Boy, the UBT never runs out of material.
Today’s I’m a Terrible Person Who Did a Wonderful Naughty Thing! submission comes from www.yourtango.com — an enterprise with a never-ending surfeit of clickbait — by Lynn Stephens entitled “Why Do I Have the Best Sex with Married Men?”
Short answer? Because you don’t have sex with any other sort of man. You wouldn’t know “best sex” from a rabbit vibrator, a restroom stall, or a corn muffin.
(Sigh…) Clutch your bodices, chumps.
We both ached for something, anything to makes us feel something again.
On our mornings together, Bri would wake me up by poking me with his index finger to see if I was awake. If I stirred, he would kiss me directly in the middle of my shoulder blades and then run his hand up and down my back, a signal for me to turn around. He wanted more. He wanted me.
He was married – hell, I had even met his wife and children – when we first met through mutual friends. We had shared interests before we shared beds in hotel rooms up and down the east coast. This is what happens when you become involved with a married man; everything is done in secret thus making those moments of being able to show PDA that much sweeter. I also suspect that our time apart—coupled with fights over the state of our relationship—is what made the sex so amazing. By the time we laid eyes (and hands) on each another again, there was a visceral reaction, an almost insatiable need for one another.
This probably sounds like some terrible romance novel or, worse yet, the start of a Lifetime movie. My apologies. The fact is that I was (and have long been) a broken woman who spent most of her 20s with a desperate need to feel desired. I was a late bloomer, not having sex for the first time until 24. Making up for the lack of sexual anything in high school, I threw myself at men who showed the first sign of interest in me. I had a skewed perception of myself and felt that if I didn’t at least attempt to flirt back, I would remain a nothing.
I was imperfect: I had a belly that made me look perpetually 19 weeks pregnant despite never having a child. Thanks to genetics my breasts sagged. I had terrible acne scars. I had stretch marks across my hips and thighs. I was not conventionally beautiful, so when this married man flirted with me while toying with the piece of metal adorning his left ring finger, I flirted right back. Flirtation eventually led to bed which led to some truly fantastic sex.
We both had something missing in our respective lives thus a mutual longing in hopes of finding whatever joy we had lost. I was lonely (and somewhat damaged) and Bri was escaping the damage of the most important relationship of his life: his marriage. We both ached for something, anything to makes us feel something again … and we fell into bed together. One day he told me that he loved waking up to my shoulders and my back, he loved to reach around and grab me. We didn’t sleep during our sleepovers; instead we tossed and turned on one another. These evenings of feeling most alive, who knew that something so wrong could be so damn good?
So, I did it again. I had sex with another married man, two more to be exact, though not at the same time or anything. I’m terrible, this I know.
Conner was my last. Long story short: On the day of our ‘hook up,’ I had never felt that kind of pain before. A profound loss in my life had occurred on Saturday. Sunday, I mourned and cried my makeup off and by Tuesday we were sitting across from one another at a bar. Our once collegial relationship swiftly turned sexual when he told me that he had been staring at my breasts all evening. We departed almost as quickly as he told me that he had always found me attractive. We found a nearby hotel and checked in for the evening. I went to freshen up and upon emerging from the ladies’ room he stared and said, “You are so incredibly sexy.” I got into bed, he held my arms down and away we went. In a moment of wanting to feel whole again we got caught up in ourselves and in the sheets.
Two weeks later we had coffee and said our apologies. I had spent a few days looking at myself in the mirror, not necessarily disgusted by my actions but questioning why I did what I did. Was it because I liked the attention? Because I enjoyed being wanted? Whatever the reason it was never as if these married men remained with me. We both got what we needed in the short-term, but in the long term—and despite the great sex—they went back to their wives, and I went back to my life. In my conversation with Conner, we had one of those thoughtful heart-to-hearts in which we both admitted that what had happened was all timing. He was upset with work and home life and I was suffering my own bit of grieving. It would never happen again, we both decided. Internally, I also decided that I was done with married men.
We finished our drinks and I stopped him, “But you should know one, important thing.” He looked skeptical. “What…?”
“BEST. SEX. EVER.,” I exclaimed.
He blushed. It was exactly what he needed to hear.
Now for the UBT.
We both ached for something, anything to makes us feel something again.
Yeah, affairs aren’t cures for sociopathy. I’m sorry you don’t feel anything. If you’re looking for an adrenaline rush, why not bungie jumping over a bridge span? For an extra thrill, don’t anchor the cord.
On our mornings together, Bri would wake me up by poking me with his index finger to see if I was awake. If I stirred, he would kiss me directly in the middle of my shoulder blades and then run his hand up and down my back, a signal for me to turn around. He wanted more. He wanted me.
He was married – hell, I had even met his wife and children – when we first met through mutual friends. We had shared interests before we shared beds in hotel rooms up and down the east coast.
Isn’t that a nice aside: “I had even met his wife and children”? You must feel so wanted. I’m glad you clarified that this wasn’t just about sex, that you shared interests. The UBT is always gratified to learn it was one of the Better Sorts of Affairs. The sort that build organically and just happen when two people have a mutual affinity for Pokemon cards, skeet shooting, or stamp collecting. Yes, one minute you’re innocently discussing philately, and the next it’s fellatio. Could happen to anyone.
This is what happens when you become involved with a married man; everything is done in secret thus making those moments of being able to show PDA that much sweeter.
It’s not romance unless you must travel several states away to kiss!
I also suspect that our time apart—coupled with fights over the state of our relationship—is what made the sex so amazing. By the time we laid eyes (and hands) on each another again, there was a visceral reaction, an almost insatiable need for one another.
It’s a fact that the insanely Wanted fight over the state of their relationships. Only the most desired cannot publicly be introduced as “your girlfriend.”
Does he fuck me to shut me up about the “relationship”? Smaller minds would say “pity fuck.” I say “insatiable need.”
The need is so insatiable I have to nag him to need me. But, um, whatever.
This probably sounds like some terrible romance novel or, worse yet, the start of a Lifetime movie.
I would love to be a Lifetime movie!
My apologies. The fact is that I was (and have long been) a broken woman who spent most of her 20s with a desperate need to feel desired.
I’m not bad, I’m broken.
I was a late bloomer, not having sex for the first time until 24. Making up for the lack of sexual anything in high school, I threw myself at men who showed the first sign of interest in me. I had a skewed perception of myself and felt that if I didn’t at least attempt to flirt back, I would remain a nothing.
See? I have affairs to give meaning to my existence. To bolster me! I’m trying to show introspection here and head off your judgments. Did you say I was “desperate”? HA! Got there first!
I was imperfect:
And this makes you different from all women how exactly?
I had a belly that made me look perpetually 19 weeks pregnant despite never having a child. Thanks to genetics my breasts sagged. I had terrible acne scars. I had stretch marks across my hips and thighs. I was not conventionally beautiful,
It’s really amazing to think that all the saggy-titted, paunchy women in the world aren’t having affairs too! This can only mean one of two things — either you’ve got really lousy character, OR you’re super special and rise above your physical limitations to soar like a phoenix of sexiness!
The UBT can guess which one you think you are…
so when this married man flirted with me while toying with the piece of metal adorning his left ring finger, I flirted right back. Flirtation eventually led to bed which led to some truly fantastic sex.
Well, as long as the sex was fantastic, that makes all the difference. I mean, the UBT would hate for you to sell out your integrity for just mediocre sex and a limp salad at a chain steakhouse.
We both had something missing in our respective lives thus a mutual longing in hopes of finding whatever joy we had lost. I was lonely (and somewhat damaged) and Bri was escaping the damage of the most important relationship of his life: his marriage.
Yeah, he’s not an asshole. His wife was DAMAGING him!
I wonder if his marriage was damaged because he fucks around? Nah.
We both ached for something, anything to makes us feel something again … and we fell into bed together. One day he told me that he loved waking up to my shoulders and my back, he loved to reach around and grab me. We didn’t sleep during our sleepovers; instead we tossed and turned on one another. These evenings of feeling most alive, who knew that something so wrong could be so damn good?
Excuse me. The UBT just coughed up a hairball.
Who knew something so wrong could feel so good?
So, I did it again. I had sex with another married man, two more to be exact, though not at the same time or anything. I’m terrible, this I know.
I think I’m so terrible, I’m publishing an article telling you this was the Best Sex of My Life. That’s the kind of thing ashamed people do.
Conner was my last. Long story short: On the day of our ‘hook up,’ I had never felt that kind of pain before. A profound loss in my life had occurred on Saturday. Sunday, I mourned and cried my makeup off and by Tuesday we were sitting across from one another at a bar. Our once collegial relationship swiftly turned sexual when he told me that he had been staring at my breasts all evening.
Am I the weak antelope in the herd? Or do I have nice saggy tits? I have nice tits.
We departed almost as quickly as he told me that he had always found me attractive.
That’s all it takes, gentlemen! Tell me I’m attractive, stare at my boobs, and I’m yours! I’m sure all the women will appreciate this public service announcement that we just LOVE to be propositioned by strangers in a bar. Compliment our tits sometimes! It works wonders!
Or, um, results in sexual harassment lawsuits or a slap upside the head. But risk makes you feel ALIVE! Go for it!
We found a nearby hotel and checked in for the evening. I went to freshen up and upon emerging from the ladies’ room he stared and said, “You are so incredibly sexy.” I got into bed, he held my arms down and away we went. In a moment of wanting to feel whole again we got caught up in ourselves and in the sheets.
Two weeks later we had coffee and said our apologies. I had spent a few days looking at myself in the mirror, not necessarily disgusted by my actions but questioning why I did what I did.
I am not the least bit disgusted by my actions.
Was it because I liked the attention? Because I enjoyed being wanted? Whatever the reason it was never as if these married men remained with me. We both got what we needed in the short-term, but in the long term—and despite the great sex—they went back to their wives, and I went back to my life. In my conversation with Conner, we had one of those thoughtful heart-to-hearts in which we both admitted that what had happened was all timing. He was upset with work and home life and I was suffering my own bit of grieving. It would never happen again, we both decided. Internally, I also decided that I was done with married men.
Yes, timing makes people cheat. I’m sure if Conner had not been upset with work, he’d never compliment a strange woman’s tits in a bar and go fuck her.. for weeks. I’m sure that is entirely outside the scope of Who Conner Really Is. Sometimes the copier jams and things can take a turn. Conner took the path less traveled. Can anyone blame Conner?
We finished our drinks and I stopped him, “But you should know one, important thing.” He looked skeptical. “What…?”
“BEST. SEX. EVER.,” I exclaimed.
He blushed. It was exactly what he needed to hear.
I flatter men and they fuck me. I’m special!
I think I threw up in my mouth. Those trolls knew what they were doing.
Think the reason why those men’s marriages were crap was because they were screwing around?
Just more of the same Crap Life Skills married guys who wanted some STRANGE… and they got IT!
i think that SHE DID NOT CARE a single fuck why those men’s marriages were crap. all she wanted was the fuck for a moment feeling. you know the one that makes fill the ache inside you, the fuck that makes you “FEEL” again. because something was missing in her and his life….a guess it was a good fuck that was missing….
i guess that is where i go wrong. i dont just wake up one morning and say, hummm i feel empty today or look there is a strange man staring at my tits at the bar, i will have great sex with him to fill the empty ache inside me and wont feel like something is missing in my life for about oh what 3 minutes?
*OH look, not or look
I can’t get past this woman admitting she is broken and unattractive claiming that something , anything good came out of these nasty liaisons. And they argue over “the state of their their relationship” ? They don’t get going in that they are cake.
He held her arms down? Nothing says “respect” like that . How desperately sad that random flattery will convince some women that this is a reasonable course of action.
Euw to the whole thing…I hope potential other women read this and decide that they want none of it.
They all want to be Bella. “ohh, don’t look at me…I’m not pretty. I’m also shallow and vapid. Oh, you think I’m pretty?!?…I wuv U.”
Who is Bella??
Main character in Twilight. She has no personality whatsoever, no apparent interests or hobbies, thinks about nothing but wanting her vampire boyfriend to kill her so she can have sex with him.
Thank you Gladit’sOver for helping a clueless old lady.
“Harry Potter is about confronting fears, finding inner strength and doing
what is right in the face of adversity. Twilight is about how important it
is to have a boyfriend.” – Stephen King
She has the best sex ever with married men because she’s weird and pathetic. Not cool. Not daring. Not a daredevil. Just weird and pathetic. With saggy boobs. Yum….. not.
“On our mornings together, Bri would wake me up by poking me with his index finger to see if I was awake.”
I would have been more able to buy this twaddle as some dodgy description of passionate visceral connection, without that sentence. Or even if she had been less explicit that the poking had been done with his index finger – my imagination would have obligingly assumed that it was his morning glory doing the poking. But no – instead, I get to imagine this little scene:
Bri awakes, sees last night’s mistake beside him, figures he may as well get his money’s worth (hotel room, any other ‘fees’ that may have applied), but sees that she is inconveniently sleeping. With entitled ‘service me’ thinking, he extends his index finger and awakes her rudely, with, *Poke, poke*
Damn right he wanted more than her snoring the morning away. After all, he’s taking all the risks … he should at least be compensated – even if it was by a saggy titjob from some low-mileage whorederline borderline personality disorder.
I admit it – it lost the ‘romance’ for me pretty early on. And with my cold, dark heart, the only visceral reaction I had was one that was more akin to barfing.
… But then, I am more easily disgusted when looking at self-serving, color-me-smexy desperation than she is when she sees it – I just do it without the aid of a mirror (but I am sure she has hers artfully draped with colorful silk boho scarves).
LOL! Love it Wayfarer!
Hey! I like colorful silk boho scarves. 🙂
And yeah, being poked at is hardly the stuff of romance.
I’m surprised he wasn’t poking her with his penis. That’s a lot sexier than a finger. LOL
I still shudder at the memory of my ex poking me with his, achem, diving rod (what? he seemed to just following where it lead so…, anyway) which I guess was supposed to send me into uncontrollable lust. It did not. Oh I do love being single!! lol
I hate to think where he was poking that finger….its putting me off my breakfast.
Am I the only one thinking that it wasn’t his index finger that poked her in the back?? Aren’t I awful? 🙂
Bahaha, nope. Count me in!
Mostly because I have the humor of a teenage boy instead of a 31 year old woman. Lol
OMG, “whorederline borderline personality disorder” – too funny! Love it, Wayfarer… my new name for my Ex’s OW… whorederline personality disordered.
He poked her with his dick, she turned around and gave him a morning BJ. Fate brought them together!
UGH, GAWD what an annoying memory……when our relationship began (I asked him to move in with me WAY BEFORE I knew what he really was),
XBF would awaken me with a thump thump thump with his dick on my lower back expecting a bj (his words were ‘would you like to kiss me?’ I mistook his meaning)…..Might have been cute the first time….the next day, not so much. The next day, soo totally not cool.
When I wake up, I need to pee and have some coffee. Not a dick thumping my back expecting to soon be in my mouth…..tell me, CN—-am I being unreasonable?
It was probably by the 4th or 5th time, I unloaded on him with both barrels. It never happened again. He was able to exercise control but….
He just sought out his usual suspect whores that he had waiting in the wings to accommodate him. He was the sultan of a harem of whores. The barn master of a stable of cellulite legged cows. The flock master of a gal that looked exactly like Mother Goose from the old nursery rhyme.
His fortunes have changed….no more luxury sports car to pretend is his, no fancy roof over his head,no pool to tan by…
I sincerely doubt he’s had any king crab recently. Probably has the crabs though.
Hesatthecurb, Im not a morning sex person either. If my man wants any, he has to go get the coffee and bring it to me and then maybe I will consider it, so no…you arent unreasonable.
Didn’t take long to get the feeling I was a piece of meat. Things that are NOT a turn-on.
Wow! Awesome writing! And dead-on!
Wayfarer, I had exactly the same response to the sentence about being poked awake. So gross, the guy obviously was disgusted by her, but figured he might as well get laid before leaving to go home to his wife. Seriously, poking someone in the back with your index finger to wake them up for fucking is not exactly the stuff of romance.
Wayfarer, I’m dying over here. That’s good stuff!
Yep! Notice he likes looking at her shoulder blades, then reaches around and grabs her! She’s a hardup, ugly, put the paperbag over her face and go to town HO! Is this person REALLY this clueless! She’s just a “sure thing” and word apparently is getting around! Sounds like the Ho my ex is “hooked up” (fell in love with, BARF) off of Fakebook! He didn’t go looking, but she was more than willing to fall into bed in a random hotel with him and lo and behold, now it’s “Twu wuv”. She also is an “unfortunate” looking HO! Ex always took pictures of her very fat ass! Very few of her face EVER! God these women are stupid!
Roberta, she is the mirror image of the whore he moved in with when I threw him out. They got a cheap hotel after getting drunk at a casino bar. She is grotesque inside and out. I guess the alcoholics were meant for each other. But really? When he woke up the next didn’t he realize she fucks guys she picks up every weekend? Haha, no he moves in with a whore. I thankfully filed and am getting final order this week. In April she approached me and when I turned around I still couldn’t imagine anyone enjoying poking such a skank, especially without protection. She proceeded to call ME a whore, slut, and repeatedly asked we how it felt to be alone and that I lost a good guy. I was sitting down and asked her politely to leave and she continued in a crack white voice, your hair is getting grey I can recommend someone,why are you drinking. Aren’t you afraid to drive home, how does it feel to be alone, and then called me my nickname he always called me. The bottom is where the serial cheating X lives. That us where he can dwell with his ewwww. I did call security and went to state police for the record. He lives in the hell he created. Just gross and embarrassing for his children.
Wow! Disordered much??
I know Donna and it’s so shocking when they go for an obviously selfish, narcissistic, reject downgrade! I just can’t wrap my brain around it. All I can think is that they seek their own level like water……sewer water that is. I know it’s awful when these common women want to get in your face to convince you just how special sand super they are. The few minutes I had to tolerate his skank convinced me that not only has she been caught in hotel rooms with other women’s husbands often, but her demeanor was so calm, serene ( screamed to me that she is a sociopath at best). Dumbass just thinks she is good under pressure and feels their love is soooo right therefore she “stood strong!” Pfft! Give me a break! Then she continuously sent their “lovey dovey” emails as her “sword of truth!” WTF?? He can have Ms. STD, I don’t give a damn. If that’s all he aspires to then I’m sorry for him. Time for me to find a REAL adult!!
Roberta, seeing and hearing this vile woman has cured me from ever wanting anything to do with him. I didn’t do the pick me dance this time. His previous OW were lied to as he always said we were separated. For this one he actually bragged that she didn’t care that he was married. Sorry but for me at this point it’s funny. He’s stuck with IT with no way out. He can’t introduce her to my children or live with them anymore. The karma bus has hit already! Fuck that? Haha not a piece of ass just ug.
I don’t disagree that water seeks it’s own level, but consider the narcissists’ need for worship and adulation, and what better way to get it than by skooping up an unfortunate hag from the bottom of the barrel. The hag thinks she’s lucked out, and therefore treats him like a super stud king. And at the end of the day, that’s what they value.
Donna, on top of ugly, she’s mean. So your very STBX got a real prize there.
She beat the shit out if her last boy fucktard after breaking into his house in 2013. She is mean and ugly. For all this asshoe has done to me I feel there is finally sweet justice. He repulses me to the core. Thanks.
i never can understand how these women think is OK to call the wife!!! what kind of crazy is that. do you think i am going to validate that you are better then me, i mean if you have to ask and if you are questioning it…..then i already AM better then you. right?
hood rat did the same thing. after i talked to exhole about giving me the money so i can file the divorce papers, his girlfriend calls me up with his phone and thinks it will be fun to tell me off!!! for a few minutes i was fighting HER, telling her how we had history together, we had 14 years, we have little kids that need daddy home. before i said WTF am i doing, i dont need to talk to her, she doesnt know me, and everything she is saying is only what exhole told her. AND HE WAS SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO HER LETTING HER!!!! that is what broke the camels back for me. who the fuck does that. what kind of woman calls the WIFE to tell her “he doesnt want you” “he is with me now” ummm….didnt i just say i was filing for divorce? insecure, immature, disorder to say the least. and what kind of man sits there and lets his girlfriend tell off his wife? haha, same kind, insecure, immature, disorder and weak spineless scared little sausage
MrsVain, they gravitate to these disturbed women because they are disturbed individuals. Yes! Once we give up the dance where the hell are they going to get cake? Aging balding serial cheating narc is sitting on the mother load of disordered pussy.
he is getting kibbles from her now. from what i understand he cant go anywhere without her. which is why she threw such a fit when i said visitation at my house. funny, she didnt ask to come in with him. i was feeling so chumpy i might have let her. (recently read something that said, “if you rage at your exhusbands new wife or girlfriend, she will feel smug, comfortable. but if you treat her polite and with kindness you will make her feel uncomfortable. what do you want her to feel”)
IMHO, she is just a fair weather friend. which is why she was single and available. she is the same age as exhole. she bailed on her husband and kids like 6 years before. she had no job, no house, no kids, no husband, no responsibilities, no morals, no values, no standards. she would rather live off the kindness of other people then to get her own house and shit. (literally, she begs people to pay her cell phone on a regular basis until she met exhole. now he pays it. funny how he hated to pay mine cuz i had a job) but she would rather party, drink and whatever else including fucking my husband then take care of her own kids, and fuck her own husband……she can run off anywhere and stay up as long as she wants….
but i think (and pray and hope) that when the shit hits the fan, she will scatter like the little dressed up cockroach she is.
It actually horrifies me to know that people like this crackpot exist!
…..not a crackpot. Just another stale piece of sheet cake in the break room. She, and her ilk, are endlessly capable of the denial necessary to cavort indiscriminately and at the expense of others. It’s pathetic.
Pathetic, yes, but also completely lacking any dignity or self-esteem. The poor ugly girl, who finally gets her revenge on who exactly? Seems she has mistaken horniness for an emotional connection. By the way she writes, I suspect she excudes desperation and is crudely referred to as a “pity fuck.” The only person she is fooling is herself.
I am so ugly and pathetic I fuck married men and write about the gross details because your husband has better sex with me, she squeals like a pig. Yeah, right. My claim to fame is boring in comparison. It’s really to sad these sad people have no life. If only they used their time productively they might have had a chance in life and developed integrity and class like chumps.
Exactly, and to add, “BEST. SEX. EVER.” were her sentiments, not his. He could be in agreeance or desperately wishing she would get the hell away from him. Who knows? Who cares? But she’s certainly fancied herself a great lay. I agree, the only person she’s fooling is her insecure pitiful self…and she’s not even doing a good job at that.
Amen, Violet. I think other than being a pathetically desperate for attention, they get something out of putting one over of the wives of the men they sleep with. Women who feel ugly are always in competition with the women around them….it’s as much to spite and compete against us (whether they are consciously aware or not) as it is to get attention from the man.
Violet: As I read her missive again, all I can now read is “Help me, help me. Save me from myself.”
I must admit that it wasn’t long after I began reading this that it sickened me to the point that I could not continue. Oh I get it when poor girl with tons of baggage gets caught up in a situation that destroys her soul, her reputation, and more. But to be so proud of sleeping with married men is just plain disgusting. Intolerable! And as we all know, her partners are f****tards as well.
Yeah, that part always confuses me as well. I can see being an OW and being conflicted and mortified. I don’t get the whole sub-genre of OW out there glorifying it as self enlightenment and the Best Sex Ever. Go ahead! Judge me! I dare you! Like they’re brave trend setters or something.
I think they know on some level that what they are doing is wrong for many reasons. This nonsense is just a BS/smoke screen to rationalize what they are doing. They are trying to and spin and control their own narrative.
i am really sick and tired of hearing those words “Dont Judge Me”
that is what she said to me when i asked if she liked to fuck my husband. Dont Judge Me, and yet SHE thought it was perfectly acceptable to JUDGE ME from just that half stories and full lies that the exhole told her about me….i mean she must really think i am some kind of monster, exhole is sooOOOOoo scared to talk to me, i was just a big fat mean bully who “didnt treat him right”…..of course the 14.5 years we were together by itself should prove i was “doing something right” but nope, she is convinced i abused him.
I always love that line, too. “Don’t judge me.”
Honey, I’m OBLIGATED to judge you, and everyone and everything else. That’s what a brain is for. Saves me from a lot of trouble. You wouldn’t know.
You know Miss Sunshine, I kicked a baby but don’t judge me. I mugged an old lady but don’t judge me.
Why in the world are they beyond reproach? Because they are super special sparkly and fabulous (with saggy tits and stretch marks)? Because it was the Best. Sex. Ever?
Oh yes, well I ran over three people yesterday and destroyed their lives while I was driving drunk, but hey, don’t judge me, it was the Best. Party. Ever.
Love it kelly!
Whoredom is glorified in today’s society
MY Cheater’s first OW was/IS like this… has never admitted to ANYTHING inappropriate besides “too involved” conversations.
I call her Trucker with a Perm. She isn’t but she looks and acts like it. Like a male trucker who eats fast food and candy, all day, every day… with a perm and a pedicure. No one would fuck her, not even Cheater. He groped her flaps and pretended they were T&A. “But she felt SO badly about herself!”
That’s because she’s a despicable excuse of a human being.
It really is amazing that these women do not realize they are being used. Real cheap. Prostitutes charge money. These OW , all you have to do is blab some flattery at them, stare at their saggy tits, and it’s an instant fuckfest. What regular women are disgusted by, i.e., being hit up for sex by slimy adultering married men, they are flattered by. Of course, otherwise they would probably have to be the ones paying for sex. The women, I mean.
Yes. The level of delusion is staggering.
Exactly. If a semi-drunk guy, twiddling his wedding ring while staring at my tits and flinging sexist commentary out of his mouth happened in my world – I’d be disgusted and walk away! NOT take it as flattery and proceed to have skank whore sex with him in the nearest motel. Gross. They have zero self-respect.
Writing articles about a piece of shit doesn’t turn it into Kobe beef.
“What regular women are disgusted by, i.e., being hit up for sex by slimy adultering married men, they are flattered by.”
So very true. They are truly sick. Reading that article made me want to vomit. Sounded like an interview with my ex’s “main” AP. Who screwed around with him for 15-plus years, tolerated his concurrent affair with her best friend, agreed to engage in group sex involving the three of them, and who immediately left her husband and teenage sons as soon as I caught me ex and threw him out. Her statement to her then-husband of 25 years: “We are the loves of each others’ lives.”
Only comment. Ew! Eeewww! And eeeeeewwwwww! What a shank.
This is one of the most hurtful things of all for me: we had a great sex life; but to know he had his best sex with her.
It was a double betrayal as I have got quite a lot of birth damage (British HNS has an obsession with natural childbirth and in socialism one size fits all) – and she is childless.
He was supposed to love me for the sacrifice I made with my body to have those wonderful kids. But tight strange trumped by a mile.
I hope it stops hurting one day.
NHS – National Health Service. Free at the point of use. Wonderful if you have cancer or a brain aneurism – cutting edge, and treatment is completely free. But don’t expect them to care about your tush or your feelings over said broken tush!!
Who knows if it was the Best Sex ever? I think they have to tell themselves this to justify their betrayals. Oh, hey it’s okay to leave your spouse and children, so long as it was The Best Sex of Your Life! I mean, that’s a fair trade, right?
My STBX actually said it was the best sex he ever had because he had never loved anyone like he loves her (he said this in a letter to OW that he accidentally left open on the computer). Of course he loved all the women he screwed behind my back, so maybe sex was the best with them too. He told me repeatedly that I didn’t like sex so I guess it doesn’t take much to be better than me!
Ugh, tossedaway, that’s horrible. And of course you’re right: he likely told all of them the same thing. Gotta keep ’em on the hook somehow, right? I mean, when there’s nothing in the real world they can discuss…what’s left?
Their letters to each other read like they are from two horny teenagers. Guess sex is all they have, he is 15 years older than her, I can’t imagine what else they have in common. And I am sure he told them whatever he thought they wanted to hear so he could get what he wanted!
tossedaway, what your X says sounds like a typical narcissist “devaluing” comment. His thoughts probably have nothing to do with you, the person, and everything to do with the fact that he can’t function in an intimate relationship. So he uses the same tired lines with the various women he chases. Pathetic, but nothing at all to do with you.
I think this nails it! They are incredible experts at formulating a full backstory to “justify” what they are doing, and it’s easy to start to wonder if it really is at least partially our fault. When a little self doubt creeps in, I find it useful to repeat the three c’s. You didn’t cause this, you cannot control it, and you can’t cure it. It’s about the other person’s issues, not us.
Tossedaway, the narc sadists love power and control. When you stand up to them they say what would hurt the most. They love to have it both ways. They play on vulnerabilities like a master. Think of the source, a liar and a cheat. You rock for not putting up with him. They are so full of themselves. I would only speak through a lawyer. When I did this his rage first turned on HIS attorney and she withdrew. Then he raged at my lawyer who hung up on the narc. I think of him as an immature 6 year old trapped in an adult body taking a temper tantrum. Narcs are very manipulative. Always think of the source.
That “best sex ever” crap…I don’t believe it…it was just the most recent sex in the mind of a person with the attention span of a gnat (both of them).
And birth damage…yea…pushed out a 9 pound 10 oz miniature version of my husband to be his legacy and he later gave me crap for not having some extensive surgery to put it all back like I was a 15 yr old cheerleader. Real men appreciate the sacrifices needed to birth the children who carry their names into the future. He can sit in Purgatory and remember the nasty things he said to me on the topic…that and the declaration that he would leave me as soon as I had my first grey body hair.
To me, marriage is accepting the other person aging as well as yourself…to go into the sunset together thankful for the companionship of a life long mate. I will marry again in a few months and we are getting old at breakneck pace, but we appreciate each other.
best sex? or only sex, because pick up his shit, raise his kids, do his dishes, bet the sex isnt so great.
The OW same in my book. 45 never married, no kids. she gives him all the attention he is the king, so easy no kids, no responsibility.
and we all have horrible self esteem after our spouses are cheating fucktards.
unicornnomore, your last paragraph is how I felt. That we would grow old together and have the bond of our life together, which would transcend physical aging. But Cheater said I was “getting old before my time,” as he dyed his hair, got anti-aging skin treatments, and wore tight t-shirts to show off his body. So, of course he needed the younger skank-whore to complete his “look.”
Now you are wiser!
Don’t let that “best sex ever” stuff trip you up. It’s only “best sex” in the same way that being marooned on a desert island for a months would make ramen noodles your “best meal ever.”
Which is to say, the driving factor is desperation, not actual attraction or satisfaction. The married person is desperate to feel something because they’re hollow inside (but have blameshifted all onto the spouse/relationship), and the AP is desperate because of self-esteem issues. It’s all in their minds, no matter what occurs with their bodies. So then they convince themselves it’s “real” because it’s so intense. Well, yes, desperation will distort like that.
And the intensity doesn’t come from quality. What if the thing that turns you on more than anything was Egg McMuffins? What if thinking of an Egg McMuffin gets you so incredibly turned out that you can’t function? Now imagine that you’re screwing someone — anyone, really — and now you imagine that person IS an Egg McMuffin… The sex gets better, right?
It’s the same. It’s all in their heads, and then they have to rationalize their perversion by calling it love. — Also, you can be brutal & selfish with an AP you’re only involved with for sex. And the giving reciprocal connected sex one finds in a loving marriage is just … well, it’s the same old narc theme: it’s just too much work and not enough “me.”
NWBiblio, had to laugh cause when I read your comment I was actually eating Ramen Noodles!!! LMAO! Great comment though.
Great analogy, though because it’s true.
They desperately want to feel something and they convince themselves that desperate times call for desperate measures and they romanticize these “feelings” they’re having.
Let’s get real- these zombies have no real feelings or emotions. What they’re feeling in that moment is IN CONTROL. That’s their ultimate turn on, power. They’re getting to fuck around behind their spouses back or be the AP and have a spouse who’s supposed to be committed going down on them in secret in the Ramada. Being trash doesn’t really make them feel sexy, having power does.
This is the truth!!!
NWBiblio…. Freakin hilarious! you hit it right on the head! And lets not forget… You dont have to be starving to pick ramen noodles! No offense Roberta… Eaten my fair share of ramen!
Clip, ramen noodles in miso soup is lovely. Had plenty. 🙂
“The married person is desperate to feel something because they’re hollow inside (but have blameshifted all onto the spouse/relationship)”
He felt contempt for me because he had scapegoated EVERYTHING onto me – to a really pathologic degree. When anything went wrong – from the biggest to the smallest problems, literally his FIRST step was to figure out why it was my fault. Neither “Assess the problem” nor “consider possible solutions” were things to be considered early on…he would stand there and ruminate until he figured out which of my many personality flaws was responsible for the car door breaking. No wonder he hated me.
It is pathological. The funniest thing he said was, “I always wanted to be a surfer, I never goy to surf”. Oh, ok. At 58 fuck boy blamed me because he never surfed. So sorry he had to hold that in for 41 years. Also we wend on a cruise and right before DDay he screamed at me because he said he wanted to jump off the ship. He had been ruminating on that for 14 years. Sorry I was too busy taking care of three children and getting two degrees to notice. Yes, I’m flawed but my tits aren’t saggy, I’m not a pig picking up guys in a bar, and now I’m single. Yes single!!
Mine told me that I ruined his chances to be a professional mountain climber and later he said he would have loved to drive a bulldozer (he was in an ivy league univ when we met, so not sure how I ruined the bulldozer dream).
He also said that I prevented him from learning to play the guitar (so I bought him one, he didn’t learn to play it) and I was a terrible wife because I only had 3 kids with him instead of 7.
I also forced him to get married and do you know the threat I used ?!? I said if we didnt marry, I would go off in life and do something else (since I had a job, an apt, and a life)…what a shrew.
There is no logic. It always goes right back to their missed opportunities. So they end a long term relationship by whoring up as we lawyer up? To surf? To bulldoze? What about our opportunity to develop our talents and desires we put on hold? The truth is he had independence and chose to use his spare time sneaking around and lying. At the beach he never went in the water. Ok it’s my fault you never surfed. I’ll take that on too.
Yeah, and the extra shitty part is that now I imagine XH thinks he might be too old (or it’s too late) to do any of those things (though he certainly could, realistically), so I think I will STILL get the blame forever and always for having denied him …whatever I denied him… and Schmoopie will always be held with the view that if he had just been with HER, then everything would have gone 100% his way! — If only they could use their amazing mental gymnastics for good instead of evil….
And I would also say this: XH didn’t talk to ANYONE before he went off and unilaterally made the decision our marriage was over. None of our close friends, not his family, no one … The only person who told me XH had communicated with her was a similarly superficial friend who had actually introduced us. And she told me, in her weirdo pseudo-spiritual mumbo-jumbo jargon, that both XH & she (with someone else, not XH) had “heard the sirens’ song” and she had chosen to “get off the ship and save her marriage” but XH had “made a different choice.”
Those who hear the sirens’ song get shipwrecked…..
One can only hope.
Excellent point. And cheaters aren’t the type to plug their ears and keep rowing….
(Rowing past the sirens, I should clarify…)
I seriously doubt is was “the best sex ever” for him. It was just sex, like he’s had with 100 other women.
Haha, yes, great comment, NWB.
During my very broke college days, a piece of bread with cheap mustard on it was a delicacy. Now, not so much. Lol.
Brilliant comment. If I ever have sex again I’m going to imagine the guy is an Egg McMuffin.
I have horrible self esteem and I have managed to keep from sleeping with anyone who pays me a compliment! How sad that she justifies her behavior on her tragic past. BTW my STBX’s latest OW had a shitty past and he swooped in to rescue her. Some men like to play the “hero”!
tossedaway, I agree. I have had awful self esteem my whole life and I am now 63 years old. Maybe that is why I have only ever been with one man and that was my ex husband. I receive many compliments still but I always think the other person is full of BS because I am aware that I am awful because I was told from the moment I could understand what awful meant that I would never be anything. Sad what our self image can do to and for us. At least it stopped me from being used by more than one bloke and that was damaging enough.
The great thing is that you can work on those self-esteem issues, either with a therapist (worked for me!) or on your own (it may help to do some reading–I’d start with Brene Brown’s book on vulnerability. One important thing is to come to understand that the voices from your childhood (parents, school teachers, etc.) who said you couldn’t “be anything” are wrong on all fronts.
The Bible says to love your neighbor as yourself, meaning “as you would love yourself,” which presumes that you love and honor the life you have. If you love yourself, you value your time. You treat yourself with patience and respect. You listen to your instinct and your own dreams. You think that you are a person who matters. You know you will make mistakes and you take responsibility for them and move on. You take in helpful critique in order to learn but you don’t allow people to shame or denigrate you.
Those of us who came from abusive childhood homes seems to struggle with this stuff, and at time I wonder if the inability to see our own worth sets us up for abusive partners. So I think moving on to a great life requires a commitment to learn to love yourself.
Maree, after what you have been through it’s no wonder your self esteem is low. I have days when I think this must have been my fault. I must have done something to deserve this.
No one deserved this abuse. Taking medication and seeing a therapist helped me learn how to take care of and love myself. It helped me understand that I can’t fix others, only myself. You are worth it Maree. This I know!!
Maree…I know its not easy, but be bold choosing to work on this. You get to define you – who you are and what you think about you. My mom is an alcoholic with Borderline Personality Disorder and my deadH abused me for years and I just so done with that shit.
I was taking daughter to London and drunk/abusive mom hinted about going with us and I refused to consider such insanity I figure if you are mean and nasty to people, they wont freaking take you on trips. Realize that you are fabulous.
Amen tossed away! My exH loves playing the hero. He picked vulnerable or damaged women to target for his affairs. Last OW had just lost her fiancé in a crash. His latest gf has a child with cancer. When he targeted me (love bombing) I was in the midst of a nasty custody battle with my first exH who had physically abused me. They seek out vulnerable people. Like CL says- the weak antelope in the herd.
What is up with that MmmHmm?! My cheater hooked up with a diagnosed Borderline and now is with a struggling single Mother. I don’t get it. Does it make them feel like heroes instead of the losers they really are?
Narcissists can’t withstand actually scrutiny and the normal vetting process of dating and even friendship. They are living on their highly inflated personal resume, so to speak, and hoping we won’t notice the gaps and inconsistencies and missing elements. The purpose of their interaction with potential partners is not finding a life partner but rather someone to fill them with ego kibbles. So they love bomb those who feel lonely and afraid or are worn out by grief and struggle. They put on a fine show of being supportive, which works only until they get tired of the effort. But a person whose life is moving along well will expect reciprocity and growth.
Thensome, I agree with LAJ. These narcs search for partners in vulnerable situations because it takes someone down on their luck to make a narc look good. Also, I was so emotionally drained and distracted with my custody fight when cheaterpants came along that I didn’t have the presence of mind to pick up on his inconsistencies or wonder where he was scurrying off to late at night. He convinced me I was the love of his life and no one would ever hold a candle to me. I felt a false sense of security. When I found out about his cheating, it was all the more devastating. Knowing how deeply I fell for his lies. Clearly, I wasn’t the love of his life. But back to the topic, hey like feeling like the night in shining armour. That only works if you find someone that needs to be rescued (read: down on their luck).
Interesting. My ex projected on me that I “love broken people, like wounded birds”. He said that’s who I surround myself with. And admittedly, I do like the underdog, I like people with a little wear and that have risen from tough times…I’m like that and I think it adds valuable character. But you know he never put it together that HE TOO was a wounded bird OR that he’s really the one searching for weak prey. I was also chosen by him, as many of us are, because of my difficult past which made me perfect chump material.
Wow, I am exceptionally tired today because that BS really took some effort to read.
It was the ‘best sex ever? In comparison to what? Don’t all cheaters do their best work when they are out to impress.
And I don’t quite understand the justification of I’m not super model material so that justifies my decisions to sleep with married men.
I think the UBT needs a good rest after that.
“Best sex ever” just means that cheater just slept with someone hie is not married to. It’s just a kibble they throw out there.
Matt, I am old fashioned but to me the “best sex ever” is in a committed, monogamous, loving and honest relationship. I just couldn’t convince my ex husband of 37 years because he was always looking elsewhere and now he is “living the dream” with someone young enough to be his great granddaughter.
“This probably sounds like some terrible romance novel or, worse yet, the start of a Lifetime movie.”
Nope, it sounds like what it is, a poorly written rationalization and justification to fuck married men. Hope you still have your day job because you won’t make it as a writer…
I noticed how the only thing she apologized for was this, the romance-novel thing. — Umm, honey, don’t you have bigger things to apologize for?
This was painful to read. I could not block out visualising the asshole having sex with those whoretards. I’ve slid back one day in recovery from this stupid womans article.
The only thing that works for me when that image gets in my head is imagining a giant red stop sign completely filling my field of vision: STOP!!
I can only hope that the rollerwhore my husband is shacking up with is as clueless as this pathetic woman. Their foreplay is going to the roller rink, shuffle skating to live organ music that shows up on Facebook. My son 29 year old son asked me what the hell was that awful music Dad is skating to with that Bimbo? I replied, “well son, it’s live organ skating music. He loves it & Claire more than, you, me, your brother, 2 sisters and our 5 beautiful grandchildren… Isn’t that SPECIAL?!?!?!) He met her at the roller rink. The man is 58 years old & these free whores are a dime a dozen. They deserve each other.
Hope your ex falls on his head in ring. That should knock some sense into him, or not.
And after he falls, perhaps someone will run over his fingers with some in-line skates.
Maybe right before he hits his head – he can land in very painful splits. Followed by his skank running over him with her inline skates.
What a horror of a human being.
As for the equally terrible idiot who screws married men, clearly her insides match her outside. Maybe that’s why she attracts the cheater married men.
Falls on which head?
I used to skate – a lot. I know the shuffle and all that stuff. But I thought the organ music went away circa 1970 or so. My son and I went to a skating party when he was in Cub Scouts and we skated together at rinks quite a bit over the years. But it was all that confounded, newfangled, modern music that was playing. They must have found a time warp with a roller rink somewhere. Still laughing. (Not at you, I’m sorry to hear this; but these people are just something else).
I hate her.
But I should say that it doesn’t matter b/c she obviously hates herself even more.
Me too.. and I hate that skanky MOW my H is messing with. Skank.. white trash.. vermin. That’s what she is. A bottom feeder. Seriously, any woman who would MESS with a married man who has kids is the worst of the worst. I don’t care WHAT lies he’s feeding her about me… she is old enough (40+) to know better. She’s no spring chicken. Granted, she’s dumb as a post, but she’s not young.
WTF are they thinking?
Completely agree. My exH was screwing a woman while I was pregnant and she knew it! Scum of the earth to do that to another woman.
I agree with you newchumpatl-Same thing with the exhole and his skanktress. She was 48, married, no kids but she had met me and our kids several times at company events over the years. It didn’t stop her from throwing herself at him and he’s doubly as skanky as her to accept her advances. I really do wish I was confident enough back then to say “if that’s what you really want, you should definitely have it!”
At least I woke up and smelled the coffee eventually!
mine was his secretary, so she knew he had kids, family, she saw $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$, its no wonder she was 40ish never married, no kids, she is a peace of trash…
Aren’t they all?
I want to barf up my breakfast. This woman needs professional help ASAP. “I’m special”… ROTFLMAO
Ibid all of the above….I can´t help but remembering how ugly my ex´s current OW is (she looks like a man) and how his excuse was that he just wanted to “feel like a man” just because she was into anal and I was not (and of course a million other things that she is an expert at)…Of course, this does not mean that pot- bellied-sagging-tit women do not deserve a great monogamous love (most of us will probably be that way at some point, if not already) but that this is on the CHARACTER of both the cheater and the OW…nothing else. And I could bet that the cheater wasn´t so hot himself…but again, that is not the point.
Your ex-husband’s new partner looks like a man and is into anal?
Hm. Cheating might not be his only sexual secret.
I was thinking the same thing, Nomar! Seems terribly odd to me!
Ha…ha, doesn´t seem odd to me…A red flag that he told me at the beginning of the relationship was that he was bisexual..I was too in love to take that comment as seriously as I should have, I sort of wanted to think it was an issue of the past. But apparently not, though he never brought it up again in 15 years. But I think he is not brave enough to be openly gay, so he probably will look for someone who can satisfy both. Poor guy…in the end he will never be happy because he has too many social taboos to be open about this. That´s his karma right there.
“A red flag that he told me at the beginning of the relationship was that he was bisexual..I was too in love to take that comment as seriously as I should have, I sort of wanted to think it was an issue of the past.”–Boy, I’ll bet everyone on this board has had a moment like that, when the cheater-to-be showed his or her cards and we missed the red flag because we were “in love.” I overheard a phone conversation between a young woman and a friends, talking about a boyfriend who had been included in a family outing to an expensive restaurant. The guy did not thank the family for the nice dinner out and evidently her parents did not like that or him. I wanted to interrupt her phone call to say, “Run! If he’s that way NOW, he won’t get better.”
Amen to that, right? One of the young women I work with is getting married next month, and her fiancé doesn’t like animals, is making her get rid of all her pets. This woman spends every waking hour taking care of animals, either at our clinic or as a volunteer at a wild bird rehab place…. I’ve tried gently suggesting to her maybe they aren’t a good match just because they attend the same church? Deaf ears. I’m sorry for her, in advance.
How I wish young women would refuse to give up themselves for the sake of a man. It’s just another strategy in the domination scheme.
I remember when ex and I first got engaged, I did not think I was his “type” because I was small, slender, and feminine and his previous girlfriends were large and generally physically unattractive. After 25 years of marriage, I learned he had been screwing and having group sex with TWO women for many many years. Both women are very masculine and look like men (one more than the other), and one is even an admitted bisexual. Many wondered if the women were lesbians. Both are ugly as hell on the outside too, (and certainly on the inside as well). Oh and yes, a growing obsession with anal sex in the years prior to D-Day. I am quite sure he has many more sexual secrets…..
Why did these guys marry us? That’s what I want to know. I, too, am not XH’s ideal woman: think Jennifer Connelly. Guess who Schmoopie looks like? — So, why did he marry me? I have NEVER looked like Jennifer Connelly!! Exasperating!
The never-ending mystery question NWBiblio. All I know is that for whatever reason they married us, in the end water seeks its own level. (And as someone on here said, for them that level is low and it is sewer water).
Nomar, how in the hell did the mother of your children walk away from you? She must be insane. Her insane, CL’s gain.
My x started pushing me for anal after the last OW, that and then he wanted to choke me. Somebody please tell me I’m not a prude because I wouldn’t do these things. I did plenty of other stuff and was willing to change things up and be spontaneous way more than he was. I’m not a prude right? I should explain he wasn’t forceful, he just asked, and I turned it down. He didn’t pressure me at all.
Oh, and she is also rather homely, and I am with you on most of us will get there at some point, so we don’t need to be mean. It’s just perplexing, and I am trying to understand it. Like what’s so horrible about me that you want to have anal with an unattractive woman?
And the choking… I seem to kind of hold my breath at the climax point anyway, I don’t need his hands around my neck to enhance an orgasm with a little oxygen deprivation. Again, is it me? I have no judgements on people who enjoy this, it’s just that it added to my confusion.
You’re not a prude! To each his own, but we shouldn’t be expected to do something we’re really uncomfortable with either.
You’re not a prude and you have good instincts. Someone wanting to choke you during sex seems a dangerous path to travel down, unless both partners are turned on by it. Clearly you weren’t, so …
People can do what they want sexually, obviously, but my own opinion about anal sex is that it’s usually something a woman doesn’t want to do and usually has to be talked into. And I think that’s the turn-on. Personally, I have always perceived it as degrading and it usually comes with a vaguely punitive sentiment. And I felt like I got some validation from this when I told XH I would consider it if he would let me do to him whatever he did to me and he reacted with horror and disgust. Hmmmm…. I mean if it’s such an awesome sensation for the recipient, then that should be similar whether it’s a man or a woman, right?
I suppose I may have an extreme perspective on this since my sexual assault involved sodomy and I had assorted anatomic difficulties post-assault that make the concept of anal repugnant to me — And, chump that I am, I was STILL willing to consider it, but I wanted some other stuff first, like some genuine intimacy, affection and body-worship. But he quit before he got there. OW? I’ll bet she gave him everything in the first week. Now there’s nothing left in the magic hat.
NW, I am very sorry you went through that. I think he was pretty insensitive to ask you to do that knowing what you had been through. The funny thing about him not letting you do it to him is, that the prostate is supposedly what makes anal very pleasurable to men. Women don’t have a prostate… You see where I’m going with this? But maybe I don’t understand, I haven’t ever tried it.
But that was my instinct about it too, it doesn’t seem like it would add to intimacy which is one of the main reasons I enjoy sex. It seemed like he wanted to dominate (or punish) and he hadn’t been that way before this woman, so I guess he enjoyed it with her.
I agree; anal is appealing to some men because of the degradation aspect (though I’m not judging if a woman actually likes it). Personally, it holds no appeal for me. Never had it, never will. I’ve had enough verbal degradation to last me a life time; don’t need any more.
Amen to both, Tempest…
NWB, you are one mighty woman.
The, “I can do it to you, but you can’t do it to me,” says it all….
Sorry for what you’ve been through, NWB. I can’t believe your x could know about that torturous attack on you and still even ask you for that. Unbelievable. Good for you for not giving in so easily. I’ve never understood the appeal either and I’m not a prude in the bedroom. It just always seemed degrading to me as well.
Wow Jen, my ex used the word “prude” to describe me because I didn´t want to do anal. Once I gave slightly in and said, “well maybe if you teach me and are very gentle and loving I might consider it”. But he never tried that way, Just took it as a rejection and an excuse to find others that would make him “feel like a man”. Funny that making him “feel like a man” is what is considered mostly a male homosexual way of performing sex.
I read an article written by a gay man who was a prostitute, and he claimed that he had friends (both gay and straight) who were also prostitutes, that he talked to regularly about their “work”. All of them agreed that the most frequently asked for “jobs” were oral or anal, that very few of the customers actually wanted straight hetero sex. I have frequently heard that men fantasize about lesbians having sex, and imagine that the lesbians would be interested in their contribution, and would invite them in to be part of a threesome. I don’t think they really understand that true lesbians don’t need or desire men at all.
All of this seems like wanting something you do not have to me. Or wanting something different. It has everything to do with boredom and mechanics and nothing to do with actual desire to be with a particular person. I have asked a few “straight” men who have made comments I consider homophobic why they are so intolerant of gay people, and they generally say that the sex is “unnatural.” If you point out to them that the actions they say are unnatural are the exact same actions they want their partners to perform for them, they get angry and say “it’s not the same thing.”
I realize that this is all anecdotal, but really, what is “great sex”? I doubt people are actually getting that on a drunken one night stand. If my desire to be with my particular partner was great it would certainly enhance the activities. I want to know a lot about someone before I get that intimate. I just don’t believe what you do is more important than who you do. If the intimacy is based on a desire for mutual happiness and satisfaction, the way you get there should not be so important. If you are a selfish boor, then you would demand that your “servant” do everything and anything you desire, and you don’t give one whit of thought to the “servant’s” needs.
As for this fool of a woman, she tells herself what she needs to in order to look at herself in the mirror and to be able to continue her pathetic and needy life. If she ever marries, she will be miserable wondering if her husband is slipping around on her, just as she has slept around with married men. She realizes the OW doesn’t care about the wife and kids, because she is only concerned with her own happiness. Bragging about her prowess with married men is a bit like bragging about what a great fisherman you are when you are fishing in a barrel of hungry fish. Maybe she likes worms on hooks? Who cares? She will never be my idol, and the married whack jobs that fall for her easy line ought to be embarrassed.
As always, very insightful comments Portia!
Can you link the article? I think that might make me feel better.
Oh, I dunno. I’ve had some guys in my past who really knew where all the knobs & buttons were, y’know? Yes, it’s better with someone you know, but … IMHO there’s room for just a generally sensually pleasurable experience without a lot of emotional intimacy. Just my own two cents’ worth.
If she thinks THAT sex was good, how would she feel about really making love with someone who actually knew her, valued her, found her honestly attractive for ALL of her (not just the ‘easy’ part), and built a relationship with her? Someone she valued, enjoyed spending time with, could flirt with openly and show affection to?
Now THAT can be fantastic sex!!!! She has no idea.
and she never will. No decent man would want a SLUT like her.
No, she doesn’t. That’s sort of her self-determining prophecy: She doesn’t think she’s good enough for a real man, and so now she isn’t.
When I was in college, my father had his version of a father-daughter talk with me on the eve of his 25th anniversary to my mother. He told me that if you’d told him when he was a young man that he’d be married for 25 years, he’d not have believed it, but here it was 25 years later and it went by in the blink of an eye. Also, sex with someone you truly love is mind-blowing.
The last was a bit TMI for me, though I knew that my parents were sexually active (and continued to be sexually active until my father’s death at age 80). My mom says she misses sex, and she’s in her mid-80s now!
I was brought up that sex in marriage was the best and ongoing.
If we ever wanted anything as kids and my father said no, my mom would say, “I’ll talk to him tonight and you ask him in the morning.”
Thanks, mom. You were nuts, but I appreciated this.
” Bri awakened, leaned over and said : ” And now I am going to kiss you, I mean poke you, very , very quickly and very, very hard.”Cut to the scene of a train entering a tunnel….
Oh, the old,” I’m broken” defense. I was not attractive in high school. I had acne and crooked teeth. My hair was thin and stringy. My tits sagged, even at an early age. Boys didn’t see me. They looked through me, or worse yet, teased me and tormented me…just like living in a life time movie, so when my first married lover looked at my tits, I had the best sex ever. When he “poked” me between my shoulder blades, in the morning, (like someone on the side of the road, checking to see if road kill was still breathing, but not to rescue, but to fuck) I had the best sex ever. And when he said it was a mistake, I said it was the best sex ever. But, now I know better. I kinda, sorta love myself, just a little bit, and now I don’t fuck married men, but I’m not sure why, Because, I got what I needed, and, after all, it WAS the best sex, ever.
If this was a stage play, she would be twirling a lock of her limp stringy hair around her finger, looking coy, with a smirk. She’d be snapping gum……
“(like someone on the side of the road, checking to see if road kill was still breathing, but not to rescue, but to fuck)” – I like that analogy Kim! Tee Hee….
I can sum this one up a little more succinctly: “I only fuck married men because I have extremely low self-esteem and body image issues, so the fact that a guy is willing to risk his marriage by sleeping with me makes me feel like a Super Vixen! And they were miserable at home anyway, so it’s really not my fault.”
What she doesn’t realize, of course, is that these guys aren’t sleeping with her because she’s irresistible or because they’re deeply unhappy with their lives… it’s because they can recognize instantaneously that she is completely desperate for ANY validation from men and just the tiniest compliment will put her on her back. Most importantly, she doesn’t think she’s wife material, so they don’t have to pretend that she is.
Both Lynn and the married men she sleeps with have this in common: Both are motivated entirely by getting pleasure from other people and giving nothing of themselves. I’m sure Lynn would argue that if she only met the right guy, she would be the BEST. WIFE. EVER.
(At least until one of his friends told her she has nice tits)
The disordered come in all shapes and sizes. They are yesterday’s rotting trash. For whatever reasons they fuck strangers it’s always on them not us. Listening to them babble about their double D- porn hookup fanticizing tells me exactly what I already know, they are not worth our time or energy. I have spent years trying to please the unworthy. This Pushes me forward because I have spent way too much time thinking it was my fault and thinking the EQUAL X ended up with had something I didn’t posses. They possess the ability to deceive, manipulate, justify, blame, fuck strangers and discard their families without looking back. Our cheaters desire something we can’t provide and it’s not sex! It’s believing they belong on the pedistal they created. My worshiping days are over. X is with his equally disturbed partner. That is now a relief.
Well said, Donna. I agree. Someone said the best thing I had read on yesterday’s blog. “I let him have what he wanted so I could have what I deserve.” That says it all. Let them get stuck with that nasty, used crotch of a whore. These bitches cycle often and it won’t be long before one of the other of these “special” people are in the sack with somebody else who they think ” loves” them more and is more sparkly! Serves them right too!
Yes we now can have what we deserve!!!
I just never ceases to amaze me how these demeted people come up with these justifications for their actions. Stupid stupid people…..
She probably should have named her article “The ONLY Sex Ever” cause I guarantee nobody except married desperate whore mongers would touch that nasty crotch and she knows it. They have to make the sex decent or the pussy train leaves the station for good and they might have to PAY for it. Egads.
It’s sickening and sad. I remember a classmate in undergrad tell me her sexual ethic was that it’s just an appetite. Sometimes you want fine dining and other times you go for fast food. Personally, I do not view sex this way or humans as such commodities. No one is fast food. We are all made in God’s Image. And that includes the wives whose souls she is raping by sleeping with their husbands. So very selfish!
DM, I have long read the Biblical prohibitions against certain types of sex as being prohibitions against using people as objects. Seeing someone as fast-food sex or fine-dining sex devalues that person’s humanity.
Oh, ick. Reading that crap, I feel like I really want to go take a long hot shower. I almost feel sorry for her. Almost. Except for the devastation she and her shit for brains co-cheaters leave in their wake. She also sounds like she has the I Q of a toadstool.
There’s also more than a whiff of the disordered in her narrative….me, me, me,………I’m considered ugly, but I’m still sexy enough to poach Your man if I want to. And I have their complete attention as long as I am having sex with them. I’m so fabulous that I attract complete strangers in bars, even if my tits do sag a little. But hey, that’s sexy remember? And we go on to have the best sex of our lives. Betcha you wives can’t match that. I’ll bet he’s thinking of me while he’s with you. Because I’m really so fabulous after all. Portraying myself as semi-pathetic is my shtick. It works because all those poor oppressed married men can see right through it to the fabulous me I actually am. So, actually I’m really special, and I only attract really special married men.
Oh gag, now I’m grossing myself out.
Covert narcissist much, this woman? She reminds me of the last skank the cheater ex hooked up with. So many problems, such a hard life, but so willing to try to humiliate me at an Alanon meeting by hanging all over my then husband while I had to chair the meeting. I held my head up high, chaired the damn meeting, and nailed his cheating ass to the wall later on in the car. This was the skank who dumped him later on for not making enough money to keep her in the style she would have liked to become accustomed to. Really a quality human being. Not.
Yep……True love, don’t cha know?
You were mighty, Tessie, to keep chairing a meeting as skank hung on your X. Most of the time, cheaters and their APs deserve each other as the empty vessels that that they are.
At its essence, this woman’s article says to me, “I know I’ve done a horrible thing sleeping with married men, but if I can claim “poor sausage” status and get your absolution, readers, then I can move on (while making money from my article. Woe is me.”
Absolution not forthcoming.
Oh yeah. Alanon. There’s some healing there, but a big shit sandwich to eat along with your coffee. That whole codependancy thing is not my shtick anymore.Sounds to me like your cheater and his kibble were thinking about a little 13th stepping.
Not just thinking. I’m pretty sure they were doing. Poor me was her hook. I wonder how many marry she has destroyed over the years. I willing to bet….quite a few.
Damn you autocorrect, …marriages, MARRIAGES!
You so nailed that Tessie.
Hmmm. Of course the whole thing is horrible, but I’m hung up on the fact that she emphasizes her unattractive physical characteristics. Is that supposed to make the reader feel less threatened? She was never going to *really* steal the husband; she’s self-professed that she’s ugly! As if that’s some kind of insurance plan.
Beauty is subjective. And OW/OM come in all shapes, sizes, and outward shells. That’s the scary thing: they look just like the rest of us.
Right on, SE.
It’s a cop out for acting like a despicable person.
Model looks are less than 1% of the population, the rest of us are all shapes and sizes. Using sex to improve poor self image is like putting out a fire with gasoline.
No boo-hoo from me.
The person who lights up a room is not the beauty, it’s the one who has the engaging personality.
She lives in the romance novel in her head because her real life sucks.
She’s pathetic and makes herself availiable to any man who wants a “hook up.” I think these guys tell her she’s so “irresistible” because the last guy who screwed her gave his co-worker the secret key to getting her in bed! She’s common as in just basic stupid trash! She’s just too damn dumb and self delusional to see it for what it is. She’s the company bike! Everyone gets a ride!
I’m really flattered. I clicked on that your tango link, and they want to be my Facebook Friend with Benefits. Omg, maybe we can have the Best. Sex. Ever…
I think the reason she thinks it’s the best sex ever is that some women enjoy thinking they have lured a man away from another woman. The “high” is, wow, I must be better than she is. I also think it could be like a shoplifting high. I have never once in my life shoplifted anything. I think it would make me feel sick. I have a huge problem with guilt.
No, Jen, you just have a huge problem with morals and integrity. 😉
Ugh. I think my ex’s OWife wrote this. Rumor has it that she fucked more than one married man before mine came along with all she ever wanted. Except for me and the kids. Initially though I believe both got off on the thought that they were sneaking around and fucking me over. My ex enjoys screwing me over now. Entitled and disordered for sure. Neither one can be called great thinkers but they do have more in common than my ex and I ever did. Sad stuff. Oh, my tits sag a little but I am a fine woman who would never have sex with a married man.
Yes, this. Is how I imagine him and the other women feel. He’s a gambler, so I imagine he thought he was “bluffing” when he was pretending to be my boyfriend. The things they usually had in common were recreational drug use. Oh, and bowling.
If she’s that screwed up, why doesn’t she just get therapy?
Sounds a bit like my wife…… low self esteem so you go try and find validation through sex…. problem is, a lot of guys are not validating shit…. they just want to get off…. its not that they think you are beautiful or sexy, they just smell EASY!!!!
I’m confused. “Best” is a superlative that means one is above the rest. So All the Married Men she fucks can’t be the Best. I guess each one is just better than the last. Convenient, huh. I call foul. I doubt anyone on the planet would call sex with my cheater the Best Ever. Most of these guys are sorry lays, that’s what we all know already. Old, selfish, erectile dysfunctioned. Don’t usually make for the Best Sex Ever. Except with this whore writing the article and her kind.
I notice she doesn’t mention the guys telling HER it was the best sex ever. Pathetic little cyst.
I wonder when she woke up in the morning after one of her trysts if she ever found a gnawed off arm in her bed?
CalamityJane, LOL! Love it!
Oh ha hahahahahaha, still laughing out loud!
Or a gnawed off pokie stick! LOL Jane!!
Why is sex with married men the best sex ever for her? Because she is a knuckle-dragging, cock-juggling whore who, by her own description of her physical attributes, is easier to pick up than a week old dog turd. In her deluded mind she thinks he’s chosen her over his wife. In reality, she’s a prostitue, who delivers all “up and down the east coast”. Saves him a trip to the seedier parts of the towns he’s visiting to find a working girl and the price is right! Costs him nothing – which is what she’s worth.
Exactly! And I just love the way you wrote the truth! Lord, are these whores seriously that stupid??? Can they really believe that “dog” sniffing them out is looking for something deeper than a blowjob and a screw by some more than hardup bitch!! Even she expresses how unattractive she is! Good heavens!
I always told my ex that if all the dicks that had been inside his Schmoopie actually showed on the outside then she would resemble a hedgehog! By her own admission in her sexting to my husband she declared herself an expert on sexual intercourse since she had been screwing since she was 14 years old!! The old whore is now in her early 50’s. You all figure it out! It ain’t rocket science. Jr. High alone could have given her 100’s of horny little boys per year! WOW! Just WOW!
Thanks a lot, Roberta. I can’t get the image of a penis hedgehog out of my mind.
Sorry Calamity, but I dare say this particular “hog” would probably not even be able to place her feet on the floor if what I imagine is true. The lil dicks would suspend her in the air! Ha! Ha! Ha!
A new “notches on the bedpost” analogy!
Don’t encourage her, newchumpatl.
Ugly chick (by her own admission) with borderline personality disorder is an easy lay for sleazy married men in bars looking for a piece of strange. How pathetic.
I wish we could, by magic, see what these women and their married lovers look like. I am guessing it would not be pretty. Conner was sitting is a bar with a dick he would put in any hole, possibly, preferably a human’s and she was in the same bar with holes. So there you have it. The ingredients for BEST SEX EVER.
“Sometimes the copier jams and things can take a turn.”
Ha ha ha ha! Perfect!
If cheaters (or their APs) had an ounce of introspection, they’d realize this is what their arguments amount to.
….in a bar…
I almost died laughing when the UBT coughed up a hairball. Chump Lady you really are the best!
So glad I wasn’t drinking anything while reading this. It’d be all over my monitor. Hilarious CL!!! As always, love your insight !!!
Just plain EWWWWWWW!
Sex with married men is the best from your perspective because you’re a sick, twisted, pathetic slam pig who enjoys more the thrill of feeling more desirable than your fuckbuddies wives than just feeling worthy of pure love where you don’t have to victimize an innocent bystander.
If you need to hurt people to get off….you’re a psychopath. Period.
And furthermore, what the hell does the phrase “fell into bed mean” unless you are describing a literal fall? I’ve heard this used many times and I know what people are going for when they say it, they want to paint the scene as lust filled and passionate, whatever. But “fell into bed” to me sounds cheesy and dramatic.
“Fell into bed” means she’s not worth the effort of foreplay, and her standards are so low she doesn’t require it.
TheBetterJamie, these fuckfests are all cheesy, sleazy and dramatic! You should read some of my ex and Schmoopies sexts! Good God, you would think they discovered sex the way a caveman has discovered fire! According to them it is the one and only true love! Yuck! Ewwwww! And ummmmm……I call bullshit!
Yup…. the few sexts I saw were explicit about ejaculation on faces and all that good stuff….. definitely a romance novel in the making!
DavidB–I’m sorry you had to see those texts. Haunting.
There are, apparently, texts from my X to grad-whore floating around with one of her new academic mentors, but I’m pretty sure I don’t want to see them.
You probably dont….. that was my DDay! Christmas Day…. and you find text describing actions they plan to take in their next meeting that come straight out of a porn flick! But I would rather have the knowledge of the truth than speculate!
Honestly? She’s read too many Harlequin Romance novels. Nothing against them I read them in 5th grade?? Anyone over the age of 25 (I’m being kind) has no excuse for this kind of drivel. You wanted to fuck and you did … End of story. That hardly requires a whole article. She’s a nut.
I have to add that we ALL felt special and in love. That’s the freakin easy part. Now try staying married, monogamous, pay bills, clean the house, cook meals, deal with kids…. Then talk to me about all that special best sex crap. It makes me angry.
I feel anger in this response!
She needs to start charging a fee to make it worth it. She’s just doing unpaid ho work.
This all sounds like a poorly written romance novel…….minus the romance! It actually still shocks me to discover that there are people walking among us who have absolutely no morals and lack this much self esteem that they would consider a quick fuck (aka: the best sex ever) the cure for all that ails them. Unfortunately, we chumps and our chump children are simply collateral damage for their poor choices.
“My face is unnatractive! But I have a left shoulder-blade that is a miracle of loveliness. People come miles to see it. My right elbow has a fascination that few can resist.”
But this miserable object is no Katisha, just a waste of DNA, best viewed from the back, desperately trying to be special. To anyone. I thought from the title that she might actually be trying to figure herself out, but naaahhh…
Yes Kimmy, bitches like her set the bar incrediy low then crow about how wonderful the one night stand was! Yuck! Delusional assholes who need validation from any man, married or not, with no regard for his family! This little package of crazy who wrote about the best sex ever will NEVER know what that is!!! She’s too much of a “used” item to make the cut to be a wife and Mom and worse yet, she knows it. But yet covers that with flimsy BS excuses and justifications! Makes me want to puke!
I’ve taken a nap, refueled and come back to post more! Hahaha.
So as this pig so clearly points out: she’s a broken woman and her 20’s were an insecurity filled, self questioning mess. Well welcome to the fucking club! Did you think you were the only one dealing with FOO issues or body image problems?
While many of us, say around the end of our twenties are settling down and becoming a bit more self assured and solid this swamp donkey is just getting started in the area of underdeveloped decision making skills. While you’re concerning yourself with raising young children and paying a mortgage after learning all the hard lessons your young adulthood taught you, she’s revving her engine and just dipping her toe into a lifetime of poor choices, rough mornings and issues only a licensed professional will be able to help her sort out. She’s not put it together that her despicable behavior, you know, the sleeping with married men thing, is causing her already low esteem and self worth that much more damage. Not only did no man apparently want you in your twenties but they don’t want you now! All these men think you’re worth is a drink at the bar, a hotel room fee and *fingers crossed for their spouses sake* the price of a condom or two….OH and their dignity. Never mind taking a REAL look in that mirror and being honest with yourself. Never mind actually accepting that you’re a delusional sea moose with zero self respect or general respect for other human beings. Never mind seeking the help you so desperately need much more than a mildly interested fuck buddy who’s just as disordered as you are. And never mind finding the love for yourself that you’ve never managed to claim and then maybe finding an equal partner that loves themselves as much as they love you…because so long as your happiest and most fulfilling moments are while you’re secretly tearing families apart and hurting innocent people you will never ever manage to find a single soul to value you. Obviously not even yourself.
OMG TheBetterJamie, preach it! God I love it! Just tell us now how you really feel about this hag! OW’s who think it’s okay to screw another woman’s husband and the father of her children to shore up their already dreadfully low self esteem make me want to scream! Instead of hanging at the bar letting some fool tell you how great your saggy tits are, how about spending some time in a shrinks chair? Damn I hate OW’s! Who prey on married men!
I got a little fired up there, whew…lol!
What breaks my heart is this is somebody’s daughter.
Okay Chump Nation… I need some help on an issue dealing with an OW. My husband left several months ago. It was a complete shock. He just came home saying he sold my car and was leaving. We have a two year old and a one who just turned one. I then found out that he had left for and given my car to his coworker with whom he had been having an affair. She is also married and has two small children of her own. (She was actually pregnant at the same time as me.I do not know if the baby is my husband’s or not. After a terrible divorce, my ex and his MOW are being open about out relationship with her coming to visitation. The thing is she is nice to me pleasant even speaking to me and approaching us when I am out and about with the kids. And today I got a very sweet handmade Mother’s Day card from my kids after visiting their dad. And my 2 year old says that MOW made it. I cried and cried. I know I should be happy that my kids are not being exposed to a complete monster, but her niceness also pisses me off. I mean I do not want to think of this woman who was a party to the most devastating thing that has ever happened to me as being a multifaceted person. I would prefer to ignore her existence entirely or at the very least be able to say with absolute certainty that she is the bitch in this situation. Her pleasantries make me feel like I must be the bad guy. I mean who gets pissed off about a mother’s day card.
Middle of the Ride–I don’t blame you for not wanting anything the OWhore’s hands have touched. Helping make you a Mother’s day card does not magically transform her into a good person. Fuck, even Hitler loved his dogs.
She slept with your X, broke up your family, and is now merely doing impression management to make it seem as if she is a “nice” person. You don’t need to buy it. Nor do you need to respond with anything other than civility–no pleasantries, no forgiveness, no feigned warmth. You are perfectly within your rights to ignore her to the extent possible.
Thanks. Impression management is an excellent thought. I have been trying to put her actions through the lens of my own character and having been conjuring feelings of remorse and compassion where probably none exist.
That would be a mistake–cheaters only have “compassion” when we project it onto them.
Truth in that, Tempest. Thanks for the reminder. I need to pound that into my head.
Put it in Sharpie on your hand. Do NOT attribute compassion to that cheater, no matter HOW eloquently he writes. (Do not make me come kidnap you, Calamity! Stay strong!)
That sort of sweetness is just unwholesome…of course receiving a card made by this woman would freak you out and is entirely inappropriate.
If your kids have to be around this person then its better that she is kind to them…but let it stop there. Its enough to be civil if you need to communicate regarding their needs otherwise NC is the way to go. She is no friend of yours so it sounds like a control thing, a guilt trip, or some sort of toxic manipulation.
Just say NO.
Hi! I fucked your husband and stole your car! Happy Mother’s Day!
Yeah, I can understand the cognitive dissonance in that.
You are NOT the bad guy. You’re a woman who got abandoned with two small children. I would feel murderous. The “nice” thing is an act. Great, she’s not horrible to your kids (except for breaking up their family). Here’s a bitch cookie.
Your ex and that nut deserve each other. I’d try to keep all contact to a bare minimum.
Thank you, Chump Lady. This blog has really been a god send for me. It is validating to hear that it is okay to not have anything to do with MOW. I feel like I am getting a lot of advice to try and cultivate a working relationship with for the good of the children. Right now all I can manage is to simply not speak to her at all (well, that and the miraculous feet of not scratching her eyes out). Thank you for giving us Chumps a place to share and some excellent no-nonsense advice.
you are definitely not the bad guy. your ex has hooked up with a bonafide psycho. the mothers day card seals the deal, for me. i would ask your ex to refrain from bringing her to your place.
my ex’s affair partner knows not to even be home when i drop off our daughter on her mother’s weeks.
Middle, there is something afoot here. I would suggest you have everything go through your attorney. If he calls tell him to text or email. You need to keep a record of everything. A man who cheats on a pregnant wife and steals her car sound like a sociopath. They probably both are. Do the bare minimum and never say a negative thing about them. Watch your back. I smell money. Always, always follow the money.
I predict they start hitting you up for free babysitting.
Is the car in your name? Go get it back. Have it rekeyed.
I paid for it, but it was in his name. In the divorce, it was one of a few issues I dropped b/c my attorney said if we went to court my ex might have a good chance to get 50/50 custody despite me being the kids only caretaker. As it is he has extended visitation. My lawyer was terrible.
Better the kids than the car. Trust me–my judge tripped me up at the last minute about one aspect of custody, even though X had agreed to my version of the point. You don’t want your children’s fate in the hands of someone who thinks they are the beacon of justice.
I totally agree, Middle. I’d wave goodbye to that car in a heartbeat to preserve whatever I can with my child. Sadly, even the victim of infidelity can’t get everything in a divorce. We have to choose our battles sometimes and I say, take the car & leave me my child and we can call it even.
Middle… Burn that fucking card. Have your self a little Hallmark bonfire. POOF! They just want you to play nice and trot off into lala land with them… Cause if your ok with it… Then eveyone is ok with it! Arent we a great extended family? !!! Fuck them. Dont know about you but i choked down my last shit sandwich a year ago. Burn it.
Could she be a “kill them with kindness” kind of passive-aggressive? I just could not think of her as anything but a bit off if she was bedding my husband and on top of that she is married and pregnant same time as you! Could it be she doesn’t even know who “da baby daddy” is? Be very cautious. Not everything is as it seems sometimes! (Probably the understatement of the year here at Chump Nation!)
Thanks for your reply. I have not engaged her at all. I mostly ignore. If she is killing me with kindness. It is working. I mean I am sitting here feeling like the guilty party. Like why I can’t just forgive. Then I wondered what does she think happened. DId ex lie to her? As now know he does quite well. Her friendliness puts me off guard.
Middles of the Ride, a few months after my ex left, I was no where near being able to consider forgiving him…and I’m not now either and it’s not far from being two years past dday. I have redefined forgiving in this situation as trying to let go and move on and not wish ill on him. I don’t think you need to put pressure on your self about forgiveness, however you define that. Please take care of yourself and your kids. And I think it’s safe to trust that he sucks….and that he does and will continue doing things that prove this. Perhaps you can find a way to communicate about visitation, etc., that will get you as close to No Contact as possible? I can’t imagine how hard it must be to deal with stuff like that card!
I think that she has you right where she wants you–she instinctively knows that people feel obligated when a “gift” is given. (Marketers have capitalized on this concept quite successfully.)
But it’s a poisoned gift she’s given you–one to show off her talents, to one-up you. Remember, she’s a competitive snake. She has no compassion–not even for her own children, whose home she broke for a loser like your ex.
You owe her NOTHING. You owe it to yourself to avoid her, and, if backed into a corner, to be aloof but briefly polite before excusing yourself. She may be trying to make you look like the crazy, vindictive one who is rude when she is so NICE! (Barf.)
Don’t make a big deal about the card in front of the kids–it might confuse them. Do NOT “reciprocate” her display of kindness. NEVER let her lead you–YOU call your own shots for your own life, for she is not a role model of any sort (unless you’re studying how to be a disordered troll.)
Stay steady, my friend. You can do this.
The fact that you are questioning yourself means that you are kind-hearted and sociable! But your mistake is in trusting her, or thinking that her gestures come from someone who has a sense of decency. Remember–she does not, and never will.
Miss Sunshine, a very healthy good way to respect boundaries (one’s own), to model to others how to be treated, and to draw a line in the sand. For many of us Chumps we no longer tolerate lies, dishonesty, and fucked up exes. These people are not your friends, you are obligated to treat them like an acquaintance, barely, and one you do not have to “like.” We are not obligated to celebrate receiving gifts from them. File that card (those gifts) where it belongs, into the trash, where it and any “relationship” with disordered belongs. We do not need to buy into the crap that says we have to be anything toward the sparkle-y glittery turds that are our exes and crap APs; we certainly shouldn’t buy into their fucking false narratives. When someone betrays you, especially in those many creative ways our cheaters have done, you no longer have to spackle. “Not my monkeys, not my circus.” It’s liberating not having to deal with toxic because there is no good excuse for bad behavior. I treat my ex and his new Owife like the pieces of shit they are. I step around them! And give them a wide berth. Because they are people I do not wish to know.
You don’t even have to treat them with civility. Fuck civility. They blew up your life – a “fuck off, I have nothing to say to you” works wonders with these snakes.
Miss Sunshine–good analogy. Just because some charity tapes a nickel to their request for money doesn’t obligate you to donate to that charity if you don’t believe in it. The mother’s day card crafted by OW is the nickel.
It’s always dangerous when a person lives their life as if they were the star in a movie. The world rarely gives a flying fuck at a rolling donut about your bold aesthetic choices and so rarely writes you a happy or beautiful ending. More often than not, such folks make a mess of their lives and the lives of everyone they touch. I’d guess they disproportionately end up alone, impoverished, and without having accomplished much of anything that matters.
Ms. Stphens seems to think she starring in “50 Shades of Gray.” In reality it’s more like an X-rated spoof of “Dumb & Dumber.” Call it, “50 Shades of Fucking Stupid.”
Also, tellingly, one anagram for Lynn Stephens is “Sly ‘n’ spent hen.”
“Flying fuck at a rolling donut”? Nomar, you really should write a blog.
I think I said it before….DOG FUCKERS. They would fuck a dead dog if they thought they wouldn’t get caught. This woman just validated that point.
Clip, you and your DOG FUCKERS always make me laugh out loud…..
I’m home sick today and everyone has kept me entertained. What a group : )
I hope you’re feeling better, CalamityJane!
Yes, I especially like it when TheClip elaborates the analogy to say that the dog fuckers grab you by the ears and insert their swimmy mindfucking thingies into your head. Cracks me up every time.
It just irritates the crap outa me… ‘ I even have saggy tits and strech marks….’ Why the fuck do they think they are so special? These men would dry hump a sack of potatoes…
U aint special… Unless your vagina plays the Star Spangled Banner? Does it? Didnt think so… Fuck me. U aint special. U are a receptacle. Period.
Get better Calamity!
TheClip–you never disappoint! Now all I can hear in my head is the Star Spangled Banner. F’ing hilarious.
“anything to makes us feel something again.”
feeling lonely, desperate, damaged is feeling something.
i think what she means is “anything to help us escape in a cowardly way from the problems in our lives”.
most people just deal with their problems without fucking up other people’s lives in the process. acknowledging that you’re “damaged” doesn’t absolve you from any responsibility, doesn’t gain you any sympathy. it does, however, flag you as being quite disordered. people who really know they’ve got problems, and who are genuinely motivated to do something about them, don’t post a lengthy pity-party invitation on yourtango. they just get on with whatever they need to do.
you’re a loser, just like all the spineless married men you’ve slept with.
go fuck yourself.
Yuk….another desperate skank who is swept off her feet by a line like “wanna fuck” — and manages to romanticize it, like there’s actually some deep, meaningful connection there. The sad, pathetic whore doesn’t even know she’s getting used.
I’ll take being a chump over an ignorant slut any day of the week.
It is nice to finally see what the OW is thinking. Ex used to enviously quote studies that found that the best sex ever was experienced by happily married women.
I wonder if OW ever considered the effect she was having on the wife’s sex life. Betrayal can destroy sex for a woman. She should have just settled for the Guinness World Record of Best Stretchmarks Ever… I think she could honestly win that niche.
Reminds of that woman on Sideways, the movie. Frumpy, chunky waitress, head over heels about one of the guys she’s serving. He’s about to be married but looks at his buddy and shrugs saying, ‘well, what the hell, a mercy fuck”.
Fucking sick, I’m sorry was I the only one repulsed reading this, let me tell it to her this way and feel free to post this on whatever horrid site it comes from: the only reason, I repeat ONLY reason he was with you was because you LET him. He was looking for ANYTHING different, be that, a hole in the wall, his hand to a new picture, the fact that you actually had a heartbeat was a pluse but don’t kid yourself, your stretch marks and belly and etc etc are ugly…what is even more ugly is the inside of your soul that would fuck married men, a married man you knew was married and had met his wife and kids, and all because you feel ugly and have such low self-esteem, and this validated you…at the cost of so many others, way to go telling him “the best sex ever” how noble of you to know that was just what he needed…please enlighten me what this site is, I am SO over being “married” WTF!
I wish we could fast forward 40 years and see how ‘ happy’ Lyn is and the memories that she holds o so dear now would be the same? Would it still be about getting her rocks off and filling her emptiness with married mens sperm? Will her void ever be really filled? Or will she continue to be a receptacle? How will she fair when her married man leaves her for a saggy titted 20 something year old? Will she understand him?
I would love to have a peek in the future. Will she ever know of the fall out of her involvement with these men and the impact on their families? Would she be prepared to bare that burden now if she knew what the fallout would be ? Children lives shattered. To sit like Ebenezer and watch what Christmas future looks like for those families? Lives blown to shit for a poke in the back.
I “felt so alive” tonight.Did I have a scuzzy hookup?? No, I went to my daughter’s school. It was Dynasty Night, which is basically a welcome to the school for the fifth graders of next year. My girl played in the band, and helped answer questions the new kids had about the school. Then a spaghetti dinner in the cafeteria, and the drive home under a beautiful blue and pink sunset sky. It was just such a fulfilling evening for me and her. I can’t believe people willingly give up moments like these to bang some slimy whore they meet in a bar. They will never know what Alive really feels like if they think they will find it in someone else’s husband’s crotch. Idiots.
Beautiful, Not Juliet
not Juliet – Applauding your day! Yes, that is was alive is. So much more than skanky, sneaky sex. Unless you like to keep looking over your shoulder, or the next phone call that may leave a trace, that you could get caught at any moment. I think that must be a little agony to keep all the lies straight….and, instead, you leave them to their terror and guilt…you, a wonderful mother, find peace in a beautiful day with your child. Ya think he has the problem? You bet he does.
Thank you, Kelly and She Chump.! Being a mom is the best thing ever to me. There are so many things to do and learn about in this world I can’t imagine wasting my time like the woman who wrote this article.
I’m so glad I got my Wild Streak out back in college, and have no desire to hang around bars, trying to pick up men, especially married ones. I didn’t pick up any married men, thankfully, but due to social pressures I did have a few meaningless sexual encounters back then. At least I know how pathetic that kind of thing is, to me at least. Lynn can have my share, lol.
Ask yourself what any of this would look like without alcohol. The poke in the back was probably a request for a glass of water (or a bucket).
Being a 24yr old virgin means you have to give it up to the lowest piece of shit just because? Hell to the fuck no. I was a 24yr old virgin, and I have extremely high standards – theres no way in fucking hell that I would have sunk even close to this level.
This woman is a delusional piece of shit who tarts around flashing her saggy tits because thats literally all she has. She has no brains, no morals and no life.
And then thinks she’s “oh so cool” for posting about it. Talk about the mentality of a three year old!
Two words (and I think this applies to cheaters the world over, really): GROW UP.
It sounds like the men need to have wives in order for this amazing sex to manifest…after all, poor little me can mesmorize this guy with my saggy tits and – drum roll – get one over on another woman. No wonder the sex is amazing. If the creepy tit starer was available he would just be another sleezy guy who leers at tits…even saggy ones….every bar room has one.
But the great pick-me dance is the vital aphrodisiac – the kibbles of being the chosen one, the thought of a chump in the background while her husband pokes YOU….wants to see and kiss those saggy tits and smother you in wuv.
Do serial OW have mother issues that drive them to compete?
I agree. That line about “poking” her really got to me, too. What? He pokes her in the back like a stranger invading his space on the subway. It hit me as disrespectful the first time I read it. Worse, she seems to be sooooooo grateful that he wants her. Huh! If I wasn’t so angry about my husband’s affair I could actually feel pity for this lame excuse for an adult woman.
With that said. Being being cheated on has made me a better person in may ways. How? Well, I used to be very dismissive of women who checked up on their spouses or got angry when they talked to other women at parties. I trusted my husband like a dope and I gave him to much freedom. There are actually studies that show that married people who mate guard are rarely cheated on. I never mate guarded. I was way too cool to do that. I had a good job, I am attractive (at least my modeling agent says I am). I did not have a big inappropriate ego, but I was a very confident and secure person.
I still am confident and secure, but now I do mate guard when in an exclusive relationship. Also, I no longer scoff at women who get anxious when a pretty woman talks to their spouse or who no longer lets them go out with the guys or on guy only vacations. Now, I just realize that they probably have been damaged by a cheater in either their present relationship or a past one and I cut them some slack.
“I flatter men and they fuck me. I’m special!”
I think that kinda’ sums things up regarding women who allow themselves to be used by married men. They think it makes them special. Huh! How ’bout easy and clueless?
Also, I think these types of gals are in competition with all women. That is in part why they need to believe so badly that the husband who cheats is unhappy in his marriage rather than just out there looking for some easy poontang on the side.
My husband’s dumb bunny girlfriend was really way too interested in me. I read a text in which she told my husband that she did not even know what his wife looked like. To which my husband respond she is beautiful, and you know what. I think that was a challenge to her.
Thereafter, This red headed bimbo actually followed me and stopped me once to ask me directions. She also called the house numerous times, before I was aware of the affair, and asked me questions, very odd. Also, i saw texts in which she seemed to bring me up almost constantly, asking questions and comparing herself,even though her texts with those types of questions were ignored.
Also, in the end, even though she promised that all she wanted was an affair, in the end her real goal was to make him choose her over me. Sick stuff, she really believed she was in a real romantic relationship, just like this women you write about.
Crazy stuff. Just goes to show that anyone who gets involved with a married man is damaged in so many ways.
“Who knows if it was the Best Sex ever? I think they have to tell themselves this to justify their betrayals.”
Well, when I read a mistress or just a slutty women claiming affair sex is the best sex ever. It makes me hate sex. It just makes it seem so tawdry.
May 11, 2015 at 9:44 am
Oh, ick. Reading that crap, I feel like I really want to go take a long hot shower.”
Ugh, me, too. I am happy to see that reading this crap effect people the same way it effects me. It’s a huge turn off. It makes me want to become a nun. 😉 Not really. Just turns me off to sex. Ugh. Is that all there is?
Oh I see there are a lot of Mary’s here, I am not the same mary as the mary posting earlier than i, and I am not texas Mary. I am just Mary. How ’bout mary3 going forward?
May 11, 2015 at 8:39 am
If she thinks THAT sex was good, how would she feel about really making love with someone who actually knew her, valued her, found her honestly attractive for ALL of her (not just the ‘easy’ part), and built a relationship with her? Someone she valued, enjoyed spending time with, could flirt with openly and show affection to?
Now THAT can be fantastic sex!!!! She has no idea”
Well, yes, but that is only if you are a normal woman. A normal woman would feel disrespected by the actions of the married men the dumb bunny woman in the article describes being flattered by.
I think this gal is so damaged, that to her sex in a marriage would likely not be exciting for her, nor even if it was just a loving exclusive dating relationship.
I truly think the turn on is that they are luring a married man from their wife.
How sickening. Women like this aren’t worth the time of good men. I love the last line. Yup, she’s special alright. Nothing but a nasty wh0re
Heya Jason. What are you? 13 and learning some good masturbation techniques? Ways to help you get 7 more orgasms than your night’s sleep of maybe 3. Dream on big boy. You could try a story for Reddit or Penthouse, but you’ve got a long way to learn about the mechanics of sex. Sure, women can go 3 hrs with a good vibrator if she has the time. Yay for us. But, poor you, you will never, ever get to have 10 orgasm back to back like a woman. Maybe tuck your Harry Potter magic wand back under your pillow tonight and keep up the dreamin. P