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AM Genie Out of the Bottle

cheater_overlapBoy was I wrong about the data dump. Faster than you can say “Noel Biderman is shitting his pants,” free Ashley Madison indexes have sprung up everywhere. Want to check by Ivy League school? Look here. Would you like an index cataloging the various catalogs? Visit this page. So many friendly geeks out there creating tools to find cheaters.

No one could possibly scrub this. It would be like a ginormous game of Whack-a-Mole. The best a cheater can hope for is disavowal.

Josh Duggar: “I have no idea who JesusSpanksMe57 is.”

Wife: “It’s the username attached to your credit card. On various dating sites. All with your banking information.”

Josh Duggar: “I had no idea I had a credit card!”

Yes, Josh Duggar — or someone a lot like him with his username, email, and credit card — appeared on The List — and OKCupid.

But the ones that really blow my mind are the multitudes of cheaters using their work emails. Why should this blow my mind, I don’t know. My cheating ex used his workplace email to conduct affairs. He was a lawyer who billed in 6 minute increments. I’m sure his employers would’ve been delighted to learn he spend so many billable increments chatting with OW. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.

But in the moment where he wanted to conceal his activities from me? An easy choice. I didn’t have access to his work email or phone. The office was his own personal cheater Bat Cave.

I mean, you might reasonably deny the username JesusSpanksMe57, but you can’t really deny your surname and workplace.

Which all goes to underscore points I’ve made about cheaters for years:

1. Affairs don’t “just happen” — they’re planned. No one fills out detailed dating profiles for shits and giggles.

2. The exit affair or the one-night-stand are not the rules, they are the exceptions. Judging by the enormity of this data dump we can conclude that cheaters are recurrent and repeat offenders. They go back to the no-strings-attached sex well over and over again. Serial cheating is a lifestyle.

3. Serial cheating is about entitlement. Special people don’t need precautions (or condoms). Special people don’t get caught. Special people are entitled to double lives because their need for excitement outweighs their chumps’ well-being.

Special, that is, until the day they’re busted.

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  • I just took a look at some of these lists. It makes the numbers involved very real. I feel sick to my stomach. The pain and destruction that has ripped through our lives is now about to be unleashed on thousands of spouses and children. I can hardly stand it, what has this world come to.

    • It’s pretty bad. I don’t think it’s overstating it to say that this is going to have a fairly significant ripple effect. Life as we know it has changed. (Then again, there are plenty of people who will never check to see if their spouse is on this list.)

      • Somebody fill me in. I went to the links and one was already taken down/wasn’t available and the other I could’t tell head from tails on it.

        For the record, I only feel sorry for the chumps.

        The news is crazy talking about people committing murder and suicide, losing jobs, military commissions being taken away, marriage as we know it is over and on and on and on. Get a hold of yourself folks it doesn’t take a AM dump for all this to happen.

        • Nope, it doesn’t take an AM dump “for all this to happen.” ALL it takes is ONE cheater. My entire world blew, finances were destroyed, as was my children’s, but I for one minute would never contemplate suicide because the TRUTH is far better than living a LIE. My children and I are better off without that disordered loser in our lives (I can’t imagine what his 28 year lie (life) with me was actually like. I mean who the fuck does this, right!?!? Hey, if you want strange then you can have it without a committed clueless loving spouse!

    • I know, I feel so sorry for the chumps whose lives are about to be changed. It sucks.

    • I can’t seem to see anything. When I hit the link “look here” I just came up w a blank page. Has the info been taken down already?

        • Well, the cheater’s came up. No surprise – I had found the link many years ago (first round of serial cheating discovery). But what was scary was that MINE came up too. Didn’t remember registering to stalk – I know I didn’t pay (but he did).

          • Me too – I registered years ago to check out a long distance boyfriend (with good reason) but I did not pay anything. So stupid of me! I wish there had been a communal account I could have used to check and see if the loser was on there. *Sigh* What to do?

            • Big deal … If you didn’t do anything immoral then don’t worry. You went on there for good reason. We need to use these cheaters strategies and outsmart them in any way in order to heal and reach the land of meh IN ANY WAY POSSIBLE. So chill 🙂

              • Agreed, but as my EH cheated on me repeatedly until I got smart and got out, I hate to even be associated with the likes of Ashley Madison. At the same time I have run “Vet (erinary) Checks” on the couple of boyfriends I had post divorce – because if they are on a site like AM there is no point in going forward. I would rather know. Current boyfriend checks out just fine – he is a fellow chump too, however.

        • DING, DING, DING WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER!!!! Guess whose email address was on AM?? The OW!!! Shocking right??? Thank God not my husband!

          • I feel bad for the chumps that dont know an email address to use to check the data base with. But if anyone sees a charge from AMDB 1209 N Orange St – That is Ashley Madison! WTF I read in the media the charges were 19.99….not true for my STBX, he must of bought into the “platinum pu##y” account. Yuck it really grosses me out!!

            • I couldn’t find the dbags account there because the fuckwit has many email accounts that I don’t know about, however way back, I caught him on and by 2 different emails he was using, that I wasn’t aware of. I am sure he has an account there but I just don’t know the email he is using. BUT there is a guy who has been chasing me relentlessly these past 2 years, playing the real sweet, good guy and what do ya know?!?! He has an account on both AM and Adult friend! Geez no wonder I don’t date anymore and enjoying my single, happy and free life immensely! 🙂

  • Re: Duggar. I find that people who are genuinely good people don’t generally walk around talking about how good they are. People like my cheater, on the other hand, can’t talk about anything else.

    • Greengirl – Yes! In dating (or just making friends in general), I’ve always applied the rule of thumb that “If you have to say it aloud, it’s probably not true.” You’re right that it also applies to cheaters and people’s character across the board.

      • Very true GreenGirl and Other Chump. I would love to know how the Josh Duggar’s wife will spackle this one. Also something about her doesn’t add up right. Also got me thinking about that father. I wonder if he is on these types of sites. It would not surprise me at all. Really looks like the Duggar’s cult has their days numbered. No idea how people think that they are some type of famous personality.

    • Greengirl, OMG yes, my stbx used to go on and on how horrible it was when celebrities were busted for cheating. He used to pat himself on the back how good he was. I have been dying to send him an email asking him what his opinion is on the data dump….oh I dont need to ask he will yammer on about how horrible that privacy has been breached. What a crazy world, I feel sorry for those people that searched, found their spouse and are hearing the BS excuses.

    • If a man has to make himself a sales man, he is dishonest and not a good man..

  • This is getting serious. I wonder if we’ll see a significant spike in divorces over the next 12 months or so? I sure hope so, for the chumps’ sake.

  • OMG, all the Boeing email addresses…my hometown! There is one that may or may not be an ex of mine, but that was so long ago and I can’t remember what his work email was. He was a piece of work. Never wanted to have sex with me, and would scream at me if I tried to instigate. Sigh…

    • GEEEEZZZ!!! Why are there SOOO many .k12 addresses on there??!! These are our kids’ TEACHERS, STAFF & ADMINISTRATORS!! WTF?!

      • Saddam had his affair with a elementary school teacher, she just retired and he’s still with her.

        • That’s total trash. And these whores are entrusted to “teach” our kids?? Every person with a .k12 email who’s been busted should be fired immediately. We just had college graduations; PLENTY of new teachers needing jobs. Just sayin’…

        • I have several friends that work at K12! Seriously why use your work email? Okay maybe why cheat at all?

      • Also, as anyone else noticed that of the dumasses who went ahead and listed their names in their emails, there seems to be like a 2-20+ to 1 male vs female whores on this site??

  • Well it is getting better and better with this AM information being posted:

    What I read on the news there are loads of cheaters from Saudi Arabi that are on this site and it is ILLEGAL to cheat on your spouse there and they could be put to death if found out and brought to court. Not sure how true that is.

    This is getting to be very interesting. Of course many are saying their email addresses were stolen and other sad excuses. I don’t believe any of them for one second.

    I have a feeling the ex’s Schoompie was looking. Why? Because the city where they have their “perfect life” is red hot with spouses looking for information about AM data release.

    This is so funny!!!!!

    I just wish more countries would have laws that state adultery is illegal and some type of real punishment from it. These cheaters and their APs get away with so much and these sites that are making money for it. Cheating is abuse and the mental toll for the spouses and the children that has to deal with it.

    • I agree with you, Beth. Marriage is greatly devaluated if adultery brings no consequence. My cheater had fear of commitment. Since I have the same fear, and no children are in the equation, I have been looking for reasons to marry and did not find any. If marriage came with some guarantee it would be better than common law. But besides a vague obligation of assistance, I see mainly disadvantages: divorce is expensive and takes forever, my spouse may claim some of my finances, etc. A small example: if we were married, while our home is not sold yet I would have to pay for half of his rent, although he chose to walk out on me. As common law partners, his choice = his problem.
      At the very least, marriage should forbid cheating.

      • I admit I sometimes fantasize about that. But then I think of cases like Henry VIII who cheated on all of his wives and how two were killed for adultery because he wanted to remarry. I think of that poor woman beaten to death because she supposedly burn the quaran. It’s a crime that’s very easy to fake.

    • I live in one of the few states where adultery is a felony. The statute is short and seems pretty clear, only they rarely ever prosecute offenders. So other than getting a good, long laugh over the possible fine or jail term, it doesn’t help me.

      • Chumpy – couldn’t YOU push for prosecution? I don’t understand why it is rarely prosecuted….

        Anyone here from Michigan??? According to that article, Adulterers could get life in prison. WOW.

        • I think it will be something to dangle over his head, like a loose chandelier, bc it just isn’t something you see. There are rare stories of people being jailed. The wider issue then becomes, what happens to Asshat’s awesome job? I am not sure you get to say you just want them to be fined and put on probation. What if he is sent to prison for three years? I think hiring the Goodyear blimp to share my story will be cheaper than him losing his income! I don’t know how to handle this one. A new friend’s husband served a short sentence for something pretty small (possibly booze related) when her son, my child’s friend, was in kindergarten and it has has some effect on him, even though the family just told him daddy went away on vacation for a few months. I don’t want to make a bad situation for my son (with ASD) even worse. If we didn’t have kids, Asshat would be nailed to the front porch and/or already in another state and I would be advocating jail time. Max sentence is three years, I think. Creep.

          • My ex is in the Military and they have a rule about adultery, punishment can include being demoted in rank, reprimand, loss of pay. I found that the military never enforces the rule unless it lessons moral. Basically if it is cheating among the ranks. His command knew about what he doing online which included sending naked photos of himself with his face showing (he did put the camera up to block part of his face, but his tattoos are pretty obvious) and talking about being deployed and on training sites. They said it doesn’t matter what he does on his personal time. Um okay!

            • They keep reminding people how seriously the military takes adultery bc of the code but you so rarely hear about people being punished over it.

        • Michigan chump right here! It is still a felony in Michigan. It hasn’t been prosecuted by anyone in YEARS (maybe decades?) Not a single attorney I know, nor the many I consulted after D-Day, will touch that charge with a ten-foot pole. They all say the same thing: You’ll NEVER get a conviction. Judges don’t care.

          From what I understand, it can be taken more seriously by the courts if the adultery is shown as part of overall fraud – and by this, I mean big-scale fraud, like when a cheater and affair partner can be shown as purposely defrauding the chump over a significant period of time for large sums of money or big assets. But even then, tough to prove.

          The courts in Michigan DO consider proven adultery when deciding issues of alimony or visitation, but it is only one portion of a bullet list of things to consider, and how much weight it is given does depend on the judge.

          But I’m not a lawyer, and I may not be perfectly informed. Maybe someone from Michigan who has had direct experience can chime in.

          • I am not in Michigan but this is a fault state and adultery is still a felony here. My lawyer said it will be best to put adultery as the reason for filing but i am not convinced how much it will sway our new judge when it comes to support and visitation. I am more concerned about custody than money. Good to know how it is in MI though.

    • That is the wonderful thing… all of the schmoopies who are looking too… with that secret niggling feeling that perhaps they are not so special.

    • You are so right. Cheating is abuse. Abuse of trust, abuse by threatening someone’s health with an STD, abuse by stealing family funds, abuse by mental cruelty, abuse by gaslighting, abuse by the courts.

      Until it has real consequences, marriage will always be a crap shoot.

      • I forgot a BIG one; abuse of children through abandonment, lying and the parent version of the pick me dance.

        Stupid cheating fuckers.

  • Only a matter of time before someone finds a way to get an injunction or something to take these pasted lists off the web. In the meantime, just googling a sampling of the names is tragic…senior executives, people in positions of trust, people with public facebook pages showing their family photos. Or this could backfire, and cheating could start to become “mainstream acceptable” for chumps who are willing to live the quiet but comfortable life of quiet desperation, trading a cheater situation for security. It’s already been going on for centuries. The only change is that today, women actually have a choice.

    • Well…it’s not so “quiet” after today…I think the question is, will these women stay after they are presented with the facts? What if everyone knows the truth? One of the ways these sleazebag cheaters keep on with their serial cheating is by keeping it a secret among their friends and family. I would like to see a few public shamings come from this.

      • Yes, and if the cheating is out in the open, the affair just isn’t as exciting any longer. The illicit aspect is what makes the sex so forbidden and naughty. Out in the open? Not nearly as much fun.

        • This is it in a nutshell, Lining up. They like naughty. Secret. Exciting double life. I think there will be more limp dicks and sad vv’s moping around than not.

          Party is over.

          There goes the cheap no tell motel business.

          Best thing that could happen is they all get together, fuck each other until they’re dead and leave the chumps alone.

          N O T

          Mother fuckers need our stability, trustworthiness and love. It doesn’t exist in the world of Ashley Madison and Adult Friend Finder. It’s a netherworld that they visit but do not want to live.

          We have more power than we think.

          It is a very sad day for the sausage…

          • Standing ovation, CalamityJ. You’ve hit the nail on the head with every sentence.

            Had to laugh at this, “Best thing that could happen is they all get together, fuck each other until they’re dead and leave the chumps alone.” My sentiments exactly.

          • CalamityJ

            They don’t want to live in that world! And now the can all have it. Fuck all of them.

      • You really begin to wonder if everyone really is doing it. What a tragic thought, that cheating is the norm now. You watch TV and even the underwear commercial for HANES has close ups of the crotch area of young women (are they even legal age?) and the commercials for adult diapers are the same with a new commercial with a woman in a dress walking confidently up to the camera and lifting her dress up for a crotch close up. She looks about 30, not your usual diaper wearing adult I am sure. You can tell they have been bikini-waxed too. Not that there isn’t much worse out there, but you can’t escape it! There have never been so many easy women either, the critical component.

        • I know! What is up with the ad agencies? I can NOT watch TV with my father, the commercials are cringe-inducing. Like, so many ED and “freshen up your vag” ones that I just have to leave the room!

    • Marci – thats already what is happening. There was a site which had an index and it was given a takedown notice within 4 hours of being created. Ten bucks says it was a cheater who issued said notice.
      I say let the fuckers stew. If you weren’t being a deceptive foul piece of excrement – you have nothing to worry about, yeah?

      • Information on the internet is like a breeding pair of rabbits–you can capture some of the progeny, but more just spring up in its place. This isn’t going away soon.

        Also–the trustify site I used to verify my X’s email was in list said it came from both Ashley Madison AND Adult Friend Finder; did AFF get hacked too?

        • Yes, AFF was hacked in May 2015/ I found that out when jackasses email showed up there. I’m just sick. Literally.

          • I’m sorry, not Juliet. It hurts. The only consolation is that you can use this knowledge against him to go lead an honest cheater-free life.

            • Thank you, Tempest. You are a kind and wise person. I’m so surprised that it still hurts after all this creep has put me thru. This AFF crap just seems so much worse than the email/ text crap with the slut. Hopefully it will help me trust HOW MUCH he sucks. I’m just so shocked. As stupid as that seems.

              • Not Juliet: I can empathize. After D-day, new information about my X would be revealed to me about every months for 6 more months. The first time, it took over 2 weeks for the panic attacks and anger to subside. Next time, 12 days, then 10, then 1 week, and so on. It does get better (just never feels like it will at the time).

              • Not Juliet, I’m surprised it still hurts, too. With everything I now know, I’ve been wondering what is wrong with me that every new revelation still makes my stomach flip flop. The STBX is not one of the easy, dumb ones that I hear about. He works in SEO and knows how to hide, and has many email addresses that he funnels to specific accounts.

                I found the AFF ad a while back. He wrote that he’s “always treating people with respect and honesty,” yet “Prefers Not To Answer” as to Marital Status. Idiot.

                I doubt he paid for any membership, and specifically wants “someone who is not looking for a man to take care of them.” Translation: I’m not paying for sex.

                Sometimes it’s just so ugly; but, other times it’s hysterically funny. I mean, really, respect and honestly on AFF? You have to laugh.

        • I found out about my ex’s Adult Friend Finder and involvement when I checked the cookie stash on his computer (his Zoosk involvement was revealed when he forgot to delete his browser history. I discovered he was clever enough to do that…most of the time.). Since he is selfie-savvy, but not very computer savvy, everywhere he went that was a cached website….cookies galore. He didn’t know being able to delete cookies, and disabling the cookie jar limits access to so many of his, uh, favorite websites. It was like a sucker punch when I found them. Being an open, transparent person (in other words, a Chump), I used to share anything I knew. After the sequential d-days. I shared nothing more than what I was preparing for dinner that evening, which I wasn’t eating much of those days – thanks to the wretched infidelity diet.

          Looking back, (and I’m still trying to figure myself out on this one), I believe that I stayed after the first d-day because I was vacillating between wanting to believe his remorse, and that he would change as promised (hopium), and still having my doubts and wanting them confirmed by collecting hard evidence.

          I even conferred with a couple of PI’s – to ask them if my suspension’s were valid (and they both agreed they were – I just didn’t have the money at the time to hire them for surveillance).

          In the end, even though I will never know everything he was doing, I had enough data to know that I was dealing with a very disturbed, predatory person. I was so naïve, I wasn’t even thinking of the predatory part, until a very close girlfriend of mine – who has her degree in Psychology, told me he was, and then Tempest here confirmed it. Thank you Tempest! Big warm hugs!

          By the way, I met with my new counselor this week. Though our first session was initial intake, we hit it off wonderfully! She’s very compassionate, but won’t hesitate to call it as she sees it (kind of like CL’s little Jewish lady). The next appointment is Monday, and I’m really looking to working with her, and getting healthier.

          Oh, and while I was waiting to see her, the acquaintance of mine – the Police Officer who initially urged me to turn my then-husband in, she walked into the waiting room to see another counselor at the clinic. What a coincidence! I hadn’t seen her in several months. She asked if I had talked to the authorities where he still lives, and I replied I needed to get healthier before I took that on, but I was now divorced. She nodded with a wise but gentle look. “Well, if given enough rope, they will eventually hang themselves”, she replied. We parted on the understanding that, if/when I’m ready, I know where to find her for support and advice. (She can’t help directly as it’s out of her jurisdiction, but she does know some people who can.)

          I can never thank Chump Nation enough, so again, thank you for helping me break away from crazy, and find my own path to healthy. I may not reply to every post I want to due to time constraints (which vary daily), but you are all in my heart.

          • Boudica: I’m thrilled that you like your new counselor and are on the path to chump recovery. Hugs back at ya!

            • Hugs Boudica and I am so very happy you found a new counselor. Sounds like your friend that you spoken to is very wise. Please keep us updated on what is going on with you. Sending you much love also! You are so damn mighty!!!!!

        • Yeah Tempest – well aware that information on the internet is a hydra – kill one head and 5 more will pop up.
          I just find it fucking hilarious that cheaters are dumb enough to think they can stem the tide like that. That its ok to try and hide deceit.

    • I have done quite a bit of soul searching these days… If I had accepted the first affair that ended anyway as a thing of the past, and the platonic presence of the second OW during a fortnight, I would still be a couple and would not face the brutal changes of the new single status. After all, as you mentioned, a century ago most couples were having affairs … BUT divorce was not an option. People would “have fun” with other adults, ignoring each other for a while if necessary, knowing that home and family life were guaranteed. This is not true today; one affair leads to another until “twu luv” is experienced and blows the family to pieces.
      Anyway.. I can’t stand being lied to and gaslighted. It’s making me extremely anxious and I can’t think about anything else, my mind is kept busy analyzing events and face expressions day and night, it’s killing me. Honesty is among my strongest personal qualities and I also expect it from people. To me, unreliable people are worse than nothing.
      Also, the side effects of cheating are guaranteed: indifference, cruelty, health risks, comparison with another person, derogatory comments. What’s left ? Some low quality company some days… with a sword of Damocles over the head
      Definitely not for me. I had rather be alone.

      • Right there with you ChumpFromF – Affairs are as old as marriage. But today, chumps have a much better choice than they ever had. Yes, the laws are flawed, divorce are costly and require major changes in financial and child rearing expectations. But we chumps have the choice to leave the cheater, and build a better life for ourselves, without the lies, without the health risks, the anxiety, and most importantly to me, without guilt.

        Having proof of what my STBX did liberated me of any obligations beyond cool civility owed because we share a child. I have all the proof I need, as well as the awareness that I probably have only uncovered one or two of the disgusting things that he was involved in. But at this point, I have enough, enough proof to walk away and keep him accountable when he will attempt to re-write history.

        The leaks are the loudest Karma bullet train any chump could have asked for. This is going to expose many people’s true character, and wow. Just wow, we are going to be in for a ride.

        Through this all, my heart goes out to all incoming chumps. I don’t wish anyone to live through the devastation that comes with the realization and acceptance that the life we were working so hard to spackle and believe in was all a front. It is crushing to realize that whether married or not, whether we are female or male, our SO has proven to be a lying, cheating, two faced coward.

        To all of you joining CL and CN, I wish you to learn fast, to read the posts and comments as thoroughly as your clouded mind can, so that you can swiftly leave your cheater. Find a great therapist specialized in cluster B recovery or in trauma psychology. Take advantage of their public shame to get a great settlement, and use this experience as the rock bottom foundation to build your authentic, cheater-free life.

      • “I can’t stand being lied to and gaslighted. It’s making me extremely anxious and I can’t think about anything else, my mind is kept busy analyzing events and face expressions day and night, it’s killing me. Honesty is among my strongest personal qualities and I also expect it from people. To me, unreliable people are worse than nothing.”

        ChumpFromF – this^^ is me exactly!! It’s been 2 years for me and we are finally divorced but we share a daughter so I still have to interact with him, just not as much since she is 18 now. My anxiety skyrockets when I know I have to see him and hear his constant complaining, negativity, and BS. I’m better about ignoring it though. It takes time and strength!

        • ByeByeCheater–can’t you limit all contact to emails & texts? I have found this helps me immensely (won’t pick up his phone calls).

          • Tempest, yes, emails and texts mostly and I only reply to the ones that are related to our daughter or splitting up the last of our shared finances (almost done with that – yay!). Daughter moved to college last Friday and we were both there getting her set up – drove separately, of course, definitely something neither wanted to miss. He complained, was not very helpful and sat on her bed texting while she and I were unloading boxes. She was short with him several times that day and I just stayed quiet:-) She’s also an athlete so I’m sure we will both be at her games. I’ll sit away from him but still with the parent group. Believe me, in person contact only happens when necessary.

    • I couldn’t help but wonder, will the magnitude of this revelation will water down the stigma of cheating? I mean hey, if everybody’s doing it… From the looks of it, if Boeing fired everybody on the list the unemployment rate in Washington would double overnight!! And the Vatican…. Wow!

  • I have just found names of two people I know are married. One is my ex BIL. That one doesn’t surprise me. I bet the ones using corporate addresses are toast. My employer doesnt look kindly on our using our corporate ID for anything remotely personal.

  • While thousands of families are about to be destroyed – in a good proportion of them they will be given the facts they need to make an informed decision – rather than being gaslighted to high hell.
    While its soul-destroying to discover the fact your partner is a deceitful piece of shit – you at least find out that s/he sucks arse, and can get on the path to ‘meh’ – rather than being led around a maze with no exit.
    Feeling some serious schadenfreude at the moment though.

    • Well said Lania.
      While I do feel very badly for all the new chumps out there and what they are about to go through, I can’t help feeling that at least, when they find out this way, they CAN make informed decisions.
      I really wish I had the information before I decided to emigrate with the ex. That decision, without knowing what the POS was doing, and continued to do in our new country. has screwed me totally as far as retirement is concerned.
      Besides that, with no family and all my life-long friends left behind, I had no support system from that quarter – sure, I had made friends at work, but it is nothing like the family/friend support where there is a shared history. It was hard, really hard, once I had left, to move forward, because it was just my 2 kids and I here.
      I also found that I was embarrassed that my “happy” marriage as far as everyone was concerned, was such an epic failure, so I haven’t been in contact with friends in South Africa since it happened. Now, while logically I know that the shame is not mine, I still have difficulty with this. I did made some contact with friends on Facebook and they were delighted to be in contact with me, but I never followed up with any of them.
      I know, I know………. I need to reclaim those friendships back, but just doing it and explaining seems to be a huge mountain to climb. Part of it I think, is also that I don’t know who knew and didn’t tell me…. because there were people who knew (in Canada) and apparently, because I’m so sweet and was so in love with my husband, they didn’t want to tell me, So, I have no idea who knew back there and that’s another type of betrayal.

      I only hope that the new chumps finds CL and CN as soon as possible.

      • Wow Lynn! I understand and relate completely, your story is mine exactly. I also moved to a new country with my piece of shit cheating douchebag. He had been living his double life for years before we moved and carried on afterwards too.

        I had no idea who he really was so his lies took away my ability to make an informed decision about my life. I made a life altering decision without knowing the facts and I’m now alone in a foreign country unable to work (visa requirements) with our two kids. Moving back is such an expensive monumental undertaking and to my kids america is now home. I could move back to Europe in a year when they are both in college but then my kids would be in America and me in Europe. I feel I’m having to choose between my kids and my family/support system. Rock and a hard place. The loneliness of your marriage breaking up as an expat is excruciating.

        I’m a tough chick but damn, this is hard.
        I miss my family and life long friends so much. I understand where you’re at completely, sending you big hugs.

  • When is Bierderman going to get charged? That is a lot of money he took for failing to do something he was paid to do.

    • Oh yes. Plus he has a big risk of major law suits. Looks like his way of thinking isn’t that grand after all. He said he would cheat on his wife in a heart beat.

  • I’m sure penn state will be very happy to know they have a huge group of cheaters using their education web after the Sandusky scandal

    • LivingMyLife, isn’t it funny how the old stereotypes of is still alive and running true. Professors having affairs.

      Hey Chump Lady, you need to check your book sales in the next few weeks also. I’m sure you might see an increase of sales. Well I hope you do. It is an amazing book btw. I wish I had it when my first D-Day happen.

        • Yes, I can confirm this “stereotype” is alive and well! My ex impregnated an UNDERGRADUATE student

          • Oh, Chirral–I’m sorry. My professor X screwed numerous grad students and at least one undergrad, but no progeny of which I am aware.

        • I want to note that college and university email addresses are held by all members of the campus community – faculty, staff, administration, alumni, and students. It should be more shocking that so many members of a campus community are participating in these activities.

    • That list of Penn State addresses is so long it makes me wonder if someone didnt use the list for anonymous accesses. All sorts of university employees would have access to the list of addresses.

  • I think it’s worth pointing out that some of those data pastes are NOT from the AM leak. Most of them are, but I’ve already seen a few that are from online games and whatnot. So before you go accusing someone based on their email address being in a paste, make sure it’s from one of the AM pastes, not from “The Sims™ 3 High-End Loft Stuff”!

    • trustily says it has both AM and Adult Friend Finder accounts, so that site would be [prospective] cheaters only.

      • I mean the pastebin site linked in CL’s blog post. It’s a general dump site.

  • I have a question. I did the I’ve been pawned and turd ex showed up as breached on adult friend finder. I am just absolutely appalled, literally sick. I’m wondering if there is data base where I can get more info on him. Also I used email finder .com and found the secret email I had been suspecting. It lead me to a creepy secret name. I’m sure it’s legit, it shows his age and address correctly. We are not legally divorced yet so the truth about what he’s been up to would be incredibly useful. He had me convinced all he ever did was shoot the breeze with an old road whore acquaintance.

    • Not Juliet,

      If someone here can’t help you, I would suggest hiring a PI (if financially possible). They would be able to get all the information you need. Especially if it’s for your divorce, it could be worthy investment.

    • My attorney told me I needed a PI to get and present such evidence so the judge would respect it. I did it too because the law about this stuff is vague enough you can get in legal hot water yourself if you are finding and getting into accounts.

    • Not Juliet,

      Perhaps I am naive. How would evidence that your STBX is on one of these webbsites legally help you? My STBX has done a lot of bad (criminal) things, and my legal team and the Court have the proof, but he’s not being punished by the Court at all as far as I can see. I may even be left holding the extremely expensive bag of MY legal defense from his false allegations of crime by me! I have not yet seen justice.

      • I guess it all depends on where you live, Rock star wife. One ground for divorce is Inappropriate Marital Conduct. It might not help legally but I’d love to see it in the permanent record of Mr. Wonderful.

  • Set up a profile on AFF (using a new email that is anonymous) and try contacting him as SexySue ot whatever appeals to him. I have done that in my early dating days and it was useful in observing their behaviour. As I recall, AFF sometimes lists their “contacts” as well so you might ID an OW.

    • If a Chump makes a profile on one of these sites to surveil, isn’t there a possibility that this Chump could be linked to that site forever – and therefore ‘look’ like as much of a cheater as the actual cheater?

      • I think so. I was wondering if I’d be listed!! I signed up for the account to try and trap my stbxh, but can’t remember if I completed the process. I think I remember using an alias email, and definitely didn’t pay for any services. Once I started viewing profiles I was instantly ill. There will be collateral damage for sure!

  • “One Night Stands” and “Exit Affairs” are still the culmination of bad choices. Plus, we are seeing that the likelihood that they are these “one-off” scenarios with a cheater are unlikely as CL says. So many better adult decisions than either even if they do classify as one or the other! Personally, I think such labels are was to minimize and blame-shift.

    “It wasn’t so bad. It was just a one night stand!”

    “I was just having an exit an affair. We both know our marriage was already doomed.”

    Just disgusting. Both are devastating. I suppose I don’t like granting any such minimization or blame-shifting, personally.

    • Thank you DM.

      I’m not sure if ex had an exit affair or if there were more. I do know he had a history or what seemed EAs with co-workers. He was stuck on one a few years before he left but she switched jobs and that was that. She was also married. He hated her husband and observing my ex and her together I just had the “vibe” that he was attracted to her and vice versa.

      Exit affair or not, this has been so painful and soul destroying. Devastating for sure.

      • It’s usually an ‘exit affair’ after the fact. Anyway, if you want to leave a house walk out of the door, you don’t have to dig a hole under a wall or climb out of a 4th storey window and climb down a drainpipe.

        • Exactly Electric.

          It wasn’t only the OW, he had to try to destroy me financially. If he were any kind of man with character he would not have taken a third of what was my Dad and my house. It wasn’t that much money as our house is not worth that much. He did pay the mortgage, which was approx. half the going rate of renting a shitty apartment around here, and cable and that’s it. A decent character would have thought, “I’d have had to pay rent all these years anyway” and walked away with his good paying job and excellent benefits and retirement, not leave my Dad and I under water. But he did “wish us well”. Talk is cheap.

          But then, if he were that kind of man, he wouldn’t have done what he did in the first place.

    • As someone who got the “our marriage was over anyway line” I agree DM. One night stands and exit affairs might not be as depraved as serial cheating but it still adds up to a lot of deliberate choices to hurt the betrayed spouse.

      Plus I think if you feel entitled to a one night stand or an exit affair it’s likely not your first rodeo.

      • I don’t believe in “exit affairs” it is just another mind game to make these disordered assholes believe in the poor thinking that the “marriage was over anyway line”.

        I agree with Cheaterssuck that the cheaters have a longggggg history in cheating. They just use this excuse and many others to make their actions look better for themselves and to others that believe in this bullshit.

        That also goes with the excuse of “one night stands” and “it didn’t mean anything”. It just goes to show you that these cheaters and the AP’s don’t have a clue on how much pain they caused us and they just don’t care and of course entitlement. Typically Cluster B PD relationship cycle in full force.

        • I don’t believe in them either because he wouldn’t admit to OW. He could have told me and maybe speeded up the process. No, he had to look like the good guy and blame me. And I got the “our marriage was over anyway” crap too Cheaterssuck.

    • I’m so glad you brought this up DM. It really bugs me when exit affairs are minimized on this site. It conveys the message that chumps in this situation have something to be thankful for since their spouse wasn’t a serial cheater. I guarantee everyone it is just as painful when it is an “exit affair” because you think it really was you. Plus my husband had me convinced he had a brief emotional affair and then decided to abandon me. I’ve believed this for over a year and last week I just found a fresh box of condoms in his scuba stuff. They don’t expire for two more years. He had a vasectomy 10 years ago. What does he need condoms for? He was keeping me “safe”? Oh isn’t that sweet. So I’m thinking I’ve found proof that my spouse who just had an emotional exit affair was a serial cheater after all. It didn’t change my pain one bit. It all is horrible. I lived with a narc, was emotionally abused by a narc, and was abandoned by a narc. Please don’t minimize this.

      Also, I want to say spouses who just walk away are no better than cheaters. If they haven’t genuinely tried counseling or working on their marriage, they are just as bad as cheaters in my book.

      • A lot of similarities here NicoleS.

        Instead of just admitting to OW, he emotionally abused me for months hoping to get me to pull the plug to spare himself guilt and to look like a good guy. When that didn’t work I was discarded like garbage. He actually left my picture in a pile of trash he left for me to get rid of after packing up to leave.

        You totally think it’s you. I’m not sure I’ll ever completely get past it, so how can I heal?

        • Lina- that’s EXACTLY what my stbx did, he emotionally abused me and our kids. It worked. I kicked him out and said he was not allowed to treat me and the kids that way. Then he said he would do counseling. What a joke. He sat there the whole time and said I was such a horrible wife. In the mean time I tracked his phone and found he stayed the night at his Sunday School teaching partner’s home (a divorced woman). I knew I was done right then because I had told him months earlier I did not like his “friendship” with her. The things that have helped me heal is going to a wonderful Christian counselor that has shown me that I was actually a very good wife (according to God’s word), I have continued to reach out to friends and asked about their marriages and found I haven’t done anything different than them, and I have really researched NPD and now understand he would have done this to anyone he married. Him and his family threw me away like garbage after 20 years of marriage. That is there loss, they have lost a kind, loving person out of their lives and they have lost the respect of their children/grandchildren. This was not my fault, this is NOT your fault. Many, many hugs to you.

          • I so wish I had filed the minute the abuse/OW “friendship” began. I guess I didn’t want to believe it.

            Thank you for the hugs. Back at you. X

            • I think that is perfectly normal. I kicked mine out last July but I waited for him to file which he did in December. I just refused to give in to any of his demands. I really thought he would come around and be remorseful and want to change. Never happened. I don’t regret not filing sooner. I think it happened how it was supposed to happen. Give yourself some grace- you definitely deserve it.

              • Thank you Nicole.

                I think each of us has to handle it in our own way according to our make ups. It’s horrible no matter which way it goes.

      • Except of course those chumps who walk away (without trying to work on their marriage)immediately after they find out about an affair. They should be applauded for being uber decisive.

        I give myself no credit for trying ‘to work it out’ for three years because that was chumpy!

        • Agreed. See my post above. I will always regret that I didn’t file right away.

  • Thanks, Marci. I know that hacking is wrong, but it’s a blessing to find out what these fuckers really are. Does the aff charge anything?

  • Going to be interesting to see how the Duggar family spins this one. And I hope “pray” Josh’s wife can break the spell he has over her and just leave the sick prick.

  • Not sure but for a basic profile not likely. They apparently disabled the username search function after the security breach in May, but you could possibly still find him by putting in his physical description “looking for male, six feet tall, green eyes, etc.” and location.

    Also, search the heck out of the username and email you found, on spokeo or, or just google, and one of the dark web search engines. I found a ton of stuff just poking around once I had the basics. Just don’t click on links you aren’t sure of, pay attention to your virus scanner if it warns you, and NEVeR use you real name, location etc.

    • Thank you, Marci. I’m just so grateful for this info. My situation is that ex confessed to some stuff, dating the whore, email, text, phone. But I never found concrete evidence of anything physical.

      This guy has a squeaky clean reputation. The whore is part of a group of high school/ early 20s friends that he keeps in contact with, and it just doesn’t look that bad what he has done. That i know about. Actually makes me look like a bitch to most people cause he’s not Doing Anything Wrong.. I’m just jealous and insecure. 🙁

      • Continued, lol. It is very difficult to divorce when you don’t have any real proof. Especially with a minor child. I’ve always second guessed myself. The AFF would put any doubts to rest. It’s just really too hideous for me to even believe. Also, he does take our daughter and her friends lots of places, and if this AFF thing is who he truly is, I plan to tell all the parents what he is capable of. Everyone just thinks he is such a Great Guy !!!

        The fact that AFF is free would explain his involvement, cause he is cheap. Also his ego is huge, so he wouldn’t take to paying for Crotch, directly or indirectly. I would just love to expose this guy. Especially to whore secret friend. She would finally realize she’s not special, but just another piece of cheap, easy ass on the internet, like the sluts on AFF.

        • If he admitted to “dating” someone while you were married, that is enough grounds for divorce. A man doesn’t “date” someone that he isn’t married to, while married.

          It’s really that simple.

          You don’t live your life according to anyone else’s principles. You live according to your OWN values of what is right and what is wrong.

          You know, too, the fact that YOU feel like the bad guy in confronting someone who is plainly showing tremendous disrespect and disregard for his WIFE (his wife!!!) is part of gas-lighting.

          Divorce him on the grounds that he is living a secret life that involves another woman (or more?)

          • Miss Sunshine. I know. You’re right. That’s just an example of how warped our thinking comes as a result of the cheating. I don’t think any relationship can ever be right after that. It’s a marital death sentence. The people who stay after adultery just seem so desperate. He loves me!!We have sex every day!! I get gifts for no reason!! And guess what, he’s probably still screwing a whore on the side. And I’m not trying to insult anyone, it’s just sad, really.

            When I think back on how I allowed my ex to treat me, I feel sick. Always. Over some Whore. Incredible.

            • Not Juliet, yes I understand that “how did I allow so much crap to happen, ugh over and over!!” I like Tracys word hopiam instead of desperate. People look at chumps like we are some weak individual. Bull crap it takes a hell of alot of strength to navigate through these messed up relationships. It takes alot to live on hopiam, trying again and again. So dont beat yourself up. You are super strong, you have lived through an incredibly trying relatioship. You have the strength to do anything!!:-)
              You are MIGHTY!!

  • Oh how the tables of life can turn…after surviving cheating hell with deadhusband, I might have been the least stressed woman in the universe in the misdt of all this. My husband of 32 days was single during all of AMs run and my deadhusband got his adulterous boinking for free (I did run like 4 of his email addresses out of sick curiosity and they weren’t listed).

    Maybe CL could to do some sort of “Chumps 101” post for all the newbies who will be coming along soon…bless their broken little hearts : (

      • I know its akin to watching a train wreck, but I did peruse a list of .mil addresses some folks will be safe who had more anonymous addresses, their spouses may not look but some people’s addresses are SO specific to them…first, middle, last name and suffixes…their address may as well be [email protected]

        Like CL said …why on earth would you use a work address for something like this? I did learn that OWs employer read her work email to thenhusband and she was fired (vendor having sex with military purchaser – made them look VERY bad). Deadhusband followed that up with using much of his hard-earned work influence (that was supposed to get HIM a good job after retirement, something we both invested years in) to get OW a new job. It was in the same city as the job he took, so I was in DC and her fiance was in Seattle and they ate cake in SF. He swore to me that by then their relationship was over, and I was such a sucker-chump, I took his word for it. I deserve some sort of superchump prize for that bucket of spackle.

        • in the List by Category, there’s a section for Vatican emails. Can’t imagine the current Pope is going to put up with that nonsense.

          • That’s the part of the list that had my jaw dropped. The Vatican. And it was soooooooooo long, too.

          • I could not avoid talking Asshat this morning and I could NOT contain my amusement. I briefly mentioned last night I saw Josh Duggar was on the list but nothing else. He didn’t say much. So I told him I heard there are tons of Vatican, Boeing etc email addresses. I would think he would usually be a lot more entertained by this. He did say, “Well not everyone who works at the Vatican is clergy.” Huh? We aren’t religious, I told him I was just shocked so many people would use work addresses for something like this. He has been a bit subdued at my skipping around the house. Maybe he senses a giant anti-cheater revolt coming on. I had a dream that CN led a little revolution. Better than dreaming about Florence locking me in a greenhouse without my inhaler (which I just got for the first time last month).

          • Religious or not, there are people with shit character even in the Vatican. You just have to reference the child sex abuses that occur in the Catholic church and know that if they’re disgusting enough to do that, cheating is 100% likely too. So no, its not surprising one bit.
            People use their work emails because they know that their partner (usually) can’t have access to said email, for various reasons. All the better to hide something they’re not doing, right? You’d be seriously stupid to do that though, but then again, cheaters are a few French fries short of a happy meal.

            • Mmmm, french fries. The depraved are everywhere as we all well know…. Like Tempest said earlier, I doubt il Papa is going to be happy about this!

        • Saddam started using his work email for his affair because if I hacked it I would be arrested for sure, not that I would ever, ever hack anyone’s email. But of course he would so he assumed I would…

  • This might be a silly question but is there a place to search for Ontario and Canadian emails/credit cards or is this all coming out of the States?

  • A lot of cheaters are going to get busted, but a lot of innocent people are getting unfairly accused of cheating, too.

    AM didn’t require people to verify their email addresses, only provide an E-mail address that was valid. Therefore, someone could easily provide the email address of someone they know or an email address available on a public web site (which is probably why you’re seeing some many employer and .gov emails on the list).

    My friend freaked out because her husband’s email was on the list. I looked at hacker’s data associated with the account and checked the IP address from which the account was registered. It was in Turkey (quite a long ways from NJ). There was no other profile or credit card information available. But she was just freaking out and ready to blow up her marriage without knowing the facts.

    • Yes, I agree it’s very important to verify the truth before you blow up your marriage/relationship. Although for those chumps who “have a gut feeling” already, I think once you find the email address on this list, it’s probably enough.

      • Oh absolutely. If you already suspect your husband is cheating, this could be a smoking gun.

        But in my friend’s case, the only thing her husband cheats on is his diet.

        • Sadly, in my case, Asshat cheats on his diet and his family 🙁 I hope she is able to straighten it out peacefully. I bet a lot of cheaters will get away with legitimately being on the list. Making shit up is what they are good at, unfortunately.

        • Lulu sadly there are ways to hide your ip address. There are loads of ways to do it.

          • The Turkish IP address combined with no payment or profile information was a pretty clear indicator that it was just a dummy profile.

            Considering that she had no reason to suspect her husband before this happened and only checked the list because everyone in the office was gabbing about it, I think he deserves the benefit of the doubt.

  • “So many friendly geeks out there creating tools to find cheaters.” Love this!! We might declare this Chump Day of Independence.

  • No sympathy.


    You fuck with people’s lives, eventually someone is going to burn you. Those that think otherwise are, frankly, idiots.

    Anyone who is legitimately outed as a result of this beach deserves every fluid ounce of the shitstorm that is unleashed on them.

  • I love that suggestion Liningupducks! It’s a feeling of victory and validation for a lot of us chumps! I had to put up with a number of sanctimonious “friends” and family during some of the most horrible days of my entire life! Lord help me, I enjoyed the vision of all these pious people shaking in their shoes while they tapped out their “loving spouses” email to see if they were on the list! The difference between me and them, if they should suffer the soul crushing that I suffered, is I will be there to actually HELP them! Not to hand out some condescending BS! But for their sake, and the sake of their families, I’ll hope they find nothing! I don’t think some of them have the grit to survive the storm!

    • I agree Roberta but if they are searching then somewhere in their sanctimonious hearts is a fear that is not so sanctimonious.

    • No joke. My family lawyer is one of only a few in town. Last night, I thought, Shoot, I should have called to ask him my question last week!

  • Looking at the dump with some of the usernames. It’s sick. These people are complete sickos.

  • Snap! the link CL mentioned above, with various categories of cheaters, has email lists for tons of universities, but the one for my X’s university has been taken down. That U has a major law school; wonder if threats were made to the list generator?

    Truth will out; these guys/gals will get caught eventually.

    • One of the pastes shows more extensive individual data: email, on-line nickname (The one I saw was “comecheckoutmyvan’), location plus latitude/longitude and DOB. Some people are going to fall…..

      • “Comecheckoutmyvan”.. SO GROSS. It’s amazing how many people used emails with their NAMES in them. Idiots.

      • Gross! I guess there’s no need to sugar coat anything if you are that morally compromised. Still you would think you might take the time to select at less depraved sounding username!

      • Tempest, Do you know if there’s a way to search by credit card info, or by address? That seems a lot more involved to fake than just setting up a false email address…

        • I don’t think that info has been released on the regular web yet (but the hackers have it).

  • Morals seem to be going to hell in a hand basket these days. So very sad for the good people who have values and live by them. This along with other world events makes me want to live in the high mountains with a shot gun, dog and great survival skills and Bear Grylls.

  • I am very entertained this morning. So many Harvard folks! (I’m local, so..) I especially enjoy the fine employees at Children’s Hospital…like the guy who raised funds for his cancer run, and had posts on that site from nieces and family about how much they adored their wonderful uncle. ::cough::

  • Not surprised I found my ex-wife on Ashley Madison, kind of wish I didn’t look, but there she was. I guess she’ll have some explaining to do with her new husband.

    Namaste Y’all

    • I want to hang out with the chump who hacked AM, buy him a beer, and hear about his experience that inspired this act. He founds fucking awesome

  • I also found my soon to be ex on the site — maybe from his first marriage, maybe from his marriage to me — maybe both? Since I left him eight months ago
    after discovering that he spent $8,000 in 18 months on bdsm sex workers during lunch, the AM reveal is only an aftershock.

  • Remember there is an error margin on some of the “enter the email” searchable lists. Forgot where I read that. I put my boyfriend’s in all three I could find and got zero hits on two, one on one of them and checked 3 more times and it didn’t show again. Yes, I am a little paranoid! Don’t want to get chumped again!!! Can’t believe the ex hubs wasn’t on there…

  • The fact that Ashley Madison operators Noel Biderman and his wife Amanda were not pariahs, rejected by all rather than admired by most for the “business savvy,” says a lot about the world today……………Hugh Hefner and “Playboy” look saintly by comparison….

  • Hi chumps. Can anybody tell me how to try to find my cheater on the AM list? Serching by email address is pretty pointless in my case as he has always had lots of secret new address, he’s a covert skunk/squirrel with decades of practice. Any way other than an email search? And how are you all browsing by category? Anybody have a link?

    • Problem is you need to know their email addresses, I have no idea what address jerk was using so it’s hard to find.

      • Me neither. I know it doesn’t matter but now I wonder if he is hiding something. He seems slightly nervous and isn’t his usual judgy self. Oh, yes, he is judgy about cheaters! Fucknut.

  • After being gaslighted and suckered for years, I hacked my ex’s email to finally get the truth about her long term affair. Yuck. Anyway, this brings back memories.

    So, I am a tech person and downloaded this whole multi-gigabyte dump… and I mean a big nasty dump… from Ashley Madison. Wow. This is the whole thing, the whole database dumped to text files and I started going through them looking for people in my area and generally basking in the narcissistic entitled fun. The best part so far is not the actual info on people, it is the side stuff I think Chumps would really love…and that is what usernames people chose and what kind of nonsense persona .

    A side note, the people who did happen to live close to me who were on it, all so far very successful business people. Also folks, it looks to be 90% male in general in these files, so Ashley Madison was doing some scamming on the dudes. Not sure our Duggar friend actually found any action.

    Anyway, more spelunking for me ahead! By the way, nice work Ashley Madison!

    • Chumpion: You should set up a new [email protected] account. Most of us would happily use our Paypal dollars to find out our cheater’s code names, listed sexual proclivities, etc. You could use the spare cash to take a lovely trip to the Bahamas.

    • Chumpion

      I agree the hilarious silver lining is the side stuff, the user names and nonsense persona. It’s comedy gold.

      CL…how about a topic on user names and nonsense persona on cheater sites.

      If I was forced against my will to sign up on a cheater site, I guess my slimy user name would be Mr. Manscape Balls washroom Selfie Bald Guy. My persona would be…hey looking for butt tickle action and mutual Anal and stocked up bulk Prep-H from Costco…oh and I’m spiritual and sing in my church choir….anal had done wonders for my soprano sotto voce. …oh….and I love my kids ,bonus marks for being a great dad, cause us cheaters just love the little kiddies and they sure do admire the way I crave a turkey on thanksgiving.

      • PF, I guess Mr. Manscape Balls washroom Selfie Bald Guy looking for butt tickle action and mutual Anal would CRAVE a turkey on thanksgiving 😉 Ba HA! HA!

    • I second that idea! I would happily pay. I’d be surprised if it told me anything I hadn’t already found out about Satan and his extra curricular activities but every little helps. Plus, how much easier is it to explain to people what happened to your marriage with a simple “ever heard of Ashley Madison?” So much easier than explaining years of trickle truth which can make us sound crazy.

  • Here’s a weird thing.

    Last week and yesterday, my ex’s e-mail showed up on haveibeenpwned as having a AFF account. Today the website is showing that his e-mail is all clear.


    • Miss Sunshine, the guy who does the I was pwned site said earlier today he was removing the AFF, making it private to protect the sluts. Luckily I saw ex on there yesterday and made a photo with my digital camera.

      • Yes, don’t use that! If you enter an email address, a message will be sent (for verification) to the person who owns that email, thereby alerting your cheater. Use trustify or this instead:

        • I used it yesterday, so nothing to be done. Oh well. If asked, I can say nothing came up. I.e. lie.

            • Hmmm, somehow I missed all of this earlier. So does it send the verification email to the email address you entered only if that address had been hacked?

        • Damn it, Tempest. I have no clue what the ex’s email address would be. It has been so many years since the split and the divorce I really don’t know where to begin also. However, I don’t think he would use AM because it would cost him money to do so. Cheap bastard. Also I don’t think he would because he used his place of employment for his cheating playground and that was free for him. Would be funny if him and Schoompie! Oh well I would never know. I do have a gut feeling his Schoompie is concerned especially how they are up each other’s ass so much with their shared social media sites. Ha! Not my circus, not my monkeys!!!!

          • You can pay for sites to find emails associated with someone’s name, then plug in those emails (probably under $25).

            • Emailfinder . com is great. I found old friends I’d been looking for for years. And it’s $29.95 per year. Some sites are that a month. I highly recommend.

        • Ohhhhh I HOPE the ex got an e-mail notifying him that someone found his e-mail address on the pwnage site.

          The funny thing, too, is that he is a video game JUNKIE, so he knows what pwnage means.



  • My hubby not on the lists – probs because casual, hooker, escort sex not his thing / “beneath him.”
    Instead, he had a “love” affair with his hot/sexy/slutty assistant for the past 2 years at a company he runs (she is 28 now, he just turned 55)
    Is that somehow more virtuous?
    Anyway, some of you saw his pros and cons list for the AP vs. our family in my post earlier this week.
    Today he told me that I need to be more sexual/ more sexy for our reconciliation to work.
    Did I mention that I am a Phi Bet Kappa graduate of a top liberal arts college, a top business school and sold a company for seven figures while raising three kids on my own? He got to build his company with a “working” stay at home wife.

    I am really from another planet…where people love each other because of a life they’ve built together, and not bright red nails and low cut dresses.

    Tired (and trying to stay sane) Chump

    • You are mighty and sensual. One is not exclusive of the other. He is a mother fucker trying to reduce you to just the sensual. His pp is starting to falter and by God your job is to raise the flag.

      Good luck with this asshole. Tell him he needs to be more buff, younger and wear Armani suits for you to feel sexy.

      Tired, you have more power than you think. USE IT!

      He has a war in HIS head (both) that has nothing to do with you. You cannot fight his battle over his soul. Begin your autonomy. He will follow or not but you will have sanity.

    • What an idiot!!! I heard the same thing Tired!! Funny when I go out I get lots of looks from the guys though, I know who I am. My STBX is just a deluded idiot- and so is YOURS.

      • Biggest thing is they’re F*cking all LIARS and can’t be TRUSTED! No loss for any of us once we accept that.

    • “Tell him he needs to be more buff, younger and wear Armani suits for you to feel sexy.”

      I agree with CalamityJane, what an asshole! Decide what YOU need and want, and if does not fulfill it, kick his dead lying cheating ass to the curb. You know you can do better TiredChump!

    • Get angry! Own that anger, you have every right!! When life hands you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back. Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager!

      • When life hands you lemons, stick pins in them and hurl them with high velocity at your cheater’s head? 🙂

    • Good, TiredChump! Get angry and kick that jackass to the curb. I got a demand letter after X’s main affair 8 years ago. Makes for some pretty horrible reading, and the sense of entitlement + lack of remorse just oozes out of it. Your cheater is garden variety, and playing from the cheater’s manual.

      • I think Asshat is too busy to write up a list but I know he has before. He is just like that. There was surely a list in the I-want-a-divorce email he allowed Florence to proofread and that she subsequently sent me. He would be too scared to hand me a list now. Maybe just out of fear I would further damage his plumbing 😉

  • While I’m happy the cheaters have been exposed, I personally feel victimized all over again by this data dump. After I found out cheating X had an Ashley Madison profile, I created a fake one of my own so I could log in, check out what it said, and screen shot it for my divorce lawyer. Now my old email address (with my married name, thank god it’s now changed back) and presumably some of the information I used is out there. Not being a cheater, I didn’t think to set up a “dummy” email address, so my actual name and email address is out there. It’s causing me some anxiety, although I didn’t do anything wrong, just because if anyone looked for that email, they’d find me.

    My X’s email, on the other hand, is not on the dump as far as I can tell; because he didn’t use his “real” email addresses, presumably setting up new accounts. I have never known those addresses, so I can’t look it up. Talk about irony; my real name is out there, but his isn’t.

    And quite frankly, I’ve worked hard to get to meh, and I hate that this is so publicized and I can’t get away from it. It makes me feel unwillingly compelled to return to the detective stage and try to find what he did. I wish it would all just go away. I was doing really well at meh and NC, and this is now occupying way more of my headspace than I would like. The satisfaction of some cheaters getting exposed isn’t worth the renewed pain I feel over all of this coming out.

    • Don’t worry. A lot of those names are fake or stolen. AND there are single people on that site as well.

  • Defying Gravity –
    I think most people assume that women on list were checking up on their husbands (or put there maliciously by someone else).
    I wouldn’t worry –
    Stay the course of meh


    And by the way – defying gravity, especially version by original cast member Idina Menzel, is the most beautiful song in all of Wicked!

    • Thank you so, so much for your kind words. I really appreciate it. I am hoping this will be another internet flash in the pan, and be mostly gone from the news anyway in a couple of days so I don’t have to keep seeing it everywhere. Again, I’m happy that cheaters are exposed, but it’s been two and half years since D-day, my detective days are done, and I just want to keep moving forward with my life.

      The song is my separation/empowerment/divorce anthem 🙂 It has incredible meaning to me. Thanks again!

      • Wow…the words are so profound

        Something has changed within me
        Something is not the same
        I’m through with playing by
        The rules of someone else’s game
        Too late for second-guessing
        Too late to go back to sleep
        It’s time to trust my instincts
        Close my eyes
        And leap

        It’s time to try defying gravity
        I think I’ll try defying gravity
        And you can’t pull me down

        I’m through accepting limits
        ‘Cause someone says they’re so
        Some things I cannot change
        But till I try I’ll never know
        Too long I’ve been afraid of
        Losing love, I guess I’ve lost
        Well if that’s love
        It comes at much too high a cost

        I’d sooner buy defying gravity
        Kiss me goodbye, I’m defying gravity
        And you can’t pull me down!

        So if you care to find me
        Look to the Western sky!
        As someone told me lately
        Everyone deserves the chance to fly
        And if I’m flying solo
        At least I’m flying free
        To those who ground me
        Take a message back from me!

        Tell them how I am defying gravity
        I’m flying high, defying gravity

  • I just learned that, so far, they’ve found two people in the database who were using their email account. One has already been fired and the other is under investigation.

    Considering that we are one of the strongest pro-union areas in the country, it’s really saying something that they were dismissed so quickly.

  • Yup, I found my ex husband’s “secret” email on the list. no giant shocker there. It’s been a year and a half since I found out he was on prostitution websites, so why wouldn’t he be also registered on AM? Just like the prostitution sites, he registered for AM in 2009. My heart is already a train wreck, so this information really can’t do much more damage than has already been done, but it still just sucks. I’ll never believe how much of a joke my love was to him. 🙁

    • I’m sorry, Givetimetime. Each new knife wound is painful.

      How’d you find out the registration dates? I can only find email addresses.

      • I asked a geek friend who happens to writing a piece on the dump, so had better resources than me.

      • The data includes account creation date, last change date, location (GPS coordinates), date of birth, names (most are fake except in the credit card records where they’re real), and many more. I’ve verified it is accurate in the case of my STBX and her boyfriends. Also, she had two accounts and paid to cancel both of them. Only the second one was actually deleted.

        • ASG… where can you search names instead of email addresses? I have no idea what fake emails STBX might have used but I could look at his CC name. LOL

          • The (more likely to be real) names are not in the database files, they are in a separate folder of credit card transactions stores as CSV (i.e. Spreadsheet) files. There is a separate CSV file for each day of transations.

        • I would like to get hold of the am_am.dump, that’s where the names addresses and time if sign up are. I assume you grabbed somewhere, have not had time to track that down yet.

  • Wow, what a bad day to be a cheater! I looked on trustify – my ex is on it, and my new man is NOT. I guess I fixed my picker quite well, thank you very much! Gotta love these activists!

  • To add to CL’s list, cheaters are rarely discrete.

    They pay with their credit card (the easiest way to track behavior). They appear with the AP openly in public places like bars and restaurants. They brag to their friends. They take the AP to work functions. They take photos!

    Personally, I think my EX wanted to get caught. I think it was part of the excitement. I had discussions with him about my random discoveries and he lied, blameshifted, gaslighted.

    My regret is that I didn’t hire a PI. I knew something was amiss. It would have take less than 4 hours for a PI to track my EX and see what he was up to. And it would have saved me 2 years of living in limbo.

  • I am so sorry for you chumps who are finding your cheaters on this list… Trust that they suck. It’s amazing how many people suck. 36 million!! That’s a lot of cheaters.

    We deserve BETTER ladies and gentlemen!

  • It just occurred to me that this could be a job bonanza for high level DC people NOT implicated in the scandal. My new H will be job shopping soon and he is smelling like a rose.

  • “But the ones that really blow my mind are the multitudes of cheaters using their work emails.”

    I haven’t looked, but doubt my ex ever bothered with AM or any other dating site. He had no problem finding affair partners IRL. He did, however, brag to his sister about getting blow jobs from other men in his office at the bank — cheaters who are severely disordered live for thrills, so it doesn’t surprise me that they would take the risk of getting busted at work. That makes it more exciting for them.

    I guess I’m pretty cynical now, but I doubt there will be much fallout from this hacking job, other than the initial burst of titillation. Yes, there will be a few divorces from this, but I think that for the most part, society does not care at all about cheating, and most people won’t care about the cheaters, they will just be angry at the hackers. The prevailing attitude, as we all know, is more along the lines of Esther Perel than morality, self restraint, honesty or commitment.

    • GIO – perhaps I’m naive, but I don’t think that the prevailing attitude is in favor of justifying cheating. I think that the prevailing is ignorance about the life impacts of cheating, since those rarely get discussed in news media or portrayed accurately in entertainment media. I’m willing to bet that education of the reality would turn a lot of people who otherwise don’t ever think about infidelity into haters of infidelity/cheaters.

  • Okay, so I’ve got a question – now that the proverbial shit has hit the fan, should ChumpNation be out there spreading the gospel, so to speak? With this leak being hot front page news right now it might be a good opportunity to increase traffic over here and save some folks from the clutches of the RIC. Would it be beneficial to start commenting on the news sites and get ChumpLady’s name out there, everywhere?(anonymously, of course).

    ChumpLady – what say you?

    • Babushka,

      Most people don’t want to read or listen to what we discuss on this site especially in the beginning of their D-day. There is still to this day the old fashion thinking that the chump needs to save the relationship and listen to all of the sad excuses that the cheater has given. We get every now and then someone from these sites about reconciling the marriage and that the chump MUST forgive and forget mess and it is all their fault that the cheater cheat and how it was a mistake and how it was a one night stand and how it didn’t mean anything to the cheater and so and on and on. Then the process of Marriage Counselor, which I am sure rubbing their hands with the potential income they will make with AM data being released. The same misguided information many of us had to deal with during the beginning of our D-day. Of course all of that is full of bull.

      Trust me in saying that ChumpLady site is easy to find. I found it pretty fast and so will others; however, right now these new chumps are dealing with a lot of gas-lighting from the cheater and right now the chumps are dealing with so much pain. Then to read these hard facts most likely is too much for them now. There is a lot of mind games going on with these cheaters. It will take the chumps time to process all of this information. Some chumps most likely will believe that the cheater had nothing to do with AM and that will be that about the discussion. Then some chumps will wait until they can gather more information that the cheater is cheating and then move directly to divorce. Then some chumps will deal with limbo until they have the strength to leave the cheater. No matter what Chump Lady and Chump Nation will be there for them.

      Generally people don’t want to hear this type of information that Chump Lady and Chump Nation writes about. We know it is hard. We all have been there. Some of us many times. The fog that the chumps are in write now is very thick.

      Also this isn’t the type of news that news sites want anyway. News sites want the dirt. The nasty stuff.

      • Also the chumps want to believe that their cheater is sorry and that the cheater want to save the marriage. So right now I think most new chumps per the AM data dump are just trying to sort out how to save the marriage. Sadly we all know the truth.

        • But that is exactly why we should, so that this shit comes out of the closet. My DDay happened 32 years ago. There was no Chumplady… just a gigantic matrix of spackle, religious shit and motherly crapola. Not only was I hurt by Dr. Dementos cheating but made of feel that I was somehow responsible for all of this cheating and general shittiness because of the matrix of sparkle, talk about a mind fuck. We need to have this be a sea change in the way people perceive cheater… in the same way we have change the way people view the LGBT community and gay marriage. Courage… This is a perfect opportunity to give at least one woman a rock to stand on as opposed to that mushy illogical shit I was given.

          • Of course that is the right thing to do ringinonmyownbell. I have done that with many friends and even co-workers. That is why we are so very different than these disordered sickos. We have empathy and compassion. My statements above was not saying that. If we someone in pain we want to be supportive and help them overcome this type of abuse. I am all for it.

    • I agree, Babushka. I just posted the link on the Greenwald comments. Might as well get the word out there.

  • Babushka, you would be surprised at the number of Chumps who do NOT want to come near this blog. I guess they are terrified of reality. Some of them have been blogging for years. My question to them would be why they continue to live in misery. Some Chumps on here have said it took a long time to face the truth and even more courage to do something about it. I guess the best way would be to use net net any way you can. My heart breaks for all the Chumps getting the news.

  • I bet you anything on earth that the Duggars will say a) data was stolen, or b) the wife didn’t do her duty and he was forced to stray.

    Either way I was laughing my ass off at this news, went to the Duggar’s FB page and saw all the sheep followers arguing with the people who came to point and laugh.

    • I predict that 99% of the people on the lists will say their data was stolen.

      • Then they’ll very very sad to learn that the data includes the precise GPS coordinates of where the account was created.

      • That is already being sad per the links I gave above. Typical behavior for these sickos.

    • “I bet you anything on earth that the Duggars will say a) data was stolen, or b) the wife didn’t do her duty and he was forced to stray.”

      Nord, I thought the same thing. But the Duggars just posted his apology. Wow.

      • Next we will be reading that he has checked himself into some type of “Sex Addict” rehab. These people will never learn. I know where he needs to go. Prison for his sexual crimes on his sisters and the other girls he attacked.

        But now they (the family) will pray over it. Wake up Duggars your son is a criminal!!!!

        • I think Josh is a douche… but his wife, the wife they kept purposely ignorant or ‘innocent’ is looking at the crap and the humiliation that is her life, and her kids, that she is having like m&m’s and thinking, “Holy fuck… what am I going to do?’ You can bet your bottom dollar that crazy termite queen mother and first inseminator are not going to step up and help her.

      • Schadenfreude for us at CN.
        I feel badly for the wife and children. I hope they get counseling with a true professional.

  • Glenn Greenwald ….

    How many chumps have been lost at sea for years without knowing they were there? And in a former century too when divorce was frowned upon. Did you feel seasick? Now you know why.

    And all these cheaters trapped in sexless/loveless/emotionless marriages, as if in an everlasting Victorian era from which torment the only relief is to set up an AM account specifically designed to help fuck up someone else’s marriage… the pathos.. the horror now at LOSING CONTROL and facing the break up of their own marriage which was, they say, so awful, so miserable… and the public humiliation of admitting to all that brave, noble sticking in there for the sake of the children/dog/horse when freedom was SO LONGED FOR AND SO IMPOSSIBLE… but now is curiously easy since the faithful spouse started divorce proceedings.

    But marriage is HARD and cheating is the least worst shit thing to do of all the shit things you could do to a person you actually voluntarily married. Dammit someone just get Greenwald a halfway decent excuse! This is an emergency!

    • So So sick of people making excuses for bad behavior. These cheaters need to own up to it!!! There is literally nothing else they can do.

    • The Glenn Greenwald article (and including Dan Savages “Truthiness”) is truly giving me chest pain….all I want is…..DO WHAT EVER YOU WANT – just don’t hold other UNAWARE and innocent victims HOSTAGE!…….and I keep having Esther Perel in my head saying “But millions of people can’t all be pathological? What if even happy people cheat, what is it about?” Here we see in front of us…. millions of people can be pathological perpetrators of sexual deceit and of a whole new type of emotional intimacy terrorism and violence. The cowards are crying out that the Hackers “Ideology” is being “Forced upon the world?” As CL says so clearly, so profoundly Cheating is “about entitlement. Special people don’t need precautions (or condoms) and are entitled to double lives because their needs (Greenwald) exceed others.
      Ashley Madison became the UBER of prostitution. Such devastating Narcissism. The fallout and devastation I witness daily is heartbreaking.

      • I just leave a post to these idiots that cheating is about selfish entitlement yadda yadda. I figure if even one person hears that message….

      • Fact is, Valkyrie – happy people don’t need to cheat. Period. Why would they need to?
        Its only people who have a selfish need to fill the black hole which is their soul – who need to cheat.
        Fuck that Esther moron (and anyone else who peddles that narcissistic garbage) – shes one of those ‘self-enlightened’ people who doesn’t know morality from her own arsehole.

    • Ha! I liked this line…. ‘But whatever else is true, adultery is a private matter between the adulterer and his or her spouse.’

      That same old tired explanation – say nothing because it is none of your damn business.

      Should you tell the chump or not?

      My vote – please diplomatically tell the chump.

      • ALWAYS tell the chump, even if you have to send an anonymous message. If just one person had done that to me since X’s first known affair, I’d have had 8 additional cheater free years in this world.

      • Reminds me of an article I saw just as the AM data dump had been released (just before all the media started reporting on it) that was about ‘what to do when your friend is being cheated on’. I responded what moving forward said – and some do-gooder claimed that I didn’t read the article, and was a self-righteous moral crusading fucker, that is worse than a cheater. Its the same lame story from the same lame playbook – once again!


  • This isn’t closely related to today’s topic, but I finally prepared myself to ‘unblock’ the OW on FB so I could see mutual “friends” I suspected existed and promptly unfriend them (it feels so grade school to be doing this, but also feels incredibly necessary). As these mutual “friends” have gotten to know the OW over the past year as she prepared to marry the ex, I guess they decided it was OK to be FB friends, which I didn’t realize until now.
    Anyways, it feels like betrayal all over again as a handful of the people I unfriended seemed so sympathetic and horrified/apologetic about the cheating/break up once the truth came out. At least one of them went through a nasty divorce (not cheating related) and I was supportive & sympathetic for him. I wonder if these people feel comfortable minimizing the crimes of murderers, child molesters, and people who commit abuse and domestic violence too?

    • Meh, people who play Switzerland tend to fall into 3 categories:

      1. They’ve never been cheated on, so they can’t really empathize.
      2. They’re cheaters themselves, so they can’t empathize.
      3. They never really cared about you, so they can’t empathize.

      You haven’t lost anything. Better off moving on without that baggage.

    • lucky35, I would highly recommend for you NOT to do that. What is the point? Going and staying NO CONTACT with all of them is for your mental health and for your healing process. If you do this it will make all of the progress you have made mean nothing. Who cares about these people? You should not. I know I don’t.

      This ow is disordered. Why would you want that in your life? Trust me in saying NOTHING I mean NOTHING will improve your life if you do this. What happens in this nasty ow’s life means nothing to you. Going and staying NO CONTACT with these fools is for your well being. There is no way in hell I would ever want to be “friends” with the ex’s ow. Remember you need healthy boundaries in your life and keeping her block will not bring anything good in your life.

      No these people don’t feel anything like you wrote before. They have a mental disorder. They don’t give a rat’s ass about you. Remember the pain that they all caused. Look what you have done in your life. You are mighty now and it is NOT your problem. If you unblock her you will be welcoming the devil itself back in your life. Please do not do something you regret. Well I know you will regret it. She will use and abuse you!!!!

      Forget all of them!

      • correction*……keeping her unblocked will not bring anything good in your life.

        • I don’t think she was going to “friend” the OW, I think she just wants to see the friends list, and unfriend the people who are okay with being friends with her and the OW. She needs true support, and people who try to be friends with everybody are not true support for the Chump.

          • I agree with Susannah – she was unblocking her to see who was on her friendlist, and that if it corresponded to any of her friends she would cull them – which is a great idea. Best to find out who is a two faced prick and cull them from your life!
            After that though, Lucky, reblock her again and drive off with the whole fiasco in your rear-mirror.

            • Yes, I am just waiting out the 48 hour holding period imposed by FB to re-block the OW. She doesn’t know I un-blocked her and I have no intention of milling around her FB page-just wanted to do a sweep through and draw another boundary (if such a thing is possible) with people who think they can be friends with both of us. Not my kinda’ friends!

  • Uh, yeah, just found someone’s “secret” email was used on AM. Thank you hackers. I love you all!!!!!!
    It doesn’t mean much since I am mid legal process but when he tries to obfuscate or gaslight it’s something to remember so I don’t doubt myself.

    • Yep, I’m using this as a confirmation that he sucks. Another one. I keep getting them, but it’s good. After some time passes I start to remember the good times, and my hopium addiction acts up. Then something like this happens and I’m back to believing he sucks.

  • lucky35 — what will you gain by having access to their Facebook feeds? Will it help you to be healthy? Nothing good will come of it. Continue to go NC. I would suggest blocking them on Facebook. The last thing anyone needs is see your EX tagged in a photo or photos or videos.

    Also, Facebook does not mean real and true friendship.

  • Holy crap, more data just released, including all of Noel Biderman’s email!!

          • Yes, he does look slimy and butt ass ugly! Now his wife isn’t the brightest light bulbs also.

            Now Bieber is just plain stupid.

      • One thing I’m wondering about. If the data is accurate. I know I didn’t use my regular email when I signed up for AM, but it’s saying it was in their data base on trustify. Com. So now I’m kind of suspect. Because I never used it there.

        Also, the ex was involved in several online hacks, like PayPal, his debit card, etc. And the website said that might cause emails to come up in error. Now I’m confused…

        • Its legit. It’d take forever to make up nearly 10gb worth of data. Far easier to just post the real deal.

          • Right, I think it’s legit for the most part but some of the emails may have been hacked. And some people, like me, did set up an account not to cheat but to look for someone or out of curiosity. It’s like once I heard about it I had to look. I’m just like that. Curiosity killed the cat.

  • I have spent some time today on Ashley Madison and adult friend friend finder to see if ex was there. I honestly feel like my entire being has been contaminated. If I ever think I am desperate enough to meet someone off one if these websites, I seriously don’t think I would want to live any longer. Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic. Just truly horrible.

  • Doh. It works like this: If you go to one Home Depot, and they don’t have the plumbing parts you are looking for, you just keep going to other Home Depots until you find one that has what you are looking for.

  • Can someone more techie than me explain what would happen if you try to download the files to you PC? I found the instructions on how to do it, but what might this much data do to my computer? Anything? I think I would like to see more information than just his email address, and that’s all I can find.

    • You don’t want to go to the Dark Web for the full info; Dat (who is in technology) said that will land you on a government list and you can be prosecuted for having hacked data.

      Getting some of the leaked info off the normal web should be safer, I assume, and more is getting released by the hour.

  • I don’t even have to look on the lists. X is an epic cheapskate, and would never spend money on these sites. Why would he when there were always available work skanks?

    • Mine too, chutes. In fact, my cheater scrupulously stay off of social media and has almost no internet presence at all. I’ve searched all his email addresses I knew of and there is zero sign. But then again his hunting ground was IRL, the university neighborhood of our city where he would work on little remodeling and repair projects in people’s homes… most of said people being single females and gay men, for some reason. Which is where he met OW. And the OW before that. And, 18 years ago, me.

  • this is fantastic. bit disappointed i can’t find the ex’s email addresses in there, but i guess she didn’t need am. someone hack adultfriendfinder next.

    • AFF was hacked years ago; can’t find the link to test for those emails, though. However, has both AM and AFF, so if your X wasn’t in AM, but shows up in trustify, then she was on AFF.

      • Adult friend finder is like a thousand times nastier than Ashley Madison. I think I need an exorcism or something. It’s that gross.

  • Found my ex’s email on:
    all 3: Justify, AshleyCynic, & HaveBeenPwned.

    I tried putting in other email addies (which Im sure are benign) and none of those came up.
    Can I feel *absolutely certain* then that he’s on one or both AM & AFF ??

    IS there a site where I can also search by phone # or address??? or do you think that is yet forthcoming in the next day or two?

    I need to make sure, however, before I clue in the AP (who is now his wife).

    But Im also scared that Id be in violation of the divorce decree if I outright let her know. We have a no-bothering clause in there & Ex is sure to get me back. APwifey is not the type who will bother to look it up herself – because ignorance is bliss. Just wish I could get her to do it herself somehow.

    Ideas on if/when I feel it is certain – how to let AP (now wifey) know – w/o getting myself in trouble??

    Thot about letting Ex know that I know – but maybe I should stay mum for now?

    • Yes, if his email is on all 3, he was on AM or AFF (unless someone used his email for a dummy account). The other info should be posted, once it shows he used a credit card to pay for AM services, then you can be certain.

      Don’t contact OWife or hubby; if you have a no disturb clause, it could cause you trouble. (But…could let a 3rd party know who was likely to tell OWife).

      • Thx Tempest!
        “The other info should be posted, once it shows he used a credit card to pay for AM services” but where can I find this “other info”?? I just get the confirms on all 3 that his email IS a part of it. Where do I go after that? 🙂

        • That other data hasn’t been linked to the regular internet yet, but I’d guess it’s just a matter of time.

  • I keep imagining XH and his twu wuv sipping coffee across the table from each other, eyes darting between each others face and their phones, where they are searching each other on the Trashley Madison list. I could tell her he’s already been on AM, sex finder and since they got together but why bother. She blew up her family to be with my husband. They deserve each other! Not my circus, not my monkey!

    • That’s exactly how I feel. She knew what she was getting. Now she can have him.

    • That site will now only let you see if your name/account has been compromised if you verify the email address that you’re looking up. My X’s email shows up as compromised on two other sites, but not that one (because I can’t risk entering his email for verification first–he would receive the inquiry on that email).

  • Anyone know if phone numbers. addresses. fantasies. are yet searchable anywhere??

    See my Ex’s email compromised on 3 of the indices. Dont know why Im having a hard time believing it— feel I need also to see other info to confirm.

    Also on only one of the pastes does his email appear. It is on some list dated Nov of 2014. Might this mean a signup date??

  • Chumptitude,

    You sound strong and well on your way to a great new life!

    Not all of us chumps have a choice whether to leave our cheater. My cheater filed for divorce while I tried to hang on. However, his filing may turn out to be the greatest gift I never sought!

    My STBX has done many atrocious things, many of which are documented in public records. I don’t think that the public knowledge will affect my settlement at all, though. I am trying to embrace poverty.

  • One thing I’m wondering. Both Jaded Subway guy and creepy Duggar guy seem to go for the underage girls. As the mother of an eleven year old girl (who people think is about 15) , I’m really concerned how easy these dating sites are to join. Not to mention all the smut on them. Anyway, I bet some of the accounts on AM and AFF belong to minors. They don’t verify your age, so what’s stopping them? I would love to see Biederman and his lot behind bars for the distribution of child porn or facilitating prostitution or possibly even human trafficking cause I believe their sites are harboring a lot of it.

  • I feel bad for all the would-be chumps who are experiencing a false sense of security because their spouse’s KNOWN email accounts were a no-show on the email database search engine. Unfortunately, it’s the email addresses they DON’T know about that their cheater may have used to create an account.

    I mean, how would you know if your cheating assclown spouse has a secret email account such as “Ten_Inc[email protected]” or “[email protected]?”

    You don’t. So you don’t know to search for it.

  • I’m pissed that I got an email from Trustify this morning that someone had searched my email for AM and that it had been found. I knew that but i don’t appreciate them emailing me. If I wanted to use them further, I would have contacted them. So, I’m guessing he got a similar email. Nice. If he ever asks me about it, I’ll just consult the Handbook and lie. No, I didn’t search your email, musta been the Whore, lol. I feel no compulsion to tell the truth to a liar.

    • Not Juliet…yep stick to the playbook, you can do it in honor of this hilarious performance a fellow chump received last night! !

      The STBX came by for some of his crap. We are in the “hows the weather” denial conversation mode. We don’t say much, its pretty chill right now.

      Ok I told myself to keep my mouth shut about the AM data dump, but come on I was needing some entertainment. LOL it was a stellar performance. My STBX should think about going to Hollywood! !

      He shook his head and was so sincere “how terrible THOSE people are”. Seriously -just insanity because I busted him two years ago on AM(he lied and said he was hacked, he didnt charge anything to that account. Bullshit!!)

      Denial land!!! Hahahaha his performance was cut short when I pointed out names, conversations and credit card info was part of the data dump! ! OMG I had to run to the bathroom and feakin laugh my ass off!! Oh I wish I knew what was being thought of behind his panicking, darting eyes!! Effing priceless moment!!

      I have to say life is strange…I feel like a nut, but I cant stop laughing!

      Thanks chump nation for giving me the courage to smile in all this crap!!

      Not Juliet- stick to the playbook, you are mighty:-) 🙂

    • Haha you can just say, “Wait, what are you talking about? What’s Madison Ashley or whatever?? What’s a friend finder? What IS that?” See if he back-pedals.

      You can say, “Wow!! You mean you can see if your coworkers are on those websites? Damn!! I am SO going to check my whole address book, that is CRAZY.”

      • whaaaat? So trustily sends an email to the email that was searched? That means my X knows I searched his email address for an AM profile. Ha ha ha. I was waiting until the user info (did he call himself BigDaddy9, given his predilection for very young women?) and credit card info came out, then I was going to send it to him. Guess he is already alerted. I thought I hated the MFer before. Now I am back to having vivid fantasies of his painful demise (yup, his email showed up in the data list).

        • I’m not sure he will know that it was YOU checking. He certainly might suspect. OTOH, he doesn’t really KNOW-know, and that might cause him to have to launder his undies.

          I searched my e-mail several times and did not get an alert–perhaps because my e-mail was NOT associated with a breach because I’m not a lying, cheating, scumbag?

  • I have a feeling it’s mostly because it’s crap you’re pulling out of your ass.

  • Doesn’t the male also have to give consent?

    I know in my ex’s case, that if he hadn’t consented to having sex outside the marriage, we’d still be married. A lot of things would be different.

  • In following your post –
    Are you saying that the data containing the
    phones addresses usernames abd fantasies
    has *not YET been released*???

    Or is there somewhere I can find THAT particular info?

    My ex’s email shows up on all 3 indices – but Ive been trying to find WHERE I can verify its ties to the other to VERIFY it?!

    Yeah – guess hes gotten an email alert as well? 😯

    • ChumpAtlanta–there’s no guarantee the rest of the data will be pasted on regular Internet sites, but I am hoping. Some computer-savvy people do have the credit card transactions, etc. I REALLY want my X’s financial and user-info (username, sexual proclivities) so that I can let slip…um, that I know the full extent of his depravity. (Of course, if that is correct, he’s already received emails that I looked for his email address among the profiles. LOL).

      • Thx! Sounds like we’re at the same spot.
        Found the emails on the indices.
        They presumably have gotten the emails.
        Want to verify info somewhere … and read their fantasies!

        If you find out a way to corroborate the emails, I hope youll share it!!!


        • Mine prob already is preparing his excuses to his new wife/former affair partner.

          Bet hes going to say that I (or her ex) made up the profile to frame him!

          This is why Id love to corroborate with other info.

      • I want all that info, too. The Trustify site sort of hints that they have PIs who can get you that info, but I’m not sure yet.
        I won’t let anything slip, because I’m NC, but it’s soooooooooooo interesting.

        I’m telling you–this info about the xH, just knowing that he was cruising these sites either before or after he left for his Soul Mate–it’s given me so much peace.

        I already knew he was a scumbag, but this just seals the deal.