Thank you for the sanity you provide, as for so long I was doubting my own. I have been separated for three years now. My ex left when our second child was an infant (obviously had the affair while I was pregnant). The lowest of the low.
Since then my life has been turned upside down…forward three years later. We are in the courts having a nasty divorce. My ex is still with OW. They recently had a baby and he is on a paternity leave. He sees our kids regularly, but wants even more time with them. He keeps fighting for that and refuses to settle other issues like finances until he gets them half time. He says I am unfair and I don’t follow common sense. However, we already have a court order outlining access and custody (40/60).
What I don’t understand is why the OW is sending me nasty and demeaning emails. She continues to belittle me and personally attack my character as a mother and as a person. She even sent me articles on how to get over a break up! They keep reminding me he left me not my kids. They make comments about how great everything is in their household and how they have open communication without prejudice with our daughter. My ex has told me she is a wonderful stepparent to my kids.
Recently I have heard that she will spend all her money in the courts (as we may end up going to trial) to destroy me! I don’t get it! She is the one who ruined my marriage (along with ex of course), broke up a family (but loves my kids like they were her own flesh and blood) and she wants to destroy me??!!! I have never even met her or talked to her. I also do not reply to her emails as I refuse to engage with her. She is so below me character wise. I am just trying to understand why she has this personal vendetta against me and why is she so vindictive? At this point I just want peace and closure not a war with OW. After all it is not her I am divorcing. Thank you!
Dear Seeking Peace,
The great abolitionist Frederick Douglass once said, “A gentleman will not insult me, and no man not a gentleman can insult me.”
In other words, consider the source. An other woman attacked your character. LOL.
This isn’t someone you respect, so don’t internalize her opinion of you. She’s pathetic.
Look, I know the bigger issue is that she’s harassing you and adding insult to the injury of breaking up your children’s home. Their campaign, IMO, is pretty transparent. They’re trying to break you down, so you’ll accept the 50/50 split. That means no child support owed by your STBX, and that means more money for her kid. So, she’s got a vested interested in harassing you.
Also, it’s impression management. He cheated on you while pregnant and left you with two young children. She’s a home wrecker. It’s one thing to have an opinion of someone (no matter how unbalanced), it’s quite another to send them articles and maintain a steady barrage of written insults. She wants to affect an outcome — to get you to submit to 50/50.
Why is she obsessed with you? Because she just had a baby with a cheater. A man who she knows for a fact will cheat on a pregnant woman and walk away from his own children. She’s not married to him. So now, after this divorce, she’s going to be doing a full court press for that commitment. If he’s the typical cheater, he’s got her feeling off balance, doing pick me dances. She probably pick me dances with the memory of you, the significance of your children, and whatever other Bogey OW she fears. He probably goads those fears.
So, what does she do with all that anxiety? She projects it on to you. Don’t they sound like the happy couple?
Ignore her ravings. She did you a couple favors here. A) She took the cheating bastard off your hands. B) She just gave you evidence of what a wingnut she is. Save and forward all the nastygrams to your lawyer. It’s good documentation for the judge that they’re not the Parents of the Year they purport themselves to be.
Stay strong on your position and good luck in court!