Ashley Madison, You Saucy Minx
So much Ashley Madison news, so little time.
In the hack of Ashley Madison CEO Noel Biderman’s emails, I was not that surprised by the revelation that Ashley Madison hacked a rival site, Nerve.com. Cheaters cheat. Oh, the irony…
What DID surprise me, however, was the screenplay Noel Biderman co-wrote with some guy Marc Morgenstern: “In Bed with Ashley Madison.”
Clever title, huh? Where else would Ashley be?
Consider some catchier titles, Noel. “Pressed Up Against a Tree with Ashley Madison,” “Hijinks in the Janitor’s Closet with Ashley Madison,” “Blowing My Boss in the Walmart Parking Lot by Ashley Madison.”
It’s not enough to be Number #1 Douche in North America, Noel was after the brass ring of douchebaggery — Hollywood script writer.
Don’t give up your day job, Noel. (Before your business folds, that is, considering all the class-action lawsuits…)
The plot line is so convoluted, I can’t begin to explain it, other than it contains a lot of product placement for, what else, Ashley Madison. Here are some excerpts:
Set him on fire? I’m unfamiliar with that kink. Is there a safe word?
Anal bead? (Don’t look this up at work, folks.)
Hannah, Sam wants to go back to the good old days of CROSSWORD PUZZLES. What would logically follow is offering her a pen, the Sunday New York Times, or a dictionary… but anal bead? What’s eight letters for “complete non sequitur”? ANAL BEAD.
Doesn’t everyone get their stock tips doing junior execs in the bathroom? (Oh hey, there’s a title, Noel.) Guess Avid Life Media won’t be having any public stock offerings, what with the lawsuits and all. Don’t take it so hard, Noel. It’s never too late. I have just the anal bead for you.
Oh Sam, sign up today! You can be one of the other thousands of fictitious female profiles on Ashley Madison. It helps that you’re already fiction. I think you have an edge.
Genius!
Good God!!! LMAO – I don’t think people really talk like that ha ha ha
I am officially upping my subscription to ChumpLady. Her writing is so clever, I forget all my problems. Instead of $14/year (thanks for the beautiful journals)… I will go for $14/month… no more cheeseburgers for me.
This can’t be for real. It’s snark for funsies, right? Geesh!
I really hope Noel Biderman’s wife screws around on him and gives him a raging case of genital herpes. Unless he’s already caught it from some skank he’s spanking.
His hacked email shows 9 affairs….and counting.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3212377/Emails-Noel-Biderman-Ashley-Madison-reveal-multiple-affairs-despite-claims-never-cheated-wife.html
Anyone else think the photo of NB and his wife just looks painful? He has a smirk like a jack ass and her eyes seem to scream “how much longer do I have to fake this?” with a repressed sadness attached to it.
Biderman was quoted as saying, “He added: ‘I’m only ten years into my marriage.
‘We’re incredibly communicative about our sexual needs.”
Aha–from the mouth of the lion. Cheating has nothing to do with whether you are sexually satisfied at home, or how many years you’ve been engaging in the same act with the same person. What reason does that leave? Oh, right, character flaw.
All I can say is OMG! I really need to work on getting from complete and absolute dismay, disbelief, and astonishment to “trust that they suck,” and then let it go. This shit just does not stop amazing me!
Nine affairs and counting? Reminds me of “Hair Club for Men”. Hi I am Noel Biderman, President and CEO of Ashley Madison, and I am here to tell you it works. How do I know? I’m not only President and CEO, I am also a client.
Didn’t he and his wife give an interview a couple of years ago where they both said they don’t cheat?
Yep. He said he hadn’t cheated YET.
Charming man.
Is Mrs. Biederman considered a Chump? After all, to knowingly lay down with the dirty dog (sorry dogs) and then end up with fleas should be no surprise. But then again, Mr. B said he was faithful to HIS wife…whatever that meant !?!. It’s a Scam all around.
She’s an abettor and an anal beader.
Very funny!
The real question is how did Mrs. Biederman become Mrs. Biederman… Noel didn’t just spring whole cloth from the ground when he met her. He was pretty much a schmuck from about 8 weeks after his birth on. So until proven otherwise, I am not counting Mrs. Biederman as a member of Chump Nation in full standing.
Yay, regarding the 9 affairs. Hope his wife was cheating too. You can’t condone it unless you are doing it too.
I just lost my breakfast. Who would sleep with that man? I’d copulate with an animal before him (hypothetically, guys. Just hypothetical).
I really hope Mr. and Mrs. Biederman land somewhere nasty for all they have done for the world. Prison, VD ward, divorce court, a convention of betrayed spouses … They are both immoral slime.
I hope it turns out his wife IS the impact team. How beautiful would that be?
That would be the best! I would watch that movie.
Oh, that would be very interesting. I know I read some place they are saying it was an inside job and nothing was “protected”. Nothing really shocks me with people these days.
Or, possibly a writing course, cause Neil sure could use it.
Personally, I think he should just stick with penmanship; improve the curve of your Rs, Noel, and leave the writing to second graders.
It’s like Pride & Prejudice & Anal Beads! Not!
The Old Man and the…..anal beads?
Anal and Punishment.
Omg I am laughing so hard, you guys are hilarious
A tale of two – wait for it – anal beads.
Anal Beadlejuice. (Ewww.)
The Merchant of Anal Beads.
50 Shades of Anal Beads…..
Noel is experiencing his own Fifty Shades of Red.
By Anal Beaderman
Anal Karenina?
OMG you guys are making me snort coffee out my nose. “Anal Karenina???” I’ll be laughing all day at that one.
Anal Karenina gets my vote but please keep them coming. CL there is a cartoon in this somewhere.
I agree, and “Anal Karenina” has the beauty of parodying a book with infidelity as a main theme (my X even threw Anna K’s Dolly up in my face when he realized his crappy attempts at reconciliation were not working. “Dolly just decides one day to forgive the infidelity,” he said. I guess life doesn’t always imitate art, because I “just decided” one day to file.)
Anal Bovary
lady chatterley’s anal bead
Anal Recall the sequel.
Sense & Sensibility & Anal Beads!
Emma and anal beads! Hey. She was a match maker as well. Hmmmmm.
WTF did I just read? Are Sam & Hannah co-workers shooting the breeze? I’m seriously having a vision of a fucked up version of the The Office.
Pam: Phyllis, do you have any paperclips?
Phyllis: No, but I got a massive set of anal beads. Let’s go to the restroom and have Creed & Toby tag team us with them. Jim won’t mind, he’s too busy banging Kelly in the parking lot.
Oh my. This AM shit gets better & better? I can only hope that screen play is a giant joke…it’s too ridiculous for words.
No, but I got a massive set of anal beads. … let’s encase it in jello and give it dwight, he is not getting any.
That’s what she said!
This guy really believes he’s a writer? This has to be made up! My 9 year old grandkid writes better stories! If it is real, then someone needs to let some air out of Neil’s over inflated ego, he’s in danger of exploding and I don’t want any of whatever he’s made of to get on me!!!
Exactly. That dude has as much talent in creative writing as I do….which is ZERO. “Hey, have I got the Anal Bead for you….” Yea. All of us women just happen to throw that shit into casual texts amongst friends and
colleagues.
Fraking iPad
I’m going to sneak into my colleague’s office and hack her word processor so that the word “the” becomes “anal beads”. That should make for interesting lunch convo!
oh no! Sah now that is just pure funny with a little bit of evil mixed in there. That would be something I would do. I would get so caught but I would have to do it.
What, you don’t talk about anal beads with your friends/colleagues/family all the time? No? Just me? ?
I think I’m going to start working the phrase “anal beads” into common conversations and see how it goes.
Little Mighty Me, I just did that! I asked my friend/co worker that sits next to me “So Jess, what’s your thoughts on anal beads?”
She looked at me funny, started laughing, and said “In what way exactly? I saw that Pure Romance sells them if that’s your thing.” Then I explained Beaderman and CL post this morning just so she doesn’t think I’m really into shoving things up my ass.
Yeah…Noel was dead-on in ass-uming all us ladies discuss this shit. What a douchecanoe.
Haha! That’s awesome! I work with mostly young guys…I’m a little concerned that I might be opening Pandora’s Box if I ask any of them about anal beads ?
OMG FreedomFromCrazy! That is so funny. This has to be the most funniest comments I have ever read on this site. I would have loved to seen Jess’ face when you asked her that question. Wonder if that would be on your Christmas wish list this year?
I just wonder how in the world do you gets these things up there and why? What purpose those they serve?
Yes, LittleMightyMe, especially at the office!
LMAO!! You all are freakin hilarious. My kids think I have gone crazy laughing so hard!! Thanks chumps you all are awesome!!
I’m sorry, I meant Noel. After all, this idiot is so unforgettable ……NOT! What a sleaze. Seems he’s devoted his life to anything and everything sexual and porn related! Yuck, why do I always feel like I need a bath in bleach after reading about this guy and his exploits?
Noel …. Literary genius! I guess for porn its sophisticated…. They used word with more than three syllables! And product endorsement! Would you like fries with your anal beads? Genius!
and such subtle product endorsement…clever. Kind of like those images of coke inserted into films to make you subliminally thirsty, except that it’s like the image was left on the screen for 30 seconds and someone simultaneously clubbed you in the head.
and there is so much going on in the script that I dont know if I want an affair…a different job…buy stocks or use anal beads. Its like a smorgasbord of advertising. For shit and giggles I would love to read the whole thing to see if there is a yak, a threesome , a Dyson vacuum and a years subscription to Beat your Meat.
TheClip–you are in luck!! If you keep reading to the end of the comments, you will see co-author Marc Morgenstern himself pasted a link to the WHOLE script. Yippee!! Can’t wait to read that….oh, wait, still down 12 pounds from the infidelity diet so I should probably make sure I keep food down.
I will check it out!
Well…Hollywood did do a Wikileaks movie…maybe they can do an Ashley Madison Leaks Movie?
Ooooooh!!!! You may be onto something here. Maybe the hack was his doing, an exit strategy for getting out of his slime gag inducing current business and breaking into Hollywood? He realised from this drivel he couldn’t write it himself but Hollywood would definitely pay for his story and make it into a blockbuster. Conspiracy theory!
Maybe TLC will give Josh Duggar a spinoff. “19 Anal Beads and Counting.”
…..and his journey beyond the colon!
Histerical!
At the movie’s premier, they can throw strings of anal beads to the theatre goers… just like Mardi Gras! I think they should hold it in Times Square. There’s some wicked rumpus going on there these days.
Mwahahaha! Crying!!!
And they can cast famous Hollywood cheaters in some staring roles because 1) they probably have been on Ashley Madison and 2) They have lived the part… Let’s hope it is not Tory Spelling, she has a face like a donkey and none of those kreepy Kardashians.
Ya. Pretty lame. But – consider the source. And someone is actually married to Noel Biederman? Now that makes no sense. OR she must be as arrogant and stupid as Noel.
$$$$$$$$
That’s in reference to someone being married to NB. It did end up where I wanted it to.
“Didn’t end up …” I’m on a roll today.
Just please tell me they don’t have kids! Can you imagine growing up in an environment where your parents focus on crotches daily and pandering to sexual excitement 24/7? Wow! Not good!
Yes, they have kids. 2 and been married little over 10 years.
Oh the visual Roberta….Yuk!
What a laugh!!!
Noel Biderman, Hollywood script writer….hahahaha.
He must have gone to the Zoolander school for people who don’t know how to read or write good.
Love the Zoolander reference!
Noel obviously thought that there was more to life than being really really really ridiculously good at affairs.
It’s so Derelicte!
“He must have gone to the Zoolander school for people who don’t know how to read or write good” – PERFECT. Best laugh of the morning.
I’ve watched pornos with better dialogue than that screenplay.
Wonder what the music would have sounded like.
The same music in every porn…..Bow chicka Bow bow!
No offensive to Prince at all (love his music), the the intro to his song “Controversey” is, in my mind, the quintessential porn bow-chicka music.
I’ve dog-sat for puppies that had better dialogue between them than that “screenplay!” 🙂
I’ve re-potted cacti that had better dialogue than that “screenplay”.
Haha, you win!
Noel Beader-Man LOL.
OMG Noal Beader Man! The comment of the day! My coffee almost came out my nose!!!!
Hahahahaha!!!!!!!
Morning laugh!
Noel Analbederman
Life’s too short, put beads up your ass!
Noel anal beads for sale at washroom theatres near you, for only 19 dollars, guaranteed. Side affects may include SHARTING, trumpet farts, unusually large skid marks on underwear, delusional script writing skills, engorged thumbs, awkward walking, ass rash, incoherent speech, higher pitched voice.
If experiencing one or more of these side affects purchase the ashley madison buttbead man sized diapers for only 19 dollars.
OMG thank you for this! For the first time in a year I have tears running down my face that are not from all this pain.
Word.
I will never ever see or hear his name again without mentally adding “anal”:
Noel Analbeaderman
“Noel Analbeaderman” FTW x 100.
Anoel Beaderman. Kind of a stretch.
No, it’s perfectly lovely!
PF, CL, & everyone else–thank you. I haven’t laughed this hard in years. My ribs ache.
Ditto!
I’m laughing so hard my eyes are watering. Thank you PF!
Ha ha ha !!!
Cheaters cheat is an understatement here!!! Noel hacked a rival?? And he’s upset some group hacked him?? What, Mr. Asshole….the rules don’t apply to you? Or should I ask, “You thought you were the only one NOT playing by the rules?” I wanna slap him in the face for that arrogance. And almost ALL the female profiles were fake?!?!?! What the H? I really want to dissect that. So, what, men want to cheat more than women??? They have less life coping skills than women??? What gives?? Why such a huge disparity? Women cheat. I know plenty unfortunately. And I know plenty of men who can handle whatever life throws at them. It’s got my wheels turning this morning….
“We got onto a food fight. I set him on fire.”
HFS I cannot stop laughing
Slap me I’m hysterical omg I haven’t screamedlaughed like that in months!!!
I haven’t even gotten thru the rest of the post yet…
Hannah Sam and Zakira bffs 4evah!
“We got onto a food fight. I set him on fire.” The dialog reminds me of those schmoopie cartoons. “Your dick is perfect. Don’t look in my phone.”
“We got onto a food fight. I set him on fire.” It reminds me of those schmoopie cartoons. “Your dick is perfect. Don’t look in my phone.”
The safe word for that is “Call 911!”
OMG dying laughing over here
What’s really messed up is that there were perhaps millions of AM customers to whom this crap would have appealed.
Today, I weep for humanity…
And let me hand you the tissues…. Its a sad representation of the species!
I need a shot of Whiskey after reading that…well a couple shots. I don’t even like Whiskey. WTF?
Noel Biderman is Lucifer!
Is the devil into product ladened porn too?
Where the hell is Church Lady when you need her? I see Dana Carvey doing a Church Lady skit…. About Noel Bead-erman… ‘ SATAN! ‘
Good fight? Is that a code word or are they just stupid? Hope it didn’t involve an olive oil massage before the match was lit.
…and after I set him on fire I pissed on him to put it out. He loves a golden shower my little smushy tum. He’s just too adorably adorable…
OMG, Ninja!! Perfect!! LOL
LOL!
Schadenfreude…
I think some of the most interesting information that has come out of the AM data leak is that about 30 million users were male and 5.5 million were female BUT out of the 5.5 million females very few appear to be real women, the rest seem to be fake profiles created by Ashley Madison to bring in men. Oh the depravity never ends.
http://gizmodo.com/almost-none-of-the-women-in-the-ashley-madison-database-1725558944
Just another example of women defrauding these poor male victims. Why would so many women post these fake profiles? It is an outrage. When will men get a break?
Wasn’t Adult Friend Finder also found to have mostly fake female profiles?
It’s such a racket yet these disordered cheaters fall in hook, line, & sinker. It seems it would be a needle in the haystack to find a real affair partner with those statistics, but sadly, it certainly does occur. And pretty frequently from everything I’ve read on the subject.
Perhaps it’s the just ~1/2 million real women on the site servicing the 30 million men. That’d be like each woman fucking 60 different men from AM. Ew…that p would look like one nasty pile of chipped ham. If I were a guy, you couldn’t pay me to put any part of my body in that.
I’m wondering about their $250 Affair Guarantee. Wouldn’t put it past Beaderman to have cheap hookers on his payroll to avoid issuing refunds.
I’ve been wondering if at least some percentage of female AM users were actually hookers, looking for another way to market their, um, services. The numbers never added up for me (but I’m an English major, so numbers not adding up is my usual state of mind.)
I don’t know but I can tell you that my stbxh met several women on that website and they were very real. We don’t live in a big town either. So it might also be because the women don’t have to pay on that website, they can send men the collect call and the man pays for it. Anyway there are plenty of real women on there.
Yes, I was wondering about that $250 affair guarantee, too. How did that work?!
According to the Gizmodo article, about 12,000 of the female accounts had credit card info attached (they had paid to have their info deleted), so are considered real.
Glass half full = that’s not many out of 5.5 million alleged accounts
Glass half empty = that’s still a truckload of whoring filthy, real-life female cheaters!!
“According to the Gizmodo article, about 12,000 of the female accounts had credit card info attached (they had paid to have their info deleted), so are considered real.”
I bet the numbers are a lot lower than that. I signed up on AM to look for the cheater. When I told them to stop sending me emails, they offered to delete the account for a fee. I had to threaten to expose their users before they’d stop bothering me. I wouldn’t be surprised if many of the “real” female accounts were women who were looking for a cheater and paid to get deleted.
Maybe with the money back guarantee you get an unlimited supply of anal beads.
ha ha! “But wait! There’s more…!”
Just pay shipping and handling!
One of the articles I read said out of the 5 million females on AM, that only about 3,000 of them were actual regular users of the site. I had the same thoughts. How foes that even statistically work and how in the world did Josh Duggar find someone this way?
I read that one of the women Josh met was a “dancer” who hooked up with him twice for $1000 & $1500 respectively.
Or not so respectively.
Dancers & club owners love to blackmail married patrons with crap like this, too. It actually happened to a close friend of my STBX.
So a few years later, when i found out about his AFF &AM accounts, i fucking hit the roof for just this reason.
Oh so Noel Beiderbutt is a pimp? Makes sense.
*does
The hacker is in a very fragile place right now, and Noel needs to be kind and sensitive to that. The hacker is grieving. Doesn’t Noel realize that if he had just treated the hacker better in the workplace that none of this would have happened? Noel DROVE the hacker to this, and he should spend some time figuring out what he did to make the hacker hack. At this point, I suggest that he do whatever it takes to get the hacker back to the company. After all, you should never make any decisions immediately. He and the hacker should put this behind them and wait 6 months to a year before making any decisions. I’m sure the hacker won’t do it again, so Noel, why don’t you stop holding grudges and let the hacker back into IT? You have trust issues and want to keep an eye on the hacker, you say? Why can’t you forgive? Why can’t you trust? Why can’t you take responsibility for your part in this?
Cheers, fellow chump. Nice job.
Yes! THIS. Every word. Wish someone would shove this advice down his throat like it has been shoved down so many of ours.
Awesome FreeVixen. Maybe he should try that 180 thing also.
MUCH mad luv to Free Vixen!!!!
Soooo many questions:
What’s the Ashley Madison 180 look like? Do you have to take anal beads *back out* for that?
Why can’t Noel learn to forgive?
Why doesn’t Noel just GET OVER IT already?
I don’t understand, surely Noel SAW THIS COMING beforehand?
We shouldn’t judge the hackers… no one really knows what goes on between a hacker and the hacked company data behind closed doors, after all.
I guess Noel just wasn’t that good in cyber-bed?
😉
Bwahahahahaa!!! The 180 for anal beads just made my day!
Bravo, Free Vixen!! 🙂
Get back in the knife drawer, Miss Sharp! Love it.
Would someone call the Irony Police, please?
This is awesome!
This is Snarktacular! Thank you Free Vixen
Perfect!!
perfect! score, Free Vixen!!
Standing ovation on this, Free Vixen.
Such a Puritan standing in moral judgement of the hacker.
Yes, what does he want to do, force the Impact Team to wear a scarlet letter “H” on their foreheads? How judgmental, and puritanical and cruel!
Dead on!!!!
This is great! Brilliant!
I LOVE IT! Why didn’t I think of this snark? Brilliant!
You could make a future post entitled “Why Noel Biederman Needs the Reconciliation Industrial Complex to Fix this Mess.”
Bravo Vixen !
Ooh. I’ll take that as a dare. 🙂
and send it to Huffington Post. Throw in an Esther Perel quote.
Triple dog dare!! I think we’ll all be waiting with bated breath since I have little doubt that you can outsnark us all. 🙂
This sounds like un Challenge! Do it CL!
I double dare you, CL!!!!!!
BRILLIANT!!! Love your dissection, Free Vixen!
As a foreigner, I don’t understand the script. Looks like a private joke. Words make sense separately (even anal beads) but the way they are put together, I am left with a blank mind.
By the way, our office maintenance technician complained during lunch that someone had broken a sink, and he believes they were two in there 🙁 There is no camera pointing to the bathroom, so they can’t check who did this.
I’m a native English speaker and it doesn’t make any sense to me, either.
I’m American but I don’t understand it either!!! I guess we just don’t have the brains for debauchery ChumpfromF!!!
As if anyone needed more evidence that cheaters and cheating is banal, lacking the capacity for self-reflection, and cringeworthy, Noel’s screenplay seals the case. I’m sure he thinks that dialogue is fabulous, the same way he likely thinks his dick is perfect and his technique between the sheets drives all the ladies wild. A lump of coal is capable of more reflection that Noel-the-Troll.
And hats off to Gizmoto for exposing the scope of the AM’s scam on its paying customers, showing that 99.9% of AM’s female “clients” never sent or received a message or even checked their accounts. So AM was like an Astrodome-size cheesy nightclub full of 36 million boned-up dudes and about 5.5 million female MANNEQUINS, and the men pay several hundred dollars each to take turns dry-humping the legs of the mannequins and telling themselves how hot and sophisticated they are. Now THERE’S your screenplay, Noel.
Yep, and how many of those female “shell” accounts were betrayed or suspicious wives looking for their cheaters?
Exactly!
This post made my DAY!
lol! I’m loving the comments today. I love this site and the people on it. Thanks for the laughs today. So funny. lol!!!!
Yes, nomar! Almost like that Ryan Gosling movie “Lars & the Real Girl”…..”Noel & the Extreme Lack of Real Girls”.
Cinematic gold.
Love the nightclub-with-mannequin visuals, Nomar!! And yes, AM cheating is apparently b.anal.
Y’all are killin me today!
Oh I needed this… my staff is wondering why I am sniggering in my office… Thank you, you snarky beasts.
It is a hysterical gas to have a ringside seat for this bottom feeder fest! “You hacked me first,” “no, you hacked me first.” “You stole my anal beads!” Noel was so happy in his marriage he didn’t need hook-ups. (this is what I read) Oops, I guess he must have gotten the idea somewhere!
These people were SWIMMING in money, this is what it is really about. Money is everything, Cash is King, sell your soul for the highest price. Glad they are getting theirs. So sad for the stooping of humanity.
“Life is short, go to jail”
That’s the biggest joke of all, Regina – you hit it. AM and ALM were just scamming these horny cheaters while laughing all the way to the bank at the wankers.
Since cheaters are TOTAL assholes from head to toe……. how do you know where to insert the bead?
Maybe that’s where their humanity has been leaking from their bodies. They just need anal beads and plugs to stop it up and then they’ll be able to slowly rebuild their empathy reserves.
Well, if you’re judging by where the most sh*t comes out, you’d have to push them past Noel’s clenched teeth.
Bwahahaha!!!!
Maggie May….EPIC commentary!!! So true nothing but shit comes out of every orifice. LOL. Wow, Chump Nation is cracking me up today. Keep it coming, I needed this!
Good question!
“Noel, do you take Amanda to be your wife?”
“I do”
“Will the best man please hand me the anal bead”
LOL!
Narc Noel is having a little problem with his Impression Management.
Anal beads, a love story. Ha! Good grief!
LMAO! You guys are killing me here! This stuff is making me laugh so hard I’m crying! It’s laughable to think that people like Noel and his band of horny followers truly believe they are “so evolved and cosmopolitan!” If that’s the case then so are the rabbits, dogs and cats that go at it in my backyard! They act as if advertising your genetalia is for only the more “intellectual!” These people are just plain crazy and screwed up! God help them!
BTW, the visual on Nomar’s post is a hoot! Can’t get that out of my mind! So therefore until I can quit chuckling, I’ll have to postpone going out in public lest folks truly think I’m a nutcase!
Seri0usly, my eyEs were @ssaulteD by this screen play and left my $ockets. I ha#ve to go fin$d them.
Noel’s contributions to the greatest cinematic love stories of all time:
Casablanal
Brief Encounters with Incendiary Devices
BrokeSphincter Mountain
The Long, Hot, Lubricated Summer
From Here to the Sigmoid Colon
An Officer and Several Gentleman
An Anal Bead Affair To Remember
Gone With The Anal Beads…
Okay, I must stop now! lol Today’s blog has just been over the top funny!!
Thank you CN, you are all so awesome, I can’t remember the last time I laughed this hard!
The Taming of the Anal Beads
When Harry Met Anal Beads
An Officer and A Gentleman’s Anal Beads
OMG! I don’t even want to know what they are but just the name alone is hilarious!!!
Smoky & the Ass Bandit
Rectum for A Dream
The Hills Have Beads
Last Anal Whorehouse on the Left
Omg…I’m having way too much fun with this!
You are on a roll, today Freedomfromcrazy! (My personal favorite is Rectum for a Dream.)
Omg. This is way to funny! I almost fell out of my chair laughing so hard.
Okay, now not only are my eyes watering, but stomach hurts. Thank you Tempest!
Now my question is: who is the fine Director of these and future Biderman Silver Screen Masterpieces?
Of course, its Anal Smithee!
Bio: Picked from the dozens of applicants who applied from a Craigslist Casual Encounters Cattle Call, Anal Smithee attended Hugh Hefner University before getting his first big break as a “Personal Assistant” to then-Senator Larry Craig. Mr. Smithee’s contributions to cinema has nominated him for the coveted Sharty award. His newest collaboration with Noel Biderman has caused a lot of buzz in Hollywood. Though rumors allude to the new project being “behind schedule”, we wait for the “end result” of this partnership.
Literally LOL, Boudica!! Anal Smithee, and “behind schedule,” indeed.
Other possible contenders: Roman “Anally penetrated a 13 year old” Polanski, or Woody Allen.
guest appearance by Anthony Weiner
Animal House of Beads….. FOOD FIGHT!
My visual goes to a fight with little contipation turds and anal beads.
National Lampoon’s Anal Beads Vacation. What would vacation be without a slide down Skid Mark Falls?
An Anal Bead to Remember – One of Hollywood’s Great Love Stories
Saving Ryan’s Private Beads….
You guys are knocking it out of the park today. Nomar, you killed me with the visual of the groovy hot guys dry humping the mannequins at the cheesy astrodomed sized, lounge lizard bar. Ha!
Ha ha ha haw ha Haw..spit my coffee out funny!
–Anal beads, a love story. Ha! Good grief!–
As performed by the characters of ‘Soulmate Shmoopies’
Oh, the ol’ “the marriage started to get neglected,” ploy. Well, don’t look at the CHEATER! It’s never THEIR fault that The Marriage Started To Get Neglected! It’s YOUR FAULT!
This site is certainly inclusive; however, I would nominate Amanda Biderman, Noel Biderman’s wife, to be the first victim of infidelity who is not welcome here and do deserves no sympathy at all.
As you may know, the latest hacked AM data dump including a bunch of Noel Biderman’s email, which shows he was (wait for it) . . . a serial cheater:
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/leaked-emails-show-ashley-madison-ceo-affairs-report-article-1.2338957
As you may also know, Noel founded Ashley Madison with his wife, Amanda. She is an active member of the business, developing marketing campaigns, speaking publicly in favor of the site (e.g., on The View and The Dr. Phil Show) and appearing on billboards for the company. She has publicly stated in numerous interviews that she had no moral qualms about the business of AM. She talked a good game at times about the importance of monogamy in *her* family, but she was happy living the high life on marital blood money earned facilitating the destruction of millions of *other* families.
So, I say, “F*ck you Mrs. Biderman. F*ck you and the balding, babbling ass you’re married to.” You and your slime-ball hubby are two of a kind–two anal beads linked on the unhygienic string that was Ashley Madison, Inc.–and you deserve all the humiliation you’ve received and then some. Your husband may have cheated on you, Amanda, but you were anything but a chump.
I wanna give Noel wife the benefit of doubt…. Very small one. She may have been spouting off all kinds of rubbish in an attempt to spackle. Keep up the facade. If he has been a serial cheater and she has been subject to his abuse for the last ten years she maybe just a puppet.
I dont know enough about them as a couple to say for certain that she isnt truely a chump too.
I stood beside my Idiot and took a few hits for him… Who knows what she did or said to make it look normal for her family. If your family business was peanutbutter…. You best believe you would be smearing that shit on everything.you wouldnt stand beside your spouse and say
‘ i hate peanut butter’ no you would stand there with a big shit eating grin and say ‘ yum yum give me some peanut butter’ and then spit it out off screen.
Who knows ? Maybe she is evil… Maybe she is just a chump
“While the Bidermans made millions from running a dating service for cheaters, they also made clear they do not cheat on each other.
“I would be devastated if (Noel cheated) on me,” Amanda Biderman told ABC’s “The View” in 2013. “But I would not blame a website. Ashley Madison is not creating cheaters. It is servicing a need that is there, that exists. And unfortunately, it exists. It’s sad.”
from: http://www.al.com/news/index.ssf/2015/08/who_is_ashley_madison_ceo_noel.html
Notice that Amanda both states she would be devastated if Noel cheated on her, and that the need for cheating exits and is “sad.” So the talking point is that their site does not CAUSE cheating or make it more prevalent, it is just filling a market vacuum. Cheaters gonna cheat; we just make it easier for them. I guess that’s the only way she can resolve her former dissonance.
Yes, she’s not a Chump. She’s queen of the cheaters and she was just fine rolling around on all that money that the king of them brought in. No sympathy for you.
Agreed, though the Biderman kids are more than welcome to help from us. They’re going to need it.
Yeah, those poor kids. Worst. Parents. Ever.
Standing up and clapping Nomar.
“So, I say, “F*ck you Mrs. Biderman. F*ck you and the balding, babbling ass you’re married to.” You and your slime-ball hubby are two of a kind–two anal beads linked on the unhygienic string that was Ashley Madison, Inc.–and you deserve all the humiliation you’ve received and then some.”
Woo-Hoo and Boo-Yah! Get her told Nomar! And might I add to Mrs. Biderman, take that and rub it on your anal beads and insert it in your ass!
Hell, yes!
Talk about cognitive dissonance; how does Amanda justify leaving Noel in light of everything she’s said publicly? Does she have to admit she was a crappy wife to justify his cheating? Does she suck it up and say now that it’s personal, cheating is wrong? Either way, she looks like a hypocrite or a dupe. Lose-lose.
Great point Tempest, wow, talk about a jumbo skein!!!
I doubt she leaves. The money is too good.
Noel may very well be packing the big one, like George Raft.
Of course she is not going to leave. Just as shocking that he said he hasn’t cheated and we all know he has. Please these two are so much dumber than they look. Noel thinks he is god’s gift to the entire world and he has so much entitlement pouring out of his ugly shelf. Amanda same also and I would not be shocked if she has a very long history of cheating also. Should be expect anything less from them? I don’t just 2 more entitled dumb asses in the world.
nomar, PREACH IT! Awesome!
BOOM!
Someone made a great post on this article, re: Noel:
“I’m not just the president, I’m also a client.”
Haha!
Actually, I believe the emails showed that Noel was cheating WITHOUT using Ashley Madison. So his actions indicate how useless and stupid his company truly was.
Why would he use AM to cheat? He knew most of the women were fakes. He wanted a real affair. Come on, he’s better than that AM crap. *rolling eyes.
True! It just gets better and better.
I’m running out of popcorn, time to go to the store for more.
I’m running out also LiningUpDucks. Do you mind picking me up some also? Thank you.
Sure thing! Whoops, they’re sold out. Looks like a lot of people are enjoying this. Guess we’ll just have to go straight for the bubbly!
lol! I’m always up for that!
Hey, just interrupting today’s snark fest to let you know I was interviewed by the Associated Press for a story on the Ashley Madison hack, on how cheating affects children. AP means it will run in many papers. Really great story, with a great number of voices discussing how detrimental cheating is to kids.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/ashley-madison-meet-the-kids-infidelity-and-divorce/2015/08/27/f6d38c2a-4cc8-11e5-80c2-106ea7fb80d4_story.html
Bravo, Tracy Shorn. Great response to AP.
I know you went through hell and pain with that ex schmuck you married, but damn you started one hell of a blog that has given a voice to thousands of people who said, “I’m mad as hell and I am not going to stand for this anymore!”
Awesome! I need a CHUMP t-shirt….
I may print that article and send it to both my XWs. Their actions traumatized the kids beyond belief.
Probably will fall on deaf ears, though.
You know not to waste your time Arnold as they simply ‘will not get it’.
For the cheaters there’s AM, for the cheated on, there’s Tracey Shorn.
Damn, we got the better of the options. One of the few positive things about being cheated on is finding this site and your brilliant advice. So happy that this article will steer many more people who definitely need you, your way.
Whoo hooo CL! I read your link, and I thought the article presented you well. Now I’ll look to see if any of the local papers around here have picked it up.
Winner! Winner! Lobster Dinner on this one! Congratulations Tracy! Well done.
Congrats CL! Great article. Well done.
Right ON, Tracy! Love the advice you give in the article. We’ve heard it here, but it needs to be heard by people who haven’t yet heard of Chump Lady.
Well done!
My local paper picked up your AP article: http://www.sfgate.com/living/article/Ashley-Madison-meet-the-kids-infidelity-and-6468957.php
Fantastic, Tracy!! Congrats–one more avenue to a national audience (hope your WordPress bandwidth is up to the task).
Hopefully, the link from the Washington Post to your site and the notoriety of the Ashley Madison story will bring “regular” folks here where they can be enlightened about the true devastation and cost of infidelity.
Good job on the interview.
I just read the link discussing the number of men vs women profiles on Ashley Madison and frankly, I’m shocked!! If men and women both have affairs, as we know they do, Why the discrepancy? Are men the only ones trolling for affairs and women find it in the handyman next door? It really makes me wonder why.
I suspect that is it–most affairs are with someone the person knows. Men may be more likely to (a) desire complete strangers, or (b) be willing to troll for strangers on-line. For AM clients, looks like the odds were never in their favor.
Well the ex had all of his affairs from people he worked with. So he “knew” these people. That is how we meet was via workplace (different place but general was workplace).
Wait I do recall he had some profile on a website I caught him on. There was a picture I found during the first d-day he had with some woman. I cannot recall the name. This was years ago. The d-day was with some other woman and then there was others including this woman.
Here is the actual screen play supplied by the author. http://fivestrangersfilms.com/IBWAM.pdf
Marc…..
I skimmed thru the script…its Cougar Town ish and scattered. Cliche. I could seriously help you bring this script up to atleast Modern Family meets Jenna Jameson.
Certainly you are getting some good material on this blog….
Tempest…. Yup a yak… A dyson vacuum and a threesome… Yawn. No imagination.
Mr. Morgenstern: Your aunt Rhoda would be so disappointed in you.
LOL
Whaaaat? If you are really Marc Morgenstern, why would you be linking to your screenplay? And why no Noel Biderman authorship credit?
I live in a small town and a list of state AM subscribers was just released. Two from our town. One is in his twenties, not married and a serious drug user(lucky woman, who got him). The other is early thirties with a baby. Why does an unmarried man sign up with a cheating site rather than a dating site?
Where did you find that out?
Someone put the state list on Facebook.
He wants something easy that has no Velcro element or potential sticky situations….but little does he know he may find one anyway.
If I had written the screenplay, I would have had Ashley Madison competing with several other soulless shell corporations for the same market share, all of them also named using the first name of a stripper and the last name of a mid-western state capital, say, Tiffany Bismark, Cassidy Springfield, and Britney St. Paul.
Ooh! Can I play? Cocoa Pierre.
Odessa Omaha.
Jade Lansing? Desiree Des Moines?
Debbie Dallas. Priscilla Pittsburgh. Candace Cincinatti. Cheyenne Cheyenne.
Ugh…Priscilla bet stay the hell out of Pittsburgh. We have enough troll midget whores here…fuckwit could attest to that.
Well, at least we know how the other woman cheater trolls manage to find someone willing to boink them so easily. The other women in cyberspace don’t even exist so Ethel from Accounting starts looking pretty darn good, lol. And they think it’s cause they,’re so damn sexy…
Not that some of them aren’t. There is a 30 year-old accountant here who looks like a young version of Sarah Palin. Tall, slender, always chic. I am not gay and yet I am fascinated. Can’t believe the guys remain cool when she is around. 🙂
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha, oh how the tables have truly turned.
Ah, schadenfreude – little fuckwit thinks he can play with the big boys and ‘hack’ other people’s sites, but then gets all pissy when a REAL hacker cleaves through his and releases all the data. If you don’t like the heat, stay out of the fucking kitchen then in the first place!
To be frank, I’m not surprised one bit that this occurred. it also gives a motive as to why the data was released – and shows that it was likely vigilantism due to being wronged. Once again – I’d like to award the Impact team a medal – they obviously care enough to want chumps to know all the facts – or are chumps themselves. Its why when people get all pissy about the data being released and demanding vengeance – they are likely cheaters. Or they bleat that “the hackers are criminals and could release all sorts of other data omg” – which given this motive, they’d not be interested in doing.
Its also not surprising that the idiot who runs the site is a serial cheat as well.
That word salad travesty of a ‘screenplay’ though – such nonsense. A chimp could probably write a better one than this trash – but then again, a lot of Hollywood movies are just as bad. But hey, a lot of Hollywood are raging narcissists and cheaters too, so it makes sense.
Maybe we need a new word Hackedandrude or Hackedenfreude for the newly hacked who has either hacked someone else previously, or cheated others in some way or both.
As far as the lame screenplay, I think we could all agree. Cheaters are pretty easy to entertain.
Hackenfreude? The act of feeling delight at the misfortune of someone who tried to hack someone online and ended up hacked themselves.
It reads like “Houseplants of Gor”.