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A Bad Day to Be Bobby Flay

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cheaterflagA funny thing happened to Bobby Flay this week on the way to getting a star on Hollywood’s Walk of Fame. Just as he was receiving the award, an airplane flew overhead trailing a banner that said “CHEATER.”

Flay’s soon-to-be-ex-wife Stephanie March claims she had nothing to do with it.

Flay, you’ll recall, is rumored to be boffing his assistant, which may have led to the break up of his marriage. Or the creepy way he stirs yogurt. (Hard to say.)

Anyway, if it wasn’t Flay’s ex, it sure was a cosmic coincidence. Imagine if banners followed idiots like thought bubbles! Rick Perry announces that he’s running for president again?  “LOL!” flies overhead. The Duggars explain child molesting to Fox News? “YOU DON’T SPEAK FOR JESUS” unfurls across Arkansas.

Whoever this mysterious pilot of karma is, I’d like to think he’s out there waiting. Like the Lone Ranger, whenever there is injustice and fraudulence, he’ll swoop into town with the CHEATER banner. Is your ex getting remarried? Receiving an award? On a date? (Ta-da-da-ta-da-da-taDAdum-dum-dum!) The cheater banner appears!

Well, we can hope anyway. It’s not very meh, but it sure is funny.

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Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • On another site, someone commented that he probably did it himself, just to make March look bad.
    It wouldn’t surprise me. My guess is, he’s not the least bit embarrassed that he’s a cheater.

      • There’s definitely an “ick” factor about him. I don’t know how Ms. March – who is a beautiful and talented actress – could stand it for 10 years. But then again as she tied the knot with Flay, she knew he’d been married and divorced several times before and that she was going to be Wifey #4…I believe. Did she really think she had a special ingredient that would make the marriage recipe work out this time? Honestly, I never understand what goes through the minds of these women who appear intelligent but step right up to be Mrs. 4, or 5, or 6……..?

  • I saw that the other day on MSN. I had a good laugh! Good idea, though. Gives me an idea for the stbx’s b-day bash on the 4th of July… Hmmmmm.

  • What perfect timing! Problem is, he isn’t going to care in the slightest, unless a lot of people noticed it, and it makes his image look bad?

    • Bobby is a full-blown narc, and they do care about impression management. He’s probably FUMING that his big moment was ruined by accountability. His publicists took away his twitter account to make sure he couldn’t pull a Kanye, is my guess.

      • Yeah. I probably should have mentioned that hes a narc, so he’d be going through narc-rage. Even though I have no fucking clue who this guy is – nor do I particularly care for ‘sparkly’ people. Just what I’ve seen from CL articles.

    • Tickled my funny bone to see Flay on his hands and knees and looking upward……perhaps seeing the Karma Plane passing by?????

      TMZ was gratifyingly rough on him. They reported that not only was he cheating on his wife with the assistant, he was cheating on the assistant (and wife) with ANOTHER woman.

        • Maybe it was done by the pilot him/herself…..a magnanimous chump, perhaps?

          Whoever made it happen orchestrated a masterful move that will go down in the annals of cheater retribution.

        • This is too good. He will forever be Flobby Blay to me. Just think of the one word banner choices! But, cheater says it all. Well done, I say.

        • I love it whenever the karma bus rolls (or flies). — regardless of who wrote the check.

      • #DouchebagCheaterKarma #SorryNotSorry

        LOL! This dumbass bought his Karma plane ticket years ago. I’m just glad it FINALLY showed up, and on the best day any Chump could ever ask – or pay – for.

        That one pilot, plane, and simple banner are sitting on MILLIONS. The Chumps on this site alone could have him/her busy for the next 100 years.

        Just sayin’.

  • Yeah, I’ve been looking into the stories about the Duggars again with that interview. Come to find out–surprise, surprise–they weren’t exactly honest in it. It wasn’t a crime to release Joshua’s record as he was 18 when it is filed and all minors’ names were redacted/protected according to one news site.

    http://www.cosmopolitan.com/politics/news/a41504/legal-expert-says-duggars-are-wrong-about/

    Another blog (http://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2015/06/jim-bob-and-michelle-duggars-interview-with-megyn-kelly.html) pointed out how minimizing the parents were in talking about Joshua’s behavior as well. Just a sickening situation all around. I especially dislike the way they are trying to manipulate people’s good will towards them by “hedging” the “truth” in their favor.

    • Well, it’s that Jesus spackle. I’m always creeped out how they know exactly how Jesus feels about all their personal problems. He’s cool with it! Trust ’em on this.

    • Ugh, the Duggars. I NEVER watch Fox but I made an effort to watch the interview Wed night. I couldn’t stomach it. Circular half answers, repeatedly saying “God had forgiven Josh”–hmmm, how do they know that? Did the message come by carrier pigeon, smoke signal, text?

      The more they talked the deeper they dug themselves and more sickening details came out. Minimizing by saying ‘it was only touching over their clothes and they didn’t understand what had happened and the girls weren’t even sure if it was inappropriate touch or not”—-huh?

      Mushmouth Michelle and Dim Bulb won’t win any parents of the year awards in the future.

      • I admire you for watching the interview. My Bullshitometer is on FULL after 25 years with Hannibal Lecher, and I can’t subject myself to any more (and that included the Rick Perry announcement).

      • Huh. I didn’t see it either. So, “the girls weren’t even sure if it was inappropriate touch or not”? Can we talk about the million things that are disturbing about that one statement alone?

        • I could barely watch the interview Their denial was unbelievable. Brainwashing comes to mind.

          And the way the Duggars blameshifted. Of course who would have 19 mini-me’s except real narcissists who know the only way.

          This should put rest the argument whether you can effectively parent 19 kids. In their opinion they can– by making rules that siblings can’t play hide and seek if they are of opposite sexes. – or a brother and sister can’t be in a room together unless another sibling is watching.

          If they had a smaller family, they could be aware of what’s going on with their kids without turning their own kids into the ‘incest police’.

          Disgusting. Horrible. So sad for those kids who were abused by their parents and then by their brother

        • “Can we talk about the million things that are disturbing about that one statement alone?” Well said, StrongerEveryday. Thank you!

      • I failed to mention there’s more of the Duggar interview (including the two oldest daughters) tonite on
        Fox—Megyn somebody’s show around 8 or 9 and it will probably repeat on rotation. It did the other night.

    • I wish a plane with a banner that said “child molesters” flew in the sky every where the Duggars went. I know that’s a Southwest-level job, but a girl can dream

  • “Shmuck” sign anyone?

    My son is getting married at the end of the month. I told the ex that he could not walk down the aisle with my son and me.

    His response?

    “Why don’t you just hang a sing around my neck that says “shmuck”?”

    I am taking the high road and decided to let him walk down the aisle with us anyway. But everyone there knows the truth and thinks he is a schmuck, sign or no sign. He doesn’t get to have any guests at the wedding and the OW is not invited or welcome, in spite of being “his family now (whatever that means).

    He is walking into a room of people who all know the truth and plan to just ignore him. He is not happy and no one cares. Let’s see how long he stays.

    Karma really is delicious when it shows up out of the blue and especially when I don’t really care anymore.

    The flying sign is fun indeed.

    • Okay, if you can’t hang it around his neck, maybe tack it on his back? 🙂 Seriously, though, kudos to you on the high road. May your meh be ironclad that day, and may someone pour you a stiff drink just in case.

  • I didn’t make it through the entire interview—just too putrid and I didn’t want to induce nightmares from seeing those two poor excuses for human beings.

    In other news—-it’s a bad day to be Denny Hastert. The sister of a now deceased man came forward today to claim that her brother had also been ‘involved’ with Hastert when he was in the wrestling program. I love the timing, Hastert is set to be called on the carpet in a few days.

    As for Prick Perry– don’t get me started……(fellow Texan here, Tempest)

    • I didn’t realize that, Hesathecurb! Where are you? I’m in Austin (too close to Prick Perry for may years).

      • Tempest, yes I am aware you are in Austin……and I rest assured you are ‘keeping it weird’, my fellow chump.

        I am in the Hill Country, Boerne to be exact. I’m overwhelmed with acres of thigh high wildflowers which my realtor is insisting I mow down prior to photog coming to take pics. I am putting my ranch on the market soon.

        I am refusing to mow, if I do, they will not bloom next year unless they get to go to seed. Hopefully the new owners will admire the beauty and history of Texas bluebonnets, Indian paintbrush, firewheels, Mexican hats and vervain and allow them to flourish in the future.

        • Good for you! I have family in Boerne and have many great memories of roaming around the countryside as a kid. Your realtor is an idiot.

        • That sounds gorgeous, He’sathecurb. I prefer wild wildflowers to carefully crafted lawns (much to the chagrin of my HOA). It always reminds me of a favorite poem (by Herrick):
          A sweet disorder in the dress
          Kindles in clothes a wantonness:
          A lawn1 about the shoulders thrown
          Into a fine distraction:
          An erring lace which here and there
          Enthrals the crimson stomacher:2
          A cuff neglectful, and thereby
          Ribbons to flow confusedly:
          A winning wave (deserving note)
          In the tempestuous petticoat:
          A careless shoe-string, in whose tie
          I see a wild civility:
          Do more bewitch me than when art
          Is too precise in every part.

          If you’re ever in Austin, margaritas are on me (tempest.ariel2014@gmail.com).

  • I love this beautiful display of karmic justice. I hope his day was spent fuming trying to figure out who could’ve done such a thing to him.

    I know my ex was always more concerned with WHO blew his cover than the fact that he did something he had to conceal in the first place. He would obsess over it and get the narc stare when I refused to divulge my source. Hahaha. Good memories.

      • I figured that he was bullshitting so many people with so many things that he’d forget who he told what.

        Truth be told- a couple times in the thick of the narc abuse I got desperate to expose some truth and regain some control that I’d just say someone he trusts told me the truth about whatever lie I was trying to expose that I was fairly certain about but couldn’t prove.

        Bahaha, if you want to see a narcs head spin tell them one of their loyal minions exposed them! He obsessed for days over who blew his spot. Like, I’m talking, he confronted every person at his job then called me to say none of them admitted it and will I please tell him now because if it’s one of them and they’re lying he could get in trouble because it’s a confidentiality issue!!!! Hahaha- to clarify, he was a MASSAGE THERAPIST. The only confidentially is with the client, not the service provider.
        Again, good memories.

    • Isn’t it sweet to have at least that little bit over on them? My husband hacked my FB account after I intentionally friended somebody I knew he would suspect of “talking”. He’s been covertly asking around to find out where I got my details…. it’s killing him. Just goes to prove that even when he says he’s sorry, he’s really just interested in managing his secret life.

      • It’s a sickness. I could never live the type of life they live. All those lies to keep track of? No thanks.

      • Mine told me to “stop talking to those bitches!” and I informed him it wasn’t just “bitches” telling me the sordid details of his affairs. Quite a few people spilled information once they found out I had divorced his sorry ass.

      • Thinking X must have a few pissed off OW in his life. Someone has been vandalizing his vehicles and I keep getting the blame. Who knows how many enemies X has made. Today the final order was in the mail. Love the ending.

  • Lol, no matter who did it, it’s wonderful! I remember when I was in elementary school we read a picture book about some bad little children. Every time they told a lie, a little black cloud came out of their mouth and followed them around. Soon the entire room was full of little black clouds. I don’t know what finally happened but I was horrified of lying. Too bad we can’t do that for the lying cheaters.

      • Thank you, CL! I’m going to look those up. You are the first person I know that remembers them.

          • If everyone lived by Mrs. Piiglewiggle’s rules, the world would be a far better place! Betty MacDonald also wrote some great adult books about her experiences as a TB patient and her life on Vashon Island in Washington state. One of her books (The Egg and I) was made into the Ma and Pa Kettle movies. She was an incredibly strong and independent woman.

            • I adored the movie The Egg and I…… starring Claudette Colbert and Fred McMurray. As a I recall, there’s a bit of jealous suspicion of a non-existent affair in the plot line.

    • This whole cheater banner got me daydreaming about a Chump Justice League. As chumps move towards meh in their individual lives, they could still advocate for Justice and Character by showing up flash mob-style to another chump’s cheater public events. To protect our anonymity we could all wear sparkly masks. We just need a Cheater-in-Public tip line or something. I’m seeing us in capes. We don’t get to wear enough capes…

  • “Well, it’s that Jesus spackle. I’m always creeped out how they know exactly how Jesus feels about all their personal problems. He’s cool with it! Trust ’em on this.”

    You said perfectly in one paragraph what I’ve been grinding my teeth over for 2 years. How is it Jesus just swoops down and forgives them because they say so, and oh by the way, neglects to somehow heal all the damaged, beaten down, emotionally distraught victims that are left dangling in the wind. No Jesus swooping down, just picking up the pieces of their cheater spouses selfish pursuits, trying to patch up kids, family members, themselves, the finances, even down to the pets that magically were abandoned.

    But see, Jesus has to swoop down for them because, they’re sooo special.

    • Ahhhh yes, Scott. I once tried appealing to my cheaters catholic roots during a very low point in our separation by saying that God wasn’t giving me the message to divorce, he was telling me to stick by my vows (to clarify, I didn’t know he was cheating at this point) and I was indeed getting that message. But he said God was giving him another message and telling him he shouldn’t stay married to me, implying that I was the reason the marriage was ending.

      So backwards that a cheating, lying monster would have a direct line to God about my poor spousal skills AND that He would advise him to break the vows of marriage and leave me and his child. Sounds exactly like the kind of advice God gives….

      • OOOh exactly my story too. I was discerning as well as I could and I did not hear God tell me to leave him (still my perception). I asked latehusband how he could reconcile his beliefs and his actions….the first time I asked him, he looked me straight in the face and said “Im going to burn in Hell”…eeek.

        In another conversation, he said he went to Church and “heard” God tell him to go off with OW and convert her to Catholicism. He figured that him crying in Church meant that he was suffering and earnest (poor sausage, I dont think while on earth he ever got anywhere near the intensity of pain that chumps get).

        You see, he had talked me into converting early in our marriage so he developed this idea that since me & kids were such a wonderful ‘gift to the Church’ that he had done his part and he could leave this gift on the altar and go off with OW. He was seriously pissed that the Church didnt have a rule allowing this process somewhere….the Church would require an annulment AFTER a divorce and we live in Virginia (home of notoriously LONG divorce proceedings) so the process could take 4 years – longer than OWs biological clock would stay on “snooze” mode.

        Yes he could leave the Church but somewhere in the deepest recesses of his mind, he KNEW on some primitive level that any situation that required him to abandon his religion wasn’t “right” and he couldn’t face THAT fact (or his delusion that everything he was doing was proper and justified) which left him chasing his tail. <— this is what I believe lead him to a place of true insanity

        From what I understand, he told the Deacon about OW (and other OWs) and drug/alcohol use. If he told the Deacon, he surely told the Priest in confession, so Im relatively comfortable with the state of his soul when he died

        but

        he never came clean to me and he did/said a LOT of shit that was really mean and selfish and nasty that I doubt he even remembered.

        so I am comfortable that God forgave him for what he confessed but there was a whole world of things not ever accounted for

        and that is what Purgatory is for…the "Big Debrief", ultimate accountability. For so many years and on so many topics, he was avoidant, disassociative and delusional…I lived one reality and he lived another and it caused me such misery. After he died, there was such a sense of peace for me to know that HE NOW KNEW. He knew and could not deny all the mean things he ever said and did to me. Im sure that God is still merciful and handled it in whatever way was best, but I am sure that he was genuinely shocked to learn of the true effects of decades of meanness.

        So Catholics call it Purgatory, but I think "The Place of Divine Accountability" exists for everyone. Some cheaters die in the midst of cheating and some live to become old and seemingly benevolent, but Im convinced that we're all held accountable.

        The "bad part" was an ugly 10 year saga, but my life worked out pretty well…late H had a large life insurance policy (and as we were still married) I was his beneficiary. I gave him a hero's send off (before I learned of the magnitude of his betrayal). I got the house, cars, savings, kids & 6 months after he died, I was reacquainted with an old boyfriend from years ago who is decent and sweet and wont steal my money.

        (It is OK to wish someone dead, but please don't use my story as a reason to off anyone…we need to take the high road on that one)

        I suffered mightily to the point where there were days I begged God to not let me wake up the next day, but now Im happy, healthy, successful and (finally after years and years of abuse) loved. My fiance proposed on a trip to Turkey then took me on a chartered yacht (with 3 other couples and a chef) in the Aegean Sea. Back during the suffering,

        I could have never ever ever imagined how things would turn out.

        • Oh so I was having a conversation with the Deacon who knew that I knew that latehusbands “emotional” affair was really a physical affair and he was dead and I was seeking some sort of closure and I asked him if H struggled with telling me the truth or did he dismiss the idea of telling me all together

          (I was hoping that he struggled with it – with concern for what might hurt me) The Deacon (Im sure) had no intent of breaking confidences or giving me totally new info but in answer to that question he said “The first affairs were just about sex, it was this last one he couldnt let go of”

          First ones ? with an “S” there was more than one before Susan ___ of Seattle Washington?

          I did my best to not look horrified which would let on that what he thought I already knew was – in fact – news to me.

          I felt like the WORLDS BIGGEST CHUMP I had been massively chumped. I would have sworn on the lives of my children that he hadnt cheated before Susan ___ of Seattle Washington.

          My dead husband was NOT who I ever thought he was. We were married for 26 years and 9 days and his affairs started in about 2004 (or earlier) which meant that lies poisoned at lease 1/3 of the time we were married (if not more).

          • One morning I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. STBXH had been sick or had surgery or some condition (including prostate cancer leading to ED) at least every other year for the 18 years we were together. He was just recovering from back surgery when he announced that he “couldn’t do this anymore” that is, remain married to me. Of course, he denied any affair, but the clues were everywhere. In fact, he took me to a romantic spot to tell me this. When I got the phone bill, the last person he called before the announcement, and the first person he called after telling me, was the OW.
            So, I was feeling “It’s not fair – I nursed him for all those years and looked forward to his recovery so we could resume doing fun things again. Now he’s going places and doing things with her that he wasn’t able to do while he was getting better. I’ve been gypped (no offense intended).”
            Quite clearly, I heard the answer in my mind, “No, you weren’t gypped. You were rescued.” How true that has been made clear ever since. I was rescued from a lying, cheating man I don’t even recognize. I found a renewed prescription for Cialis, some KY “for her”, and some lingerie one day as I was sorting through our stuff to divide. It wasn’t for “us” – it was for OW. No doubt she’s as clueless as I once was.
            It has still taken a long time to get here, but I absolutely know that he truly sucks. Closer to meh every day.

        • Unicornnomore–I’m sure the “Big Debrief” was very unpleasant for cheater. Of course I would never presume to tell God what to do, but if your cheater is still waiting in line for his penance, I would suggest those swarms of locusts, large pustules, and other horrors mentioned in the Old Testament.

          • There are plenty of moments when I recognize that its good that Im not God since I would goof everything up….it has been an exercise in me trusting God to do what is best (whatever that looks like in The Great Debrief).

            I think it would be punishment enough for latehusband to be shown that God gave him a good, faithful wife who loved and trusted him and he shat on me at every turn. He treated me like I was a terrible burden when I was a blessing.

            Im also guessing that he got a front row seat to watching me find the photos, mementos and hotel receipts in my house …and maybe he was in the room when the Deacon made reference to the other OWs….like the Ghosts from a Dickens novel he may have watched me take our family portrait off the wall and put it in the basement cursing like a sailor as I took each step down…yea, there was some fun to have !

    • I have always hated the Jesus spackle, as it’s crap from a theological perspective. Jesus may have been big on how Divine forgiveness flows from God’s love, but Jesus was also pretty big on accountability.

    • a few months after divorce, the hood rat that exhole ran to actually thinks she is a good person and posted on facebook that “Sometimes God puts the right people in your life” so i sent her (under an alias that “God would never send you Someone Else’s Husband”….the crazy bitch actually lol’d it and reposted it…..

      and that is when i gave up looking at her facebook. i cant understand that kind of crazy.

      • Mrs Vain, it just goes to the lack if character. And that is what they have laying next to them. Although we have the burden of picking up the pieces we get the better deal in the end. I would have never left X, perhaps this is our Devine intervention. Knowing the truth and living better is the better hand after all. Screw the assholes and their lack of compassion.

  • Couldn’t help but laugh when I saw this. Next month marks my son’s 10th birthday. Which also marks the 10th anniversary of my X trading me in for my former-college-intern-turned-secretary-for-his-architecture-practice. I didn’t see it coming and I was stunned. Bewildered. Heartbroken. You know, the typical chump. My good friend tried to comfort me, “One day you are going to want to send OW a “thank you card.” Yeah, fat chance.
    Time marched forward. I came out ahead – way ahead – in the divorce settlement. My career was still going very strong and I had a very high income, benefits, etc. It seems petty now but it meant a lot to me at the time: I kept our two season tables at an exclusive outdoor concert series-we had previously entertained clients and friends there – and I sold all but two of the seats to MY friends to make it affordable. I met — and later married — an amazing man (also a former chump) who is crazy about me and loves family life. As my life began to get so much better after the first year or two my friend reminded me, “See I told you one day you would want to send OW a Thank you note for taking X off your hands.” “Screw the thank you note,” I said. ‘I’m hiring an airplane to sky-write “Thanks, OW and X” in the air above their suburb.”

    • I love this story, missdeltagirl65. Living well really is the best revenge. I’m glad that you shared your story of gaining a life after losing a cheater.

    • missdeltagirl65 –

      I love it. My mantra has always been chocolates and flowers to the OW for relieving me of duty to a narc.

      Right now, I only have a couple of lessons under my belt, but I would fly the plane for that sign!

    • That so funny missdeltagirl65! I was thinking about sending the OW flowers with a thank you card! My luck has completely turned around as soon as the brain damage was repaired and I was conscious of the long abuse that I had accepted for so many years…the cheating is related to the emotional abuse, but in the end, it is just the tip of the iceberg.

      So many wonderful people from my past are coming back (cheater-narc had isolated them), money flows from the strangest places, and I am meeting wonderful guys (some ex chumps) who give me hope again and with their actions of respect and honesty show me how the Ex totally sucked. I am even excited about one guy who we laugh with all the time (I never laughed with the Ex …he was always so dramatic and serious about everything) and I feel totally comfortable just being me. It is an awesome feeling…The Ex on the other hand has been having terrible luck, is out of money and the OWs ride into misery is just beginning. I couldn´t be more thankful to her now, but I wouldn´t have wrote this a year ago, when I was miserable and traumatized.

    • missdeltagirl, your post warms my heart and I am so happy for you: “I met — and later married — an amazing man (also a former chump) who is crazy about me and loves family life” that is the best part of your post…

  • I think it’s just their infant entitled mentality. They have zero clue whether God forgives them, or what God wants them to do. They just say it to once again have something over other people. “Yes”, they say, “I may have screwed up, but Jesus forgives me”, leaving you to fill in the rest of the sentence, “but just me, because you aren’t special.”

    • I like the saying, “mercy cannot rob justice.” A person forgives, bc s/he paid,… Paid the whole price. Cheaters fail to see this part. No one gets a free ride.
      Ex is gonna, eventually, have to go back & pay for every transaction that he skimped. And eternity? I say character is harder to change after death… If the dude cannot change with physical tools, how will he change without?
      Imho, now is the time.

  • Ok I’ve got to chime in here. First of all the Duggar story is load of shit. Complete unadulterated SHIT. This happened to me. Married into a “Catholic” family. The x FIL was an expert in “touching over the clothes”. He did it to me, his other DILs and 4 of his granddaughters. One was MY daughter. And I can assure Mrs. Crazyass Duggar that my young daughter absolutely knew what he had done. And I found out that this entire family is bat shit crazy disordered sexual predators. The x MIL knew. She knew all along, but wanted to keep her big diamonds and pretend that God will forgive, who am I to judge???? Hell to the NO and FUCK that shit. Her perverted husband molested her GRANDDAUGHTERS. And I’m sure they aren’t the only ones. He was a huge porn user, introduced his sons to it when they were 6 and 9 years old. He molested his own daughter when she was a teenager, and when it was discovered he had molested 3 of her 6 daughters, she refused to report it. So I reported it to the police. Caused a shitstorm of the highest magnitude, but this very Catholic family closed ranks and refused to talk to detectives. This case is suspended, but when the, girls are 18, they can bring charges if they want. The youngest son in this tucked up family raped a 16 year old girl when he,was 19 and he spent a year in jail.

    What I am getting at here is that the Duggars are not special. They are the same flavor of fucked up that all these sexual predators are. AND be assured that Josh’s sisters know. On some level Mrs Duggar knew. And the father may be where it all started. My x is a perverted monster. So is his father. And the brothers. And the sister that refused to protect her own children. My x, when I hysterically asked him what if the girls were affected their whole lives and all their intimate relationships were tainted by what his father he’d done, he replied ” You don’t know, they might be just fine.” Also when I asked him what would he have done if it had been one of OUR daughters he had molested he said “I don’t know.” This was before I found out that the fucker HAD molested my daughter. I cannot begin to explain the horror of what has happened here. And I know that the Duggars sicko family has more secrets than they are admitting. Covering up sexual predators behaviors allows it to continue.

    Believe me I know. And my precious daughter and nieces know too. As I type this, the anger and horror of this is making me shake and sob. I still hate what has happened to these girls. I hate that he did this to me and 2 of his other DILs. And I told my MIL. I told my x. They didn’t believe me. I finally had a confrontation with him. He refused to look at me and stonewalled.
    I filed sexual assault report against him myself.

    Using religion and God’s forgiveness as a way to excuse and obfuscate the REAL monsters behind this sick behavior is reprehensible.

    I am finally divorced and the judge has allowed me to move to another state so we don’t have to live in the same city as her molester. I am walking away from my house, I’m unemployed, financially devastated. I’m now a single mom with 4 young kids to support and raise. I’m scared, but to be allowed to get away from here, even with just the clothes on our backs is worth it. We are free.

    Note to the Duggars. Your son did not make a “bad choice”. He is a predator. Believe it. He knew exactly what he was doing. And he is still doing it. In one way or another. Stop protecting him. Stop trying to convince people that it was a childish mistake. He is a monster with a human face. He did horrific damage to the girl he molested . And you have NO idea what he has done. NO IDEA. Or you do and you are covering for him.

    ARGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
    This story has triggered me back into crazyland.

    • Irish. You are mighty. Bless you for standing up to your x and his entire effed-up family. Your daughters will be fine. You know how I know? Because they have YOU for their mother.

    • Irish–counting down the days until you’re out of that hellhole. If Karma hits your X, he is in for a boatload of suffering.

    • Irish,
      First, I am so sorry you and your daughter (and all of the girls) had to go through something so horrible. I am in awe of your sassy mightiness and your ability to speak the truth and stand up for it when no one else would. You are truly mighty! You are an inspiration to me. My trial is the week after next and I’m worried about what will happen to me and the kids, especially financially as I’ve been out of the work force as a SAHM for 20 years and they both have special needs, but reading your story has helped me put into perspective that what’s most important is getting away. I believe my husband is a pervert as his father was before him. After he threatened me one night years ago to expose our very young children to porn to “make them not be so f****d-up in the head about sex like you”, I swore to never leave them alone with him again. THEIR OWN FATHER!!! My daughter was horrified that his MOWhore has a 13 year-old daughter who had accompanied them on some of their dates. Who does that?!?!?! I was searching for a way to contact her husband to let him know to keep his daughter away from my husband when the MOWhore dumped him. Maybe she started to see some of his creepiness.
      I used to attend church faithfully, but can no longer be a part of a body of people who stick their head in the sand about abuse and hypocrisy. Every time I went to receive counsel about what to do about my husband (and I was explicit in sharing exactly what he said and did) I was told to pray and forgive and be a Proverbs 31 woman. Also. that if I was an excellent and Godly wife, beyond reproach in all things, that I would win my husband over to Christ and be a shining example of love and forgiveness. Meanwhile I was being abused, isolated, mind-fucked and was absolutely miserable. So yeah, yay for the church and their stand on abuse and holding the perpetrators accountable.

      • Might Mite~ I also got the “forgive and be a good wife” from the priest I dragged him to time and again for help. When it came out about the FIL molesting the granddaughters I blew a gasket. I stopped going to Mass at the church we has been with for 9 years. DONE. I will never, ever let any institution tell me what God thinks.

        You can do this MM. I too was a,SAHM for 14years. I endured his failure to stay employed, poverty, having to use government assistance and his emotional abuse, and cheating. My mantra is “FORWARD MOTION” always. Move! Keep going and don’t look back or you may turn to stone. Get out. You can and will survive and then you will thrive. Promise. Right now I’m just surviving. But very soon I will be thriving and do will my babies.

        • Hey Irish, give me a call any time or email if you need to talk, I can’t find your #. Jedi hugs girl

      • To his credit, 10 yrs ago when I told the Deacon about H, he told me to worry about me not H and to protect myself. I refused to listen and got YEARS more misery in the deal.

        Now, recently (with H dead 2.5 years) the Deacon told me that back then, H needed a psychiatrist more than him.

        I never got a “stay with him and be a good wife” thing from my clergy..I managed to do that to myself.

    • Big hugs to you. Waaaahhh! It pisses me off to NO end when people hide behind religion. You did the right thing. You offered your nieces a voice. I hope they use it when they become 18.

      • Sexual abuse is horrible. The bastards should be shot between the eyes. (sorry, but we do it to vicious dogs all the time) No pity here.

  • I love this! It’s not ‘meh’ at all, but I love it anyway! It brings me a sense of validation, to know that there ARE people out there who still find adultery morally unacceptable, and are not afraid to ‘call a thing a thing’. It seems our culture is not only tolerant of adultery, but inviting of it. We reward cheaters, and villianize their victims. ‘Chumps’ are labelled as boring, and prudish when we catch our spouses betrayal, and call them out on it. That’s the banner that flies over our heads if we choose to not keep it and our pain in secret. They compartmentalize their lives, and society plays along. It’s bullshit. Flay is a shitty person. I wont eat his food or support his franchise. And I’m glad to be able to make that educated decision. I love this PSA!

  • Irish – I cannot tell you enough how proud I am of you for getting out of that hell hole. I can’t wait to hear your success story in the coming years. You are one mighty woman and a role model for your children.

    Bad people cloak themselves in the veil of religion or education ALL THE TIME to continue their nefarious acts. A degree does not make people wise any more than a religious background make people holy.

    It’s all about character. Something I pray to God, I will never overlook, discount, excuse or spackle again.

    C H A R A C T E R:

    Qualities of honesty, courage, or the like

  • Does it count if I spray paint the word “Coward” all over his car myself?

    I’m feeling angry today, inspired by graduation season. My youngest son’s year-younger friends are all graduating high school. My friends’ children are all graduating, too. I’m so happy for them–this is their time. They are gorgeous, vibrant, excited young men and women. It’s such a shining moment! And I’m reminiscing that the Coward chose this time of my children’s lives to walk out. I read a beautiful article by Rob Lowe about all the emotions associated with taking his oldest son to college, and, along with his wife, getting that young man settled into his new home away from home. Two of my children didn’t have a father around for all this. Oh, the exhole showed up to the ceremony, then slunk off like the fucking rat that he is, no doubt to go hump his FB prize until he could delude himself into thinking that he’s NOT a loser.

    Ugh. I hate him. He hurt my kids. They deserved better.

    Hand me the red paint.

    • POS was jealous of his children’s youth and beginnings. I will never forgive him for that. What a weak POS.

    • slunk off like the fucking rat that he is, no doubt to go hump his FB prize until he could delude himself into thinking that he’s NOT a loser……………………….LMAO!!!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS!!!! replace FB prize to ghetto hood rat prize and you just described the childrens sperm donor that i was stupid enough to marry but smart enough to divorce.

  • Just a karma comment on the X. During the discard X bragged about enjoying being alone. Funny when X was sitting alone at graduation (whore not invited) he looked like he was going to explode. Poor little asshole. Smiled as I sat with my girls. Love it.

    • Crapweasel came to my daughter’s college graduation. He sat alone (I did not see him, as I sat with my family, and had stayed at my daughter’s place.) We had a picnic afterwards, and he showed up.

      He tried to give a card to daughter, and she threw it at him, and told him to go away. He left. One of the last times I’ve seen him (knock wood.)

      She’s coming for a visit from Europe, where she lives, and most certainly does not want to see him.

      Karma of some kind.

      Sadly, it means she’s lost a real father. But them I don’t know if she ever had one?

      • My ex missed our oldest son’s law school graduation last year, and daughter’s college graduation last month. Never even asked if he could come, when exactly these events occurred, or how they went. It’s going on 4 years that he has not seen our youngest (since D-Day!). What a freak.

  • Things that make you go YEAH!!!!
    That cheater-in-the-sky sign was the best thing I’ve seen all year! I love your thought bubble idea CL, but if I had one, I might get arrested for snark!
    So very, very funny- to rain on the sleazebag’s parade! And why is he getting a star anyway? He’s kind of a two-bit host or something, definately not a Clint Eastwood or his like.

  • Bobby Lay

    Ginger haired, potato face, spudgy sqeaky voiced, chipotle breath, throw down ,or more aptly, throw up Bobby Lay is one hell of a narcissist. I wonder how much he had to pay his daughter for giving a speech at his star the Hollywood walk of fame-shame. Daddy Flay, is a lousy role model for his daughter.

    The cheater banner up in the sky was brilliant…too bad it didn’t include chipotle crusted turds to rain down on him as he smugly made his speech.

    I wonder if the secret ingredient for the next Iron Chef is ginger pubed cheater penis. Alla Kazam.

  • I didn’t know who Bobby Flay is and haven’t been watching much news. I just googled his name and the photo the popped up of him looks incredibly like a younger healthier version of my soon to be ex. This has been a banner week as far as stbx and The Other Woman go, no pun intended. Perfect timing.

  • I dunno ’bout that Jesus stuff, at least for any of my exhole’s excuses. I DO know back in another lifetime when we were planning our wedding, me at 22, The Great I Am warned me that when he entered any kind of church, the candles flickered. WTF was wrong with me that I found that cute and adorable having been a ‘cradle Episcopalian’ as they say? WTF was wrong with me that as he worked in the Admissions office then the Development (fundraising) office of my college I also found it cute and adorable that he reviewed not only my college Admissions application–paper files in those days— but those of my college bf (to whom I’d been engaged with ring and date) many of my good friends and so on. How in the world did I find that charming? These days I’d have reported that activity to college administration AND the police, cutting short his academic career at the start. er

    My Grandfather, an Episcopal priest married us–yes, my ex somehow got over on Grandfather as well, but Grandfather was getting up in years at the time.
    Ex is now married to the OW/former colleague/they both got fired, ex more than once and oh, is it the Lord’s wrath that he’s going blind from macular degeneration? that started when we were divorcing and I dutifully cancelled my daily schedule of patients to take him to his emergency eye doc appointment when he could only see through a little pinhole out of one eye, but truth be told, I would’ve done that for my next door single lady neighbor and felt more caring and emotion.

    Thank you CL for meh. Blind, I kinda think he was going deaf when we were together or maybe he just wasn’t listening, and he sure is one dumb mf.

  • As soon as I saw the “Cheater” banner,” I knew Chump Lady would be right on it.

    It reminded me of a picture I saw years ago showing a small fishing boat on the lawn of a house with the spray painted word “cheater” on it. Hanging out of the 2 story windows and all around the ground were men’s clothing. Maybe the Karma bus is heading over to Bobby Flay’s house to do the same. Or maybe it’s heading to his restaurant, “cheater” sprayed on the front windows & all his pots & pans out on the street.

    • Oh how I now wish that the clues and limited truth I got about Hs cheating had been clearer (or I had been more capable of understanding and facing what I was up against) back then.

      How much easier it would have been to burn his shit in the front yard than try so hard for so long to fix the unfixable…I wish I had found my mighty inner chump instead of thinking that I was a unicorn for so long.

      I think that delusional unicorns are the chumpiest chumps of all..throw us a few moldy scraps and we will gobble them up and sit there happy & SURE that something wonderful is around that next bend (never mind he has been shitty to you for decades)

      I just couldnt face the truth that we all lived…that anyone capable of being as shitty as they are is simply too sucky to stay with. “Trust that they suck” <— the advise I got too late.

  • He loves the attention.. he’ll probably figure out a way to turn it into a bad television show about him .. how he can cheat better than other cheaters.

    In other news, they give out stars on the walk of fame now just for having a handful of bad TV shows.

  • When does Guy Fieri get his star on the walk of fame for eating hamburgers and saying ‘that’s money’?

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