 or 6 weeks old. I had NO money, was sleeping on a friends couch and desparately looking for a job, so I googled home remedies, and called a local vet. I washed and soothed his eyes three times a day with warm black or green tea compresses, crushed lyseen tabs and mixed with watered down canned cat food, and he gained weight. His eyes were still badly infected, though. My daughter offered to take him to the vet, and after 140.00 vet bill. they perscribed an oral antibiotic and a salve. His eyes got better for about two weeks. It was about 6 mos later she insisted that we get him neutered, (by this time I was living with her). We took him to No More Homeless Pets,where they normally only spay, neuter, and administer innoculations. Long story short, The vet there did surgerey on both eyes, removing scar tissue from one, and opening the other, ( as, it had grown shut). They sent us home with antibiotics. They charged us 40.00. He still has break outs, occasionally, but nothing like before. He’s a happy well loved kitty-kitty, and I still give him lyseen to prevent breakouts. He’s got some googley eyes, but I don’t love him for his looks. He;s my best friend and we both get an oxytocin bonding rush when I scratch him under the chin, or he curls up beside me on the bed, and I stroke his beautiful yellow stripey coat.

  • I rescued a pup who indeed rescued me. Should have renamed her Shirley McClaine. I think she was human in a past life.

  • Kept our two cats- he had no where to go when I threw him out and even if he did have a place and wanted them they turned on him in the end…literally ran from him the last few times he came into the house- my babies knew Momma was hurting!

  • On the subject of pets, Cheater had a lovely cat that he brought with him when he moved in with me. The cat ended up more bonded to me because I took care of him and gave him affection, unlike Cheater, who would just toss him off the bed when he wanted to sleep with us. About four years later (we were married with kid #1 at this point), the cat, who was about 12 at the time, began throwing up occasionally. Cheater was furious that he was ruining our new carpet, and wanted to put the cat to sleep without even consulting a vet! I was appalled that he could be so callous about this great cat who had given us (me) so much love. I took him to the vet, who put him a special diet of soft food only. I jumped through hoops to make sure that cat had everything he needed, because I loved him so much. He was finally diagnosed with a huge infection, but Cheater did not want to spend any money to help him (the vet said there was only a 25% chance of him recovering). We ended up putting him to sleep and I cried for two weeks. Cheater did not shed one tear, and said I was so emotional because I had my period!!! I should have recognized the sign that he could not bond to anyone or anything except his material possessions.

    Now we have a great dog that Cheater mostly ignores, and I am getting a cat or two as soon as I get him out of the house!

    • Oh my gosh, so similar to my Cheater! We had a cat that started throwing up on carpet too. He was so mad that I finally agreed to give the cat to the local animal shelter to make him happy. Turns out wherever he took her, they wouldn’t take someone’s pet. I guess it had to be a stray or a pet that needed to be put down. So without telling me he had her put down!
      Another cat we had was injured by his dog who had landed on her leg. I would have paid anything to get her leg fixed but Cheater had a fit and accused me of wasting money, blah blah blah. This was after paying $300 for x-rays only. Ended up relinquishing her to to the animal shelter where they fixed her leg and adopted her out.
      These Cheaters have no remorse, no conscience, no feeling. I used to call him the Tin Man sometimes. How true that was.

  • When STBX left with the kids recently for visitation, my peke looked at me and knew he had abandoned both of us. Thinking about getting a new kitty. Wondering how much of behavior problems of the last old girl may have been due to the vibe he was giving off after reading these posts.

  • Not sure if I’ll add anymore pets but right now the cat is really helping me get through this part where I have to live with my cheater

  • I got the two dogs we already had (like our 3 children, ex abandoned them all and never even asks about them). But yes, at my daughter’s request, we got “Divorce Dog”, or as I refer to him “DD” (real name is Balto). Best trade we ever made.

  • My Narc ex actually was *truly, seriously* jealous of some kittens that I got two years into our relationship! I couldn’t believe the words that he said in regard to how angry he was at the fact that I could love kittens more than him…I shrugged it off…he was serious!! I would look at him and try to explain *normal*human behavior…he never got it…Scuse me…I love the kittens and that has nothing to do with the love that I have for you…he never got it…

  • I’ve told my story before but it still stuns me. Our dogs WERE our lives. Especially the last 15 yrs after careers were going fine. (no kids) We did a lot of rescues and then stumbled onto dog shows that took us all over North America via m/h. It was heaven years as we had a winning dog.

    When the ass walked out one day, left 4 Great Danes that loved him, especially his 2 boys. Total over 600#;s of dog. One was old and slept next to him every night for years.
    When that boy was on his last legs (during our divorce) he couldn’t be bothered to see him to say good-bye.
    He absolutely never looked back at any of this lifestyle we had. He didn’t even want one show picture winning in the Top 20. No ribbons. Nothing.
    And, never offered to pay one bill for them since he’s been gone. Food/vet, etc. 4 Great Danes = 4 times the amt of money for a normal sized one. Of course, he never debated me taking them. (to my glory)

    He truly showed me his colors then.
    I told him he never deserves another dog in his life.
    I have no idea what kind of motor runs this man’s life, but if you don’t have kids, grandkids, etc at this age and you’ve immersed yourself with the canine kingdom for so long, I guess it’s a change in the motor.

    He has no hobbies. And, not my monkey anymore.
    I’ve had more fun keeping up life with my dogs since he left. Yes, it’s overtime and I’m not a large person but I can handle it, a few broken bones and all.

    Oh – but he bought himself a brand new sports car! (60 yr old fart)

    • I love Great Danes. There is one at the shelter, a white and pink cutie with blue eyes, but I have no idea whether I would be able to handle him in addition to my 2 rescue hounds.
      Too bad we can’t post photos, I would love to see your 4 Great Danes together !
      He bought a sports car ? His loss. Sports car are great for people who are… outside of them. Because they look good. But inside, one can see nothing, and one has to drive among terrible noise in a stupid back-hurting position that feels like lying on the road, and that is certainly not recommended for a 60 year old. May he have the lumbago of his life and be forced to buy a Trabant.

      • Chumpfrom – you are cracking up. Yea, it was a $100,000 sports car. He’s got bad knees and a gut so I have a feeling he’s gonna have issues getting in and out of it. And, yeah – you’re so close to the ground you get a lot of road noise. I agree, may he have the lumbago of his life and be forced to buy a Trabant. (whatever those are) bwahaha

  • So releived to see posts about losing pets, I felt so guilty. I was abandoned with all the pets, and I tried to keep up with them, but some were old, two ran out on the road (that are only let out to go to the bathroom), and got hit, and I hhad to be the bad guy who had to tell the kids they were gone.

    • Taking care of pets is a huge responsibility especially when your overwhelmed. Many people adopt older pets. Perhaps it would be wise to find them a loving home.

      • Thanks, Donna. I did give one dog to a neighbor, who said we can visit her anytime. And my parents took a goose that everyone gets a kick out of.

  • I was forbidden to get my cat, never say “I forbid you” to me, not ever. I’ve always had an accidental cat, I wanted a Maine Coon, researched breeders, met them and got on a list. I got the coolest craziest badass cat on the planet :). He’s also the quintessential dog cat due to his awesome temperament and my awesome training, heh. OK, he’s trained me to turn on the faucet in the tub for a drink with a certain trill, I also am forced to give treats on demand and of course he requires regular sit down petting sessions. He must get under the blankets at bedtime, and when he gets tangled up I am required to unblanket him upon demand. He scratches the door to go outside, he will beat on a window or other items to announce his discontent if one ignores him. If I ignore any of his specific requests or fail to understand what that request might be, he will do something annoying, or something endearing to get me on track. Like he’ll fall at your feet and grab your leg then trill at you, or stretch out on the bare floor and roll over like a dog cat should. He’s an awesome dog cat.

    I also have my cat’s cat, the one that Saddam insisted on buying because my cat wouldn’t hang out with him. He’s pretty cool too but we don’t have the same bond because the point was to let Saddam have his own cat. What ended up happening is that both cats hung with me, followed me, you know how this goes. I love the him too, and he’s getting more doggy every year since ex has been gone.

    We may lament our ex assholes lack of empathy but it works in our favor regarding our pets. It never occurred to Saddam that if he threatened to go to court for cat custody he’d have gotten more out of me because there is no way in hell I’d let that fucker have my cat, or my cat’s cat. After Saddam left “his” cat stopped hiding in the basement, doesn’t run when ppl come in the house and sleeps on the bed with me and dog cat. My neighbor has made many remarks about how much the cats behavior has changed, it’s remarkable. And, within a couple of months of Saddam leaving, my cat returned to his original badass self. No more spookiness, when he hears some shit going on he walks the house growling and looking for the source. Just like he did when he was young.

    PS: before you get a Maine Coon consider the fact they weigh in at 18 to 25 pounds. Mine are about 20 lbs and two feet long, so you end up sleeping around them in weird positions. Pretty much only their head and front paws fit in your lap if you are 5 foot something 🙂

  • My cat was rescued out of a truly awful situation and spent his first six months being very ill. He’s so affectionate and not in the least aloof like most felines can be – not ever. Ex used to joke about how he was our “son” and make a fuss over him. Since he loved taking pictures, I was a little surprised that he never took any photos of the cat. In fact, he stopped taking photos of me, too. He began to be the only subject, with me taking requested photos of him in various settings, like with the grand kids….but stopped short of wanting me to pose with him. Of course, he sent all of those pictures to her.

    When I found the dozens and dozens of photos he took of OW’s cats, I was nearly as hurt as I was over the volume of photos he took of her. In two years he seemed to be on an endless photo shoot with her (and her cats).. In nearly 20 years, he took about an eighth of that amount of photos of me. And none of my precious kitty.

    This affectionate cat has really saved me and it has been rough duty for him, I’m afraid. All the nights lying right up against my heart while I cried myself to sleep and the mornings when I cried myself awake, and the angry phone calls and the intense arguments here. I feel so bad about rescuing him into such an upsetting environment, when I had thought I was going to be providing peace and safety.

  • The only thing my D14 said when cheater told them he was leaving was “are we still getting the puppy?” We got the puppy and she has been very therapeutic for my daughter who does not like to speak about her feelings. She cuddles with her and loves her with all her heart. That happy little dog is more faithful than the cheater ever was and keeps me company when the kids go over to the cheater and MOW’s house every other weekend.

  • My ex left me with everything and that included all our pets. Several cats (the barn kind) and a dog he and our son brought home together. Thing is he just couldn’t be bothered to take care of anything when he abandoned us…. The kids and I had a great many animals over the years together (4-H and all) and, truth is, when ex was younger he wasn’t quite the asshole he is now. I think his actions those last years were telling though. No discussion re pets. Just walked out. Those pets were mine probably because he recognized that I have the capacity to love. Four years later and all those lovely souls have passed on. I earn extra money now watching everybody else’s lovelies in their homes (while their “pets” are on vacation, lol). My kids and I love to dog sit, it’s all the pleasure and not a lot of the “work.” I do understand David’s take, it’s okay to be a little selfish now because for so long I was taking care of every body else. Didn’t we always do the work!?!? One day I will get another cat, when I have more time, and a proper home of my own.

    • “when ex was younger he wasn’t quite the asshole he is now”

      Doesn’t that sum it up for everyone in the Chump Nation?

      • My ex was always an asshole, only the cheating and some physical threats got added later. Took me a while to realize that addition was a gift; it finally was enough to get the kids and I away from the asshole.

  • Pretty sure its the same person posting over and over via proxies – what a disordered loon.
    Every time s/he posts, it just makes them look even more the nutjob they are.
    Keep posting, we find you hilarious (Well, at least I do.)

  • Back to pets. I recently got a 10 week old kitten, half Siberian, half tabby. The best thing I’ve done for me and the children. This cat is a love sponge and adores everyone. My 10 year old is so happy, and is learning responsibility, feeds him every morning without fail before school and plays with him endlessly. He has even wheedled his way into the heart of my teenage boy, who only speaks in monosyllables at the moment.

    There is nothing better for healing than to love and care for something – our kitten has brought joy back into the house.

  • Just a thought for any chumps that aren’t sure they want a dog or cat but love them; you may want to look into fostering a dog or cat from a rescue. I’ve done this myself and it’s a win/win, you have companionship and help a pet get to the point of finding a new home. Warning; the REASON rescues are always looking for foster homes is because most people end up adopting the first dog or cat that they foster. Taking care of a dog for 3-6 months means becoming attached :). I can attest that I had a lot of sad feels when my first foster found a new home.

  • Just a thought for any chumps that aren’t sure they want a dog or cat but love them; you may want to look into fostering a dog or cat from a rescue. I’ve done this myself and it’s a win/win, you have companionship and help a pet get to the point of finding a new home. Warning; the REASON rescues are always looking for foster homes is because most people end up adopting the first dog or cat that they foster. Taking care of a dog for 3-6 months means becoming attached :). I can attest that I had a lot of sad feels when my first foster found a new home.

  • My cheating XW took our family dog and gave her away during the split.
    I now have full custody of my youngest daughter (11years) whilst my elder daughter (22years) does not speak with her mother at all.
    After getting custody of my younger daughter, 7 months ago, I moved her back to our home town after the f*cktard had moved her 200 miles away from everything she had ever known. I bought a new dog in January, he is a brown Toy Poodle called Dexter. He has bonded incredibley well with us all especially my youngest, they are inseperable. She actually said “Dad, we are like a real family again now with a dog and everything”.

    It was the icing on the cake for me after having to completely rebuild everything in my life as the XW stripped the house bare and took the car and most of the savings and smeared my reputation to anyone that would listen to her. After just under two years I can honestly say that I am fast approaching MEH and have managed to create a comfortable and safe environment for my girls and of course Dexter to flourish. Tuesday is just around the corner and I’m not too proud to say it has been the hardest thing I’ve ever endured and even after 21 years of marriage I never even saw it coming.

    • It is a hard thing…I knew my ex had flaws, hell he ran when things got tough (to the fitness club lol or to work later to WTFever ) but to totally go scorched earth on someone you’ve spent the last twenty eight years of your life with!?!? Hard to understand how someone could do this to me let alone his children. 🙁

  • I sorta wish I could see the troll comment too! Maybe just put a big sparkly red flag border around it.

  • My house goes up for sale Jan 2 2016 have to give his supreme dickness a chance to buy it by then. He won’t, can’t and the whore has saved not one penny to help him either. He is way too deep in debt too do it. After it sells and i move three hours from here with my three dogs I will call my home the freedom palace!

  • I started fostering for a dog rescue group, something I would not have been able to do if he was still here. It’s been very rewarding saving dogs and finding them amazing homes!

  • I thoroughly enjoy sharing my bed with 5 cats and hope to one day add a Bernese Mt. Dog to the mix.

    I will share my bed all day any day than share it with a lying cheater.

    • *…Share my bed all day any day with 5 cats and a dog than share with a lying cheater. (I really should have proofread before hitting *Post Comment* 😐

  • I will totally admit that I am a crazy cat lady…I have three of the most loving orange babies there ever was…When I adopted my two 14 year old boys, when they were 5 weeks old, my ex Narc had this big hissy fit about how I loved my kittens more than him…it was funny for a while…but that was one of my *tells* that something was seriously wrong with a man that would be ragingly jealous of two cute little kittens…oh ps…I really did love those babies more than him…he’s gone and they are still here purring it up!!!!

  • Mine is the inverse: we had four pets and two college kids . . . and I was responsible for it ALL. When we divorced, I made it clear my finances wouldn’t allow for a place big enough, and he’d have to look after everyone (…college kids also in the process of graduating and moving out.) I *reveled* in the quiet. I loved the pets I used to have, but it was a huge relief to not be the one looking after them.

    The thing I remember most about my first year on my own, was being able to decide to go out – and to just LEAVE. I picked up my purse, keys, phone – and walked out. There was nothing behind in my apartment that could die without my immediate attention, and that was the first time since I was a kid myself.

    For me, the freedom FROM pets was a big part of my divorce. I wish there was a word that describes the divorce equivalent of “honeymoon” in marriage. Peacemoon? LOL!

    I now live with someone who has a little, easily cared for dog. She looooooooooves me (alas, she’s actually a little bit obnoxious about snubbing the man who rescued her!!) What a difference from big, long hair retrievers, in terms of caring for them! This is a good balance for me, a couple years out :-).

  • Of course, we all love our animals stories but I have no idea under what name I’m responding to. Fussy word-press.

    But THIS – “After a few weeks, I adopted the most hopeless hound I could find in a shelter, he had been there 6 long years, skinny, terrified, with a history of beating (drunk hunters). And then another one, to keep him company. They are the most lovable animals I’ve ever had. They never demand anything and are always so thankful. They learnt confidence, and now look good, in addition to being totally silent when inside the house, and jumping/running all excited when outside in the forest. They never bark. Their display of joy when I come home is pure fun.”

    When you are down-and-out the most wonderful thing you can do is adopt a down-and-out pet.
    They are so grateful, loving and unconditional love, great to sleep with, and they’re always happy to cry or laugh with you.
    My dogs make me laugh all the time. They saved my life.

    Of course, only if you like animal hair.

    Love the Ferret story!!!

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