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Lyle Mitchell, Chump

Anyone following the story of the escaped murders in upstate New York and the idiot woman Joyce Mitchell who helped them escape by hiding tools in frozen hamburger meat? Why would someone risk everything to help a couple psychopaths escape from jail?

Because allegedly, Joyce was having an affair with one of them, Richard Matt. You knew cheaters were stupid, but boy this one takes the biscuit.

Mitchell’s husband Lyle just had one hell of a D-Day, but reportedly is standing by her. I think we need to nominate Lyle Mitchell as Chump of the Year.

Lyle said he believed his wife’s assurances that she had shown “a little affection” for Matt but that nothing sexual had taken place with either of the murderers.

Oh Lyle, they all say that. Let me guess, it was “just a kiss”?

According to her husband, Joyce Mitchell alleged that Matt had tried to kiss her “a couple times” but she insisted things never went further.

And she denied any wrong doing? Maybe swore on a stack of Bibles? Or her dead mother’s grave?

“She swore on her son’s life that definitely, ‘Never have I ever had sex’ [with Matt or Sweat].”

I bet she blameshifted it on to you, Lyle. Right?

Lyle Mitchell said the calculating cons turned his wife’s head by showering her with attention. His wife told him, he said, that she fell for their snow job because she didn’t think he loved her anymore.

“She said it was like a fantasy,” he said. She told him that she was lured in “I asked her, ‘What do you mean?’ She said it was attention.”

And she reassured you that it wasn’t what it seemed like?

At the police station, “an investigator comes out and says, ‘Mr Mitchell, your wife is more involved than what she’s lettin’ on’,” Lyle Mitchell said. “I asked her what was going on. She said, ‘I just — I did some things … and I got over my head.’ I didn’t know what to say. I was just … disbelief, shock.”

Some “things.” You mean like plot your murder? But it wasn’t her fault of course.

Mitchell then said his wife told him that the men wanted her to serve as their getaway driver, and that “‘there was a plan to kill you.’ I said ‘What?!'” She said Matt said he could provide pills to knock out her husband, he told Today.

“She said, ‘I love my husband, I am not hurting him,'” Lyle Mitchell related. “She said, ‘Then I knew I was (in) over my head.'”

 And you believe her?

And when asked by Lauer if he was standing by her, Lyle Mitchell said: “As of right now, I don’t know what to think. I do not know.”

He added: “Do I still love her? Yes. Am I mad? Yes. How could she do this? How could she do this to our kids?”

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at Read more about submission guidelines.
  • I wondered when you would write about this man. He should ask for an emergency divorce. She was involved in a plot to kill him. If that doesn’t say “leave”, then I don’t know what does.

    • When mine told me to my face that one of the options for getting rid of me is that I should die – I knew that it was OVER and i needed to get out ASAP.

      Never underestimate these people.

      It took me a while to realize he was capable of cheating on me both physically and financially ( did not want to believe it ). But when your spouse tells you that there is a plan to kill you – game over. You get as far away from crazy as you can!

      • I’m so sorry Lucky, you deserve so much more than a spouse who would even think along those lines. What a cold monster ! Congratulations! on getting out ASAP, and hopefully your far far away from that level of sick and crazy.

        I can relate and empathise to the disbelief that someone you married, loved with your heart and soul, can do and think the way these people do. My ex (as is so common) also cheated financially along with physically, and even now when I say the words out loud “my ex and his AP were hoping that I would die from the cancer I was fighting at the time of the affair ” it takes the shock on the faces of others to truly let that horrible fact sink in. Hearing that from their Dad was THE last straw for our kids. Some things you can’t come back from, or overcome.

        There should be a special place for these type of people.

        If Lyle was her AP from a previous relationship, WOW talk about karma.

        • Lucky, Kathy

          They are so very sick. The know when we are the most vulnerable. How very sad to treat anyone with such disregard. This is why I can’t tolerate or ever forgive cheating X. Such monsters.

        • Kathy , Just WOW….. and this “man” (used loosely) actually told his children this little bit of info on how things didn’t go his way too!!!
          Sit back and wait……… this OW has got nothing but misery and pain heading her way after “winning” this POS!!! … and she deserves every little morsel….. and HIM !!! well, theres low, and then theres sick………

          • There is also a case of a Syracuse doctor who was just found guilty of murdering his 61 year old wife in the shower! He was 63 and cashing in on his retirement ..she was going to move out of the mansion that morning!! My husband approached me with I’m no longer happy letter after 36 years of marriage!! I was a stay at home mom ..he hid finances and retirement accounts…turned up the abuse..flaunted his AP….and told me he was going stick a knife in my back!! That’s whe 2 years of Crazy started. I filed in fear of my life…he’s lied and manipulated everyone …..I am presently divorced and hiding from him!

            • Gail–that’s horrible! I’m glad you were smart enough to hide and avoid becoming a headline. Best wishes to you.

      • Handout Boy screamed “I curse you! I curse you and hope you die soon!” while he was packing and “I’ll see you in hell!” when he left the house. Just that morning he went to church with us and acted really holy like nothing was going on. I believe he was being honest when he said he wished I would die.

  • Yes, I’ve been following it, mainly because of the chumped husband aspect. I have to admit I went down the “if he can still love her after this why couldn’t mine have stayed faithful?” route.

    Of course the killers were planning on murdering her once they got away. Talk about trading down!

    • That it is!

      Didn’t know that about Lyle being her affair partner from her last marriage. What a cluster-fuck.

    • KAPOW!! Any sympathy I had for him just flew out the window and was immediately replaced with a sense of smug justice.

    • Thank you so very much Chump Lady for posting all this information! This is a prime example of how crazy these cheaters make their lives and the lives of the people around them. I DO NOT feel sorry for the 2nd husband at all. They both have what was coming to them. Love how Karma works out from time to time. I know it is not a proven science that all of us chumps will see that day coming for us but I hope we do. Here’s to hoping we all can read some really screwed up story about the ex’s and all the AP one day. I know with the ex’s family there has been some sort of these types of stories that even made the news but not directly about him. Well what know about. Thank you again for this site.

    • I am a bit surprised Lyle is not a blood relative of this woman. Clearly, they are products of inbreeding.

        • Both Lyle and Joyce Mitchell look like offspring of first cousins.

          What a hillbilly love story, Lyle and Joyce had an affair, got married and then she cheats on him with two psycho murders and helps them escape prison.

          Yup….Joyce snuck in escape tools in frozen hamburger meat but she never let the murderers kiss her. Ya know …..she’s not that kind of woman to kiss murderer and a few IQ points from being an official idiot Lyle believes her.

  • Painful to watch all this chumpiness. But there’s hope: “As of now, I don’t know what to think.”

  • This is not the idiot woman’s first dance at the weak willed’s ball. When this story first broke, I saw an interview with her first husband—she cheated on HIM and he divorced her.

  • I thought I saw one news source explicitly naming her as havung sex with one of the inmates. Boy, talk about having your world turned upside down! Real crazy. All that blameshifting says a lot re: her guilt. Plotting to kill him as well takes the “cake”!

    • Divorce Minister–You are correct. The person interviewed said that when Sweat was cleaned up he was quite handsome and was, ahem, “quite well endowed”. #socreepy This story cannot be made up. All the players are from the lowest society has to offer. How does one get far enough away from learning about this crap and letting it into our consciousness?

      • Here’s where ‪#‎Tillie‬ comes in. ‪#‎JoyceMitchell‬—aka Tillie—is employed at the prison as an “industrial training supervisor,” where she apparently had direct contact with the inmates. Know who else works at the prison? Tillie’s husband, ‪#‎Lyle‬. Drama!!!
        Still unclear, however, is whether Tillie provided the men with power tools they used to escape, or whether they obtained them from prison contractors.
        Here’s what else we know about Tillie:
        She’s an elected official
        She’s a registered ‪#‎Republican‬
        She lives in “a two-story gray home with a ‘‪#‎DontTreadonMe‬’ ‪#‎GadsdenFlag‬”
        She may have thrown her life away for the chance to have ‪#‎sex‬ with a charming ‪#‎murderer‬
        So where are the convicts and their dicks now?

        Just found this on FB. Interesting……What a creepy loser.

        • tryinghard- I don’t think it matters she was a registered Republican. There’s plenty of scum to go around in every political party and this isn’t a political issue. I do find the # Don’t Tread on Me Flag” she has to be ironic tho. given that she willingly screwed a convicted murderer. Apparently her “don’t tread on me doesn’t apply to violent murderers. She liked being “treaded” on by them. Plenty of those to go around where she is going to end up.

          • I know it’s confusing, but I didn’t write this. I saw it on FB and copied and pasted it here. It does look like I wrote it, but I didn’t. I only wrote the last sentence 🙂

            I agree there’s scum in all of politics! I could care less about her political affiliation. What I do care she’s an elected official!!!

        • Indeed Tempest in his own cleaned up, charmingly handsome way!!!! These people are so creepy I have nightmares about them!! I mean how desperate are you that you are charmed by prisoners???? Charmed to have sex and bring them power tools?

  • This is a great educational story for those who believe that cheaters can change into lifelong faithful spouses.

    Sorry to those trying reconciliation, just my opinion that this behavior is ingrained. If there’s a 1% that can be rehabilitated, I hope you guys have that one.

    • Yup.

      And in this case, the original indiscretion happened when she was quite young!

      There are some rare exceptions out there, but for the most part, it’s once a cheater, always a cheater.

      • Shortly after I told my in-laws that my ex was a cheater, my FIL sent an email to my ex saying, “there were some things between your mother & I but we stayed together.” WTF? So sonny boy, it’s ok to cheat because your mother & I worked it out. My FIL thought he was charming when he had too much to drink. Twenty years into our marriage I discovered that my ex was a “functioning alcoholic.” Like father like son: cheaters & drunks.

        • Another thought, should ex cheat with his whore du jour/bride-to-be (I’m sure she is the special whore.) he has less at stake to lose. With me there was 25 years worth of assets to divide. A future marriage/cheating problem would hardly put a dent in his portfolio.

        • Hurt1, are you describing my ex’s family? My goodness…my ex’s parents also had infidelity (rumored 2 affairs) by his father and they stayed together and are currently existing in a loveless, sexless, respect less marriage.

          Ex told me that he couldn’t sit back and let us become just like his parents and I thought “well, the only one of us pushing for that identity is you”. I guess he believes the problem was me, not him, so he found my replacement. I’ll patiently wait until she’s his new problem. 🙂

        • Good for you for getting out of that shit show circus, hurt.

          Someone should explain to your FIL that he perpetuated a fucked up pattern of behavior & should apologize for it instead of justifying it & then condoning it inhis own kids.

          That POS doesn’t fall far from the tree.

        • I had the same. FIL cheated, son cheated….they learn from the best. I’m not walking down the path of martyrdom….

          • Same here. FIL cheated on his wife when son (my STBX) was 3, they divorced, REMARRIED a year later. 10 years after that he went to the store and didn’t come home for 4 months. Shacking up with a neighbor. Came back again. She took him back! But get this. 13 years later she finally leaves him for good, I’m married to the son by now, and SHE becomes a married scumbags mistress. I never did get it. How do you suffer like that and then become THAT woman?
            My dad told me I was marrying into a white trash family. I thought he was being harsh at the time, but MAN, he called it!

    • But these people that cheat found their “Soul Mates” with these AP…..whatever. Sorry I love sarcasm. Well at least we can try to have a laugh at their expense with this prime example of sick very sad losers Joyce Mitchell and Lyle Mitchell.

      I’m really loving this story.

  • She swore on her son’s life: I NEVER EVER HAD SEX W HIM’. Sounds. very Clinton-esqe

    ‘It was like a fantasy’ — the old Dallas killing JR excuse. It was all a bad dream

    ‘I got in over my head.’ – what would have been a managable boundary to cross.? Just having an ’emotional affair with an inmate but not helping the escape

    I think he’s lying too to save his ass or his assets

    • Wow. Its kinda funny these sparkly cheaters think they belong to an elite group of special beautiful people. They all ought to look to this story and think a little. Talk about dumpster diving.. all involved here involved in dumpster diving.. the biggest trash collector being Joyce Mitchell – what about a violent murderer says ‘yeah I gotta have me some of that?’ Ewwww!

  • I thought prisoners stayed in their cells!!?! How the hell does an inmate have the freedom to woo a woman? What is it with women who marry prisoners? Or cheat with them? I hope that woman gets sued by every law enforcement agency for the amount of time and money spent chasing those guys. I am underwhelmed by that prison staff. Just another day in paradise.

    • I heard on the news that the inmates cook their own food in this prison. That’s how she was able to smuggle the tools in-frozen in hamburger. Have these prison officials never heard the old one about smuggling in a file in a cake?

    • “I thought prisoners stayed in their cells!!?! How the hell does an inmate have the freedom to woo a woman?”

      You’d be amazed. My former sister-in-law (the cheater’s sister) managed to get pregnant in prison.

      • My stepfather managed to cheat on my mother and get a skanky, ill educated drunk, pregnant while in prison when I was 15. Which swiftly lead to him becoming my X stepfather rather quickly. My mum got karma, I only just realised that. Oh that is so funny. Toot toot.

    • I am underwhelmed by that prison staff. Just another day in paradise.

      yeah, paradise in a privatized world, perhaps. Is this prison privatized or is it outright owned by the state of New York.

      • Either way, aren’t they saying it costs around $100K per year per prisoner? Well…..they aren’t spending it on staff. Low pay = bottom of the barrel = bad idea for the rest of us.


  • Now that I’ve read the whole story I’m just shaking my head. I’d love to ask her; How blind can you be? How can you really think these men actually really liked you? How could the thought that they might be master manipulator a or con artists not cross your mind? How can you not realize that you’re being used?

    It’s the usual story of zero foresight, zero conscience, zero guilt, zero shame, zero remorse…they live in the moment and do what feels good at that time without considering anyone else’s feelings. And in this case, almost at her husbands expense…his LIFE.

    I bet he’s feeling a sinking gut feeling realizing now that he was all part of an elaborate plan years back to feed her ego. Perhaps that was his plan, too. Looks like they deserve each other.


  • Yes, I’ve been following this story since it started, because I live in upstate NY. She is one sad sack of cheater shit. She has endangered the lives of many people now, just because she wanted to “feel special.” She must be one of those special ppl like on the reddit adultery thread recently posted in the CL forum, who get high on those NRE” fumes … I think that stands for New Relationship Excitement.

    The one I feel most sorry for is her son. Her husband surely had notice that she was a cheater but the son did nothing to deserve any of this.

    • “The one I feel most sorry for is her son. Her husband surely had notice that she was a cheater but the son did nothing to deserve any of this.”

      For real, can you imagine your mom lying after swearing “on your life” that she was telling the truth? Having your mother weigh a nasty cheap fuck over your life—> suckfest

  • This just goes to show that cheating isn’t a victimless crime. In this case, it’s led to a pair of murderers being unleashed on society, and more innocent lives may pay the price.

      • “Even when she was involved with Lyle, “He watched her 24/7,” says the former co-worker. “He was like a hawk eye,” the co-worker said, noting that whenever Tillie got up from her station, “he would lean way over to see where she was going and who she was talking with.”

        HAHAHAHAHA, because that’s what cheaters do. My ex left after the affair was exposed because he “couldn’t live under a microscope” Can you imagine how big that microscope is now???

        • SayNoToSparkles same with the ex also. From what I know about his new “improved” life with the AP he married (note 18 years YOUNGER than him) they share Facebook account, and other social media accounts. This is coming from others that tell me things. They don’t let each other out of each’s other sight also. No trust whatever so ever between them. What should they expect from each other especially on how their “relationship” started. I love the saying that Chump Lady wrote on another post she had some time ago and I fully agree (I agree with everything Chump Lady writes BTW)

          “When a man marries his mistress, he creates a vacancy”. This goes for the woman also. I don’t want to be biases with either sex.

          Now this is coming from the same person that wanted to have some “freedom” in his life with me. Right!!!!! Good luck with that! Tick tock for their loving life together. Just a matter of time. This story really has proven to me it’s just a matter of time.

        • Mine says the same thing “can’t live with you checking up on me all the time” this is funny for two reasons. 1) He won’t move out of the house so I kind of know where he is most of the time, and 2) Since I found out about 6 weeks ago I’ve called once to see what time he was coming home so I could go to sleep and close off the door to the master suite. As long as he isn’t leaving the kids to go feral I don’t care where he is or who he is with. I just want him gone.

        • “living under a microscope.”

          Indeed. Now that Handout Boy is with his mommy and daddy he’s going to be under the ever-watchful intrusive eye of his histrionic mother. She will literally rifle through people’s dresser drawers and constantly watch them. Last time he ran away to live with them whenever he would talk to me on the phone she would walk into the room every minute or so to let him know she was watching and evesdropping.


          • That made me remember the idiots comment about how he “wasn’t going to go around walking on eggshells” after d-Day #1.

            Feels good to chuckle about it and think “what a frigging moron”.

    • “…it’s led to a pair of murderers being unleashed on society, and more innocent lives may pay the price.”

      Exchange “murderers” with cheaters and you get my sentiments, exactly.

  • Okay such inspiration!!!!! and here goes using the line I love so much “Hi I’m TOW.” “I Flatter men and they fuck me, because I’m “Special.”

    …..a letter to my husband as OW

    Dear Lyle, (From OW to her own husband)

    I married you because ‘it’s better to be married’ as it shows I’m valuable woman and can get a man to love me and take care of me.

    I married you because I counted on you to take care of me. To validate me and admire my beauty to make me feel “special,” at all times and the only woman in the world in your heart and mind. You needed to worship me always as beautiful and appealing and if your attention isn’t on me all the time, or you do things I don’t like, I will not tell you directly but secretly I will vengefully deceive you behind your back. Then I will really need to look for other men to validate my attractiveness and tell me how pretty I am and that my ass is nice and that my hair is pretty and my smile is sexy and that I’m so interesting and “nice.” I need men to feed my ego, admire me constantly so I can feel “Special.” I am so sexy you need to understand I need you to worship me as sexy and special. You need to protect me and adore me the way my Daddy Didn’t/Did and I wanted to steal him from my mommy and I hated/loved her anyway. You need to be like my Daddy always running away and disapproving. So when I look into men’s eyes they have to be a mirror reflecting my beauty and make me feel good about me. I need you to take care of me always emotionally and, financially or I will have to cheat and lie and find other men to make me feel good about myself and that I’m so irresistible that other married men will risk everything just to be with me. I want to be daddy’s little girl! I go after other woman’s husband and seek revenge against all other women so I can win daddy’s love. I win! There is something about stealing some other woman’s life and wanting to take it for myself. Behind their backs I steal their men. I don’t concern myself about his wife or kids Hey, that’s HIS problem. I find out anything about the wives, so I can be better than them. I pretend to care about people. Ever since I was a little girl I needed ALL the attention in the room or I would start screaming and lying and being secretive to get what ever I wanted. Again, I married you because it’s better being married at least the world knows that someone wants me. My strategy is to trade up and to use each lover as a stepping-stone so I can be treated like a movie queen. That’s me I want to be a queen. But I’m always looking for a better man then you and I would have their babies too. I’m not wholly innocent from the caricature of being economically parasitical, psychologically sick and sociologically deviant. But I deserve to be happy! Or I will cry and scream. I give subtle cues making eye contact I am always smiling at them and letting them see that even though I’m married I’m still available and I’m so interested in their attention. They can’t keep their hands off me I just don’t know why, I tell them that I don’t do this kind of thing with just any man and they don’t even understand why they all want to have sex with me I guess it’s because I’m so attractive and sexy and they just can’t resist me. I can’t help it the heart wants what it wants and I need constant attention and excitement, I get so bored so easily and I can’t go without receiving love and attention not for days, weeks, maybe years if not for hours. I need other men besides you to feed all my emotional needs on airplanes, bars, cabs,church, whirlpools and at work, at the gym, at clubs, on line (EVEN JAILS WITH FELLOW SOCIOPATHS) etc, etc, etc, or anywhere I go I need that attention and validate my self esteem, feel special it’s all about me and my needs. I want you to work your ass off for ME but you have to pay attention to ME too, even when you work all those hours for ME otherwise I will have to cheat. I will justify all my actions and I need you to take absolute care of ME in all things and financially.

    You need to understand that I can do so much better than you, so I will keep fucking other men and looking for my prince charming that special soul mate man, who will always worship ME. And If I find out you are cheating I will fuck you over so completely only I can cheat because it’s my female prerogative to sneak around, lie and creep beneath the marital sheets, because I’m a woman and I can’t say what’s really on my mind.

    So give me some more money honey I want a new dress to look beautiful to other men.

    Your wife, Joyce Mitchell

    P.S Can you please step aside because I can’t see my own reflection in the mirror.

  • Victimless crime-yeah right. EH left my 90 year old father to see and deal with what I went through after he walked out. Luckily my Dad is made of stern stuff because it could have killed him. Also, having someone who’s your sole caregiver be devastated and severely depressed is not an ideal situation to say the least.

    Same with the A-holes who walk out on their children.

      • Oh he is! An example of a real man compared to EH. He’s been so strong for me. I try to keep as much of my ordeal from him as I can but it’s impossible to hide everything.

        He was rushed by ambulance to the ER last week (only has one kidney and his levels were off) and I shed some tears thinking how good he was to EH.

        Sometimes he’ll ask me why he doesn’t have to come back and help us. (Alzheimer’s) it breaks my heart.

        • Awwww… I love the guy, and I never met him. I know the type: stern stuff. He was alive during some incredible years. Hugs from me!

  • I just read an interview with a former inmate. He claims ShawSKANK and her sexy psychopath would go into a closet for about 30 minutes 4 times a week to get it on. They said they were ‘folding clothes’ ….. Inmate says she was ‘giddy’ when around the killer. He said the joke on the cell block was they likened it to the school jock screwing the ugly girl.

    • “ShawSKANK” !! LOL… perfect… she’s also being called “Hamburger Helper” in some forums.

    • He said the joke on the cell block was they likened it to the school jock screwing the ugly girl.

      That pretty much sums up every OW i’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. Including some ex friends ! Sorry just had to shut them out once they disclosed they like to shit on their families.

  • I read recently that a younger woman married Charles Manson, and he is like in his 80s. Not to mention hideously ugly, crazy, and evil. I think a lot of these murderers have groupies and the worse they are try free more groupies/admirers. Fucked up.

    • The marriage with Manson didn’t go through. The woman was found to have a plan wherein, upon Manson’s death, his body would be put on display and thus become a money making venture.


      • Bundy married one of them and she was artificially inseminated with his sperm. Thankfully, the child was a girl. Don’t know if she is aware of her heritage-she is now in her early 30’s.

  • WOW!!!!! That is really taking a step down with the AP(s) for this cheater! What does the 2nd husband think that she would not cheat on him? Once a cheater always a cheater but really this is a bad bad step down for anyone. I guess these prisoners had to really take one for the team because she isn’t really a prize also. The entire story is just nasty!!!!!

    • Everyone involved is hideous. Physically and morally. More “sexy” adulterers. Nasty, nasty, nasty.

      • Oh I could not agree more not Juliet. There is no way you can make this up. I’m sure this will be made in some type of Lifetime Channel movie in the next few weeks.

        • Yes, a Lifetime movie where all the characters are played by beautiful actors and actresses who look nothing like the real thing. Think Charlize playing Aileen Wournos. LOL!

  • Unfortunately, “Plot to/Attempted Murder” isn’t included in the 7 grounds for divorce, here in NY… but Irretrievable Breakdown will apply in 6 months. Poor chump.

    Not that he’ll do that. He gives off the affect of being a few crayons short of a full box. She’s a full box- but she’s still just a box of crayons.

  • Not to mention that these are some BAD DUDES. Matt grew up about 5 miles from where I did and I remember the news stories about him. He killed his boss, dismembered him, and threw him in the river. That was just his first murder. Did she think they were all three going to live happily ever after together?

    Oh, and Lyle? You might want to make a doctor’s appointment. Two words: Prison sex.

  • This entire story just sickens me! I do NOT feel one bit sorry for Lyle. And I certainly have no sympathy for Joyce either. It truly amazes me that some people have absolutely no conscience, morals and lack character. We seem to hear more and more of this these days in the news. How did this happen? I was raised to care what people thought of me. I was raised with the desire to make my parents proud. And in later years that translated to wanting to make my children proud, and my spouse, my boss, etc.

    Shitty character!!!!! JUST SUCKS! But these two…….cut from the same mold and they deserve what they got!

  • It is unfortunate that the average person cannot have access to the same background information that law enforcement agencies can tap. We are taught defensive driving, but not defensive mating.

    Of course the con is a con — but when we are being love-bombed we are not thinking clearly. I suppose people like to fantasize about being a member of the rich and famous club, and having the type of beauty that makes the opposite sex swoon — but the reality is staring back at us in the mirror, and rattling around with the small change and stack of bills to pay on the dresser. In order to understand yourself, you have to be able to see yourself clearly, and you have to examine the motives of any suitor wanna-be.

    After it was too late, I found lots of interesting details that would have caused me to move on. After it was too late, I remembered many red flags that should have caused me to move on. Thankfully, murder was not on my X’s mind — I think because that would have been like killing the golden goose — but the callous treatment and financial irresponsibility I endured was a type of slow death. At some point the hormone rush wore off and self preservation kicked in. Thankfully.

    To be clear — I am not saying that I deserved the treatment I received in any way. I feel I am an attractive and intelligent and successful woman in my own right — and I am sure that there were other possible loves out there in the dating world I could have connected with. But for some reason, perhaps due to FOO and a trusting, romantic nature, I was conned. It was hard to accept.

    I didn’t bake a file into a cake or plan an escape from prison. I didn’t plot anyone’s murder. I just accepted that I had made a huge error in judgement and that I would be paying a steep price for that error. I didn’t deserve it, it wasn’t fair, but I was conned. I also did not choose to consort with a prisoner, or parade my private business around my workplace. I cannot imaging going into a “closet” at work to “fold clothes” for 30 minutes, when all my co-workers were sitting about laughing at what a fool I was. Some folks do have a “SPECIAL” talent for making stupid decisions. This particular story is full of “special” people — hopefully it will serve as a cautionary tale for someone, and prevent them from making the same type of mistake.

    Then again, I have heard that you cannot fix stupid. That sounds right to me.

    • We do have a complete arsenal at our disposal….nowadays. The internet. Back when we all were dating, not so lucky—but now is a different story.

      Unfortunately, most people don’t want to put their private pain out on the internet, for varying reasons. As much as it would be immediate and irreversible karma for these cheaters and low-lifes…there are others involved, like children.

      Bottom line in this new technological age, there is really no excuse for someone not to know as much about a potential mate as possible. There are background checks (you can get your SO to cough up their SS# and DL# , if he/she hopes to remain in a relationship with you)–there are internet searches, cheater exposure websites, This is the wonderful internet at it’s best.

      Some, however, will either make the excuse that they wouldn’t do that in the beginning of a relationship because it “shows mistrust”–or they will ignore what they find. This is the problem with a good number of chumps—you don’t want to believe what you’re told, what you see, what he/she shows you, how they treat you, etc….and there are varying reasons for those decisions, legitimate and not. Not going into the whole FOO issue thing here.

      What I’m saying is that there ARE avenues not just to find out about someone, but to broadcast what you know about someone….legally. This woman Tilly—-she not only knew exactly what this guy is, a murderer/liar/manipulator—she didn’t care. Water seeks its own level.

      • I agree that you can find out some things — but it seems to me that you should be able to find out how many times a person has been legally married ( of course that won’t include ALL the relationships) and whether they have a criminal record, a credit rating, any alias’s etc, without having to spend a lot of money. Dating sites should be able to weed out the married stalkers, and or sexual predators who have been arrested.

        Funny thing is, even the family may not know all the details. If a 60 year old has been married and divorced so often that his family offers a number between 6 and 10 — that should tell a potential suitor plenty. If the oral history of past significant relationships offered has that many names — that too should be a red flag. If the potential mate was always the poor sausage, and all those mean AP’s just took advantage of a kind and giving heart — one might wonder.

        I was out and out lied to. I should have checked. I didn’t, and I was conned. I don’t always trust the internet — people can and do post lies on it all the time. I have done more research for a car purchase or a hotel reservation than I did for a husband. That is a pretty sad confession on my part. Really, I just didn’t think he would lie to me. Talk about a chump!

        Now days I don’t believe much of what anyone says, and I don’t even care because I am not putting myself at risk at this time. If I ever decide to try again, better believe I will put my unfortunately well earned detective skills to use.

        I will also be sure to avoid prisons as a dating site! The Ted Bundy’s and Charles Manson’s of the world should remain incarcerated for ever and ever in my opinion. They can become “married” to the prison system, until death. Seems fair to me!

        • I use a site called emailfinder. Com that is good. I think it was about $25 for one year. It has reverse phone lookup and basic information. It also shows the number of court records a person has. If you want to view them, that’s extra. I found people on here I couldn’t find previously. I found my ex from when I was 19. He died at age 50 and had like 46 court records. Guess his rock star career didn’t work out, lol. Another ex had over 20 court records. Dodged a few bullets with these guys. Literally.

        • portia, you are always are eloquent and insightful. I too was conned but it has been slow and painful. Like a python swallowing prey and letting it digest for years…that’s me, trying to escape from a python, all slimed…But thanks, I always like to read your posts.

    • My daughter’s biology teacher used to say, “Ignorance I can cure, stupid I can’t.” I am reminded of that quote almost daily.

      • “Ignorance I can cure, stupid I cannot.” Thanks Tempest. That biology teacher rocks. I have a good half hour this morning to contemplate how to deal with a stupid church leader. Ugh! (he texted me last night at about 10pm to tell me more B. S.) Dear God, make me a different religion.

  • I totally believe that this serial cheater was used for the things she had to offer, but she ended up having unexpected feelings. Again, we all reap what we sow, and as someone already mentioned this is her karma. I think this Mr. Mitchell has to be embarrassed and hurt that something like this happened and that it’s all over the new for the world to see.

  • I guess ther’s no IQ test for being a prison guard.

    How could any normal person fall for a perp leering at them from their prison cell.

  • She’s wearing an “Air Force Mom–I Raised a Hero” t-shirt. I wonder what her next thing will say. “I fucked a multiple murderer and all I got was this lousy orange jumpsuit.”

    • Weird how she raised a hero but helped two murderers escape prison.

      Maybe the dollar store perm hairdoo and sipping too much Mountain Dew fried her brain.

  • I just watched the link above and I’m shocked with how the 2nd husband (ex AP she married) believes her story. I thought when people are in this type of trouble the lawyers would say to him and her not to speak to the media because this can be brought to the trial and used against her. Plus if she tried to kill him (2nd husband) there is no way in hell I would be trusting anything she said along as talking to the media basically taking her side of the story. Something about him Lyle and her doesn’t add up. There is no way in hell she could do this all by her self with no additional help.

    • but Beth, that would require him to admit that he was wrong all along and cheaters would sooner submit to torture than admit that…even if they have to defend their wifetress on national tv while they learn she was going to kill him.

    • i think it is just prove of how a cheater and the AP person (or hood rat in my case) honestly DO NOT THINK THEY DID ANYTHING WRONG OR BAD…. here is Lyle, you would think that he KNEW his wife is a cheater or a liar, that she is able to betray and deceive someone who innocently loves and believes in her. but nope, he is shocked, he doesnt know what to believe, i mean HOW could she do this to him?

      i have a feeling that exhole and hood rat think this way too. neither of them actually consider that they destroyed my marriage, my childrens lives is forever changed, and my life was shattered from his scorched earch behaviors he blow up and threw up in my face. at the end of the day, THEY REALLY DO NOT CARE. they have both made each other feel better and believe and recite all the clichés in order to feel better. you know “everything happens for a reason” “children of divorce are better off if their parents dont get along” “God bring people in your life for a reason” “we were just meant to be” “if it was meant to be then nothing can stop it” (personally i hate this one), “children are resilient” and if i ever try to bring up the truth and give them a taste of reality then i get the “you are jealous cuz you lost him” “whatever you need to tell yourself so you can sleep at night” and “get over it already” (said THE DAY i found out about her)

      Lyle believed that she loved him just like i believed exhole loved me, even thou Lyle should have known better it doesnt change anything. exhole and hood rat are very very happy, they are in love. neither of them CARE who they hurt along the way. neither of them notice the blood trail behind them (whats in the past doesnt matter) Although you would think that they cant make a happy life on other peoples pain….apparently that is not true either. i dont understand it and it doesnt seem fair. but after you cheater leaves you, he brain washes everything about you out of his mind and has replaced all those happy times with his new love.

      which explains why Lyle was all in shock, the AP becomes the BS. they really do believe their own lies and think it wont happen to them.

  • Poor Lyle. I feel for him. Many of us have been there, wanting to believe the best of our cheaters. Lyle, you will survive… but you are mighty. It sucks. We feel your pain.

  • What a messed up cast of characters. The only one who is at all sympathetic is the prison guard who was duped into delivering the tool-riddled meat. He asked Joyce Mitchell if there was a problem with it, was told no, and stupidly believed he could trust that answer and didn’t need to run the package through the metal detector. What he should have asked was whether Joyce understood he would need to scan the package before he could deliver it.

  • Your discussions remind me of a small event. I had a plastic gun that I used as a model for comics. It looked like a real gun, and was lying on the table along with crayons and pens and books and magazines. My STBX grabbed it, aimed it at me and made a shooting noise with his mouth. I felt horrible. It was supposed to be funny. It was after D-Day and did not make me laugh.

    • ChumpFromF, not laughing at threats is a sign of sanity. Pretending threats are jokes is a sign of disturbance.

      • ChumpFromF, I too would not find this “funny.” In many break ups death is exactly what happens to unsuspecting STBX spouses. No one educated around guns points one at another person (even a toy gun), because they are meant to destroy something. Just as cheating is.

    • ChumpFromF – my XW would often greet me at home in the evenings with a “fake punch” to the face like some kind of joke. She might as well have actually made contact, as bad as I now realize it made me feel. Not funny. Now that I understand how the disordered brain works, I think she actually did want to punch me in the face just because I existed.

      Of course she also thought it was hilarious to punch me in the arm as hard as she could playing the “padiddle” game in the car.

      Took me a while to learn that THESE ARE NOT JOKES. Narcs are the poster children for passive aggression. Whether it’s verbal or physical, 99% of the time they mean that shit.

      • My H used to “fake punch” me starting when we were newlyweds. He also used to wait until the very moment I was getting in a car to let up on the brake and move the car ahead a few inches to throw me off balance…it was FUNNY, you see and if I called him on his shit, he would say I had no sense of humor and was too sensitive.

        He was also a war seasoned Marine who had training in hand to hand combat and he would tell me every once in a while that he could snap my neck and kill me in an instant…he was holding my head when he said this a time or two. The fact that this rolled off me and I didnt see it as abusive at the time is really hard to face now. So much of his behavior was abusive.

        I think God took him (H dropped dead) because he had done enough damage …it was perhaps the most compassionate thing He could do.

    • If a song had a “slap” kind of sound or rhythm, my ex loved to pretend to slap my face along with the music. Early in our dating days, I told him I didn’t like that, didn’t think it was funny to have my boyfriend pretend to slap me. He got really quiet, then replied, “Well, I guess it’s okay if you don’t like everything the same as me.” Talk about a red flag I didn’t understand at the time. Of course, he never stopped doing the pretend slapping.

  • This reminds me of my cheating ex who said “I didn’t cheat, I’d never do that to you” as if by that point in the game there was any reason to trust him and any merit to whatever came out of his mouth.

    “Sure,” I thought, “you just had deep, platonic conversations with the OW for 7 weeks. You just politely enjoyed her invitations to have drinks at her house on weekends in her town when you were “skiing” and kept your clothes on and never thought it inappropriate to keep the “friendship” and “hanging out” secret. Yep, that explains why you went to visit her the first chance you had after we split, why 3 weeks after I left she moved in, and why 2 1/2 months later you two got engaged.”

    Lyle must be going through some sort of “shock and awe” moment while karma delivers some justice here!

    • How do you wrap your head around stuff like “when they said they were going to kill me, she realized she loved me”? Oh, my wife of some 20 years who was plotting my demise REALIZED (in a lucid moment) that she loves me. Or she REALIZED that she was facing life in prison and decided I could better serve her needs alive. Professing love is better when you need someone to pay your legal fees.

    • I have a similar story: when I spent a week in the hospital and came home… My then-husband quickly reassured me that he didn’t have sex with anyone. Chumpy me thought, “of course you didn’t, I was in the hospital”… I wish I had had a course in jackass veiled confessions.
      It all makes sense in hindsight. Just the fact that he had to ‘reassure’ me speaks volumes.
      Later, a neighbor said that HER car was there all night. He said that OW came over to help him with the children. Goodness. When does that feeling go away… The one that says, ‘how could I have been so stupid!?’

      • I wouldn’t call that a confession or reassurance as much as gloating. You might have cooked his eggs a little too long or something before you left for the hospital, and he felt the need to get you back for it.

      • Unfortunately, the feeling “how could I have been so stupid” may never go away. I know, I know–hindsight is 20/20, but I, too, worry I will always feel like I should have put 2 and 2 together long before D-day.

        • I still sometimes feel stupid and ashamed at how easily I was fooled, and how I would staunchly stand by my ex while he was lying to my face. I remind myself that the shame belongs to HIM, not me, but it’s still hard to get past it.

          • Thanks Einstein, Glad and Tempest. I stumble now and then (it seems like a heavy weight to crawl out of). Shame on Cheaters!

      • “I wish I had had a course in jackass veiled confessions.”

        When deadH dropped the bomb that he was divorcing me, he said “there is no one else involved in this, its between you and I”…and I though “well of course it is, it never occurred to me that you would cheat !!”

  • “She said it was attention.”

    The good old “attention” justification. There will *always* be men and women out there giving you attention for the wrong reasons…or giving you the wrong kind of attention (so that they can get laid before using you to help them break out of jail takes the cake, IMO).

    This was a concept that–in my chumpiness–I tried to explain to my wife in between D-Days. I told her that every married person has to “play defense” against those who seek to attack the marriage. There’s always someone out there who doesn’t respect marital boundaries, respect you, or respect your spouse. You must “play defense” against these types of intrusions.

    You can “work at your marriage” all you want, and “make your marriage as strong as you can” until you’re blue in the face. But even the best marriage has a bad month…or bad year. That’s reality. So, unless you’re constantly “playing defense” by default, regardless of the state of your marriage, you will fail.

    What an idiot I was! Although what I “explained” to my wife was logically true, it still came from the perspective of, “Your AP is the problem; you must resist his flirting.”

    First, you can’t control how your spouse feels about someone else. That’s entirely within her control. Lecturing her about how to avoid temptation only reminds her how taboo (and exciting!) her actions are. Second, if your spouse doesn’t know how to set and enforce boundaries with other men/women, she’s not going to suddenly understand the concept after a mere lecture. Such a transformation would require a personality transplant, which is a multi-stage surgery over the course of years. Personalities change slowly, if at all.

    • As a general rule, if you have to explain standards of decency to an ADULT? Game over. You’re essentially pleading to be treated decently.

      It’s the Dr. Simon axiom of “It’s not that they don’t see, they just disagree.”

      Yes, I know what boundaries are. But those rules don’t apply to me!

    • JC.. you aren’t alone. It’s like me trying to explain that going to Owhore’s apartment, whether they fucked all night or played tiddly winks.. was a breach of “normal” boundaries adults employ. There is NO WAY that it’s appropriate for a married man to hang out with a separated woman in her apartment, alone, and lie to his wife about it. The secretive nature of it, not to mention it’s just not something normal people do.

      He kept saying “but we didn’t do anything”. Lie.. of course.. but even if it wasn’t.. it misses the point. It’s the BOUNDARY they lack. And will they grow those boundaries later? Highly highly doubt it. Dr. Simon has it right… and CL too.. “the rules don’t apply to me, I’m special”.

    • I completely agree. i used to have to chase exhole down and remind him that we had a good marriage, that the kids and i loved and needed him and that he needs to be home. he just doesnt get it but only because he doesnt want to get it. how many times does a person need to be told what a father and husband should and should not do. even this time, he is telling everyone that he did not cheat on me because we were separated before he hooked up with her (which is a lie they both have convinced themselves of) but he does not own up to all the shitty and hateful things he was doing that led up to me kicking him out. he STILL thinks it is ok because we were “separated”, so basically the moment i kicked him out for not coming home again, he ran into her arms, ripped off her clothes and had sex with her? ummm…no i dont think so. i think it is more that he was having sex with her is the reason he didnt come home on new years eve. and probably all those other times he didnt come home before that. it really is an insult to my intelligence that they are trying to say they didnt hook up until after i kicked him out.

      anyhow, whatever the story is, it still doesnt matter to me. because it is not okay to have sex with someone who is not your spouse no matter if you are separated or not. just the fact that he thinks this way is grounds enough for incompatiblity

  • I am amazed how messed up some people in the law enforcement are.
    My STBX is a NYPD homicide detective. He used to tell me stories about his co-workers cheating on his wives. As you can guess, he was not any different.
    When I found the evidence on his old cell phone that he was cheating with a co-worker (who knew that he was married), he wanted me to hand over the phone. When I refused he got violent and a neighbor called the cops because I was screaming for help. Chump as I am, I did not file a report because I was to concerned about consequences for HIM. That was 7 month ago. More and more ugly stuff has unfolded since that day.
    For month he emailed and texted me to kill myself and to jump of from a tall building. Reminding you: NYC gives this man a gun to protect people.
    I know now that he just does not care and thinks he is above the law and that he would never have to face consequences as JM probably did too.
    Luckily, I have amazing friends who are helping me to be as safe as possible and I am getting ready for the divorce and him getting what he deserves.

    • Hostchild, people with control issues sometimes seek out vocations that give them authority. Understand that your STBX’s career is not as important as being safe. Let that be your priority.

    • Host hold, be careful dealing with a cop. My ex wasn’t one but he researched, when he attacked me and I called the cops, he got me arrested. Fuckers are shitty, they will do anything when they start losing control over you and cops have some power that can really fuck you up. Be safe, be careful, Ned Jedi hugs!

      • A friend of mine was an assistant DA several years ago. He told me that there were a few cops who were cheating, divorcing & remarrying each others wives. On one occasion two cops refused to give important info to the DA because they were feuding over wife screwing. Luckily my friend read them the riot act about holding info from the prosecution. The cops never tried that again.

  • My understanding is Lyle was having an affair with this horrid woman in her first marriage, so I’d say this is the ultimate karma bus drive by. Still, he needs to get out of that marriage ASAP. I don’t believe for one second that the two escapees EVER intended to go anywhere with this weak, stupid woman. They are far too smart for that. They played her like a violin to get a few necessary items, and probably for their own twisted entertainment. She had sex with BOTH of them, I think she’s admitted that now. Personally, I think that she really believed they were going to run away with her once they were out, and when she got to the arranged meeting site, found they were not there and realized that they had used her, then that’s when she decided to go to the hospital with her “anxiety attack,” not before. If there was any plot to kill Lyle, then it came from HER and the two escapees pretended to agree just to keep her on the line, not because they had any intention of carrying out the murder. Why would two high profile escapees like this take the time and risk of bumping off her husband? Not in a million years, they are way too smart. So it had to be her idea…. she was stupid enough to believe these guys loved her and wanted to be with her on the outside. I hope she’s sentenced to a long time in prison. Both of these guys committed HORRIBLE crimes, the one who kidnapped and murdered his boss did terrible torture before brutally killing him, the other shot a cop like 20 times before running him over because he was still breathing. Any woman who would have affairs with men like these is seriously disordered.

    • I thought she had most likely chickened out, but your theory makes the missing pieces fit much better. I believe you may have her number.

  • Wow so she had a 1 year old but cheated on her first husband and her current husband had kids and was married when he cheated on she cheats on current husband with 2 killers…I actually feel better about my current situation after hearing this cheating can be so normal to some people is just beyond me. And I saw Lyles interview what a chump but then to find out he’s a cheater himself..ugh.

  • I must be at meh, because aside from the fact that Upstate NY has two murderers wandering around, my biggest takeaway from this was “Hamburger Helper”.

    Sorry there’s no way someone, even a Narc, takes that kind of risk without some kind of expected return. In other words, she was doing it with one or both. It wasn’t just attention, because as anyone married to a Narc knows, there’s a bottomless abyss inside there that sucks attention like a Psychic Dyson- and never loses suction! Narc kibble must be paid in all forms of currency- sex, goods, money, constant ego stroking. It’s never just attention.

  • One of my friends compared X meeting his bar whore with an extensive record to standing outside a prison and picking up the newly released. Evidently these cheaters can’t wait until they get out. It’s so odd to say this was a fantasy.

  • “as anyone married to a Narc knows, there’s a bottomless abyss inside there that sucks attention like a Psychic Dyson- and never loses suction! ”

    Thanks Luziana, that right there is why I come to this site. I never feel alone here. Someone always understands.

  • So she knew she was in over her head when they suggested killing her husband but she helped them escape prison anyway!!!!

    Lyle, don’t let this woman near you or your kids.

  • Two losers, that’s what. What’s that saying? Past performance begets future performance…. I bet their exes are thanking their gods not to be a part in any of THIS! Karma has arrived and there is no way to fix “crazy.” All the information leaking out regarding their past choices only adds to what the whole world now knows: These “people” are both big time losers. That woman is certifiable though.

    • Okay, two gullible short sited challenged losers. Hard not to feel sorry for these people, but it does all boil down to consequences….

  • As a taxpayer in the great State of New York, I just hope that Joyce Mitchell will lose her job and lose her pension, if she has any. Scum.

  • There’s also no doubt in my mind that Joyce Mitchell did more to help those murderers, and knows more than she is admitting. Like all disordered cheaters, you can be sure that whatever she admits is the tip of the iceberg. She will only admit to what the cops already know, or are likely to find out.

  • Wow, the Karma bus ran over Lyle and Joyce. It brings me a small amount of joy that the Lyle got chumped like he chumped his ex-wife. It’s pretty cool that Joyce will get to go to prison too. What a cluster. I hope they catch these prisoners/murderers soon! The people that she put in danger by helping them escape should be livid. I’d be scared shitless if I lived anywhere near that prison worrying about home invasion.

    Hopefully the authorities will catch them before they hurt anyone.

  • exhole would get so mad at me for following him when I was in the “marriage police” mode, he was mad that I had a tracker in his truck, I wonder why, he was mad if I happened to pass by where ever he was, he would get down right pissy if he caught me going thru his phone….

    now his oompa loompa hood rat never leaves him, he cant go anywhere without her, she goes thru his phone and feels free to call me from it whenever she wants, or would answer a text that I sent to him (like after 14.5 years, I cant tell how exhole texts?) she has her claws dug in deep.

    but like beth said…IT is only a matter of TIME…. I know him well enough to know that he will start getting pissed off that she is “watching” him. right now he is stupidly flattered from all the attention she is giving him. (Ya RIght) but he will start blaming her for sshit and get tired of her shit one of these days. who knows maybe she can pick me dance better then I could but even then I still wouldn’t want to be in those shoes ever again.

    it is actually a show down on who fucks over who first. he is a weak, shallow, spineless, alcoholic cheater and she is a cruel, heartless, selfish, manipulator….I cant tell who is going to crack first. (from her last picture it might be her or maybe she just never looks happy about anything). I used to hope and pray that I would be able to watch the Karma bus hit them but I am s.l.o.w.l.y getting to the point where I don’t even care anymore. I do know that I wouldn’t want to be in either of those shoes and I am comfortable that I am going in the right direction.

    funny how these men (women) get all hateful because the BS is “watching” them but jump right into relationships where they are always watched. huh
    let the karma bus roll because MrsVain has moved on.

  • Wow. Just watched the video. One hell of a DDay, indeed. It makes me sick to remember that incredibly debilitating feeling of indecision after learning the truth. Not knowing what to do. I will never forget the weight of anguish that lifted off me when I found this site. I had already made the painful decision to walk away from the insanity, but it really galvanized me and helped me so much to move forward and know I was doing the right thing. Thank you Chump Lady and Chump Nation.

    But this guy left another marriage to be with HER? Believing that they had an epic true love? Gag. So twisted.

  • Cheaters are all so delusional. They all really think they’re special… rules don’t apply to them; not social rules, not formal rules. They do immoral things, and expect us to believe they’re different than other people who are doing immoral things. My husband cheated repeatedly over the course of 20 years, but still adamantly states he’s not a cheater!!!

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